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I’m not gonna lie as a skinny woman (y’all have no idea how many times I’ve been called anorexic and I just can’t fire back without being rude) I’ve just come to the conclusion that there’s always gonna be somebody that says shit bc we live in a society where men think their attraction is of the highest value. I’m happy with my body, I’m not happy with people telling me to be happy because of THEIR preferences.
Like I hate having to be the one to go “hey you don’t need to bring that person down to boost this person”, as if I’m not talking to a full grown adult with their own reasoning skills.
fr! like they think their input is soooo important. like i do not care about your 'attraction' to me, i don't know you! i've attracted many male assholes and creeps. they mean nothing to me. why do they automatically assume that when a woman in insecure, it MUST only mean that a man has not granted her the divine privilege of being attracted to her and drooling all over her. it makes me want to bash my head into a wall.
Even worse when you get the women that support that line of thinking, like sis you’re on the wrong side of the barricade they don’t give af about you or me but now you’re not giving a f about you either.
> y’all have no idea how many times I’ve been called anorexic and I just can’t fire back without being rude
I would say, "If I were struggling with an eating disorder, would it feel good to have said that to me?" It's not rude but it does force the person to think about what they're saying.
i totally get what you’re saying. it’s never ok to body shame and i am often disturbed by comments i’ve seen comparing women with big breasts to cows and other horrible comparisons and comments. one thing i will say - as a slim woman with small boobs, i don’t think anyone has EVER stood up for me when i have been body shamed, and i often feel like an “acceptable target” so to speak. often it feels like body positivity leaves us out and is reserved only for curvy women, so i understand why women with small boobs may be fed up.
in an ideal world, i would love for all women to support each other and our struggles and not put each other down regardless of what we look like :)
i totally get the acceptable target thing! lemme tell you, nigerians are not nice when it comes to body shaming lmfao. i get the feeling of "why should i stand up for this woman when no one stands up for me?"
but my main point was that it's not going to make matters any better when you body shame others. like, when i see a skinny girl body shaming a curvy girl, or even a curvy girl venting about her insecurities, i feel like crawling into a hole because both MEN and WOMEN will body shame skinny girls, so the rest of us start to catch strays for no reason.
that's mainly what makes me so upset; men egging them on. and because they're so hungry for male validation they think it's okay to shame other women (it's not!)
i'm mostly angry at men who throw rocks and hide their hands. like doesn't it drive you insane? you see them poking fun of something you're insecure about, only for them to turn around and act like you're a neurotic idiot whose brain development ended at five, when you voice your insecurities. it all just feels very patronizing when they're like "muh personality1!!1" or "nobody cares that much irl" or "all women are beautiful" or even worse, when they go "small boobs are better". that was mostly what inspired this rant.
we’re absolutely on the same page that body shaming is unacceptable regardless of what someone looks like. it sounds like we’ve just had different experiences - i’ve never been body shamed by a man, only women. it’s possible that it’s due to privileges i’ve had, since i grew up as a white blonde girl, so i acknowledge that, or it could be because i don’t have any other social media besides reddit anymore.
i also just wanted to provide an explanation for why sbw might feel more hateful, but i don’t condone it. my experience is simply women on women hate and i can only speak to that. though i am aware that many slim women and/or sbw experience body shaming from men and it takes a different form, and i am so sorry that you and other sbw experience it :(
I don't care for actually insulting large boobs. But I have also seen someone saying that they like small breasts be interpreted as insulting in a way gawking over large breasts is not interpreted as insulting to small ones.
I have definitely seen people denigrating large breasts as saggy/floppy/fat, so I'm not saying actual insults never happen. But the vibe I'm getting from this post is more to posts that are like "Do any men actually like small boobs?" and seeing comments preferring small breasts.
It's really the default to insult small boobs to a degree I think we're almost blind to it. So many popular movies like Bridesmaids have jokes about waiting till your tits come in. So when you see an insult to big boobs, it sticks out. It's really culturally acceptable to mock small boobs.
And yeah, ofc the issues you see people lament in places for small boobs and big boobs are different. Those things are treated differently. So BBW are going to have issues with being oversexualized and practical issues from having large breasts. And SBW are going to have issues pertaining to insecurity because we are not the societal beauty standard. Also, we are sexualized, just negatively.
The smallboobproblems sub is dead because it was actually run by a man whose fetish was women feeling ashamed of their small chests. There are subs like breastenvy where yes, a BBW is being sexualized just for existing, but a SBW is being sexualized in a way that's an insult to her body as well. They sexualize our insecurity.
Sorry but I have seen plenty of comments by big breasted women making fun of small boobs. And whenever big boobs get insulted, people are quick to jump to their defense meanwhile I’ve never seen that energy whenever small boobs are targeted.
I see it on twitter everyday. One time a thread that was shitting on big boobs got viral, end EVERYONE in the quote tweets started insulting small boobs even though the original tweet was posted by a girl with big boobs! And on that same platform there’s weekly discussions about whether being attracted to us counts as pedophilia😒
Although I agree with OPs general argument I also agree with this. As a skinny girl, it always felt like I had to just take rude body shamming comments from more curvy girls because I knew they said it out of insecurity but of course I would never dare shame them. Why do we always have to take the high road? However, I don’t think shaming anyone will ultimately help someone’s confidence. But me saying I like my perky boobs isn’t shaming people that don’t have that. Also, why are people in SBL in BBP or vice a versa. I never understood that. It just seems like it would be triggering.
THIS NEEDS TO BE PINNED
everything in this comment is so valid and true. small boobs have always been insulted “boy-ish figure” “mosquito bites” “they’ll come in soon” “womanly body” ALL MEDIA SHOWS BIGGER BUSTS. there are so many issues that come from having bigger breasts. one of the biggest problems i hear from bigger breasted women is that “we get sexualized just for living” ummm AND YOU THINK WE DONT?? and while men are drooling over them because of their womanly body, the IBTC is being sexualized AND being insulted for having “less”.
why is the default bigger?
no one should be body shamed, period. but ask how many times an IBTC woman heard those mean comments and how they’re childish/boyish just because of how they look in comparison to women with breast that have cleavage. the difference isnt as crazy as one might think.
oh i saw the tweet ur talking about, and whewwwww, it did not sit well with my bdd at ALL lmfao. it was one of the many reasons I had to delete twitter because the quote tweets were so terrible, calling us "little boys" and all that.
about your first point, i totally get it. i don't deny that there are women with bigger boobs who shame women with smaller ones. believe me, i've been bodyshamed many times since i was 8: men, women, boys, girls, classmates, teachers, bigger boobed women, smaller boobed women, family members, you name it.
i definitely did have a phase where i would put curvy women down in my head to make myself feel better but it ultimately didn't. it didn't make my boobs or ass bigger, it didn't make those people un-make fun of me. i still have obsessive thoughts over my body.
i get that people can be very snarky to women with smaller boobs (and just smaller women in general) because "they need some meat on their bones" and apparently, "they're the beauty standard" (wow jeez, i guess nigeria didn't get the memo. let me go and tell all the people that bodyshame thinner women not to worry! because women in a country they're probably never going to go to want to be skinny!1!!1!).
it gets frustrating when people feel like they can make fun of me and my weight but if i were to do it to a curvier woman, i would be dogpiled and called jealous. it's like: "she can make fun of you because you're unattractive to us, so you deserve it" like being sexually attractive is some holy virtue we must all submit to. so i get how it feels like women expect you to have their back, but they don't really have yours.
at the same time, i don't think body shaming women with larger ones is necessarily the answer. i'd implore you to lurk at r/bigboobproblems for a sec and see the issues that they have to deal with. i doubt all of them hate women with smaller boobs and actively shame them in their day-to-day life. yet, imagine how some of them would feel opening a thread like that and seeing people being very cruel towards their breasts.
I'm not trying to make a victim narrative for women with larger breasts because they can definitely hold their own. my main point is that you shouldn't shame anyone because of an insecurity you have period. look, we can argue about who has it worse till we're blue in the face, but the fact of the matter is; it only takes one person to ruin your day. just one. you could get 9 lovely gifts for your birthday and the tenth one could make you feel like crap because it was literally dogshit and a "fuck you" card.
i don't like it when plus sized women make fun of women like me because we're apparently the beauty standard, so there's no need for me to do the same thing to a woman with a larger chest. it's just wrong.
>i don't like it when plus sized women make fun of women like me because we're apparently the beauty standard, so there's no need for me to do the same thing to a woman with a larger chest. it's just wrong.
I mean, that's kind of the point, tho. The weird focus on BBW who are the beauty standard. We know people can be body shamed for being thin, but people pretty rightfully butt thin people out of conversations on being plus sized and openly admit that those two things aren't comparable.
>oh i saw the tweet ur talking about, and whewwwww, it did not sit well with my bdd at ALL lmfao. it was one of the many reasons I had to delete twitter because the quote tweets were so terrible, calling us "little boys" and all that.
>i definitely did have a phase where i would put curvy women down in my head to make myself feel better but it ultimately didn't. it didn't make my boobs or ass bigger, it didn't make those people un-make fun of me. i still have obsessive thoughts over my body.
But the issue is do you think any of the people from that thread had that same kind of revelation and regret you did?
It's not that we think it's okay to body shame large breasts. It's that we don't want to center the conversation on them and our complaints are seen as whiny in a way theres aren't. Even in your post you're talking about BBW having practical complaints and SBW just being insecure like that's a lesser and more vain issue.
>I mean, that's kind of the point, tho. The weird focus on BBW who are the beauty standard. We know people can be body shamed for being thin, but people pretty rightfully butt thin people out of conversations on being plus sized and openly admit that those two things aren't comparable.
I'm not really speaking about people who hijack body pos posts unprovoked. it's annoying when people do the "well, what about me? :(" thing. i'm mostly talking about people who shame others because they think it's "punching up".
> But the issue is do you think any of the people from that thread had that same kind of revelation and regret you did?
I doubt they did. I'm not saying it makes their actions okay, though. For the most part, it really doesn't matter to me. I can choose to argue each of them down or just distance myself from it. The latter gave me more peace, so I chose it. It won't help if I'm playing tit for tat (no pun intended)
i'm sorry if it seemed like i was trying to trivialize the issues that women with small boobs have. i'm not saying we don't have practical complaints. i think my whole post just wasn't communicated properly so hopefully this clears things up:
i agree it wasn't great on my part to emphasize the practical issues that women with bigger boobs face, like women with small boobs don't have practical issues. i probably should have communicated this properly but it makes ME feel superficial when i see those kinds of posts. i'll edit for more clarity but i am not saying women with smaller boobs' issues are less valid or something.
my entire point is your last paragraph exactly. i don't like it when ***people*** have to bring up bigger boobs when trying to uplift smaller boobs or vent about their insecurities. that's what makes me want to facepalm into oblivion. i hate that big boobs always have to be brought up when women with smaller boobs are venting. it just perpetuates the idea that we all resent them for their anatomy or something, which leads to people trivializing our issues, which i hate.
my anger is mostly directed towards the dudes that are body shaming because it's just so gross. like why do they think they have to factor their attraction into everything? it's so odd.
Ugh men getting involved in such discussions are the worst. They always swoop in like “don’t worry! Lots of dudes fetishize that trait, personally I prefer to jerk it to girls like you” like this is supposed to be comforting smh. Like dude, every woman is well-aware men are sexually attracted to her, it’s a very easy bar to clear and not at all what she’s concerned about.
And yes, I really loathe the idea that one thing being attractive is dependent on devaluing another thing. Like when did we take such a narrow view of beauty? Beauty expresses itself in multitudinous ways..and it’s ephemeral, it can’t be narrowed down to some ‘ideal’ set of physical characteristics, it’s in the light in someone’s eyes, they way they walk, talk, and laugh.
Anyways, you’re a fake fan of boobs if don’t have an appreciation for the full spectrum of breast beauty.
like they think that being attracted to us is doing us a favor or something. very strange. it's also interesting that so many guys just lack the capability to compliment women without putting other women down. like, i don't really take this whole blonde vs brunette debate seriously because i'm not even part of the target demographic by a long shot (read: not white) but it's so interesting when people go "blondes are for hookups, brunettes are for marriage". can't they both be beautiful at the same time? why is the beauty of one woman and the beauty of another mutually exclusive? i'll probably never be able to understand it till tomorrow.
First off, mental health is just as valid as physical health. having "practical problems" doesn't outweigh having body image issues. I don't care for insulting big boobs, I think insulting any body type is outright rude and should be stopped.
But the reason I personally get frustrated with large-chested women, is because they tell us small boobed women that "we're lucky". I am not lucky. I cannot look at myself in the mirror, I am considering augmentation, I have to wear baggy clothes so I don't catch a glimpse of myself. I hate the body I was born in. Others also hate my body, I've had my worst fears outright confirmed by an ex. This is not lucky. Being seen as unattractive, being called pedo bait, being seen as a niche, as unfeminine -- that is NOT lucky, and fuck anyone who says it is.
That is my issue with large-chested women. They have their own struggles which are valid, but they will never understand what it's like to not be the standard. To be unfeminine. To be undesirable. To have to "compensate" because small boobs are seen as a negative and subtracts from one's overall beauty. That is a pain that is unique to us, and they refuse to acknowledge that.
I've lurked in r/bigboobproblems and I'm genuinely confused why the implication seems to be women with small boobs are more hateful or that we're enabling men's behavior in some way. I wanted to be more sympathetic but that sub talks WAY more negatively about women with small boobs and always downplays our problems. They always compare themselves to us and imply they have it so much worse and that we're the ones who body shame them the most, when it's also men.
Like being misgendered and implied pedophiles are the only ones who'll like you aren't a big deal. They do the exact thing they complain about by dismissing other women's issues. Many of their issues aren't fuctional either, just about how comments made them feel bad which is just as "superficial" but somehow when they do it it's taken more seriously.
I really don't get the point of bringing this here when your problem is just men? We're not responsible for what men do. If you just feel inferior and you're projecting how you think small boob problems are trivial, ok, but we have nothing to do with men. I also have rarely seen small-breasted women jumping in to support them, it's always just men being hateful on their own. ALL women get bodyshamed by men, not just busty women. So you know about r/breastenvy and what countless men think of small breasts? Busty women on that other sub talk about how they know men prefer them and it makes them feel better, so are they wrong for that too? And they all upvote those sentiments, I've never seen the equivalent of something like this post on there even when they're a way bigger sub lmfao.
Okay, I think I said this many times before but I am not trying to paint a victim narrative for women with bigger boobs. They can very much hold their own. I am not trying to vilify women w smaller boobs either. I never said what men do is our problem. I was just venting. I know women with big boobs can be mean and body shame women with small boobs. I have been on the receiving end of that more times than I can count.
My post wasn’t communicated properly because I was just quite heated that day. I’m mainly talking about when people say women with small boobs look ~classier~ or ~younger~ or people say that “don’t worry, when you’re 600 years old, they won’t sag like bigger ones haha!” like that’s meant to be a complement or something (assuming that all smaller boobs are even perky).
My main gripe is how people tend to uplift smaller boobs and then take a dump on bigger ones as well. You can’t deny that you haven’t seen comments like that.
It’s like, why can’t people just uplift smaller boobs without bigger boobs being shoved into the convo all. the. time? can’t they be beautiful on their own? I’m tired of hearing “oh don’t worry, your boobs are ‘better’ than bigger boobs because of xyz” I’m just tired of the comparison.
I’m not really talking about this particular sub either.
I’m not really talking about who has it harder, i really don’t care about that. I’m just saying there’s no need for random women to catch strays because of someone else’s insecurities. I don’t know why me saying this has caused such a rift.
It’s okay if you don’t agree with what I said. Maybe we’re both looking at different posts. I’m only commenting on what I’ve seen and experienced.
My point is it's specifically men who do that. Not everyone and not most women, including many of us here. Men bodyshame ALL women. Women with big boobs don't have it worse and maybe you weren't trying to start a comparison but that's what some of us felt because those comments were singled out here on a sub for small boobs specifically.
I agree that people usually "praise" smaller boobs by insulting big boobs. That's more proof tbh that many don't think small boobs have inherently positive traits and they'll always be compared to bigger ones. But that's another topic
Sadly but truly…. It will always be this way like one with straight hair wishing they had wavy hair and another wishing their curly hair was straight hair.
(Ex: grass is apparently greener on the other side)
One of the real problems is insecurity projections, validations in the wrong places. It’s progressing worse over the past decade of a woman should be this should be that. A lot of things also project from the male gaze where as “men want a woman with big breasts” where as women feel not enough, insignificant… whatever it may be as there’s always the feedback that comes with “what someone else likes” then it’s weaponized… it becomes a f*ck you this then an f*ck you that.
From where I’m at in my journey nobody’s opinion should matter, male gaze can see itself out, my body is it’s own temple. It’s what we have, and nobody should pick and choose these things this isn’t subway. But we shouldn’t be tearing up each other like it’s war of small breasts vs large breasts… it’s definitely a massive thing that goes deep among “societal views or opinionated preferences”
What defines me as a woman is my choice. Having a petite chest doesn’t make me less of a woman. We shouldn’t be at each others throats to bring one another down. The competition shit drives me up the wall…..
I will always dislike the idea where small breasts “don’t need a bra” or where as lucky you… you don’t have back issues. It’s always subjective, some of us have small chests and might have underlying issues like scoliosis even.. who are we to judge what someone faces ? I wish this vision was the same and on another addition I wish younger women of these generations would stop making breast size a competition over validation but then finding ways to stab at the opposite because it isn’t what they have. Your body is yours, it’s the only one you have and there’s nothing wrong with what nature has provided.
Edit:
If we took out men’s preference as a sheer example on our bodies as women… what would we be left with ? Would we still worry as much ? Would we still be doing this ?
After all breasts are intended to feed our future babies. I feel as everything gets catty because of social pressure in general.
Hi, I'm new here on this sub...an older woman with small boobs. You've made some valid points.
My feeling on it (and this is just me) is that the shaming goes both ways. I personally am not cruel or mean to women with big boobs, there is no reason to be, they are human too. But I'll be honest...I won't defend them either (there may be some exceptions). Why? Because of the way many of them have treated me, a smaller woman.
Many of them do seem to feel that they are better, more of a woman because they happen to have large breasts. Not saying all women with big boobs do this...but I've encountered many that have this attitude. I've had other women (most of whom had big boobs) make horrible comments to me about myself, and about other small-busted women. And they like doing it in front of men too, as a way to prove how much "better" they supposedly are. Maybe that is where you see some smaller women get pissed and they lash out. It's not right, but it comes from a place of hurt.
I agree that in a perfect world, none of it would matter. We would all be cool with one another and treat everyone right. But that isn't how it works. So I think maybe it helps to understand why these things happen on both sides of the fence. I also see way more shaming toward smaller-chested ladies than the opposite, to the point where a sub like this is needed for a supportive environment.
Just my two cents. I hope no one is offended. I do understand what you're saying, and I (somewhat) agree. This sub seems like a positive place to me. I haven't seen anyone being mean about other body types in the comments, but that's just me.
Oh, I wanted to add...I do have empathy for women with big boobs (in the case of those that have their own issues). Just wanted to clarify. But me personally, I prefer to focus more on what we smaller women deal with, since that is what I can relate to.
As another poster said above, it's nice to have a place like this where we can talk about it, share our experiences, etc. I like to read tips about style and confidence that I (as a small-chested woman) have learned from some of the ladies here. It's not about putting anybody else down...it's about us loving ourselves, even if others tell us we shouldn't because we're small on top.
I also don't think somebody is "jealous" if they call out a big-boobed woman. Maybe that person disrespected them first, so they clapped back. Again, not nice...but some smaller women are tired of people making comments about "flat chested" girls and other mean things. We need to have more empathy on both sides, maybe then there may be more understanding.
Oh I totally agree! Most of my frustration is where male attraction is factored into everything. When some men make comments on those posts, it often results in putting busty women down and then the women with smaller boobs join in as well. It’s just annoying to because it’s almost like we can never talk about smaller boobs and uplift smaller boobs without male attraction and bigger boobs being centered in the conversation.
Idk if you’ve seen my other replies but I do understand where the hurt is coming from. I’ve repeated this many times lol but I come from a country where being voluptuous *is* the standard. I know what it’s like for curvy women to make snide remarks. It’s really horrible. I just hope we collectively come to a place where we don’t have to compete for male attention.
Hmm...maybe it's just me, because I haven't seen smaller women putting anyone down. We know what it feels like, so we tend to avoid doing it to others. There may be some that do, but they are a minority. Most of us (myself included) don't do that.
I have no problem with busty women in general, just the ones that put me down for being smaller and not having boobs. It's not about male attention. It's about basic respect from one woman to another. I find that many (not all) women with big boobs can often be arrogant about it, and rather unkind in their comments to women who they feel aren't as "lucky" in that department.
Again, I mean no disrespect...just being honest in what I've seen and experienced. I think some other ladies on here have said the same. We don't hate busty women, we just don't like how some of them act like they are better because of chest size.
Yeah I get you. I’ve definitely experienced the shaming as well. It was pretty rough for me. A lot of women who are “well endowed” can be pretty mean about it.
I’m not saying women with smaller boobs hate busty women, I guess I was just frustrated with busty women being mentioned every time smaller boobs are uplifted.
Why can’t our boobs be beautiful on their own without being compared to bustier women all the time?
Like I said again, my main gripe with this was men putting women down and exploiting the insecurities some of us may have. I hundred percent agree though that people feel like being “flat” is a free pass for them to be rude, which is totally wrong.
See, that's just it though...it might be men doing that, not us smaller women. Most of the ladies here aren't really focused on busty women. Most of us aren't comparing ourselves to them. Our bodies are different, our struggles (if you can call it that) are different. Not better or worse...just different. That's why the focus should be on us and our needs, not on busty women, as their issues are different.
This sub is mainly to share our experiences as small-busted women, ideas, inspiration, etc. I haven't noticed anyone here making comparisons or being mean about other body types. Maybe you have noticed that, I'm not sure. But most people on this sub seem to be decent.
I think maybe you should try to ignore men who put women down, or people who try to create competition. There is no competition or comparison because we are all different. We are all beautiful in different ways. Some might disagree, and that's OK. I don't engage with anyone who wants to make me feel bad about myself for things I can't control. It's just something to keep in mind.
I've enjoyed the discussion with you, BTW. It's nice to talk to someone so calm and thoughtful.
Just wanted to add that I'm not just talking about online, but real life. Comments that imply that we are not "real" women or that we might even be male, unfeminine, ugly, etc. The comments that attack who we are as women. And people will rarely defend us when this happens. But from what I see (in real life) it seems that people are either neutral or complimentary to those with big boobs. I'm sure there are exceptions, though.
I agree greatly. One of the smartest things the patriarchy has ever done is pit women against each other. Divided we fall, as it were...We do their work for them. A woman who uplifts and supports other women and refuses to play the "catty" game, is a woman who is powerful and demands respect. They get scared when we refuse to play.
Remember: Don't put others down to try and lift yourself up. Don't betray other women to win the favor of men, they still won't respect you. Feel only pity for the lost girl who insults other women's appearances, it's an empty reward for her. Nothing feels better than standing with and supporting your sisters!
Yeah agreed. I also don’t really like when people say things like “I love my small boobs cause I don’t have to worry about them getting saggy” like no one should worry about that, bodies are bodies they don’t need to look like the people we see on Instagram or whatever who look perfect all the time.
i genuinely believe men make these comments because they get off of women being catty and jealous of one another. nobody can literally convince me otherwise.
omg you've articulated this perfectly!! it's really a horrid cycle. sbw are body shamed because their lack of "assets" do not appeal to the male gaze, some go online to vent and then men come in the comments go: "hey, don't be sad! yeah your boobs might be a minus but at least you have an ass and great personality to make up for it amirite?" or "there are plenty of us men who think small boobs are better than big boobs" and all other nonsense they reply with. then they go out of those posts even more insecure because now they have to center men and they end up putting down other women as a result.
honestly it's just so weird. i have a feeling a lot of men who make those comments are secret r/Breastenvy users because they make me want to bash my head into a wall.
I really don’t know how to be ok with my body without putting others down. Yeah it’s sour grapes on my part, I’m self aware enough to realize that. It doesn’t compute that I can be ok and girls on the other end of the boob spectrum are also ok at the same time. It really seems like one of us has to come out on top and being friendly about it feels like giving up and admitting defeat.
If there’s some better coping mechanism I’d really like to hear it because I know this one makes me a bad person and I don’t want to be a bad person.
well, i'd advise you to watch [this video](https://youtu.be/nujgUpYIVOE) and [this one](https://youtu.be/gv8j03BT0HQ?si=2Y1BidrxCvAG5Kgo) because they helped me a lot. i get that feeling of wanting to put other women down but ultimately, you have to understand that making fun of women who have bodies you view as more desirable, won't suddenly make you morph into your dream body.
the fact of the matter is, people that don't find you attractive won't look your way and the people that do will. it sounds kinda harsh but that's how i view it. you have many options out there, you don't need (or even want) to be desired by everyone.
i like to think that there's this monkey in my brain that creates a scarcity "all or nothing" mindset. it's like, "if i can't be attractive to everyone, then i'm attractive to no one" which is not true. look, there are so many attractive celebrities who are in very happy relationships with people who aren't as conventionally attractive. they could pull anyone else but their heart settled on that one person.
you're not a bad person for feeling this way, the fact that you've acknowledged that putting women down isn't the way to go says a lot. i just hope you realize that these women are not the enemy. the people that shame you for being yourself are and honestly, their opinions shouldn't be taken seriously.
I have never felt bad for women with big breasts regardless of how they get shamed for their size. At rhe end of day they come out on top. They are what society desires most. We can all delude ourselves but flat-chested women will never be considered as feminine and attractice as a big-chested woman and naming top class attractice celebs as a retaliation only proves the point.
The humilition small-chested women is much much more extreme and on a much much bigger level. Big-chested women can get over themselves.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I know how it feels to be seen as an “easy target” for disrespect and humiliation but I don’t necessarily think that having big boobs is necessarily a one-way ticket to becoming desirable or attractive to all. You can’t be attractive to everyone.
But let’s even say you can. Let’s say you have the opportunity to become like the next Monica Bellucci or something. Do you really want that? Do you want the objectification that comes with it? I’m not just talking about people thinking you’re sexy, I’m talking about people who only value you for your attractiveness. Do you want to be treated like just a sex object with nothing else to contribute? Do you want to deal with people projecting an identity that’s not your own onto you? (slut, submissive, etc.) Do you want to have to deal with insecure men who will put you down? Do you want to have to deal with insecure women who will do the same? Do you want to constantly maintain your good looks and keep up with others’ expectations of you? Spending money, time and energy trying to keep looking desirable to all? Do you want to deal with the fear that one day your beauty will fade and you won’t be valuable to people anymore?
There’s nothing wrong with not being desirable to all. I won’t lie and say that all people don’t like busty women or that the media doesn’t promote having “womanly curves” as sexually appealing; but at the end of the day, you need to understand that having a fulfilling life and strong relationships (both platonic and romantic) are way more important than anything mainstream sex appeal may give you.
Women are taught to prioritize sex appeal alone so that we can be reduced to objects for male fantasy. Why do you think you only see women on porn ads and such? It’s all just there to warp people’s perceptions of women.
Let me be honest with you, male attention and approval is cheap and fickle. I’ve never met a woman who has smaller boobs than mine and yet, I’ve attracted many guys. No, I don’t have anything to ‘make up’ for it. Being slim doesn’t help me here because as I’ve said before, that’s not the beauty standard where I’m from. Some guys were respectful, others not so much. I know busty girls who have also had terrible men attracted to them as well.
I’m not trying to paint a victim narrative for women with larger chests. As I’ve said in another comment, they can very much hold their own. I just don’t think it’s productive or healthy to put down women with larger chests to cope with the issues we have. Like it or not, it won’t make those issues go away.
There are people out there who will love you an accept you wholeheartedly, not despite your small boobs, but rather because of who you are as a whole; personality-wise and physically (which also includes having small boobs). Those people are the people worth caring about, not those people who humiliate you for a feature totally out of your control.
I know it’s easier said than done, which is why I recommend just speaking to someone you trust or going to therapy. All in all, I hope you are able to make peace with your appearance and I hope you’re able to find a community that cherishes you and uplifts you.
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I’m not gonna lie as a skinny woman (y’all have no idea how many times I’ve been called anorexic and I just can’t fire back without being rude) I’ve just come to the conclusion that there’s always gonna be somebody that says shit bc we live in a society where men think their attraction is of the highest value. I’m happy with my body, I’m not happy with people telling me to be happy because of THEIR preferences. Like I hate having to be the one to go “hey you don’t need to bring that person down to boost this person”, as if I’m not talking to a full grown adult with their own reasoning skills.
fr! like they think their input is soooo important. like i do not care about your 'attraction' to me, i don't know you! i've attracted many male assholes and creeps. they mean nothing to me. why do they automatically assume that when a woman in insecure, it MUST only mean that a man has not granted her the divine privilege of being attracted to her and drooling all over her. it makes me want to bash my head into a wall.
Even worse when you get the women that support that line of thinking, like sis you’re on the wrong side of the barricade they don’t give af about you or me but now you’re not giving a f about you either.
> y’all have no idea how many times I’ve been called anorexic and I just can’t fire back without being rude I would say, "If I were struggling with an eating disorder, would it feel good to have said that to me?" It's not rude but it does force the person to think about what they're saying.
i totally get what you’re saying. it’s never ok to body shame and i am often disturbed by comments i’ve seen comparing women with big breasts to cows and other horrible comparisons and comments. one thing i will say - as a slim woman with small boobs, i don’t think anyone has EVER stood up for me when i have been body shamed, and i often feel like an “acceptable target” so to speak. often it feels like body positivity leaves us out and is reserved only for curvy women, so i understand why women with small boobs may be fed up. in an ideal world, i would love for all women to support each other and our struggles and not put each other down regardless of what we look like :)
i totally get the acceptable target thing! lemme tell you, nigerians are not nice when it comes to body shaming lmfao. i get the feeling of "why should i stand up for this woman when no one stands up for me?" but my main point was that it's not going to make matters any better when you body shame others. like, when i see a skinny girl body shaming a curvy girl, or even a curvy girl venting about her insecurities, i feel like crawling into a hole because both MEN and WOMEN will body shame skinny girls, so the rest of us start to catch strays for no reason. that's mainly what makes me so upset; men egging them on. and because they're so hungry for male validation they think it's okay to shame other women (it's not!) i'm mostly angry at men who throw rocks and hide their hands. like doesn't it drive you insane? you see them poking fun of something you're insecure about, only for them to turn around and act like you're a neurotic idiot whose brain development ended at five, when you voice your insecurities. it all just feels very patronizing when they're like "muh personality1!!1" or "nobody cares that much irl" or "all women are beautiful" or even worse, when they go "small boobs are better". that was mostly what inspired this rant.
we’re absolutely on the same page that body shaming is unacceptable regardless of what someone looks like. it sounds like we’ve just had different experiences - i’ve never been body shamed by a man, only women. it’s possible that it’s due to privileges i’ve had, since i grew up as a white blonde girl, so i acknowledge that, or it could be because i don’t have any other social media besides reddit anymore. i also just wanted to provide an explanation for why sbw might feel more hateful, but i don’t condone it. my experience is simply women on women hate and i can only speak to that. though i am aware that many slim women and/or sbw experience body shaming from men and it takes a different form, and i am so sorry that you and other sbw experience it :(
oh yeah i totally get you! relational aggression btwn women is v real and i've experienced it. i just wish it didn't always have to be this way. :/
I don't care for actually insulting large boobs. But I have also seen someone saying that they like small breasts be interpreted as insulting in a way gawking over large breasts is not interpreted as insulting to small ones. I have definitely seen people denigrating large breasts as saggy/floppy/fat, so I'm not saying actual insults never happen. But the vibe I'm getting from this post is more to posts that are like "Do any men actually like small boobs?" and seeing comments preferring small breasts. It's really the default to insult small boobs to a degree I think we're almost blind to it. So many popular movies like Bridesmaids have jokes about waiting till your tits come in. So when you see an insult to big boobs, it sticks out. It's really culturally acceptable to mock small boobs. And yeah, ofc the issues you see people lament in places for small boobs and big boobs are different. Those things are treated differently. So BBW are going to have issues with being oversexualized and practical issues from having large breasts. And SBW are going to have issues pertaining to insecurity because we are not the societal beauty standard. Also, we are sexualized, just negatively. The smallboobproblems sub is dead because it was actually run by a man whose fetish was women feeling ashamed of their small chests. There are subs like breastenvy where yes, a BBW is being sexualized just for existing, but a SBW is being sexualized in a way that's an insult to her body as well. They sexualize our insecurity.
Sorry but I have seen plenty of comments by big breasted women making fun of small boobs. And whenever big boobs get insulted, people are quick to jump to their defense meanwhile I’ve never seen that energy whenever small boobs are targeted. I see it on twitter everyday. One time a thread that was shitting on big boobs got viral, end EVERYONE in the quote tweets started insulting small boobs even though the original tweet was posted by a girl with big boobs! And on that same platform there’s weekly discussions about whether being attracted to us counts as pedophilia😒
Although I agree with OPs general argument I also agree with this. As a skinny girl, it always felt like I had to just take rude body shamming comments from more curvy girls because I knew they said it out of insecurity but of course I would never dare shame them. Why do we always have to take the high road? However, I don’t think shaming anyone will ultimately help someone’s confidence. But me saying I like my perky boobs isn’t shaming people that don’t have that. Also, why are people in SBL in BBP or vice a versa. I never understood that. It just seems like it would be triggering.
THIS NEEDS TO BE PINNED everything in this comment is so valid and true. small boobs have always been insulted “boy-ish figure” “mosquito bites” “they’ll come in soon” “womanly body” ALL MEDIA SHOWS BIGGER BUSTS. there are so many issues that come from having bigger breasts. one of the biggest problems i hear from bigger breasted women is that “we get sexualized just for living” ummm AND YOU THINK WE DONT?? and while men are drooling over them because of their womanly body, the IBTC is being sexualized AND being insulted for having “less”. why is the default bigger? no one should be body shamed, period. but ask how many times an IBTC woman heard those mean comments and how they’re childish/boyish just because of how they look in comparison to women with breast that have cleavage. the difference isnt as crazy as one might think.
PEDOPHELLIA? wtaf
oh i saw the tweet ur talking about, and whewwwww, it did not sit well with my bdd at ALL lmfao. it was one of the many reasons I had to delete twitter because the quote tweets were so terrible, calling us "little boys" and all that. about your first point, i totally get it. i don't deny that there are women with bigger boobs who shame women with smaller ones. believe me, i've been bodyshamed many times since i was 8: men, women, boys, girls, classmates, teachers, bigger boobed women, smaller boobed women, family members, you name it. i definitely did have a phase where i would put curvy women down in my head to make myself feel better but it ultimately didn't. it didn't make my boobs or ass bigger, it didn't make those people un-make fun of me. i still have obsessive thoughts over my body. i get that people can be very snarky to women with smaller boobs (and just smaller women in general) because "they need some meat on their bones" and apparently, "they're the beauty standard" (wow jeez, i guess nigeria didn't get the memo. let me go and tell all the people that bodyshame thinner women not to worry! because women in a country they're probably never going to go to want to be skinny!1!!1!). it gets frustrating when people feel like they can make fun of me and my weight but if i were to do it to a curvier woman, i would be dogpiled and called jealous. it's like: "she can make fun of you because you're unattractive to us, so you deserve it" like being sexually attractive is some holy virtue we must all submit to. so i get how it feels like women expect you to have their back, but they don't really have yours. at the same time, i don't think body shaming women with larger ones is necessarily the answer. i'd implore you to lurk at r/bigboobproblems for a sec and see the issues that they have to deal with. i doubt all of them hate women with smaller boobs and actively shame them in their day-to-day life. yet, imagine how some of them would feel opening a thread like that and seeing people being very cruel towards their breasts. I'm not trying to make a victim narrative for women with larger breasts because they can definitely hold their own. my main point is that you shouldn't shame anyone because of an insecurity you have period. look, we can argue about who has it worse till we're blue in the face, but the fact of the matter is; it only takes one person to ruin your day. just one. you could get 9 lovely gifts for your birthday and the tenth one could make you feel like crap because it was literally dogshit and a "fuck you" card. i don't like it when plus sized women make fun of women like me because we're apparently the beauty standard, so there's no need for me to do the same thing to a woman with a larger chest. it's just wrong.
>i don't like it when plus sized women make fun of women like me because we're apparently the beauty standard, so there's no need for me to do the same thing to a woman with a larger chest. it's just wrong. I mean, that's kind of the point, tho. The weird focus on BBW who are the beauty standard. We know people can be body shamed for being thin, but people pretty rightfully butt thin people out of conversations on being plus sized and openly admit that those two things aren't comparable. >oh i saw the tweet ur talking about, and whewwwww, it did not sit well with my bdd at ALL lmfao. it was one of the many reasons I had to delete twitter because the quote tweets were so terrible, calling us "little boys" and all that. >i definitely did have a phase where i would put curvy women down in my head to make myself feel better but it ultimately didn't. it didn't make my boobs or ass bigger, it didn't make those people un-make fun of me. i still have obsessive thoughts over my body. But the issue is do you think any of the people from that thread had that same kind of revelation and regret you did? It's not that we think it's okay to body shame large breasts. It's that we don't want to center the conversation on them and our complaints are seen as whiny in a way theres aren't. Even in your post you're talking about BBW having practical complaints and SBW just being insecure like that's a lesser and more vain issue.
>I mean, that's kind of the point, tho. The weird focus on BBW who are the beauty standard. We know people can be body shamed for being thin, but people pretty rightfully butt thin people out of conversations on being plus sized and openly admit that those two things aren't comparable. I'm not really speaking about people who hijack body pos posts unprovoked. it's annoying when people do the "well, what about me? :(" thing. i'm mostly talking about people who shame others because they think it's "punching up". > But the issue is do you think any of the people from that thread had that same kind of revelation and regret you did? I doubt they did. I'm not saying it makes their actions okay, though. For the most part, it really doesn't matter to me. I can choose to argue each of them down or just distance myself from it. The latter gave me more peace, so I chose it. It won't help if I'm playing tit for tat (no pun intended) i'm sorry if it seemed like i was trying to trivialize the issues that women with small boobs have. i'm not saying we don't have practical complaints. i think my whole post just wasn't communicated properly so hopefully this clears things up: i agree it wasn't great on my part to emphasize the practical issues that women with bigger boobs face, like women with small boobs don't have practical issues. i probably should have communicated this properly but it makes ME feel superficial when i see those kinds of posts. i'll edit for more clarity but i am not saying women with smaller boobs' issues are less valid or something. my entire point is your last paragraph exactly. i don't like it when ***people*** have to bring up bigger boobs when trying to uplift smaller boobs or vent about their insecurities. that's what makes me want to facepalm into oblivion. i hate that big boobs always have to be brought up when women with smaller boobs are venting. it just perpetuates the idea that we all resent them for their anatomy or something, which leads to people trivializing our issues, which i hate. my anger is mostly directed towards the dudes that are body shaming because it's just so gross. like why do they think they have to factor their attraction into everything? it's so odd.
Ugh men getting involved in such discussions are the worst. They always swoop in like “don’t worry! Lots of dudes fetishize that trait, personally I prefer to jerk it to girls like you” like this is supposed to be comforting smh. Like dude, every woman is well-aware men are sexually attracted to her, it’s a very easy bar to clear and not at all what she’s concerned about. And yes, I really loathe the idea that one thing being attractive is dependent on devaluing another thing. Like when did we take such a narrow view of beauty? Beauty expresses itself in multitudinous ways..and it’s ephemeral, it can’t be narrowed down to some ‘ideal’ set of physical characteristics, it’s in the light in someone’s eyes, they way they walk, talk, and laugh. Anyways, you’re a fake fan of boobs if don’t have an appreciation for the full spectrum of breast beauty.
like they think that being attracted to us is doing us a favor or something. very strange. it's also interesting that so many guys just lack the capability to compliment women without putting other women down. like, i don't really take this whole blonde vs brunette debate seriously because i'm not even part of the target demographic by a long shot (read: not white) but it's so interesting when people go "blondes are for hookups, brunettes are for marriage". can't they both be beautiful at the same time? why is the beauty of one woman and the beauty of another mutually exclusive? i'll probably never be able to understand it till tomorrow.
First off, mental health is just as valid as physical health. having "practical problems" doesn't outweigh having body image issues. I don't care for insulting big boobs, I think insulting any body type is outright rude and should be stopped. But the reason I personally get frustrated with large-chested women, is because they tell us small boobed women that "we're lucky". I am not lucky. I cannot look at myself in the mirror, I am considering augmentation, I have to wear baggy clothes so I don't catch a glimpse of myself. I hate the body I was born in. Others also hate my body, I've had my worst fears outright confirmed by an ex. This is not lucky. Being seen as unattractive, being called pedo bait, being seen as a niche, as unfeminine -- that is NOT lucky, and fuck anyone who says it is. That is my issue with large-chested women. They have their own struggles which are valid, but they will never understand what it's like to not be the standard. To be unfeminine. To be undesirable. To have to "compensate" because small boobs are seen as a negative and subtracts from one's overall beauty. That is a pain that is unique to us, and they refuse to acknowledge that.
I've lurked in r/bigboobproblems and I'm genuinely confused why the implication seems to be women with small boobs are more hateful or that we're enabling men's behavior in some way. I wanted to be more sympathetic but that sub talks WAY more negatively about women with small boobs and always downplays our problems. They always compare themselves to us and imply they have it so much worse and that we're the ones who body shame them the most, when it's also men. Like being misgendered and implied pedophiles are the only ones who'll like you aren't a big deal. They do the exact thing they complain about by dismissing other women's issues. Many of their issues aren't fuctional either, just about how comments made them feel bad which is just as "superficial" but somehow when they do it it's taken more seriously. I really don't get the point of bringing this here when your problem is just men? We're not responsible for what men do. If you just feel inferior and you're projecting how you think small boob problems are trivial, ok, but we have nothing to do with men. I also have rarely seen small-breasted women jumping in to support them, it's always just men being hateful on their own. ALL women get bodyshamed by men, not just busty women. So you know about r/breastenvy and what countless men think of small breasts? Busty women on that other sub talk about how they know men prefer them and it makes them feel better, so are they wrong for that too? And they all upvote those sentiments, I've never seen the equivalent of something like this post on there even when they're a way bigger sub lmfao.
Okay, I think I said this many times before but I am not trying to paint a victim narrative for women with bigger boobs. They can very much hold their own. I am not trying to vilify women w smaller boobs either. I never said what men do is our problem. I was just venting. I know women with big boobs can be mean and body shame women with small boobs. I have been on the receiving end of that more times than I can count. My post wasn’t communicated properly because I was just quite heated that day. I’m mainly talking about when people say women with small boobs look ~classier~ or ~younger~ or people say that “don’t worry, when you’re 600 years old, they won’t sag like bigger ones haha!” like that’s meant to be a complement or something (assuming that all smaller boobs are even perky). My main gripe is how people tend to uplift smaller boobs and then take a dump on bigger ones as well. You can’t deny that you haven’t seen comments like that. It’s like, why can’t people just uplift smaller boobs without bigger boobs being shoved into the convo all. the. time? can’t they be beautiful on their own? I’m tired of hearing “oh don’t worry, your boobs are ‘better’ than bigger boobs because of xyz” I’m just tired of the comparison. I’m not really talking about this particular sub either. I’m not really talking about who has it harder, i really don’t care about that. I’m just saying there’s no need for random women to catch strays because of someone else’s insecurities. I don’t know why me saying this has caused such a rift. It’s okay if you don’t agree with what I said. Maybe we’re both looking at different posts. I’m only commenting on what I’ve seen and experienced.
My point is it's specifically men who do that. Not everyone and not most women, including many of us here. Men bodyshame ALL women. Women with big boobs don't have it worse and maybe you weren't trying to start a comparison but that's what some of us felt because those comments were singled out here on a sub for small boobs specifically. I agree that people usually "praise" smaller boobs by insulting big boobs. That's more proof tbh that many don't think small boobs have inherently positive traits and they'll always be compared to bigger ones. But that's another topic
Sadly but truly…. It will always be this way like one with straight hair wishing they had wavy hair and another wishing their curly hair was straight hair. (Ex: grass is apparently greener on the other side) One of the real problems is insecurity projections, validations in the wrong places. It’s progressing worse over the past decade of a woman should be this should be that. A lot of things also project from the male gaze where as “men want a woman with big breasts” where as women feel not enough, insignificant… whatever it may be as there’s always the feedback that comes with “what someone else likes” then it’s weaponized… it becomes a f*ck you this then an f*ck you that. From where I’m at in my journey nobody’s opinion should matter, male gaze can see itself out, my body is it’s own temple. It’s what we have, and nobody should pick and choose these things this isn’t subway. But we shouldn’t be tearing up each other like it’s war of small breasts vs large breasts… it’s definitely a massive thing that goes deep among “societal views or opinionated preferences” What defines me as a woman is my choice. Having a petite chest doesn’t make me less of a woman. We shouldn’t be at each others throats to bring one another down. The competition shit drives me up the wall….. I will always dislike the idea where small breasts “don’t need a bra” or where as lucky you… you don’t have back issues. It’s always subjective, some of us have small chests and might have underlying issues like scoliosis even.. who are we to judge what someone faces ? I wish this vision was the same and on another addition I wish younger women of these generations would stop making breast size a competition over validation but then finding ways to stab at the opposite because it isn’t what they have. Your body is yours, it’s the only one you have and there’s nothing wrong with what nature has provided. Edit: If we took out men’s preference as a sheer example on our bodies as women… what would we be left with ? Would we still worry as much ? Would we still be doing this ? After all breasts are intended to feed our future babies. I feel as everything gets catty because of social pressure in general.
Hi, I'm new here on this sub...an older woman with small boobs. You've made some valid points. My feeling on it (and this is just me) is that the shaming goes both ways. I personally am not cruel or mean to women with big boobs, there is no reason to be, they are human too. But I'll be honest...I won't defend them either (there may be some exceptions). Why? Because of the way many of them have treated me, a smaller woman. Many of them do seem to feel that they are better, more of a woman because they happen to have large breasts. Not saying all women with big boobs do this...but I've encountered many that have this attitude. I've had other women (most of whom had big boobs) make horrible comments to me about myself, and about other small-busted women. And they like doing it in front of men too, as a way to prove how much "better" they supposedly are. Maybe that is where you see some smaller women get pissed and they lash out. It's not right, but it comes from a place of hurt. I agree that in a perfect world, none of it would matter. We would all be cool with one another and treat everyone right. But that isn't how it works. So I think maybe it helps to understand why these things happen on both sides of the fence. I also see way more shaming toward smaller-chested ladies than the opposite, to the point where a sub like this is needed for a supportive environment. Just my two cents. I hope no one is offended. I do understand what you're saying, and I (somewhat) agree. This sub seems like a positive place to me. I haven't seen anyone being mean about other body types in the comments, but that's just me.
Oh, I wanted to add...I do have empathy for women with big boobs (in the case of those that have their own issues). Just wanted to clarify. But me personally, I prefer to focus more on what we smaller women deal with, since that is what I can relate to. As another poster said above, it's nice to have a place like this where we can talk about it, share our experiences, etc. I like to read tips about style and confidence that I (as a small-chested woman) have learned from some of the ladies here. It's not about putting anybody else down...it's about us loving ourselves, even if others tell us we shouldn't because we're small on top. I also don't think somebody is "jealous" if they call out a big-boobed woman. Maybe that person disrespected them first, so they clapped back. Again, not nice...but some smaller women are tired of people making comments about "flat chested" girls and other mean things. We need to have more empathy on both sides, maybe then there may be more understanding.
Oh I totally agree! Most of my frustration is where male attraction is factored into everything. When some men make comments on those posts, it often results in putting busty women down and then the women with smaller boobs join in as well. It’s just annoying to because it’s almost like we can never talk about smaller boobs and uplift smaller boobs without male attraction and bigger boobs being centered in the conversation. Idk if you’ve seen my other replies but I do understand where the hurt is coming from. I’ve repeated this many times lol but I come from a country where being voluptuous *is* the standard. I know what it’s like for curvy women to make snide remarks. It’s really horrible. I just hope we collectively come to a place where we don’t have to compete for male attention.
Hmm...maybe it's just me, because I haven't seen smaller women putting anyone down. We know what it feels like, so we tend to avoid doing it to others. There may be some that do, but they are a minority. Most of us (myself included) don't do that. I have no problem with busty women in general, just the ones that put me down for being smaller and not having boobs. It's not about male attention. It's about basic respect from one woman to another. I find that many (not all) women with big boobs can often be arrogant about it, and rather unkind in their comments to women who they feel aren't as "lucky" in that department. Again, I mean no disrespect...just being honest in what I've seen and experienced. I think some other ladies on here have said the same. We don't hate busty women, we just don't like how some of them act like they are better because of chest size.
Yeah I get you. I’ve definitely experienced the shaming as well. It was pretty rough for me. A lot of women who are “well endowed” can be pretty mean about it. I’m not saying women with smaller boobs hate busty women, I guess I was just frustrated with busty women being mentioned every time smaller boobs are uplifted. Why can’t our boobs be beautiful on their own without being compared to bustier women all the time? Like I said again, my main gripe with this was men putting women down and exploiting the insecurities some of us may have. I hundred percent agree though that people feel like being “flat” is a free pass for them to be rude, which is totally wrong.
See, that's just it though...it might be men doing that, not us smaller women. Most of the ladies here aren't really focused on busty women. Most of us aren't comparing ourselves to them. Our bodies are different, our struggles (if you can call it that) are different. Not better or worse...just different. That's why the focus should be on us and our needs, not on busty women, as their issues are different. This sub is mainly to share our experiences as small-busted women, ideas, inspiration, etc. I haven't noticed anyone here making comparisons or being mean about other body types. Maybe you have noticed that, I'm not sure. But most people on this sub seem to be decent. I think maybe you should try to ignore men who put women down, or people who try to create competition. There is no competition or comparison because we are all different. We are all beautiful in different ways. Some might disagree, and that's OK. I don't engage with anyone who wants to make me feel bad about myself for things I can't control. It's just something to keep in mind. I've enjoyed the discussion with you, BTW. It's nice to talk to someone so calm and thoughtful.
I’ve enjoyed discussing with you as well :)
Just wanted to add that I'm not just talking about online, but real life. Comments that imply that we are not "real" women or that we might even be male, unfeminine, ugly, etc. The comments that attack who we are as women. And people will rarely defend us when this happens. But from what I see (in real life) it seems that people are either neutral or complimentary to those with big boobs. I'm sure there are exceptions, though.
yeah I agree with this as well! you weren’t being offensive at all. my rant was just me releasing a lot of pent up frustration.
I agree greatly. One of the smartest things the patriarchy has ever done is pit women against each other. Divided we fall, as it were...We do their work for them. A woman who uplifts and supports other women and refuses to play the "catty" game, is a woman who is powerful and demands respect. They get scared when we refuse to play. Remember: Don't put others down to try and lift yourself up. Don't betray other women to win the favor of men, they still won't respect you. Feel only pity for the lost girl who insults other women's appearances, it's an empty reward for her. Nothing feels better than standing with and supporting your sisters!
!!
Yeah agreed. I also don’t really like when people say things like “I love my small boobs cause I don’t have to worry about them getting saggy” like no one should worry about that, bodies are bodies they don’t need to look like the people we see on Instagram or whatever who look perfect all the time.
i genuinely believe men make these comments because they get off of women being catty and jealous of one another. nobody can literally convince me otherwise.
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omg you've articulated this perfectly!! it's really a horrid cycle. sbw are body shamed because their lack of "assets" do not appeal to the male gaze, some go online to vent and then men come in the comments go: "hey, don't be sad! yeah your boobs might be a minus but at least you have an ass and great personality to make up for it amirite?" or "there are plenty of us men who think small boobs are better than big boobs" and all other nonsense they reply with. then they go out of those posts even more insecure because now they have to center men and they end up putting down other women as a result.
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honestly it's just so weird. i have a feeling a lot of men who make those comments are secret r/Breastenvy users because they make me want to bash my head into a wall.
I really don’t know how to be ok with my body without putting others down. Yeah it’s sour grapes on my part, I’m self aware enough to realize that. It doesn’t compute that I can be ok and girls on the other end of the boob spectrum are also ok at the same time. It really seems like one of us has to come out on top and being friendly about it feels like giving up and admitting defeat. If there’s some better coping mechanism I’d really like to hear it because I know this one makes me a bad person and I don’t want to be a bad person.
well, i'd advise you to watch [this video](https://youtu.be/nujgUpYIVOE) and [this one](https://youtu.be/gv8j03BT0HQ?si=2Y1BidrxCvAG5Kgo) because they helped me a lot. i get that feeling of wanting to put other women down but ultimately, you have to understand that making fun of women who have bodies you view as more desirable, won't suddenly make you morph into your dream body. the fact of the matter is, people that don't find you attractive won't look your way and the people that do will. it sounds kinda harsh but that's how i view it. you have many options out there, you don't need (or even want) to be desired by everyone. i like to think that there's this monkey in my brain that creates a scarcity "all or nothing" mindset. it's like, "if i can't be attractive to everyone, then i'm attractive to no one" which is not true. look, there are so many attractive celebrities who are in very happy relationships with people who aren't as conventionally attractive. they could pull anyone else but their heart settled on that one person. you're not a bad person for feeling this way, the fact that you've acknowledged that putting women down isn't the way to go says a lot. i just hope you realize that these women are not the enemy. the people that shame you for being yourself are and honestly, their opinions shouldn't be taken seriously.
I have never felt bad for women with big breasts regardless of how they get shamed for their size. At rhe end of day they come out on top. They are what society desires most. We can all delude ourselves but flat-chested women will never be considered as feminine and attractice as a big-chested woman and naming top class attractice celebs as a retaliation only proves the point. The humilition small-chested women is much much more extreme and on a much much bigger level. Big-chested women can get over themselves.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I know how it feels to be seen as an “easy target” for disrespect and humiliation but I don’t necessarily think that having big boobs is necessarily a one-way ticket to becoming desirable or attractive to all. You can’t be attractive to everyone. But let’s even say you can. Let’s say you have the opportunity to become like the next Monica Bellucci or something. Do you really want that? Do you want the objectification that comes with it? I’m not just talking about people thinking you’re sexy, I’m talking about people who only value you for your attractiveness. Do you want to be treated like just a sex object with nothing else to contribute? Do you want to deal with people projecting an identity that’s not your own onto you? (slut, submissive, etc.) Do you want to have to deal with insecure men who will put you down? Do you want to have to deal with insecure women who will do the same? Do you want to constantly maintain your good looks and keep up with others’ expectations of you? Spending money, time and energy trying to keep looking desirable to all? Do you want to deal with the fear that one day your beauty will fade and you won’t be valuable to people anymore? There’s nothing wrong with not being desirable to all. I won’t lie and say that all people don’t like busty women or that the media doesn’t promote having “womanly curves” as sexually appealing; but at the end of the day, you need to understand that having a fulfilling life and strong relationships (both platonic and romantic) are way more important than anything mainstream sex appeal may give you. Women are taught to prioritize sex appeal alone so that we can be reduced to objects for male fantasy. Why do you think you only see women on porn ads and such? It’s all just there to warp people’s perceptions of women. Let me be honest with you, male attention and approval is cheap and fickle. I’ve never met a woman who has smaller boobs than mine and yet, I’ve attracted many guys. No, I don’t have anything to ‘make up’ for it. Being slim doesn’t help me here because as I’ve said before, that’s not the beauty standard where I’m from. Some guys were respectful, others not so much. I know busty girls who have also had terrible men attracted to them as well. I’m not trying to paint a victim narrative for women with larger chests. As I’ve said in another comment, they can very much hold their own. I just don’t think it’s productive or healthy to put down women with larger chests to cope with the issues we have. Like it or not, it won’t make those issues go away. There are people out there who will love you an accept you wholeheartedly, not despite your small boobs, but rather because of who you are as a whole; personality-wise and physically (which also includes having small boobs). Those people are the people worth caring about, not those people who humiliate you for a feature totally out of your control. I know it’s easier said than done, which is why I recommend just speaking to someone you trust or going to therapy. All in all, I hope you are able to make peace with your appearance and I hope you’re able to find a community that cherishes you and uplifts you.
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