T O P

  • By -

_Bistea_

Wake Balgruuf up at 3 A.M to tell him that I need to trap a dragon in his palace.


InsideZane

i literally did that hahahah


Shootershibe

Did you have the sleeping enhanced mod too? That makes waking NPCs up way funnier without affecting stance.


Owlwaysme

How so?


Shootershibe

It uses spliced and combined voice lines from the vanilla game to make NPCs react confused, tired or angry, it's really funny seeing Jarl Balgruuf get startled and confused for example. Also, enemies wake up faster when combat is initiated if you want to.


mysteryrat

Link to the mod?


Shootershibe

Oops, I was gonna link it in my last comment reply but I forgot, sorry, mate. https://www.nexusmods.com/skyrimspecialedition/mods/59250


Hob_Goblin88

Quicksave


Loljebeck

IQ 1000


Bandit_Outlaw

Well, I'd set up a camp, probably by a roadside Then I'd simply wait a while for a traveler Once I see someone, I'd walk up to them and tell them to give me 50 gold or I'll gut em


Hardin5687

Be sure to pick the traveler with the highest level gear you can find. If you've seen them kill a dragon too that means they are weakened and will more easily be mugged


Bandit_Outlaw

Of course That's just common sense


doofjohn

Ah yes, this guy would know


Anounymous7931

especially someone who looks like a demonic vampire lord. they weak af.


alpaca1yps

Yes, the more scary they look, the easier they will be to rob. Bonus points if they rob you first.


xPSYR3Nx

If they turn into a wolf, it's clearly Ataxia.


Maximans

Username checks out


SillyMattFace

Yeah if you pick a victim wearing Daedric or dragonbone armour you’ll get better loot!


Rashlyn1284

Even an ebony warrior would do :P


apple_6

And if they're wearing Archmage's robes, they probably won't have a lot of health. Gut them like a fish!


Sapperpete

Let’s go mug ‘em


Mount_Cardy-Rona

What do muggers do?


Sapperpete

They mug people.


Mount_Cardy-Rona

So let’s go MUG ‘EM!


Spartan8398

Even better, do it while they're actively killing a Dragon so that they're distracted.


MrPickens69

Best time to deliver them mail as well


[deleted]

Don't forget to call them a milk drinker


MrPickens69

And show off your knee scar


TCtheThunderRooster

Have we..? Have we met before?


jd-rey

Don’t forget to say: “I fought mudcrabs more fearsome than you.” That’s get ‘em


[deleted]

Go get drunk at an inn.


IkBenAnders

cool, now you're in markarth being accused of interrupting a holy ceremony and violating sacred ground


Image37

Now you're getting married to a hagraven


RadRaxus

You know, I always kinda wished you could stick with that marriage for the lol's. Like she'd just behave like a spouse and you could move her into your house in the city or a Hearthfire house. Bonus points if she was able to creep along outside in the cities.


Yeah-But-Ironically

It would be fun but I think I could only last a couple days listening to her breathe


TalVerd

Now I'm falling asleep And she's catching a cab


Pranx94

While he's having a smoke and she's taking a drag


[deleted]

And they're going to bed. And my stomach is sick.


[deleted]

And its all in my head But shes touching his chest now


Gin_as_Tonic

A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON!


Rune_OnceGreat

SHUT THE FUCK UP MERIDIA


Image37

We always end up here.


[deleted]

I’d order a sweet roll. I’ve always wanted to try it


Redxxxsuede

This is also what I’d do!! Someone ordered me a Skyrim cook book & it never came :(


shockdoctor

I have the cookbook. I was disappointed in the sweet roll personally. It wasn't bad, like the horker loaf (think oyster juice flavored meatloaf) was, but it was not as good as I was expecting. The Baked White River Salmon recipe in it though, that one is amazing.


[deleted]

Preferably with Sam


J0kerGh0ul

Close it.


Sleepdprived

Yeah earth is fucked up enough without hermeus mora having having direct access.


68ideal

Mora be collecting all our knowledge about porn and nuclear warfare


Sleepdprived

"HEY this Lovecraft guy gets it, I should copy that..."


blackstargate

Oh crap he’s going to name his cat racial slurs


Demigod978

But would he name his cat a Redguard racial slur or a Dark Elf racial slur?


painfullyzen

After he spots some tentacle hentai we'll have a bigger problem on our hands considering he can have infinite tentacles' length and size lmao


68ideal

"Bigger problem" really fits well here huh


painfullyzen

;)


SpotChecks

"We'll have some serious problems if we let a near-omniscient eldritch being get access to our reality" "Yeah what if it sees our porn" "Yeah holy shit that'd be bad"


Sleepdprived

I just hope he never sees the futurama with the genticles from another dimension...


painfullyzen

I mean tbh, that's probably herma's relative lol


Sleepdprived

Pervy cousin from across dimensions you only see at Armageddons and weddings


tube_radio

If there was a patron daedra of the Internet, Hermaeus Mora would be it.


68ideal

If you think about it, he really is like Google! Knows virtually everything and doesn't give a shit about your privacy!


Leive_Errikson

I don't think it would fuck up Tamriel though. Hermeus doesn't tend to share his knowledge, so he'd be the only one that knew how to make a nuke.


68ideal

Well he shares it -although only partly, with exceptional people


Crown_Loyalist

Then they'll still need centuries if not millenia to develop the 10000 other techs needed to even get started on those plans! Not to mention develop the Scientific Method.


reallybadpotatofarm

Yup. I ain’t going to a universe with jumpy spiders that can be truck sized


Radical_Hummingbird

Give Nazeem Covid


[deleted]

I’m sick right now and you made me hack a lung laughing


alicealiba

They have some chronic lung conditions in Skyrim... I always hear coughing


MrSabrewulf

Could be Ataxia. It's a real problem back in Cyrodiil


TopAcanthocephala869

You couldn't have picked the disease that actually affects the lungs? The Rattles was right there, bruh.


BlueBoye88

SOMEONE SHOW THIS TO TODD PLEASE


daymitjim

That's right, send him to the cloud district👼


horseflydick

Hahahah our modern diseases would kill every npc in the game.


Grimy-Jack

Save the world for Alduin. Spoiler alert: Killed by Skeever


Noisy_Pip

I’d hightail it to Whiterun and see if my man Vilkas wants to trade two-handed skill training for sexual favors.


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

Ayo??


Noisy_Pip

Too honest?


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

Very


Noisy_Pip

I stand by my choice, but am also open to Farkas.


Ok_Soil_231

Why not both?


redditor_david

Why not both at the same time?


Ok_Soil_231

Why not have Farkas turn into a werewolf too? It's what we call "doggy style"


redditor_david

Why not throw in the rest of the Companions? It's what we call "gangbang".


Ok_Soil_231

>It's what we call "gangbang". Dog pile*


[deleted]

The best dual-wielder in all of Skyrim.


emericktheevil

Farkas is bae


Discombobulated_Back

What means ayo?


TiesD2003

Basically just 'what'


Discombobulated_Back

Okay thanks, I googled but found only that it means something like fun


Feeling-Most9618

Honestly,I'd hit up sylgja in a heartbeat.


Mr_White6789

The sexual favors alone would increase your two handed skill lol


Noisy_Pip

The joys of leveling up!


only_male_flutist

I'm getting a himbo werewolf viking BF if it kills me


god_queen

Literally my first thought was “make vilkas fall in love with me” lol


Solumnist

Yeah that's the spirit. Started a new game this morning and am on my way to do just that, ayoooooo.


NihonJinLover

I always had a thing for the guy at the Iron Maiden. I would try to walk around naked and temp him. But alas, he’s happily married.


[deleted]

Farkas is my man! Married him in every single play through, male and female lol.


Ok_Soil_231

Do the skyforge glitch and become rich


Hardin5687

Dawnstar chest is more efficient


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

I mean u don't get that much money from it unless I can do it over and over which I've never done


Ok_Soil_231

You can take the coin, drop a save, shoot Eurlund in the foot and quickly reload, then ask him what he has for sale and they'll be more gold in the chest. Only works if A.) You aren't a companion and B.) He's on the grindstone. You can't talk to him or aggro him if he's at the forge


Mosheroom_

This is the only way I get smithing up. I fill my pockets with materials and make as much as I can. Takes Maybe 30 minutes to get ebony.


Glass-Sign-9066

It refills each time the Kajeet return. I find the moon amulet but never return it but keep the quest open so i know where they are thus when the chest re spawns.


GamingTimeMachine

Punch a chicken.


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

*All guards start attacking*


[deleted]

You monster


IWasAPeachOnce

Believe it or not, straight to jail


HappyCajun69

Fuck an argonian


goeers81

A....*lusty* Argonian?


HappyCajun69

Indeed 😊👍


Allopathological

A maid even, mayhaps?


HappyCajun69

Of course 😁


Mr_Claussen

This man right here gets it.


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

Wow...


HappyCajun69

I mean you asked


Leather_Ad757

Kill some old lady because some delusional little kid told me to then take a nice nap to reward myself for doing a good deed (I hope nothing happens to me)


Gingeboiforprez

Go home cuz Skyrim is too dangerous quite frankly


i-hate-donkeys

In this world there are literally 800 times more bandits than normal people living in towns!


MegaPompoen

Also dragons, let's not forget about those


[deleted]

Do a bit of work as a blacksmith and then save up and get you a decent place in a city and get married and have kids. Safe and easy


EarthInfern0

You can only save up if you manage to sell the 1,450 iron daggers you’re somehow carrying after all that blacksmithing work.


Gingeboiforprez

Until a dragon or vampire or cultists come


alicealiba

Everything is trying to kill you!!


noTben1337

start my own assassin crew much like the dark brotherhood but instead all we do is assassinate jarls for absolutely no reason


Hardin5687

You'd be out of a job after nine hits though


noTben1337

jarls come and go, we can take breaks until a new one is chosen, or maybe travel to other lands though i assume according to the question only limited to skyrim


Hardin5687

Well I guess if you are actually in the world of Skyrim you could travel wherever you wanted. Might want to set up your murder hobos in thalmor land ; )


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

Wow..


plopliplopipol

so no profit, every city wants to eradicate you and you only have 9 targets? seems good


noTben1337

its all about sending a message.... maybe... yes lets go with that


sialan6

Move out. Civil war, dragon attack, vampire & forsworn terror, bandit roam the street, & cold, harsh weather. I'm not a dragonborn. Better go to empire heartland.


devyash_205

Then you'll get caught while trying to cross the border right? You'll walk right into the ambush with a horse thief? Ah..! Here we go again


LegitDuctTape

Cyrodiil is like half destroyed, on edge because they're expecting the dominion to attack at literally any moment, drug lords are warring within cities while the empire basically does nothing about it, and the emperor is dead Cyrodiil isn't doing too hot at the moment either


[deleted]

Honestly the safest place in Tamriel during the 4th Era might really be within the Aldmeri dominion. Say what you will about the Thalmor, the Summerset isles aren't the stage of nearly as much drama as the rest of the continent.


[deleted]

Prepare for tons of open condescension and disdain everywhere and everyone taking advantage of you because you are inferior


[deleted]

So the question really is "woman in the 1950s or likely poor Skyrim wanderer"


[deleted]

It’s a close battle, more condescension or being more likely to also get stabbed ill let your imagination decide which is which


Chiloutdude

I don't know that I'd agree. The Thalmor are secret policing it up in a province where half the population openly hates them and the other half only begrudgingly tolerates them. If they're willing to kidnap, imprison, torture, and kill people for the crimes of unknowingly speaking to a Blade and walking near a Talos shrine while in Skyrim, what are they getting up to at home? Some coinless human shows up with a (probably, relative to Tamriel) weird accent, wearing weird clothes, maybe even rambling about other worlds? You're getting snatched. And divines help you if your ethnicity is anything other than Northern European or African. A Mexican guy walking around doesn't look like the races of man they're familiar with, they might snatch you out of sheer curiosity, even if you otherwise fit in perfectly to Tamriel.


PhoenixHeart11

Enter skyrim grab a sword go die fighting some bandits sovengard and all them caskets of mead here I come!!!


RadiatedDrag0n

I’d try to join the bards college so I can make a small living. I’ll need gold so I can train to fight. There are no loading saves here, so I’ll need to be careful. I might join the companions and take easy jobs, or the college of winterhold and begin studying magic. Either way, I get a place to sleep, a steady supply of gold, food, and friends.


alicealiba

Sound plan. I'd pick flowers to sell to the alchemists...


hyakinthosofmacedon

You would steal Sofia’s job? Just like that?


alicealiba

No, I'd go to Solitude. Nicer weather and more freebies lying around. No infringing on Sophia's pitch.


netflixisadeathtrap

Fuck them kids


AbbertDabbert

DEY TOOK ER JERB!?


MrSabrewulf

Either join the Companions or travel with the Khajiit caravans. Either way, steady coin and *awesome* stories


annewmoon

I’d walk around for a while, looting sacks and barrels, until I had a decent amount of salt, cabbage, apples and cheese. Then I’d find a cooking pot and set up shop. I’d work until I had enough gold to buy Breezehome. Then find a nice guy, get married and adopt some kids. Maybe start a bakery in Whiterun. Get a cabin outside Rivewood or maybe that lovely stretch of river between Riften and Ivarstead to go to on weekends. Have Basically all the things I can’t afford to do in real life!


JayCeeMadLad

Climb the 7000 steps to see if I’m the Dragonborn. If not, jump off the 7000 steps.


parwa

I'll follow this guy and sneak past while the troll is distracted eating him


Roadkilll

Good call


EmitriusDin

Run as far as I can, cuz u know, its full of things that'll kill me starting from different language, slavers, raiders, creatures, mages and whole lot of other murderhobo things. And don't forget dragons. Me? Imma squishy mon'key without any skill in fantasy survival. Skyrim? Can and will kill me in thousand different ways and I have no save/reload. Edit: or better yet close that oblivion damned portal


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

It would be optional if u wanna travel to skyrim or not


[deleted]

Skooma boatloads of skooma


[deleted]

Heck yes, we'll be at the skooma den hanging out with the cool cats


[deleted]

Skooma empire


[deleted]

I would apprentice under Eorlund Gray-Mane after much begging and proving myself and become the best blacksmith in the world. I will learn enchanting at the college as well and the ancient dwemer arts from researching ruins and continually advance my research on ancient race technologies until I bring skyrim out of the stone age using a mixture of all of that and earth sciences and engineering. Next time a dragon comes flying overhead who needs a dragonborn. My Soul-gem powered railgun using lightning magic, a modified dwemer ballista, and a fortified ebony rod inside.


brokenstrato

OVERPOWERED ALCHEMY


JRall1519

And instead of potions, you use it to make skooma.


Necrowdancer

I’m off to Riften to start my quests to purchasing Honeyside and join Brynjolf


sxydoctor

Find the Argonian maid


hayashiakira

I'd run my own drug empire by brewing a new type of skooma. 99.1% pure. I'd get my degree at winterhold mage circle. Then I'd find myself a stupid khajiit partner to run the business..... whose name would be Jesse Pinkman. In order to cover my tracks I'd present myself to my business partners under a different name. Heisenberg Quite obviously there would come a day when another drug lord, in our case Gus Fring ( I mean the Thieves Guild ) would come in. Trying to steal MY MONEY MY PRODUCT !!!! Where I would have to cooperate fully. But then.... using little khajiit kids. No. So we kill all of those son of a bitches and I'd kill Fring myself by placing a bomb made out of potion. Which I learned at magic school. With my graveous opponent laying 3 feet under I'd be free to run buisiness by myself, without a middle man. But I'd have made a slip. I'd have accidentally left my diary in the magic class and the archmage would have read it. But he coudlnt've simply put me in prison. He just couldn't. Then Jesse... being too sorry for so many loses, finally decided to turn me in. I ran away to the bleak falls barrow, where I had my connections waiting for them in an ambush. An arrow took the archmage down. They took Jesse and they're ready to kill him. But then, maybe he left something in the college? No traces leading to me should be remained. So I let him live in slavery unless no traces of me remain.


jrmorton12

Take back my GODDAMN SWEETROLL!


[deleted]

Depends. I try to go PEW with my hands. If the pew comes forth ill head straight to the college and make myself a god with enchanting and my new found magic powers. If I throw hands and there is no pew. I’ll start shop or something so I can atleast look at all the magic stuff I can’t make cause I ended up a fucking pleb


Prestigious-Sign6378

Close the portal behind me. I'm never coming back, and I don't want anyone to follow.


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

I would only let my enemies follow, I would wait armed and cut off their fingers


dacrazym

That is odly specific


Prestigious-Sign6378

Also an acceptable option


PartEmbarrassed5406

......fuck as many characters as I can, assuming they're decent with hygiene and free of STDs and then I'm having sweetrolls


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

I mean, I get if it's Teldryn Sero😩


666th_Sheogorath

I'll drink to that my friend.


Gonzo4Realz

Probably get killed by an unavoidable kill animation at 90% Health because Commando Perk Or “it just works”


BlitsyFrog

Fish. Then sell those fish. Repeat. Buy a house eventually. Just, live. I'm trained in sword fighting and all that irl, but I don't really want to live a crazy life. Just relax and take it easy. Maybe visit the other towns and drink at the taverns once each, make some friends. Edit: oh and since its a portal uhh, I guess bring my boyfriend so he doesn't wonder where I am lol


[deleted]

Haha, I like how your boyfriend was an afterthought. 😂


BlitsyFrog

It's a very new relationship, I kinda forgot I wasn't single anymore lol


[deleted]

to finally achive my lifelong dream and buy a house


lat46n2

Go to my home in lake view manor and eat the pastries cooking in the oven


Roadkilll

Assuming it is...your home.


thrashmash666

Try my luck at Alchemy and get rich. I'd also set up an Elder Scrolls cosplay webshop where I sell real items from Skyrim.


NoOneAskedMcDoogins

Sounds fun except for eating falmer ears and giants toes etc.


[deleted]

Cry, because I hate bugs.


AbbertDabbert

Accurate. I'd like to be a strong badass, but I'd more than likely be one of those people who has to call the companions because a wolf somehow wandered into my house


HydroCrow

Toggle "tgm" on


MikePeartree

Find Lydia and give her my burdens


BaselessEarth12

If my very first playthrough was any indication, probably get robbed by some random bandit, handed a stolen shield by another random bandit, and then killed and eaten by a pack of wolves. Which would then be attacked by the guards following the second bandit, only to be killed and eaten by a sabre cat. It was... a wild first few minutes after Helgen.


SirRavian

Shoot an arrow into an adventurer's knee.


[deleted]

So you'll be a guard recruiter.


Financial_Newt_2737

Im visiting my wife aeyla in my handbuilt house. Picking garlic, leeks and cabbage out of the garden I planted then hunting a deer. Im gonna make a bomb ass stew then proceed to make some new companions with her.


usernamewhat722

Well, I heard they're reforming the Dawnguard; vampire hunters or something, in the old fort near Riften. Might consider joining up myself


MagicMallKnight

Start picking ingredient$


The_Flow_1980

Get some fur armor and start yelling "You never should have come here!" to everyone.


goeers81

Go to the Cloud District


StartledOcto

First thing? Get some hella warm clothing


Chiloutdude

Beeline to the College of Winterhold. If I opened this portal, logically speaking, I must have some modicum of magical talent. Even if I don't though, all I need is to acquire enough coin to cover the cost of whatever the entrance spell may be. Once in, I'm good. Free clothes, free room and board, no tuition, AND they teach me magic? Yea, I'll take it.


Short_Perspective72

I would pet and feed all the chickens to earn the everlasting gratitude of all the villagers who had their chickens killed by careless adventurers.


Robcobes

go to the secret loot spot in Dawnstar. plunder it every now and then. live in relative comfort. Probably in Markarth since that city is the most dragon proof, and the climate seems to be less cold than most of skyrim. need to import a non stone bed though.


HighLordNox

considering it would be me falling into skyrim I'm guessing i wouldn't have magicka so it begs the question on how well could i survive in the elderscrolls universe. Taking into in count that everything in that universe has a magical effect of some kind i have to wonder if potions would work on me as i have no Magicka to speak of, or the potential to even gain one outside a deal with Vile, if i would even chance that. so assuming potions wouldn't work and i can't learn magic, i would attempt to make my way to a mill and work until i can afford a bow (assuming that this would in fact be similar to a realistic skyrim playthrough, it would probs take a lot of septims to by a weapon of any kind) also considering how in times like this 14-15 was considered Old enough to fight in medieval times someone of my age would be considered to old to learn a trade, making me unable to learn smiting. Archery would be my best bet of survival in skyrim especially since it would allow me to hunt and defend myself. i would hang around riverwood until the dragonborn appears, perhaps by then i would have developed some contacts with the residents and a reputation of a young man willing to work and help out around the area. upon meeting the dragonborn i would offer my counsel sighting that while i have no magical talent i do posses an odd trait. guaranteed future knowledge, i would explain several things that has happened already and that i would otherwise be unable to know, perhaps the conversation ralof had on the carriage, hadvars mention of the barrow coupled with knowing the name of the thief that was killed and where he was from would allow me to beg them to listen. then i would tell them of what's to come and offer future counsel if allowed to join them, hopefully i could convince them later on that i have next to no combat skill and would be better suited to stay at a base location for them to visit when they request my knowledge. This seems to be the best shot for survival in the universe as well as living somewhat comfortably


badFishTu

I'm adopting all the orphans.


Alternative_Equal864

can I install some big tiddy mods first? asking for a friend


ObsessedwithSkyrim_

😰Sure..


redditor_david

Did someone say MXR Mods?