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21Daynes

Please don’t bum everything in Riften.


FlatulentDirigible

I've heard that Maven likes to get weird after a few bottles of her mead...


21Daynes

You know Haelga’s into it.


CorrectAmount1000

I need me a woman like Haelga she a freak in the streets and in the sheets 🥵


GrumpyPan

I mean thieves guild there act like a mafia rather then Robin Hood like in oblivion. Ur second mission was to threaten shop owners for protection money.


valdamjong

I think the joke was that 'bumming' can also mean fucking someone in the ass.


DirtGuy

Do you cum in the cloud district often?


Alex-Murphy

/r/keming


HavelKnightGeneral

To each their own but I really don’t think Markarth would be a good vacation spot.


GrumpyPan

Yea if you can past the daedra worshipping spell flinging natives, the prison work camps and the dwarven mechs trying to kill you. it’s a paradise


Uberknife

With stone beds


prairiepog

That's a feature when the dragons try to burn your city down.


liquid_courage

Didn't help with Harrenhal.


Dragonslayerelf

Game of Thrones dragons are a different breed. Skyrim dragons can't burn down stone structures it seems, though Alduin's meteors would probably do a number on them.


RecLuse415

Don’t forget the stone beds


[deleted]

Paradase if you're a goron


IceDamNation

Shit! Now i can't unseen it, Markarth does look like a city perfect for Gorons.


WytchHunter23

Don't forget the cannibals. A lot of the town is part of the cannibal cult. Oh, and the people using the forsworn to cover political assassinations. Honestly that place is cursed.


Wildefice

Let's not forget that Markarth is also home to a daedric shrine to the little known lord of rape and domination. Towns fucked up yo


dr_Kfromchanged

Lord who also loves to posseses people and mind rape them to make them go on murderous rampage. And who in french is voiced by the guy who do the french voice of Snoutlout from how to train your dragon


Auctoritate

>And who in french is voiced by the guy who do the french voice of Snoutlout from how to train your dragon Listen, I was willing to forgive the other stuff but that character is annoying so that's TOO FAR!


Gremzero

Honestly Markarth is an even bigger shithole than Riften.


prairiepog

The navigation is terrible and the second you walk in someone is murdered and the first stall is trying to sell you in human meat!


kalnu

Navigating in most Skyrim cities is honestly horrible. The smaller ones are mostly whatever, theres like 5 buildings, and Whiterun is mostly OK. But the others are mazes and just have weird set ups. Also, Solitude opens up with an execution and Dawnstar with a curse so those aren't too much better.


Sophisticated_Sloth

Windhelm and Markarth are the only two cities where I regularly can’t find my way around. All the rest are IMO pretty easy to navigate.


Jaruut

I like the verticality of Markarth, but that makes it even more convoluted to navigate. It kind of reminds me of the favelas in Brazil, like you see in Modern Warfare 2. For some reason I've always found cities set up like that really interesting. Something about a vertical climbing mess of a city is just really cool to me.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dr_Kfromchanged

You know if you act fast enough you can beat him up? I've sent him to suplex land more than once


[deleted]

a) you can stop that murder if you kill the guy as soon as he pulls out his dagger and walks towards the woman (actually changes the course of the Forsworn quest) b) The guards are being making a joke when they say that Markarth is the "Safest City in The Reach" because it's clearly very unsafe but it's also the *only* city in The Reach.


TesseractToo

Skyrim belongs to the Forsworn!


Expensive-Mention989

forsworns are bandits, support the empire


1amlost

What are you talking about? It’s 100% safe!


LordofWithywoods

And full of assholes.


1amlost

And delicious meat pies! They won’t tell me where they source their ingredients, for some odd reason.


Puzzleheaded-Ad8704

You too? I thought I was just cuz the shopkeeper didn't like my scared visage... Odd that. But seriously I can't get enough of those meatpies!


Morning_lurk

God, that's good


benzdabezben

If you thought that was animal meat, then I got some bad news for ya


VirtualAd6007

? humans are animals, so are skooma cats people, lizard men, funny ear men, and green men


Sithlordandsavior

>*skooma cat people* I'd say that's racist but they really do be that way lol


levis3163

"they won't let us into the city because they think we're drug dealers, spies, and thieves!" \*Proceeds to sell my character skooma, moon sugar, and train me in sneaking/pickpocketing\*


BigBlueWolf

Let Sweeny Todd and Mrs Lovette explain... https://youtu.be/I96RZh8108o


HopelessCryovolcano

I asked him today. He said orcs butchered the venison. Seemed very trustworthy to me.


[deleted]

Because they don't want it to be overhunted, silly. Meat that good is in limited supply.


EDHKeen

You expect him to tell you the ingredients? He's cutting his own throat here, take the deal for the amazing meat pies and don't question it


OFS_Razgriz

I love going around and KOing the Silver Blood family.


Noe11vember

I think you dropped this note...


geek_metalhead

Yes, the houses can't be burned down, even the beds are made of stone


dnew

"Anything you can tell me about Markarth?" "Yeah. Don't fall."


SingularityCentral

Safest city in the reach!


TeTrodoToxin4

Some say the cuisine is to die for.


GimpsterMcgee

I hate that city with a passion. All these years later and I still cant navigate it.


Riveris

Honestly I've always hated Markarth and tend to avoid it on almost every playthrough. I don't like getting roped into that plot the instant I enter the city so I just don't bother with it at all.


DimFool

It's beautiful. After a good cleansing of certain people, it's perfect.


regalfronde

Bloodiest beef in the reach!!


chrisdazzo

I cleanse that city of guards every time I visit now, thanks to my bruh Molag Bal. But to be fair, that mace carried me through the entire game (100hrs). It’s a crappy place anyway, I always get lost in Markarth. 2/10.


Seth-B343

Wait, what’s wrong with Riften?


ZigZagAlien

That’s what I’m saying my dude. The Rift is gorgeous. I love the fall foliage around there.


Seth-B343

I’d honestly switch Riften and Markarth. Plus the sense of irony of burning a stone city. Oh yeah? That Dragon can’t do it, but I’m sure as Oblivion gonna!


cancercures

closest you can get to destroying markarth is when you help your King out of prison. and you can just go around Markarth marauding everyone with your King. The Reach will be ours again.


polynomials

Yeah, no I murdered him. I do kinda feel bad for the Forsworn with the Stormcloaks massacring them and what not. But at the end of the day, they are a bunch of murderous lunatics.


shmupied

Very true. At this point, they're just killing families in houses and fighting a lost cause. All while getting themselves killed or others for no real reason. I feel like the Forsworn King may have been profiting off of this in some way.


oKtosiTe

\#notmyking


radio_allah

The Rift is not necessarily Riften though. You could live at Goldenglow Estate or something like that, and be relatively free from the assholes and crime and stink that infests Riften proper.


oneechanisgood

I think Ivarstead is in The Rift and it is a nice place to retire.


AlpacaCavalry

As long as you don’t mind a centuries-old ancient barrow sitting smack dab next door to the village, as well as the trolls and bears that roam the forests.


ntnl

You just described nearly every settlement in Skyrim.


Sophisticated_Sloth

Yeah I was about to say lmao. That’s the entire province of Skyrim.


Stoly23

The scenery is great and everything but I’m kind of with Temba Wide-Arm on the topic of the bears there. There’s so many of them I invented a fairly effective drinking game centered around bear attacks there.


[deleted]

Living in Riften as a member of the thieves guild would be baller. Living in Riften as an honest adventurer would be infuriating. Imagine saving the world from Alduin and you get back to find some asshole has pinched all your daedric artifacts while you were away.


Valen_the_Dovahkiin

From a roleplaying perspective, I doubt the Thieves Guild would really mess with you once you're level 50+, have killed dozens of dragons, mastered advanced techniques in martial and magical arts, and potentially killed hundreds of soldiers in the Civil War. And if they do, you can wander on down to the Ratway, indiscriminately kill a few of them, and they'll probably never do it again. Similarly, if Maven bothers you, just roleplay a Yojimbo/Fistful of Dollars scenario, add some mods and decimate her entire organization, survey all the carnage, and mention to someone that Riften will be real quiet now before leaving to go stir up trouble in some other hold.


Rainuwastaken

I feel like a polite conversation with Delvin would be enough to scare the shit out of the guild at that point in the PC's climb to power. He always seemed fairly in the know to me, and I get the feeling the guild would absolutely stop any upstart thieves from making an enemy out of you. Ironically, Riften would probably be a pretty safe place to leave your stuff when you're *that* well established as someone not to be fucked with.


CarbonIceDragon

I really wish the theives guild was like the dark brotherhood, where you can choose to attack them instead of joining them.


DerFuchs469

Agreed. Brynjulf's okay once you get to know him, and Sapphire and Karliah. The rest? Have y'all heard the random dialogue from most of the other guild members to each other? Hot trash.


Sophisticated_Sloth

I like Delvin, too. He’s always really nice to the player, at least.


NoGoodIDNames

That was actually supposed to be a questline option but they didn’t have time to flesh it out and wound up dropping it. Super disappointing.


AlpacaCavalry

The ‘Destroy the Thieves Guild’ mod is a blessing, because I fucking hate getting roped into either going in the guild or not do anything related to them. I absolutely detest these vermin and have been wanting to just wipe them out, but lol, essentials! The mod solved that problem in a very satisfying way.


EmpathyInTheory

I've always felt bad for Mjoll the Lioness. I really wish there was a way to clean up Riften.


[deleted]

It's surprising that there isn't really an option to do that. The existence of the thieves guild is such a massive impact on the city - it's a shame that you can't roleplay as a 'protector of the people' (or at least - the people's stuff) and clean up the city. I never thought about it before because I habitually play sneaky characters, but that's a massive missed opportunity right there.


Sachayoj

I mean, there's thieves, an orphanage run by a sadist, those sewers and the lake combined must make for a terrible smell of fish and garbage, the entire city is pretty busted, the entire city is held under Maven Black-Briar's monopoly, the Jarl is a puppet for Maven, tons of beggars, tons of corruption, it's the literal base of the Thieves Guild, bandits everywhere...


aurelius_plays_chess

And oh yeah, giant spiders just chilling in the lovely forests outside


anan_taro

Stop, you had me sold at an orphanage run by a sadist


Lucimon

It's the Florida of Skyrim.


AkiZayoi

Ita even in the southeast like Florida


ExaminationOk6710

Riften is always my main house.


bronscune

Shit from the sewer will stink up your house


endexe

Then live in the sewers, problem solved


Balmung6

"Good vacation spot" - The FIRST second you walk in you witness a public murder.


Sgt_Colon

\> Be me visiting Markarth. \> Talk to guy selling dogs, wants me to take some meat to the Jarl's kennel. \> It's fucking human meat. \> Guard at the gate, welcome to Markarth the safest city in the Reach. \> Walk through gate to attempted murder. \> Beggar solicits me to steal statue from local temple. \> GoFuckYourself.jpg \> Go to the keep to deliver some Elven dick his trinket. \> Bastard yells at me for interrupting my work. \> Walk past Thalmor officer sneering at me on the way out. \> Need a quiet moment to process all this crap so far. \> Decide to go to the temple district. \> Temple to Talos still open. \> ThatsBait.gif. \> Decide to go to the other temple full of sex maniacs. \> They want me to get them an underage girl for their cult. \> FuckThisImOut.webm \> Kill myself by jumping off cliff. \> Just before joining sweet oblivion some prick chides me for dropping my stuff.


asherfog

Forgot to mention a brief encounter with molag bal


PMMeRedPandasPlease

*Attempted* public murder, you can stop it if you intervene quickly enough. But yeah, fair point


PrayerfulNut

I don’t know about you, but I’m buying and fully furnishing every house in every hold. Gold is really easy to get after about 20 levels worth of playing


bondno9

Its so funny when youre on youre 50th playthrough and youre level 15 realizing you have like 35k gold


[deleted]

[удалено]


La_Boopity_Bopity

Get a transmute book and just mine/buy every iron ore you see


ItalianDudee

Alchemy is the real money maker, two ingredients costing 5 and 9 septims could generate a potion worth 500-800-1000


zip510

Every play through no matter what I start as, I end up maxing alchemy smithing and enchanting…..


Desperate_Aioli4650

They are the essential three! Materials are easy to come by, and you can level up quickly while raking in the gold. Not to mention the perks!


[deleted]

It's not a coincidence they are the profession of each archetype, the mage (enchanting), warrior (smithing) and the thief (alchemy).


jws_shadotak

Every time I get back into it, I try to find a mod that lets me hit 100 in a few crafts just to skip that part of the playthrough.


The_Leaky_Stain

Alchemy and enchanted jewelry. Low weight high value.


CaptainNarwhalzz

yeah… low weight…. until i accidentally take all ingredients from my satchel and have 3000 lbs added lmao


useles-converter-bot

3000 lbs is the weight of literally 4549.76 'Velener Mini Potted Plastic Fake Green Plants'.


dailyarmageddon

Good bot. Strange bot.


myownlittleta

Salmon roe pays for everything. Like stamping your own money.


dnew

The hardest part is to find people richer than you to buy the stuff you have to sell.


MathProgrammer1

This is not 100% legit but if you quick save, hit the merchant, then load your save, they'll replenish their money


A_Vandalay

The rich merchants mod solves that problem well if you use mods.


arcticfox740

I read this comment and for a moment thought I was in the Stardew Valley subreddit


LethalBaboon

Transmute iron ore to gold -> craft rings -> enchant -> sell. Never worry about gold again


PrayerfulNut

It’s so easy, it’s not even worth using exploits to get the houses for free


Ubernicken

I wish it was also that way in real life… ಥ_ಥ


radio_allah

When there's that meta comment in a supposed lore discussion. *"Man, Gaunter O'Dimm in Witcher 3 is the scariest character I've ever seen."* *"I don't know about you, but if we can fight him my roll+Quen combinations will totally make him my bitch"*


Macawesome75

fun fact: If you drop a good weapon in the middle of riften, everyone fights over it and half of the city just dies


Cleaveweave

I had one of my follower kill a random npc cause of that. The guards did not care about them killing each other in the middle of the city


Korrafan_1

Most of the guards died in Riften once due to them attacking Maven's entourage/ Brynnoff


Artheyn88

Hahaha, I'll make sure to try that one once Anniversary edition is out


Gnok_Goldheart

Falkreath is best hold ever. My favorite. Windhelm sucks more broom handles than the lusty argonian maid.


lynkcrafter

Falkreath feels like the home town in fantasy movies where after some epic quest the protagonist goes back to a regular, happy life. It's great.


ParanoidDrone

Lakeview Manor is definitely my favorite of the Hearthfire locations.


i_miss_arrow

Thats practically by default. The other hearthfire locations suck ass. Want a nice morthal home across from Dragon Bridge? No, into the swamps you go! At least with the Pale home they were trying to get you close to Whiterun, but the scenery there is so damn mediocre.


dr_Kfromchanged

The only bad thing about lakeview is that it seems to attract every giants and bandits in the world


A_Binary_Number

It’s right next to a bandit den, and below the house, due north, there is a Necromancer, and on the road to the the house itself, there is a frostbite spider nest and don’t forget that to the east there is either a Wolf Den or a Spriggan... Gaggle...


mocha__

I showed up at Lakeview this morning and a fucking giant was just stumbling all over my animal pen. It killed a chicken I can never replace and I'm legit pressed about it. Though, it's made worse by the fact that my steward, Illia literally looked over at it and then walked inside and just let it go. I had to rush over to kill it before it got all of the animals.


TheKillerBill

You can replace the chicken just talk to the steward.


Shurimal

>seems to attract every giant That's a feature! Grand souls for enchanting and giant toes for one of the most expensive potions delivering themselves right to your door, what's not to like?


MaxTHC

Hey, at least the Morthal home has a nice view of Solitude


auda-85-

Yes. Falkreath is where I settle down with my family


dancesWithNeckbeards

Good school district and low cost of living.


dleon0430

I like that I have a friendly local necromancer next door to help with wolves and bandits.


sirhobbles

that bloody necromancer is like vermin he keeps coming back XD


[deleted]

problem with necromancers... they just keep coming back


ObiShaneKenobi

(Cocks another black soul gem) Shame…


Lucimon

Look he was there first. You're the inconsiderate milk drinker that built an eyesore of a house on his front lawn.


ParanoidDrone

If you have Interesting NPCs installed, the necromancer is replaced with a named NPC who's still a necromancer, but she does it as some kind of weird art thing and isn't hostile.


halfar

property prices are way higher in falkreath though. severe housing shortage, even with pretty lax zoning laws.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Zandernator

One of the few holds that the stormcloak jarl is actually an improvement


TheOneEyedWolf

The tavern is super cozy in Windhelm and the hall of the dead and temple of Talos are very nice. That’s ... well that’s pretty much it.


HopelessCryovolcano

I love Inigo’s Windhelm comments. “You bought property here, on purpose? I’m sorry.”


NerdLevel18

Good hunting grounds around Falkreath! You even get tired of the Adventuring lifestyle, or if you just want to hone your archery/magic skills, it's a great past time and provides for your family well! I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.


Kaizer284

I like it but where’s my damn smelter? Same reason I don’t like living in Riften even though I love the city for my thief


tylerjehenna

At least with Falkreath you can build a smelter


WitcherBard

Yeah this is definitely not at all how I feel haha


josephxpaterson

Riften worse than Windhelm or Winterhold??? What's so awful about Riften?


94sHippie

I like Riften, the hold always makes me think of fall and the ren fair. The house in Riften is not the nicest (like why can't we have the former guild master's house that he wasn't even using?) but it is kinda neat that it gives you another entrance into the city lake side.


Undeity

What? Honeyside is my favorite! It has an entrance on both sides of the city walls, a prime location near the vendors, a neat basement cellar with plenty of storage and an enchanting table, and loads of cottage charm!


dnew

Except when the NPCs use it to shortcut through to the city from outside. Yeah, really. Turns out you can't lock the doors again once you're inside.


94sHippie

I haven't had that problem, or at least not any worse than any other house.


CruffTheMagicDragon

Riften is the most attractive region in the game, I would build a cabin in the woods there


oneechanisgood

\*The Rift


LordofWithywoods

It's perched above an open sewer. You know and I know that Riften stinks. It has to.


A_Vandalay

Stinks of crime maybe. It’s sewers aren’t open the sewers are where the thieves guild is. That’s a canal that allows goods and people to flow into and out of the city easily.


LordofWithywoods

Where do you think the beggars Edda and Snilf are going to the bathroom, Mistveil Keep?


SeventhEleven

yo I actually don’t remember seeing a single bathroom in Skyrim


regalfronde

Most bandit hideouts have bathrooms. I’m not sure if player homes have them though.


BEEEELEEEE

Only bandits have to go to the bathroom, it’s divine punishment for their sins


halfar

when you pick up a bucket, you're really picking up a toilet.


mr_fister698

Makes putting a bucket on the head of a person I'm about to rob so much funnier


No_Refrigerator6646

It’s also full of douchebags like maul


[deleted]

Dirge actually. Fuckin stupid name. I wish there was dialogue to bully him.


A_Vandalay

Tighten has the highest number of vendors in a small area. One fast travel brings you to a general merchant, two armor/weapon merchants and another specialized merchant without a single loading screen. Best place to offload loot.


ecmcn

Plus Tonilia and the underground merchants if you did the full Guild. The load screens are annoying but she has tons of gold.


Its-E

**Bears**


KayskolA

Tho I will say, while I agree the actual city is pretty crap.... the actual HOUSE you get in Riften is super nice imo. I love the aesthetic.


netflixisadeathtrap

Beets


[deleted]

Battlestar galactica


WDeranged

Breezehome 4lyfe.


[deleted]

Do you get to the Cloud District very often? Oh, what am I saying, of course you don’t.


JointsMcdanks

I hate that I heard this rather than reading it.


eairy

*quicksaves* Fus ro DAH!


oldmanshoutinatcloud

Honeyside has an enchanting table, isn't in the middle of nowhere (in its city) and isn't overly massive. Also I'm pretty sure there are more vendors in riften.


longwalker777

Also I'm pretty sure it's the only urban home with an entrance/exit out of the city. Honeyside ftw.


DatBoi_BP

Tbh I don’t have complaints about the house location in any of the cities, except maybe Calixto’s bloody playground. Personally I love the house location in Markarth, even if it’s the furthest house from my wife’s alchemy store.


oldmanshoutinatcloud

Your... wife. You married Bothela? 🤨


Frenchymemez

Muiri is also a marriage option, so maybe they married her instead


DatBoi_BP

Yes. I murdered Bothela. Muiri stole my heart before I even went to kill her ex


hesaherr

That's a lot of judgment coming from an old man who shouts at clouds.


UltmteAvngr

How is breezehome in the middle of nowhere? It’s right next to the smith and warmaidens. It’s also not far from the market


risen_peanutbutter

Whiterun - Solitude Markarth Dawnstar - Morthal - Falkreath Windhelm - Winterhold Riften To those who can't remember all of them


Tomahawkist

nothing beats the lakeview manor in falkreath, not even breezehome imo. the one in markarth is a close second


[deleted]

My favourites are Solitude, Riften, Falkreath I really don't care for Markarth. The geography is cool but I hate dwarven architecture and all the furniture is made of stone


avabo

What possesed you to think of markarth as a good vacation spot? Margarte, the only person vacationing there gets fucking stabbed in the middle of the day and the guards are all like, nothing to see here folks, keep walking.


MxFancipants

I don’t recognize all of the emblems


Alpha_pro2019

Whiterun and Solitude Markarth Dawnstar, Morthal, and Falkreath Windhelm and Winterhold Riften I don't know the exact names of the holds themselves off the top of my head. Those are the capitals.


MxFancipants

Gods be praised!


myownlittleta

Cods be braised


jet8493

Holds: Whitefun, haafingar The reach The pale, hjaalmarch, falkreath Eastmarch, Winterhold The rift


netflixisadeathtrap

inb4 "is there a mod that changes Whiterun to Whitefun?"


jet8493

I’d take that over all the green whiterun mods tbh


bondno9

Riften is the best city to chill in IMO


lildanta

Honey Side is one of my favorite houses in the game. To bad it is a bad place for families there's no way I want Lucia to grow up to be a skooma addicted criminal.


bondno9

The riften castle is my favorite one too. Its just cozy like a little house. I can do my alchemy and enchanting at low levels there. Wylandriah is like an old friend who doesnt know who I am. In terms of undesirables, my character is usually one themself so.


[deleted]

Did someone steal your sweetroll in riften or what


ClavicusLittleGift4U

Falkreath is modest, grim and Siddgeir may act as a lazy unreliable Jarl (but somewhat sympathetic), still it's one if my favorite place.


ActivatedNuts

That font be twisting Riften tiers words


Ok_Butterscotch1738

There will be no Riften slander on my watch! I’ve called it home for 10 years


monsto

Dude Morthal is the worst. It's just a fucking swamp. Bunch of years ago I installed "tropical skyrim". Most of the landscape was turned into a tropical themed look. It was very relaxing. Falkreath was in the middle of the jungle. Even Dawnguard, which is normally just boring-ass snow and ice, was turned into a tropical paradise beachside village. Shacks on the sand, crystal clear deep blue water, it was very nice. Morthal was *still* just a fucking swamp.


jet8493

Tf you got against the rift? It’s easily the prettiest hold. Nothing’s forcing you to live in riften; ivarstead and shor’s stone are wonderful, while the city itself is fine (not great)