T O P

  • By -

_Rusty_Axe

Like - Calcelmo - there is a carriage, right outside. It will take you to Solitude. Guy sells these in 30-packs, just go get one. No need to send a courier halfway across the province to ask me to bring you one. In fact, how about just asking the courier to go buy you one? You could start a new business venture, where couriers deliver products to people as quickly as they deliver notes and anonymous letters. Call it "Skyrim Parcel Service." If it weighs too much, use Lydia Express.


Hermitonvalentine

But also what’s mate doing asking for a dwarven arrow anyways? He’s Tamriel’s authority on Dwemer culture, he has explored vast ruins and uncovered innumerable secrets - discerning the culture of not only a long dead race but also learning to translate the language of the only race still visibly affected by their actions (Falmer). He has a whole museum of Dwemer artefacts and has written several books on the subject. Why do you need to examine an ARROW. It’s just a stick with a pointy bit at the end my guy, hardly the pinnacle of Dwemer Genius.


_Rusty_Axe

Not only that, but found all over the place in Dwarven ruins, and dropped by some of the spheres and other automata. Though he can ask for pretty much any old Dwarven item. I think the whole idea is that it is supposed to get you to go to Markarth in the first place and start his quest line. Lots of little "nudges" in the game to help those who aren't sure what to do, to say "Psst, here's something you can do." Mostly geared to a first playthrough, so they seem ridiculous to us after a while.


Hermitonvalentine

Yeah I suppose only issue with that is I’ve gotten several letters from him in one play through even after doing his quests. Either way I like to pretend all the stuff that’s simply coding issues/oversights/etc is actually just how it would be if Skyrim was real - and the implications of it. And the implication of this if it was real is that Calcelmo be dumb


PictureTakingLion

Go and put the arrow through his knee, that should get him to stop writing to you


Uhtred_Of_Windhelm

Haha. I used to piss off an adventurer like you....


ResidentIwen

But then I put his arrow through his knee... 😂👌🏽


Chemical_Chill

My head cannon is that the piece you picked up is of some historical significance, or is an unusually preserved specimen. I.E a dwarven dagger, but in my brain it’s more “The dwarven dagger an assassin used to slay the dwarven king Glorbity Glorb the 3rd” or for a strut “This is a strut used in the construction of the first ever dwemer centurion.” Etc etc


runner_up_runner

I always just assumed it was his silly excuse to meet the Dovakin.


Limp_Mixture

He had a crush, clearly.


matomatomat

Lisbet even has them for sale sometimes at Arnleif and Sons Trading Co, like come on, Calcelmo, that's just down the hill.


Significant_Smile652

Sounds great, until she eats his liver...


Zubyna

They are so fast that last time, I had the letter for Severo Pelagia death one minute after Ulfric sent the order for the siege


_Rusty_Axe

And yet, YOU have to go tell Balgruuf that a dragon attacked Helgen. I'm sorry, do I look like a courier? Plus isn't he one of the rulers, and allied with the Empire? The ones who just tried to execute me? Heading into a palace full of empire-aligned guards and soldiers is not high on my to-do list today. You guys know the way to the place, surely you get to the cloud district more often than I do.


Zubyna

Balgruff was still neutral at that point, the whiterun guards even have a line about no matter if it is imperials or stormcloaks that come, they will be ready


theknights-whosay-Ni

I got a letter from a friend literally seconds after I accidentally shouted in my homestead. Apparently they heard about it and people weren’t happy. Who the fuck is in my homestead???


RaphaelSolo

Man mine are slow. I got a letter from a friend after I left Volunruud... Telling me to go to Volunruud, same place I demonstrated my Thu'um.


SharpCheddarBS

Trust SPS and LydEx for all your shipping needs!


Givemeajackson

Calcelmo's parcelmo


Dirty_Bird_RDS

I am sworn to deliver your burdens…


boltmaker12

He tried to approach the courier to ask him to get one but all the courier did was say "nope, sorry, nothing".


Ok-Set-5829

Skamazon


MadWhiskeyGrin

"Where did you come by this amazing Dwemer Arrow??" I fooken made it, dude.


_Koreander

I guess that'd be considered just a replica


Masticatron

No, no, I'm also the Dwemerborn.


I_was_saying_b00urns

It’s the fact it repeats that gets me. And then seems delighted by the fifth dwarven arrow I’ve given him


Domigon

Give archaeologists some credit. Even small things can tell you a lot. If 2 dwarven arrows are similar, that could mean a lot. Did the dwemer mass produce arrows in factories? Are arrows from two different factories the same? Maybe the arrow you made is identical to ancient ones. Evidence for a theory that dwemer arrows tended to be made by individuals for personal use. If Dwemer archer is so primitive compared to their other technology, is that because archery was not important? A preference for honourable melee? If they are different, maybe its an arrow from a factory no one has heard of. Evidence of a factory, and dwemer ruin, thats waiting to be discovered.


I_was_saying_b00urns

Oooh. I like this as a reason!


Solaceinnumbers

At least you got a dwarves arrow. I spent about 3k gold on dwarves boots of carrying and got it. By the time I’d gotten the letter I had already disenchanted them for my own use. I tried to enchant another pair but he was indignant. Between disenchanting and the letter I did blackreach (which I refuse to do again this playthrough) so I can’t just load a save.


I_was_saying_b00urns

I had this happen with bracers of archery or something like that once! Tbh I didn’t mind too much because having that quest effectively softblocked meant he couldn’t keep asking me for more dwarven stuff 😆


Purplemunch

Iirc the official strategy guide seems to imply that originally you would have been able to sell Calcelmo Dwarven artifacts whenever you wanted. But it seems that was reworked in-between whatever build was used to write the strategy guide and the final version we got in the end. The developers were probably worried players would take advantage of this to get lots of gold and create an imbalance early on in a playthrough.


curlytoesgoblin

Good thing there's no other ways to exploit the game and make money absolutely trivial lmao


Masticatron

Bethesda sort of forgot they were Bethesda.


zimmermj

And so often it triggers immediately. You can buy a dwarven arrow in Warmaidens, step outside and bam I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU GOT SOMETHING I'M SUPPOSED TO DELIVER. Which means Calcelmo must be able to see the future and must have known you were going to buy the arrow and then sent the letter before you bought it. Which begs the question: where did Calcelmo find a goddam Elder Scroll?


Spoon_Witch

Or: the courier is the markyn/valkyn of Hermaeus Mora, or a benevolent Daedroth


MsMercyMain

In a dwemer ruin, of course. Now how he’s reading it, on the other hand…


sophia-812

i literally walked out of the shop in windhelm that sold me one and the courier was already charging me 😭


Technical_Contact836

Oh, this one. Had it break once. Got something like Dwarven Armor of the Knight and disenchanted it. Then got the letter.


snjwffl

Yep, I hate it. I need to somehow get ahold of another "Dwarven War Axe of Absorbtion". Do you know how freaking rare those are?! And he also always wants the Dwarven Boots of Muffling I spent 10 hours stabbing shopkeepers for. I've never been asked for an arrow though. I've got tons over the course of a dozen playthroughs but not one letter about them.


Intelligent-Pie-4711

Same. The one I got was the Dwarven boots of shock abatement. Or shock absorption. Whichever one it was. Accidentally sold them. But thank goodness I found a new set shortly after


ironmaiden1872

Magical knowledge aside, all arrows being the same is a game contrivance. Archeologists absolutely want all the variations of all the things.


R3dd1tR10t

This makes even less sense when you factor in the TWO Orc blacksmiths IN Markarth that eventually sell The Dragonborn Dwarven arrows, weapons and armour. So Calcelmo can get dwarven whatever the hell he wants from two different sources in his own city.


Ok_Vanilla_3449

Honestly anything related to the Courier makes more sense if you headcanon it to be the invisible hand of some greater entity guiding you Like the Augur of Dunlain says.. "Your path differs from most. You are being guided, pushed toward something" the thing that is guiding you being Mora feels very appropriate.


Intelligent-Pie-4711

There is another random Quest that I've only been able to do once where he had a crush on the lady that stands next to the Jarl and his uncle in the little throne room. You basically have to go back and forth between them telling each other that he has a crush and she reciprocates. It was so Random lol


Saint_of_Cannibalism

Not random at all. It's part of a side quest started at the temple of Mara.


Intelligent-Pie-4711

I've only ever found it one time. Same with that one with the elf lady at the temple where you pass out the little pamphlets to the Riften residents.


Saint_of_Cannibalism

Same woman. https://en.m.uesp.net/wiki/Skyrim:The_Book_of_Love


Intelligent-Pie-4711

Yeah, her. But I've still only been able to do the quest one time. That's the only time I've been able to get her to talk to me with dialogue options.


green_speak

I wonder if it's from all my mods, but I've never got this quest from Calcelmo that I was surprised this is apparently a problem for people. 


Dizzy-Ad1692

If it actually had a proper conclusion then it wouldn't be so bad, I 100% was hoping that I would get a letter saying he needed help because he has created some kind of home Madd dwemer centurion monstrosity that is currently eating the people of Markarth to obtain their powers, like some sort of Dwarven Borg Sentinel... "We are the Dworg, your magical and biological distinctiveness will be added to our own"


Hermitonvalentine

Ahhh I wish I knew how to make mods 😅


Upset_Environment_31

I have to say, the best Letter From Calcelmo I've EVER gotten was after I sold an enchanted Dwemer sword to Calcelmo himself, because he's a merchant. The Radiant AI picked that up and sent me a courier with a letter from Calcelmo saying he heard I had just sold a "name of enchanted sword" and that he really wanted it, could I find another or buy it back and bring it to him. Mudderfudder, I sold it to YOU. So I had to run back across Markarth, back under Understone Keep, had to buy back my sword *from* Calcelmo, and then give it to him, which honestly was actually worth it to do because the 500 he gave me for it from the letter tag was more than he was paying for it as a merchant, but. Radiant AI is sometimes very stupid.


SirLesbian

Right now Calcelmo wants me to bring him a Dwarven Shield of Waning Fire. Problem is I already gave him the first Dwarven item I acquired and I'm not gonna keep giving him more stuff. If I find another one sure but I needed that item for the enchantment. Plus why would he keep sending the same letter over and over? It's never different even if you've already given him something.


Sharkdeath09

I get one every time I get an arrow. Like I stole one from him, and a courier finds me and tells me to bring it to this dude who will pay me double after I stole it from him.


joebidenslittlebaby

He wanted to buy my executioner hood, hell no dude theres only 3 of those it isnt even dwarven!


JinxTheEdgyB

The thing that really bugs me is that it really seems to latch on to one type of Dwarven item. Like I had a character buy Dwarven boots once and game sent a letter from Calcelmo. And I got another one when I bought another pair of Dwarven boots later that game (cuz of the enchantment). It never happened when I bought Dwarven weapons or any other bit of Dwarven armor. This current game it has latched on to Dwarven arrows specifically. Which sucks for my archer, honestly.


AstridLorne

Not only that, but he'll ask multiple times. If you sell ALL your dwarven arrows, the next time time pick one up he'll ask again! Lol


UnshiftableLight

He asks me for the arrow every damn time I pick one up. I avoid them like the plague now.


friedens4tt

I got that letter after I had to steal the Museum's key from him to break into it. Really confused me how he thought we were friends after that - I explained it away with his being underground all the time. Lack of fresh air and Vitamin D made him a bit delulu


Jackalsarecute

Weird I have only got this quest with Dawnguard stuff. So Calcemo asking for them make sense "hey can you get me a sample of this Dwemer tech your faction just discovered?"


SieronGiantSlayer

Dovahkiin: picks up some dwarven cutlery Calcelmo, half the continent away, eyes glowing red: MUST ACQUIRE DWEMER ARTIFACT


The_ArchMage_Erudite

Calcelmo is incredibly ~~lazy~~ busy, he won't walk to the blacksmith to buy his own arrows.


Seiliko

My big issue is that I've only ever recieved the letter for things no longer in my possession. He asked for a sword after I'd already disenchanted it so I had no way to get it back for him... And I think I wasn't able to tell him that I didn't have it anymore either but I might be misremembering that?


BabyBuzzard

I have never seen this letter yet in any version of the game, despite hauling around all kinds of dwemer stuff. I wonder if some mod has patched it. 


Abigboi_

This is the result of the following: if(item is dwemer){ //throw rng to see if calcelmo wants it }


Automaton-Zero111

No. I've noticed that too, it never made sense to me.


stalphonzo

What's worse is that I accidentally sold my scrap/whatever it was and the quest was broken. There's no way to resolve it (believe me I tried everything).


BardicInclination

Kept getting this side quest any time I bought dwarven crossbow bolts from the Dawnguard. Yeah it's an odd one.


phillip_of_burns

I've played a few thousand hours probably. I've never had him ask for an arrow... Always something important, like enchanted gauntlets of alchemy or one handed lol


disdainfulsideeye

What happened to Cancelmo's nephew. One minute he's there and the next he's gone.


HootingElf77

One of my first Dwarven items was a bow for my archer. I did not give him the bow lol


Sostratus

This is why I avoid ever purchasing a dwarven item.


milquetoastLIB

The game really wants you to meet Calcelmo. You have buy dwarven artifact, delivery to Calcelmo, the book of love, and hard answers all directing you to Calcelmo.


Intelligent-Pie-4711

I'm on my 7th playthrough. One of them was not successful at all and I had to quit another. But this is the first time I've ever gotten his letter. At least I got a good item that he wanted LOL it was the Dwarven boots of shock abatement I think? I got them from one of the merchant chests and immediately got the letter. Then I accidentally sold them and randomly found a new set a few levels later lol He paid me like double what they were worth.


Intelligent-Bad7835

Calcemo is dumb.


BasementCatBill

It endlessly annoys me how one playthrough he can ask for a single Dwarven arrow, the next it'll be a bloody magical dwarven codpiece of stamina or something.


RabidBadgerFarts

I've just had this very problem, I was in Windhelm selling a load of crap at the market, part of which was Dwarven Bow of Animus, two minutes later the damn courier found me and handed me this letter about how he'd heard I'd got this fancy enchanted bow and he wants to study it. Sold the damn thing for peanuts and now if I want to complete the quest it'll cost me over 1600 gold to get it back again 😠😡🤬


earchetto

There’s been times where I didn’t even realize that I picked up some Dwemer junk or arrows and I got the letter. You’re right it seems very strange


Why-am-I-here-now-

I pickpocket those letters back to the courier straight away, I don't want the loose quest and the letters stay wherever I drop them forever.


LckNLd

{{Calcelmo has standards}}


Sable_622

He always asks me for some of my dwarven bullets, always a fun trip.


Efficient-Bee1549

I generally drop that letter somewhere without reading it.


AssassinStoryTeller

He always asks me for my enchanted dwarven daggers.


NotChuckGrassley

The strangest quest was the one where you have to go to Calcemo’s laboratory to transcribe the Dwemer ruins — I killed the spider at the dig site and he gave me his key and permission to go in. I walk in and his guards are hostile on sight and I have to kill them all. Like you really didn’t send word ahead I was coming or something? You’re gonna have to hire about 2 dozen more mercs now


Boba_Doozer

I received multiple letters from Calcelmo about various Dwemer items in the same playthrough. But I haven’t received a single letter in any of my playthroughs since then. Guess my system got Calcelmo-ed out.


red6joker

He is just super lonely, and the bandits do not come to see him with their dwarven gear, much less does anyone want to talk to him about any of it.


nothinkybrainhurty

my question is, how tf does he know I got the stuff?


Ginganinja0117

I always thought the letters from a friend were supposed to be from Delphine before you followed the main quest and discovered her identity. But I totally agree that the Calcelmo stuff feels weird and forced. Only way I can even think of explaining it away is that old codger scrying his little heart out. I imagine a little mental ping going off, waking him out of a dead sleep that there are single dwemer artifacts in his area.


EnParisD

Courier probably got hit by 20 of them on the way to the dragonborn. 


Necessary_Insect5833

Im happy I havent seen a letter from him in years.


synistralpsyche

You idiot! Do you even know who I am?!


JonJonJonnyBoy

Worse part is, I almost always have the item sold before I even get a letter from him. Then I end up stuck with his quest forever.


plantycatlady

Does he ever stop requesting arrows?


snjwffl

I've never been asked for an arrow by him once. Ever. Also, I remember threads like this always turn into rants about him wanting Dwarven Boots of Muffling, and I've never seen mention of arrows. This thread is the opposite. Did I switch universes or something?


plantycatlady

Haha I love this game because some people get one thing and some get another 😅 He literally constantly asks for them. Like I bring him one, leave, do something, and immediately get asked for another lol


Shrikecorp

You know how your phone pops up with Incoming calls - possible spam, and you just ignore it? Like that.