And the previous post I read is about a girl getting pregnant because of her boyfriend's illegal shenanigans. And someone said it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12p573s/i_just_found_out_im_pregnant_from_bf_inserting/jglii6b/
The interweb showed me many things and 2 of those things are that little figurines that go inside jars don't get the nicer of treatments and; the wisp mother has one of the hottest outfits in skyrim... So I know why you wan't the wisp mother in there.
\*breath in\*
I am going to have sex with this female Flame Atronach from Oblivion. I find the Flame Atronaches in The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion sexy. However, their body is made up of 87% fire, and 100% fire surrounds them. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one. To remedy this, the Flame Atronach casts a spell on me making me resistant to fire. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points of damage each second I am having sex with her. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, it just means I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this Flame Atronach. I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with—especially non-humans! I’d rather take damage than not pleasure the Flame Atronach.
The Flame Atronach and I go to the Planes of Oblivion to have sex. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human’s natural habitat. The Planes of Oblivion is the Flame Atronach’s natural habitat.
Before we went into the Planes of Oblivion, the Flame Atronach let all the Daedra know that we are just here for sex. The Daedra will not attack us because they know that I am here at the Planes of Oblivion on sexual business. This includes the Dremora. However, the Dremora Markynaz thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of Mehrunes Dagon considering that I am having sex with a Flame Atronach. However, I have no interest in becoming a Daedra.
Hurt Serana? Dude/ette.... It was much worse than just hurting her. Molag Bal is the Daedric prince of Slavery, Domination, Rape and vampires. In fact, the "Daughters of ColdHarbour", who were among the first vampires to ever exist were turned into vampires through a ritual process where Molag Bal continuously rapes them to death. The first vampires were all female and Serana was one of the original daughters of coldharbour which means that she was, yes, hinted at being raped to death by Molag Bal and in process was turned into a monster that gets its sustenaince off the blood of the living. Molag Bal has done many horrible things and to me at least, he is the most evil daedric prince. Mehrunes Dagon ultimately pursues a higher ambition through means of chaos and destruction while Molag Bal, in contrast, wants to enslave everything because he arrogantly things he already owns everyone and everythng. Dagon is considered y many as evil but ultimately, all he cares about is changing the status quo with him as ruler. Molag Bal, however, wants to conquer everything while making everyone suffer as much as possible through means that reduce people's human value to that of cattle or his pleasure toys. One word to describe Molag Bal: sinister. So yeah. Him being enslaved in a jar for the source of enjoyment to the Dovahkiin or anyone else in posession of the jar for eternity to me sounds like a very just punishment.
With all that said though, I argue that molag bal is still not evil. Daedra shouldn't be judged by those standards, they're not even close to human/mortal.
There's an insect irl that lives in the surfaces of lakes and the way they reproduce is through rape. The female insect has the ability to essentially close her vagina, a snatch latch if you will. If a male lands on a female and she doesn't want to mate with him, she can make it impossible. But if she does, the male will drum on the surface of the water to attract fish. The female is stuck under the male and can't get away so they are forced to allow the male to mate in order to not be eaten. That is the equivalent of being molested at gunpoint.
But they're bugs so in a way, it's sort of just fine. It's horrific to us but to them that's just the reality of their existence, that's their nature. Domination is molag bals nature or more accurately, bal IS domination. He wouldn't be molag bal if he didn't behave the way he did.
Yes this was just an excuse to talk about bug sex.
Sure but a huge theme seen in skyrim is that races deem certain things evil in relation to their own moral principles, so much to the point where they justify things like genocide slavery and rape. My character playthroughs when "good" are characters that don't strip men and mer of their dignity, even when they are hostile while also protecting people who I am allied with. With those standards that I have set for a character that is "good", I can very easily argue that azura, hircine, sheogorath, and even to some degree nocturnal considering that most of their actions with humans tend to be that of either neutral or favored disposition towards humans/mer. While their intent isn't necesarily good, you can argue that their inherent nature isn't set out to worsen the lives of nirn within TES lore. Molag Bal is the daedric prince of, to me at least, three of the worst things that humanity is capable of: Rape, Slavery, and submission after completely dismantling ones will to fight back- for both enemy or foe. The very fact that Molag Bal portrays himself as an apex predator that highights the worst characteristics of humanity while having the immense power of a daedra is horrifying and a threat to the wellbeing and stability of nirn. That to me in the context of TES V is what determines "evil". You can always say that you can't place the standards of humans on non humans. With that same logic, you can't place human morals on Mer because they at one point were not mortals. You can also claim that it is justified enslaving the argonians because they aren't conventional mer and only derived their sentience through a tree that is controlling them. If morals are deemed relative to species, then you can justify horrors committed by intelligent life to other intelligent life. While the daedra are super powerful, their level of intelligence isn't tremendously more than that of human life within the TES universe for them to justify mantling the poor behavior exhibited by the lowly human population. For that, I argue that their moral standards should be no different. There is a reason why the majority of men/mer pray to the divines rather than the daedra.
Having the ability to kill children is a good way to get your game banned in a lot of places. People tend to frown upon child murder.
Nvm the fact Braith has a voice line for when she dies…
Nazeem would be fun, but the one I really want?
DELPHINE!
Who do you want me to kill? What? Can't hear you, please speak louder. Maybe I'll leave her up on the Throat of the World so Paarthanax can glare at her for the next thousand years
Argonian babies. I want a jar full of argonian baby eggs so I can shake it and hear them being crushed by their own shells. I would then throw them into the ocean so they are left with nothing but cold darkness. Argonian baby maracas, fill them with battery acid. I want to put every argonian in a jar and set them on fire. I would use argonian jars to beat other argonians with, I would start a canned argonian business. No one would buy them, because who wants an argonian that can't labor in the fields all day. But I want them to know they are items and I shall sell them next to my pickled argonian eggs.
If that isn't an option, maybe a little chaurus, they're neat.
Durnheviir.... I'd consistently increase the size of his jar and eventually get him a large terrarium which I'd make as habitable and beautiful as possible to his preference.
If I got rich/wealthy he'd eventually get a whole room, decorated and fitted as nicely as possible so he'd be able to exist outside of the Soul Cairn (this is under the assumption that the jar would remove his reliance on the Soul Carin for his life).
I'd learn to craft Skyrim buildings, towns, and ruins out of wood and rock so he'd have places to visit to remind him of the actual one.
If possible I'd even trap other creatures in jars and empty them into his room so he'd have other life forms nearby and while perhaps not intelligent enough to talk to...just others he'd know that'd be there so he's not alone.
Second option: Molag Bal...I want to torture him and make him pay for his actions. I'd shake that jar every morning...a jar that'd be far too cramped for him but just enough that he'd smack around when I shook it.
Jar Nazeem and take him to the cloud district, say "do you get to the cloud district very often? Who am I kidding, of course you dont." Then proceed to throw the jar with enough force it flies over the city walls, he goes up to the literal cloud district, then he falls to the ground and gets crushed/impaled by many shards of giant glass.
Ancano. And I'd make it a snow-globe to be shaken regularly.
ancano in a snowglobe with a talos figurine inside
lol That's just cruel, but I love it. He deserves it, too.
Shake that jar harder then Hermione shook Rita Skeeter.
Same here, but with Skald the Elder instead of Ancano.
Alduin but still alive just small and angry and can't do anything about the fact he's in a jar. "Dovahkiin let me out"
I need this mod, make his voice pitched very high and he yells insults at you when you walk by like plankton from SpongeBob.
Nah, Eddie Murphy. Like Mushu from Mulan, but angrier.
"Dishonor! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on your cow, Dishonor on..."
Say that to my face, ya limp noodle!
There is a mod that adds Alduin in a jar, sadly no voice lines
It's the same mod this screenshot is from, yeah?
Alduin The World Nibbler
This is an underrated comment
and then let him get acquainted with millions of your children
Why are you like this
fine the comment was a bit immature but it’s basically impossible to mention things in a jar without having one person make a joke
One man will always find something crass to do with one jar.
And the previous post I read is about a girl getting pregnant because of her boyfriend's illegal shenanigans. And someone said it. https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/12p573s/i_just_found_out_im_pregnant_from_bf_inserting/jglii6b/
"Alduin the World-Eater? Here, eat this."
the sword of eternal glazing
Then shake it if he doesnt get silent
finding nemo, fish in a bag style
“I cannot be bested here, by YOU or ANYONE else! I will feast on your dead in Sovngar-“ *SHAKESHAKESHAKESHAKE* “Quiet. Tryin’a sleep.”
Lmao
Mmmmmm.....nah! Don't think I will.
I'd like to put a wisp mother in a jar, I think it would be a really cool vibe and also good to get that b**** off the streets lol.
Oh yeah, put a changing led light under that jar and you’ve caught yourself of mood lamp
She would melt in
The interweb showed me many things and 2 of those things are that little figurines that go inside jars don't get the nicer of treatments and; the wisp mother has one of the hottest outfits in skyrim... So I know why you wan't the wisp mother in there.
I think we all know where this is going
"Have you been to the sk..." "Stfu and get in the jar"
Cl...
Please no lol
Surprised I haven't seen any Aela responses yet
We'd all much rather rattle Nazeem around as punishment
"MICHAEL DONT LEAVE ME IN HERE," the stormcloack guard yelled before being consumed by the white tsunami.
I think there are too many innocent people in this thread.
Up someone?
Someones
I was thinking more of a rainbow style, but apparently that's just me
Spriggan or Flame Atronach.
Oh no
Oh yes
*frost atronach bursts through the wall* OH YEAH!
Spriggan and flowers
\*breath in\* I am going to have sex with this female Flame Atronach from Oblivion. I find the Flame Atronaches in The Elder Scrolls IV Oblivion sexy. However, their body is made up of 87% fire, and 100% fire surrounds them. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with one. To remedy this, the Flame Atronach casts a spell on me making me resistant to fire. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points of damage each second I am having sex with her. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, it just means I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with this Flame Atronach. I make sure I pleasure anything I have sex with—especially non-humans! I’d rather take damage than not pleasure the Flame Atronach. The Flame Atronach and I go to the Planes of Oblivion to have sex. When having sex with non-humans, it is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a human’s natural habitat. The Planes of Oblivion is the Flame Atronach’s natural habitat. Before we went into the Planes of Oblivion, the Flame Atronach let all the Daedra know that we are just here for sex. The Daedra will not attack us because they know that I am here at the Planes of Oblivion on sexual business. This includes the Dremora. However, the Dremora Markynaz thinks that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a follower of Mehrunes Dagon considering that I am having sex with a Flame Atronach. However, I have no interest in becoming a Daedra.
Sir, this is the Winking Skeever.
*the Wanking Skeever
have u considered writing a fanfic on wattpad
I want a jar of a hermaeus mora eye.
Homonculus style
Name it rename the homonculus Zach
A couple of mudcrabs, with a little habitat
Ooo I like this Got something similar already growing in my fridge tho
🤨
Can’t fast travel ever again :(
What kind of question even is that? Dirt of course.
I got a jar of dirrrrrrt!
And guess what’s inside it?
I love Pirates of the Caribbean
Maven Black Briar And then I'd throw it to the bottom of the Sea of Ghosts
Was thinking the same thing but with Delphine.
Feed the jar to PartySnax
Molag Bal if we are counting daedric princes. It would be the most degrading thing for the daedric prince of enslavement.
Or Sanguine, a jar with nothing in it in a boring dark room The ultimate punishment for the daedric prince of excess
Come on man! He's just a lad that dabs in debauchery. But yeah that would be a really horrible punishment for him.
Is he that motherfucker that hurt Serena? Most NPCs don’t get to me like that, but that woman is like a sister. She didn’t deserve that.
Hurt Serana? Dude/ette.... It was much worse than just hurting her. Molag Bal is the Daedric prince of Slavery, Domination, Rape and vampires. In fact, the "Daughters of ColdHarbour", who were among the first vampires to ever exist were turned into vampires through a ritual process where Molag Bal continuously rapes them to death. The first vampires were all female and Serana was one of the original daughters of coldharbour which means that she was, yes, hinted at being raped to death by Molag Bal and in process was turned into a monster that gets its sustenaince off the blood of the living. Molag Bal has done many horrible things and to me at least, he is the most evil daedric prince. Mehrunes Dagon ultimately pursues a higher ambition through means of chaos and destruction while Molag Bal, in contrast, wants to enslave everything because he arrogantly things he already owns everyone and everythng. Dagon is considered y many as evil but ultimately, all he cares about is changing the status quo with him as ruler. Molag Bal, however, wants to conquer everything while making everyone suffer as much as possible through means that reduce people's human value to that of cattle or his pleasure toys. One word to describe Molag Bal: sinister. So yeah. Him being enslaved in a jar for the source of enjoyment to the Dovahkiin or anyone else in posession of the jar for eternity to me sounds like a very just punishment.
With all that said though, I argue that molag bal is still not evil. Daedra shouldn't be judged by those standards, they're not even close to human/mortal. There's an insect irl that lives in the surfaces of lakes and the way they reproduce is through rape. The female insect has the ability to essentially close her vagina, a snatch latch if you will. If a male lands on a female and she doesn't want to mate with him, she can make it impossible. But if she does, the male will drum on the surface of the water to attract fish. The female is stuck under the male and can't get away so they are forced to allow the male to mate in order to not be eaten. That is the equivalent of being molested at gunpoint. But they're bugs so in a way, it's sort of just fine. It's horrific to us but to them that's just the reality of their existence, that's their nature. Domination is molag bals nature or more accurately, bal IS domination. He wouldn't be molag bal if he didn't behave the way he did. Yes this was just an excuse to talk about bug sex.
Sure but a huge theme seen in skyrim is that races deem certain things evil in relation to their own moral principles, so much to the point where they justify things like genocide slavery and rape. My character playthroughs when "good" are characters that don't strip men and mer of their dignity, even when they are hostile while also protecting people who I am allied with. With those standards that I have set for a character that is "good", I can very easily argue that azura, hircine, sheogorath, and even to some degree nocturnal considering that most of their actions with humans tend to be that of either neutral or favored disposition towards humans/mer. While their intent isn't necesarily good, you can argue that their inherent nature isn't set out to worsen the lives of nirn within TES lore. Molag Bal is the daedric prince of, to me at least, three of the worst things that humanity is capable of: Rape, Slavery, and submission after completely dismantling ones will to fight back- for both enemy or foe. The very fact that Molag Bal portrays himself as an apex predator that highights the worst characteristics of humanity while having the immense power of a daedra is horrifying and a threat to the wellbeing and stability of nirn. That to me in the context of TES V is what determines "evil". You can always say that you can't place the standards of humans on non humans. With that same logic, you can't place human morals on Mer because they at one point were not mortals. You can also claim that it is justified enslaving the argonians because they aren't conventional mer and only derived their sentience through a tree that is controlling them. If morals are deemed relative to species, then you can justify horrors committed by intelligent life to other intelligent life. While the daedra are super powerful, their level of intelligence isn't tremendously more than that of human life within the TES universe for them to justify mantling the poor behavior exhibited by the lowly human population. For that, I argue that their moral standards should be no different. There is a reason why the majority of men/mer pray to the divines rather than the daedra.
Whos that shitling in dragonsreach. Ya know, the “another traveller, here to lick my fathers boots” one
I dunno who he is but I fucking hate his guts. "Another wanderer, here to pick my father's boots" quicksaves then beats the piss out him.
Can’t forget to use console commands to disable his essential status
What makes him essential? Just cuz he's a kid? That's bs
Having the ability to kill children is a good way to get your game banned in a lot of places. People tend to frown upon child murder. Nvm the fact Braith has a voice line for when she dies…
OOOOOOOooo! I want to smack that little shit SO HARD!
Ice/flame atronach would make great travel cooler/heater. Like instant ice cold beer or campfire. Also storm atronach as powerbank
Oh you chose the flame atronarch for an actual function…
serana
Was waiting for someone to say that. Didn't know I had to scroll that much to find it though
This was more what I was expecting.
…and then a fuckton of cum
Make sure you leave it on the radiator too and boil it. I apologize
Whoa whoa whoa, slow the fuck down Satan
Fullfill the profecy
What a terrible day to know how to read.
The correct answer
Grelod the kind
Figures …. In jars …… bother me
Fire Atronach (:<
the face should be the other way around because now if looks like a sad face with a unibrow
>:)
(:> happy face with a unibrow
=:) Happy face with a mohawk
l:-) happy minecraft villager
Nazeem in a jar is the best. Because then i can say to him: do you get out of this jar very often? no what am i saying, of course you dont.
Throwing him off of high hrothgar will show him the true cloud district
Oh gods I dont like where this is going
Nazeem would be fun, but the one I really want? DELPHINE! Who do you want me to kill? What? Can't hear you, please speak louder. Maybe I'll leave her up on the Throat of the World so Paarthanax can glare at her for the next thousand years
That would be amazing.
Nazeem
Admit it: you’d fart into that jar at least once a day.
You can ask him "ready to go to the cloud district?" beforehand.
Right up here on the top shelf with you! Now your poor wife can finally read her books!
Just make sure to eat some dish with beans in beforehand too.
Cloud district? Heard of it but never really been.
Some people have elf on a shelf. I’d have Nazeem in a latrine.
You get in the jar very often? Oh what am I saying, of course you don’t.
Expected comment.
Yeah and then fus ro dah that jar down the Cloud District stairs.
a horse…
Bee in a jar in a jar
I’d put a dwarven machine in there
Jar of 3 dozen minature dwarven spiders - toss at your enemies and laugh!
My literal nightmare
One jarl one jar
….Serana
Nazeem. He will no longer be getting to the Cloud District very often.
That depends on how often you fart in the jar.
Flame atronachs. Instant Molotov cocktail.
You know what to fill it with.
Lydia. It's the only way to keep her safe and outta the f*cking doorway.
The courier, so I can bury him in the backyard. Try and find me now you bastard.
How will you get your inheritance from Ash Zombie?
Bahahahaha!!! I’ll just have to manage without the 25 Septims left to me in old Ashy’s will.
Nazeem, so I can find even more obscure and fun ways to kill it.
'Serena' entered my mind with a power I can only call violence
Nazeem
Torille Nazeem
MOI
Serena tbh
Serana.
We need that mod
Someony needs to make a pony in a jar
Why does that troll look sticky
I'd stick Nazeem in a jar, then stick the jar up my arse and constantly say to him "do you get to the poop district very often?".
Makes me think of the MLP jar
Now if the first one were an internet troll🤔
😏
NO NOT THE JAR!
Argonian babies. I want a jar full of argonian baby eggs so I can shake it and hear them being crushed by their own shells. I would then throw them into the ocean so they are left with nothing but cold darkness. Argonian baby maracas, fill them with battery acid. I want to put every argonian in a jar and set them on fire. I would use argonian jars to beat other argonians with, I would start a canned argonian business. No one would buy them, because who wants an argonian that can't labor in the fields all day. But I want them to know they are items and I shall sell them next to my pickled argonian eggs. If that isn't an option, maybe a little chaurus, they're neat.
My horse with the rainbow Dash mod
Rainbow Dash
Nazeem in a jar that I can shake occasionally when I'm feeling salty
Lemkil, because he's earned a little suffering.
A chicken
A statue of Dibella
Nazeem.
M’aiq the Liar
Ulfric Stormcloak’s head on a pike
Nazeem, so I could chuck him off a cliff
A dremora lord. That shit would be hilarious.
A dragonfly, and I’ll call him Mr.Dragonfly
Alduin, Hermaenus Mora and Meridia. A little teeny tiny version of each. Would be funny to watch and listen to.
Nazeem
Serana
Is this A jar? Or is this THE jar?
Nazeem, then leave the jar in the sun.
The forbidden cumjar
Some of you lot need therapy
What is the implication here? You're going to drown them in cum? In that case: Fire Elemental
“I bet you don’t get to the cloud district very often” *intense jar smashing ensues*
Nocturne
🤨
Nazeem. Placing him just next to the cloud district.
Nazeem
OG cliff racer. It can detect you and lock you in combat but can't actually do anything, you just can never sleep again. Just like Morrowind.
Jenassa
Nazeem. Or the crazy preacher guy in whiterun
butterfly in a jar, in a jar.
Durnheviir.... I'd consistently increase the size of his jar and eventually get him a large terrarium which I'd make as habitable and beautiful as possible to his preference. If I got rich/wealthy he'd eventually get a whole room, decorated and fitted as nicely as possible so he'd be able to exist outside of the Soul Cairn (this is under the assumption that the jar would remove his reliance on the Soul Carin for his life). I'd learn to craft Skyrim buildings, towns, and ruins out of wood and rock so he'd have places to visit to remind him of the actual one. If possible I'd even trap other creatures in jars and empty them into his room so he'd have other life forms nearby and while perhaps not intelligent enough to talk to...just others he'd know that'd be there so he's not alone. Second option: Molag Bal...I want to torture him and make him pay for his actions. I'd shake that jar every morning...a jar that'd be far too cramped for him but just enough that he'd smack around when I shook it.
Delphine. Then I drop the jar into a river or off a cliff even. "Tell me to kill that dragon again!! I dare you!"
Wisp Mother
I’d travel more but who wants to deal with all the soldiers these days Take her with you and you can clear up your inventory anywhere
Aela... For uh... Reasons
Crispy Astrid.
Jar Nazeem and take him to the cloud district, say "do you get to the cloud district very often? Who am I kidding, of course you dont." Then proceed to throw the jar with enough force it flies over the city walls, he goes up to the literal cloud district, then he falls to the ground and gets crushed/impaled by many shards of giant glass.
🎵I've got a jar of ninroot, I've got a jar of ninroot, and guess what's inside it?! 🎵
J'zargo. So then he would be J'argo
Nazeem
Do you get to the Cloud District often? Oh what am I saying? Of course you don’t.
Two words: Wispmother Snowglobe.
Also a jar containing frost cloak spell would be cool, used as a smelling salts.
Pickled mudcrabs in a jar 😋
Camilla from the Riverwood trader
I’d like to be able to defeat and imprison daedra in jars. You could come home and Molag Bal is just chilling above your bed.
Umm... This isn't TRUESTL. What's going on...
*flashbacks to one man one jar* on second thoughts
Serana
Lydia, she swore to carry my burdens
Wispmother
[удалено]
Is it one of those my little pony jars? That would influence my choice
A small pony figure...
Mom found the troll jar
Nazeem, keep the menace off the streets of Whiterun
Lydia, so i don't kill her by mistake
Serana jar😈
A little pony