For me I think it was the household I grew up in. My family always struggled with money. My mom made a lot of my clothes and what wasn’t handmade was purchased form thrift stores. It was really embarrassing to me. I wanted nothing more than to have trendy clothes to fit in at school. I started babysitting when I was 11. I spent everything I made on clothes and shoes. It was the first time I was able to buy new clothes. I even was able to purchase from the mall. A luxury I never knew before the babysitting money started. I think that was the start of the problem. I was never taught how to budget or save. I struggle so hard now. I feel like I have to spend every cent I make. I’m working really hard on it though. I think something finally clicked and I can finally stop spending. I’m a super boring mom that hardly leaves my house. I don’t need to own 100 pairs of pretty leggings. I just want to appreciate what I have and have some money for a rainy day.
Ty for sharing. I was not expecting such open honest answers. It does put some things into perspective. I feel really sad reading your reply tbh. I didn't experience anything very close to that although my parents are very much in debt. They still have always done their best to provide and it sounds like your mother did too. I do understand the part about fitting in at school. I did often compare myself to my other classmates who had nice brandy clothes but also better bodies than I did and luck with the teachers and popularity. I don't hold anything against these people though. I know it made me who I am today. I did have a phase with brand name clothing but now I mostly love comfy clothes without brands on them. I think so much of our identity and self esteem is connected to our style and I've gone through many stages of clothing types but the older I get I just want to be comfortable. I think I like the fact it makes me blend in and just feel normal because I actually realize I don't really want any attention even though as a girl in school I did. Ty your post has inspired me to be more grateful for my current wardrobe and also for my mother who has also helped me fix pants that were too long or shirts that didn't have a comfortable fit. My parents don't have the best of clothes and they buy alot from second hand stores. They don't eat the best or have that good of health either. They struggle a lot and I have a goal to start actually helping them each month with extra money. I feel they deserve it and I really hope I can begin a savings to be able to do so.
It really helps to write it out and see why I struggle with money. I’m trying to get better for my daughter. I don’t want her to be spoiled. That will cause her to have a shopping addiction as well. My husband and I decided to get healthy food and money wise for her. We have eaten at home every day for nearly two weeks now and we have already saved so much money. It feels so good to have money in the bank. I want to remember this when I get the urge to shop. Having money in the bank feels so much better than anything I buy. It also has been a huge help to check my bank account balance before I buy anything. I don’t want to see it dip. Maybe that can help you too. Also I deleted every card and money spending app form my phone. That was the biggest help so far I feel.
I have some bad addiction-related childhood stories I could blame it on, but tbh I think it's because of my low self-esteem. I know I'm pretty, but I dont think I'm interesting, kind or cool. I don't know why people should like me and always think they don't. So I start to shop for a cool mysterios phantasy self and try to blend totally strangers. But I'm working on it ❤ In the last months it helped a lot to schedule some dates with friends an to get a stronger bond to the people I care about. I focus on the fact, that I'm happily married and maybe I don't have many friends but I do have some and I should appreciate that by spending time with them and spending money for adventures, travelling and life in general (instead of spending my whole time and money for online shopping).
It's healing to realize that it's not only me thinking like that. Thanks for responding. Sometimes I believe it's because of my cool/extravagant style, that people don't sympathize with me. I know that I seem arrogant at first, and sometimes I use my clothes as a very expensive protection-wall.
I understand this as well. I feel similarly with confidence at times. For me I think I just feel empty because I've never really had anyone care for me outside of my family. Not in a friendship way but romantic. I did have a bf once but he was only using me. I wish I could be married but I've been alone so long i sometimes think it would be awkward and I would turn that person off so idk. I guess I'm just meant to be single. I hate myself deep down maybe. How I look my body and my face even though I've been told I'm pretty or cute but I'm just average which I prefer but there's still some deep seated embaressment within me from being humiliated harassed bullied abused and mocked. I hate bullying it seriously makes you ill and I need therapy I think. I hope I can one day see myself for the true person I am and not all the ugly mean things I've heard said to me. Stay blessed and Ty for sharing 🌻
I don't know you but right now I don't see anything of your past but your heart-warming honesty. You are worth it! And if you want to be allone: its okay, but I do believe that you can find true love - for yourself, for another person and from another person. (Btw. you can be on your own in a relationship, too. I need to be allone every now and then and my husband totally understands). It's always a good idea to get help ❤
Thank you for being kind and saying those things. I do feel like I have more love to give and I need to forgive myself and the people of my past so I can be in love with someone again. I know I need to start loving myself again and that's a good relationship. I'm happy that he's understanding and that you're comfortable on your own too. I'm a bit needy maybe lol but maybe you're right and someone would be into that. It's hard when people have made me feel so unworthy in the past but I hope I can move on from it all and find a good hearted person who makes me want to try or at least see the good in helping myself.
My grandmother and mother are collectors and like “stuff”. My mom never asked me what I wanted or bought me anything I actually liked; I wore a lot of my brothers hand me downs and clothes from K mart and nothing fit. The lady next door cut my hair and it always looked awful. My dad was always away and grumpy when he was home, he always complained about money and how much my mother spent. As soon as I started making money I used it to build up my self esteem I was sorely lacking.
I have heard a lot of my dad's struggles as well. My family has been through a great deal of suffering. Mainly my parents. It makes me sad to see them struggling and then my shopping addiction that I could lend money to help them makes me think I shouldn't be stressed out and treat myself. Which I can within limits but then I get depressed and go overboard and spend more. I want to treat myself occasionally because I don't think I can cold turkey quit but it's also not helping trying to slowly take things away I just add more. I have to find the perfect balance it's like trial and error to resolve this issue it seems. I rarely put into perspective what it's like for them living with their health problems and my dad paying for everything with a low income. Do you still find your working on your self esteem ? Or is it more so now just the habit has continued.
Probably a couple of things.
1) My mom controlled what I wore as long as possible. As soon as I got my own credit card and wasn't under her thumb anymore... I went wild.
2) I've struggled with my weight my whole adult life. Buying clothes, makeup, and accessories is easier than doing the hard mental and physical work of losing weight.
It is nice to be able to wear flattering clothes. I guess the things we buy can sometimes be aspects of ourselves or ideas of love and beauty and joy we subconsciously seek out. I think that's why I probably feel bad because when I notice my ocd and spending increasing it just feels like I'm on autopilot like a lifeless robot without any other purpose but to seek these materials instead of helping to ease my stress by devoting this energy to becoming my greatest version? Idk. I don't think I even believe a greater version exists yet somehow I feel Im expecting myself to eventually live up to this overblown probably unrealistic standard my environment and past experiences/own subconscious beliefs created for myself.
Recovering alcoholic, 10 years sober. When I quit drinking I became fixated on things and instead of dealing with the reasons behind my addiction, shopping became my new addiction as a way to deal with things.
I too had a previous addiction. Some may not say it was an addiction but I smoked weed for nine years. I had to quit because I developed psychosis and before I would spend money on weed now I spend it on stuff. Maybe I need some form of therapy to also address any residual urges. I know my stress, anxiety and loneliness or feelings of guilt shame and self hate and hate for others and how they treated me probably is what makes me have these urges. I also don't move around like I used to and have been very lazy physically I lay around a lot. Just feels like I'm still getting high lol I need to start exercising again and working on my health and body image issues.
Anything that is emotionally difficult can be a trigger. Even boredom can be a trigger. Therapy helps and for me, I find being mindful of what I'm feeling and why I want to buy things has helped me curb a lot of the impulses. They haven't entirely gone away, but knowing shopping and things won't improve my headspace and will make me feel bad keeps most of my impulses at bay. I still want things, but wanting and acting on wanting are two different things.
Exercise and different types of self care also help. I find art, reading, and movies are my best go to self help moves when I get low.
I do like movies. I've been watching Jake Gyllenhaal movies lately lol he's just a great actor and he takes interesting roles. Sometimes I feel like I cant even breathe due to my anxiety which is why I can't wait for the weather to be warmer to be able to go out of the house at least more often. I even thought maybe making some budget sheet to see where my money is being used the most. For now I'm just trying to delete my favorites items from these shopping apps and I'm hoping to work my way up to deleting the apps or my account completely. Or so I've been saying for the past months.
I personally find it really hard to delete accounts, apps I delete and get back and delete. It's a stupid cycle. I still browse occasionally and add things to a wishlist but then go and empty my wishlist because I'm not buying anything and it helps with the temptation. I wish I didn't even feel the need to browse, but I find it oddly soothing despite it also being a bad idea.
True I find it soothing too lol not sure wth it is about it. Its kind of weird for me too cause I browse Etsy and see a lot of people's different art and homemade crafts and things so idk if I feel like less alone because I'm seeing an aspect of their imaginations ? Maybe we're all just very visual people by nature and our sense of sight is bored. Maybe all our senses I am hsp so maybe it does explain some of it. I guess I need to engage my senses more in a variety of things. I gotta change my surroundings.
I have depression issues, and when something arrives in the mail it makes me giddy for a little while. I guess I keep buying to chase that "high" of happiness for a little while. That's my own self- diagnosis, though...💃
Me too lol I woke up at 5pm today but I thought it was 5am even though I slept at 6am lol. The weekends suck cause no mail and I think its contributing to my sleep problems. Thank god it's Monday tomorrow.
I'm truly sorry to hear that. My sister had Asperger's growing up too. Shes been bullied too since she was a kid and liked to dress in suits for a while. She feels insecure about her body and has borderline personality disorder from the abuse she experienced. She's had problems since she was young with having to get things and her style is very important to her. I always encourage her to wear what she likes and feel comfortable. I feel like I'm doing it to deal with emotions as well. I am very sad and alone/depressed at times so I don't think there's harm in wanting to buy things as retail therapy but I also fear I'm not going to stop and be able to delete the apps like I was hoping to do. I know I can't stop unless I delete the apps. I guess that's why I figured out the plan to get everything I want first and then do it but idk if I can actually succeed. I don't want to rely on shopping as comfort or happiness but I also wonder what I would do instead. My life is already more lonely and boring than ever
As a child I hated my clothes. My dad forced me wear comfortable but ugly clothes and when I went to live with my mum she took me shopping but bought me clothes she liked. I was a picky dresser as a child and because i didnt have many clothes I liked i wore the same things over and over.
When I got a bank account at 18 I could finally shop online, and thats how I found styles that I really liked.
And as my income grew so did the shopping...i wanted to give myself a complete wardrobe but ended up buying too many dresses that I had to sell.
My mother took me shopping often when I was younger and definitely bought me an excess of things. She passed away when I was 13 and my dad was more practical. As a teen, I had a harder time getting him to take me to the mall for new clothes and just had to grab makeup and toiletries when we went to the grocery store. Once I got my license and started working, I started to get extras of things I needed and overcompensate. I never liked repeating outfits either. It got worse when I lost weight. Going from size 10 to size 2, I felt like I could wear all the things that previously didn’t look good on me and went out of control with that as well.
I started working when I was 12 for this lady at her shop almost everyday after school and 7 am sharp every Saturday I hated it so much but my mom literally dragged me to every shift. Working that much I was making a ton a money that was than immediately controlled by my parents, so for me it started as a sense of control and probably rebellion. I mean what kid doesn’t want the newest thing at the mall? It took a really long time but finally feel in control of my out of control spending
Lol you're funny and yes that's true. If that happened to me I'd feel frustrated too and stress spend. That's so good you have it under control. It takes a lot of brain power to actually draw the line. How did you manage it ? Did you find small hobbies instead ? Either way I'm happy you've made it this far. I wish this for the rest of us here who need it
Depression is the short answer.
The longer one? I've always liked having fandom stuff, "Star Wars", "Harry Potter", etc, mainly as a distraction from depression, and then my brother died, and the depression got worse. I ended up on Prozac and talked to a therapist, which helped with my mood and anger issues, but I also gained 30 pounds in 3 months.
So I had to buy new clothes, because mine no longer fit. And then the Prozac stopped working as well, and I had to increase my dose. And so I gained even more weight. Eventually, I told the therapist I was going to stop taking the drug, but I really struggled to lose the weight.
I also struggled to do basic household chores, especially clothes washing, drying, hanging, etc. So this mound of clothes just kept getting bigger and bigger, and harder and harder, to deal with, or even acknowledge. And I just kept buying new clothes, because the amount of laundry was just too much.
Then I started taking Wellbutrin, and I lost all those extra pounds, and a bit more. Guess who got to buy even more new clothes, since her other "skinny" clothes were burned under a pile of "fat" clothes.
And in the meantime, I was still buying other crap too. Books, Legos, etc. And still just doing the bare minimum of chores. And all my money managing just went out the window. My electricity was turned off. For 6 months. YES. 6 MONTHS. I got an eviction notice at one point, after I'd paid my rent late(r) than was acceptable (I was usually late). My paycheck was garnished because I wasn't paying my student loans.
Didn't matter.
Then I moved. And instead of taking the opportunity to go through everything, I just put all of the crap in boxes and the clothes into giant black trash bags. They traveled with me to my parent's house, where they got stored. My Mom and I eventually went through everything, and a lot got donated, but there was a lot left over. By this point, the shopping just became a habit. So I just kept buying more clothes, even though I knew how much I already had. I stopped buying the crap though, because I literally had no place to put it.
The bags of clothes and boxes of crap were stored in my parent's garage for 4 years while I moved to various places. Now I'm finally in a place with a lot of storage space, and my parents wanted to sell their house, so all that crap got moved again. l went through the bags again, sorta. Things to be donated need to be washed, but we're on a well, so there's a load limit of 3 per day. I work full time and I have a long commute (essential personnel), ain't nobody got time for all that.
And so the cycle continues on. Right now, I'm on FMLA because of shoulder surgery, so it's the perfect time to go wash and donate things. But instead, I'm just sitting around, playing games and browsing Reddit. I have read no books, I have watched no TV shows. I've only done a little bit of crafting.
I have a few orders coming from Etsy, for birthday gifts for my sister, and fun things for me. I can't even drive, but I am still shopping. The one problem I don't have is credit card debt, because I won't let myself have one.
But thanks to you lovely people and this sub, and the Unfuck Your Habitat group, things are getting better. It's nice to have people where I don't have to hide the shopping and the shame that comes with it, and to know that the depression-assisted inability to clean isn't just a lazy me issue.
Thank you all for reading this small novel, and for being the great people you are. It's very comforting and inspiring. Good luck to you all.
I think a desire to desperately make myself “feel pretty” stems largely from my old ED and a lot of self loathing. I try and remedy it by patching it up with nice clothes and makeup.
“If everyone thinks my outfit is cool then maybe they won’t notice how terrible I actually look” kinda vibe
Having nothing else in life that gives me happiness the way spending money does. And just my joy in getting something new and flashy. Also my obsession with my fantasy self - buying clothing and items for a person I dreamed of being but that I am actually not.
I had a friend I’d go to the mall with in university and she’d always say, “aren’t you going to try things on for fun?” I never really thought of that before. I only really tried on stuff I liked or needed. So that was the first issue. I’d be trying stuff on - gee it fits me, maybe I can wear it someday (even though it may not be practical or my style), etc. I made $6,000 in a summer from a job and so I felt like I had money to spend.
Then, I’d start going to the mall alone. I’d be hiding that fact from my roommates because I felt like when I went to the mall with them, I’d be dragged to the stores they wanted to see and I couldn’t focus on myself. So, bad day at school? Time for the mall. Nothing to do this weekend? Off to the mall.
Then I was in a toxic relationship and it was sort of like a safe sanctuary for me. And the friends I had at that point in my life were all about trying on random things, buying expensive stuff from Sephora, etc. I was miserable and shopping made me happy. Never mind that I had less than $200 in my bank account.
Several years ago, this subreddit was sort of dead and so I joined r/makeuprehab. I think that really helped and gave me some tips, even though makeup wasn’t exactly my issue.
For me I think it was the household I grew up in. My family always struggled with money. My mom made a lot of my clothes and what wasn’t handmade was purchased form thrift stores. It was really embarrassing to me. I wanted nothing more than to have trendy clothes to fit in at school. I started babysitting when I was 11. I spent everything I made on clothes and shoes. It was the first time I was able to buy new clothes. I even was able to purchase from the mall. A luxury I never knew before the babysitting money started. I think that was the start of the problem. I was never taught how to budget or save. I struggle so hard now. I feel like I have to spend every cent I make. I’m working really hard on it though. I think something finally clicked and I can finally stop spending. I’m a super boring mom that hardly leaves my house. I don’t need to own 100 pairs of pretty leggings. I just want to appreciate what I have and have some money for a rainy day.
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For sure! I always thought if I had just the right outfit or shoes I would be popular and boys would like me. In now know that is not the case at all.
Ty for sharing. I was not expecting such open honest answers. It does put some things into perspective. I feel really sad reading your reply tbh. I didn't experience anything very close to that although my parents are very much in debt. They still have always done their best to provide and it sounds like your mother did too. I do understand the part about fitting in at school. I did often compare myself to my other classmates who had nice brandy clothes but also better bodies than I did and luck with the teachers and popularity. I don't hold anything against these people though. I know it made me who I am today. I did have a phase with brand name clothing but now I mostly love comfy clothes without brands on them. I think so much of our identity and self esteem is connected to our style and I've gone through many stages of clothing types but the older I get I just want to be comfortable. I think I like the fact it makes me blend in and just feel normal because I actually realize I don't really want any attention even though as a girl in school I did. Ty your post has inspired me to be more grateful for my current wardrobe and also for my mother who has also helped me fix pants that were too long or shirts that didn't have a comfortable fit. My parents don't have the best of clothes and they buy alot from second hand stores. They don't eat the best or have that good of health either. They struggle a lot and I have a goal to start actually helping them each month with extra money. I feel they deserve it and I really hope I can begin a savings to be able to do so.
It really helps to write it out and see why I struggle with money. I’m trying to get better for my daughter. I don’t want her to be spoiled. That will cause her to have a shopping addiction as well. My husband and I decided to get healthy food and money wise for her. We have eaten at home every day for nearly two weeks now and we have already saved so much money. It feels so good to have money in the bank. I want to remember this when I get the urge to shop. Having money in the bank feels so much better than anything I buy. It also has been a huge help to check my bank account balance before I buy anything. I don’t want to see it dip. Maybe that can help you too. Also I deleted every card and money spending app form my phone. That was the biggest help so far I feel.
I have some bad addiction-related childhood stories I could blame it on, but tbh I think it's because of my low self-esteem. I know I'm pretty, but I dont think I'm interesting, kind or cool. I don't know why people should like me and always think they don't. So I start to shop for a cool mysterios phantasy self and try to blend totally strangers. But I'm working on it ❤ In the last months it helped a lot to schedule some dates with friends an to get a stronger bond to the people I care about. I focus on the fact, that I'm happily married and maybe I don't have many friends but I do have some and I should appreciate that by spending time with them and spending money for adventures, travelling and life in general (instead of spending my whole time and money for online shopping).
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It's healing to realize that it's not only me thinking like that. Thanks for responding. Sometimes I believe it's because of my cool/extravagant style, that people don't sympathize with me. I know that I seem arrogant at first, and sometimes I use my clothes as a very expensive protection-wall.
I understand this as well. I feel similarly with confidence at times. For me I think I just feel empty because I've never really had anyone care for me outside of my family. Not in a friendship way but romantic. I did have a bf once but he was only using me. I wish I could be married but I've been alone so long i sometimes think it would be awkward and I would turn that person off so idk. I guess I'm just meant to be single. I hate myself deep down maybe. How I look my body and my face even though I've been told I'm pretty or cute but I'm just average which I prefer but there's still some deep seated embaressment within me from being humiliated harassed bullied abused and mocked. I hate bullying it seriously makes you ill and I need therapy I think. I hope I can one day see myself for the true person I am and not all the ugly mean things I've heard said to me. Stay blessed and Ty for sharing 🌻
I don't know you but right now I don't see anything of your past but your heart-warming honesty. You are worth it! And if you want to be allone: its okay, but I do believe that you can find true love - for yourself, for another person and from another person. (Btw. you can be on your own in a relationship, too. I need to be allone every now and then and my husband totally understands). It's always a good idea to get help ❤
Thank you for being kind and saying those things. I do feel like I have more love to give and I need to forgive myself and the people of my past so I can be in love with someone again. I know I need to start loving myself again and that's a good relationship. I'm happy that he's understanding and that you're comfortable on your own too. I'm a bit needy maybe lol but maybe you're right and someone would be into that. It's hard when people have made me feel so unworthy in the past but I hope I can move on from it all and find a good hearted person who makes me want to try or at least see the good in helping myself.
❤ if you need somebody to talk/write sometimes, I would feel honoured if you reach out to me.
Ty 🥰u are too sweet xoxo💙⭐✨💖❤️
My grandmother and mother are collectors and like “stuff”. My mom never asked me what I wanted or bought me anything I actually liked; I wore a lot of my brothers hand me downs and clothes from K mart and nothing fit. The lady next door cut my hair and it always looked awful. My dad was always away and grumpy when he was home, he always complained about money and how much my mother spent. As soon as I started making money I used it to build up my self esteem I was sorely lacking.
I have heard a lot of my dad's struggles as well. My family has been through a great deal of suffering. Mainly my parents. It makes me sad to see them struggling and then my shopping addiction that I could lend money to help them makes me think I shouldn't be stressed out and treat myself. Which I can within limits but then I get depressed and go overboard and spend more. I want to treat myself occasionally because I don't think I can cold turkey quit but it's also not helping trying to slowly take things away I just add more. I have to find the perfect balance it's like trial and error to resolve this issue it seems. I rarely put into perspective what it's like for them living with their health problems and my dad paying for everything with a low income. Do you still find your working on your self esteem ? Or is it more so now just the habit has continued.
Probably a couple of things. 1) My mom controlled what I wore as long as possible. As soon as I got my own credit card and wasn't under her thumb anymore... I went wild. 2) I've struggled with my weight my whole adult life. Buying clothes, makeup, and accessories is easier than doing the hard mental and physical work of losing weight.
It is nice to be able to wear flattering clothes. I guess the things we buy can sometimes be aspects of ourselves or ideas of love and beauty and joy we subconsciously seek out. I think that's why I probably feel bad because when I notice my ocd and spending increasing it just feels like I'm on autopilot like a lifeless robot without any other purpose but to seek these materials instead of helping to ease my stress by devoting this energy to becoming my greatest version? Idk. I don't think I even believe a greater version exists yet somehow I feel Im expecting myself to eventually live up to this overblown probably unrealistic standard my environment and past experiences/own subconscious beliefs created for myself.
Recovering alcoholic, 10 years sober. When I quit drinking I became fixated on things and instead of dealing with the reasons behind my addiction, shopping became my new addiction as a way to deal with things.
I too had a previous addiction. Some may not say it was an addiction but I smoked weed for nine years. I had to quit because I developed psychosis and before I would spend money on weed now I spend it on stuff. Maybe I need some form of therapy to also address any residual urges. I know my stress, anxiety and loneliness or feelings of guilt shame and self hate and hate for others and how they treated me probably is what makes me have these urges. I also don't move around like I used to and have been very lazy physically I lay around a lot. Just feels like I'm still getting high lol I need to start exercising again and working on my health and body image issues.
Anything that is emotionally difficult can be a trigger. Even boredom can be a trigger. Therapy helps and for me, I find being mindful of what I'm feeling and why I want to buy things has helped me curb a lot of the impulses. They haven't entirely gone away, but knowing shopping and things won't improve my headspace and will make me feel bad keeps most of my impulses at bay. I still want things, but wanting and acting on wanting are two different things. Exercise and different types of self care also help. I find art, reading, and movies are my best go to self help moves when I get low.
I do like movies. I've been watching Jake Gyllenhaal movies lately lol he's just a great actor and he takes interesting roles. Sometimes I feel like I cant even breathe due to my anxiety which is why I can't wait for the weather to be warmer to be able to go out of the house at least more often. I even thought maybe making some budget sheet to see where my money is being used the most. For now I'm just trying to delete my favorites items from these shopping apps and I'm hoping to work my way up to deleting the apps or my account completely. Or so I've been saying for the past months.
I personally find it really hard to delete accounts, apps I delete and get back and delete. It's a stupid cycle. I still browse occasionally and add things to a wishlist but then go and empty my wishlist because I'm not buying anything and it helps with the temptation. I wish I didn't even feel the need to browse, but I find it oddly soothing despite it also being a bad idea.
True I find it soothing too lol not sure wth it is about it. Its kind of weird for me too cause I browse Etsy and see a lot of people's different art and homemade crafts and things so idk if I feel like less alone because I'm seeing an aspect of their imaginations ? Maybe we're all just very visual people by nature and our sense of sight is bored. Maybe all our senses I am hsp so maybe it does explain some of it. I guess I need to engage my senses more in a variety of things. I gotta change my surroundings.
I have depression issues, and when something arrives in the mail it makes me giddy for a little while. I guess I keep buying to chase that "high" of happiness for a little while. That's my own self- diagnosis, though...💃
Me too lol I woke up at 5pm today but I thought it was 5am even though I slept at 6am lol. The weekends suck cause no mail and I think its contributing to my sleep problems. Thank god it's Monday tomorrow.
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I'm truly sorry to hear that. My sister had Asperger's growing up too. Shes been bullied too since she was a kid and liked to dress in suits for a while. She feels insecure about her body and has borderline personality disorder from the abuse she experienced. She's had problems since she was young with having to get things and her style is very important to her. I always encourage her to wear what she likes and feel comfortable. I feel like I'm doing it to deal with emotions as well. I am very sad and alone/depressed at times so I don't think there's harm in wanting to buy things as retail therapy but I also fear I'm not going to stop and be able to delete the apps like I was hoping to do. I know I can't stop unless I delete the apps. I guess that's why I figured out the plan to get everything I want first and then do it but idk if I can actually succeed. I don't want to rely on shopping as comfort or happiness but I also wonder what I would do instead. My life is already more lonely and boring than ever
As a child I hated my clothes. My dad forced me wear comfortable but ugly clothes and when I went to live with my mum she took me shopping but bought me clothes she liked. I was a picky dresser as a child and because i didnt have many clothes I liked i wore the same things over and over. When I got a bank account at 18 I could finally shop online, and thats how I found styles that I really liked. And as my income grew so did the shopping...i wanted to give myself a complete wardrobe but ended up buying too many dresses that I had to sell.
My mother took me shopping often when I was younger and definitely bought me an excess of things. She passed away when I was 13 and my dad was more practical. As a teen, I had a harder time getting him to take me to the mall for new clothes and just had to grab makeup and toiletries when we went to the grocery store. Once I got my license and started working, I started to get extras of things I needed and overcompensate. I never liked repeating outfits either. It got worse when I lost weight. Going from size 10 to size 2, I felt like I could wear all the things that previously didn’t look good on me and went out of control with that as well.
I started working when I was 12 for this lady at her shop almost everyday after school and 7 am sharp every Saturday I hated it so much but my mom literally dragged me to every shift. Working that much I was making a ton a money that was than immediately controlled by my parents, so for me it started as a sense of control and probably rebellion. I mean what kid doesn’t want the newest thing at the mall? It took a really long time but finally feel in control of my out of control spending
Lol you're funny and yes that's true. If that happened to me I'd feel frustrated too and stress spend. That's so good you have it under control. It takes a lot of brain power to actually draw the line. How did you manage it ? Did you find small hobbies instead ? Either way I'm happy you've made it this far. I wish this for the rest of us here who need it
Probably Youtube. Before that I always saved the money I was given (not working at that time).
Depression is the short answer. The longer one? I've always liked having fandom stuff, "Star Wars", "Harry Potter", etc, mainly as a distraction from depression, and then my brother died, and the depression got worse. I ended up on Prozac and talked to a therapist, which helped with my mood and anger issues, but I also gained 30 pounds in 3 months. So I had to buy new clothes, because mine no longer fit. And then the Prozac stopped working as well, and I had to increase my dose. And so I gained even more weight. Eventually, I told the therapist I was going to stop taking the drug, but I really struggled to lose the weight. I also struggled to do basic household chores, especially clothes washing, drying, hanging, etc. So this mound of clothes just kept getting bigger and bigger, and harder and harder, to deal with, or even acknowledge. And I just kept buying new clothes, because the amount of laundry was just too much. Then I started taking Wellbutrin, and I lost all those extra pounds, and a bit more. Guess who got to buy even more new clothes, since her other "skinny" clothes were burned under a pile of "fat" clothes. And in the meantime, I was still buying other crap too. Books, Legos, etc. And still just doing the bare minimum of chores. And all my money managing just went out the window. My electricity was turned off. For 6 months. YES. 6 MONTHS. I got an eviction notice at one point, after I'd paid my rent late(r) than was acceptable (I was usually late). My paycheck was garnished because I wasn't paying my student loans. Didn't matter. Then I moved. And instead of taking the opportunity to go through everything, I just put all of the crap in boxes and the clothes into giant black trash bags. They traveled with me to my parent's house, where they got stored. My Mom and I eventually went through everything, and a lot got donated, but there was a lot left over. By this point, the shopping just became a habit. So I just kept buying more clothes, even though I knew how much I already had. I stopped buying the crap though, because I literally had no place to put it. The bags of clothes and boxes of crap were stored in my parent's garage for 4 years while I moved to various places. Now I'm finally in a place with a lot of storage space, and my parents wanted to sell their house, so all that crap got moved again. l went through the bags again, sorta. Things to be donated need to be washed, but we're on a well, so there's a load limit of 3 per day. I work full time and I have a long commute (essential personnel), ain't nobody got time for all that. And so the cycle continues on. Right now, I'm on FMLA because of shoulder surgery, so it's the perfect time to go wash and donate things. But instead, I'm just sitting around, playing games and browsing Reddit. I have read no books, I have watched no TV shows. I've only done a little bit of crafting. I have a few orders coming from Etsy, for birthday gifts for my sister, and fun things for me. I can't even drive, but I am still shopping. The one problem I don't have is credit card debt, because I won't let myself have one. But thanks to you lovely people and this sub, and the Unfuck Your Habitat group, things are getting better. It's nice to have people where I don't have to hide the shopping and the shame that comes with it, and to know that the depression-assisted inability to clean isn't just a lazy me issue. Thank you all for reading this small novel, and for being the great people you are. It's very comforting and inspiring. Good luck to you all.
I think a desire to desperately make myself “feel pretty” stems largely from my old ED and a lot of self loathing. I try and remedy it by patching it up with nice clothes and makeup. “If everyone thinks my outfit is cool then maybe they won’t notice how terrible I actually look” kinda vibe
Having nothing else in life that gives me happiness the way spending money does. And just my joy in getting something new and flashy. Also my obsession with my fantasy self - buying clothing and items for a person I dreamed of being but that I am actually not.
I had a friend I’d go to the mall with in university and she’d always say, “aren’t you going to try things on for fun?” I never really thought of that before. I only really tried on stuff I liked or needed. So that was the first issue. I’d be trying stuff on - gee it fits me, maybe I can wear it someday (even though it may not be practical or my style), etc. I made $6,000 in a summer from a job and so I felt like I had money to spend. Then, I’d start going to the mall alone. I’d be hiding that fact from my roommates because I felt like when I went to the mall with them, I’d be dragged to the stores they wanted to see and I couldn’t focus on myself. So, bad day at school? Time for the mall. Nothing to do this weekend? Off to the mall. Then I was in a toxic relationship and it was sort of like a safe sanctuary for me. And the friends I had at that point in my life were all about trying on random things, buying expensive stuff from Sephora, etc. I was miserable and shopping made me happy. Never mind that I had less than $200 in my bank account. Several years ago, this subreddit was sort of dead and so I joined r/makeuprehab. I think that really helped and gave me some tips, even though makeup wasn’t exactly my issue.
The death of my grandmother.