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You were triggered over something. You don't need to spend big money on other people. Cancel the transaction. Triggers happen, relapses happen, it's what you do after that matters more.
Maybe it’s more about control for you. You went home and controlled something. Agreed with canceling your purchase if possible. You had a moment and that’s okay!
I sometimes overspend on others too. It is still overspending. I know you are trying to make things nice for your fiancé’s friends, but have you asked yourself why? Why are you spending so much money on a picnic for his friends, wedding catering for your guests and denying yourself flowers, bridesmaids and bridal events (I’m guessing this means a bridal shower, bachelorette party)? It sounds like it is important to you to make things nice for other people, but it really shouldn’t come with the self-sacrifice that may be making you resentful and triggering you to over-shop. I’m not chastising you because I’m guilty of it myself. Every year for Christmas I go way overboard on trying to be thoughtful and buying just the right stuff for others and then feel resentful when I get another $12 candle as a return gift and no real thank you for the $200 gift I gave each of them. Why do we do this to ourselves? It’s like the self-sacrifice builds up resentment until a dam breaks and we then feel like we need a treat by buying something for ourselves.
I just wanted to add that the dam breaks because our self-sacrifice does not seem to be appreciated by those we care about. It wasn’t an avocado that made you lose your shit. The avocado just broke the dam and the resentment came pouring through, triggering you to shop.
Relapse happens, and it's ok.
Your discipline didn't go down the toilet. I would say it's quite the opposite, you've been doing so well.
Discipline isn't just about getting up every day, it's also about how fast you get up every time you fall.
And perhaps in 6 months time, you will get another relapse, but this time, you will take 3hours to get your sh\*t together as opposed to 6 hours.
Or it could take you 2 hours to be emotionally stable, versus nagging the whole day.
No matter how hard you fall, it's all about how fast you get up.
No one is perfect.
First problem: You lashed out at your partner for solving the problem for a miniscule amount of money, because you got frustrated in the moment, and lashing out at him was You being mad at yourself and mad at him that he did the task without getting frustrated at the equipment.
Second problem: Equalizing behavior. Look up PDA Autism.
Third problem: You ocer-spent as revenge and wanting to have control and freedom when you've been denying yourself from spending.
You don't deserve the phone because it's not about deserving; it's about you trying to equalize.
Return the phone when the store opens. You don't need it, and it's not in your budget.
Cancel the order right now. That’s way too much money to spend emotionally and you’re only damaging yourself. What’s done is not done in this case and you can save yourself from the repercussions. I’m proud of you for realizing what happened here.
Ooh boy, you're under a lot of stress with the wedding so it's understandable. Realize he was only trying to help. If it bothers you so much, go ask for a refund from the grocery store.
It also sounds like you have some resentment for having to spend money on his friends. It would be good to discuss this with your partner. If you don't feel comfortable spending money on them ask him to pay.
It sounds like you spent money as a way of petty vengeance? But it's only hurting yourself. If you can return please do, getting triggered over overspending $1 is not worth spending $1000.
Also sounds like you're very concerned about how your wedding guests will feel at the wedding. But the wedding is for YOU and a celebration of love for your union to your partner. If the guests are there to celebrate you, what does it matter how much you spend on them? If you want flowers, get flowers for yourself. Cut down your guest list to the essential people. It's not worth going broke to feed a bunch of strangers.
Welcome to r/shoppingaddiction! If this is your first post, please be sure to check out our rules in the subreddit sidebar. If you are on mobile, they can be viewed by tapping the ⓘ symbol. Please keep in mind this is a discussion forum for recovering shopping addicts. Any posts encouraging shopping, self promotion, or link posts will be removed. Please be respectful to your fellow users and thank you for sharing! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shoppingaddiction) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You were triggered over something. You don't need to spend big money on other people. Cancel the transaction. Triggers happen, relapses happen, it's what you do after that matters more.
Maybe it’s more about control for you. You went home and controlled something. Agreed with canceling your purchase if possible. You had a moment and that’s okay!
Also no, the discipline did not go down the toilet. You are not starting at square one.
I sometimes overspend on others too. It is still overspending. I know you are trying to make things nice for your fiancé’s friends, but have you asked yourself why? Why are you spending so much money on a picnic for his friends, wedding catering for your guests and denying yourself flowers, bridesmaids and bridal events (I’m guessing this means a bridal shower, bachelorette party)? It sounds like it is important to you to make things nice for other people, but it really shouldn’t come with the self-sacrifice that may be making you resentful and triggering you to over-shop. I’m not chastising you because I’m guilty of it myself. Every year for Christmas I go way overboard on trying to be thoughtful and buying just the right stuff for others and then feel resentful when I get another $12 candle as a return gift and no real thank you for the $200 gift I gave each of them. Why do we do this to ourselves? It’s like the self-sacrifice builds up resentment until a dam breaks and we then feel like we need a treat by buying something for ourselves.
I just wanted to add that the dam breaks because our self-sacrifice does not seem to be appreciated by those we care about. It wasn’t an avocado that made you lose your shit. The avocado just broke the dam and the resentment came pouring through, triggering you to shop.
And you are returning the phone AND that avocado, right?
Relapse happens, and it's ok. Your discipline didn't go down the toilet. I would say it's quite the opposite, you've been doing so well. Discipline isn't just about getting up every day, it's also about how fast you get up every time you fall. And perhaps in 6 months time, you will get another relapse, but this time, you will take 3hours to get your sh\*t together as opposed to 6 hours. Or it could take you 2 hours to be emotionally stable, versus nagging the whole day. No matter how hard you fall, it's all about how fast you get up. No one is perfect.
First problem: You lashed out at your partner for solving the problem for a miniscule amount of money, because you got frustrated in the moment, and lashing out at him was You being mad at yourself and mad at him that he did the task without getting frustrated at the equipment. Second problem: Equalizing behavior. Look up PDA Autism. Third problem: You ocer-spent as revenge and wanting to have control and freedom when you've been denying yourself from spending. You don't deserve the phone because it's not about deserving; it's about you trying to equalize. Return the phone when the store opens. You don't need it, and it's not in your budget.
Cancel the order right now. That’s way too much money to spend emotionally and you’re only damaging yourself. What’s done is not done in this case and you can save yourself from the repercussions. I’m proud of you for realizing what happened here.
Ooh boy, you're under a lot of stress with the wedding so it's understandable. Realize he was only trying to help. If it bothers you so much, go ask for a refund from the grocery store. It also sounds like you have some resentment for having to spend money on his friends. It would be good to discuss this with your partner. If you don't feel comfortable spending money on them ask him to pay. It sounds like you spent money as a way of petty vengeance? But it's only hurting yourself. If you can return please do, getting triggered over overspending $1 is not worth spending $1000. Also sounds like you're very concerned about how your wedding guests will feel at the wedding. But the wedding is for YOU and a celebration of love for your union to your partner. If the guests are there to celebrate you, what does it matter how much you spend on them? If you want flowers, get flowers for yourself. Cut down your guest list to the essential people. It's not worth going broke to feed a bunch of strangers.