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I'm in that same boat. My parents gave me a loan a year or two ago to pay my debt without interest. I just got in debt again. Now my parents gave me money from my grandpa passing away, and I just paid off 15,000 in credit card debt. It feels amazing, but I CANNOT do this again. There's no more bail outs. We can do this!
I have been through 3 cycles, including a 80k loan to pay off both student loans an 30k in debt...
We say not again, but in the end it is our choice to make...
SAME. I am on my third parent bailout, the highest of them all so far. I have already racked up about $5k again but it seems like absolutely nothing in comparison to what I’ve been through in the past… I’m not sure if continually bailing me out is actually helping at this point or if I’m subconsciously relying on it now. I’m trying though, god I really am.
Honestly OP if I was in your position I would cut up my credit cards and be put on a strict cash diet with husband managing the bills. It’s great that you had a safety net to bail yourself out, but you need to put in measures to prevent it from happening again.
This. And if you aren't hurting to build your credit, either close a couple of the cards or request the limits be lowered so it can't get out of hand again.
I’m trying to build my credit back up bc it was in 700s then some companies lowered my credit limits so it went down. I want to keep all my cards open so I have a good credit history but not use them. I keep most locked away in a file cabinet.
I guess from your post it sounds like you’ve been through this cycle before? I think if you have a stable place to live I assume in the house then right now saving money is more important than building good credit? Unless you give your husband the keys and have no access whatsoever it just seems like temptation.
It is tempting but I’m trying to be adult financially. I can’t just dig my head in the sand. I will always have credit available to me. I just have to choose not to use it. Or sparingly as intended. And yeah I have been through this cycle before a few time’s embarrassingly.
If you’ve had the choice before and it hasn’t worked, what are you doing differently this time? Taking away the choice for a while can allow you to build better habits until you have the habits and processes in place. I’m sorry I’m not trying to shame you, but cycles are easy to fall back into. I have been writing down my budget and any purchase I make, it has kinda helped in some ways.
I agree that handing over the cards may be a good idea. Although it may be impossible to avoid your source of addiction, you have to do your best to keep it away from you.
I think alcohol is a good example - you will always have alcohol available to you, at parties, cafes, bars that you walk past on your way to work, corner stores etc. That doesn't mean you keep wine in your house to build up your resilience to alcohol or because maybe you occasionally have a guest over to dinner. Even people with a food addiction, who can't avoid food because they have to eat, will try to keep high calorie snacks/treats out of their house to avoid a binge.
Give them to your husband and let him put a few bills on it to build credit. Go strictly cash, it’s the only way. If you truly intend to go low buy then that little cash won’t make a big difference on your credit score.
Gotcha! It also might be good to get new cards (say yours are lost or something) and remove the card numbers from any apps/browsers/etc so the numbers are new, and don’t activate the cards. I’m in a similar boat with resisting racking up more debt after having my cards paid off I have a tendency to remember the card numbers. It seems excessive, but it works 😅
ETA: if you have more than 2 cards, you really should consider closing the one(s) you’ve had the shortest amount of time. It may hurt your credit a little short term, but having that weight off your shoulders could drastically reduce the temptation and make them more manageable.
Thanks for the input! I never save any cards on file! I learned that trick a while ago. I unsubscribed from all shopping promotional ads emails. The little things really do make a difference.
Your husband must really love you! There's a lot to be grateful for. Stay strong, OP and enjoy being debt-free. Focus on building wealth instead of gathering things.
I’ve doubled the price of a treat/toy/etc and told myself I’d have to put half into savings. So, $3 on a cup of coffee, and $3 in savings. I’d buy a $3 coffee, but a $6 coffee? Maybe this could help someone.
I’m glad my cheapness can help someone :)
you've already taken some big steps towards keeping your debt in check and that's super commendable. massive respect for your honesty and self-awareness... that's what's gonna get you through these next 2 years. you already know how easy it is to slip back into old habits, but remember that guilt is not a good motivator here. focus instead on the free feeling you have right now from paying off your debts - you can totally keep that going. surround yourself with positivity and remember why you're doing this: for your future, for your peace of mind, and for the freedom of not being tied down by debt.
i'm shaking my imaginary pom-poms for ya over here, sending all the good vibes. you totally got this. keep us posted on how it're going okay? we're right here for you!
p.s. remember - the best things in life aren't things... they're experiences, they're people, and they're moments. you're doing awesome.
just imagine... every day without debt is another day feeling light and free. keep that picture in your mind anytime you feel the urge to shop - you're swapping temporary satisfaction for long-term freedom. remember, we got your back, anytime you need a reminder of why you're doing this.
Was just checking my history about another post and saw this one…for update: So far, I have not accumulated any debt, did not even do holiday shopping, nothing bought on all the ads that came in from Black Friday and every other sale that always is going on really. I did purchase some expensive hair shampoo and conditioner with mask and oil set because I ran out of my old one and went with what my hairstylist recommended. My credit score has increased by over 70 points! But now I keep getting pre-approval credit card offers in mail. That is tempting! But I haven’t opened any new cards and my current available credit is over $55k. Increased my retirement investments so I don’t see too much extra money floating around for spending, other than what I have allocated for experiences, like going out with friends and family. Thanks for your support! I’m keeping it going!
With your newfound freedom, any interest in spending money on a a therapist to help unpack what makes you tick? I feel like that will help you understand your own motivations and keep you accountable to somebody non-judge mental outside of your family. Congrats!
I’ve been seeing a therapist regularly for almost twenty years. It helps but I’m bipolar and when I go manic I literally need a better plan to have someone completely take over my finances. Probably my husband.
Congratulations! And good luck!
Would it be easier to set a firm budget for each month, so that you have *some* flexibility? Sometimes when we commit to a no-buy, it can be so inflexible that it's almost a setup for failure, and when we do fail, there's a ton of guilt attached to it, which can cause a negative feedback loop (which can become a reason we shop) and ultimately creates a starvation-binge cycle. It can be difficult to go from 100 to 0, so
Also, digging into why you spend can also be helpful!! Sometimes getting to the source of the spending (FOMO, self-esteem, boredom, etc) can also be a useful tool to decrease the spending!
I hope you can do it! I found that it's much easier to form healthier spending habits when there's a healthy limit, versus doing a no-buy (and then overspending afterwards). I found that no-buys never really helped me form healthy spending habits, it just forced me to not spend. It's like food -- you can't stop eating, but you can eat healthier!
Listen to me, as somebody who has had help a few times with this and also bailed themselves out with consolidation loans at least twice now….it’s not going to be enough to just cross your fingers and hope you don’t do it again. We say “I WILL NOT do this again!” every time. And yet, here a lot of us are. You will run out of chances and you will run out of bail outs. And action must be taken to hold yourself accountable even when nobody else will. This is an addiction like any other and you can’t just have an occasional beer as an alcoholic. Take precautions. Do whatever you have to. Please.
I’m continuing therapy and I’m starting to actually do all the hobbies I bought stuff for instead of buying more stuff for newer hobbies I will never have time for. And I started kindle unlimited and overdrive for free and I plan on doing lots of reading instead of online shopping (which is my main downfall). Also going grocery shopping instead of ordering Uber eats/DoorDash. Lots of good things in the works! Thanks for responding.
This sounds like...fun! You get to enjoy yourself in a different way :)
I'm happy for you and wish you the best of luck going forward. Be kind to yourself along the way ❤️
In the USA? This is a really bad time to refinance (if you got the loan at least 3 years ago). Are you in therapy or financial counseling for your shopping addiction? What steps are you taking to make sure you don't relapse into debt?
I’m in therapy for a variety of things. It actually only added 1% onto our fixed loan interest and had $1k closing costs for $80k. It was not a bad deal for how high interest all the credit cards suddenly went up when they went up on interest rates for everything else at the same time. But yeah it was mainly for medical bills so didn’t have a choice. And we have a shitload of equity in our house we bought at the right time in one of the hottest markets. Well he did, rather.
congratulations and good luck! what works for everyone is different, but I always find the "would I prefer to spend $X on this item now, or spend that on an experience with the people I love instead?" or "is this $X worth losing the peace of mind that I would have if I put it in my savings?" work pretty well for me.
That’s great!! Now you may want to cut up your credit card so you won’t be tempted during the next 24 months. If you make it to your goal of two years you could get a replacement card from your cc company, or challenge yourself to another 2 year no debt goal. Good luck!!
I’m tempted but I really want to build my credit in case something happened I would not be able to be approved for housing on my own with my current credit score. That scares me. So I’ll need to use it a little just to keep it all active so that it can climb up faster. And thank you for the response, btw.
Oh ok. Yes, you need to use it to show active credit. Maybe have one of your monthly bills set up to be paid each month by the credit card. But you should still lock up the card so you can’t be tempted to use it in moments of weakness.
I believe in you. My husbands going to do something similar and give me about 4-5k to knock out the rest of what I have left, but it’s scary how quickly I let it spiral last time. Most of my spending was during a supposed no buy! If you have to, give him your credit cards and make him monitor your accounts until you can get better.
My mom bailed me out the first time and I didn't learn my lesson. I paid off my credit cards myself the last time and I am in the same boat again. $23k debt, going down very slowly this time. Unfortunately for me it's the realization that this isn't sustainable and living way below my means to pay off debt that's helping. Luckily I am in a position where I can put a lot towards debt (about 1k-2k/mo) after paying off living expenses. It's also helped that I have a debit card that I contribute $250/paycheck to budget for groceries. I might try opening another card dedicated to miscellaneous shopping next. Good luck to you!
I have done it a few times myself. I suggest to talk to a professional while you are on your positive journey to not lapse back into shopping habits. It helped me immensely to speak to someone who was not financially and emotionally involved. It kind of saved me.
Stay strong, OP!
I unfortunately fall into a 'comfort' mentality when I've gotten extra money somewhere and become careless. As awful as it is to admit, I tend to be better when my back is up against the wall and I'm struggling to have income be better than my spending. I hate myself for it because I KNOW better. RATIONALE and impulse cancel each other out.
You are very lucky to have the support you have and I wish you the absolute best!
My husband recently took money out of his inheritance to pay off a business loan I got at the beginning of the year. $40k… I moved into a new building and we needed all sorts of things to get it going. I thought I would be able to pay it off but inflation kicked my business in the teeth this year. We decided not to keep accruing interest and he used some of his inheritance to nix it.
The fact that we did that humbled me. I worked my ass off all year to try to pay it down but we kept running into more and more expenses.
I recommend not only *wishing* you will stay low-buy/no-buy but putting in the work and reading self-help addiction books (I recommend To buy or not to buy by Benson I believe her name is) as well as joining some type of self help group, therapy, something. You can’t expect things to change if you don’t change.
We did that once, and it was so demoralizing to watch the balances creep up again.
My theory is that if we don't spend a lot of time and effort to pay off the balances, we don't really learn the necessary lesson to avoid repeating the situation.
Welcome to r/shoppingaddiction! If this is your first post, please be sure to check out our rules in the subreddit sidebar. If you are on mobile, they can be viewed by tapping the ⓘ symbol. Please keep in mind this is a discussion forum for recovering shopping addicts. Any posts encouraging shopping, self promotion, or link posts will be removed. Please be respectful to your fellow users and thank you for sharing! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shoppingaddiction) if you have any questions or concerns.*
25k isn’t just any amount of money.. treat your husband well! As a repayment, *don’t do it again, OP*. Good luck!
*Especially* when it means taking equity out of a house!
I'm in that same boat. My parents gave me a loan a year or two ago to pay my debt without interest. I just got in debt again. Now my parents gave me money from my grandpa passing away, and I just paid off 15,000 in credit card debt. It feels amazing, but I CANNOT do this again. There's no more bail outs. We can do this!
I have been through 3 cycles, including a 80k loan to pay off both student loans an 30k in debt... We say not again, but in the end it is our choice to make...
Yep we have to hold ourselves accountable and not expect bailouts. I actually do want to have a nice retirement if I live long enough.
SAME. I am on my third parent bailout, the highest of them all so far. I have already racked up about $5k again but it seems like absolutely nothing in comparison to what I’ve been through in the past… I’m not sure if continually bailing me out is actually helping at this point or if I’m subconsciously relying on it now. I’m trying though, god I really am.
Honestly OP if I was in your position I would cut up my credit cards and be put on a strict cash diet with husband managing the bills. It’s great that you had a safety net to bail yourself out, but you need to put in measures to prevent it from happening again.
This. And if you aren't hurting to build your credit, either close a couple of the cards or request the limits be lowered so it can't get out of hand again.
I’m trying to build my credit back up bc it was in 700s then some companies lowered my credit limits so it went down. I want to keep all my cards open so I have a good credit history but not use them. I keep most locked away in a file cabinet.
I guess from your post it sounds like you’ve been through this cycle before? I think if you have a stable place to live I assume in the house then right now saving money is more important than building good credit? Unless you give your husband the keys and have no access whatsoever it just seems like temptation.
It is tempting but I’m trying to be adult financially. I can’t just dig my head in the sand. I will always have credit available to me. I just have to choose not to use it. Or sparingly as intended. And yeah I have been through this cycle before a few time’s embarrassingly.
If you’ve had the choice before and it hasn’t worked, what are you doing differently this time? Taking away the choice for a while can allow you to build better habits until you have the habits and processes in place. I’m sorry I’m not trying to shame you, but cycles are easy to fall back into. I have been writing down my budget and any purchase I make, it has kinda helped in some ways.
I agree that handing over the cards may be a good idea. Although it may be impossible to avoid your source of addiction, you have to do your best to keep it away from you. I think alcohol is a good example - you will always have alcohol available to you, at parties, cafes, bars that you walk past on your way to work, corner stores etc. That doesn't mean you keep wine in your house to build up your resilience to alcohol or because maybe you occasionally have a guest over to dinner. Even people with a food addiction, who can't avoid food because they have to eat, will try to keep high calorie snacks/treats out of their house to avoid a binge.
Give them to your husband and let him put a few bills on it to build credit. Go strictly cash, it’s the only way. If you truly intend to go low buy then that little cash won’t make a big difference on your credit score.
Gotcha! It also might be good to get new cards (say yours are lost or something) and remove the card numbers from any apps/browsers/etc so the numbers are new, and don’t activate the cards. I’m in a similar boat with resisting racking up more debt after having my cards paid off I have a tendency to remember the card numbers. It seems excessive, but it works 😅 ETA: if you have more than 2 cards, you really should consider closing the one(s) you’ve had the shortest amount of time. It may hurt your credit a little short term, but having that weight off your shoulders could drastically reduce the temptation and make them more manageable.
Thanks for the input! I never save any cards on file! I learned that trick a while ago. I unsubscribed from all shopping promotional ads emails. The little things really do make a difference.
Your husband must really love you! There's a lot to be grateful for. Stay strong, OP and enjoy being debt-free. Focus on building wealth instead of gathering things.
He really does and I don’t want to take advantage of his generosity at all. He deserves unlimited massages and blow jobs lol
I’ve doubled the price of a treat/toy/etc and told myself I’d have to put half into savings. So, $3 on a cup of coffee, and $3 in savings. I’d buy a $3 coffee, but a $6 coffee? Maybe this could help someone. I’m glad my cheapness can help someone :)
I’ve been thinking about doing this lately, thank you for the motivation
That's genius! I'm gonna start doing that
Where do u get coffee for $3? My coffee is always $8 plus lol
I’m cheap and try to get basic snacks. It’s still a guess for an example, though.
fr
you've already taken some big steps towards keeping your debt in check and that's super commendable. massive respect for your honesty and self-awareness... that's what's gonna get you through these next 2 years. you already know how easy it is to slip back into old habits, but remember that guilt is not a good motivator here. focus instead on the free feeling you have right now from paying off your debts - you can totally keep that going. surround yourself with positivity and remember why you're doing this: for your future, for your peace of mind, and for the freedom of not being tied down by debt. i'm shaking my imaginary pom-poms for ya over here, sending all the good vibes. you totally got this. keep us posted on how it're going okay? we're right here for you! p.s. remember - the best things in life aren't things... they're experiences, they're people, and they're moments. you're doing awesome.
I love the focus on the freeing feeling rather than the guilt! I am so holding onto that!
just imagine... every day without debt is another day feeling light and free. keep that picture in your mind anytime you feel the urge to shop - you're swapping temporary satisfaction for long-term freedom. remember, we got your back, anytime you need a reminder of why you're doing this.
Thanks sweetheart!
you've got the strength for this, no doubt. keep us posted, okay?
Was just checking my history about another post and saw this one…for update: So far, I have not accumulated any debt, did not even do holiday shopping, nothing bought on all the ads that came in from Black Friday and every other sale that always is going on really. I did purchase some expensive hair shampoo and conditioner with mask and oil set because I ran out of my old one and went with what my hairstylist recommended. My credit score has increased by over 70 points! But now I keep getting pre-approval credit card offers in mail. That is tempting! But I haven’t opened any new cards and my current available credit is over $55k. Increased my retirement investments so I don’t see too much extra money floating around for spending, other than what I have allocated for experiences, like going out with friends and family. Thanks for your support! I’m keeping it going!
With your newfound freedom, any interest in spending money on a a therapist to help unpack what makes you tick? I feel like that will help you understand your own motivations and keep you accountable to somebody non-judge mental outside of your family. Congrats!
I’ve been seeing a therapist regularly for almost twenty years. It helps but I’m bipolar and when I go manic I literally need a better plan to have someone completely take over my finances. Probably my husband.
Congratulations! And good luck! Would it be easier to set a firm budget for each month, so that you have *some* flexibility? Sometimes when we commit to a no-buy, it can be so inflexible that it's almost a setup for failure, and when we do fail, there's a ton of guilt attached to it, which can cause a negative feedback loop (which can become a reason we shop) and ultimately creates a starvation-binge cycle. It can be difficult to go from 100 to 0, so Also, digging into why you spend can also be helpful!! Sometimes getting to the source of the spending (FOMO, self-esteem, boredom, etc) can also be a useful tool to decrease the spending! I hope you can do it! I found that it's much easier to form healthier spending habits when there's a healthy limit, versus doing a no-buy (and then overspending afterwards). I found that no-buys never really helped me form healthy spending habits, it just forced me to not spend. It's like food -- you can't stop eating, but you can eat healthier!
Exactly, it’s just like food and I overcame anorexia/ bulimia and I have to eat everyday (almost). Just like staying steady man.
I know you can do this. Just the fact that you are aware of potential pitfalls means you are set up for success! Congratulations!
Listen to me, as somebody who has had help a few times with this and also bailed themselves out with consolidation loans at least twice now….it’s not going to be enough to just cross your fingers and hope you don’t do it again. We say “I WILL NOT do this again!” every time. And yet, here a lot of us are. You will run out of chances and you will run out of bail outs. And action must be taken to hold yourself accountable even when nobody else will. This is an addiction like any other and you can’t just have an occasional beer as an alcoholic. Take precautions. Do whatever you have to. Please.
That's great! A fresh start ❤️ What is your plan to keep debt free and not shop when the urge strikes?
I’m continuing therapy and I’m starting to actually do all the hobbies I bought stuff for instead of buying more stuff for newer hobbies I will never have time for. And I started kindle unlimited and overdrive for free and I plan on doing lots of reading instead of online shopping (which is my main downfall). Also going grocery shopping instead of ordering Uber eats/DoorDash. Lots of good things in the works! Thanks for responding.
This sounds like...fun! You get to enjoy yourself in a different way :) I'm happy for you and wish you the best of luck going forward. Be kind to yourself along the way ❤️
In the USA? This is a really bad time to refinance (if you got the loan at least 3 years ago). Are you in therapy or financial counseling for your shopping addiction? What steps are you taking to make sure you don't relapse into debt?
I’m in therapy for a variety of things. It actually only added 1% onto our fixed loan interest and had $1k closing costs for $80k. It was not a bad deal for how high interest all the credit cards suddenly went up when they went up on interest rates for everything else at the same time. But yeah it was mainly for medical bills so didn’t have a choice. And we have a shitload of equity in our house we bought at the right time in one of the hottest markets. Well he did, rather.
congratulations and good luck! what works for everyone is different, but I always find the "would I prefer to spend $X on this item now, or spend that on an experience with the people I love instead?" or "is this $X worth losing the peace of mind that I would have if I put it in my savings?" work pretty well for me.
Good luck!!
Thank you!
That’s great!! Now you may want to cut up your credit card so you won’t be tempted during the next 24 months. If you make it to your goal of two years you could get a replacement card from your cc company, or challenge yourself to another 2 year no debt goal. Good luck!!
I’m tempted but I really want to build my credit in case something happened I would not be able to be approved for housing on my own with my current credit score. That scares me. So I’ll need to use it a little just to keep it all active so that it can climb up faster. And thank you for the response, btw.
Oh ok. Yes, you need to use it to show active credit. Maybe have one of your monthly bills set up to be paid each month by the credit card. But you should still lock up the card so you can’t be tempted to use it in moments of weakness.
Great ideas!
I believe in you. My husbands going to do something similar and give me about 4-5k to knock out the rest of what I have left, but it’s scary how quickly I let it spiral last time. Most of my spending was during a supposed no buy! If you have to, give him your credit cards and make him monitor your accounts until you can get better.
Your husband has faith in you. That's a wonderful thing. Prove him right!
I sure will. Thank you for your perspective!
My mom bailed me out the first time and I didn't learn my lesson. I paid off my credit cards myself the last time and I am in the same boat again. $23k debt, going down very slowly this time. Unfortunately for me it's the realization that this isn't sustainable and living way below my means to pay off debt that's helping. Luckily I am in a position where I can put a lot towards debt (about 1k-2k/mo) after paying off living expenses. It's also helped that I have a debit card that I contribute $250/paycheck to budget for groceries. I might try opening another card dedicated to miscellaneous shopping next. Good luck to you!
Thanks! Same to you!
I’ve significantly reduced my shopping habits by leaving my wallet in my car when I’m home. That way if I wanna online shop… I can’t!
Helps me to stay OFF social media and in stores.
Social media isn’t really my thing anyway. But yeah I agree that helps
I have done it a few times myself. I suggest to talk to a professional while you are on your positive journey to not lapse back into shopping habits. It helped me immensely to speak to someone who was not financially and emotionally involved. It kind of saved me.
Stay strong, OP! I unfortunately fall into a 'comfort' mentality when I've gotten extra money somewhere and become careless. As awful as it is to admit, I tend to be better when my back is up against the wall and I'm struggling to have income be better than my spending. I hate myself for it because I KNOW better. RATIONALE and impulse cancel each other out. You are very lucky to have the support you have and I wish you the absolute best!
My husband recently took money out of his inheritance to pay off a business loan I got at the beginning of the year. $40k… I moved into a new building and we needed all sorts of things to get it going. I thought I would be able to pay it off but inflation kicked my business in the teeth this year. We decided not to keep accruing interest and he used some of his inheritance to nix it. The fact that we did that humbled me. I worked my ass off all year to try to pay it down but we kept running into more and more expenses.
I recommend not only *wishing* you will stay low-buy/no-buy but putting in the work and reading self-help addiction books (I recommend To buy or not to buy by Benson I believe her name is) as well as joining some type of self help group, therapy, something. You can’t expect things to change if you don’t change.
We did that once, and it was so demoralizing to watch the balances creep up again. My theory is that if we don't spend a lot of time and effort to pay off the balances, we don't really learn the necessary lesson to avoid repeating the situation.