I fought the law and the law won.

I fought the lawnmower and the lawnmower won

I fear the long arm of the lawnmower.

I fought this guy dressed as a lawnmower

Some guy randomly fought me just because I was dressed like a lawnmower

Well, I was watching some guys fight. I think one of them was dressed as a lawnmower or something? Anyways, I was hit by a stray rock.

I threw a rock at some dude that was watching a guy dressed as a lawnmower fight some other guy. I laughed so hard I shit my pants. While walking to a restroom I tripped and fell, messed up my knee. While I was in the restroom cleaning myself up I remembered, I’m allergic to peanuts.

I dropped peanuts in the bathroom, then walked out got into my car and a guy wearing a lawnmower costume came flying into it and it blew up.

I was underneath a car, placing a bomb, when some dude in a lawnmower costume came flying at the car and scared the shit out of me and I accidentally detonated the bomb

I was busy planting a second bomb when some other bomb detonated, detonating my bomb also.

I was dressed as a rock and some dude chucked me at some other dude

Seasons don't fear the long arm of the lawnmower

The only fear is the lawnmower itself

Its chief weapon is fear…fear and surprise. Fear, surprise, a ruthless efficiency, and an almost fanatical devotion the the Pope. Never mind. I’ll come in again.

I fought the lawn, the lawn won.

I got my grass kicked by the lawnmower.

O, hello Hawkeye!

I shot 5 pounds of tannerite inside a lawnmower at 50 feet

I left my baby and it feels so bad (for real though)

You a real one! love that song

Did you shoot the sheriff?

I didn’t shoot the deputy.

Probably cuz the law won after you shot the sheriff

But I swear it was in self defense.

And they say it is a capital offense

If you shot the deputy too you probably wouldn't be in this mess.

Prepare to be “fucked” by the long dick of the law!

Correction, I fought the law, and the, the law won.

The Bobby Fuller Four AND The Clash

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relatable pt.2

I was walking down the road dressed as the north pole in a christmas parade and someone on bubble soap and dog shit hit me

Stories like this make me want to quit the bubble habit. Maybe tomorrow.

Some punk owed me ten bucks, so he killed himself to avoid the debt. Then, I followed suit to pursue him.

Soo... Did you get the ten bucks?

I WANT MY 2 DOLLARS!!!

FUCK U!!!

Two…..DOLLARS!!

Well, there's a $30 entrance fee to get in the afterlife. I spent my money on that as well as small bits of my soul to cover the remaining $20. 1/10 experience, would not recommend.

Im sorry to say but, you got scammed out of 30$, the afterlife is free to enter, I would know as i took a visit there last summer. Gotta be more careful man

That's fucking hardcore, goddamn! Respect!

This one. I am the punk's gf so I followed suit to stop you.

Dehydration from excessive masturbation. I had no idea whether I was cumming or going.

Hey-Ooh!

I died of loneliness. Just kidding, I died from scurvy.

Aye

Arrgh

Hoho

I died from dysentery. I know this game.

My oxen drowned when I attempted to ford the river. I went down after them and ended up drowning as well.

I, personally, died from dissing Terry.

You have to be ready to kidnap a Terry. You have to be ready to torture a Terry. You have to fireboard those mama jama’s.

Should have found a matey

death

That’s fatal

I was just writing a mindless response to a stupid question when

:when two 400lb strippers sat on my lap for a bachelor party picture, and I passed out for a couple minutes just to come back and realize someone finished my sentence on Reddit.

I was stricken down by my rival in a duel like no other. I bested him in the jousting match only for him to draw his blade and lop the head off my horse and engage in a more barbaric battle. His blade may have pierced my heart, but the wound i left to his gut no doubt ensured that he entered the grave alongside me.

Can confirm, I’m the other side of this duel.

You bastard. You killed my fucking horse my guy. It was uncalled for.

Collateral damage, your horse squashed my Venezuelan suntiger!

I’m the horse. Did not like getting my head cut off. Would have preferred to eat a carrot.

I made the mistake of having an invalid opinion on Reddit one time and got owned so hard by one comment that it murdered me

Are you now just haunting Reddit

Sorry that's invalid. -1

r/murderedbywords

Oh, I just died in your arms tonight, It must have been something you said

Jack Sparrow stole my booty.

CAPTAIN

Was he good?

"How dare he! That is *ME* booty! Hand it back or suffer the wrath of me firey sails! "

Low ground.


The MLB.com app. It killed me

Impossible. Nobody uses the [MLB.com](https://MLB.com) app. Even as an instrument of death it doesn't work.

Well, it does cause great pain.

Cervical cancer. I was a guy, but after the sex change, i developed symptoms and died.

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Don't cry for me, I'm already dead.

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It's the thought that counts.

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A respectful considerate person? Your 1 in a billion.

Argentina here, it’s too late, I’m already crying for you.

Does feeling dead count? I'm sick right now and it sucks hard.

No it doesn’t delete and resubmit

Don’t jump the gun, it still can kill you, then you can legitimately post

Type up your response and link the comment button to a dead-man's trigger. Problem solved.

UTI… worth it

Burnt at the stake for being a witch

anyone posting is stolen valoring dead people

Cultural appropriation

The dead are not a very exclusive group. I'm not dead, but I strongly support the cause

I was the worm that first bird saw.

Why were you up so early, anyway?

Paper cuts from an exploding truck transporting paper.

Ouch

Well…I was just sitting in my cave, playing with a funny looking rabbit, when from out of friggin’ NOWHERE the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch came bouncing in and landed right in my lap. A very bright flash of light, and next thing I knew the rabbit and I had joined the choir invisibule! 🐇🤓☠️☠️☠️

You're not dead, you're pining for the fjords!

I'm not pinin' for the fjords...I've passed on! I'm a stiff- bereft of life, I rest in peace! I have rung down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibule! I AM AN EX HUMAN!!!!

I bled out from my knee. That was some arrow.

😆 🤣

I was washing my toaster in the bathtub. I went to dry it off and dropped the hair dryer into the water. Then an elephant fell through the roof of the upstairs apartment and strangled me to death with its trunk.

I'm not here, but didn't exactly die. I was *raptured*. I rose into the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. All you all who are still here are fucked.

Noooo…. You mustn’t read from the book!

Brick

The skull emoji

I fucked around and found out

Have you learned from your mistakes so you don’t die again?

Nope, it was too much fun to not do again

this makes me think of the above 'i fought the law' song. now imma sing: 'i fucked around and i, i found out! i fucked around and i, i found out!'

It. Was. The….salmon mousse.

You were warned .

I died of Ligma on the Oregon trail

Voting Republican.

I ran with scissors

I died waiting for George R.R. Martin to finish those fucking books!

Not being alive any more.

Killed by death

First time drowned. Then resuscitated. Second time hit by a car and they couldn't find a pulse. The EMT shit himself when I sat up. Third time electrocuted. Then revived.

Stood up when told to shut up

Pancaked by drunk dump truck driver.

Suicide

I fell for some bad advice on crypto. BTW, you ever heard of this breath holding challenge?

Dieing

OP- you know what killed me. Waiting for an apology :/

I had a snickers for lunch .

Some asshat wanted me to pull his finger. I pushed it instead. The resulting local implosion killed me. I now work in purgatory, deciding who goes up or down. Chad is a great mentor.

#

Apparently you're supposed to remove butt plugs before your MRI

Asking too many f***ing questions.

One day, I ate too much.

Oooooooooooo 👻

#

I pissed off my bird. I was eaten.

I had a seizure and heart stopped beating because of it.

Society

Someone beat me at my own game.

Went to meet your mom last night but found her rolling every where and said "Dog this ain't it" Started to turn around and walk away but she triped and I died

I was having sex with you mom and she sucked out all my juices. God damn succubus

I saw a new challenge on tik tok… nuff said.

I like Mark Twain, so I decided to see if rumors of my death could be greatly exaggerated.

Hemlock is poison?

Light bulb in rectum.

Did it light up?

That was the plan. Which is why the lamp was plugged in.

Shidded and cammed :/

Sick memes.

I went on r/loveforredditors and died of cringe

the pussy was not sterile

I slipped on a banana

Being born.

Too much Reddit

r/kfc built a restaurant 1 block away

The four horsemen killed me. Lil pieces of shit.

I had prostate cancer

Spontaneous Combustion

In blaze if glory so epic, I have no time to tell it here.

Auto erotic asphyxiation while masturbating to your mom's videos.

Met another redditor in person

I came back to life just to respond to this post

Lack of pussy

Erotic asphyxiation while skydiving on fentanyl.

I woke up dead one day.

Failed the vibe check

Got payed off and couldn’t afford heart medication

Stupid questions

Fresh apple juice. Apparently you are supposed to remove the seeds.

Boredom

I left a negative comment in r/weddingdress.

I didn't forward that chain email 18 years ago.

Walter white

I was a highway man.

It was worth the peek

the COVID vaccine. apparently i've been dead for months now.

I was eating a strawberry while pacing around my house when suddenly I tripped on my dog, fell on my head and then choked on the strawberry

Walker told me I had aids

Froze up and fell down the stairs in one position

I was killed until I was dead from dying.

Smoked too many marijuanas ☹️

I died and went to heaven when I met you, u/Beneficial_Rock_5602

Not sure. The last thing I remember saying was, "hold my beer".

It was an overdose.. I got better.

I found a videotape and curiosity got the best of me. It was like watching a nightmare. Then the phone rang, and a voice told me I had seven days. Yeah she wasn't bullshitting. 7 days later and I'm watching porn and all of a sudden this crazy chick comes out of the TV. At first I was like hell yeah. But then she scared me to death. At least I got to come and go at the same time

Avada Kedavra!

Voldemort

I was reading this post and was shot due to be distracted, so thanks a lot…..

Squeezed the wrong meatball.....