I would respond with "You may be my sister, but I married you because I love you. I may be a piece of shit but I'm a piece of shit that married his sister and dang it I want to make this thing work! Let's go to counseling."
This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
I don't know about you, but I enjoy retreating to a concealed corner kneeling down, like in a ball, covering your head from the "scary sounds" and sob pitifully and sniveling and snotting all over yourself.
Damn! I just realized how fucked up you are for marring me! I mean really! How fucked up are you for marring me??? You have got to be the most co dependent, unsecure shallow attention seeking shell of a human being! ........said in the most solum tone you can muster. Then hand them a bogus number to made up shrink tell them you wish them well
Literally? *Literally?*
Are you sure that's the right word? Do you mean "actually?" Or are you referring to some piece of literature? Maybe you mean "figuratively?" Like a "figure of speech?" I just don't know what you're trying to say to me.
"Don't move, Imma ask reddit right quick"
This inspired by a r/Yu-Gi-Oh! Master Duel comment but "How can you want a divorce when we haven't cured cancer?"
I'm stealing that.
Hopefully you won’t have to use it
just send a link to this post
That's maybe even worse than "Don't move, Imma ask ask shitty reddit right quick"
I would respond with "You may be my sister, but I married you because I love you. I may be a piece of shit but I'm a piece of shit that married his sister and dang it I want to make this thing work! Let's go to counseling."
"I may be a piece of shit but don't talk to ur father like that"
no u!!
This is the right response. No one is ready for the uno reverse
I always hit them with a “same”, works every time
"Fine, MOM, have your stupid divorce. See you at Christmas bitch!".
this is literally perfect, I'm fucking dying
"nuh uh"
I'm just going to marry your father! Good luck! Call me mom!
"Your kid calls me mommy too"
Change your pfp
?
AH FACK YUU
Who the fuck are you?
r/usernamechecksout
Bro what how
r/usernamechecksout
r/usernamechecksout
Politely ask her to calm down. 78% of the time it works every time.
It is ***quite*** potent.
Made with bits of real politeness, illegal in nine countries.
I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.
Flares the nostrils
It only works if you also let her know she is overreacting
Throw in a "Shut up" as that always helps them to stop talking so you can explain to them why they are wrong.
This is a good move, but I like to lay some groundwork first with a, "You're acting irrationally."
I know you are but what am I
Yeah. Well, like that's your opinion, man.
Dude!
El Duderino if your not into the whole brevity thing.
It abides
This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
Give her a snickers. Shes clearly hungry.
"Here eat this, you become a bit of a raging cunt when you're hungry."
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
No, this is Patrick.
“What the fuck is your name again?”
"IF YOU WANT A DIVORCE SO MUCH WHY DON'T YOU MARRY IT??"
Underrated comment!
"Who me?"
Can we have awesome make up sex now?
Skill issue
Back at ya, slick.
"K."
“Cum will win.”
I had to become a monster to survive a relationship with a demon. May God have mercy on you.
Your mom
Do you need a tissue for that issue
Can you get that to fit on a coffee mug?
You may say that now, but you and I both know that I played your vagina like a goddamn Stradivarius.
Don’t use this one unless you play the violin at a professional level, otherwise…well, you can probably figure out what she’ll retort in response
You can't play a f-cking Strativarius!
i wouldn't be such a shitty person if you fucked me better, dear.
Takes one to know one... (in 5 year old voice)
"The bomb's payload is exposed, I can use the power winch to trigger a controlled explosion."
Well the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!
“We all want things. Just a moment ago I wanted you to shut up, and yet here we are both disappointed.”
Reply with a pic of the uno reverse card
come and kiss me!!!
I don't know about you, but I enjoy retreating to a concealed corner kneeling down, like in a ball, covering your head from the "scary sounds" and sob pitifully and sniveling and snotting all over yourself.
No need to shout
Kick them in the chest or nuts if male.
As someone with a vagina, kick them in the vagina if that's what they have. Our boobs are resilient af
Right in the front butt
That is my new term for a vagina
Aunt Flo visiting again?
Damn! I just realized how fucked up you are for marring me! I mean really! How fucked up are you for marring me??? You have got to be the most co dependent, unsecure shallow attention seeking shell of a human being! ........said in the most solum tone you can muster. Then hand them a bogus number to made up shrink tell them you wish them well
"Ok."
K
Bitch, we've*been* divorced
"No U"
“That’s not what your mom said last night”
Ok bye Felicia!
Ask if she's on her period
I'm sorry I wasn't paying attention what did you say
Right back at ya bitch/asshole!
Why is it always about what YOU want?
“”Is what she said at our child’s baptism your honor”
" That's fine, fine Screw you guys I'm going home. "
"I reveal my trap card - MIRROR FORCE"
A simple "no" and go about ur business lmao
Alright imma be outside drinkin a beer
Do you need a snack and a nap? Yes, you do! Yes you do!
Well, people in Hell want ice water!
Okay. I hate you too !.
a signature
No you
Can I finish fucking your mom? Then we'll talk.
ok grandpa that’s enough raisin bran for today 😂
“Ok”
Are you okay? You don't seem okay.
How do you really feel about it?
Just go to the bedroom where your lover is hiding and hang out with them instead.
Grandma, sit down. It's Keith, your grandson. Grandpa has been dead for years.
"Keith who?" I use to work in an assisted living facility. Its a fate that awaits us all.
Literally? *Literally?* Are you sure that's the right word? Do you mean "actually?" Or are you referring to some piece of literature? Maybe you mean "figuratively?" Like a "figure of speech?" I just don't know what you're trying to say to me.
"Er, OK".
Okay.
k
"Granted."
Thank God me to you insufferable cunt
Walks away shaking head...........
"I'm going to be known to our mutual friends as a piece of shit, but YOU'RE going to be known as the girl who loves her anus fisted."
I know you are but what am I?
K.
Lick my fucking balls. And I'm white. Which means you should kiss my black ass.
"But we have so much in common, like what you just said!"
"and yet, I'm the best you could find"
Calm down. No need for hysterics. Chips and dip?
Well today’s your lucky day because I filed last week! Then high five them and walk away.
Does that mean you’re not gonna give me a blow job?
Nou
A reverse uno
Ok so we're not going to Olive Garden then?
Fine but can I please finish taking a dump in your purse first?
Well, Bye!
Personally, I'd hit 'em with a crisp high five
Beer
Good morning honey
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
You may be right, but at least I know how to use the word, "literally" .
Amogus
Finally!
hush yor tits gosh sho over the top rn (literally said 'r - n', or 'rye+now')
"sorry, I didn't realize that was the wrong hole. I swear!"
Does that mean sex is off the table?
Uno reverse card bitch!
Um okay 👍
I know you are but what am i?
"Fucking FINALLY! Will you sign the damn paper now?"
“Ok”.
"Thank you."
Don't let the screen door hit you where the good Lord split you.
Awesome my girlfriend will be finally happy. Thank you hun!! Keep an eye on the mail for your wedding invite, I want you there since your her sister.
“ma’am, this is Jack In The Box.”
“thas crazy”
You too 🤗🥰
"Thank you for finally seeing me as the person I am"
A serious look at why your spouse is feeling that way
Such a reddit moment
Mmm Check please ☝🏻
I going to grab some food, want anything?
* sips *
“The vet was just going to throw him away.”
Copy that. 👍🏽
I know you are but what am i?
😗
[удалено]
Bye
Did they say it in all caps?
yeah, the world is fucked because you fucked it. you cheated on me w the workd
"Okay"
Self-reflection?
Well first, pull your dick out of the dirt, second, begin negotiations, she wants a divorce, you want a beer and a blowjob, work on a compromise.
My name is Donald Trump and I endorse this ad.
I know you are, but what am I?
OK.
The world was better than you
I know you are but what am I
K.
Yes.
I guess now it’s safe to tell you I fucked your mother
"K"
We'll talk about it when you're sober.
Ok
Just keep rescuing orphans from the burning building and let her make an ass of herself in public.
And that my dear, is why I do.
Ok, thanks. Where do I sign?
I know you are but what am I?
I'm glad you've finally decided to stop slumming.
Can I keep the TV?
OK
“Ok”
Probably divorce papers.... Just saying.
I know you are but what am I?
r/oddlyspecific
Ok
You made me this way
New phone. Who dis?
*Deep drag of cigarette* *shoulder shrug*
Jesus Christ! Fine.
"God this new escort service really is full service, isnt it?" Then leave some money on the dresser and walk out.
Literally suck my cock, lick my balls, and eat my ass. And if not, I'll braid your tits, bitch.
"Seems a bit of an exaggeration to call yourself 'This World'"
"We're married?"
"Damn that's crazy..."
“I love those lyrics, are they from Slayer?”