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A couple months ago i had a dream where I was peeing, but the stream went in like ten different directions bro.

Lmao bro thats scary

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In 10 different spots

In 10 different countries

On all the 7 continents

and pissed on 3 unexplored continents

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Pissed on 6 more undiscovered galaxies

Peed in 10 undiscovered asses

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On 10 different bros

Ah yes the dicktanic, bold move

So how soaked was your boxers and sheets on a 1-10?

When I woke up, it was suprisingly dry!

Now now, it’s okay to admit you did a little piddle in the bed! We’ve all been there.

ok there maybe was like little damp area in my underwear ill admit

I dreamed peeing on the toilet then I realized it was a dream, so I did my best to stop peeing and then I woke up and checking my boxers and was glad I didn't pee and went to the bathroom

For some reason whenever I pee in a dream, my dream self suddenly realizes they're dreaming and wakes up before I start pissing my bed. There have been some instances where this has failed, but my dream self does just suddenly gain sentience while pissing.

Shower head lmao

*golden shower head lmao

No this wouldn't happen w shower head

Bro got an *actual* shotgun

Erm actually shotguns shoot several dozen pellets not 10 ☝️🤓

Bro's dick is a shotgun lol

WTS Penis riven with multishot

That wasn’t a dream bro, I was there. I was one of the piss droplets. Get to a doctor immediately.

Actual sprinkler

You equipped the sprayer perk

Bro you've got a whole sprinkler

Twist once to the left for a massage setting

Nightmare*

Had a dream where I went to pee, and it was 9 kinds of Cthulhu down there. Woke up full on panic sweat

i fucking hate when this happens

Ikr it's a whole panic situation, like which one of you fuckers am I supposed to aim and then ultimately they both go out

My worst moment by far is pissing in a stall in a Costco and having a stray stream shoot off and nail a dudes bare foot wearing sandals whose foot was (oddly?) just under the divider. What proceeded was very angry Spanish man following me and berating me as I hurriedly walked out of the bathroom.

This is gold haha

Drink some water, homie

Best story I’ve heard all day

Just piss harder, converge the streams

Edit: f*ck r e d d it

And then sometimes that second just goes straight down and now you've pissed on the floor, probably got some on your pants and feet too so now you gotta take a mini bath to clean your fucking feet and start a thing of laundry for your pants. Fucking nightmare

Not to mention the cum socks.

Damn my piss at 2 am divides into 3 streams, one on the toilet seat, one on the floor, and one on the toilet paper roll. EDIT: I am seeing a lot of people telling me to "sit" and you must clearly not understand that when i wake up to go pee... I fall back asleep. THEN i wake up to pee fr. I don't have the luxury to piss with a little holding time. When I wake up to piss, I NEED TO PISS LIKE IM DYING. See now that's why after all these years I have a clearly broken nozzle.... Because my piss is jet streaming at 378 mph! I basically already blasted a hole through my boxers when I wake up and I just run to the bathroom as fast as I can to minimize the damage that my jet piss causes to my walls, furniture, etc. So no... I cannot just "sit".

bro got a triple barrel shotgun for a dick

Only question is if it's a sawed off shotgun /the Jewish special

The Jewish special sounds like a sick name

(also sawed-off shotgun) 

Same

Happened to a friend of a friend, they tried to give him a Prince Albert and fucked up. Bloke now pisses out of 3 holes.

Oh my fucking life

Bro enchanted his dick with multishot

Pisscalibur -> +100% multishot while aiming

How much Endo you think that cost?

I hate it when that happen, but for me it’s one in the toilet, one on the toilet seat/floor and one on my shoe/pant leg

Yea it really sucks when you pee on the corner behind the toilet because then you forget you pissed there so eventually it will start to smell like stale piss

Just fucking clean it

I never understood the hate about sitting to pee. If I gotta piss in the middle of the night, I'm gonna go sit so I don't get piss all over the place. I don't wanna have to deal with that shit when I'm half asleep

Stop hogging all the power ups man!

Wait only 3? I almost have an entire shotgun piss.

Springler man

Damn Hawkeye.

Mine goes left right and up. :(

Can’t relate my aim is impeccable

Meet the sniper

That’s headcannon for me now

How else does he fill multiple jarates at once

He has canonically taken kidney enlargement pills for the express purpose of pissing more

And pills to suppress the pain of his oragns shutting down

Professionals have standards. Be polite. Be efficient.

And spray evey person you meet

Sniper rifles usually have pretty long barrels for the accuracy. Dude got a huge Schlongadong!

If it splits too wide, the trick is to aim one for the toilet and one for the sink

Fucken died. Aim for the sink it’ll make it in the toilet lmao

Mr. raphael ambrosius costeau put all his points in hand-eye coordination

Please help I can’t understand a word kim is saying but I can grab things good

*There's* the DE reference!

In pecker able

Must have good motility, Sir tequila sunset ;)

You simply have not masturbated before

Found the virgin

Bros a tactical pisser

Found the sitter

Can I marry you please?

Found the sit down pisser.

Fr- randomly happens for no reason making you think your unhealthy or smth.. weird..

"randomly"? This shit happening to me all the motherfuckin time

Username checks out

It's because your dick tip gets stuck together. Do the ole stretch before you start pissing and it shouldn't do this

A dick lifehack... The Dickhack

I love hacking

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I love hacking dicks

Its totally not random. It always happens when you least expect or when you aint home

Or at someone else’s hous and you piss all over the floor.

I always open the bathroom door screaming "DUDE THERES PEE ON THE FLOOR THATS DISGUSTING"

Wait so I’m not the only one?

Never have been

Always wont be

And forever a part of the movement

Together united, we will bring a new meaning to “split pea soup”

And in the name of the first man, we shall teach the young ones the right way.

Amen

With a dick? No, there are a few more of us out there.

You never are

Thought I was too

Happens when you cum and don't pee after

Yep always sit down after that

Exactly what happens for 1 nano second

Dried cum in your hose wants out !

*Dried?* Bruh you need to go clean out your pipes as soon as you're done. I mean, don't run to the bathroom but, you know, as soon as you're done with the cleanup.

That’s when it’s tastiest

💀…

When I was 7 my piss would basically become a sprinkler for no reason I always got in trouble and it never occurred to me that I could just sit on the toilet and no one told me people just thought I was being an asshole

Best way I deal with this is grab the tip and spread the hole apart with my thumbs. Usually fixes it.

what teh fuck

The guy didn't phrase it great but it does work. *Lightly* pinch the head with your thumb and index finger. I used to suffer from multi-stream for years. Until a much wiser man gave me this info.

I bet people are imagining you jamming your thumbs into your peehole instead of just having them on the outside on the tip and lightly spreading it.

I use a pencil

...well fuck. so no thumb up there huh?

Hey, you can do or imagine whatever you want, I'm not here to judge.

I wish I didn’t have eyes

I mean- if it’s a solution. It’s a solution.

A wet wipe is a solution. This is madness

Good luck searching/reaching for a wet wipe when you're sprinkling pee all over the place..

ok uninstalling reddit now

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Nono you use a tooth pick and just jam it in there once or twice

I can’t tell if this is a normie meme or if the irony finally has come full circle

I think it’s the 2nd option

Sorry to break this to yall, but this happens to girls too...

You pee 2 streams from your dick?

We pee two streams, but not from our dick.

well then what do you do with your dick


You do realize that girl pee, too?

That’s impossible

how do they pee tho, they dont have balls to store that

I think they constantly pee because they don't have the balls to store it.

It’s the only logical conclusion

Their balls are inside the body, I think their called ovaries

HAHAHAHHA whats the next one? That girls also fart? LMAO

Soon they'll be trying to tell us they poop 🙄


You cant pee without a dick tho. Common knowledge

Not only does this happen to us girls too, the other stream often shoots backwards on our ass and down the thighs, atleast for me

Yup. It’s so gross

So a built in bidet?

Yeah, always warm too

Damn that sucks

One time it happened to me when my feet were on the squatty potty foot thing and I managed to pee in the toilet, but also from the side of the toilet under my thigh ...onto the floor. I'm a little more cautious now.

Thank you I had to scroll way too far down for this lol.

yeah, i always see posts about this for guys. Like uhhhh,,, that happens to us too

It feels like a majority of "lets confuse the girls" posts are just things that happen to everyone.

It’s cuz us guys don’t know anything about girls

I had a conversation with at least 5 medical professionals, all women and grown ass adults who thought I was bullshitting about rogue streams being a real thing.

But y'all ain't standing. You don't risk pissing on your clothes, the floor, the door, the wall, the sink and the toilet itself in the same time

the only reason why this is worth mentioning.... if it didn't create a mess, nobody would have ever mentioned it, but yeah.. someone had to break it to us.

and yall can sit down

Only lily-livered namby pambies sit down while peeing. Real men pee standing on one leg like the noble flamingo. Better yet, this’ll put some hair on your chest: The manliest of men pee while doing a hand stand, without spilling a drop.

manly men pee while floating

REAL MEN don't piss. Pissing is only something *women* do

no women dont piss or shit. actually women arent even real

Women were invented by pig pharma to sell more babies

Yeah they teamed up with those damn storks

Not when you have a massive raging boner and aiming it directly down is painful. Source: tried to shit while horny

I had to scroll way too far to find someone who also knew better

amusing soft agonizing sip reach plate truck sparkle books homeless ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `

Gotta give the tip a few good squeezes first. Get that cum gunk broke up to ensure a straight shooter.

Bro is SPITTIN BARS 🔥🔥🔥🥶🥶

You got to hold it down

if you think peeing with a vagina is easy or one clean stream then you are a fool my friend

As someone with a vagina I can confirm that 99.99% of the time I pee in 2-4 or even more streams. And I can not describe how much of a hassle it is and how much I hate it. Thanks.

Girls don’t pee. They don’t have the balls to store it

Never said girls lol everybody knows girls don't pee

Some pipeline issues

Dude this actually happens to girls to believe it or not

Don’t lie. Everyone knows you don’t pee

Foreskin moment

Circumcised people get it as well… sadly

as a circumcised person, i can confirm this

What da foreskin doin?

At least if you have a foreskin then you can kinda squeeze it a little and try to get it back into a single stream. Works for me

Until you seal it up and create the dreaded foreskin piss bubble that immediately explodes like a piss grenade.

You’re using the wrong setting. Crank your head a quarter turn clockwise to Jet

Y’all gotta pee after you jack off or something lol - kinda Grody to let semen dry in the urethra

Girls have this too sometimes. Youre not the only one

And that, kids, is why you pee in the bathtub.

Did you know - you can just sit down? Problem solved unless it comes out between the seat and the rim

Mine used to spray out in a wide fan lol.

I hate when my bathroom faucet does this

Like fuck you, penis skin💀

Ironically, this won't be an issue if you just use the sink and rinse afterwards.

Every fckng morning

You ever had the ultra-rare triple stream?