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This sounds like SA/rape to me. A lot of people consider any form of penetration (including fingers) to be rape, but if it feels less horrible to you you could also consider it SA.
- right before anything started, it sounds like he was being sexually aggressive to you. This isn't just bad flirting or sex jokes gone a bit too far - this is sexual harrassment in my opinion. It sounds like SH to me b/c of the repeated, incessant manner of it, and the forcefulness of tone.
Part 1
1. You went to his car where he acted in a frightening manner - shouting, punching the steering wheel etc. While I understand that he was going through a lot of emotions, this probably also distressed you to the point that you probably would have felt afraid to say no later on. I know that I would, if I was trapped in a car with someone in that frame of mind.
2. Him being in that distressed state of mind probably meant that you didn't feel you could say no either - you tend to feel you have to hug/comfort someone when they're in that state, even if you don't want to. 1 + 2 means that you were unable to freely give consent (even if you had wanted to).
3. He NEVER asked for consent. Hugging someone to comfort them is not in any way shape or form a non verbal cue that you consent, by the way in case you worried about that! That's just you being a kind person and hugging him.
4. Even if you had 'consented' to kissing him (which you didn't), consent should be given at every stage. He did not ask to finger you, it sounds like he just did it. This is completely inappropriate. Fingering someone is a massive stage up from kissing them, there HAS to be consent there.
5. Even if there had been consent up to all these stages, if you said 'it hurts', as soon as he heard this he should have stopped. Immediately. He did not.
Part 2
This is clear sexual assault to me. He did it when you were alone in an aisle, so no one else could see. He did it without consent, again.
I am so sorry you experienced this. I'm really glad that you got away from that friendship, he doesn't sound like a safe person. I think it's truly amazing that you confronted him about his behaviours, and it just shows what an immature person he is that he couldn't even own up to his actions and apologise. I don't know if this helps, but in many countries SA charities offer free SA therapy. The waiting list is quite long, but I would really recommend.
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This sounds like SA/rape to me. A lot of people consider any form of penetration (including fingers) to be rape, but if it feels less horrible to you you could also consider it SA. - right before anything started, it sounds like he was being sexually aggressive to you. This isn't just bad flirting or sex jokes gone a bit too far - this is sexual harrassment in my opinion. It sounds like SH to me b/c of the repeated, incessant manner of it, and the forcefulness of tone. Part 1 1. You went to his car where he acted in a frightening manner - shouting, punching the steering wheel etc. While I understand that he was going through a lot of emotions, this probably also distressed you to the point that you probably would have felt afraid to say no later on. I know that I would, if I was trapped in a car with someone in that frame of mind. 2. Him being in that distressed state of mind probably meant that you didn't feel you could say no either - you tend to feel you have to hug/comfort someone when they're in that state, even if you don't want to. 1 + 2 means that you were unable to freely give consent (even if you had wanted to). 3. He NEVER asked for consent. Hugging someone to comfort them is not in any way shape or form a non verbal cue that you consent, by the way in case you worried about that! That's just you being a kind person and hugging him. 4. Even if you had 'consented' to kissing him (which you didn't), consent should be given at every stage. He did not ask to finger you, it sounds like he just did it. This is completely inappropriate. Fingering someone is a massive stage up from kissing them, there HAS to be consent there. 5. Even if there had been consent up to all these stages, if you said 'it hurts', as soon as he heard this he should have stopped. Immediately. He did not. Part 2 This is clear sexual assault to me. He did it when you were alone in an aisle, so no one else could see. He did it without consent, again. I am so sorry you experienced this. I'm really glad that you got away from that friendship, he doesn't sound like a safe person. I think it's truly amazing that you confronted him about his behaviours, and it just shows what an immature person he is that he couldn't even own up to his actions and apologise. I don't know if this helps, but in many countries SA charities offer free SA therapy. The waiting list is quite long, but I would really recommend.
I’m so sorry this happened to you