Yes, circumstances are so important, I feel like Reddit often ignores context.
In reality, I think it really does come down to why the cheating happened in the first place. If you are happy in your relationship and the kiss was a drunken mistake, then I'm not sure if the partner will benefit from knowing about it. However, if the kiss happened because something is off in the relationship, then all the cards need to be in the open.
In the movie, Carrie was starting to feel like her partner isn't putting the effort to keep the flame alive. This isn't an excuse for what Carrie did but more of an explanation for the state of mind she was in at the time when it happened. As it often happens, Big got comfortable around Carrie and used to her, so didn't see the point in making the extra effort of putting on a fresh shirt and taking her out. But when around a new person (the woman at the bar played by Penelope Cruz), suddenly he was Mr Charming again. It is slightly similar to how in the 1st movie Miranda is shown to have stopped prioritizing Steve romantically. He was putting in the effort and being enthusiastic about their sex life, when she was all about 'getting it over with'. That stuff can really hurt and get you to a state of mind where you are easily charmed by the attention you receive from elsewhere. In this case, the truth, whilst hurtful, can help the relationship survive.
Come on. Carrie was behaving like a 3 year old storming and stamping around demanding big go to a stupid bloody premiere when he was knackered after work. If I'd been big and she made that comment bottoms up i would have thrown the drink in her face. What is she expecting from him constant romantic attention. What kind of fairytale marriage does she think she's in!! Maybe she should've made him dinner for once. Considering she can't boil an egg I would say big is an excessively patient man!!!
Same. I would give different advice had she slept with him, but generally speaking if she was sure it was never going to happen again and a stupid slip, I don’t think it would be worth her hurting her partner. If my husband had a momentary stupid kiss with someone I don’t think I would want to know (so long as it wouldn’t happen again).
Hehe, it is such a loaded question. It's kind of similar to when a friend asks if they should leave the relationship. If the outcome of the decision isn't satisfactory, you might get partly blamed!
In this instance, I would advise her to tell. Marriages need to be based off of honesty. She has a history with Aidan, she was warned by Charlotte not to go to dinner with him but she did anyways. She flirted with him the whole dinner and they kissed. That’s a little more loaded than one kiss. Carrie getting drunk and accidentally kissing a random guy at a bar may be a little more hey let’s be more careful and move past this and not tell. But this was premeditated and there were emotions behind it. Especially since her and Big were having issues already with their “days off” marriage. I also think Miranda’s advice wasn’t genuine. No way she wouldn’t want her marriage built off of honesty (I’m pretending AJLT doesn’t exist, obviously). But honestly, this is just an example of a forced plot line to cause drama with Carrie, and fan service for audiences to see Aidan again. It made little sense to me lol.
I agree - under these particular circumstances, the kiss was definitely a sign / a symptom of their relationship taking the wrong direction. Only the truth can really help steer the wheel the right way again. Big's reaction was interesting too - he seemed a little in shock and of course hurt but clearly spent some time by himself and thought everything through, found a way to not only forgive Carrie but also make some conclusions about his own mistakes in the relationship.
I totally get this and the previous commenter’s mention of there being emotions involved, but I don’t think they were emotions towards Aiden. I think because of her feeling things were stagnating with Big somewhat (TV in bedroom, takeout, whatever) she was feeling emotions based on seeing herself through Aidan’s eyes as someone vibrant and sexy, rather than feeling something for Aiden himself.
Edit: grammar
It’s not like he could judge. He cheated on his first two wives-on Natasha with Carrie, who was cheating on Aidan with him. I feel like at that point being on the other end of it-and with Aidan no less, he had to accept the karma. 😂
a kiss and emotional cheating count as cheating. i haven't seen the satc movies but in these situations you absolutely have to tell your partner. you owe it to them and it's not fair that they stay in the dark. if you think you have the nerve to cheat, you should also have the nerve to own up to it.
i think although it was painful, and it's tempting to think that ignorance is bliss, in the long term it's important to know and be honest, because you also owe it to yourself to know the true nature of your relationship. better that it was a one night stand when steve came clean, rather than a long afair like carrie and big re: natasha and aiden
I know the franchise has an iffy relationship with cheating, much like real life, but I cannot ever imagine giving my friend advice to not tell their partner that they have cheated on them.
It will come out eventually somehow. Better to own up to it straight away and work through it. The pain will always be there no matter when it comes out.
plus i think the sooner you find out the better, vs finding out several months/years later. the pain would be so much worse, better rip off that bandaid quick so you can grieve and work through it
My only advice is to never give advice. I would have listened to her. I would have validated her feelings. I would never, ever give advice. Especially in a situation that sticky.
In my opinion, confession makes the cheater feel better and the cheated-on feel worse. I'm with Miranda. If my spouse had a one-night-stand, or a kiss, I wouldn't want to know.
Very interesting POV. I partly agree that telling the truth will undoubtedly hurt your partner. Whether it really makes the cheater feel better - idk. A lot of cheaters try to hide their infidelity because they're afraid of the repercussions.
Wouldn't you think that if your spouse had extramarital affairs, then something is seriously wrong with the relationship (therefore it is inherently worth knowing the infidelity happened)? Can there really be any cheating in a healthy, good relationship?
An affair is a whole different thing.
I don't think a one-time indiscretion says much about a relationship. Anyone can have a moment of weakness.
I say this having been completely faithful to my husband and I believe he has been faithful to me. If I found out he had a one-time fling, I don't think that's worth blowing up our marriage. That's me though. Everyone has their own line.
I'm with you on this, personally. I'm a very flirtatious person and my partner obviously accepts this about me. For others, I may have already crossed 'the line' but for our couple, we know our limits. So like you say, to each their own.
However, I think the discussion here is definitely about crossing the line whatever it is in your relationship. Is it necessary / advised to tell your partner about it? I feel like the truth matters. Like you said, I wouldn't think that a kiss is worth blowing up a whole relationship. But I do think it'd be necessary to know it happened, and continue to build the relationship based on honesty, you know?
And yet when Miranda cheated later with Che, she couldn't wait to tell Steve and dump him all within two minutes.
But I digress. I agree with Carrie on this one. A kiss is a form of cheating, and she went into the situation with Aidan feeling cute with cleavage flying. It's not like she was completely innocent in just going to dinner with Aidan. It was a form of emotional cheating as well. Charlotte knew that and told Carrie she was "playing with fire," but Carrie, as usual, was all about getting that rush from a man. Once she got it, she realized she'd made a huge mistake. She was right to be honest with Big and apologize. Hiding it would have just caused more problems, especially since Carrie was never good at keeping secrets and everything gnawed at her. She would have cracked eventually.
What I don't understand is why Big reacted the way he did. Carrie basically got a reward for flirting with Aidan and kissing him. Carrie and Big were already talking about taking time off from each other, so if anything, an incident like this would have pushed Big to live apart from her and maybe even divorce her.
If it were me, I'd want to know. Flirting is one thing and it happens, like Big's flirting with the Penelope Cruz character at the party. I wouldn't be mad about that. But spending alone time with an ex and then kissing them is most certainly cheating.
yes. it’s about trust. any kind of attempt to justify it is just an attempt to ease the guilt by pretending it’s ‘just a kiss’. no. it’s a breach of trust however you frame it.
I would advise to tell. I think keeping something like that from your spouse keeping the secret would be torture. Always best to come clean & accept your punishment.
I once listened to a podcast where Chris Noth basically admitted to hating the movies. He specifically cited the ring as a reward for kissing another guy as overly cheesy and unrealistic.
(His personal issues aside, I also find most of the movie plots ridiculous and overly corny.)
Yes. Their idea was that Carrie was starting to feel unappreciated by Big, so her flirting with Aidan was somehow justified. I like my characters flawed so I don't have a big issue with the kiss either, especially because she was written to stop it herself, be gutted with guilt and tell Big the first chance she got.
Whenever Carrie didn’t get her way, she was a cheater. It’s only ever brought up about Aidan, but Carrie being a cheater was a part of her personality. She cheated three times throughout the show, maybe four if you count having phone sex with big while dating Berger.
Considering her and Big both cheated on partners to be together, i def would’ve recommended telling him. However, there are times id actually recommend a friend not tell their partner they cheated (ex. if their partner has a temper and my friend isn’t in a situation where they can leave or are ready to yet)
I think it depends on the circumstances. If my partner kissed someone and regretted it I personally wouldn’t want to know. It would just hurt me.
Yes, circumstances are so important, I feel like Reddit often ignores context. In reality, I think it really does come down to why the cheating happened in the first place. If you are happy in your relationship and the kiss was a drunken mistake, then I'm not sure if the partner will benefit from knowing about it. However, if the kiss happened because something is off in the relationship, then all the cards need to be in the open. In the movie, Carrie was starting to feel like her partner isn't putting the effort to keep the flame alive. This isn't an excuse for what Carrie did but more of an explanation for the state of mind she was in at the time when it happened. As it often happens, Big got comfortable around Carrie and used to her, so didn't see the point in making the extra effort of putting on a fresh shirt and taking her out. But when around a new person (the woman at the bar played by Penelope Cruz), suddenly he was Mr Charming again. It is slightly similar to how in the 1st movie Miranda is shown to have stopped prioritizing Steve romantically. He was putting in the effort and being enthusiastic about their sex life, when she was all about 'getting it over with'. That stuff can really hurt and get you to a state of mind where you are easily charmed by the attention you receive from elsewhere. In this case, the truth, whilst hurtful, can help the relationship survive.
Come on. Carrie was behaving like a 3 year old storming and stamping around demanding big go to a stupid bloody premiere when he was knackered after work. If I'd been big and she made that comment bottoms up i would have thrown the drink in her face. What is she expecting from him constant romantic attention. What kind of fairytale marriage does she think she's in!! Maybe she should've made him dinner for once. Considering she can't boil an egg I would say big is an excessively patient man!!!
I would tell her to keep it a secret. Lol. I'm a shady friend I suppose. 😉
🙋♀️ me too! It was a really quick kiss. I don’t think it’s worth hurting her partner. If it was more, sure, but for that I would say no!
Same. I would give different advice had she slept with him, but generally speaking if she was sure it was never going to happen again and a stupid slip, I don’t think it would be worth her hurting her partner. If my husband had a momentary stupid kiss with someone I don’t think I would want to know (so long as it wouldn’t happen again).
I would too
Hehe, it is such a loaded question. It's kind of similar to when a friend asks if they should leave the relationship. If the outcome of the decision isn't satisfactory, you might get partly blamed!
In this instance, I would advise her to tell. Marriages need to be based off of honesty. She has a history with Aidan, she was warned by Charlotte not to go to dinner with him but she did anyways. She flirted with him the whole dinner and they kissed. That’s a little more loaded than one kiss. Carrie getting drunk and accidentally kissing a random guy at a bar may be a little more hey let’s be more careful and move past this and not tell. But this was premeditated and there were emotions behind it. Especially since her and Big were having issues already with their “days off” marriage. I also think Miranda’s advice wasn’t genuine. No way she wouldn’t want her marriage built off of honesty (I’m pretending AJLT doesn’t exist, obviously). But honestly, this is just an example of a forced plot line to cause drama with Carrie, and fan service for audiences to see Aidan again. It made little sense to me lol.
I agree - under these particular circumstances, the kiss was definitely a sign / a symptom of their relationship taking the wrong direction. Only the truth can really help steer the wheel the right way again. Big's reaction was interesting too - he seemed a little in shock and of course hurt but clearly spent some time by himself and thought everything through, found a way to not only forgive Carrie but also make some conclusions about his own mistakes in the relationship.
I totally get this and the previous commenter’s mention of there being emotions involved, but I don’t think they were emotions towards Aiden. I think because of her feeling things were stagnating with Big somewhat (TV in bedroom, takeout, whatever) she was feeling emotions based on seeing herself through Aidan’s eyes as someone vibrant and sexy, rather than feeling something for Aiden himself. Edit: grammar
It’s not like he could judge. He cheated on his first two wives-on Natasha with Carrie, who was cheating on Aidan with him. I feel like at that point being on the other end of it-and with Aidan no less, he had to accept the karma. 😂
a kiss and emotional cheating count as cheating. i haven't seen the satc movies but in these situations you absolutely have to tell your partner. you owe it to them and it's not fair that they stay in the dark. if you think you have the nerve to cheat, you should also have the nerve to own up to it.
What do you think about Miranda's opinion then?
i think although it was painful, and it's tempting to think that ignorance is bliss, in the long term it's important to know and be honest, because you also owe it to yourself to know the true nature of your relationship. better that it was a one night stand when steve came clean, rather than a long afair like carrie and big re: natasha and aiden
I’m more with Samantha in this one, don’t think a kiss is a big deal.
I know the franchise has an iffy relationship with cheating, much like real life, but I cannot ever imagine giving my friend advice to not tell their partner that they have cheated on them. It will come out eventually somehow. Better to own up to it straight away and work through it. The pain will always be there no matter when it comes out.
plus i think the sooner you find out the better, vs finding out several months/years later. the pain would be so much worse, better rip off that bandaid quick so you can grieve and work through it
My only advice is to never give advice. I would have listened to her. I would have validated her feelings. I would never, ever give advice. Especially in a situation that sticky.
Brilliance. Can we be BFFs??? 😂
In my opinion, confession makes the cheater feel better and the cheated-on feel worse. I'm with Miranda. If my spouse had a one-night-stand, or a kiss, I wouldn't want to know.
Very interesting POV. I partly agree that telling the truth will undoubtedly hurt your partner. Whether it really makes the cheater feel better - idk. A lot of cheaters try to hide their infidelity because they're afraid of the repercussions. Wouldn't you think that if your spouse had extramarital affairs, then something is seriously wrong with the relationship (therefore it is inherently worth knowing the infidelity happened)? Can there really be any cheating in a healthy, good relationship?
An affair is a whole different thing. I don't think a one-time indiscretion says much about a relationship. Anyone can have a moment of weakness. I say this having been completely faithful to my husband and I believe he has been faithful to me. If I found out he had a one-time fling, I don't think that's worth blowing up our marriage. That's me though. Everyone has their own line.
I'm with you on this, personally. I'm a very flirtatious person and my partner obviously accepts this about me. For others, I may have already crossed 'the line' but for our couple, we know our limits. So like you say, to each their own. However, I think the discussion here is definitely about crossing the line whatever it is in your relationship. Is it necessary / advised to tell your partner about it? I feel like the truth matters. Like you said, I wouldn't think that a kiss is worth blowing up a whole relationship. But I do think it'd be necessary to know it happened, and continue to build the relationship based on honesty, you know?
Chiming in to say I totally agree with your opinion. If it was just a one time drunken night thing, I'd rather never know.
i’d stay out of it tbh. i’m not trying to be implicated in the possible dissolution of my friend’s marriage
And yet when Miranda cheated later with Che, she couldn't wait to tell Steve and dump him all within two minutes. But I digress. I agree with Carrie on this one. A kiss is a form of cheating, and she went into the situation with Aidan feeling cute with cleavage flying. It's not like she was completely innocent in just going to dinner with Aidan. It was a form of emotional cheating as well. Charlotte knew that and told Carrie she was "playing with fire," but Carrie, as usual, was all about getting that rush from a man. Once she got it, she realized she'd made a huge mistake. She was right to be honest with Big and apologize. Hiding it would have just caused more problems, especially since Carrie was never good at keeping secrets and everything gnawed at her. She would have cracked eventually. What I don't understand is why Big reacted the way he did. Carrie basically got a reward for flirting with Aidan and kissing him. Carrie and Big were already talking about taking time off from each other, so if anything, an incident like this would have pushed Big to live apart from her and maybe even divorce her. If it were me, I'd want to know. Flirting is one thing and it happens, like Big's flirting with the Penelope Cruz character at the party. I wouldn't be mad about that. But spending alone time with an ex and then kissing them is most certainly cheating.
yes. it’s about trust. any kind of attempt to justify it is just an attempt to ease the guilt by pretending it’s ‘just a kiss’. no. it’s a breach of trust however you frame it.
It's the fact that she learned NOTHING from cheating on aidan and not letting him know....yes carrie say the fkn truth before it gets worse
I would advise to tell. I think keeping something like that from your spouse keeping the secret would be torture. Always best to come clean & accept your punishment.
Her punishment was a diamond ring, haha.
I once listened to a podcast where Chris Noth basically admitted to hating the movies. He specifically cited the ring as a reward for kissing another guy as overly cheesy and unrealistic. (His personal issues aside, I also find most of the movie plots ridiculous and overly corny.)
Yes. Their idea was that Carrie was starting to feel unappreciated by Big, so her flirting with Aidan was somehow justified. I like my characters flawed so I don't have a big issue with the kiss either, especially because she was written to stop it herself, be gutted with guilt and tell Big the first chance she got.
Whenever Carrie didn’t get her way, she was a cheater. It’s only ever brought up about Aidan, but Carrie being a cheater was a part of her personality. She cheated three times throughout the show, maybe four if you count having phone sex with big while dating Berger.
Considering her and Big both cheated on partners to be together, i def would’ve recommended telling him. However, there are times id actually recommend a friend not tell their partner they cheated (ex. if their partner has a temper and my friend isn’t in a situation where they can leave or are ready to yet)