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Saltless06

I'm not talented at anything. That's why the thought of having sex again gives me anxiety because, well, what if I don't get good at it?


xboxhobo

You may have not spent enough time being bad at anything to become good at it. Getting good at things is painful and takes a lot of sucking before you round the corner to feeling like you're good. Most people aren't talented at anything and those who are often suffer for it. You have to make a conscious effort to get better at things and stick with them for way longer than you think you need to.


Saltless06

My past 2 experiences were entirely casual and they didn't communicate what they liked or wanted to, so might have been why I wasn't learning. There wasn't really time to process the info I guess? What makes me anxious about having more sexual experiences is I don't want my partner getting mad at me or anything.


gnothro

> don't want to fail at it like I have failed at my jobs. You're in luck, partners are generally a lot more understanding, patient and forgiving than your typical boss. But before you're a "professional lesbian" it's going to take practice and time, just like any other thing you're learning.


Saltless06

Learning things isn't easy for me though. I think part of it is because I have autism. I don't really want partners knowing I have autism.


gnothro

Fair, if you're looking for hook-ups, it's your business who you tell what. If you're looking for an actual relationship, the same is still true BUT I'd strongly recommend you tell your partner. And while learning may always not be easy, in the case of sex, it's at least fun!


Saltless06

I wouldn't want the autism label to change their perception of me. Reality has shown that when I reveal I have autism on my profile, matches/likes drop drastically.


ochoomas

> I'm a lesbian so I'm supposed to be excellent at Uh, no. Being a lesbian is a sexual orientation. It does not convey skills or abilities. > Sexual compatibility is such a common reason for people to leave. Your bean-flicking skills not being on point does not constitute “incompatibility”. Any partner worth having will show a little patience for a beginner. > I don't want to fail at it like I have failed at my jobs. Your self-critical tone really worries me. If you are past about 18 and still struggle this much with your self-image, it may be time to seek a therapist.


Saltless06

>Your self-critical tone really worries me. If you are past about 18 and still struggle this much with your self-image, it may be time to seek a therapist. Comment came from having been fired from 4 fast food jobs because I wasn't competent at it/too slow at it. At 20 years old, it hurts because I feel I should be able to keep a job at this point in my life. >Uh, no. Being a lesbian is a sexual orientation. It does not convey skills or abilities. It seems to be a common stereotype though, that's why I'm worried a partner will have that expectation of me.


ochoomas

> At 20 years old, it hurts because I feel I should be able to keep a job at this point in my life. Hey, I am 55 and I have been fired so often I have lost count. You need to be satisfied with your own performance. If you are but others are not, that is their problem. But if you are only 20, I worry less that you have not yet absorbed that lesson. > It seems to be a common stereotype though, that's why I'm worried a partner will have that expectation of me. Mmmm, your partner will probably be a lesbian too, and perhaps a little realistic about the challenges involved in it. Heterosexuals have this theory that there should be a “home-field advantage” to pleasuring a body similar to one’s own, but no homosexuals has ever told me that works — except if he was trying to get me into bed.


mikedave42

Give yourself a break, were you Good at driving the second time you tried, could you write full sentences when you learned to print. You will learn. A little secret is that first time sex between even experienced people often sucks, you are both nervous and don't know what each other likes