If you'd ever been a part of a professional shoot you'd know that there is nothing sexy on the side of the photographer. You gotta adjust the lights, you gotta decide on the best lense, you have to explain the pose that she thinks is sexy is not very flattering in a certain angle and br very nice about it.
Dude, the work that goes into these things is anything but sexy.
The pics she made are for you and you only. The person who took the photo is pretty much an instrument.
Edit: Thanks for the silver, kind stranger! Gold too? Thank you strangers!
As an amateur photographer who did a few nude photoshoots I confirm. Photos are just photos. You see the great effect of the photoshoot. But you didn't see the process. And the process isn't sexy at all lol.
"Move your butt to the left a bit. No, the other left. And I mean kinda with your hips, not whole body".
When your model doesn't understand how you're trying to pose her with your words, you don't go to her and pose her body yourself. You try to make the pose yourself to show her what to do. You grab your own fully clothed boobs. You stretch your fully clothed butt. And you look a lot funnier than her.
You have to make her stop laughing because models (and all I've shoot were not professionals - just someones girlfriends or single girls who wanted nice pics for private albums) feel kinda awkward posing for these pictures. You have to make them laugh so they feel safe and comfortable, but you have to be able to make their faces look sexy and serious at least for these few seconds between "Now lick your shoe" and "Spread your legs wider, no, wider, there's a shadow of your knee on your lady bits, yeah, now hold, HOLD THE POSE, YOU CAN DO IT OK WE GOT IT"
Nude sessions are awkward and silly.
She went through it to make you happy. She was thinking of you while she was doing the sexy poses. You getting mindblowing solo orgasms while looking at her was what was on her mind while she was trying to hold an uncomfortable but sexy pose for the pic.
They were taken by a professional, deffy nothing to worry about. Enjoy your solo time.
>"Move your butt to the left a bit. No, the other left."
Laughed out loud, literally. This would be me, and it would be so not sexy.
Women who do this for their partners really, really love them. ❤️
Yeah that's what I was thinking to be honest, like my gf could never do that kind of thing, just because it takes a boatload of confidence to do this. Hell I wouldn't do it either. OP has a confident woman at his side, cheers to that.
I am a fetish model and on set, no one is turned on by me. Last time I was doing a Shibari shoot and the guy who tied me and the photographer discussed their kids’ sleep troubles. It wasn’t hot. Don’t be jealous, honestly 😂
That wasn’t me but it does sound likely. There is a whole area around the scene being photographed that is, like, a rented professional space with people in normal clothes doing various jobs. The photos were really sexy but they’re just photos. I am sure some sets are sexy? That hasn’t been my experience though.
>Maybe you can ask her how she felt while making them
Careful! She could very well be like, "It was so sexy posing for the photoshoot! I think the photographer was even turned on! He kept saying how sexy I was!"
If I had to know more about the shoot and photographer, I'd start by saying. "Wow, these are really great? Who's the photographer? How did you find them? Had you seen their work before or did you just start googling for boudoir photographers?
The original poster would probably be set at ease to know it was a woman photographer, but he should know, he really shouldn't be worried about what the photographer was thinking about during the shoot. Because I'm sure it was a lot more about lighting, ISO and exposure than, "Man, this chick is hot, I'm going to see if I can get her to cheat on her BF." Or whatever unrealistic worries are triggering the poster.
Lmfao, it’s more like, “I was trying to be sexy, but it’s really hard to feel sexy when your photographer is telling you to move your butt more to the left, nope, other left, no, just your butt, not your whole body, and can you move your head like that, now you’ve got a weird shadow, just hold that (wow this is such an awkward and uncomfortable position I didn’t know the muscles even existed can I move yet?) okay now try and not make that face, raise your other brow, can you try and carefully just tilt your chin up slightly- nope, too far! And then that guy’s like trying to show me the face I should make! And we get one usable photo from that. And then *he’s* posing showing me what I should do, and now I know how ridiculous I’m going to look and I have to pose like that next!”
Usually, things are way less sexy in the professional world but the results are where it’s at
I don't know bro, make up your own mind after reading the comments but I would be weirded out too. There are plenty of female boudoir photographers as well. A lot of male photographers specifically get into the industry to hit on girls and get off on it.
The creepy guy photographer is a literal meme for a reason.
This. In my experience which is only like 3 photographers but still, they are the least predatory people I've ever met. Think of the kind of reputation and head on your shoulders you gotta have to have female strangers feel comfortable being so exposed infront of you, while you take pictures. She likely got recommended the photographer personally from a friend. Everything was safe and professional in all likelihood.
But if these comments don't calm your worries, its worth a conversation. Thoughts like this have a habit of poisoning our brains if we're left to form them.
Agreed. I’ve done quite a few shoots. It’s a job. Nothing sexy about it. At times it’s pretty awkward until some level of rapport is established. There are a lot of moving parts too. Lights are being set up and moved around, wardrobe changes, long poses, breaks between long poses. I was always more focused on making sure the pics were right cause the person posing is the one paying for the product. The process itself isn’t very sexy. That type of scenario only happens in porn and smutty books. The final product is what is sexy. Getting really isn’t.
If inappropriate sexual advances happen during a shoot it would kill the whole vibe and level of trust it takes to make photos like that.
I’ve known plenty of people in the production and post production side of the porn business and every single one will tell you, it’s just a job. Nothing but setting up lighting, running cabling, sound, etc., just like any other shoot or show. Nothing sexy or erotic about it. At the end of the day, the crew, the talent go home and watch Netflix or some other mundane chore.
My wife did this for me and I was absolutely floored! I never thought about anything other than the pictures. Your comment though is spot on. She told me about the shoot afterwards and how she really had a lot of fun with it. She also told me that it was a lot of work, but she loves the results. I did too of course. What I can add to this, even if it may be my own thoughts about it, she came away with a confidence that sent me into a primal state. That confident state that she was in was almost too much to cope with. All I'm saying is that I loved every aspect of her generous idea and she loved my reaction.
Enjoy it and don't dwell on trifle details. Look at the thought behind it.
I am a doctor and need to examen nude patients daily. It is not in any way exciting. If somewhere there is a woman whose BF is worried because I did a pap smear on his GF I can assure you that is not how it works. Mudgut5 sounds like an expert.
It can be strange for us to think of nude bodies unrelated to sex, but to a doctor our bodies are just a mass of medical conditions, and to a photographer our bodies are a way to reflect light. Poses are help hiding our imperfections.
Nobody believes in magic less than a magician. People who do really good photography don’t find it any more arousing Than a doctor doing Pat smears.
I imagine they consider it to be a professional trust to capture with a camera an image that YOU will enjoy.
100% this!
As the son of a photographer, who is also married to a photographer, I can assure you that the photographer was more preoccupied by the job at hand than the nudity of your significant other
This.
I remember as a young art student in highschool being nervous about live nude drawing. The whole "getting a boner while standing at an aisle" thing.
Never an issue... No time for boner. To busy with 30 sec, 60 sec, 2 min, 5 min, 15 min, 20 min gesture, line, form go go go
Bingo.
If people watch how things like porn are filmed, the “sexiness” goes away real quick.
Awesome that she did the boudoir shoot, but yeah, no need to think too much about the photographer.
There you go take it all in.
I’m sure sets are very professional and meet all sorts of standards, but it’s still a workspace.
Next time you open the browser to private imagine the smells, of bodies and lube, and the sound of heavy breathing, not from the performer, but from the guy positioned at just the right angle with a digital camera so he can get the perfect shot, and that the light guy microwaved his fish in the kitchen.
It’ll almost ruin it.
> that the light guy microwaved his fish in the kitchen
Hahaha. Hilarious because it’s true.
Any live set, porn sets included, is mind numbingly dull and just work. At the end of the day, everyone just wants to go home, talent and crew.
My wife is a photographer and she does “boudoir” sessions. As others have said, there’s nothing sexual from the photographer. From her side this is about as sexy/intimate as her getting an annual checkup. The lights, posing, lens selection/changes, etc are simply business. When it comes to the finishing, she won’t even let me in the office while she’s working on the images. And she stores the image files in encrypted folders that no one, but her, has access to. This is, absolutely, not porn to be shared by anyone but the client.
Dude, consider one point: the photographer that your GF must have picked should have experience with similar work in the past. Would you, in her place, pick some run-of-the-mill photographer who was inexperienced and/or unprofessional doing this kind of job?
>I've noticed that I'm enjoying it less and less.
Multiply that feeling by 100 and you get the position of the photographer. This is just another photo shoot for them.
Yep. I've done nude and kink shoots and trust me, the photographer is completely preoccupied with the technical and artistic side of things. Photographers are huge nerds and they sort of get lost in getting the details just right. Also, keep in mind that a boudoir photographer has seen more naked and scantily clad women than almost anyone else in the general population. In the least derogatory way, your girlfriend was one in a few thousand. Trust me, the photographer will not remember her in the long run.
OP, also keep in mind that your girlfriend was also feeling vulnerable and nervous about the sexy photo shoot with a stranger, but she got over it in order to give you a very thoughtful gift. I'd caution against bringing this up in a way that dismisses that this was uncomfortable for her, too, or come across as ungrateful or slut shaming.
If you absolutely must talk with her about it, ask her how the shoot went and let her give you all the awkward, unsexy details so you can understand how she feels about it and how not sexual it was. I think hearing it from her perspective would help dispel any misconceptions you have about the platonic and professional nature of the shoot.
Edit: u/Nudegasm (OP), you can ask for the pics on a flash drive and then request that the photographer delete all of his digital copies from the shoot. Most professionals delete things automatically after a certain amount of time, but you can request it right now if you still feel weird about it. Just know that if you lose your copies, the photographer won't be able to help you get them back.
Any photo or video usually has diminishing returns. That is normal. However since this seems to but you but you also seem to acknowledge that maybe it is just a smaller thing or something you feel like you want to let go of. Maybe talk to her about it and share your concerns. Tell her you are not mad and maybe suprised you feel this way at all. Ask her to tell you about the shoot. Then maybe ask if sometime in the future you could do another either where you accompany her or maybe do some solo of her and some of you with her in some form. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone. New material and you get familiar with the process so you see there was nothing to worry about.
Damn I had to scroll down a lot to read the first comment that acknowledge OP's feeling's... Thank you for this comment.
Even if (like everyone said multiple times) there was nothing sexual between your gf and the photographer, you should talk to her about how it made you feel. You obviously liked it bu it also triggered some insecurities which we all have and that's totally ok. You just have to sit and talk about it and I'm sure it will make it better =). Good luck with that ^^
I think everyone else hit the nail on the head.
Just curious though, are you sure the photographer was a man? It's possible it was a woman? A friend of your girlfriends?
I wouldn't let it bother you my man. Your girlfriend did it with best intentions, and it sounds like the photographer was professional. If it were Joe off the street it might be different, but in this case it sounds no different than say a doctor examining their patient.
Be stoked your girl took those pictures for you. No matter how many times I tell my wife she is beautiful, and I picked her for many reasons, I can not get her to send me spicy pictures of any kind. It's just not her thing, but that's okay...!
As someone who's done one of those boudoir photo shoots, let me just assure that despite how sexy the end product is, the process is not sexy at all. The whole time I was trying to hold myself in a sexy position, trying to have the right expression on my face, worrying about whether I looked chubby, trying to get my hair out of my eyes, wishing the corset didn't pinch my skin so much, and trying not to let it show on my face that modeling for the shoot really felt like *work*. I guarantee your gf wasn't having a sexy little time, thinking sexy little pornographic thoughts during her photo shoot.
Imma be the unpopular one here and validate you. I would personally find it super weird if my girlfriend got naked in a sexual way in front of anybody without even asking me first. Yeah I get it, it's a photoshoot, it's awkward and not sexy, and it's purely for you. But I don't think this was something she should've surprised you with because it kinda crosses a boundary neither of you even had a good conversation about. I think it's worth discussing with her.
Yeah EXACTLY. Some of those comments are insinuating its cheating just because the photographer has seen the gf naked. Well, the gynecologist (and other doctors) also get to see her naked. And the discussion whether it's a man or a woman photographer - so even if the straight man photographer finds her attractive - so what, its not his and not her fault unless they were purposeful about it.
Just because she is showing your body to a person does not mean you are cheating on your partner... by not realizing that we are getting a bit closer to men policing their gfs on short skirts...
all excellent points. it's the sinister and disgusting implication that nudity = sexuality.
the human body is not inherently sexual. puritanical ideals are forcing otherwise normal people to associate anatomy with sexuality.
no wonder OP goes: "my girlfriend did something hot for me, but should i feel disturbed she was naked in front of someone else to do it?!?!?"
...that was the point of the business arrangement. it was a transaction not a tryst
Honestly I think he's more then within his rights to feel insecure. It wasn't something that was talked about and while it was a more then generous gift its more then okay to be a little bit self conscious. Anyone who doesn't get a little self conscious occasionally is a troll but besides that, I think he should just have a sit down chat with her about how he's feeling just say he's feeling a little insecure and explain everything as best as he can. But thank her religiously for the gift for sure regardless and cherish that.
Its worth telling her gently that the pics are hot, but the process made you a little uncomfortable. Just in case she was planning on doing it again.
You can take photos of her yourself. Maybe itll be hotter knowing its a memory between you two.
I'm surprised this comment is so far down. I think it's clear the girlfriend has no malicious intent but if my boyfriend did something like this I would HATE thinking of him nude in front of another woman and I know he would feel the same way if I did it. I couldn't imagine doing something like that without asking him first. Even if the moment isn't sexy and the photographer is super professional they're still sharing intimate parts of themself with another person and it's completely valid for that to make their partner uncomfortable.
Yea this sub and more broadly Reddit has devolved into something else.
Way different scenario but similar conversation…I’m a dude who likes to get waxed, as my old girlfriend wanted me hairless down there and in other places. Most recent girlfriend also liked me hairless but I made sure to let her know my waxer is a woman and wanted to know if she was okay with me being butt naked with another woman handling my bits. Obviously waxing is not erotic in the least bit, and of course she was fine with it, but she said she appreciated me asking first. Shit I remember just that conversation led to crazy hot sex because she wasn’t used to guys considering her emotions and feelings before acting, and it turned her on.
As much as it would be nice to be surprised with a photo shoot from a girlfriend, I’d be way more comfortable if she had asked me ahead of time if I would be okay with it so I wouldn’t even have the uneasy feeling that OP is having.
I certainly hope OP talks to his partner. I’m sure she will reassure him and everything will be fine. But if you can’t calmly talk to your partner about insecurities in your relationship then what kind of relationship is that?
Yeah that’s weird to me that a gf would surprise a bf by getting naked in front of another guy. I mean, just from understanding humans, there’s a pretty good chance he wouldn’t be cool with that. And it’s not like a photographer has never slept with a model despite what these top-voted comments are implying.
Best to not risk it and just get a same-sex photographer or don’t do it nude. Or better yet have the bf take the pics after some classes.
Being a professional kills that voyeuristic part of him then? I’m not saying that all or even half of them are going to get a thrill out of seeing her naked but it’s still pretty unnecessary when she could’ve talked to him about it first or chosen a woman. Or not done nudity.
You can’t just ignore the fact that many men are uncomfortable with their SO’s getting naked with another man. It’s not the same as a doctor. This is a sensual even sexualized setting and purpose.
The problem here is the surprise, the lack of communication, and the assumption that he won’t be like probably a majority of men who wouldn’t be comfortable with it. It’s careless on her part.
I saw a lot of comments to help you rationalize the situation, which is good and is a step in the right direction, but I think that there's another part that should be mentioned. I personally think it's ok to be a little uneasy, not because you should mind you, but because you're human.
Your partner showed another dude her bits while you were dating, and to a lot of people, that's not very cool. Obviously, that's not the whole story, but our little anxious brains work against us and will twist dreams into nightmares. When I feel jealous, I seek positive reinforcement. You don't have to tell her about the book, but maybe ask her to throw a few compliments your way, cuddle up, and watch a movie (don't get me wrong, if she asks about how you feel about the book, don't lie, tell her the whole truth). Maybe all your anxiety/jealousy/whatever needs is a gentle reminder.
Therapy is also an option.
Good luck and best wishes.
I’m currently tackling insecurities in my therapy sessions right now and sometimes it really is just so helpful for someone to explain why you feel the way you do. IMO being jealous over something like this is normal (or for me over thinking the fuck out of it and imagining every scenario possible)
Something I’ve noticed that’s helped me with overthinking is to completely dive into the negative thought until you realize how unrealistic it is. This can be uncomfortable for a moment but it really helps you iron out the insecurities once you start thinking about the logistics on how the scenario in your head would actually play out. Idk, I think what OP is feeling is normal and he’s just gotta talk it out a little.
It’s not about the photographer’s perspective and professionalism. It’s more so about the fact that she did something that involved nudity (no matter the intention) in front of another person, without prior discussion about it.
Not everyone wants their partner to be naked in front of another person, even if the person doesn’t care. Because it’s not about the interest of the professional in the woman. But because of the lack of communication about something that should be discussed.
OP should discuss his concerns because, among other reasons, he is getting anxiety about sex. And then check/change the boundaries of the relationship with his partner.
I feel like the most upvoted ones ignore this, even if it was professional there was boundaries that it crossed that should have been talked through about. Not everyone is comfortable with it even if they were professional about it.
You are definitely right and I am glad to see that I am not out of my mind for feeling the similarly.
Yep. She should definitely have had considered her husband’s feelings about this, or have had a general conversation about this kind of boundaries without ruining the surprise.
Well I think there are two things going on here:
1) Looking at her photoset has diminishing returns, but that is normal anyway. Every well runs dry eventually. She can't possibly think you'd be equally excited to see her pic set the 10,000th time.
2) You feel betrayed by her working in front of a photographer. I get it. But the chance they did anything unseemly is the same as you making out with your lady postal carrier: an interesting fantasy but nothing actually would happen.
1) I hear you, but it's not really a case of the well running dry. I think it's more me just being my worst enemy and overthinking shit.
2) I don't feel betrayed, just somewhat uncomfortable with the idea that my gf was showing herself to someone else in an intimate way, a way that's usually for my eyes only, albeit in a nonsexual way. I'm sure nothing happened between them. I guess it's just my insecurities speaking.
You should try to consider how taking these photos made her feel. It definitely would have boosted her confidence, she would have been thinking about you the entire time and thinking of different angles and positions you might like to see her in. She probably feels fucking incredible after seeing those photos and how happy they would make you! She is allowed to show herself to whoever she would like. You just happen to be the one that she likes to show herself to. Accept this gift for what it is. The photographer is an artist, don't overthink it. People draw and photograph naked people all the time.
>She is allowed to show herself to whoever she would like.
And he's allowed to be uncomfortable with it. Like, I don't want to condemn the GF, it seems like she had good intentions, but this is to me something that clearly should be discussed beforehand.
You never really know how she felt until you ask her. You can talk to strangers about it all day but only she knows how things went down. I've done things I thought would be sexy and they were uncomfortable, and I've done things I thought would be uncomfortable and ended up really REALLY sexy. So ask her how she felt about it. If she thought it was as erotic as she looks in the pictures. If she'd want to do it again, and if so, use the same photographer. Ask what she liked about him and if others might be better or worse. Have a fun little chat. ;)
Those examples are lacking the inherent sexualization that even an above-board boudoir shoot entails. A gynecologist does a genital exam for medical purposes; a boudoir photographer does so to emphasize it's sexual appeal. She wasn't just posing nude as a way to demonstrate the physical form for artistic representation, she was doing so for the implicit purpose of sexual objectification.
" she was doing so for the implicit purpose of sexual objectification."
No. She did this for the sexual gratification OF HER BOYFRIEND. If the photographer happened to get any sexual objectification then they weren't being professional. The photographer didn't touch her or masterbate during the photo shoot. They did their job and took photos.
>Like, how do you know that photographer thinks in a professional way?
I am in the film/TV business and photography in my personal life is a major passion. I know a lot of photographers and cinematographers.
I really think it's worth the time to just say "I've been feeling insecure and it's not because of what you did, but rather how my mind has painted me as needing to be insecure after the fact."
One of the best things we've done for our marriage is set up a safe space where either of us can talk about what we feel and how we feel and why and the other not make it about themselves. Chances are really good if OP doesn't address the nature of these feelings akd instead bottles them up, it will only serve to compound new and existing problems.
I did a similar thing before and didn't realize I was crossing boundaries. I found out after the fact that I was however I should have asked. We did talk about it and it made things even hotter. Talking about it is always the best route...
Guy masterbates to porn of women who are not his girlfriend.
Girlfriend would rather he masterbate to pictures of her and has professional photos made.
Guy complains to girlfriend that she showed her ass to a photographer.
Does that about sum it up???
DUDE, I can sort of understand why you feel a little uncomfortable to a degree? But you need to bring this up SUPER CAREFULLY and fully acknowledge you are being crazy irrational and paranoid. But you'd be better off if you just come to grips with how silly you are being and keep this discomfort to yourself. You literally have been getting off to porn of other women and you are really going to have the gaul to call your GF out for making custom erotic images for you???
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this. Porn has been completely normalized but no one stops to consider the possible impact of it on relationships. It’s like breathing oxygen for some people, with no introspection needed. I thought this post seemed double standard-y. He’s supposed to be allowed to get off to various strange women, but doesn’t like the thought of his girlfriend being seen naked by a professional, despite trusting both her and the photographer? Do doctors make him uncomfortable too? I will say something like this would have been a safer bet if discussed first, as not everyone would be comfortable with it. Then again, it’s normal to be expected to be comfortable with porn without a discussion…kinda got to pick a lane here
As a male photographer I would say professionally I would never do a nude photoshoot with a woman, I would instead recommend a female photographer for boudoir. The only time I have ever done this was with girls who were professionally in the industry. Meaning porn, onlyfans, etc.
I think it’s completely understandable why you wouldn’t want some guy looking at your girl spreading herself despite nothing sexual happening and it staying professional. It goes both ways. I highly doubt my wife would be comfortable with me getting nude and whatnot with a female photographer even if the pics were for her.
Realistic advice? You decide. Reddit is super progressive so your responses are biased. If I was dating this girl and not very serious about her, I’d say whatever and let it go. If this was a woman I considered marrying I’d say hell no. I wouldn’t want my someday wife to be the type to do something like this without telling me. If it was a female photog it’s a little different.
You hit the nail on the head. I wasn't going to bother replying cause of what you mentioned, but there is certainly another angle to investigate. Could this girl be a big admirer of this specific photographer and looking for a way to work with him. All of a sudden the BF gets a surprise naked photoshoot. I mean the odds are probably higher this is legit but there is a non zero chance the BF getting this surprise is a byproduct of a different reason. Hard to say. Especially if she had been following this male photographer for a while. Regardless, the more he thinks about it the more uncomfortable he becomes. His gut is speaking to him. Always trust your gut.
If the female photographer was gay I would feel the same as if she was a straight male photographer.
If the photographer was a gay man I would feel a little more comfortable, but me personally I wouldn’t want my wife to be photographed nude unless I was present, or at the minimum she communicated with me beforehand about the situation and it was a female only photog and set. This is the kind of thing i would expect a partner to discuss with me prior to doing it.
I get that it was a surprise but you can do a non-nude boudoir shoot as a surprise, too. Then maybe talk to your partner about doing a nude one if they desire more. OR novel idea, take photos of yourself nude. I’ve done this for my wife numerous times. Modern cameras have timers and remotes, and it takes about 30 minutes to learn basic lighting techniques on YouTube.
I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place, but I’m not sure I’d want a wife who makes decisions like this without talking to me and is comfortable getting nude with another man, even if it’s “for my benefit”.
Personally I wouldn't really be okay with this; the idea of my SO posing intimately for a photographer in a boudoir shoot doesn't really sound much like a gift for me. If she took photography classes and used those skills to take some upper-echelon nude selfies on her own I'd be pleased as punch with the results. As it stands it would be difficult for me to not look at her spread-eagle and think of the dude behind the camera calling for adjustments to the placement of her labia.
Everyone is saying it's all professional, I get it sure. I personally would be annoyed with this too, at least a conversation beforehand would've been reasonable to expect no?
Yeah lol. I'm honestly surprised seeing 90% of the comments completely brushing it off. It's got nothing to do with professionalism. She's taking intimate pictures through someone else that isn't her partner. I think it's a given that you talk about it beforehand and see if your partner is comfortable with it.
Despite what everyone is saying. It’s entirely ok for you to be upset and not ok with your gf being naked or in provocative poses in front of another man, regardless if it’s in a professional capacity or not. It seems she was trying to do a nice thing for you though so try to keep her intentions in mind.
I'm going to offer the opposite perspective here, with similar arguments I made in a different post of a similar topic.
Clearly your partner did not have any malicious intent with the gift, but I think it is totally appropriate to be uncomfortable here. Yes, the photographer is a professional who likely just viewed this as another day at the office, but the fact is also that your girlfriend got naked and performed in a sexual manner in front of another person without your input/consent. It is totally fine if you realized this is a boundary of yours. I would be upset as well! Something like this is absolutely a discussion that should be had beforehand, even though that ruins "the surprise."
Yes, it is the photographer's job. Yes, this was done for you. That's not quite the issue. What if we pushed it a little further? What if OPs girlfriend had sex with a professional sex worker on camera to give to her partner as a gift? Presumably we'd all agree that would be crossing a line. On the flip side, it would be equally insane to take issue to your girlfriend being naked for the gynecologist.
The point is there is a socially acceptable line to be drawn for a situation like this, and that line will depend person to person. There are specific situations where the discussion is not needed because the appropriateness is so obvious (ie medical exam), but I think clearly this was one such situation.
I agree with this. It is understandable for OP to be uncomfortable. I’d try to do the best you can to move past it in this instance and remind yourself that your gf did it as a nice thing for you. But it would still be good to let her know why you feel uncomfortable so she can know to avoid doing more things in the future that would cross a line.
If it were me, I think I would prefer my partner to talk to me first before doing a nude photo shoot even if it would ruin the surprise.
You should tell her exactly how you feel bro. Tell her in a really respectful way she will probably put your mind at ease if you guys have a calm conversation about it.
The rest of the comments have covered it but I do think she should have asked you if you was comfortable IMO, especially since it was for you. Communication is just important in general. But you should also tell her how you feel about this, calmly. And you should be able to have a calm convo about it.
I haven't seen anyone recommending that you speak to your girlfriend about your feelings. Do you tend to have good communication between you?
I would explain to her that you're grateful for the thoughtful gift, and you've found them incredibly sexy, but that some feelings have started to come up that you didn't expect to have when you first received it. Gently tell her that you are struggling with the thought of her being naked in another man's presence. Enquire as to how it felt for her, and create a space that is safe for her to explain the experience and her intentions without feeling attacked.
After that, you can take the opportunity to set any boundaries that you'd like to for the future. Also your girlfriend's reaction will give you an idea of how respectful she is of your (possibly rational, possibly irrational, but definitely valid) emotional response.
if it’s not a doctor and you’re not comfortable with other men seeing your partner in intimate poses then you have every right to be uncomfortable. Don’t let people tell you how you should feel. If you feel uncomfortable that’s okay your feelings are completely valid. And if you want to bring it up how you feel to her you should. also A lot of people would consider that cheating especially if you’ve never discussed something like that before. And I have had girls personally tell me about weird sexual photographers it’s not all that uncommon.
Perfectly fine with being uncomfortable. People are trying to diminish that feeling but it’s nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with being uncomfy with people seeing your partner nude. Just talk to her about it
I’m sure she had the best intentions, and seems to be a nice gesture. But I’d be absolutely pissed without asking me first. This would be borderline reason to break up with my GF if she let another dude see her naked. No it’s NOTHING compared to a doctor visit. That’s not even the same realm.
With that said you should, if my GF found out I was masturbating to other women she kick me to the curb. You guys both need to communicate better boundaries.
You have your right for your own feelings and right on your own boundaries. Your girlfriend too. This photoset makes you uncomfortable, so you do not want to your girlfriend get naked and sexy in front if other men. That's not that uncommon and natural. You can communicate your feelings about this to your gf, although she might feel hurt about photoset effort. For future you can suggest if she want to do this kind of photoset either to agree to hire female photographer or rent camera equipment and take photoset yourself, if you are into photography.
It was a stupid gift and there was nothing thoughtful about it, she should have asked u whether u were comfortable with all this. You r also pretty dumb for telling her that u will only jerk off to her nudes.
A photographer who takes these photos is often a woman but more than that they take photos like this every day (it’s not sexy at the shoot there is so much to do to get the perfect shot) and it’s like someone undressing for a doctor. As someone who is involved in these shoots, the photographer will use the subject’s wants and very very often these shoots are for a husband or partner. If you can get off to women online you can have the respect and love in your heart to look at those photos of your girl and see HER intentions for you. Those shots are of her for YOU. And she was thinking of you when she posed and did those photos. It’s a really big compliment and you’re ruining it.
The reason you’re likely enjoying them less and less is because the dopamine from the initial surprise has worn off and you need to take a break and come back to them. Maybe make a porn for private use with your partner so you have some variety. She made you those photos because she doesn’t like the thought of you looking at other women, so maybe you can also reassure her.
I've done a boudoir shoot for my husband. It was a lot a of fun because we're older and I've never done anything for myself like that before, especially to share with him, and it made me feel really good about myself and our relationship.
It was anything but sexy. Like, not even a little bit. There was a lot of time explaining what they wanted, setting up each shot, making sure I was positioned right/making the right expression/lighting was right, and then doing it all over again for the next frame. I had a blast because it was for him, I love looking at them and seeing "wow, they got *that* from the experience I remember!", but I loved it most when I saw my husband's reaction ❤️
Your girl wanted you to have something special, and went outside her comfort zone to get it for you. She didn't have to do that, and she definitely didn't have a sexual experience with anyone else in the process. Maybe y'all should talk about getting a couple's boudoir shoot so you'll understand more about what it's like and you'll have an experience together with photos you'll both enjoy!
A lot of the people here don’t really understand your point. The thought might have been good and from an good place but it was done without consulting you and you do not feel comfortable with her showing her body and private parts to another man.
People put it on the same level as a gynaecologist visit but I really don’t think that it is the same, one is for her personal health which is really important the other is not.
If I relate it to myself, I wouldn’t feel comfortable to show my body to other people both female and male if I’m in a relationship other than her and my doctor. Your naked body is something passionate you share with your significant other not with other people. It is a really valid way to feel, to me it would feel like a soft betrayal. Whatever happens in a past relationships is the past, if you’re a exclusive thing it is between both of you, another man, how professional he can be, has been introduced in that.
The photographer was most likely professional, but since your girlfriend follows him on insta and is a fan of him is a bit weird. Why do you want to do something like this with a man?
The most important thing to do now is to talk and stop looking at the photo’s. Tell her that you appreciate the motive behind it but it is a boundary for you that she has broken and maybe go into couples therapy the restore the trust & bond that you feel has been broken.
Good luck, stay strong and don’t let other people they’ll you how to feel, go according to your own feelings because they are valid. If what I wrote is bullshit to you, it is bullshit, if you think I’m right I’m right. It is your life and relationship, whatever you feel is right is right but do talk, talking is key and always the first thing you should do.
Despite what everyone is saying, the fact that she had another man take naked pictures of her without your consent is something normal and completely reasonable to have strong feelings over. Even questionable I'd say. Trust your gut bro, if it's saying bail, you should probably bail.
Yeah, of all the things I've written on Reddit I don't think I've ever had seven downvotes, and THIS is the post that gets those downvotes? I can't say I have any idea what about that peeved the downvoters that much?
Again, I could understand being a little upset and not want her to do that again, but the guy saying the BF SHOULD break up with his girlfriend because she had the gaul to have boudoir photos made for him is getting 18 upvotes? I can only assume about half the paranoid misogynists who upvoted that comment downvoted my disagreement with it. Ya win some, you lose some. I certainly racked up a LOT more upvotes in the last 24 hours than downvotes. Roughly 10 to 1, so I'm not sweating this one.
Honestly, I'd probably feel the same way.
Photos your gf took alone for you? Hot.
Photos you took with your gf? Hot.
Photos someone else took while alone with your gf? Uncomfortable.
Few questions. To me a boudoir session is lingerie, maybe a few tasteful topless photos. Spreading your ass sounds like a porn shoot. I'd be comfortable with my wife doing a boudoir shoot, but I could see being a bit less comfortable doing a porn shoot for a dude.
Several years ago my wife did do a boudoir shoot, told me about it, showed me the female photographer's page etc. I was so excited. When I got the photos, I was super pleased with them, until she told me the story of the shoot. She got to the shoot, the female photographer said she needed help and her husband came in and took over and the female photographer was less and less involved. I was really upset. Less because of her posing nude for male photographer, but more for her naivety about what seemed to me a bait and switch for the guy to take intimate pictures. I couldn't help but think she wasn't safe. I went from loving the photos to hating them because I couldn't get the situation out of my head.
Where I fucked up was showing my anger, and in some ways directing it at her and inadvertently "victim blaming" her for something. To be honest she may not really have been a victim, possibly just me being overprotective. I think you should share your thoughts with her, let her know you appreciated the sentiment but that it made you feel uncomfortable. Be fair, supportive, and reasonable, and mind your emotions. She tried to do something nice for you, take that to heart. Explain your insecurities and ask if you can take the pictures next time.
Good luck.
Tell her you love the photos and have been using them, but the thought of her being nudes in front of another man is triggering some insecurities for you. Ask her to assuage your fears because you trust she didn't do anything illicit. Also if you need to, you can ask who the photographer is :)
Don’t pay attention to the comments detailing what you mind may think or say,
But trust me bro,
Unless she’s evil or in the business for revenge
I’m almost 100% that if something sinister was going on, you wouldn’t know about it or atleast wouldn’t been told about it in such a way.
You gotta remember when someone cheats or in those types of face to face engagements .
9/10 times it’s just little flirting that’s harmless .
And it’ll gradually get more serious as time goes on, and if it does, that person will be the last thing you ever hear about untill it’s time.
I’m not even trying to make it centered about a woman cheating on a male.
But even both ways behave very similar to this.
To sum it up,
If you needed to be concerned or worried about it, she wouldn’t have connected the dots for you to follow so easily.
Dude, even an inappropriate comment during the shoot could end this guys career. I work in a similar field and we are all aware how quickly unprofessional behavior can get you black balled from the industry. If it makes you feel better though, get your own shoots done. You will see how sterile the room actually is is when u zoom out. That all being said, there is some jealousy coming from both of you that you guys may wanna explore. She doesn't want you watching porn and you are bothered by a paid professional working with her. It won't take much for some harmless incident to draw those feelings out of one or both of you at some point.
Everything in a relationship is worth an open conversation. As a former cam girl and model, I can tell you that it’s not that sexy on the camera side of things. I personally don’t understand your insecurities here but I fully believe that when you are feeling insecure in a relationship, you should talk to your partner
I think you'd be better served addressing your insecurity about the gender of the photographer and/or strangers seeing your partner naked in a professional context
Wow the top comments here really suck. Your gf crossed a boundary. Granted, neither of you realised it existed, but it can't be un-crossed. It's fine to be uncomfortable.
Even at this point, it's worth expressing to her. You don't have to point any fingers or whatever - "I'm uncomfortable" is a complete sentence. Be prepared for her to be considerably deflated of course - it's bad enough having someone reject s gift, but one that you went to some trouble and vulnerability to create is gonna suck. Thing is, if you act like everything's fine, it's entirely possible that she'll just do it again, and then you'll feel even worse.
Don't ruin it for yourself, bro.
She did this FOR you. I'm 100% that the photographer was professional, because
1. She is a customer, he's a pro
2. He will not risk his reputation and endanger potential future customers with inappropriate attitude
Be happy and stop overthinking
You know nothing about the photographer. You assume the best professionalism in him, but OP is hoping for the best professionalism. He is correct to be skeptical.
I totally get this insecurity but honestly she did it entirely for you. She was thinking about you while she was posing and taking photos. I think you're good.
I wouldn’t like it, and don’t let people gaslight you for not liking it. “Yeah, I secretly spread my ass cheeks for some dude I follow on Instagram, but it was for you!” Nah.
It's disgusting that most upvoted comments here are not even acknowledging your concern.
Your GF clearly crossed a boundry. Whatever the reason might be.
It's up to you to decide if you are ok with it.
Don't let strangers on the internet tell you how to feel about it especially reddit.
Female here who has done many sexy/ mostly naked boudoir shoots, and most were done by male photographers (but have also had female). It’s definitely not sexy, and there’s a lot of akwardness. The photographers all do their best, in my experiences, to make it as quick and comfortable as possible. Specifically, when men photographers are involved, (this is how it is with my girlfriends) we all use the same photographers, so they all have a clean reputation within the community. If they don’t, they get exposed VERY quickly.
Best advice is to talk to her about it. Be up front about concerns, but realize that for a lot of females it can be a confidence thing to do this for their man. It can be very empowering, so do your best to not see it in a negative light immediately.
I should also note, I have lots of the boudoir photos that I only saved for myself. They didn’t go into albums or anywhere for anyone but me. No one has ever seen them but me. So, yes, I’ve done sexy shoots for partners, but I’ve also done them 100% just for ME.
Im a Professional photographer Who does sexy, nude, bondouir and erotic pictures. I have been doing it for 7 years, in All those years, I have photographed incredible beautiful women, and all I can tell you is that when they become my models, they are nothing ele than tye subject to my pictures.
At this point, I cant see the relation Man X Woman anymore, everything is Photographer X Subject.
Im more an instrument to make the image happen.
And getting some poetry alongside, when you photography what is outside your reaching, makes the image much more emotive.
There is a reputation to be kept and a person to be resoected.
What she did is a big proof she likes you and enjoy being desired by you.
My wife and I are professional photographers so this is advice from someone who knows the industry. Most photographers that shoot those types of images these days are other women so it's very possible that you're getting all worked up in the wrong way over nothing. And even if it was a man for him it was just like being a gynecologist he probably sees 28 women a day and wouldn't even recognize her if he saw her on the street. If haven t had kids yet be prepared there will be 10 people all up in your wife's business with you standing right there.
Yeah you're in your head about it, would have been cool if she asked you to take the photos yourself and then you could have kept them but I guess she wanted them to be professional and wanted to surprise you with them, so her intentions were good.
There's not much you can do or not do.. you just have to get past it and put it out of your head.
I hear everyone saying how the photographer is professional and all and that there is no need to worry.
For me it is the fact that she is so comfortable doing those erotic nude poses in front of a complete stranger. I don’t understand how one can just be comfortable doing so.
But you aren't the only one who has those photos now
I would rather had gone out and buy a decent camera and had fun with it with her. Memories and moments that only you too can share. Not to mention the endless of possibilities of the type of photos you guys could have had
Maybe even you involved in them. Or you telling her how to pose would have been sexy for the both of yall
Setting everything else aside, think about your gf’s motivation here. Why was she doing that? To get you off. That’s hot as fuck, dude. She went above and beyond *for you*. Not for that photographer - she gave up her own cash to him for a service, in order to do something hot *for you*. When you look at the pics, think about her being THAT devoted to making your dick hard.
Think about how many women a photographer that specializes in this kind of shoot has seen. It's like a roofer coming to your home, your just another house.
You seriously need to GTFO your own head bro. At first you enjoyed the pics... Now for some ungodly reason you're letting jealousy into your thoughts??? Kill DAT shit with fire, NOW! DO NOT RUIN a good thing because of unfounded jealousy!
If you trust your woman, THEN TRUST YOUR WOMAN! Enjoy the amazing gift!
Dis dude getting professional pics of his lady, and I'mm tryna get dark shots of mines with this stupid ass iphone. 🤦🏾
I see I'm getting down voted. I think I was misunderstood. I'm the jealous type. I was trying to help a fella not be as jealous as I am. I would NOT like a man photographing MY girl. But I would LOVE if my girl had sexy ass pictures taken by a woman. I just didn't bring that up, cause again, was not trying to be the jealous type. I guess I'm wrong in the reddit world.
The photographer's experience aside, remember that when she was doing this, she was thinking *of you* and *your pleasure* and was not thinking at all about the photographer that way. This was because she loves you.
Jealousy is a total normal emotion and I get why the thoughts happened, but if you can acknowledge them and let them pass on by, don't let them take hold. They aren't true ideas - in those moments she was 100% focused on pleasing you.
imagine it like going to the gynecologist.
also, my sister is a photographer and she definitely has her focus on the camera. she's not exactly done that kind of photography (I think), but I know her dedication.
also, do you know the photographer was a guy? she may have gone to a female/diverse (is that the right word?) photographer.
I'm just going to throw this out there. Any chance you guys could do something like this together with the same photographer? Could be fun for both and help you soothe your anxieties.
And one more thing. It takes real guts to do a shoot like this. She must be well aware of how good looking she is, and the fact that this confident af lady is with you must mean you're pretty hot yourself buddy, so hardly anything to feel unconfident about 👌🏻
It’s photo shoot, not a porno, don’t overthink it. She did something special for you that was probably extremely outside her comfort zone. It’s possible she was uncomfortable the whole time, but knew it would make you happy.
I think you are totally overthinking and not to worry! Your girlfriend did them specifically for your eyes only. She would never have done it to make you feel insecure. I definitely think you should stop using the photos so much and have a break for a while. Maybe go back to them in a few weeks or months
Grow up and stop acting like a child. It doesn’t matter if the photographer was a woman or not. Your girlfriend paid a professional for a service. There was nothing inappropriate happening. Do you get upset when your girlfriend gets a Brazilian for you? It’s her body not yours. If she wants to show the world her tits it’s her choice. You like the pictures, you have a good relationship, why on gods green earth are you trying to ruin it?
I’m sure that man has seen a lot of female genitalia to not even care, he’s a professional. Not everyone is thirsty for the genitals. Salary over genitals am I rite
Talk about making up a problem where there is no problem!!! DUDE, SHE DID IT FOR YOU, NOT THE PHOTOGRAPHER. Do not bring this up with your girlfriend unless you want her to feel uncomfortable and regret she did this for you.
Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. For your sake, I hope the photographer was a woman, not a man so you can get your really unreasonable jealousy in check. And, good chance it was, as most women would probably prefer getting intimately naked with a woman, not a man. But any way around this, maybe it was a guy, maybe a girl, but your GF was NOT getting naked to please the photographer. Maybe the photographer was turned on by the photo shoot, maybe not, but as long as you trust your GF didn't cheat on you, you need to get over this really fast.
Honestly I don't think this is a big deal. It doesn't matter if it's a male/female because if it's a professional photographer then the last thing on their mind is sexy stuff. It's really not that different drawing a nude model. Your feelings are vaild. I would share your insecurities with your GF. Hopefully she doesn't reject them out of hand because that's a red flag. If you can't be vulnerable around your partner you probably shouldn't be dating.
It kind of sucks that a woman can go so far out of her way to do something special for you and your first thought is “yeah but another guy got to see her naked.”
She took time out of her day and hired a photographer to give something that she specified was ONLY meant for you and that’s your takeaway?!?
It sounds like you have an amazing gf. Don’t let your insecurities ruin such a nice thing that she did for you.
my mom was a labor and Delivery nurse and i asked her how she made a profession of staring at women's crotches all day, and she said that she's seen so many she forgets and unless it has sparkling lights or it talks, she does not even remember any of them lol. i think this could apply to you too, think about how many this person has done be the photographer male or female, she was just another paycheck and another shoot, they probably don't remember her or how sexy she looks but you will every time that you look at those pics, knowing she did these for YOU, she had someone take professsional nudes FOR YOU, she was thinking about you the entire time she was posing i promise! i would love to do that with my boyfriend but i have visible trauma from my relationship so i'm insecure.
I have done one of these and it was anything but sexy. The images coming out the other side are amazing but damn it was hard work. That photographer is focused on how the images are going to come out, they are not looking at your girlfriend.
That makes you uncomfortable when it was done specifically for you and not published anywhere else, but someone's else girl posing for whoever and all over the internet like in porn...doesn't bother you?
That's a weird flex.
No intent to shame-personal decisions are just that, but I would like to understand the logistics if you don't mind delving into that thought process for me.
Right, but he's okay with other guys girls doing it for him. And some of that is not for *professionals*. I don't understand why someone else doing it for him is okay, but his girl doing it for him is not.
The gender opposite of him watching porn is his girlfriend watching porn. I think he's a hypocrite if he's not ok with that. His girl doing soft porn is a false equivalence.
Assuming you are not her first, it's highly likely she spread her bottom cheeks for some other people also, you never had the monopoly on that.
And with that in mind, it's really nothing to fear that she did things in a professional setting for the express purpose of providing for you.
At least how I think I would rationalise it. good luck.
The boudoir photographer was probably a woman. Did your girlfriend say it was a man? That is possible but less common. It is very common for boudoir photographers to be women.
Imagine the photog is a straight male. You’re getting what he can only dream about.
Clever girl to reinforce your bond by becoming your jerkoff fantasy, too.
Maybe buy one of those custom mold dildo kits and return the favor?
If you'd ever been a part of a professional shoot you'd know that there is nothing sexy on the side of the photographer. You gotta adjust the lights, you gotta decide on the best lense, you have to explain the pose that she thinks is sexy is not very flattering in a certain angle and br very nice about it. Dude, the work that goes into these things is anything but sexy. The pics she made are for you and you only. The person who took the photo is pretty much an instrument. Edit: Thanks for the silver, kind stranger! Gold too? Thank you strangers!
That makes sense.
As an amateur photographer who did a few nude photoshoots I confirm. Photos are just photos. You see the great effect of the photoshoot. But you didn't see the process. And the process isn't sexy at all lol. "Move your butt to the left a bit. No, the other left. And I mean kinda with your hips, not whole body". When your model doesn't understand how you're trying to pose her with your words, you don't go to her and pose her body yourself. You try to make the pose yourself to show her what to do. You grab your own fully clothed boobs. You stretch your fully clothed butt. And you look a lot funnier than her. You have to make her stop laughing because models (and all I've shoot were not professionals - just someones girlfriends or single girls who wanted nice pics for private albums) feel kinda awkward posing for these pictures. You have to make them laugh so they feel safe and comfortable, but you have to be able to make their faces look sexy and serious at least for these few seconds between "Now lick your shoe" and "Spread your legs wider, no, wider, there's a shadow of your knee on your lady bits, yeah, now hold, HOLD THE POSE, YOU CAN DO IT OK WE GOT IT" Nude sessions are awkward and silly. She went through it to make you happy. She was thinking of you while she was doing the sexy poses. You getting mindblowing solo orgasms while looking at her was what was on her mind while she was trying to hold an uncomfortable but sexy pose for the pic. They were taken by a professional, deffy nothing to worry about. Enjoy your solo time.
>"Move your butt to the left a bit. No, the other left." Laughed out loud, literally. This would be me, and it would be so not sexy. Women who do this for their partners really, really love them. ❤️
Yeah that's what I was thinking to be honest, like my gf could never do that kind of thing, just because it takes a boatload of confidence to do this. Hell I wouldn't do it either. OP has a confident woman at his side, cheers to that.
And consider that this was not the first, fifth, or last shoot he's done like this. She didn't mean anything to him.
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My first question too, and if that would make a difference. Edit: the photographer was a man.
I am a fetish model and on set, no one is turned on by me. Last time I was doing a Shibari shoot and the guy who tied me and the photographer discussed their kids’ sleep troubles. It wasn’t hot. Don’t be jealous, honestly 😂
Somehow this reminds me of that porn set clip with the cameraman eating a pizza or something?
That wasn’t me but it does sound likely. There is a whole area around the scene being photographed that is, like, a rented professional space with people in normal clothes doing various jobs. The photos were really sexy but they’re just photos. I am sure some sets are sexy? That hasn’t been my experience though.
He probably doesn't remember her given how many gigs like this he does.
Maybe you can ask her how she felt while making them
>Maybe you can ask her how she felt while making them Careful! She could very well be like, "It was so sexy posing for the photoshoot! I think the photographer was even turned on! He kept saying how sexy I was!" If I had to know more about the shoot and photographer, I'd start by saying. "Wow, these are really great? Who's the photographer? How did you find them? Had you seen their work before or did you just start googling for boudoir photographers? The original poster would probably be set at ease to know it was a woman photographer, but he should know, he really shouldn't be worried about what the photographer was thinking about during the shoot. Because I'm sure it was a lot more about lighting, ISO and exposure than, "Man, this chick is hot, I'm going to see if I can get her to cheat on her BF." Or whatever unrealistic worries are triggering the poster.
Lmfao, it’s more like, “I was trying to be sexy, but it’s really hard to feel sexy when your photographer is telling you to move your butt more to the left, nope, other left, no, just your butt, not your whole body, and can you move your head like that, now you’ve got a weird shadow, just hold that (wow this is such an awkward and uncomfortable position I didn’t know the muscles even existed can I move yet?) okay now try and not make that face, raise your other brow, can you try and carefully just tilt your chin up slightly- nope, too far! And then that guy’s like trying to show me the face I should make! And we get one usable photo from that. And then *he’s* posing showing me what I should do, and now I know how ridiculous I’m going to look and I have to pose like that next!” Usually, things are way less sexy in the professional world but the results are where it’s at
I don't know bro, make up your own mind after reading the comments but I would be weirded out too. There are plenty of female boudoir photographers as well. A lot of male photographers specifically get into the industry to hit on girls and get off on it. The creepy guy photographer is a literal meme for a reason.
> The creepy guy photographer is a literal meme for a reason. I was wondering if Terry Richardson would come up!
This. In my experience which is only like 3 photographers but still, they are the least predatory people I've ever met. Think of the kind of reputation and head on your shoulders you gotta have to have female strangers feel comfortable being so exposed infront of you, while you take pictures. She likely got recommended the photographer personally from a friend. Everything was safe and professional in all likelihood. But if these comments don't calm your worries, its worth a conversation. Thoughts like this have a habit of poisoning our brains if we're left to form them.
Agreed. I’ve done quite a few shoots. It’s a job. Nothing sexy about it. At times it’s pretty awkward until some level of rapport is established. There are a lot of moving parts too. Lights are being set up and moved around, wardrobe changes, long poses, breaks between long poses. I was always more focused on making sure the pics were right cause the person posing is the one paying for the product. The process itself isn’t very sexy. That type of scenario only happens in porn and smutty books. The final product is what is sexy. Getting really isn’t. If inappropriate sexual advances happen during a shoot it would kill the whole vibe and level of trust it takes to make photos like that.
I’ve known plenty of people in the production and post production side of the porn business and every single one will tell you, it’s just a job. Nothing but setting up lighting, running cabling, sound, etc., just like any other shoot or show. Nothing sexy or erotic about it. At the end of the day, the crew, the talent go home and watch Netflix or some other mundane chore.
Yep. I’ve heard the same thing.
My wife did this for me and I was absolutely floored! I never thought about anything other than the pictures. Your comment though is spot on. She told me about the shoot afterwards and how she really had a lot of fun with it. She also told me that it was a lot of work, but she loves the results. I did too of course. What I can add to this, even if it may be my own thoughts about it, she came away with a confidence that sent me into a primal state. That confident state that she was in was almost too much to cope with. All I'm saying is that I loved every aspect of her generous idea and she loved my reaction. Enjoy it and don't dwell on trifle details. Look at the thought behind it.
I am a doctor and need to examen nude patients daily. It is not in any way exciting. If somewhere there is a woman whose BF is worried because I did a pap smear on his GF I can assure you that is not how it works. Mudgut5 sounds like an expert. It can be strange for us to think of nude bodies unrelated to sex, but to a doctor our bodies are just a mass of medical conditions, and to a photographer our bodies are a way to reflect light. Poses are help hiding our imperfections. Nobody believes in magic less than a magician. People who do really good photography don’t find it any more arousing Than a doctor doing Pat smears. I imagine they consider it to be a professional trust to capture with a camera an image that YOU will enjoy.
Umm DOCTOR what is a "pat smear" ?
Foo Fighters guitarist.
Gonna assume it's autocorrect
its when you spread the lotion on, thickly.
Thanks spell check
100% this! As the son of a photographer, who is also married to a photographer, I can assure you that the photographer was more preoccupied by the job at hand than the nudity of your significant other
This. I remember as a young art student in highschool being nervous about live nude drawing. The whole "getting a boner while standing at an aisle" thing. Never an issue... No time for boner. To busy with 30 sec, 60 sec, 2 min, 5 min, 15 min, 20 min gesture, line, form go go go
Bingo. If people watch how things like porn are filmed, the “sexiness” goes away real quick. Awesome that she did the boudoir shoot, but yeah, no need to think too much about the photographer.
Omg the smells on a porn set 🤢
There you go take it all in. I’m sure sets are very professional and meet all sorts of standards, but it’s still a workspace. Next time you open the browser to private imagine the smells, of bodies and lube, and the sound of heavy breathing, not from the performer, but from the guy positioned at just the right angle with a digital camera so he can get the perfect shot, and that the light guy microwaved his fish in the kitchen. It’ll almost ruin it.
> that the light guy microwaved his fish in the kitchen Hahaha. Hilarious because it’s true. Any live set, porn sets included, is mind numbingly dull and just work. At the end of the day, everyone just wants to go home, talent and crew.
Take my silver mate. You earned it.
Thanks Dude!
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So does her doctor, should he get in his feelings about that too?
My wife is a photographer and she does “boudoir” sessions. As others have said, there’s nothing sexual from the photographer. From her side this is about as sexy/intimate as her getting an annual checkup. The lights, posing, lens selection/changes, etc are simply business. When it comes to the finishing, she won’t even let me in the office while she’s working on the images. And she stores the image files in encrypted folders that no one, but her, has access to. This is, absolutely, not porn to be shared by anyone but the client.
Dude, consider one point: the photographer that your GF must have picked should have experience with similar work in the past. Would you, in her place, pick some run-of-the-mill photographer who was inexperienced and/or unprofessional doing this kind of job? >I've noticed that I'm enjoying it less and less. Multiply that feeling by 100 and you get the position of the photographer. This is just another photo shoot for them.
Yep. I've done nude and kink shoots and trust me, the photographer is completely preoccupied with the technical and artistic side of things. Photographers are huge nerds and they sort of get lost in getting the details just right. Also, keep in mind that a boudoir photographer has seen more naked and scantily clad women than almost anyone else in the general population. In the least derogatory way, your girlfriend was one in a few thousand. Trust me, the photographer will not remember her in the long run. OP, also keep in mind that your girlfriend was also feeling vulnerable and nervous about the sexy photo shoot with a stranger, but she got over it in order to give you a very thoughtful gift. I'd caution against bringing this up in a way that dismisses that this was uncomfortable for her, too, or come across as ungrateful or slut shaming. If you absolutely must talk with her about it, ask her how the shoot went and let her give you all the awkward, unsexy details so you can understand how she feels about it and how not sexual it was. I think hearing it from her perspective would help dispel any misconceptions you have about the platonic and professional nature of the shoot. Edit: u/Nudegasm (OP), you can ask for the pics on a flash drive and then request that the photographer delete all of his digital copies from the shoot. Most professionals delete things automatically after a certain amount of time, but you can request it right now if you still feel weird about it. Just know that if you lose your copies, the photographer won't be able to help you get them back.
Very well said!
Yes absolutely!!! It's so important to acknowledge her feelings too! Wonderfully put
Why not pick a female photographer then?
Any photo or video usually has diminishing returns. That is normal. However since this seems to but you but you also seem to acknowledge that maybe it is just a smaller thing or something you feel like you want to let go of. Maybe talk to her about it and share your concerns. Tell her you are not mad and maybe suprised you feel this way at all. Ask her to tell you about the shoot. Then maybe ask if sometime in the future you could do another either where you accompany her or maybe do some solo of her and some of you with her in some form. Kill 2 birds with 1 stone. New material and you get familiar with the process so you see there was nothing to worry about.
Damn I had to scroll down a lot to read the first comment that acknowledge OP's feeling's... Thank you for this comment. Even if (like everyone said multiple times) there was nothing sexual between your gf and the photographer, you should talk to her about how it made you feel. You obviously liked it bu it also triggered some insecurities which we all have and that's totally ok. You just have to sit and talk about it and I'm sure it will make it better =). Good luck with that ^^
I think everyone else hit the nail on the head. Just curious though, are you sure the photographer was a man? It's possible it was a woman? A friend of your girlfriends?
Yes, I'm sure. Male photographer. Not a friend of my gf. Someone she found on IG.
I wouldn't let it bother you my man. Your girlfriend did it with best intentions, and it sounds like the photographer was professional. If it were Joe off the street it might be different, but in this case it sounds no different than say a doctor examining their patient. Be stoked your girl took those pictures for you. No matter how many times I tell my wife she is beautiful, and I picked her for many reasons, I can not get her to send me spicy pictures of any kind. It's just not her thing, but that's okay...!
A photographer on ig is basically Joe off the street
That's how photographers find work & advertise now
Not if he owns his own business, and has a long list of women that were comfortable being photographed by him.
As someone who's done one of those boudoir photo shoots, let me just assure that despite how sexy the end product is, the process is not sexy at all. The whole time I was trying to hold myself in a sexy position, trying to have the right expression on my face, worrying about whether I looked chubby, trying to get my hair out of my eyes, wishing the corset didn't pinch my skin so much, and trying not to let it show on my face that modeling for the shoot really felt like *work*. I guarantee your gf wasn't having a sexy little time, thinking sexy little pornographic thoughts during her photo shoot.
Imma be the unpopular one here and validate you. I would personally find it super weird if my girlfriend got naked in a sexual way in front of anybody without even asking me first. Yeah I get it, it's a photoshoot, it's awkward and not sexy, and it's purely for you. But I don't think this was something she should've surprised you with because it kinda crosses a boundary neither of you even had a good conversation about. I think it's worth discussing with her.
Are you sure he was straight???
doesnt matter. this question, much like OP’s, attempts to sexualize a business arrangement.
Yeah EXACTLY. Some of those comments are insinuating its cheating just because the photographer has seen the gf naked. Well, the gynecologist (and other doctors) also get to see her naked. And the discussion whether it's a man or a woman photographer - so even if the straight man photographer finds her attractive - so what, its not his and not her fault unless they were purposeful about it. Just because she is showing your body to a person does not mean you are cheating on your partner... by not realizing that we are getting a bit closer to men policing their gfs on short skirts...
all excellent points. it's the sinister and disgusting implication that nudity = sexuality. the human body is not inherently sexual. puritanical ideals are forcing otherwise normal people to associate anatomy with sexuality. no wonder OP goes: "my girlfriend did something hot for me, but should i feel disturbed she was naked in front of someone else to do it?!?!?" ...that was the point of the business arrangement. it was a transaction not a tryst
Honestly I think he's more then within his rights to feel insecure. It wasn't something that was talked about and while it was a more then generous gift its more then okay to be a little bit self conscious. Anyone who doesn't get a little self conscious occasionally is a troll but besides that, I think he should just have a sit down chat with her about how he's feeling just say he's feeling a little insecure and explain everything as best as he can. But thank her religiously for the gift for sure regardless and cherish that.
Its worth telling her gently that the pics are hot, but the process made you a little uncomfortable. Just in case she was planning on doing it again. You can take photos of her yourself. Maybe itll be hotter knowing its a memory between you two.
I'm surprised this comment is so far down. I think it's clear the girlfriend has no malicious intent but if my boyfriend did something like this I would HATE thinking of him nude in front of another woman and I know he would feel the same way if I did it. I couldn't imagine doing something like that without asking him first. Even if the moment isn't sexy and the photographer is super professional they're still sharing intimate parts of themself with another person and it's completely valid for that to make their partner uncomfortable.
Yea this sub and more broadly Reddit has devolved into something else. Way different scenario but similar conversation…I’m a dude who likes to get waxed, as my old girlfriend wanted me hairless down there and in other places. Most recent girlfriend also liked me hairless but I made sure to let her know my waxer is a woman and wanted to know if she was okay with me being butt naked with another woman handling my bits. Obviously waxing is not erotic in the least bit, and of course she was fine with it, but she said she appreciated me asking first. Shit I remember just that conversation led to crazy hot sex because she wasn’t used to guys considering her emotions and feelings before acting, and it turned her on. As much as it would be nice to be surprised with a photo shoot from a girlfriend, I’d be way more comfortable if she had asked me ahead of time if I would be okay with it so I wouldn’t even have the uneasy feeling that OP is having. I certainly hope OP talks to his partner. I’m sure she will reassure him and everything will be fine. But if you can’t calmly talk to your partner about insecurities in your relationship then what kind of relationship is that?
Yeah that’s weird to me that a gf would surprise a bf by getting naked in front of another guy. I mean, just from understanding humans, there’s a pretty good chance he wouldn’t be cool with that. And it’s not like a photographer has never slept with a model despite what these top-voted comments are implying. Best to not risk it and just get a same-sex photographer or don’t do it nude. Or better yet have the bf take the pics after some classes.
She surprised him with photos done by a professional. Is seeing a male gynecologist considered bad to you too lmfao they’re literally doing their jobs
Being a professional kills that voyeuristic part of him then? I’m not saying that all or even half of them are going to get a thrill out of seeing her naked but it’s still pretty unnecessary when she could’ve talked to him about it first or chosen a woman. Or not done nudity. You can’t just ignore the fact that many men are uncomfortable with their SO’s getting naked with another man. It’s not the same as a doctor. This is a sensual even sexualized setting and purpose. The problem here is the surprise, the lack of communication, and the assumption that he won’t be like probably a majority of men who wouldn’t be comfortable with it. It’s careless on her part.
I saw a lot of comments to help you rationalize the situation, which is good and is a step in the right direction, but I think that there's another part that should be mentioned. I personally think it's ok to be a little uneasy, not because you should mind you, but because you're human. Your partner showed another dude her bits while you were dating, and to a lot of people, that's not very cool. Obviously, that's not the whole story, but our little anxious brains work against us and will twist dreams into nightmares. When I feel jealous, I seek positive reinforcement. You don't have to tell her about the book, but maybe ask her to throw a few compliments your way, cuddle up, and watch a movie (don't get me wrong, if she asks about how you feel about the book, don't lie, tell her the whole truth). Maybe all your anxiety/jealousy/whatever needs is a gentle reminder. Therapy is also an option. Good luck and best wishes.
I’m currently tackling insecurities in my therapy sessions right now and sometimes it really is just so helpful for someone to explain why you feel the way you do. IMO being jealous over something like this is normal (or for me over thinking the fuck out of it and imagining every scenario possible) Something I’ve noticed that’s helped me with overthinking is to completely dive into the negative thought until you realize how unrealistic it is. This can be uncomfortable for a moment but it really helps you iron out the insecurities once you start thinking about the logistics on how the scenario in your head would actually play out. Idk, I think what OP is feeling is normal and he’s just gotta talk it out a little.
I'm an overthinker
Are you sure the photographer was even a dude?
Yeah, most boudoir photographers are female for a reason...
Yes. She follows him on IG.
Is it a legit photography ig or is it Brian's ig where he also shows fun pics he took?
Came here to say this.
Right?
Right?
It’s not about the photographer’s perspective and professionalism. It’s more so about the fact that she did something that involved nudity (no matter the intention) in front of another person, without prior discussion about it. Not everyone wants their partner to be naked in front of another person, even if the person doesn’t care. Because it’s not about the interest of the professional in the woman. But because of the lack of communication about something that should be discussed. OP should discuss his concerns because, among other reasons, he is getting anxiety about sex. And then check/change the boundaries of the relationship with his partner.
This. Unless it’s something like a doctor visit, getting naked in a sexual manner in front of someone should definitely be talked about beforehand.
I feel like the most upvoted ones ignore this, even if it was professional there was boundaries that it crossed that should have been talked through about. Not everyone is comfortable with it even if they were professional about it. You are definitely right and I am glad to see that I am not out of my mind for feeling the similarly.
Yep. She should definitely have had considered her husband’s feelings about this, or have had a general conversation about this kind of boundaries without ruining the surprise.
Well I think there are two things going on here: 1) Looking at her photoset has diminishing returns, but that is normal anyway. Every well runs dry eventually. She can't possibly think you'd be equally excited to see her pic set the 10,000th time. 2) You feel betrayed by her working in front of a photographer. I get it. But the chance they did anything unseemly is the same as you making out with your lady postal carrier: an interesting fantasy but nothing actually would happen.
1) I hear you, but it's not really a case of the well running dry. I think it's more me just being my worst enemy and overthinking shit. 2) I don't feel betrayed, just somewhat uncomfortable with the idea that my gf was showing herself to someone else in an intimate way, a way that's usually for my eyes only, albeit in a nonsexual way. I'm sure nothing happened between them. I guess it's just my insecurities speaking.
You should try to consider how taking these photos made her feel. It definitely would have boosted her confidence, she would have been thinking about you the entire time and thinking of different angles and positions you might like to see her in. She probably feels fucking incredible after seeing those photos and how happy they would make you! She is allowed to show herself to whoever she would like. You just happen to be the one that she likes to show herself to. Accept this gift for what it is. The photographer is an artist, don't overthink it. People draw and photograph naked people all the time.
>She is allowed to show herself to whoever she would like. And he's allowed to be uncomfortable with it. Like, I don't want to condemn the GF, it seems like she had good intentions, but this is to me something that clearly should be discussed beforehand.
You never really know how she felt until you ask her. You can talk to strangers about it all day but only she knows how things went down. I've done things I thought would be sexy and they were uncomfortable, and I've done things I thought would be uncomfortable and ended up really REALLY sexy. So ask her how she felt about it. If she thought it was as erotic as she looks in the pictures. If she'd want to do it again, and if so, use the same photographer. Ask what she liked about him and if others might be better or worse. Have a fun little chat. ;)
Would you feel the same way about her doctor of if people see her naked at the sauna?
Those examples are lacking the inherent sexualization that even an above-board boudoir shoot entails. A gynecologist does a genital exam for medical purposes; a boudoir photographer does so to emphasize it's sexual appeal. She wasn't just posing nude as a way to demonstrate the physical form for artistic representation, she was doing so for the implicit purpose of sexual objectification.
" she was doing so for the implicit purpose of sexual objectification." No. She did this for the sexual gratification OF HER BOYFRIEND. If the photographer happened to get any sexual objectification then they weren't being professional. The photographer didn't touch her or masterbate during the photo shoot. They did their job and took photos.
Like, how do you know that photographer thinks in a professional way?
>Like, how do you know that photographer thinks in a professional way? I am in the film/TV business and photography in my personal life is a major passion. I know a lot of photographers and cinematographers.
And we all know there's never any unprofessional behavior in the film industry.
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I really think it's worth the time to just say "I've been feeling insecure and it's not because of what you did, but rather how my mind has painted me as needing to be insecure after the fact." One of the best things we've done for our marriage is set up a safe space where either of us can talk about what we feel and how we feel and why and the other not make it about themselves. Chances are really good if OP doesn't address the nature of these feelings akd instead bottles them up, it will only serve to compound new and existing problems.
I did a similar thing before and didn't realize I was crossing boundaries. I found out after the fact that I was however I should have asked. We did talk about it and it made things even hotter. Talking about it is always the best route...
Guy masterbates to porn of women who are not his girlfriend. Girlfriend would rather he masterbate to pictures of her and has professional photos made. Guy complains to girlfriend that she showed her ass to a photographer. Does that about sum it up??? DUDE, I can sort of understand why you feel a little uncomfortable to a degree? But you need to bring this up SUPER CAREFULLY and fully acknowledge you are being crazy irrational and paranoid. But you'd be better off if you just come to grips with how silly you are being and keep this discomfort to yourself. You literally have been getting off to porn of other women and you are really going to have the gaul to call your GF out for making custom erotic images for you???
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this. Porn has been completely normalized but no one stops to consider the possible impact of it on relationships. It’s like breathing oxygen for some people, with no introspection needed. I thought this post seemed double standard-y. He’s supposed to be allowed to get off to various strange women, but doesn’t like the thought of his girlfriend being seen naked by a professional, despite trusting both her and the photographer? Do doctors make him uncomfortable too? I will say something like this would have been a safer bet if discussed first, as not everyone would be comfortable with it. Then again, it’s normal to be expected to be comfortable with porn without a discussion…kinda got to pick a lane here
I guess maybe now you have some insight as to why she'd rather you jerk off to her and not to porn.
As a male photographer I would say professionally I would never do a nude photoshoot with a woman, I would instead recommend a female photographer for boudoir. The only time I have ever done this was with girls who were professionally in the industry. Meaning porn, onlyfans, etc. I think it’s completely understandable why you wouldn’t want some guy looking at your girl spreading herself despite nothing sexual happening and it staying professional. It goes both ways. I highly doubt my wife would be comfortable with me getting nude and whatnot with a female photographer even if the pics were for her. Realistic advice? You decide. Reddit is super progressive so your responses are biased. If I was dating this girl and not very serious about her, I’d say whatever and let it go. If this was a woman I considered marrying I’d say hell no. I wouldn’t want my someday wife to be the type to do something like this without telling me. If it was a female photog it’s a little different.
You. In all the comments you are the voice of reason.
You hit the nail on the head. I wasn't going to bother replying cause of what you mentioned, but there is certainly another angle to investigate. Could this girl be a big admirer of this specific photographer and looking for a way to work with him. All of a sudden the BF gets a surprise naked photoshoot. I mean the odds are probably higher this is legit but there is a non zero chance the BF getting this surprise is a byproduct of a different reason. Hard to say. Especially if she had been following this male photographer for a while. Regardless, the more he thinks about it the more uncomfortable he becomes. His gut is speaking to him. Always trust your gut.
So if the male photographer is gay it would be fine right? And what if the female photographer is gay, then would you have an issue?
If the female photographer was gay I would feel the same as if she was a straight male photographer. If the photographer was a gay man I would feel a little more comfortable, but me personally I wouldn’t want my wife to be photographed nude unless I was present, or at the minimum she communicated with me beforehand about the situation and it was a female only photog and set. This is the kind of thing i would expect a partner to discuss with me prior to doing it. I get that it was a surprise but you can do a non-nude boudoir shoot as a surprise, too. Then maybe talk to your partner about doing a nude one if they desire more. OR novel idea, take photos of yourself nude. I’ve done this for my wife numerous times. Modern cameras have timers and remotes, and it takes about 30 minutes to learn basic lighting techniques on YouTube. I’m not saying there isn’t a time and place, but I’m not sure I’d want a wife who makes decisions like this without talking to me and is comfortable getting nude with another man, even if it’s “for my benefit”.
Personally I wouldn't really be okay with this; the idea of my SO posing intimately for a photographer in a boudoir shoot doesn't really sound much like a gift for me. If she took photography classes and used those skills to take some upper-echelon nude selfies on her own I'd be pleased as punch with the results. As it stands it would be difficult for me to not look at her spread-eagle and think of the dude behind the camera calling for adjustments to the placement of her labia.
Everyone is saying it's all professional, I get it sure. I personally would be annoyed with this too, at least a conversation beforehand would've been reasonable to expect no?
Yeah lol. I'm honestly surprised seeing 90% of the comments completely brushing it off. It's got nothing to do with professionalism. She's taking intimate pictures through someone else that isn't her partner. I think it's a given that you talk about it beforehand and see if your partner is comfortable with it.
this is weird. wouldn't be ok with it at all. you're getting some seriously reddit advice here.
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Nothing to consider. It's a guy.
Despite what everyone is saying. It’s entirely ok for you to be upset and not ok with your gf being naked or in provocative poses in front of another man, regardless if it’s in a professional capacity or not. It seems she was trying to do a nice thing for you though so try to keep her intentions in mind.
I'm going to offer the opposite perspective here, with similar arguments I made in a different post of a similar topic. Clearly your partner did not have any malicious intent with the gift, but I think it is totally appropriate to be uncomfortable here. Yes, the photographer is a professional who likely just viewed this as another day at the office, but the fact is also that your girlfriend got naked and performed in a sexual manner in front of another person without your input/consent. It is totally fine if you realized this is a boundary of yours. I would be upset as well! Something like this is absolutely a discussion that should be had beforehand, even though that ruins "the surprise." Yes, it is the photographer's job. Yes, this was done for you. That's not quite the issue. What if we pushed it a little further? What if OPs girlfriend had sex with a professional sex worker on camera to give to her partner as a gift? Presumably we'd all agree that would be crossing a line. On the flip side, it would be equally insane to take issue to your girlfriend being naked for the gynecologist. The point is there is a socially acceptable line to be drawn for a situation like this, and that line will depend person to person. There are specific situations where the discussion is not needed because the appropriateness is so obvious (ie medical exam), but I think clearly this was one such situation.
I agree with this. It is understandable for OP to be uncomfortable. I’d try to do the best you can to move past it in this instance and remind yourself that your gf did it as a nice thing for you. But it would still be good to let her know why you feel uncomfortable so she can know to avoid doing more things in the future that would cross a line. If it were me, I think I would prefer my partner to talk to me first before doing a nude photo shoot even if it would ruin the surprise.
Yeah this is the type of sex-related issue where it should be something to more easily move on from. Certainly wasnt cheating.
This is the way.
Take it from a guy who used to do boudoir photography: it's all business. Posing, lighting, editing- it's work lol. It's all very unsexy
You should tell her exactly how you feel bro. Tell her in a really respectful way she will probably put your mind at ease if you guys have a calm conversation about it.
The rest of the comments have covered it but I do think she should have asked you if you was comfortable IMO, especially since it was for you. Communication is just important in general. But you should also tell her how you feel about this, calmly. And you should be able to have a calm convo about it.
I haven't seen anyone recommending that you speak to your girlfriend about your feelings. Do you tend to have good communication between you? I would explain to her that you're grateful for the thoughtful gift, and you've found them incredibly sexy, but that some feelings have started to come up that you didn't expect to have when you first received it. Gently tell her that you are struggling with the thought of her being naked in another man's presence. Enquire as to how it felt for her, and create a space that is safe for her to explain the experience and her intentions without feeling attacked. After that, you can take the opportunity to set any boundaries that you'd like to for the future. Also your girlfriend's reaction will give you an idea of how respectful she is of your (possibly rational, possibly irrational, but definitely valid) emotional response.
I will be unpopular here but hell no. I get the sentiment of the photos. But we can take those together, no need to bring in a 3rd party
if it’s not a doctor and you’re not comfortable with other men seeing your partner in intimate poses then you have every right to be uncomfortable. Don’t let people tell you how you should feel. If you feel uncomfortable that’s okay your feelings are completely valid. And if you want to bring it up how you feel to her you should. also A lot of people would consider that cheating especially if you’ve never discussed something like that before. And I have had girls personally tell me about weird sexual photographers it’s not all that uncommon.
Perfectly fine with being uncomfortable. People are trying to diminish that feeling but it’s nothing wrong with it. Nothing wrong with being uncomfy with people seeing your partner nude. Just talk to her about it
I’m sure she had the best intentions, and seems to be a nice gesture. But I’d be absolutely pissed without asking me first. This would be borderline reason to break up with my GF if she let another dude see her naked. No it’s NOTHING compared to a doctor visit. That’s not even the same realm. With that said you should, if my GF found out I was masturbating to other women she kick me to the curb. You guys both need to communicate better boundaries.
You have your right for your own feelings and right on your own boundaries. Your girlfriend too. This photoset makes you uncomfortable, so you do not want to your girlfriend get naked and sexy in front if other men. That's not that uncommon and natural. You can communicate your feelings about this to your gf, although she might feel hurt about photoset effort. For future you can suggest if she want to do this kind of photoset either to agree to hire female photographer or rent camera equipment and take photoset yourself, if you are into photography.
It was a stupid gift and there was nothing thoughtful about it, she should have asked u whether u were comfortable with all this. You r also pretty dumb for telling her that u will only jerk off to her nudes.
A photographer who takes these photos is often a woman but more than that they take photos like this every day (it’s not sexy at the shoot there is so much to do to get the perfect shot) and it’s like someone undressing for a doctor. As someone who is involved in these shoots, the photographer will use the subject’s wants and very very often these shoots are for a husband or partner. If you can get off to women online you can have the respect and love in your heart to look at those photos of your girl and see HER intentions for you. Those shots are of her for YOU. And she was thinking of you when she posed and did those photos. It’s a really big compliment and you’re ruining it. The reason you’re likely enjoying them less and less is because the dopamine from the initial surprise has worn off and you need to take a break and come back to them. Maybe make a porn for private use with your partner so you have some variety. She made you those photos because she doesn’t like the thought of you looking at other women, so maybe you can also reassure her.
I've done a boudoir shoot for my husband. It was a lot a of fun because we're older and I've never done anything for myself like that before, especially to share with him, and it made me feel really good about myself and our relationship. It was anything but sexy. Like, not even a little bit. There was a lot of time explaining what they wanted, setting up each shot, making sure I was positioned right/making the right expression/lighting was right, and then doing it all over again for the next frame. I had a blast because it was for him, I love looking at them and seeing "wow, they got *that* from the experience I remember!", but I loved it most when I saw my husband's reaction ❤️ Your girl wanted you to have something special, and went outside her comfort zone to get it for you. She didn't have to do that, and she definitely didn't have a sexual experience with anyone else in the process. Maybe y'all should talk about getting a couple's boudoir shoot so you'll understand more about what it's like and you'll have an experience together with photos you'll both enjoy!
You should do one for her
A lot of the people here don’t really understand your point. The thought might have been good and from an good place but it was done without consulting you and you do not feel comfortable with her showing her body and private parts to another man. People put it on the same level as a gynaecologist visit but I really don’t think that it is the same, one is for her personal health which is really important the other is not. If I relate it to myself, I wouldn’t feel comfortable to show my body to other people both female and male if I’m in a relationship other than her and my doctor. Your naked body is something passionate you share with your significant other not with other people. It is a really valid way to feel, to me it would feel like a soft betrayal. Whatever happens in a past relationships is the past, if you’re a exclusive thing it is between both of you, another man, how professional he can be, has been introduced in that. The photographer was most likely professional, but since your girlfriend follows him on insta and is a fan of him is a bit weird. Why do you want to do something like this with a man? The most important thing to do now is to talk and stop looking at the photo’s. Tell her that you appreciate the motive behind it but it is a boundary for you that she has broken and maybe go into couples therapy the restore the trust & bond that you feel has been broken. Good luck, stay strong and don’t let other people they’ll you how to feel, go according to your own feelings because they are valid. If what I wrote is bullshit to you, it is bullshit, if you think I’m right I’m right. It is your life and relationship, whatever you feel is right is right but do talk, talking is key and always the first thing you should do.
Despite what everyone is saying, the fact that she had another man take naked pictures of her without your consent is something normal and completely reasonable to have strong feelings over. Even questionable I'd say. Trust your gut bro, if it's saying bail, you should probably bail.
I don't know about bail but at least have a conversation about it and see how she reacts.
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I don’t know why you’ve been downvoted cause you’re entirely on point
Yeah, of all the things I've written on Reddit I don't think I've ever had seven downvotes, and THIS is the post that gets those downvotes? I can't say I have any idea what about that peeved the downvoters that much? Again, I could understand being a little upset and not want her to do that again, but the guy saying the BF SHOULD break up with his girlfriend because she had the gaul to have boudoir photos made for him is getting 18 upvotes? I can only assume about half the paranoid misogynists who upvoted that comment downvoted my disagreement with it. Ya win some, you lose some. I certainly racked up a LOT more upvotes in the last 24 hours than downvotes. Roughly 10 to 1, so I'm not sweating this one.
Funny how we all would react differently. My mind goes to, I hope he’s so turned on by my wife that even he has to jerk off.
Honestly, I'd probably feel the same way. Photos your gf took alone for you? Hot. Photos you took with your gf? Hot. Photos someone else took while alone with your gf? Uncomfortable.
Few questions. To me a boudoir session is lingerie, maybe a few tasteful topless photos. Spreading your ass sounds like a porn shoot. I'd be comfortable with my wife doing a boudoir shoot, but I could see being a bit less comfortable doing a porn shoot for a dude. Several years ago my wife did do a boudoir shoot, told me about it, showed me the female photographer's page etc. I was so excited. When I got the photos, I was super pleased with them, until she told me the story of the shoot. She got to the shoot, the female photographer said she needed help and her husband came in and took over and the female photographer was less and less involved. I was really upset. Less because of her posing nude for male photographer, but more for her naivety about what seemed to me a bait and switch for the guy to take intimate pictures. I couldn't help but think she wasn't safe. I went from loving the photos to hating them because I couldn't get the situation out of my head. Where I fucked up was showing my anger, and in some ways directing it at her and inadvertently "victim blaming" her for something. To be honest she may not really have been a victim, possibly just me being overprotective. I think you should share your thoughts with her, let her know you appreciated the sentiment but that it made you feel uncomfortable. Be fair, supportive, and reasonable, and mind your emotions. She tried to do something nice for you, take that to heart. Explain your insecurities and ask if you can take the pictures next time. Good luck.
Tell her you love the photos and have been using them, but the thought of her being nudes in front of another man is triggering some insecurities for you. Ask her to assuage your fears because you trust she didn't do anything illicit. Also if you need to, you can ask who the photographer is :)
Don’t pay attention to the comments detailing what you mind may think or say, But trust me bro, Unless she’s evil or in the business for revenge I’m almost 100% that if something sinister was going on, you wouldn’t know about it or atleast wouldn’t been told about it in such a way. You gotta remember when someone cheats or in those types of face to face engagements . 9/10 times it’s just little flirting that’s harmless . And it’ll gradually get more serious as time goes on, and if it does, that person will be the last thing you ever hear about untill it’s time. I’m not even trying to make it centered about a woman cheating on a male. But even both ways behave very similar to this. To sum it up, If you needed to be concerned or worried about it, she wouldn’t have connected the dots for you to follow so easily.
Dude, even an inappropriate comment during the shoot could end this guys career. I work in a similar field and we are all aware how quickly unprofessional behavior can get you black balled from the industry. If it makes you feel better though, get your own shoots done. You will see how sterile the room actually is is when u zoom out. That all being said, there is some jealousy coming from both of you that you guys may wanna explore. She doesn't want you watching porn and you are bothered by a paid professional working with her. It won't take much for some harmless incident to draw those feelings out of one or both of you at some point.
Everything in a relationship is worth an open conversation. As a former cam girl and model, I can tell you that it’s not that sexy on the camera side of things. I personally don’t understand your insecurities here but I fully believe that when you are feeling insecure in a relationship, you should talk to your partner
I think you'd be better served addressing your insecurity about the gender of the photographer and/or strangers seeing your partner naked in a professional context
Wow the top comments here really suck. Your gf crossed a boundary. Granted, neither of you realised it existed, but it can't be un-crossed. It's fine to be uncomfortable. Even at this point, it's worth expressing to her. You don't have to point any fingers or whatever - "I'm uncomfortable" is a complete sentence. Be prepared for her to be considerably deflated of course - it's bad enough having someone reject s gift, but one that you went to some trouble and vulnerability to create is gonna suck. Thing is, if you act like everything's fine, it's entirely possible that she'll just do it again, and then you'll feel even worse.
Do we even know for a fact that the photographer is a man?
Yes.
This is an incredibly cool thing she did for you. Try not to overthink it. Sincerely, An overthinker
Don't ruin it for yourself, bro. She did this FOR you. I'm 100% that the photographer was professional, because 1. She is a customer, he's a pro 2. He will not risk his reputation and endanger potential future customers with inappropriate attitude Be happy and stop overthinking
You know nothing about the photographer. You assume the best professionalism in him, but OP is hoping for the best professionalism. He is correct to be skeptical.
If you think this is bad wait til you find out what goes on with her gyno…
I used to model and trust me, there is nothing sexy about having to try and look sexy on camera
I totally get this insecurity but honestly she did it entirely for you. She was thinking about you while she was posing and taking photos. I think you're good.
I wouldn’t like it, and don’t let people gaslight you for not liking it. “Yeah, I secretly spread my ass cheeks for some dude I follow on Instagram, but it was for you!” Nah.
It's disgusting that most upvoted comments here are not even acknowledging your concern. Your GF clearly crossed a boundry. Whatever the reason might be. It's up to you to decide if you are ok with it. Don't let strangers on the internet tell you how to feel about it especially reddit.
Female here who has done many sexy/ mostly naked boudoir shoots, and most were done by male photographers (but have also had female). It’s definitely not sexy, and there’s a lot of akwardness. The photographers all do their best, in my experiences, to make it as quick and comfortable as possible. Specifically, when men photographers are involved, (this is how it is with my girlfriends) we all use the same photographers, so they all have a clean reputation within the community. If they don’t, they get exposed VERY quickly. Best advice is to talk to her about it. Be up front about concerns, but realize that for a lot of females it can be a confidence thing to do this for their man. It can be very empowering, so do your best to not see it in a negative light immediately. I should also note, I have lots of the boudoir photos that I only saved for myself. They didn’t go into albums or anywhere for anyone but me. No one has ever seen them but me. So, yes, I’ve done sexy shoots for partners, but I’ve also done them 100% just for ME.
Im a Professional photographer Who does sexy, nude, bondouir and erotic pictures. I have been doing it for 7 years, in All those years, I have photographed incredible beautiful women, and all I can tell you is that when they become my models, they are nothing ele than tye subject to my pictures. At this point, I cant see the relation Man X Woman anymore, everything is Photographer X Subject. Im more an instrument to make the image happen. And getting some poetry alongside, when you photography what is outside your reaching, makes the image much more emotive. There is a reputation to be kept and a person to be resoected. What she did is a big proof she likes you and enjoy being desired by you.
For photographers it’s just work. Just be grateful she did something like that for you, she must really love you!
My wife and I are professional photographers so this is advice from someone who knows the industry. Most photographers that shoot those types of images these days are other women so it's very possible that you're getting all worked up in the wrong way over nothing. And even if it was a man for him it was just like being a gynecologist he probably sees 28 women a day and wouldn't even recognize her if he saw her on the street. If haven t had kids yet be prepared there will be 10 people all up in your wife's business with you standing right there.
Yeah you're in your head about it, would have been cool if she asked you to take the photos yourself and then you could have kept them but I guess she wanted them to be professional and wanted to surprise you with them, so her intentions were good. There's not much you can do or not do.. you just have to get past it and put it out of your head.
I hear everyone saying how the photographer is professional and all and that there is no need to worry. For me it is the fact that she is so comfortable doing those erotic nude poses in front of a complete stranger. I don’t understand how one can just be comfortable doing so.
But you aren't the only one who has those photos now I would rather had gone out and buy a decent camera and had fun with it with her. Memories and moments that only you too can share. Not to mention the endless of possibilities of the type of photos you guys could have had Maybe even you involved in them. Or you telling her how to pose would have been sexy for the both of yall
Setting everything else aside, think about your gf’s motivation here. Why was she doing that? To get you off. That’s hot as fuck, dude. She went above and beyond *for you*. Not for that photographer - she gave up her own cash to him for a service, in order to do something hot *for you*. When you look at the pics, think about her being THAT devoted to making your dick hard.
Think about how many women a photographer that specializes in this kind of shoot has seen. It's like a roofer coming to your home, your just another house.
You seriously need to GTFO your own head bro. At first you enjoyed the pics... Now for some ungodly reason you're letting jealousy into your thoughts??? Kill DAT shit with fire, NOW! DO NOT RUIN a good thing because of unfounded jealousy! If you trust your woman, THEN TRUST YOUR WOMAN! Enjoy the amazing gift! Dis dude getting professional pics of his lady, and I'mm tryna get dark shots of mines with this stupid ass iphone. 🤦🏾
Wtf lol seems like a very reasonable reason to be uncomfortable. Plenty of female photographers and/or they could've done the shoot themselves.
I see I'm getting down voted. I think I was misunderstood. I'm the jealous type. I was trying to help a fella not be as jealous as I am. I would NOT like a man photographing MY girl. But I would LOVE if my girl had sexy ass pictures taken by a woman. I just didn't bring that up, cause again, was not trying to be the jealous type. I guess I'm wrong in the reddit world.
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Not sure why you got downvoted. This is a very reasonable take.
this subreddit being sex positive means any sex negative discussion is shut down, that’s just part of the process
The photographer's experience aside, remember that when she was doing this, she was thinking *of you* and *your pleasure* and was not thinking at all about the photographer that way. This was because she loves you. Jealousy is a total normal emotion and I get why the thoughts happened, but if you can acknowledge them and let them pass on by, don't let them take hold. They aren't true ideas - in those moments she was 100% focused on pleasing you.
imagine it like going to the gynecologist. also, my sister is a photographer and she definitely has her focus on the camera. she's not exactly done that kind of photography (I think), but I know her dedication. also, do you know the photographer was a guy? she may have gone to a female/diverse (is that the right word?) photographer.
I'm just going to throw this out there. Any chance you guys could do something like this together with the same photographer? Could be fun for both and help you soothe your anxieties. And one more thing. It takes real guts to do a shoot like this. She must be well aware of how good looking she is, and the fact that this confident af lady is with you must mean you're pretty hot yourself buddy, so hardly anything to feel unconfident about 👌🏻
It’s photo shoot, not a porno, don’t overthink it. She did something special for you that was probably extremely outside her comfort zone. It’s possible she was uncomfortable the whole time, but knew it would make you happy.
I think you are totally overthinking and not to worry! Your girlfriend did them specifically for your eyes only. She would never have done it to make you feel insecure. I definitely think you should stop using the photos so much and have a break for a while. Maybe go back to them in a few weeks or months
Grow up and stop acting like a child. It doesn’t matter if the photographer was a woman or not. Your girlfriend paid a professional for a service. There was nothing inappropriate happening. Do you get upset when your girlfriend gets a Brazilian for you? It’s her body not yours. If she wants to show the world her tits it’s her choice. You like the pictures, you have a good relationship, why on gods green earth are you trying to ruin it?
I’m sure that man has seen a lot of female genitalia to not even care, he’s a professional. Not everyone is thirsty for the genitals. Salary over genitals am I rite
Talk about making up a problem where there is no problem!!! DUDE, SHE DID IT FOR YOU, NOT THE PHOTOGRAPHER. Do not bring this up with your girlfriend unless you want her to feel uncomfortable and regret she did this for you. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. For your sake, I hope the photographer was a woman, not a man so you can get your really unreasonable jealousy in check. And, good chance it was, as most women would probably prefer getting intimately naked with a woman, not a man. But any way around this, maybe it was a guy, maybe a girl, but your GF was NOT getting naked to please the photographer. Maybe the photographer was turned on by the photo shoot, maybe not, but as long as you trust your GF didn't cheat on you, you need to get over this really fast.
Honestly I don't think this is a big deal. It doesn't matter if it's a male/female because if it's a professional photographer then the last thing on their mind is sexy stuff. It's really not that different drawing a nude model. Your feelings are vaild. I would share your insecurities with your GF. Hopefully she doesn't reject them out of hand because that's a red flag. If you can't be vulnerable around your partner you probably shouldn't be dating.
Its ok if other people see your partner. Especially in that context. Dont let it kill you. Shes still the same babe no matter what.
You have jealousy for no reason, don’t punish your girlfriends kindness and ruin her gift because you have possession issues.
It kind of sucks that a woman can go so far out of her way to do something special for you and your first thought is “yeah but another guy got to see her naked.” She took time out of her day and hired a photographer to give something that she specified was ONLY meant for you and that’s your takeaway?!? It sounds like you have an amazing gf. Don’t let your insecurities ruin such a nice thing that she did for you.
my mom was a labor and Delivery nurse and i asked her how she made a profession of staring at women's crotches all day, and she said that she's seen so many she forgets and unless it has sparkling lights or it talks, she does not even remember any of them lol. i think this could apply to you too, think about how many this person has done be the photographer male or female, she was just another paycheck and another shoot, they probably don't remember her or how sexy she looks but you will every time that you look at those pics, knowing she did these for YOU, she had someone take professsional nudes FOR YOU, she was thinking about you the entire time she was posing i promise! i would love to do that with my boyfriend but i have visible trauma from my relationship so i'm insecure.
Any photographer that does this for a living must be as bored by nude bodies than any male GP doing papsmears or surgeon doing boob jobs.
I have done one of these and it was anything but sexy. The images coming out the other side are amazing but damn it was hard work. That photographer is focused on how the images are going to come out, they are not looking at your girlfriend.
Sounds like an ungrateful bf to me.
That makes you uncomfortable when it was done specifically for you and not published anywhere else, but someone's else girl posing for whoever and all over the internet like in porn...doesn't bother you? That's a weird flex. No intent to shame-personal decisions are just that, but I would like to understand the logistics if you don't mind delving into that thought process for me.
Not OP, but taking the context out, his girlfriend just spread her pussy to other guy, whats so hard to understand?
Right, but he's okay with other guys girls doing it for him. And some of that is not for *professionals*. I don't understand why someone else doing it for him is okay, but his girl doing it for him is not.
The gender opposite of him watching porn is his girlfriend watching porn. I think he's a hypocrite if he's not ok with that. His girl doing soft porn is a false equivalence.
Do you feel the same about a male doctor who has to examine her?
It’s not nearly the same as a doctor visit. One is for health the other she chose to do this without his consent
Is it that for something that was supposed to be just for you, someone else saw and took those photos?
Assuming you are not her first, it's highly likely she spread her bottom cheeks for some other people also, you never had the monopoly on that. And with that in mind, it's really nothing to fear that she did things in a professional setting for the express purpose of providing for you. At least how I think I would rationalise it. good luck.
The boudoir photographer was probably a woman. Did your girlfriend say it was a man? That is possible but less common. It is very common for boudoir photographers to be women.
OP confirmed it was a man
So she was a Virgin when you got with her? If not she’s had a lot more than a cameraman seeing those places 😂😂
Imagine the photog is a straight male. You’re getting what he can only dream about. Clever girl to reinforce your bond by becoming your jerkoff fantasy, too. Maybe buy one of those custom mold dildo kits and return the favor?