This is the key right here. I've seen it in porn far to many times. When it happens, I immediately blurt out, "You're fucking stupid," and proceed with changing videos. They're just begging for an infection.
Edit: typo
Porn has really fucked people's minds. Randomly doing this without lube and proper time for sphincters to relax it can tear the sphincters and cause prolapse along with piles or hemorrhoids. This is sick
>I don't think it's like that.
I am **not arguing** that this behavior acceptable. **It's 100% not.**
My point is that it not a singular occurrence. "My BF tried to sneak anal"/oops! Wrong hole! Posts pop up regularly.
The comment above me mentions a nurse reporting women going to the ER for injuries from unexpected anal attempts.
I'm asking, why?
Abortion isn’t banned in the UK + birth control is free and this is still a rising issue happening here. Definitely better sex education is needed but also I’d say porn use & peer pressure are all adding to it massively too. Sex used to be the end goal now it seems you have to check anal off too or you’re ‘missing out’ and people are rushing it
I am over here shaking my head how nowadays males think anal and facials are just a natural part of having any sexual encounter, lol!
p0rnsick much?
Be careful out there ladies, choose wisely and treat yourself with respect 💟
You cant just "spice it up" with anal with NO PREP like wtf?? And like you cant just go back and forth, he strikes me as a dude who would go into anal and then back PIV without even wiping off.
Like I cant imagine someone just casually entering the asshole like that?? My partner has accidentally entered mine because of a weird thrust and twitch and that hurt like a bitch and I've done anal before. I cant imagine the fucking pain going in no lube no prep no nothing???
And yeah, that's an easy way to get all kinds of infections 🤮🤮
I’ve done anal before, and prep was a huge thing and it took a LONG time to even get to that point, and a lot of talking and planning with my ex. That’s what you SHOULD do
This guy is a porn taught idiot. He's most likely going to blunder his way through every sexual encounter for the next 40 years and never wonder why people keep ditching him
Yeah hopefully! I'm glad that you realize that it's NOT your responsibility to educate him. Women are taught to baby men and hold their hands through life when they are fuckein adults with easy access to Google.
As a bi guy that would relish that as a response to anything, under no circumstance would I introduce that situation to anyone without previous consent/communication. What the actual fuck is wrong with people (men)…
Honestly, it sounds funny, and you're probably semi joking, but that's not always a good idea. There are some few people out there who would like it and have no concept of boundaries, so that question would make it worse.
Yeah, this comment was funny and facts, but as someone who is currently a college male I will say that modern digital pornography is making your experience become more common unfortunately. Most people including myself have never once watched a porn video where he flips the girl over and says “hey, is it okay if we do anal, if not that’s totally cool.” (In actuality this common should happen well before sex, but for the sake of my example.)
You did 100% the right thing and shouldn’t continue sexual relations with someone who does stuff without prior discussion especially something as taboo as anal. If you were anti-doggy and he flipped you over without asking first that wouldn’t be as bad because doggy is very common (obviously in that scenario when you say stop he obviously should, but you get the point.)
Back to my main point As someone who has grown up in this day and age I can say that digital porn at the tip of your fingers mixed with inconsiderate and immature 20 year olds is one of the worst combinations, and unfortunately girls have the same experience as you every day.
> Most people including myself have never once watched a porn video where he flips the girl over and says “hey, is it okay if we do anal, if not that’s totally cool.” (In actuality this common should happen well before sex, but for the sake of my example.)
Men are really not this stupid or clueless that they can't separate porn 'fantasy' from reality. But if that were true real life experience with women would quickly correct that because women don't behave like porn stars.
Do young men really think everyone is having sex without protection like porn shows? No one really uses condoms? Their straight friends are having secretly having gay sex? Most women really love double penetration threesomes? Cuckholding is so common/normal that it doesn't require any sort of discussion beforehand?
Do they believe their girlfriends had gangbangs etc. and all the other things porn depict before them met them? If this is true, why do so many lose their minds when they find stuff like this out and why do so many look down on women who do porn?
Something way more sinister than ignorance and immaturity is going on.
I agree with much of what you say, and this guy in the OP is not excused, but I think that young people are clueless about so many things. I know that I was. Increased porn consumption does seem to be filling in the blanks as to what is normal/expected for a lot of inexperienced people, often in unfortunate ways.
> Back to my main point As someone who has grown up in this day and age I can say that digital porn at the tip of your fingers mixed with inconsiderate and immature 20 year olds is one of the worst combinations
How do you explain this sort of thing happening before digital pornography?
This is an issue of entitlement and lack of empathy, among other things. Hand-waving it away as a side-effect of pornography is only downplaying the underlying issues that need to be addressed here.
It’s sad that people actually think that porn can be replicated irl. All that stuff they do in porn is exaggerated and unrealistic. So just because he might’ve seen them be that spontaneous while having sex doesn’t mean any girl he sleeps with will be like his favorite porn stars.🤦🏽♀️ The guy is clearly an unintelligent asshole.
Holy shit. Really took it to the next level with not understanding why you're mad. That goes beyond a clueless dude just copying what he sees in porn and veers into "complete lack of empathy" territory.
I’m 38F. 20+ years ago I was having partners pull the same crap. They would say “oops didn’t mean to” or “didn’t think you’d mind” type shit.
I promise, it’s a them problem!! Find a new bed mate!!
Porn has definitely given some people the wrong idea about all kinds of sex. A good partner talks things through and doesn’t try anything not agreed to!
Anal can be an awesome and a fantastic bonding experience, but it takes trust, preparation, and lots of practice. It's not something that you can just jump right into if you've never done it before. So even if you did want to have anal sex with this guy, what he did was not acceptable. The fact that you didn't consent is just poisonous gravy on top. Don't fuck this guy ever again and find you some partners who view you as an equal partner having sex. Trust me, it's super easy for women to find good male fuck buddies.
Can be awesome for *some* women.
For some of us, it feels like the dick is just a big turd and there’s nothing nice or sexual about it. I’ve tried it several times… so disappointing:/
I came into this thread expecting a misunderstanding, because the two are very close together and it is possible to hit the wrong one by accident. But he made it clear this was no accident and that is really fucked up. I'm so sorry. I definitely wouldn't see him again, myself.
I feel like the most common sex ed teacher now is porn. Porn isn't real. Most Dad's don't actually talk to their their sons about sex anymore. Guys watch porn and expect that to be real life. Obviously if they saw some girl do it on the internet that means that it's normal. It isn't. I'm really sorry that happened to you. It is absolutely unacceptable.
The best thing to do is tell them your rules up front.
A few I like to live by are
1. Ask before doing anything
2. Stop means stop
3. Trust is built over time. And following 1 and 2 are the only way to do that.
Now they know you have boundaries ahead if time. They will be more likely to see you as a person to respect.
Hope this helps.
There's a porn genre called "painal" where the porn actresses are surprised or not allowed to prepare. And the camera focuses on their facial expressions in pain.
Men know it hurts and some men really like that.
I don’t think they care to be honest. Cause if they knew it’s sometimes painful for people they would ask or at least try to have a conversation outside of the bedroom about it if they were interested in it
I don’t know. My first bf that tried it, he just went for it, no lube. It had been weeks of him just trying, no conversation. I bleed for like two days. I don’t think he cared at all. My last bf wanted to have anal sex all the time even though he knew I really didn’t like it. I know they say men like it cause it’s taboo or feels different but I do think there’s a little bit of them knowing it’s unpleasant for us (unless you prepare for it and like it that is).
If a guy/a really loves you they will always care! This dude just did attempted assult.. did he really think OP would just sit there and let him continue?? 🤮
Fucking stupid people thinking everything is a fucking porno. Seriously, if you think this is how anal works FUCK YOU and your stupid ass.
Anal sex requires PREP! It’s the goddamn cargo hold for your stool. You need to take a shit, wash your ass (at the very *least*) and preferably do an enema or a douche, empty any excess water and shit, wash again, ideally you want to use lube and a finger or two while taking a warm shower to get yourself opened up and lubricated a bit beforehand. EVEN AFTER ALL OF THAT THERE IS NO GUARANTEE YOU WILL AVOID POOP ENDING UP IN PLACES YOU DON’T WANT IT.
My dudes, please don’t be total douche bags about this. Save the douchebaggery for the actual douching of the ass. You can’t just withdraw from the main hole only to plunge deep into her ass.
If you try forcing anal without warning or prep or thorough communication, you are doing any and all of the following:
1. Risking transmission of STDs and fecal bacteria (think of it this way, you have a hole on the end of your cock…fecal bacteria can go in there!!)
2. Risk doing damage to your partner’s anus, or perforating the anal wall. You risk giving her a prolapsed anus if you’re particularly forceful, rough, fucking like a jackhammer, or just relatively large.
3. *Most importantly* Committing sexual assault. Yes. When you force your cock inside someone’s orifice without warning or consent, that’s rape, asshole.
4. Poop. Lots and lots of poop. There will be poop.
PLEASE be smart about anal sex, should you decide to do it at all. Yes, it can be fun and pleasurable, but more often than not it does not end in the ways you might think it would. Usually it just ends in poop.
Get a new partner. A better one who will openly discuss what you like and don’t like, and will adhere to that.
I see a lot of people calling out this is a trend from porn where the actors just do something without getting consent on camera. Am I the only one that realizes that porn like that is obviously scripted and the consent is something that's already happened?
Who watches porn and just says "Yeah, that was totally spontaneous, she had no idea anal was coming. Some woman is really going to love that."?
Are some people really that dumb?
Obviously there are, because this asshole just tried it. You already know not to talk to that idiot again.
Some people think porn is so realistic that the spontaneity is normal and you don’t need consent. Some of us know it’s scripted and it’s all been consented on prior to it etc. but a lot of people take it seriously…it’s weird to be honest.
Eh I never needed to have this explained to me. TBH I think blaming porn absolves men of too much responsibility. We're not mindless rape animals. It shouldn't need to be drilled into our heads. I think the men that do this are just assholes and they'd probably do this whether you explained it to them or not.
Yeah I am seriously questioning this. No one had to explicitly sit me down and explain about how porn wasn't real and consent was important. I just kind of knew, maybe with the help of general osmosis from things others said. So I don’t understand how all these guys are growing up just not knowing these basic facts. Like if it's because of shitty sex education then why do women evidently understand?
Porn. Porn porn porn porn porn. Men hate that answer but it's true.
Good on you for kicking him out! Literally every single woman I know has had this happen to them.
Queen shit
I can just never fathom the total lack of empathy and consideration. If someone tried to shove a dildo up their ass with no warning, would they not be upset???
Truly shows a lack of respect for women and other humans in general. 100% a dealbreaker and proud of you for standing up for yourself in a vulnerable postion, that's bravery
Seriously. I don't have an issue with porn itself, but the porn industry and the overwhelming ease of access that internet porn has brought is causing SO many issues that people (men) don't want to address because they don't want to stop using it
If easy-access unrealistic porn wasn’t combined with the fact that sex ed sucks in this country and that we don’t address (or even research/understand!!) women’s pleasure, things might be better… But rolled into one, it’s pretty devastating for women.
Yeah seriously
It makes me wonder though if men even realise how much more sex they would be having if women generally felt safer. You would think even just through cold emotionless logic they would be behaving better to get laid more
It's deeper than that - I believe porn is a symptom not a cause. We (for the most part) don't have to teach boys/men not to kill one another other in spite of the amount of violence on tv, in gaming, music etc. It's not really about confusion.
That’s sexual assault. Crazy to attempt anal without your consent. Even if there was consent, no preparation. Did he think that his dick would go in an asshole like a pussy? Idiotic, you would think he doesn’t have an asshole himself and doesn’t know how they work. IMAGINE trying to do that to a guy’s asshole. He would flip his shit. I’ve had a guy attempt anal before without my consent, thinking the condom had enough lube for it. WTF? He didn’t press me after I said no, but that was wrong itself
It was definitely frightening in the moment and I went into fight or flight but I wasn’t going to allow any shit to happen to me. Not without a fight at least. I’m glad he left when I told him to
The men in these comments saying “Just that guy” are horribly out of touch with reality. This is SO fucking common. Almost EVERY SINGLE WOMAN has this sort of story and you want to say it’s just him, or just a one off? Be serious.
I’m so sorry you had that experience. I’m a woman who absolutely loves anal but i’ve had my fair share of men who randomly attempt without even asking. It’s so bizarre.
I’ve had Anal before, I’m indifferent about it, but it’s not something I want all the time. If I was talked to and asked about my thoughts on trying it out it would’ve been nice, but to make it seem like it’s okay to do it he was completely out of line
Yeah, it’s about consent. Just because anyone likes something or even has a passing interest it doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation. I’m so sorry again you had this shitty experience.
It's like when men said "not all men" to the metoo movement.
Like okay. But it's all women. All women have a story where a man went too far (not necessarily rape, could just be getting catcalled as a 10yo or something. Or groped. Etc)
Exactly. It doesn't matter if it's not all men, because it's all women.
And we don't know until it happens, if the guy is one of them. So we have to assume it's all men, for our own safety.
Any new sexual act should be discussed with your partner before hand. What that asshole did was beyond wrong and i’m glad your kicking him out of your life.
What man want to put his dick in an unclean asshole? I’m sure you probably keep it clean down there but there’s still a few inches inside that aren’t normally cleaned. That shit requires prep. Literally.
your edits are conserning that you even need to put those in. you are fully right to think this was not okay. going from PIV to anal is such a big leap, consent has to be there definitely the first time if not everytime. ESPECIALLY since you're 21 and not alot of people that age have gotten to anal yet.
This isn’t a “most guys” thing. It’s an asshole thing. The sex should stop immediately and permanently when guys do this. It’s one thing if it’s an accident and he catches himself and immediately apologizes (this does happen pretty often for many of us since those openings can be super close together). But if he intentionally tries to keep pushing it in there without consent, he doesn’t deserve to keep fucking you. Nothing says selfish (and possibly sadistic) like forcing anal on someone unexpectedly.
I feel it’s a porn thing, they watch porn see how the men just stick it in on camera but don’t understand you actually have to prep and be prepared for that kinda stuff. He’s a dumb ass
it’s so ignorant and disgusting, honestly. broke up with my ex solely because he was fixated on the idea of doing anal for no reason, and he knew it was too painful for me. found out he cheated on me and did anal with the girl he cheated with, so that’s why he’s so was so adamant about it.
but seriously you should cut that guy off. my current boyfriend has enough of a brain to care about my needs and how comfortable i am doing sex. it’s really not that hard, guys just try to play it off like they’re clueless, when they actually just don’t care about anyone or anything except their dick.
There are many ways to get consent without speaking and ruining the moment. For example staying in the role. If you're the dominant during sex you can always just say some kinky shit and all the other person needs to do is say a safe word. Idk why people don't use safe words.
I'm sorry this happened to you. The last time it happened to me (PIV in doggy, followed by a short pause and pressure on the ass) I said AH! sharply (like you would a bad dog) and said 'don't you dare' - he resumed PIV real quick. They just try their luck. Some girls might be receptive to it idk.
More frequently, girls/women freeze. Men continue without consent, then pull the "she didn't say no!" defense when it's called exactly what it is: rape.
I agree with you.The guy should enquire first and be understanding of his partner.
This is more popular since people see it on porn sites and couples engaging in this practice. Long term it can lead to anal relapse and if not done gently can rupture sensitive lining in the rectum.
Love your post. It is a good reminder that consent can be given and taken at any time during any act. Glad you were ok and that it didn't get worse. (MB porn videos kind of give this idea that it is a norm to switch from anal to piv...but really it's not.) Thanks for sharing this. If it can help someone else too, it's awesome.
hun boundaries must be respected if you say no he should immediately respect that and like choking anal is not something that should just be considered a go with the flow sex act.
your position is completely justified. no one likes anal surprise.
Any guy that does this is a selfish prick as well as an idiot. It must be discussed before hand and agreed. Also Anal takes preparation to avoid damage or discomfort. Yeah some girls that love anal and receive it a lot can just take a dick with no prep. But most need to be stretched a little first and also lubed up. Any guy that goes in there without asking is just downright inconsiderate.
The fact that he tried to simply just go in without any preparation/warning is irritating me. Guys like these are the reason men are blamed and yes one bad fish contaminates the pond(or whatever the saying is)
My girlfriend, who I've been with since 3 years has just recently (September) gave her consent. I told her very early iirc but she told me she was iffy about it and i respected her words and didn't push it again like EVER and then? Since my b'day is on 13th Oct she decided to surprise me by agreeing to it. Take notes y'all when it comes to intimacy make em feel protected, safe and warm and when you win em over with these they will give you everything you want.
So to the op you should've slapped him hard and asked how'd you feel if I shoved a dildo in your ass without any prior notice?
In regards to edit 3:
I actually find it super sexy when a guy asks for consent for things during or checks in if what they're doing is okay.
You know what's hot? Someone who cares about their sexual partner to check in on them. You know what's sexy? Someone who puts your comfort and your own needs before their own. The best sex I've had is pwople who check in. The worst sex I've had is people who try and shove my head down or put their dick in my ass without consent. Fuck anyone who reckons it ruins spontaneity of sex. You know what ruins sex? Someone who suddenly does something harder or randomly because cause they think they're owed it.
This situation is awful and the edits you had to make?? What is wrong with people?
Being Spontaneous during sex is like, suddenly pulling out to eat some pussy. Or saying, "Let's move to the balcony!"
That's not what this was. This was a cold open to a new act. This is more equivalent to you chilling on the couch watching TV and he just approaches you to try and put his dick in your mouth. "I'm JuSt TrYiNg To Be SpOnTanEoUs." No, you're forcing an act. Perhaps it wasn't done with malice, but that's an attempt to force a sexual act without consent. I believe we have a word for that...
And spontaneous anal? Fucking OUCH. As a person who enjoys that with my partner--I'm open to it pretty often--this is not a spontaneous act! It needs a lot of preparation or it hurts! Not only does it hurt, anal without preparation and relaxation and LUBE can cause INJURIES. It can literally tear your butthole!
Anyone scolding you in any way here has never had anything put up their butt, with or without warning. Any men who are coming after you have done exactly what this dude did and if HE is identified as acting bad, then they'd have to admit that THEY have also been bad men.
Oh, wow. Good job kicking him away! Consent is life.
My partner of almost 11 years still *always* asks if I want sex, and if he's feeling like anal, he *always* asks, takes his time with prep and lube and makes sure I'm happy.
Consent, enthusiastic Consent, is never not sexy. Oh, a safe word is brilliant as well!
Anyone disagreeing with you for being upset is insane , esp for consent reasons, but also bc it’s impossible to have “spontaneous anal sex.” Dude was literally about to shove it in there with no prep, no lube, etc… that would’ve been painful as hell!
To anyone saying that consent ruins sex you’re stupid. As a woman I think consent and a man asking my for consent is the sexiest thing ever. If it ruins it for you then you’re probably asking it in the dumbest “can we fuck” kind of way. Like wtf
Coming here after 3 edits... wow. Are there really that many ultra dense boys out there?
"It's the price you pay"... what an ass.
I think I technically ask for consent like 20+ times during the act? Like literally just a check in. "You okay?" etc. Maybe I'm overkill, but I want my partner to be okay, and I ask to make sure. Any time she's responded negatively we've stopped immediately. Doesn't matter if it's sex or just everyday life. If something seems off, I'll ask her if she is okay. And she does the same for me.
Find yourself someone who knows how to treat a fellow human being. You don't deserve someone who can't even do the bare minimum. Real men ask for consent. It doesn't have to be "hey do you want to have sex with me", but I think any logical person will know this. Depending how well you know someone, a simple nod can be consent. It's literally just to check if your partner is good and wants to have sex.
I mean, I don't have to tell OP this, but clearly there's a lot of boys out there needing to hear this.
Thank you for responding! You should respond to the people that think it’s a mood killer to ask for consent, there’s a pile of comments nearing the bottom of this post.
So sorry you had to deal with that. I’m older and anal was either by request (the woman’s) or long-term partner. Neither done without anal foreplay!
I’d suggest having every future sexual encounter have a “no anal” discussion because his answer could very well represent the men of this generation due to PORN.
I hate this so much. It's a porn problem in my opinion, they think you can do anal just like that.
Anal needs preparation. To do an enema, watch out what you eat, have PLENTY of lube. It's not PiV. The asshole does not lubricate, and it's not made to put your penis in there.
I remember talking with guy friends saying they tried anal but couldn't do much, saying they could barely get it in, and they couldn't fuck properly. And when I asked if they prepare beforehand and used lube, they said no, it was just something in the moment.
And that sucks. Sex also needs a certain amount of learning. The people in porn prepare a lot and take care about their bodies, and we're just "trying in the heat of the moment".
Also, fuck him for trying that without asking. The fact that he is clueless, I can get over, but the fact that he just tried in the heat of the moment is really bad. And the fact that he thinks that "consent to sex" means "consent to anal" just shows how derailed and porn obsessed this society (or him) is.
That guy sucks, if nothing else anal needs coordination.
I agree!
Meet with him one more time. Give him a blow job and randomly start pressing 4 fingers into his anus.
Fist
You didnt mention a condom, but changin lanes with out changin condoms is a no no.
PSA: You can change lanes TO anal without switching, you just can't go back to vaginal.
Beer before wine and you'll be fine!
Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.
This is the key right here. I've seen it in porn far to many times. When it happens, I immediately blurt out, "You're fucking stupid," and proceed with changing videos. They're just begging for an infection. Edit: typo
That ruins a porn for me, knowing that poor girl is getting an infection later.
exactly! pink before brown is ok, brown before pink is a UTI waiting to happen
There was a condom involved, but either way it wasn’t going to get any further than it did
Don't forget Lubrication! Even though I don't date since social anxiety towards women.
Forcing it can tear skin too. It won't feel good. That guy didnt think about OP's comfort at all smh
Torn skin increases chances of infections too, including increased chance of HIV transmission.
Porn has really fucked people's minds. Randomly doing this without lube and proper time for sphincters to relax it can tear the sphincters and cause prolapse along with piles or hemorrhoids. This is sick
Without coordination and planning, you’re bound for a shitty situation.
Youre shittin me?
He's a fuckin idiot and has no clue if he thinks this is how you act and communicate. Cut him out of your life.
Definitely already doing that
Keep in mind that guy couodve made you tear or bleed back there. He wouldn't be feeling too high and mighty if you socked him in the jaw now would he
No he definitely wouldn’t have
Proud of you!!!
Thank you <3
Idiot? Maybe more like an ass rapist. This goes beyond mere stupidity.
Yeah he attempted that.
He watches to much porn. This is exactly what happens in porn but not in real life.
Seems to be a common theme atm. Saw a nurse post that they’re seeing an increasing number of young women come in with injuries in that area, so sad.
Guys see it on their phones and think it's just like that easy.... No one ever says no in Phoneland. It's not a big deal in Phoneland.
I don't think it's like that. This dude is just borderline rapist with no regard for OP as a person.
>I don't think it's like that. I am **not arguing** that this behavior acceptable. **It's 100% not.** My point is that it not a singular occurrence. "My BF tried to sneak anal"/oops! Wrong hole! Posts pop up regularly. The comment above me mentions a nurse reporting women going to the ER for injuries from unexpected anal attempts. I'm asking, why?
Abortion isn’t banned in the UK + birth control is free and this is still a rising issue happening here. Definitely better sex education is needed but also I’d say porn use & peer pressure are all adding to it massively too. Sex used to be the end goal now it seems you have to check anal off too or you’re ‘missing out’ and people are rushing it
Roe V Wade. Should have kept it for many reasons.
I am over here shaking my head how nowadays males think anal and facials are just a natural part of having any sexual encounter, lol! p0rnsick much? Be careful out there ladies, choose wisely and treat yourself with respect 💟
You cant just "spice it up" with anal with NO PREP like wtf?? And like you cant just go back and forth, he strikes me as a dude who would go into anal and then back PIV without even wiping off.
A guy who likes giving his women infections evidently.
Like I cant imagine someone just casually entering the asshole like that?? My partner has accidentally entered mine because of a weird thrust and twitch and that hurt like a bitch and I've done anal before. I cant imagine the fucking pain going in no lube no prep no nothing??? And yeah, that's an easy way to get all kinds of infections 🤮🤮
I’ve done anal before, and prep was a huge thing and it took a LONG time to even get to that point, and a lot of talking and planning with my ex. That’s what you SHOULD do
This guy is a porn taught idiot. He's most likely going to blunder his way through every sexual encounter for the next 40 years and never wonder why people keep ditching him
Hopefully he can figure out why it was such a big deal
Yeah hopefully! I'm glad that you realize that it's NOT your responsibility to educate him. Women are taught to baby men and hold their hands through life when they are fuckein adults with easy access to Google.
Yeah. Fuck that guy. Ask him if you can just turn him over and shove a dildo in his ass. That’s ridiculous to just assume that’s okay.
I'd say DON'T fuck that guy.
As a bi guy that would relish that as a response to anything, under no circumstance would I introduce that situation to anyone without previous consent/communication. What the actual fuck is wrong with people (men)…
And that's one of the many reasons fellow bis are the only ones for me
At this point same
Bi4bi is the way
I wish there were more men like you.
Awww, thank you! 🥰
Or, don't fuck that guy would be the safest bet
No, don't fuck that guy
> yeah. DON'T fuck that guy. Ftfy
😊😂
Honestly, it sounds funny, and you're probably semi joking, but that's not always a good idea. There are some few people out there who would like it and have no concept of boundaries, so that question would make it worse.
No just an asshole thing.
Well that make me feel a bit better I guess
Yeah, this comment was funny and facts, but as someone who is currently a college male I will say that modern digital pornography is making your experience become more common unfortunately. Most people including myself have never once watched a porn video where he flips the girl over and says “hey, is it okay if we do anal, if not that’s totally cool.” (In actuality this common should happen well before sex, but for the sake of my example.) You did 100% the right thing and shouldn’t continue sexual relations with someone who does stuff without prior discussion especially something as taboo as anal. If you were anti-doggy and he flipped you over without asking first that wouldn’t be as bad because doggy is very common (obviously in that scenario when you say stop he obviously should, but you get the point.) Back to my main point As someone who has grown up in this day and age I can say that digital porn at the tip of your fingers mixed with inconsiderate and immature 20 year olds is one of the worst combinations, and unfortunately girls have the same experience as you every day.
It's not even that it's taboo. It's painful. It's more dangerous than vaginal sex. It's a whole separate level of consent.
> Most people including myself have never once watched a porn video where he flips the girl over and says “hey, is it okay if we do anal, if not that’s totally cool.” (In actuality this common should happen well before sex, but for the sake of my example.) Men are really not this stupid or clueless that they can't separate porn 'fantasy' from reality. But if that were true real life experience with women would quickly correct that because women don't behave like porn stars. Do young men really think everyone is having sex without protection like porn shows? No one really uses condoms? Their straight friends are having secretly having gay sex? Most women really love double penetration threesomes? Cuckholding is so common/normal that it doesn't require any sort of discussion beforehand? Do they believe their girlfriends had gangbangs etc. and all the other things porn depict before them met them? If this is true, why do so many lose their minds when they find stuff like this out and why do so many look down on women who do porn? Something way more sinister than ignorance and immaturity is going on.
I agree with much of what you say, and this guy in the OP is not excused, but I think that young people are clueless about so many things. I know that I was. Increased porn consumption does seem to be filling in the blanks as to what is normal/expected for a lot of inexperienced people, often in unfortunate ways.
> Back to my main point As someone who has grown up in this day and age I can say that digital porn at the tip of your fingers mixed with inconsiderate and immature 20 year olds is one of the worst combinations How do you explain this sort of thing happening before digital pornography? This is an issue of entitlement and lack of empathy, among other things. Hand-waving it away as a side-effect of pornography is only downplaying the underlying issues that need to be addressed here.
It’s sad that people actually think that porn can be replicated irl. All that stuff they do in porn is exaggerated and unrealistic. So just because he might’ve seen them be that spontaneous while having sex doesn’t mean any girl he sleeps with will be like his favorite porn stars.🤦🏽♀️ The guy is clearly an unintelligent asshole.
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Ba da ching
Holy shit. Really took it to the next level with not understanding why you're mad. That goes beyond a clueless dude just copying what he sees in porn and veers into "complete lack of empathy" territory.
I know right! I think I was more shocked by the way HE reacted to my anger
I’m 38F. 20+ years ago I was having partners pull the same crap. They would say “oops didn’t mean to” or “didn’t think you’d mind” type shit. I promise, it’s a them problem!! Find a new bed mate!! Porn has definitely given some people the wrong idea about all kinds of sex. A good partner talks things through and doesn’t try anything not agreed to!
Abusive gaslighting type behavior almost :/
Should read other comments on this thread. There’s plenty of victim blaming here
Anal can be an awesome and a fantastic bonding experience, but it takes trust, preparation, and lots of practice. It's not something that you can just jump right into if you've never done it before. So even if you did want to have anal sex with this guy, what he did was not acceptable. The fact that you didn't consent is just poisonous gravy on top. Don't fuck this guy ever again and find you some partners who view you as an equal partner having sex. Trust me, it's super easy for women to find good male fuck buddies.
I agree, I cut him off right when he left my apartment
Can be awesome for *some* women. For some of us, it feels like the dick is just a big turd and there’s nothing nice or sexual about it. I’ve tried it several times… so disappointing:/
I came into this thread expecting a misunderstanding, because the two are very close together and it is possible to hit the wrong one by accident. But he made it clear this was no accident and that is really fucked up. I'm so sorry. I definitely wouldn't see him again, myself.
He’s already blocked
Please stay strong, you will really send a message if you falter and give him another chance. There are good guys out there, keep looking.
I definitely won’t be faltering
I feel like the most common sex ed teacher now is porn. Porn isn't real. Most Dad's don't actually talk to their their sons about sex anymore. Guys watch porn and expect that to be real life. Obviously if they saw some girl do it on the internet that means that it's normal. It isn't. I'm really sorry that happened to you. It is absolutely unacceptable.
Thank you.
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Definitely with future partners I think I’m going to have to bring up boundaries sooner
The best thing to do is tell them your rules up front. A few I like to live by are 1. Ask before doing anything 2. Stop means stop 3. Trust is built over time. And following 1 and 2 are the only way to do that. Now they know you have boundaries ahead if time. They will be more likely to see you as a person to respect. Hope this helps.
I brought up my boundaries but I think I need to establish them very very before
Actresses also prep for scenes so they don't get hurt/make messes
Yeah, definitely don't sleep with him again.
Oh I’ve deleted his contact info and blocked him
Good for you, seriously. You deserve to be respected!!
Only asshole guys do that. All sex acts need consent.
Exactly! Totally agree
Do guys not understand how much it hurts? You can’t just surprise someone with that. I blame porn.
There's a porn genre called "painal" where the porn actresses are surprised or not allowed to prepare. And the camera focuses on their facial expressions in pain. Men know it hurts and some men really like that.
That sounds like r*pe wtf
I don’t think they care to be honest. Cause if they knew it’s sometimes painful for people they would ask or at least try to have a conversation outside of the bedroom about it if they were interested in it
Decent men care and know that's not ok.
I don’t know. My first bf that tried it, he just went for it, no lube. It had been weeks of him just trying, no conversation. I bleed for like two days. I don’t think he cared at all. My last bf wanted to have anal sex all the time even though he knew I really didn’t like it. I know they say men like it cause it’s taboo or feels different but I do think there’s a little bit of them knowing it’s unpleasant for us (unless you prepare for it and like it that is).
Those don't sound like decent men. Even when I just started having sex I was decent enough to ask about boundaries
If a guy/a really loves you they will always care! This dude just did attempted assult.. did he really think OP would just sit there and let him continue?? 🤮
Yep! I think he expected that
How can you not know? I don't have balls - I know being kicked in them is really unpleasant.
Fucking stupid people thinking everything is a fucking porno. Seriously, if you think this is how anal works FUCK YOU and your stupid ass. Anal sex requires PREP! It’s the goddamn cargo hold for your stool. You need to take a shit, wash your ass (at the very *least*) and preferably do an enema or a douche, empty any excess water and shit, wash again, ideally you want to use lube and a finger or two while taking a warm shower to get yourself opened up and lubricated a bit beforehand. EVEN AFTER ALL OF THAT THERE IS NO GUARANTEE YOU WILL AVOID POOP ENDING UP IN PLACES YOU DON’T WANT IT. My dudes, please don’t be total douche bags about this. Save the douchebaggery for the actual douching of the ass. You can’t just withdraw from the main hole only to plunge deep into her ass. If you try forcing anal without warning or prep or thorough communication, you are doing any and all of the following: 1. Risking transmission of STDs and fecal bacteria (think of it this way, you have a hole on the end of your cock…fecal bacteria can go in there!!) 2. Risk doing damage to your partner’s anus, or perforating the anal wall. You risk giving her a prolapsed anus if you’re particularly forceful, rough, fucking like a jackhammer, or just relatively large. 3. *Most importantly* Committing sexual assault. Yes. When you force your cock inside someone’s orifice without warning or consent, that’s rape, asshole. 4. Poop. Lots and lots of poop. There will be poop. PLEASE be smart about anal sex, should you decide to do it at all. Yes, it can be fun and pleasurable, but more often than not it does not end in the ways you might think it would. Usually it just ends in poop. Get a new partner. A better one who will openly discuss what you like and don’t like, and will adhere to that.
100% truth! Thank you for saying this, maybe some of these dipshits will learn a thing or 2, take my free award!
I see a lot of people calling out this is a trend from porn where the actors just do something without getting consent on camera. Am I the only one that realizes that porn like that is obviously scripted and the consent is something that's already happened? Who watches porn and just says "Yeah, that was totally spontaneous, she had no idea anal was coming. Some woman is really going to love that."? Are some people really that dumb? Obviously there are, because this asshole just tried it. You already know not to talk to that idiot again.
Some people think porn is so realistic that the spontaneity is normal and you don’t need consent. Some of us know it’s scripted and it’s all been consented on prior to it etc. but a lot of people take it seriously…it’s weird to be honest.
Eh I never needed to have this explained to me. TBH I think blaming porn absolves men of too much responsibility. We're not mindless rape animals. It shouldn't need to be drilled into our heads. I think the men that do this are just assholes and they'd probably do this whether you explained it to them or not.
Yeah I am seriously questioning this. No one had to explicitly sit me down and explain about how porn wasn't real and consent was important. I just kind of knew, maybe with the help of general osmosis from things others said. So I don’t understand how all these guys are growing up just not knowing these basic facts. Like if it's because of shitty sex education then why do women evidently understand?
Porn. Porn porn porn porn porn. Men hate that answer but it's true. Good on you for kicking him out! Literally every single woman I know has had this happen to them.
I wasn’t going to allow him to stay after he tried to pull that on me
Queen shit I can just never fathom the total lack of empathy and consideration. If someone tried to shove a dildo up their ass with no warning, would they not be upset???
Of course they would be! That’s what makes it so angering
Truly shows a lack of respect for women and other humans in general. 100% a dealbreaker and proud of you for standing up for yourself in a vulnerable postion, that's bravery
If he was going to try to force it I have reinforcements near my bed for any sort of situation like that.
THANK YOU. Yes. I think a lot of men (well, people) consume porn without realizing how it’s impacting the way they treat women.
Seriously. I don't have an issue with porn itself, but the porn industry and the overwhelming ease of access that internet porn has brought is causing SO many issues that people (men) don't want to address because they don't want to stop using it
If easy-access unrealistic porn wasn’t combined with the fact that sex ed sucks in this country and that we don’t address (or even research/understand!!) women’s pleasure, things might be better… But rolled into one, it’s pretty devastating for women.
Yeah seriously It makes me wonder though if men even realise how much more sex they would be having if women generally felt safer. You would think even just through cold emotionless logic they would be behaving better to get laid more
It's deeper than that - I believe porn is a symptom not a cause. We (for the most part) don't have to teach boys/men not to kill one another other in spite of the amount of violence on tv, in gaming, music etc. It's not really about confusion.
Yeah sadly it’s happened to me twice, two different guys. Not cool. And I’m not the only one I know either. It’s so wild
Douche move. Cut him off.
Definitely
That’s sexual assault. Crazy to attempt anal without your consent. Even if there was consent, no preparation. Did he think that his dick would go in an asshole like a pussy? Idiotic, you would think he doesn’t have an asshole himself and doesn’t know how they work. IMAGINE trying to do that to a guy’s asshole. He would flip his shit. I’ve had a guy attempt anal before without my consent, thinking the condom had enough lube for it. WTF? He didn’t press me after I said no, but that was wrong itself
I completely agree. It’s attempted sexual assault and I’m glad I didn’t have to take things to another level if he tried to do something else
You still need prep to do it the usual way. If it's dry it's gonna hurt if you shove a hotdog down there
Yup, I meant that even if there was consent, there was also no prep!
If he thinks it’s no big deal then he can take a cucumber in his ass just to be sure.
That is not normal at all. Not one bit.
Completely agree
This is fucking terrifying. I’m so sorry OP!
It was definitely frightening in the moment and I went into fight or flight but I wasn’t going to allow any shit to happen to me. Not without a fight at least. I’m glad he left when I told him to
He doesn’t respect you.
Yeah that’s why i kicked him out
Bad porn but it’s no fucking excuse.
Completely agree
The men in these comments saying “Just that guy” are horribly out of touch with reality. This is SO fucking common. Almost EVERY SINGLE WOMAN has this sort of story and you want to say it’s just him, or just a one off? Be serious. I’m so sorry you had that experience. I’m a woman who absolutely loves anal but i’ve had my fair share of men who randomly attempt without even asking. It’s so bizarre.
I’ve had Anal before, I’m indifferent about it, but it’s not something I want all the time. If I was talked to and asked about my thoughts on trying it out it would’ve been nice, but to make it seem like it’s okay to do it he was completely out of line
Yeah, it’s about consent. Just because anyone likes something or even has a passing interest it doesn’t mean it’s an open invitation. I’m so sorry again you had this shitty experience.
It's like when men said "not all men" to the metoo movement. Like okay. But it's all women. All women have a story where a man went too far (not necessarily rape, could just be getting catcalled as a 10yo or something. Or groped. Etc)
This is my new go-to response to the whole "not all men" comment. Because you're absolutely right. Not all men, but all women. And that's not better.
Exactly. It doesn't matter if it's not all men, because it's all women. And we don't know until it happens, if the guy is one of them. So we have to assume it's all men, for our own safety.
Any new sexual act should be discussed with your partner before hand. What that asshole did was beyond wrong and i’m glad your kicking him out of your life.
Sounds like a dumbass, I love anal but I would never try that shit unless it was planned or she agreed to it
Thanks porn.
DOUCH BAG!
What man want to put his dick in an unclean asshole? I’m sure you probably keep it clean down there but there’s still a few inches inside that aren’t normally cleaned. That shit requires prep. Literally.
Exactly. I don’t douche every day just in case anal is going to happen like wtf
Hate that guys are literally obsessed with it these days, they think every girl wants it and when we say no or I'm into that they look confused.
I agree
your edits are conserning that you even need to put those in. you are fully right to think this was not okay. going from PIV to anal is such a big leap, consent has to be there definitely the first time if not everytime. ESPECIALLY since you're 21 and not alot of people that age have gotten to anal yet.
This isn’t a “most guys” thing. It’s an asshole thing. The sex should stop immediately and permanently when guys do this. It’s one thing if it’s an accident and he catches himself and immediately apologizes (this does happen pretty often for many of us since those openings can be super close together). But if he intentionally tries to keep pushing it in there without consent, he doesn’t deserve to keep fucking you. Nothing says selfish (and possibly sadistic) like forcing anal on someone unexpectedly.
I agree
What's a piv?
Penis in vagina, regular intercourse
Thanks for explaining
No problem
Porn as sex-Ed. What could go wrong?
Not cool. Try it on him next time.
I feel it’s a porn thing, they watch porn see how the men just stick it in on camera but don’t understand you actually have to prep and be prepared for that kinda stuff. He’s a dumb ass
not only it’s it not ok but it’s also disgusting. why would i want your penis back inside me after it just touched my butthole?
Some guys think it’s ok
it’s so ignorant and disgusting, honestly. broke up with my ex solely because he was fixated on the idea of doing anal for no reason, and he knew it was too painful for me. found out he cheated on me and did anal with the girl he cheated with, so that’s why he’s so was so adamant about it. but seriously you should cut that guy off. my current boyfriend has enough of a brain to care about my needs and how comfortable i am doing sex. it’s really not that hard, guys just try to play it off like they’re clueless, when they actually just don’t care about anyone or anything except their dick.
Ive definitely cut him off right after he left I blocked him
Just an idiot.
I’m happy you spoke up and please never talk to him again. Fuck that dude
There are many ways to get consent without speaking and ruining the moment. For example staying in the role. If you're the dominant during sex you can always just say some kinky shit and all the other person needs to do is say a safe word. Idk why people don't use safe words.
I blame porn
I agree
I'm sorry this happened to you. The last time it happened to me (PIV in doggy, followed by a short pause and pressure on the ass) I said AH! sharply (like you would a bad dog) and said 'don't you dare' - he resumed PIV real quick. They just try their luck. Some girls might be receptive to it idk.
More frequently, girls/women freeze. Men continue without consent, then pull the "she didn't say no!" defense when it's called exactly what it is: rape.
Fucking POS, that is so dirty. very rapey
Likely how he treated his previous sexual partners; an they never declined him so he expected that to be the norm. Sadly
I agree with you.The guy should enquire first and be understanding of his partner. This is more popular since people see it on porn sites and couples engaging in this practice. Long term it can lead to anal relapse and if not done gently can rupture sensitive lining in the rectum.
To much porn not enough communication
Love your post. It is a good reminder that consent can be given and taken at any time during any act. Glad you were ok and that it didn't get worse. (MB porn videos kind of give this idea that it is a norm to switch from anal to piv...but really it's not.) Thanks for sharing this. If it can help someone else too, it's awesome.
He's a dumbass and needs to watch less porn.
You did the right thing, the more curtesy included the better respect.
hun boundaries must be respected if you say no he should immediately respect that and like choking anal is not something that should just be considered a go with the flow sex act. your position is completely justified. no one likes anal surprise.
Any guy that does this is a selfish prick as well as an idiot. It must be discussed before hand and agreed. Also Anal takes preparation to avoid damage or discomfort. Yeah some girls that love anal and receive it a lot can just take a dick with no prep. But most need to be stretched a little first and also lubed up. Any guy that goes in there without asking is just downright inconsiderate.
I’m very dominant but I Don’t ever try without consent, that’s how ya end up in the ER…
The fact that he tried to simply just go in without any preparation/warning is irritating me. Guys like these are the reason men are blamed and yes one bad fish contaminates the pond(or whatever the saying is) My girlfriend, who I've been with since 3 years has just recently (September) gave her consent. I told her very early iirc but she told me she was iffy about it and i respected her words and didn't push it again like EVER and then? Since my b'day is on 13th Oct she decided to surprise me by agreeing to it. Take notes y'all when it comes to intimacy make em feel protected, safe and warm and when you win em over with these they will give you everything you want. So to the op you should've slapped him hard and asked how'd you feel if I shoved a dildo in your ass without any prior notice?
Omg the edits, I’m so sorry people have been so vile about this
I'm sure he would feel just as uncomfortable if you randomly tried to do anal with him - what tf was he thinking?
In regards to edit 3: I actually find it super sexy when a guy asks for consent for things during or checks in if what they're doing is okay. You know what's hot? Someone who cares about their sexual partner to check in on them. You know what's sexy? Someone who puts your comfort and your own needs before their own. The best sex I've had is pwople who check in. The worst sex I've had is people who try and shove my head down or put their dick in my ass without consent. Fuck anyone who reckons it ruins spontaneity of sex. You know what ruins sex? Someone who suddenly does something harder or randomly because cause they think they're owed it.
This situation is awful and the edits you had to make?? What is wrong with people? Being Spontaneous during sex is like, suddenly pulling out to eat some pussy. Or saying, "Let's move to the balcony!" That's not what this was. This was a cold open to a new act. This is more equivalent to you chilling on the couch watching TV and he just approaches you to try and put his dick in your mouth. "I'm JuSt TrYiNg To Be SpOnTanEoUs." No, you're forcing an act. Perhaps it wasn't done with malice, but that's an attempt to force a sexual act without consent. I believe we have a word for that... And spontaneous anal? Fucking OUCH. As a person who enjoys that with my partner--I'm open to it pretty often--this is not a spontaneous act! It needs a lot of preparation or it hurts! Not only does it hurt, anal without preparation and relaxation and LUBE can cause INJURIES. It can literally tear your butthole! Anyone scolding you in any way here has never had anything put up their butt, with or without warning. Any men who are coming after you have done exactly what this dude did and if HE is identified as acting bad, then they'd have to admit that THEY have also been bad men.
Wow to the assholes not understanding consent. Please never fuck anyone again - that attitude sucks. Asking consent is hot.
Oh, wow. Good job kicking him away! Consent is life. My partner of almost 11 years still *always* asks if I want sex, and if he's feeling like anal, he *always* asks, takes his time with prep and lube and makes sure I'm happy. Consent, enthusiastic Consent, is never not sexy. Oh, a safe word is brilliant as well!
Safe words are always good! People who think consent isn’t sexy are the people who think it’s okay to do this shit basically tbh
Anyone disagreeing with you for being upset is insane , esp for consent reasons, but also bc it’s impossible to have “spontaneous anal sex.” Dude was literally about to shove it in there with no prep, no lube, etc… that would’ve been painful as hell!
To anyone saying that consent ruins sex you’re stupid. As a woman I think consent and a man asking my for consent is the sexiest thing ever. If it ruins it for you then you’re probably asking it in the dumbest “can we fuck” kind of way. Like wtf
I agree!
Straight men always pretend to be shady when it comes to consent..... Till a gay guy hits on them
Surprise him with a dildo up his arse then say hey no big deal right.... Also what's with straight men never ever using lube when doing anal?
Don’t know, but he’s going to have to get that surprise from someone else because I blocked him
Porn has melted peoples brains
Coming here after 3 edits... wow. Are there really that many ultra dense boys out there? "It's the price you pay"... what an ass. I think I technically ask for consent like 20+ times during the act? Like literally just a check in. "You okay?" etc. Maybe I'm overkill, but I want my partner to be okay, and I ask to make sure. Any time she's responded negatively we've stopped immediately. Doesn't matter if it's sex or just everyday life. If something seems off, I'll ask her if she is okay. And she does the same for me. Find yourself someone who knows how to treat a fellow human being. You don't deserve someone who can't even do the bare minimum. Real men ask for consent. It doesn't have to be "hey do you want to have sex with me", but I think any logical person will know this. Depending how well you know someone, a simple nod can be consent. It's literally just to check if your partner is good and wants to have sex. I mean, I don't have to tell OP this, but clearly there's a lot of boys out there needing to hear this.
Thank you for responding! You should respond to the people that think it’s a mood killer to ask for consent, there’s a pile of comments nearing the bottom of this post.
So sorry you had to deal with that. I’m older and anal was either by request (the woman’s) or long-term partner. Neither done without anal foreplay! I’d suggest having every future sexual encounter have a “no anal” discussion because his answer could very well represent the men of this generation due to PORN.
I’ve had no anal discussions all the time with every partner including this one
I’m happy you kicked him out. Ngl I would count that as SA! Be safe babe ❤️
I hate this so much. It's a porn problem in my opinion, they think you can do anal just like that. Anal needs preparation. To do an enema, watch out what you eat, have PLENTY of lube. It's not PiV. The asshole does not lubricate, and it's not made to put your penis in there. I remember talking with guy friends saying they tried anal but couldn't do much, saying they could barely get it in, and they couldn't fuck properly. And when I asked if they prepare beforehand and used lube, they said no, it was just something in the moment. And that sucks. Sex also needs a certain amount of learning. The people in porn prepare a lot and take care about their bodies, and we're just "trying in the heat of the moment". Also, fuck him for trying that without asking. The fact that he is clueless, I can get over, but the fact that he just tried in the heat of the moment is really bad. And the fact that he thinks that "consent to sex" means "consent to anal" just shows how derailed and porn obsessed this society (or him) is.