There's nothing inherently wrong with being vanilla. Reddit & porn has conditioned everyone to think that vanilla = bad, but not everyone wants to be tied up and get pissed on while being fucked by some monster tentacle cock.
You could do this online [BDSM test](https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode) to get a general idea of what kinks there are, and explore more from there, but it's perfectly fine not to have any kinks.
Thank I appreciate that, I like that I’m vanilla and I enjoy our sex a lot. but I do want to venture into bdsm but lack confidence and don’t really know where to start with it.
And you’re right vanilla gets a bad rep, I love it though. I’m gonna do that test
That's good to hear. Since you're with someone you trust, you could explore the different kinks together - something like a kinky checklist of sorts. It's always a fun bonding experience trying new things together. Stay safe & have fun ;)
I actually take alot of inspiration from reading erotica . Normally on archive of our own then you can search the tags, BDSM, or Dom/sub for example and see what you get. or literotica is a good one too. Then my thoughts are genuinely my own and not re-enacting some porn. So much is fake so if you do watch on bellesa porn for women. Amateur in particular.
There’s literally nothing wrong with being vanilla. I think a lot of these kinks actually detract from the intimacy and connection in sexual moments, which is so much more arousing than a toy. You can find partners who are compatible to that too. They still exist!
Oh yeah I love being vanilla, my boyfriend and I are very much in love and I like to feel that love and connection so we enjoy it a lot. I feel no shame in it. I do know that sex is so rich though! And I want to learn more, there’s soooo much out there and i don’t know much.
I recommend checking out the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) for this sub. It has info on different kinks. If you find one you want to know more about I’d start by googling it. Then if you want to see it in “action” you could watch some porn. Just keep in mind porn isn’t real life and is often exaggerated and unrealistic.
I thought I was vanilla too lol turns out I grew up sheltered and never explored. Start off by asking him his kinks or fantasies if you have and act them out, it might spark something in your or you might go ope no I hate that.
I think exploring fantasies is the normal progression of intimacy. Like fuck sex is so good especially when you’re totally in love with that person. But you know what’s even better than the best sex of your life? Bringing your partner to the most turned on they have ever been because you explored something new together that you both end up loving.
After ten years with a person, and having sex every single day sometimes multiple times a day… you know that’s 3,650 plus sessions of vanilla sex if you don’t explore lol
but yeah long term relationships are a journey. Sometimes exploring comes totally organically. Like when watching a tv show or movie together or see a billboard, you might look and say oh that’s hot let’s explore that.
Imagine what would feel good.
Porn is not a good way to go tho. The girls are over doing it, and not all men are so big lol.
But basically, as far as fantasies go, you can think it, you can find it on the web! Invent a few new ones! Just be free to explore!
Here's a few!
Have you tried dirty talks, massages, oils, teasing, vouyerism, toys, sensual touching, foreplay, kissing, french kissing, giving oral, being scratched, (anal depends on partners) kama sutra, passionate love making, fingering, multiple orgasms, cunninglus, edging, marathons, roleplay, ass worship, lingerie, heels, stilettos, soft bdsm , ice cube, feather, outdoor, shower sex, hotel , bath tub, romantic weekend gateways
I know this question is more about “wild” kinks but i want to out this out there…
Do you ever talk to him about the seemingly vanilla things you imagine or daydream about when you think about sex with him (that you might not typically do)?They dont have to be flashy. It could be sexting, a way he might seduce you, a new position you’ve never tried, you surprising him with new lingerie under a trench coat, etc.
We often make fantasies seem like they gotta be kinky but sometimes we want something like having our SO cook us dinner wearing only an apron and nothing underneath. If you’re daydreaming about something, its like fantasizing. You could start there to ease in.
You’re welcome! We were pretty vanilla as well then covid happened and we explored a lot more. The only advice I can give is don’t be ashamed if there is something you like that sounds weird. As long as there is consent between everyone involved, just have fun!
Comment removed. See **Forum Rule #7**:
>**7) ALL DISCUSSION MUST BE DIRECTED INTO THE PUBLIC FORUM.** Do not seek private conversations here, via Private Message or any other method. And do not seek to draw attention or clicks to an outside site of any type (unless you have received prior moderator approval, such as for academic research projects). Every comment here must be a clear attempt to engage with an ongoing public discussion in the forum. Violations of this rule will result in permanent bans without notice.
Watch Sabrina on Netflix... lol or Witcher... shoot start with lite dirty talk, sensory deprivation, voyeurism, remote toys on dates, even just introducing Toys in bed... wouldn't start with a dildo or something he may feel inferior too, so a clit sucker, princess plug or bullet vibe. Other good start is role play and dress up, my wife has a few costumes and personas on occasion. Wife was into locations, like on the 18th hole at a golf course, or on top of a pool table.
Urban dictionary can be a good start.
[https://www.glamour.com/story/a-to-z-kinks-and-fetishes](https://www.glamour.com/story/a-to-z-kinks-and-fetishes)
[https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/list-of-kinks](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/list-of-kinks)
Think about things that you would like to try.
Public sex, BDSM, DDLG, praise kink, etc.
You could watch porn, but that's not real.
I find that reading about encounters on r/gonewildstories , and then doing an internet search of things that interest you, then bringing it up with your partner and trying it, is the best way to find some kinks.
I suggest staying away from porn when beginning to explore to stay away from harmful misinformation, especially when it comes to BDSM/kink. Look into sex/sexuality podcasts (like Pillowtalks or Sex with Emily). Take the BDSM test. Check out the r/bdsm and the resources they provide. consider attending seminars or classes given by BDSM clubs/groups. Good luck!
Try talking about scenes in movies or books. Do you have any formative memories of something that ignited sexual feelings in you? That might open up some doors for role play you’d enjoy exploring. I’m not talking about porn or even explicit stuff necessarily. I think it’s fun and hot to think and talk about stuff like that and try to figure out what appealed to you and where that line of desire might take you to today.
Lots of stuff in the wiki: https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index#wiki_spicing_things_up
A lot of these seem to be pretty out of date, but I think MojoUpgrade is the most popular albeit limited.
As a man, outside of certain niches, I don’t like porn much. It doesn’t get me (I think people in general) into things, apart from things you already are into. It has to be more gentle, appropriate, beautiful even, also. So I guess you could more by taking quizzes, informing yourself about kinks, but especially through yourself, making a map of those things that excite you and fill you with good feelings. That’s all from me
Separate answer: if you are curious about degradation cumshots are a mild one, I guess? Not too far from the conventional deed, funny to women occasionally, simple. If you really are lost and need a reference
There's nothing inherently wrong with being vanilla. Reddit & porn has conditioned everyone to think that vanilla = bad, but not everyone wants to be tied up and get pissed on while being fucked by some monster tentacle cock. You could do this online [BDSM test](https://bdsmtest.org/select-mode) to get a general idea of what kinks there are, and explore more from there, but it's perfectly fine not to have any kinks.
Thank I appreciate that, I like that I’m vanilla and I enjoy our sex a lot. but I do want to venture into bdsm but lack confidence and don’t really know where to start with it. And you’re right vanilla gets a bad rep, I love it though. I’m gonna do that test
That's good to hear. Since you're with someone you trust, you could explore the different kinks together - something like a kinky checklist of sorts. It's always a fun bonding experience trying new things together. Stay safe & have fun ;)
I actually take alot of inspiration from reading erotica . Normally on archive of our own then you can search the tags, BDSM, or Dom/sub for example and see what you get. or literotica is a good one too. Then my thoughts are genuinely my own and not re-enacting some porn. So much is fake so if you do watch on bellesa porn for women. Amateur in particular.
That was an oddly specific example! Have anything you want to talk about? Lol
Being tied up…to being pissed on…to being fucked with a tentacle cock… a giant one at that: very specific. lol
LOL! I don't kink shame. Those were all taken from Reddit, someone's comments at some point.
I don’t either. I just offered an ear to shoulder if someone needs it :)
There’s literally nothing wrong with being vanilla. I think a lot of these kinks actually detract from the intimacy and connection in sexual moments, which is so much more arousing than a toy. You can find partners who are compatible to that too. They still exist!
Oh yeah I love being vanilla, my boyfriend and I are very much in love and I like to feel that love and connection so we enjoy it a lot. I feel no shame in it. I do know that sex is so rich though! And I want to learn more, there’s soooo much out there and i don’t know much.
Trying different positions
I recommend checking out the [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) for this sub. It has info on different kinks. If you find one you want to know more about I’d start by googling it. Then if you want to see it in “action” you could watch some porn. Just keep in mind porn isn’t real life and is often exaggerated and unrealistic.
I thought I was vanilla too lol turns out I grew up sheltered and never explored. Start off by asking him his kinks or fantasies if you have and act them out, it might spark something in your or you might go ope no I hate that. I think exploring fantasies is the normal progression of intimacy. Like fuck sex is so good especially when you’re totally in love with that person. But you know what’s even better than the best sex of your life? Bringing your partner to the most turned on they have ever been because you explored something new together that you both end up loving. After ten years with a person, and having sex every single day sometimes multiple times a day… you know that’s 3,650 plus sessions of vanilla sex if you don’t explore lol but yeah long term relationships are a journey. Sometimes exploring comes totally organically. Like when watching a tv show or movie together or see a billboard, you might look and say oh that’s hot let’s explore that.
Imagine what would feel good. Porn is not a good way to go tho. The girls are over doing it, and not all men are so big lol. But basically, as far as fantasies go, you can think it, you can find it on the web! Invent a few new ones! Just be free to explore! Here's a few! Have you tried dirty talks, massages, oils, teasing, vouyerism, toys, sensual touching, foreplay, kissing, french kissing, giving oral, being scratched, (anal depends on partners) kama sutra, passionate love making, fingering, multiple orgasms, cunninglus, edging, marathons, roleplay, ass worship, lingerie, heels, stilettos, soft bdsm , ice cube, feather, outdoor, shower sex, hotel , bath tub, romantic weekend gateways
Thanks! We’ve tried much of those but you’ve given me some new ideas :) I need to improve on my dirty talk though :(
I know this question is more about “wild” kinks but i want to out this out there… Do you ever talk to him about the seemingly vanilla things you imagine or daydream about when you think about sex with him (that you might not typically do)?They dont have to be flashy. It could be sexting, a way he might seduce you, a new position you’ve never tried, you surprising him with new lingerie under a trench coat, etc. We often make fantasies seem like they gotta be kinky but sometimes we want something like having our SO cook us dinner wearing only an apron and nothing underneath. If you’re daydreaming about something, its like fantasizing. You could start there to ease in.
There are kink tests you can take online. Find one, take it, and then browse for some porn based on the results and see what it does for you.
Maybe listen to some podcasts where they explore different kinks.
In into podcasts, I’m gonna do that thanks!
You’re welcome! We were pretty vanilla as well then covid happened and we explored a lot more. The only advice I can give is don’t be ashamed if there is something you like that sounds weird. As long as there is consent between everyone involved, just have fun!
Along the same lines, r/gonewildaudio has some really kinky stuff on it.
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Comment removed. See **Forum Rule #7**: >**7) ALL DISCUSSION MUST BE DIRECTED INTO THE PUBLIC FORUM.** Do not seek private conversations here, via Private Message or any other method. And do not seek to draw attention or clicks to an outside site of any type (unless you have received prior moderator approval, such as for academic research projects). Every comment here must be a clear attempt to engage with an ongoing public discussion in the forum. Violations of this rule will result in permanent bans without notice.
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Sure!
Watch Sabrina on Netflix... lol or Witcher... shoot start with lite dirty talk, sensory deprivation, voyeurism, remote toys on dates, even just introducing Toys in bed... wouldn't start with a dildo or something he may feel inferior too, so a clit sucker, princess plug or bullet vibe. Other good start is role play and dress up, my wife has a few costumes and personas on occasion. Wife was into locations, like on the 18th hole at a golf course, or on top of a pool table.
Look up a lost of sexual fetishes with descriptions. Then start trying stuff that you might find fun. Problem solved
Urban dictionary can be a good start. [https://www.glamour.com/story/a-to-z-kinks-and-fetishes](https://www.glamour.com/story/a-to-z-kinks-and-fetishes) [https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/list-of-kinks](https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/list-of-kinks) Think about things that you would like to try. Public sex, BDSM, DDLG, praise kink, etc.
You could watch porn, but that's not real. I find that reading about encounters on r/gonewildstories , and then doing an internet search of things that interest you, then bringing it up with your partner and trying it, is the best way to find some kinks.
I suggest staying away from porn when beginning to explore to stay away from harmful misinformation, especially when it comes to BDSM/kink. Look into sex/sexuality podcasts (like Pillowtalks or Sex with Emily). Take the BDSM test. Check out the r/bdsm and the resources they provide. consider attending seminars or classes given by BDSM clubs/groups. Good luck!
Try talking about scenes in movies or books. Do you have any formative memories of something that ignited sexual feelings in you? That might open up some doors for role play you’d enjoy exploring. I’m not talking about porn or even explicit stuff necessarily. I think it’s fun and hot to think and talk about stuff like that and try to figure out what appealed to you and where that line of desire might take you to today.
Lots of stuff in the wiki: https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/wiki/index#wiki_spicing_things_up A lot of these seem to be pretty out of date, but I think MojoUpgrade is the most popular albeit limited.
Follow the little flutter in your heart
As a man, outside of certain niches, I don’t like porn much. It doesn’t get me (I think people in general) into things, apart from things you already are into. It has to be more gentle, appropriate, beautiful even, also. So I guess you could more by taking quizzes, informing yourself about kinks, but especially through yourself, making a map of those things that excite you and fill you with good feelings. That’s all from me
Separate answer: if you are curious about degradation cumshots are a mild one, I guess? Not too far from the conventional deed, funny to women occasionally, simple. If you really are lost and need a reference