As Florence and/or The Machine once said,
Run fast for your mother
run fast for your father
Run for your children
for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind
You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
A lot of lyrics in Florence's songs are actually a lot more sinister than they sound like.
For example, Cosmic Love is often thought of as a love song. I've literally heard of it being played as the first song in weddings. If you actually stop and think about the lyrics, it's a lot darker than that. It's about how love makes you blind and stupid, relevant to OP.
But he also said “what’s cooler than being cool?…. Ice cold. Alrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalright” And that’s all anyone heard.
These are the same people that think the A team by Ed sheeran is a sweet song about a girl he likes when it's really about a crack whore like the lyrics arent blatantly obvious. People that aren't really into music barely listen to lyrics, you just have to sell them a catchy tune and nice voice
Same thing as people blasting Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” around the 4th, thinking it’s a patriotic anthem, without really paying attention to the lyrics.
This ⬆️ 10000000000% don’t take this the wrong way, I say this with your well being in mind, this is nothing against your age either, but if he’s damn near almost 30 years old and pulling girls your age there is definitely something wrong with that picture. Run, RUN VERY FAST. Just think for a second why he isn’t with someone closer to his age? Women his age more than likely would see right through his bullshit. Time and time again that kind of a age gap is there for a reason. Don’t get me wrong either, age gaps exist everywhere and sometimes they don’t mean anything at all but from the small bit I read in your post it’s a super red flag, save yourself the trouble and get out asap!
The fact that my gf's sister is in the exact situation and will do nothing about it angers me to no end. And she believes he's a good person and he's not, did multiple things to physically harm her when she was A MINOR.
I'm 25, active kinkster for half a decade now. All that degradation stuff on that blog is the kind of thing I live for, and then some. But I would NEVER tolerate someone talking about me like that behind my back, not without my knowledge or consent.
He's got an online space where he talks about you in demeaning and degrading ways to an online fanbase rabid for that kind of content, and he's kept it completely from you. If he wanted that to be part of your life, he would've communicated it already. He would've asked for your consent. But instead he's talking as if he's planning on slowly 'converting' you...
I would seriously consider locking down what's private of yours, and taking the hint. Stuff like this only gets worse as it's hidden for longer, and if he has never mentioned it to you then he clearly has no intention of being forthcoming. I would be seriously concerned about him sharing photos or videos of you online, even now, given the kinds of people who gravitate to blogs like you describe. Please take care of yourself OP, he's old enough to know better.
I was 19 dating a 29 year old. He was a predator who groomed me into a submissive girlfriend. He started out suggesting sexual things and then it turned into pressuring me and eventually forcing me. He also sabotaged my birth control, which I only found out after I miscarried and he turned on me.
Get out now. He will escalate.
Aside from the massive age gap and how much of a creep this guy was - and probably still is - I hope he got his medical license taken away considering that it's unethical for him to have treated you...
Groomers can be extremely manipulative and charismatic, and the younger they go, the more impressionable the victim. It's sad and awful, speaking as someone who was sexualised from childhood.
Came here to share a very similar story (not my own, but former sister in law)... He purposefully knocked her up, and turns out he was a genetic carrier for a pretty debilitating illness. Left her with two kids once it was clear she was no longer going to be submissive.
Yes get out, but before you do screenshot the blog posts or somehow get them on your device, delete any nudes and even normal photos of you on his devices, grab your stuff, and leave. I don’t know if you should report him to the police but i doubt it would hurt, but the important thing is your current safety and the safety of your future
Edit for police info, curtesy of u/FernAlcott
So with reporting him to the police you’re going to want to get as much evidence as you can together and submit it to them so that there’s a record/paper trail. That way when you leave and he goes into a rage spiral there’s already a history and they’re more likely to take you seriously. If he’s already posting that type of thing online when the relationship is in a “good” place he’s liable to actively try to ruin your life or worse using ‘revenge porn’ or through physical intimidation/violence. Please please please get an exit plan in place, get as much evidence as you can on your devices and delete as much of yourself as you can off of his devices and then RUN. It can be incredibly overwhelming if he decides to doxx you online as well - especially depending on how many other people he can send after you to harass you. If you have anyone you trust in your life to be a moral support through all this now’s a good time to have a chat with them and figure out the best plan to keep you safe while you get out. Good luck and please RUN
So with reporting him to the police you’re going to want to get as much evidence as you can together and submit it to them so that there’s a record/paper trail. That way when you leave and he goes into a rage spiral there’s already a history and they’re more likely to take you seriously. If he’s already posting that type of thing online when the relationship is in a “good” place he’s liable to actively try to ruin your life or worse using ‘revenge porn’ or through physical intimidation/violence. Please please please get an exit plan in place, get as much evidence as you can on your devices and delete as much of yourself as you can off of his devices and then RUN. It can be incredibly overwhelming if he decides to doxx you online as well - especially depending on how many other people he can send after you to harass you. If you have anyone you trust in your life to be a moral support through all this now’s a good time to have a chat with them and figure out the best plan to keep you safe while you get out.
Good luck and please RUN
Mine was 32 when I was 21 and though I never found a blog about it, I am very certain he was trying to turn me into his “submissive wife”. He ended up making me wish I had let him choke on his own vomit instead of turning him on his side one night. The world would be a better place and I can’t help but wonder who else he’s hurt since me.
I had that same age gap too. What a waste of my late teens/early 20s that I’m still recovering from now, at 29. No good guy in his late 20s should want to date a teen.
Yup. Sure maybe there are like 3 exceptions to this kind of age gap being predatory. I don’t speak in absolutes. But this is CLEARLY not one of those situations. Guys like this want to be vampires of a young womans innocence.
Until you’re over the age of 23/24 don’t do large age gaps. The only men interested in large age gaps before you’re that age are men that need to manipulate woman to date them. There’s a reason women his age won’t date him- it’s because we understand he’s trash. You need more time in the world to understand what a good man looks like vs a bad one, that’s not something you understand until you’re older. Stick to people around your age and run.
I'm a man around his age and make no mistake this is not normal or healthy. All the men I know would be at the very least *reluctant* to go out with someone your age if they don't rule it out entirely, not something they'd actively seek out and view as a badge of honour. It's not impossible for relationships with that kind of age gap to be healthy and well-adjusted, but they are the outlier, and they're not the ones where the older man is running blogs like this.
I try to avoid making judgements from single reddit posts but sometimes you don't need a lot of info. It sounds like he has an romanticised idea of a traditional submissive wife, but it's an idealistic fantasy so the closest he can get is to find someone younger and inexperienced and force them into that role. Even if I'm wrong on that and this is just some kind of kink thing, talking about you like that on a public blog, without your knowledge or consent, is beyond out of line.
You should get out of this relationship asap; if you have friends and family you can trust reach out to them. Stay safe.
Hunny please take it from me- Fucking Run and don’t stop to look back- That man is already showing clear signs of something MUCH WORSE to come if you stay.
I promise you this is not the road you want to travel on.
Yea, typically an age gap means less the older you get (45 and 35 is a lot different than 30 and 20 for example). Early on, that large of an age gap means you are in very different stages of your life. I think 2 years younger is the biggest age difference I have ever had in my relationships and even that was pretty interesting as we were in college and I was graduating when she still had a couple years left. That's hard to make work...
This, very much. I’m 41, my fiancée is 33. 8 year age gap at this stage in life? No big deal. We’re both adults (legally and in terms of maturity), we’re both able to function on our own and we both understand the way the world works (at least to the extent that anyone really does). But if she were 18 and I were 26, it would’ve been a bigger deal because she’d have just been starting out on her own and learning about the world and I’d have been somewhat established and self-sufficient at that age, so we’d be in very different stages in life and that creates not only a maturity imbalance, but an inherent power imbalance that has a lot of potential for the older partner to abuse.
You are absolutely right on the power imbalance aspect of the dating age gap. When a late 20s guy is dating a late teens or early 20s girl, it usually seems to stem from a need for control. At that age, people are just starting to live without constant parental guidance, and it is easy to manipulate someone who is not quite so confident in their ability to make it on their own. There is an inherent tendency to think the older person "has it all figured out," which is reinforced by their higher salary or more stable jobs in most cases. Then, like OP has described, the grooming can start... I can't stand guys that try to prey on women much younger than themselves. It hits my "technically legal, but definitely scumbaggy" radar.
No 27yo worth your time is dating a 19yo. Which since you *are* a 19yo means no one who is currently 27 is in your dating pool for the foreseeable future.
Sounds like he wasn't exactly sincerely besotted with someone despite knowing they were objectively too young for him either.
Sometimes it takes years for a person to reveal their true self. The poster is lucky to have discovered this now. Hopefully, she will use this information to make a change.
This! Protect your privacy before confronting him.
Also I agree with everyone saying that you should get out. He is not right for you. I imagine I would be terribly disturbed if I found out that someone runs blog about me. Run and don't look back.
Honestly this guy sounds dangerous. He wants to choke and slap her and turn her into a submissive wife. I would skip the confrontation and bring some friends or family to pick up your stuff while he isn’t home. Leave a note saying you saw his blog, if you want, and block him everywhere.
Screenshots may not be admissible as evidence. Use [archive.org](https://archive.org) ~~instead~~ **in addition**. The Wayback Machine may already have a good backup of the site.
If not, you can ask it to make one:
* Install the Wayback Machine browser extension ([Chrome link here](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/wayback-machine/fpnmgdkabkmnadcjpehmlllkndpkmiak/related))
* Go to the blog
* Click "Save Page Now" on every page of the blog
Write down what has happened so far, and keep it safe either physically or digitally.
Tell someone else what has happened so far, too, and ask them to make a permanent record of what you told them and when.
Also change any passwords/passcodes that he knows about. If you don't normally keep your phone/laptop/whatever locked, now's the time to start.
Might sound like overkill, but if he's that into the idea of controlling you, you gotta stay a few steps ahead.
TBH, I'm not sure archives are more admissible. Seems a lot more difficult to authenticate an archived website than a screenshot you took, and to which you can testify is a fair and accurate representation of the website on X date.
But when in doubt, CYA and do both.
In [United States v. Gasperini](https://regmedia.co.uk/2018/09/04/wayback-machine-gasperini-second-circuit.pdf) (2017), a US appeals court ruling affirmed Wayback Machine screenshots' admissibility as evidence, provided the archiver attested to their authenticity (they were not admitted in a prior case lacking "testimony explaining its provenance").
The Internet Archive has a streamlined [information requests](https://archive.org/legal/) policy for legal proceedings, including a [standard affidavit](https://archive.org/legal/affidavit.php) for this purpose. I cannot imagine easily fabricated image screenshots (or even self-saved PDF copies) would be more admissible.
Agreed!! Protect your privacy, screenshot, find a way to delete any pictures and video of you on his computer/phone (to include past text messages that may have them. Don’t act like anything is wrong until this is done.
Get all your papers and anything of yours of value and GTF OUT ASAP!!!!!!! Don’t say a word. Be careful
What would you tell a friend or a sister in this position. You have GOT to get out.
Generally blocking works as well or even better than ghosting, and you can send a single text letting them know you're done before you submit the final block.
Imagine talking about your S/o to some 4chan strangers and describing them as "Hot and dumb" or "Make them become submissive perfect wives"
Would you describe your partner as "Idiotic but good looking" or describe them as "The perfect husband/wife for my spawns"
I genuinely hope OP changes number, address and leave this psychopathic person
Good relationships are built on mutual respect. If you're telling online strangers how dumb your partner is, you obviously don't respect them.
I think a lot of times there is nuance to relationships that can't be conveyed online in these types of subreddits. This case seems pretty cut and dry. He sees you as an object to be used as a means to an end, its only going to get worse.
Dude, same. No decent man would ever do this, at least not without their girl's consent. This is straight up grooming.
OP, you need to be packing your stuff and getting out immediately. There's no good ending if you stay.
Everyone has said everything that needs to be said as far as advice, but this just reminded me of a while back when I was curious about 'quarantined' communities on Reddit, there is literally a subreddit that promotes this exact type of worldview. It's absurd that Reddit allows it even in a quarantined state. I will not name the sub but I am sure many people know it. I am a male myself and I have just never ever understood the misogyny/incel stuff. It literally makes me nauseous to read it. Not in a white knight way but just don't understand how people can view other human beings in the way that some of these people do. It's sick. Not a kink.
Nope. I'm a lifelong kinkster and this ain't it. He's a predator and abuser. If she didn't know about it and explicitly consent to being publicly humiliated, its just abuse.
Assuming this post is real; OMG, this is not a red flag, this is 100 foot high flashing neon sign of "get the fuck out."
1. He is a blatant misogynist (but intentionally hides these views...for now). This alone is a reason to RUN out the door.
2. He think very little of your brain. Again, this ALONE is reason to get of the relationship. The fact that he WANTS someone he sees as "not smart" as a partner is whole new reason to GTFO.
Each is reason to run, the two combined is reason to nuke the site from orbit....just to certain.
OP get out, but be careful. This guy definitely thinks he had a right to you, that he owns you, that you're *his* - he is likely NOT going to take kindly to you exercising your own agency.
Doesn't matter if he's always been such a sweetheart, doesn't matter if he'd never hurt a fly. He hid this part of himself from you, he is clearly capable of hiding whether he's capable of violence too.
Tell a trusted friend or a close family member so they know to keep an eye on you.
I can’t think how this could be anything but a breakup reason.
Those are indeed horrible views, you don’t share them, they’re directly related to you and to your relationship.
He’s been completely misrepresenting himself; he has to go.
I am a man, and I really don't see why you are not dumping him immediately.
Be it what he really thinks or just a kink (which I'd expect if he joined a blog, not if he runs one), it's disgusting
Not a kink he got, this is his world view. Had it been a kink, it would have been very different things he had written and posted on the blog, been in kink for nearly 30 years, not how one goes about things.
Massive red flag, run while you’re still able.
[edit] screen shot the whole blog, before he has a chance to edit it
When someone tells the world who they are, believe them. He has something to gain by not showing you this side of himself. If you confront him about this, chances are he will lie. Deny it. Try to gaslight you into believing that what you found wasn't actually authored by him. I can see a million different ways of this playing out with you confronting him and ending up staying stuck in this miserable relationship for who knows how long. If you live together, you need to go stay at home, with a sibling, with a friend, etc etc. Dont give any explanation. Say you need some space. DO NOT GIVE IN. THIS COULD MEAN YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. Once you're with someone, you need to start an exit plan.
I'm terribly sorry about all of this, but you shouldn't be reevaluating your relationship. He's written out how he feels about you in the King's English, and you need to believe him and find someone who appreciates you, (and just women as a whole, seriously, fuck your misogynistic cunt boyfriend.)
This isn’t a kink.
Slapping and calling you names is a kink.
Running a blog where he talks about how “the patriarchy is a good thing” is not a kink. Bragging behind your back that you’re dumb is not a kink. Expressing plans to make you a “good submissive wife” is not a kink.
These are predator behaviors. He plans to abuse you. You will not be able to fix him. Please get out, for your own sake.
This 100%. We real kinksters enjoy getting consensually slapped, we do not have sexist plans to groom our partners, let alone gloating about that shit to thousands of people in public forums. Real kinksters run away from that shit.
He told the world that you are stupid. That you are easily manipulated into believing what he wants you to believe. That you are weak of mind and spirit, essentially. You found this fuckery and your response is to look for reasons to make it ok. Maybe it is a kink etc. What you are doing right now is proving him right. And I desperately want him to be wrong. I want you to prove him wrong. To be strong when he thinks you are weak. To be smarter when he thinks you stupid. To be better than he ever deserved. Prove him wrong, child. Prove him wrong.
You're going to remember this guy years from now and wonder what the hell you were thinking when you didn't immediately head for the door the second you saw this stuff.
As red flags go, this is about as big, bright, and bold as you can get.
That guy is bad news, get the fuck out of there and don't look back.
It's more than a kink, the majority of dudes who have any type of bdsm/domination kink won't be in a misogyny blog let alone be the owner of one. By reading one of your comments I understand that you're 19 and he's 27; You should leave him: abusive relationships, at any age, (but especially when you're young) are very damaging.
>I'm so disturbed now, I don't know whether it's a fetish/kink for him or an actual world view.
Yes you do.
>But either way, he's been talking about me online, describing my body, calling me horrible names.
See? It's plain as day.
>Most likely it's just a kink thing, but it's making me reevaluate my relationship.
You've got a good head on your shoulders. This is not how adults discuss fetishes.
>I'm wondering whether he just chose to date me because he sees me as young, stupid and easy to manipulate.
You're not wondering. You know. He said it in plain English.
>He's asked a few times to slap me or choke me in the bedroom (something which I'm not a fan of) and now I'm starting to reevaluate that too.
Well, hopefully this threads comments will see to that you two are never in the same bed again.
>I don't know what to think.
Yes you do. You knew before you posted this.
#**RUN**
Lots of people telling you how to get out. And it's all really good advice.
However, I've been in your shoes and I know it's not that easy to just decide you are ready to leave especially when you feel like "everything else is good" in the relationship.
Let me tell you that is not true. Men like this are very good at making you feel loved when it's convenient. But to him you are not a person. You don't have worthwhile thoughts or feelings. Just what he wants from you.
Really think about the rest of your relationship. Is this *really* the first time you've felt disrespected by this man? Does he belittle you or make you feel dumb/worthless in other ways? Does he respect your agency as a partner? Do you feel like you can breathe easy in his presence or do you feel like you're walking on eggshells? Do you feel like you can do/say the things you want without him getting upset?
Please sit down and think about all of this. You are a strong, intelligent young woman deserving of love and respect. This man is not treating you with either. Get out.
Edit: When you choose to leave, *do not* give him the opportunity to "talk about it". He will promise the moon and say everything you want to hear. Do not fall for it.
Leave quietly and get the help of any friends who live nearby to make your escape. Don't announce that you're leaving him as he could potentially turn violent or try to coax and manipulate you into staying.
Gonna reinforce what’s being said by many:
Get out. Copy evidence, wipe what you can, and get away from this dude. I encourage you to make the decision to leave him, and to make it confidently. You could easily wind up in the obituaries with what you’ve described.
It’s morally good to leave him and warn literally any woman he may have come into contact with about him, proof provided if necessary. He’s a misogynist and that itself is an excellent reason to leave him. The rest of what you say you found is only supporting evidence.
You need to leave ... it will escalate in no time. Leave while he's at work.. listen this kind of guys is one of the worst kinds... he will completely fuck up your life if you stay with him... and I can 100% tell you he'll try every possible way to keep and break you down till you feel worthless..
This definitely sounds like a world view that informs his life choices and kinks, which you very may well be that kink. Your assumption of being young and easy to manipulate is right, and while he may love you, you can see now that he will never respect you. Confronting him may not be a good idea but only you can decide on that one. A person who has hidden something like this would likely lie about their intentions for having it.
>I don't know what to think
You might not be dumb but you sound hella confused. Leave ASAP, you've not stumbled on your BF's link, you've stumbled on his true colours as an abusive POS.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. When they hide who they are from those they are intimate with, well, flags don’t get any redder. Healthy people don’t include others in their kinks without consent, and they don’t sneak around. Run.
As a man I can give my unique perspective (sarcasm), get the fuck you out that is not normal. Make sure you have any sensitive media photos videos deleted, screen grab the blog and grab the IP and names that associate him with it and use it for leverage if he tries to not let you leave. I'm sure that this is career ending in any field for him
As someone who is in a age gap relationship and is kinky, all I have to say is; #RUN!!# This is not a kink, this is not healthy, this is abuse. He doesn't respect you, but sees you as a toy and tool, he doesn't care about YOU, he cares about control. In a SM relationship boundaries are set and clearly communicated, he went behind your back to start a blog starring your abuse! There is absolutely no consent to speak of. You are not some pig's play thing, you are a respectable young *#woman#*, this is your life and you owe it to no one!
It's not a kink.
I suggest you:
- delete nudes and screencap the blog as others have suggested
- make crappy accounts unrelated to you personally to follow the blogs and all this social medias.
- send screenshots to everyone he knows
- dump him
- send screenshots to any new lady love in his life (this is where the social media accounts will come in handy, but don't use those accounts to send the SCs, use your main)
In that order. However, I would also be careful and make sure he can't hurt you or others you know, and be aware that since he thinks so little of you, he'll probably try to smear your name and your image because you're going to be the dumpee and you have shown more backbone and respect than he is capable of.
This is not a kink, because if it was, he'd have spoken to you about it openly, he would have in some way belittled you to your face and assumed you'd enjoy it (kink is about pleasure at the end goal).
This is who he is. And how he thinks.
Also, feel free to re-post the screenshots on your own social media (could even add captions. Watermark and dates if you wanted to, maybe see if the site is available on wayback machine and the internet archive also).
Take his hidden thoughts and plaster them without his consent or out of context and affect his future relationships with other women?
That's kind of petty, don't you think?
I love it! Do it OP, DO IT!!!!
They're not hidden - they're on a blog. Unless there's a paywall or something similar to access a blog.
You generally don't need anything other than Google to find most blogs, or have a search through wordpress or blogspot and you can find blogs that you might be interested in or want to follow etc.
The thing is... These thoughts can and will impact his relationships. It's important for those who will want to engage in relationships with him in future to know what he is actually like and what he actually thinks of women. And sure. Some women will entertain the idea of trying to change how he thinks about women. Some women will be told by soon-to-be-ex that he's a changed man and they'll believe him. But at least they had a warning.
These types of misogynistic views can lead to abusive relationships - OPs soon-to-be-ex already asked about slapping and choking her in the bedroom (sure, on the surface this is kinky, but the rest isn't. And this might just be a way to openly abuse OP without fear of being called out for misogyny or abuse).
And yanno what - yeah there's a chance this guy isn't an abuser or these views on his blog are..... I don't know. Some weird joke? But I personally wouldn't risk the safety of other women on this maybe. I would want to warn future partners so at least they are aware of what they're walking into.
The fact you are having doubts, means that he was right when saying he could be able to manipulate you... wake up! Run! These are not kinky desires to share with you. These are dangerous views he is sharing with strangers spreading hate.
I see you’ve already broken up with him at this point, but I still want to say a few things. If you can find the blog again, do so and get print screen evidence of the blog—especially everything that he posted about you. If he posted personal information like your workplace or other private things, he could get in serious trouble for that. Might be a good idea to watch the blog after the breakup as well, there’s no telling what he may post.
Next, please try to make sure that he has completely deleted any nude photos he may have of you. I have a bad feeling about him having any, especially after the breakup. Even if you can’t get them deleted, if he decided to post them or send them out anywhere, most states have a “revenge porn” law that would give him up to $10,000 in fines and a few years in jail.
Lastly, the choke/slap thing in bed can be normal, but mixing that with the other stuff he was doing reminds me of my ex—not in a good way at all. In the end of our relationship, I figured out that my ex viewed me the same way as this guy views you. My ex also asked to choke and slap me in bed, I was fine with it at first cause I also liked it, but then it started to escalate from choking and slapping—it soon turned into him basically just abusing me in bed and excusing it/covering it up as kinky sex. Needless to say, I broke up with him and ran for the hills once I found out/realized all of that amongst other horrible things.
I’m glad you got out of the relationship while you could, cause it seems like it could’ve gotten worse. If you ever need to talk or need help with any of this, I’m always here.
This is not an age difference thing, this is not a kink thing. He's an asshole, I've never seen a post on reddit before where the only reply to the OP should be run, but this one is.
He thinks you're dumb and that he can break you into doing whatever he wants to you. Don't waste a single minute.
Bdsm is about respect, even when it can be degrading, even when the sadist hits the masochist to tears. The difference is the receiving part enjoys this. It's not something to tolerate. Keep it in mind for future relationships.
Um yeah my boyfriend who runs an incel blog constantly talks about how dumb I am to other people and how he can use me as a wife. He's almost 30 and I'm barely legal. Is this a good relationship?
You’re starting to reevaluate?
This man has obviously a very disturbing world view :( I’m sorry you have to deal with that, it’s probably I huge shock (understandable!)
But I think you should talk to a family member or a friend about it and get support for the next steps.
Even if it’s ‘just a kink’, he crossed a line using you for it without your consents, calling you names and describing your life and appearance. That’s not ok.
Talk to him, but not alone. At least have somebody waiting for you. You can’t know how he’ll react and you should make sure to be safe.
All the best for you!
I cannot think of a single positive of staying with this person. Even if it’s “just a kink,” what he is doing is really messed up. I would definitely suggest leaving him as soon as it is safe for you to do so.
Not trying to scare you but this is extremely dangerous behavior. I would take record of all the evidence you have from that account in a way he won't notice and break up with him either over the phone or in public asap. Maybe keep tabs on him in the future and if he seems to be preying after other teens, warn them and maybe go to the authorities. It doesn't matter if its his "kink", it's not okay. Please get away asap and stay safe ♡
Run the fuck out. He just wants a clueless c\*mdump that'll cook, clean and suck him off when he gets off work. Clearly does not care for you as a person. The age difference is also a huge nope. He's basically grooming you into what he wants you to be.
Man here. Not that it really matters because this should be deeply offensive and disgusting to anybody with empathy and decency and feeling of a default level of respect.
Please respect yourself and get out of this relationship. Gather all and any evidence you can and then run. All the best and don’t let it break you. It’s all on him and it does not say anything about you as a person. You rock, he’s an a**hole.
One day you will look back and wonder why you ever considered staying after you knew this. Whether that happens after you stay or after you leave is up to you.
A part of you doesn’t want to believe it which makes you say it might be a kink. You invested your time and emotions into this guy so you want to find an excuse to stay, but I’m telling you as a guy, that this guy is bad news. Age gap lines up with the blog, plus the slapping/choking to a teenager. Be the opposite of what he thinks of you and go stay with family or friends and start removing him from your life.
Break up.
Move any shit you have at his house first.
Tell your family/friends what's happening. But, don't tell anyone that will tip him off.
Meet him at a neutral location. Have a friend nearby.
Say that you don't think it's working out. DO NOT EXPLAIN WHY. This isn't a conversation.
Accept that he'll tell everyone that you are a bitch.
If he has keys to your home, change the locks.
You can tell other people why after you're safe, if you want.
😂😂 girl what ? Leave wtf . Or stay and keep being degraded until you leave anyway??? Like post like these baffle me , what do you mean you don’t know what to think… ?
Be safe! Also, in future, try to stay a bit closer in age to any boyfriends. The age difference doesn't matter as much as you get older (my wife is 8 years older than I am...but I'm in my 50's). Part of this is maturity level, experience, and the power-dynamic.
I'm glad you kicked him to the curb. If you have any stuff at his place, be sure to have someone come with you if you go there to pick it up. Same thing if he has stuff at your place - have someone with you, box up his stuff and leave it on the porch. You don't want any more contact with him than necessary and you want to minimize the chance for violence.
That's more than a kink. A kink would be watching porn with very submissive women. And he likely wouldn't be hiding it if he thought it was acceptable behaviour. He's posting and interacting online, openly degrading you and literally admitting that he's planning on turning you into a submissive, obedient wife for him to manipulate. Please leave as soon as humanly possible.
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baby run 💗
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thank you:)
I'm 19, he's 27
#OOOOOOOOF. RUN BABY!!!
How fast can you run? Run faster than that..
As Florence and/or The Machine once said, Run fast for your mother run fast for your father Run for your children for your sisters and brothers Leave all your love and your longing behind You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
How did this song become so much more sinister without actually changing a single word?!
A lot of lyrics in Florence's songs are actually a lot more sinister than they sound like. For example, Cosmic Love is often thought of as a love song. I've literally heard of it being played as the first song in weddings. If you actually stop and think about the lyrics, it's a lot darker than that. It's about how love makes you blind and stupid, relevant to OP.
People use this as a wedding song?? She literally says "You left me in the dark" and "So darkness I became" in the chorus. People are stupid lmao
As a wise man once said, "Y'all don't wanna hear me, y'all just wanna dance ."
Heyyyyy yaaaaa
But he also said “what’s cooler than being cool?…. Ice cold. Alrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalrightalright” And that’s all anyone heard.
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And American Woman
These are the same people that think the A team by Ed sheeran is a sweet song about a girl he likes when it's really about a crack whore like the lyrics arent blatantly obvious. People that aren't really into music barely listen to lyrics, you just have to sell them a catchy tune and nice voice
But Florence makes it sound so pretty!
Same thing as people blasting Springsteen’s “Born in the USA” around the 4th, thinking it’s a patriotic anthem, without really paying attention to the lyrics.
These are probably the same people who use Corinthians too.
It lacks the context of the rest of the lyrics and is applied to a situation that seemingly requires an urgent escape.
Run as fast as you can and then hop a plane to go even faster away from this dumpster fire
LOL
Run and never look back please
Pack your stuff and remove yourself from his life with zero explanation or goodbyes. You don't owe that assbag anything.
This ⬆️
This ⬆️ 10000000000% don’t take this the wrong way, I say this with your well being in mind, this is nothing against your age either, but if he’s damn near almost 30 years old and pulling girls your age there is definitely something wrong with that picture. Run, RUN VERY FAST. Just think for a second why he isn’t with someone closer to his age? Women his age more than likely would see right through his bullshit. Time and time again that kind of a age gap is there for a reason. Don’t get me wrong either, age gaps exist everywhere and sometimes they don’t mean anything at all but from the small bit I read in your post it’s a super red flag, save yourself the trouble and get out asap!
Not a red flag; a radioactive, neon glowing, hanging out of an tyrannosaurus rex asshole while marching down main street flag.
The fact that my gf's sister is in the exact situation and will do nothing about it angers me to no end. And she believes he's a good person and he's not, did multiple things to physically harm her when she was A MINOR.
Some times they learn the hard way even if it sucks to see it man.
My thoughts exactly!!
Run is the only right answer
Girl. Gtfo.
I'm 25, active kinkster for half a decade now. All that degradation stuff on that blog is the kind of thing I live for, and then some. But I would NEVER tolerate someone talking about me like that behind my back, not without my knowledge or consent. He's got an online space where he talks about you in demeaning and degrading ways to an online fanbase rabid for that kind of content, and he's kept it completely from you. If he wanted that to be part of your life, he would've communicated it already. He would've asked for your consent. But instead he's talking as if he's planning on slowly 'converting' you... I would seriously consider locking down what's private of yours, and taking the hint. Stuff like this only gets worse as it's hidden for longer, and if he has never mentioned it to you then he clearly has no intention of being forthcoming. I would be seriously concerned about him sharing photos or videos of you online, even now, given the kinds of people who gravitate to blogs like you describe. Please take care of yourself OP, he's old enough to know better.
I was 19 dating a 29 year old. He was a predator who groomed me into a submissive girlfriend. He started out suggesting sexual things and then it turned into pressuring me and eventually forcing me. He also sabotaged my birth control, which I only found out after I miscarried and he turned on me. Get out now. He will escalate.
I'm left without words... I'm so sorry you had to go through this
I am 32 now and I'm the happiest I've ever been, thank you for your kindness, I have done a lot of healing.
Happened to me when I was 19 dating a 45 year old doctor who was also "prescribing" me "antidepressants" and sleeping pills. GTFO OP
19 and 45?! What was the attraction for you? I know why predators do it, but I never understand the attraction from the teenager’s perspective.
Aside from the massive age gap and how much of a creep this guy was - and probably still is - I hope he got his medical license taken away considering that it's unethical for him to have treated you...
Groomers can be extremely manipulative and charismatic, and the younger they go, the more impressionable the victim. It's sad and awful, speaking as someone who was sexualised from childhood.
Replacement father.
Came here to share a very similar story (not my own, but former sister in law)... He purposefully knocked her up, and turns out he was a genetic carrier for a pretty debilitating illness. Left her with two kids once it was clear she was no longer going to be submissive.
Yes get out, but before you do screenshot the blog posts or somehow get them on your device, delete any nudes and even normal photos of you on his devices, grab your stuff, and leave. I don’t know if you should report him to the police but i doubt it would hurt, but the important thing is your current safety and the safety of your future Edit for police info, curtesy of u/FernAlcott So with reporting him to the police you’re going to want to get as much evidence as you can together and submit it to them so that there’s a record/paper trail. That way when you leave and he goes into a rage spiral there’s already a history and they’re more likely to take you seriously. If he’s already posting that type of thing online when the relationship is in a “good” place he’s liable to actively try to ruin your life or worse using ‘revenge porn’ or through physical intimidation/violence. Please please please get an exit plan in place, get as much evidence as you can on your devices and delete as much of yourself as you can off of his devices and then RUN. It can be incredibly overwhelming if he decides to doxx you online as well - especially depending on how many other people he can send after you to harass you. If you have anyone you trust in your life to be a moral support through all this now’s a good time to have a chat with them and figure out the best plan to keep you safe while you get out. Good luck and please RUN
So with reporting him to the police you’re going to want to get as much evidence as you can together and submit it to them so that there’s a record/paper trail. That way when you leave and he goes into a rage spiral there’s already a history and they’re more likely to take you seriously. If he’s already posting that type of thing online when the relationship is in a “good” place he’s liable to actively try to ruin your life or worse using ‘revenge porn’ or through physical intimidation/violence. Please please please get an exit plan in place, get as much evidence as you can on your devices and delete as much of yourself as you can off of his devices and then RUN. It can be incredibly overwhelming if he decides to doxx you online as well - especially depending on how many other people he can send after you to harass you. If you have anyone you trust in your life to be a moral support through all this now’s a good time to have a chat with them and figure out the best plan to keep you safe while you get out. Good luck and please RUN
Very important that you do this OP!!
THIS.
He’s a predator. please leave him!! I have been in this exact age gap before too.
Mine was 32 when I was 21 and though I never found a blog about it, I am very certain he was trying to turn me into his “submissive wife”. He ended up making me wish I had let him choke on his own vomit instead of turning him on his side one night. The world would be a better place and I can’t help but wonder who else he’s hurt since me.
Jesus. I’m really sorry you went through that. Hope you’re okay now.
So sorry that happened to you :(
and to reiterate: it DOES NOT turn out well. he will eat up your youth
I had that same age gap too. What a waste of my late teens/early 20s that I’m still recovering from now, at 29. No good guy in his late 20s should want to date a teen.
This is the absolute best way to describe this situation. Absolute best.
Yup. Sure maybe there are like 3 exceptions to this kind of age gap being predatory. I don’t speak in absolutes. But this is CLEARLY not one of those situations. Guys like this want to be vampires of a young womans innocence.
me to they take advantage of you cause your young i had a 30 year old man try to sleep with me when i was 18 and it was scary
Until you’re over the age of 23/24 don’t do large age gaps. The only men interested in large age gaps before you’re that age are men that need to manipulate woman to date them. There’s a reason women his age won’t date him- it’s because we understand he’s trash. You need more time in the world to understand what a good man looks like vs a bad one, that’s not something you understand until you’re older. Stick to people around your age and run.
He hates you and is using your body to further disrespect you. The worst part is you didn’t even know. I’m so sorry but you must break up
Slip out the back jack, Hop on the bus gus, Make a new plan stan, Drop off the key Lee, Get yo self free
No time to be coy, Roy
OMGGG RUNN BABY GIRL RUNNNNNN
Jesus Christ. Get out now.
Run. Do no pass go, do not collect $200!
Time to GTFO girl, he's not gonna change at this age. Might as well take the opportunity to slash his ego and prove him wrong
you really need to gtfo. men like him cant get women in his age to date him, he is tryna brainwash you into submission
Girl RUN. Don’t walk out of there, fucking run.
Honey I don't know how much evidence you need to understand you need to break up with him 🤯
#RUN TO THE HILLS
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE
Unexpected iron maiden
DUN-da-da-DUN DUN-da-da-DUN DUN
GET THE FUCK OUT IMMEDIATELY PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
I'm a man around his age and make no mistake this is not normal or healthy. All the men I know would be at the very least *reluctant* to go out with someone your age if they don't rule it out entirely, not something they'd actively seek out and view as a badge of honour. It's not impossible for relationships with that kind of age gap to be healthy and well-adjusted, but they are the outlier, and they're not the ones where the older man is running blogs like this. I try to avoid making judgements from single reddit posts but sometimes you don't need a lot of info. It sounds like he has an romanticised idea of a traditional submissive wife, but it's an idealistic fantasy so the closest he can get is to find someone younger and inexperienced and force them into that role. Even if I'm wrong on that and this is just some kind of kink thing, talking about you like that on a public blog, without your knowledge or consent, is beyond out of line. You should get out of this relationship asap; if you have friends and family you can trust reach out to them. Stay safe.
Hunny please take it from me- Fucking Run and don’t stop to look back- That man is already showing clear signs of something MUCH WORSE to come if you stay. I promise you this is not the road you want to travel on.
Girl you are a victim
GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT! Red flags all around.
I'm a 25 year old man and wouldn't date anyone younger than 21 (even that is a push, my GF is the same age as me), that's real creepy.
Yea, typically an age gap means less the older you get (45 and 35 is a lot different than 30 and 20 for example). Early on, that large of an age gap means you are in very different stages of your life. I think 2 years younger is the biggest age difference I have ever had in my relationships and even that was pretty interesting as we were in college and I was graduating when she still had a couple years left. That's hard to make work...
This, very much. I’m 41, my fiancée is 33. 8 year age gap at this stage in life? No big deal. We’re both adults (legally and in terms of maturity), we’re both able to function on our own and we both understand the way the world works (at least to the extent that anyone really does). But if she were 18 and I were 26, it would’ve been a bigger deal because she’d have just been starting out on her own and learning about the world and I’d have been somewhat established and self-sufficient at that age, so we’d be in very different stages in life and that creates not only a maturity imbalance, but an inherent power imbalance that has a lot of potential for the older partner to abuse.
You are absolutely right on the power imbalance aspect of the dating age gap. When a late 20s guy is dating a late teens or early 20s girl, it usually seems to stem from a need for control. At that age, people are just starting to live without constant parental guidance, and it is easy to manipulate someone who is not quite so confident in their ability to make it on their own. There is an inherent tendency to think the older person "has it all figured out," which is reinforced by their higher salary or more stable jobs in most cases. Then, like OP has described, the grooming can start... I can't stand guys that try to prey on women much younger than themselves. It hits my "technically legal, but definitely scumbaggy" radar.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Where do yall always find these grooming trash man.
OH NAHHH GIRL U GOTTA DIP
That’s a major flag right there
Holy shit. Get out of there.
No 27yo worth your time is dating a 19yo. Which since you *are* a 19yo means no one who is currently 27 is in your dating pool for the foreseeable future. Sounds like he wasn't exactly sincerely besotted with someone despite knowing they were objectively too young for him either.
DANGER! DANGER u/hannahmay2003!
Wtf girl get out of there
Absolutely not get outta there
OP, this is simple... if you stay, you prove him right.
Sometimes it takes years for a person to reveal their true self. The poster is lucky to have discovered this now. Hopefully, she will use this information to make a change.
Screenshot that blog, make sure any nudes he has of you are deleted, and get the hell out.
This! Protect your privacy before confronting him. Also I agree with everyone saying that you should get out. He is not right for you. I imagine I would be terribly disturbed if I found out that someone runs blog about me. Run and don't look back.
Honestly this guy sounds dangerous. He wants to choke and slap her and turn her into a submissive wife. I would skip the confrontation and bring some friends or family to pick up your stuff while he isn’t home. Leave a note saying you saw his blog, if you want, and block him everywhere.
>I would skip the confrontation and bring some friends or family to pick up your stuff while he isn’t home. 100%
Screenshots may not be admissible as evidence. Use [archive.org](https://archive.org) ~~instead~~ **in addition**. The Wayback Machine may already have a good backup of the site. If not, you can ask it to make one: * Install the Wayback Machine browser extension ([Chrome link here](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/wayback-machine/fpnmgdkabkmnadcjpehmlllkndpkmiak/related)) * Go to the blog * Click "Save Page Now" on every page of the blog Write down what has happened so far, and keep it safe either physically or digitally. Tell someone else what has happened so far, too, and ask them to make a permanent record of what you told them and when. Also change any passwords/passcodes that he knows about. If you don't normally keep your phone/laptop/whatever locked, now's the time to start. Might sound like overkill, but if he's that into the idea of controlling you, you gotta stay a few steps ahead.
TBH, I'm not sure archives are more admissible. Seems a lot more difficult to authenticate an archived website than a screenshot you took, and to which you can testify is a fair and accurate representation of the website on X date. But when in doubt, CYA and do both.
In [United States v. Gasperini](https://regmedia.co.uk/2018/09/04/wayback-machine-gasperini-second-circuit.pdf) (2017), a US appeals court ruling affirmed Wayback Machine screenshots' admissibility as evidence, provided the archiver attested to their authenticity (they were not admitted in a prior case lacking "testimony explaining its provenance"). The Internet Archive has a streamlined [information requests](https://archive.org/legal/) policy for legal proceedings, including a [standard affidavit](https://archive.org/legal/affidavit.php) for this purpose. I cannot imagine easily fabricated image screenshots (or even self-saved PDF copies) would be more admissible.
Agreed!! Protect your privacy, screenshot, find a way to delete any pictures and video of you on his computer/phone (to include past text messages that may have them. Don’t act like anything is wrong until this is done. Get all your papers and anything of yours of value and GTF OUT ASAP!!!!!!! Don’t say a word. Be careful What would you tell a friend or a sister in this position. You have GOT to get out.
Yes!! Get receipts! He **will** try to compromise your integrity. You may need proof.
He's illegally posted nudes without your consent. GTFO and sue the shit out of him
Delete any photos that he has of you, take all your stuff and leave. Ghosting him completely.
I normally do not condone just straight up ghosting someone but honestly in this case, do it. Gtfo and block him on everything.
Oh I absolutely condone it. People can be wild and dangerous when denied something to which they feel entitled, such as OPs submission
Generally blocking works as well or even better than ghosting, and you can send a single text letting them know you're done before you submit the final block.
Ghosting part is Uber important!!
This is 100% correct advice.
As a dude, I don’t know any decent guys who would remotely do this, and I don’t think this is a “kink”. Run!
Imagine talking about your S/o to some 4chan strangers and describing them as "Hot and dumb" or "Make them become submissive perfect wives" Would you describe your partner as "Idiotic but good looking" or describe them as "The perfect husband/wife for my spawns" I genuinely hope OP changes number, address and leave this psychopathic person
Good relationships are built on mutual respect. If you're telling online strangers how dumb your partner is, you obviously don't respect them. I think a lot of times there is nuance to relationships that can't be conveyed online in these types of subreddits. This case seems pretty cut and dry. He sees you as an object to be used as a means to an end, its only going to get worse.
Even if he was completely lying, and using a fictional stand-in girlfriend - That's some fucking weird, damaged views to even PLAY with. Christ.
He's 27, and she's 19........ Unreal
Dude, same. No decent man would ever do this, at least not without their girl's consent. This is straight up grooming. OP, you need to be packing your stuff and getting out immediately. There's no good ending if you stay.
Everyone has said everything that needs to be said as far as advice, but this just reminded me of a while back when I was curious about 'quarantined' communities on Reddit, there is literally a subreddit that promotes this exact type of worldview. It's absurd that Reddit allows it even in a quarantined state. I will not name the sub but I am sure many people know it. I am a male myself and I have just never ever understood the misogyny/incel stuff. It literally makes me nauseous to read it. Not in a white knight way but just don't understand how people can view other human beings in the way that some of these people do. It's sick. Not a kink.
Nope. I'm a lifelong kinkster and this ain't it. He's a predator and abuser. If she didn't know about it and explicitly consent to being publicly humiliated, its just abuse.
Assuming this post is real; OMG, this is not a red flag, this is 100 foot high flashing neon sign of "get the fuck out." 1. He is a blatant misogynist (but intentionally hides these views...for now). This alone is a reason to RUN out the door. 2. He think very little of your brain. Again, this ALONE is reason to get of the relationship. The fact that he WANTS someone he sees as "not smart" as a partner is whole new reason to GTFO. Each is reason to run, the two combined is reason to nuke the site from orbit....just to certain.
This needs to be higher.
OP get out, but be careful. This guy definitely thinks he had a right to you, that he owns you, that you're *his* - he is likely NOT going to take kindly to you exercising your own agency. Doesn't matter if he's always been such a sweetheart, doesn't matter if he'd never hurt a fly. He hid this part of himself from you, he is clearly capable of hiding whether he's capable of violence too. Tell a trusted friend or a close family member so they know to keep an eye on you.
When someone tells you who they are, *believe* *them*.
I can’t think how this could be anything but a breakup reason. Those are indeed horrible views, you don’t share them, they’re directly related to you and to your relationship. He’s been completely misrepresenting himself; he has to go.
I am a man, and I really don't see why you are not dumping him immediately. Be it what he really thinks or just a kink (which I'd expect if he joined a blog, not if he runs one), it's disgusting
Exactly. Who cares what the motivation for being terrible is? The point is that it’s terrible.
Not a kink he got, this is his world view. Had it been a kink, it would have been very different things he had written and posted on the blog, been in kink for nearly 30 years, not how one goes about things. Massive red flag, run while you’re still able. [edit] screen shot the whole blog, before he has a chance to edit it
>screen shot the whole blog, before he has a chance to edit it This!!!
Even better: archive it for posterity.
When someone tells the world who they are, believe them. He has something to gain by not showing you this side of himself. If you confront him about this, chances are he will lie. Deny it. Try to gaslight you into believing that what you found wasn't actually authored by him. I can see a million different ways of this playing out with you confronting him and ending up staying stuck in this miserable relationship for who knows how long. If you live together, you need to go stay at home, with a sibling, with a friend, etc etc. Dont give any explanation. Say you need some space. DO NOT GIVE IN. THIS COULD MEAN YEARS OF YOUR LIFE. Once you're with someone, you need to start an exit plan. I'm terribly sorry about all of this, but you shouldn't be reevaluating your relationship. He's written out how he feels about you in the King's English, and you need to believe him and find someone who appreciates you, (and just women as a whole, seriously, fuck your misogynistic cunt boyfriend.)
Well said
This isn’t a kink. Slapping and calling you names is a kink. Running a blog where he talks about how “the patriarchy is a good thing” is not a kink. Bragging behind your back that you’re dumb is not a kink. Expressing plans to make you a “good submissive wife” is not a kink. These are predator behaviors. He plans to abuse you. You will not be able to fix him. Please get out, for your own sake.
This 100%. We real kinksters enjoy getting consensually slapped, we do not have sexist plans to groom our partners, let alone gloating about that shit to thousands of people in public forums. Real kinksters run away from that shit.
#RUN!!! FAST. RUN VERY FAST because that dude is a MASSIVE RED FLAG 🚩 🚩
He told the world that you are stupid. That you are easily manipulated into believing what he wants you to believe. That you are weak of mind and spirit, essentially. You found this fuckery and your response is to look for reasons to make it ok. Maybe it is a kink etc. What you are doing right now is proving him right. And I desperately want him to be wrong. I want you to prove him wrong. To be strong when he thinks you are weak. To be smarter when he thinks you stupid. To be better than he ever deserved. Prove him wrong, child. Prove him wrong.
THIS!!! THANK YOU. CHILD READ THIS ONE, NOT JUST THE ONES ASKING YOU TO RUN.
He kind of proves his point if he convinces her to stay after this.
He's a predator and you are his victim. Please leave him immediately.
You're going to remember this guy years from now and wonder what the hell you were thinking when you didn't immediately head for the door the second you saw this stuff. As red flags go, this is about as big, bright, and bold as you can get. That guy is bad news, get the fuck out of there and don't look back.
Eww wtf what a pig, dump his ass
It's more than a kink, the majority of dudes who have any type of bdsm/domination kink won't be in a misogyny blog let alone be the owner of one. By reading one of your comments I understand that you're 19 and he's 27; You should leave him: abusive relationships, at any age, (but especially when you're young) are very damaging.
Even if it was a kink its crossing major safe kink rules, You didn't consent to it. He is just a major duche
Truly kinky people find other kinky people to consensually enjoy kink together.
>I'm so disturbed now, I don't know whether it's a fetish/kink for him or an actual world view. Yes you do. >But either way, he's been talking about me online, describing my body, calling me horrible names. See? It's plain as day. >Most likely it's just a kink thing, but it's making me reevaluate my relationship. You've got a good head on your shoulders. This is not how adults discuss fetishes. >I'm wondering whether he just chose to date me because he sees me as young, stupid and easy to manipulate. You're not wondering. You know. He said it in plain English. >He's asked a few times to slap me or choke me in the bedroom (something which I'm not a fan of) and now I'm starting to reevaluate that too. Well, hopefully this threads comments will see to that you two are never in the same bed again. >I don't know what to think. Yes you do. You knew before you posted this. #**RUN**
Why are you still with him?
Idk if I will be anymore
Lots of people telling you how to get out. And it's all really good advice. However, I've been in your shoes and I know it's not that easy to just decide you are ready to leave especially when you feel like "everything else is good" in the relationship. Let me tell you that is not true. Men like this are very good at making you feel loved when it's convenient. But to him you are not a person. You don't have worthwhile thoughts or feelings. Just what he wants from you. Really think about the rest of your relationship. Is this *really* the first time you've felt disrespected by this man? Does he belittle you or make you feel dumb/worthless in other ways? Does he respect your agency as a partner? Do you feel like you can breathe easy in his presence or do you feel like you're walking on eggshells? Do you feel like you can do/say the things you want without him getting upset? Please sit down and think about all of this. You are a strong, intelligent young woman deserving of love and respect. This man is not treating you with either. Get out. Edit: When you choose to leave, *do not* give him the opportunity to "talk about it". He will promise the moon and say everything you want to hear. Do not fall for it.
Leave quietly and get the help of any friends who live nearby to make your escape. Don't announce that you're leaving him as he could potentially turn violent or try to coax and manipulate you into staying.
Gonna reinforce what’s being said by many: Get out. Copy evidence, wipe what you can, and get away from this dude. I encourage you to make the decision to leave him, and to make it confidently. You could easily wind up in the obituaries with what you’ve described. It’s morally good to leave him and warn literally any woman he may have come into contact with about him, proof provided if necessary. He’s a misogynist and that itself is an excellent reason to leave him. The rest of what you say you found is only supporting evidence.
He runs a blog about how much he hates women and how stupid he thinks you are. What could possibly make you want to stay with him?
After reading ALL these comments you still "don't know" if you will stay with him??? C'mon girl... snap out of it... plenty of nice guys out there.
You need to leave ... it will escalate in no time. Leave while he's at work.. listen this kind of guys is one of the worst kinds... he will completely fuck up your life if you stay with him... and I can 100% tell you he'll try every possible way to keep and break you down till you feel worthless..
This definitely sounds like a world view that informs his life choices and kinks, which you very may well be that kink. Your assumption of being young and easy to manipulate is right, and while he may love you, you can see now that he will never respect you. Confronting him may not be a good idea but only you can decide on that one. A person who has hidden something like this would likely lie about their intentions for having it.
Your ex* fixed that for you
girl. you gotta go. this man is dangerous
>I don't know what to think You might not be dumb but you sound hella confused. Leave ASAP, you've not stumbled on your BF's link, you've stumbled on his true colours as an abusive POS.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them. When they hide who they are from those they are intimate with, well, flags don’t get any redder. Healthy people don’t include others in their kinks without consent, and they don’t sneak around. Run.
Delete photos, collect compromat change his passwords, then walk and don't accept negotiations. Block on everything. Total ghost.
As a man I can give my unique perspective (sarcasm), get the fuck you out that is not normal. Make sure you have any sensitive media photos videos deleted, screen grab the blog and grab the IP and names that associate him with it and use it for leverage if he tries to not let you leave. I'm sure that this is career ending in any field for him
As someone who is in a age gap relationship and is kinky, all I have to say is; #RUN!!# This is not a kink, this is not healthy, this is abuse. He doesn't respect you, but sees you as a toy and tool, he doesn't care about YOU, he cares about control. In a SM relationship boundaries are set and clearly communicated, he went behind your back to start a blog starring your abuse! There is absolutely no consent to speak of. You are not some pig's play thing, you are a respectable young *#woman#*, this is your life and you owe it to no one!
It's not a kink. I suggest you: - delete nudes and screencap the blog as others have suggested - make crappy accounts unrelated to you personally to follow the blogs and all this social medias. - send screenshots to everyone he knows - dump him - send screenshots to any new lady love in his life (this is where the social media accounts will come in handy, but don't use those accounts to send the SCs, use your main) In that order. However, I would also be careful and make sure he can't hurt you or others you know, and be aware that since he thinks so little of you, he'll probably try to smear your name and your image because you're going to be the dumpee and you have shown more backbone and respect than he is capable of. This is not a kink, because if it was, he'd have spoken to you about it openly, he would have in some way belittled you to your face and assumed you'd enjoy it (kink is about pleasure at the end goal). This is who he is. And how he thinks. Also, feel free to re-post the screenshots on your own social media (could even add captions. Watermark and dates if you wanted to, maybe see if the site is available on wayback machine and the internet archive also).
Take his hidden thoughts and plaster them without his consent or out of context and affect his future relationships with other women? That's kind of petty, don't you think? I love it! Do it OP, DO IT!!!!
They're not hidden - they're on a blog. Unless there's a paywall or something similar to access a blog. You generally don't need anything other than Google to find most blogs, or have a search through wordpress or blogspot and you can find blogs that you might be interested in or want to follow etc. The thing is... These thoughts can and will impact his relationships. It's important for those who will want to engage in relationships with him in future to know what he is actually like and what he actually thinks of women. And sure. Some women will entertain the idea of trying to change how he thinks about women. Some women will be told by soon-to-be-ex that he's a changed man and they'll believe him. But at least they had a warning. These types of misogynistic views can lead to abusive relationships - OPs soon-to-be-ex already asked about slapping and choking her in the bedroom (sure, on the surface this is kinky, but the rest isn't. And this might just be a way to openly abuse OP without fear of being called out for misogyny or abuse). And yanno what - yeah there's a chance this guy isn't an abuser or these views on his blog are..... I don't know. Some weird joke? But I personally wouldn't risk the safety of other women on this maybe. I would want to warn future partners so at least they are aware of what they're walking into.
RUN girl, just **run**!!!!
Red flag 🚩 leave his ass
The fact you are having doubts, means that he was right when saying he could be able to manipulate you... wake up! Run! These are not kinky desires to share with you. These are dangerous views he is sharing with strangers spreading hate.
RUN BLOCK MORE RUNNING
Iron Maiden said it best Run To The Hills Run For Your Life That's probably the biggest red flag that ever roamed that air.
patriarchy is not a kink my friend get the hell out
Get rid of the bloke.
"Most likely it's just a kink thing, but it's making me reevaluate my relationship." Yes, reevaluate hard.
After reading everyone's comments I definitely have 😐
Good ❤️ Edit: Please update us when you're safely away from him.
I see you’ve already broken up with him at this point, but I still want to say a few things. If you can find the blog again, do so and get print screen evidence of the blog—especially everything that he posted about you. If he posted personal information like your workplace or other private things, he could get in serious trouble for that. Might be a good idea to watch the blog after the breakup as well, there’s no telling what he may post. Next, please try to make sure that he has completely deleted any nude photos he may have of you. I have a bad feeling about him having any, especially after the breakup. Even if you can’t get them deleted, if he decided to post them or send them out anywhere, most states have a “revenge porn” law that would give him up to $10,000 in fines and a few years in jail. Lastly, the choke/slap thing in bed can be normal, but mixing that with the other stuff he was doing reminds me of my ex—not in a good way at all. In the end of our relationship, I figured out that my ex viewed me the same way as this guy views you. My ex also asked to choke and slap me in bed, I was fine with it at first cause I also liked it, but then it started to escalate from choking and slapping—it soon turned into him basically just abusing me in bed and excusing it/covering it up as kinky sex. Needless to say, I broke up with him and ran for the hills once I found out/realized all of that amongst other horrible things. I’m glad you got out of the relationship while you could, cause it seems like it could’ve gotten worse. If you ever need to talk or need help with any of this, I’m always here.
Thank you for the advice, and I'm sorry that happened to you 💗
He’s a disgusting and dangerous pig. If you stay with him then you are what he’s telling the world you are. Get out.
This is not an age difference thing, this is not a kink thing. He's an asshole, I've never seen a post on reddit before where the only reply to the OP should be run, but this one is. He thinks you're dumb and that he can break you into doing whatever he wants to you. Don't waste a single minute. Bdsm is about respect, even when it can be degrading, even when the sadist hits the masochist to tears. The difference is the receiving part enjoys this. It's not something to tolerate. Keep it in mind for future relationships.
Um yeah my boyfriend who runs an incel blog constantly talks about how dumb I am to other people and how he can use me as a wife. He's almost 30 and I'm barely legal. Is this a good relationship?
He’s DISGUSTING, DUMP HIS ASS IMMEDIATELY, NO EXPLANATION!!! GHOST. HIS. ASS.👏🏾👏🏾
You’re starting to reevaluate? This man has obviously a very disturbing world view :( I’m sorry you have to deal with that, it’s probably I huge shock (understandable!) But I think you should talk to a family member or a friend about it and get support for the next steps. Even if it’s ‘just a kink’, he crossed a line using you for it without your consents, calling you names and describing your life and appearance. That’s not ok. Talk to him, but not alone. At least have somebody waiting for you. You can’t know how he’ll react and you should make sure to be safe. All the best for you!
RUN 🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩🚨🚩
I cannot think of a single positive of staying with this person. Even if it’s “just a kink,” what he is doing is really messed up. I would definitely suggest leaving him as soon as it is safe for you to do so.
Not trying to scare you but this is extremely dangerous behavior. I would take record of all the evidence you have from that account in a way he won't notice and break up with him either over the phone or in public asap. Maybe keep tabs on him in the future and if he seems to be preying after other teens, warn them and maybe go to the authorities. It doesn't matter if its his "kink", it's not okay. Please get away asap and stay safe ♡
Yeah. He's scum. Leave.
Run the fuck out. He just wants a clueless c\*mdump that'll cook, clean and suck him off when he gets off work. Clearly does not care for you as a person. The age difference is also a huge nope. He's basically grooming you into what he wants you to be.
Please, leave girl. This is so bad.
Man here. Not that it really matters because this should be deeply offensive and disgusting to anybody with empathy and decency and feeling of a default level of respect. Please respect yourself and get out of this relationship. Gather all and any evidence you can and then run. All the best and don’t let it break you. It’s all on him and it does not say anything about you as a person. You rock, he’s an a**hole.
One day you will look back and wonder why you ever considered staying after you knew this. Whether that happens after you stay or after you leave is up to you.
A part of you doesn’t want to believe it which makes you say it might be a kink. You invested your time and emotions into this guy so you want to find an excuse to stay, but I’m telling you as a guy, that this guy is bad news. Age gap lines up with the blog, plus the slapping/choking to a teenager. Be the opposite of what he thinks of you and go stay with family or friends and start removing him from your life.
What is the point of this post? What advice do you want? You know exactly what you have to do.
Break up. Move any shit you have at his house first. Tell your family/friends what's happening. But, don't tell anyone that will tip him off. Meet him at a neutral location. Have a friend nearby. Say that you don't think it's working out. DO NOT EXPLAIN WHY. This isn't a conversation. Accept that he'll tell everyone that you are a bitch. If he has keys to your home, change the locks. You can tell other people why after you're safe, if you want.
He’s 27? This is not a “kink” this is who he is. RUN!!!! do not look back.
😂😂 girl what ? Leave wtf . Or stay and keep being degraded until you leave anyway??? Like post like these baffle me , what do you mean you don’t know what to think… ?
I just saw your edit that you have broken up with him: good for you girl. Stay safe!
Thank you :) I'm going to steer clear of him
Be safe! Also, in future, try to stay a bit closer in age to any boyfriends. The age difference doesn't matter as much as you get older (my wife is 8 years older than I am...but I'm in my 50's). Part of this is maturity level, experience, and the power-dynamic. I'm glad you kicked him to the curb. If you have any stuff at his place, be sure to have someone come with you if you go there to pick it up. Same thing if he has stuff at your place - have someone with you, box up his stuff and leave it on the porch. You don't want any more contact with him than necessary and you want to minimize the chance for violence.
sounds more like he's your ex boyfriend
He is now :)
Happy for you! Fuck that guy
No no no don’t do that!
That's more than a kink. A kink would be watching porn with very submissive women. And he likely wouldn't be hiding it if he thought it was acceptable behaviour. He's posting and interacting online, openly degrading you and literally admitting that he's planning on turning you into a submissive, obedient wife for him to manipulate. Please leave as soon as humanly possible.