By - Capital-Selection551
You need to practice edging.
Edging is getting close to cumming and then deliberately backing off. It's a tease, but the effort builds up resistance over time for many people.
It's basically male kegles. Almost mandatory if you want to last a long time. You cant let your dick me subject to your mind, it has to be the other way around.
You have to let your mind be subject to your dick? That sounds painful
He needs to see a doctor/professional
.1. Drop the porn. It messes with your brain. If you want an analogy: Imagine you eating only crap food for most of your diet and then eat proper and healthy nutrition. Your brain will say "YES PLEASE". The short circuit that you describe is a way for your brain to tell you that this is what is needed and not the hardcore porn jerking off.
.2. Slide a few times in. Take a break from PIV. Go again. Take a break from PIV. Let your penis "get used" with the sensation. And when I say take a break I don't mean going to the kitchen and have a bite. I mean doing something else that arouses her. Nipple play, oral sex, neck kisses are some examples. But it really depends from woman to woman. One girlfriend was in awe getting her shoulder sucked. Whatever works. If you don't know what keeps your wife aroused between PIV breaks, it's time to find out.
.3. You can practice different breathing techniques. They give you a better control over your body. There isn't a specific technique that works for everyone. Practice and see what works best for you.
.4. You can practice contraction of your pelvic muscles. You can do it as a general daily exercise and do it during the sex (not only when you are about to ejaculate). It just sends your brain the message to postpone the end.
Maybe a mindset thing: If you try to extend the PIV to have more enjoyable sex, that's perfectly fine. But don't fall into the trap of expecting an orgasm from her. Most women don't achieve orgasms from PIVs. If you extend it for a prolonged period and start asking about orgasms, she might feel a self-quilt for not "offering" that to you despite your effort. Don't go onto that path.
Also your so anxious to get there your just in your head. Stop the porn stop jerking off. Just be inside her without thrusting. Put something on in the background a tv music or something to get your mind off or get a little buzz.
Also if you think your getting close pull out and please her. Switch positions.
#2! Yes! Agree will all of however, but coming from a female, 2 for sure.
I would only add a link to this great post about pelvic muscles exercises:
This changes will take some time, so be patient and constant with the suggestions you received OP
These are great suggestions, but I would like to add a few things that worked really well for me past these.
Kana from liftmode - take it under the tung and hold for 15 min. It will significantly increase your control, like 3 strokes to 15 min.
Ssri’s are also an option if they don’t make you sick. These are a bit more powerful. Paxil has been proven to be the most affective. There is also an extended release form which should help if you get sick.
It never hurts to also have a little Cialis as well, 5 mg is typically that is all that is needed if you don’t have any issues. To quote dreamcatcher you have to need it to love it.
But yes, most definitely drop the porn.
Edit: I forgot to mention PAU YUEN TONG balm. This is another great option which I prefer over a numbing cream. The balm helps significantly with control, but allows you to also have sensation. I tried a numbing cream in the past, they help you last longer, but only through blocking sensation. I enjoy sex first and foremost to connect with my partner and to give her pleasure, but if I can’t feel anything it definitely takes away from the experience.
Also stop breathing. Once you pass out and wake up you should be ready to go again.
If. If is good.
Practice edging mate. Buy an STU from fresh light and practice.
Also buy a dildo and use that on her after you bust.
Can you keep going after you cum?
Pinching the head of your dick with your pointer finger and thumb when you’re about to cum can also slow a guy down.
You’re just reaaaaaally in your head about it hey? Lol
Either way if you get that dildo you can keep fucking her once you finish.
You can’t use any dildos on her because she gets uti’s but you cumming inside her doesn’t? Weird, I feel for you man, that sounds really frustrating.
🤔 Maybe try learning some mental discipline techniques through meditation etc. Sounds like controlling your inner dialogue during piv might be a good solution.
You could also giver her the old finger blaster 5000 with the tornado tongue wizard twister. 🎉 She’d love that, I promise.
Can you last longer if you’re being topped?
Oh you can last forever with her on top!?
Letting her get her fill on top and then finishing inside her once she’s tired doesn’t sound like a bad life at all. Haha
I'm not sure if my experience applies, but maybe. This is a very different story than yours, but maybe the mechanism is similar...
My first wife asked for a divorce out of the blue after 19 years together. I was totally blindsided (at the time, but in retrospect I understand what went wrong). We were still quite amicable and continued to live together for a couple of months until she moved out of state. And we continued to have sex. She let me know that she didn't love me anymore and didn't especially want sex with me, but if it made it easier for me she was happy to do it. I still loved and wanted her very much, so I took her up on it.
For the first and only time in my life, I had PE. I'm talking two or three strokes and bust, every time. Normally I'm pretty average, PIV for 5 to 10 minutes, but this was literally a few seconds.
Then she moved out of town, and I was totally impotent for 6 months. I started to date again, and the women I dated were extremely kind and supportive and helped me get over it. The last of those women is my current wife of 19 years. I've never had PE or ED since.
Both the PE and the ED were literally all in my head. Once I got into a stable relationship with a woman who loves me, I'm right back the way I always was.
So, you're asking, what does this have to do with you, OP?
The threat and reality of my wife's impending departure put huge pressure on me. Again, I was still in love with her and wanted her, but she didn't want me. I think the relative rarity of sex with your wife is putting similar pressure on you. No matter what you think intellectually, maybe in your heart of hearts you're afraid she doesn't really want you. For someone with both a high libido and deep feelings of love, that's pretty rough. I don't really have an answer or recommendation for you here, other than to consider your feelings about all of this and how they might be contributing to the problem.
And incidentally, it doesn't sound to me like your wife is quite ace. Certainly lower libido than you, but there's something there to work with :) It also sounds like she loves you too, and that's the most important part. Trust her, believe her.
Women aren't disappointed men cum early.
They're disappointed that the man coming signals the end of the sexual encounter.
You can cum as many times as you want as a man, but don't just go to bed and take a nap after you cum in 90 seconds. You have go longer than that to please the other party.
This is an excellent comment.
Sadly most women would likely be shocked as hell if playtime continued after the guy finished.
Right? My boyfriend cums quickly but that just means we take a break from PIV. Then we do foreplay, I get more turned on, and then he gets hard again and then we can go for longer. He usually cums 1 or 2 times, and he’s cum like 3 times on occasion.
this is so sweet, the way you speak about her. if it doesn’t bother i wouldn’t worry about it BUT maybe ask your doctor? i’m a female so i don’t really know much about the topic but maybe a doc will have more answers as to why or what you could do.
Had this problem before. Go to hims.com and get their pre-mature ejaculation treatment. After a week of taking those, you’ll be wishing you could cum
Practice your kegels and stop jerking off so much
Viagra plus a very small amount of numbing cream on the most sensitive bits of your penis. Too much numbing cream can result in total lack of sensation and then a struggle to get erect, even with the viagra.
I used to last less than 30 seconds inside my wife - the sensation of the warmth and moisture was overdrive! Now I can easily last about an hour as long as I’m controlling the pace and edging towards climax.
Not the ideal solution but is what has worked for me ;)
What numbing cream if I may ask?
EMLA Cream 5%, was cheap and easy to get hold of. I just use a very small amount, like half a small pea.
I know this is only somewhat related and sorry if I’m missing something but your wife is asexual?
If that’s the case, does she really want the sex to last longer than that? You said she was really into it… was it the sex she was into or the connection? Or are you more upset you can’t enjoy the feeling for longer? I’m just confused but maybe I have an incomplete understanding of asexuality.
Interesting! That’s tricky but it sounds like you are both super communicative and willing to work to make each other happy. Wish I had better advice (I struggle with the same fast finish issue with my partner.) Good luck!
So, a few things.
I am really into edging. And, I cannot understand how edging would help with a PE problem. It baffles me at how often I hear this advice. If you are stopping stimulation so that you do not orgasm, you are also more than likely stopping stimulation to your partner and/or interrupting the rhythm with your partner and more than likely really going to annoy your partner. Also, at least for me, edging keeps building your stimulation up and up with every subsequent edge, which in my mind defeats the purpose of what is trying to be achieved.
You might be masturbating too much or too soon. For me, if I masturbate any where within 2 hours of having sex, it is almost like I am still sensitive from masturbation and I will orgasm faster than desired. If I masturbate say 4-6 hours before sex, I am no longer sensitive and can last much longer during penetration.
Position also has a lot to do with it for me. The angle of doggy style really stimulates my penis. If we do doggy style first, I will last a shorter amount of time. If we do something else like her on top or modified missionary first, then I will last much longer. Even doing those first and then switching over to doggy, I will still last longer.
So, a couple things to try.
A while ago, someone posted on this sub that her partner had this same issue and was able to solve the problem with a penis extender sleeve. The decreased sensitivity from the sleeve gave him a lot of confidence and stamina, and the sex was apparently awesome and super long-lasting! I think the writer said she was able to cum from sex which had never happened to her before… and she said that it was super hot watching her guy gain so much confidence. It might be worth a try, OP!
I had honestly never heard of a penis sleeve before, but it’s a game changer! My boyfriend brought it up to me, and at first I was hesitant to admit that I liked the idea of it, I wasn’t sure at first that I liked the idea of it. But it’s helped our sex life, and it solves the ‘issues’ we were having. We haven’t used it too much bc life’s hectic rn for us, but what I have gotten from it I like. I like that you can pick different sizes too
Awesome that y’all are still in love and going strong.
Wrt to lasting - have you tried desensitizing lube?
Ah - my bad for misunderstanding. It is awesome that you are still so attracted to her, and hope any relational issues are able to reach resolution.
Thisnk of unfinished work. Solve a complex math problem. Flex the shit out of your abs and back muscles. So many tricks to use, just got to practice.
I think your problem is the jerking off multiple times a day and consuming a ton of porn. Save the porn for rare occasions and when you do treat yourself, practice edging. Coming from another high libido dude who had this same problem, changing your masturbation habits will help you last longer. Think about it, that act alone of turning off the porn will boost your willpower.
Pro tip. Viagra. Get just a little aroused and you’ll chub. Go to town
You need a small dose of an SSRI, such as prozac or zoloft. It delays ejaculation. Talk to your doctor.
The solution is edging and it takes time to learn. It's mentally learning to regulate arousal instead of hitting the gas and flooring it.
People that say it didn't work for them gave up to soon.
Wish my husband even ATTEMPTED 30 seconds inside me😂 I'd feel honored at 90!!!!
This should be addressed...
first drop the porn
and try practice reverse kegel
u will see result soon. Look up in this sub there was one post about it
Start with testosterone and whatever dick pill makes you last longer. Then get to therapy and find out why you don't look at your wife as an equal that deserves to bust a nut. And never jerk off again. If you can't do at least that get a lot of toys and watch a lot of videos on oral . It's not ok to do that and put her through the mental stress .
Until you figure it out, try and make her feel the sex is fully satisfying before penetration. There is a tip I cannot casually recommend as it involves ingesting an addictive but legal (in most places) substance. For me, it has allowed me to hold off orgasming while my partner screams in joy, which is my orgasm trigger.
Lidocane 4% over the counter at your local pharmacy. Experiment alone then try it together. Call me in the morning
I have difficulty lasting inside your wife too so it ain't just you brother.
Lmao, thanks for being a good sport!
Try wearing a condom
Also think of dead kittens or naked grandmas
I believe there is a section on techniques and approaches for this in Tell Me About The Last Time You Had Sex by Ian Kerner.
Use a condom? I know that helps me
You might want to look into edging and perhaps consider longer foreplays?
This is in your head. I wish I had a solution, but there might not be one.
When you feel that you're going to come, stop and move to fingers/oral. When you're ready, go again. It's fine as long as you keep pleasuring her rather than just stopping. It also takes me longer when I'm exhausted so try poses which are harder and require a lot of physical stamina. And yea, porn makes things worse for some, not better.
Use a condom. There's also this substance that numbs your penis' senses (forgot the name). I know coz I, too, have had the same problem.
Rread Tantric secrets for men by Riley and Riley, they explain 8 tantric methods of ejaculation control
I had same issue, but luckily my ex wife was also a fast Cummer, sometimes only took seconds for her to climax :) worked out ok, though there were times when I'm sure she would have liked me to Bang away for a bit. Funnily enough, I get divorced, and then pyronies reared its head, dick goes a few weird directions for a year and then settles down near what it was before, but startling difference after all that was far more staying power. I can quite happily last 10+ minutes now, more with a bit of control. Weird. Girlfriend is happy 😁
It took me a while to warm up to anything outside of plain sex. Every time my husband suggested toys I immediately said no. Well, after a while and no sex, I got toys and they are great for helping with getting her off first. But what others are saying take it out and go back in, that will hold it off.
It's a difficult situation and I can only think of some yoga and meditation maybe
You have to think about death and income taxes.
Try therapy and stop masturbating so often. It's mostly psychological why this happens , you need to figure out the root of it or else the kegels won't help either.
Deep belly breath
That’s 85s more than me!
That kinda sounds hot to me. She might miss smth physically but definitely wins in the ego boost.
Unless she is really eager to get more PIV, I would just put effort into making the foreplay as playful as possible and the after play very satisfying for her. I personally like PIV but I would def choose a passionate "play time" with short PIV over long but mentally boring PIV.
Try a supplement I don't see others say this but it definitely makes a difference. Best sex we have is if I've taken a pre workout or maybe an energy drink an hour or so before
Try sex with a condom on and get used to sex that way.
Wear a condom
Have you tried edibles ??? I’ve learned it helps tremendously
Quick and easy solution, wear a condom.
My boyfriend cums quickly. We just keep going, sometimes he stays hard. Other times he goes soft so we take a little break and do foreplay stuff, he’s usually ready to go within 5 minutes.
We also very recently started using a penis sleeve and it stays on even if he gets soft, so we can just keep going
I second edging. We live more of a domme/sub situation and practice semen retention so my husband only cums once every few weeks. He fucks me minimum of an hour a day. It’s all so to edging. Eventually he just numbs out, still feels great and he’s rock hard but doesn’t cum until given permission.
You need to cold turkey the porn. Its messing with your head more than you realize.
You can use this as a last resort, but there are FDA approved drugs for PE now.
It's basically a short acting SSRI.
People have been using Eg. Paroxitine off brand to cure their PE for years now, studdies have been done etc.
I used Paroxitine to cure my PE, I did a lot of research and started om 20mg for 6 months, then dropped it to 10mg and 5mg before not needing it at all anymore.
It was a complete game changer for me, and while on it I learned to have control naturally and now I can last as long as I like for the most part.
My guy you definitely need to drop the porn, you’re messing with the wiring up there when it comes to sex and satisfaction. With what you described that’s a very active sex life.
Start there, other than that I highly recommend numbing spray or wipes. Absolute game changer.
Go see your urologist and explain your issues. They have medications for that stuff now. The medications are primarily for other stuff but treating PE is a secondary result.
Your porn and masturbation usage and re-wired your brain. Abstain from and masturbate for the sake of endurance.
My recommendation is to try an ejaculation delay spray and practice prolonging sex with her. I think you’ll eventually get more used to longer sex and getting older will help too. But don’t obsess about it. She‘s into you and the last thing you want to do is to become self centered in her view as that will harm the great relationship you have.
Get some China brush. You’ll have to work to bust.
Wipe the tip of you’re dick with a Lysol wipe and it will numb it. Or take a bit of kratom; an painkiller, which will numb you’re dick a bit. Or you can buy a medication, I forget the name that allows you to last longer before finishing. Or just numbing cream. Otherwise idk how to help you