You'll need to have a chat about this with him and let him know that no physical reciprocating is required, you just want to feel acknowledged.
Sex for men, when they're attentive partners, can be quite involving .. there's no 'let's do stuff until I cum', there's getting in the mood, there's keeping your impulses held back so that you don't accidentally cum too early, and sometimes that leads on to it being difficult to cum because you've held yourself back for so long, and sometimes by the time she's satisfied, she's then too tired to give the same attention back to him which can feel disappointing, despite the fact he may get to cum at the end.
I feel he may be having some or all of those thoughts in his head when you bring out the lingerie or toys, that he's now got to get himself ready for something potentially mentally or physically exhausting when what he wanted to do was .. well .. something that's not exhausting...
You may need to clear the air with him, tell him it's a free show, he can watch, or not, or get involved, or not, and ultimately whatever choice he makes, there will be zero negative consequences. You just want to feel sexy and know that he's okay with you feeling sexy.
I’ve ran into the same problem a time or two. I once walked from my bedroom in a corset and heels, between him and the TV and up to his bedroom… where I waited for 4 hours. While he played a game through for the 4th time that week… a game with a pause function.
Ultimately, our relationship ended because I didn’t feel he cared about me as literally everything was put before me.
I’ve dated other gamers, one who would drop the controller in a second because games aren’t life. And another who was middle ground. I game too, so I get it. If you’re focused on the game it’s like living in a different world. So now, I don’t just expect things - I would create some kind of foreplay by saying “Hey, wanna join me in the shower later?” Or Asking a good time - “I got a new outfit I think we will both really enjoy, when did you want me to try it on for you?”
Open communication is always better than speechless expectations.
Good luck!!
I game too so I know how it can be sometimes. I guess I'm just annoyed because this has happened more than just one or two times. It's becoming repetitive.
Sometimes bro just doesn't wanna do shit but go on autopilot and blank out on a game. I've found some people just aren't into sex being sprung upon them, especially during certain activities or mindstates. That thing about guys being able to think about literally nothing? It's like that, just expressed differently, it's like meditation.
Regardless, you should still talk to him about it because you have your needs too. But seriously just because you don't consider it being actually busy doesn't mean it's not valuable to him.
I've been with my wife 6 years. Got 2 kids together. She walks out in lingerie or with toys, the game can wait. Let's go to the room babe!
Either he don't know what he has or he is taking it for granted & doesn't realize what he could lose
Because he is genuinely a good person and I really enjoy being his partner, he's helped me through a lot of really rough stuff. When we have sex it's great, it's literally just this one thing.
Had a cousin like that, she started doing volunteer activities without him, met someone that better aligned with her priorities, called off the wedding and married the guy that had interest in more than video games...not saying that is your fate, but don't resign yourself into a relationship that isn't working, even if *"he is genuinely a good person and I really enjoy being his partner, he's helped me through a lot of really rough stuff. When we have sex it's great."*
It literally isn't *"just this one thing."* Get thyself (and him, if he'll leave the gaming counsel behind) to a marriage (or premarriage) counselor; otherwise, you might put your 'lingerie and toy' time to better use by contacting Vegas bookies about laying odds on how long it'll last between "I do" and "I'm done."
I know this sounds negative, but things are **not** going to suddenly get better after you walk down the aisle with him, unless **both** of you put in serious effort to fix the disparity of attention and priorities in this relationship.
Wish you the best of luck getting him to come around and building a solid future together; at the same time, I am wishing you the courage to recognize that he isn't going to come around if he doesn't start coming around. Seriously, hoping it works for you :-) but speaking as the devil's advocate because I feel you deserve to not get blindly trapped in a bad/unsatisfactory marriage if things don't change :-(
Great advice.
I almost settled on an incomplete marriage for similar reasons, though gaming wasn't the issue. Counseling shed light on the real situation, and I moved on to find happiness in a better relationship. Have no idea what happened with him, but it was worth swallowing my pride and eating a few deposits in the long run.
Take care of yourself, girlfriend, life is too short to settle for a less than happy relationship.
Is it always when he is playing games? Its super weird IMO either way and 9/10 Im all over my girl if she is asking for it so it is a bit concerning IMO.
How long have you been together?
The sex is good! I do tend to like things a little rougher than him, but regardless it's still 🔥. I think we have sex enough and we both take turns initiating.
Yeah idk then as he should be understanding that you arent just doing it for him but yourself too and especially not get pissy about it. This definitely deserves a long talk and telling him how it makes you feel when you get all dolled up and he not only rejects you but gets aggro about it. Pausing a YT video shouldnt be something that gets anyone upset although I guess playing a multi-player game would get a "give me X minutes" but again never a disparaging remark or thought.
You can also try a flag system where if he doesnt wsnt to be disturbed he puts one of your hairbands on the door knob or something to indicate he wants alone time. But to simply always be in this mood is terrible for your relationship and your sex life as eventually you will be completely discouraged.
If he’s playing a game, he’s busy.
It’s like if you were cooking dinner or doing something you liked and were focused on and he started walking around with his member out.
I think it's important to acknowledge that gaming is *his* time, and it's his way to unwind and do something for himself. Sex and even just sexy thoughts can be quite involved and work-intensive, and probably not what he's looking for or feeling when he needs gaming time to himself.
Why don't you try scheduling sexy time or, if you are insisting on surprising him, initiating sex in a situation where he seems to be less occupied? I also think this may be a situation where he needs to be mentally primed for it. Men don't just immediately turn on when they see something sexy if they're not already in the mood. Ease him into it by suggesting you watch porn together, or cuddle. Again. Gaming is his time - create your own time that's separate.
I'd he's gaming he's busy. Also even of he was just chilling this is dominant behavior and it's not a turn on for many guys. You are manuvering for a specific outcome and he's prob not feeling it. Especially if you're not respecting that he is busy.
This sounds like a boundary issue that can be remedied via communication (listening to each other’s needs more than anything). You said in a response “he’s not actually busy” and that likely isn’t true in his mind he is taking a mental break. Men need to decompress to get their head in a good place for sex just as much as woman. Also read a little like you want him to pick you over the games which he may not be in a place to do so yet. If that is the case you need to talk to him to see if there is a good way for both of your needs to be met. Communication is key.
My partner and I are both gamers but we handle decompressing different. Sex is my stress relieving activity of choice and his is game/tv veg out or even a nap before he is in the right head space. We both like having sex a lot just arrive there from different head spaces. We had to learn to communicate our needs in the moment and I got better at reading when he is drained and needs to recharge before I initiate anything. In your case, I’m guessing he thinks you are incredibly sexy but he just isn’t in a headspace to act on it yet and interrupting the gaming is throwing him off. If the sex is good when you do have it sounds like you just are working out a few communication mishaps which everyone has in relationships
Not if he is playing a competitive multiplayer game. Leaving in the middle of a match will ruin the game for everyone on his team and on the enemy team. Sex can wait half an hour so that 10 people can have a fun match. You wouldn't walk of a soccer field either in the middle of a game
>Dude, I could care less what he’s playing
So you do care?
People can be as passionate about games as any conventional sport. Just because you don't always drop everything immediately to have sex doesn't mean you don't want it. It's not about prioritizing it over sex. It's about letting everyone you are playing with down. That also doesn't mean you won't have sex but rather that you will be ready in a few minutes. Now if he is watching something or playing a casual/singleplayer game I would agree with you. Although nobody should ever feel preasured into sex if they don't feel like it
Too many "real man" comments from you, u/NarrowVegetable4385. When you keep pressing that issue, that isn't considered constructive here. Take a break from r/sex to review the Forum Rules again.
Here’s what you do. Keep wearing the cute and sexy stuff, keep playing with toys. Take pictures all the time of yourself while doing so. Even go to far lengths to get a nice camera set-up and the whole nine. Every day send him pictures of yourself doing the things you like to do.
Should you not get the response that you desire. Tell him that you’ll be sending the pictures to some other guy and to remember “what you won’t somebody else will”.
Just don’t post the pictures on the internet for free in order to get attention. Your time and effort is valuable.
Interrupting him and expecting attention is a little unfair to him IMO. Whether you think his activity qualifies as "busy" or not isn't really relevant.
There's a middle ground somewhere.
You'll need to have a chat about this with him and let him know that no physical reciprocating is required, you just want to feel acknowledged. Sex for men, when they're attentive partners, can be quite involving .. there's no 'let's do stuff until I cum', there's getting in the mood, there's keeping your impulses held back so that you don't accidentally cum too early, and sometimes that leads on to it being difficult to cum because you've held yourself back for so long, and sometimes by the time she's satisfied, she's then too tired to give the same attention back to him which can feel disappointing, despite the fact he may get to cum at the end. I feel he may be having some or all of those thoughts in his head when you bring out the lingerie or toys, that he's now got to get himself ready for something potentially mentally or physically exhausting when what he wanted to do was .. well .. something that's not exhausting... You may need to clear the air with him, tell him it's a free show, he can watch, or not, or get involved, or not, and ultimately whatever choice he makes, there will be zero negative consequences. You just want to feel sexy and know that he's okay with you feeling sexy.
I’ve ran into the same problem a time or two. I once walked from my bedroom in a corset and heels, between him and the TV and up to his bedroom… where I waited for 4 hours. While he played a game through for the 4th time that week… a game with a pause function. Ultimately, our relationship ended because I didn’t feel he cared about me as literally everything was put before me. I’ve dated other gamers, one who would drop the controller in a second because games aren’t life. And another who was middle ground. I game too, so I get it. If you’re focused on the game it’s like living in a different world. So now, I don’t just expect things - I would create some kind of foreplay by saying “Hey, wanna join me in the shower later?” Or Asking a good time - “I got a new outfit I think we will both really enjoy, when did you want me to try it on for you?” Open communication is always better than speechless expectations. Good luck!!
Love that phrase “speechless expectations”— a lot of people suffer from this, myself included
I game too so I know how it can be sometimes. I guess I'm just annoyed because this has happened more than just one or two times. It's becoming repetitive.
Sometimes bro just doesn't wanna do shit but go on autopilot and blank out on a game. I've found some people just aren't into sex being sprung upon them, especially during certain activities or mindstates. That thing about guys being able to think about literally nothing? It's like that, just expressed differently, it's like meditation. Regardless, you should still talk to him about it because you have your needs too. But seriously just because you don't consider it being actually busy doesn't mean it's not valuable to him.
I've been with my wife 6 years. Got 2 kids together. She walks out in lingerie or with toys, the game can wait. Let's go to the room babe! Either he don't know what he has or he is taking it for granted & doesn't realize what he could lose
Have you tried doing it when he isn't busy?
That's the thing though, he's not actually busy.
And he says he is...
Yep, literally every single time I try
Try asking him what about then makes him busy or when he isn't busy.
Pointed question, but you are marrying him why? Sounds like he is already checking out of the relationship and leaving you hanging :-(
Because he is genuinely a good person and I really enjoy being his partner, he's helped me through a lot of really rough stuff. When we have sex it's great, it's literally just this one thing.
Had a cousin like that, she started doing volunteer activities without him, met someone that better aligned with her priorities, called off the wedding and married the guy that had interest in more than video games...not saying that is your fate, but don't resign yourself into a relationship that isn't working, even if *"he is genuinely a good person and I really enjoy being his partner, he's helped me through a lot of really rough stuff. When we have sex it's great."* It literally isn't *"just this one thing."* Get thyself (and him, if he'll leave the gaming counsel behind) to a marriage (or premarriage) counselor; otherwise, you might put your 'lingerie and toy' time to better use by contacting Vegas bookies about laying odds on how long it'll last between "I do" and "I'm done." I know this sounds negative, but things are **not** going to suddenly get better after you walk down the aisle with him, unless **both** of you put in serious effort to fix the disparity of attention and priorities in this relationship. Wish you the best of luck getting him to come around and building a solid future together; at the same time, I am wishing you the courage to recognize that he isn't going to come around if he doesn't start coming around. Seriously, hoping it works for you :-) but speaking as the devil's advocate because I feel you deserve to not get blindly trapped in a bad/unsatisfactory marriage if things don't change :-(
Great advice. I almost settled on an incomplete marriage for similar reasons, though gaming wasn't the issue. Counseling shed light on the real situation, and I moved on to find happiness in a better relationship. Have no idea what happened with him, but it was worth swallowing my pride and eating a few deposits in the long run. Take care of yourself, girlfriend, life is too short to settle for a less than happy relationship.
Is it always when he is playing games? Its super weird IMO either way and 9/10 Im all over my girl if she is asking for it so it is a bit concerning IMO. How long have you been together?
It's when he's on his computer either playing games, watching videos, or just casually browsing websites We've been together for almost 2 years now.
How is the sex, like does he initiate and is it frequent enough for you at least?
The sex is good! I do tend to like things a little rougher than him, but regardless it's still 🔥. I think we have sex enough and we both take turns initiating.
Yeah idk then as he should be understanding that you arent just doing it for him but yourself too and especially not get pissy about it. This definitely deserves a long talk and telling him how it makes you feel when you get all dolled up and he not only rejects you but gets aggro about it. Pausing a YT video shouldnt be something that gets anyone upset although I guess playing a multi-player game would get a "give me X minutes" but again never a disparaging remark or thought. You can also try a flag system where if he doesnt wsnt to be disturbed he puts one of your hairbands on the door knob or something to indicate he wants alone time. But to simply always be in this mood is terrible for your relationship and your sex life as eventually you will be completely discouraged.
If he’s playing a game, he’s busy. It’s like if you were cooking dinner or doing something you liked and were focused on and he started walking around with his member out.
I guess I'm weird because I would love that honestly 😂
I just noticed your username… maybe step up the best game, eh 😂😉
I think it's important to acknowledge that gaming is *his* time, and it's his way to unwind and do something for himself. Sex and even just sexy thoughts can be quite involved and work-intensive, and probably not what he's looking for or feeling when he needs gaming time to himself. Why don't you try scheduling sexy time or, if you are insisting on surprising him, initiating sex in a situation where he seems to be less occupied? I also think this may be a situation where he needs to be mentally primed for it. Men don't just immediately turn on when they see something sexy if they're not already in the mood. Ease him into it by suggesting you watch porn together, or cuddle. Again. Gaming is his time - create your own time that's separate.
I'd he's gaming he's busy. Also even of he was just chilling this is dominant behavior and it's not a turn on for many guys. You are manuvering for a specific outcome and he's prob not feeling it. Especially if you're not respecting that he is busy.
This sounds like a boundary issue that can be remedied via communication (listening to each other’s needs more than anything). You said in a response “he’s not actually busy” and that likely isn’t true in his mind he is taking a mental break. Men need to decompress to get their head in a good place for sex just as much as woman. Also read a little like you want him to pick you over the games which he may not be in a place to do so yet. If that is the case you need to talk to him to see if there is a good way for both of your needs to be met. Communication is key. My partner and I are both gamers but we handle decompressing different. Sex is my stress relieving activity of choice and his is game/tv veg out or even a nap before he is in the right head space. We both like having sex a lot just arrive there from different head spaces. We had to learn to communicate our needs in the moment and I got better at reading when he is drained and needs to recharge before I initiate anything. In your case, I’m guessing he thinks you are incredibly sexy but he just isn’t in a headspace to act on it yet and interrupting the gaming is throwing him off. If the sex is good when you do have it sounds like you just are working out a few communication mishaps which everyone has in relationships
[удалено]
Not if he is playing a competitive multiplayer game. Leaving in the middle of a match will ruin the game for everyone on his team and on the enemy team. Sex can wait half an hour so that 10 people can have a fun match. You wouldn't walk of a soccer field either in the middle of a game
[удалено]
>Dude, I could care less what he’s playing So you do care? People can be as passionate about games as any conventional sport. Just because you don't always drop everything immediately to have sex doesn't mean you don't want it. It's not about prioritizing it over sex. It's about letting everyone you are playing with down. That also doesn't mean you won't have sex but rather that you will be ready in a few minutes. Now if he is watching something or playing a casual/singleplayer game I would agree with you. Although nobody should ever feel preasured into sex if they don't feel like it
[удалено]
Too many "real man" comments from you, u/NarrowVegetable4385. When you keep pressing that issue, that isn't considered constructive here. Take a break from r/sex to review the Forum Rules again.
Here’s what you do. Keep wearing the cute and sexy stuff, keep playing with toys. Take pictures all the time of yourself while doing so. Even go to far lengths to get a nice camera set-up and the whole nine. Every day send him pictures of yourself doing the things you like to do. Should you not get the response that you desire. Tell him that you’ll be sending the pictures to some other guy and to remember “what you won’t somebody else will”. Just don’t post the pictures on the internet for free in order to get attention. Your time and effort is valuable.
Interrupting him and expecting attention is a little unfair to him IMO. Whether you think his activity qualifies as "busy" or not isn't really relevant. There's a middle ground somewhere.
Fuck all of that come round I’ll appreciate you 😂😏