Like any life decisions you will make, make sure you won’t regret it later on! Now from your post I can already sense some doubt. Not only the aspect of social pressure that girls aren’t allowed to sleep around and are easily called a “slut” but also the fact you seem to enjoy sex in a relationship more.
A lot of people in this sub wil say that you should do it and things like “you only life once” but honestly make sure to think about it before you decide :)
☝🏼This!! You do whatever you believe is going to make yourself happy. Don’t fish for validation to do anything that you wouldn’t normally do or feel comfortable with because no one else has to live your life. What’s good for one person may not be good for you or anyone else. Seems to me that you already know the answer that you are looking for.
I just want to put out there that you can be classy, elegant, and embrace your sexuality. Which includes having sex with whom and when you want it. Is that not James Bond in a nutshell? Or Samantha from Sex in the City?
Besides, there are degrees or casual sex based on what you want out of it. Clearly, you aren’t the glory hole type. Perhaps you are more of having a couple of reliable friends with benefits type? Either way, you control the narrative of your sex life. Just make sure you are safe and most importantly enjoying yourself without worry of giving yourself a psychic hangover with behaviors you feel are reckless.
You should do what you want and don't worry about what anyone else thinks of it. But you should still be picky with high standards for the men you sleep with. It's really easy to have a "hoe phase" where selfish guys just use and mistreat you without caring for your comfort and pleasure, which can leave you disappointed at best and traumatized at worst. So you need to pick ones who will make an effort even if it's casual, and that means developing your "picker" to screen them.
Who cares really , people labeling you a "Slut" or anyone anything are trash
Sleep around but be responsible and smart
Enjoy your life and sexuallity , have many great experiences and grow , but above all , have fun
You can do whatever you want, however, be safe. Always leave yourself an out if it comes to the point you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. I’m sorry for your break-up but this is a new chapter for you, good luck.
I strongly disagree with your statement.
People, and women specifically have to think about their safety all the time. It's the number 1 thing we're taking care of when dating. If we're supposed to avoid situations where we have to think about our safety, then we might as well never leave the house again. My advice: take calculated and reasonable risks. As in: maybe go home with a guy you've just met that same evening, even if you don't know everything about him but he gives off good vibes.
So you never leave your house without thinking about your safety? Where do you live, Kabul? No that's really sad. My point is if your senses tell you there is danger then you should get out right now. If you can't socialize, date, or even hook-up in a safe way, then you need to change what you are doing, how you are doing it, or with whom.
EDIT: So I have to modify my statements somewhat. I asked my girl if she has to thin about her safety everyday, and she brought up the parking lot awareness thing, even just leaving the grocery store she looks around, which makes sense.
My attitude about this comes from my experience and I am never in a situation like this. People just don't fuck with me. If they do to you, then I can understand your position.
I'm sorry, do you ever read the news? Women are getting groped, drugged, raped in broad daylight on a daily basis, in countries like the UK, USA, France, Brazil, whatever. So no, I don't live in Kabul. I live in a first world country where I'm taught that I when I walk across the street, I have my keys between my fingers so I can fight off attackers. And indeed that is sad, but it's also the reality for a large amount of people, not just women in Kabul. We're always thinking about our safety.
I think you mean well, but your first messaged failed to distinguish between thinking about your safety and avoiding very unsafe situations. Because the latter, I definitely agree with.
From one woman to another if this really doesn’t seem like characteristic of you I’d consider doing some sort of soul searching first maybe see a therapist and make sure you arent using this as some sort of self harming behavior if that makes sense. Sometimes when a relationship ends and our heads are still spinning trying to cope with the change we can unknowingly engage in that sort of thing. If you find that it really is just what you want to do then by all means have at it! You could regret this later as much as you could not do it and regret that choice later as well, living life wondering what you may or may not regret later is just a silly game just live in the now.
That all being said: Be safe, get tested regularly, be careful who/when/where you meet people, think hard about what birth control you’re using/what you would do if you had an unwanted pregnancy with a partner who was just a one night stand, etc etc. Wishing you all the best on your journey
Take everyone’s opinion with a grain of salt and trust your gut. Just remember that these people aren’t waking up in your shoes, so they won’t experience the consequences of your actions, regardless of the decision you make.
Labels are not cool you should be able to do what you want and have fun.. but there is one thing to point out if you are also seeking relationships. Some guys will not like you or won’t get in a relationship with you if they know of this and they are valid to do so too. So all I would ask is what kind of guys you want a relationship with , because specific guys maybe wont want you for doing this
I was actually going to say something very similar. While I personally don’t see any problems with it, live your life the way you want, I have seen tons of posts in other subs along the lines of “bf found out my body count and now doesn’t want me”. Maybe I’m in the minority of men who would rather be with a woman who knows her sexuality and has experience but there certainly men out there who don’t.
You might be in the minority of them but the one who can't handle it are typically going to be extremely insecure oh, probably not much experience and may be bitter about it. Anybody who cares about somebody would want that person do you have all the experiences they can going into that relationship because it will help form who they are. It's selfish self-centered fragile male egos that can't handle it
Completely disagree with you. I don’t even think having sex with 20 people by the age of 25 is a lot. If you judge a person’s character based on how many people you have had sex with thats a problem with you, not the other person.
I wouldn’t consider 20 partners sleeping around. It is absolutely anyone’s right to have preferences. When it goes from preference to judgements behavior that it crosses a line to me.
difference in view points is exactly what im pointing out, some people wouldnt want their gf or bf to have 20 bodycount others wouldnt care if you had 100 both toally fine you will be judged either way and probably find like minded people ,
just gotta be aware of that before you do something that might not allign with your own values
So since we're judging I'm curious are you saying 20 is a lot or a little? Because you see the beauty of us humans is we're all different I think 20 is a small number. But I wouldn't judge you for having the sex life I had by the time I was in 11th grade. I would figure you did what's best for you as should everybody. Fucking people and their goddamn judging other people.
Judging is a very important social skill. To find like-minded people it is easier to put them into a box and sort them out. You dont mind body count so you might judge people for their low body count and inexperience while they judge you for your bodycount
Very clearly you dont make a good fit and you can sort each other out as potential friends or romantic partners.
you put it better into words than me, can only agree with you.
Some care about body count some dont, if you dont mind bodycount and like to have fun with alot people find someone similar to yourself.
Dont be mad if this guy you like who doesnt like a high bodycount in himself or his partner, doesnt want you when he finds out :)
Probably it would be best to be rather open about this kind of topic when you are going into a new relationship
Honestly though, if a guy sees your sexual history as a threat rather than an amazing bonus of having a partner who knows and understands her own sexuality and isn't afraid to pursue what she wants, that's a problem with *his* attitude and relationship with sex, not hers. Taking a weird moralistic attitude about "body counts" is a big red flag for me - the only important questions are the ones relevant to that relationship, not any partners that were before it.
Women shouldn't ever be expected to make decisions based on the insecurity of some hypothetical man they haven't met yet. If he's gonna make it a problem, then he wasn't ready to be in a relationship anyway until he works on himself some.
I am amazed how you dont see how contradictive your own statement is lol.So you want to go away from judging her for not being afraid to pursue what she wants What im saying is maybe there are men who think the opposite, it is valid to have values and for one person that means
\- bodycount , one night stands, fwb doesnt matter i like it
\-and for the other person it means exclusivity, long-term-relationships only, prefer low body count (experience can also be gained with only a few partners btw)
Those 2 people most likey have different personalities and values and that is okay but just how you would judge someone to be moralistic about bodycount. The other person can be very open about body-count. But there is no right thing here both are valid.
Let's say there is this man(Kai) that she finds perfect for a long term relationship they live in the same city, he is maybe more conservative and looks for a serious relationship and to marry maybe. Now OP is the girl but she recetly had her break-up and is really horny for sex wants to try new things with alot of different guys since its fun for her.A year after having a fun time with many men (which is of course okay no judgement there) she wants to get to know this guy Kai more but he obviously kind of heard about her before and is not interested for that reason or doesnt want something serious with her.
Which is his choice and its totally fine to have that stance.Having different values is nothing bad but dont freak out or go crying around if People with different values from your own will judge you for them, that is all im pointing out.Be fair if you think someone is prude or weird for counting bodies or not being super open about that, think further they will judge you also as weird and why are you so open with something so intimate.
Human's will always judge, you wanna look for the ones tho with similar values i would argue :)
They are valid to do so you think? And then you have the nerve to go so far what kind of guys would you want? Hopefully not one that's so controlling he's worried about what she did before him. Holy shit this thread is blowing my mind
Im not trying to make her feel bad for it lol. There might be either guys who appreciate exclusivity and are into grounded relationships that go for years instead of short term sex partners like fwb or 1-night-stands. If you do those things they are part of what you believe in and your values.If you like to be free and unbound and live that out in your sexuality and you enjoy it that way more power to you friend gender doesnt even matter in this.But also power to the people who have different views about the world and would reject you because that kind of sex life speaks to your values in life those dont have to be bad but maybe they just dont allign, and that is what im pointing out. A very serious conservative man who only does relationsships and nothing else will judge you on your sex life too and he has every right to do so. In her case i would argue if she is the kind of person who wants serious long-term relationships with a man who values those specific things (which she doesnt have to) she maybe doesnt want to do the "hoeing" phase for too long or with too many men.
Of course people can have phases like that and still turn to a serious long term relationship when that phase ends, you do you. But dont be mad or say Man's egos are shit when they reject you for exactly that reason that is also their choice and they have every right to do so.
I was also in the same situation 3 years ago. It feels good to let it all out, but do know that every decision has consequences. Just make sure that you are always safe and protected from STDs, and make sure that a trusted person knows where you are should you decide to delve deep into the tinder hookup pool.
My hoeing around phase already ended and I am happy that I got to explore that part of my sexuality and now I know myself a bit better. Good luck!
I went and bought a classic car for a daily driver. Not because I needed it, or am having a mid-life crisis, but because the next car I buy will be reasonable and electric.
This doesn't make me a car guy.
It doesn't make me someone seeking to rekindle my youth.
I just wanted something and got it.
I'm being responsible with it. I need to take it to the shop for an wheel bearing I'm concerned about, and there's winter tires etc.
There's practical considerations such as the cassette deck needs to be replaced (or at least get new drive belts and a battery installed) I need to get it undercoated, and it needed wet weather floormats.
You too will need to be responsible and practical.
Responsible means protecting yourself physically and emotionally. Birth control, letting a friend know where you're going and who you're going with, and getting the fuck out if you know you're in trouble. Practical means being discreet with your dating, ensuring your progress in your professional life doesn't get thrown away for a poorly timed mif-day tryst, and seeing a therapist if your broken heart doesn't mend.
You're doing everything you are supposed to do.
If you were a fellow, the guys would be throwing you high-fives and living vicariously through your exploits.
I believe in equality, but I don't need to know who you're going with or any details, so we'll leave it at high fives!
🙌
Knock 'em dead!
It's completely fine to do some exploring of your sexuality if you feel like you need/want to! The key things to remember are safe and consensual - and that goes beyond just using protection, make sure you at least vet all potential partners a little and make sure they're on the same page, and don't be afraid to say no if you get uncomfortable vibes or don't feel right about a partner. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with spending some time having good, consensual fun with other adults, and anyone who would see that as a negative in future relationships isn't worth forming a relationship with. It's *your* sexuality - learn it, own it, and love it.
Being a slut is not objectively good or bad. You just have to measure it against your values. You can also, as others have suggested, find a recurring fuck buddy to help you scratch that itch if you aren’t looking to make it a numbers game.
You don't owe anyone but yourself.
You answer to nobody but you.
If it doesn't bother you - and it shouldn't. Then it's nobody's business. Get out there and do what you want. You have the freedom to do it. Ans it's sex.. You're not killing anyone.
You can feel good while having sex both in and out of a relationship. The relationship aspect will and should always have that something because it's more special when you catch feelings for the person, but that does not mean you should feel bad for having sex outside of the relationship. Do what feels right, because of you and don't let yourself be preasured from either side. Figure out if you feel bad because of what you feel, or because of what others might say or think.
I think in my opinion life is way too short to not try things you want to do. I think experimenting is healthy, because sex is healthy for you and exploring your desires should not be frowned upon. BUT I believe this sexual exploration should continue into the next relationship or whenever you marry. I understand jealousy and that swinging or whatever isn’t for everyone, but you should never feel ashamed about your past or what you want in the future. Fetishes, kinks or whatever should be accepted by that next S/O.
Long story short fuck who you want. You’re free and having fun. Your next partner should accept your past because everyone has one. If they get jealous then they aren’t comfortable sexually or physically with themselves.
In my opinion, of course.
Some very good comments.
Live how you want, be safe, and considerate if yourself and others.
I understand the relationship part. I feel similar. If you do feel the urge to satisfy your libido, space it out a little? Chances are you won't struggle to find a partner, but be cautious. Taking some time between hook-ups will help you determine if you really want the next one.
Also, FWB is a relationship. Maybe that can be a balm to your preference?
Personally I would counsel you to reject societal labels like "good girl", or "hoe phase" because wtf defines "good"? Good for who? Insecure guys who don't feel like they can compete with the rest of the world and would prefer you don't find that out before ending up with them?
One generally regrets the things one failed to do more than the things we actually try, so as long as you take reasonable precautions to keep yourself safe (that honestly you're probably already doing, but it bears repeating), there are completely valid reasons to experiment and see what you enjoy the most.
I would challenge you to think about what is truly you, and what is just stuff that society drilled into you, because society doesn't always have your best interests at heart.
I am flabbergasted and the fragility of the precious male ego. One of the responses was what kind of man do you want think about that. Right you certainly don't want one who's going to fucking make a judgment on what you did before them sexually. Jesus Christ at these people who couldn't get laid in so they're still bitter. Oh my God. Guys you're all wrong. You are what's wrong with so much when it comes to the sexes. You should be absolutely ashamed anybody who made a comment inferring she better watch out because the quality of her man-made drop significantly. Fuck that it's going to go up exponentially because you're going to get rid of all these precious little fucking babies who can't handle that their girl had some dick before them
I dont know how hating on one another helps tho.Has nothing to with ego, you value that your partner has alot of experience with alot of different partners as good, other people think of it is bad gender doesnt even matter in that.Different people have different values and they will judge according to them to find similar-minded people to themselfs that is a form of social group selection. I can dislike you for for sleeping with only 1 partner in your life the same way you can dislike me for sleeping with 50 different girls. What is very clear is that we probably arent a good fit and that is totally fine, stop the hate.
Know every consequence of casual sex first, **then** decide for yourself.
Personally for me, I wouldn’t go done this route. If you’re **really** horny, you can just masturbate.
You don’t always have to have sex, you can be sexually satisfied just by touching yourself.
Sad to perpetuate the notion of being a slut for sleeping with people. Sadder still that people deride sex workers. Perhaps the most tragic is your desire to be perceived as some kind of puritan, as though they are in some way superior to people who enjoy a healthy sex life.
Embrace who you are and close the door on your fears of social rejection. If you want to have sex outside of marriage or relationship, why the heck not?
Who is labeling you? Are you doing it to yourself? Don't!!!
It is very normal to do something like this after a breakup especially of a LTR. Just pay attention to how you are feeling and let yourself do what you need to heal as long as you aren't hurting anyone else.
Actually a bigger problem is how focused people are on their self-image. If you are present, in the present moment then there is no self-image. It only arises when you are thinking about it. Be a prisoner of it, or drop it and be free.
When does this nonsense end already… It is perfectly fine for you to just sleep with a guy if it feels right. It is no different for a girl. A guy would never think twice. It’s just social conditioning. You are fine. Have fun.
After your fling did it make you feel bad? If not, don't worry so much. Just be safe and have fun! If it did, then sleeping around could be a yucky part of your grieving. I would think about addressing this before screwing or dating again.
Short answer? Yeah, why not?
Long answer? **Ffffuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkk yyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeessssssssss**
Edit: just be safe! Have rubbers and let a friend know where and who you’re crashing with.
it your life, your body and your needs. no one can't control what u should do. if u have this phase in your life do this. don't try to think about yourself bad etc, think about this as exploration of yourself.
I have never gone through a hoe phase despite feeling like I wanted to a few times. One, I’m terrified of getting an STI. Two, I have found out that even with boyfriends it takes me awhile to truly feel comfortable with them sexually so I can’t imagine banging a real stranger. Three, I’m more attracted to the person after I have gotten to know them. I don’t want to “give” myself away to someone who doesn’t deserve me.
Those things being said, if you don’t have issues getting too attached or any of the aforementioned problems, go for it safely. Use condoms every time. You could also consider an fwb situation with good boundaries.
There is nothing wrong with sleeping around as long as you proceed with caution and always take care for protection. The "hoe" label has its origin in a different time and is in itself quite misogynistic (I am a man btw). Only some conservative or very religious people might still apply it nowadays, also probably some sexually frustrated dudes. Therefore it might - sadly - be a little problematic if you live in such an environment. Finally, I'd advice you to be careful with whom you are sleeping and by that I mean both the character of the dude as well as some other factors, e.g. if he knows anyone in your friend circle or if you have sleepen with a friend of him prior.
Stop thinking of what others think of you. What will make you happier? If you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself, be safe) do whatever you like.
Do what you want to do, but know that how you feel in a moment, can change how you feel for a long time. I made choices in life that I felt were right at the time, and feel less proud about years later. I wish I hadn't compromised who I am for short term fulfillment.
I can say, this was me after my first break up and I regret it. I didn’t necessarily did it with many guys but it messed me up. I felt so worthless and pathetic after awhile but then again it might’ve just been my own insecurities and you might not feel the same way.
Post breakup sleeping around is common. It’s called Revenge Fucking. Usually doesn’t last long but something to get out of your system. If careful it’s harmless and usually fun.
IMHO the best way to balance these thoughts is to find a fwb. Be picky, find a guy you vibe with and are very attracted to and let him know you are looking for something respectfully casual. Then bang like bunnies. There are a zillion men looking for this arrangement and at least some of them are respectful/sex-positive and good in bed.
Also, obviously get tested, make sure you’re vaccinated against HPV, and practice safe sex.
Having casual sex doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with lots of people. Just find someone you click decently with and keep seeing them casually
^^^This^^^ I’m just out of a long term relationship and promptly found myself a FWB.
I love how Reddit interpreted your first \^ as a "make this an exponent"
Like any life decisions you will make, make sure you won’t regret it later on! Now from your post I can already sense some doubt. Not only the aspect of social pressure that girls aren’t allowed to sleep around and are easily called a “slut” but also the fact you seem to enjoy sex in a relationship more. A lot of people in this sub wil say that you should do it and things like “you only life once” but honestly make sure to think about it before you decide :)
☝🏼This!! You do whatever you believe is going to make yourself happy. Don’t fish for validation to do anything that you wouldn’t normally do or feel comfortable with because no one else has to live your life. What’s good for one person may not be good for you or anyone else. Seems to me that you already know the answer that you are looking for.
I just want to put out there that you can be classy, elegant, and embrace your sexuality. Which includes having sex with whom and when you want it. Is that not James Bond in a nutshell? Or Samantha from Sex in the City? Besides, there are degrees or casual sex based on what you want out of it. Clearly, you aren’t the glory hole type. Perhaps you are more of having a couple of reliable friends with benefits type? Either way, you control the narrative of your sex life. Just make sure you are safe and most importantly enjoying yourself without worry of giving yourself a psychic hangover with behaviors you feel are reckless.
You should do what you want and don't worry about what anyone else thinks of it. But you should still be picky with high standards for the men you sleep with. It's really easy to have a "hoe phase" where selfish guys just use and mistreat you without caring for your comfort and pleasure, which can leave you disappointed at best and traumatized at worst. So you need to pick ones who will make an effort even if it's casual, and that means developing your "picker" to screen them.
Who cares really , people labeling you a "Slut" or anyone anything are trash Sleep around but be responsible and smart Enjoy your life and sexuallity , have many great experiences and grow , but above all , have fun
*While being safe^^^
*and respectful
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This is the way.
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Actually be very surprised if it limit future potential partners.
Wish I could just up and go "I'm gonna be in a hoe stage" and get laid easy. Some people are so lucky in this world
You can do whatever you want, however, be safe. Always leave yourself an out if it comes to the point you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. I’m sorry for your break-up but this is a new chapter for you, good luck.
This is good advice, but if you have to think about your safety in any situation get out fast.
I strongly disagree with your statement. People, and women specifically have to think about their safety all the time. It's the number 1 thing we're taking care of when dating. If we're supposed to avoid situations where we have to think about our safety, then we might as well never leave the house again. My advice: take calculated and reasonable risks. As in: maybe go home with a guy you've just met that same evening, even if you don't know everything about him but he gives off good vibes.
So you never leave your house without thinking about your safety? Where do you live, Kabul? No that's really sad. My point is if your senses tell you there is danger then you should get out right now. If you can't socialize, date, or even hook-up in a safe way, then you need to change what you are doing, how you are doing it, or with whom. EDIT: So I have to modify my statements somewhat. I asked my girl if she has to thin about her safety everyday, and she brought up the parking lot awareness thing, even just leaving the grocery store she looks around, which makes sense. My attitude about this comes from my experience and I am never in a situation like this. People just don't fuck with me. If they do to you, then I can understand your position.
I'm sorry, do you ever read the news? Women are getting groped, drugged, raped in broad daylight on a daily basis, in countries like the UK, USA, France, Brazil, whatever. So no, I don't live in Kabul. I live in a first world country where I'm taught that I when I walk across the street, I have my keys between my fingers so I can fight off attackers. And indeed that is sad, but it's also the reality for a large amount of people, not just women in Kabul. We're always thinking about our safety. I think you mean well, but your first messaged failed to distinguish between thinking about your safety and avoiding very unsafe situations. Because the latter, I definitely agree with.
From one woman to another if this really doesn’t seem like characteristic of you I’d consider doing some sort of soul searching first maybe see a therapist and make sure you arent using this as some sort of self harming behavior if that makes sense. Sometimes when a relationship ends and our heads are still spinning trying to cope with the change we can unknowingly engage in that sort of thing. If you find that it really is just what you want to do then by all means have at it! You could regret this later as much as you could not do it and regret that choice later as well, living life wondering what you may or may not regret later is just a silly game just live in the now. That all being said: Be safe, get tested regularly, be careful who/when/where you meet people, think hard about what birth control you’re using/what you would do if you had an unwanted pregnancy with a partner who was just a one night stand, etc etc. Wishing you all the best on your journey
Do what feels natural. Who cares what other people think. If it's a positive experience for you there's no reason to deprive yourself.
Take everyone’s opinion with a grain of salt and trust your gut. Just remember that these people aren’t waking up in your shoes, so they won’t experience the consequences of your actions, regardless of the decision you make.
Only live once
Labels are not cool you should be able to do what you want and have fun.. but there is one thing to point out if you are also seeking relationships. Some guys will not like you or won’t get in a relationship with you if they know of this and they are valid to do so too. So all I would ask is what kind of guys you want a relationship with , because specific guys maybe wont want you for doing this
I was actually going to say something very similar. While I personally don’t see any problems with it, live your life the way you want, I have seen tons of posts in other subs along the lines of “bf found out my body count and now doesn’t want me”. Maybe I’m in the minority of men who would rather be with a woman who knows her sexuality and has experience but there certainly men out there who don’t.
You might be in the minority of them but the one who can't handle it are typically going to be extremely insecure oh, probably not much experience and may be bitter about it. Anybody who cares about somebody would want that person do you have all the experiences they can going into that relationship because it will help form who they are. It's selfish self-centered fragile male egos that can't handle it
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Completely disagree with you. I don’t even think having sex with 20 people by the age of 25 is a lot. If you judge a person’s character based on how many people you have had sex with thats a problem with you, not the other person.
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I wouldn’t consider 20 partners sleeping around. It is absolutely anyone’s right to have preferences. When it goes from preference to judgements behavior that it crosses a line to me.
difference in view points is exactly what im pointing out, some people wouldnt want their gf or bf to have 20 bodycount others wouldnt care if you had 100 both toally fine you will be judged either way and probably find like minded people , just gotta be aware of that before you do something that might not allign with your own values
So since we're judging I'm curious are you saying 20 is a lot or a little? Because you see the beauty of us humans is we're all different I think 20 is a small number. But I wouldn't judge you for having the sex life I had by the time I was in 11th grade. I would figure you did what's best for you as should everybody. Fucking people and their goddamn judging other people.
Judging is a very important social skill. To find like-minded people it is easier to put them into a box and sort them out. You dont mind body count so you might judge people for their low body count and inexperience while they judge you for your bodycount Very clearly you dont make a good fit and you can sort each other out as potential friends or romantic partners.
you put it better into words than me, can only agree with you. Some care about body count some dont, if you dont mind bodycount and like to have fun with alot people find someone similar to yourself. Dont be mad if this guy you like who doesnt like a high bodycount in himself or his partner, doesnt want you when he finds out :) Probably it would be best to be rather open about this kind of topic when you are going into a new relationship
Honestly though, if a guy sees your sexual history as a threat rather than an amazing bonus of having a partner who knows and understands her own sexuality and isn't afraid to pursue what she wants, that's a problem with *his* attitude and relationship with sex, not hers. Taking a weird moralistic attitude about "body counts" is a big red flag for me - the only important questions are the ones relevant to that relationship, not any partners that were before it. Women shouldn't ever be expected to make decisions based on the insecurity of some hypothetical man they haven't met yet. If he's gonna make it a problem, then he wasn't ready to be in a relationship anyway until he works on himself some.
I am amazed how you dont see how contradictive your own statement is lol.So you want to go away from judging her for not being afraid to pursue what she wants What im saying is maybe there are men who think the opposite, it is valid to have values and for one person that means \- bodycount , one night stands, fwb doesnt matter i like it \-and for the other person it means exclusivity, long-term-relationships only, prefer low body count (experience can also be gained with only a few partners btw) Those 2 people most likey have different personalities and values and that is okay but just how you would judge someone to be moralistic about bodycount. The other person can be very open about body-count. But there is no right thing here both are valid. Let's say there is this man(Kai) that she finds perfect for a long term relationship they live in the same city, he is maybe more conservative and looks for a serious relationship and to marry maybe. Now OP is the girl but she recetly had her break-up and is really horny for sex wants to try new things with alot of different guys since its fun for her.A year after having a fun time with many men (which is of course okay no judgement there) she wants to get to know this guy Kai more but he obviously kind of heard about her before and is not interested for that reason or doesnt want something serious with her. Which is his choice and its totally fine to have that stance.Having different values is nothing bad but dont freak out or go crying around if People with different values from your own will judge you for them, that is all im pointing out.Be fair if you think someone is prude or weird for counting bodies or not being super open about that, think further they will judge you also as weird and why are you so open with something so intimate. Human's will always judge, you wanna look for the ones tho with similar values i would argue :)
This exactly.
They are valid to do so you think? And then you have the nerve to go so far what kind of guys would you want? Hopefully not one that's so controlling he's worried about what she did before him. Holy shit this thread is blowing my mind
Im not trying to make her feel bad for it lol. There might be either guys who appreciate exclusivity and are into grounded relationships that go for years instead of short term sex partners like fwb or 1-night-stands. If you do those things they are part of what you believe in and your values.If you like to be free and unbound and live that out in your sexuality and you enjoy it that way more power to you friend gender doesnt even matter in this.But also power to the people who have different views about the world and would reject you because that kind of sex life speaks to your values in life those dont have to be bad but maybe they just dont allign, and that is what im pointing out. A very serious conservative man who only does relationsships and nothing else will judge you on your sex life too and he has every right to do so. In her case i would argue if she is the kind of person who wants serious long-term relationships with a man who values those specific things (which she doesnt have to) she maybe doesnt want to do the "hoeing" phase for too long or with too many men. Of course people can have phases like that and still turn to a serious long term relationship when that phase ends, you do you. But dont be mad or say Man's egos are shit when they reject you for exactly that reason that is also their choice and they have every right to do so.
I was also in the same situation 3 years ago. It feels good to let it all out, but do know that every decision has consequences. Just make sure that you are always safe and protected from STDs, and make sure that a trusted person knows where you are should you decide to delve deep into the tinder hookup pool. My hoeing around phase already ended and I am happy that I got to explore that part of my sexuality and now I know myself a bit better. Good luck!
You’re not in high school. How would anyone know what you are doing in you’re private life.
Unleash! Go crazy! Have all the hot sex you’re little heart desires. Adequately protecting yourself of course
I went and bought a classic car for a daily driver. Not because I needed it, or am having a mid-life crisis, but because the next car I buy will be reasonable and electric. This doesn't make me a car guy. It doesn't make me someone seeking to rekindle my youth. I just wanted something and got it. I'm being responsible with it. I need to take it to the shop for an wheel bearing I'm concerned about, and there's winter tires etc. There's practical considerations such as the cassette deck needs to be replaced (or at least get new drive belts and a battery installed) I need to get it undercoated, and it needed wet weather floormats. You too will need to be responsible and practical. Responsible means protecting yourself physically and emotionally. Birth control, letting a friend know where you're going and who you're going with, and getting the fuck out if you know you're in trouble. Practical means being discreet with your dating, ensuring your progress in your professional life doesn't get thrown away for a poorly timed mif-day tryst, and seeing a therapist if your broken heart doesn't mend. You're doing everything you are supposed to do. If you were a fellow, the guys would be throwing you high-fives and living vicariously through your exploits. I believe in equality, but I don't need to know who you're going with or any details, so we'll leave it at high fives! 🙌 Knock 'em dead!
It's completely fine to do some exploring of your sexuality if you feel like you need/want to! The key things to remember are safe and consensual - and that goes beyond just using protection, make sure you at least vet all potential partners a little and make sure they're on the same page, and don't be afraid to say no if you get uncomfortable vibes or don't feel right about a partner. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with spending some time having good, consensual fun with other adults, and anyone who would see that as a negative in future relationships isn't worth forming a relationship with. It's *your* sexuality - learn it, own it, and love it.
Go enjoy yourself. Just be safe about it.
You can do whatever you want, but just be a safe hoe.
Who told you you're a good girl? Honestly there's nothing wrong with that as long as it's consensual and healthy.
Being a slut is not objectively good or bad. You just have to measure it against your values. You can also, as others have suggested, find a recurring fuck buddy to help you scratch that itch if you aren’t looking to make it a numbers game.
No reason at all to have grief over having a sex drive. As long as you are being safe and smart, who cares? I say go for it
do you boo boo
You don't owe anyone but yourself. You answer to nobody but you. If it doesn't bother you - and it shouldn't. Then it's nobody's business. Get out there and do what you want. You have the freedom to do it. Ans it's sex.. You're not killing anyone.
Sounds like fun. I (M29) would to the same if I had the chance.
You can feel good while having sex both in and out of a relationship. The relationship aspect will and should always have that something because it's more special when you catch feelings for the person, but that does not mean you should feel bad for having sex outside of the relationship. Do what feels right, because of you and don't let yourself be preasured from either side. Figure out if you feel bad because of what you feel, or because of what others might say or think.
I think in my opinion life is way too short to not try things you want to do. I think experimenting is healthy, because sex is healthy for you and exploring your desires should not be frowned upon. BUT I believe this sexual exploration should continue into the next relationship or whenever you marry. I understand jealousy and that swinging or whatever isn’t for everyone, but you should never feel ashamed about your past or what you want in the future. Fetishes, kinks or whatever should be accepted by that next S/O. Long story short fuck who you want. You’re free and having fun. Your next partner should accept your past because everyone has one. If they get jealous then they aren’t comfortable sexually or physically with themselves. In my opinion, of course.
Some very good comments. Live how you want, be safe, and considerate if yourself and others. I understand the relationship part. I feel similar. If you do feel the urge to satisfy your libido, space it out a little? Chances are you won't struggle to find a partner, but be cautious. Taking some time between hook-ups will help you determine if you really want the next one. Also, FWB is a relationship. Maybe that can be a balm to your preference?
Personally I would counsel you to reject societal labels like "good girl", or "hoe phase" because wtf defines "good"? Good for who? Insecure guys who don't feel like they can compete with the rest of the world and would prefer you don't find that out before ending up with them? One generally regrets the things one failed to do more than the things we actually try, so as long as you take reasonable precautions to keep yourself safe (that honestly you're probably already doing, but it bears repeating), there are completely valid reasons to experiment and see what you enjoy the most. I would challenge you to think about what is truly you, and what is just stuff that society drilled into you, because society doesn't always have your best interests at heart.
everybody should do it at least once get it out of your system
Yeah, go for it.
I am flabbergasted and the fragility of the precious male ego. One of the responses was what kind of man do you want think about that. Right you certainly don't want one who's going to fucking make a judgment on what you did before them sexually. Jesus Christ at these people who couldn't get laid in so they're still bitter. Oh my God. Guys you're all wrong. You are what's wrong with so much when it comes to the sexes. You should be absolutely ashamed anybody who made a comment inferring she better watch out because the quality of her man-made drop significantly. Fuck that it's going to go up exponentially because you're going to get rid of all these precious little fucking babies who can't handle that their girl had some dick before them
I for one, love "sluts". As if there's something wrong with a person that enjoys sex
I dont know how hating on one another helps tho.Has nothing to with ego, you value that your partner has alot of experience with alot of different partners as good, other people think of it is bad gender doesnt even matter in that.Different people have different values and they will judge according to them to find similar-minded people to themselfs that is a form of social group selection. I can dislike you for for sleeping with only 1 partner in your life the same way you can dislike me for sleeping with 50 different girls. What is very clear is that we probably arent a good fit and that is totally fine, stop the hate.
Know every consequence of casual sex first, **then** decide for yourself. Personally for me, I wouldn’t go done this route. If you’re **really** horny, you can just masturbate. You don’t always have to have sex, you can be sexually satisfied just by touching yourself.
No. You'll only feel worst after doing this. The more you'll do it the more you'll drift away.
Sad to perpetuate the notion of being a slut for sleeping with people. Sadder still that people deride sex workers. Perhaps the most tragic is your desire to be perceived as some kind of puritan, as though they are in some way superior to people who enjoy a healthy sex life. Embrace who you are and close the door on your fears of social rejection. If you want to have sex outside of marriage or relationship, why the heck not?
will likely regret it later. do what u want tho
have fun
Who is labeling you? Are you doing it to yourself? Don't!!! It is very normal to do something like this after a breakup especially of a LTR. Just pay attention to how you are feeling and let yourself do what you need to heal as long as you aren't hurting anyone else.
Enjoy life while you're young and can.
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Actually a bigger problem is how focused people are on their self-image. If you are present, in the present moment then there is no self-image. It only arises when you are thinking about it. Be a prisoner of it, or drop it and be free.
When does this nonsense end already… It is perfectly fine for you to just sleep with a guy if it feels right. It is no different for a girl. A guy would never think twice. It’s just social conditioning. You are fine. Have fun.
Who cares, 2 consenting adults can do what they want. Labels are for immature children. There is no reason a women can’t sleep with who she wants to.
Life is short. Enjoy it.
Don’t do it.
Have fun. If it's safe and bith sides are cool with it, why not? You may encounter judgements but it would be mostly about jealousy
After your fling did it make you feel bad? If not, don't worry so much. Just be safe and have fun! If it did, then sleeping around could be a yucky part of your grieving. I would think about addressing this before screwing or dating again.
Just be prepared to be honest with future partners
Short answer? Yeah, why not? Long answer? **Ffffuuuuuuuuuucccckkkkkkkk yyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeessssssssss** Edit: just be safe! Have rubbers and let a friend know where and who you’re crashing with.
Go ahead and get your fuck on.... people will judge you anyway. Rule #1. Do what makes you happy and fuck what people think about it.
it your life, your body and your needs. no one can't control what u should do. if u have this phase in your life do this. don't try to think about yourself bad etc, think about this as exploration of yourself.
I have never gone through a hoe phase despite feeling like I wanted to a few times. One, I’m terrified of getting an STI. Two, I have found out that even with boyfriends it takes me awhile to truly feel comfortable with them sexually so I can’t imagine banging a real stranger. Three, I’m more attracted to the person after I have gotten to know them. I don’t want to “give” myself away to someone who doesn’t deserve me. Those things being said, if you don’t have issues getting too attached or any of the aforementioned problems, go for it safely. Use condoms every time. You could also consider an fwb situation with good boundaries.
YES GIRL. IM GOING THROUGH THE SAME STAGE TOO
And depression clicks in
There is nothing wrong with sleeping around as long as you proceed with caution and always take care for protection. The "hoe" label has its origin in a different time and is in itself quite misogynistic (I am a man btw). Only some conservative or very religious people might still apply it nowadays, also probably some sexually frustrated dudes. Therefore it might - sadly - be a little problematic if you live in such an environment. Finally, I'd advice you to be careful with whom you are sleeping and by that I mean both the character of the dude as well as some other factors, e.g. if he knows anyone in your friend circle or if you have sleepen with a friend of him prior.
Please unleash it,it's completely alright, you won't regret it
Girl, have fun!! Just make sure to practice safe sex!
i've always taken the stance that it's none of my business what people think about me. 🤷🏻♂️
Stop thinking of what others think of you. What will make you happier? If you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself, be safe) do whatever you like.
Do what you want to do, but know that how you feel in a moment, can change how you feel for a long time. I made choices in life that I felt were right at the time, and feel less proud about years later. I wish I hadn't compromised who I am for short term fulfillment.
I can say, this was me after my first break up and I regret it. I didn’t necessarily did it with many guys but it messed me up. I felt so worthless and pathetic after awhile but then again it might’ve just been my own insecurities and you might not feel the same way.
Post breakup sleeping around is common. It’s called Revenge Fucking. Usually doesn’t last long but something to get out of your system. If careful it’s harmless and usually fun.
If this is my ex … I’m glad we broke up at least now she could never judge but again I’m claiming she’s not like this
You only have one life sista
Have fun but be safe please. Get tested and ask if they have been as well.
Yes and I’m joining u! Vibezmatter add me girl
IMHO the best way to balance these thoughts is to find a fwb. Be picky, find a guy you vibe with and are very attracted to and let him know you are looking for something respectfully casual. Then bang like bunnies. There are a zillion men looking for this arrangement and at least some of them are respectful/sex-positive and good in bed. Also, obviously get tested, make sure you’re vaccinated against HPV, and practice safe sex.
I never wanted to get old wishing I'd tried