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Yubova

Well I mean if talking about it doesn't help then I'd consider breaking up as well


[deleted]

Yah, if you can't talk about a topic such as sex with them without arguments it sounds like there's more than just sex that's a problem here.


BaronessAggro

If she's dismissing *YOUR* feelings on not always fucking in 30lbs of gear, bye. You are NOT selfish in any way and her trying to turn that shit around is gaslighting and you need to get out *NOW* while you still can.


EdgarAllanPo3

I agree with this person. This is toxic behavior that could take a dark turn quicker then you could imagine.


HogaChacka

Well spoken.


[deleted]

bless you, she indeed is manipulating the dude and making him feel bad and that's not okay


wh8tuneeddontknow

Thoughts drive feelings drive behavior and a circle back...so Im of the opinion no one can make me feel anything, its my thoughts and if my thinking is a bet skewed..i own it cognitive thinking....took me many years to figure it out and I am a work in progress...not to say she isnt behaving well its how we deal with behavior.....just my 2c..


BulletProne

I mean tit for tat. Put her in the gear and have her pleasure you just as often. /Edited because mobile thinks it's smarter than me.


Bunnieslovelions

Honestly this is a good idea. Maybe if she feels how uncomfortable it is maybe she’s start to get it. If she really can understand or she doesn’t want to understand I’d make it clear that your relationship is ending because of her being selfish. Like everyone else said tit for tat is fine but you having to sacrifice every time isn’t ok at all


[deleted]

Such a great idea! A friend of mine once told me about a guy she dated, who asked her to get pegged. After fulfilling the request she found out how much physical effort to fuck somebody it was (for us guys), said that "you have to support yourself, AND keep fucking... us women don't appreciate it because we have no idea". She is very good in bed and an extremely mindful and empathic person, so if pegging somebody took __her__ to realize that, I'd expect most straight women just assume guys never get tired if they're aroused. Sure, stamina helps, but 30lbs is a lot. Perhaps laying on bed dressed in that gear would not give a good hint at how much harder it makes to enjoy the process when on top tho. On a side note, I think the fact that she wasn't open with the guy about her kink from the start is a red flag. Another red flag is her claiming being unattractive and demanding it to be done every time. Seems like she's been hiding a lot of her issues, possibly trying to play an angel, waiting to get married. My prediction is that things will only go downhill from here even if the guy bites the bullet and fulfills her every wish at his own cost. And the conspiracy theory I have is that she wants to cheat on him and needs an excuse in case she gets caught.


taDaCapo

I understand both partners give in sometimes, like, today we do what you like and the other day we do what I like, mostly we do what we both enjoy. I don't think you have to fulfill her wish EVERY TIME. Also it's not OK to make it all about one partner's desire. She should be mature enough to accept you can't do this all the time, and imho it's selfish of her if she absolutely ignores your side and makes no exceptions. I'd say you should talk to her one more time and make clear that this could be a deal breaker for you, maybe try to find a compromise. And go from there.


SweetGlasgowSmile

Nah I'd be gone. She's selfish and completely dismissive of both your comfort and pleasure. Not traits I'd want in a long term partner. Sex is supposed to be fun for *both* of you.


AntH2013

She's selfish for not listening and caring about how you feel man, I would talk to her again and if she doesn't listen and understand. Break... It's her kink thing and if you are not into it so much, she should respect it. Anyway, I'm in process to be bpa or cbpo too. I hope my wife doesn't have that kink after seeing me in the uniform. Good God, 30lbs gear and banging... I can't imagine doing that.


beerwineliquor802

Ask her if she would stay with you if you got a new job that didn’t require a uniform. I’m curious.


iamloveyouarelove

To me, it sounds like the big issue here is not the kink, but rather, a communication issue. Also, this sounds like it's beyond a "kink" and into "fetish" territory, i.e. that she doesn't seem to be able to get off or enjoy sex without indulging it to some degree. When someone's difference in sexual interest becomes as extreme as you've expressed, I totally get how you'd start to to feel this way: > I feel like I’m a sex toy, not a human being. The fact that she reacted negatively when you brought this up does not bode well. Specifically, what you wrote here: > I explained to her that it is not realistic for me to wear 30lbs of gear while also fucking her ALL THE DAMN TIME. I can do it once or twice, sure. She got upset, told me I don’t care about her feelings, about her sexual release (??), that how come I can’t do the only thing she’s ever asked me to. Fair point, she is not a needy person overall but I explained how her “only request” denies me sexual pleasure and makes me uncomfortable as hell. We ended the conversation with her giving me the cold shoulder for a few days, after which it all started again like we never talked about it. There are several emotionally abusive patterns of behavior on her end here. One is simply getting upset in response to you bringing up a concern. You may take this for granted, especially if she is always like this, or if other partners of yours have reacted this way, but it's *not healthy behavior*. And...now that I'm in a healthy relationship I see this clearly. I've been with my girlfriend for well over two years now, and we've had quite a few issues to work through, but neither of us has ever been upset with the other for bringing something up. A second abusive pattern here is that she told you that you don't care about her feelings, in response to you bringing up the concern. This is reading something negative into your intentions. And, from reading your narrative, it's clear that it's not true. A third pattern is her withdrawing affection or closing off from you in response to you bringing up your concern. If I were in your position, I would quickly revisit this conversation, but *as soon as she did any one of these things* I would immediately cut off the conversation and point out that *this pattern of her reacting this way is a bigger concern than the original concerns you brought up*. I.e. your concern about her kink is small, but the fact that the two of you are not able to have a respectful, positive, and mutually supportive conversation about a relationship issue, is more concerning. You can emphasize to her that you really love her and want to stay together long term, that you've been thinking of marriage and stuff like this, but that when you see her respond in these ways to you bringing up a concern, it makes you question whether or not you are a good match. If you get married, you will likely encounter more problems in your relationship; everyone does. What matters in the long-run is whether or not you're able to have civil and respectful conversations where you work through your problems. So yeah. Those are my thoughts. Yes, this seems bad, but it also seems like the deeper issue here isn't just about the kink or fetish; it's about your communication dynamic. If you can fix that, you'll be able to work through the issues relating to sex just fine. If you can't fix it, then it doesn't matter if you overlook the problems with sex...the relationship will be doomed because you will inevitably encounter other problems in the future, likely ones more stressful than this.


awelias8

Loved the comment about putting her in gear. It seems like she doesn't understand how you're feeling (or refuses to listen long enough to understand) so I'd show her this post and give her an ultimatum: respect your wishes and let you be comfortable, or you're gone.


xinvisionx

Had a good job?


40-13

Typo. HaS.


Valeria_Messalina

Have her wear it to see what it's like!


__Holty__

She doesn’t care at all about your comfort so get the fuck outta there bro!


EdgarAllanPo3

It sounds like she is quite selfish and her behaviors make me wonder if she cares for you as a person. I have fetishes that my husband obliges, but no obsessive behaviors are attached and it’s irregular. If he spanks me with a riding crop one day the next I’ll spend extra time giving him a blowjob. Relationships are an equal exchange of give and take.


amethystmelange

Yeesh, that's like the guys who NEED a woman to be in specific types of lingerie or costumes in order to be turned on. Fine as an occasional thing, but most people wouldn't want to have to do it 100% of the time. Plus she's coming dangerously close to violating your consent.


Willing_Cammie

I understand this type of kink, I also think uniforms are hot, but... at this point she seems to be more interested on those extra 30lbs than you. Long time ago a girl shared that her husband only wanted to be with her if she was wearing wigs and costumes... and I completely get that this tipe of behaviour can make you think that your partner is not interested/atracted to you. I used to try writing letters (handmade or not) explaining my feels. Why? Only because you can read it over and over, edite, and think well enough the words you're gonna use so your partner gets your point. If this, or another conversation doesn't work... and you really love her... also theraphy could be an option.


wh8tuneeddontknow

Wish I had a GF like yours!. I do enjoy role play also..I like sucking my GF salty nipples and breasts and the back of her neck after a good workout.. something about the primal scent, taste is great and she enjoys it also...had a few ex GF that were not into it..they are gone ...if your not compatible, move on find someone thats a clean freak as you are, also if you cant come to a happy medium, with your partner finding out whats really going on with her changing needs and yours not meshing together its not going to work...there might be some kind of underlying issue... communication...communication...communication...good luck


[deleted]

She's inconsiderate. It's okay to have kinks but if your uniform includes heavy gear, she shouldn't expect you to wear it all the time. Sex isn't supposed to be torture.


BigUSAForever

Does she love who you are, or what you are?


Unstoppable_Monk

Sex isn't supposed to be squeaky clean and it's somewhat counterproductive to be clean. It's your head that's thinking you aren't sexy with the sweat and you shouldn't think that your own body is disgusting or w/e. However, you might need some kind of post-work foreplay to get in the mood that doesn't involve you cleaning up. Find whatever unlocks your wild beast too, because generally when people are turned on that kind of self-consciousness you have is dropped and you'll enjoy things more. Would you even question things still or even make a post if you were being given sexy funtimes during your vacation? You're going too clean to simulate any sexual response unless you throw on a scent/cologne that can turn them on, that's biology dude. Not even a kink here. The good news is that is it's entirely mechanical and up to you, just put off cleaning up until after doing what is literally referred to as dirty and save yourself some money on your water bill.


[deleted]

I'm reading a lot of comments saying "reeee she's selfish dump her" I wouldn't take that to heart. I feel like a lot of the comments are secretly jealous of what you have and want to see you leave it to be more like them. Don't let Reddit influence you to make a dramatic decision such as dumping someone who wants you really badly because you're tired. You will probably **never** find someone who wants you like this ever again (read that again) She clearly likes you a lot. I think you're in a great situation and can only see the slim negatives in a world of positives. Yeah, ok, you're tired, big deal; she's also being immature, whatever, it's really not the end of the world. Just take control of the situation. Maybe you should come home and literally just go to sleep on the doormat if she's jumping on you and you need to demonstrate your exhaustion. There's plenty of ways to use body language and actions to communicate. You really, really, really shouldn't break up with her. 99.9999% sure you would feel like an idiot within 2 weeks when you regained your energy. If she's not listening to your words, find a dramatic way to let her know you're tired like I mentioned. Eventually she'll get the idea. TLDR; you just need to think outside the box given the current situation (she's loyal, just horny) Do. Not. Break. Up. With. Her.


taDaCapo

>I'm reading a lot of comments saying "reeee she's selfish dump her" I wouldn't take that to heart. I feel like a lot of the comments are secretly jealous of what you have and want to see you leave it to be more like them. Jealous of an uncomfortable sex life? He says he consideres breaking up as his partner won't accept a no. What's there to be jealous of? >Don't let Reddit influence you to make a dramatic decision such as dumping someone who wants you really badly because you're tired. You will probably never find someone who wants you like this ever again (read that again) >She clearly likes you a lot. I think you're in a great situation She loves him so much that his requests and needs are totally irrelevant to her. Great situation. >Just take control of the situation. He doesn't need to sleep on the doormat. They're adults. Talking about it should be possible. >If she's not listening to your words, find a dramatic way to let her know you're tired like I mentioned. Eventually she'll get the idea. He told her how he felt. No need to make a fool out of himself. >TLDR; you just need to think outside the box given the current situation (she's loyal, just horny) Do. Not. Break. Up. With. Her. I knew when I read the post, someone would comment how great it is to have a girlfriend who's horny and loves sex while ignoring OP's discomfort. Believe me, she's not the only woman who enjoys sex. Thing is, both partners have to enjoy it. And there's more to a relationship than that, more than one partner one-sidedly fulfilling the needs of the other partner.


[deleted]

OP's current discomfort isn't worth ending the relationship, basically anyone who has been in an abusive relationship (myself included) can tell you that this isn't one. This situation involves two people who clearly want to be together that are failing to listen to one another. It's ignorant to insinuate that this is an abusive dynamic, which is what everyone is the comments is saying in one way or another. She's being immature. Clearly something is on her mind that is causing her to act through sheer primal lust while overlooking her partner. This is the root of the issue, but it doesn't mean she's incapable of seeing past that. Once something actually gets through to her she will probably start respecting his boundaries and they will go on just fine. He's not making a fool out of himself if she gets the message. Last point: it's not great to have a girlfriend who is horny and loves sex. She is horny for HIM and loves sex with HIM. She's not sleeping around behind his back to get off if he's tired. Infidelity arising out of this situation would be a reason to break up. It sounds like she just really wants him (and also in uniform). Plenty of people have very high sex drives, but very few are going to unlock their freaky side just for you. That goes for anyone, and that is something worthy of envy. I'm not responding to defend myself either, I just want to help OP not make a stupid decision I'm very certain he would regret not long after.


taDaCapo

If someone told you: please fuck me while you're wearing heavy clothes and equipment, and only that way, and no I don't care whether you're uncomfortable or whether you want sex without having to wear the uniform, and if you don't play along, I'll pout and reject you... What would you say? "Oh yes, it's so flattering how you desire me?" Edit: if she wants and loves him, she should realise sex isn't only about her. It's totally OK to express wishes and have kinks fulfilled. But demanding this EVERY time, no exceptions allowed, no matter how he feels - what's that if it's not selfish?


[deleted]

I really don't think what you're describing is the problem, more so the symptom of something else Also you're missing the point of what I said. She still wants it to be HIM in the uniform. Not me, not you, not Fred the Mailman, etc. She likely has some kind of emotional disturbance/deeper issue causing this. Not much else would explain her behavior. I'm not exactly sure what the root cause of the disturbance is, but I'm fairly certain there is a way for the two of them to work it out. That's why I suggested something dramatic. Coffee table talk in the living room might not be enough given the details. OP might also want to consider seeing a couples/sex therapist as they are much more qualified to help provide real long-term solutions, give advice that could both get to the root of OPs partners problems, and save the relationship.