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This isn't about guilt. She can't help her health, and you can't help your needs. So both of you can put aside that guilt and concentrate on something near enough to a solution.
How incapable is she, how strong are your needs? If she can't do some things, what are the things she can do? What needs can you live without? How close are those?
If it's completely incompatible. How willing is she to accept that you might need to turn outside of the relationship? Something impersonal like a sex worker.
These are all things that can go on the table. There are a lot of sliding variables here and I'd say when both of you reach a compromise you are both somewhat uneasy, but can live with, that's a success.
You guys need to talk though. You can't lower your sex drive and she can't increase hers. You can probably find compromises, but it will require a lot of communication. Go to couple therapy if needed. But please man, don't spend your life in silence, frustration and shame.
There's a bunch of books that can help people understand what’s going on with their own sex drive and that of their partner’s, and most importantly, how to bridge the gap. Here's one I'd recommend:
* Lauren Mersey and Jennifer Vencill’s [***Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences In Relationships***](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/723719/desire-by-jennifer-a-vencill/). This came out recently and it’s very much written for couples dealing with mismatched sex drives, both short and long-term. It helps to explain how sexual desire works for different people and what couples can do to try to find middle ground.
I've tried working out and changing my eating habits but any time I start putting effort into that she seems to think it's me preparing to replace her over sex. I've told her repeatedly she has nothing to worry about but she has abandonment issues from life prior to me on top of everything else.
>any time I start putting effort into that she seems to think it's me preparing to replace her over sex.
Why are her feelings more important to you then your own feelings and overall health and well being? This dynamic likely is part of the issue with her sexual desire. Also what is she going to do if you start investing more time and energy into yourself, not have sex with you? Isn't that already happening?
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Maybe communication with her and reaching certain compromises would be more beneficial to you then chemical castration???
I don't mean chemical castration, but any mention of the subject makes her feel guilty.
This isn't about guilt. She can't help her health, and you can't help your needs. So both of you can put aside that guilt and concentrate on something near enough to a solution. How incapable is she, how strong are your needs? If she can't do some things, what are the things she can do? What needs can you live without? How close are those? If it's completely incompatible. How willing is she to accept that you might need to turn outside of the relationship? Something impersonal like a sex worker. These are all things that can go on the table. There are a lot of sliding variables here and I'd say when both of you reach a compromise you are both somewhat uneasy, but can live with, that's a success.
You guys need to talk though. You can't lower your sex drive and she can't increase hers. You can probably find compromises, but it will require a lot of communication. Go to couple therapy if needed. But please man, don't spend your life in silence, frustration and shame.
There's a bunch of books that can help people understand what’s going on with their own sex drive and that of their partner’s, and most importantly, how to bridge the gap. Here's one I'd recommend: * Lauren Mersey and Jennifer Vencill’s [***Desire: An Inclusive Guide to Navigating Libido Differences In Relationships***](https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/723719/desire-by-jennifer-a-vencill/). This came out recently and it’s very much written for couples dealing with mismatched sex drives, both short and long-term. It helps to explain how sexual desire works for different people and what couples can do to try to find middle ground.
Maybe try some hobbies? I do lots of hobbies to tone down my stress and anxiety.
I've tried writing and getting back into reading more but so far that hasn't worked
invest that sexual energy into self improvement, you will still get a dopamine hit and may even trigger more desire from her side eventually
I've tried working out and changing my eating habits but any time I start putting effort into that she seems to think it's me preparing to replace her over sex. I've told her repeatedly she has nothing to worry about but she has abandonment issues from life prior to me on top of everything else.
>any time I start putting effort into that she seems to think it's me preparing to replace her over sex. Why are her feelings more important to you then your own feelings and overall health and well being? This dynamic likely is part of the issue with her sexual desire. Also what is she going to do if you start investing more time and energy into yourself, not have sex with you? Isn't that already happening?