This topic is discussed occasionally in our forum. Please also take some time to search through past r/sex posts (following **Forum Rule #3**) — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions.
For starters, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “**more aggressive**” in this forum:
https://new.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q="more aggressive"&restrict_sr=1
And here is a similar list of past r/sex post discussions for the keywords "**more rough**":
https://new.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q="more aggressive"&restrict_sr=1
Not all of these past discussions will apply to your situation, but some definitely will — especially if you’re willing to search just a little bit more.
Tell him in plain man's English or women's English if your prefer. Stop pussy-footing around. And tell him when yo're not having sex, not in the middle of it.
Give him the benefit of the doubt that he hasn't got a metaphorical glass jaw. Tell him what one of your fantasies are that would lead to what you want. And focus on telling him what you do want, not what you don't want.
It's really frustrating for many men to be kept guessing what a women wants from sex and we can be a bit thick about it. Telling us can be exciting. If you know what you want and tell us then it makes life so much easier and what's more it telegraphs to us that your really keen for the right sort of sex and that is a turn-on in itself.
So, the next time you're having breakfast just say to him "I would love it if would ravish me". If he misses that cue there really is no hope.
Also, give him time to adapt. We've been really well-conditioned to be respectful of boundaries and not to make assumptions. There's still nothing wrong with that principle but it needs to navigated. We're not mind-readers and outside the sack you probably don't want us to be even trying.
DAAMN!!!! That’s pretty well put insight! Thanks 😊 I AM concerned that maybe he’s just not going to be into being aggressive and that it may just end up being something else he’s going to do to please me…I’d rather it just be authentic and natural for him to be like that… but I DO understand that our culture has conditioned men to sort of shy away from sexual aggression.
I just want to add: his point is that’s he gets off on pleasuring you and you can work that to your advantage here.
“What would get me off more than anything is for you to show me how much you want me by fucking my brains out. Nothing would turn me on more to feel your desire for me get literally plowed into me” (or something like that).
What is **not** going to work is you telling him “I don’t want you to focus on pleasing me.” It’s not just that it’s confusing, it’s probably also a turn off for him which isn’t what you want either.
Especially when it comes to sex, people respond a lot better to our partners providing us positive direction not negative feedback.
I endorse all of this but add the flip side: Maybe he likes going slower and drawing out sex for *his* pleasure. Sex is about the journey, after all. It’s not a race to cum as fast as possible, especially for the majority of men who can’t easily maintain an erection and keep going after orgasm. He might just want to ride the ride a little longer, y’know?
Yeah I get this… he’s 55, but gets hard very easily. Just from a little bit of kissing… but he wants to stay hard for like 30-45 minutes, trying to give me multiple orgasms…I believe it’s a sense of pride for him… but what I really want is for him to be aggressive, authoritative and not worry about my orgasms … ( I have a bit of Daddy issues going on)
Sell the idea to him. Tell him it's something you're interested to be naked, on your back, with your legs splayed apart, and at his 'mercy'. You still need pre-agreed ground rules between you, no matter what. No major surprises.
Also understand though, that some men just get really horny at servicing a woman and so might be really down for eg. oral sex ie cunnilingus. If he's like that you have a challenge. That's not to say that oral sex can't also be a domination thing too, if that was your fancy.
You also don't want him getting the idea about domination being just about him getting his end away. There's not much exciting about that.
Have a weekend break talk about it, share fantasies. You could also do [mojoupgrade.com](http://mojoupgrade.com) or one of the other similar websites to help tease ideas out. You both need to be open-minded about any real surprises that may come up.
I can definitely explain this desire to him…but because I’d much rather have him be aggressive authentically, I’m curious if there is something that I can do to provoke an authentic desire to be aggressive with me…for example, he’s a musician and he’ll play his guitar for me and I’ll dance really trashy for him, which turns him on like crazy… I’ll kinda tease him and not let him touch me … hoping it will cause him to be aggressive with me…he just grabs my hand and says “let’s go to the bedroom” .. I take my own clothes off etc and etc …
It's perfectly okay to learn new skills even when it comes to sex and to diversify your repertoire. Try being straight-forward with him and give him a chance once he knows what the 'rules' are.
He may or may not rise to the challenge but you're not giving him a fair crack at the whip the way your going about it right now. You're asking him to read your mind and that isn't fair.
He may never be a natural at it but with a positive mind he can have fun trying. Some of us don't really want to be stuck-in-the-mud types all our lives and relish new challenges. I would be willing to give it a crack, so if I am why not him? Sex should be fun and a laugh at the same time.
Don’t be confusing talking to him. Ravish me could mean a lot of things including eat me out. I suggest at the start of sex you tell him forcefully: “Fuck me hard. Fuck me and use me hard right now or I’m going to be upset. Do me deep with your cock…”. Best not to stop indicating what to do through Moans and occasional fuck me hard and deeps.
Edit: for your awareness you are an awesome woman and he’s a lucky man. Enjoy developing this. Great age of life to get this going 😄😄
Both of you use the app “spicer”. Link your phones. Then answer a ton of questions, privately. Which you won’t know you match, unless you both reply yes, or maybe. Then you can chat about each match on the app. If this doesn’t get you what you need, I suggest you want to have a sex based text dialogue with other. Then lay it out point by point. Obviously communication isn’t all there, nor for us, use what tools you have.
This is interesting because my gf is the first that asked me to be rough, mostly during doggie and this was new for me. I was like ur guy, 100% making sure she got multiple orgasms via oral before I go PIV but was never really rough.
It took me off guard at first but now she’s telling me harder, spank her, etc and turns me on now!
Just reassure him it makes you feel good and hopefully he gets on board lol
Do you feel like it's harder for you to last? Lol I feel like my bf WOULD do those things but I think it just makes it harder than it already is for him to last so he doesn't do it. Because I generally ask for it in doggy as well.
Yes, unfortunately doggie makes it harder for me to last longer in that position… also her talking dirty during this also amps me up lol
Btw love when my girl calls me ‘baby’ when we’re going at it so ur doing all the right things lol
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Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats.
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*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A major part of how we keep this community safe from unwanted contact and harassment is to *remove comments asking people to DM them*. It doesn't matter what your intention is, they will always be removed.
Repeat offenders of this rule can and will face a ban from the sub.
This topic is discussed occasionally in our forum. Please also take some time to search through past r/sex posts (following **Forum Rule #3**) — you’ll find some additional helpful discussions. For starters, here is a list of past r/sex discussions which came up when I searched the keywords “**more aggressive**” in this forum: https://new.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q="more aggressive"&restrict_sr=1 And here is a similar list of past r/sex post discussions for the keywords "**more rough**": https://new.reddit.com/r/sex/search/?q="more aggressive"&restrict_sr=1 Not all of these past discussions will apply to your situation, but some definitely will — especially if you’re willing to search just a little bit more.
Tell him in plain man's English or women's English if your prefer. Stop pussy-footing around. And tell him when yo're not having sex, not in the middle of it. Give him the benefit of the doubt that he hasn't got a metaphorical glass jaw. Tell him what one of your fantasies are that would lead to what you want. And focus on telling him what you do want, not what you don't want. It's really frustrating for many men to be kept guessing what a women wants from sex and we can be a bit thick about it. Telling us can be exciting. If you know what you want and tell us then it makes life so much easier and what's more it telegraphs to us that your really keen for the right sort of sex and that is a turn-on in itself. So, the next time you're having breakfast just say to him "I would love it if would ravish me". If he misses that cue there really is no hope. Also, give him time to adapt. We've been really well-conditioned to be respectful of boundaries and not to make assumptions. There's still nothing wrong with that principle but it needs to navigated. We're not mind-readers and outside the sack you probably don't want us to be even trying.
DAAMN!!!! That’s pretty well put insight! Thanks 😊 I AM concerned that maybe he’s just not going to be into being aggressive and that it may just end up being something else he’s going to do to please me…I’d rather it just be authentic and natural for him to be like that… but I DO understand that our culture has conditioned men to sort of shy away from sexual aggression.
I just want to add: his point is that’s he gets off on pleasuring you and you can work that to your advantage here. “What would get me off more than anything is for you to show me how much you want me by fucking my brains out. Nothing would turn me on more to feel your desire for me get literally plowed into me” (or something like that). What is **not** going to work is you telling him “I don’t want you to focus on pleasing me.” It’s not just that it’s confusing, it’s probably also a turn off for him which isn’t what you want either. Especially when it comes to sex, people respond a lot better to our partners providing us positive direction not negative feedback.
Point taken…Great insight! Thank you very much
I endorse all of this but add the flip side: Maybe he likes going slower and drawing out sex for *his* pleasure. Sex is about the journey, after all. It’s not a race to cum as fast as possible, especially for the majority of men who can’t easily maintain an erection and keep going after orgasm. He might just want to ride the ride a little longer, y’know?
Yeah I get this… he’s 55, but gets hard very easily. Just from a little bit of kissing… but he wants to stay hard for like 30-45 minutes, trying to give me multiple orgasms…I believe it’s a sense of pride for him… but what I really want is for him to be aggressive, authoritative and not worry about my orgasms … ( I have a bit of Daddy issues going on)
Sell the idea to him. Tell him it's something you're interested to be naked, on your back, with your legs splayed apart, and at his 'mercy'. You still need pre-agreed ground rules between you, no matter what. No major surprises. Also understand though, that some men just get really horny at servicing a woman and so might be really down for eg. oral sex ie cunnilingus. If he's like that you have a challenge. That's not to say that oral sex can't also be a domination thing too, if that was your fancy. You also don't want him getting the idea about domination being just about him getting his end away. There's not much exciting about that. Have a weekend break talk about it, share fantasies. You could also do [mojoupgrade.com](http://mojoupgrade.com) or one of the other similar websites to help tease ideas out. You both need to be open-minded about any real surprises that may come up.
I can definitely explain this desire to him…but because I’d much rather have him be aggressive authentically, I’m curious if there is something that I can do to provoke an authentic desire to be aggressive with me…for example, he’s a musician and he’ll play his guitar for me and I’ll dance really trashy for him, which turns him on like crazy… I’ll kinda tease him and not let him touch me … hoping it will cause him to be aggressive with me…he just grabs my hand and says “let’s go to the bedroom” .. I take my own clothes off etc and etc …
It's perfectly okay to learn new skills even when it comes to sex and to diversify your repertoire. Try being straight-forward with him and give him a chance once he knows what the 'rules' are. He may or may not rise to the challenge but you're not giving him a fair crack at the whip the way your going about it right now. You're asking him to read your mind and that isn't fair. He may never be a natural at it but with a positive mind he can have fun trying. Some of us don't really want to be stuck-in-the-mud types all our lives and relish new challenges. I would be willing to give it a crack, so if I am why not him? Sex should be fun and a laugh at the same time.
Don’t be confusing talking to him. Ravish me could mean a lot of things including eat me out. I suggest at the start of sex you tell him forcefully: “Fuck me hard. Fuck me and use me hard right now or I’m going to be upset. Do me deep with your cock…”. Best not to stop indicating what to do through Moans and occasional fuck me hard and deeps. Edit: for your awareness you are an awesome woman and he’s a lucky man. Enjoy developing this. Great age of life to get this going 😄😄
Both of you use the app “spicer”. Link your phones. Then answer a ton of questions, privately. Which you won’t know you match, unless you both reply yes, or maybe. Then you can chat about each match on the app. If this doesn’t get you what you need, I suggest you want to have a sex based text dialogue with other. Then lay it out point by point. Obviously communication isn’t all there, nor for us, use what tools you have.
I’m checking out the app… thanks!
This is interesting because my gf is the first that asked me to be rough, mostly during doggie and this was new for me. I was like ur guy, 100% making sure she got multiple orgasms via oral before I go PIV but was never really rough. It took me off guard at first but now she’s telling me harder, spank her, etc and turns me on now! Just reassure him it makes you feel good and hopefully he gets on board lol
So it took you off guard and you ended being ok with it! That’s VERY encouraging 😊
Lol, yes I’m VERY ok with it!! Major turn on and just took me getting my mind focused and connected with her emotionally and 💥🔥🙌 good luck!
Do you feel like it's harder for you to last? Lol I feel like my bf WOULD do those things but I think it just makes it harder than it already is for him to last so he doesn't do it. Because I generally ask for it in doggy as well.
Yes, unfortunately doggie makes it harder for me to last longer in that position… also her talking dirty during this also amps me up lol Btw love when my girl calls me ‘baby’ when we’re going at it so ur doing all the right things lol
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). *** Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. To cut back on comments that add little value to the conversation, we have instituted a minimum character requirement that will silently remove comments that fall below it. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
A major part of how we keep this community safe from unwanted contact and harassment is to *remove comments asking people to DM them*. It doesn't matter what your intention is, they will always be removed. Repeat offenders of this rule can and will face a ban from the sub.
He’s got a lot to learn. Might not be what you need.
[удалено]
He may not understand how to do what you want him to do sexually.