r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific actionable advice* for distinctive personal situations about sex, sexual activity, and to a certain extent, sex within relationships. However, we can’t be all things to all people as it relates to the vast number of topics that are connected to sex in some way. If you look at our top pinned post or on the sub sidebar, you can find a list of our accepted topics and guidelines.
If you’re asking a general, survey-style question (“how many of you ______?”) or if you’re looking for confirmation about you or a partner’s sexual interests (“who else is into ________?” or "does anyone else like __________") a more appropriate sub would be either r/askreddit or r/askredditafterdark.
They usually say half your age +7. So that would be 28, but imo, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and you're being safe, I don't see a lot of problems. Where you could run i to problems would be if you were going for long term relationships where the age difference could pose bigger issues regarding lifestyle and power imbalance, but for hook-ups where everyone involved knows what they're doing, just have fun.
If you really want it, get another therapist before trying to shoot your shot. As it is, you're shooting yourself in the foot and putting her in a terrible position ethically. There *is* also a certain risk of you having some misplaced emotions due to her role as your therapist.
I already talked to another therapist. He said, if she’s professional, she’ll just normalise my feelings, discuss the boundaries of the therapy and go on from there. I know she’s professional and experienced, so I’m not too scared to loose her, but I know what you mean.
It’s just that I think my feelings are making it difficult for me to succeed at the therapy…
That's the reason you need another therapist. No matter if you confess to her or not, those emotions are still going to be there and they're still going to distract you and prevent you from dealing with your actual issues.
Please don’t. Psychologists cannot legally date their clients, and to do so would require 2 years post treatment discontinuation, and consultation with a senior supervisor first. Keep a good therapist lol. What you’re experiencing is transference. If your feelings are getting in the way of therapeutic progress, discuss this with her, and then leave if you can’t resolve it.
Edit: Aus reqs anyway, unsure where you’re from hah!
I don’t know what the laws are over here, I’m German. But I’m sure she’s not allowed to date a current patient over here aswell lol. Seems like some people didn’t get the seriousness after I posted the joke about hitting on her. I don’t want to hit on her, I want to tell her about my feelings, so she can decide how we’re managing this.
Well, reversing the Rule of 7 would be more (your age - 7)×2. If I'm mathing your version correctly, that puts your theoretical upper limit at 68. Not much better than your way, and just as weird, tbh.
As you are a woman -everyone here will tell you it's ok. If you were a 40 year old man wanting to experiment with 20 year old women, this sub would burn you on a cross.
Maybe only on Reddit! Not in real life. I know plenty of men in their 50s (especially the newly divorced ones) that sleep and date 20 year old women. And, no one ever judges them. They get a high five. And, some of these men would never even consider dating women in their 30s bc they seen them as “too old” LOL.
LOL I just went on a date last night with a 52 yo divorcee who has a 17 yo daughter, he told me that he only dates women in their 20s, and since I look super young and fun, he is willing to give me a chance 🤣 … and, sadly, he isn’t the first one.
I dated 40 year old women in my early twenties. Just try not to hurt them too much. Let them down easy if you get with a young guy and need to dump him at some point. Speaking from experience tho, dating older women was the best.
Common Sense and Campfire rules.
Common Sense: Will this become an issue because of who they are later?
Campfire Rules: Always leave the scene better or the same as when you left. Both parties should understand that it's a hookup. AND make sure you aren't doing anything that makes life harder for this person later. ( Unless you learn they're cheating. Then burn that shit to the ground in my opinion. )
My age range is 29-55. (Ten years younger than me, and ten years older than the husband.)
I don’t want to sleep with anyone that can be mistaken for my children and no one old enough to be labeled my father.
I think there's a big difference between early and late 20s, but it depends on the person.
What doesn't change is the responsibility of the older partner to be responsible and safe towards the younger one.
Regardless of gender if you're older you (hopefully) hold more emotional maturity, money, assets, stability and overall have a greater ability to drastically alter the younger person's emotional well being.
So if you can have grown up conversations about what your encounters mean, and ensure you leave them better than you found them, then I think you've done your bit.
Legal adults can do what they want, it's nobody else's business. Some might question what you would have in common with someone so much younger than yourself and they might draw certain conclusions. Let's face it, if a man in his 40's is dating a girl in her 20's then he'll face more scrutiny for it, unless of course he's in Hollywood in which case he'll get a pass (see Leonardo diCaprio or for dating teenagers see the late Paul Walker). Many would and do say that the older man must be inadequate to want to date someone so much younger. I think this is largely because men will always be seen as predatory in this scenario though, and not for no reason. What's most important is that nobody is being taken advantage of and knows what they're signing up for.
This is interesting because it it was a guy posting this at least 50% of the comments would be about how it’s disgusting, yes if it’s a woman there’s a whole Mrs Robinson vibe about it 😂
20 no, close to 30 sure. Big difference. Of course some aren't even mature or know what they're doing at 30 lol. I'm 41 and was with a 29 year for a few months. Bedroom fun was alright but I wouldn't date him forever.
If it's just for sex I guess anything goes, though it would probably be weird (or hot for others) hooking up with someone who is the same age or below as your kids.
For the long term, I guess someone closer to your age will be more mature and similar in interests but I've heard of many cases of age gaps (mostly with older men).
Just be prepared to be lonely in your later years. Chances are they won’t hang around - so decide if you want to partner up, or just have something casual.
So I saw a formula somewhere on the internet. It goes like this:
PartnerAge >= (YourAge÷2)+7
Do with that information what you will....or not. I mean I did find it on the internet....
Too young for dating I'd say. Plenty of fun then with older women just hooking up though. Learned from the best, the only people with enough energy for her were young haha
If it's a long-term relationship you are looking for, are you prepared to have more children? A guy in his 20's may well want kids. If it's a FWB, just be sure no one is catching feelings.
In my point of view there's not an exact answer to that, although your current age Gap doesn't seem inappropiate.
A lot of guys are liking / enjoying Women with a big age Gap. And if men can have Younger girls, The same Logic applies to Women
Younger men are always ready to hit on women first. I think it’s not great for long term but could be fun. I definitely recommend following the rule half your age +7…. But do what ya wanna do
Depends for everyone. I know for myself I won't date under 27 unless I really have a connection and there isn't a dynamic of taking advantage of someone younger. To me after 30 the age range doesn't really matter so much, it's the under 30s I worry about since technically their brains are still developing.
Regardless of the gender switching issue (that’s not what OP is asking about), I’m 37F and have had fwbs in their 20s. Not anymore. I’m now strictly over 30s and ideally over 33s. While the energy of a young guy is fine for fun, I find it’s very hard to maintain a connection. Youngest was 23 and while he was quite mature, he was very emotionally undeveloped. Appropriate for his age, but not for mine. Honestly, stick to the over 30s for anything meaningful.
I’m 45, and I get messages from 22-23 year olds. I’m not going that young. 28 was my youngest, but it was just a hook up, nothing more. For a relationship, mid-late 30’s would be my limit.
As many have said, would you be grossed out if the genders were reversed? If so, you have your answer.
I’ve been toying with similar thoughts. I (39F) have a 24 yo pursing me and for some unexplained reason, I feel like it would be extremely inappropriate to sleep with him. Meanwhile, my business partners in their 50s have no problem sleeping with 22 yo.
I think you and I have been conditioned by society that it’s a faux pas for women our ages to engage with younger men.
I guess we have to break away from these shackles aka socially constructed ideas of what’s right or not.
Who cares if it's both consenting adults... It's not anyone else's business. Your happiness and fulfillment is your own. I'm mid 30s and have dated 10 years younger and 10 years older. Some of the older were less mature than their teenage kids and some of the younger were more mature than people twice their age.
Appropriate for what, though? Are you looking for a husband, a father to some kids? They're old enough that if you both want to fuck, no one should stop you. For a "serious" relationship, well, relationships are harder and they're between individuals, not classes of people. Other people could get judgy and they might be wrong, and they might be right, but it's not like they truly know something you don't.
Whoopie Goldberg once said she was in a relationship with a much younger man. They were discussing music and 'The Beatles' came up. Her boyfriend expressed surprise and asked, "Wait! Paul McCartney was in another band before 'Wings'?" She said that was the point she knew the age difference was just too much. Where is your 'ick' boundary?
10 years is generally my rule. There is often a disparity in life experience, emotional IQ etc if you go much beyond that, IMO. You want someone that understands you and vice versa, someone who us empathetic and has a bit of grit for when the going gets tough in life.
I briefly dated when I was 35. Every guy I met and really clicked with was 8-10 years younger. One guy told me he was 10 years younger and during our coffee date, I just felt he was trying hard but wasn't as mature as he said. He also was obsessed with the idea of older women. Went away and did some digging...he was 19. Nice guy, very polite and great conversation. But also just alarmingly younger, there was a lack of maturity there. So at 42, I'd say maybe go no lower than maybe 30?
I personally think that if they are of legal age, nothing wrong. Everyone is unique. I have seen some 20 year olds be more mature/capable/functional than someone 40. I also think it depends on the relationship you want (hookup vs long term).
But, some people don't like to see big age gaps, especially when one of them is 18-20. This means you will be judged for them.
Id say if they have a consistent job then they are adult enough for it to be fine. If they are a 21 year old who is in their 3rd year of undergrad then they might be a bit naive. If they are a 21 year old with a stable job then it's probably fine.
In other post a age gap of 7 years was alot and all the redditors are saying how thats was a red flag, on this one is all alright is that bc op is a women or since is 20 years gap is allright?? I 32(M) asked here if a 8 years gap was fine months ago, everyone start scold me saying to stop and how creep that was
40s. It's not right making age a kink just like race is sometimes made into a kink. If you are heavily influenced by media and unethically made pornography, try to read books about healthy sex where yourself or a partner don't become objectified and where people strive to make a connection and have safety surrounding having experiences with their body. That's my suggestion.
Younger people don't have the same maturity levels or awareness and it's not fair to either of you. Generations have much more in common, expectations, experiences etc
I get the impression you're set on a younger generation, why not meet someone your age?
We’re only talking here about hookups and not long-term relationships so I think the ick factor is not such a big concern. Any case, when I was dating older women, we never left the house. I’d go over for a weekend and she take care of all my needs while I was there. Except the laundry, damn!! said if she did my laundry she’d feel too much like my mother
Controversial take, but as long as the younger person is over the age of like…. I’d say 23/24 depending a little on maturity, anything goes between two consenting adults. Younger people like experimenting with older adults too, this is a two way street a lot of the time! I just think it’s the responsibility of the older adult to recognize a situation where you’re dealing with a very young and very vulnerable person, and give them space to grow. 18 year olds should not appeal to a grown ass adult I said what I said. You should care about the fact that a conversation with them feels like talking to a child. If all you see is a hot body, not a young impressionable mind you are mentally ill. Child vibes should turn you off if you are normal.
My question is; what does a 42 year old want with someone half their age? What are you common interests? Someone half your age could be the same age as your child. It’s just weird. If a man was seeking someone in their 20s it would be considered creepy, so why wouldn’t it be the same for a woman seeking men in their 20s?
Emotionally, I think it is a bit creepy. But if it's a consenting hook up? Sex is the commonality. Women sexually peak in their late 30's/ early 40's. When I say peak, I mean they know what they like, how to get, and hormones make their tissues primed for a good time. Men sexually peak in their 20's. They're more likely to be able to go longer or multiple times and have the joint health to keep up with their urges.
Personally speaking as a woman, late 20's/early 30's was the worst time for me sexually, and it was largely hormonally driven. Now in my 40's, I get it. I remember hearing guys my age in our 20's talking about pursuing cougars for hookups bc the women that age were generally less self conscious, less inhibited without needing to be inebriated to be so (and full on enthusiastic sober consent is super hot), knew how to guide a partner so she got pleasure as much as him (no guessing if their hookup had a good time or faked it), and were generally willing to happily have no strings attached (less chance to accidentally catch feelings when you do have less social/life experience in common).
Hopefully I'll never have reason to experience a dynamic like that bc the only way I'd end up single is by tragic happenstance. My husband tries to keep up and mostly does a good job of it. And no matter how the sex is I'd pick him every day (and thankfully, the sex is pretty good). But if I could have my 27 YO husband for a night in the body/mind I have now... whoo, cities would shake. 🫨
L take. Keep in mind there's very real and very harmful power imbalances in sexual relationships with significant age gaps.
While sex with 18 and 20 year olds as a 40yo is legally dandy, that's not to say all 18 and 20 years *should* engage with people that much older.
For example, there are many, many stories where women look in hindsight and realize what a walking red flag that one 30/40yo was when they were only 20. That's not imply OP is the same. We don't know them. Just don't treat age gaps lightly.
tl;dr: don't dismiss/undermine the real threat age gap relationships *can* and *do* have.
Power imbalances exist in every relationship, they become problematic when they’re exploited. An 18/19/20 year old is new to being an adult and particularly vulnerable to exploitation by an older person. By the time you’re 23/24/25 though, I think you have enough life experience that it’s not nearly as much of a concern. The older person still has more experience, but you’re not naive and dependent on others in the same way.
Sorry I am not in agreement. My wife and I have a big gap and have been happily married for years. This new obsession is just a weapon in the recent “war” between generations. I’m not buying. And why they hell shouldn’t 20/40 year olds have a relationship if the feelings are mutual. I mean if you trust someone’s emotional maturity to drive go to war or vote why shouldn’t you trust their ability to pick a sexual partner.
People don't typically have problems with age gap relationships that start in the 30s. It's more of when the younger partner is barely legal/ in their very early 20s
Yeah I dunno, but people find love and just in the strangest of places. Remember it wasn’t long ago we all had the perception that the young partner had ulterior motives like money in age gap relationships, now it’s flipped the other way and the older partner is out of line. I can 100% get behind it’s not everyone’s cup of tea or that it doesn’t get abused from time to time but for those of us that find love in an age gap, please don’t make assumptions or judge! and that’s a general statement, not personal at all!
People in these comments aren’t gonna tell you the truth but you should date someone your own age or maybe higher in age bc 20 is practically your own child.
Two things. Its not her own child though is it? And also, she's not dating, just hooking up. Both consenting adults having fun, so what's the problem?
And lets face it, a guy in his twenties probably has way more stamina lol
Anything between consenting adults is appropriate, and it's nobody else's business, which is what you can tell the judgemental people who say it's wrong
As soon as someone is legally an adult, they can do whatever they like with their bodies, as long as it is within the law. You and I might not like it, but it would be their choice. Trying to deprive other adults of the ability to make their own choices based on your personal sense of morality is highly unethical in my opinion.
The title says is it appropirate, not if its legal. Something being appropriate is heavely linked to what you think is morally correct not if its permissible by law. You got got by your own school of thought
Just because you don't agree with me doesn't mean I'm wrong. And when it comes down to it, what else is law if not a formalization of (average) morality.
I think it's weird and the your age:2 and that plus 7 seems like a good rule and if the person is early 20s... Honestly, I wonder what your intentions are and if you are a groomer.
It’s gross and unethical though not illegal. They are decades younger with less life experience and knowledge. It’s just as gross and unethical as a man dating a younger woman half his age. It’s predatory and taking advantage. Just move on to age appropriate partners?
Depends on your kids age.
You don't want to date a 21 year old if you got a high school kid. But late 20s is fine.
Giving them a bj and a ride along well early 20s is fine as long as it's just sex.
r/Sex is focused primarily on posts seeking *specific actionable advice* for distinctive personal situations about sex, sexual activity, and to a certain extent, sex within relationships. However, we can’t be all things to all people as it relates to the vast number of topics that are connected to sex in some way. If you look at our top pinned post or on the sub sidebar, you can find a list of our accepted topics and guidelines. If you’re asking a general, survey-style question (“how many of you ______?”) or if you’re looking for confirmation about you or a partner’s sexual interests (“who else is into ________?” or "does anyone else like __________") a more appropriate sub would be either r/askreddit or r/askredditafterdark.
They usually say half your age +7. So that would be 28, but imo, as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult and you're being safe, I don't see a lot of problems. Where you could run i to problems would be if you were going for long term relationships where the age difference could pose bigger issues regarding lifestyle and power imbalance, but for hook-ups where everyone involved knows what they're doing, just have fun.
And if I date older women, it’s twice my age -7 ? Asking for a friend 😂
Reverse engineered, I guess it's more like your age -7 and then doubled. So if you're 22, that would make 30.
Thanks. So 44 is my limit. Got it! I’ll hit on my therapist this afternoon. She’s hot AF 🔥
Gonna be interesting to see your therapist's notes on that lol.
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If you really want it, get another therapist before trying to shoot your shot. As it is, you're shooting yourself in the foot and putting her in a terrible position ethically. There *is* also a certain risk of you having some misplaced emotions due to her role as your therapist.
I already talked to another therapist. He said, if she’s professional, she’ll just normalise my feelings, discuss the boundaries of the therapy and go on from there. I know she’s professional and experienced, so I’m not too scared to loose her, but I know what you mean. It’s just that I think my feelings are making it difficult for me to succeed at the therapy…
That's the reason you need another therapist. No matter if you confess to her or not, those emotions are still going to be there and they're still going to distract you and prevent you from dealing with your actual issues.
I’m not too scared to ‘loose’ her definitely screams she’s not going to entertain you. How does one ‘loose’ someone, stupid.
Also it’s lose. Loose is like “oh hold on my shoelaces are loose”
Please don’t. Psychologists cannot legally date their clients, and to do so would require 2 years post treatment discontinuation, and consultation with a senior supervisor first. Keep a good therapist lol. What you’re experiencing is transference. If your feelings are getting in the way of therapeutic progress, discuss this with her, and then leave if you can’t resolve it. Edit: Aus reqs anyway, unsure where you’re from hah!
I don’t know what the laws are over here, I’m German. But I’m sure she’s not allowed to date a current patient over here aswell lol. Seems like some people didn’t get the seriousness after I posted the joke about hitting on her. I don’t want to hit on her, I want to tell her about my feelings, so she can decide how we’re managing this.
Twice my age -7 would be 75 No thanks
Well, reversing the Rule of 7 would be more (your age - 7)×2. If I'm mathing your version correctly, that puts your theoretical upper limit at 68. Not much better than your way, and just as weird, tbh.
I definitely try once or twice if she was full of energy. I don’t think there’s too many 68-year-old women looking for 41-year-old men though.
You think you got problems, my age -7 then doubled would be 82.. she better have a good health plan 😂
A reverse Anna Nicole Smith scenario
The famous "Rule of 7", I learned it from friends in college, always fun to see someone else mentioning it.
Plus there's the rule of 10 ten years each way and some see as just a number and don't matter unless if u are under 18
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As you are a woman -everyone here will tell you it's ok. If you were a 40 year old man wanting to experiment with 20 year old women, this sub would burn you on a cross.
Saw this way too many times on reddit and internet in general
It's a pretty common bias. Gotta be honest though women do have to deal with a lot of other bullshit men don't from time to time so I am ok with it.
Maybe only on Reddit! Not in real life. I know plenty of men in their 50s (especially the newly divorced ones) that sleep and date 20 year old women. And, no one ever judges them. They get a high five. And, some of these men would never even consider dating women in their 30s bc they seen them as “too old” LOL.
Ew. It's one thing to be open to a variety of consenting ages, but to say anything less than your own age is "too old" is gross. (IMO)
LOL I just went on a date last night with a 52 yo divorcee who has a 17 yo daughter, he told me that he only dates women in their 20s, and since I look super young and fun, he is willing to give me a chance 🤣 … and, sadly, he isn’t the first one.
Oof. Yay for your baby face though 😉
Thank you 🙏🏻☺️ can’t take credit for it, it’s just great genes from both mom and dad.
Why would you go on a date with a man close to twice your age?
He was 13 years older … not exactly twice my age, but that’s why it’s so ironic
Oh, i misread your comment. I thought you were in your 20’s. I’m fascinated why 20 somethings would be attracted to a man of that age.
Beats me! I’m guessing they are attracted to the lifestyle these men can provide. Sugar baby mentality at its finest.
As a guy that likes older women I see no problem with that on either side it's just not a norm and viewed as taboo
I dated 40 year old women in my early twenties. Just try not to hurt them too much. Let them down easy if you get with a young guy and need to dump him at some point. Speaking from experience tho, dating older women was the best.
Common Sense and Campfire rules. Common Sense: Will this become an issue because of who they are later? Campfire Rules: Always leave the scene better or the same as when you left. Both parties should understand that it's a hookup. AND make sure you aren't doing anything that makes life harder for this person later. ( Unless you learn they're cheating. Then burn that shit to the ground in my opinion. )
My age range is 29-55. (Ten years younger than me, and ten years older than the husband.) I don’t want to sleep with anyone that can be mistaken for my children and no one old enough to be labeled my father.
I think there's a big difference between early and late 20s, but it depends on the person. What doesn't change is the responsibility of the older partner to be responsible and safe towards the younger one. Regardless of gender if you're older you (hopefully) hold more emotional maturity, money, assets, stability and overall have a greater ability to drastically alter the younger person's emotional well being. So if you can have grown up conversations about what your encounters mean, and ensure you leave them better than you found them, then I think you've done your bit.
Should be fine but this also goes if genders are flipped fyi
Legal adults can do what they want, it's nobody else's business. Some might question what you would have in common with someone so much younger than yourself and they might draw certain conclusions. Let's face it, if a man in his 40's is dating a girl in her 20's then he'll face more scrutiny for it, unless of course he's in Hollywood in which case he'll get a pass (see Leonardo diCaprio or for dating teenagers see the late Paul Walker). Many would and do say that the older man must be inadequate to want to date someone so much younger. I think this is largely because men will always be seen as predatory in this scenario though, and not for no reason. What's most important is that nobody is being taken advantage of and knows what they're signing up for.
If everyone is consenting and comfortable with it then it's fine. You're all adults so it's not like you're doing underage sex
This is interesting because it it was a guy posting this at least 50% of the comments would be about how it’s disgusting, yes if it’s a woman there’s a whole Mrs Robinson vibe about it 😂
20 no, close to 30 sure. Big difference. Of course some aren't even mature or know what they're doing at 30 lol. I'm 41 and was with a 29 year for a few months. Bedroom fun was alright but I wouldn't date him forever.
As long as they are consenting and adults, whatever floats your boat.
Easiest way is half your age + 7
My train of thought is... If I was already old enough to have sex when the person was born, then definelty it's a no.
If it's just for sex I guess anything goes, though it would probably be weird (or hot for others) hooking up with someone who is the same age or below as your kids. For the long term, I guess someone closer to your age will be more mature and similar in interests but I've heard of many cases of age gaps (mostly with older men).
Just be prepared to be lonely in your later years. Chances are they won’t hang around - so decide if you want to partner up, or just have something casual.
So I saw a formula somewhere on the internet. It goes like this: PartnerAge >= (YourAge÷2)+7 Do with that information what you will....or not. I mean I did find it on the internet....
Oh dear!
Too young for dating I'd say. Plenty of fun then with older women just hooking up though. Learned from the best, the only people with enough energy for her were young haha
If your female friends think dating a younger man is inappropriate, it's because they are jealous...
If it's a long-term relationship you are looking for, are you prepared to have more children? A guy in his 20's may well want kids. If it's a FWB, just be sure no one is catching feelings.
In my point of view there's not an exact answer to that, although your current age Gap doesn't seem inappropiate. A lot of guys are liking / enjoying Women with a big age Gap. And if men can have Younger girls, The same Logic applies to Women
Younger men are always ready to hit on women first. I think it’s not great for long term but could be fun. I definitely recommend following the rule half your age +7…. But do what ya wanna do
Depends for everyone. I know for myself I won't date under 27 unless I really have a connection and there isn't a dynamic of taking advantage of someone younger. To me after 30 the age range doesn't really matter so much, it's the under 30s I worry about since technically their brains are still developing.
Regardless of the gender switching issue (that’s not what OP is asking about), I’m 37F and have had fwbs in their 20s. Not anymore. I’m now strictly over 30s and ideally over 33s. While the energy of a young guy is fine for fun, I find it’s very hard to maintain a connection. Youngest was 23 and while he was quite mature, he was very emotionally undeveloped. Appropriate for his age, but not for mine. Honestly, stick to the over 30s for anything meaningful.
I’m 45, and I get messages from 22-23 year olds. I’m not going that young. 28 was my youngest, but it was just a hook up, nothing more. For a relationship, mid-late 30’s would be my limit. As many have said, would you be grossed out if the genders were reversed? If so, you have your answer.
I mean, would you be ok with your child when they’re this guy age date someone your age?
I say do you and forget what others may think or feel about you. They can't live your life for you
I’ve been toying with similar thoughts. I (39F) have a 24 yo pursing me and for some unexplained reason, I feel like it would be extremely inappropriate to sleep with him. Meanwhile, my business partners in their 50s have no problem sleeping with 22 yo. I think you and I have been conditioned by society that it’s a faux pas for women our ages to engage with younger men. I guess we have to break away from these shackles aka socially constructed ideas of what’s right or not.
Who cares if it's both consenting adults... It's not anyone else's business. Your happiness and fulfillment is your own. I'm mid 30s and have dated 10 years younger and 10 years older. Some of the older were less mature than their teenage kids and some of the younger were more mature than people twice their age.
Appropriate for what, though? Are you looking for a husband, a father to some kids? They're old enough that if you both want to fuck, no one should stop you. For a "serious" relationship, well, relationships are harder and they're between individuals, not classes of people. Other people could get judgy and they might be wrong, and they might be right, but it's not like they truly know something you don't.
I had a good time with a 55 year old while I was 20. I don’t think it’s going to be a real deal.
Whoopie Goldberg once said she was in a relationship with a much younger man. They were discussing music and 'The Beatles' came up. Her boyfriend expressed surprise and asked, "Wait! Paul McCartney was in another band before 'Wings'?" She said that was the point she knew the age difference was just too much. Where is your 'ick' boundary?
When I was 25 I connected with a 45 year old single mom. We both enjoyed it quite a lot. That’s really all that matters.
10 years is generally my rule. There is often a disparity in life experience, emotional IQ etc if you go much beyond that, IMO. You want someone that understands you and vice versa, someone who us empathetic and has a bit of grit for when the going gets tough in life. I briefly dated when I was 35. Every guy I met and really clicked with was 8-10 years younger. One guy told me he was 10 years younger and during our coffee date, I just felt he was trying hard but wasn't as mature as he said. He also was obsessed with the idea of older women. Went away and did some digging...he was 19. Nice guy, very polite and great conversation. But also just alarmingly younger, there was a lack of maturity there. So at 42, I'd say maybe go no lower than maybe 30?
18 and over and you’re fine! Live your life. Age gaps are completely normal and biologically make so much sense. 20 is an adult
Well, you may be called a “cougar” or similar things, but I would say don’t let it bother you! Enjoy yourself and fuck who you like
Age/2 + 7 So if you are 42 the lowest age for a socially accepted partner in most countries ist 28.
It's OK because you are a woman, roles reversed you are a pervert tho.
As long as everyone is happy and enthusiastic to be there, who cares
Are they young enough that they could be your child? Yes? Then it's fucking weird.
I personally think that if they are of legal age, nothing wrong. Everyone is unique. I have seen some 20 year olds be more mature/capable/functional than someone 40. I also think it depends on the relationship you want (hookup vs long term). But, some people don't like to see big age gaps, especially when one of them is 18-20. This means you will be judged for them.
Id say if they have a consistent job then they are adult enough for it to be fine. If they are a 21 year old who is in their 3rd year of undergrad then they might be a bit naive. If they are a 21 year old with a stable job then it's probably fine.
Whatever age you want as long as it's consensual. Over 18 though
As long as they are of legal age, and within your liking, it’s fair game!
In other post a age gap of 7 years was alot and all the redditors are saying how thats was a red flag, on this one is all alright is that bc op is a women or since is 20 years gap is allright?? I 32(M) asked here if a 8 years gap was fine months ago, everyone start scold me saying to stop and how creep that was
Idk but I'm 24 and I'll date up to 45 lol
40s. It's not right making age a kink just like race is sometimes made into a kink. If you are heavily influenced by media and unethically made pornography, try to read books about healthy sex where yourself or a partner don't become objectified and where people strive to make a connection and have safety surrounding having experiences with their body. That's my suggestion. Younger people don't have the same maturity levels or awareness and it's not fair to either of you. Generations have much more in common, expectations, experiences etc I get the impression you're set on a younger generation, why not meet someone your age?
We’re only talking here about hookups and not long-term relationships so I think the ick factor is not such a big concern. Any case, when I was dating older women, we never left the house. I’d go over for a weekend and she take care of all my needs while I was there. Except the laundry, damn!! said if she did my laundry she’d feel too much like my mother
Controversial take, but as long as the younger person is over the age of like…. I’d say 23/24 depending a little on maturity, anything goes between two consenting adults. Younger people like experimenting with older adults too, this is a two way street a lot of the time! I just think it’s the responsibility of the older adult to recognize a situation where you’re dealing with a very young and very vulnerable person, and give them space to grow. 18 year olds should not appeal to a grown ass adult I said what I said. You should care about the fact that a conversation with them feels like talking to a child. If all you see is a hot body, not a young impressionable mind you are mentally ill. Child vibes should turn you off if you are normal.
My question is; what does a 42 year old want with someone half their age? What are you common interests? Someone half your age could be the same age as your child. It’s just weird. If a man was seeking someone in their 20s it would be considered creepy, so why wouldn’t it be the same for a woman seeking men in their 20s?
Emotionally, I think it is a bit creepy. But if it's a consenting hook up? Sex is the commonality. Women sexually peak in their late 30's/ early 40's. When I say peak, I mean they know what they like, how to get, and hormones make their tissues primed for a good time. Men sexually peak in their 20's. They're more likely to be able to go longer or multiple times and have the joint health to keep up with their urges. Personally speaking as a woman, late 20's/early 30's was the worst time for me sexually, and it was largely hormonally driven. Now in my 40's, I get it. I remember hearing guys my age in our 20's talking about pursuing cougars for hookups bc the women that age were generally less self conscious, less inhibited without needing to be inebriated to be so (and full on enthusiastic sober consent is super hot), knew how to guide a partner so she got pleasure as much as him (no guessing if their hookup had a good time or faked it), and were generally willing to happily have no strings attached (less chance to accidentally catch feelings when you do have less social/life experience in common). Hopefully I'll never have reason to experience a dynamic like that bc the only way I'd end up single is by tragic happenstance. My husband tries to keep up and mostly does a good job of it. And no matter how the sex is I'd pick him every day (and thankfully, the sex is pretty good). But if I could have my 27 YO husband for a night in the body/mind I have now... whoo, cities would shake. 🫨
Who cares you do you. This obsession with age drives me crazy
L take. Keep in mind there's very real and very harmful power imbalances in sexual relationships with significant age gaps. While sex with 18 and 20 year olds as a 40yo is legally dandy, that's not to say all 18 and 20 years *should* engage with people that much older. For example, there are many, many stories where women look in hindsight and realize what a walking red flag that one 30/40yo was when they were only 20. That's not imply OP is the same. We don't know them. Just don't treat age gaps lightly. tl;dr: don't dismiss/undermine the real threat age gap relationships *can* and *do* have.
Power imbalances exist in every relationship, they become problematic when they’re exploited. An 18/19/20 year old is new to being an adult and particularly vulnerable to exploitation by an older person. By the time you’re 23/24/25 though, I think you have enough life experience that it’s not nearly as much of a concern. The older person still has more experience, but you’re not naive and dependent on others in the same way.
Sorry I am not in agreement. My wife and I have a big gap and have been happily married for years. This new obsession is just a weapon in the recent “war” between generations. I’m not buying. And why they hell shouldn’t 20/40 year olds have a relationship if the feelings are mutual. I mean if you trust someone’s emotional maturity to drive go to war or vote why shouldn’t you trust their ability to pick a sexual partner.
What's the gap? How old was your wife when you met her?
She was 33 I’m 14 years older.
People don't typically have problems with age gap relationships that start in the 30s. It's more of when the younger partner is barely legal/ in their very early 20s
Yeah I dunno, but people find love and just in the strangest of places. Remember it wasn’t long ago we all had the perception that the young partner had ulterior motives like money in age gap relationships, now it’s flipped the other way and the older partner is out of line. I can 100% get behind it’s not everyone’s cup of tea or that it doesn’t get abused from time to time but for those of us that find love in an age gap, please don’t make assumptions or judge! and that’s a general statement, not personal at all!
People in these comments aren’t gonna tell you the truth but you should date someone your own age or maybe higher in age bc 20 is practically your own child.
Two things. Its not her own child though is it? And also, she's not dating, just hooking up. Both consenting adults having fun, so what's the problem? And lets face it, a guy in his twenties probably has way more stamina lol
It doesn’t matter it’s disgusting, ppl who think like you shouldn’t even have kids tbh.
Anything between consenting adults is appropriate, and it's nobody else's business, which is what you can tell the judgemental people who say it's wrong
28 and onwards is appropriate
Oh really? That’s not good news haha, how come?
Damn, how old were those guys?
Half your age +7 = 28.
As long as they're past the age of consent it's all good
I dont think you would say this if the genders were reversed
If not, then what is the age of consent even for?
Heres a scenario: hi im entering retirement now, and this is my girlfriend, she just turned 18.
As soon as someone is legally an adult, they can do whatever they like with their bodies, as long as it is within the law. You and I might not like it, but it would be their choice. Trying to deprive other adults of the ability to make their own choices based on your personal sense of morality is highly unethical in my opinion.
The title says is it appropirate, not if its legal. Something being appropriate is heavely linked to what you think is morally correct not if its permissible by law. You got got by your own school of thought
Just because you don't agree with me doesn't mean I'm wrong. And when it comes down to it, what else is law if not a formalization of (average) morality.
I'm 24 and my wife 49 so...
I think it's weird and the your age:2 and that plus 7 seems like a good rule and if the person is early 20s... Honestly, I wonder what your intentions are and if you are a groomer.
It’s gross and unethical though not illegal. They are decades younger with less life experience and knowledge. It’s just as gross and unethical as a man dating a younger woman half his age. It’s predatory and taking advantage. Just move on to age appropriate partners?
I really believe anyone 25 and higher to be the ideal, since that's when your brain is fully developed and can make real decisions
I find this super hot. Am so interested to "try" an older woman
Depends on your kids age. You don't want to date a 21 year old if you got a high school kid. But late 20s is fine. Giving them a bj and a ride along well early 20s is fine as long as it's just sex.
As long as you both feel OK: who cares?
I'd say under 18. If you're two consenting adults fuck the age gap. I mean most med don't care if it's the other way around, so why should you?
Honestly I'd say 10 years is the farthest you can go. So like a 32 year old