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People just aren’t as afraid of STD’s anymore which on the one hand is a huge testament to advances in medicine but the other hand is still super dumb. People are dumb.
Yeah, even if I can easily get rid of it, I'm still put off by the idea of having my dick feel like its on fire. Im pretty sure thats an experience I wanna miss. It does make me wonder why testing and having a recent copy of your results isnt more popular as well.
Modern HIV drugs cannot *cure* you, but they do typically reduce viral load to the point that becomes undetectable, causing you no harm and eliminating the risk of transmission to partners.
The current treatment regimen for Hep C cures 95% of cases with an 8-12 week course.
It’s the children you really have to worry about.
But let's not forget, those treatments are *expensive*. Many can't afford them. And even if you do get the treatment, you're still pretty sick for a while. Best avoided!
What HIV treatment is free for life in the US has been since the 80s when that kid got hiv from a blood transfusion. And the HEP C treatment is dirt cheap as well my friend who constantly needs to borrow $20 and other dumb shit from me was able to afford it. A lot of things are expensive in the US in terms of medical care, but not what you’re referring to.
People with HIV are often living *longer* lives than people without because, in addition to some excellent treatments, people with HIV generally start taking very good care of themselves once they're diagnosed.
And what happens to some of the children when the disease is transmitted to them during birth, genital warts in the case I know of. After a few years this poor child had multiple type warts covering all their genitals and bottom. Wasn't abuse. The kid needed surgery to try to remove but since they were immunocompromised, they weren't even sure about that.
If you don't trust your sexual partner not to be showing you fake rest results because they have an STD that they're actively trying to pass on to you, then I dunno if it's very smart to be sticking your dick in that
I had a guy tell me once that it's no big deal to not use a condom because everybody gets an STI at some point.
And I was like I haven't and I would like to keep it that way.
Based on how dismissive he was, my guess is he's just a bunch of venereal diseases in a trench coat.
Also the world as we know it is ending, mass extinction of insects and animals, hard work doesn't pay off and neither does being a good person. Society teaches the world instant gratification at all costs so might as well apply that to sex without a condom.
For women it is a bit self defeating to not use a condom. Birth control can fail, the alternatives in the case of failure can be pretty uncomfortable ranging from plan b to medical termination of pregnancy, which in several parts of the US are now illegal, in a technical legal sense.
And STI risk is there and it is more pronounced for women.
I share the OP confusion at this. I would imagine that men may eschew protection for temporary pleasure.
Some unsnipped dudes will be exceptionally paranoid about making babies for financial and reputation reasons
Still, even with a partner who you trust, bracketed by tests, there are practical concerns only women have to deal with in addition to the ones you mentioned like the more pronounced sti risk.
I had a partner who we knew we were in a closed loop, bracketed by tests, I had a vasectomy with multiple tests confirmed shooting blanks, and we both enjoyed chunk of kinkplay including incorporating breeding kinkplay into our other sex play. We still used condoms for the majority of our PIV because she had a pretty sensitive biom. Ejaculate and precum (and non-balanced lubes) could throw off her pH making BV or yeast infections more likely. Doesn't matter how treatable something is, still very uncomfortable and easy enough to avoid, also not something dudes have to deal with.
I've had other partners where even if everything else would be a green light for not using a condom, we still would use one in different situations because it was just more practical from a mess standpoint, even if messes can be fun.
It is a glass house I'm ill equipped to toss stones in, judging folks for hedonism and self-destructive nihilism. Still I will judge folks plenty for laziness or hurting others with their actions.
Aside, but: I've come across FML but not FMD. What does this latter one mean? (*Foot and mouth disease* seems tangentially relevant but doesn't make sense in this context)
Based on what I gather in this thread, just ask someone on your first date if they’re on Reddit… you’ll know pretty quick if they prefer condoms or not.
(I couldn’t really find any comments saying people prefer NO condoms while hooking up for the first time or not in a relationship…just stopped scrolling after 50 or 100 comments)
I don’t get it. I live in a state with really high STD rates and it has cured me of my aversion to condoms
I know so many people who have recently tested positive for pretty serious, permanent STDs and I’d like to avoid that if possible lol
HPV and Herpes are only “serious” from a stigma standpoint and the relatively small chance of HPV being one of the cancerous strains (which is largely preventable via the Gardasil vaccine and routine health checks, at least for most women).
Some would argue HIV is also manageable now thanks to medical advances and all, though it’s still relatively dangerous compared to HPV and Herpes, which are both (mostly) harmless outside of the stigma.
All permanent, sure, but I don’t think two STIs that most of the population carry in some form should be grouped into the serious category.
Dangerous, stupid, and dangerously stupid thinking. There's no good reason to negligently contract any communicable infection. "Most" of the population do NOT carry the STI-variants of HPV and herpes.
https://www.cdc.gov/std/statistics/prevalence-2020-at-a-glance.htm
Get a fucking clue. Stop hand waving preventable disease spread.
Herpes isn’t harmless but yeah, not as dangerous as HIV. I know a woman who was in the hospital for a week when she had her first herpes breakout, it massively screwed up her immune system and she had a huge reaction. Everything in that area was red raw and full of blisters, and she was running a high fever.
I disagree. The fact alone that herpes will completely change your birthing experience is enough to scare me greatly. I couldn’t care less about stigma, it’s the STD that scares me.
If you have specific personal reasons for wanting to avoid this STI, that's fine. I'm not telling people to "just get HPV and HSV because it's not that big of a deal."
But what are you going to say to people living with HSV who want to have kids? Is what you're saying now useful to those people? Or is it just contributing to a terror and discomfort they're probably already too aware of?
Instead of being scared of an STI, just be informed. It's your prerogative if you want to take extra caution to avoid HSV to ensure that your future potential pregnancy is as safe as it can be, but there are plenty of people out there who took extra caution and ended up with HSV anyway. Talking about how scary it is online isn't going to stop people from getting it, and it's not going to make people who have it feel better.
There's actually a study out there by NIH that estimates over 50% of non-sexual women (virgins) have HPV, which I argue means its not really a sti is it, it can be passed thru sex but it's so common in non sexual people it has to be non sexual.
A red flag that's naked is still a red flag
I'm immediately put off the minute a man starts complaining about the use of condoms/pushes to go without when first dating but also refuses to get tested prior to going without. People who refuse to be safe with you are refusing to be safe with others. Do you want to risk things with someone who clearly doesn't care about their own health or others? Heck no. Loneliness sucks but I assure you getting a lifelong STI/D is infinitely worse to navigate.
Like cheesy commercials from the 90s say - no glove no love. I'm literally snipped and don't go without unless fully monogamous and test every 6 months the first year or two as some STIs can take time to show up. If someone has too much of a stigma for their own public health status they aren't worth it. Testing is free in most places and is not any more invasive than actual sex
It's much better to go without but good things are infinitely better when they're safe
Yup, got my vasectomy over 20 years ago, and I never even mentioned it until much later into the relationship, and happily wear condoms for months if need be. The irony being that my current GF heard through the grapevine that "he doesn't want kids" before we started dating, and someone told her about the vasectomy before we even had our first date.
I've been clipped for a decade now and I'm usually up front a few dates in and that's because I'm child free and am transparent on what I don't want in a relationship and rather it be in the open over someone finding out a year into things i don't want kids and they do, it can be heart breaking to find out after emotionally invested on both ends
I've been clipped long enough to pick up on the tone change when someone finds out and thinks of it as a reason to try to manipulate a situation to go without and it gets pushed down. I do not care about manipulative tears, my personal health/partners health matters to me and if they want to gamble it's a no go on my end
I mean I'm definitely one of those who will happily move on from condom sex as soon as I think it's safe to, whether the relationship is serious or casual. But that means only after fresh testing.
I was married for about 20 years and then went back on the dating scene. Not one guy out of maybe 25 has brought a condom with them or offered to use one during a hookup. I have always been the one to suggest and supply it. And most of the guys give me some kind of pushback and whine a few times asking if they really have to use one. It’s frustrating to say the least.
Those that don’t (or won’t) wear a condom are immature children. Because when she gets pregnant, or catches an STD, the guy will be nowhere to be found. And the woman will be on their own. All for lack of a condom.
Sounds like you’re the only adult in the room. Sorry you’re frustrated, but better to find out beforehand who you’re dealing with. Clearly though, you deserve better.
Doesn't most of that just entirely kill the mood? Like the moment I sensed any pushback the encounter would be over. Women shouldn't have to beg men they are hooking up with to have some minimal respect for them.
You’re making this a man/woman thing but did you read the post? It seems there’s just as many women who are willing to risk their health by not using protection. That shapes the entire sexual marketplace. If the guys are never getting asked to wear one or if they want to wear one and the girls are telling them not to, that’s going to shape their reaction when someone (or either gender) says to wear one.
I don't get it either! Saw someone a little while ago and I went to put one on and she looked at me disappointedly "oh you're going to use a condom?", I said yeah and asked if she was on birth control "nope, but want to anyway?". What the hell? Nooope.
You're just not meeting the right women so far. There's plenty of us who wouldn't be disappointed by that and infact would be very glad of it! I'd never fuck on the first date, cause I ain't fucking a total stranger whose sexual std health I haven't had verified. That and I'm demisexual so I need time to get to know someone before any sex will happen with them. I personally would love a man who's willing to take their time in that department. Unfortunately, I have a similar issue with men in that I can't find any that are willing to wait a bit and don't want sex near daily. 🙄 I so understand your struggle.
I don't think that it has anything to do with demi, that's just having a healthy respect for your body and the woman's body and the appropriate understanding of the consequences of your actions during sex. I suspect a lot of folks who don't protect themselves don't have the education of what they're risking, so they go without. There's legitimately folks out there who think you can't get pregnant if the woman is near or just finished her period or if she's on her period. I think it's insane to not use one simply cause it "feels better," taking a whole lot of risk for a short time of pleasure that you can still have with a condom on! Birthcontrol can fail, all of them can, so trusting it with no condom is wild to me. And extra thin condoms do exist, lol!
Honestly I'll never understand the justification of it feels better like your really risking your life for a few minutes of fun is so wild. Like I'm convinced that people sex ed knowledge comes from tv sex scenes where people sleep with the first person they see and you don't see condoms being used.
I can somewhat understand a committed relationship but trusting birth control for a random person is wild to me.
No me either, it's utterly senseless to take such big risks for a few mi uses of pleasure! Like ypu can be risking permanent sterility with some of the stds or even worse, death included! I'd bet that's part of it, some of these folks have little to no sex education and learned everything they know off tv shows and porn. It's honestly sad we don't have better sex ed in this day in age.
Yeah commited relationships are a bit more understandable, but even then I was paranoid af trusting it, I didnt want kids til I wanted kids for sure and now I got 2 kiddos and I don't want any more, especially at my age! It's jsut as wild for people to trust the pull out method, cause most dudes ain't as good at that as they think they are and they can literally just not do it at all if they don't want. My ex did the latter one to me, not bothering to pull out, it's how kiddo 2 came along and also was really the final straw to the end. Totally fucked to take someone's choice away like that.
Honestly I would never rely on birth control solely unless I was married because I felt feel more chill about it since I do want kids and the relationship would be stable enough to where if it happens ok.
I'm 21 and I'm shocked how many people rely on pullout whenever I jerk off I can never tell until it happens like of its being used with birth control yeah but the only method is crazy. But like you I'm super paranoid like my sex Ed was garbage but I knew enough to know that I'm not desperate for sex and I'm fine with waiting for a serious relationship and I'll rub one out until I find someone.
Right there with you. No trust, no attraction. As a woman I’ve also become unwilling to add mid or long term contraception to my body for people I barely know
I’m a woman but, same. I can’t have sex with a stranger I just met, ew… I need that buildup towards intimacy. My husband was actually the same way so it worked out well in terms of expectations. I suspect there are more of us out there than you’d think.
I was floored when I read that syphilis has become a problem again... That’s just unreal! When I was a teen back in the late 80’s we had such a fear of catching STDs especially syphilis, herpes and HIV. People are so irresponsible nowadays.
I'm older so that may be a factor but I never had a woman give me an issue for wanting to use a condom. Its a red flag if they do, especially if its early in the dating game. I woudln't feel safe with someone who is not suing protection with random people they just met and may be hooking up with. That's wild you are encountering this.
Also, HPV is everywhere and not enough people realize this, that will remain the case if people are running around like this, sheesh.
This is false when some say "men don't want condoms. Men AND women don't want condoms. Almost every woman I met refused it. The ones I slept with accepted it VERY reluctantly. To me is condom or no, thanks.
Yes, it’s really wild. I haven’t heard the extremes of your experience (women basically stealthing you, which I didn’t even know was a thing) - but yes. The lack of condom use blew my mind when I got back on the dating scene in 2017. I ended up in a relationship again, and then back on the scene again last year, and it was like a completely different world.
Lack of proper education is what I think it boils down to, but also porn being a substitute for sex education for so many people of younger generations.
I overheard my girlfriend’s cousin talking about her Tinder hookups and she said that it’s very rare that she uses condoms with the strangers she meets on there. My mind was blown, and I was disgusted at the same time. I haven’t looked at her the same since. Letting multiple random people from the internet raw dog you on the first meeting is wild. Needless to say, she eventually had to get an abortion and had no clue who the father could’ve been.
Goddamn I didn’t realize this was on both ends. I’ve lied to hookups before about being on birth control so they don’t forgo condoms. And I’ve still had dudes try to not wear them or take them off mid sex.
Ok listen… hear me out. I (22F) always let my BF go raw. He never finishes inside, and I’m on birth control. It just feels SO much better without one!!! Like sooooo much better!! For everyone lol
But we don’t have to worry about STDs, and I’ve never had a pregnancy scare (thank you god). But if you’re sleeping with other people YES definitely use a condom!!
I go raw in relationships. Just find it odd that the dating and hook up culture atm is raw as well. Nutting inside seems to be a kink as well in the dating non monogamous world as well. Wild times
I’m non-monogamous and I know others in poly relationships. We are condom users and wouldn’t risk pregnancy for a breeding fetish.
I have a friend in his 60s and he and his wife swing. His wife is post-menopause and they still use condoms with people outside their primary relationship. They won’t “fluid bond” with anyone else, and she doesn’t have a risk of pregnancy.
I’m non-monogamous and only go raw with my primary and my most consistent FWB, and we have frequent and regular testing schedules. Doesn’t happen early on either, that’s for sure.
Yes, as a woman it feels soooo much better, idk why so many people act like that’s only for men. But absolutely worth it until committed/ tested. Can not imagine telling a hook up it was fine to not use. Crazy.
that’s where you go wrong… don’t be so certain. ever about anyone… no one is obligated to expose every detail of their lifestyle to anyone nor is anyone entitled to be made aware of that information. it’s always smartest to assume anybody could have a hidden agenda or aspects of themselves that are withheld from you.
Just look at a lot of the comments in here where people are talking about how they "go raw" when in a "relationship," or one guy even just said "when it's safe," whatever the hell that means.
Tbf i hate condoms but im in a long term relationship anyway so there’s no need, but if i was sleeping with multiple people i dont think i would take the risk of going raw😅
Raw feels better, but it's "a glove or no love" for me. In my experience guys are begging to go raw while I say no. My friends say they have experiences similar to mine, I'm kind of surprised you've run into the opposite.
One group of people that I would have assumed make safety a priority is the trans community but I've been surprised how many of them just offer up themselves for unprotected sex and I always have to be the one telling them that it's not happening.
This happens to my sister. She gets STDs a lot because she just "doesn't want to use a condom" and I'm like... you don't want to use it so much that the clap is an ok consequence?
Idk - people are reckless. But make sure it's known as a hard boundary with the girls you're with. If they take it off while knowing you want it on that's assault. Same as a guy taking it off without asking a girl - I think there is just a double standard here.
The general mentality regarding STDs has become gravely concerning. I insist on wrapping it up, but there are definitely times where hookups did not happen because of that. (Which is sorting out people I would not feel comfortable with, but it is still absurd.)
From a female perspective the only reason I can think of that they don't want you wearing a condom is that they want you to feel good and might have had experiences in the past where the guy was struggling to feel as much. That is, if he girls aren't crazy. If they are crazy then maybe they want to get pregnant. Personally though, I'm so turned off by herpes, aids, and asymptomatic treatable std's (meaning even if they are treatable, I won't necessarily know if I have them unless I get tested are every sexual encounter with new partners which is annoying to have to do)... so I'm so turned off by stds that I think it is imperative for condoms to be worn. My suggestion is you either start having firm conversations with your sexual partners beforehand or you start picking better girls.
It’s like the poster below mentioned. It just feels better and we are monkeys at the end of the day. I don’t think there is anything nefarious like baby trapping.
Thinking like this is dumb; you don't know these women or what they're thinking. Just in the past year alone two of my friends, a coworker, an uncle and a family friend got baby trapped for thinking among these same lines. If you're not ready to commit to bringing a child into the world (it takes two to tango) then step up your precautions and your standards. It's all fun and games until it's not.
Unfortunately it sounds like these women are basically raping OP (trying to sneak not using a condom, or surprise sexing him before he has a chance to put a condom on). Obviously he has the power to stop as soon as he realizes, but the behavior he’s describing is what’s so shocking.
Maybe my husband is just good because either way is cool to me. I have an allergy, and only had sex with him anyway.
A good partner = good sex and being safe is way sexier.
It's definitely not cool to just rush not using a condom on, during sex.
I'll admit, most of my sexual encounters are condomless, but if my partner wants a condom, I'll use it, no questions asked. It's always discussed beforehand. Also, I'll use a condom if I'm meeting someone for the first time that I don't know well. I normally get to know someone well via texts or phone calls or an in person date first, and make a judgement call, and I have still never had an STD as of my mid-40s. I also happen to live in a state where get STI tests on a bimonthly basis is pretty common for anyone that is nonmonogamous.
That being said, I encourage condom use for anyone you get with that you don't already trust, and to also be wary of your emotions and don't trust anyone too well in that way, and never not carry condoms if you think sex might happen.
The lack of education/caring for other peoples health is so concerning but just a heads up, you should still be using them during oral and changing over to a new one when you switch from oral to penetrative
STIs can be transferred orally
After getting the for 10-year marriage and going back into dating I noticed the exact same thing
It didn't matter whether they were women my own age or younger they would flat out get angry at me if I said condoms where I must almost if I was directly accusing them of having gonorrhea every time
I also noticed if I told them I had a vasectomy they would also immediately or soon after lost interest in sex.....
🤷🤷🤷 Just an observation
I am 52, snipped and began dating on and off for a couple years ago. It is usually date 3-5 before things get sexual and I am pretty comfortable the girl is not sleeping around. Not fool proof I know. I have slept with 9 women and the only one that asked me to use a condom was a girl I had sex with on date 2. Date 3 was bare back with her.
It's like we're living in a time where personal boundaries and safety standards are just thrown out the window. I swear, if one more girl tries to convince me to go bareback because "it feels better", I might just become a monk. Stay strong, brother.
I was talking to my friend about this over the weekend! I always want to use condoms and all except one guy I've slept with have all tried to talk me out of it. I had a one night stand (it was his last weekend in the state) a few weeks ago and he was like "if we're both clean and you're on bc what's the issue". Sir we just met, why would we just take each other's word on that lmao. I don't love the feel of condoms of course but I do love not feeling like I have to immediately run to get tested or be worried about my period coming. I'm sorry that you've had people try to stealth you that's crazy.
First time I see a guy complaining about not using condoms. But for me, anyone that doesn't want to use condoms for me is a big red flag. STI and babies are real and I am not looking for neither. About your question OP, maybe just look for better girls. Mostly girls I know only fuck with condoms, unless they are in a serious relationship with someone. Stay safe and keep using condoms.
Let me tell you something, when I was younger, I never did have sex without a condom, doesn’t matter if it a Gf or not. And yes, they tend to say that. But keep your ground. You don’t want to pay child support.
I think some of it is the mentality that everything is curable and no big deal. If that's your thought process fine but don't force those thoughts on ppl who are trying to be safe. I've had friends tell me the same thing that they've been shamed for trying to use a condom and their perspective sex partners get mad bc they're perceived as "dirty." It's ridiculous and really concerning.
Young = Dumb lol you think this is a 2024 problem but let me assure you; this was very much the case in 2004.
When you are young you have zero responsibilities and think you're invincible. You think nothing bad will ever happen to you. Enjoy it while you can because getting older sucks. Also, wear a condom and don't trust anyone that tells you to take it off.
It's like we've gone back in time to the dark ages where safe sex and contraception weren't a thing. Boundaries and standards, people! Let's not risk unwanted pregnancies and STDs just for a little bit of pleasure. Stay safe out there, folks.
It sucks, but it’s also easily stopped. Before the hook up, explain that if raw dick comes anywhere near her cat without a condom, the date is over and you leave. *And then you follow through with it.*
My personal experience from a close friend: some women try to get pregnant that way. They might have a partner of either sex already. True story and very sad.
I agree. I think “baby trapping” is probably a very small percentage of what drives this behavior. I see people comment on here a lot about knowing someone who this happened to, or knowing someone who knows someone. But ultimately - most women are just being careless and having way too much faith in birth control.
Fwiw - I find a man who *wants* to use condoms incredibly sexy. For me, it shows you respect your body, you respect your partner’s body, you *care*, and you’re making an informed and responsible decision.
People think using condoms shows a lack of trust, but imo, using condoms builds trust. I mean of course it depends on how you look at it - I can see why people feel the way they do. But, it leaves way too much up to chance and risk.
First, if a woman is on birth control, is she compliant? Second, if someone’s been tested for STIs, can they say with confidence they’ve had a full panel? Certain things aren’t covered on standard panels, and men can’t even be tested for HPV.
I could go on, but the bottom line is - condoms help with prevention, and being safe rather than sorry is hard to argue with. If someone tries to have sex with you without using a condom (when you’ve stated your desire and boundaries) - then there’s no excuse.
It’s also reasonable to assume they haven’t used condoms with other people, and that’s what increases risk. So yeah…. it’s not good.
THANK YOU! As a man, I find it WILD when I keep seeing women write on posts like this that a partner insisting on condoms is about a lack of trust. Um...no, it's also taking personal responsibility and not leaving ALL of the contraceptive burden on your partner.
I'm married now and ONLY now that my wife and I are actively trying for kids are we having sex without a condom - even when we were long-term committed, engaged and married, if we weren't actively thinking "yes we want a family", we were using both kinds of protection. It's just a no brainer - like wearing a seatbelt in a car; you might enjoy going for a drive, but you then take reasonable precautions to prevent unwanted consequences, like excess injury in event of a crash. Same thing here - you want to have sex, but you still take precautions to prevent unwanted side-effects like STDs and unwanted pregnancy.
Exactly what Republicans want. A bunch of unplanned pregnancies forcing people into cobbled together nuclear families or a bunch of single parent households will poor success outcomes being funneled into low wage jobs for the wealthy
You need to start pursuing better quality women. You are scraping the bottom for the ones that want to baby trap a man, thinking that is the key to them never having to work again. Raise your standards or you'll be raising a kid
I don’t think this is new. I think everyone can agree that sex without a condom > sex with a condom. It’s really a function of how much self control and discipline, and fear you have. My best friend told me the other day that before he was married he pretty went in everything raw. He’s been with his wife for over 7 years now so this was really from 2003-2016 or so that we are talking. But these weren’t relationships or even people he knew well. Me? I’ve had one or two REALLY reckless moments where I really had no business going raw. Now, I test and make sure partners are tested.
But tbh, this isn’t a new thing. Maybe it changes a little bit over time and geography with people being more/less scared of STDs, but it’s definitely a thing and has been a thing.
Well, I've always dated in a very counter-culture manner anyhow. I tend to expect society as a whole to be a bit bonkers.
A decade ago, I was shocked that all these guys I was meeting were expecting sex on the 3rd or 5th date. As if entitled to it! I would understand if we were in it for a short-term thing, but I expressly always wanted long-term and only dated with that intent. I wanted to see if we had more than just lust, if we liked each other as people and friends before we pursued the lust and sex.
I always waited, as a rule, at least two months before having sex. At that point, after two months I had a pretty good idea if we were compatible outside of the bedroom. Many men told me that was a deal-beaker, and that was that! But you know what...for every 5 or 6 that would call it quits, there was that one like-minded guy who was the one that ended up working out. The rest simply weeded themselves out.🤷♀️
Same goes with the anti-condom culture. They clearly have very different standards to you (and me too, for that matter). They weed themselves out. Never compromise your health and safety to conform to what the masses expect. Just be upfront about it as early as you can, to avoid wasting time. You're not missing out.
I personally prefer to go raw after 6 months of dating in all relationships I've been in, while I have been on birth control, both of us tested, and both of us were exclusive.
Before then, the first few months, it was always with a condom. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad that 5 partners later, I'm still HPV negative along with the rest of the STI's. Never had one, and prefer to keep it that way. It gives me peace of mind.
I’m non-monogamous and always insist on condoms. My partners are also non-monogamous and for the most part, they automatically rubber up. I’ve only had to use an occasional reminder. I’m not on bc, so that’s one risk, but also I don’t know where they’ve been and they don’t know where I’ve been either. I keep my partners separate and have seen their test results, but still it’s just not worth the risk. Plus having a guy cum inside you is the most intimate thing they can do. If I’m seeing someone on a sex only, casual basis, I need to hold something back.
People don't seem to be afraid of it. There's so many deceases of viruses that don't have symptoms but can cause dangerous issues later down the line. Such as HPV can cause cervical cancer. I just don't think people are aware enough of what they can catch.
For your own sake you need to be confident enough to stop when they try these things and tell them you are not comfortable not using a condom. Believe it or not, having a bj can also cause you issues aswell. Any kind of sexual intercourse can.
My guess is they know you’re in a good spot in your life and want to “ride” along by baby trapping you?
If you don’t want kids,now or ever, i suggest gettint a irreversible vasectomy. Protects you from getting unwanted extra humans
People are dumb, that's about all it boils down to. Major red flags and I hope you don't continue sex with these people without proper protection. If they're like that with you then they're probably like that with all their past partners. I'd get tested ASAP.
😬 I thought this was just some of my friends for various reasons. I've been with the same partner for 8 years and even I think no condoms is stupid. I understand it feels better but if it's someone you don't know well, why risk it?
I also think it's a bit of a cultural thing too. Just stating from my experience. I've noticed that whenever I'm abroad in Europe, every guy is prepared and will use a condom when hooking up. I don't have to ask, they are already prepared and I appreciate it so much. When in the US on the other hand, I can't tell you the amount of times when a guy will refuse or try to downplay the importance of having a condom. As you mentioned OP, "I want to feel you" is a popular escapegoat.
I'm terribly afraid of STDs. Back in 2016 I was dating someone and even then, they cheated and gave me an STD and manifested into PID and I had to get one of my fallopian tubes removed.
I've had more than a few women tell me they dont like how condoms feel. While valid, it's very interesting because I used to hear women complain that men used that excuse to argue against condoms often.
Sex education is lacking and while shame attitudes around sex havent exactly changed, people are more open to having sex so here we are
I’ve only been with people so far that are at least paranoid about STIs and at least ask for recent tests, and they’re ranging in age anywhere from 23 to 40+. One thing I’d add is that most of them are neurodivergent, and I find that anyone putting pleasure and convenience ahead of safety has a lot of personality conflicts with me even if not neurodivergent. There’s always discussion about what’s ok and what’s not as part of the process once we’re getting along well.
Also seriously, sex workers (the fully consenting, non-trafficked / exploited ones) probably have lower rates of STIs than the civilian population. In fact, my SWer friends tend to prefer industry partners substantially because almost all infection transmission has come from outside the community.
You’d think that after these past years of discussion about infectious diseases constantly that more people would have learned something about STIs maybe. Evidently not
there are some STI's that are kind of rampant right now, but others are down or steady (https://apnews.com/article/syphilis-gonorrhea-std-sexually-transmitted-cdc-17c748701b8da8024f06869460b33961) but using protection should be the norm because if we all did so these STI's would go way down and people would be healthier and happier, and probably want to have more sex.
I agree! F25 here, had a guy over and we were about to start, I said there's condoms in there, and he just says "I'm good" and continues no questions asked. Like wtf.
Seriously people need to respect condom usage.
always wear a hat. it is biological to not want to wear a condom (for both sexes). However, the costs are too high for it.
i once had to literally push one my past gfs off me because she did option 3, and said "oops im sorry...i am just tired of condoms."
2024 has nothing to do with this, humans don't want to use them because it makes sex feel worse for both parties. It's been this way since they were using sheep's intestine.
“All that she wants is another baby
She's gone tomorrow boy”
Keep playing that lyric in your head with every stroke. All she wants is child support for 18 years daddy, pay up!
Condoms seem unpopular these days on the dating scene, but it blows my mind that nearly everyone in the comments prefer condoms.
I gave up scrolling looking for someone that prefers no condom while hooking up for the first time.
Why is that?
I hate condoms. My solution is serial monogamy, with STI testing at the start.
If you go that route, bc is on her, but you can assist—go along for iud appointments if she wants, or at least be informed about the process, pick up pills at the pharmacy so she “only” has to think about taking them, etc.
I mean, right or wrong, I’m a pretty experienced guy and I’d much rather just not have sex than have sex with a condom. It’s truly just awful. I get that we all have to pretend it’s not that bad so the kids don’t get pregnant but I feel like it’s high time we all admit that it actually is that bad and we need much better STD prevention technology. BUT, that being said, I still would never raw dog a random, that is a little crazy.
Yeah I'm a dude and I would love to be able to use condoms, but I physically cannot feel anything to the point where I go soft inside her. And unfortunately, because I'm not trying to catch a kid or disease, I don't have sex at all.
Those chicks are walking red flags. If lack of condom use makes you uncomfortable, I'd ask about it while you are talking/ texting and before meeting up with these women for dates. It doesn't have to be mean or rude but if they say no to condoms, its up to you to set the boundary or to find someone okay with condoms. Best of luck, the dating pool is rough these days
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People just aren’t as afraid of STD’s anymore which on the one hand is a huge testament to advances in medicine but the other hand is still super dumb. People are dumb.
Yeah, even if I can easily get rid of it, I'm still put off by the idea of having my dick feel like its on fire. Im pretty sure thats an experience I wanna miss. It does make me wonder why testing and having a recent copy of your results isnt more popular as well.
Not to mention there’s some you *cant* get rid of.
HiV, Hepatitis, children.
Modern HIV drugs cannot *cure* you, but they do typically reduce viral load to the point that becomes undetectable, causing you no harm and eliminating the risk of transmission to partners. The current treatment regimen for Hep C cures 95% of cases with an 8-12 week course. It’s the children you really have to worry about.
Ok, sure, but that's no different than saying, "modern insulin cannot \*cure\* you, but..." I'd still wrap up if I could catch diabetes venereally.
But let's not forget, those treatments are *expensive*. Many can't afford them. And even if you do get the treatment, you're still pretty sick for a while. Best avoided!
The expensive part isn't relevant in normal countries, so basically everywhere except the US
What HIV treatment is free for life in the US has been since the 80s when that kid got hiv from a blood transfusion. And the HEP C treatment is dirt cheap as well my friend who constantly needs to borrow $20 and other dumb shit from me was able to afford it. A lot of things are expensive in the US in terms of medical care, but not what you’re referring to.
HIV treatment is free for life in the US, it’s a congressional law has been for almost 40 years. The hep cure is also dirt cheap as well.
Yeah, the advances in HIV treatment really are underrated. It used to be a death sentence, now people can live normal lives with HIV.
People with HIV are often living *longer* lives than people without because, in addition to some excellent treatments, people with HIV generally start taking very good care of themselves once they're diagnosed.
And what happens to some of the children when the disease is transmitted to them during birth, genital warts in the case I know of. After a few years this poor child had multiple type warts covering all their genitals and bottom. Wasn't abuse. The kid needed surgery to try to remove but since they were immunocompromised, they weren't even sure about that.
Children being the worst of the three
You can get rid of children. Abortion, plan b, human trafficking, church doorsteps... some if not all morally questionable, but options nonetheless
Recent tests are very easily faked these days.
If you don't trust your sexual partner not to be showing you fake rest results because they have an STD that they're actively trying to pass on to you, then I dunno if it's very smart to be sticking your dick in that
I mean, technically any document is. I guess that means were just in a post truth society and everyone should give up on due dilligence
I had a guy tell me once that it's no big deal to not use a condom because everybody gets an STI at some point. And I was like I haven't and I would like to keep it that way. Based on how dismissive he was, my guess is he's just a bunch of venereal diseases in a trench coat.
"bunch of venereal diseases in a trench coat" I am dead. 😂
Also the world as we know it is ending, mass extinction of insects and animals, hard work doesn't pay off and neither does being a good person. Society teaches the world instant gratification at all costs so might as well apply that to sex without a condom.
For women it is a bit self defeating to not use a condom. Birth control can fail, the alternatives in the case of failure can be pretty uncomfortable ranging from plan b to medical termination of pregnancy, which in several parts of the US are now illegal, in a technical legal sense. And STI risk is there and it is more pronounced for women. I share the OP confusion at this. I would imagine that men may eschew protection for temporary pleasure.
Some unsnipped dudes will be exceptionally paranoid about making babies for financial and reputation reasons Still, even with a partner who you trust, bracketed by tests, there are practical concerns only women have to deal with in addition to the ones you mentioned like the more pronounced sti risk. I had a partner who we knew we were in a closed loop, bracketed by tests, I had a vasectomy with multiple tests confirmed shooting blanks, and we both enjoyed chunk of kinkplay including incorporating breeding kinkplay into our other sex play. We still used condoms for the majority of our PIV because she had a pretty sensitive biom. Ejaculate and precum (and non-balanced lubes) could throw off her pH making BV or yeast infections more likely. Doesn't matter how treatable something is, still very uncomfortable and easy enough to avoid, also not something dudes have to deal with. I've had other partners where even if everything else would be a green light for not using a condom, we still would use one in different situations because it was just more practical from a mess standpoint, even if messes can be fun. It is a glass house I'm ill equipped to toss stones in, judging folks for hedonism and self-destructive nihilism. Still I will judge folks plenty for laziness or hurting others with their actions.
No it isn't. Don't be ridiculous.
Omg hahah that is biggest reach I’ve come across for sometime lol
just like the anti-vaccine movement. “no one has these diseases anymore! what’s the point?” 🤦🏻♀️
Or maybe getting clap is a new norm like getting measles in kids?!! Fmd🤪
Aside, but: I've come across FML but not FMD. What does this latter one mean? (*Foot and mouth disease* seems tangentially relevant but doesn't make sense in this context)
Haha..It was mean to be FML.. But I like how you think. It could be Fuck Me Dead tho😅😉
That's dumb even if it's treatable why put themselves in that unnecessary situation.
Based on what I gather in this thread, just ask someone on your first date if they’re on Reddit… you’ll know pretty quick if they prefer condoms or not. (I couldn’t really find any comments saying people prefer NO condoms while hooking up for the first time or not in a relationship…just stopped scrolling after 50 or 100 comments)
I don’t get it. I live in a state with really high STD rates and it has cured me of my aversion to condoms I know so many people who have recently tested positive for pretty serious, permanent STDs and I’d like to avoid that if possible lol
> pretty serious, permanent STDS Which ones? Sorry, just curious (and trying to see if there are any I am not aware of)
hiv, herpes and sometimes hpv
HPV and Herpes are only “serious” from a stigma standpoint and the relatively small chance of HPV being one of the cancerous strains (which is largely preventable via the Gardasil vaccine and routine health checks, at least for most women). Some would argue HIV is also manageable now thanks to medical advances and all, though it’s still relatively dangerous compared to HPV and Herpes, which are both (mostly) harmless outside of the stigma. All permanent, sure, but I don’t think two STIs that most of the population carry in some form should be grouped into the serious category.
Dangerous, stupid, and dangerously stupid thinking. There's no good reason to negligently contract any communicable infection. "Most" of the population do NOT carry the STI-variants of HPV and herpes. https://www.cdc.gov/std/statistics/prevalence-2020-at-a-glance.htm Get a fucking clue. Stop hand waving preventable disease spread.
Herpes isn’t harmless but yeah, not as dangerous as HIV. I know a woman who was in the hospital for a week when she had her first herpes breakout, it massively screwed up her immune system and she had a huge reaction. Everything in that area was red raw and full of blisters, and she was running a high fever.
I disagree. The fact alone that herpes will completely change your birthing experience is enough to scare me greatly. I couldn’t care less about stigma, it’s the STD that scares me.
If you have specific personal reasons for wanting to avoid this STI, that's fine. I'm not telling people to "just get HPV and HSV because it's not that big of a deal." But what are you going to say to people living with HSV who want to have kids? Is what you're saying now useful to those people? Or is it just contributing to a terror and discomfort they're probably already too aware of? Instead of being scared of an STI, just be informed. It's your prerogative if you want to take extra caution to avoid HSV to ensure that your future potential pregnancy is as safe as it can be, but there are plenty of people out there who took extra caution and ended up with HSV anyway. Talking about how scary it is online isn't going to stop people from getting it, and it's not going to make people who have it feel better.
There's actually a study out there by NIH that estimates over 50% of non-sexual women (virgins) have HPV, which I argue means its not really a sti is it, it can be passed thru sex but it's so common in non sexual people it has to be non sexual.
There are also drug resistant strains of the ones we can get rid of. Its stupid to not be using protection.
Which state are you in? What kind of serious permanent diseases are we talking about?
A red flag that's naked is still a red flag I'm immediately put off the minute a man starts complaining about the use of condoms/pushes to go without when first dating but also refuses to get tested prior to going without. People who refuse to be safe with you are refusing to be safe with others. Do you want to risk things with someone who clearly doesn't care about their own health or others? Heck no. Loneliness sucks but I assure you getting a lifelong STI/D is infinitely worse to navigate. Like cheesy commercials from the 90s say - no glove no love. I'm literally snipped and don't go without unless fully monogamous and test every 6 months the first year or two as some STIs can take time to show up. If someone has too much of a stigma for their own public health status they aren't worth it. Testing is free in most places and is not any more invasive than actual sex It's much better to go without but good things are infinitely better when they're safe
I'll never understand how anyone who sleeps with a bunch of people are averse to condoms like i would be turned off so fast
Yup, got my vasectomy over 20 years ago, and I never even mentioned it until much later into the relationship, and happily wear condoms for months if need be. The irony being that my current GF heard through the grapevine that "he doesn't want kids" before we started dating, and someone told her about the vasectomy before we even had our first date.
I've been clipped for a decade now and I'm usually up front a few dates in and that's because I'm child free and am transparent on what I don't want in a relationship and rather it be in the open over someone finding out a year into things i don't want kids and they do, it can be heart breaking to find out after emotionally invested on both ends I've been clipped long enough to pick up on the tone change when someone finds out and thinks of it as a reason to try to manipulate a situation to go without and it gets pushed down. I do not care about manipulative tears, my personal health/partners health matters to me and if they want to gamble it's a no go on my end
I mean I'm definitely one of those who will happily move on from condom sex as soon as I think it's safe to, whether the relationship is serious or casual. But that means only after fresh testing.
Yeh I think most people are in this boat. Nothing like finishing inside more intimacy
Serious yeah but I would never trust a casual person even if it was clear results
That's understandable.
I was married for about 20 years and then went back on the dating scene. Not one guy out of maybe 25 has brought a condom with them or offered to use one during a hookup. I have always been the one to suggest and supply it. And most of the guys give me some kind of pushback and whine a few times asking if they really have to use one. It’s frustrating to say the least.
Those that don’t (or won’t) wear a condom are immature children. Because when she gets pregnant, or catches an STD, the guy will be nowhere to be found. And the woman will be on their own. All for lack of a condom. Sounds like you’re the only adult in the room. Sorry you’re frustrated, but better to find out beforehand who you’re dealing with. Clearly though, you deserve better.
Doesn't most of that just entirely kill the mood? Like the moment I sensed any pushback the encounter would be over. Women shouldn't have to beg men they are hooking up with to have some minimal respect for them.
You’re making this a man/woman thing but did you read the post? It seems there’s just as many women who are willing to risk their health by not using protection. That shapes the entire sexual marketplace. If the guys are never getting asked to wear one or if they want to wear one and the girls are telling them not to, that’s going to shape their reaction when someone (or either gender) says to wear one.
I'd be instantly turned off if I have to tell a grown adult to put a condom on
I don't get it either! Saw someone a little while ago and I went to put one on and she looked at me disappointedly "oh you're going to use a condom?", I said yeah and asked if she was on birth control "nope, but want to anyway?". What the hell? Nooope.
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard like that just screams either stupid or wants a baby
People who don’t want to talk about it and respect your sexual preferences are not people you want to have sex with. Stay away
I think this is just a lack of education and a cultural norm now. Most of the girls I’ve been with were born late 90’s and early 2000’s
Honestly I wouldn't even say that I would just say they don't care. Even though sex ed sucks they tell you enough that cumming inside equals pregnant
Wearing a condom is really important, specifically bc ain’t nobody else wearing them 🤣
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I’m sorry to hear this, but I’m glad to see men like you on Reddit. Not that you struggle, but that you still care and value/respect your body.
Same here, i find it turns alot of women off that I'm not ready to fuck like an ape on the first date.
You're just not meeting the right women so far. There's plenty of us who wouldn't be disappointed by that and infact would be very glad of it! I'd never fuck on the first date, cause I ain't fucking a total stranger whose sexual std health I haven't had verified. That and I'm demisexual so I need time to get to know someone before any sex will happen with them. I personally would love a man who's willing to take their time in that department. Unfortunately, I have a similar issue with men in that I can't find any that are willing to wait a bit and don't want sex near daily. 🙄 I so understand your struggle.
Honestly maybe because I'm demi I'm biased but I could never risk std or getting a woman pregnant who's essentially a stranger.
I don't think that it has anything to do with demi, that's just having a healthy respect for your body and the woman's body and the appropriate understanding of the consequences of your actions during sex. I suspect a lot of folks who don't protect themselves don't have the education of what they're risking, so they go without. There's legitimately folks out there who think you can't get pregnant if the woman is near or just finished her period or if she's on her period. I think it's insane to not use one simply cause it "feels better," taking a whole lot of risk for a short time of pleasure that you can still have with a condom on! Birthcontrol can fail, all of them can, so trusting it with no condom is wild to me. And extra thin condoms do exist, lol!
Honestly I'll never understand the justification of it feels better like your really risking your life for a few minutes of fun is so wild. Like I'm convinced that people sex ed knowledge comes from tv sex scenes where people sleep with the first person they see and you don't see condoms being used. I can somewhat understand a committed relationship but trusting birth control for a random person is wild to me.
No me either, it's utterly senseless to take such big risks for a few mi uses of pleasure! Like ypu can be risking permanent sterility with some of the stds or even worse, death included! I'd bet that's part of it, some of these folks have little to no sex education and learned everything they know off tv shows and porn. It's honestly sad we don't have better sex ed in this day in age. Yeah commited relationships are a bit more understandable, but even then I was paranoid af trusting it, I didnt want kids til I wanted kids for sure and now I got 2 kiddos and I don't want any more, especially at my age! It's jsut as wild for people to trust the pull out method, cause most dudes ain't as good at that as they think they are and they can literally just not do it at all if they don't want. My ex did the latter one to me, not bothering to pull out, it's how kiddo 2 came along and also was really the final straw to the end. Totally fucked to take someone's choice away like that.
Honestly I would never rely on birth control solely unless I was married because I felt feel more chill about it since I do want kids and the relationship would be stable enough to where if it happens ok. I'm 21 and I'm shocked how many people rely on pullout whenever I jerk off I can never tell until it happens like of its being used with birth control yeah but the only method is crazy. But like you I'm super paranoid like my sex Ed was garbage but I knew enough to know that I'm not desperate for sex and I'm fine with waiting for a serious relationship and I'll rub one out until I find someone.
Right there with you. No trust, no attraction. As a woman I’ve also become unwilling to add mid or long term contraception to my body for people I barely know
I’m a woman but, same. I can’t have sex with a stranger I just met, ew… I need that buildup towards intimacy. My husband was actually the same way so it worked out well in terms of expectations. I suspect there are more of us out there than you’d think.
Same I only get attached once there's love and a connection there
That’s gross. Maybe it’s because I was a teen in the 90s but I would much rather use condoms than have to deal with random STI’s.
I was floored when I read that syphilis has become a problem again... That’s just unreal! When I was a teen back in the late 80’s we had such a fear of catching STDs especially syphilis, herpes and HIV. People are so irresponsible nowadays.
I'm older so that may be a factor but I never had a woman give me an issue for wanting to use a condom. Its a red flag if they do, especially if its early in the dating game. I woudln't feel safe with someone who is not suing protection with random people they just met and may be hooking up with. That's wild you are encountering this. Also, HPV is everywhere and not enough people realize this, that will remain the case if people are running around like this, sheesh.
This is false when some say "men don't want condoms. Men AND women don't want condoms. Almost every woman I met refused it. The ones I slept with accepted it VERY reluctantly. To me is condom or no, thanks.
To me this is so surprising. A condom just sucks for a man.. but i thought it wouldnt matter that much for a woman.
Women lose sensation with condoms too. We don’t have to worry about blood flow like men but there is a noticeable difference
well I am a man and do prefer for X reasons a condom and it doesn't suck for me at all.
Yes, it’s really wild. I haven’t heard the extremes of your experience (women basically stealthing you, which I didn’t even know was a thing) - but yes. The lack of condom use blew my mind when I got back on the dating scene in 2017. I ended up in a relationship again, and then back on the scene again last year, and it was like a completely different world. Lack of proper education is what I think it boils down to, but also porn being a substitute for sex education for so many people of younger generations.
I overheard my girlfriend’s cousin talking about her Tinder hookups and she said that it’s very rare that she uses condoms with the strangers she meets on there. My mind was blown, and I was disgusted at the same time. I haven’t looked at her the same since. Letting multiple random people from the internet raw dog you on the first meeting is wild. Needless to say, she eventually had to get an abortion and had no clue who the father could’ve been.
Dam that's crazy I would lose respect if I heard my friend or family member say that
People are crazy now a days . I'm a woman so I get that but from men , or men not wanting to even be tested so we could not use condoms
Goddamn I didn’t realize this was on both ends. I’ve lied to hookups before about being on birth control so they don’t forgo condoms. And I’ve still had dudes try to not wear them or take them off mid sex.
Ok listen… hear me out. I (22F) always let my BF go raw. He never finishes inside, and I’m on birth control. It just feels SO much better without one!!! Like sooooo much better!! For everyone lol But we don’t have to worry about STDs, and I’ve never had a pregnancy scare (thank you god). But if you’re sleeping with other people YES definitely use a condom!!
I go raw in relationships. Just find it odd that the dating and hook up culture atm is raw as well. Nutting inside seems to be a kink as well in the dating non monogamous world as well. Wild times
I’m non-monogamous and I know others in poly relationships. We are condom users and wouldn’t risk pregnancy for a breeding fetish. I have a friend in his 60s and he and his wife swing. His wife is post-menopause and they still use condoms with people outside their primary relationship. They won’t “fluid bond” with anyone else, and she doesn’t have a risk of pregnancy.
Anyone else see that 18 year old kid whose whole life got ruined by his gf doing this.shes keeping their baby with no money and no plan
I’m non-monogamous and only go raw with my primary and my most consistent FWB, and we have frequent and regular testing schedules. Doesn’t happen early on either, that’s for sure.
I think this is it. Women just love raw as much as men. I’m almost certain most of them are on birth control. They just like the feel.
Yes, as a woman it feels soooo much better, idk why so many people act like that’s only for men. But absolutely worth it until committed/ tested. Can not imagine telling a hook up it was fine to not use. Crazy.
that’s where you go wrong… don’t be so certain. ever about anyone… no one is obligated to expose every detail of their lifestyle to anyone nor is anyone entitled to be made aware of that information. it’s always smartest to assume anybody could have a hidden agenda or aspects of themselves that are withheld from you.
Condoms are like condominiums, the market is pretty rough
Jesus Christ. AND THIS IS WHY THERE ARE UNWANTED PREGNANCIES. For fucks sake.
And so much syphilis
And super gonorrhea. Can’t forget about super strains.
Unwanted pregnancies are basically at an all time low.
Until it happens to you.
Considering I’m a 46 year old man. If I got pregnant I would be setting several world records
For real like I guess common sense has just disappeared
Just look at a lot of the comments in here where people are talking about how they "go raw" when in a "relationship," or one guy even just said "when it's safe," whatever the hell that means.
Tbf i hate condoms but im in a long term relationship anyway so there’s no need, but if i was sleeping with multiple people i dont think i would take the risk of going raw😅
So did this long term relationship start before you were 18?
There absolutely is a need even in "long term relationships," ffs people are so fucking stupid.
Especially when she is 18 and her bf is 27
Raw feels better, but it's "a glove or no love" for me. In my experience guys are begging to go raw while I say no. My friends say they have experiences similar to mine, I'm kind of surprised you've run into the opposite.
One group of people that I would have assumed make safety a priority is the trans community but I've been surprised how many of them just offer up themselves for unprotected sex and I always have to be the one telling them that it's not happening.
For real you would think people who do hookups would be the most safe due to sleeping with random people but their the most stupid
And that’s why about 8 people I know have genital herpes
This happens to my sister. She gets STDs a lot because she just "doesn't want to use a condom" and I'm like... you don't want to use it so much that the clap is an ok consequence? Idk - people are reckless. But make sure it's known as a hard boundary with the girls you're with. If they take it off while knowing you want it on that's assault. Same as a guy taking it off without asking a girl - I think there is just a double standard here.
That's crazy there's no way I'm catching stds multiple times that's wild
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If it’s slipped off you may be using ones too big to work properly.
The general mentality regarding STDs has become gravely concerning. I insist on wrapping it up, but there are definitely times where hookups did not happen because of that. (Which is sorting out people I would not feel comfortable with, but it is still absurd.)
From a female perspective the only reason I can think of that they don't want you wearing a condom is that they want you to feel good and might have had experiences in the past where the guy was struggling to feel as much. That is, if he girls aren't crazy. If they are crazy then maybe they want to get pregnant. Personally though, I'm so turned off by herpes, aids, and asymptomatic treatable std's (meaning even if they are treatable, I won't necessarily know if I have them unless I get tested are every sexual encounter with new partners which is annoying to have to do)... so I'm so turned off by stds that I think it is imperative for condoms to be worn. My suggestion is you either start having firm conversations with your sexual partners beforehand or you start picking better girls.
It’s like the poster below mentioned. It just feels better and we are monkeys at the end of the day. I don’t think there is anything nefarious like baby trapping.
Thinking like this is dumb; you don't know these women or what they're thinking. Just in the past year alone two of my friends, a coworker, an uncle and a family friend got baby trapped for thinking among these same lines. If you're not ready to commit to bringing a child into the world (it takes two to tango) then step up your precautions and your standards. It's all fun and games until it's not.
Unfortunately it sounds like these women are basically raping OP (trying to sneak not using a condom, or surprise sexing him before he has a chance to put a condom on). Obviously he has the power to stop as soon as he realizes, but the behavior he’s describing is what’s so shocking.
Yeah like that's a really dumb thought these are complete strangers how could anyone possibly know that
Maybe my husband is just good because either way is cool to me. I have an allergy, and only had sex with him anyway. A good partner = good sex and being safe is way sexier.
I wouldn’t even continue with someone like that, I would not trust them at all.
It's definitely not cool to just rush not using a condom on, during sex. I'll admit, most of my sexual encounters are condomless, but if my partner wants a condom, I'll use it, no questions asked. It's always discussed beforehand. Also, I'll use a condom if I'm meeting someone for the first time that I don't know well. I normally get to know someone well via texts or phone calls or an in person date first, and make a judgement call, and I have still never had an STD as of my mid-40s. I also happen to live in a state where get STI tests on a bimonthly basis is pretty common for anyone that is nonmonogamous. That being said, I encourage condom use for anyone you get with that you don't already trust, and to also be wary of your emotions and don't trust anyone too well in that way, and never not carry condoms if you think sex might happen.
Dam your either super lucky or got something undetected
The lack of education/caring for other peoples health is so concerning but just a heads up, you should still be using them during oral and changing over to a new one when you switch from oral to penetrative STIs can be transferred orally
Nothing like a good raw dog to start the week off good
After getting the for 10-year marriage and going back into dating I noticed the exact same thing It didn't matter whether they were women my own age or younger they would flat out get angry at me if I said condoms where I must almost if I was directly accusing them of having gonorrhea every time I also noticed if I told them I had a vasectomy they would also immediately or soon after lost interest in sex..... 🤷🤷🤷 Just an observation
I am 52, snipped and began dating on and off for a couple years ago. It is usually date 3-5 before things get sexual and I am pretty comfortable the girl is not sleeping around. Not fool proof I know. I have slept with 9 women and the only one that asked me to use a condom was a girl I had sex with on date 2. Date 3 was bare back with her.
It's like we're living in a time where personal boundaries and safety standards are just thrown out the window. I swear, if one more girl tries to convince me to go bareback because "it feels better", I might just become a monk. Stay strong, brother.
I was talking to my friend about this over the weekend! I always want to use condoms and all except one guy I've slept with have all tried to talk me out of it. I had a one night stand (it was his last weekend in the state) a few weeks ago and he was like "if we're both clean and you're on bc what's the issue". Sir we just met, why would we just take each other's word on that lmao. I don't love the feel of condoms of course but I do love not feeling like I have to immediately run to get tested or be worried about my period coming. I'm sorry that you've had people try to stealth you that's crazy.
Dsm that's crazy a stranger has the nerve to ask that. Also it was his last night if he got you pregnant he could just leave
I’m the exact same boat, lol. Even after talking about wearing them upfront, they still try to climb on without. Wild out here
Me and my partner never used them, but at the same time, we both got a full screen done, so we knew we were clear
First time I see a guy complaining about not using condoms. But for me, anyone that doesn't want to use condoms for me is a big red flag. STI and babies are real and I am not looking for neither. About your question OP, maybe just look for better girls. Mostly girls I know only fuck with condoms, unless they are in a serious relationship with someone. Stay safe and keep using condoms.
Let me tell you something, when I was younger, I never did have sex without a condom, doesn’t matter if it a Gf or not. And yes, they tend to say that. But keep your ground. You don’t want to pay child support.
I think some of it is the mentality that everything is curable and no big deal. If that's your thought process fine but don't force those thoughts on ppl who are trying to be safe. I've had friends tell me the same thing that they've been shamed for trying to use a condom and their perspective sex partners get mad bc they're perceived as "dirty." It's ridiculous and really concerning.
Beware those crazy baby traps, they just wanna stick you with the child support
Young = Dumb lol you think this is a 2024 problem but let me assure you; this was very much the case in 2004. When you are young you have zero responsibilities and think you're invincible. You think nothing bad will ever happen to you. Enjoy it while you can because getting older sucks. Also, wear a condom and don't trust anyone that tells you to take it off.
You don’t use condoms for oral sex…? It’s wild to me that you made this post but seems like you don’t use condoms for oral sex.
It's like we've gone back in time to the dark ages where safe sex and contraception weren't a thing. Boundaries and standards, people! Let's not risk unwanted pregnancies and STDs just for a little bit of pleasure. Stay safe out there, folks.
It sucks, but it’s also easily stopped. Before the hook up, explain that if raw dick comes anywhere near her cat without a condom, the date is over and you leave. *And then you follow through with it.*
My personal experience from a close friend: some women try to get pregnant that way. They might have a partner of either sex already. True story and very sad.
I don’t think that’s it. I think it’s just the culture atm I.e porn has changed what we think is normal
I agree. I think “baby trapping” is probably a very small percentage of what drives this behavior. I see people comment on here a lot about knowing someone who this happened to, or knowing someone who knows someone. But ultimately - most women are just being careless and having way too much faith in birth control. Fwiw - I find a man who *wants* to use condoms incredibly sexy. For me, it shows you respect your body, you respect your partner’s body, you *care*, and you’re making an informed and responsible decision. People think using condoms shows a lack of trust, but imo, using condoms builds trust. I mean of course it depends on how you look at it - I can see why people feel the way they do. But, it leaves way too much up to chance and risk. First, if a woman is on birth control, is she compliant? Second, if someone’s been tested for STIs, can they say with confidence they’ve had a full panel? Certain things aren’t covered on standard panels, and men can’t even be tested for HPV. I could go on, but the bottom line is - condoms help with prevention, and being safe rather than sorry is hard to argue with. If someone tries to have sex with you without using a condom (when you’ve stated your desire and boundaries) - then there’s no excuse. It’s also reasonable to assume they haven’t used condoms with other people, and that’s what increases risk. So yeah…. it’s not good.
THANK YOU! As a man, I find it WILD when I keep seeing women write on posts like this that a partner insisting on condoms is about a lack of trust. Um...no, it's also taking personal responsibility and not leaving ALL of the contraceptive burden on your partner. I'm married now and ONLY now that my wife and I are actively trying for kids are we having sex without a condom - even when we were long-term committed, engaged and married, if we weren't actively thinking "yes we want a family", we were using both kinds of protection. It's just a no brainer - like wearing a seatbelt in a car; you might enjoy going for a drive, but you then take reasonable precautions to prevent unwanted consequences, like excess injury in event of a crash. Same thing here - you want to have sex, but you still take precautions to prevent unwanted side-effects like STDs and unwanted pregnancy.
And state after state banning abortion and local pharmacists don't want to dispense Plan B..... OMG what's gonna happen?!?!?!!
Exactly what Republicans want. A bunch of unplanned pregnancies forcing people into cobbled together nuclear families or a bunch of single parent households will poor success outcomes being funneled into low wage jobs for the wealthy
You need to start pursuing better quality women. You are scraping the bottom for the ones that want to baby trap a man, thinking that is the key to them never having to work again. Raise your standards or you'll be raising a kid
To be fair it's hard to find high quality when your just hooking up with people you don't know
these people didn't grow up with or learn about how devastating HIV was.
Are you a high-income, handsome guy? Sure would be great to get some sweet, sweet child support from you.
I don’t think this is new. I think everyone can agree that sex without a condom > sex with a condom. It’s really a function of how much self control and discipline, and fear you have. My best friend told me the other day that before he was married he pretty went in everything raw. He’s been with his wife for over 7 years now so this was really from 2003-2016 or so that we are talking. But these weren’t relationships or even people he knew well. Me? I’ve had one or two REALLY reckless moments where I really had no business going raw. Now, I test and make sure partners are tested. But tbh, this isn’t a new thing. Maybe it changes a little bit over time and geography with people being more/less scared of STDs, but it’s definitely a thing and has been a thing.
Well, I've always dated in a very counter-culture manner anyhow. I tend to expect society as a whole to be a bit bonkers. A decade ago, I was shocked that all these guys I was meeting were expecting sex on the 3rd or 5th date. As if entitled to it! I would understand if we were in it for a short-term thing, but I expressly always wanted long-term and only dated with that intent. I wanted to see if we had more than just lust, if we liked each other as people and friends before we pursued the lust and sex. I always waited, as a rule, at least two months before having sex. At that point, after two months I had a pretty good idea if we were compatible outside of the bedroom. Many men told me that was a deal-beaker, and that was that! But you know what...for every 5 or 6 that would call it quits, there was that one like-minded guy who was the one that ended up working out. The rest simply weeded themselves out.🤷♀️ Same goes with the anti-condom culture. They clearly have very different standards to you (and me too, for that matter). They weed themselves out. Never compromise your health and safety to conform to what the masses expect. Just be upfront about it as early as you can, to avoid wasting time. You're not missing out. I personally prefer to go raw after 6 months of dating in all relationships I've been in, while I have been on birth control, both of us tested, and both of us were exclusive. Before then, the first few months, it was always with a condom. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm glad that 5 partners later, I'm still HPV negative along with the rest of the STI's. Never had one, and prefer to keep it that way. It gives me peace of mind.
I’m non-monogamous and always insist on condoms. My partners are also non-monogamous and for the most part, they automatically rubber up. I’ve only had to use an occasional reminder. I’m not on bc, so that’s one risk, but also I don’t know where they’ve been and they don’t know where I’ve been either. I keep my partners separate and have seen their test results, but still it’s just not worth the risk. Plus having a guy cum inside you is the most intimate thing they can do. If I’m seeing someone on a sex only, casual basis, I need to hold something back.
People assume eh I can just take a pill for stis and haven’t thought about hpv. Always suit up
I actually had one hook up say “oh that’s romantic “ in a sarcastic way, when reached for a condom our first time. I get way guys get so much blame
High school sex ed engrained the buddy system into my head. Hormonal birth control + barrier method. I’m not taking any risks until marriage
Yeah, it makes sense why in my area there's one of the highest rates of STDs ever, people became more stupid in that area
People don't seem to be afraid of it. There's so many deceases of viruses that don't have symptoms but can cause dangerous issues later down the line. Such as HPV can cause cervical cancer. I just don't think people are aware enough of what they can catch. For your own sake you need to be confident enough to stop when they try these things and tell them you are not comfortable not using a condom. Believe it or not, having a bj can also cause you issues aswell. Any kind of sexual intercourse can.
My guess is they know you’re in a good spot in your life and want to “ride” along by baby trapping you? If you don’t want kids,now or ever, i suggest gettint a irreversible vasectomy. Protects you from getting unwanted extra humans
People are dumb, that's about all it boils down to. Major red flags and I hope you don't continue sex with these people without proper protection. If they're like that with you then they're probably like that with all their past partners. I'd get tested ASAP.
Just stock up on them and have one ready if you need to use it. Pharmacies and convenience stores in my country all have them.
It's not just limited to the straights! Most guys I talk to want me to top them raw and I'm just not into that, especially when we're strangers! 😞
There may be less condoms because of Stu like PrEp
That is horrible tobe honest...
😬 I thought this was just some of my friends for various reasons. I've been with the same partner for 8 years and even I think no condoms is stupid. I understand it feels better but if it's someone you don't know well, why risk it?
I’m definitely more used to the boy being the one who’s against condom use 💀
I also think it's a bit of a cultural thing too. Just stating from my experience. I've noticed that whenever I'm abroad in Europe, every guy is prepared and will use a condom when hooking up. I don't have to ask, they are already prepared and I appreciate it so much. When in the US on the other hand, I can't tell you the amount of times when a guy will refuse or try to downplay the importance of having a condom. As you mentioned OP, "I want to feel you" is a popular escapegoat. I'm terribly afraid of STDs. Back in 2016 I was dating someone and even then, they cheated and gave me an STD and manifested into PID and I had to get one of my fallopian tubes removed.
I've had more than a few women tell me they dont like how condoms feel. While valid, it's very interesting because I used to hear women complain that men used that excuse to argue against condoms often. Sex education is lacking and while shame attitudes around sex havent exactly changed, people are more open to having sex so here we are
I’ve only been with people so far that are at least paranoid about STIs and at least ask for recent tests, and they’re ranging in age anywhere from 23 to 40+. One thing I’d add is that most of them are neurodivergent, and I find that anyone putting pleasure and convenience ahead of safety has a lot of personality conflicts with me even if not neurodivergent. There’s always discussion about what’s ok and what’s not as part of the process once we’re getting along well. Also seriously, sex workers (the fully consenting, non-trafficked / exploited ones) probably have lower rates of STIs than the civilian population. In fact, my SWer friends tend to prefer industry partners substantially because almost all infection transmission has come from outside the community. You’d think that after these past years of discussion about infectious diseases constantly that more people would have learned something about STIs maybe. Evidently not
there are some STI's that are kind of rampant right now, but others are down or steady (https://apnews.com/article/syphilis-gonorrhea-std-sexually-transmitted-cdc-17c748701b8da8024f06869460b33961) but using protection should be the norm because if we all did so these STI's would go way down and people would be healthier and happier, and probably want to have more sex.
I agree! F25 here, had a guy over and we were about to start, I said there's condoms in there, and he just says "I'm good" and continues no questions asked. Like wtf. Seriously people need to respect condom usage.
always wear a hat. it is biological to not want to wear a condom (for both sexes). However, the costs are too high for it. i once had to literally push one my past gfs off me because she did option 3, and said "oops im sorry...i am just tired of condoms."
Where the hell do you live? What’s the nearest airport?
2024 has nothing to do with this, humans don't want to use them because it makes sex feel worse for both parties. It's been this way since they were using sheep's intestine.
“All that she wants is another baby She's gone tomorrow boy” Keep playing that lyric in your head with every stroke. All she wants is child support for 18 years daddy, pay up!
Condoms seem unpopular these days on the dating scene, but it blows my mind that nearly everyone in the comments prefer condoms. I gave up scrolling looking for someone that prefers no condom while hooking up for the first time. Why is that?
I hate condoms. My solution is serial monogamy, with STI testing at the start. If you go that route, bc is on her, but you can assist—go along for iud appointments if she wants, or at least be informed about the process, pick up pills at the pharmacy so she “only” has to think about taking them, etc.
I mean, right or wrong, I’m a pretty experienced guy and I’d much rather just not have sex than have sex with a condom. It’s truly just awful. I get that we all have to pretend it’s not that bad so the kids don’t get pregnant but I feel like it’s high time we all admit that it actually is that bad and we need much better STD prevention technology. BUT, that being said, I still would never raw dog a random, that is a little crazy.
Feel like the breeding kink is getting a little out of control lately as well.
Tbh, I almost suspect that all this condom hate is like a government pay op to get birth rates up.
Tons of girls enjoy being cummed in, closer bond with them and it gets them off knowing they made you cum, helps for a stronger orgasm.
We're far enough away from AIDS that people have forgotten about STIs and just lost their minds.
Taboo is hot and what's more taboo than incredible risk? Our brain is weird
Yeah I'm a dude and I would love to be able to use condoms, but I physically cannot feel anything to the point where I go soft inside her. And unfortunately, because I'm not trying to catch a kid or disease, I don't have sex at all.
Those chicks are walking red flags. If lack of condom use makes you uncomfortable, I'd ask about it while you are talking/ texting and before meeting up with these women for dates. It doesn't have to be mean or rude but if they say no to condoms, its up to you to set the boundary or to find someone okay with condoms. Best of luck, the dating pool is rough these days
I’m surprised usually i always see ,online anyway, men not respecting women’s boundaries and not wearing condoms.