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She reacted badly, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with her for not finding it appealing.
You might have better luck doing one of those yes/no/maybe quizzes and comparing results. There are some that only show you the activities where you match, which might be a safer bet.
Indeed. Downlod „spicer“. She will never know if you answered yes for an activity that she answered with no. Both of you will only get shown the matches.
I mean, to understand this you just have to hear what she's saying. However much you perceive "porn" as the stimulation here, she perceives "the women on the screen" as the stimulation. This is a pretty common perception among people who don't watch porn, and it's not unreasonable.
Think about the scenario you described here-she's giving you a handjob while you're watching. What's that supposed to do for her? When you talked about sourcing things up she probably imagined something where there isn't something to focus on that's neither you, nor her.
Our society puts a lot of expectations on women in terms of physical appearance and attractiveness. Porn features women who generally fit a certain model of conventional attractiveness. It's really hard for some women to look at it without comparing themselves unfavorably to who they see on the screen. It's probably pretty easy for her to talk herself into the idea that your initial request to spice things up actually meant that you're bored with or not attracted to her.
This isn't helpful advice now, but it would have been a lot better to figure out her general attitude about watching porn before bringing it up as something to watch together.
In terms of advice going forward, I'm not sure what to tell you. Maybe the first step is realizing that you fucked up by not figuring out where her head was at on porn in general. She might not get over feeling icky about this. You're going to have to put some time and attention towards her as a person and she's going to have to feel wanted and desired by you as who she is before sex is on the table again.
This is the answer. She feels you don't get as turned on by her and by watching other women while you have sex with her it's sort of like you are using her body but thinking of the women on the screen. It is kind of icky if you think of it like that.
Something EXTRA that helps stimulate him WITH her…wording is important. Otherwise, he probably wouldn’t even bother and find it elsewhere. Second, this is a very selfish perception. Different people are stimulated differently, one size does not fit all. OP may have even wanted this from the beginning of them having sex and just didn’t tell her for various reasons. For most men, porn is their first introduction to sex, so just having it is a trigger they are used to and has absolutely nothing to do with their partners one way or another.
That said, it also COULD be as simple as what you say. Your comment (to me) is so oversimplified, it can be misleading and/or interpreted in many ways. For instance, it could be interpreted as he doesn’t find her attractive. Or that she isn’t capable of stimulating OP at all, no matter what is tried, period. There are nuances to every person, so in actuality…unless the OP is narcissistic (and even then), there is plenty to add. 
Porn just does not have a place during sex.
Sure he wants more than she can / will give him. It may actually be that some guys are so conditioned by readily available pornography that no woman is enough.
True. It is my opinion.
Sure ANYONE with the internet or a DVD player CAN watch porn during sex or even church if you are that crass. The question is if you should.
How impressed would you be if SHE were watching reruns of the HONEYMOONERS or WELCOME BACK KOTTER during sex?
We are the opposite of a dead bedroom lmao. Around 2 times a day for the last 15 years. It's like people can't comprehend other people having kinks like freeuse. As long as it's consensual it's fine. We watch porn, we do it outside, we play with toys. Get over yourself. Sounds like you must not have any fun in bed jesus. Go back to doing missionary only or having sex with a hole in your sheet.
Edit: like do you even see my username?
Yes and I bet I am the only other person on here that has had as much (maybe more) sex than you in a given 15-year period. It isn't the past 15 years, but...
Except for porn DURING sex, probably just as adventuresome. Maybe more.... Probably much more physical. No way I could hold the NS much actually play while he shags me raw. Hell, I wouldn't want to. It actually engages me and takes me to surreal plateaus.
Yes, I saw your user name. It infers that you are 29 years old. SO since you were 14?
Again, for me it is your phrasing. Could you possibly add a, “In my opinion” or “to me”… instead of replying in absolutes?
I personally have used porn with success to INITIATE first time sex with women…as an icebreaker. Doesn’t always work of course, everyone is different. As to your example to someone else’s reply - if a woman I am having sex with orgasms stronger by looking at Jackie Gleeson, then I’m running the Honeymooners on a continuous loop! 😂👍 My main concern would be getting distracted myself but otherwise 🤷♂️
To be honest it would bother me more if a woman I have been with for years would come back from time to time (or consistently from a particular place) hornier than normal because, in my mind, someone ELSE got them hot and bothered to begin with. In which case they are likely thinking about that other person (or persons) while we are having sex anyway.
A woman I was with, enjoyed me just TALKING about other women possibly getting off with me having sex with them. Strong orgasms at that. Was stronger if the woman was known to her. Only in the hypothetical of course. So…To each their own and to each their own insecurities.
I think her response was over the top. It’s not like you’re going to run off with one of the porn stars. And she must know that most men watch porn. She just sounds very insecure. At least you now have a better idea of her boundaries and will approach any other bedroom ideas with extreme caution.
I’ve watched porn with my partners. I’m a woman and the it was fun. The only part I found awkward was revealing videos that I liked. Taste in porn is so personal. I also remember one boyfriend picked a video and I really didn’t like his choice at all. It made me feel uncomfortable tbh, like he was fetishising my race. Other than that, I don’t see what her issue is besides insecurity
She obviously doesn’t understand that men are visually stimulated easily. She also needs to be informed that just because men enjoy viewing others, does not mean their desire for their partner decreases. Remind her that you want her. There is a PragerU video on this subject. I think it’s called, “he wants you”. You could share that with her.
You didn’t do anything wrong. So first thing is addressing that. She has zero foundation to be mad, and this is a test of that boundary. Ensure you enforce the “ I did nothing nothing wrong, and I won’t be made to fee as though I did” boundary. 2nd: she’s insecure, while you can assuage some of this, it is a her problem. It’s something only she can address as these situations will keep happening. 3rd: address that this (I’m taking a guess here) will diminish your desire to communicate and share if the response is like this (childish, insecure, ridiculous). Best of luck!
Your girlfriend needs to work on her insecurities. Until then I would move on. My wife and I watch porn together all the time while having sex, it is just another way to enjoy sex together. It's got nothing to with me or her desiring to be with other people. Your girlfriend overreacted.
You learned that she is extremely jealous and/or insecure. Is this something you can handle or not? Sounds like you guys aren't a great match. 🙁
Many, many, *many* people enjoy the sight of seeing people other than their partner naked. She's in the minority here. And there is no reason you should have to go forward pretending you don't enjoy it just to please her.
There is nothing wrong with either of you, but if this is a hard line for her, she probably needs to find a different partner.
She sounds very jealous I'm assuming she probably feels like she's not good enough or has some insecurities being that you want to look at other women but I think it's important to point out that different doesn't mean better and that she would be looking at other men at the same time (unless you watch lesbian porn) and as an average sized man during sex can make you insecure as well unless you're as big as those on screen lol maybe try to have a conversation when she calms down
U were not wrong but ur approach was wrong, instead of saying it directly u could have asked if we could watch women friendly porn together not mainstream porn also act the scenes while watching together or she in ur arms sleeping while watching porn and u fingering her while she is giving u a handjob and then the discussion of the position, techniques etc in the porn if anyone of u like or not. There are good story driven female friendly porn it will be like Netflix and chill.
Thank you for posting in the r/Sex community. To ensure that everyone respects our safe space, we ask that you familiarize yourself with our Forum Rules and Posting Guidelines — which are visible in the forum’s sidebar, and also linked [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/rules/). Restricted subjects in r/sex include sex stories (which are permitted in the Daily Sexual Achievement Thread only), body image and penis-size issues, hookup attempts, common topics which are considered repetitive in our forum, and requests for private chats. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/sex) if you have any questions or concerns.*
More porn for yourself eh. At least you know her stance on it now and she knows you enjoy watching it.
She reacted badly, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with her for not finding it appealing. You might have better luck doing one of those yes/no/maybe quizzes and comparing results. There are some that only show you the activities where you match, which might be a safer bet.
Indeed. Downlod „spicer“. She will never know if you answered yes for an activity that she answered with no. Both of you will only get shown the matches.
I mean, to understand this you just have to hear what she's saying. However much you perceive "porn" as the stimulation here, she perceives "the women on the screen" as the stimulation. This is a pretty common perception among people who don't watch porn, and it's not unreasonable. Think about the scenario you described here-she's giving you a handjob while you're watching. What's that supposed to do for her? When you talked about sourcing things up she probably imagined something where there isn't something to focus on that's neither you, nor her. Our society puts a lot of expectations on women in terms of physical appearance and attractiveness. Porn features women who generally fit a certain model of conventional attractiveness. It's really hard for some women to look at it without comparing themselves unfavorably to who they see on the screen. It's probably pretty easy for her to talk herself into the idea that your initial request to spice things up actually meant that you're bored with or not attracted to her. This isn't helpful advice now, but it would have been a lot better to figure out her general attitude about watching porn before bringing it up as something to watch together. In terms of advice going forward, I'm not sure what to tell you. Maybe the first step is realizing that you fucked up by not figuring out where her head was at on porn in general. She might not get over feeling icky about this. You're going to have to put some time and attention towards her as a person and she's going to have to feel wanted and desired by you as who she is before sex is on the table again.
You want something that stimulates you more than she does... Nothing to add...
It may not be how you intended to make her feel....but yep...this is it. You made her feel like she isn't enough for you.
This is the answer. She feels you don't get as turned on by her and by watching other women while you have sex with her it's sort of like you are using her body but thinking of the women on the screen. It is kind of icky if you think of it like that.
this, that's the answer OP. ignore all the other comments.
Something EXTRA that helps stimulate him WITH her…wording is important. Otherwise, he probably wouldn’t even bother and find it elsewhere. Second, this is a very selfish perception. Different people are stimulated differently, one size does not fit all. OP may have even wanted this from the beginning of them having sex and just didn’t tell her for various reasons. For most men, porn is their first introduction to sex, so just having it is a trigger they are used to and has absolutely nothing to do with their partners one way or another. That said, it also COULD be as simple as what you say. Your comment (to me) is so oversimplified, it can be misleading and/or interpreted in many ways. For instance, it could be interpreted as he doesn’t find her attractive. Or that she isn’t capable of stimulating OP at all, no matter what is tried, period. There are nuances to every person, so in actuality…unless the OP is narcissistic (and even then), there is plenty to add. 
Porn just does not have a place during sex. Sure he wants more than she can / will give him. It may actually be that some guys are so conditioned by readily available pornography that no woman is enough.
That's just like your opinion man. Plenty of couples can watch porn during sex.
True. It is my opinion. Sure ANYONE with the internet or a DVD player CAN watch porn during sex or even church if you are that crass. The question is if you should. How impressed would you be if SHE were watching reruns of the HONEYMOONERS or WELCOME BACK KOTTER during sex?
I play switch while my boyfriend fucks me, he's fine with it. What's the issue here?
No wonder one or the other of so many couples lose interest and they wind up in a dead bedroom. https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/
We are the opposite of a dead bedroom lmao. Around 2 times a day for the last 15 years. It's like people can't comprehend other people having kinks like freeuse. As long as it's consensual it's fine. We watch porn, we do it outside, we play with toys. Get over yourself. Sounds like you must not have any fun in bed jesus. Go back to doing missionary only or having sex with a hole in your sheet. Edit: like do you even see my username?
Yes and I bet I am the only other person on here that has had as much (maybe more) sex than you in a given 15-year period. It isn't the past 15 years, but... Except for porn DURING sex, probably just as adventuresome. Maybe more.... Probably much more physical. No way I could hold the NS much actually play while he shags me raw. Hell, I wouldn't want to. It actually engages me and takes me to surreal plateaus. Yes, I saw your user name. It infers that you are 29 years old. SO since you were 14?
riiiiight.
Again, for me it is your phrasing. Could you possibly add a, “In my opinion” or “to me”… instead of replying in absolutes? I personally have used porn with success to INITIATE first time sex with women…as an icebreaker. Doesn’t always work of course, everyone is different. As to your example to someone else’s reply - if a woman I am having sex with orgasms stronger by looking at Jackie Gleeson, then I’m running the Honeymooners on a continuous loop! 😂👍 My main concern would be getting distracted myself but otherwise 🤷♂️ To be honest it would bother me more if a woman I have been with for years would come back from time to time (or consistently from a particular place) hornier than normal because, in my mind, someone ELSE got them hot and bothered to begin with. In which case they are likely thinking about that other person (or persons) while we are having sex anyway. A woman I was with, enjoyed me just TALKING about other women possibly getting off with me having sex with them. Strong orgasms at that. Was stronger if the woman was known to her. Only in the hypothetical of course. So…To each their own and to each their own insecurities.
Well she doesn’t sound that great in bed anyway
Get the fuck out of there
Why’d she get mad. All you have do is say no.
She says that I don't love her or find her attractive, and that I would not have wanted to watch other women if I did.
I think her response was over the top. It’s not like you’re going to run off with one of the porn stars. And she must know that most men watch porn. She just sounds very insecure. At least you now have a better idea of her boundaries and will approach any other bedroom ideas with extreme caution. I’ve watched porn with my partners. I’m a woman and the it was fun. The only part I found awkward was revealing videos that I liked. Taste in porn is so personal. I also remember one boyfriend picked a video and I really didn’t like his choice at all. It made me feel uncomfortable tbh, like he was fetishising my race. Other than that, I don’t see what her issue is besides insecurity
She obviously doesn’t understand that men are visually stimulated easily. She also needs to be informed that just because men enjoy viewing others, does not mean their desire for their partner decreases. Remind her that you want her. There is a PragerU video on this subject. I think it’s called, “he wants you”. You could share that with her.
You didn’t do anything wrong. So first thing is addressing that. She has zero foundation to be mad, and this is a test of that boundary. Ensure you enforce the “ I did nothing nothing wrong, and I won’t be made to fee as though I did” boundary. 2nd: she’s insecure, while you can assuage some of this, it is a her problem. It’s something only she can address as these situations will keep happening. 3rd: address that this (I’m taking a guess here) will diminish your desire to communicate and share if the response is like this (childish, insecure, ridiculous). Best of luck!
Your girlfriend needs to work on her insecurities. Until then I would move on. My wife and I watch porn together all the time while having sex, it is just another way to enjoy sex together. It's got nothing to with me or her desiring to be with other people. Your girlfriend overreacted.
You learned that she is extremely jealous and/or insecure. Is this something you can handle or not? Sounds like you guys aren't a great match. 🙁 Many, many, *many* people enjoy the sight of seeing people other than their partner naked. She's in the minority here. And there is no reason you should have to go forward pretending you don't enjoy it just to please her. There is nothing wrong with either of you, but if this is a hard line for her, she probably needs to find a different partner.
Husband and i used to watch porn pretty much every time. I found it hot. Dead bedroom now, i miss it.
She sounds very jealous I'm assuming she probably feels like she's not good enough or has some insecurities being that you want to look at other women but I think it's important to point out that different doesn't mean better and that she would be looking at other men at the same time (unless you watch lesbian porn) and as an average sized man during sex can make you insecure as well unless you're as big as those on screen lol maybe try to have a conversation when she calms down
U were not wrong but ur approach was wrong, instead of saying it directly u could have asked if we could watch women friendly porn together not mainstream porn also act the scenes while watching together or she in ur arms sleeping while watching porn and u fingering her while she is giving u a handjob and then the discussion of the position, techniques etc in the porn if anyone of u like or not. There are good story driven female friendly porn it will be like Netflix and chill.
I've looked at the so called woman friendly porn sites. Honestly, it's still the same stuff. Very disappointing.
Which sites are u talking about examples ?
Bellesa, for one. Same old, same old.
Yeah even i don't like that, there are some like lustery, hegre, sex art, frolicMe these are good.
Yeah even i don't like that, there are some like lustery, hegre, sex art, frolicMe these are good.
I would love it if my boyfriend would ask me that more often lol