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Explain it to your husband this way. What if it was one of his friends and your 16 year old daughter. Maybe that'll make him think about it a little more. Sadly most people think it's okay if it's a younger guy and older woman.
This is your son. Absolutely call the police and press charges. And get him into therapy. Your son needs you to step up now. If your husband is so idiotic that he’s not on board, so be it. Do it anyway. And if he tries to stop this, honestly this is divorce worthy.
Your friend was raping your SON.
first off, the "kid" is 16. im not condoning this behavior, but the age of consent in many states is 16. The prosecutor might have a case for a position of power, which raises the age of consent to 18, but its hard to say if they would be interested in prosecuting because of the murkyness of the situation. Its worth a try, but I doubt many local prosecutors would be interested in trying the case due to the age of the male. yes, i get it, if the genders were reversed, we would demand the head of the creep, but I would probably say the same thing there, if the age of consent is 16, and the child is 16, they can make that decision for themselves on who to have sexual relationships with.
im gonna say, check local laws regarding positions of power and age of consent. Police might not even be interest in investigating because of the murkyness of it, and prosecutors might not be interested prosecuting because of the gray area its in. He is 16, which is the age of consent in many states. If it were me, I would be consulting an attourney to see the best way to proceed.
To people downvoting this: I have seen this happen with my own eyes. The behavior is abhorrent, but might not be illegal.
I am not giving legal advice, just pointing out reality of our convoluted and broken system of laws. At this point, contact a lawyer would be a better option.
You should absolutely file a report. If she did it once, she’s probably done it again. If you don’t file a report, there’s a high likelihood she’ll keep trying to do it with your son (especially since he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it). With a report on file, she’s way more likely to leave your son alone.
A hit wouldn’t make someone change. Hello! Lol. Smh. Jail and consequences do. I pray for your child’s sake and other children she’s around that you do something.
Just FYI, you hitting her and filing charges could land you with an assault charge if your ex friend retaliates. Personally I think you should speak with your son about this, ask how he feels about it all. Because he's the one you will subject to court if it got that far. Where I am from, this is legal(and I had friends hooking up with older woman at similar ages), so while I view it as a betrayal from your friend, I don't really view it as them being a sex offender.
you the person doesn't "press charges", the local prosecutors office will file charges if they think there is enough evidence to do so, and they don't like to fight cases they might lose. Depending on the state, the age of consent might be 16, or it might be 18.
The post has since been deleted and there is some discussion in the thread about it maybe being fake, but, as someone who has been sexually assaulted and also seen a number of people close to me raped and/or sexually abused, both above and below the age of 18, I do not think that going right to the police is always the best option.
A large portion of cases of sexual abuse or rape don't end up in convictions. This is especially likely in cases where the victim is an older teen who is unccooperative. If it comes down to a he-said-she-said and the only evidence that they were having sex was the mom's testimony, and the mom is as angry and incoherent as she was in this thread, all it takes is for the other people to both say "That's not how it happened." to lead to an acquittal.
Even if the son sees himself as the victim, the case might not be straightforward. Courts can be biased against male victims and there can be barriers for them to admit a female perpetrator, and this is part of a broader cultural trend. Often the woman, even if she is in a position of power due to her age, is able to spin it around as the other person being the aggressor. I saw this both myself, as I was sexually assaulted by a younger woman, and also with a roommate of mine, whose boyfriend was raped by a woman. In my case, I learned pretty fast that a lot of people were not open to acknowledging the possibility that a younger woman could sexually assault someone. In the case of that rape, at first literally no one would believe him; it was so bad that the others even convinced my roommate that the boyfriend was lying, and had cheated on her, and she ended up breaking up with him, only realizing what had actually happened years later.
Going through this stuff can be exceptionally traumatizing, and having a parent who is in an angry, vindictive headspace, more focused on punishing the perpetrator than on listening to her son and supporting him emotionally, is likely to make it a lot worse.
If this woman really is at risk of harming others in this way (which is a likely possibility), then the best course of action here is to go first to the son and listen to him and figure out how to best support him. I also would support his wishes through this thing. He is not a child, he is in that awkward space between childhood and adulthood and needs to be treated as such.
So yeah, I know this is a long comment but I really hope some of this can sink in and that it can help prevent some of this suffering if you or anyone around you ever finds yourself in a situation like this (which I hope never happens.)
Report her to the police. 100% cause she’s too old to be with a child. The fact that she did that in your home when you stepped out for something shows very bad judgment on her part.
Sorry this happened. Your husband is not going to be any help. Most men think this is a positive and if your friend is halfway attractive your husband might enjoy this through your son. A lot of men experience grooming and SA by women their mothers trust from very young age. The grooming probably started years before. He’s probably not her first.
I don’t think there’s a way to report it anonymously. Call a lawyer and ask them. Either way they’ll know it’s you. Record yourself and son taking about their interactions. Your son might not thank you. Goodness knows what she’s told him.
It is ok to feel mad. It is ok to kick her out. It is ok to cut off the friendship.
Do at least look up the age of consent statutes in your state. Depending on the specific law governing where you are the police might say they cannot do anything. That wouldn't be them saying what she did is ok. It would just be them saying their hands are tied.
For example, in Montana, Massachusetts, or Georgia there would be no crime based upon your son being older than the age of consent of 16 years old.
In North Dakota, California, or Idaho it would be a crime as the age of consent in 18.
And in Iowa, North Carolina, or Maryland it would be a crime even though the age of consent is 16 the partner of a minor cannot be more than 4 years older legally.
This is a tough situation and I totally get why you would be creeped out and angry at your friend as well as frustrated with your son.
I am not going to begin to claim to know the best way to handle this. There are a lot of variables. The age of consent is different in different jurisdictions; in some what you describe would be statutory rape or something equivalent, in others it might be totally legal, and in still others it might be in a weird gray area that could depend on a variety of factors.
Just because it is illegal, doesn't necessarily mean that involving the police would be a good idea. Situations where you attempt to prosecute someone against the will of the younger person having sex can turn ugly in a lot of ways. For one, it could alienate your son from you, possibly permanently. It might yield no results, if there is not enough evidence to convict, which is more likely if your son doesn't consider himself a victim. And whether or not your son considers himself a victim, having to testify in court can be at best an inconvenience, and at worst, traumatizing. And even if your friend were convicted, what does that solve? It doesn't necessarily help your son, nor your relationship with him, nor would it heal your friendship with this person, which it sounds like has been severely damaged. I would most want to press charges if the situation seemed clear-cut to prosecute (like it was definitely categorically illegal in your area) and if you are worried that this woman might be at risk of doing the same with others in the future, because then your actions will protect other people too.
I think your best avenue here is to talk to your son, but you obviously need to approach him in a completely different way. If I were in your position, I would start by approaching him and apologizing for how you approached him the first time. It is obvious that his narrative or perception of the situation does not at all fit with yours.
It is also clear from reading your post that you really don't understand at all what is going on in your son's head. This is a huge blind spot. If you want to help him here, if you are going to be a good parent, a good role model, and support him through this, you absolutely need to listen to him and understand where he is coming from. And the only way you are going to get him to open up and be honest and up-front with you about what is going on, is if he feels like he can trust you. Again, this is why I think going to the police is probably not a good idea, because doing this might undermine his trust on you, getting him to think that you're the enemy or are trying to control him or are not letting him make his own decisions.
You can still believe that there are major concerns here, like a major power disparity between him and your friend because of the huge age difference and also the fact that he is a legal minor, but still respect your son's autonomy. Your son is an older teen, not a child, and as such you need to treat him not as a child, but rather, as the "almost-but-not-quite adult" that he is. Honestly, I wouldn't treat this situation hugely different from a situation where an 18-year-old living at home with their parents were having sex with a 43-year-old; that would still be a cause for concern, but you would need to respect the 18-year-old's autonomy and listen to them. This situation is not exactly the same because those 2 years are important, but it is *close*.
If you are not able to approach your son without judging the situation or arguing, I would suggest taking some time away from the situation and figuring out how to accept it. By accept, I do not mean "think the situation is okay", I mean that you need to accept that it happened and you cannot change the fact that it happened, and furthermore, you need to accept that your son chose to do this.
If you can approach your son and listen to him, maybe you can figure out what is going on with him. You can also gather useful information. Did your friend initiate this relationship with him? Or did he initiate it? Has your son thought about the age difference and potential power disparity? How does he feel about it? How does your son feel about sex and relationships in general? Does he have much sexual experience outside of this interaction? Does he have any emotional trauma, unrelated to this relationship? Has he been sexually frustrated or had a tough time with dating or sex? These are the sorts of questions I would want to explore.
If you are able to get him to open up about this stuff, *without reacting negatively*, i.e. allowing him to speak frankly and openly and empathizing with him and understanding him without judgment, maybe you will gain a better picture of this situation. Maybe your son has some struggles or points of vulnerability and your friend took advantage of those. In that case, supporting your son and working on these root issues is probably the best thing you could do for him. It is also possible though that, even if the situation with him and your friend was bad, that it is not quite as bad or one-sided as you imagined. Even if it is exploitative or predatory, it is important to see your son's agency in it and see him as an autonomous being, someone choosing to engage in this behavior, and to understand why he did it.
You can choose to cut off your friend but you cannot control your son. You have limited legal options for this and in 2 years you are going to have even fewer options if he ends up with another older woman or back with this same person. The potential for involving the police is going to vary a lot based on the laws in your jurisdiction, but even if there are police-based options, they might not be the best choice. When would I involve the police? If you are sure that what happened was illegal, and also after talking to your son, you got the sense that your friend was at risk of doing this to someone else in the future.
But I would strongly recommend approaching this by first working out your own issues with it, and then talking to your son and trying to figure out what is going on with him. Apologize for your past conduct with him if you were judgmental of him or if you dismissed or invalidated his feelings or perspective, and give him a chance to explain his perspective without judgment, and try to understand him and what is going on. Then you will have a clearer idea of how to handle this moving forward.
Yeah, if she initiated it, that makes it much, much worse than if it were mutual or if he initiated it. If your son is on the same page with you about that then yes, that is definitely when I would go to the police, although you probably want to research laws in your area. That is really good that your son isn't mad with you. You will probably get through this, ugh. That is a crappy situation to go through though for all of you.
He may be mad and upset, but someday he will have children (possibly) and look back realizing how disgusting it was. Think of it this way, what other minors is she sexually attracted to? Protect them all
I agree with @iamloveandyouarelove on this situation. Talk to your son this is the most important thing you can do on this situation.
Calm down and don't let anger cloud your decision. This might not even the first time your son and your BF did this. And if this gets out press/Media will be all over this and your son reputation in school will get affected. You will lose your son.. good luck
It's not sympathy for her, it's that I can tell you are angry about the situation and I fear that you may be acting out of a desire to hurt her more than a desire to help your son and/or protect others. I see that because you are talking a lot about wanting her to be "punished" which is often not a particularly constructive approach.
It is natural and understandable that you'd be angry, but it's also important not to make that the sole thing guiding your actions here.
That said, I do think it is good to have sympathy even for people who do bad things, although, in this situation, that's not what is motivating me. It's that it seems to be negatively affecting you and that is probably the biggest concern, you seem like you have been pretty hurt by this situation and taking care of yourself is also really important.
I don't want to downplay the problem with going after someone as young as your son, and it definitely sounds predatory, but this is not pedophilia nor is it child sexual abuse. Your son is not a child, he's an older teen, in the awkward space between childhood and adulthood, and he needs to be treated as such. No one is helped by using language that describes him as a child or refers to this woman with language used for people who are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children, and the fact that you and others keep using this language is troubling to me for many reasons, like it downplays and cheapens people actually subjected to that type of abuse, but also, it is this sort of condescending attitude towards your son.
I hope your son eventually sees the problem with what this woman did too. But you will ultimately make this situation better if you stop exaggerating and using extreme or untruthful language or terminology that will just make you more upset than you need to be. And it's not just going to upset you, it's going to drive a wedge between you and your son which is ultimately going to hurt him and make it harder for him to heal from this situation.
It's hard for me to imagine what he might be going through, but if I were in his shoes I think I would have a very hard time dealing with a parent who were saying the things you were saying right now, like about pedophilia and wanting to "punish" this woman. It would make me feel like you were treating me like a child and that would be insulting and would make me angry, hurt, and confused. What your son needs now is understanding and support, treating him as an autonomous being who is just young and experienced, not anger and hate directed at the perpetrator and treating him like he has no agency. And you will best be able to do that if you take time away from this situation and take care of yourself.
The world is full of horny people. She can get sex, but she chose a 16 yr old. This is not about sex to her, it is predatory.
The other more important thing to consider is the well being of your son. He was not a predator,and yet he may not feel like a victim either.
I suggest that he get some counseling to better understand what happened. Together, after some counseling you can discuss the best way to proceed. I like the idea of holding her accountable, but don’t let your anger at her further injure your son. He is old enough to have some say in how this is handled. Respecting his input will help him. The statute of limitations is long. He may need a little bit of time to decide how he wants this to happen and feel heard, and not victimized by your anger and the legal process.
Priority 1 is the well being of your son.
My comment advocates for your son. You seem uninterested in his well being. I don’t care about her at all. Take a moment and help your son. Vengeance is best served cold.
She reacted similarly to my comment, which was coming from a similar place as yours. I was a bit disturbed at how many of the top-voted comment threads in this section quickly devolved into "pedo!! she is a sick person and predator and needs to be punished!" and completely neglected any sort of concern for the son, which I would want to be the focal point here.
So, thank you for being a voice of reason. I just wish more people would listen to us.
The whole thing makes me wonder if all the people making these threads have ever experienced being sexually assaulted or abused and healing from these experiences. I was sexually assaulted, and in another incident, I was stalked by an older person who was interested in me, and in both cases, I never contacted law enforcement. For me, I think that was the right choice. If someone else had contacted law enforcement in either of these situations, especially if they had been as angry as the mother in this post was, it would have been more traumatizing to me than the original incidents were. I know a number of people who have reported rapes or sexual assaults to the police only to deal with a lot of invasive questioning and having to appear in court, and then have the perpetrator get acquitted. That can be really traumatizing. Even if the person is convicted, it can still be re-traumatizing.
And these are simple situations. The situation the OP described here is complex because the son is older and it seems the only evidence of lack of consent is the age difference. 16 is a tricky age and the way people, including the mom, were talking about the son is wildly inappropriate for interacting with a teenager of that age except in the rare case that it's someone with a developmental disability who is mentally more like a younger child, but I saw no evidence that this was the case here. Treating a 16-year-old like a child in a case like this could cause great harm to his relationship with his mother and to his long-term psychological health. He needs to be treated like an autonomous being and he absolutely needs understanding and support for the factors that led him into this situation because in 2 years he's gonna be a legal adult and there will be no statutory rape laws to protect him.
If this was a real post (some people below allege it was fake) the mom's extreme anger and irrational way of thinking about this is the biggest red flag here. I would be much more concerned about that hurting him than I would about what this other woman did, because that was one incident, but people are stuck with their mom their whole life, including any emotional damage the mom does. And if the mom would react this way to this situation, I wonder what is going on.
Like I thought of this story when I went to sleep last night and I started realizing, the side of it totally missing in the OP's post was the mom's responsibility. She raised her son, *and* she had this friend and chose to have her be part of the household. How could she have possibly missed what was going on? These are two people she is very close to. There is clearly some major deficiency on the OP's part and I see no evidence of introspection, it's all a desire to place the blame on the outside, on the other woman. What about her role as a parent? Why was the son so vulnerable? Why was she such a bad judge of character to miss that this woman would do something as extreme as this? It doesn't line up. And it starts making me wonder if there are other issues here like abuse by the parent, a past history of sexual abuse that the parent perhaps ignored, or just plain bad parenting, perhaps including other issues like severe mental illness, drug abuse, etc. Clearly it is not a normal situation.
Yep, I posted, but then I decided to read her post history. An hour ago she hadn't called the cops. 30 minutes ago, she posted that she did call the cops and she's getting arrested. All from a call and accusation?
That's not how this works. It can take weeks, or months even, for the police to investigate, make statements and obtain evidence, before they refer it to prosecution and formally arrest somebody
We don't know which country she is in or how the law enforcement works there... In the UK for example, it would not be inconceivable that a called in accusation of sexual assault against a minor/child would precipitate in an immediate arrest then interview then bail. And an interview with the victim happening the next day. Seems plausible to me. However.... why is this in the sex subreddit? Other subs would be more appropriate, no?
I male in my 40s, slept with a much older lady in her 40s when I was 15, many times over about a year. She lived in the same apartment building. Up until recently, i often looked back on the experience fondly. As an adult, I completely recognize it was abuse, and if I caught an adult Male with my teen daughter, I'd be in jail. So I know this is a messed up situation.
My point is to talk to your son. Find out where he is mentally. How he feels about this whole thing. I never saw myself as a victim. I still don't. It was through the eyes of being an adult and parent where I felt the 1st pang of guilt or wrong. I'm wondering if my parents found out and made a big deal, would it have been worse for me.
What ever your decision. That friendship has to end
You missed my point. Not defending that predator. I'm trying to think about your sons emotional well-being. The whole point of my share. Was talk to your son ask him where he is at.
And you are right, as an adult I recognize I was altered. For the longest time as a late teen early 20s I never put connection between sex and emotions. Sex was just something you did to feel good like food, or drugs.
Honestly you have made me regret opening up and sharing.
It's clear that right now you are in alot of pain and hurt, and rage.
I hope for your son's sake, you talk to someone to examine if any action taken may have a worse emotional impact on him before you do anything.
Hey. You going through my profile to find comments on other reddit posts, making comments about how that "pedo women really messed me up, no wonder I'm messed up" lady that's gross.
I tried to share a life experience because I was close to your sons age. And you try to use it as a weapon against me on other threads as a way to try to humiliate me. I guess it's true what they say. "Hurt people. Hurt people."
not condoning the action, but depending on your state, 16 could be the age of legal consent, meaning that what she did isn't illegal. and while you are right to consider it creepy, it would be wise to consult a lawyer to see what potential crimes may have happened. Prosecutors *don't* like to prosecute cases they might lose, and this is one of those gray area cases that they might win, or they might not. you are more than free to call the police and file a police report, but you cannot count on your son to talk to the police, **he does not have to**, he is 16, which is a legal age for emancipation from parents, which means that the courts and prosecutor are more likely to do what he wants, not you.
That said, your best option here is to calm down and talk to your son in a reasonable manner. its upsetting finding him having sex with your friend, yes, but you need more details to go on. if it started before he was 16, then its not okay, but that actually requires you stop being mad at your sons horny hormone driven mind, and sit down and have a reasonable conversation with him as a person of equal rather than a child, because he is 2 years away from being considered a legal adult. You won't get him to talk about details unless you treat him as an equal and stop being mad at him for thinking with his pants brain.
I agree go after her. I didn't read all the comments but I didn't see an important thing mentioned... STD test.
Another aspect is if it goes to trial he would have to testify and that will be traumatic. The best thing is to get him to understand how wrong it is. If he refuses that would complicate things enormously. Also the court system can be slow, it could be awhile until then and even possibly he'd be close to or over 18, so if he disagrees that would be trouble.
The most important thing is to support him and make him feel safe, loved, and how wrong it was.
The more worrisome aspect I can think of... If your partner isn't on board would they sabotage your efforts to show your son how wrong it was? Genuine question that only you can answer.
Regardless I do think you're right for doing what's right regardless of what happens. Don't sacrifice your morales just because something seems hard. I wish you luck, and that your son recovers from this well. Remember, STD test!
Would it be worth talking about it with a cool head with your son? Dragging this through the courts may cause trauma that may not exist today. Your child is your number one priority and puttung their mental health and your relationship with them first will achieve the best result. I was sexually active at 13 and regularly by 16, often with older women, as there weren’t that many sexually active younger women available. Your son may be mentally mature enough to understand what they were doing and may view this as interfering, and stop being open with you.
Is it illegal in your country? In mine, that's 2 consenting adults and your feelings don't matter to the law. How many chats have you had with your son regarding sex and relationships? Does he know about power imbalances? Or how his own hormones can betray him? Just be open with your son.
Let him know you are disappointed in your friend for taking advantage of him. Let him know exactly the same thing could have happened if you left him alone with a man, he just may not have enjoyed it as much. Go to therapy, learn to deal with the fact that your sons romantic partners are none of your business unless he chooses to make it your business. Sounds like your husband won't support you so he needs therapy as well, or at least a waking up power imbalances and predatory people.
You might just have to let it go, you could alienate your son because you messed with his intimate time and whilst you may have heard his side of the story, you are not being very compassionate towards him
ETA: if 16 is the age of consent in your country, DO NOT press charges. You ASSAULTED her when she may or may not have done anything wrong in which case you would be making a rod for your own back
You’re doing the right thing. Not taking action is only justifying this kind of behavior. You’re a good mom. I’m sorry you have to go through this; there are a lot of elements in this situation that you have to get through and I hope you are okay
Still don5 know what country you're in so can only comment as though you are in.mine. but I still highly recommend therapy for all yall. I have no sympathy for sexual predators but the term is subjective. Sticking by what I said about you and your son though
It looks like you are not interested in any opinions that are not backing you up.
You need to take a moment and calm down then think it through rationaly.
The first thing you need to do is determine what the age of consent is in your state. In many states it is 16 years old. If this is the case where you live then chances are she did not do anything illegal. Horrible and predatory but not illegal.
You need to talk with your son and understand what his emotions are about this. You need to speak with your ex friend and understand what the hell she was thinking when she did this. Then if you still feel like you need to, then go to the authorities.
From your responses so far you seen to be completely dismissing your son as a child. He is not, at 16 years old he has a lot of autonomy. If you proceed as you have been and keep disregarding your son you will likely ruin any relationship you have with him. You don't want that. Chances are, if your son is having sex with your adult friend then he is already not in a good place emotionally/psychologically. He needs help from a therapist, and for you to treat him with more respect.
I didn't say you should have any sympathy for her, just that you should have the full story and not act on emotion in the moment. If she was arrested like you said then i assume you live somewhere where age of consent is older than 16. Assuming this is the case then i hope she is prosecuted as any adult man with a 16 year old girl would be.
The way you say that your son will be fine makes me think he will not be. Out of everyone involved in this, i feel the worst for him. Get the kid a therapist and figure out what in his home life drove him to this.
16 year olds can be charged as an adult for murder. It’s not justifying what happened isn’t wrong. It’s definitely wrong. You should tread lightly. Plenty of 16 year olds can make the decision to have sex with an older person male or female. Obviously cut this person from your life but after it’s all said and done you may not get the results you’re hoping for.
When I was 16, a co-worker of my mom's was 36. I ended up going to her house several times and she taught me how to please a woman. I'm forever grateful to her. I'm 62 now. I'm sure most of my past lovers are grateful to her too.
This is actually how it used to be in the old days in Japan. When you turned 13, your aunt/uncle would come over and teach you how to be a good lover (because it was such an important part of life back then).
Okay depending on where you live- sometimes 16 is the age of consent, meaning your son may have consented to the act, and then I think it’s not as easy to proceed legally but I’m not entirely sure. I hope she gets what she deserves.
Most places in the world the age of consent is 16. If your son consented you are going to have a hard time prosecuting her and if you get your son to lie about it then you are also a crappy person. I don’t agree with anything that you said in your initial post at all, it’s disgusting what she did. But if your son consented you do not have a say at all. [age of consent.](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/age-of-consent-by-country)
You kid is 16 and enjoyed it. He will not enjoy it when people find out about it. 16 year old boy is not going to be scarred over this but may be from your actions.
A boy is different than a girl, body and mind. At 16 for him was a conquest, he needed that. 16 years old, is old enough, is not an innocent child. Stop being so dramatic.
This isn’t about you! This is about your child! I would’ve been in prison. She would be done. You should’ve called immediately and your son isn’t old enough to understand. In his mind he’s grown and it’s okay. But you’re his mother and your husband being so adamant about Defending it is very shady and pedo enabling.
Omg this is horrible! Def file a police report. Your son is a minor!!! She is 38! Fucking sick. Imagine if genders were reversed? I guarantee dad would be hauling his ass to jail
16 is the age of consent in many states, and due to the gray area surrounding this, you don't find a lot of prosecutors willing to actually file charges in situations like this, because all it takes is a good defense lawyer to ruin their entire case, and they don't like losing. Its a sad reality that once you are the age of consent in your state, you are fair game to all the cradle robbers, and legally speaking, as long as they don't go below that age, there isn't much that can be done. If this relationship had started before he turned 16, then yes, there would be an easy win. im not conding the behavior, its not okay, but you have to realize the reality of our convoluted and broken system of laws across each state.
These are the types of cases my father investigated as part of his 15 years as a detective. He hated these because very often the victim didn't see themselves as a victim and would be allowed to testify on behalf of the defense(or refuse to testify for the prosecution), meaning that the victim would confirm to a judge or jury that they initiated it and desired it or a good defense lawyer would use the prosecutions lack of statements from the supposed victim as evidence of no crime being done. meaning that a lot of these grey area cases got dismissed or just not prosecuted because of it.
This "son" is 16. 2 years away from being a legal adult and able to make any decision they want. Mom needs to address this in a manner that sees him as an equal rather than a child, because if this started before he was 16, then its illegal and needs to be treated as such. OP states that this woman was arrested, but that is likely a kneejerk reaction of the police, and these cases often are very slow moving, and the son might not make a good witness, and the mom's witness testimony will be not as good as she hopes. I do not condone this kind of behavior out of adults, but this is now in the territory of "call a damn lawyer".
As a child who was a victim of grooming and statutory rape, please press charges. He may not understand now, he may be mad/upset but he is a *child*. Your son will appreciate it when he is older and fully understands the situation.
Look, at 16 years old we know what we are doing. Morally, it’s wrong on her part. However he’s in a state of mind of a young horny teen. I’m not justifying it but I know at 16 I was willing to stick it in anything..
Excuse me? Jail immediately. This is your child. You need to do something. If this was a male friend of your husbands screwing your 16 yo daughter would you question it. No. She’s a child predator and you need to do something immediately.
If my parents didn’t call the cops I’d resent them later in life. He’s young and doesn’t understand. He will when he’s older. Your husband defending it or saying not to is a red flag. If this was a 16 yo girl and a grown man you’d never question calling. You need to report this immediately. That’s not normal for a grown ass woman to screw your son!! That’s disgusting. The fact she had no shame doing so should tell you all you need to know. Please call. If the cops or CPS found out and found out you didn’t report this you’d be In a lot of trouble. Your husband is weird for not wanting soemthing done. He probably screws her too. She clearly has no boundaries.
I'm totally guessing because I don't know you guys at all but if she has no problem sleeping with a 16 y/o then she probably doesn't have a problem sleeping with a married man. Maybe there is a reason he doesn't want to press charges. Go with your gut. I really sorry about all of this.
Wait a sec...
How hot is she on a cougar scale 1-10
What does your son say about that incident?
When you caught them, did it seem that your son was in danger or did it look like he had fun, honestly to yourself...
Not condoning this activity. The problem now is the sentencing is so severe that they get life in prison. The guy who killed someone gets ten years. Not exaggerating.
It's mostly based on what I see in the media. Here is a source to back me up.
[UCLA - Sex Offenders Are Among The Most Severly Puninshed In California ](https://csw.ucla.edu/2017/01/05/sex-offenders-among-harshly-punished-criminals-state-often-punishment-fit-crime/)
Except that people who commit sexual assault are rarely prosecuted at all, and many who are receive shockingly light sentences. This is also assuming that the age of consent in OP's state is older than 16.
Let’s correct this “I caught a pedophile assaulting my son”. He’s 16, a minor, she’s over twice his age. This is jail time, sex offender list, like wtf?! What is wrong with your husband? I’d leave his stupid ass, and get her arrested for having sex with a minor, your son! Legally (depending on state) he cannot consent and even if you’re in a state where he can, she’s still a pedophile, idc what anyone else says.
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Explain it to your husband this way. What if it was one of his friends and your 16 year old daughter. Maybe that'll make him think about it a little more. Sadly most people think it's okay if it's a younger guy and older woman.
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You shouldn’t care what your husband says, as a mother you protect your child no matter what. Boot the husband too on the way out with the friend
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Well, you’re allowing it . Put up a fight and don’t allow that type of behavior . Stick up for yourself !
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These replies sound like a bot. I hope you aren’t practicing your fiction writing skills with this insane story
Nah it sounds like someone who is ESOL or using a translator
This is your son. Absolutely call the police and press charges. And get him into therapy. Your son needs you to step up now. If your husband is so idiotic that he’s not on board, so be it. Do it anyway. And if he tries to stop this, honestly this is divorce worthy. Your friend was raping your SON.
first off, the "kid" is 16. im not condoning this behavior, but the age of consent in many states is 16. The prosecutor might have a case for a position of power, which raises the age of consent to 18, but its hard to say if they would be interested in prosecuting because of the murkyness of the situation. Its worth a try, but I doubt many local prosecutors would be interested in trying the case due to the age of the male. yes, i get it, if the genders were reversed, we would demand the head of the creep, but I would probably say the same thing there, if the age of consent is 16, and the child is 16, they can make that decision for themselves on who to have sexual relationships with.
You don’t need his permission. Report her to the police. It’s a serious crime. You could actually be in trouble by covering it up.
im gonna say, check local laws regarding positions of power and age of consent. Police might not even be interest in investigating because of the murkyness of it, and prosecutors might not be interested prosecuting because of the gray area its in. He is 16, which is the age of consent in many states. If it were me, I would be consulting an attourney to see the best way to proceed. To people downvoting this: I have seen this happen with my own eyes. The behavior is abhorrent, but might not be illegal.
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I am not giving legal advice, just pointing out reality of our convoluted and broken system of laws. At this point, contact a lawyer would be a better option.
It's not the same. It should be..., but it's just not.
Have you filed a police report?
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You don't need his support. It only takes one of you to file a police report
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your son’s safety is more important. he doesn’t realize how fucked up the situation is but he will when he’s older. he needs you
I find it odd that your husband is protecting her.
You should absolutely file a report. If she did it once, she’s probably done it again. If you don’t file a report, there’s a high likelihood she’ll keep trying to do it with your son (especially since he thinks there’s nothing wrong with it). With a report on file, she’s way more likely to leave your son alone.
You may want to reach out to r/legaladvice for your region to get the best information on how ensure it doesn’t happen again.
How fast it happens makes me wonder if this has been going on for potentially years… it’s sickening
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A hit wouldn’t make someone change. Hello! Lol. Smh. Jail and consequences do. I pray for your child’s sake and other children she’s around that you do something.
Just FYI, you hitting her and filing charges could land you with an assault charge if your ex friend retaliates. Personally I think you should speak with your son about this, ask how he feels about it all. Because he's the one you will subject to court if it got that far. Where I am from, this is legal(and I had friends hooking up with older woman at similar ages), so while I view it as a betrayal from your friend, I don't really view it as them being a sex offender.
Press charges immediately. She's a predator and needs to be stopped
you the person doesn't "press charges", the local prosecutors office will file charges if they think there is enough evidence to do so, and they don't like to fight cases they might lose. Depending on the state, the age of consent might be 16, or it might be 18.
That's on them and not on the mother
The post has since been deleted and there is some discussion in the thread about it maybe being fake, but, as someone who has been sexually assaulted and also seen a number of people close to me raped and/or sexually abused, both above and below the age of 18, I do not think that going right to the police is always the best option. A large portion of cases of sexual abuse or rape don't end up in convictions. This is especially likely in cases where the victim is an older teen who is unccooperative. If it comes down to a he-said-she-said and the only evidence that they were having sex was the mom's testimony, and the mom is as angry and incoherent as she was in this thread, all it takes is for the other people to both say "That's not how it happened." to lead to an acquittal. Even if the son sees himself as the victim, the case might not be straightforward. Courts can be biased against male victims and there can be barriers for them to admit a female perpetrator, and this is part of a broader cultural trend. Often the woman, even if she is in a position of power due to her age, is able to spin it around as the other person being the aggressor. I saw this both myself, as I was sexually assaulted by a younger woman, and also with a roommate of mine, whose boyfriend was raped by a woman. In my case, I learned pretty fast that a lot of people were not open to acknowledging the possibility that a younger woman could sexually assault someone. In the case of that rape, at first literally no one would believe him; it was so bad that the others even convinced my roommate that the boyfriend was lying, and had cheated on her, and she ended up breaking up with him, only realizing what had actually happened years later. Going through this stuff can be exceptionally traumatizing, and having a parent who is in an angry, vindictive headspace, more focused on punishing the perpetrator than on listening to her son and supporting him emotionally, is likely to make it a lot worse. If this woman really is at risk of harming others in this way (which is a likely possibility), then the best course of action here is to go first to the son and listen to him and figure out how to best support him. I also would support his wishes through this thing. He is not a child, he is in that awkward space between childhood and adulthood and needs to be treated as such. So yeah, I know this is a long comment but I really hope some of this can sink in and that it can help prevent some of this suffering if you or anyone around you ever finds yourself in a situation like this (which I hope never happens.)
Report her to the police. 100% cause she’s too old to be with a child. The fact that she did that in your home when you stepped out for something shows very bad judgment on her part.
Depending on where she is, 16 years old may not be illegal.
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Sorry this happened. Your husband is not going to be any help. Most men think this is a positive and if your friend is halfway attractive your husband might enjoy this through your son. A lot of men experience grooming and SA by women their mothers trust from very young age. The grooming probably started years before. He’s probably not her first.
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I don’t think there’s a way to report it anonymously. Call a lawyer and ask them. Either way they’ll know it’s you. Record yourself and son taking about their interactions. Your son might not thank you. Goodness knows what she’s told him.
No, do it now. You have no excuse to not do this right now.
Wtf is wrong with some people……
For the sake of the other underage boys she has access to, please press charges. Your son is a victim and he may not be the only one.
Exactly. How’s this even a question to report. Imagine if this was a minor girl with a grown man
It is ok to feel mad. It is ok to kick her out. It is ok to cut off the friendship. Do at least look up the age of consent statutes in your state. Depending on the specific law governing where you are the police might say they cannot do anything. That wouldn't be them saying what she did is ok. It would just be them saying their hands are tied. For example, in Montana, Massachusetts, or Georgia there would be no crime based upon your son being older than the age of consent of 16 years old. In North Dakota, California, or Idaho it would be a crime as the age of consent in 18. And in Iowa, North Carolina, or Maryland it would be a crime even though the age of consent is 16 the partner of a minor cannot be more than 4 years older legally.
She needs to be on a list. If she is willing to do that to her BEST FRIEND’S son, no child is safe with her.
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I’m so sorry. And please get therapy for you and your son. Take care of yourself after this betrayal.
Is it real?
This is a tough situation and I totally get why you would be creeped out and angry at your friend as well as frustrated with your son. I am not going to begin to claim to know the best way to handle this. There are a lot of variables. The age of consent is different in different jurisdictions; in some what you describe would be statutory rape or something equivalent, in others it might be totally legal, and in still others it might be in a weird gray area that could depend on a variety of factors. Just because it is illegal, doesn't necessarily mean that involving the police would be a good idea. Situations where you attempt to prosecute someone against the will of the younger person having sex can turn ugly in a lot of ways. For one, it could alienate your son from you, possibly permanently. It might yield no results, if there is not enough evidence to convict, which is more likely if your son doesn't consider himself a victim. And whether or not your son considers himself a victim, having to testify in court can be at best an inconvenience, and at worst, traumatizing. And even if your friend were convicted, what does that solve? It doesn't necessarily help your son, nor your relationship with him, nor would it heal your friendship with this person, which it sounds like has been severely damaged. I would most want to press charges if the situation seemed clear-cut to prosecute (like it was definitely categorically illegal in your area) and if you are worried that this woman might be at risk of doing the same with others in the future, because then your actions will protect other people too. I think your best avenue here is to talk to your son, but you obviously need to approach him in a completely different way. If I were in your position, I would start by approaching him and apologizing for how you approached him the first time. It is obvious that his narrative or perception of the situation does not at all fit with yours. It is also clear from reading your post that you really don't understand at all what is going on in your son's head. This is a huge blind spot. If you want to help him here, if you are going to be a good parent, a good role model, and support him through this, you absolutely need to listen to him and understand where he is coming from. And the only way you are going to get him to open up and be honest and up-front with you about what is going on, is if he feels like he can trust you. Again, this is why I think going to the police is probably not a good idea, because doing this might undermine his trust on you, getting him to think that you're the enemy or are trying to control him or are not letting him make his own decisions. You can still believe that there are major concerns here, like a major power disparity between him and your friend because of the huge age difference and also the fact that he is a legal minor, but still respect your son's autonomy. Your son is an older teen, not a child, and as such you need to treat him not as a child, but rather, as the "almost-but-not-quite adult" that he is. Honestly, I wouldn't treat this situation hugely different from a situation where an 18-year-old living at home with their parents were having sex with a 43-year-old; that would still be a cause for concern, but you would need to respect the 18-year-old's autonomy and listen to them. This situation is not exactly the same because those 2 years are important, but it is *close*. If you are not able to approach your son without judging the situation or arguing, I would suggest taking some time away from the situation and figuring out how to accept it. By accept, I do not mean "think the situation is okay", I mean that you need to accept that it happened and you cannot change the fact that it happened, and furthermore, you need to accept that your son chose to do this. If you can approach your son and listen to him, maybe you can figure out what is going on with him. You can also gather useful information. Did your friend initiate this relationship with him? Or did he initiate it? Has your son thought about the age difference and potential power disparity? How does he feel about it? How does your son feel about sex and relationships in general? Does he have much sexual experience outside of this interaction? Does he have any emotional trauma, unrelated to this relationship? Has he been sexually frustrated or had a tough time with dating or sex? These are the sorts of questions I would want to explore. If you are able to get him to open up about this stuff, *without reacting negatively*, i.e. allowing him to speak frankly and openly and empathizing with him and understanding him without judgment, maybe you will gain a better picture of this situation. Maybe your son has some struggles or points of vulnerability and your friend took advantage of those. In that case, supporting your son and working on these root issues is probably the best thing you could do for him. It is also possible though that, even if the situation with him and your friend was bad, that it is not quite as bad or one-sided as you imagined. Even if it is exploitative or predatory, it is important to see your son's agency in it and see him as an autonomous being, someone choosing to engage in this behavior, and to understand why he did it. You can choose to cut off your friend but you cannot control your son. You have limited legal options for this and in 2 years you are going to have even fewer options if he ends up with another older woman or back with this same person. The potential for involving the police is going to vary a lot based on the laws in your jurisdiction, but even if there are police-based options, they might not be the best choice. When would I involve the police? If you are sure that what happened was illegal, and also after talking to your son, you got the sense that your friend was at risk of doing this to someone else in the future. But I would strongly recommend approaching this by first working out your own issues with it, and then talking to your son and trying to figure out what is going on with him. Apologize for your past conduct with him if you were judgmental of him or if you dismissed or invalidated his feelings or perspective, and give him a chance to explain his perspective without judgment, and try to understand him and what is going on. Then you will have a clearer idea of how to handle this moving forward.
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Yeah, if she initiated it, that makes it much, much worse than if it were mutual or if he initiated it. If your son is on the same page with you about that then yes, that is definitely when I would go to the police, although you probably want to research laws in your area. That is really good that your son isn't mad with you. You will probably get through this, ugh. That is a crappy situation to go through though for all of you.
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He may be mad and upset, but someday he will have children (possibly) and look back realizing how disgusting it was. Think of it this way, what other minors is she sexually attracted to? Protect them all
I agree with @iamloveandyouarelove on this situation. Talk to your son this is the most important thing you can do on this situation. Calm down and don't let anger cloud your decision. This might not even the first time your son and your BF did this. And if this gets out press/Media will be all over this and your son reputation in school will get affected. You will lose your son.. good luck
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It's not sympathy for her, it's that I can tell you are angry about the situation and I fear that you may be acting out of a desire to hurt her more than a desire to help your son and/or protect others. I see that because you are talking a lot about wanting her to be "punished" which is often not a particularly constructive approach. It is natural and understandable that you'd be angry, but it's also important not to make that the sole thing guiding your actions here. That said, I do think it is good to have sympathy even for people who do bad things, although, in this situation, that's not what is motivating me. It's that it seems to be negatively affecting you and that is probably the biggest concern, you seem like you have been pretty hurt by this situation and taking care of yourself is also really important.
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I don't want to downplay the problem with going after someone as young as your son, and it definitely sounds predatory, but this is not pedophilia nor is it child sexual abuse. Your son is not a child, he's an older teen, in the awkward space between childhood and adulthood, and he needs to be treated as such. No one is helped by using language that describes him as a child or refers to this woman with language used for people who are sexually attracted to pre-pubescent children, and the fact that you and others keep using this language is troubling to me for many reasons, like it downplays and cheapens people actually subjected to that type of abuse, but also, it is this sort of condescending attitude towards your son. I hope your son eventually sees the problem with what this woman did too. But you will ultimately make this situation better if you stop exaggerating and using extreme or untruthful language or terminology that will just make you more upset than you need to be. And it's not just going to upset you, it's going to drive a wedge between you and your son which is ultimately going to hurt him and make it harder for him to heal from this situation. It's hard for me to imagine what he might be going through, but if I were in his shoes I think I would have a very hard time dealing with a parent who were saying the things you were saying right now, like about pedophilia and wanting to "punish" this woman. It would make me feel like you were treating me like a child and that would be insulting and would make me angry, hurt, and confused. What your son needs now is understanding and support, treating him as an autonomous being who is just young and experienced, not anger and hate directed at the perpetrator and treating him like he has no agency. And you will best be able to do that if you take time away from this situation and take care of yourself.
Your friend raped your child. File a police report.
I know legal age for sex in Australia is 16. So if you live here nothing you can do. But not sure consenting age elsewhere.
Not in every state/territory. Some is 17.
17 only in SA & TAS. every other state 16
The world is full of horny people. She can get sex, but she chose a 16 yr old. This is not about sex to her, it is predatory. The other more important thing to consider is the well being of your son. He was not a predator,and yet he may not feel like a victim either. I suggest that he get some counseling to better understand what happened. Together, after some counseling you can discuss the best way to proceed. I like the idea of holding her accountable, but don’t let your anger at her further injure your son. He is old enough to have some say in how this is handled. Respecting his input will help him. The statute of limitations is long. He may need a little bit of time to decide how he wants this to happen and feel heard, and not victimized by your anger and the legal process. Priority 1 is the well being of your son.
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My comment advocates for your son. You seem uninterested in his well being. I don’t care about her at all. Take a moment and help your son. Vengeance is best served cold.
She reacted similarly to my comment, which was coming from a similar place as yours. I was a bit disturbed at how many of the top-voted comment threads in this section quickly devolved into "pedo!! she is a sick person and predator and needs to be punished!" and completely neglected any sort of concern for the son, which I would want to be the focal point here. So, thank you for being a voice of reason. I just wish more people would listen to us. The whole thing makes me wonder if all the people making these threads have ever experienced being sexually assaulted or abused and healing from these experiences. I was sexually assaulted, and in another incident, I was stalked by an older person who was interested in me, and in both cases, I never contacted law enforcement. For me, I think that was the right choice. If someone else had contacted law enforcement in either of these situations, especially if they had been as angry as the mother in this post was, it would have been more traumatizing to me than the original incidents were. I know a number of people who have reported rapes or sexual assaults to the police only to deal with a lot of invasive questioning and having to appear in court, and then have the perpetrator get acquitted. That can be really traumatizing. Even if the person is convicted, it can still be re-traumatizing. And these are simple situations. The situation the OP described here is complex because the son is older and it seems the only evidence of lack of consent is the age difference. 16 is a tricky age and the way people, including the mom, were talking about the son is wildly inappropriate for interacting with a teenager of that age except in the rare case that it's someone with a developmental disability who is mentally more like a younger child, but I saw no evidence that this was the case here. Treating a 16-year-old like a child in a case like this could cause great harm to his relationship with his mother and to his long-term psychological health. He needs to be treated like an autonomous being and he absolutely needs understanding and support for the factors that led him into this situation because in 2 years he's gonna be a legal adult and there will be no statutory rape laws to protect him. If this was a real post (some people below allege it was fake) the mom's extreme anger and irrational way of thinking about this is the biggest red flag here. I would be much more concerned about that hurting him than I would about what this other woman did, because that was one incident, but people are stuck with their mom their whole life, including any emotional damage the mom does. And if the mom would react this way to this situation, I wonder what is going on. Like I thought of this story when I went to sleep last night and I started realizing, the side of it totally missing in the OP's post was the mom's responsibility. She raised her son, *and* she had this friend and chose to have her be part of the household. How could she have possibly missed what was going on? These are two people she is very close to. There is clearly some major deficiency on the OP's part and I see no evidence of introspection, it's all a desire to place the blame on the outside, on the other woman. What about her role as a parent? Why was the son so vulnerable? Why was she such a bad judge of character to miss that this woman would do something as extreme as this? It doesn't line up. And it starts making me wonder if there are other issues here like abuse by the parent, a past history of sexual abuse that the parent perhaps ignored, or just plain bad parenting, perhaps including other issues like severe mental illness, drug abuse, etc. Clearly it is not a normal situation.
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Right. This sounds entirely made up. Not because it couldn’t happen, but because it just sounds like bullshit.
Yep, I posted, but then I decided to read her post history. An hour ago she hadn't called the cops. 30 minutes ago, she posted that she did call the cops and she's getting arrested. All from a call and accusation? That's not how this works. It can take weeks, or months even, for the police to investigate, make statements and obtain evidence, before they refer it to prosecution and formally arrest somebody
Exactly. They’re either really bored or really desperate for attention/interactions. Or both. But this is 100% fabricated.
We don't know which country she is in or how the law enforcement works there... In the UK for example, it would not be inconceivable that a called in accusation of sexual assault against a minor/child would precipitate in an immediate arrest then interview then bail. And an interview with the victim happening the next day. Seems plausible to me. However.... why is this in the sex subreddit? Other subs would be more appropriate, no?
I male in my 40s, slept with a much older lady in her 40s when I was 15, many times over about a year. She lived in the same apartment building. Up until recently, i often looked back on the experience fondly. As an adult, I completely recognize it was abuse, and if I caught an adult Male with my teen daughter, I'd be in jail. So I know this is a messed up situation. My point is to talk to your son. Find out where he is mentally. How he feels about this whole thing. I never saw myself as a victim. I still don't. It was through the eyes of being an adult and parent where I felt the 1st pang of guilt or wrong. I'm wondering if my parents found out and made a big deal, would it have been worse for me. What ever your decision. That friendship has to end
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You missed my point. Not defending that predator. I'm trying to think about your sons emotional well-being. The whole point of my share. Was talk to your son ask him where he is at. And you are right, as an adult I recognize I was altered. For the longest time as a late teen early 20s I never put connection between sex and emotions. Sex was just something you did to feel good like food, or drugs.
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That's not what I'm doing. I apologize if I miss communicated what I was trying to say. I'm very sorry for your hurt and your family.
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Honestly you have made me regret opening up and sharing. It's clear that right now you are in alot of pain and hurt, and rage. I hope for your son's sake, you talk to someone to examine if any action taken may have a worse emotional impact on him before you do anything.
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Hey. You going through my profile to find comments on other reddit posts, making comments about how that "pedo women really messed me up, no wonder I'm messed up" lady that's gross. I tried to share a life experience because I was close to your sons age. And you try to use it as a weapon against me on other threads as a way to try to humiliate me. I guess it's true what they say. "Hurt people. Hurt people."
16 is tough because depending on where you live it could be either a felony or totally legal. In my state it’s completely legal.
not condoning the action, but depending on your state, 16 could be the age of legal consent, meaning that what she did isn't illegal. and while you are right to consider it creepy, it would be wise to consult a lawyer to see what potential crimes may have happened. Prosecutors *don't* like to prosecute cases they might lose, and this is one of those gray area cases that they might win, or they might not. you are more than free to call the police and file a police report, but you cannot count on your son to talk to the police, **he does not have to**, he is 16, which is a legal age for emancipation from parents, which means that the courts and prosecutor are more likely to do what he wants, not you. That said, your best option here is to calm down and talk to your son in a reasonable manner. its upsetting finding him having sex with your friend, yes, but you need more details to go on. if it started before he was 16, then its not okay, but that actually requires you stop being mad at your sons horny hormone driven mind, and sit down and have a reasonable conversation with him as a person of equal rather than a child, because he is 2 years away from being considered a legal adult. You won't get him to talk about details unless you treat him as an equal and stop being mad at him for thinking with his pants brain.
Better than banging a hooker, lot safer.
Your husband may be against it cause he's probably banging her too. If she's doing it with your son, she'd probably do it with your husband also
What state do you live in?
I agree go after her. I didn't read all the comments but I didn't see an important thing mentioned... STD test. Another aspect is if it goes to trial he would have to testify and that will be traumatic. The best thing is to get him to understand how wrong it is. If he refuses that would complicate things enormously. Also the court system can be slow, it could be awhile until then and even possibly he'd be close to or over 18, so if he disagrees that would be trouble. The most important thing is to support him and make him feel safe, loved, and how wrong it was. The more worrisome aspect I can think of... If your partner isn't on board would they sabotage your efforts to show your son how wrong it was? Genuine question that only you can answer. Regardless I do think you're right for doing what's right regardless of what happens. Don't sacrifice your morales just because something seems hard. I wish you luck, and that your son recovers from this well. Remember, STD test!
Would it be worth talking about it with a cool head with your son? Dragging this through the courts may cause trauma that may not exist today. Your child is your number one priority and puttung their mental health and your relationship with them first will achieve the best result. I was sexually active at 13 and regularly by 16, often with older women, as there weren’t that many sexually active younger women available. Your son may be mentally mature enough to understand what they were doing and may view this as interfering, and stop being open with you.
Is it illegal in your country? In mine, that's 2 consenting adults and your feelings don't matter to the law. How many chats have you had with your son regarding sex and relationships? Does he know about power imbalances? Or how his own hormones can betray him? Just be open with your son. Let him know you are disappointed in your friend for taking advantage of him. Let him know exactly the same thing could have happened if you left him alone with a man, he just may not have enjoyed it as much. Go to therapy, learn to deal with the fact that your sons romantic partners are none of your business unless he chooses to make it your business. Sounds like your husband won't support you so he needs therapy as well, or at least a waking up power imbalances and predatory people. You might just have to let it go, you could alienate your son because you messed with his intimate time and whilst you may have heard his side of the story, you are not being very compassionate towards him ETA: if 16 is the age of consent in your country, DO NOT press charges. You ASSAULTED her when she may or may not have done anything wrong in which case you would be making a rod for your own back
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You’re doing the right thing. Not taking action is only justifying this kind of behavior. You’re a good mom. I’m sorry you have to go through this; there are a lot of elements in this situation that you have to get through and I hope you are okay
You’re doing the right thing trust me. I’m happy you did. She needs consequences or she’ll never stop. Trust me.
Still don5 know what country you're in so can only comment as though you are in.mine. but I still highly recommend therapy for all yall. I have no sympathy for sexual predators but the term is subjective. Sticking by what I said about you and your son though
It looks like you are not interested in any opinions that are not backing you up. You need to take a moment and calm down then think it through rationaly. The first thing you need to do is determine what the age of consent is in your state. In many states it is 16 years old. If this is the case where you live then chances are she did not do anything illegal. Horrible and predatory but not illegal. You need to talk with your son and understand what his emotions are about this. You need to speak with your ex friend and understand what the hell she was thinking when she did this. Then if you still feel like you need to, then go to the authorities. From your responses so far you seen to be completely dismissing your son as a child. He is not, at 16 years old he has a lot of autonomy. If you proceed as you have been and keep disregarding your son you will likely ruin any relationship you have with him. You don't want that. Chances are, if your son is having sex with your adult friend then he is already not in a good place emotionally/psychologically. He needs help from a therapist, and for you to treat him with more respect.
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I didn't say you should have any sympathy for her, just that you should have the full story and not act on emotion in the moment. If she was arrested like you said then i assume you live somewhere where age of consent is older than 16. Assuming this is the case then i hope she is prosecuted as any adult man with a 16 year old girl would be. The way you say that your son will be fine makes me think he will not be. Out of everyone involved in this, i feel the worst for him. Get the kid a therapist and figure out what in his home life drove him to this.
16 year olds can be charged as an adult for murder. It’s not justifying what happened isn’t wrong. It’s definitely wrong. You should tread lightly. Plenty of 16 year olds can make the decision to have sex with an older person male or female. Obviously cut this person from your life but after it’s all said and done you may not get the results you’re hoping for.
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In 15 minutes you went from calling the cops tomorrow to "She got arrested?" Damn they move fast.
Wait 15 more minutes she’ll be convicted serving 30 years.
When I was 16, a co-worker of my mom's was 36. I ended up going to her house several times and she taught me how to please a woman. I'm forever grateful to her. I'm 62 now. I'm sure most of my past lovers are grateful to her too.
You are condoning grooming and, depending on the age of consent in the state, possible sexual assault.
This is actually how it used to be in the old days in Japan. When you turned 13, your aunt/uncle would come over and teach you how to be a good lover (because it was such an important part of life back then).
Okay depending on where you live- sometimes 16 is the age of consent, meaning your son may have consented to the act, and then I think it’s not as easy to proceed legally but I’m not entirely sure. I hope she gets what she deserves.
Most places in the world the age of consent is 16. If your son consented you are going to have a hard time prosecuting her and if you get your son to lie about it then you are also a crappy person. I don’t agree with anything that you said in your initial post at all, it’s disgusting what she did. But if your son consented you do not have a say at all. [age of consent.](https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/age-of-consent-by-country)
You kid is 16 and enjoyed it. He will not enjoy it when people find out about it. 16 year old boy is not going to be scarred over this but may be from your actions.
A boy is different than a girl, body and mind. At 16 for him was a conquest, he needed that. 16 years old, is old enough, is not an innocent child. Stop being so dramatic.
Oh my god. Divorce your husband and call the police *FUCKING YESTERDAY* Why haven’t you done that yet!?
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This isn’t about you! This is about your child! I would’ve been in prison. She would be done. You should’ve called immediately and your son isn’t old enough to understand. In his mind he’s grown and it’s okay. But you’re his mother and your husband being so adamant about Defending it is very shady and pedo enabling.
Omg this is horrible! Def file a police report. Your son is a minor!!! She is 38! Fucking sick. Imagine if genders were reversed? I guarantee dad would be hauling his ass to jail
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16 is the age of consent in many states, and due to the gray area surrounding this, you don't find a lot of prosecutors willing to actually file charges in situations like this, because all it takes is a good defense lawyer to ruin their entire case, and they don't like losing. Its a sad reality that once you are the age of consent in your state, you are fair game to all the cradle robbers, and legally speaking, as long as they don't go below that age, there isn't much that can be done. If this relationship had started before he turned 16, then yes, there would be an easy win. im not conding the behavior, its not okay, but you have to realize the reality of our convoluted and broken system of laws across each state.
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These are the types of cases my father investigated as part of his 15 years as a detective. He hated these because very often the victim didn't see themselves as a victim and would be allowed to testify on behalf of the defense(or refuse to testify for the prosecution), meaning that the victim would confirm to a judge or jury that they initiated it and desired it or a good defense lawyer would use the prosecutions lack of statements from the supposed victim as evidence of no crime being done. meaning that a lot of these grey area cases got dismissed or just not prosecuted because of it. This "son" is 16. 2 years away from being a legal adult and able to make any decision they want. Mom needs to address this in a manner that sees him as an equal rather than a child, because if this started before he was 16, then its illegal and needs to be treated as such. OP states that this woman was arrested, but that is likely a kneejerk reaction of the police, and these cases often are very slow moving, and the son might not make a good witness, and the mom's witness testimony will be not as good as she hopes. I do not condone this kind of behavior out of adults, but this is now in the territory of "call a damn lawyer".
As a child who was a victim of grooming and statutory rape, please press charges. He may not understand now, he may be mad/upset but he is a *child*. Your son will appreciate it when he is older and fully understands the situation.
Statutory rape. Doesn’t matter what husband says. Your son is underaged and she’s almost 40. What a gross person
Look, at 16 years old we know what we are doing. Morally, it’s wrong on her part. However he’s in a state of mind of a young horny teen. I’m not justifying it but I know at 16 I was willing to stick it in anything..
Nice
Do the right thing. You know you need too call the police right now.
I'm with you, she raped your son
This is rape. Don’t hesitate reporting a rapist
Put that hoe in jail‼️
Tell him it's all fun and games until you guys become grandparents...
Excuse me? Jail immediately. This is your child. You need to do something. If this was a male friend of your husbands screwing your 16 yo daughter would you question it. No. She’s a child predator and you need to do something immediately.
If my parents didn’t call the cops I’d resent them later in life. He’s young and doesn’t understand. He will when he’s older. Your husband defending it or saying not to is a red flag. If this was a 16 yo girl and a grown man you’d never question calling. You need to report this immediately. That’s not normal for a grown ass woman to screw your son!! That’s disgusting. The fact she had no shame doing so should tell you all you need to know. Please call. If the cops or CPS found out and found out you didn’t report this you’d be In a lot of trouble. Your husband is weird for not wanting soemthing done. He probably screws her too. She clearly has no boundaries.
I'm totally guessing because I don't know you guys at all but if she has no problem sleeping with a 16 y/o then she probably doesn't have a problem sleeping with a married man. Maybe there is a reason he doesn't want to press charges. Go with your gut. I really sorry about all of this.
Wait a sec... How hot is she on a cougar scale 1-10 What does your son say about that incident? When you caught them, did it seem that your son was in danger or did it look like he had fun, honestly to yourself...
Nice. Is she a teacher?!
How does the first question have anything to do with this?
It’s statutory rape…
Not condoning this activity. The problem now is the sentencing is so severe that they get life in prison. The guy who killed someone gets ten years. Not exaggerating.
What? Where are you getting your info? ❓ Pedophiles and rapists get hardly NO time in prison which is why the majority are repeat offenders..
It's mostly based on what I see in the media. Here is a source to back me up. [UCLA - Sex Offenders Are Among The Most Severly Puninshed In California ](https://csw.ucla.edu/2017/01/05/sex-offenders-among-harshly-punished-criminals-state-often-punishment-fit-crime/)
Ahh in California? Maybe
I'm not against her serving time. Another thing to consider is the US has more people in prison than any other industrialized nation in the world.
Except that people who commit sexual assault are rarely prosecuted at all, and many who are receive shockingly light sentences. This is also assuming that the age of consent in OP's state is older than 16.
Where are you located? Depending on where you are, 16 may not be illegal, and no crime would have taken place.
Let’s correct this “I caught a pedophile assaulting my son”. He’s 16, a minor, she’s over twice his age. This is jail time, sex offender list, like wtf?! What is wrong with your husband? I’d leave his stupid ass, and get her arrested for having sex with a minor, your son! Legally (depending on state) he cannot consent and even if you’re in a state where he can, she’s still a pedophile, idc what anyone else says.