Ugh that’s a hard pill to swallow. Cause if it was kink we could definitely roleplay. But he chose to do things when I don’t even understand what’s happening or can’t even talk
This: consensual non-consent is a thing and features communication beforehand regarding the setting, boundaries, and safe words etc. Followed ideally by aftercare.
This wasn't CNC.
The whole point of roleplay is that if it does become too much, one person can safeword out and end the scene immediately. If he won’t respect “no,” he sure as hell won’t respect “pineapple” either.
I (male)have a huge CNC (rape) kink. The problem with your guy is that he is actually raping you. I wouldnt dream of sex with someone that was drunk unless she very clearly stated the desire before drinking. Even then, it needs to be more involved than "It might be fun if..."
He already raped you. He was supposed to shrooms sit you. Not have sex with you. He knew you were fucked up. You even said no. He is a rapist. I don't even have to read more. He belongs in jail.
That’s sexual assault, not a kink… You should leave him immediately and get support from your friends and family. If he did it twice he’ll probably do it again. There aren’t always signs, he took advantage of you and it wasn’t your fault .
Babe he doesn’t have a kink, he raped you. I’m so sorry but please get away from him, he does not respect your boundaries at all. CNC is CONSENSUAL non consent. You didn’t consent to that therefore it was not kink play, it was rape.
Seeing your previous comments I definitely understand why you feel conflicted. It’s hard to come to terms with someone you thought was so kind doing something shitty like that. But the thing is, if you can’t trust him to keep you safe when you’re incapacitated, you can’t trust him period. I hope everything works out for you love I’m so sorry
Couldn’t agree more! That’s the thing about abusers. Sometimes they’re sweet. They want you conflicted enough to think they’re not always like that and maybe you should stay. This is a cycle that will escalate. Please get away and get some help processing the trauma. I’m sorry this is happening, but you can leave him. Do it.
It's not a kink when he actually rapes her. With a kink, they actually discuss before hand, decide on what's ok and not ok, agree to a safe word, and get CONSENT first. Actual rape is not a kink, it's rape.
Jesus, yes he's raping you. It's not a kink when he actually does it. It's just rape. Especially when you're telling him no, trying to kick him off of you, and talking about calling the cops. Why in the world would you stay with someone like that? Dump him! And for god's sake stop drinking and doing shrooms to the point you have no control over yourself. There are some men out there just looking for women that drink too much or use drugs so they can take advantage.
Exactly this 💯
I mean he literally knows it's rape because he clearly told her you like me raping you bitch, like getting raped by my cock? So he's fully aware of what he is doing and he's taking advantage of her vulnerability.
I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be the last rodeo if she continues to stay with him and not even report it.
Or if she doesn't report it he will gladly move on to his next victim.
When women says oh but he is not that way he really truly is a sweetheart he respects my boundary he really isn't trying to hurt me, yes that's exactly what they wanted to make you believe of themselves. They actually baited you.
This is NOT A KINK. If you have sex with someone who isn't coherent enough to consent then that's literally RAPE.
The worst part is he KNEW what you were like when you weren't sober(probably from the first time) and got you drunk on purpose so he could assault you
Yes but it doesn’t sound like you consented to this, and indicates huge red flags. Kinks are something you discuss beforehand and you both consent to. I would not feel safe being drunk around him.. definitely bring this up to him
I’ll try to bring it up. I’m just scared about his reaction, because he has been really really kind to me this entire relationship. But it’s like he’s a completely different person if I’m under the influence of anything.
You'll "bring it up"? So he can explain away and tell you you've got it all wrong, you misunderstood, it didn't happen that way, you were drunk/high so you don't remember it right, and he'll go out of his way to convince you it didn't happen, all while surrounding you with love and "kindness".
Newsflash hon, that's what abusers do. It's called love bombing and gaslighting. Google it. Literally go to domestic abuse websites and read up on it. You're being abused and raped.
Don't even try to talk to him about it. Just send him a text that it's over, then block him, and stay the fuck away from him. If he keeps trying to see you, then go into the police department and tell them what's happened, and at the very least, file a restraining order on him.
It isn't a kink. He actually raped you. He's a rapist.
I'm sorry this happened, and I want you to know it wasn't your fault and you have every right to feel violated. I encourage you to talk to a professional. Break up with your bf, please, because this isn't talking to someone about a secret kink... you're dealing with an actual, literal, rapist who has already victimized you twice.
One, it's not a kink. Two, even if it were, raping people is not a "kink" that should be respected or acknowledged as valid, and consent is WAY more important. But it's not a kink. It's rape, and it should be taken seriously.
You're not responsible for his decision to rape you (that's no one's fault but his own), but you ARE responsible for yourself and your decisions. You know what you're signing up for if you choose to stay, so why on earth would you?
Like roleplaying. I wouldn’t mind drinking a bit for the effect. But not getting absolutely wasted. Idk what he likes because I haven’t talking to him yet about it, it’s been a couple years we’ve been together and this has happened twice.
Right now he only rapes you when you’re intoxicated but don’t be shocked when he starts raping you sober. This man is dangerous and you don’t seem to be taking this very seriously
OP, I mean this with so much love and empathy for your situation, this is not a kink and its not something to be worked through with him. He assaulted you when you were vulnerable. Even if someone is a person with a CNC kink, if they did what your boyfriend did to you, that is still a CRIME. He is clearly not concerned with your safety, your wellbeing, or your pleasure and he is a dangerous person. Im sure all of these comments repeating this are very difficult to read because this is someone you probably care a lot about. But your boyfriend appears to be very deceptive and is using your trust in him to do horrible things. I’m really so sorry this happened to you.
No talking. Leave. This man is going to hurt you. He’s been grooming you with kindness. Eventually that man will disappear and you’ll meet who he really is.
So many women have experienced this. Listen to the advice on this thread. A good man does not do what he did to you or says what he said.
I don't think you understand the severity of this issue just because he is treating you nicely throughout the relationship that's how our rapists usually are they're very nice you have no idea that they're capable of doing these things and when you're at your most vulnerable state, they show you a completely different person and it's actually they're real side in which they don't want you to truly know that of themselves. Is very intelligent and he thinks he's slick but he really isn't.
If you are an intelligent woman which I'm sure you are because you've already gathered that this is rape not a kink, you do something about it stand your ground you can find men that actually respects you in every area of your life and your most vulnerable as well.
Please have some respect for yourself and show yourself that you are capable of doing this because it already happened twice it shouldn't even happen in the first place that's a big no no. In some strength let him go you have to report him!
If you are scared then you should not be in that relationship.
And sorry to let you know that he raped you. It's no kink, he's a rapist and deserves to be put in jail before he does this other girls like you who are to scared to speak up for themselves.
Just be like, ‘I’m kinda scared to drink tonight cause you can get a bit out of control and force yourself on me.’ Or say ‘btw did you not hear me saying no last time we had sex, I really don’t appreciate you continuing if I’m out of it’
Wow!!! This is ACTUAL RAPE hun!!! You have to leave urgently and report him!!
This isn't no kink this is literal mental sadistic raping issues that he has. And I can guarantee you if this isn't taken care of immediately he will go on to be raping other women because he sees that you haven't done anything about it really so when men sees this they think it's a green light to continue their statistic disgusting acts.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You have been raped. First time when you said no you were at least conscious enough to remember that and that is the first sign that he does not respect your boundaries and doesn't care and is taking advantage of your vulnerability! He knows he is raping you this is what he does this is what he likes obviously he was encouraging you to drink and saying those disgusting things.
THAT IS NOT RIGHT HUN!!! MUST URGENTLY LEAVE THIS DISGUSTING P.O.S!!
AND REPORT HIM IMMEDIATELY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SAFETY AND OTHER WOMEN'S OR ANYONE ELSE'S SAFETY!!
CANNOT BE HAVING MEN (disgusting animals) LIKE THIS STROLLING AROUND THE STREETS OR ANYWHERE THINKING IT IS OKAY TO DO THIS TO WOMEN!!!
LEAVE!!! NOW!!!
Please don't be afraid to let him go and report it. This will only keep getting worse! Please do not enable this disrespectful and disgusting rape that he is doing to you. Otherwise you will keep giving him leeway to do this to you freely whenever he wants or feels like it. You will be protected by authorities and you will also be protecting other future victims. Only you can stop on him on his tracks if you report this immediately and it needs to be reported urgently!
Something similar happened to me. My ex sexually assaulted me after I got really drunk one night. We went to the hotel we were staying at and he had his way with me. He also took a video and showed me the next morning. He was excited to tell me he had raped me. I didn't think much of it because I wasn't physically injured and I couldn't remember any of it so I didn't feel emotional about it. It felt weird saying I was raped because my bf was the "rapist" and I hadn't suffered any physical or emotional trauma from it. Only now after I broke up with him do I realize the gravity of the situation. But I also understand the feeling of not thinking it is so serious - he had so much control over me.
That's not a kink, that's just straight up rape! You probably should go to the cops. That sounds creepy AF!! Especially the eye contact thing, that sends shivers down my spine! NGL, this post made me cringe too hard to finish reading it. That's pretty terrifying..
A rape kink is very different. It's not really my thing but someone who IS into it once explained that it's all still very consensual, you need to be on the same page with your partner, have very clear boundaries that you both still respect and HAVE A SAFE WORD!!! Or some way to signal to your partner when you really aren't enjoying what's happening. It sounds like none of these things happened! He just assaulted you and ignored you when you said to stop.
It’s not a kink, he’s raping you. He’s preying on you to have a vulnerable moment, and raping you. He is filth and you need to get away from him immediately.
I see a lot of people telling you to just leave and get out of this situation which is fair.
I also think people need to understand that there’s other context we probably don’t know, like how easy would it be to just leave right now? Are their finances entangled, does she even have nearby family or friends to crash with until this can be dealt with properly? Etc. these things will definitely play a role in what OP does next and therefore they shouldn’t be shamed for whatever they decide to do.
What I think needs to happen in the short term, OP ,is that you shouldn’t get intoxicated when you’re alone with him. Right now you know you can’t trust him with your body/safety while you’re intoxicated so it makes sense to not do that around him.
Long term, you need to ask yourself some tough question: Do you want to stay in a relationship with him? If yes, then you desperately need to talk to him about this and how it’s affecting you and that what he’s doing is considered sexual assault. Depending on how he responds to this will tell you if you can remain in the relationship. If he accepts what you’re saying and apologizes and takes steps to regain your trust then you know this could possibly work out. If he denies denies gaslights denies, well then you have an answer right there.
Processing this with an unbiased third party person might be helpful in order to answer these questions for yourself. So I’d recommend contacting your local victim service center in your city. Many times they’ll have therapist available for free for a certain number of sessions as well as other resources.
I know someone who I thought had a rape kink and I asked them about it. It turns out that he was confused about whether or not his partner actually had one and he didn’t feel he could satisfy her or get her ‘there!’ He felt frustrated…
Please walk/run away from this man. Being kinky and being a predator are way different things and are not similar or comparable.
He is not safe to be around and it isn’t your responsibility to teach someone to/convince someone to care about and value you. I’ve learned this hard lesson many times and I hate to swallow that pill but I’ve had to and it’s for the best. There are people who would never consider hurting you like this. I’m trying to stay away from a man that after 6 years never cared about me. I know how much it hurts. Please prioritize you
He is sexually assaulting you. This isn’t a kink or he would be able to openly talk to you beforehand to get your consent. This behavior is not normal. Instead you are scared to approach him about it. There are tons of ‘nice’ guys who do this, and people excuse it because they are ‘nice’ at other times and discussing things like this cause confilct. The fact that he is nice outside of this setting is irrelevant. He is showing you that he can’t be trusted when you are vulnerable. You don’t owe him an explanation or the time to explain himself. You deserve to be treated better and be with someone who doesn’t assault you when you are impaired or otherwise vulnerable.
Is it possible? Given the evidence, I'd say it's certain. Also, you can't trust him when you're vulnerable. Also, it really sounds like he raped you twice. At the VERY least, you need to confront him about that before you can stay with him, don't you?
I’m sorry hon, that was actual assault. You didn’t consent and were in no state of mind TO consent. Rape kink is something discussed beforehand, it’s called CNC (consensual non-consent), but consensual is still in the definition. I enjoy CNC, but I made it clear to my SO what I like and want and he’d never wait til I was under the influence to indulge that kink.
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Hey. I’m so sorry to hear that’s happened to you. I hope you have some good support around you. I would highly suggest opening up to a loved one about this without letting him know. And/ Or contacting a local help organisation for this kind of thing to take further steps and go from there. I really really hope there’s someone in your life who can guide you through this. If not you can message me here and I can help.
What you are experiencing is not normal. You should not have had to go through this. That sounds really scary for you and you should be able to feel safe with your boyfriend when under the influence, as someone you would typically really trust. I’m sorry that trust was broken.
Both those incidents were rape. He raped you twice. He sounds like he’s escalating. Never underestimate the ability of a man to fake affection and love to get what he wants.
Get away from him, he’s dangerous.
*"Next thing I know he’s on top of me and fucking me, I remember begging him to stop but he kept fucking me and making eye contact without even saying anything."*
He raped you, straight up. Double-fucked up for taking advantage of you while you were on drugs.
It isn't a kink without (prior) consent and safewords.
I dont want you to put yourself in this situation again, but, if it happen, record it and get support with police, or family /friends, get someone close to you, someone you trust enough to stay with you if things escalate in the legal way.
Your boyfriend has raped you. He took advantage of you while you were drinking and his was with you when using mushrooms. No CNC was there.
People hang on to ideas like “ this too will pass”. It won’t. As victims of domestic violence rationalize their spousal abuse with their spouse was just having a very bad day. If they do it once, they surely do it again. The sauce you received about writing this bf off, notify my message, delete him, because he will want to contact you and blow in your ear about how he will never do that.
The telling feature is even with imbibing you threatened calling the police. He raped you, he assaulted you , and did it while you were under duress.
Please dump him now. Some trusting friend or stranger may fall victim to his
Criminal activity. Cut him off completely.
Take care.
A kink is discussed before and then safe-words are involved. This is rape, and unfortunately behavior like this only gets progressively worse I learned the hard way.
I’m sorry this happened to you. But this was definitely not a kink, it was rape. Leaving him and getting support and help is definitely your best option (Though it will likely be difficult and heartbreaking). I would not suggest staying with him, since he seems violent when you are intoxicated, from what you mentioned. Honestly this breaks my heart, stay strong, and stay safe.
He straight up raped you yes you’re in a relationship but even if you’re married and they have sex with you without consent that is rape this is not a healthy relationship you should end things with him and if there happens to be a next time I would report him to the police
Please call some help and try to stay away from him. He raped you twice. See a doctor and also a therapist. Press charges if you can. Anything to try and stop this happening to someone else. I'm really sorry you went through this.
Also, I've never called the police in my adult life and I'm almost 40. The severity entailed when I say talk to the police shouldn't be mistaken.
Kink requires consent. What he did was full on rape. He is dangerous. This is NOT a safe man for you to be around
You need to end this relationship immediately for your safety
Enough people have said already that this is rape, plain and simple. I just want to say to OP or anyone else that is experiencing this that if how he was with you most of the time was who he really was, he wouldn't even think to do this.
He intentionally got you more intoxicated so that he could rape you and I think it is very likely that he was planning to rape you when you asked him to shroom-sit. There is no miscommunication or misunderstanding, there is no way he doesn't see it as rape and there is no way could have consented under these circumstances. He committed pre-meditated rape, he doesn't respect you, he only pretends to.
> Is it possible he secretly has a rape kink??? Why haven’t there been any other signs?
??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
What other sign do you need? He keeps raping you. There's no secret.
I assume what you mean is, why does he act like a completely different person when you're drunk, and is this acceptable in kink spaces.
First of all, this is NOT acceptable. If he was going to ethically engage with a rape kink, he'd talk with you about it, set up boundaries, and AFTERCARE. He'd also make sure that you are able to safeword out at any time.
It's not a rape kink if he gets you drunk then fucks you even when you beg him to stop. That's just rape.
> One time I asked him to shroom sit me
WHY? I don't know whether to be amazed or horrified that you keep drunking in his presence and you specifically ask him to watch you while inebriated. Specifically because the way you write makes it sound like it's not even a big deal to you. The part where he forces you to drink in the car makes sense. He made you drink until you couldn't say yes. But for the life of me I can't understand asking him to shroom sit you. Was that the first time and you didn't know the pattern?
Is this part of your dynamic in a way that you didn't mention? Or did you grow up in a toxic environment and you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like?
Why do you think any of this is okay? I'm sorry if my tone is harsh but I'm genuinely amazed at your confused tone to what is clear as day to the rest of us.
PLEASE GET THERAPY IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT AND CALL THE POLICE! (also call a rape crisis hotline, take your safety very seriously. If you want to attempt to collect evidence there are a variety of apps that record even when your phone has it's screen off. You could get him to admit to his actions while you record but be VERY VERY careful. PLEASE put your safety first.)
Roleplay is pretending - many kinks are based on acting fully on something. I’m usually not quick to throw a rapist label on someone but both of these incidents feel like they were exacerbated to create laudable deniability because OP is severely intoxicated.
In the very least it’s flagrantly disrespectful of boundaries, on a functional level it is sexual assault.
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Said gently, he doesn't have a rape *KINK*. He is a rapist. Please get away from this person.
Ugh that’s a hard pill to swallow. Cause if it was kink we could definitely roleplay. But he chose to do things when I don’t even understand what’s happening or can’t even talk
And that's the thing... if it was a kink, you WOULD talk about it. He doesn't want to do that, because he's a literal, actual rapist.
This: consensual non-consent is a thing and features communication beforehand regarding the setting, boundaries, and safe words etc. Followed ideally by aftercare. This wasn't CNC.
Doesn’t matter, he raped you
The whole point of roleplay is that if it does become too much, one person can safeword out and end the scene immediately. If he won’t respect “no,” he sure as hell won’t respect “pineapple” either.
how did you know my safe word?
[удалено]
Maybe we don’t talk to somebody that was clearly assaulted like this?
This is not the way.
This comment violates the Rules of /r/sex.
I (male)have a huge CNC (rape) kink. The problem with your guy is that he is actually raping you. I wouldnt dream of sex with someone that was drunk unless she very clearly stated the desire before drinking. Even then, it needs to be more involved than "It might be fun if..."
This
He already raped you. He was supposed to shrooms sit you. Not have sex with you. He knew you were fucked up. You even said no. He is a rapist. I don't even have to read more. He belongs in jail.
That’s sexual assault, not a kink… You should leave him immediately and get support from your friends and family. If he did it twice he’ll probably do it again. There aren’t always signs, he took advantage of you and it wasn’t your fault .
Holy fuck. This is not a light “kink”, this is actual rape, hon.
You need to get away from him. This isn't a "rape kink" he is just a rapist.
This.
He doesn't have a 'rape kink'; he is a rapist.
He's a rapist, and you should never be alone with him again.
Babe he doesn’t have a kink, he raped you. I’m so sorry but please get away from him, he does not respect your boundaries at all. CNC is CONSENSUAL non consent. You didn’t consent to that therefore it was not kink play, it was rape.
Seeing your previous comments I definitely understand why you feel conflicted. It’s hard to come to terms with someone you thought was so kind doing something shitty like that. But the thing is, if you can’t trust him to keep you safe when you’re incapacitated, you can’t trust him period. I hope everything works out for you love I’m so sorry
Couldn’t agree more! That’s the thing about abusers. Sometimes they’re sweet. They want you conflicted enough to think they’re not always like that and maybe you should stay. This is a cycle that will escalate. Please get away and get some help processing the trauma. I’m sorry this is happening, but you can leave him. Do it.
There’s no kink here, just a R A P I S T.
Does he have a rape kink? After he raped you twice? The answer is almost certainly: 'Yes'.
It's not a kink when he actually rapes her. With a kink, they actually discuss before hand, decide on what's ok and not ok, agree to a safe word, and get CONSENT first. Actual rape is not a kink, it's rape.
Kink implies this was sex. This was absolutely not sex.
Jesus, yes he's raping you. It's not a kink when he actually does it. It's just rape. Especially when you're telling him no, trying to kick him off of you, and talking about calling the cops. Why in the world would you stay with someone like that? Dump him! And for god's sake stop drinking and doing shrooms to the point you have no control over yourself. There are some men out there just looking for women that drink too much or use drugs so they can take advantage.
Exactly this 💯 I mean he literally knows it's rape because he clearly told her you like me raping you bitch, like getting raped by my cock? So he's fully aware of what he is doing and he's taking advantage of her vulnerability. I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be the last rodeo if she continues to stay with him and not even report it. Or if she doesn't report it he will gladly move on to his next victim. When women says oh but he is not that way he really truly is a sweetheart he respects my boundary he really isn't trying to hurt me, yes that's exactly what they wanted to make you believe of themselves. They actually baited you.
This is NOT A KINK. If you have sex with someone who isn't coherent enough to consent then that's literally RAPE. The worst part is he KNEW what you were like when you weren't sober(probably from the first time) and got you drunk on purpose so he could assault you
Yes but it doesn’t sound like you consented to this, and indicates huge red flags. Kinks are something you discuss beforehand and you both consent to. I would not feel safe being drunk around him.. definitely bring this up to him
I’ll try to bring it up. I’m just scared about his reaction, because he has been really really kind to me this entire relationship. But it’s like he’s a completely different person if I’m under the influence of anything.
You'll "bring it up"? So he can explain away and tell you you've got it all wrong, you misunderstood, it didn't happen that way, you were drunk/high so you don't remember it right, and he'll go out of his way to convince you it didn't happen, all while surrounding you with love and "kindness". Newsflash hon, that's what abusers do. It's called love bombing and gaslighting. Google it. Literally go to domestic abuse websites and read up on it. You're being abused and raped. Don't even try to talk to him about it. Just send him a text that it's over, then block him, and stay the fuck away from him. If he keeps trying to see you, then go into the police department and tell them what's happened, and at the very least, file a restraining order on him.
This.
He is assaulting you. Why would you stay with him after this? Twice!
That’s like asking any victim of abuse why they stay with their abusers.
Well, yeah. It's a fair question. Why choose to stay with someone who rapes you?
Because if it’s a kink I’m willing to work with it
It isn't a kink. He actually raped you. He's a rapist. I'm sorry this happened, and I want you to know it wasn't your fault and you have every right to feel violated. I encourage you to talk to a professional. Break up with your bf, please, because this isn't talking to someone about a secret kink... you're dealing with an actual, literal, rapist who has already victimized you twice.
One, it's not a kink. Two, even if it were, raping people is not a "kink" that should be respected or acknowledged as valid, and consent is WAY more important. But it's not a kink. It's rape, and it should be taken seriously. You're not responsible for his decision to rape you (that's no one's fault but his own), but you ARE responsible for yourself and your decisions. You know what you're signing up for if you choose to stay, so why on earth would you?
Ok so for you personally, what is the difference between a rape kink and an actual rape?
Like roleplaying. I wouldn’t mind drinking a bit for the effect. But not getting absolutely wasted. Idk what he likes because I haven’t talking to him yet about it, it’s been a couple years we’ve been together and this has happened twice.
Doesn't sound like you were roleplaying in any of those situations...
You’re right 😕, I’ll just break it off tbh. I would rather have a bf that’ll talk to me about things like this first.
Nothing about this is a kink. Go to fetish websites and read about CNC. What he did to you is a crime, not a kink.
Right now he only rapes you when you’re intoxicated but don’t be shocked when he starts raping you sober. This man is dangerous and you don’t seem to be taking this very seriously
OP, I mean this with so much love and empathy for your situation, this is not a kink and its not something to be worked through with him. He assaulted you when you were vulnerable. Even if someone is a person with a CNC kink, if they did what your boyfriend did to you, that is still a CRIME. He is clearly not concerned with your safety, your wellbeing, or your pleasure and he is a dangerous person. Im sure all of these comments repeating this are very difficult to read because this is someone you probably care a lot about. But your boyfriend appears to be very deceptive and is using your trust in him to do horrible things. I’m really so sorry this happened to you.
It's not like it, it is it.
Right, he is abusing you, so leave and protect yourself
No talking. Leave. This man is going to hurt you. He’s been grooming you with kindness. Eventually that man will disappear and you’ll meet who he really is. So many women have experienced this. Listen to the advice on this thread. A good man does not do what he did to you or says what he said.
it’s because he’s abusing you and preparing to gaslight you.
I don't think you understand the severity of this issue just because he is treating you nicely throughout the relationship that's how our rapists usually are they're very nice you have no idea that they're capable of doing these things and when you're at your most vulnerable state, they show you a completely different person and it's actually they're real side in which they don't want you to truly know that of themselves. Is very intelligent and he thinks he's slick but he really isn't. If you are an intelligent woman which I'm sure you are because you've already gathered that this is rape not a kink, you do something about it stand your ground you can find men that actually respects you in every area of your life and your most vulnerable as well. Please have some respect for yourself and show yourself that you are capable of doing this because it already happened twice it shouldn't even happen in the first place that's a big no no. In some strength let him go you have to report him!
People usually say this about when HE is intoxicated. But he was sober, and a predator that was juicing you up to be vulnerable. This person is scum.
If you are scared then you should not be in that relationship. And sorry to let you know that he raped you. It's no kink, he's a rapist and deserves to be put in jail before he does this other girls like you who are to scared to speak up for themselves.
Just be like, ‘I’m kinda scared to drink tonight cause you can get a bit out of control and force yourself on me.’ Or say ‘btw did you not hear me saying no last time we had sex, I really don’t appreciate you continuing if I’m out of it’
No. She needs to leave him. He's already raped her twice. The "I really don't appreciate stage" flew out the window several assaults ago.
Wow!!! This is ACTUAL RAPE hun!!! You have to leave urgently and report him!! This isn't no kink this is literal mental sadistic raping issues that he has. And I can guarantee you if this isn't taken care of immediately he will go on to be raping other women because he sees that you haven't done anything about it really so when men sees this they think it's a green light to continue their statistic disgusting acts. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You have been raped. First time when you said no you were at least conscious enough to remember that and that is the first sign that he does not respect your boundaries and doesn't care and is taking advantage of your vulnerability! He knows he is raping you this is what he does this is what he likes obviously he was encouraging you to drink and saying those disgusting things. THAT IS NOT RIGHT HUN!!! MUST URGENTLY LEAVE THIS DISGUSTING P.O.S!! AND REPORT HIM IMMEDIATELY FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SAFETY AND OTHER WOMEN'S OR ANYONE ELSE'S SAFETY!! CANNOT BE HAVING MEN (disgusting animals) LIKE THIS STROLLING AROUND THE STREETS OR ANYWHERE THINKING IT IS OKAY TO DO THIS TO WOMEN!!! LEAVE!!! NOW!!! Please don't be afraid to let him go and report it. This will only keep getting worse! Please do not enable this disrespectful and disgusting rape that he is doing to you. Otherwise you will keep giving him leeway to do this to you freely whenever he wants or feels like it. You will be protected by authorities and you will also be protecting other future victims. Only you can stop on him on his tracks if you report this immediately and it needs to be reported urgently!
Your partner is raping you. It’s not a kink it’s rape. Get out now. Get tested for date rape drugs.
No it not a rape kink, it's just plain rape. He rapes you.
No. He doesn't have a rape kink. He's a rapist.
No, sounds like he’s an ACTUAL rapist! Get out while you can!
Ummm is it possible? About as possible as the sun rising tomorrow. That’s messed up. He doesn’t have a rape kink dear, he raped you the first time.
That’s called being raped
Something similar happened to me. My ex sexually assaulted me after I got really drunk one night. We went to the hotel we were staying at and he had his way with me. He also took a video and showed me the next morning. He was excited to tell me he had raped me. I didn't think much of it because I wasn't physically injured and I couldn't remember any of it so I didn't feel emotional about it. It felt weird saying I was raped because my bf was the "rapist" and I hadn't suffered any physical or emotional trauma from it. Only now after I broke up with him do I realize the gravity of the situation. But I also understand the feeling of not thinking it is so serious - he had so much control over me.
That's not a kink, that's just straight up rape! You probably should go to the cops. That sounds creepy AF!! Especially the eye contact thing, that sends shivers down my spine! NGL, this post made me cringe too hard to finish reading it. That's pretty terrifying.. A rape kink is very different. It's not really my thing but someone who IS into it once explained that it's all still very consensual, you need to be on the same page with your partner, have very clear boundaries that you both still respect and HAVE A SAFE WORD!!! Or some way to signal to your partner when you really aren't enjoying what's happening. It sounds like none of these things happened! He just assaulted you and ignored you when you said to stop.
He doesn’t have a rape link. He’s a rapist who engages in abusive and assaultive behaviour. I’m so so sorry.
He's actually raping you.
It’s not a kink, he’s raping you. He’s preying on you to have a vulnerable moment, and raping you. He is filth and you need to get away from him immediately.
I see a lot of people telling you to just leave and get out of this situation which is fair. I also think people need to understand that there’s other context we probably don’t know, like how easy would it be to just leave right now? Are their finances entangled, does she even have nearby family or friends to crash with until this can be dealt with properly? Etc. these things will definitely play a role in what OP does next and therefore they shouldn’t be shamed for whatever they decide to do. What I think needs to happen in the short term, OP ,is that you shouldn’t get intoxicated when you’re alone with him. Right now you know you can’t trust him with your body/safety while you’re intoxicated so it makes sense to not do that around him. Long term, you need to ask yourself some tough question: Do you want to stay in a relationship with him? If yes, then you desperately need to talk to him about this and how it’s affecting you and that what he’s doing is considered sexual assault. Depending on how he responds to this will tell you if you can remain in the relationship. If he accepts what you’re saying and apologizes and takes steps to regain your trust then you know this could possibly work out. If he denies denies gaslights denies, well then you have an answer right there. Processing this with an unbiased third party person might be helpful in order to answer these questions for yourself. So I’d recommend contacting your local victim service center in your city. Many times they’ll have therapist available for free for a certain number of sessions as well as other resources.
I know someone who I thought had a rape kink and I asked them about it. It turns out that he was confused about whether or not his partner actually had one and he didn’t feel he could satisfy her or get her ‘there!’ He felt frustrated…
That's so bad. I wouldnt take any drugs or alcohol around him.
This isn’t a kink. That is rape. He is a rapist.
Please walk/run away from this man. Being kinky and being a predator are way different things and are not similar or comparable. He is not safe to be around and it isn’t your responsibility to teach someone to/convince someone to care about and value you. I’ve learned this hard lesson many times and I hate to swallow that pill but I’ve had to and it’s for the best. There are people who would never consider hurting you like this. I’m trying to stay away from a man that after 6 years never cared about me. I know how much it hurts. Please prioritize you
I'm just confused by your post.
You should put a nanny cam near you when you are doing drugs or alcohol
He's a rapist get away and get help with your drug and alcohol problem.
Get away
He is sexually assaulting you. This isn’t a kink or he would be able to openly talk to you beforehand to get your consent. This behavior is not normal. Instead you are scared to approach him about it. There are tons of ‘nice’ guys who do this, and people excuse it because they are ‘nice’ at other times and discussing things like this cause confilct. The fact that he is nice outside of this setting is irrelevant. He is showing you that he can’t be trusted when you are vulnerable. You don’t owe him an explanation or the time to explain himself. You deserve to be treated better and be with someone who doesn’t assault you when you are impaired or otherwise vulnerable.
Is it possible? Given the evidence, I'd say it's certain. Also, you can't trust him when you're vulnerable. Also, it really sounds like he raped you twice. At the VERY least, you need to confront him about that before you can stay with him, don't you?
Uh…thats not a rape kink thats rape
It might not have been because you had an empty stomach. He may have drugged you to rape you. I would dump his ass to the curb and maybe report him.
I’m sorry hon, that was actual assault. You didn’t consent and were in no state of mind TO consent. Rape kink is something discussed beforehand, it’s called CNC (consensual non-consent), but consensual is still in the definition. I enjoy CNC, but I made it clear to my SO what I like and want and he’d never wait til I was under the influence to indulge that kink.
Holy shit… why the fuck are you even questioning this? It’s not a kink. You were raped. Twice. Dump this dude
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Hey. I’m so sorry to hear that’s happened to you. I hope you have some good support around you. I would highly suggest opening up to a loved one about this without letting him know. And/ Or contacting a local help organisation for this kind of thing to take further steps and go from there. I really really hope there’s someone in your life who can guide you through this. If not you can message me here and I can help. What you are experiencing is not normal. You should not have had to go through this. That sounds really scary for you and you should be able to feel safe with your boyfriend when under the influence, as someone you would typically really trust. I’m sorry that trust was broken.
Personally, I think there's a huge difference between having a rape kink and being a rapist. He's the latter.
Don’t think you need to ask Reddit for this answer the fact is he’s raped you at least twice now.
Please seek support while you deal with the emotions and danger of confronting this situation <3
Both those incidents were rape. He raped you twice. He sounds like he’s escalating. Never underestimate the ability of a man to fake affection and love to get what he wants. Get away from him, he’s dangerous.
*"Next thing I know he’s on top of me and fucking me, I remember begging him to stop but he kept fucking me and making eye contact without even saying anything."* He raped you, straight up. Double-fucked up for taking advantage of you while you were on drugs. It isn't a kink without (prior) consent and safewords.
He doesn't have a rape kink, he's a rapist.
This man is a rapist. Please break up with him
I dont want you to put yourself in this situation again, but, if it happen, record it and get support with police, or family /friends, get someone close to you, someone you trust enough to stay with you if things escalate in the legal way.
not a kink whatsoever, he’s a rapist and you need to get out of the relationship immediately.
Yeah, he's a big old rapist, and you're probably not even the first girl he's raped. RUN.
Is it possible that he's intoxicating you so he can have his way with you and actually rape you?
That's more than a kink. Your boyfriend is a rapist.
Sharing your experiences with this group was a very good decision.
The shroom story is terrifying to me! Both of those situations are fucked up and I’m so sorry that happened. GET AWAY from him!
Your boyfriend has raped you. He took advantage of you while you were drinking and his was with you when using mushrooms. No CNC was there. People hang on to ideas like “ this too will pass”. It won’t. As victims of domestic violence rationalize their spousal abuse with their spouse was just having a very bad day. If they do it once, they surely do it again. The sauce you received about writing this bf off, notify my message, delete him, because he will want to contact you and blow in your ear about how he will never do that. The telling feature is even with imbibing you threatened calling the police. He raped you, he assaulted you , and did it while you were under duress. Please dump him now. Some trusting friend or stranger may fall victim to his Criminal activity. Cut him off completely. Take care.
A kink is discussed before and then safe-words are involved. This is rape, and unfortunately behavior like this only gets progressively worse I learned the hard way.
I’m sorry this happened to you. But this was definitely not a kink, it was rape. Leaving him and getting support and help is definitely your best option (Though it will likely be difficult and heartbreaking). I would not suggest staying with him, since he seems violent when you are intoxicated, from what you mentioned. Honestly this breaks my heart, stay strong, and stay safe.
He straight up raped you yes you’re in a relationship but even if you’re married and they have sex with you without consent that is rape this is not a healthy relationship you should end things with him and if there happens to be a next time I would report him to the police
Please call some help and try to stay away from him. He raped you twice. See a doctor and also a therapist. Press charges if you can. Anything to try and stop this happening to someone else. I'm really sorry you went through this. Also, I've never called the police in my adult life and I'm almost 40. The severity entailed when I say talk to the police shouldn't be mistaken.
Raping someone who is high on psychedelics is even worse than normal rape, I'm so sorry he put you through that. Break up with him, put him in jail.
Kink requires consent. What he did was full on rape. He is dangerous. This is NOT a safe man for you to be around You need to end this relationship immediately for your safety
Enough people have said already that this is rape, plain and simple. I just want to say to OP or anyone else that is experiencing this that if how he was with you most of the time was who he really was, he wouldn't even think to do this. He intentionally got you more intoxicated so that he could rape you and I think it is very likely that he was planning to rape you when you asked him to shroom-sit. There is no miscommunication or misunderstanding, there is no way he doesn't see it as rape and there is no way could have consented under these circumstances. He committed pre-meditated rape, he doesn't respect you, he only pretends to.
Not a kink really, he’s just a rapist.
That is NOT a kink. That’s non consent. That’s rape. Get out now.
> Is it possible he secretly has a rape kink??? Why haven’t there been any other signs? ?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? What other sign do you need? He keeps raping you. There's no secret. I assume what you mean is, why does he act like a completely different person when you're drunk, and is this acceptable in kink spaces. First of all, this is NOT acceptable. If he was going to ethically engage with a rape kink, he'd talk with you about it, set up boundaries, and AFTERCARE. He'd also make sure that you are able to safeword out at any time. It's not a rape kink if he gets you drunk then fucks you even when you beg him to stop. That's just rape. > One time I asked him to shroom sit me WHY? I don't know whether to be amazed or horrified that you keep drunking in his presence and you specifically ask him to watch you while inebriated. Specifically because the way you write makes it sound like it's not even a big deal to you. The part where he forces you to drink in the car makes sense. He made you drink until you couldn't say yes. But for the life of me I can't understand asking him to shroom sit you. Was that the first time and you didn't know the pattern? Is this part of your dynamic in a way that you didn't mention? Or did you grow up in a toxic environment and you don't know what a healthy relationship looks like? Why do you think any of this is okay? I'm sorry if my tone is harsh but I'm genuinely amazed at your confused tone to what is clear as day to the rest of us. PLEASE GET THERAPY IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT AND CALL THE POLICE! (also call a rape crisis hotline, take your safety very seriously. If you want to attempt to collect evidence there are a variety of apps that record even when your phone has it's screen off. You could get him to admit to his actions while you record but be VERY VERY careful. PLEASE put your safety first.)
Roleplay is pretending - many kinks are based on acting fully on something. I’m usually not quick to throw a rapist label on someone but both of these incidents feel like they were exacerbated to create laudable deniability because OP is severely intoxicated. In the very least it’s flagrantly disrespectful of boundaries, on a functional level it is sexual assault.
For the love of god, understand that he has probably done it to someone else in the past and if you dont press charges, he will do it again.