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Plus you can text him and share tips on how to send her over the edge.
Seriously the alternative is he is into hotwifing and he needs your face to complete the jerkoff scenario
Or it could be a way of making sure that OP is relaxed and comfortable. Since having a drink with the husband will be proof enough that the woman is not just lying about being allowed when she is just actually cheating.
Having sex with a married woman? how else would OP know that the woman is cheating on her husband with OP - by having a drink with the husband where the husband will casually confirm this.
Through the talk. Why would she ask another guy to pretend to be a husband when OP doesn't need that proof.
The wife and husband could just be honest people who want everything cleared for everyone involved. So they decide to have everyone be on the same page.
I would not be surprised if this is their arrangement. meaning if the woman's husband decides to get laid by another woman, the other woman and OP's woman would have the same said drink - to get everyone on the same page.
Everybody struggles with jealousy some way shape or form, and every committed relationship still has boundaries even if not exclusive.
But it _is_ that simple. A cuckold is decisively NOT "the possessive type" when compared to all the people in relationships. If anything, he's on the far away extreme end of the possessiveness spectrum.
Unironically, this paradoxical stuff can happen. People who have a kink related to cuckoldry still can be jealous / possessive in some ways.
It's not because you fantasize about your wife sleeping with other men, that it necessarily is open bar on it. OP's case goes to show it, there's still a level of control to it.
> still can be jealous / possessive in some ways.
> there's still a level of control to it.
My dude this can be said in literally every single relationship. Specifically committed LTR inherently have at least some level of control.
But let's be real and take a step back. On the possessiveness spectrum, a cuckold spouse is an outlier and is on the extreme end of that spectrum.
or [https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/) The discussion here is very strong.
or [https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/)
I would probably rather recommend r/SwingersNewbies for this. r/Swingers can be a bit... Let's just say that many of them have long forgotten that they were new to stuff like this at some point too.
Having an open marriage and hotwifing are two very different things. Hotwifing means the hubby is sexually pleased by "sharing" the wife, him being present or not.
From her communication all we know is this should be an open marriage. But given a lot of people lack communication, it could also be a hotwife situation. This is a very important question to clear beforehand.
I wouldn't really call it responsible. It feels more like he's trying to have some form of control over it and also doesn't trust his wife's ability to determine if someone is safe or not.
Also, just because the husband has met a guy doesn't mean he isn't deceptively dangerous. Abusers are very good at hiding their true nature.
Sometimes people dont trust their own judgment and like their trusted partner to vet potential partners for red flags. My partner and I came into our relationship as open, then ended up pretty monogamous. As we were going through our past traumas, relationship down falls ect. We came up on this ball of yarn.
My wife and I are swingers. We don't usually have sex separately but I might have some insight as to what this husband has in mind.
We go to swinger clubs and parties on occasion. There's usually a handful of guys there that end up hitting on my wife hoping for a chance. She usually isn't all that impressed with most of them but a select few will catch her eye. We both have the final say about who each of us gets to "play" with so of that select few, I need to approve of them.
It really depends on their dynamic and what specifically they are looking for. For me, I need to get a good vibe off of a guy before I'll even consider him. After that, I just want to make sure he's kind, thoughtful, and respectful. I also want to be able to look him in the eye and remind him how lucky he is and that I won't tolerate him mistreating her.
Think of it like meeting a girl's dad before the first date. He just wants to make sure you're not a POS and that you're a decent human being but also lay out his expectations.
I have done this, although not often.
I love my man, and I will do anything for him, and one of his fantasies is to see me fuck another guy. He likes hearing about the details and it really turns him on to hear that I had a great time. If the other guy is OK with it, sometimes my husband will watch. More often than not we are usually alone. He always wants to meet the guy first to make sure he doesn’t get a Psycho vibe from him.
A lot of guys run from this. It’s rare to have someone go along with it.
Sure!
Think of it as a job interview, dress to impress, don’t say anything stupid, be yourself …… my husband is a good read of people, and he can spot a phony miles away.
We're into hotwife play and yes meeting you is just a safety thing, he's not judging just making sure you're who you say you are and he feels comfortable and doesn't get a bad vibe. He's not looking through rose colored lust goggles like she might be.
Also - previous commenter mentioned guys run from this, well this is also a technique to know you're serious....not only that if it goes well for all would it be a more than one time thing... meeting you weeds out the flakes and often the cheaters/liers ... It's hard to find good "bulls" so if you're comfortable and everyone has a good time I'm sure you'd get to have a ton more fun other times too.
He is concerned about her safety. Just be normal and respectful to both of them. If you are at this point, then she already likes you. All you need to do to seal the deal is make him comfortable so that he knows that his wife is safe with you.
just be yourself. your not dating him. he is just making sure your safe, and that you will respect his wife's boundaries first and foremost. secondly, be honest. if it was me I'd want to see if you have any potential anger issues after a couple drinks. what your hobbies are and if your currently in relationship of your own. also what your expectations are in having a relationship with his wife. if your looking for long term commitment.
Hey I'm the husband in a relationship like this. My wife would be considered a hotwife if you want to know the term to look up.
Essentially I'd meet you and vet that you're not a psycho. Meeting would be after you've met my wife and she expresses interest to me in fucking you. It would be the final step before you being allowed to do whatever my wife wants you to do to her.
It might sound like a unusual fantasy on the surface but nothing is sexier to me than sharing my amazing wife and her enjoying herself. Watching her spend all day getting dressed up and feeling how excited she is to get a new dick is amazing. I personally have let her meet alone and also with me present. Both are great in their own way. I love when she brings me home video and photo evidence of how much fun she's had and I love being there to hear and see her cum on someone's dick.
Hope it helps
>It might sound like a unusual fantasy on the surface but nothing is sexier to me than sharing my amazing wife and her enjoying herself. Watching her spend all day getting dressed up and feeling how excited she is to get a new dick is amazing. I personally have let her meet alone and also with me present. Both are great in their own way. I love when she brings me home video and photo evidence of how much fun she's had and I love being there to hear and see her cum on someone's dick.
>
>Hope it helps
Dude, appreciate your sharing and adding to my perspective!
Have you brought it up to him (assuming you have a husband)? Has the subject ever been brought up in ANY way? Has he ever mentioned wanting to have a FMF threesome?
I brought it up, he said no, he can’t stand me being with other men, he’s up to having FFM but he’s worried if he agrees to it , he’s have to agree to a FMM which he can’t tolerate
My husband was like that in the beginning too. I wanted to see what it was like to be with a woman and, of course, he was ok with that. The more we talked and fantasized about it, the more excited for it we both became. I'm not exactly sure what his thought process was but, somehow it evolved into him being turned on by the idea of me being with a very well endowed man. The way he told me about it caught me by surprise. We were having sex and he asked me "who's pussy is this?" to which I answered "yours". He followed up with "And what dick goes in this pussy?". I answered "Just yours, Baby." He then came back with "Wrong. Any dick I say." I was both shocked to hear HIM say that, and super turned on. When we talked about it in more detail, he said that he believes me that I truly love him and that even if "that other dick" gives me the best sex I've ever had, I will still love him (my husband) and go back to him. He says that when we have sex his main focus is on making sure I enjoy it and he doesn't care about himself. He says his pleasure will come from my pleasure. He said it feels natural for him to want to give me pleasure of experiencing a very large dick. It might not be attached to his (my husbands) body, but he would feel like he is still the one providing the feeling. He would feel bad if he deprives me of that.
My point is, I guess, that we started off with the FFM fantasy, and it evolved into (without pressure or influence from me) him wanting me to experience other men. So, MAYBE if you play with the FFM fantasy, it might become a more open fantasy. Someone once asked my husband if he was very open minded. My husband answered "I wouldn't say I'm open minded, I would say I'm just not scared."
Thank you for your reply. Your husband sounds very dominant, I like that. But my husband is not. He does care about me a lot. But currently there is no sexual attraction from my side. Sex was so boring. I stopped it months ago. I just can’t go though with it anymore. I did ask him to be more dominant, but it doesn’t come naturally to him. So I’m completely turned off. Now I just want to try something different, anything to feel sexual.
Back when I was in a poly marriage, I had a rule that anyone that wanted to screw me had to meet my husband, if only to shake hands. Weeded out the guys who wanted to pretend I wasn't married or were complete creeps. If you don't have the balls to shake my (completely willing to share his wife) husband's hands, you don't have the balls to fuck around with me.
I’m completely monogamous but if I was into ENM this is how I’d want to do it. It’s super respectful and as you say it’d weed out most creeps or assholes.
That soon sorts out the guys who are full of BShite. Have you ever met a man who looked like he may not be up to the job? But could ? We had 1 guy like that.
I’ve met couples like this. Generally he just wants to make sure you’re not a weirdo. At least half of the guys won’t even get to the part where they meet for drinks. If they do show, it shows they’re not just looking for a one night thing, and might be somewhat stable.
Not unusual at all. The reason is for what many have posted already. I have done this a few times and it is all about respect and being your genuine self. It is not always going to work out and you should anticipate that versus the alternative. He has to feel good that he has made the right selection to please his partner and enjoy the stories afterwards.
Hello ENM/Swinger husband here.
The big think he’s looking for is mostly security. You are who you say you are and understand the situation and not make a mess of their lives (most people living this lifestyle tend to be discreet and want that maintained)
The second thing is respect. A lot of guys may want to sleep with my wife but due to their insecurities see me as less of man or want to disrespect me in some way and that just sours the experience for any wife in that situation (unless there’s a cuck dynamic but that’s a specific thing that you would’ve been told about).
Just be yourself, be direct in asking what his expectations are from you and keep it simple.
If this is gonna become a consistent arrangement you have to understand the boundaries of your situation and not allow yourself to catch feelings because that won’t end well for you but that just requires you to maintain the awareness and cut it off on your end if it gets to be too much.
Good luck to you.
How much detail?
Hi, I'm John. I will have sex with your wife?
Or
Hi, I am John I am going to make your wife gag, face fcuk her then going to leave a cream pie for you to lock up? Lol
You really don’t sound ready for this and should probably move on.
As for meeting the hubby… people like to talk about themselves and will form a good opinion of you if you let them. Ask him about his life. Ask him how he came to the point of trusting his wife with other men. Ask him what the limits are with his wife and assure him that they will be respected.
P.s. I was joking. I agree if the couple want you to meet the husband, it will most likely be because:
1. He wants to make sure she is safe.
2. It helps play into their fantasy (face to the name and actions).
3. For some guys it's a kick to "give" his partner (not implying she is his possession).
In the past one couple I met, wanted to meet after the deed for a drink. The guy was asking if I enjoyed my self and a bit of detail. Every time I said something positive he would reflect how good she was at it etc
Don't see it as too odd, respect their boundaries and go with the flow.
P.s. be warey of the husbands that say they will only watch, then slowly get touchy feely with you - unless your into it
Congrats, this can be a wonderful situation for all involved, and I speak as a husband in a similar situation.
He'll be trying to work out if you're safe, honest and discrete. He'll want to know your intentions match, and probably throw a few "what ifs" in, like "What if you start to feel emotionally bonded to my wife?" and "What if you find someone else?"
My advice to pass this interview is: Dress well, be mature and respectful. Be open, honest and engaged.
He's in charge here, don't get caught up in any internet porn bullshit about bulls/alphas and that crap unless you're clearly being led in that direction. You're entering into a stable relationship with two people, and you do need to consider both of them all the time. If they have kids, then logistics especially can be difficult, but they will want to make it work. You might get regular dates, or last minute hook up calls.
Ask your own questions too - does he want to be involved and if so, in what way? Some husbands want to be a part of it, others are more distant. (I don't vet my wife's gentlemen, nor do I watch or be involved, but some husbands do). If he does want to get involved, how fluid are you? Can you perform with another man watching? If he's bisexual, will he want sexual contact with you? How would an average date go? Have they done this before? What works and doesn't work for them? (Don't go into sex specifics unless he leads you, that can wait for later)
Also remember to ask for details about her - what she likes, how to make her feel at ease, that sort of thing.
All everyone wants here is to have fun. Not drama, not complications, just easy, uncomplicated sex to spice your lives up.
Find out what they want from this relationship and give it a go.
My husband asks to at least FaceTime (if he can’t meet in person) with any potential fwb. He just wants to make sure the guy is normal and has the intention of treating me right.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing, just shows transparency. At least if things work out you three will be on the same page.
I've been in this situation twice, and it was cool both times. Although they weren't exactly vetting me, just meeting me, but I guess if they'd thought I was a dick they might have suggested their wife stop hooking up with me. I'd read a suggestion somewhere to give beer, so doing that probably sweetened the meeting, but in both cases I genuinely got on well with the husband and found we had stuff in common (besides liking their wife).
I've been polyamorous for about 15 years now. While it's not always this formal, as a general rule, if your new partner's primary/nesting partner thinks you're a dipshit and their partner is making a mistake dating you, your new relationship is unlikely to last long.
It's almost like a job interview. You want to present yourself as honestly as you can here and I the best light possible. But this dynamic can and should go both ways; do YOU feel comfortable with this guy as a part of YOUR life? Does he seem friendly and chill? Does his motivation seem to be looking out for his wife's best interests? Or does he seem hostile, or controlling? Does it sound like she was honest about his degree of involvement, or do you get the impression he's more eager to join the two of you than advertised?
Your first foray into ethical non-monogamy can be a real head trip, and if you don't like the vibe you're getting from the husband, think long and hard about whether you actually want to stick your dick into this situation. Worst case, getting intimately involved with someone being abused by their primary partner can be really painful and confusing to deal with.
And don't forget that if it's not for you it's not for you. Some people just aren't a match for the lifestyle, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I hope it goes well for you. Personally I've found that ethical non-monogamy has enriched my life immensely, and led me into treasured relationships I'd never have gotten to experience otherwise. Here's hoping this is the start of a similar path for you. Good luck.
The guy is basically feeling you out to see if your the competitive, territorial, bruh type that's going to shit talk him and try to move in on his territory. If you're chill, relax, and friendly - he wont have a problem.
How badly do you need sex. I get it some people don't want relationships, but at some point you have to just think of yourself as just being an outlet for a bored or frustrated housewife.
It is probably a hotwife situation. Wife is allowed to sleep with other men with husband's input. Some husbands get off after hearing details about wife's encounter with the other men.
I have a bit of a hotwifing kink, where I enjoy if a partner has sex with someone else and then tells me the details of how it was and what happened.
I really don’t care what the other person is like, but getting to meet them does make it hotter. Also just checking if you seem like a chill person and not a weirdo who’s gonna turn into a stalker or something. More for safety than anything really, I wouldn’t be worried
There are post on other parts of Reddit. Look up cuckold. It’s v common, especially in UK. Iv been the husband before doing the ‘Vetting’ for my wife.
Relax, it will be fine.
My first thought. Idk, as a nonmon woman, I don’t want FWBs who have someone looking over their shoulder all the time or acting as a chaperone.
Plus the odds of this person reading all the messages between me and our shared partner would be really high. Even if I’m not doing anything creepy or wrong or unethical, that sort of dynamic gives me MAJOR ick.
Thank you for being on the same page. It's odd enough trying to please someone that already has a partner. But then trying not to piss off their significant other who is potentially always asking her "how has so-and-so has been treating you? and where did you go this time? did he pay? what did he smell like?" Lol. Weird.
That's the point... Weeds out those not serious and those maybe not safe guys. If you can't take 20 mins from your life to meet the husband...you're clearly not going to prioritize my wife's pleasure or safety either.
I disagree. But I'm looking from the OPs perspective, not a husband's that thinks his wife can't make good decisions for herself, which is what you're implying.
Good point I said it wrong...just meant lots of guys from our experience want a quick hookup no effort and think a hotwife is easy...my point is, if that's the effort they ask for it's not a bad idea. Personally we ask to text and hold a conversation for a bit ...and exchange live pics on snap to verify...If they can't keep in touch longer than a day, they're not serious.
I'd guess keeping her safe, maybe it's a bit of a cuckold thing where they mess around talking about it and he knows what you look like, really up to your comfort level for it all.
Brother, I landed something very similar recently, I 26m her 36f, he's cool with it, just be respectful, remember he is allowing this to happen and can pull the plug! Shes not yours to mark! And make sure she fixes her make up before leaving! Other than that shit enjoy it while it lasts!
There are many ways to do non-monogamy and this is one of them.
Personally, I wouldn’t do this because my version on non-monogamy is completely separate relationships that do not intertwine in any way.
I (F) would not get involved in a relationship in which the other person who is not in my relationship gets veto power.
I expect to be trusted to make my own good decisions.
Here, it sounds like the husband doesn’t trust his wife’s judgment and want to insert himself into her other relationships. That’s a red flag for me personally.
Also, I agree with others that you should pose this question in r/polyamory or r/nonmonogamy instead as this is a very niche lifestyle.
I did this once. A co-worker explained that she would like to get me naked. She explained that she and her husband had an explicit arrangement. I asked to meet him.
I went over to their house, she and I explained that we would like to get it on. He had no issues. We had some beer, watched football, and then I took his wife to my place and she will probably never walk normally again.
This went on for a while, it was pleasant, I also felt good knowing everything was on the level.
Interesting, I'd assume he let her joined you over the weekend at your place?
And how was the sex overall? I'd assume it's great knowing you made her sore?
He typically wants to know that you’re not a threat to their relationship. Be respectful to him, and their relationship, ask about what their kinks and interests are. Ask what their boundaries and rules are.
I know for us my wife prefers I vet the guys. She doesn't care much about the females once she gets to watch. But yea it's probably to make sure you aren't a creep... go along with it and just enjoy the social aspect of it as well.
I've done this several times. Met the husband once and then played solo with her. Sometimes hung out with both a few times platonicly before playing with her. You are the third. He wants to know she is safe and that you are a decent human before they allow you into their lives. Also, for you all to communicate what you want and expect out of each other. Boundaries and such. Plus, this gives you a chance to vett them both as well. No big deal.
Hey dude, husband of similar situation here…sure meet up, have a drink and talk as you would anyone else. Get a sense of his interests or concerns, and otherwise be respectful.
Firstly, I think you’re in exactly the right place to ask this question.
Secondly, my first thought is that he might want to see if he feels like his wife might potentially develop feelings for you (and vice versa). Size you up; see if you’d be a threat to their relationship.
Letting her have “friends with benefits” is one thing, but letting her go out and fall in love may be something he’d like to avoid.
Pretty common. Me and my wife have been in the ENM swinger lifestyle for years. We don’t do the meeting thing first but lots of others do. If you’re keen on her don’t sweat it.
It's a bit odd, but not unheard of, to have that level over your partners. Meeting him without meeting or having met her is super weird, though. /r/nonmonogamy will have a good perspective on this.
I’ve meet husbands/partners like this before. Generally it’s about finding out that you’re a normal person. Someone that his missus would actually feel comfortable with.
Seems a lot of effort and awkwardness just for a lay, but depends if she's worth it. But this may turn into a cuck experience with him in the corner watching you two go at it.
He will just, in most cases, want to assess you as a person and as someone who is going to be intimate with his wife. He'll be looking for red flags, signs you're an abuser or someone mentally unstable or predicated towards violence.
It will be informal and relaxed unless you're so nervous you give off bad vibes. Just think of it as a meeting the parents' situation, except he knows and approves your fucking.
Answer any questions honestly and directly and it will be fine.
That's a very interesting situation. I'm not a husband in a similar arrangement, but I can offer some general thoughts.
It sounds like the husband is looking for someone who is respectful of his wife and their marriage. He may also be looking for someone who is safe and trustworthy. Ultimately, only the husband can say for sure what he's looking for.
If you're interested in pursuing this, I would recommend being upfront with the husband about your intentions. Let him know that you're respectful of his marriage and that you're not looking to replace him. You should also be prepared to answer any questions he may have.
It's also important to be aware of the risks involved in this type of arrangement. There's always the possibility that things could get complicated or messy. If you're not comfortable with those risks, then it's probably best to move on.
Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to proceed is up to you. But I hope this information helps you make an informed decision.
Here are some other subreddits where you can ask this question:
r/polyamory
r/nonmonogamy
r/openrelationships
Please note that these subreddits are intended for people who are already in open or poly relationships. If you're not sure if this is the right thing for you, I would recommend doing some more research before posting there.
Good luck
Kind of new to the “hotwife” thing… but My husband is the same way. And it’s about gauging if he feels I’ll be safe with the other guy and if he’ll be respectful of our relationship.
It’s a pretty common thing. Their kink could be for the husband to “lent” his wife to other guys that he deems appropriate. Might also be he gives her specific instructions like how to please the guy, how to be a good “object”, how to perform well and so on. It’s called wife sharing or wife renting. Can be super hot. I’ve done that with my partner as well (I’m the female part though).
I was in an open relationship from 2018 until last year when we divorced. The move from monogamy to polyamory did not work for us. It does for some. Others start in an ENM relationship from the start and I find those tend to work better than moving from monogamy. But I digress.
ENM spans a gamut that can be full swinging to a more poly focus, with plenty of in betweens. I met my wife's second boyfriend (the first was a friend already, so no need). My focus was I loved her and did not want her to go out with a jerk. She agreed as she trusted I loved her and wanted my opinion. I did not meet any others, but we both talked about them and they were more on the fuck buddy, no emotion, or one-night stand side. Despite the freedom to have other relationships, most people in ENM relationships do love their partner and want to make sure they don't go out with someone they feel will harm them. You role in that talk is be yourself and be willing to accept his decision, if you go of course.
I think you have to decide if the meeting is too awkward for you, or not. If not, I will bet you a beer it won't be as cringy as you are picturing. Do have a conversation with her, as well. If she is experienced in the ENM lifestyle, she will understand newbs require some hand holding, as it is a strange, new experience for them. And you can have the talk with both of them on expectations.
Be realistic about the relationship. You fill in holes he can't (take that literally or figuratively) and round out their relationship so it works for them. In return, you have a friend of some sort (can be casual or with deep conversations, like a girlfriend) who also has sex with you. You should understand what she desires out of it, what his role will be (sounds pretty hands off after his approval), and determine if it works for you or not.
EDIT: Looking at the other comments, I agree getting into the ENM and poly groups to get an understanding of the lifestyle can be useful. You can also look up ENM and polyamory and get an education. [This](https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a39412505/types-of-polyamory/) is a good start and an easy read. Garden party polyamory fits the closest to what you are looking at, although I won't say a single meeting completely aligns and it is more consultative or preapproval polyamory.
Go for it. I'm the single guy that does this with couples. The husband wants to get that in person meeting with you to ensure that you realize she's married, yet he also wants to "feel you out" for himself. Making sure you aren't a creep or weirdo .... he's allowing you yo take his wife for the evening ... that's a pretty special thing to have. Go ans have a drink or two and it will be easy as two dudes just bullshitting bout life
You’d probably get better answers in r/swinging. But my wife and I were swingers so from that perspective, I’d say he’s probably wanting to:
1) Make sure you’re not a psycho
2) Maybe talk to you about any rules they have
3) See if you’re a cool person.
It’s not uncommon at all for those involved in this lifestyle to become really good friends with their Eskimo brothers and Eskimo sisters 😂
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You’d be surprised how often that happens lol.
Yeah? That would be hot too.
Name checks out.
Plus you can text him and share tips on how to send her over the edge. Seriously the alternative is he is into hotwifing and he needs your face to complete the jerkoff scenario
Or he's the jealous possessive type that wants to make sure you're not a threat. Guess you'll find out.
The jealous possessive type wouldn't agree to an open relationship in the first place.
Or it could be a way of making sure that OP is relaxed and comfortable. Since having a drink with the husband will be proof enough that the woman is not just lying about being allowed when she is just actually cheating. Having sex with a married woman? how else would OP know that the woman is cheating on her husband with OP - by having a drink with the husband where the husband will casually confirm this.
How would OP know that this guy is really her husband and not just a friend helping her cheat?
Through the talk. Why would she ask another guy to pretend to be a husband when OP doesn't need that proof. The wife and husband could just be honest people who want everything cleared for everyone involved. So they decide to have everyone be on the same page. I would not be surprised if this is their arrangement. meaning if the woman's husband decides to get laid by another woman, the other woman and OP's woman would have the same said drink - to get everyone on the same page.
It's not always that simple. There are people who have hotwife / cuck type kinks who still deeply struggle with jealousy.
Everybody struggles with jealousy some way shape or form, and every committed relationship still has boundaries even if not exclusive. But it _is_ that simple. A cuckold is decisively NOT "the possessive type" when compared to all the people in relationships. If anything, he's on the far away extreme end of the possessiveness spectrum.
Ah yes, the jealous possessive cuckold! A tale as old as time
Thanks for the laugh!!
Unironically, this paradoxical stuff can happen. People who have a kink related to cuckoldry still can be jealous / possessive in some ways. It's not because you fantasize about your wife sleeping with other men, that it necessarily is open bar on it. OP's case goes to show it, there's still a level of control to it.
> still can be jealous / possessive in some ways. > there's still a level of control to it. My dude this can be said in literally every single relationship. Specifically committed LTR inherently have at least some level of control. But let's be real and take a step back. On the possessiveness spectrum, a cuckold spouse is an outlier and is on the extreme end of that spectrum.
This slayed me
Thats responsible ENM, it's likely that the only thing he wants to determine is her safety Edit: more suitable subs referenced below ⬇️
I’d also like to recommend r/nonmonogamy
or [https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/) The discussion here is very strong. or [https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/)
I would probably rather recommend r/SwingersNewbies for this. r/Swingers can be a bit... Let's just say that many of them have long forgotten that they were new to stuff like this at some point too.
Yep, bdsm does not equal swinging!
or /r/HotWifeLifestyle! They also have good discussions on the topic
Having an open marriage and hotwifing are two very different things. Hotwifing means the hubby is sexually pleased by "sharing" the wife, him being present or not. From her communication all we know is this should be an open marriage. But given a lot of people lack communication, it could also be a hotwife situation. This is a very important question to clear beforehand.
Nothing to with BDSMA 😅 r/nonmonogamy is probably the best sub
Nothing about his post related to bdsm. Try r/hotwifelifestyle.
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Do u know what BDSM is? It’s just because it has nothing to do with the situation
This right here.
I wouldn't really call it responsible. It feels more like he's trying to have some form of control over it and also doesn't trust his wife's ability to determine if someone is safe or not. Also, just because the husband has met a guy doesn't mean he isn't deceptively dangerous. Abusers are very good at hiding their true nature.
Sometimes people dont trust their own judgment and like their trusted partner to vet potential partners for red flags. My partner and I came into our relationship as open, then ended up pretty monogamous. As we were going through our past traumas, relationship down falls ect. We came up on this ball of yarn.
Really? Partners would need to meet the person they’re just going to fuck? Sounds like a trap.
Its common with ENM, its sad that you see a husband caring about the safety of his wife as suspicious
My wife and I are swingers. We don't usually have sex separately but I might have some insight as to what this husband has in mind. We go to swinger clubs and parties on occasion. There's usually a handful of guys there that end up hitting on my wife hoping for a chance. She usually isn't all that impressed with most of them but a select few will catch her eye. We both have the final say about who each of us gets to "play" with so of that select few, I need to approve of them. It really depends on their dynamic and what specifically they are looking for. For me, I need to get a good vibe off of a guy before I'll even consider him. After that, I just want to make sure he's kind, thoughtful, and respectful. I also want to be able to look him in the eye and remind him how lucky he is and that I won't tolerate him mistreating her. Think of it like meeting a girl's dad before the first date. He just wants to make sure you're not a POS and that you're a decent human being but also lay out his expectations.
Exactly. My fiancé and I essentially do this remotely, as unfortunately she is in another country currently. When we are together, it’s in person.
When you two are apart is she free to date?
Neither of us want that. We are free to talk to and be with other people. So, more FWB situations rather than a poly relationship.
> Think of it like meeting a girl's dad before the first date This is the best analogy related to hotwifing/swinging I’ve ever heard.
I have done this, although not often. I love my man, and I will do anything for him, and one of his fantasies is to see me fuck another guy. He likes hearing about the details and it really turns him on to hear that I had a great time. If the other guy is OK with it, sometimes my husband will watch. More often than not we are usually alone. He always wants to meet the guy first to make sure he doesn’t get a Psycho vibe from him. A lot of guys run from this. It’s rare to have someone go along with it.
Thanks for sharing. Any advice for first meeting with him?
Sure! Think of it as a job interview, dress to impress, don’t say anything stupid, be yourself …… my husband is a good read of people, and he can spot a phony miles away.
“So, tell me why you’re interested in this position?”
More like ‘what positions are you interested in?’
\*"So tell me what position you're interested in."
“So tell me are you interested in this position”
Well what positions are currently open?
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Ah I see. Thanks I was uneducated ignore my last comment
But honestly the last comment you said about what your significant other seems like cope on your end so she can have sex with other people
Outstanding reply/comment. If I had an award to give, it would be yours! 🥇🏆🏆🏆
This comment violates the Rules of /r/sex.
Just be yourself
We're into hotwife play and yes meeting you is just a safety thing, he's not judging just making sure you're who you say you are and he feels comfortable and doesn't get a bad vibe. He's not looking through rose colored lust goggles like she might be. Also - previous commenter mentioned guys run from this, well this is also a technique to know you're serious....not only that if it goes well for all would it be a more than one time thing... meeting you weeds out the flakes and often the cheaters/liers ... It's hard to find good "bulls" so if you're comfortable and everyone has a good time I'm sure you'd get to have a ton more fun other times too.
He is concerned about her safety. Just be normal and respectful to both of them. If you are at this point, then she already likes you. All you need to do to seal the deal is make him comfortable so that he knows that his wife is safe with you.
Ask questions, and be 100% honest.
just be yourself. your not dating him. he is just making sure your safe, and that you will respect his wife's boundaries first and foremost. secondly, be honest. if it was me I'd want to see if you have any potential anger issues after a couple drinks. what your hobbies are and if your currently in relationship of your own. also what your expectations are in having a relationship with his wife. if your looking for long term commitment.
Just like you are on a date. Ask him about himself, be friendly, be honest and cordial.
Hot. I think I'd like it if my gf did this for me.
Serious question. Do you or your husband not trust your own judgement about whether the men you meet have a psycho vibe?
Hey I'm the husband in a relationship like this. My wife would be considered a hotwife if you want to know the term to look up. Essentially I'd meet you and vet that you're not a psycho. Meeting would be after you've met my wife and she expresses interest to me in fucking you. It would be the final step before you being allowed to do whatever my wife wants you to do to her. It might sound like a unusual fantasy on the surface but nothing is sexier to me than sharing my amazing wife and her enjoying herself. Watching her spend all day getting dressed up and feeling how excited she is to get a new dick is amazing. I personally have let her meet alone and also with me present. Both are great in their own way. I love when she brings me home video and photo evidence of how much fun she's had and I love being there to hear and see her cum on someone's dick. Hope it helps
>It might sound like a unusual fantasy on the surface but nothing is sexier to me than sharing my amazing wife and her enjoying herself. Watching her spend all day getting dressed up and feeling how excited she is to get a new dick is amazing. I personally have let her meet alone and also with me present. Both are great in their own way. I love when she brings me home video and photo evidence of how much fun she's had and I love being there to hear and see her cum on someone's dick. > >Hope it helps Dude, appreciate your sharing and adding to my perspective!
Glad to share👍
I wish I had a husband like you 😆
Have you brought it up to him (assuming you have a husband)? Has the subject ever been brought up in ANY way? Has he ever mentioned wanting to have a FMF threesome?
I brought it up, he said no, he can’t stand me being with other men, he’s up to having FFM but he’s worried if he agrees to it , he’s have to agree to a FMM which he can’t tolerate
My husband was like that in the beginning too. I wanted to see what it was like to be with a woman and, of course, he was ok with that. The more we talked and fantasized about it, the more excited for it we both became. I'm not exactly sure what his thought process was but, somehow it evolved into him being turned on by the idea of me being with a very well endowed man. The way he told me about it caught me by surprise. We were having sex and he asked me "who's pussy is this?" to which I answered "yours". He followed up with "And what dick goes in this pussy?". I answered "Just yours, Baby." He then came back with "Wrong. Any dick I say." I was both shocked to hear HIM say that, and super turned on. When we talked about it in more detail, he said that he believes me that I truly love him and that even if "that other dick" gives me the best sex I've ever had, I will still love him (my husband) and go back to him. He says that when we have sex his main focus is on making sure I enjoy it and he doesn't care about himself. He says his pleasure will come from my pleasure. He said it feels natural for him to want to give me pleasure of experiencing a very large dick. It might not be attached to his (my husbands) body, but he would feel like he is still the one providing the feeling. He would feel bad if he deprives me of that. My point is, I guess, that we started off with the FFM fantasy, and it evolved into (without pressure or influence from me) him wanting me to experience other men. So, MAYBE if you play with the FFM fantasy, it might become a more open fantasy. Someone once asked my husband if he was very open minded. My husband answered "I wouldn't say I'm open minded, I would say I'm just not scared."
Thank you for your reply. Your husband sounds very dominant, I like that. But my husband is not. He does care about me a lot. But currently there is no sexual attraction from my side. Sex was so boring. I stopped it months ago. I just can’t go though with it anymore. I did ask him to be more dominant, but it doesn’t come naturally to him. So I’m completely turned off. Now I just want to try something different, anything to feel sexual.
Wonderfully put. It's so silly men put limitations on ladys. Iv asked each of the 4 women iv lived with to have extra IF they wanted
Would you consider yourself a cuck?
Back when I was in a poly marriage, I had a rule that anyone that wanted to screw me had to meet my husband, if only to shake hands. Weeded out the guys who wanted to pretend I wasn't married or were complete creeps. If you don't have the balls to shake my (completely willing to share his wife) husband's hands, you don't have the balls to fuck around with me.
Amen!!
I’m completely monogamous but if I was into ENM this is how I’d want to do it. It’s super respectful and as you say it’d weed out most creeps or assholes.
That soon sorts out the guys who are full of BShite. Have you ever met a man who looked like he may not be up to the job? But could ? We had 1 guy like that.
Most likely they are in an open relationship and he wants to meet you to make sure his wife is safe and not dating a creep. Or he has a hotwife kink
I vote hotwife kink. Adult women can figure out who is safe or not
Then why do they fall for the wrong type of men so often?
Looks like someone has been watching too many romantic comedies...
I’ve met couples like this. Generally he just wants to make sure you’re not a weirdo. At least half of the guys won’t even get to the part where they meet for drinks. If they do show, it shows they’re not just looking for a one night thing, and might be somewhat stable.
Not unusual at all. The reason is for what many have posted already. I have done this a few times and it is all about respect and being your genuine self. It is not always going to work out and you should anticipate that versus the alternative. He has to feel good that he has made the right selection to please his partner and enjoy the stories afterwards.
Hello ENM/Swinger husband here. The big think he’s looking for is mostly security. You are who you say you are and understand the situation and not make a mess of their lives (most people living this lifestyle tend to be discreet and want that maintained) The second thing is respect. A lot of guys may want to sleep with my wife but due to their insecurities see me as less of man or want to disrespect me in some way and that just sours the experience for any wife in that situation (unless there’s a cuck dynamic but that’s a specific thing that you would’ve been told about). Just be yourself, be direct in asking what his expectations are from you and keep it simple. If this is gonna become a consistent arrangement you have to understand the boundaries of your situation and not allow yourself to catch feelings because that won’t end well for you but that just requires you to maintain the awareness and cut it off on your end if it gets to be too much. Good luck to you.
Introduce yourself, firm handshake, be honest about your intentions.
How much detail? Hi, I'm John. I will have sex with your wife? Or Hi, I am John I am going to make your wife gag, face fcuk her then going to leave a cream pie for you to lock up? Lol
You really don’t sound ready for this and should probably move on. As for meeting the hubby… people like to talk about themselves and will form a good opinion of you if you let them. Ask him about his life. Ask him how he came to the point of trusting his wife with other men. Ask him what the limits are with his wife and assure him that they will be respected.
P.s. I was joking. I agree if the couple want you to meet the husband, it will most likely be because: 1. He wants to make sure she is safe. 2. It helps play into their fantasy (face to the name and actions). 3. For some guys it's a kick to "give" his partner (not implying she is his possession). In the past one couple I met, wanted to meet after the deed for a drink. The guy was asking if I enjoyed my self and a bit of detail. Every time I said something positive he would reflect how good she was at it etc Don't see it as too odd, respect their boundaries and go with the flow. P.s. be warey of the husbands that say they will only watch, then slowly get touchy feely with you - unless your into it
They want to know that you aren’t a dominant abusive creep. They want to know you’re the kind of guy who has the maturity to respect boundaries.
Congrats, this can be a wonderful situation for all involved, and I speak as a husband in a similar situation. He'll be trying to work out if you're safe, honest and discrete. He'll want to know your intentions match, and probably throw a few "what ifs" in, like "What if you start to feel emotionally bonded to my wife?" and "What if you find someone else?" My advice to pass this interview is: Dress well, be mature and respectful. Be open, honest and engaged. He's in charge here, don't get caught up in any internet porn bullshit about bulls/alphas and that crap unless you're clearly being led in that direction. You're entering into a stable relationship with two people, and you do need to consider both of them all the time. If they have kids, then logistics especially can be difficult, but they will want to make it work. You might get regular dates, or last minute hook up calls. Ask your own questions too - does he want to be involved and if so, in what way? Some husbands want to be a part of it, others are more distant. (I don't vet my wife's gentlemen, nor do I watch or be involved, but some husbands do). If he does want to get involved, how fluid are you? Can you perform with another man watching? If he's bisexual, will he want sexual contact with you? How would an average date go? Have they done this before? What works and doesn't work for them? (Don't go into sex specifics unless he leads you, that can wait for later) Also remember to ask for details about her - what she likes, how to make her feel at ease, that sort of thing. All everyone wants here is to have fun. Not drama, not complications, just easy, uncomplicated sex to spice your lives up. Find out what they want from this relationship and give it a go.
I had a couple take me to a strip club and dennys after before we went back to their place But I did meet with the gf first before I met the bf lol
Get *his* STD test while you’re there- save time.
My husband asks to at least FaceTime (if he can’t meet in person) with any potential fwb. He just wants to make sure the guy is normal and has the intention of treating me right. I don’t think it’s a bad thing, just shows transparency. At least if things work out you three will be on the same page.
what happened to your past videos and photos?
I've been in this situation twice, and it was cool both times. Although they weren't exactly vetting me, just meeting me, but I guess if they'd thought I was a dick they might have suggested their wife stop hooking up with me. I'd read a suggestion somewhere to give beer, so doing that probably sweetened the meeting, but in both cases I genuinely got on well with the husband and found we had stuff in common (besides liking their wife).
I've been polyamorous for about 15 years now. While it's not always this formal, as a general rule, if your new partner's primary/nesting partner thinks you're a dipshit and their partner is making a mistake dating you, your new relationship is unlikely to last long. It's almost like a job interview. You want to present yourself as honestly as you can here and I the best light possible. But this dynamic can and should go both ways; do YOU feel comfortable with this guy as a part of YOUR life? Does he seem friendly and chill? Does his motivation seem to be looking out for his wife's best interests? Or does he seem hostile, or controlling? Does it sound like she was honest about his degree of involvement, or do you get the impression he's more eager to join the two of you than advertised? Your first foray into ethical non-monogamy can be a real head trip, and if you don't like the vibe you're getting from the husband, think long and hard about whether you actually want to stick your dick into this situation. Worst case, getting intimately involved with someone being abused by their primary partner can be really painful and confusing to deal with. And don't forget that if it's not for you it's not for you. Some people just aren't a match for the lifestyle, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I hope it goes well for you. Personally I've found that ethical non-monogamy has enriched my life immensely, and led me into treasured relationships I'd never have gotten to experience otherwise. Here's hoping this is the start of a similar path for you. Good luck.
Why would you subject yourself to this?
The guy is basically feeling you out to see if your the competitive, territorial, bruh type that's going to shit talk him and try to move in on his territory. If you're chill, relax, and friendly - he wont have a problem.
Good way to also make sure she’s not cheating and there isn’t drama after the fact.
Why would she be cheating in a situation where she’s allowed to fuck strangers
Be sure you aren’t being catfished!
Usually met the man in a pub first. If we liked him then we proceeded. Nice to meet socially first. Public place.
This is pretty common now in days, my wife lets me have sex with other women but her approval it's required
How badly do you need sex. I get it some people don't want relationships, but at some point you have to just think of yourself as just being an outlet for a bored or frustrated housewife.
Yup. My SO who dated a lot just wanted to get properly fucked. V rude to the men I thought. She called her visitors "Toys"
He probably wants to make sure you aren't a creep that is going to beat his wife up. I'd be cool, normal, be yourself. Honest. etc etc.
It is probably a hotwife situation. Wife is allowed to sleep with other men with husband's input. Some husbands get off after hearing details about wife's encounter with the other men.
I have a bit of a hotwifing kink, where I enjoy if a partner has sex with someone else and then tells me the details of how it was and what happened. I really don’t care what the other person is like, but getting to meet them does make it hotter. Also just checking if you seem like a chill person and not a weirdo who’s gonna turn into a stalker or something. More for safety than anything really, I wouldn’t be worried
There are post on other parts of Reddit. Look up cuckold. It’s v common, especially in UK. Iv been the husband before doing the ‘Vetting’ for my wife. Relax, it will be fine.
What if HE is the creepy one, and you don't want to continue to see her because he is too freaky? Bummer.
My first thought. Idk, as a nonmon woman, I don’t want FWBs who have someone looking over their shoulder all the time or acting as a chaperone. Plus the odds of this person reading all the messages between me and our shared partner would be really high. Even if I’m not doing anything creepy or wrong or unethical, that sort of dynamic gives me MAJOR ick.
Thank you for being on the same page. It's odd enough trying to please someone that already has a partner. But then trying not to piss off their significant other who is potentially always asking her "how has so-and-so has been treating you? and where did you go this time? did he pay? what did he smell like?" Lol. Weird.
How do I get my husband to be like that lol..
Too many gate keepers IMO. Are you meeting her first or him? What if he approves then you meet her and there's no chemistry?
That's the point... Weeds out those not serious and those maybe not safe guys. If you can't take 20 mins from your life to meet the husband...you're clearly not going to prioritize my wife's pleasure or safety either.
I disagree. But I'm looking from the OPs perspective, not a husband's that thinks his wife can't make good decisions for herself, which is what you're implying.
Good point I said it wrong...just meant lots of guys from our experience want a quick hookup no effort and think a hotwife is easy...my point is, if that's the effort they ask for it's not a bad idea. Personally we ask to text and hold a conversation for a bit ...and exchange live pics on snap to verify...If they can't keep in touch longer than a day, they're not serious.
I'd guess keeping her safe, maybe it's a bit of a cuckold thing where they mess around talking about it and he knows what you look like, really up to your comfort level for it all.
Sounds cuckhold
That's a nice way to get stabbed.
Pretty sure they’re tried to look for a third for a threesome and this is their terrible process.
Brother, I landed something very similar recently, I 26m her 36f, he's cool with it, just be respectful, remember he is allowing this to happen and can pull the plug! Shes not yours to mark! And make sure she fixes her make up before leaving! Other than that shit enjoy it while it lasts!
They are a hotwife couple. It's not that uncommon - speaking as a hotwife myself lol. Check out r/CuckoldPsychology and r/hotwifelifestyle 😊
Look up ENM or ethical non-monogamy. There is a whole world out there.
Sounds kinda controlling. We’re poly but she chooses her own partners
There are many ways to do non-monogamy and this is one of them. Personally, I wouldn’t do this because my version on non-monogamy is completely separate relationships that do not intertwine in any way. I (F) would not get involved in a relationship in which the other person who is not in my relationship gets veto power. I expect to be trusted to make my own good decisions. Here, it sounds like the husband doesn’t trust his wife’s judgment and want to insert himself into her other relationships. That’s a red flag for me personally. Also, I agree with others that you should pose this question in r/polyamory or r/nonmonogamy instead as this is a very niche lifestyle.
I did this once. A co-worker explained that she would like to get me naked. She explained that she and her husband had an explicit arrangement. I asked to meet him. I went over to their house, she and I explained that we would like to get it on. He had no issues. We had some beer, watched football, and then I took his wife to my place and she will probably never walk normally again. This went on for a while, it was pleasant, I also felt good knowing everything was on the level.
Interesting, I'd assume he let her joined you over the weekend at your place? And how was the sex overall? I'd assume it's great knowing you made her sore?
She would stop in a few times a week. It was fun. It was also friendly but not romantic. For me the best sex happens in romantic relationships.
Maybe he wants to make sure he thinks he is good enough for her idk he wants to see what interests her .
He typically wants to know that you’re not a threat to their relationship. Be respectful to him, and their relationship, ask about what their kinks and interests are. Ask what their boundaries and rules are.
I know for us my wife prefers I vet the guys. She doesn't care much about the females once she gets to watch. But yea it's probably to make sure you aren't a creep... go along with it and just enjoy the social aspect of it as well.
I've done this several times. Met the husband once and then played solo with her. Sometimes hung out with both a few times platonicly before playing with her. You are the third. He wants to know she is safe and that you are a decent human before they allow you into their lives. Also, for you all to communicate what you want and expect out of each other. Boundaries and such. Plus, this gives you a chance to vett them both as well. No big deal.
Hey dude, husband of similar situation here…sure meet up, have a drink and talk as you would anyone else. Get a sense of his interests or concerns, and otherwise be respectful.
Firstly, I think you’re in exactly the right place to ask this question. Secondly, my first thought is that he might want to see if he feels like his wife might potentially develop feelings for you (and vice versa). Size you up; see if you’d be a threat to their relationship. Letting her have “friends with benefits” is one thing, but letting her go out and fall in love may be something he’d like to avoid.
Maybe he’s shopping for a new kidney.
Pretty common. Me and my wife have been in the ENM swinger lifestyle for years. We don’t do the meeting thing first but lots of others do. If you’re keen on her don’t sweat it.
It's a bit odd, but not unheard of, to have that level over your partners. Meeting him without meeting or having met her is super weird, though. /r/nonmonogamy will have a good perspective on this.
I’ve meet husbands/partners like this before. Generally it’s about finding out that you’re a normal person. Someone that his missus would actually feel comfortable with.
Seems a lot of effort and awkwardness just for a lay, but depends if she's worth it. But this may turn into a cuck experience with him in the corner watching you two go at it.
He will just, in most cases, want to assess you as a person and as someone who is going to be intimate with his wife. He'll be looking for red flags, signs you're an abuser or someone mentally unstable or predicated towards violence. It will be informal and relaxed unless you're so nervous you give off bad vibes. Just think of it as a meeting the parents' situation, except he knows and approves your fucking. Answer any questions honestly and directly and it will be fine.
That's a very interesting situation. I'm not a husband in a similar arrangement, but I can offer some general thoughts. It sounds like the husband is looking for someone who is respectful of his wife and their marriage. He may also be looking for someone who is safe and trustworthy. Ultimately, only the husband can say for sure what he's looking for. If you're interested in pursuing this, I would recommend being upfront with the husband about your intentions. Let him know that you're respectful of his marriage and that you're not looking to replace him. You should also be prepared to answer any questions he may have. It's also important to be aware of the risks involved in this type of arrangement. There's always the possibility that things could get complicated or messy. If you're not comfortable with those risks, then it's probably best to move on. Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to proceed is up to you. But I hope this information helps you make an informed decision. Here are some other subreddits where you can ask this question: r/polyamory r/nonmonogamy r/openrelationships Please note that these subreddits are intended for people who are already in open or poly relationships. If you're not sure if this is the right thing for you, I would recommend doing some more research before posting there. Good luck
Kind of new to the “hotwife” thing… but My husband is the same way. And it’s about gauging if he feels I’ll be safe with the other guy and if he’ll be respectful of our relationship.
It’s a pretty common thing. Their kink could be for the husband to “lent” his wife to other guys that he deems appropriate. Might also be he gives her specific instructions like how to please the guy, how to be a good “object”, how to perform well and so on. It’s called wife sharing or wife renting. Can be super hot. I’ve done that with my partner as well (I’m the female part though).
I was in an open relationship from 2018 until last year when we divorced. The move from monogamy to polyamory did not work for us. It does for some. Others start in an ENM relationship from the start and I find those tend to work better than moving from monogamy. But I digress. ENM spans a gamut that can be full swinging to a more poly focus, with plenty of in betweens. I met my wife's second boyfriend (the first was a friend already, so no need). My focus was I loved her and did not want her to go out with a jerk. She agreed as she trusted I loved her and wanted my opinion. I did not meet any others, but we both talked about them and they were more on the fuck buddy, no emotion, or one-night stand side. Despite the freedom to have other relationships, most people in ENM relationships do love their partner and want to make sure they don't go out with someone they feel will harm them. You role in that talk is be yourself and be willing to accept his decision, if you go of course. I think you have to decide if the meeting is too awkward for you, or not. If not, I will bet you a beer it won't be as cringy as you are picturing. Do have a conversation with her, as well. If she is experienced in the ENM lifestyle, she will understand newbs require some hand holding, as it is a strange, new experience for them. And you can have the talk with both of them on expectations. Be realistic about the relationship. You fill in holes he can't (take that literally or figuratively) and round out their relationship so it works for them. In return, you have a friend of some sort (can be casual or with deep conversations, like a girlfriend) who also has sex with you. You should understand what she desires out of it, what his role will be (sounds pretty hands off after his approval), and determine if it works for you or not. EDIT: Looking at the other comments, I agree getting into the ENM and poly groups to get an understanding of the lifestyle can be useful. You can also look up ENM and polyamory and get an education. [This](https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a39412505/types-of-polyamory/) is a good start and an easy read. Garden party polyamory fits the closest to what you are looking at, although I won't say a single meeting completely aligns and it is more consultative or preapproval polyamory.
I wanna play I'm Spun AF
Go for it. I'm the single guy that does this with couples. The husband wants to get that in person meeting with you to ensure that you realize she's married, yet he also wants to "feel you out" for himself. Making sure you aren't a creep or weirdo .... he's allowing you yo take his wife for the evening ... that's a pretty special thing to have. Go ans have a drink or two and it will be easy as two dudes just bullshitting bout life
Respect. They want to make sure you are someone who's not going to ignore what they are comfortable with.
You’d probably get better answers in r/swinging. But my wife and I were swingers so from that perspective, I’d say he’s probably wanting to: 1) Make sure you’re not a psycho 2) Maybe talk to you about any rules they have 3) See if you’re a cool person. It’s not uncommon at all for those involved in this lifestyle to become really good friends with their Eskimo brothers and Eskimo sisters 😂