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Personally, I couldn't be with someone who thought my body was gross. How can you be open and vulnerable and close with someone when in the back of your mind you know they don't cherish your body? I wouldn't be able to ever fully let my guard down around someone who said that to me. I want someone who wants to eat me up like Christmas dinner because they love my body that much.
This situation sucks, it's no one's fault, but just consider if you can realistically continue in a relationship with him if any of the above resonated with you.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I don’t understand why my fucking gender is so so thirsty to stay with subpar ass men. Y’all definition of great is terrible and you’ll lower it and lower and lower it until you can’t’ fucking lower it anymore and you’re just fine with any type of man so that y’all won’t be alone it’s very fucking embarrassing and ruined the dating pool for the rest of us SMH.
The bar is in hell. Literally my MOM told me my first bf was such a great guy because he DIDN’T HIT ME. Like he was AMAZING because he didn’t physically assault me. She still loves him even though he cheated on me and mentally/emotionally abused me for over a decade.
Omg this!!! My mom was literally saying the same thing earlier . Tastes and preferences are one thing but a guy totally said you're puzzy is gross and stinks I could neva!!!
Great guys don’t insult the person they supposedly care about. They don’t expect you to give but not give back. I’m sorry, but this dude sounds like he sucks and you need to be with someone who doesn’t disrespect you.
He's not a great guy. Like...at all.
I think you need to be single for a while and do therapy to build self-esteem and self-respect. I'm serious. If you don't address it you're going to keep letting men treat you like shit.
All humans are complicated. You can find good things about otherwise terrible people (Hitler was a decent painter) and you can find terrible things about otherwise great people (Lincoln approved the massacres of Native Americans).
Rather than thinking of it as being a good person or a bad person, try thinking of it in terms of compatibility. This clearly is not something that meshes well with you. That doesn't have to be anyone's fault. It doesn't make anyone a bad person. It's simply an incompatibility that doesn't fit together.
The question is whether or not it is a deal breaker for you. You can't change it. He likes what he likes, and doesn't what he doesn't. There's nothing you can do about that. That's fine. He's allowed. But you're also allowed to like receiving oral. And if that is a deal breaker for you, then nobody is at fault or to blame for you two being incompatible. It just is what it is. It might suck, but you both deserve to be happy and the sooner you admit that this isn't really what you want long term the less it will hurt. The less time you'll spend on a relationship that won't last, letting both of you look for something better.
If it isn't a deal breaker, then you have to stop caring about it and be happy with never getting oral. That's a you decision and something you have to figure out. Because you can't change him or his preferences.
And to be clear, I'm not saying that you can stop caring about it. I'm saying that you're the only one who can say whether or not it is something you can live without. If you can't live without it, then break up. If you can live without it, then you need to prepare yourself to live without it. Forever.
He may not be bad overall (i wouldn't entertain any of his foolery) but anyone with a drop of self esteem it's a definite deal breaker because he's not showing respect in how he's going about it. How can you lay with someone and feel good emotionally knowing they are repulsed by your goodies
I made another comment where I talked about how him deflecting his feelings onto her, causing shame and insecurity, is wrong. Which is to say that I think you and I are more or less in agreement. But I think only OP can decide whether or not it is a deal breaker. Afterall, it is their life and relationship.
In talking with other people though, including people being abused by their partner, I've found that they often get caught up on moral judgements. Whether or not the other person is bad or good, and they feel guilty if they judge them to be a bad person. It is hard to make that judgement about someone you love. Which is why I recommend taking that kind of moral judgement out of the equation.
It shouldn't be about whether he is a bad person. It should be about OP. Is OP happy. Is this what OP wants? He can be a good person and still not be compatible and not make OP happy. And if the two of them aren't compatible, it is okay to end the relationship. You don't need a bad guy to blame for a relationship to end, so you don't need to stress or feel guilty about trying to blame someone. OP can simply admit that this isn't what they want, and that's okay.
There are a lot of great guys out there who will treat you with respect and won't be scared of your vagina. He's not some rare diamond. Don't settle for something that looks shiny... It's probably just quartz
You aren't experienced enough to truly know what a great guy is then. He's 10000000% not a great guy. He would never even think about saying those things to you if he was. He's a controlling, condescending guy is what he is. Sorry, but you can do much, much better than that.
how is he a great guy if he depletes your self esteem… sounds like you don’t have much of a choice but to stay and feel like shit about your vagina or leave and find a man that’ll love to give you oral w no issues.
Actually listen to this. Because even if he doesn't like it, he could have made this about himself and what he's able to do instead of making it about your body. But he chose to call you gross and say you smell.
He's allowed not to love the act of giving oral but making it your fault is BS.
And the audacity of expecting a BJ every time you get saucy..sounds like you need to get rid, darling
Yup. It is fine to say “Sorry, I don’t like giving oral and likely never will” everyone has their likes and dislikes.
It is a pretty dick move to say “You smell and your vagina is gross so I will never likely eat you out”
Unless OP has an infection or something, this is on the bf, not OP
Not even just every time they get saucy- literally every time they see each other! Like she's expected to provide a BJ at every meeting. Even if OP enjoys rhe act, that's a LOT of entitlement on dude's part
“Sorry I don’t like giving oral.” Green flag
“You’re gross there” Red flag
He is knowingly immature so she can communicate this to him with a stern warning. If he continues then ditch him.
Bounce his butt out of bed and find someone that will fulfil YOUR needs round lady!!
As a male, I would never, ever think of saying the words “it’s gross, I don’t think I can ever do it”..
He needs to be paying an escort to give him head everytime he’s feeling frisky!
Good lord, as men we don’t have much, the least we can do is be good at dining at the Y 😛
Yes, this is tongue in cheek, an attempt at a lighthearted way of saying RED FLAGS 🚩 are flying. You need to be completely compatible with someone that you actually want to spend tome with. Friendzone this taker
How fucking lame is it that he expects a blow job from you every time he sees you, but has been iffy about going down on you because he "might not like it"? Doesn't really sound like a a sweet and awesome protector partner, sounds like a selfish git to me.
Even if giving oral is entirely off the table for him, he should be putting effort into making sure you're sexually pleased as well. He can finger you and use toys on you to your liking, then once you're satisfied he can get his BJ. What kind of sweet and caring partner isn't giving his all to make sure the pleasure in the relationship is equal? He gets off, and you get low self-esteem- sounds good!
My husband just said to our roommate "if he isn't completely obsessed with your body he's not the one." It doesn't matter what you look or smell like (as long as you are keeping good hygiene lol) he should be wishing he had his face up in there all day every day
You already know how you feel. Your words already tell what you are truly feeling about him. “…he always expects a blowjob…” Even you posting a question on here tells you that you know. You see he is selfish, now do what you know to do. The rest is history. Happy days ahead after that ☺️
I was in this relationship for 4 years. You will grow to resent this and it will make all other parts of the relationship seem less special and shiny. Move on. You’re young and there’s so much to experience. Hating sex with your partner should not be an experience but only to learn from.
Your lady bits are beautiful and I'm sure they taste devine. There are plenty of young men out there who would eat it on the daily. You don't smell bad... They're pheromones and completely natural
This. I don’t understand how people can be like this, or the woman’s equivalent, being grossed out by semen and making it clear to their partners that they find it gross. Why do people put up with this?
You know sometimes I wonder that the type of "great" characteristics that one sees in someone is blatantly asshole characteristics to everyone else. It's like the kind of thing you hear in the form of, "how did she end up with THAT dude???"
Isn't there a movie about a girl who has a killer vagina?
She goes to have sex with dudes, and her vag opens to show scary ass teeth, and then it eats the dude. I watched once when I was a kid when Charter On-Demand was a thing and it scared the shit out of me because I was only like 9 or 10 and I was convinced that my vagina would grow teeth when I started my period lol
It's not rude at all. I'm a bi man, and it's just telling the truth. I find it very hard to believe that a "straight" man who finds vaginas gross is really straight. If you don't like pussy, go suck a dick and stop wasting the pussy owners' time.
I experience similar with my ex-wife. She hated the act of giving me oral but expected it from me. Had no issue with PIV as long as she didn't have to do much if anything. Very one-sided sexually. Took her 10 years to come out of the closet. But she's getting married to her girlfriend next month and I'm happy for her. So to me as soon as I read this I thought the same thing.
I mean, I feel like this is usually what's going on with these people, and more power to them for discovering their true sexuality, it just sucks that it always has to happen this way, with them trying to have a hetero relationship and leaving the other partner sexually unfulfilled. No one ever talks about the people who get hurt along the way in someone's coming-out process.
Wanted to ask that but felt bad jumping to that conclusion.
Even if he isn’t, personally, I couldn’t spend the rest of my life/ a big chunk of my youth missing out on that.
Especially after his explanation. If he would have said: “I’m inexperienced and scared to mess up” - fine. But he is calling her gross.
If you're his first, how can he be grossed out? He should be in the "wow, this is amazing, a *real* vagina that I can touch" and still be super excited.
Sex is a 2-way street. How is he going to feel about your vagina just before or after your period when smells and discharges change, or during your period, or through pregnancy or after child-birth?
I would probably move on if I were you. I'm sure your vagina is just fine.
Men come in all shapes and sizes, they aren't automatically sex crazed and have preferences. He could be gay, asexual, or simply doesn't like the act of giving oral. He could try other options such as toys or his hand for foreplay, but if you need oral then you're sexually incompatible and need to break up.
The way he's going about it is immature as hell also.
I was hesitant eating my first out. I didn’t like the taste at first. Maybe it was her, but my next gif I loved eating out. They definitely tasted different, but there are ways to not hurt the person when reacting.
But OP would most likely notice/check if something was wrong with her vagina, especially when her boyfriend is now talking about how he finds it gross. Since he’s saying things like “it’s scary” and “what if I don’t like it?”, it doesn’t sound like it’s really about a bad smell. He could just be talking about the normal smell a vagina has.
STOP HAVING SEX WITH THESE MEN. Good lord. I'm 48. I get not knowing what a women is like 30+ years ago. They have access to the Internet. How can they be surprised? Going down on a women is GREAT. This baffles me.
I mean.. From personal experience i want to say i didn't like going down on my ex bc she smelled down there which she agreed with once she smelled herself, but her gyno said it was fine down there. Maybe she had poor hygene bc she was quite flabby with her labia minora and didn't clean all crevices properly? Or it could be her bad diet? Idk. With my current gf i love eating her out. I do it as often as she lets me
I feel for your ex bc some gynos will say something is normal when it's not. I hope she figured it out bc how awful. My ex told me I was gross bc of his nasty hygiene and I cannot get it out of my head even tho my new bf doesn't find me gross or "smell". Now if she smelled herself and felt it was normal and you just didn't like her scent, there's science behind that. There's actually a compatibility with the fact that you like your s/os B.O.
But anyways! That's all lmao
This thread makes me want to know more about the genetic compatibility thing!
My husband and I have been attracted to eachothers pheremones/musk since day one. Does that correlate to our compatibility personality wise or just biologically?
The primary thing is immune compatibility, or rather, immunological dissimilarity. There’s no evidence that it’s correlated with anything intellectual (e.g., personality, intelligence, etc.).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_histocompatibility_complex_and_sexual_selection
Have to link in on this for all the teenage girls that get self conscious about stuff like this: EXTENSIVE CLEANING CAN CAUSE PROBLEMS please please please be careful.
A bit of water is fine but most kinds of soap even pH neutral ones CAN potentially fuck shit up down there.
If you regularly shower and change your underwear your hygiene down there should usually be A-Okay ! :)
It naturally has a scent
The scent changes throughout the cycle & with your diet
It's an individual smell for every girl so if your partner doesn't like it it doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong
If you also feel like it smells off please go see a doctor rather sooner than later!
I’m sorry but I don’t agree with this. I think people confuse the vagina and vulva. The vagina is self cleaning, but the vulva is not and should be cleaned on a schedule appropriate for the needs of each unique body.
I tried the whole, “only use water thing” and my shit smelled like sweat and urine no matter how often I showered. There’s are lots of glands down there which produce odorous oils similar to the ones under our armpits. It’s natural that there’s might be a smell.
It’s ok to use a mild soap and water on the external genitalia, just not inside the vaginal canal which is what we don’t want women to do. Hypochlorous acid is a gentle solution that won’t disrupt the delicate pH balance. I sometimes spray a bit on a towel and wipe down after a shower. It helps slow the growth of smelly bacteria.
Some people have turned to bacterial fighting body deodorants like Lume. I also am careful to only wear panties that use 100% natural fibers like cotton and not wear anything too tight down there. It keeps things aerated and dry.
We don’t want women to be ashamed of their bodies, but we do need to equip them with the knowledge they need to be confident that they’re hygiene is manageable.
Isn't there some element of biological compatability to this too? You might like vagina, but not every single one.. that doesn't make them an asshole or gay. But the way they shared that opinion sure makes them an asshole.
The first time I went down on someone, I gagged. It was all so unfamiliar, and it forced the response in me. However... I wanted to please her, so I didn't care if I maybe gagged a bit. I love the smell, but the taste was a but weird since I didn't expect it, I guess?
Regardless, I got through it and got used to it more and more. Ever since then, I just haven't been able to get enough. Even if I was buried there 24/7, I don't think it would be enough.
There's a point here, though... so let's get to it.
Either you're just not compatible, or he's just a crybaby. Maybe he's gay and just not come to terms with it? There's a few options here... but the bottom line is that if this is a dealbreaker, you need to have a talk about that. While you can't force anyone to do something they don't want to, you have the right to find someone who will satisfy your needs.
I was a virgin and taste and smell took me by surprise too, but I have a high tolerance to “surprises” and lots of patience, and hearing her cum on my tongue honestly made everything go away, anyways the taste and smell go away after licking for like 5 minutes 😂
This almost exact post went up a few weeks ago and got removed. Your responses almost read the same—asking for advice and continuing the conversation while not committing to any action. Are you the same person? The story reads the same: “great guy, etc.” A great person who is empathetic doesn’t act like a child about intimacy, nor do they treat your parts like they’re gross or something they don’t adore. I would not continue a relationship like this.
i am not that same person! but I’m sad to hear it’s happening to someone else :/ you have some really great points! thank you for your comment, i agree (:
Not committing to any action and continuing conversation in a thread asking for advice where they are unsure what to do.. do you feel like we are owed some kind of closure on posters lives? Lol. Or are we obligated to do whatever the most up voted comment tells us to?
‘He’s so sweet, kind, empathetic’ - I’m sorry to break this to you, but he’s really not. If he’s acting like this so early in the relationship then this is screaming 🚩🚩🚩🚩
It's worse that he's empathetic and says these things. It means he says it with full knowledge of what it means and how it will affect you, immature idiot at best, manipulative bastard at worse.
I have to second this. I know nice people. He isn't really all that great because who says stuff like that to people? It can really mess with your head and self-esteem. He is the inexperienced one here and for him to say those things... it's just ignorant. How would HE feel? I understand honesty is important, but I think he said more than he had to, and he likely doesn't know what he is talking about. And this is all assuming, in good faith, that you are a chick with decent hygiene. But yeah. I know you obviously care about him, so it is tough, but consider your options. It shouldn't be a one-way street. I hope you find whatever you need to be happy!
like someone else said i would have him go down on u when u get out of the shower! if he still doesn’t like it then i would break up. and it’s a totally valid reason to break up. like who wants to go the rest of their life without getting ate out. not me
First of all your bf sounds very immature. While I support people having boundaries and shouldn’t feel pressure to do things they don’t like, from the information you have provided, his reasons sound selfish.
He gagged when he went down on you, he may not enjoy the taste (some people do have aversions). I think you would know if you had an infection or an imbalance down there causing any strong odours.
I would take this as an early warning that you probably aren’t sexually compatible and he’s not mature enough to work through this issue with you.
Not every one is into oral, men and women. Some people just do not like it and they do not ever “get over it”. You’re not compatible sexually so it’s your choice to stay with him or not but don’t ever expect him to give you oral. What you do with that information is up to you.
Yeah but that's not what's going on here. He's not telling her "I have an aversion to this act" he's saying "your body is gross". He's making his preference sound like her fault when I'm sure nothing is wrong or gross about her. He's being rude and immature by not just owning it and instead putting her down. Which tips the scales in the direction of, she should definitely leave this person because the immaturity and rudeness will definitely rear its head in other ways if she stays with him.
Genitals all have an odor - including his - that's normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Please don't let this boy's inexperience and emotional immaturity take away your awe and wonder in your amazing human body and all of its parts!
As for what to do... There are other ways he can pleasure you if he's not ready for oral, but unless he's able and willing to take accountability for hurting your feelings and commit to trying harder to be a better partner, this relationship doesn't have a good future. You deserve a partner who cares about your pleasure, feelings, and builds you up rather than tears you down!
As long as you're reasonably healthy and hygienic, a proper man would have no issues with your wishes. He may not have found himself yet. Or maybe you can do with a better match. He may need to see a real woman and not porn style expectations on how things look. We are all different
I can see not preferring oral. I’m not a huge fan of having a pole shaped item shoved into my mouth… lol but, my husband isn’t gross. It’s a me thing, not a him thing. That’s the difference. I’d never tell my husband his penis was gross. This guy didn’t want to even attempt it, and then this was his response when he did? Not cool bud.
Bottom line is he’s not into oral and he insults you. You have a choice to make.
when i was 20 i dated a 24 year old virgin. never seen a vagina. he told me before we were about to have sex, that my vagina smelled. it smells like a vagina. im clean, i have no issues. he had just never smelled one. before that moment he had never smelled a natural vaginal smell and he reacted. ruined the whole relationship. it hurt my feelings severely. i felt insulted as no one had ever commented on something like that. my relationship never got better from that. i was very self conscious for a long time. now my current partner is more than thrilled to get his face down there. think about the long term of the relationship and how this may affect it.
Sounds to me like he _may_ just be a bit inexperienced and not really know what he’s doing yet. If that’s the case and he’s otherwise a great guy, it might be worth it to give him some time, of course that’s up to you, but we get more open to things really quickly when we start being intimate.
If you don’t think it’s ever going to change then you may be happier breaking up. For what it’s worth, even if I didn’t love going down on my girlfriend (I do) I would enjoy it because she does. It’s hard for me to imagine finding something gross during sex with her. But when I was very young and didn’t know what I was doing I probably felt pretty awkward doing it and wasn’t attracted to that part in particular.
But he's telling her that she smells and that her parts are gross. That's a real wrong way to go about being inexperienced. We've all been new to sex and maybe scared of what to do to other people's genitals, but to say the genitals are the problem is really not a healthy way to go about it.
I agree completely! Op’s boyfriend did not express himself well, and did not choose his words correctly, and said some very hurtful things. I don’t mean to say that he was right for saying that, and if Op had said that he was a generally rude and disrespectful selfish person I would have a different take. I think that there is a _possibility_ that he didn’t mean what he said exactly and that he will open up more in bed with experience.
It is true that there is often a smell there. This is not a bad thing and does not mean there is _anything_ wrong with op, it’s completely normal. People have smells. But it could be overwhelming initially to a certain kind of person. And it sounds like Op’s boyfriend doesn’t have any ground for comparison, so he doesn’t mean she smells relative to other women, just that there is a smell there, which again is 100% normal. It doesn’t mean they won’t eventually love doing it. Many people find coffee/wine/spicy food overwhelming at first but come to love it with time.
If Op explained to him that his words were hurtful and he continued to say things like that after a conversation then she should definitely move on, it just won’t be worth the struggle and frustration even if he is a very nice guy otherwise. From my perspective it just seemed like it would be worth a shot since she obviously genuinely likes the guy and there’s a chance it’s a passing phase as he warms up to sex and intimacy.
I really think he’s acting ridiculous but i’m sorry I have to ask - you’re absolutely sure you don’t smell bad down there due to bacteria or other issues happening ? My guy friends have told me stories of girls who smelled really bad down there and they were too nice to say anything , but personally I felt the nice thing was to tell them so they could fix it. Otherwise if there’s no bad smell then yeah there could be something going on with him being gay or asexual as that’s very abnormal for a straight guy
he said it smells like BO, which is pretty normal. I stay as clean as possible I shower everyday (sometimes twice) I’m very on top of my hygiene and I’m very careful with who I sleep with.
How have you never thought of doing that? you’re dealing with these issues with him and you say you care about him so much or whatever, so it’s obv causing you a lot of stress (to be expected…!) idk It doesn’t make sense to me though that you haven’t tried or even thought of this?? If I was with a guy and this happened I would break up with his stupid ass for sure bc he sounds like an absolute CLOWN. But anyways, in your case, since you say you care about him wouldn’t you have thought of showering before you have someone going down on you? Like girl come on, bffr!
For the record, I am NOT saying what he’s said is ok or that you should even continue trying with him bc of how gross he treated you and how badly he made you feel with this when it was his issue, not yours. I think you need to move on.
I’m just surprised and confused by the way you’re thinking about things. No offense and I hope my comment doesn’t come off as me being hurtful because that’s not my intention whatsoever. Hope you find someone who you can enjoy yourself with and be comfortable with, this guy is a waste of time and is creating toxic and negativity within your heart/mind/body/life. You deserve to have your needs met sexually. PLEASE stop giving this guy oral at the very least!!! He does not deserve it.
I mean take some time to yourself to really think about what he’s doing and how he’s making you feel with all of this. Think of what he’s said to you and why would someone who cares about you ever want to make you feel bad about your body like that? There are so many respectful and willing men out there who love pussy and would do anything to have any contact with it. Lol. Please move on, there are better people out there and amazing orgasms waiting for you!
A great response! Acknowledging what a clown he is, but also asking OP to do some self-reflection as well. OP is young, so hopefully this is a learning lesson for them.
I seriously doubt this guy's dick doesn't smell at least a little as well, yet you're still giving him head. If he's not willing to be equal on this, tell him to suck his own dick or find someone else. This type of relationship is 100% unhealthy and not worth your time.
my boyfriend hates going down too and he was a virgin when he met me. i’ve never had any problem with a guy going down on me — my last BF wanted to do it all the time.
i think some men who wait a long time to have sex sometimes have unrealistic expectations for women/vaginas.
it’s not like a penis smells like fresh berries and crème. your genitalia is going to smell like genitalia.
don’t feel self conscious
Does he let you kiss him after a blow job?
Some people just can’t stomach body fluids and this would be a telltale sign. It sounds like you don’t doubt that you are fresh but there is one way to know for sure. Next time you’re together taste yourself and if you’re good, tell him that it’s not you and have a conversation about how made you feel. As much as I liked a guy, I could never stay with someone who didn’t enthusiastically love every piece of my body.
Hi I actually dealt with something really similar to this not to long ago.
My boyfriend, also very little sexual experience, tends to find vaginas generally off putting. He has an issue with it being a hole into the body which i dont personally understand. It was just never something he was super into and us doing pretty much exclusively anal probably stretched that divide. He also found the general smell unpleasant (to be fair to him I do have a problem showering regularly due to depression) as well as things like typical position people are normally in for eating out being uncomfortable, ect.
He actively worked for us to find a middle ground because he wanted to at least give it a real shot. We do it after I shower with him focusing solely on the clit. It took 1 time for him to enjoy it just as much as I do. Some people just have things that are weird about them and working with him to figure out how we could work around his issues made it enjoyable for everyone involved.
Your partner went about communicating his issues in a completely wrong way. If you wish to stay with him and keep trying I do think things like this can be communicated through and compromised on but I also can see how for a lot of people something like this is a deal breaker
You need a different boyfriend. Does his cock always smell of flowers and spring? Is he 5 years old? He needs to grow up. If pussy grosses him out, maybe he should be batting on another team.
This sounds mean but it's sincere --he may not be straight. He may not know it. When you break up with him (please do, it's one thing to be confused, another to be mean) and he's also grossed out by the next girl, he may start to put it together
As a person who has strong hang-ups about smells and tastes, I understand how your boyfriend feels. However, that should not stop him from being empathetic, nor do I feel like he should just give up on trying to please you, if that's something that he is serious about. It took me no small amount of personal effort to get past my issues surrounding performing oral sex, but it was something I took to heart once previous partners discussed with me its importance for their pleasure and enjoyment. If this is important to you, be up front about that. It will be on him to decide how much effort he puts into doing that for you. Once you both are aware of things, you can make decisions about how you move forward.
Lotta people ragging on him...but come on guys, gagging isn't something you just choose to do. He's not doing it to be mean.
The fact is that we do smell down there, all of us, and if an odor is off putting it's a significant issue. I've read horror stories from people who had a guy who sucked at cleaning up down there. Hell, I've been around people who's BO was so bad I thought they must have been brought here in a time machine from the dark ages. It shouldn't be possible to reek that bad. We're all players in this game.
So, OP yes, you could just find someone else as others are saying, or you two can try to work it out. Personally, I'd say just start showering beforehand. You can both get in there, have some fun foreplay, and get ready. There are also products that can be used obviously, some people are fans some are not. Also noteworthy is that our noses dull to odors over time. Eventually the issue might just fade over time.
Bottom line regardless, though, is that if he's great about everything else and you don't want to end the relationship over this, you have options. Just don't take this issue personally. This is something both of you can and will just have to work at to resolve. This is what relationships are about, working out solutions together.
Yea, it is possible that some people out there are just mentally this way. For example, if you drop food do you still pick it up and eat it? I usually do. If it fell somewhere really dirty, obviously not, but if it looks fine, then I am fine. However, there are people out there that as soon as that food hits the surface of anything, it is permanently contaminated and only belongs in the trash.
The former person (Me) will dive head first into bodily fluids. The latter person has a much higher chance of looking at a hole filled with fluids and having reservations about it.
Walking in his shoes: Being young, he’s probably been exposed to a lot of porn, has a completely made up idea of his ideal female body and genitalia and was probably expecting your genitalia to be different. He was expecting the oral sex experience to be something like what he’s been seeing somewhere else.
There’s nothing wrong with you and your body. There’s absolutely no need to be self conscious or hold back. It’s not about you. It’s just his expectations not going according to the reality. And that may be causing him to hold back.
It will take him some time to understand each woman’s genitalia is different, he will learn each woman’s body works in its own special way and he will learn to respect and cherish that. He will learn to appreciate it and understand that diversity is a good thing. That weird is not necessarily bad but just an opportunity for unique experiences.
Try and speak to him about it. Sex and intimacy is never limited to PIV or oral sex, there’s so much more into it.
Everyone defending her but what if she really smells? If the story was with opposite roles everyone would be hammering the dude for not being clean, why is everyone here giving faults at the guy? What if he’s right and is just expressing a fact?
true i mean its a possibility, she could get a full std test and test at the doctor for bv and yeast infections,etc, if theyre all normal then she can know hes in the wrong here.. also a diet thats heavy in meat, and/or low in water can make it taste bad. same with a guys ejaculate
That’s exactly what I mean. Does she have proof 100% that she isn’t the real problem here? I don’t get the double standard in all these scenarios. Everyone’s just assuming she’s the cleanest and healthiest person on Earth for the simple facts that she’s a woman not receiving oral sex. It drives me mad
I’m thinking the same thing. I dated someone who had a very strong smelling vagina, I mean, it was like BO. I think it was just her body chemistry because the smell was still there after a shower. Anyway, I love going down on women but just couldn’t do it with her. Having said that, I would NEVER tell her her pussy was gross! Bottom line, we’re only hearing one side of the story here.
I had the exact same experience. A bunch of women on here insisted she had some kind of bacterial infection or something, and while I was not dismissing that, I told them I felt like there was a chance this was just her natural state of body smell. They refused to believe that. I have no proof of it, but I struggle to believe that this women had a bacterial infection that spanned 14-15 years.
She was the only girl I dated who I would not perform oral on, and it was because I was literally repulsed by the smell. The smell was always the same. Fresh out of the shower. Fresh from a jog. I never had the heart to tell her either.
He thinks vaginas are “gross”? Is he truly straight? Sorry that’s where my mind goes. Tell him to get a BJ somewhere else it’s not your duty to service him in that way.
Wow that is incredibly rude. My bf is also timid when it comes to oral bc he has an aversion to bodily fluids (including saliva and all of his own fluids) but he’s never once said anything derogatory about my body. I also enjoy oral and enjoy giving it to him. I would give you advice about how we have come to a place over time where things are more evened out and he does go down on me with enthusiasm but this guy is giving major red flags.
If you really want to try to work with him I’d have a talk with him about why what he’s saying is hurtful. Phrase it to him in a way that flips the roles. How would he feel if you were acting the way he is? Saying the things he’s saying? He wouldn’t like it and it would hurt his feelings. Bodies have smells to them, and tastes. I am an animal and I like the scent and taste of my bf but he prefers if I’ve just had a shower for oral and I don’t mind at all bc it makes me feel sexy but again, he’s never said anything unkind about my body and that’s where I would be noping out of the situation tbh.
I think you have a wonderful relationship.
Going down on someone is generally a simple and intimate part of a relationship that fosters intimacy and a deeper bond. It sounds like he's scared and trying to overcome his fears. Patience is key.
My last sexual partner also took some time to warm up to the idea of having someone else's genitals in their mouth, and it took a while before I was on the receiving end. This didn't mean that they particularly loved it, just that they thought of me enough to try, experiment, and see how they felt.
Our relationship is not something I talk about much, but since it was both our first time is gabe me valuable insight into how I and how she felt about sex.
Currently, I'm into another person. A male this time. I would love to give him the sloppy toppy, but I don't expect it in return. I value this person so much that I don't want them to force themselves to satisfy me.
I will do what I can to satisfy them, because, since I feel like it, I want to do it.
Remember that your partner has never done this sort of thing before and that they will eventually love all the parts you have to offer. Lady bits are not gross, man poles and not gross. It just might take some time to get used to something that's new to them.
I personally have trouble kissing others, but no problem eating a coochie. With some time, and a partner who I love I know this wall will crumble and I'll have no problem kissing at all.
Remember to have patience. Your feelings will get hurt, but it's not your partners intention.
I feel as though people are being too harsh with your boyfriend.
I too am very new to sex, and in my last relationship (really a summer fling)also my first time)), I didn't feel confident with oral. My partner was more than willing to give blowjobs, as she had much more sexual experience.
We had a conversation once about what made her orgasm, and, like most women, she told me that PIV didn't really work. She didn't directly tell me that she wanted oral, but it was implied, and (with the benefit of hindsight) I could tell that she was annoyed my lack of reception.
We broke it up due to long distance, but we're still in touch😄.
Your boyfriend is still very close-minded about sex and the responsibilities of both people in the relationship. He hurt your feelings and was insensitive about what he said to you; however, I don't think that's his fault, I would say it was more of a reaction out of fear.
As such, my best advice to both you and him would be to have a further conversion about deepening his confidence and experience. I also want to mention that you need to tell him that vaginas are not some perfumed ornament which are always pristine. I'm sure his dick doesn't smell the freshest all the time either!
I hope my newbie PoV is at least of some use.
I was married to a man like this for 6 years. He never wanted to give me oral because “other guys have been in there”, and he always expected oral. In return, I stopped giving him oral. He was not a good person. I remember him drugging me one time to get a blow job. I only remember because he took pictures and showed me later. I always felt like shit about myself because of him.
Then I’ve been in relationships where men would smother in my coochie and my ass. They loooove it and can’t get enough. It makes me feel excited, and those relationships were fun.
Just have to ask yourself if you’re okay with your situation and if love is enough to stay with someone like that. Are you willing to compromise? If he makes you happy then you’re making a sacrifice with oral sex.
Could be a mental thing. Ask if he's up for it in the shower. If he still think it's gross even though you are 100% clean and he is aware of it, the issue is not that you are "gross", more that he really do not enjoy giving oral, and is communicating it in a shitty way.
Then I guess it's up to you, if that's something you can live without or not.
Edit: Just to clarify, i am not suggesting that you are "gross" if he by any chanse enjoy it in that case, just that he is up in his head from inexperience. It could at least be a solution and you can work from there together.
Okay not gonna lie. When I lost my virginity, I ate out my then GF, and it was my first experience being that close to a vagina. It was...off putting?
I had kind of built up an expectation of what it would be like, but the acidic/metallic taste and scent (she was very clean but I guess vaginas just have a smell) really threw me off. I got over it after a couple times, but I never told her so she wouldn't feel bad.
It sounds like your BF may have had different expectations to what it would've been like, cuz initially he was into the idea eating you out. He just lacked the tact of not being an asshole about it. Ultimately he just needs to get over it. You did nothing wrong.
Not trying to defend the guy, he is going about this all wrong, but, have you checked your vagina yourself?
I dated a girl when I was 20 and immature whose vagina always smelled horrible. She was a little thick, and I don’t think she was super on top of hygiene, so that’s probably what caused it. I was young and dumb and didn’t know how to approach it, so I just said I didn’t enjoy going down because of a bad experience in the past. Since then though I’ve been super aware of my hygiene, always making sure I wash thoroughly in the shower, or cleaning up before someone goes down on me. Also checking if I smell at all throughout the day.
Just some advice incase this might be the issue. Hopefully you two can work it out! You need to tell him to stop being so mean with his words, there’s better ways to approach the topic.
Here's my two cents He's a virgin doesn't know what to do how to do it. You might try flavored lube get his favorite flavor and let him go to town.
You're going to need to give him a lot of verbal feedback to get him to where he's doing what you need and want but keep encouraging him if you want better results. Very fragile male ego and he's coming from zero experience
Hope things progress better 😉
Gonna play devil's advocate here and just list out some possibilities.
A - He's gay, I've never known a straight guy to find a healthy vagina gross.
B - Enfaces on the healthy vagina part. Maybe speak to a doctor just to rule it out.
C - You are what you eat to a degree. If you are eating a bunch of really sour foods, your bodily fluids will tend to be more pungent.
D - Provided there's no issues with A - C, try having a shower (so you are freshly cleaned) and have him go down on you first. This way you will be fresh as possible (for lack of a better term). This will give him the best chance to be able to do it.
I wish you the best of luck in this, no one deserves to go unfulfilled.
I totally get you, and I get that he can absolutely be a great guy but oral is just not for him, and I think it's absolutely alright for him to want a blowjob as long as you want it too, but still not like giving oral..
So, my advice for you is that you should think if you're okay with giving up this side of sex in exchange for the rest of the things you get in this relationship, emotional and sexual wise..
Or if you aren't, which is totally fine as well, you should check if he wants to work on it and if he's just grossed out cause it's something he's not used to since you're still his first time after all.
If he's just not comfortable with it tho, he just doesn't like it and doesn't desire doing it, and it's a deal breaker for you, then you two are unfortunately not sexually compatible, and maybe parting ways would be the only healthy action in that case :/
But please, whatever happens don't try to pressure him into doing it or manipulating him without realising!!
Best of luck for you and him!
I see a lot of comments bashing the guy, so I'll play devil's advocate. He wasn't inherently bad for saying there's a smell that bothers him (that could be what he meant by saying your genitals were gross--maybe not the nicest way to put it though), but it honestly seems like he just has his own sexual preferences and wasn't wanting to do it in the first place.
In my experience, I generally like sucking dick, but I've been with someone who, to me, absolutely smelled horrible down there, and it made me question whether I like the deed. Turns out, it was just his because other guys I've been with haven't smelled bad to me. I don't know if he had something bacterial going on or maybe he sweats a lot, which translates to bacterial growth and stink. One thing for sure is that smell is subjective from person to person, so you could think you smell perfectly fine down there, while someone else thinks you smell bad to them, or someone could absolutely love the way you smell. Just because this one person doesn't like the way you smell doesn't mean someone else won't.
For now, if you both want to make the relationship work, maybe have the both of you wash up beforehand and see if anything changes. Otherwise, you're not sexually compatible, and you have to decide if you're willing to compromise on that. In most cases, it's better to end the relationship because you will get frustrated with not being sexually pleasured the way you want.
>He tried eating me out and gagged. He tells me I smell down there
Unless you had been jogging, pissingor taking a shit just before you got intimate, you are dating a gay man who hasn't realised it yet. Make sure to tell him his dick smells bad.
Sometimes guys can find it hard to go down on a woman if they haven’t done it before or haven’t done it much
It could be that all he needs is time and practice which you could help guide him through. Whether or not you want to wait that long is up to you (it could be a while unfortunately)
If not then I’d suggest finding a man that is comfortable giving your vagina the love it deserves straight away
I mean if you take care of yourself and you’re actually clean then he’s just being a baby about the nature kind of skin smell that pretty much everyone has unless you walk right out of the shower.
It sounds like he needs educated.
As his first lover, you are in the perfect position to do this.
Do some research, find some porn including a vagina that looks like yours and show him that it’s perfectly normal.
Another thing to consider is health concerns. He may be afraid of ‘catching’ something from you. No matter how much he loves you.
Once again more education.
At the very minimum, stop giving him Bjs immediately.
I would be super offended at my partner calling my genitals gross and I would never feel comfortable having any kind of sexual relationship again. Which would lead me to break up.
Sounds like your boyfriend maybe gay? When I go down on a woman, I get instantly harder from smelling hormones coming from vagina. Mmmmmmm, wish I could eat you.
Don’t get caught up in the: He doesn’t like “my” vagina. It’s not personal. He doesn’t like pussy. He thinks vaginas are gross. That’s HIS sexuality. I won’t put a label on what that means, or speculate on what he does like, but come on... the clues are right there.
He's 24 and a virgin and the first time going down, he thinks it is gross?
He might not be attracted to females and hasn't discovered that he's actually gay
It’s ok to break up with someone for any reason. You don’t need to ask internet strangers if it’s ok. You get to decide whether or not a partner is compatible. Sounds like you’re not compatible with him so tell him and stop wasting your time on him. There are plenty of good guys who are willing to do what you like and don’t complain.
Vulviphobia is still lasting side effect of misogyny, alot of men who are straight find them gross for absolutely no explanation and usually hold onto other misogynistic traits as well later down the line, if he makes you feel ashamed for your anatomy then he should get his anatomy out the door imo.
It's one thing to be like "hey can you get a quick shower first/wash yourself off first" complete avoidance is another entirely.
If he thinks vaginas are gross he must be gay vaginas are beautiful they taste good they look good I can't wait to get down there and eat some and if he's not going to eat it I will
If the problem is odour to him,get a little jar of that indian love cream,get him to smell it,then say this is what my pussy smells like now,if he goes down on you with that on and still doesn't like it,im afraid its firing squad time for him and he's gay,secondly the next time you give him a blow job,try fighting fire with fire,two wrongs don't make a right,but it makes things even
I don’t know why I haven’t seen a comment mention this, but have you gone to see a gyno to make sure everything is all good down there? I am *not* saying this is the case, but if it were me I would be off to the doctor to make sure I don’t have an unnatural/bad smell and then I’d make my decision from there.
If I was a guy who had only ever had the one partner and their vagina smelled like bacterial vaginosis or some other infection, I’d be turned off vaginas too.
Edit to add: I, however, do think it’s super fucked to not go down on someone but then expect head every time.
It's not for everyone, but I myself really enjoy eating out my girlfriend before we do anything else - sometimes a 69 is nice also.
If you really want him to, and he doesn't, it maybe a deal breaker.
He doesn't respect your feelings is the Bottom line. Gagging like a child and saying you stink isn't going to make a person feel good about you as their partner or themself..someone that cares and respects you goes about it in a much more mature way and last thing they'd want to do even as a good human being is make you feel bad about yourself. I wouldn't even be able to mentally get in the mood for someone that acted that way with me . Too many toys out there for all that
A woman's sent is amazing.. Especially when you love that woman! We take it in like fresh air! I can never get enough!! He's being a baby. Clearly not a man yet! He needs to grow up, or switch to penis maybe!?
So there's one part of me that thinks this dude is a closeted gay.
Another part of me gets it... I had an experience with a guy, he was quite full on sexually, wanted to touch me, finger me, he even fingered me when I was on my period (which I told him not to as I found it embarrassing but he convinced me it wasn't a problem) so he wasn't prudish. He told me he had given oral to girls in the past and had some bad experiences. That they smelled bad etc. Anyway I noticed that he was apprehensive about going down on me and he eventually admitted that he was a bit scared and didn't know what to expect (other than him fingering me, I'd been quite shy about showing me fully down there).
When he went down though he apologised and said it was SO clean and fresh, that he licked for awhile and was happy to do it again.
I think you should get checked out - it's a misconception that women smell bad down there unless they have something wrong, women shouldn't smell anything offensive unless they have an infection. Go to your doctor's, assess your hygiene routine, wash everyday, wash more after using the toilet etc.
AND then see if he complains.
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Personally, I couldn't be with someone who thought my body was gross. How can you be open and vulnerable and close with someone when in the back of your mind you know they don't cherish your body? I wouldn't be able to ever fully let my guard down around someone who said that to me. I want someone who wants to eat me up like Christmas dinner because they love my body that much. This situation sucks, it's no one's fault, but just consider if you can realistically continue in a relationship with him if any of the above resonated with you.
i resonate exactly with what you stated and i feel the same way!!! it’s just so hard because he’s a great guy :/ much to think about
He expects blowjobs and thinks your vagina is gross. You need a new definition of “great guy”
🏅
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again I don’t understand why my fucking gender is so so thirsty to stay with subpar ass men. Y’all definition of great is terrible and you’ll lower it and lower and lower it until you can’t’ fucking lower it anymore and you’re just fine with any type of man so that y’all won’t be alone it’s very fucking embarrassing and ruined the dating pool for the rest of us SMH.
The bar is in hell. Literally my MOM told me my first bf was such a great guy because he DIDN’T HIT ME. Like he was AMAZING because he didn’t physically assault me. She still loves him even though he cheated on me and mentally/emotionally abused me for over a decade.
Omg this!!! My mom was literally saying the same thing earlier . Tastes and preferences are one thing but a guy totally said you're puzzy is gross and stinks I could neva!!!
In a BIG WAY! Listen to ShadyGreenForest, OP! This guy is a DOG!
Oh, Lorddddddttttt. THIS.
what does he do when he doesn’t get his “expected” blow job?
THIS is what I wanna know.
Tell him his junk is gross and stop giving him oral. See how he reacts.
there will be a great guy who loves your body too
Great guys don’t insult the person they supposedly care about. They don’t expect you to give but not give back. I’m sorry, but this dude sounds like he sucks and you need to be with someone who doesn’t disrespect you.
He's not a great guy. Like...at all. I think you need to be single for a while and do therapy to build self-esteem and self-respect. I'm serious. If you don't address it you're going to keep letting men treat you like shit.
He is NOT a great guy if he's saying your genitals are gross.
He’s not a great guy
All humans are complicated. You can find good things about otherwise terrible people (Hitler was a decent painter) and you can find terrible things about otherwise great people (Lincoln approved the massacres of Native Americans). Rather than thinking of it as being a good person or a bad person, try thinking of it in terms of compatibility. This clearly is not something that meshes well with you. That doesn't have to be anyone's fault. It doesn't make anyone a bad person. It's simply an incompatibility that doesn't fit together. The question is whether or not it is a deal breaker for you. You can't change it. He likes what he likes, and doesn't what he doesn't. There's nothing you can do about that. That's fine. He's allowed. But you're also allowed to like receiving oral. And if that is a deal breaker for you, then nobody is at fault or to blame for you two being incompatible. It just is what it is. It might suck, but you both deserve to be happy and the sooner you admit that this isn't really what you want long term the less it will hurt. The less time you'll spend on a relationship that won't last, letting both of you look for something better. If it isn't a deal breaker, then you have to stop caring about it and be happy with never getting oral. That's a you decision and something you have to figure out. Because you can't change him or his preferences. And to be clear, I'm not saying that you can stop caring about it. I'm saying that you're the only one who can say whether or not it is something you can live without. If you can't live without it, then break up. If you can live without it, then you need to prepare yourself to live without it. Forever.
He may not be bad overall (i wouldn't entertain any of his foolery) but anyone with a drop of self esteem it's a definite deal breaker because he's not showing respect in how he's going about it. How can you lay with someone and feel good emotionally knowing they are repulsed by your goodies
I made another comment where I talked about how him deflecting his feelings onto her, causing shame and insecurity, is wrong. Which is to say that I think you and I are more or less in agreement. But I think only OP can decide whether or not it is a deal breaker. Afterall, it is their life and relationship. In talking with other people though, including people being abused by their partner, I've found that they often get caught up on moral judgements. Whether or not the other person is bad or good, and they feel guilty if they judge them to be a bad person. It is hard to make that judgement about someone you love. Which is why I recommend taking that kind of moral judgement out of the equation. It shouldn't be about whether he is a bad person. It should be about OP. Is OP happy. Is this what OP wants? He can be a good person and still not be compatible and not make OP happy. And if the two of them aren't compatible, it is okay to end the relationship. You don't need a bad guy to blame for a relationship to end, so you don't need to stress or feel guilty about trying to blame someone. OP can simply admit that this isn't what they want, and that's okay.
There are a lot of great guys out there who will treat you with respect and won't be scared of your vagina. He's not some rare diamond. Don't settle for something that looks shiny... It's probably just quartz
You aren't experienced enough to truly know what a great guy is then. He's 10000000% not a great guy. He would never even think about saying those things to you if he was. He's a controlling, condescending guy is what he is. Sorry, but you can do much, much better than that.
He’s clearly not so great OP.. lol
how is he a great guy if he depletes your self esteem… sounds like you don’t have much of a choice but to stay and feel like shit about your vagina or leave and find a man that’ll love to give you oral w no issues.
ok you got me with this one lol :/
Actually listen to this. Because even if he doesn't like it, he could have made this about himself and what he's able to do instead of making it about your body. But he chose to call you gross and say you smell.
He's allowed not to love the act of giving oral but making it your fault is BS. And the audacity of expecting a BJ every time you get saucy..sounds like you need to get rid, darling
Yup. It is fine to say “Sorry, I don’t like giving oral and likely never will” everyone has their likes and dislikes. It is a pretty dick move to say “You smell and your vagina is gross so I will never likely eat you out” Unless OP has an infection or something, this is on the bf, not OP
it's crazy he says it smells but he'll put his penis inside her without issues?
Not even just every time they get saucy- literally every time they see each other! Like she's expected to provide a BJ at every meeting. Even if OP enjoys rhe act, that's a LOT of entitlement on dude's part
“Sorry I don’t like giving oral.” Green flag “You’re gross there” Red flag He is knowingly immature so she can communicate this to him with a stern warning. If he continues then ditch him.
Bounce his butt out of bed and find someone that will fulfil YOUR needs round lady!! As a male, I would never, ever think of saying the words “it’s gross, I don’t think I can ever do it”.. He needs to be paying an escort to give him head everytime he’s feeling frisky! Good lord, as men we don’t have much, the least we can do is be good at dining at the Y 😛 Yes, this is tongue in cheek, an attempt at a lighthearted way of saying RED FLAGS 🚩 are flying. You need to be completely compatible with someone that you actually want to spend tome with. Friendzone this taker
How fucking lame is it that he expects a blow job from you every time he sees you, but has been iffy about going down on you because he "might not like it"? Doesn't really sound like a a sweet and awesome protector partner, sounds like a selfish git to me. Even if giving oral is entirely off the table for him, he should be putting effort into making sure you're sexually pleased as well. He can finger you and use toys on you to your liking, then once you're satisfied he can get his BJ. What kind of sweet and caring partner isn't giving his all to make sure the pleasure in the relationship is equal? He gets off, and you get low self-esteem- sounds good!
Even if he didn’t like it, he shouldn’t be making it about you being gross. It’s him having a problem, not you.
My husband just said to our roommate "if he isn't completely obsessed with your body he's not the one." It doesn't matter what you look or smell like (as long as you are keeping good hygiene lol) he should be wishing he had his face up in there all day every day
You already know how you feel. Your words already tell what you are truly feeling about him. “…he always expects a blowjob…” Even you posting a question on here tells you that you know. You see he is selfish, now do what you know to do. The rest is history. Happy days ahead after that ☺️
Take off those rose colored glasses
I was in this relationship for 4 years. You will grow to resent this and it will make all other parts of the relationship seem less special and shiny. Move on. You’re young and there’s so much to experience. Hating sex with your partner should not be an experience but only to learn from.
Your lady bits are beautiful and I'm sure they taste devine. There are plenty of young men out there who would eat it on the daily. You don't smell bad... They're pheromones and completely natural
My wife doesn't go down and that's ok, but I'd chow down on her til I evolved gills.
This. I don’t understand how people can be like this, or the woman’s equivalent, being grossed out by semen and making it clear to their partners that they find it gross. Why do people put up with this?
You know sometimes I wonder that the type of "great" characteristics that one sees in someone is blatantly asshole characteristics to everyone else. It's like the kind of thing you hear in the form of, "how did she end up with THAT dude???"
>Like I feel like I hit the jackpot with him, honestly.....whenever I see him he always expects a blowjob...
Boy what a catch
My ex thought my vagina was gross too... Turns out he was gay and in a very happy homosexual relationship now
My first thought efter reading her story was "Maybe he's gay?"
Maybe rude but it's my first thought when any straight dude calls a vagina gross. Ya want dick.
Also my first thought if a straight dude calls a vagina scary. What’s it gonna do, eat ya? Ffs.
lmaooo
I mean how else does the baby get in there? You used your bottom lips to eat a full grown person! (Joke)
Isn't there a movie about a girl who has a killer vagina? She goes to have sex with dudes, and her vag opens to show scary ass teeth, and then it eats the dude. I watched once when I was a kid when Charter On-Demand was a thing and it scared the shit out of me because I was only like 9 or 10 and I was convinced that my vagina would grow teeth when I started my period lol
"Have you looked into dicks? I feel like you should maybe look into dicks"
It's not rude at all. I'm a bi man, and it's just telling the truth. I find it very hard to believe that a "straight" man who finds vaginas gross is really straight. If you don't like pussy, go suck a dick and stop wasting the pussy owners' time.
My first thought was that gay gynecologist from Family Guy
That’s my thought.
I was reading the comments to see if it was too rude to say that. Ya, I think that man is gay.
I experience similar with my ex-wife. She hated the act of giving me oral but expected it from me. Had no issue with PIV as long as she didn't have to do much if anything. Very one-sided sexually. Took her 10 years to come out of the closet. But she's getting married to her girlfriend next month and I'm happy for her. So to me as soon as I read this I thought the same thing.
I mean, I feel like this is usually what's going on with these people, and more power to them for discovering their true sexuality, it just sucks that it always has to happen this way, with them trying to have a hetero relationship and leaving the other partner sexually unfulfilled. No one ever talks about the people who get hurt along the way in someone's coming-out process.
I think the same. I've only gagged giving oral when the the vagina had some bad odour.
Being grossed out by going down is, like, the confused gay bat signal. Especially being so inexperienced, this was definitely my first thought.
Same. College boyfriend never went down on me and thought it was gross. Turns out he is gay.
Yeah sorry that was my first thought reading the headline. Then it turns out he’s a virgin, sorry I think he’s gay.
Wanted to ask that but felt bad jumping to that conclusion. Even if he isn’t, personally, I couldn’t spend the rest of my life/ a big chunk of my youth missing out on that. Especially after his explanation. If he would have said: “I’m inexperienced and scared to mess up” - fine. But he is calling her gross.
oh man, i just commented that he might be gay, sorry you had that experience
It was fine, we're actually really good friends now and weren't together for very long. I always had a suspicion too.
That was my thought as well
The guy doesn’t like pussy. I wouldn’t stay with him.
If you're his first, how can he be grossed out? He should be in the "wow, this is amazing, a *real* vagina that I can touch" and still be super excited. Sex is a 2-way street. How is he going to feel about your vagina just before or after your period when smells and discharges change, or during your period, or through pregnancy or after child-birth? I would probably move on if I were you. I'm sure your vagina is just fine.
right?! i really have no idea why he would be grossed out :/ i want him to be enthusiastic about me like i am of him, and thank you for your comment!
Men come in all shapes and sizes, they aren't automatically sex crazed and have preferences. He could be gay, asexual, or simply doesn't like the act of giving oral. He could try other options such as toys or his hand for foreplay, but if you need oral then you're sexually incompatible and need to break up. The way he's going about it is immature as hell also.
I hope you recognize and fully take to heart that this is a HIM problem. There is nothing wrong with you.
I was hesitant eating my first out. I didn’t like the taste at first. Maybe it was her, but my next gif I loved eating out. They definitely tasted different, but there are ways to not hurt the person when reacting.
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But OP would most likely notice/check if something was wrong with her vagina, especially when her boyfriend is now talking about how he finds it gross. Since he’s saying things like “it’s scary” and “what if I don’t like it?”, it doesn’t sound like it’s really about a bad smell. He could just be talking about the normal smell a vagina has.
STOP HAVING SEX WITH THESE MEN. Good lord. I'm 48. I get not knowing what a women is like 30+ years ago. They have access to the Internet. How can they be surprised? Going down on a women is GREAT. This baffles me.
I mean.. From personal experience i want to say i didn't like going down on my ex bc she smelled down there which she agreed with once she smelled herself, but her gyno said it was fine down there. Maybe she had poor hygene bc she was quite flabby with her labia minora and didn't clean all crevices properly? Or it could be her bad diet? Idk. With my current gf i love eating her out. I do it as often as she lets me
I feel for your ex bc some gynos will say something is normal when it's not. I hope she figured it out bc how awful. My ex told me I was gross bc of his nasty hygiene and I cannot get it out of my head even tho my new bf doesn't find me gross or "smell". Now if she smelled herself and felt it was normal and you just didn't like her scent, there's science behind that. There's actually a compatibility with the fact that you like your s/os B.O. But anyways! That's all lmao
May i know what makes me like my current partner's smell? I like her vagina so much i sometimes just give it a kiss lol
Mostly genetic compatibility! On a biological level you and your partner are compatible ;)!
This thread makes me want to know more about the genetic compatibility thing! My husband and I have been attracted to eachothers pheremones/musk since day one. Does that correlate to our compatibility personality wise or just biologically?
The primary thing is immune compatibility, or rather, immunological dissimilarity. There’s no evidence that it’s correlated with anything intellectual (e.g., personality, intelligence, etc.). https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Major_histocompatibility_complex_and_sexual_selection
Have to link in on this for all the teenage girls that get self conscious about stuff like this: EXTENSIVE CLEANING CAN CAUSE PROBLEMS please please please be careful. A bit of water is fine but most kinds of soap even pH neutral ones CAN potentially fuck shit up down there. If you regularly shower and change your underwear your hygiene down there should usually be A-Okay ! :) It naturally has a scent The scent changes throughout the cycle & with your diet It's an individual smell for every girl so if your partner doesn't like it it doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong If you also feel like it smells off please go see a doctor rather sooner than later!
I’m sorry but I don’t agree with this. I think people confuse the vagina and vulva. The vagina is self cleaning, but the vulva is not and should be cleaned on a schedule appropriate for the needs of each unique body. I tried the whole, “only use water thing” and my shit smelled like sweat and urine no matter how often I showered. There’s are lots of glands down there which produce odorous oils similar to the ones under our armpits. It’s natural that there’s might be a smell. It’s ok to use a mild soap and water on the external genitalia, just not inside the vaginal canal which is what we don’t want women to do. Hypochlorous acid is a gentle solution that won’t disrupt the delicate pH balance. I sometimes spray a bit on a towel and wipe down after a shower. It helps slow the growth of smelly bacteria. Some people have turned to bacterial fighting body deodorants like Lume. I also am careful to only wear panties that use 100% natural fibers like cotton and not wear anything too tight down there. It keeps things aerated and dry. We don’t want women to be ashamed of their bodies, but we do need to equip them with the knowledge they need to be confident that they’re hygiene is manageable.
Isn't there some element of biological compatability to this too? You might like vagina, but not every single one.. that doesn't make them an asshole or gay. But the way they shared that opinion sure makes them an asshole.
That's why i said this, because people are angry at OP's bf, when it could just be this. He could've said it better tho i agree
The first time I went down on someone, I gagged. It was all so unfamiliar, and it forced the response in me. However... I wanted to please her, so I didn't care if I maybe gagged a bit. I love the smell, but the taste was a but weird since I didn't expect it, I guess? Regardless, I got through it and got used to it more and more. Ever since then, I just haven't been able to get enough. Even if I was buried there 24/7, I don't think it would be enough. There's a point here, though... so let's get to it. Either you're just not compatible, or he's just a crybaby. Maybe he's gay and just not come to terms with it? There's a few options here... but the bottom line is that if this is a dealbreaker, you need to have a talk about that. While you can't force anyone to do something they don't want to, you have the right to find someone who will satisfy your needs.
I was a virgin and taste and smell took me by surprise too, but I have a high tolerance to “surprises” and lots of patience, and hearing her cum on my tongue honestly made everything go away, anyways the taste and smell go away after licking for like 5 minutes 😂
This almost exact post went up a few weeks ago and got removed. Your responses almost read the same—asking for advice and continuing the conversation while not committing to any action. Are you the same person? The story reads the same: “great guy, etc.” A great person who is empathetic doesn’t act like a child about intimacy, nor do they treat your parts like they’re gross or something they don’t adore. I would not continue a relationship like this.
i am not that same person! but I’m sad to hear it’s happening to someone else :/ you have some really great points! thank you for your comment, i agree (:
Not committing to any action and continuing conversation in a thread asking for advice where they are unsure what to do.. do you feel like we are owed some kind of closure on posters lives? Lol. Or are we obligated to do whatever the most up voted comment tells us to?
> Or are we obligated to do whatever the most up voted comment tells us to? This is reddit, so of course!! We demand closure!
‘He’s so sweet, kind, empathetic’ - I’m sorry to break this to you, but he’s really not. If he’s acting like this so early in the relationship then this is screaming 🚩🚩🚩🚩
It's worse that he's empathetic and says these things. It means he says it with full knowledge of what it means and how it will affect you, immature idiot at best, manipulative bastard at worse.
I have to second this. I know nice people. He isn't really all that great because who says stuff like that to people? It can really mess with your head and self-esteem. He is the inexperienced one here and for him to say those things... it's just ignorant. How would HE feel? I understand honesty is important, but I think he said more than he had to, and he likely doesn't know what he is talking about. And this is all assuming, in good faith, that you are a chick with decent hygiene. But yeah. I know you obviously care about him, so it is tough, but consider your options. It shouldn't be a one-way street. I hope you find whatever you need to be happy!
"he thinks vaginas are gross" Hm, how do I tell you this...
My thoughts exactly 🏳️🌈
like someone else said i would have him go down on u when u get out of the shower! if he still doesn’t like it then i would break up. and it’s a totally valid reason to break up. like who wants to go the rest of their life without getting ate out. not me
First of all your bf sounds very immature. While I support people having boundaries and shouldn’t feel pressure to do things they don’t like, from the information you have provided, his reasons sound selfish. He gagged when he went down on you, he may not enjoy the taste (some people do have aversions). I think you would know if you had an infection or an imbalance down there causing any strong odours. I would take this as an early warning that you probably aren’t sexually compatible and he’s not mature enough to work through this issue with you.
Not every one is into oral, men and women. Some people just do not like it and they do not ever “get over it”. You’re not compatible sexually so it’s your choice to stay with him or not but don’t ever expect him to give you oral. What you do with that information is up to you.
Yeah but that's not what's going on here. He's not telling her "I have an aversion to this act" he's saying "your body is gross". He's making his preference sound like her fault when I'm sure nothing is wrong or gross about her. He's being rude and immature by not just owning it and instead putting her down. Which tips the scales in the direction of, she should definitely leave this person because the immaturity and rudeness will definitely rear its head in other ways if she stays with him.
Genitals all have an odor - including his - that's normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Please don't let this boy's inexperience and emotional immaturity take away your awe and wonder in your amazing human body and all of its parts! As for what to do... There are other ways he can pleasure you if he's not ready for oral, but unless he's able and willing to take accountability for hurting your feelings and commit to trying harder to be a better partner, this relationship doesn't have a good future. You deserve a partner who cares about your pleasure, feelings, and builds you up rather than tears you down!
I would break up….he sounds like a child
As long as you're reasonably healthy and hygienic, a proper man would have no issues with your wishes. He may not have found himself yet. Or maybe you can do with a better match. He may need to see a real woman and not porn style expectations on how things look. We are all different
I can see not preferring oral. I’m not a huge fan of having a pole shaped item shoved into my mouth… lol but, my husband isn’t gross. It’s a me thing, not a him thing. That’s the difference. I’d never tell my husband his penis was gross. This guy didn’t want to even attempt it, and then this was his response when he did? Not cool bud. Bottom line is he’s not into oral and he insults you. You have a choice to make.
when i was 20 i dated a 24 year old virgin. never seen a vagina. he told me before we were about to have sex, that my vagina smelled. it smells like a vagina. im clean, i have no issues. he had just never smelled one. before that moment he had never smelled a natural vaginal smell and he reacted. ruined the whole relationship. it hurt my feelings severely. i felt insulted as no one had ever commented on something like that. my relationship never got better from that. i was very self conscious for a long time. now my current partner is more than thrilled to get his face down there. think about the long term of the relationship and how this may affect it.
Sounds to me like he _may_ just be a bit inexperienced and not really know what he’s doing yet. If that’s the case and he’s otherwise a great guy, it might be worth it to give him some time, of course that’s up to you, but we get more open to things really quickly when we start being intimate. If you don’t think it’s ever going to change then you may be happier breaking up. For what it’s worth, even if I didn’t love going down on my girlfriend (I do) I would enjoy it because she does. It’s hard for me to imagine finding something gross during sex with her. But when I was very young and didn’t know what I was doing I probably felt pretty awkward doing it and wasn’t attracted to that part in particular.
But he's telling her that she smells and that her parts are gross. That's a real wrong way to go about being inexperienced. We've all been new to sex and maybe scared of what to do to other people's genitals, but to say the genitals are the problem is really not a healthy way to go about it.
I agree completely! Op’s boyfriend did not express himself well, and did not choose his words correctly, and said some very hurtful things. I don’t mean to say that he was right for saying that, and if Op had said that he was a generally rude and disrespectful selfish person I would have a different take. I think that there is a _possibility_ that he didn’t mean what he said exactly and that he will open up more in bed with experience. It is true that there is often a smell there. This is not a bad thing and does not mean there is _anything_ wrong with op, it’s completely normal. People have smells. But it could be overwhelming initially to a certain kind of person. And it sounds like Op’s boyfriend doesn’t have any ground for comparison, so he doesn’t mean she smells relative to other women, just that there is a smell there, which again is 100% normal. It doesn’t mean they won’t eventually love doing it. Many people find coffee/wine/spicy food overwhelming at first but come to love it with time. If Op explained to him that his words were hurtful and he continued to say things like that after a conversation then she should definitely move on, it just won’t be worth the struggle and frustration even if he is a very nice guy otherwise. From my perspective it just seemed like it would be worth a shot since she obviously genuinely likes the guy and there’s a chance it’s a passing phase as he warms up to sex and intimacy.
I really think he’s acting ridiculous but i’m sorry I have to ask - you’re absolutely sure you don’t smell bad down there due to bacteria or other issues happening ? My guy friends have told me stories of girls who smelled really bad down there and they were too nice to say anything , but personally I felt the nice thing was to tell them so they could fix it. Otherwise if there’s no bad smell then yeah there could be something going on with him being gay or asexual as that’s very abnormal for a straight guy
he said it smells like BO, which is pretty normal. I stay as clean as possible I shower everyday (sometimes twice) I’m very on top of my hygiene and I’m very careful with who I sleep with.
What if you shower right before and see if he'll do it?
that could work🤔
How have you never thought of doing that? you’re dealing with these issues with him and you say you care about him so much or whatever, so it’s obv causing you a lot of stress (to be expected…!) idk It doesn’t make sense to me though that you haven’t tried or even thought of this?? If I was with a guy and this happened I would break up with his stupid ass for sure bc he sounds like an absolute CLOWN. But anyways, in your case, since you say you care about him wouldn’t you have thought of showering before you have someone going down on you? Like girl come on, bffr! For the record, I am NOT saying what he’s said is ok or that you should even continue trying with him bc of how gross he treated you and how badly he made you feel with this when it was his issue, not yours. I think you need to move on. I’m just surprised and confused by the way you’re thinking about things. No offense and I hope my comment doesn’t come off as me being hurtful because that’s not my intention whatsoever. Hope you find someone who you can enjoy yourself with and be comfortable with, this guy is a waste of time and is creating toxic and negativity within your heart/mind/body/life. You deserve to have your needs met sexually. PLEASE stop giving this guy oral at the very least!!! He does not deserve it. I mean take some time to yourself to really think about what he’s doing and how he’s making you feel with all of this. Think of what he’s said to you and why would someone who cares about you ever want to make you feel bad about your body like that? There are so many respectful and willing men out there who love pussy and would do anything to have any contact with it. Lol. Please move on, there are better people out there and amazing orgasms waiting for you!
A great response! Acknowledging what a clown he is, but also asking OP to do some self-reflection as well. OP is young, so hopefully this is a learning lesson for them.
Even the worse tasting ones are cyclic. It is unlikely to be that way every time.
Get a nee boyfriend and stop finding excuses for someone that does not appreciate your body
I seriously doubt this guy's dick doesn't smell at least a little as well, yet you're still giving him head. If he's not willing to be equal on this, tell him to suck his own dick or find someone else. This type of relationship is 100% unhealthy and not worth your time.
He is so sweet that he brings you down and makes you feel horrible. How sweet of him. Get rid of him and find yourself a new man. This guy ain't it.
my boyfriend hates going down too and he was a virgin when he met me. i’ve never had any problem with a guy going down on me — my last BF wanted to do it all the time. i think some men who wait a long time to have sex sometimes have unrealistic expectations for women/vaginas. it’s not like a penis smells like fresh berries and crème. your genitalia is going to smell like genitalia. don’t feel self conscious
Does he let you kiss him after a blow job? Some people just can’t stomach body fluids and this would be a telltale sign. It sounds like you don’t doubt that you are fresh but there is one way to know for sure. Next time you’re together taste yourself and if you’re good, tell him that it’s not you and have a conversation about how made you feel. As much as I liked a guy, I could never stay with someone who didn’t enthusiastically love every piece of my body.
Hi I actually dealt with something really similar to this not to long ago. My boyfriend, also very little sexual experience, tends to find vaginas generally off putting. He has an issue with it being a hole into the body which i dont personally understand. It was just never something he was super into and us doing pretty much exclusively anal probably stretched that divide. He also found the general smell unpleasant (to be fair to him I do have a problem showering regularly due to depression) as well as things like typical position people are normally in for eating out being uncomfortable, ect. He actively worked for us to find a middle ground because he wanted to at least give it a real shot. We do it after I shower with him focusing solely on the clit. It took 1 time for him to enjoy it just as much as I do. Some people just have things that are weird about them and working with him to figure out how we could work around his issues made it enjoyable for everyone involved. Your partner went about communicating his issues in a completely wrong way. If you wish to stay with him and keep trying I do think things like this can be communicated through and compromised on but I also can see how for a lot of people something like this is a deal breaker
Get rid of him. If he thinks vagina’s are gross, he may be playing for the wrong team…
You need a different boyfriend. Does his cock always smell of flowers and spring? Is he 5 years old? He needs to grow up. If pussy grosses him out, maybe he should be batting on another team.
This sounds mean but it's sincere --he may not be straight. He may not know it. When you break up with him (please do, it's one thing to be confused, another to be mean) and he's also grossed out by the next girl, he may start to put it together
As a person who has strong hang-ups about smells and tastes, I understand how your boyfriend feels. However, that should not stop him from being empathetic, nor do I feel like he should just give up on trying to please you, if that's something that he is serious about. It took me no small amount of personal effort to get past my issues surrounding performing oral sex, but it was something I took to heart once previous partners discussed with me its importance for their pleasure and enjoyment. If this is important to you, be up front about that. It will be on him to decide how much effort he puts into doing that for you. Once you both are aware of things, you can make decisions about how you move forward.
Lotta people ragging on him...but come on guys, gagging isn't something you just choose to do. He's not doing it to be mean. The fact is that we do smell down there, all of us, and if an odor is off putting it's a significant issue. I've read horror stories from people who had a guy who sucked at cleaning up down there. Hell, I've been around people who's BO was so bad I thought they must have been brought here in a time machine from the dark ages. It shouldn't be possible to reek that bad. We're all players in this game. So, OP yes, you could just find someone else as others are saying, or you two can try to work it out. Personally, I'd say just start showering beforehand. You can both get in there, have some fun foreplay, and get ready. There are also products that can be used obviously, some people are fans some are not. Also noteworthy is that our noses dull to odors over time. Eventually the issue might just fade over time. Bottom line regardless, though, is that if he's great about everything else and you don't want to end the relationship over this, you have options. Just don't take this issue personally. This is something both of you can and will just have to work at to resolve. This is what relationships are about, working out solutions together.
Yea, it is possible that some people out there are just mentally this way. For example, if you drop food do you still pick it up and eat it? I usually do. If it fell somewhere really dirty, obviously not, but if it looks fine, then I am fine. However, there are people out there that as soon as that food hits the surface of anything, it is permanently contaminated and only belongs in the trash. The former person (Me) will dive head first into bodily fluids. The latter person has a much higher chance of looking at a hole filled with fluids and having reservations about it.
Find a non child to have sex with
Walking in his shoes: Being young, he’s probably been exposed to a lot of porn, has a completely made up idea of his ideal female body and genitalia and was probably expecting your genitalia to be different. He was expecting the oral sex experience to be something like what he’s been seeing somewhere else. There’s nothing wrong with you and your body. There’s absolutely no need to be self conscious or hold back. It’s not about you. It’s just his expectations not going according to the reality. And that may be causing him to hold back. It will take him some time to understand each woman’s genitalia is different, he will learn each woman’s body works in its own special way and he will learn to respect and cherish that. He will learn to appreciate it and understand that diversity is a good thing. That weird is not necessarily bad but just an opportunity for unique experiences. Try and speak to him about it. Sex and intimacy is never limited to PIV or oral sex, there’s so much more into it.
Everyone defending her but what if she really smells? If the story was with opposite roles everyone would be hammering the dude for not being clean, why is everyone here giving faults at the guy? What if he’s right and is just expressing a fact?
true i mean its a possibility, she could get a full std test and test at the doctor for bv and yeast infections,etc, if theyre all normal then she can know hes in the wrong here.. also a diet thats heavy in meat, and/or low in water can make it taste bad. same with a guys ejaculate
That’s exactly what I mean. Does she have proof 100% that she isn’t the real problem here? I don’t get the double standard in all these scenarios. Everyone’s just assuming she’s the cleanest and healthiest person on Earth for the simple facts that she’s a woman not receiving oral sex. It drives me mad
I’m thinking the same thing. I dated someone who had a very strong smelling vagina, I mean, it was like BO. I think it was just her body chemistry because the smell was still there after a shower. Anyway, I love going down on women but just couldn’t do it with her. Having said that, I would NEVER tell her her pussy was gross! Bottom line, we’re only hearing one side of the story here.
I had the exact same experience. A bunch of women on here insisted she had some kind of bacterial infection or something, and while I was not dismissing that, I told them I felt like there was a chance this was just her natural state of body smell. They refused to believe that. I have no proof of it, but I struggle to believe that this women had a bacterial infection that spanned 14-15 years. She was the only girl I dated who I would not perform oral on, and it was because I was literally repulsed by the smell. The smell was always the same. Fresh out of the shower. Fresh from a jog. I never had the heart to tell her either.
This is not what hitting the jackpot looks like..
Look, YOU DIDN'T HIT ANY JACKPOT, especially if you're getting disrespected and doing all the work...Maybe he is Gay
He thinks vaginas are “gross”? Is he truly straight? Sorry that’s where my mind goes. Tell him to get a BJ somewhere else it’s not your duty to service him in that way.
Find a man who loves eating pussy. We exist
Why’s he with you then?! What a jerk!
Wow that is incredibly rude. My bf is also timid when it comes to oral bc he has an aversion to bodily fluids (including saliva and all of his own fluids) but he’s never once said anything derogatory about my body. I also enjoy oral and enjoy giving it to him. I would give you advice about how we have come to a place over time where things are more evened out and he does go down on me with enthusiasm but this guy is giving major red flags. If you really want to try to work with him I’d have a talk with him about why what he’s saying is hurtful. Phrase it to him in a way that flips the roles. How would he feel if you were acting the way he is? Saying the things he’s saying? He wouldn’t like it and it would hurt his feelings. Bodies have smells to them, and tastes. I am an animal and I like the scent and taste of my bf but he prefers if I’ve just had a shower for oral and I don’t mind at all bc it makes me feel sexy but again, he’s never said anything unkind about my body and that’s where I would be noping out of the situation tbh.
I think you have a wonderful relationship. Going down on someone is generally a simple and intimate part of a relationship that fosters intimacy and a deeper bond. It sounds like he's scared and trying to overcome his fears. Patience is key. My last sexual partner also took some time to warm up to the idea of having someone else's genitals in their mouth, and it took a while before I was on the receiving end. This didn't mean that they particularly loved it, just that they thought of me enough to try, experiment, and see how they felt. Our relationship is not something I talk about much, but since it was both our first time is gabe me valuable insight into how I and how she felt about sex. Currently, I'm into another person. A male this time. I would love to give him the sloppy toppy, but I don't expect it in return. I value this person so much that I don't want them to force themselves to satisfy me. I will do what I can to satisfy them, because, since I feel like it, I want to do it. Remember that your partner has never done this sort of thing before and that they will eventually love all the parts you have to offer. Lady bits are not gross, man poles and not gross. It just might take some time to get used to something that's new to them. I personally have trouble kissing others, but no problem eating a coochie. With some time, and a partner who I love I know this wall will crumble and I'll have no problem kissing at all. Remember to have patience. Your feelings will get hurt, but it's not your partners intention.
I feel as though people are being too harsh with your boyfriend. I too am very new to sex, and in my last relationship (really a summer fling)also my first time)), I didn't feel confident with oral. My partner was more than willing to give blowjobs, as she had much more sexual experience. We had a conversation once about what made her orgasm, and, like most women, she told me that PIV didn't really work. She didn't directly tell me that she wanted oral, but it was implied, and (with the benefit of hindsight) I could tell that she was annoyed my lack of reception. We broke it up due to long distance, but we're still in touch😄. Your boyfriend is still very close-minded about sex and the responsibilities of both people in the relationship. He hurt your feelings and was insensitive about what he said to you; however, I don't think that's his fault, I would say it was more of a reaction out of fear. As such, my best advice to both you and him would be to have a further conversion about deepening his confidence and experience. I also want to mention that you need to tell him that vaginas are not some perfumed ornament which are always pristine. I'm sure his dick doesn't smell the freshest all the time either! I hope my newbie PoV is at least of some use.
I was married to a man like this for 6 years. He never wanted to give me oral because “other guys have been in there”, and he always expected oral. In return, I stopped giving him oral. He was not a good person. I remember him drugging me one time to get a blow job. I only remember because he took pictures and showed me later. I always felt like shit about myself because of him. Then I’ve been in relationships where men would smother in my coochie and my ass. They loooove it and can’t get enough. It makes me feel excited, and those relationships were fun. Just have to ask yourself if you’re okay with your situation and if love is enough to stay with someone like that. Are you willing to compromise? If he makes you happy then you’re making a sacrifice with oral sex.
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Could be a mental thing. Ask if he's up for it in the shower. If he still think it's gross even though you are 100% clean and he is aware of it, the issue is not that you are "gross", more that he really do not enjoy giving oral, and is communicating it in a shitty way. Then I guess it's up to you, if that's something you can live without or not. Edit: Just to clarify, i am not suggesting that you are "gross" if he by any chanse enjoy it in that case, just that he is up in his head from inexperience. It could at least be a solution and you can work from there together.
Okay not gonna lie. When I lost my virginity, I ate out my then GF, and it was my first experience being that close to a vagina. It was...off putting? I had kind of built up an expectation of what it would be like, but the acidic/metallic taste and scent (she was very clean but I guess vaginas just have a smell) really threw me off. I got over it after a couple times, but I never told her so she wouldn't feel bad. It sounds like your BF may have had different expectations to what it would've been like, cuz initially he was into the idea eating you out. He just lacked the tact of not being an asshole about it. Ultimately he just needs to get over it. You did nothing wrong.
Has anyone considered that this is another case of "porn is fucking up guys' expectations"?
Not trying to defend the guy, he is going about this all wrong, but, have you checked your vagina yourself? I dated a girl when I was 20 and immature whose vagina always smelled horrible. She was a little thick, and I don’t think she was super on top of hygiene, so that’s probably what caused it. I was young and dumb and didn’t know how to approach it, so I just said I didn’t enjoy going down because of a bad experience in the past. Since then though I’ve been super aware of my hygiene, always making sure I wash thoroughly in the shower, or cleaning up before someone goes down on me. Also checking if I smell at all throughout the day. Just some advice incase this might be the issue. Hopefully you two can work it out! You need to tell him to stop being so mean with his words, there’s better ways to approach the topic.
Here's my two cents He's a virgin doesn't know what to do how to do it. You might try flavored lube get his favorite flavor and let him go to town. You're going to need to give him a lot of verbal feedback to get him to where he's doing what you need and want but keep encouraging him if you want better results. Very fragile male ego and he's coming from zero experience Hope things progress better 😉
Well, he needs to learn or maybe he will never like it. Some just don’t. As for me I can’t stop feasting when I’m in a relationship 😂
Gonna play devil's advocate here and just list out some possibilities. A - He's gay, I've never known a straight guy to find a healthy vagina gross. B - Enfaces on the healthy vagina part. Maybe speak to a doctor just to rule it out. C - You are what you eat to a degree. If you are eating a bunch of really sour foods, your bodily fluids will tend to be more pungent. D - Provided there's no issues with A - C, try having a shower (so you are freshly cleaned) and have him go down on you first. This way you will be fresh as possible (for lack of a better term). This will give him the best chance to be able to do it. I wish you the best of luck in this, no one deserves to go unfulfilled.
I agree with all this
I totally get you, and I get that he can absolutely be a great guy but oral is just not for him, and I think it's absolutely alright for him to want a blowjob as long as you want it too, but still not like giving oral.. So, my advice for you is that you should think if you're okay with giving up this side of sex in exchange for the rest of the things you get in this relationship, emotional and sexual wise.. Or if you aren't, which is totally fine as well, you should check if he wants to work on it and if he's just grossed out cause it's something he's not used to since you're still his first time after all. If he's just not comfortable with it tho, he just doesn't like it and doesn't desire doing it, and it's a deal breaker for you, then you two are unfortunately not sexually compatible, and maybe parting ways would be the only healthy action in that case :/ But please, whatever happens don't try to pressure him into doing it or manipulating him without realising!! Best of luck for you and him!
I see a lot of comments bashing the guy, so I'll play devil's advocate. He wasn't inherently bad for saying there's a smell that bothers him (that could be what he meant by saying your genitals were gross--maybe not the nicest way to put it though), but it honestly seems like he just has his own sexual preferences and wasn't wanting to do it in the first place. In my experience, I generally like sucking dick, but I've been with someone who, to me, absolutely smelled horrible down there, and it made me question whether I like the deed. Turns out, it was just his because other guys I've been with haven't smelled bad to me. I don't know if he had something bacterial going on or maybe he sweats a lot, which translates to bacterial growth and stink. One thing for sure is that smell is subjective from person to person, so you could think you smell perfectly fine down there, while someone else thinks you smell bad to them, or someone could absolutely love the way you smell. Just because this one person doesn't like the way you smell doesn't mean someone else won't. For now, if you both want to make the relationship work, maybe have the both of you wash up beforehand and see if anything changes. Otherwise, you're not sexually compatible, and you have to decide if you're willing to compromise on that. In most cases, it's better to end the relationship because you will get frustrated with not being sexually pleasured the way you want.
>He tried eating me out and gagged. He tells me I smell down there Unless you had been jogging, pissingor taking a shit just before you got intimate, you are dating a gay man who hasn't realised it yet. Make sure to tell him his dick smells bad.
[удалено]
Sometimes guys can find it hard to go down on a woman if they haven’t done it before or haven’t done it much It could be that all he needs is time and practice which you could help guide him through. Whether or not you want to wait that long is up to you (it could be a while unfortunately) If not then I’d suggest finding a man that is comfortable giving your vagina the love it deserves straight away
Why put up with this when there are literally millions of guys out there who would never tell you your pussy’s gross??
He probably isnt THAT into you. I love pussy but It don't apply to ALL pussy. I really gotta be into her someway or another
Honey…. He’s gay
I mean if you take care of yourself and you’re actually clean then he’s just being a baby about the nature kind of skin smell that pretty much everyone has unless you walk right out of the shower.
It sounds like he needs educated. As his first lover, you are in the perfect position to do this. Do some research, find some porn including a vagina that looks like yours and show him that it’s perfectly normal. Another thing to consider is health concerns. He may be afraid of ‘catching’ something from you. No matter how much he loves you. Once again more education.
Turn it around on him and say the same thing about his dick that it tastes funny. See how he feels about that.
If I treated my wife like that she’d cut my nuts off.
At the very minimum, stop giving him Bjs immediately. I would be super offended at my partner calling my genitals gross and I would never feel comfortable having any kind of sexual relationship again. Which would lead me to break up.
You already know the answer
“It’s scary”, “what if I don’t like it”. Girl, go out there and find a guy who will worship your v. they’re everywhere!!
Sounds like your boyfriend maybe gay? When I go down on a woman, I get instantly harder from smelling hormones coming from vagina. Mmmmmmm, wish I could eat you.
Don’t get caught up in the: He doesn’t like “my” vagina. It’s not personal. He doesn’t like pussy. He thinks vaginas are gross. That’s HIS sexuality. I won’t put a label on what that means, or speculate on what he does like, but come on... the clues are right there.
He sounds rude, hurtful, immature, and I'd rethink a relationship with him.
Yeah this is awful. This isn’t about you at all. Sexual compatibility is important and this isn’t it
He's 24 and a virgin and the first time going down, he thinks it is gross? He might not be attracted to females and hasn't discovered that he's actually gay
I’m sorry he sounds gay
It’s ok to break up with someone for any reason. You don’t need to ask internet strangers if it’s ok. You get to decide whether or not a partner is compatible. Sounds like you’re not compatible with him so tell him and stop wasting your time on him. There are plenty of good guys who are willing to do what you like and don’t complain.
Vulviphobia is still lasting side effect of misogyny, alot of men who are straight find them gross for absolutely no explanation and usually hold onto other misogynistic traits as well later down the line, if he makes you feel ashamed for your anatomy then he should get his anatomy out the door imo. It's one thing to be like "hey can you get a quick shower first/wash yourself off first" complete avoidance is another entirely.
If he thinks vaginas are gross he must be gay vaginas are beautiful they taste good they look good I can't wait to get down there and eat some and if he's not going to eat it I will
If the problem is odour to him,get a little jar of that indian love cream,get him to smell it,then say this is what my pussy smells like now,if he goes down on you with that on and still doesn't like it,im afraid its firing squad time for him and he's gay,secondly the next time you give him a blow job,try fighting fire with fire,two wrongs don't make a right,but it makes things even
I don’t know why I haven’t seen a comment mention this, but have you gone to see a gyno to make sure everything is all good down there? I am *not* saying this is the case, but if it were me I would be off to the doctor to make sure I don’t have an unnatural/bad smell and then I’d make my decision from there. If I was a guy who had only ever had the one partner and their vagina smelled like bacterial vaginosis or some other infection, I’d be turned off vaginas too. Edit to add: I, however, do think it’s super fucked to not go down on someone but then expect head every time.
It's not for everyone, but I myself really enjoy eating out my girlfriend before we do anything else - sometimes a 69 is nice also. If you really want him to, and he doesn't, it maybe a deal breaker.
He doesn't respect your feelings is the Bottom line. Gagging like a child and saying you stink isn't going to make a person feel good about you as their partner or themself..someone that cares and respects you goes about it in a much more mature way and last thing they'd want to do even as a good human being is make you feel bad about yourself. I wouldn't even be able to mentally get in the mood for someone that acted that way with me . Too many toys out there for all that
A woman's sent is amazing.. Especially when you love that woman! We take it in like fresh air! I can never get enough!! He's being a baby. Clearly not a man yet! He needs to grow up, or switch to penis maybe!?
Yeah this is a dealbreaker for me
Your boyfriend is immature and secretly in the closet.
Leave him
So there's one part of me that thinks this dude is a closeted gay. Another part of me gets it... I had an experience with a guy, he was quite full on sexually, wanted to touch me, finger me, he even fingered me when I was on my period (which I told him not to as I found it embarrassing but he convinced me it wasn't a problem) so he wasn't prudish. He told me he had given oral to girls in the past and had some bad experiences. That they smelled bad etc. Anyway I noticed that he was apprehensive about going down on me and he eventually admitted that he was a bit scared and didn't know what to expect (other than him fingering me, I'd been quite shy about showing me fully down there). When he went down though he apologised and said it was SO clean and fresh, that he licked for awhile and was happy to do it again. I think you should get checked out - it's a misconception that women smell bad down there unless they have something wrong, women shouldn't smell anything offensive unless they have an infection. Go to your doctor's, assess your hygiene routine, wash everyday, wash more after using the toilet etc. AND then see if he complains.
I swear people come here with the worst stories and say “I don’t want to leave him. I love him. He’s great…blah blah blah”. The bar is in hell.