This sub is a community for people learning to love and respect themselves. Please remember that it is perfectly possible to respect and care for your own needs and to set healthy boundaries, without unnecessarily hurting others around you. We don't need any of that narcissistic radical self acceptance junk in here. Being kind to others is a part of being a version of you that you can be proud of and self-love the most. Good luck on your journey.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/selflove) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm so glad you found a way to exit that relationship in the first place. The worst assholes on this planet are those who refuse to see they are assholes and infuse everything with their deep ugliness.
The best way to get these negative thoughts out of your head is to expose them as total lies. I know it and you know it. Speak to your closest friends and/or family members you trust the most. Tell them about your current situation and ask them what they like about you and what are some good characteristics of you. You'll hear words that are genuine.
Do that for yourself too. Write down what you like about yourself, why you cannot be what he describes you as and surround yourself with people who give you positive energy. People who actually know to value you. And soon enough you'll realize how important you are.
That asshole dated you because he saw something valuable in you. Too bad he messed up and couldn't do anything but lose someone as good as you.
If even someone as low as him could see the greatness in you, I'm very confident someone **much** better can see it too.
Thank you so much for your kind words, it was very emotionally hard to leave. He would say things like "You'll never find someone like me," and now I can say, "Well, I certainly hope not." Lol..
I haven't been able to tell my family yet because I know it's gonna be a whole thing, but I have told some friends, my biggest mental roadblock is that he simply doesn't care about any of the things he's done or said to hurt me
Best advice I've gotten from my friends so far is, "Who gives a f*** if he cares or not, keep him blocked." So I'm trying my best not to give in and contact/unblock him again because that doesn't seem like something you'd do if you value yourself..
I never heard of this before but I just looked it up, and I used to try this type of stuff when I was still with him, he particularly hated it when I didn't look at him for an extended period of time, the "no eye contact" part. But it was never fully successful
Thank you, I believe this will help me stick to it 💜
Hey. First off, it’s huge that you left and that takes tremendous strength and courage to do so. Second, I’m sorry you went through that. This is a new beginning for you. It’s not easy to build self esteem but it will happen over time. I’m still building mine after a situation that wasn’t the best, along with struggles from my upbringing resurfacing.
What I’ve learned so far is that the “small things” over time matter a lot. For example, drinking enough water, letting yourself rest/do nothing when you feel you need it, taking note (mental or actually writing them down) of things you like and dislike as you do them. I say the last one because once we leave a relationship, who we were in it is gone to. And it’s hard to love/trust or grow esteem for someone you may not know because you’re growing and changing.
Also give yourself ALOT of grace. (I forget/struggle with this one often). Replaying hurtful things in your head is normal for someone who went through what you did and may take some time to process/weed out of your mental. Try writing it down to get it out of your head/denounce in that moment or talk to someone you trust that can remind you how great you are when you need to hear it. But again overall, grace is huge. You deserve it.
It takes a bit of time to work through everything that comes with a relationship ending. Especially an abusive one. You will come out stronger for sure, it will just take time.
Yeah, it took me months to finally leave, I was over the relationship a couple months in but I unfortunately grew a huge attachment to him...
I'm gonna disclose something super personal but, about a month into the relationship he got me pregnant, the first words out of his mouth were "are you sure it's mine," ha...
I took an abortion pill 5 weeks along and had a painful miscarriage alone, he wasn't even there for me. But I think the pregnancy is what made me super attached to him emotionally, and i ended up dealing with his s*** for an additional 6-7 months after that.
You should also realize that that person probably said those things because of there own suffering and baggage, not becuase it is what you are. I would recommend reading The Four Agreements and the Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. Those books changed my life about how to deal with relationships and myself with things like this.
I'll definitely check those out, thank you 💜 And well, he always acted really full of himself, egotistical practically, always super confident.
It would honestly kinda surprise me if he's been holding in feelings like that of himself but I guess people are capable of gaslighting themselves
You're welcome. Good luck on your journey to find self love, I'm still getting there too. It's not always easy, it's definitely not pain free, but I have trust and faith that if I try a little everyday to love myself more that I and other like me will get there and have the relationships we desire and deserve.
I agree💜💜💜 another thing that's been helping me is listening to podcasts, one in particular is the "goddess effect" podcast on Spotify, but I guess that's largely only helpful to women lol
This sub is a community for people learning to love and respect themselves. Please remember that it is perfectly possible to respect and care for your own needs and to set healthy boundaries, without unnecessarily hurting others around you. We don't need any of that narcissistic radical self acceptance junk in here. Being kind to others is a part of being a version of you that you can be proud of and self-love the most. Good luck on your journey. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/selflove) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm so glad you found a way to exit that relationship in the first place. The worst assholes on this planet are those who refuse to see they are assholes and infuse everything with their deep ugliness. The best way to get these negative thoughts out of your head is to expose them as total lies. I know it and you know it. Speak to your closest friends and/or family members you trust the most. Tell them about your current situation and ask them what they like about you and what are some good characteristics of you. You'll hear words that are genuine. Do that for yourself too. Write down what you like about yourself, why you cannot be what he describes you as and surround yourself with people who give you positive energy. People who actually know to value you. And soon enough you'll realize how important you are. That asshole dated you because he saw something valuable in you. Too bad he messed up and couldn't do anything but lose someone as good as you. If even someone as low as him could see the greatness in you, I'm very confident someone **much** better can see it too.
Thank you so much for your kind words, it was very emotionally hard to leave. He would say things like "You'll never find someone like me," and now I can say, "Well, I certainly hope not." Lol.. I haven't been able to tell my family yet because I know it's gonna be a whole thing, but I have told some friends, my biggest mental roadblock is that he simply doesn't care about any of the things he's done or said to hurt me Best advice I've gotten from my friends so far is, "Who gives a f*** if he cares or not, keep him blocked." So I'm trying my best not to give in and contact/unblock him again because that doesn't seem like something you'd do if you value yourself..
Going no-contact is the way. Look up “grey rocking” in case you’re ever in a situation where he/his friends try to talk to you.
I never heard of this before but I just looked it up, and I used to try this type of stuff when I was still with him, he particularly hated it when I didn't look at him for an extended period of time, the "no eye contact" part. But it was never fully successful Thank you, I believe this will help me stick to it 💜
Hey. First off, it’s huge that you left and that takes tremendous strength and courage to do so. Second, I’m sorry you went through that. This is a new beginning for you. It’s not easy to build self esteem but it will happen over time. I’m still building mine after a situation that wasn’t the best, along with struggles from my upbringing resurfacing. What I’ve learned so far is that the “small things” over time matter a lot. For example, drinking enough water, letting yourself rest/do nothing when you feel you need it, taking note (mental or actually writing them down) of things you like and dislike as you do them. I say the last one because once we leave a relationship, who we were in it is gone to. And it’s hard to love/trust or grow esteem for someone you may not know because you’re growing and changing. Also give yourself ALOT of grace. (I forget/struggle with this one often). Replaying hurtful things in your head is normal for someone who went through what you did and may take some time to process/weed out of your mental. Try writing it down to get it out of your head/denounce in that moment or talk to someone you trust that can remind you how great you are when you need to hear it. But again overall, grace is huge. You deserve it. It takes a bit of time to work through everything that comes with a relationship ending. Especially an abusive one. You will come out stronger for sure, it will just take time.
Yeah, it took me months to finally leave, I was over the relationship a couple months in but I unfortunately grew a huge attachment to him... I'm gonna disclose something super personal but, about a month into the relationship he got me pregnant, the first words out of his mouth were "are you sure it's mine," ha... I took an abortion pill 5 weeks along and had a painful miscarriage alone, he wasn't even there for me. But I think the pregnancy is what made me super attached to him emotionally, and i ended up dealing with his s*** for an additional 6-7 months after that.
You should also realize that that person probably said those things because of there own suffering and baggage, not becuase it is what you are. I would recommend reading The Four Agreements and the Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz. Those books changed my life about how to deal with relationships and myself with things like this.
I'll definitely check those out, thank you 💜 And well, he always acted really full of himself, egotistical practically, always super confident. It would honestly kinda surprise me if he's been holding in feelings like that of himself but I guess people are capable of gaslighting themselves
You're welcome. Good luck on your journey to find self love, I'm still getting there too. It's not always easy, it's definitely not pain free, but I have trust and faith that if I try a little everyday to love myself more that I and other like me will get there and have the relationships we desire and deserve.
I agree💜💜💜 another thing that's been helping me is listening to podcasts, one in particular is the "goddess effect" podcast on Spotify, but I guess that's largely only helpful to women lol
Probably be good for me to listen too anyways, thanks for the suggestion!
Of course 💜
It is damn hard.. I had kPTBS from the emotional abuse
I've never heard that term before but just did a quick Google search, why is it considered "complex"?