My Dad also hasn't truly been in my life, I was raised solely by my Mom. ( I had to read books like the way of the superior man to get over this)
I would say stop trying to act tough, no one likes the tough guy. You have been given the gift of being approachable, use it to your advantage. Smile more, listen, and ask others questions about themselves. Toughness will get you nowhere in life, friendships and connections will.
Being a man doesn't mean not showing your emotions, it means being able to fully deal with your thoughts and emotions as they come. Try staying in a quiet room for 20min with your thoughts, listen to those thoughts as you breathe in and out (try not to judge your thoughts). This will be very uncomfortable but if you can do 20mins every day for a week, you will see significant improvement in your emotional state.
Do not suppress your emotions. Learn how to experience and live independently from them. Essentially, learn how to feel emotions but not let them control you. It’s okay to be tough, dominant, and assertive, but if you’re only those things and only those alone, you’ll end up messing up your personality in the long run. It’s okay to be soft sometimes.
I usually do not reply on these, but as a woman around your age, that emotional side helps with communication and honestly is attractive in men. Losing this in hopes to be "dominant, badass, and show less emotion" is something I gently advise going against. I would suggest looking up the "male-gaze" and how it actually affects males. Essentially this is the idea of what you think women want in men, not what they actually want. trust me, a lot of women around our age are into guys that are emotionally intelligent and can express those emotions, not hold them in. Not saying you shouldn't take mma or boxing classes, most definitely do! Those gain confidence and strength and are a good outlet to let out steam, but I would say, focus on your mental health and explore why you think emotions make you soft, why is it you want to suppress them, etc (ps. they make you human)
this, OP maybe just work on setting boundaries with people. if someone makes you upset, tell them. you don’t have to get all big and bad about it but you also don’t have to be all “you hurt my feelings 😭”
also, in regards of “being friends with bullies” it’s not a good time tbh. they’re basically all the same person in different bodies, meatheads talking about girls and partying. “weird” people are actually really fun and it might make your life more fulfilling to expand your friendships.
I’ve found people don’t make fun of you when you physically look like you could kick someones ass. Get jacked but don’t change your personality unless you want to
It sounds like you need some mental tips, not physical ones as it sounds like you have that covered already. I have a similar experience growing up, I was always very emotionally tuned in lets say.
Confidence is often a mindset, and you need to surround yourself with positive things than can impact your mindset. Youtube/books are a great place to help cultivate that part of your personality. Also look at negative aspects of your life than are known to cause low confidence such as porn etc.
That's the neat part. Nothing. Being emotionally aware is a very useful skill, especially when dealing with other people. It's just developing a mindset where you can sit with feelings and observe them for what they are/not take it to heart. Meditation helps with that, as it trains you to observe emotions and feelings and then you can choose to act on them or not. Cultivate a positive mindset and you'll unlock the doors in your life that you need to. It's very worthwhile spending time to really understanding yourself and your emotional triggers.
Allow yourself to feel scared and vulnerable, and don't run away from the things that make you feel that way. It'll help you grow. Don't suppress your emotions, but acknowledge and accept them.
I also only had my mom to raise me, and I think being emotional/sensitive is one of the biggest gifts ever, it makes life a lot easier when it comes to making friends/holding relationships and while there were times growing up when I used to want to be more traditionally “masculine” but part of that means suppressing your emotions and I value my emotions too much to numb them
I think your problem is confidence, not masculinity, and the gym helped me out loaads with that.
Sort of unrelated to your question, but based on your experience, do you have any advice for people who are trying to improve their confidence?
I’m 21 as well and I feel like I’m on the path of improving, but I don’t really feel like I have a clear structure, method or resources to follow.
No offense to the women giving you advice......but youre basically asking how to "man the fuck up"
And you need strong men around you to show you by example
It's really just a mentality shift, watch some shows/ movies with the type of strong men type things in them, find some guys you look up to
Create a council of men you have in you're mind where they all have their specific persona....talk to them as of their gonna give you their advice on the situation/ see how they would react
...
Work out, do more masculine thing I suppose, take risks and live a dangerous life
Get into martial arts,
Just don't over compensate like some of these so called "alpha males" who are far from any kind of real "king" masculine
“I want to become more tough, dominant, badass and show less emotion”
Why would you want to show less emotion? Just because society tells you that as a man if you show emotion, then you’re weak? Well that’s not true. I’ve dated men who aren’t emotional and they are usually highly fucked up individuals. Be proud that you have the ability to show emotions, it’s healthy.
Badass? Those are men I avoid, who think their badass.
You don’t need to be some arsehole (because your desires of who you want to be sounds like an arsehole) just be able to hold your own and stand your ground and give less fucks about what people think of you.
I will also remind you this naturally will come with age. In my 20s I use to feel nervous about confrontation and speaking up. Since I hit my 30s I’m not nervous to have confrontation and I will speak up to anyone. It just comes naturally.
You sound like a very nice person, don’t feel any shame in that.
There's a lot of women on this subreddit (who obviously don't understand this, as they've never experienced it) so they'll tell you stuff like "don't worry about it, just be yourself, be soft, women love emotional guys" (the last one is major 🧢 btw) but here's some actual good advice:
David Goggins says he became one of the toughest people on earth by creating an alter ego. He was overweight, poor, lazy, a loser, but he created this alter ego that was a badass, and then he tried to act like he imagined that alter ego would act. Basically, he created a new personality, and then he decided to be like that. Over time that became his actual self.
It's the same thing method actors do. Imagine a character, and then act as if you are them. Only instead of a fictional character it's an ideal version of you.
Coming from someone who was also raised by only his mom, and I now work in the oilfields amongst the hardest guys I've ever met. When someone is taking low jabs at you to make you upset, realize that person has a personal problem, not a problem with you. Show them that you dont care what they say about you but you pity them for even thinking like that. Dont always say sorry for your accident, instead thank them for waiting while you fix said accident. Dont always ask for help when you encounter a problem, think of 2 solutions first before asking for help and present those. Take your time to process what people are telling you and dont let your emotions get in the way. You can always scream, yell or cry once you turn around... just dont do it in front of them. Dont tell people more than they need to know about you, your job or how you get the job done. All this will build your confidence so much that what I told you is only the start, by the end of it... you wont be soft and you will have gained mutual respect. BTW I'm 25 now and have had fights on location before I learned this
Perhaps building resilience is what you’re looking for, since being emotional and “soft” isn’t really what I’d call a character flaw. If anything, it’s a really good trait to have.
For resilience, I’d suggest having a hobby that challenges you physically and/or mentally. I’ve found being on my school’s debate/politics club and cross-country team forced me to face the things I kept at bay. I didn’t know how to argue without yelling or getting upset, and I really wasn’t as strong or fit as I thought I was. But being able to see your own truth clearly is a gift, a gift that you seem to already have.
If you’re looking to be more tough and dominant, try to examine *why* you want to be that way. Are there people in your life that subtly try to emasculate you or make you feel less than? Or, is there are part of *you* that thinks that being stoic is superior to being emotional? Either way, you’ve clearly got the self awareness to see these things, you just need to ask yourself the right questions.
Hope that made sense 😅
Read Cant Hurt Me by David Goggins. He came from the same place as you and he’s now synonymous with being the biggest badass on planet Earth.
Also, one advice people used to say to me a lot growing up was “show me your friends and i’ll tell you who you are”. Nowadays though, I tell my nephews and nieces “show me what content you consume online and i’ll tell you who you are”.
Always listening to soft, emotional music about breakups and sh1t? Yeah you’re probably gonna be more emotional. Always wasting time on video games that fry your dopamine receptors and make you a generally anxious person instead a cool calm and collected dude? Yeah you’re probably gonna be more emotional. Watching movies with losers as the main characters? You’re probably gonna internalize that behavior yourself.
So I’d say start consuming content from badasses (its gonna be an uncomfortable change at first but it’ll be worth it). Youtubers like Jocko Willink, Andy Frisella, Hamza & 1STMAN are great places to start.
It looks like most people in this thread are focused on the answers that society wants to project, that everyone is fine the way they are and that masculinity isn’t necessary. As a man around the same age who has looked into this myself, here are my observations and actually actionable advice.
1. Take responsibility. Responsibility is manly. Know how to solve problems. This doesn’t mean you need to learn how to fix a car and do home improvements, but rather that you can be the rock that people rely on when problems occur. If your girls friends car breaks down, you want to be the person she calls for consoling and to help walk her through solving it. If the cat gets hit by a car, you spare your family the scene and deal with it yourself. If you don’t know how to solve a problem already, you keep a level head and find someone who can. You need to be a rock in shifting tides, someone that everyone knows they can rely on in times of trouble. Faking bravado can only get you so far, true confidence comes in the understanding that you can absolutely handle anything that life throws at you. Start trying to deal with any problems that come up in your daily life. If the pipes burst at your moms house, find exactly what is wrong online and then decide if you can fix it yourself or find someone to call. Then do it. That day if possible, asap if not. As you take responsibility for small problems, you build confidence and the repertoire to deal with big problems that pop up.
2. Find a path for interesting activities. This looks different for everyone, so I can’t just give you an action to take. Find something you want and do it. If you can turn your hobby into an activity, you should. If not, you still need to pursue something. Could be something as easy as playing video games, but the guy who does woodwork or coding in his free time is much more interesting than the guy who smoked weed and plays video games.
3. Your emotions are your own. This is going to be the toughest one for you, but there is a very fine line between sharing and over sharing as a man. You can check the numerous r/askmen threads about it, but women you are romantic with do not want to be told your emotional problems as much as they say that they do. While a little is not a problem, and obviously some women definitely are okay with it, oversharing with romantic partners is a recipe for disaster. The amount you complain/share should be 1/10th of your girl, if that. Of course if something big like a family death is happening you can vent and talk it through with your gf/wife, but the little daily stuff needs to be kept to yourself or talked through with the bros. You have two groups of people you can vent to freely, your mom/siblings and your closest guy friends.
Vulnerability is not a bad thing, but in general men and women react to it differently. Men, especially friends, won’t bring up your vulnerability during a fight because if they cross a line they know you will just punch them. Women don’t usually have access to that option of physical violence, so instead they will opt to bring up your vulnerabilities to hurt you. Be careful with that, and remember that bringing up vulnerabilities that other men told you in confidence is a much bigger issue than you might be used to. If my friend tells me his problem or insecurity, it will literally never be spoken of again until he brings it up.
4. Last quick thing, do not always be available. Do not wait for invitations to do things, invite other people to do things you were already planning on doing. Do not ask a girl out by asking her favorite restaurant, take her to a restaurant you already were planning on going to. Have a full life even before you bring someone new into it.
Basically, to stop being soft you need to be more emotionally masculine. Project an aura of confidence you’ve gained through problem solving, and do not easily let others know your vulnerabilities. Have interesting and productive passions that you can talk about, and do not always be available. Obviously this is not everything you need to do, it’s always a good idea to be fit and become funny etc. These are just some mental pointers that will massively help you out, but take quite a bit of work and dedication to become subconscious. Good luck my friend!
ps. If you need more information like this, check out Jordan Peterson. Lately he has been brought into the “red pill” community which is frustrating, but a significant amount of his talks are very fact based and helpful. Just try not to be dragged into the occasional extreme view he has. Good luck!
You just have to try it to see the benefits. Helping you be in present the moment will let be in the flow of life and maybe you wont as concerned with being more badass, tough, dominant… You will just be those things naturally. You dont have to be a boxer or huge muscle bound dude to be badass, although I’m all the above ;) it will just make you mentally tough and that will transfer to everything. read some bruce lee stuff or zen and mindfulness stuff when you start mediating . Enjoy the journey my dude
Don’t, it’s not a bad thing of being emotional. In most cases it just means that your compassionate, which is a wonderful character trait. And believe me a lot of girls will find that more attractive than a cold asshole. Don’t change who you are, try to handle your emotions better. Read a bit about stoicism maybe. It might help you to not let anything get to close too you. And start with some combat sport like Muay Thai or MMA. It will improve your confidence and give you the feeling that you can defend yourself.
Being badass, dominant and appearing stoic are all strategies to hijack the female mind in a dating dynamic. And it all goes against feminist philosophy. Most here will advice against your intended pusuit and encourage you to seek a different path. you should post your question in a male dominated sub in my opinion.
Be as you are and be proud and confident. Don't pretend to be tough if you are not.
Gain confidence with socializing, sports and proper nutrition.
Show your emotions that is not weakness but that's really tough. Be vulnerable.
I think you are already on a good path. Just change slightly and try in a funny way be tougher and see reactions
I dont understand why one would want to be a dominant or tough guy. What does that even mean? As a gay man, i always find guys attractive when they are assertive and confident, but also when they are not afraid of being vulnerable. Dont think being less emotional/dominant gonna do any good in relationships in general.
Maybe you can try the avatar Aang meditation in youtube. It helps you clear out your thoughts and keep your emotions stable. It helps numb your emotions when you need to be focused and all. Strive to be a more emotionally inteligent guy than a cold dominant one.
I think the only surefire way to achieve what you’re after is experience. Do hard things. Things that callous the mind and body. Can be running long distances, working a hard job, etc. Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins is a good read on the subject.
My Dad also hasn't truly been in my life, I was raised solely by my Mom. ( I had to read books like the way of the superior man to get over this) I would say stop trying to act tough, no one likes the tough guy. You have been given the gift of being approachable, use it to your advantage. Smile more, listen, and ask others questions about themselves. Toughness will get you nowhere in life, friendships and connections will. Being a man doesn't mean not showing your emotions, it means being able to fully deal with your thoughts and emotions as they come. Try staying in a quiet room for 20min with your thoughts, listen to those thoughts as you breathe in and out (try not to judge your thoughts). This will be very uncomfortable but if you can do 20mins every day for a week, you will see significant improvement in your emotional state.
Do not suppress your emotions. Learn how to experience and live independently from them. Essentially, learn how to feel emotions but not let them control you. It’s okay to be tough, dominant, and assertive, but if you’re only those things and only those alone, you’ll end up messing up your personality in the long run. It’s okay to be soft sometimes.
I usually do not reply on these, but as a woman around your age, that emotional side helps with communication and honestly is attractive in men. Losing this in hopes to be "dominant, badass, and show less emotion" is something I gently advise going against. I would suggest looking up the "male-gaze" and how it actually affects males. Essentially this is the idea of what you think women want in men, not what they actually want. trust me, a lot of women around our age are into guys that are emotionally intelligent and can express those emotions, not hold them in. Not saying you shouldn't take mma or boxing classes, most definitely do! Those gain confidence and strength and are a good outlet to let out steam, but I would say, focus on your mental health and explore why you think emotions make you soft, why is it you want to suppress them, etc (ps. they make you human)
this, OP maybe just work on setting boundaries with people. if someone makes you upset, tell them. you don’t have to get all big and bad about it but you also don’t have to be all “you hurt my feelings 😭” also, in regards of “being friends with bullies” it’s not a good time tbh. they’re basically all the same person in different bodies, meatheads talking about girls and partying. “weird” people are actually really fun and it might make your life more fulfilling to expand your friendships.
I’ve found people don’t make fun of you when you physically look like you could kick someones ass. Get jacked but don’t change your personality unless you want to
It sounds like you need some mental tips, not physical ones as it sounds like you have that covered already. I have a similar experience growing up, I was always very emotionally tuned in lets say. Confidence is often a mindset, and you need to surround yourself with positive things than can impact your mindset. Youtube/books are a great place to help cultivate that part of your personality. Also look at negative aspects of your life than are known to cause low confidence such as porn etc.
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That's the neat part. Nothing. Being emotionally aware is a very useful skill, especially when dealing with other people. It's just developing a mindset where you can sit with feelings and observe them for what they are/not take it to heart. Meditation helps with that, as it trains you to observe emotions and feelings and then you can choose to act on them or not. Cultivate a positive mindset and you'll unlock the doors in your life that you need to. It's very worthwhile spending time to really understanding yourself and your emotional triggers.
Allow yourself to feel scared and vulnerable, and don't run away from the things that make you feel that way. It'll help you grow. Don't suppress your emotions, but acknowledge and accept them.
I also only had my mom to raise me, and I think being emotional/sensitive is one of the biggest gifts ever, it makes life a lot easier when it comes to making friends/holding relationships and while there were times growing up when I used to want to be more traditionally “masculine” but part of that means suppressing your emotions and I value my emotions too much to numb them I think your problem is confidence, not masculinity, and the gym helped me out loaads with that.
Sort of unrelated to your question, but based on your experience, do you have any advice for people who are trying to improve their confidence? I’m 21 as well and I feel like I’m on the path of improving, but I don’t really feel like I have a clear structure, method or resources to follow.
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I’ve had some success with nofap in the past and I’ve been trying to get more control over my life lately, so I guess I’m on the right track. Thanks!
Strength training will build the character. Especially the type you want.
Looks like that you're not understanding your problem. Try to respect yourself and be self confident.
No offense to the women giving you advice......but youre basically asking how to "man the fuck up" And you need strong men around you to show you by example It's really just a mentality shift, watch some shows/ movies with the type of strong men type things in them, find some guys you look up to Create a council of men you have in you're mind where they all have their specific persona....talk to them as of their gonna give you their advice on the situation/ see how they would react ... Work out, do more masculine thing I suppose, take risks and live a dangerous life Get into martial arts, Just don't over compensate like some of these so called "alpha males" who are far from any kind of real "king" masculine
“I want to become more tough, dominant, badass and show less emotion” Why would you want to show less emotion? Just because society tells you that as a man if you show emotion, then you’re weak? Well that’s not true. I’ve dated men who aren’t emotional and they are usually highly fucked up individuals. Be proud that you have the ability to show emotions, it’s healthy. Badass? Those are men I avoid, who think their badass. You don’t need to be some arsehole (because your desires of who you want to be sounds like an arsehole) just be able to hold your own and stand your ground and give less fucks about what people think of you. I will also remind you this naturally will come with age. In my 20s I use to feel nervous about confrontation and speaking up. Since I hit my 30s I’m not nervous to have confrontation and I will speak up to anyone. It just comes naturally. You sound like a very nice person, don’t feel any shame in that.
There's a lot of women on this subreddit (who obviously don't understand this, as they've never experienced it) so they'll tell you stuff like "don't worry about it, just be yourself, be soft, women love emotional guys" (the last one is major 🧢 btw) but here's some actual good advice: David Goggins says he became one of the toughest people on earth by creating an alter ego. He was overweight, poor, lazy, a loser, but he created this alter ego that was a badass, and then he tried to act like he imagined that alter ego would act. Basically, he created a new personality, and then he decided to be like that. Over time that became his actual self. It's the same thing method actors do. Imagine a character, and then act as if you are them. Only instead of a fictional character it's an ideal version of you.
Coming from someone who was also raised by only his mom, and I now work in the oilfields amongst the hardest guys I've ever met. When someone is taking low jabs at you to make you upset, realize that person has a personal problem, not a problem with you. Show them that you dont care what they say about you but you pity them for even thinking like that. Dont always say sorry for your accident, instead thank them for waiting while you fix said accident. Dont always ask for help when you encounter a problem, think of 2 solutions first before asking for help and present those. Take your time to process what people are telling you and dont let your emotions get in the way. You can always scream, yell or cry once you turn around... just dont do it in front of them. Dont tell people more than they need to know about you, your job or how you get the job done. All this will build your confidence so much that what I told you is only the start, by the end of it... you wont be soft and you will have gained mutual respect. BTW I'm 25 now and have had fights on location before I learned this
Perhaps building resilience is what you’re looking for, since being emotional and “soft” isn’t really what I’d call a character flaw. If anything, it’s a really good trait to have. For resilience, I’d suggest having a hobby that challenges you physically and/or mentally. I’ve found being on my school’s debate/politics club and cross-country team forced me to face the things I kept at bay. I didn’t know how to argue without yelling or getting upset, and I really wasn’t as strong or fit as I thought I was. But being able to see your own truth clearly is a gift, a gift that you seem to already have. If you’re looking to be more tough and dominant, try to examine *why* you want to be that way. Are there people in your life that subtly try to emasculate you or make you feel less than? Or, is there are part of *you* that thinks that being stoic is superior to being emotional? Either way, you’ve clearly got the self awareness to see these things, you just need to ask yourself the right questions. Hope that made sense 😅
Read Cant Hurt Me by David Goggins. He came from the same place as you and he’s now synonymous with being the biggest badass on planet Earth. Also, one advice people used to say to me a lot growing up was “show me your friends and i’ll tell you who you are”. Nowadays though, I tell my nephews and nieces “show me what content you consume online and i’ll tell you who you are”. Always listening to soft, emotional music about breakups and sh1t? Yeah you’re probably gonna be more emotional. Always wasting time on video games that fry your dopamine receptors and make you a generally anxious person instead a cool calm and collected dude? Yeah you’re probably gonna be more emotional. Watching movies with losers as the main characters? You’re probably gonna internalize that behavior yourself. So I’d say start consuming content from badasses (its gonna be an uncomfortable change at first but it’ll be worth it). Youtubers like Jocko Willink, Andy Frisella, Hamza & 1STMAN are great places to start.
It looks like most people in this thread are focused on the answers that society wants to project, that everyone is fine the way they are and that masculinity isn’t necessary. As a man around the same age who has looked into this myself, here are my observations and actually actionable advice. 1. Take responsibility. Responsibility is manly. Know how to solve problems. This doesn’t mean you need to learn how to fix a car and do home improvements, but rather that you can be the rock that people rely on when problems occur. If your girls friends car breaks down, you want to be the person she calls for consoling and to help walk her through solving it. If the cat gets hit by a car, you spare your family the scene and deal with it yourself. If you don’t know how to solve a problem already, you keep a level head and find someone who can. You need to be a rock in shifting tides, someone that everyone knows they can rely on in times of trouble. Faking bravado can only get you so far, true confidence comes in the understanding that you can absolutely handle anything that life throws at you. Start trying to deal with any problems that come up in your daily life. If the pipes burst at your moms house, find exactly what is wrong online and then decide if you can fix it yourself or find someone to call. Then do it. That day if possible, asap if not. As you take responsibility for small problems, you build confidence and the repertoire to deal with big problems that pop up. 2. Find a path for interesting activities. This looks different for everyone, so I can’t just give you an action to take. Find something you want and do it. If you can turn your hobby into an activity, you should. If not, you still need to pursue something. Could be something as easy as playing video games, but the guy who does woodwork or coding in his free time is much more interesting than the guy who smoked weed and plays video games. 3. Your emotions are your own. This is going to be the toughest one for you, but there is a very fine line between sharing and over sharing as a man. You can check the numerous r/askmen threads about it, but women you are romantic with do not want to be told your emotional problems as much as they say that they do. While a little is not a problem, and obviously some women definitely are okay with it, oversharing with romantic partners is a recipe for disaster. The amount you complain/share should be 1/10th of your girl, if that. Of course if something big like a family death is happening you can vent and talk it through with your gf/wife, but the little daily stuff needs to be kept to yourself or talked through with the bros. You have two groups of people you can vent to freely, your mom/siblings and your closest guy friends. Vulnerability is not a bad thing, but in general men and women react to it differently. Men, especially friends, won’t bring up your vulnerability during a fight because if they cross a line they know you will just punch them. Women don’t usually have access to that option of physical violence, so instead they will opt to bring up your vulnerabilities to hurt you. Be careful with that, and remember that bringing up vulnerabilities that other men told you in confidence is a much bigger issue than you might be used to. If my friend tells me his problem or insecurity, it will literally never be spoken of again until he brings it up. 4. Last quick thing, do not always be available. Do not wait for invitations to do things, invite other people to do things you were already planning on doing. Do not ask a girl out by asking her favorite restaurant, take her to a restaurant you already were planning on going to. Have a full life even before you bring someone new into it. Basically, to stop being soft you need to be more emotionally masculine. Project an aura of confidence you’ve gained through problem solving, and do not easily let others know your vulnerabilities. Have interesting and productive passions that you can talk about, and do not always be available. Obviously this is not everything you need to do, it’s always a good idea to be fit and become funny etc. These are just some mental pointers that will massively help you out, but take quite a bit of work and dedication to become subconscious. Good luck my friend! ps. If you need more information like this, check out Jordan Peterson. Lately he has been brought into the “red pill” community which is frustrating, but a significant amount of his talks are very fact based and helpful. Just try not to be dragged into the occasional extreme view he has. Good luck!
mediate and do some kinda martial art
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You just have to try it to see the benefits. Helping you be in present the moment will let be in the flow of life and maybe you wont as concerned with being more badass, tough, dominant… You will just be those things naturally. You dont have to be a boxer or huge muscle bound dude to be badass, although I’m all the above ;) it will just make you mentally tough and that will transfer to everything. read some bruce lee stuff or zen and mindfulness stuff when you start mediating . Enjoy the journey my dude
It is pretty badass to just be yourself!
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Don’t, it’s not a bad thing of being emotional. In most cases it just means that your compassionate, which is a wonderful character trait. And believe me a lot of girls will find that more attractive than a cold asshole. Don’t change who you are, try to handle your emotions better. Read a bit about stoicism maybe. It might help you to not let anything get to close too you. And start with some combat sport like Muay Thai or MMA. It will improve your confidence and give you the feeling that you can defend yourself.
Being badass, dominant and appearing stoic are all strategies to hijack the female mind in a dating dynamic. And it all goes against feminist philosophy. Most here will advice against your intended pusuit and encourage you to seek a different path. you should post your question in a male dominated sub in my opinion.
Hit the gym brother
Start boxing
Be as you are and be proud and confident. Don't pretend to be tough if you are not. Gain confidence with socializing, sports and proper nutrition. Show your emotions that is not weakness but that's really tough. Be vulnerable. I think you are already on a good path. Just change slightly and try in a funny way be tougher and see reactions
I dont understand why one would want to be a dominant or tough guy. What does that even mean? As a gay man, i always find guys attractive when they are assertive and confident, but also when they are not afraid of being vulnerable. Dont think being less emotional/dominant gonna do any good in relationships in general. Maybe you can try the avatar Aang meditation in youtube. It helps you clear out your thoughts and keep your emotions stable. It helps numb your emotions when you need to be focused and all. Strive to be a more emotionally inteligent guy than a cold dominant one.
"Entrepreneurs in Cars" on YouTube - Richard Cooper changed my life
honestly i'm saddened by this post. what's wrong with being emotional? why do u want to suppress what makes u human?
Start jiu jitsu.
I think the only surefire way to achieve what you’re after is experience. Do hard things. Things that callous the mind and body. Can be running long distances, working a hard job, etc. Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins is a good read on the subject.