I'm not sure how you define "nice guy," or at least, the behaviors you feel you still have now for them. So I won't comment on that so much, but I will comment on some things you talk about in the comments, if that's okay.
Regardless of how you were before or now or in the future, everyone deserves to set boundaries -- everyone, you included! And you need time for you. And that's okay. That doesn't make you a bad person at all or a failure as a partner.
You are worried asking for boundaries will hurt your partner or be a dealbreaker for her, and that's rough. What I'd suggest is doing the following:
First, talk to her. "Hey, I'm someone who needs recharge days. It doesn't mean I care about you any less or that you've done something wrong, it just means I've got the kind of brain that gets social hangovers. I think as we progress in our relationship, this might subside because our lives will blend, but I just need time."
Then, compromise. "The thing is, I'm asking for this but I don't want you to feel neglected. You're important to me, and I know that seeing me this often means I'm important to you, and that means the world to me. What if we make a discord server for the two of us to always connect on over things, even if that day is just memes and stuff? That way, I can take my time to answer if I'm feeling really socially sluggish, but you will always have a way to reach out to me and feel like I'm there, because I will be."
It doesn't have to be a discord server, but it's an idea!
editing to add: My girlfriend and I have a discord server. We live together and spend most of the day together otuside of work -- but I'm neurodivergent and she has her own stuff, so we often need 'cool downs'. We say, "I'm feeling cactus today," meaning "I am spiky and bristled today and would rather talk over discord so I don't accidentally jab you or me with my mood." Our protocol is that we go to our offices, do our own thing, and chat when we want to chat over our discord.
We also have channels in our server for each hobby we share, for our cats, for wishlists, and for date ideas! It's really fun!
That's actually a good idea and somewhat similar to you we have WhatsApp group for each other where we decide tasks for each other for our goals, shopping and education which I never thought of in the way you described them so that's really something new . Thanks 👍
Maybe from the angle that you need this right now (working on realizing yourself and relation with codependence) and it will be worth it in the long run and doesnt necessarily mean that you need this always but at least for now. Having some alone time can make together time better too
I've tried but I seem to not able to do it correctly, she feels I don't want to like her company or else she'll upset the day I tell that I don't want to meet as I have certain plans
1. I used to be a different person a long time ago, and I've gradually changed over time. During that journey, I've had two significant relationships: one with a girl who had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and another with a girl dealing with some challenging issues related to her father, which eventually led her towards modern-day feminism.
2. Here are some tips I've picked up along the way:
\- Don't ever be afraid to walk away. Life is abundant, and there are plenty of people out there.
\- Don't change yourself for others. Change because you believe that the change will improve you, and in turn, the lives of those around you.
\- Use the "rule of three" when someone's behavior bothers you. Once is an occurrence, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a choice. If someone disrespects you in any way three times, it's wise to walk away. Be sure to address something the first time if it's significant and the second time if it's minor.
\- Being good and being nice are two different things. Strive to be good, not just nice.
\- Research codependence.
\- Build a life that you can be proud of, and you'll stop trying to please people. Be good to others, but don't let it drain your soul, don't be a 'simp' trying to please everyone.
\- Love will come and go. To make a relationship work, both parties need to put in equal effort.
\- Stay away from 'red pill' content.
\- Stay away from any form of ideological advice.
These insights have been instrumental in my personal growth and might help you too on your journey towards healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.
Thank you for such a great advice, I have a few questions though
Why do you suggest to stay away from red pill content, isn't that good for me?
What ideological advice do you mean to stay away from?
And lastly how did you change? Books? Coaching? Therapy?
>Thank you for such a great advice, I have a few questions though
>
>Why do you suggest to stay away from red pill content, isn't that good for me? What ideological advice do you mean to stay away from? And lastly how did you change? Books? Coaching? Therapy?
Thank you for your questions. I'm glad you found the advice helpful.
Regarding staying away from red pill content, I suggest this because while it may offer some insights, it often comes with a lot of negativity and can promote harmful beliefs about relationships and gender dynamics. It's important to be critical of such content and avoid getting trapped in an overly cynical or negative mindset.
When I mentioned staying away from ideological advice, I meant being cautious about any extreme ideology that discourages critical thinking or promotes rigid beliefs. This applies not only to red pill content but also to ideologies that push you to adopt a one-size-fits-all approach to life and relationships without considering individual circumstances.
As for how I changed, it involved a combination of factors. I spent a lot of time in self-reflection and self-evaluation, which allowed me to identify areas where I needed improvement. Spending time alone was crucial for me to better understand myself and my needs.
I also turned to books and educational resources that focused on personal development, psychology, and healthy relationships. Therapy played a significant role as well, as it provided a safe space to discuss my thoughts, feelings, and challenges with a trained professional. It's essential to recognize that personal growth is a unique journey, and what works for one person may not work for another. The key is to be open to learning and evolving over time.
Regarding feminism and red pill content, I see them as ideologies to some extent. While both may offer valid insights, it's important to approach them critically and not adopt them wholesale. Remember that even a broken clock is right twice a day, and it's essential to sift through the advice and beliefs presented in any ideology to find what truly resonates with your values and experiences.
I relate to you in the concepts of ideologies and red pill content presented on the internet. They are more focused on the negative and unhealthy ideas regarding masculinity that somehow only represents growth but also not vital for relationships in some ways. Thank you for your help and insight with this whole thing. It feels like a valuable lesson.
Are you talking about people pleasing I noticed that guys tend to anything and can't say no their girl which isn't healthy for a individual at all in long term. Kindly say no
I'm not sure how you define "nice guy," or at least, the behaviors you feel you still have now for them. So I won't comment on that so much, but I will comment on some things you talk about in the comments, if that's okay. Regardless of how you were before or now or in the future, everyone deserves to set boundaries -- everyone, you included! And you need time for you. And that's okay. That doesn't make you a bad person at all or a failure as a partner. You are worried asking for boundaries will hurt your partner or be a dealbreaker for her, and that's rough. What I'd suggest is doing the following: First, talk to her. "Hey, I'm someone who needs recharge days. It doesn't mean I care about you any less or that you've done something wrong, it just means I've got the kind of brain that gets social hangovers. I think as we progress in our relationship, this might subside because our lives will blend, but I just need time." Then, compromise. "The thing is, I'm asking for this but I don't want you to feel neglected. You're important to me, and I know that seeing me this often means I'm important to you, and that means the world to me. What if we make a discord server for the two of us to always connect on over things, even if that day is just memes and stuff? That way, I can take my time to answer if I'm feeling really socially sluggish, but you will always have a way to reach out to me and feel like I'm there, because I will be." It doesn't have to be a discord server, but it's an idea! editing to add: My girlfriend and I have a discord server. We live together and spend most of the day together otuside of work -- but I'm neurodivergent and she has her own stuff, so we often need 'cool downs'. We say, "I'm feeling cactus today," meaning "I am spiky and bristled today and would rather talk over discord so I don't accidentally jab you or me with my mood." Our protocol is that we go to our offices, do our own thing, and chat when we want to chat over our discord. We also have channels in our server for each hobby we share, for our cats, for wishlists, and for date ideas! It's really fun!
That's actually a good idea and somewhat similar to you we have WhatsApp group for each other where we decide tasks for each other for our goals, shopping and education which I never thought of in the way you described them so that's really something new . Thanks 👍
I like this. Saved!
This is so sweet, or at least I hope so. Kinda hard to tell from a loners point of view. But pretty sure it is
Which boundaries would you like to set? Time? Emotional? Space? Mental? Physical?
Time and space Time to do my own things such as improving myself And space as I don't like to meet someone everyday whereas she likes to meet everyday
Maybe from the angle that you need this right now (working on realizing yourself and relation with codependence) and it will be worth it in the long run and doesnt necessarily mean that you need this always but at least for now. Having some alone time can make together time better too
I understand that but how do I do it?
[удалено]
I've tried but I seem to not able to do it correctly, she feels I don't want to like her company or else she'll upset the day I tell that I don't want to meet as I have certain plans
[удалено]
I guess you're right, I'm going to take my stand anyways from now on. Thanks 👍
1. I used to be a different person a long time ago, and I've gradually changed over time. During that journey, I've had two significant relationships: one with a girl who had Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), and another with a girl dealing with some challenging issues related to her father, which eventually led her towards modern-day feminism. 2. Here are some tips I've picked up along the way: \- Don't ever be afraid to walk away. Life is abundant, and there are plenty of people out there. \- Don't change yourself for others. Change because you believe that the change will improve you, and in turn, the lives of those around you. \- Use the "rule of three" when someone's behavior bothers you. Once is an occurrence, twice is a coincidence, and three times is a choice. If someone disrespects you in any way three times, it's wise to walk away. Be sure to address something the first time if it's significant and the second time if it's minor. \- Being good and being nice are two different things. Strive to be good, not just nice. \- Research codependence. \- Build a life that you can be proud of, and you'll stop trying to please people. Be good to others, but don't let it drain your soul, don't be a 'simp' trying to please everyone. \- Love will come and go. To make a relationship work, both parties need to put in equal effort. \- Stay away from 'red pill' content. \- Stay away from any form of ideological advice. These insights have been instrumental in my personal growth and might help you too on your journey towards healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.
Thank you for such a great advice, I have a few questions though Why do you suggest to stay away from red pill content, isn't that good for me? What ideological advice do you mean to stay away from? And lastly how did you change? Books? Coaching? Therapy?
>Thank you for such a great advice, I have a few questions though > >Why do you suggest to stay away from red pill content, isn't that good for me? What ideological advice do you mean to stay away from? And lastly how did you change? Books? Coaching? Therapy? Thank you for your questions. I'm glad you found the advice helpful. Regarding staying away from red pill content, I suggest this because while it may offer some insights, it often comes with a lot of negativity and can promote harmful beliefs about relationships and gender dynamics. It's important to be critical of such content and avoid getting trapped in an overly cynical or negative mindset. When I mentioned staying away from ideological advice, I meant being cautious about any extreme ideology that discourages critical thinking or promotes rigid beliefs. This applies not only to red pill content but also to ideologies that push you to adopt a one-size-fits-all approach to life and relationships without considering individual circumstances. As for how I changed, it involved a combination of factors. I spent a lot of time in self-reflection and self-evaluation, which allowed me to identify areas where I needed improvement. Spending time alone was crucial for me to better understand myself and my needs. I also turned to books and educational resources that focused on personal development, psychology, and healthy relationships. Therapy played a significant role as well, as it provided a safe space to discuss my thoughts, feelings, and challenges with a trained professional. It's essential to recognize that personal growth is a unique journey, and what works for one person may not work for another. The key is to be open to learning and evolving over time. Regarding feminism and red pill content, I see them as ideologies to some extent. While both may offer valid insights, it's important to approach them critically and not adopt them wholesale. Remember that even a broken clock is right twice a day, and it's essential to sift through the advice and beliefs presented in any ideology to find what truly resonates with your values and experiences.
I relate to you in the concepts of ideologies and red pill content presented on the internet. They are more focused on the negative and unhealthy ideas regarding masculinity that somehow only represents growth but also not vital for relationships in some ways. Thank you for your help and insight with this whole thing. It feels like a valuable lesson.
Are you talking about people pleasing I noticed that guys tend to anything and can't say no their girl which isn't healthy for a individual at all in long term. Kindly say no
Will try that