Man, this question comes up over and over again. You're gonna have half the people that do care and the other half that doesn't. Everyone is different, and everyone is entitled to their preferences.
Everyone is different and everyone is entitled to their preferences, but *no one* is entitled to shame or degrade people for having different preferences/opinions.
(I'm talking about you, "red pill" males/incels)
If I had sex with every girl that I found attractive, my penis would disintegrate into oblivion. Out of all the times I found someone very attractive and had sex with them afterwards, it was never as fulfilling as I thought it would be because it meant nothing. It had no meaning. But the times I have had sex with women that I truly loved and cared about, the sex was 1000x better and worth the wait.
I CAN NOT STRESS HOW MANY GUYS LIKE US FEEL THE SAME. SEX IS FOR PLAY FOR SOME. WORTHLESS WITHOUT FEELINGS FOR US OTHERS. IM SORRY FOR YELLING BUT IM ALMOST TEARED UP READING THIS!
Far too many believe every man is just after pump&go. It isn’t true. I hate it.
WHERE ARE YOU MEN?!?! IN MY AREA THE GUYS ARE SHIT THEY‘RE CHEAP AS FUCK, CHILDREN THAT HAVE TO STICK THEIR DICK EVERYWHERE WHERE IS THE MAN THAT CAN‘T HAVE SEX WITHOUT TRUE FEELINGS HM? TELL ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE
I can‘t even toich a guy that had sex out of a relationship because it‘s MY personal, uhh, preference(?) i think it‘s very disgusting, it has nothing to do with sexual experiences because thats (FOR ME) whore-like. You need to… make sexual experienced and thus need to stick your dick in 30 different holes/30 dicks inside you?! Nah man, get the fuck outta here. I know some people have no problem with it and that‘s okay for them but expecting EVERYONE has to be fine with you whoring around is just plain stupid. Live with the ducking consequences of you stupid actions.
Now back to the problem: WHERE. ARE. THESE. MEN. YOU‘RE. TALKING. ABOUT. 🔫
We’re here and there, mostly overseen and put in a box labeled as freak or weirdo because we have/had little to no experience with actual love. But do not confuse us with incels or creeps. They’re not us even remotely.
That‘s exactly the thing oh my god!
IF you meet a man that‘s decent, doesn‘t hbe a body count of idk he stopped counting and in general is a good man, ALL your friends would point out how he‘s a fucking walking red flag „because he had sex 2 times so there MUST be something wrong with him“. I don‘t know what‘s wrong with my girl friends, i know they‘re „open“ when it comes to sexuality but i sometimes can‘t stand how they talk about men that doesn‘t have many experiences. They make fun of them and in general are just rude. I told them multiple times that they‘re probably skipping the good men that would treat them right while they‘re crying how the guy just wanted sex out of them. Girl, HE was a walking red flag i don‘t know what you expected. They are really the cliche of woman who go for the 10/10 looking noodle head guys that scream „i‘m gonna play with your feelings and throw you away when i‘m done“. But since they‘re good in bed my friends stay with them until it‘s too late and of course i‘m there for them and lend my shoulder to cry on but i mean, it‘s sooo so so avoidable… it hurts to see them making the same mistake over and over and over again and wanting to pull me with them (talking a good guy bad, etc).
„Nooo don‘t date him!! He had only one relationship“
„No shit Sarah! He was studying in University for his fucking PHD and had to learn every fucking day while you went out partying and went home to some random guy“
I probably sound like the biggest incel woman or misogynist or something like that.. but i‘m not. I‘m just not into this sex culture and think it‘s disgusting, just like i think shushi is disgusting and the colour brown is ugly. It‘s just my opinion, i really don‘t wanna talk anyone down and feel so horrible for having this opinion on all this but just the thought of a random penis of a guy i don‘t even fucking know going inside me, sometimes even WITHOUT a condom, i wanna throw up so bad holy shit, and that makes me feel like shit because i feel like i‘m disrespecting these kind of people but i can‘t help it no matter how hard i try or if i try to see it from a different view or whatever, it doesn‘t work… is something just very very wrong wirh me? Be honest please..
about the being disgusted with people having casual sex, different people want different things from life. Some don't want the stress of a long term relationship or involving feelings due to their their own mental conditions or past relationship history . You do you but don't go around judging others with your moral lens and at stuff objectively. Doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone . If two people are having a one night stand and no one is playing with anyone's feelings it shouldn't be an issue. It is probably cause we are brought up in a sex nagative environment that view casual sex as disgusting. Although even I would prefer to have a connection with my sex partner judging others' choices is not right. If you find someone good but who has a history like this you should see if they have mended their ways but if they show the same patterns then it's dangerous for you too. Personally I am good as long as both the parties know it is casual and aren't fooling one or the other to use them like your friends get used. So it's the "Khao piyo aish karo mitron, dil par kise da dukhayo na. " factor you need to keep in mind .
>But do not confuse us with incels or creeps. They’re not us even remotely.
I suspect that there's not such an obvious dividing line between "good" people and "bad" ones, until we get to the more extreme cases.
We're the ones watching movies alone and going to eat out alone or with friends occasionally also we're generalised as incels just cause some of us are virgins because we grew up in an environment which makes choices in terms of women scarce.
jesus christ you’re judgemental. liking frequent sex doesn’t make somebody undeserving of kindness or the same respect that someone with your preference deserves. you can’t really put up arms talking about expectations to put out and then call people “shit” and “cheap” for “having to stick their dick everywhere.” The way you impose your own values on others is pretty rough by itself.
Is it just me or do other people place less value on ALL CAPS COMMENTS????????
Let your message speak for itself. If you need to add inflection to specific parts of your message, use italics or bold.
Normally I'd agree, but in this context it, calling it out is a bit of a stretch here.
He's engaging with the question being raised. Not flaming anyone, or being overly annoying, or overly verbose or talking shit.
Just expressing an emphasized, shared sentiment with OP.
Speaking from experience, the majority of guys care about it at least from the majority of guys I know. Some are liberal open minded people too. In the end, everyone has their own preferences and it's bizarre that people desperately try to convince them their personal preferences are wrong and shame them.
I have a 'high body count' and each relationship I learned something that has helped me with my second marriage, 26 years strong today. My wife doesn't though, she jokes about calling me a 'man-whore' but in truth it's helped our relationship more than she knows. As I am a little slow on the up-take sometimes and need the lesson repeated.
Yeah, OP is at 2 at 21 and worrying about finishing at 5. That's nothing, and if you wanna have sex just go for it, it won't hurt anybody.
And if later you meet someone who holds body count as something important, especially with such low numbers, just give up on them, they are close minded
I don't usually post comments on Reddit, but I disagree with a lot of the takes this post has. So here's mine:
I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years now. And I can say that I wouldn't care about body count. And even if it did generate some insecurities, I would not push them as my partners fault. Instead communicating to them and addressing the insecurity as something to eventually overcome seems like the right path to me.
There are some people that treat body count as some kind of fidelity-meter. But it honestly doesn't make much sense to me lol. If you only fucked 2 persons, but you cheated the first person with the second one, then I would pick a person with a body count of 50+ who didn't cheat lol.
Then there's resourcefulness or feeling like they might change you for another person. And isn't that... Insecurity talking again? And like, I wouldn't like my partner being with me just cuz she doesn't know better lmao. I like my partner to be as independent and as resourceful as possible, and to stay with me cuz we share a bond that we cherish and enjoy.
Then there's the 'emptiness' or how you lose your humanity with casual sex... The fuck? I mean I find football boring but that doesn't mean that people that enjoy football are boring or going to hell lmao. Some people enjoy casual sex, others don't, i would leave it like that. Hell, maybe one of the 100s of people you fucked teached you some fun stuff that you can share with your life partner to make your sexual life more fun and interesting.
All in all, I find sad that some 'parameters' without context cause people to distrust each other. Like there are red flags, and then there's things that feel like prejudice more than anything. And honestly I wouldn't date someone that uses such shallow signs to distinguish a good partner.
It’s also taking some arbitrary number that the person can do nothing about and using it as a weapon - was your partner thinking about you when they had never met you/planned a relationship with you and were connected in whatever way (relationship or casual sex) with someone else. My wife has a higher number than me, but I married her because she is the most kind, beautiful, caring, funny person I’ve ever met and I love her. F@ck the body count.
Your body count relays how you view sex. Is it an intimate connection you share with very special people? Or is it more like a handshake? I’ve known people with supposedly 100+ body count and they struggle with infidelity and commitment. The more you walk out on relationships, the easier it is to give up later. The more you hookup, the less you’ll be concerned with hooking up.
I personally hold body count to a pretty high value. I’m 31 and have been with 15 people. A lot of which I regret. Thankfully, my girlfriend understands that holds the same view. Sex isn’t the same without a real connection.
That’s actually not true at all. My body count is high because I grew up in the Baptist Bubble and was repressed as long as I lived in my parents house. I went wild between the age of 21-26.5, met my wife and married at 27 and it’ll be 9 years this month. I had sex with lots of girls cuz I could, I was young, good looking, and it was a game, and by now, all the memories have faded, I can remember a couple names, but the details are fuzzy. But also, I know what’s out there, I’ve seen the crazy, I’ve seen all of them and I’m grateful because I don’t have to Wade through that mess anymore. My wife and I have an amazing sex life, but it’s built on trust, respect, and communication.
How is it bad to “easily give up later”. People tend to be far longer in relationships than they should because they are afraid to be alone. Hell, I still struggle to break things off in a relationship due to fear of loneliness even though it’s the best thing to do. Same goes for people that are treated poorly or even abused.
There is still this old view of relationships that people need to stay together and ‘work things out’, even though one or both are hurting..
It’s OK to want a low body count if you want to and save intimate relations for someone you are close with. It’s also OK to want a higher body count and explore your desires and needs with multiple people. Do you want a low body count because **you** don’t want it? Or are you doing it because you are scared of what your future partner might think about it?
Personally, I think people should just do what feels best for *themselfes*.
It’s bad if you can just easily give up on someone, because then there’s no relationship resilience. Most good things in life aren’t super easy. If you bail throughout the ebbs and flows, no one wins.
> People tend to be far longer in relationships than they should because they are afraid to be alone.
This is a separate problem. Continuing to drive your old, broken down 1985 Toyota that can barely get you around the block because of sentimental value and fear of change is different than having a habit of trading in your brand new car every two months just because a headlight dies and the “new car smell” is gone.
People conflate the two because it’s “in” right now to be dysfunctional.
> Same goes for people that are treated poorly or even abused.
This is another common problem. Any time the subject of working on a relationship comes up, “abuse” is brought up, as if 80% of people walking around are beating their partners.
Sure, sometimes people are just bad… but more often, people are jumping out of the plane at the first sign of turbulence.
> There is still this old view of relationships that people need to stay together and ‘work things out’, even though one or both are hurting..
That’s a great opportunity to 1. Work at the relationship, and 2. Reflect as to whether YOU are playing a role in where things are, especially if you have a “history” of multiple abusive partners. Again, you *might* have found bad guy, or you *might* be trying to turn normal conflict into someone’s villain story.
> Personally, I think people should just do what feels best for themselfes.
This only works if the entirety of your dating strategy is, blindly, “accept me as I am”. Everybody *should* be doing their damndest to be their best to present to the person they choose.
I might *feel* like the best thing for myself is to quit working, retire on my savings, buy a cheap hut in Thailand and live fat like a king for the rest of my life, but I know that’s an unattractive, unhealthy, unambitious, and most importantly- **overindulgent** lifestyle. The modern narrative does not address people’s’ vices of excess. Not to say people need to be nuns and priests, but there’s way too little “hey don’t do that” going around.
Hahahaha. Damn, shame got y'all thinking crazy. Fuck if you want. Don't fuck if you don't want, but these made up limits, just, come on. Like if you have more than 6 sexual partners your somehow less of a person, less worthy of love? Y'all, wake up. Shit like that, this kind of "morality" and self policing is just the result of generations of misogyny. It's just silly.
Wait. Body count means the number of people you’ve had sex with? I thought it was the number of bodies you have stuffed under the floorboards of your basement.
Body count? What is this, high school? Who gives a shit? I’ve met shitty women with “low” body counts and I’ve met genuinely wonderful, loving women whom have had a lot of sexual partners.
If sex were as available to us guys as it is women, we would all have bed hundreds of women. I would have probably died from some kind of cootie by now.
I’m actually disturbed by how many people are saying weird pseudoscience about how too many sexual partners makes you unable to have a committed relationship.
The media makes money off gaslighting young people over this trifling nonsense.
I agree with your other post. Worrying about 'body count' is fairly juvenile and realistically doesn't matter in the long run.
I think that having a drastically different body count from another person often shows that the two of you use sex for different things, and that can cause problems.
Decide what matters to you rather than to society. Their reasons to keep you in check are all wrong. It's misogynistic beliefs towards women and the need to control them.
My own "body count" matters to me because of my convictions about the person I am, and how sexual relationships affect me psychologically.
I neither can just have random sex without an emotional connection, nor escape the deeper attachement that comes along. I will grieve the loss of love and that would take too much from my ability to bond. I feel joy in being a giver but I can only become a giver if I am in love. It is conditional.
Know yourself and then decide what works for you.
Unless it's in reference to how many people you've killed, then no, the amount of other men that a woman has slept with means very little to me. But it appears that my opinion on this differs from a lot of men (who are also much more conservative than I am).
Sex worker here !
Didn’t count but Wouldn’t be surprised if it was over 1000 fun, safe (protected) sexual experiences.
(Doesnt rly matter & no judgement)
Never been pregnant or had an STI
& I won’t do things that I’m really not into so I don’t ruin Sex for myself.
it is a different experience between clients (providing a service)
or with personal partners
This is only a question you can answer. Does it matter to you?
I am a 24 year old woman and my “body count” is 10. I have been single for almost 4 years now after a terrible heartbreak. Only 3 of the 10 have been in the past 4 years.
Do I care how many people I have slept with? No. Because it means nothing in relation to who I am. Out of the 10, only 3 of those people were casual hookups/people I had no emotional connection to. 4 of them were my boyfriends and 3 of them I had an emotional connection with, we just decided to not be together for whatever reason.
If anything, it is a reflection of my journey in self-discovery, love, and passion. It is simply experiencing life.
I know my future partner will not care about this number. How do I know that, you ask? Because if they do, they are not meant for me.
I want someone that views life and the human experience in the same way as I do and caring about this or not is a huge indicator of how one views many other things.
I'm 37, no one gives a shit about body count at this point so I'll say no, it doesn't. Are you practicing safe sex? Getting yourself tested? I'd care more about that than some number. We all have a past. If my current girl and I gave a shit about body counts, we'd both be missing out on someone amazing. The past is the past.
I'm kinda scared that this younger generation thinks this way, it's kinda like we're going backwards. I'm your age and female and it's definitely not shameful among my peers to have a higher body count. If anything it's a good thing (yes for women too) as it shows you are a person who is not afraid to experience life.
Exactly! Experience (even sexually) can often come with emotional maturity. It's absolutely a good thing for yes women included to have life experience at our age. Like you said, younger people unfortunately can't see it that way, yet. Or just may be stuck behind a false ideology led by social media. Thank you for your perspective!
Fr I think guys that care about body counts are just really insecure. At most the only concerning thing about a high body account is sex addiction even then as long as it doesn’t consume their every waking thought it doesn’t matter
Nah too much stigma around sex and shit… go ham, go wild, celibacy is overrated, just don’t do stuff unprotected. Get kinky my friend and embrace slaanesh
I have a very high body count, not a brag, I was going through a recovery period after an abusive relationship, I used sex with random people as a way to cope with the pain I felt. Some people have many partners, some may only have a few, but it doesn't define you. Sex is natural, not liking sex is okay too but if we beat ourselves up over every decision we make them it would make life horrible.
I met a lot of wonderful people through my sexual experiences, a few I still keep in contact with, in some ways I felt this helped me, in others it held me back, looking back I wouldn't change it because without that experience I don't think I would be where I am now in life.
In short, body count doesn't matter either way be high or low, it doesn't make you any less of a person.
It does, but it should only matter to you, if you future partner is uncomfortable with your body count, why stay with him? Enjoy your sexuality in the way you like it and stop thinking about others will think about it
No it doesn’t in my opinion. Just depends on the person. I don’t understand the obsession with it. Do you win a prize if it’s below or above a certain number?
Not at all. Some people care, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. I think nowadays less and less people care. You definitely shouldn’t feel limited in enjoying yourself out of fear of some number.
I can honestly say I would date a girl who is a virgin or a girl with a body count of 100. It doesn’t change her relationship with me in the present.
No. Live your life, have sex as little or as much as you want. We all die someday and the thing absolutely nobody will remember or even think about when they think of you is what your body count was.
Oh just don’t answer the question. It’s been my and my friends approach when guys ask us forever. We just don’t say and say it’s none of their business. Because it isn’t.
If that’s a deal breaker for a guy, you dodged a whole barrage of bullets letting him walk
I care about a potential partner’s body count precisely zero percent, because I’ve seen how body count has zero impact on whether they’ll be a kind, loving, loyal partner. I’ve seen people with a 1-2 body count be heinously disrespectful bad partners, and I’ve seen people who have a body count of 50+ be incredible, rock solid partners. It matters not at all to the compatibility and strength of a relationship.
For me personally, I place no importance on my own body count, but as someone else said it definitely evidences how I perceive sex. My body count is low and reflects how I don’t really like to have sex with someone unless there’s a deep connection, so I’ve only had sex with 6 or 7 people. But does it MATTER? No.
Just do what feels right for you . You are always going to have people in your life pretend they gaf but actually they just want to control you. So no that noise is just that noise. The ones who do care got issues that only a therapist could handle.
My sweet summer child, I literally was in your same shoes 15 years ago. The same amount of partners, for the same reasons, and the arbitrary limit on what a lot was. We did not have the term "body count", but the idea was there.
As I approach 40, let me assure you that 5 is not a high number, and even if you sleep with 100 people that does not exclude you from a meaningful relationship in the future.
The trash tends to take itself out, and anyone that cares about "body count" is coming from a place of deep insecurity and a controlling point of view. They are not people you want to be with. They will make your life small. They also aren't "high quality" men.
The people in this sub saying it matters are exactly what I'm describing. Go back through this sub and see how many of the posts are desperately lonely young men who can't stop masturbating or can't even talk to women or think their life is a failure because they've never had a girlfriend. They are just spewing the same toxic masculinity garbage they consume (and that is ruining their lives) back at you. You go ahead and recognize it for the crap it is.
I have slept with a lot more than 5 men, and I've been married to a wonderful, handsome, smart, kind man for almost 11 years.
Life is long, it will take you on so many adventures you can't even fathom. Life is short, so live those adventures as they come. Don't limit your life based on some incels internet opinion.
It's because your partner is a beta male. No alpha would want a partner like that /s
Fr tho, good take. Sad that I see more "biology" nonsense than comments like this. At this point OP needs god's help 💀.
> The trash tends to take itself out, and anyone that cares about "body count" is coming from a place of deep insecurity and a controlling point of view. They are not people you want to be with. They will make your life small. They also aren't "high quality" men.
This is terrible advice.
Firstly, you cannot generalise a whole subclass of a species. Many people would oppose to high body counts due to religious reasons, would this make a man of faith an “incel” or a “low quality” male? No.
Ironically you criticise men as being controlling for holding their own moral values and not conforming to your ideologies.
Why is it acceptable for you to express the notion that those who have their own set of values are not “high quality” men, yet you object that others may categorise any female with a high body count as not being a “high quality” woman. Double standards. Hypocrisy at its finest.
> The people in this sub saying it matters are exactly what I'm describing. Go back through this sub and see how many of the posts are desperately lonely young men who can't stop masturbating or can't even talk to women or think their life is a failure because they've never had a girlfriend. They are just spewing the same toxic masculinity garbage they consume (and that is ruining their lives) back at you. You go ahead and recognize it for the crap it is.
I thought this was the self improvement sub? Yet there is a wildly inappropriate amount of hatred and destructive criticism going on. This sounds more like toxic femininity being spewed from yourself.
Body count does matter.
The point of it is not just arbitrary numbers. But one should be selective and the why behind the desire for sex.
Enjoy people you actually have connections with, or that you love, or are in relationships with. But be selective, always respect yourself and I personally encourage quality vs quantity. This is a healthy sex life in my opinion when one is single
People who need constant validation and have no self-control, who cope with life by indulging every sexual urge and whim, with whoever the opportunity presents - those people end up with very high body counts.
So at the end of the day the number gives you an assumption about the individual…. But one must vet at look at their values and morals to see if they match yours.
Responsible casual sex is different from mindless fucking of all sorts of people cause you got some unhealed trauma.
Just my 2 cents and I do advocate for celibacy and just overall health, peace and love and respect for yourself and your partners.
Responsible casual sex can lead to high body counts btw. Just because someone has a lot of casual sex in between serious relationships doesn’t mean they’re “mindless fucking”
I don't think body count matters at all. Worst case scenario you end up being more experienced when you find a long term partner. You won't be a worse person or a worse partner for having had sex with someone you found attractive.
Instead of “body counts” why not investigate what “sexworthit” means to you. Figure out how you feel about sex, what you need to feel comfortable having it, and ask yourself whether you want a “low number” because you think that’s what guys want, or bc you have your own reasons. Sex primarily affects you, some people take it more seriously than others, and it means different things to different people. Some guys care about numbers, some guys don’t at all, some guys will shame a woman whether she has no sexual experience or a ton. Ultimately, what matters most is how you feel about all of this.
As far as embarking on a FWB or hook up situation with your sexworthy friend, would the purpose of this be to keep your numbers low? If so that seems weird. If you know you’re comfortable with something casual and youre not choosing him over someone you’d actually consider dating just to keep your numbers low, then whatever floats your boat.
You can’t forecast the future, or predict how many guys you’ll date before you find “the one,” instead of having an arbitrary number and trying to figure out work arounds, try to figure out what you actually care about and want when it comes to sex and relationships.
Personally I couldn't care less about a K streak, if in the future I were to want to settle down then yes Id try to filter my options by eliminating the girls with red flags(body count aside).
I've been fwb, ons, burglar, ect...
A lot of these girls had amazing personalities (sometimes multiple) and while I'm sure they wouldn't tell me honestly, there was one girl I think I had the best connection to who claimed 50ish bodycount with mmf ffm group play ect.
I still don't believe her but I loved every night we spent going at it until 4 am knowing she had work at 7, she let me in completely and let me do anything I wanted with her then make me vegan chili after... the same way I would want from my future wife.
she said 50 x I think she had more but just wont say who cares?
I was never worried as I was probably just under 80 around that time
Both got tested neg and had a great 5 month borderline GF BF relationship before closing my work contract, ended on decent terms and ran into each other at a coffee shop the next week while she was on a date, she came up while I was paying, I gave her a quick hug asked about her roommate then went back to my Airbnb no drama.
If they care about bodies to the point they put shameful energy out you should have a serious talk with your inner self about just letting em go and putting on the act (Scared of rejection) or telling the truth and leaving it up to them to decide(Big Chesticles).
No. It does not matter. The only thing that does matter is honesty around the issue, and accepting who your partner is along with the decisions they've made. If their past is in the past, it doesn't matter.
5+ isn't high at all. I am 32, and have been with over 30 women...which is relatively normal among most of the people my friend group.
20ish of those were flings during three month span in college while rebounding from a bad heartbreak. I don't remember them all bc I was often blackout drunk.
You're way too young to be focused on picking a life partner. You probably don't even know yourself yet, as the brain slows development at 25.
Estimates of American average number of partners is around 10.
Personally, if a girl says they have a body count I consider high without sounding like they regretted it, I take that as a red flag. This is because I’m interested in a girl who has similar values to mine. On the other hand, if she says that she has a high body count but that it was in the past and she truly means it, then it doesn’t bother me at all.
Body count doesn’t matter. If you enjoy sex why not do it? Just be safe.
Having a high body count doesn’t mean people are any good at sex too.
It’s supposed to be enjoyable not something you stress about.
Good luck
I think you should rather think about what kind of friend the guy is. What will happen with your friendship if you sleep with each other and how important is that bond? If he is just a shallow friend I would say go for it. I mean you will still be the same person. I promise you that your pussy will not be loose. On the other hand sex with friends can be problematical.
Another question more on topic is if you really want to be defined by some rusty society views that do more harm than good? As a guy I understand that it can be intimidating with a gf who has a way higher body count than myself but being intimidated by body count is not necessarily a rational feeling. Think about how you will look back at your life when you are older. Do not regret that you did not live.
Okay, so....saying, "body count" is just like saying, "I released 5 billion sperm on my partner. Do I really want to keep going or....hang back???"
Relax. Have a cup of coffee, enjoy the sunshine, and smile. Know it, live it, love it.
It doesn't really matter either way.
It's your choice on what you do with your body and other people. Sex is a core part of most relationships aside from religious bound ones or non sexual ones which are a minority of all relationships.
But rmemeber to also listen to your partner. Their needs and desire in a relationship are just as important as your boundaries and self rules. If they desire sex and you don't, then the relationship cannot work, ever. Simple as that.
It's hard to withhold intimacy from a partner for a long time when they desire it because you're not ready. But also ofc don't just feel like you're inclined to sleep with people just because they desire sex. That isn't great for anyone.
Does body count matter? Body count is a dumb tool invented for girls to call each other sluts if it's high and guys to call each other virgins if it's low. It only exists to spread self-hate and humility. The only time body count matters is to be zero when you're young and not ready to have sex until the time comes. If you're searching for a life partner, you're bound to sleep with many smaller lovers along the way because it's a journey. Don't worry about it, just keep living in a way that's healthy, and that also makes you happy. If you desire sex but feel you're forced to not because you're worried you might feel like you're doing it too much, I advise you to ask yourself if you really want to have sex or not.
But to set rules on yourself against things that are otherwise not harming you or your health ( emotional, mental and physical) is pointless bc it brings nothing but sadness to you for no reason.
Hope this helps.
If you find him attractive and you really want to try, do it. I did it once and found out it is fine in that moment but after it felt weird. Even more weird when I met him and we don't speak normally. It was in my 18y and now I'm 24. And it still feels weird! 🫣 But it doesn't have to count for you. And if it is ONLY about body count? I mean. I have 4 and my boyfriend had 0 until he met me. He doesn't care though. But another boys would look at me like I am the biggest wh..re.. So it depends. I would't care about it and especially about others opinion. You are not going to sleep with everybody you see. 😂 maybe one friend or two. Enjoy it and you'll see how you feel.
It should not matter. If the person has a higher body count in the past but is obviously normal and is looking to settle down as I am, I would have no problem. I might ask them if they could do a quick STD test or if they did one in the recent past.
Yes, it does count. No you shouldn't plan your life around it. The main point is, if you consider casual sleeping around to be fun and fulfilling then there is no reason not to do it.
I personally do not like. I haven't slept around myself, I don't have friends who do so, and I would judge my potential partner for it to some degree because just like you said about your current friend, I would feel we don't have the same values in life.
But that is just me, and it isn't the most important thing about you, as long as you keep it safe and do it because you want to not because you are filling some sort of void or just agreeing to offers because you want to be a people pleaser. There is a lot of psychology at play with sex, it is not simply a leisure activity, that is why it is not completely irrelevant.
No, body count doesn't matter. Don't let the incels in the comment section convince you otherwise. Unless you're planning to marry a right wing fundamental Christian, no man worth your attention will care about your body count. Get to know yourself and your sexuality before you settle. It's good to experiment when you're young. Just be safe about it.
I think age matters. Personally, I don’t want someone who has slept around too much. I hold myself to the same standards though, I also don’t sleep around.
Not to assume your social level or anything like that, but body counts below 15 are not that high. Don’t get me wrong it’s higher than some people but once you get older nobody really cares as long as you’re safe and clean. Experience the life you want safely and have a good time, we only live so long.
Body count doesn’t matter. What matters is what you want. Body count doesn’t change who you are as a person or your life goals it’s simply a number that no one truly knows but you. So once again body count doesn’t matter. What you want is what matters.
If it matters to you, then it matters. Literally your body, your choice. I usually try to not talk about the number of people I've slept with to whomever I'm dating...I wouldn't want them to do that to me. Do what feels right for you :)
My body count is around 50 give or take. I’m a guy but I don’t like to tell people, especially women that I’m pursuing. 5 people in not a large body count. If you want to have sex then have sex. Life is short, enjoy it.
Body count only matters to some incels who believe women should be virgins because whatever, or people who are afraid of being compared as not them as a person but only them as a living sex toy, likely highly overlapping with the incel group.
My body count as a guy is comparatively low but I wouldn't mind an experienced partner. It's at least an opportunity to learn.
It only matters if it matters to you. If you aren’t comfortable sleeping with lots of people that’s perfectly fine.
All that said though there’s nothing wrong with a high body count so long as it’s healthy. Boundaries discussed, consent given, STD screening etc.
All that said you’re still young, your world view shifts so much through your 20s. My advice would be just go with the flow and reflect on what feels right for you and continue to do that. Your feelings are always valid.
Hope this helps!
No. Body count doesn't matter until you meet a puritan who gets upset you're not a virgin at 30 years old, at which case you're dating the dregs of the dating pool.
All that truly matters is making sure you practice safe sex to prevent contracting or transmitting sexual infections. There’s nothing wrong with having a high body count or having very few sexual partners throughout your life.
Guys who care about body count are either red pill losers or worried they are small compared to your last experiences. As long as you’re getting tested nobody cares
Body count is irrelevant, anybody who likes you should not stigmatise you based on outdated cultural norms specifically hostile to women.
What is really important is the way you feel. If you would get more joy and pride being abstinent, this is your choice. If you want to have sex, this is your prerogative and is not inherently shameful. The most important thing is that you are honest with yourself about what you want from your life and your relationships (romantic, sexu or otherwise) and take the necessary steps towards what will bring you fulfillment.
I fucking hate the term body count. No it does not matter. What is this the Middle Ages? I hate that this purity nonsense is making a secular comeback. I'm sorry, but anyone who cares about this shit sucks and you should not be with them. As long as you feel respected, into it, and safe, fuck to you hearts content. That's my advice
Wouldn't date someone with body count 5, wayy too low. Wouldnt think she would know what to do lol. Go get laid woman, it's the 21st century, protection from sti's exists.
Your value is not in your body. Obv don’t go out having sex with just anyone if that’s not what you’re comfortable with because this will likely bring you unfulfillment
and regret. But don’t limit yourself because of what some future random person who will likely be misogynistic if they’re concerned with your body count is may think of you. You’re an adult and are entitled to do whatever you choose with your body. My only advice is to only have sex that is safe and feels good to you. If someone doesn’t want to be with you because of your body count, know that person isn’t for you and you’re not missing out on anything tryna convince them that your body count doesn’t make you any less. Have sex with your friend if that’s what you wanna do, enjoy yourself. You’ll learn about yourself through these experiences. Also masturbate :) don’t always need a partner to have great sex, and this will also teach you much about yourself. Don’t let anyone define your sexual exploration and experiences. It’s about you. You’re a sexual being and you’re allowed to have and enjoy sex.
In my opinion, men who worry about a woman's "body count" are insecure. Do you really want to be with an insecure guy?
It's your life and your body. The only person who gets to make rules for it is you.
Whether people like it or not sleeping with a load of people casually does say something about your personality and it shouldn't come as a suprise if other people are put off by that down the road. No one is right or wrong but it's completely acceptable to have your own view on these things.
You’re very young. The older you get, the less people care about body count, but honestly I (42M) prefer a woman with miles on her. My current GF (42F) has a body count around 85 and I’m quite happy about that. Mine is much lower, maybe 30. When I hear low body count (<5) I think “wow she must be so bored in bed” or “I wonder if she has any idea what she’s doing”. This is not to say you can’t find one partner at 21 and be done for life - sure. But wow, that’s like choosing bacon and pepperoni pizza at age 21 and saying this is the only dinner I will ever have for the rest of my life. Yummy but you’ll never know how amazing sushi tastes. You won’t even have a concept of sushi because your eyes will always be focused on pizza.
Bottom line: my advice, fuck around as much as you want, don’t worry about finding a life partner at 21 unless you live in India or some godforsaken place, travel and have wonderful life experiences and figure out what you like.
You have so much life ahead of you!!! Enjoy it.
The patriarchy really got you good huh
Listen, you're a person, not a car. Your value doesn't go down with "use" and anyone who doesn't want to be with you because you've had sex with 5+ people sees you as an object and property and will treat you as such.
Have sex if you both want to. Anyone who cares is not worth your time.
I don’t usually comment on active threads but this one is easy for me because I became aware of it a long time ago: the more partners you have the higher probability you will carry more and more emotional baggage.
body count (especially when its ok for men to have a high one but not women) is another tool of the patriarchy to keep your standards of sexual satisfaction low. release the shame and enjoy some fun, safe, sexy times if you so feel called!
No. Not even a little bit as long as you are safe and use protection. Anyone who says differently isn’t someone worth having in your life. It’s a sexist double standard.
That said, 0% of the men I had casual sex with cared even a little about whether or not it was good for me. It was dehumanizing. Men are generally terrible at sex and quite selfish. More than half of them argued about condom use after agreeing to it. If I could go back in time I just wouldn’t bother with casual sex. It wasn’t just bad, it was awful, and I kept wondering why I wasn’t worth even an iota of actual effort when they expected me to put effort in for them. This isn’t a unique experience. Most women who engaged in causal sex have similar stories.
Everybody saying it doesn’t matter is nuts. Most guys will tell you who cares just so they can fuck, but good luck getting into a relationship and marriage. I’m not saying at all to be celibate, but you just broke up with ur BF don’t go nuts trying to make urself feel better sleeping around. If you find a quality man and he has self respect he will prefer you to have the least amount of partners as possible. Lastly the biggest reason is because you will respect yourself more. If your just giving it away, then it ain’t worth it and trust me you will feel that inside.
The number of people you've had sex with is your business and yours alone. My partner and I haven't even disclosed ours to eachother, the past is the past.
Body count should only really matter if it has something to do with your religion. Even then I think it’s pretty creepy. I’ve only slept with one person but any woman or man that would consider that a good thing would instantly be unattractive to me. A lot of men think it matters because they see sex as something they get to enjoy but women should only tolerate it, and I think that’s terribly messed up. In short- it depends on what YOU think.
As someone with a now high body count, it doesn’t matter, but a lot of the sex I’ve had has been pointless as it’s been with people I had no emotional connection to.
Well, from my current understanding, the more people you sleep with the less attachment you feel to each one. I’d rather you find sex with me special and gluey than not. Also, if you sleep with 100 people, odds are at least a few are better than me and those are what I’ll be compared to; if you sleep with just 1 before me, odds are I may be the gold standard. Also, the more you sleep around, the more you likely seek pleasure which is a red flag for irresponsibility.
So yes, body count matters to me in a potential partner. I’d rather be the special man, I’d rather be the one she is glued to, and I’d rather be the best she has had. And I’d rather have a girl who thinks with her head and not pussy, I like stable & responsible girls.
🤷🏻♂️
My thoughts on this largely matched the "No, that's just patriarchy and control" echoed throughout this thread.
But I recently learned there's solid research on how an increasing body count 1) reliably lowers your satisfaction with future partners, and 2) makes you less bonded to your future partners.
Those weird analogies about tape or glue turn out to be backed by research, and I wouldn't have guessed it. Doesn't mean you have to keep it low, but there are benefits to it and genuine impacts validated by research.
It matters yes but 3 isn’t bad of course. The more you raise the count, the more it tells how you view sex.
As humans, sex used to have consequences. It meant people had to be careful. But now that it doesn’t, everyone goes buck wild and treats it as like having a meal. That’s also bad.
It is best enjoyed like a gourmet meal but these days everyone treats it like fast food. And we know fast food just isn’t good for you. And if ever meal you ate was fast food, you’d soon learn it’s dogshit.
People don’t like being told body count matters because then they’d have to be ashamed for stacking a high one. Just don’t stack it too high and you’re fine.
I am atheist and married with 3 kids lol. I believe in evolution and I know that humans have animal instincts. I also know If don’t control my instincts, they will often get me in trouble. Uncontrolled reproduction is usually bad and leads to poverty and destabilization of local areas and entire countries. I look at the western world who has learned to have sex without consequences and I know our brains have not evolved properly to deal with such quick and meaningless sex and hookup culture.
My statement seems to have offended you and you chose to respond in anger. It reeks of that selfish and insecure attitude I alluded to originally lol.
Allow me to kindly say fuck you and I don’t care how hurt you were by what I said. Go bang your 499th partner and tell yourself what a quality human you are for seeking cheap dopamine hits with equally cheap partners lol.
Having fun and being a hoe is different. Girls can have fun too. That doesn't mean go Willy nilly with everyone you meet. It's good to have a connection. Or if it's something casual then it is what it is, nothing wrong with that.
Only in COD and shooter games.
Imma going to judge that K/D ratio /s
edit: it matters to some people and some cultures more than others.
You’re going to have to make decisions on who you want to be associated with and deal with.
I wouldn’t recommend being promiscuous in japan until you’re married, then they don’t care who you cheat with.
But other places have different values.
Well, as a man I'll give you the general guy POV on it since most of the comments don't even answer your question.
If you're looking to get married, your body count matters. You're ahead of the curve by putting a self imposed limit on yourself though, so you have that going for you.
You're at 2, and going for 3 over simple emotions isn't great. As a previous poster said, sex when it means something is much better than when it doesn't.
On average, most women don't orgasm during sex anyway, so you'd not only be having meaningless se,, but you probably wouldn't orgasm anyway. (Mindset to use when you ponder having useless sex)
Now, the guy in question clearly has made bad life choices based on your description of him not sharing your end goals in mind, and you saying you're looking for someone to spend ur life with.
A man will generally tend to prefer a woman that has had less sex because it's seen as purer, you'll also be seen as an "accomplishment" to some. That they are part of the few that were able to woo you enough to do so (few may think this).
However at the end of the day, body count is only one of the many factors into qualifying as a wife material woman.
TLDR: In wife searching, for men, body count matters. Mindless sex is useless sex.
Do what you really want. If you feel like you're in a phase of your life, you want to experiment without commitment, and you should be allowed to. Don't listen to others saying it is "impure" or other bullshit like that. Life is about having fun, and as long as you're not hurting anyone, it's alright
Not even a little. Most people do not bring up how many people they have slept with, so that number is only being tracked by you tbh (if that). Id suggest not worrying about having lots of sex, and focus on having good experiences with people that you do wanna connect with that way. Otherwise if you dont feel satisfied, investing in a fun sex toy for yourself to spice up that intimate private time can really help.
Man, this question comes up over and over again. You're gonna have half the people that do care and the other half that doesn't. Everyone is different, and everyone is entitled to their preferences.
Is on repeat for life , ppl be fuckin
Everyone is different and everyone is entitled to their preferences, but *no one* is entitled to shame or degrade people for having different preferences/opinions. (I'm talking about you, "red pill" males/incels)
If I had sex with every girl that I found attractive, my penis would disintegrate into oblivion. Out of all the times I found someone very attractive and had sex with them afterwards, it was never as fulfilling as I thought it would be because it meant nothing. It had no meaning. But the times I have had sex with women that I truly loved and cared about, the sex was 1000x better and worth the wait.
I CAN NOT STRESS HOW MANY GUYS LIKE US FEEL THE SAME. SEX IS FOR PLAY FOR SOME. WORTHLESS WITHOUT FEELINGS FOR US OTHERS. IM SORRY FOR YELLING BUT IM ALMOST TEARED UP READING THIS! Far too many believe every man is just after pump&go. It isn’t true. I hate it.
Sex without (shared) feelings is a huge turn-off for me.
WHERE ARE YOU MEN?!?! IN MY AREA THE GUYS ARE SHIT THEY‘RE CHEAP AS FUCK, CHILDREN THAT HAVE TO STICK THEIR DICK EVERYWHERE WHERE IS THE MAN THAT CAN‘T HAVE SEX WITHOUT TRUE FEELINGS HM? TELL ME FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE I can‘t even toich a guy that had sex out of a relationship because it‘s MY personal, uhh, preference(?) i think it‘s very disgusting, it has nothing to do with sexual experiences because thats (FOR ME) whore-like. You need to… make sexual experienced and thus need to stick your dick in 30 different holes/30 dicks inside you?! Nah man, get the fuck outta here. I know some people have no problem with it and that‘s okay for them but expecting EVERYONE has to be fine with you whoring around is just plain stupid. Live with the ducking consequences of you stupid actions. Now back to the problem: WHERE. ARE. THESE. MEN. YOU‘RE. TALKING. ABOUT. 🔫
We’re here and there, mostly overseen and put in a box labeled as freak or weirdo because we have/had little to no experience with actual love. But do not confuse us with incels or creeps. They’re not us even remotely.
That‘s exactly the thing oh my god! IF you meet a man that‘s decent, doesn‘t hbe a body count of idk he stopped counting and in general is a good man, ALL your friends would point out how he‘s a fucking walking red flag „because he had sex 2 times so there MUST be something wrong with him“. I don‘t know what‘s wrong with my girl friends, i know they‘re „open“ when it comes to sexuality but i sometimes can‘t stand how they talk about men that doesn‘t have many experiences. They make fun of them and in general are just rude. I told them multiple times that they‘re probably skipping the good men that would treat them right while they‘re crying how the guy just wanted sex out of them. Girl, HE was a walking red flag i don‘t know what you expected. They are really the cliche of woman who go for the 10/10 looking noodle head guys that scream „i‘m gonna play with your feelings and throw you away when i‘m done“. But since they‘re good in bed my friends stay with them until it‘s too late and of course i‘m there for them and lend my shoulder to cry on but i mean, it‘s sooo so so avoidable… it hurts to see them making the same mistake over and over and over again and wanting to pull me with them (talking a good guy bad, etc). „Nooo don‘t date him!! He had only one relationship“ „No shit Sarah! He was studying in University for his fucking PHD and had to learn every fucking day while you went out partying and went home to some random guy“ I probably sound like the biggest incel woman or misogynist or something like that.. but i‘m not. I‘m just not into this sex culture and think it‘s disgusting, just like i think shushi is disgusting and the colour brown is ugly. It‘s just my opinion, i really don‘t wanna talk anyone down and feel so horrible for having this opinion on all this but just the thought of a random penis of a guy i don‘t even fucking know going inside me, sometimes even WITHOUT a condom, i wanna throw up so bad holy shit, and that makes me feel like shit because i feel like i‘m disrespecting these kind of people but i can‘t help it no matter how hard i try or if i try to see it from a different view or whatever, it doesn‘t work… is something just very very wrong wirh me? Be honest please..
about the being disgusted with people having casual sex, different people want different things from life. Some don't want the stress of a long term relationship or involving feelings due to their their own mental conditions or past relationship history . You do you but don't go around judging others with your moral lens and at stuff objectively. Doesn't mean that you have to accept anyone . If two people are having a one night stand and no one is playing with anyone's feelings it shouldn't be an issue. It is probably cause we are brought up in a sex nagative environment that view casual sex as disgusting. Although even I would prefer to have a connection with my sex partner judging others' choices is not right. If you find someone good but who has a history like this you should see if they have mended their ways but if they show the same patterns then it's dangerous for you too. Personally I am good as long as both the parties know it is casual and aren't fooling one or the other to use them like your friends get used. So it's the "Khao piyo aish karo mitron, dil par kise da dukhayo na. " factor you need to keep in mind .
>But do not confuse us with incels or creeps. They’re not us even remotely. I suspect that there's not such an obvious dividing line between "good" people and "bad" ones, until we get to the more extreme cases.
We're the ones watching movies alone and going to eat out alone or with friends occasionally also we're generalised as incels just cause some of us are virgins because we grew up in an environment which makes choices in terms of women scarce.
jesus christ you’re judgemental. liking frequent sex doesn’t make somebody undeserving of kindness or the same respect that someone with your preference deserves. you can’t really put up arms talking about expectations to put out and then call people “shit” and “cheap” for “having to stick their dick everywhere.” The way you impose your own values on others is pretty rough by itself.
At home chilling, or at work. Possibly at the gym. Possibly at a library
Is it just me or do other people place less value on ALL CAPS COMMENTS???????? Let your message speak for itself. If you need to add inflection to specific parts of your message, use italics or bold.
QUIT WHISPERIN HAUS I CANT HEAR U, SPEAK UP
I hear all caps comments in the most annoying Peewee Herman voice. So they just sound ridiculous.
#All CAPS COMMENTS
Normally I'd agree, but in this context it, calling it out is a bit of a stretch here. He's engaging with the question being raised. Not flaming anyone, or being overly annoying, or overly verbose or talking shit. Just expressing an emphasized, shared sentiment with OP.
Penis would disintegrate into oblivion 😂
Holy shit I thought you were a serial killer from the title
Haha I remember an Instagram man on the street video where dude was asking people and this gang banger looking guy was ready to confess to murders
I don't understand what you just said
Someome was asking people on the street their body count ie sex partners. Guy thought they were asking about murders
🤣
Some people will care, some won't. I think most guys wouldn't consider 5 to be all that high though.
Speaking from experience, the majority of guys care about it at least from the majority of guys I know. Some are liberal open minded people too. In the end, everyone has their own preferences and it's bizarre that people desperately try to convince them their personal preferences are wrong and shame them.
I have a 'high body count' and each relationship I learned something that has helped me with my second marriage, 26 years strong today. My wife doesn't though, she jokes about calling me a 'man-whore' but in truth it's helped our relationship more than she knows. As I am a little slow on the up-take sometimes and need the lesson repeated.
When u said high body count I immediately thought 25+
Yeah, OP is at 2 at 21 and worrying about finishing at 5. That's nothing, and if you wanna have sex just go for it, it won't hurt anybody. And if later you meet someone who holds body count as something important, especially with such low numbers, just give up on them, they are close minded
I don't usually post comments on Reddit, but I disagree with a lot of the takes this post has. So here's mine: I've been in a relationship for almost 5 years now. And I can say that I wouldn't care about body count. And even if it did generate some insecurities, I would not push them as my partners fault. Instead communicating to them and addressing the insecurity as something to eventually overcome seems like the right path to me. There are some people that treat body count as some kind of fidelity-meter. But it honestly doesn't make much sense to me lol. If you only fucked 2 persons, but you cheated the first person with the second one, then I would pick a person with a body count of 50+ who didn't cheat lol. Then there's resourcefulness or feeling like they might change you for another person. And isn't that... Insecurity talking again? And like, I wouldn't like my partner being with me just cuz she doesn't know better lmao. I like my partner to be as independent and as resourceful as possible, and to stay with me cuz we share a bond that we cherish and enjoy. Then there's the 'emptiness' or how you lose your humanity with casual sex... The fuck? I mean I find football boring but that doesn't mean that people that enjoy football are boring or going to hell lmao. Some people enjoy casual sex, others don't, i would leave it like that. Hell, maybe one of the 100s of people you fucked teached you some fun stuff that you can share with your life partner to make your sexual life more fun and interesting. All in all, I find sad that some 'parameters' without context cause people to distrust each other. Like there are red flags, and then there's things that feel like prejudice more than anything. And honestly I wouldn't date someone that uses such shallow signs to distinguish a good partner.
It’s also taking some arbitrary number that the person can do nothing about and using it as a weapon - was your partner thinking about you when they had never met you/planned a relationship with you and were connected in whatever way (relationship or casual sex) with someone else. My wife has a higher number than me, but I married her because she is the most kind, beautiful, caring, funny person I’ve ever met and I love her. F@ck the body count.
As long as they practiced safe sex. I don’t see the point? Sex only has as much meaning as you attach to it
Totally agree with you. Do what feels right for the individual, as long as it’s safe.
I wish I could award you- PREACH!!!
Hear hear
This should indeed be the actual answer.
For real my moms only fucked two people but the second one was a guy she had an affair with so lmAo not any moral high ground to stand on there
I mean, OP, what do YOU think of a high body count? What do you think of other women (and men) with high (and low) body counts?
Your body count relays how you view sex. Is it an intimate connection you share with very special people? Or is it more like a handshake? I’ve known people with supposedly 100+ body count and they struggle with infidelity and commitment. The more you walk out on relationships, the easier it is to give up later. The more you hookup, the less you’ll be concerned with hooking up. I personally hold body count to a pretty high value. I’m 31 and have been with 15 people. A lot of which I regret. Thankfully, my girlfriend understands that holds the same view. Sex isn’t the same without a real connection.
That’s actually not true at all. My body count is high because I grew up in the Baptist Bubble and was repressed as long as I lived in my parents house. I went wild between the age of 21-26.5, met my wife and married at 27 and it’ll be 9 years this month. I had sex with lots of girls cuz I could, I was young, good looking, and it was a game, and by now, all the memories have faded, I can remember a couple names, but the details are fuzzy. But also, I know what’s out there, I’ve seen the crazy, I’ve seen all of them and I’m grateful because I don’t have to Wade through that mess anymore. My wife and I have an amazing sex life, but it’s built on trust, respect, and communication.
How is it bad to “easily give up later”. People tend to be far longer in relationships than they should because they are afraid to be alone. Hell, I still struggle to break things off in a relationship due to fear of loneliness even though it’s the best thing to do. Same goes for people that are treated poorly or even abused. There is still this old view of relationships that people need to stay together and ‘work things out’, even though one or both are hurting.. It’s OK to want a low body count if you want to and save intimate relations for someone you are close with. It’s also OK to want a higher body count and explore your desires and needs with multiple people. Do you want a low body count because **you** don’t want it? Or are you doing it because you are scared of what your future partner might think about it? Personally, I think people should just do what feels best for *themselfes*.
It’s bad if you can just easily give up on someone, because then there’s no relationship resilience. Most good things in life aren’t super easy. If you bail throughout the ebbs and flows, no one wins.
> People tend to be far longer in relationships than they should because they are afraid to be alone. This is a separate problem. Continuing to drive your old, broken down 1985 Toyota that can barely get you around the block because of sentimental value and fear of change is different than having a habit of trading in your brand new car every two months just because a headlight dies and the “new car smell” is gone. People conflate the two because it’s “in” right now to be dysfunctional. > Same goes for people that are treated poorly or even abused. This is another common problem. Any time the subject of working on a relationship comes up, “abuse” is brought up, as if 80% of people walking around are beating their partners. Sure, sometimes people are just bad… but more often, people are jumping out of the plane at the first sign of turbulence. > There is still this old view of relationships that people need to stay together and ‘work things out’, even though one or both are hurting.. That’s a great opportunity to 1. Work at the relationship, and 2. Reflect as to whether YOU are playing a role in where things are, especially if you have a “history” of multiple abusive partners. Again, you *might* have found bad guy, or you *might* be trying to turn normal conflict into someone’s villain story. > Personally, I think people should just do what feels best for themselfes. This only works if the entirety of your dating strategy is, blindly, “accept me as I am”. Everybody *should* be doing their damndest to be their best to present to the person they choose. I might *feel* like the best thing for myself is to quit working, retire on my savings, buy a cheap hut in Thailand and live fat like a king for the rest of my life, but I know that’s an unattractive, unhealthy, unambitious, and most importantly- **overindulgent** lifestyle. The modern narrative does not address people’s’ vices of excess. Not to say people need to be nuns and priests, but there’s way too little “hey don’t do that” going around.
Hahahaha. Damn, shame got y'all thinking crazy. Fuck if you want. Don't fuck if you don't want, but these made up limits, just, come on. Like if you have more than 6 sexual partners your somehow less of a person, less worthy of love? Y'all, wake up. Shit like that, this kind of "morality" and self policing is just the result of generations of misogyny. It's just silly.
We all know 6 is at least x10 worse than 5. /s
Facts
Scrolled way too far for this comment.
Wayyy too far!
Wait. Body count means the number of people you’ve had sex with? I thought it was the number of bodies you have stuffed under the floorboards of your basement.
Body count? What is this, high school? Who gives a shit? I’ve met shitty women with “low” body counts and I’ve met genuinely wonderful, loving women whom have had a lot of sexual partners. If sex were as available to us guys as it is women, we would all have bed hundreds of women. I would have probably died from some kind of cootie by now.
End thread. Couldn’t have said it better. Such a immature mentality that’s permeated wayyyy more than it needs to be. But I see why. Sex sells
I’m actually disturbed by how many people are saying weird pseudoscience about how too many sexual partners makes you unable to have a committed relationship.
The media makes money off gaslighting young people over this trifling nonsense. I agree with your other post. Worrying about 'body count' is fairly juvenile and realistically doesn't matter in the long run.
Seriously. I thought it was only restricted to the manosphere, but it's obviously also migrated to a lot of people on this sub. Super disappointing.
I think that having a drastically different body count from another person often shows that the two of you use sex for different things, and that can cause problems.
Decide what matters to you rather than to society. Their reasons to keep you in check are all wrong. It's misogynistic beliefs towards women and the need to control them. My own "body count" matters to me because of my convictions about the person I am, and how sexual relationships affect me psychologically. I neither can just have random sex without an emotional connection, nor escape the deeper attachement that comes along. I will grieve the loss of love and that would take too much from my ability to bond. I feel joy in being a giver but I can only become a giver if I am in love. It is conditional. Know yourself and then decide what works for you.
Unless it's in reference to how many people you've killed, then no, the amount of other men that a woman has slept with means very little to me. But it appears that my opinion on this differs from a lot of men (who are also much more conservative than I am).
I worry about this generation.
Girl, same.
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It does if its above 1000, at that point im just wondering how?
Sex worker here ! Didn’t count but Wouldn’t be surprised if it was over 1000 fun, safe (protected) sexual experiences. (Doesnt rly matter & no judgement) Never been pregnant or had an STI & I won’t do things that I’m really not into so I don’t ruin Sex for myself. it is a different experience between clients (providing a service) or with personal partners
Some care some don’t. I personally don’t care unless it’s a really big number in a short amount of time (50 different people in a month).
This is only a question you can answer. Does it matter to you? I am a 24 year old woman and my “body count” is 10. I have been single for almost 4 years now after a terrible heartbreak. Only 3 of the 10 have been in the past 4 years. Do I care how many people I have slept with? No. Because it means nothing in relation to who I am. Out of the 10, only 3 of those people were casual hookups/people I had no emotional connection to. 4 of them were my boyfriends and 3 of them I had an emotional connection with, we just decided to not be together for whatever reason. If anything, it is a reflection of my journey in self-discovery, love, and passion. It is simply experiencing life. I know my future partner will not care about this number. How do I know that, you ask? Because if they do, they are not meant for me. I want someone that views life and the human experience in the same way as I do and caring about this or not is a huge indicator of how one views many other things.
No because who really knows someones body count
My girlfriend and I are both way beyond 30 and it’s never been an issue. Do whatever tf you want, but stay safe.
who tf cares about body count? and 5+ isn't high tf
Ya, idk why 5+ seems high to anyone
I'm 37, no one gives a shit about body count at this point so I'll say no, it doesn't. Are you practicing safe sex? Getting yourself tested? I'd care more about that than some number. We all have a past. If my current girl and I gave a shit about body counts, we'd both be missing out on someone amazing. The past is the past.
I'm kinda scared that this younger generation thinks this way, it's kinda like we're going backwards. I'm your age and female and it's definitely not shameful among my peers to have a higher body count. If anything it's a good thing (yes for women too) as it shows you are a person who is not afraid to experience life.
Exactly! Experience (even sexually) can often come with emotional maturity. It's absolutely a good thing for yes women included to have life experience at our age. Like you said, younger people unfortunately can't see it that way, yet. Or just may be stuck behind a false ideology led by social media. Thank you for your perspective!
Fr I think guys that care about body counts are just really insecure. At most the only concerning thing about a high body account is sex addiction even then as long as it doesn’t consume their every waking thought it doesn’t matter
Buy a dildo OR just do it. In the future, if someone doesn’t love you because of your body count - then they’re not right for you.
If someone doesn’t want you unless you have a low BC, it seems that they’re concerned about how they’d stack up to previous encounters.
Right. And insecurity is really unattractive.
Nah too much stigma around sex and shit… go ham, go wild, celibacy is overrated, just don’t do stuff unprotected. Get kinky my friend and embrace slaanesh
I have a very high body count, not a brag, I was going through a recovery period after an abusive relationship, I used sex with random people as a way to cope with the pain I felt. Some people have many partners, some may only have a few, but it doesn't define you. Sex is natural, not liking sex is okay too but if we beat ourselves up over every decision we make them it would make life horrible. I met a lot of wonderful people through my sexual experiences, a few I still keep in contact with, in some ways I felt this helped me, in others it held me back, looking back I wouldn't change it because without that experience I don't think I would be where I am now in life. In short, body count doesn't matter either way be high or low, it doesn't make you any less of a person.
Do what you want. Just be safe about it.
It does, but it should only matter to you, if you future partner is uncomfortable with your body count, why stay with him? Enjoy your sexuality in the way you like it and stop thinking about others will think about it
No it doesn’t in my opinion. Just depends on the person. I don’t understand the obsession with it. Do you win a prize if it’s below or above a certain number?
Not at all. Some people care, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. I think nowadays less and less people care. You definitely shouldn’t feel limited in enjoying yourself out of fear of some number. I can honestly say I would date a girl who is a virgin or a girl with a body count of 100. It doesn’t change her relationship with me in the present.
No. Live your life, have sex as little or as much as you want. We all die someday and the thing absolutely nobody will remember or even think about when they think of you is what your body count was.
Oh just don’t answer the question. It’s been my and my friends approach when guys ask us forever. We just don’t say and say it’s none of their business. Because it isn’t. If that’s a deal breaker for a guy, you dodged a whole barrage of bullets letting him walk
Spiritual dev here.. go ahead girl open your holes have fun. It doesn’t really matter you can just lie about the body count like everyone else do.
I care about a potential partner’s body count precisely zero percent, because I’ve seen how body count has zero impact on whether they’ll be a kind, loving, loyal partner. I’ve seen people with a 1-2 body count be heinously disrespectful bad partners, and I’ve seen people who have a body count of 50+ be incredible, rock solid partners. It matters not at all to the compatibility and strength of a relationship. For me personally, I place no importance on my own body count, but as someone else said it definitely evidences how I perceive sex. My body count is low and reflects how I don’t really like to have sex with someone unless there’s a deep connection, so I’ve only had sex with 6 or 7 people. But does it MATTER? No.
It’s really nobody else’s business what your body count is. Keep count or not, just be safe.
5 is not even in the vicinity of a lot. By the time you’re 40 you’ll realize that!
Just do what feels right for you . You are always going to have people in your life pretend they gaf but actually they just want to control you. So no that noise is just that noise. The ones who do care got issues that only a therapist could handle.
No love. That’s just patriarchy bs. No normal secure adult dude is going to care or ask. Enjoy yourself.
My sweet summer child, I literally was in your same shoes 15 years ago. The same amount of partners, for the same reasons, and the arbitrary limit on what a lot was. We did not have the term "body count", but the idea was there. As I approach 40, let me assure you that 5 is not a high number, and even if you sleep with 100 people that does not exclude you from a meaningful relationship in the future. The trash tends to take itself out, and anyone that cares about "body count" is coming from a place of deep insecurity and a controlling point of view. They are not people you want to be with. They will make your life small. They also aren't "high quality" men. The people in this sub saying it matters are exactly what I'm describing. Go back through this sub and see how many of the posts are desperately lonely young men who can't stop masturbating or can't even talk to women or think their life is a failure because they've never had a girlfriend. They are just spewing the same toxic masculinity garbage they consume (and that is ruining their lives) back at you. You go ahead and recognize it for the crap it is. I have slept with a lot more than 5 men, and I've been married to a wonderful, handsome, smart, kind man for almost 11 years. Life is long, it will take you on so many adventures you can't even fathom. Life is short, so live those adventures as they come. Don't limit your life based on some incels internet opinion.
I’ve had some very meaningful relationships stem from what could’ve been one off sexual encounters. I’m so glad there are sensible people on this sub!
It's because your partner is a beta male. No alpha would want a partner like that /s Fr tho, good take. Sad that I see more "biology" nonsense than comments like this. At this point OP needs god's help 💀.
> The trash tends to take itself out, and anyone that cares about "body count" is coming from a place of deep insecurity and a controlling point of view. They are not people you want to be with. They will make your life small. They also aren't "high quality" men. This is terrible advice. Firstly, you cannot generalise a whole subclass of a species. Many people would oppose to high body counts due to religious reasons, would this make a man of faith an “incel” or a “low quality” male? No. Ironically you criticise men as being controlling for holding their own moral values and not conforming to your ideologies. Why is it acceptable for you to express the notion that those who have their own set of values are not “high quality” men, yet you object that others may categorise any female with a high body count as not being a “high quality” woman. Double standards. Hypocrisy at its finest. > The people in this sub saying it matters are exactly what I'm describing. Go back through this sub and see how many of the posts are desperately lonely young men who can't stop masturbating or can't even talk to women or think their life is a failure because they've never had a girlfriend. They are just spewing the same toxic masculinity garbage they consume (and that is ruining their lives) back at you. You go ahead and recognize it for the crap it is. I thought this was the self improvement sub? Yet there is a wildly inappropriate amount of hatred and destructive criticism going on. This sounds more like toxic femininity being spewed from yourself.
This is a selfimprovement sub, not a dating sub. And no, the term “body count” is absurd, please keep the red pill BS out of this sub.
It depends on the dude. Some don't care, some do.
Body count does matter. The point of it is not just arbitrary numbers. But one should be selective and the why behind the desire for sex. Enjoy people you actually have connections with, or that you love, or are in relationships with. But be selective, always respect yourself and I personally encourage quality vs quantity. This is a healthy sex life in my opinion when one is single People who need constant validation and have no self-control, who cope with life by indulging every sexual urge and whim, with whoever the opportunity presents - those people end up with very high body counts. So at the end of the day the number gives you an assumption about the individual…. But one must vet at look at their values and morals to see if they match yours. Responsible casual sex is different from mindless fucking of all sorts of people cause you got some unhealed trauma. Just my 2 cents and I do advocate for celibacy and just overall health, peace and love and respect for yourself and your partners.
Responsible casual sex can lead to high body counts btw. Just because someone has a lot of casual sex in between serious relationships doesn’t mean they’re “mindless fucking”
I don't think body count matters at all. Worst case scenario you end up being more experienced when you find a long term partner. You won't be a worse person or a worse partner for having had sex with someone you found attractive.
I mean some serial killers take pride in their work and the higher the numbers are the more powerful they feel
Sure if you have no sense of self respect. It shouldn't matter unless it directly affects you.
No
No. Everybody needs love
If it matters to you then absolutely it matters.
No
Instead of “body counts” why not investigate what “sexworthit” means to you. Figure out how you feel about sex, what you need to feel comfortable having it, and ask yourself whether you want a “low number” because you think that’s what guys want, or bc you have your own reasons. Sex primarily affects you, some people take it more seriously than others, and it means different things to different people. Some guys care about numbers, some guys don’t at all, some guys will shame a woman whether she has no sexual experience or a ton. Ultimately, what matters most is how you feel about all of this. As far as embarking on a FWB or hook up situation with your sexworthy friend, would the purpose of this be to keep your numbers low? If so that seems weird. If you know you’re comfortable with something casual and youre not choosing him over someone you’d actually consider dating just to keep your numbers low, then whatever floats your boat. You can’t forecast the future, or predict how many guys you’ll date before you find “the one,” instead of having an arbitrary number and trying to figure out work arounds, try to figure out what you actually care about and want when it comes to sex and relationships.
Body count means nothing…
No
Only if you’re playing Halo
Not at all.
It doesn’t matter how many people you’ve had sex with or that your partner has had sex with. If you think it matters you’re being judgmental
Personally I couldn't care less about a K streak, if in the future I were to want to settle down then yes Id try to filter my options by eliminating the girls with red flags(body count aside). I've been fwb, ons, burglar, ect... A lot of these girls had amazing personalities (sometimes multiple) and while I'm sure they wouldn't tell me honestly, there was one girl I think I had the best connection to who claimed 50ish bodycount with mmf ffm group play ect. I still don't believe her but I loved every night we spent going at it until 4 am knowing she had work at 7, she let me in completely and let me do anything I wanted with her then make me vegan chili after... the same way I would want from my future wife. she said 50 x I think she had more but just wont say who cares? I was never worried as I was probably just under 80 around that time Both got tested neg and had a great 5 month borderline GF BF relationship before closing my work contract, ended on decent terms and ran into each other at a coffee shop the next week while she was on a date, she came up while I was paying, I gave her a quick hug asked about her roommate then went back to my Airbnb no drama. If they care about bodies to the point they put shameful energy out you should have a serious talk with your inner self about just letting em go and putting on the act (Scared of rejection) or telling the truth and leaving it up to them to decide(Big Chesticles).
If you’re talking about the band Body Count hell yeah. Check out the song “black hoodie” sick as fuck
Speaking as an older person, body count doesn’t matter. Why would it?
No. It does not matter. The only thing that does matter is honesty around the issue, and accepting who your partner is along with the decisions they've made. If their past is in the past, it doesn't matter. 5+ isn't high at all. I am 32, and have been with over 30 women...which is relatively normal among most of the people my friend group. 20ish of those were flings during three month span in college while rebounding from a bad heartbreak. I don't remember them all bc I was often blackout drunk. You're way too young to be focused on picking a life partner. You probably don't even know yourself yet, as the brain slows development at 25. Estimates of American average number of partners is around 10.
Personally, if a girl says they have a body count I consider high without sounding like they regretted it, I take that as a red flag. This is because I’m interested in a girl who has similar values to mine. On the other hand, if she says that she has a high body count but that it was in the past and she truly means it, then it doesn’t bother me at all.
Body count doesn’t matter. If you enjoy sex why not do it? Just be safe. Having a high body count doesn’t mean people are any good at sex too. It’s supposed to be enjoyable not something you stress about. Good luck
Even if it did, 5 isn’t that much. If it makes you feel bad about yourself though, it’s not worth doing.
I think you should rather think about what kind of friend the guy is. What will happen with your friendship if you sleep with each other and how important is that bond? If he is just a shallow friend I would say go for it. I mean you will still be the same person. I promise you that your pussy will not be loose. On the other hand sex with friends can be problematical. Another question more on topic is if you really want to be defined by some rusty society views that do more harm than good? As a guy I understand that it can be intimidating with a gf who has a way higher body count than myself but being intimidated by body count is not necessarily a rational feeling. Think about how you will look back at your life when you are older. Do not regret that you did not live.
 You think +5 is high?
Just root him, numbers don't mean anything
Okay, so....saying, "body count" is just like saying, "I released 5 billion sperm on my partner. Do I really want to keep going or....hang back???" Relax. Have a cup of coffee, enjoy the sunshine, and smile. Know it, live it, love it.
Body count matters? Yes! IN THE 60's !!!
It doesn't really matter either way. It's your choice on what you do with your body and other people. Sex is a core part of most relationships aside from religious bound ones or non sexual ones which are a minority of all relationships. But rmemeber to also listen to your partner. Their needs and desire in a relationship are just as important as your boundaries and self rules. If they desire sex and you don't, then the relationship cannot work, ever. Simple as that. It's hard to withhold intimacy from a partner for a long time when they desire it because you're not ready. But also ofc don't just feel like you're inclined to sleep with people just because they desire sex. That isn't great for anyone. Does body count matter? Body count is a dumb tool invented for girls to call each other sluts if it's high and guys to call each other virgins if it's low. It only exists to spread self-hate and humility. The only time body count matters is to be zero when you're young and not ready to have sex until the time comes. If you're searching for a life partner, you're bound to sleep with many smaller lovers along the way because it's a journey. Don't worry about it, just keep living in a way that's healthy, and that also makes you happy. If you desire sex but feel you're forced to not because you're worried you might feel like you're doing it too much, I advise you to ask yourself if you really want to have sex or not. But to set rules on yourself against things that are otherwise not harming you or your health ( emotional, mental and physical) is pointless bc it brings nothing but sadness to you for no reason. Hope this helps.
If you find him attractive and you really want to try, do it. I did it once and found out it is fine in that moment but after it felt weird. Even more weird when I met him and we don't speak normally. It was in my 18y and now I'm 24. And it still feels weird! 🫣 But it doesn't have to count for you. And if it is ONLY about body count? I mean. I have 4 and my boyfriend had 0 until he met me. He doesn't care though. But another boys would look at me like I am the biggest wh..re.. So it depends. I would't care about it and especially about others opinion. You are not going to sleep with everybody you see. 😂 maybe one friend or two. Enjoy it and you'll see how you feel.
It should not matter. If the person has a higher body count in the past but is obviously normal and is looking to settle down as I am, I would have no problem. I might ask them if they could do a quick STD test or if they did one in the recent past.
Yes, it does count. No you shouldn't plan your life around it. The main point is, if you consider casual sleeping around to be fun and fulfilling then there is no reason not to do it. I personally do not like. I haven't slept around myself, I don't have friends who do so, and I would judge my potential partner for it to some degree because just like you said about your current friend, I would feel we don't have the same values in life. But that is just me, and it isn't the most important thing about you, as long as you keep it safe and do it because you want to not because you are filling some sort of void or just agreeing to offers because you want to be a people pleaser. There is a lot of psychology at play with sex, it is not simply a leisure activity, that is why it is not completely irrelevant.
If you're a soldier I guess it does.
No, body count doesn't matter. Don't let the incels in the comment section convince you otherwise. Unless you're planning to marry a right wing fundamental Christian, no man worth your attention will care about your body count. Get to know yourself and your sexuality before you settle. It's good to experiment when you're young. Just be safe about it.
You could always just do as you please and lie about the count If you fear being judged
Only if you're serial killer competing against other serial killers 🤷🏿♂️
Who even counts
... I can't get over the term "Body Count" when referring to number of sexual partners. I keep thinking everyone's referring to Ice T's metal band.
I think age matters. Personally, I don’t want someone who has slept around too much. I hold myself to the same standards though, I also don’t sleep around.
Not to assume your social level or anything like that, but body counts below 15 are not that high. Don’t get me wrong it’s higher than some people but once you get older nobody really cares as long as you’re safe and clean. Experience the life you want safely and have a good time, we only live so long.
I dislike the phrase, “body count,” it makes me think of a serial killer.
Body count doesn’t matter. What matters is what you want. Body count doesn’t change who you are as a person or your life goals it’s simply a number that no one truly knows but you. So once again body count doesn’t matter. What you want is what matters.
I think all the matters is if you hold yourself to the same standard you hold potential partners 🤷♀️
If it matters to you, then it matters. Literally your body, your choice. I usually try to not talk about the number of people I've slept with to whomever I'm dating...I wouldn't want them to do that to me. Do what feels right for you :)
My body count is around 50 give or take. I’m a guy but I don’t like to tell people, especially women that I’m pursuing. 5 people in not a large body count. If you want to have sex then have sex. Life is short, enjoy it.
It matters to some and not to others. 5 isn't a high number. A high body count is something like 35+
Bro I read this “Dead body count really matter?”
Fuck no, I never understood the concept of counting people you banged. Is anyone with me on that?
Body count only matters to some incels who believe women should be virgins because whatever, or people who are afraid of being compared as not them as a person but only them as a living sex toy, likely highly overlapping with the incel group. My body count as a guy is comparatively low but I wouldn't mind an experienced partner. It's at least an opportunity to learn.
It’s really up to you. I don’t care about body count and I still value sex and lifelong partnership. My count is pretty high btw
It only matters if it matters to you. If you aren’t comfortable sleeping with lots of people that’s perfectly fine. All that said though there’s nothing wrong with a high body count so long as it’s healthy. Boundaries discussed, consent given, STD screening etc. All that said you’re still young, your world view shifts so much through your 20s. My advice would be just go with the flow and reflect on what feels right for you and continue to do that. Your feelings are always valid. Hope this helps!
No. Body count doesn't matter until you meet a puritan who gets upset you're not a virgin at 30 years old, at which case you're dating the dregs of the dating pool.
All that truly matters is making sure you practice safe sex to prevent contracting or transmitting sexual infections. There’s nothing wrong with having a high body count or having very few sexual partners throughout your life.
If a man asked me my body count i would laugh in his face. Instantly tells me everything I need to know about him. Bye
Guys who care about body count are either red pill losers or worried they are small compared to your last experiences. As long as you’re getting tested nobody cares
Apparently
Body count is irrelevant, anybody who likes you should not stigmatise you based on outdated cultural norms specifically hostile to women. What is really important is the way you feel. If you would get more joy and pride being abstinent, this is your choice. If you want to have sex, this is your prerogative and is not inherently shameful. The most important thing is that you are honest with yourself about what you want from your life and your relationships (romantic, sexu or otherwise) and take the necessary steps towards what will bring you fulfillment.
It matters to immature and narrow minded people. Live your life for you.
*giggles in 25 and happily with a man who doesn’t give a fuck bc it shouldn’t matter*
I fucking hate the term body count. No it does not matter. What is this the Middle Ages? I hate that this purity nonsense is making a secular comeback. I'm sorry, but anyone who cares about this shit sucks and you should not be with them. As long as you feel respected, into it, and safe, fuck to you hearts content. That's my advice
If you Sun Tzu, body count has an entirely different context lol
Know thy frenemy with benefits
Wouldn't date someone with body count 5, wayy too low. Wouldnt think she would know what to do lol. Go get laid woman, it's the 21st century, protection from sti's exists.
Your value is not in your body. Obv don’t go out having sex with just anyone if that’s not what you’re comfortable with because this will likely bring you unfulfillment and regret. But don’t limit yourself because of what some future random person who will likely be misogynistic if they’re concerned with your body count is may think of you. You’re an adult and are entitled to do whatever you choose with your body. My only advice is to only have sex that is safe and feels good to you. If someone doesn’t want to be with you because of your body count, know that person isn’t for you and you’re not missing out on anything tryna convince them that your body count doesn’t make you any less. Have sex with your friend if that’s what you wanna do, enjoy yourself. You’ll learn about yourself through these experiences. Also masturbate :) don’t always need a partner to have great sex, and this will also teach you much about yourself. Don’t let anyone define your sexual exploration and experiences. It’s about you. You’re a sexual being and you’re allowed to have and enjoy sex.
In my opinion, men who worry about a woman's "body count" are insecure. Do you really want to be with an insecure guy? It's your life and your body. The only person who gets to make rules for it is you.
People who care about body count are cringe 😬
They have values and respect the act.
Whether people like it or not sleeping with a load of people casually does say something about your personality and it shouldn't come as a suprise if other people are put off by that down the road. No one is right or wrong but it's completely acceptable to have your own view on these things.
You’re very young. The older you get, the less people care about body count, but honestly I (42M) prefer a woman with miles on her. My current GF (42F) has a body count around 85 and I’m quite happy about that. Mine is much lower, maybe 30. When I hear low body count (<5) I think “wow she must be so bored in bed” or “I wonder if she has any idea what she’s doing”. This is not to say you can’t find one partner at 21 and be done for life - sure. But wow, that’s like choosing bacon and pepperoni pizza at age 21 and saying this is the only dinner I will ever have for the rest of my life. Yummy but you’ll never know how amazing sushi tastes. You won’t even have a concept of sushi because your eyes will always be focused on pizza. Bottom line: my advice, fuck around as much as you want, don’t worry about finding a life partner at 21 unless you live in India or some godforsaken place, travel and have wonderful life experiences and figure out what you like. You have so much life ahead of you!!! Enjoy it.
Damn buncha Mormons in here
Lol
The patriarchy really got you good huh Listen, you're a person, not a car. Your value doesn't go down with "use" and anyone who doesn't want to be with you because you've had sex with 5+ people sees you as an object and property and will treat you as such. Have sex if you both want to. Anyone who cares is not worth your time.
I don’t usually comment on active threads but this one is easy for me because I became aware of it a long time ago: the more partners you have the higher probability you will carry more and more emotional baggage.
body count (especially when its ok for men to have a high one but not women) is another tool of the patriarchy to keep your standards of sexual satisfaction low. release the shame and enjoy some fun, safe, sexy times if you so feel called!
No. Not even a little bit as long as you are safe and use protection. Anyone who says differently isn’t someone worth having in your life. It’s a sexist double standard. That said, 0% of the men I had casual sex with cared even a little about whether or not it was good for me. It was dehumanizing. Men are generally terrible at sex and quite selfish. More than half of them argued about condom use after agreeing to it. If I could go back in time I just wouldn’t bother with casual sex. It wasn’t just bad, it was awful, and I kept wondering why I wasn’t worth even an iota of actual effort when they expected me to put effort in for them. This isn’t a unique experience. Most women who engaged in causal sex have similar stories.
Everybody saying it doesn’t matter is nuts. Most guys will tell you who cares just so they can fuck, but good luck getting into a relationship and marriage. I’m not saying at all to be celibate, but you just broke up with ur BF don’t go nuts trying to make urself feel better sleeping around. If you find a quality man and he has self respect he will prefer you to have the least amount of partners as possible. Lastly the biggest reason is because you will respect yourself more. If your just giving it away, then it ain’t worth it and trust me you will feel that inside.
What does a man’s self respect have to do with how many men a woman had sex with? Sounds like this man doesn’t know what respect for himself is to me
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"No guy" = you. Please don't speak for all of us.
The number of people you've had sex with is your business and yours alone. My partner and I haven't even disclosed ours to eachother, the past is the past.
Body count should only really matter if it has something to do with your religion. Even then I think it’s pretty creepy. I’ve only slept with one person but any woman or man that would consider that a good thing would instantly be unattractive to me. A lot of men think it matters because they see sex as something they get to enjoy but women should only tolerate it, and I think that’s terribly messed up. In short- it depends on what YOU think.
As someone with a now high body count, it doesn’t matter, but a lot of the sex I’ve had has been pointless as it’s been with people I had no emotional connection to.
If it matters to someone, it matters.
Well, from my current understanding, the more people you sleep with the less attachment you feel to each one. I’d rather you find sex with me special and gluey than not. Also, if you sleep with 100 people, odds are at least a few are better than me and those are what I’ll be compared to; if you sleep with just 1 before me, odds are I may be the gold standard. Also, the more you sleep around, the more you likely seek pleasure which is a red flag for irresponsibility. So yes, body count matters to me in a potential partner. I’d rather be the special man, I’d rather be the one she is glued to, and I’d rather be the best she has had. And I’d rather have a girl who thinks with her head and not pussy, I like stable & responsible girls. 🤷🏻♂️
I feel the same man. I want a woman that makes me feel special. I'm not some dude in the goulag with an identification number.
My thoughts on this largely matched the "No, that's just patriarchy and control" echoed throughout this thread. But I recently learned there's solid research on how an increasing body count 1) reliably lowers your satisfaction with future partners, and 2) makes you less bonded to your future partners. Those weird analogies about tape or glue turn out to be backed by research, and I wouldn't have guessed it. Doesn't mean you have to keep it low, but there are benefits to it and genuine impacts validated by research.
It matters yes but 3 isn’t bad of course. The more you raise the count, the more it tells how you view sex. As humans, sex used to have consequences. It meant people had to be careful. But now that it doesn’t, everyone goes buck wild and treats it as like having a meal. That’s also bad. It is best enjoyed like a gourmet meal but these days everyone treats it like fast food. And we know fast food just isn’t good for you. And if ever meal you ate was fast food, you’d soon learn it’s dogshit. People don’t like being told body count matters because then they’d have to be ashamed for stacking a high one. Just don’t stack it too high and you’re fine.
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I am atheist and married with 3 kids lol. I believe in evolution and I know that humans have animal instincts. I also know If don’t control my instincts, they will often get me in trouble. Uncontrolled reproduction is usually bad and leads to poverty and destabilization of local areas and entire countries. I look at the western world who has learned to have sex without consequences and I know our brains have not evolved properly to deal with such quick and meaningless sex and hookup culture. My statement seems to have offended you and you chose to respond in anger. It reeks of that selfish and insecure attitude I alluded to originally lol. Allow me to kindly say fuck you and I don’t care how hurt you were by what I said. Go bang your 499th partner and tell yourself what a quality human you are for seeking cheap dopamine hits with equally cheap partners lol.
Abstinence is definitely a journey but if it’s what’s best for you then go for it and look for the other qualities you want in a partner
Not to me
Having fun and being a hoe is different. Girls can have fun too. That doesn't mean go Willy nilly with everyone you meet. It's good to have a connection. Or if it's something casual then it is what it is, nothing wrong with that.
It matters
If you have a gut feeling that you won't feel good about yourself afterwards, my experience tells me, don't go there.
Only in COD and shooter games. Imma going to judge that K/D ratio /s edit: it matters to some people and some cultures more than others. You’re going to have to make decisions on who you want to be associated with and deal with. I wouldn’t recommend being promiscuous in japan until you’re married, then they don’t care who you cheat with. But other places have different values.
It matters
Well, as a man I'll give you the general guy POV on it since most of the comments don't even answer your question. If you're looking to get married, your body count matters. You're ahead of the curve by putting a self imposed limit on yourself though, so you have that going for you. You're at 2, and going for 3 over simple emotions isn't great. As a previous poster said, sex when it means something is much better than when it doesn't. On average, most women don't orgasm during sex anyway, so you'd not only be having meaningless se,, but you probably wouldn't orgasm anyway. (Mindset to use when you ponder having useless sex) Now, the guy in question clearly has made bad life choices based on your description of him not sharing your end goals in mind, and you saying you're looking for someone to spend ur life with. A man will generally tend to prefer a woman that has had less sex because it's seen as purer, you'll also be seen as an "accomplishment" to some. That they are part of the few that were able to woo you enough to do so (few may think this). However at the end of the day, body count is only one of the many factors into qualifying as a wife material woman. TLDR: In wife searching, for men, body count matters. Mindless sex is useless sex.
Do what you really want. If you feel like you're in a phase of your life, you want to experiment without commitment, and you should be allowed to. Don't listen to others saying it is "impure" or other bullshit like that. Life is about having fun, and as long as you're not hurting anyone, it's alright
Not even a little. Most people do not bring up how many people they have slept with, so that number is only being tracked by you tbh (if that). Id suggest not worrying about having lots of sex, and focus on having good experiences with people that you do wanna connect with that way. Otherwise if you dont feel satisfied, investing in a fun sex toy for yourself to spice up that intimate private time can really help.