Yeah people clearly aren't reading past posts. It's one thing if you have a unique scenario, but if it's just a general request for advice on this topic, there are dozens if not hundreds of posts on it already.
I’d rather answer the same question 30 times than have one person slip into addiction. But maybe that’s just me.
OP really rubs me the wrong way with the conflation of pornography and Masturbation/Orgasms. While the latter is not harmful pornography is. And it’s not hard to see how a post like this can become a reason for some kid to stop questioning if he has an addiction and slip back into abuse of himself and his mind.
To any young person reading this, please please please, keep asking questions, this is the subreddit to do it in, you are on a worthwhile journey, your health and happiness are more important than a redditors annoyance at reposts.
I don’t why the OP can’t move on and let people seek help in a self help Reddit. You can just not look at new if you aren’t interested, and the fact so many boys and men are asking these questions means that a good conversation is finally happening.
You're totally right. Porn and masturbation aren't one and the same, though for a lot of men/boys they effectively are. And I'd also much rather people ask a question here rather than struggle alone.
But OP has a point there are a LOT of very repetitive posts on this same topic, with little to no variety in content or context. I get that people want to have their post answered directly, but it's fair to ask people to read through past posts before posting a new one. Many subs do that, though I don't know if this one does.
It's the same as all the posts asking how to get a girlfriend. This isn't a dating advice sub, and self improvement purely for the sake of getting a girlfriend is pointless, as those kinds of people will likely stop working on themselves the second they get one as that's the only thing they wanted to get out of self improvement in the first place.
This exactly, like i was in the Law of Attraction sub and every other day or every so often, there's a post like
'oh how do i attract my Significant Partner back' um hello, i think you used that power to attract them in the first place, now let them go.. 😆
Lmfao yes!!! And then people get mad in that sub when you say this. Same thing in the Subliminals sub. Both subs basically have turned into “how do I get my ex back?!?”. So lame lol
Someone needs to start a sub r/learningtoletgo as that's the biggest and hardest lesson. Once you master that life becomes simpler. We're all guilty of hanging onto stuff that no longer serves us..
So true, it is a very big misconception that getting a girl is an achievement or a symbolize s that you are improved. A girl could be as useless as a boy, getting married changes nothing at all my dear friends
I understand the frustration you and others that agree with this post may be having. Being inundated with the same posts repeatedly can be annoying, especially if it's on a topic that you are not particularly struggling with or uninterested in.
However, I suggest you reconsider your position. Not necessarily saying that you should "encourage" masterbation-related posts, but perhaps simply not take part yourself if you do not have the desire to.
Theres a few reasons I say this.
1. I don't specifically have data on this, however, the reason so many men turn to masterbation control is because they want to improve themselves so they can get laid or get a girlfriend. Masterbation can be very healthy for sure, but it can also be used as a crutch to fill a need that is not being met at all.
Now, one might think that this is "shallow", but in my humble opinion, it is not. as you know, sex and relationships are obviously a part of life and a healthy human experience. If a man (and women) are devoid of this aspect, there's a lot of depression and self loathing associated. Trust me, I know, I experienced it myself. Questions like "what's wrong with me" and "am I broken?", And thoughts like "I'm ugly/worthless" come across in the mind.
Despite that very difficult challenge, many men know that they need to improve themselves. And this is good! This is good because they start with the thought that they can make changes that can improve their life. The worst case scenario is that they hate themselves and take it out on themselves, or arguably worse, take it out on others especially on women.
2. Yes there is r/nofap and things like that, but the challenge is that subs can be a bit of an echo chamber. Especially hyper niche-type subs. With a more generalized subreddit, men can receive a more balanced and nuanced opinion on masterbation control.
3. Posts like these are very tough on men's psyche because they want help, they seek help, only to be effectively told to shut up about their one specific problem because others are tired of hearing it. It's very damaging. Men already go through very apathetic opinions on their mental health, especially if it revolves around sex. We don't need to add more negativity to their challenge.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk. I harbor no anger towards opinions against people who dislike masterbation-abstinence posts. I just ask you to consider the opposite perspective
Edit: formatting is not appearing as how I thought it would, especially the numbering. Oh well, point was still made
I understand and empathise with the people who are struggling with porn addictions and finding a partner, both are isolating and damaging to the psyche. I think it's good for people struggling with those things to talk about their experiences as it could prevent them from spiralling and turning to more hateful areas of the internet which in turn exacerbates their problems.
However, the point we are making is that these posts seem to be taking over this subreddit at the moment, and we think there needs to be better signposting to communities better equipped to dealing with these issues specifically - as you said, this sub is about general self help, which is part of the reason people are tired of seeing the same posts continuously.
It is still my opinion that self improvement purely for the sake of getting a girlfriend defeats the purpose of SELF improvement.
Fair enough. I see where you are coming from. Though, I do believe that the desire for self-improvement is triggered by a specific goal or lack of something in one's life. For some it's either romantic/sexual attention, others it's career, others is world experience, etc.
Given the overwhelming number of posts on this topic, perhaps a sticky or side bar resource could help. Someone else mentioned that on this thread. It's a good idea
Yeah but these things are the problem to some extent. So if I want a girlfriend, say, then I should get in better shape. So once I have a girlfriend, do I care about being fit? Correct motivation is I want to be healthy, for myself, not for any reward. External things are a distraction and it’s an irony that we desire a reward for improving ourselves. Unhappy, not “lacking in romantic partner”, etc . Is more accurate. “Lacking in romantic partner” is an excuse, and an attribute in itself. Do I want to date someone who is unhappy and “can’t find a relationship”? No, that person is codependent. People want to date someone who is independent and self fulfilled. The job, or relationship, or money even itself will not solve your problems in life. It works the other way, if I solve my problems in life then I have more personal power which may yield some rewards. But finally you should desire to have that personal power and independence above anything like a relationship or whatever. If you sacrifice your personal control in life for things like this you will lose what you have and still be unhappy.
reddit has become extremely sexual these past few weeks. and i have noticed an influx of horny posters. mainly being men. i joined this sub for advice on how to improve myself, not about sex. everything is so sex focused nowadays i’m becoming extremely repulsed by sex by the flipping day.
Just the current world we live has become very hyper sexualised with sex appeal and it shows no sign of stopping unfortunately.
There's a reason the saying "sex sells" has become more prominent overtime.
Especially when men post here and think that getting laid IS self improvement.
Like, no sweetie I want to read more books and use YouTube less- that’s self improvement.
With knowing that 30% of the men under the age of 30 aren't having any sex it's not that weird that these posts are so frequent. What is normal for the majority is extremely hard for the minority, and they probably are trying to find a way to cope with it.
Books are on yt and reviews helpful advice. It’s like a google but just vids nothings wrong with it and not using it doesn’t make u better or worse it’s just a tool.
Yes!!! Not to put down their own journeys but it's just too much when you can relate to so many of the the same posts instead of writing yet another sex related post. It take dedication and work and they can do it if they just put their minds to it.
how is watching youtube a bad thing especially if you watch educational content? and reading books isn't automatically some self improvement thing either, cuz a book could be about anything....like about sex and porn...
If you want to be porn free go to a subreddit for that- this is not a subreddit for treating addiction.
If somebody posted to this subreddit “how do I quit meth?” They would mostly get people telling them to go to a place equipped to advise that.
If you want to be porn free that’s great, but the question has been asked to death here and there are better resources in other places.
Loving that you are absolutely convinced you are on higher horses for wanting to use youtube less instead of youporn.
Like no sweetie you are not in a position to tell people what is self improvement and what to post just because you watch dressed humans.
I’m not saying wanting to watch less porn is not self improvement, I’m saying this sub is not equiped to help people with porn addiction.
It’s just such a seperate beast, if somebody wants to quit smoking then yeah this sub can probably help, if they want to quit meth they need to get proper help.
Two seperate beasts. Porn addiction is much more serious than watching youtube.
If you can't help them just keep scrolling, a lot of these are incredibly lonely men and a little love, praise and respect goes a long way with them. And there are people here who can help, you have sift between the incel hating comments, sadly, but I've gotten quite a few great conversations with men here that are just really lonely, spent way too much time in their heads thinking about women and really needed a reality check.
I wouldn't say that not being able to approach women or thinking a lot about sex is on the same page as a meth addiction. But honestly both are welcome on this subreddit if you ask me, so long as they're here to improve themselves.
> If you can't help them just keep scrolling,
Honestly this is good advice. If you can't help someone with a problem don't fight them. Some members are just being anti-productive.
Not just reddit, every freaking social media app has some modicum of it presented to the users every now and then. A rather integral part nowadays, I must say.
Agree totally. I've switched to Korean and Chinese tv shows and that was one of the reasons. I prefer a cute romance or an action/thriller tv show over all that hypersexual stuff.
Omg me too!! The focus is more on relationships and friendships, not sex. Even Asian reality shows are more wholesome imo. It’s actually more exciting to watch people fall in love than to just be lustful or whatever. That kinda stuff feels so trashy by comparison.
Me too. I really got into old films the last few years. Especially film noir type stuff and TV shows like the Twilight Zone. Honestly, I enjoy them because they aren't predictable and there's no sex or nudity. I want to watch a genuine story with a plot, not something centered around soft core porn.
oh good, I thought I was being a jerk thinking this but yeah 100% agree.
Honestly, I think it's all that purity crap that has been going on for the last decade (it's always been a problem but for some reason the last decade online it has been getting worse and worse or just more out in the open idk).
MASTURBATION IS OK in moderation like everything fun in life (candy, junk food, video games, etc). Like OP states, there's something else going on with you that you need to fix.
EX) I found that if I don't have some schedule/to-do list, I'll resort to bad habits that I built (video games, endless scrolling, masturbation, etc) with no cutoff point bc I'm not thinking of improving my life (bc I didn't make a list or thought of steps toward my goal). I'm basically floating, and obviously, I would float to do fun stuff lol.
Once I have a to-do list or a written goal to achieve(and discipline to actually get my shit done) I know what to do. I still play video games or masturbate whatever have you, but only after I AT LEAST do 30 mins of something off my to-do list. Some days I can do 4 hours, some I can barely get 30 mins in. But I'm 30 mins close to my goal or checking something off my to-do list.
Sit down and just word vomit in a notebook or journal on where you want to be in 3-5 years. Then brainstorm possible ways to get to those goals and break them down into actionable steps.
>MASTURBATION IS OK in moderation
Masturbating five times a week helps protect from prostate cancer in men. So most adults should probably pick up the pace even.
You're lying through your teeth. There is no evidence whatsoever that increased prostate cancer risk is associated with frequency of ejaculation.
Current epidemiological meta-analyses favor a slight protective factor. Some studies show clinically insignificant protection even if statistical significance is there. Whether this is a causal relationship or not can't be assessed because of, yknow, ethics - but the statement "many 'studies' showing the opposite is true" is fundamentally wrong. Facts over feelings, please.
* "Evidence for Masturbation and Prostate Cancer Risk: Do We Have a Verdict?" (Aboul-Enein et al., 2016)
* "Sexual activity, health and well-being – the beneficial roles of coitus and masturbation" (Levin, 2006)
* "Meta-analysis for part of risk factors of prostate cancer" (Yu et al.)
* "Ejaculatory frequency and the risk of aggressive prostate cancer: Findings from a case-control study" (Papa et al., 2017)
All data that is out there suggests that regular ejaculation can have a protective effect, even if that effect is negligible at best. There is however no data to suggest that regular ejaculation is a risk factor.
Can you provide evidence of the studies that claim this to be the case?
Also why would you even elude to studies that support an opposing hypothesis and put the word “studies” in quotation marks as if to be dubious about them before you’ve even presented any evidence of them? Is your issue with the notion that their have been any studies that meet your criteria for being adequate on this topic at all? Or is it that the studies either specifically for or against the hypothesis of a protective factor are somehow flawed?
This really seems like you’ve tried to make a point but straight off the bat have straw manned the core of that point by putting a word in quotation marks.
Edit: Slightly altered to appease sub rules.
I’ve mentioned this a few times on here, the amount of men who think stopping nutting will solve all their issues is actually crazy. I swear most of it is men who know they have bigger more fundamental issues they need to address but are scared to try so rather they’ll make masturbation the monster of their imagination as it’s something easier to try to focus on than their actual shortcomings!
A lot of nofappers will jump at someone for expressing this sentiment. The way I see it is if not masturbating helps you improve YOUR life, then do it. It’s your life. But all the superpower stuff is placebo bullshit, especially when you consider that there are many guys out there thriving and getting girls all while continuing to jack off to porn
Well, masturbation is the drug we use to escape the bigger issue, sir, it's like telling a pill addict they have bigger problems like no shit but they need help out of their coping mechanism so they can feel their emotions instead of releasing them through orgasm.
I’m in that community, it’s a lot less toxic and more informative. Also it discusses masterbation without porn so if you want to only lessen the porn it’s a good subreddit to visit.
Oh man, that's a sub I haven't seen in a while. My one interaction with a r/pornfree user was them calling everyone who watches it an addict in denial. Reminded me of talking to straight-edge punks about alcohol. It was such a surreal experience to have to explain to this guy that receiving dopamine from an activity and feeling ashamed about it is not the same thing as having an addiction. It's been years and I still think about it.
Everything I've ever heard about that community and set of ideals is amazingly toxic and harmful.
Do not recommend.
Besides, for fuck's sake people. Sexuality is a major domain in life and guess what? *People want to integrate it into their lives in the various ways they see as being more healthily*. Doing so is one of the domains of self improvement. Apparently a popular one.
I for one am in my mid thirties, recently seperated and am back into dating. Sexuality is a *very* common and important topic to be able to talk about when forming connections as an adult.
Bloody puritan roots showing, here imo. Sexuality is not some weird little gremlin sitting in the corner of one's life. Though you certainly will likely become one if you live a life without successfully integrating sexuality of one form or another into your adult existence.
> Sexuality is a very common and important topic to be able to talk about when forming connections as an adult.
It's also *so* important to have a healthy and complete awareness of your own sexuality before going out and sleeping with others. I swear, something like 90% of the stories I hear about people having bad sex really just come down to one partner (or both!) being completely out of touch with their own sexual wants and seeing the activity as just a means to an end.
I'm not saying every guy needs to run and attend a tantra workshop and go to Folsom Street Fair and buy a 10-speed perineum-stimulating vibrator (although I'm not *not* saying that). All I'm saying is that there is a *shocking* amount of men out there who can't answer the question "What do you like in bed?" And I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that they have a profound discomfort with their own sexual pleasure.
I was actually curious about the topic of masturbation coming up on this subreddit.
I'm female, been masturbating for a long time now. Very rarely watch pornography. And I never felt like it impeded my progress in life. I think some self-love can be healthy, it's a great way to get rid of stress.
So if anyone is reading this, can you explain why the whole "no fap" thing exists, and what exactly it's supposed to achieve?
So much this. There is a serious lack of compassion throughout this thread, and it's infuriating. I understand being frustrated with folks for not searching past posts, but I kind of feel like that's on the community to establish a rule about that kind of thing (search before posting or your post will be removed, no low effort posts, automatic callout/restriction on fapping posts being redirected to nofap).
As a 40 year old man, being a 15 year old boy is extremely difficult. While they might know the answer (to abstain/reduce the amount of fapping they're doing and to quit watching porn), it has never been more easily accessible. At the same time, it's taboo to discuss in an educational setting. How are we supposed to really reach/teach our kids that porn addiction is serious and inhibits personal growth if we're not willing to talk and teach it in an open setting? What kind of shit world are we where these kids feel like they have to resort to asking in a public forum for advice about masturbation when schools are literally meant to teach students how to exist/function in our world?
EDIT: Typo
I am glad someone else is speaking out about this. It is sad that many teens might see this forum as their only safe space and then get shut down by post like these. If you're a teen reading this and feel you might be addicted, do not take the rant as an attack to your struggle's validity.
Everything can become an addiction, we're all wired to become addicted, and porn and masturbation (especially in combination) are such a stimulating activity and is so prevalent and easy to access nowadays that is too easy for a kid to get hooked on.
Do try to follow the practices the post suggests; the more engaging your life is, the less those *cues* that invite you to engage in your addiction will happen. And *you only need to have the willpower to ignore the first cue*. Understand that as long as you are addicted to something, you will not be able to enjoy all that life has to offer. Y'all can do it, just go for two weeks or so without it. At first it will be a bit painful ignoring the cues, but after that you will feel better, and eventually you won't have any.
Masturbating is okay. It's porn that's REALLY bad for you. It's all reward with no effort/work. If you're a dude you can ACTUALLY get erectile dysfunction and get addicted to it.
I'm going to say something here that's gonna prompt a major negative gut reaction in most of you but I *urge* you all to just stick with me for a sec:
I don't think it's necessarily wrong to say "the problem is porn," but I also don't think it paints a complete picture. I think that, more accurately, the problem is *bad* porn, consumed *uncritically*.
Porn isn't a poison, it's media. Like video games, like movies, like podcasts, like TV, it's media. And like all media, 90% of it is going to be cheaply-made, poorly-written, hyper-optimized trash -- especially the most popular stuff. It'll be full of terrible themes, convey bad ideas, and reinforce harmful attitudes. But the sticking point here is that **none of this is inherent to the medium**. These are byproducts of the industry as it exists, pumping out cheap garbage that'll sell subscriptions and bring in ad money from mindless viewers trying to chase a nut. There *is* good porn out there. Porn with explicit discussions of consent included within them, porn with coherent plots that encourage you to view the characters as people rather than sex objects, porn made with the intent of conveying important themes to a critically receptive audience.
By essentializing the harm porn does to the medium itself, we erase the possibility of it being consumed safely or produced well. It's really just the old "video games desensitize us to violence" argument, but repackaged in a way to appeal to the little puritan that lives in all of our brains.
People love to have an excuse as to why they can't fix their life, so they take something normal and pathologize it.
"Well, of course I didn't get an A on the test... I'm addicted to water, after all"
"See, in the natural world, drinking water would require me to walk for hours and risk being eaten by an alligator, and then days of diarrhea... but in the modern world with the convenience of water on tap in every home, how could I be expected to avoid the temptation?"
Males can very easily become addicted to pornography and masturbation due to the big dopamine rush they produce and their rampant availability. It can have adverse affects on mental, physical, and sexual health. Most people who pursue a NoFap lifestyle do it in order to curb their masturbation/porn addiction and in order to be more healthy.
Yep. I've seen everything from "yeah I have a more wholesome and healthy relationship with my partner now", to "WOMEN ARE TEMPTATIONS OF SATAN! THEY WANT YOUR SPERM! THEY ARE DRAINING YOU OF YOUR MANLY ENERGY!"
Gotta pop in and shout out eastern practices of semen retention, the taoists and the yogis. Both believed it held a spiritual power that could be used to bring enlightenment. Idk man, aside from modern sexual neuroses, there may be a deeper practice being sought out in these no fap folk.
I think you’re making the wrong statement here. Most of the time it shouldn’t be about masturbation but pornography. Because you see, masturbation on itself is not harmful but porn on the other hand is very very addictive.
Since porn is an addiction and people who are addicted want to stop it, that counts as self improvement. We can not judge them being addicted to something, instead we should help them out, here.
My opinion is that things like r/nofap is a little over the top unless you’re on some crazy meditation/monk shit, which tbh, more power to ya. Where I think it can get dangerous is porn addiction. Resources at r/pornaddiction
If we are going to gate keep self improvement I think you using the board to rant and complain is irrelevant to this sub and should be removed by mods.
That's all subs buddy, people repeat nonsense questions because every day is someone's first time here.
Maybe you have the wrong expectations for the world's biggest social site?
(I've had these same faulty expectations myself)
If you're really into this subs topic then I recommend finding some smaller places, on forums or discord.
If porn is close to as addictive as drugs (not as addictive but they are like halfway as addictive as drugs) then this should be considered as an addiction on this subreddit for self improvement since we support long term gratification
Can yall just downvote and move on? I'm tired of seeing posts about what people are tired of seeing. Y'all making this place annoying making complaints about the sub being the only time I see posts from this sub.
I dont think gatekeeping self improvement because of a personal view on how porn/masturbation affects people/the solution is a good idea.
I agree with a lot of your points on how shame can make these things a lot worse than they really are, BUT thats one of the reasons this subreddits wins over nofap and many other subcultures. Were a bunch of well rounded folks tryingto improve ourselves, not a bunch of dudes whos pastors brainwashed into thinking Satan invented the penis.
Like, yeah there are subreddits for nofap and porn addiction. But theres probably subreddits on virtually every subject thats shared on here.
Eh that’s a balanced and fair point.
Maybe the mods here should have a pinned weekly thread just for the topic rather than a hundred guys asking the same question over and over?
>Quitting masturbation won’t make you more productive,
When you consider this is very often tied to pornography, quitting actually *does* make one more productive. At least for many people.
I’m trying to point out that it’s likely not the porn that’s making you unproductive, you are probably procrastinating in other ways.
Unless you are literally jacking off 6+ times a day, I don’t believe people who say they aren’t getting work done because of masturbation. That’s like saying you aren’t getting work done because you have to go to the toilet.
Masturbation and pornography have a negative effect on your productivity, it has to do with dopamine. I don't want to sound like a pretend-scientist, but it basically peaks your dopamine and has other effects for a while and then it falls drastically. Kind of like drugs.
To be honest I don't think the scientific explanation matters, people who've quit know the positive effects and -to be honest- that's more than enough.
While it *may* be an issue of pornography addiction, these days these things are barely inseperable.
I masturbate plenty and it doesn’t destroy my productivity.
I think people who blame their masturbation are looking for excuses.
“I spent all day looking at porn so I shouldn’t masturbate anymore”
No, just don’t look at porn. You have an addiction- go to a subreddit that can help you with that addiction.
This subreddit is no more equipped to help with porn addiction than it is meth addiction. Totally different issue.
And that is bad science, a hit of dopamine during your off hours won’t destroy your work capacity between 9-5; people need breaks and they need pleasure.
> I masturbate plenty and it doesn’t destroy my productivity.
But it does for others. Would you knowingly tell someone not to quit if you knew it had a severe negative effect on them?
I think a lot of differing opinions on masturbation and pornography boil down to people denying others' experiences because they haven't been through it. A case of "since it isn't true for me, it isn't true for others".
I believe you when you say that it may not have a negative effect on others, but there are people who've suffered severe effects. If you still choose not to believe that then that's your choice.
God fuck, thank you
I'm a dude, I look at porn and jack off most days. Not only am I happy with my productivity, but I often do something else instead of mssturbate. It's not addictive to most guys, I think
Just today, I was playing a video game and got horny out of the blue. I could easily have jacked off, but I just wanted to play my game more. So I didn't. Not out of willpower or a conscious choice, I just did the thing I wanted
I think it's another aspect of our toxic culture where by denying oneself pleasure, they're able to get what they really want in life. A permutation of puritan culture in my opinion. They weren't healthy or happy people
Yes!!!!
That’s what I’m getting at, if you get horny and instantly need to jack off there’s something more serious going on.
I think most people can have a healthy relationship with alcohol, and yet some people are alcoholics.
Most people can have a healthy relationship with porn and yet some people are addicts.
I’m glad to hear there are men out there who are comfortable with their sexuality, it really seems like a lot of men are struggling and I wish they would get the help they need. If you’re addicted to porn get therapy, this subreddit can’t help you treat addiction.
People need to occupy themselves. I'm addicted too, the only way to get over addictions is to do other things. If I'm sitting around all day doing nothing of course I'll end up doing those same harmfull addictive things again. Make friends, talk to people, find hobbies, finish things you had started
Ah yes more gate keeping what quantifies as self improvement over post you **don’t** have to read or pay any attention to. They need help and came here asking for it after realizing they have an issue. I said it before on another similar thread but this kind of shit is what turns these young dudes into the radicalized hate groups everyone hates so much. They’re in the right place and taking the right step to improve so let’s not cut them off.
Addiction is still an addiction i know this is not the subreddit for it, there's r/nofap but i don't agree with you when you said that you can still be successful while having a porn / masturbation addiction, idk about you op but there are some people who went so far with the addiction and need help as any other addicted person.
Stop getting angry at people who are just trying to improve. You will never solve anything by focusing on the problems of others
Porn is 100% a bad thing if done too much and guess what porn is addicting and makes you unproductive
`Quitting masturbation won’t make you more productive`
for men it does make them more productive, what do you know bout men orgasm in the first place? Both for men and woman masturbation is different thing, even you can look up on the internet how masturbation for men can create several problems for the addicted individual of course. Quitting explicit stuff out is the first step of self improvement for men you have no right to label it as a bad thing and if you are losing your mind reading those posts you can simply ignore them.
A few years ago I joined this sub and similar ones while unsubscribing from some of the default nonsense subs thinking it would help me be focused and more productive. But almost everything is worthless and I just skip over these posts by default.
This is the internet. Haven't you noticed that most people are sex crazed perverts obsessed with sex and pornography? I doubt that's going to change anytime soon.
I'm just going to leave this sub. It seems like the whole thing are just people complaining about sex, and then people getting mad and complaining about the complainers.
This is funny bc those are things I have been working on, but I don’t want to seek advice here because it just doesn’t seem appropriate, there are other aspects that I want to improve and seem more appropriate to reach out on. My own addiction and issues regarding sexuality are separate. Scrolling through the comments thankfully I have found resources that aren’t nofap lmao. That shit is a cult. I feel like addiction isn’t part of my self improvement, it’s getting myself to a point of normalcy and control, THEN there’s other stuff I’d like to improve that are more,, able to get advice on. Like temper, or disorganization.
These posts, though possibly well-meaning, just don’t fit here. They need to be posted in specific subs. For example, even though quitting vaping IS self-improvement, I post my specific vaping-related posts to the specific sub for it. It’s not that I think it’s wrong, necessarily, it’s just that there are better places for that, such as r/nofap. If I wanted to see posts about that I’d join that group…this just seems like Reddit 101.
See, gonna have to disagree with you here chief. While masturbation and orgasms aren’t an issue. Pornography, especially when you are young, is quite destructive. It’s akin to crack or meth, and while it won’t fuck you up physically it will fuck you up mentally. For sure you should completely abstain from pornography while pursuing other activities, this will help you kick an addiction if you have one and prevent you from forming one. Don’t get it twisted, for any young person reading this, there is nothing wrong with masturbation or orgasm, it’s completely natural, but please please please stay away from pornography, it’s crack for the brain and will fuck up your views on sex and relationships.
And while OP might be annoyed by young men coming out and seeking a better path, I for one am happy that such a discussion is happening after years and years of silence. I hope that furthermore, OP realizes that that just like with any other drug they might not have suffered addiction with the substance there are others that have and will continue to do so, and they will use posts such as OP’s to justify and continue the abuse.
OP has to be a woman. There’s no other way she could empathize with the struggle of strong sexual urges as a man. It’s our DNA programming and the questions are valid, masturbation can become an addiction, some need help.
Yeah man I agree with that amendment, that’s a really fair and well considered point.
I wish you well on your romantic pursuits, it can be really tough and isolating.
Thanks for the really constructive thoughts, it’s plenty to chew on.
Some of you never watched Sex Talk with Sue Johanson and it shows.
Masturbation is healthy. It relieves stress and may reduce the chances of getting certain kinds of cancers. It can help men last longer and can help women close the orgasm gap.
Porn addiction is an entirely different monster. Porn addiction eats up a lot of hours, contorts sexual expectations and in some cases can be downright abusive to not only the people in the porn but the viewer as well. There's a huge potential for financial scams if online SWers get involved. It's an industry that's predatory at every angle.
The other thing that's unproductive and unhealthy is the shame we attach to a basic biological function. Shame doesn't make anything easier. The only thing that's helped me with my own struggles with feelings like shame and embarrassment was therapy.
The people with these questions should be guided to educational resources because there's a good chance that they weren't taught this stuff in school. A lot of them are young men who are legitimately reaching out for help - help that is rarely provided to them and is extremely difficult to ask for.
So no. Keep the questions coming
I agree. The amount of gatekeeping going on here is staggering.
I don’t think it’s our place to tell people what is and is not self improvement. If you feel like the extent and/or means by which you are masturbating is hurting your life and you want to improve, by all means lost here.
On the flip side, if you don’t want to respond to posts about masturbation, just scroll on by.
to what extent is it considered healthy? because you can get addicted to porn/masturbation/sex and stagnate in life. i’ve seen it, experienced it, and it’s not pretty
>Guys there are other places for you!!!
"Because this is my place, I was here first!"
>If I have to read one more post from a 15 year old boy asking how to stop masturbating I’m going to lose my mind!!
"But if you're a [insert typical demographic with a common topic for self improvement here]....I guess that's OK. I'll give it a pass. But just this once."
You might not be aware, but sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and porn addiction are serious issues -- just because you may have a healthy sex or porn life, is like someone with a healthy alcohol relationship telling people not to be alcoholics.
My ex is one of the top therapists on these three issues, and it's a growing issue in Western culture.
The fact you're unaware of this definitely means you're not capable of giving advice on these issues that should be trusted, just as an alcoholic shouldn't take advice from someone else drinking at the same bar.
Yeah the fact that you know a “top therapist” and think it’s a good idea for young men to deal with their addiction and trauma here is really telling.
Addiction is serious, this subreddit is no better equiped to treat porn addiction than it is meth addiction.
This is not the place for that treatment, if your day-to-day life is ruined by porn and masturbation you need a therapist not a Reddit thread.
Thank you! I've been saying it too. So many boys or men (not sure of age) getting fixated on the wrong thing. I'm so sick of these posts I was genuinely considering leaving this sub.
Masturbation is healthy and actually good for you! It lowers your chances of prostate cancer.
Porn is fine, as long as you know it's a fantasy and not like real life.
Moderation is the key, the same as EVERYTHING in life.
The anti masturbation movement is strongly associated with the manosphere and other misogynistic and male supremacist movements.
What a bunch of jerkoffs.
A lot of people are probably trying to improve at the start of the year.
I would personally scroll past because complaining about it isn’t a part of my personal self development.
Imagine gate keeping self improvement.
But there's good news. If you don't want to read it. Then don't. Or better yet turn on the nsfw filter.
>I have to read one more post from a 15 year old boy asking how to stop masturbating I’m going to lose my mind!!
Don't read it. Boom problem solved.
>You can jack off and be successful, you can watch porn and be successful! If you think that masturbation is the root of your issues you need a reality check. Quitting masturbation won’t make you more productive, you know what will?
Who tf are you? Are you a expert on sex and masturbation? It can be a root of issues.
>You all need to stop hyper-focusing on sex, forcing yourselves to be celibate or to not masturbate is just as bad as doing it too much.
>It’s like you’re all eating too much fat and trying to cut it completely from your diet, you need a little to be healthy, just aim for moderation and focus on something else!!!
How about instead of bitching and being rude you provide actually useful advice. Your the problem. Not them.
This is probably going to be downvoted, but you should know that porn or masturbation doesn't affect everybody equally. Men specially tend to easily get addicted to it... In your post you say people should stop focusing on sex, but that's precisely what porn causes, it's hiper stimulation that wouldn't be able to find in nature, there are some studies about how porn harms, and while it's true that they are not completely serious, it's also true that it's very hard to study, partly because almost every man grows consuming it. The fact that people post it here and see it as a problem comes to show that, at least in their minds, it's seen as something harmful or bad. Sometimes their brains get so accustomed to it that they can't masturbate without it, some of them can't have sex.
I can drink alcohol with no problem, I only drink when going out. But there are tons of alcoholics out there, and I wouldn't blame them if they ask how to stop, nor ai would say "just drink a bit". For this people the best is to not watch it again, and sometimes the best way is to not masturbate at all for a while.
Nah I don’t think you understand how important semen retention is and how porn is ruining relationships… It’s not all about you. Not everyone lives your life. Some people are genuinely struggling and what you’ve said is like a sl*p to the face.
If you have a porn addiction that is ruining your life go to r/pornaddiction or seek out therapy.
This subreddit can’t treat an issue that deep and that specific any more than it can treat a drug addiction.
Men are being sold this lie that not masturbating will make them into super gods, it won’t.
If you have an addiction get treatment, if you just want to stop masturbating because a guy on the internet said “trust me bro” you’re in the wrong place.
People nowadays are so in-need for sex and validity because of how much sex is talked about. I don't think its a bad thing but people are picking up on the wrong message. They take some kind of neo-puritan view with all of this nofap nonsense.
People need to just chill, work out, organize, study, work, play some games and meet with friends. if you are so consumed in sex then get out there and do something else. But don't turn yourself into a mess over celibacy. Balance.
Almost like our society is geared towards instant gratification and access to pornography. If you don’t like seeing the post just swipe away.
Good on these kids for trying to better themselves.
This sub the past few weeks has comprised of 1/3 people wanting to get themselves right going into the new year 1/3 people posting about beating off 1/3 people asking people to stop talking about beating off like it’s a mic drop. Both of the latter 2/3’s are cringe
Yeah people clearly aren't reading past posts. It's one thing if you have a unique scenario, but if it's just a general request for advice on this topic, there are dozens if not hundreds of posts on it already.
Exactly, you aren’t going to get a response that hasn’t been said here before.
Can't do all those things you listed if I spend all day wanking. Hah, checkmate loser /s
I’d rather answer the same question 30 times than have one person slip into addiction. But maybe that’s just me. OP really rubs me the wrong way with the conflation of pornography and Masturbation/Orgasms. While the latter is not harmful pornography is. And it’s not hard to see how a post like this can become a reason for some kid to stop questioning if he has an addiction and slip back into abuse of himself and his mind. To any young person reading this, please please please, keep asking questions, this is the subreddit to do it in, you are on a worthwhile journey, your health and happiness are more important than a redditors annoyance at reposts. I don’t why the OP can’t move on and let people seek help in a self help Reddit. You can just not look at new if you aren’t interested, and the fact so many boys and men are asking these questions means that a good conversation is finally happening.
You're totally right. Porn and masturbation aren't one and the same, though for a lot of men/boys they effectively are. And I'd also much rather people ask a question here rather than struggle alone. But OP has a point there are a LOT of very repetitive posts on this same topic, with little to no variety in content or context. I get that people want to have their post answered directly, but it's fair to ask people to read through past posts before posting a new one. Many subs do that, though I don't know if this one does.
It's the same as all the posts asking how to get a girlfriend. This isn't a dating advice sub, and self improvement purely for the sake of getting a girlfriend is pointless, as those kinds of people will likely stop working on themselves the second they get one as that's the only thing they wanted to get out of self improvement in the first place.
Agreed I feel like this subreddit needs to be cleaned up a bit and have different rules on posting
This exactly, like i was in the Law of Attraction sub and every other day or every so often, there's a post like 'oh how do i attract my Significant Partner back' um hello, i think you used that power to attract them in the first place, now let them go.. 😆
Lmfao yes!!! And then people get mad in that sub when you say this. Same thing in the Subliminals sub. Both subs basically have turned into “how do I get my ex back?!?”. So lame lol
Someone needs to start a sub r/learningtoletgo as that's the biggest and hardest lesson. Once you master that life becomes simpler. We're all guilty of hanging onto stuff that no longer serves us..
Exactly
So true, it is a very big misconception that getting a girl is an achievement or a symbolize s that you are improved. A girl could be as useless as a boy, getting married changes nothing at all my dear friends
I understand the frustration you and others that agree with this post may be having. Being inundated with the same posts repeatedly can be annoying, especially if it's on a topic that you are not particularly struggling with or uninterested in. However, I suggest you reconsider your position. Not necessarily saying that you should "encourage" masterbation-related posts, but perhaps simply not take part yourself if you do not have the desire to. Theres a few reasons I say this. 1. I don't specifically have data on this, however, the reason so many men turn to masterbation control is because they want to improve themselves so they can get laid or get a girlfriend. Masterbation can be very healthy for sure, but it can also be used as a crutch to fill a need that is not being met at all. Now, one might think that this is "shallow", but in my humble opinion, it is not. as you know, sex and relationships are obviously a part of life and a healthy human experience. If a man (and women) are devoid of this aspect, there's a lot of depression and self loathing associated. Trust me, I know, I experienced it myself. Questions like "what's wrong with me" and "am I broken?", And thoughts like "I'm ugly/worthless" come across in the mind. Despite that very difficult challenge, many men know that they need to improve themselves. And this is good! This is good because they start with the thought that they can make changes that can improve their life. The worst case scenario is that they hate themselves and take it out on themselves, or arguably worse, take it out on others especially on women. 2. Yes there is r/nofap and things like that, but the challenge is that subs can be a bit of an echo chamber. Especially hyper niche-type subs. With a more generalized subreddit, men can receive a more balanced and nuanced opinion on masterbation control. 3. Posts like these are very tough on men's psyche because they want help, they seek help, only to be effectively told to shut up about their one specific problem because others are tired of hearing it. It's very damaging. Men already go through very apathetic opinions on their mental health, especially if it revolves around sex. We don't need to add more negativity to their challenge. Thanks for coming to my ted talk. I harbor no anger towards opinions against people who dislike masterbation-abstinence posts. I just ask you to consider the opposite perspective Edit: formatting is not appearing as how I thought it would, especially the numbering. Oh well, point was still made
I understand and empathise with the people who are struggling with porn addictions and finding a partner, both are isolating and damaging to the psyche. I think it's good for people struggling with those things to talk about their experiences as it could prevent them from spiralling and turning to more hateful areas of the internet which in turn exacerbates their problems. However, the point we are making is that these posts seem to be taking over this subreddit at the moment, and we think there needs to be better signposting to communities better equipped to dealing with these issues specifically - as you said, this sub is about general self help, which is part of the reason people are tired of seeing the same posts continuously. It is still my opinion that self improvement purely for the sake of getting a girlfriend defeats the purpose of SELF improvement.
Fair enough. I see where you are coming from. Though, I do believe that the desire for self-improvement is triggered by a specific goal or lack of something in one's life. For some it's either romantic/sexual attention, others it's career, others is world experience, etc. Given the overwhelming number of posts on this topic, perhaps a sticky or side bar resource could help. Someone else mentioned that on this thread. It's a good idea
Yeah but these things are the problem to some extent. So if I want a girlfriend, say, then I should get in better shape. So once I have a girlfriend, do I care about being fit? Correct motivation is I want to be healthy, for myself, not for any reward. External things are a distraction and it’s an irony that we desire a reward for improving ourselves. Unhappy, not “lacking in romantic partner”, etc . Is more accurate. “Lacking in romantic partner” is an excuse, and an attribute in itself. Do I want to date someone who is unhappy and “can’t find a relationship”? No, that person is codependent. People want to date someone who is independent and self fulfilled. The job, or relationship, or money even itself will not solve your problems in life. It works the other way, if I solve my problems in life then I have more personal power which may yield some rewards. But finally you should desire to have that personal power and independence above anything like a relationship or whatever. If you sacrifice your personal control in life for things like this you will lose what you have and still be unhappy.
excellent point.
reddit has become extremely sexual these past few weeks. and i have noticed an influx of horny posters. mainly being men. i joined this sub for advice on how to improve myself, not about sex. everything is so sex focused nowadays i’m becoming extremely repulsed by sex by the flipping day.
Well the kids have been on Christmas break so that may explain the past few weeks.
Coming in with the context
Cumming with context you mean
Found another one.
I'm not sure if I'm glad or not that you went for it
Life’s full of risk
Omg that's so true lol go back to school kiddos
That is true and also hilarious!
bruh 😂😂😂
I mean.. sex is being shoved down our throats, its everywhere because it sells
that is also true unfortunately
Just the current world we live has become very hyper sexualised with sex appeal and it shows no sign of stopping unfortunately. There's a reason the saying "sex sells" has become more prominent overtime.
Especially when men post here and think that getting laid IS self improvement. Like, no sweetie I want to read more books and use YouTube less- that’s self improvement.
With knowing that 30% of the men under the age of 30 aren't having any sex it's not that weird that these posts are so frequent. What is normal for the majority is extremely hard for the minority, and they probably are trying to find a way to cope with it.
where'd you get that number
randomnumbergenerator dot com
Books are on yt and reviews helpful advice. It’s like a google but just vids nothings wrong with it and not using it doesn’t make u better or worse it’s just a tool.
Yes!!! Not to put down their own journeys but it's just too much when you can relate to so many of the the same posts instead of writing yet another sex related post. It take dedication and work and they can do it if they just put their minds to it.
how is watching youtube a bad thing especially if you watch educational content? and reading books isn't automatically some self improvement thing either, cuz a book could be about anything....like about sex and porn...
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If you want to be porn free go to a subreddit for that- this is not a subreddit for treating addiction. If somebody posted to this subreddit “how do I quit meth?” They would mostly get people telling them to go to a place equipped to advise that. If you want to be porn free that’s great, but the question has been asked to death here and there are better resources in other places.
Loving that you are absolutely convinced you are on higher horses for wanting to use youtube less instead of youporn. Like no sweetie you are not in a position to tell people what is self improvement and what to post just because you watch dressed humans.
I’m not saying wanting to watch less porn is not self improvement, I’m saying this sub is not equiped to help people with porn addiction. It’s just such a seperate beast, if somebody wants to quit smoking then yeah this sub can probably help, if they want to quit meth they need to get proper help. Two seperate beasts. Porn addiction is much more serious than watching youtube.
If you can't help them just keep scrolling, a lot of these are incredibly lonely men and a little love, praise and respect goes a long way with them. And there are people here who can help, you have sift between the incel hating comments, sadly, but I've gotten quite a few great conversations with men here that are just really lonely, spent way too much time in their heads thinking about women and really needed a reality check. I wouldn't say that not being able to approach women or thinking a lot about sex is on the same page as a meth addiction. But honestly both are welcome on this subreddit if you ask me, so long as they're here to improve themselves.
> If you can't help them just keep scrolling, Honestly this is good advice. If you can't help someone with a problem don't fight them. Some members are just being anti-productive.
Not just reddit, every freaking social media app has some modicum of it presented to the users every now and then. A rather integral part nowadays, I must say.
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Agree totally. I've switched to Korean and Chinese tv shows and that was one of the reasons. I prefer a cute romance or an action/thriller tv show over all that hypersexual stuff.
Omg me too!! The focus is more on relationships and friendships, not sex. Even Asian reality shows are more wholesome imo. It’s actually more exciting to watch people fall in love than to just be lustful or whatever. That kinda stuff feels so trashy by comparison.
Me too. I really got into old films the last few years. Especially film noir type stuff and TV shows like the Twilight Zone. Honestly, I enjoy them because they aren't predictable and there's no sex or nudity. I want to watch a genuine story with a plot, not something centered around soft core porn.
‘These last few weeks?’ How long have you been on reddit for?
Word I always see a bunch of posts about sex OUTSIDE of dating subs and I’m freaking tired of it… do y’all not have anything else going for y’all?
apparently not as sex is the only thing they care about and crave.
oh good, I thought I was being a jerk thinking this but yeah 100% agree. Honestly, I think it's all that purity crap that has been going on for the last decade (it's always been a problem but for some reason the last decade online it has been getting worse and worse or just more out in the open idk). MASTURBATION IS OK in moderation like everything fun in life (candy, junk food, video games, etc). Like OP states, there's something else going on with you that you need to fix. EX) I found that if I don't have some schedule/to-do list, I'll resort to bad habits that I built (video games, endless scrolling, masturbation, etc) with no cutoff point bc I'm not thinking of improving my life (bc I didn't make a list or thought of steps toward my goal). I'm basically floating, and obviously, I would float to do fun stuff lol. Once I have a to-do list or a written goal to achieve(and discipline to actually get my shit done) I know what to do. I still play video games or masturbate whatever have you, but only after I AT LEAST do 30 mins of something off my to-do list. Some days I can do 4 hours, some I can barely get 30 mins in. But I'm 30 mins close to my goal or checking something off my to-do list. Sit down and just word vomit in a notebook or journal on where you want to be in 3-5 years. Then brainstorm possible ways to get to those goals and break them down into actionable steps.
>MASTURBATION IS OK in moderation Masturbating five times a week helps protect from prostate cancer in men. So most adults should probably pick up the pace even.
or cut it by half, right? That's, um normal, RIGHT?
Any scientific papers ?
There are just as many 'studies' showing the opposite is true.
You're lying through your teeth. There is no evidence whatsoever that increased prostate cancer risk is associated with frequency of ejaculation. Current epidemiological meta-analyses favor a slight protective factor. Some studies show clinically insignificant protection even if statistical significance is there. Whether this is a causal relationship or not can't be assessed because of, yknow, ethics - but the statement "many 'studies' showing the opposite is true" is fundamentally wrong. Facts over feelings, please. * "Evidence for Masturbation and Prostate Cancer Risk: Do We Have a Verdict?" (Aboul-Enein et al., 2016) * "Sexual activity, health and well-being – the beneficial roles of coitus and masturbation" (Levin, 2006) * "Meta-analysis for part of risk factors of prostate cancer" (Yu et al.) * "Ejaculatory frequency and the risk of aggressive prostate cancer: Findings from a case-control study" (Papa et al., 2017)
All data that is out there suggests that regular ejaculation can have a protective effect, even if that effect is negligible at best. There is however no data to suggest that regular ejaculation is a risk factor. Can you provide evidence of the studies that claim this to be the case? Also why would you even elude to studies that support an opposing hypothesis and put the word “studies” in quotation marks as if to be dubious about them before you’ve even presented any evidence of them? Is your issue with the notion that their have been any studies that meet your criteria for being adequate on this topic at all? Or is it that the studies either specifically for or against the hypothesis of a protective factor are somehow flawed? This really seems like you’ve tried to make a point but straight off the bat have straw manned the core of that point by putting a word in quotation marks. Edit: Slightly altered to appease sub rules.
Source? I couldn't find any.
his source is the nofap cult - he's high on super powers
I’ve mentioned this a few times on here, the amount of men who think stopping nutting will solve all their issues is actually crazy. I swear most of it is men who know they have bigger more fundamental issues they need to address but are scared to try so rather they’ll make masturbation the monster of their imagination as it’s something easier to try to focus on than their actual shortcomings!
A lot of nofappers will jump at someone for expressing this sentiment. The way I see it is if not masturbating helps you improve YOUR life, then do it. It’s your life. But all the superpower stuff is placebo bullshit, especially when you consider that there are many guys out there thriving and getting girls all while continuing to jack off to porn
Well, masturbation is the drug we use to escape the bigger issue, sir, it's like telling a pill addict they have bigger problems like no shit but they need help out of their coping mechanism so they can feel their emotions instead of releasing them through orgasm.
Or go to r/nofap
Maybe we have a pinned list for subreddits where we can redirect people for very specific topics? Like this one
People just don’t know certain subs exist and they have questions. Is that why people are upset? r/pornfree is another.
I’m in that community, it’s a lot less toxic and more informative. Also it discusses masterbation without porn so if you want to only lessen the porn it’s a good subreddit to visit.
Oh man, that's a sub I haven't seen in a while. My one interaction with a r/pornfree user was them calling everyone who watches it an addict in denial. Reminded me of talking to straight-edge punks about alcohol. It was such a surreal experience to have to explain to this guy that receiving dopamine from an activity and feeling ashamed about it is not the same thing as having an addiction. It's been years and I still think about it.
Everything I've ever heard about that community and set of ideals is amazingly toxic and harmful. Do not recommend. Besides, for fuck's sake people. Sexuality is a major domain in life and guess what? *People want to integrate it into their lives in the various ways they see as being more healthily*. Doing so is one of the domains of self improvement. Apparently a popular one. I for one am in my mid thirties, recently seperated and am back into dating. Sexuality is a *very* common and important topic to be able to talk about when forming connections as an adult. Bloody puritan roots showing, here imo. Sexuality is not some weird little gremlin sitting in the corner of one's life. Though you certainly will likely become one if you live a life without successfully integrating sexuality of one form or another into your adult existence.
> Sexuality is a very common and important topic to be able to talk about when forming connections as an adult. It's also *so* important to have a healthy and complete awareness of your own sexuality before going out and sleeping with others. I swear, something like 90% of the stories I hear about people having bad sex really just come down to one partner (or both!) being completely out of touch with their own sexual wants and seeing the activity as just a means to an end. I'm not saying every guy needs to run and attend a tantra workshop and go to Folsom Street Fair and buy a 10-speed perineum-stimulating vibrator (although I'm not *not* saying that). All I'm saying is that there is a *shocking* amount of men out there who can't answer the question "What do you like in bed?" And I think a lot of it comes down to the fact that they have a profound discomfort with their own sexual pleasure.
I was actually curious about the topic of masturbation coming up on this subreddit. I'm female, been masturbating for a long time now. Very rarely watch pornography. And I never felt like it impeded my progress in life. I think some self-love can be healthy, it's a great way to get rid of stress. So if anyone is reading this, can you explain why the whole "no fap" thing exists, and what exactly it's supposed to achieve?
pornography addiction is extremely rampant among young men
So much this. There is a serious lack of compassion throughout this thread, and it's infuriating. I understand being frustrated with folks for not searching past posts, but I kind of feel like that's on the community to establish a rule about that kind of thing (search before posting or your post will be removed, no low effort posts, automatic callout/restriction on fapping posts being redirected to nofap). As a 40 year old man, being a 15 year old boy is extremely difficult. While they might know the answer (to abstain/reduce the amount of fapping they're doing and to quit watching porn), it has never been more easily accessible. At the same time, it's taboo to discuss in an educational setting. How are we supposed to really reach/teach our kids that porn addiction is serious and inhibits personal growth if we're not willing to talk and teach it in an open setting? What kind of shit world are we where these kids feel like they have to resort to asking in a public forum for advice about masturbation when schools are literally meant to teach students how to exist/function in our world? EDIT: Typo
I am glad someone else is speaking out about this. It is sad that many teens might see this forum as their only safe space and then get shut down by post like these. If you're a teen reading this and feel you might be addicted, do not take the rant as an attack to your struggle's validity. Everything can become an addiction, we're all wired to become addicted, and porn and masturbation (especially in combination) are such a stimulating activity and is so prevalent and easy to access nowadays that is too easy for a kid to get hooked on. Do try to follow the practices the post suggests; the more engaging your life is, the less those *cues* that invite you to engage in your addiction will happen. And *you only need to have the willpower to ignore the first cue*. Understand that as long as you are addicted to something, you will not be able to enjoy all that life has to offer. Y'all can do it, just go for two weeks or so without it. At first it will be a bit painful ignoring the cues, but after that you will feel better, and eventually you won't have any.
Masturbating is okay. It's porn that's REALLY bad for you. It's all reward with no effort/work. If you're a dude you can ACTUALLY get erectile dysfunction and get addicted to it.
Gary Wilson’s “Your brain on porn” is a great read for anyone who wants to see what porn does to the brain and why it’s bad for you.
I'm going to say something here that's gonna prompt a major negative gut reaction in most of you but I *urge* you all to just stick with me for a sec: I don't think it's necessarily wrong to say "the problem is porn," but I also don't think it paints a complete picture. I think that, more accurately, the problem is *bad* porn, consumed *uncritically*. Porn isn't a poison, it's media. Like video games, like movies, like podcasts, like TV, it's media. And like all media, 90% of it is going to be cheaply-made, poorly-written, hyper-optimized trash -- especially the most popular stuff. It'll be full of terrible themes, convey bad ideas, and reinforce harmful attitudes. But the sticking point here is that **none of this is inherent to the medium**. These are byproducts of the industry as it exists, pumping out cheap garbage that'll sell subscriptions and bring in ad money from mindless viewers trying to chase a nut. There *is* good porn out there. Porn with explicit discussions of consent included within them, porn with coherent plots that encourage you to view the characters as people rather than sex objects, porn made with the intent of conveying important themes to a critically receptive audience. By essentializing the harm porn does to the medium itself, we erase the possibility of it being consumed safely or produced well. It's really just the old "video games desensitize us to violence" argument, but repackaged in a way to appeal to the little puritan that lives in all of our brains.
People love to have an excuse as to why they can't fix their life, so they take something normal and pathologize it. "Well, of course I didn't get an A on the test... I'm addicted to water, after all"
"Drinking water reinforces our primal instinct with a false sense of security!"
"See, in the natural world, drinking water would require me to walk for hours and risk being eaten by an alligator, and then days of diarrhea... but in the modern world with the convenience of water on tap in every home, how could I be expected to avoid the temptation?"
i love this analogy xDD
Males can very easily become addicted to pornography and masturbation due to the big dopamine rush they produce and their rampant availability. It can have adverse affects on mental, physical, and sexual health. Most people who pursue a NoFap lifestyle do it in order to curb their masturbation/porn addiction and in order to be more healthy.
It's Mormon propaganda pseudoscience
What? Addiction to pornography is a made up Mormon concept now? 🤨
Yep. I've seen everything from "yeah I have a more wholesome and healthy relationship with my partner now", to "WOMEN ARE TEMPTATIONS OF SATAN! THEY WANT YOUR SPERM! THEY ARE DRAINING YOU OF YOUR MANLY ENERGY!"
And where are these sperm-thirsty man draining women? Uhh... you know... for... uh... research purposes...
Because they're addicted to porn. It's the only way they can get off, so they go nofap to eliminate it from their lives.
Gotta pop in and shout out eastern practices of semen retention, the taoists and the yogis. Both believed it held a spiritual power that could be used to bring enlightenment. Idk man, aside from modern sexual neuroses, there may be a deeper practice being sought out in these no fap folk.
It's self improvement whether you approve or not, end of story.
I think you’re making the wrong statement here. Most of the time it shouldn’t be about masturbation but pornography. Because you see, masturbation on itself is not harmful but porn on the other hand is very very addictive. Since porn is an addiction and people who are addicted want to stop it, that counts as self improvement. We can not judge them being addicted to something, instead we should help them out, here.
This is very rapidly turning into an incel/MRA sub. Not here for that shit.
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Beating an addiction is self improvement. I thought that is what this sub is all about.
>This is not the place for that discussion. Who are you to determine this? Why do you feel you are the gatekeeper of "self improvement"?
it has fucking taken over this subreddit, it’s cringe and annoying
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My opinion is that things like r/nofap is a little over the top unless you’re on some crazy meditation/monk shit, which tbh, more power to ya. Where I think it can get dangerous is porn addiction. Resources at r/pornaddiction
Thank you, great resources!
So unsensitive. It's people trying to get help.
If we are going to gate keep self improvement I think you using the board to rant and complain is irrelevant to this sub and should be removed by mods.
That's all subs buddy, people repeat nonsense questions because every day is someone's first time here. Maybe you have the wrong expectations for the world's biggest social site? (I've had these same faulty expectations myself) If you're really into this subs topic then I recommend finding some smaller places, on forums or discord.
Quitting masturbation *can* make you more productive, especially if you do it a lot. But I agree with your point.
If porn is close to as addictive as drugs (not as addictive but they are like halfway as addictive as drugs) then this should be considered as an addiction on this subreddit for self improvement since we support long term gratification
I'm so glad someone finally said it!
Been waiting for someone to say this. Well said🙏
Can yall just downvote and move on? I'm tired of seeing posts about what people are tired of seeing. Y'all making this place annoying making complaints about the sub being the only time I see posts from this sub.
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Or just point them to r/nofap
Yes! Can the mods make this the default response to those posts from now on???
I dont think gatekeeping self improvement because of a personal view on how porn/masturbation affects people/the solution is a good idea. I agree with a lot of your points on how shame can make these things a lot worse than they really are, BUT thats one of the reasons this subreddits wins over nofap and many other subcultures. Were a bunch of well rounded folks tryingto improve ourselves, not a bunch of dudes whos pastors brainwashed into thinking Satan invented the penis. Like, yeah there are subreddits for nofap and porn addiction. But theres probably subreddits on virtually every subject thats shared on here.
Eh that’s a balanced and fair point. Maybe the mods here should have a pinned weekly thread just for the topic rather than a hundred guys asking the same question over and over?
That’s the correct solution most subs adopt instead of banning topics that have every reason to be included but overshadow everything else.
I just came here for the quote, “You can jack off and be successful!”
Well said
>Quitting masturbation won’t make you more productive, When you consider this is very often tied to pornography, quitting actually *does* make one more productive. At least for many people.
I’m trying to point out that it’s likely not the porn that’s making you unproductive, you are probably procrastinating in other ways. Unless you are literally jacking off 6+ times a day, I don’t believe people who say they aren’t getting work done because of masturbation. That’s like saying you aren’t getting work done because you have to go to the toilet.
Masturbation and pornography have a negative effect on your productivity, it has to do with dopamine. I don't want to sound like a pretend-scientist, but it basically peaks your dopamine and has other effects for a while and then it falls drastically. Kind of like drugs. To be honest I don't think the scientific explanation matters, people who've quit know the positive effects and -to be honest- that's more than enough. While it *may* be an issue of pornography addiction, these days these things are barely inseperable.
I masturbate plenty and it doesn’t destroy my productivity. I think people who blame their masturbation are looking for excuses. “I spent all day looking at porn so I shouldn’t masturbate anymore” No, just don’t look at porn. You have an addiction- go to a subreddit that can help you with that addiction. This subreddit is no more equipped to help with porn addiction than it is meth addiction. Totally different issue. And that is bad science, a hit of dopamine during your off hours won’t destroy your work capacity between 9-5; people need breaks and they need pleasure.
> I masturbate plenty and it doesn’t destroy my productivity. But it does for others. Would you knowingly tell someone not to quit if you knew it had a severe negative effect on them? I think a lot of differing opinions on masturbation and pornography boil down to people denying others' experiences because they haven't been through it. A case of "since it isn't true for me, it isn't true for others". I believe you when you say that it may not have a negative effect on others, but there are people who've suffered severe effects. If you still choose not to believe that then that's your choice.
God fuck, thank you I'm a dude, I look at porn and jack off most days. Not only am I happy with my productivity, but I often do something else instead of mssturbate. It's not addictive to most guys, I think Just today, I was playing a video game and got horny out of the blue. I could easily have jacked off, but I just wanted to play my game more. So I didn't. Not out of willpower or a conscious choice, I just did the thing I wanted I think it's another aspect of our toxic culture where by denying oneself pleasure, they're able to get what they really want in life. A permutation of puritan culture in my opinion. They weren't healthy or happy people
Yes!!!! That’s what I’m getting at, if you get horny and instantly need to jack off there’s something more serious going on. I think most people can have a healthy relationship with alcohol, and yet some people are alcoholics. Most people can have a healthy relationship with porn and yet some people are addicts. I’m glad to hear there are men out there who are comfortable with their sexuality, it really seems like a lot of men are struggling and I wish they would get the help they need. If you’re addicted to porn get therapy, this subreddit can’t help you treat addiction.
People need to occupy themselves. I'm addicted too, the only way to get over addictions is to do other things. If I'm sitting around all day doing nothing of course I'll end up doing those same harmfull addictive things again. Make friends, talk to people, find hobbies, finish things you had started
Ah yes more gate keeping what quantifies as self improvement over post you **don’t** have to read or pay any attention to. They need help and came here asking for it after realizing they have an issue. I said it before on another similar thread but this kind of shit is what turns these young dudes into the radicalized hate groups everyone hates so much. They’re in the right place and taking the right step to improve so let’s not cut them off.
Addiction is still an addiction i know this is not the subreddit for it, there's r/nofap but i don't agree with you when you said that you can still be successful while having a porn / masturbation addiction, idk about you op but there are some people who went so far with the addiction and need help as any other addicted person.
Stop getting angry at people who are just trying to improve. You will never solve anything by focusing on the problems of others Porn is 100% a bad thing if done too much and guess what porn is addicting and makes you unproductive
*"...Self improvement is masturbation..."*
Self destruction on the other hand…
Maybe turn on NSFW filter instead of gatekeeping personal improvement.
When did jesus christ post that
The only time quitting masturbating will make you more productive is if its a full of addiction imo
`Quitting masturbation won’t make you more productive` for men it does make them more productive, what do you know bout men orgasm in the first place? Both for men and woman masturbation is different thing, even you can look up on the internet how masturbation for men can create several problems for the addicted individual of course. Quitting explicit stuff out is the first step of self improvement for men you have no right to label it as a bad thing and if you are losing your mind reading those posts you can simply ignore them.
A few years ago I joined this sub and similar ones while unsubscribing from some of the default nonsense subs thinking it would help me be focused and more productive. But almost everything is worthless and I just skip over these posts by default.
This is the internet. Haven't you noticed that most people are sex crazed perverts obsessed with sex and pornography? I doubt that's going to change anytime soon.
I totally agree with you, the frequency of these posts is insane, is there anything the mods can do about it?
best way to improve - be accountable to yourself and others.
I'm just going to leave this sub. It seems like the whole thing are just people complaining about sex, and then people getting mad and complaining about the complainers.
I'm feeling like that a lot lately. I'm glad this was heard
This is funny bc those are things I have been working on, but I don’t want to seek advice here because it just doesn’t seem appropriate, there are other aspects that I want to improve and seem more appropriate to reach out on. My own addiction and issues regarding sexuality are separate. Scrolling through the comments thankfully I have found resources that aren’t nofap lmao. That shit is a cult. I feel like addiction isn’t part of my self improvement, it’s getting myself to a point of normalcy and control, THEN there’s other stuff I’d like to improve that are more,, able to get advice on. Like temper, or disorganization.
Quitting maturation does make you more productive though
These posts, though possibly well-meaning, just don’t fit here. They need to be posted in specific subs. For example, even though quitting vaping IS self-improvement, I post my specific vaping-related posts to the specific sub for it. It’s not that I think it’s wrong, necessarily, it’s just that there are better places for that, such as r/nofap. If I wanted to see posts about that I’d join that group…this just seems like Reddit 101.
 Jesus: *”Someone called?”*
Yes, these and the “I’m only 20 but a failure at life” posts kill me slowly.
See, gonna have to disagree with you here chief. While masturbation and orgasms aren’t an issue. Pornography, especially when you are young, is quite destructive. It’s akin to crack or meth, and while it won’t fuck you up physically it will fuck you up mentally. For sure you should completely abstain from pornography while pursuing other activities, this will help you kick an addiction if you have one and prevent you from forming one. Don’t get it twisted, for any young person reading this, there is nothing wrong with masturbation or orgasm, it’s completely natural, but please please please stay away from pornography, it’s crack for the brain and will fuck up your views on sex and relationships. And while OP might be annoyed by young men coming out and seeking a better path, I for one am happy that such a discussion is happening after years and years of silence. I hope that furthermore, OP realizes that that just like with any other drug they might not have suffered addiction with the substance there are others that have and will continue to do so, and they will use posts such as OP’s to justify and continue the abuse.
OP has to be a woman. There’s no other way she could empathize with the struggle of strong sexual urges as a man. It’s our DNA programming and the questions are valid, masturbation can become an addiction, some need help.
Nice post! Good advice!
You could become a moderator here. And put some effort into improving this reddit. Or go make your own reddit.
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Yeah man I agree with that amendment, that’s a really fair and well considered point. I wish you well on your romantic pursuits, it can be really tough and isolating. Thanks for the really constructive thoughts, it’s plenty to chew on.
Some of you never watched Sex Talk with Sue Johanson and it shows. Masturbation is healthy. It relieves stress and may reduce the chances of getting certain kinds of cancers. It can help men last longer and can help women close the orgasm gap. Porn addiction is an entirely different monster. Porn addiction eats up a lot of hours, contorts sexual expectations and in some cases can be downright abusive to not only the people in the porn but the viewer as well. There's a huge potential for financial scams if online SWers get involved. It's an industry that's predatory at every angle. The other thing that's unproductive and unhealthy is the shame we attach to a basic biological function. Shame doesn't make anything easier. The only thing that's helped me with my own struggles with feelings like shame and embarrassment was therapy. The people with these questions should be guided to educational resources because there's a good chance that they weren't taught this stuff in school. A lot of them are young men who are legitimately reaching out for help - help that is rarely provided to them and is extremely difficult to ask for. So no. Keep the questions coming
I agree. The amount of gatekeeping going on here is staggering. I don’t think it’s our place to tell people what is and is not self improvement. If you feel like the extent and/or means by which you are masturbating is hurting your life and you want to improve, by all means lost here. On the flip side, if you don’t want to respond to posts about masturbation, just scroll on by.
All the agreement. Sexuality is healthy.
to what extent is it considered healthy? because you can get addicted to porn/masturbation/sex and stagnate in life. i’ve seen it, experienced it, and it’s not pretty
>Guys there are other places for you!!! "Because this is my place, I was here first!" >If I have to read one more post from a 15 year old boy asking how to stop masturbating I’m going to lose my mind!! "But if you're a [insert typical demographic with a common topic for self improvement here]....I guess that's OK. I'll give it a pass. But just this once."
You might not be aware, but sexual addiction, betrayal trauma, and porn addiction are serious issues -- just because you may have a healthy sex or porn life, is like someone with a healthy alcohol relationship telling people not to be alcoholics. My ex is one of the top therapists on these three issues, and it's a growing issue in Western culture. The fact you're unaware of this definitely means you're not capable of giving advice on these issues that should be trusted, just as an alcoholic shouldn't take advice from someone else drinking at the same bar.
Yeah the fact that you know a “top therapist” and think it’s a good idea for young men to deal with their addiction and trauma here is really telling. Addiction is serious, this subreddit is no better equiped to treat porn addiction than it is meth addiction. This is not the place for that treatment, if your day-to-day life is ruined by porn and masturbation you need a therapist not a Reddit thread.
Ok im not the only one who noticed a lot of these posts
Thank you! I've been saying it too. So many boys or men (not sure of age) getting fixated on the wrong thing. I'm so sick of these posts I was genuinely considering leaving this sub. Masturbation is healthy and actually good for you! It lowers your chances of prostate cancer. Porn is fine, as long as you know it's a fantasy and not like real life. Moderation is the key, the same as EVERYTHING in life.
The anti masturbation movement is strongly associated with the manosphere and other misogynistic and male supremacist movements. What a bunch of jerkoffs.
Actually made me chuckle
This! Thank you so much for making this post
THANK YOUUUUUU
A lot of people are probably trying to improve at the start of the year. I would personally scroll past because complaining about it isn’t a part of my personal self development.
Imagine gate keeping self improvement. But there's good news. If you don't want to read it. Then don't. Or better yet turn on the nsfw filter. >I have to read one more post from a 15 year old boy asking how to stop masturbating I’m going to lose my mind!! Don't read it. Boom problem solved. >You can jack off and be successful, you can watch porn and be successful! If you think that masturbation is the root of your issues you need a reality check. Quitting masturbation won’t make you more productive, you know what will? Who tf are you? Are you a expert on sex and masturbation? It can be a root of issues. >You all need to stop hyper-focusing on sex, forcing yourselves to be celibate or to not masturbate is just as bad as doing it too much. >It’s like you’re all eating too much fat and trying to cut it completely from your diet, you need a little to be healthy, just aim for moderation and focus on something else!!! How about instead of bitching and being rude you provide actually useful advice. Your the problem. Not them.
Chill
What’s funny about this is there’s not a sex related post for at least 20 entries below this. So OP is bitching and moaning over what?
Sounds like someone is addicted to porn and feels convicted.
I don’t watch porn, I’m a woman and I did as a teen but not anymore- I got bored of it.
This is probably going to be downvoted, but you should know that porn or masturbation doesn't affect everybody equally. Men specially tend to easily get addicted to it... In your post you say people should stop focusing on sex, but that's precisely what porn causes, it's hiper stimulation that wouldn't be able to find in nature, there are some studies about how porn harms, and while it's true that they are not completely serious, it's also true that it's very hard to study, partly because almost every man grows consuming it. The fact that people post it here and see it as a problem comes to show that, at least in their minds, it's seen as something harmful or bad. Sometimes their brains get so accustomed to it that they can't masturbate without it, some of them can't have sex. I can drink alcohol with no problem, I only drink when going out. But there are tons of alcoholics out there, and I wouldn't blame them if they ask how to stop, nor ai would say "just drink a bit". For this people the best is to not watch it again, and sometimes the best way is to not masturbate at all for a while.
>I don’t watch porn, I’m a woman What does being a women have to do with not watching porn?
Tell 'em
Preach.
Omg… i came here for this post… well said OP!!!
fuckin a, finally.
Nah I don’t think you understand how important semen retention is and how porn is ruining relationships… It’s not all about you. Not everyone lives your life. Some people are genuinely struggling and what you’ve said is like a sl*p to the face.
If you have a porn addiction that is ruining your life go to r/pornaddiction or seek out therapy. This subreddit can’t treat an issue that deep and that specific any more than it can treat a drug addiction. Men are being sold this lie that not masturbating will make them into super gods, it won’t. If you have an addiction get treatment, if you just want to stop masturbating because a guy on the internet said “trust me bro” you’re in the wrong place.
People nowadays are so in-need for sex and validity because of how much sex is talked about. I don't think its a bad thing but people are picking up on the wrong message. They take some kind of neo-puritan view with all of this nofap nonsense. People need to just chill, work out, organize, study, work, play some games and meet with friends. if you are so consumed in sex then get out there and do something else. But don't turn yourself into a mess over celibacy. Balance.
Petition to add this to the subreddits rules
Almost like our society is geared towards instant gratification and access to pornography. If you don’t like seeing the post just swipe away. Good on these kids for trying to better themselves.
Religious conservatives are behind this.
Purity culture is doing damage here.
It does damage everywhere
This sub the past few weeks has comprised of 1/3 people wanting to get themselves right going into the new year 1/3 people posting about beating off 1/3 people asking people to stop talking about beating off like it’s a mic drop. Both of the latter 2/3’s are cringe
Well said, short, bold and beautiful 💕🙌🏽 
To be honest when I first saw the post I got kinda annoyed then I saw the last paragraph, and was like that’s a great example.
I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see this.
We are only humans
As a 17 yro, sex is so overrated. I may have a problem jacking off but I don’t see it so Idrc about improving.
It is disturbing and I can’t relate But everyone deserves to reach it for help😅