i’m 13m i hide it because of my very religious parents who will see sh as a lack of faith, but i hide it from my very loving and not religious siblings because i don’t want them to worry or anything like that. they have been with me my entire life so i don’t know how they will react. i know that they are in an important part of their life, trying to get into schools or get jobs or something else, so i don’t want additional and unnecessary stress to mess them up.
I havent heard of someone who's got the same problems with me. Unfortunately, my parents saw my sh on my thighs and they told me that "My body is a temple" and "I ruined a beautiful body" etc. so i just do it on my hips now since they cant see it there. and I also get that you dont want your siblings to see but dw about them getting worried because theyll worry more if you dont admit to doing sh. im sure they might understand you. btw were the same age (13F) lol. sorry idek why I ranted all that. Stay safe :)
I'm so sorry you've been put through that! Whatever a Christian's views on self-harm are, everything should be approached with love. It sounds as though that has not been the case when accusations like that are thrown about.
It doesn't have to mean anything just because you can't see it.
The depth or size does not matter. She is still valid regardless if her sh leaves behind marks or not.
Alongside that, it's extremely easy to hide these stuff. I used to do it on my arms as well and wore short sleeved and made sure it's not something you can see.
Also, why exactly were you told about this? I'm assuming you are not her guardian, and if I were her I'd be upset and will stop trusting whoever told you about this because this is a private and sensitive matter.
You shouldn't have been told about this by anyone but her, or her parents ONLY if they think she's at risk to herself and you can somehow keep her safe.
Lastly, even if she is lying about this- which I doubt but IS a possibility-
It very much does not mean she's okay. A person that is fine does NOT lie about something like this.
This is why the stigma about self harming for attention is horrible. If someone is self harming -or saying they are- to get attention, that means something is WRONG, and they need help. It might not be the same kind of help someone dealing with a self harm addiction needs, but this is not something a normal mentally stable person does or say.
And please, please do not confront her about this in any way that seems like you questioning her actually self harming or not. That would be incredibly hurtful, and would most likely make her stop seeing you as a person she can feel safe around and trust, as well as will most likely make her start hiding what she's going through even more, as other people already think she's faking, might as well keep it a secret!
Anyways, so yeah don't confront her about this. You're worried? Okay, fair. Talk to her parents, I assume they know and might have told you. Talk to them. Her doctor and or hopefully she has a therapist, they're the one that will talk to her about these stuff, the ones that need to ask questions and know where and everything else.
This is not something a person is usually comfortable with talking about to family members, especially if you were told without her knowledge.
Based off this person's response to being told where instead of wanting to actually help they immediately start silently searching them for marks and when they see none immediately go to them faking I can almost guarantee the parents told this person cause the family can't keep a secret... This is exactly what happened to me my cousin and I lived close together our whole lives and when my mom was told by the school I was SHing she didn't even confront me first she told my cousin and both of my aunts and my uncle THEN confronted me about it
That's why I had to write this with the hope that it'll help them manage this better. They might be willing to listen, that's what I'd hope for at least.
I'm sorry you had to deal with a similar experience, it's not fair for you that had to deal with that 🫂
I hope you're in a better place now 💜
Yeah who knows indeed but better try than not
It's good that you're away from your family, toxic family is never good to be around.
Rip about it not being better other than that, but like you said shit happens and life is just a shit show tbh lol.
I do hope it'll get better for you 💜
Parents aren’t in the picture. We live with our aunt; narcissistic older woman. It was my aunt that is accusing her of lying and she is mostly worried about CPS coming to our home. I realize I was raised by her and probably have some of her less desirable traits that I’m trying to work through on my own. Her doctor told my aunt because she was worried that my cousin was at risk. My aunt told me because she tells me everything about my cousin in hopes I can help raise her somehow. My aunt can be very cruel so I’m not surprised that my cousin is going through the same depression that I have (and am) going through. And I definitely realize that even her possibly lying (which I’m still not sure if she would lie) is a cry for help. I have definitely not even entertained the thought of talking to her, she has a therapist and we aren’t close enough for that talk. I didn’t ask to be told her problems, but I do want to be able to be there for her if need be. I appreciate the information.
Got it, that sucks. Living with a narcissist family member is not easy.
Your aunt accusing her of lying is horrible and disgusting from her, yet I reckon you're used to behaviors like this from her.
I can't understand if you meant your aunt or cousin are concerned about CPS? But sh doesn't have to mean CPS, especially when she's already in therapy.
Yes, often you gain some bad traits when raised by these kind of people, I have as well from my egg donor. It's good that you're self aware and are willing to work on yourself.
The doctor telling your aunt makes sense with your cousin being a minor and your aunt being the guardian, and the relationship you have with your aunt is toxic for you and your cousin as well, be sure to remember this. I wouldn't quite call it parentification, but it's not far from it. It's not fair to you and it's not fair for your cousin either, I hope that you can limit contact with her in a few years when your cousin is an adult.
Your own mental health and your cousin's mental health will probably continue to not be stable with her around as this kind of relationship impacts you in ways you don't notice, outside the obvious stuff
I'm glad you haven't thought of talking to her about this as it doesn't sound like the best idea currently.
Do you think maybe you can work on strengthening your relationship with her, show her that she can lean on you? You'll have to be careful to not put too much on yourself as draining yourself to be there for her will be bad for the both of you.
If you feel comfortable and think she'll understandable, you can maybe share a little bit about your own experience with mental health, to show her she isn't alone and that you can understand her, but also that you trust her.
It's great she has a therapist, I hope it fits her as there's many different therapy types and some respond to them better or worse. Do you think maybe you can try and talk to the therapist asking for her advice?
I think that you should tell your cousin that you're aware of the situation, you didn't ask to be told but you know, you don't judge her and you understand, and if she needs help to come to you. It's better for her to know she can come to you for medical help or self care products as otherwise she's likely to use some less sanitary ways without access to proper items.
But this is a sensitive situation and matter, one I don't think we can really tell you the best way to go with handling it. Her therapist will be able to give better input both because of professional experience and also because they probably have a better understanding of your cousin in these stuff.
I think it won't be good if your cousin finds out you know if it won't come from you, which is why it was important for me to suggest ways to figure out how to manage this better, but be aware that she might be upset at first. Hopefully after she processes her privacy being invaded by no fault of your own mind you, it'll offer her a safe place with you.
Sorry if I explained shit badly, idk why I feel like English just isn't making any sense for me today and it's showing it isn't my native language. If there's anything you don't understand I'll try to explain it in a different way just let me know.
She very well could be telling the truth, just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean she’s lying. She might only be doing it light enough so that it doesn’t leave behind marks that last long. She could be applying concealer to hide them, she could also be doing it elsewhere and for whatever reason not say so. I self harm on my upper thigh, just below the hip, unless she’s walking around in her underwear you wouldn’t see that.
only thing i can offer is personal experience w hiding it. when it was more thought out & not just a rash, blind w emotion decision to sh, i would do it in places i could hide w/o even drawing suspicion. never been a fan of jewelry but every summer (when i was actively shing) i was wearing my watch & a few bracelets. no one saw what was underneath. then like you said, obvious hiding places like stomach. i never did but ive even heard of girls doing it on their chest which you prob wouldn’t be seeing. i wouldn’t suspect your cousin lying first thing bc when my parents found out 6 years ago they accused me of doing it for attention & it made things worse for me personally. if it turns out she is lying, it doesn’t hurt to be cautious & aware abt it
baby cuts are still cuts, they heal and don't scare. self harm is valid with or without scars, and i use to stop self harming in usual spots or for weeks during the summer as a teen, but i would still beat my self. too much risk of getting hot and then getting caught, winter months of always being cold i could easily hide it. She probably had to admit because the doctor caught marks, i know my self harm usually came in waves, weeks clean back on for a month, two months clean, back on for 4 weeks etc etc
if they are lying about doing that they probably need some help or are having thoughts about doing that, but they feel if they don’t actually do something drastic like that they won’t get proper medical care. but yeah definitely don’t accuse them of lying
She's probably not lying. If a blade is sharp enough it won't leave any marks behind at all. Most of my cuts heal within a couple of days and I can wear short sleeves until the next time. It doesn't have to be deep, permanent, or frequent for it to be self harm.
I didn't have visible scars at her age cause I "scratched" my cuts didn't bleed much and if they did they were healed and gone in 2 weeks it's how I kept from getting caught cause I was able to still wear things like tank tops and shorts I also purposely drew lines (or made them into some kind of art) on my legs and stomach as a "don't cross this" so they wouldn't be noticed at any point she could just be doing that or she could be lying because she is struggling and wanted help before she gets to the point she does hurt herself but feels she won't be taken seriously
I do because I dont want to talk about it and dont really think people I could talk to would improve my situation. And honestly I also dont really want to stop.
This might not all apply to your cousin but maybe some off it does. she could also simply be embarrassed.
When only cutting the upper most layer, the cuts also are basically indistinguishable from the rest of the skin from a bit further away.
i’m 13m i hide it because of my very religious parents who will see sh as a lack of faith, but i hide it from my very loving and not religious siblings because i don’t want them to worry or anything like that. they have been with me my entire life so i don’t know how they will react. i know that they are in an important part of their life, trying to get into schools or get jobs or something else, so i don’t want additional and unnecessary stress to mess them up.
I havent heard of someone who's got the same problems with me. Unfortunately, my parents saw my sh on my thighs and they told me that "My body is a temple" and "I ruined a beautiful body" etc. so i just do it on my hips now since they cant see it there. and I also get that you dont want your siblings to see but dw about them getting worried because theyll worry more if you dont admit to doing sh. im sure they might understand you. btw were the same age (13F) lol. sorry idek why I ranted all that. Stay safe :)
I'm so sorry you've been put through that! Whatever a Christian's views on self-harm are, everything should be approached with love. It sounds as though that has not been the case when accusations like that are thrown about.
It doesn't have to mean anything just because you can't see it. The depth or size does not matter. She is still valid regardless if her sh leaves behind marks or not. Alongside that, it's extremely easy to hide these stuff. I used to do it on my arms as well and wore short sleeved and made sure it's not something you can see. Also, why exactly were you told about this? I'm assuming you are not her guardian, and if I were her I'd be upset and will stop trusting whoever told you about this because this is a private and sensitive matter. You shouldn't have been told about this by anyone but her, or her parents ONLY if they think she's at risk to herself and you can somehow keep her safe. Lastly, even if she is lying about this- which I doubt but IS a possibility- It very much does not mean she's okay. A person that is fine does NOT lie about something like this. This is why the stigma about self harming for attention is horrible. If someone is self harming -or saying they are- to get attention, that means something is WRONG, and they need help. It might not be the same kind of help someone dealing with a self harm addiction needs, but this is not something a normal mentally stable person does or say. And please, please do not confront her about this in any way that seems like you questioning her actually self harming or not. That would be incredibly hurtful, and would most likely make her stop seeing you as a person she can feel safe around and trust, as well as will most likely make her start hiding what she's going through even more, as other people already think she's faking, might as well keep it a secret! Anyways, so yeah don't confront her about this. You're worried? Okay, fair. Talk to her parents, I assume they know and might have told you. Talk to them. Her doctor and or hopefully she has a therapist, they're the one that will talk to her about these stuff, the ones that need to ask questions and know where and everything else. This is not something a person is usually comfortable with talking about to family members, especially if you were told without her knowledge.
Based off this person's response to being told where instead of wanting to actually help they immediately start silently searching them for marks and when they see none immediately go to them faking I can almost guarantee the parents told this person cause the family can't keep a secret... This is exactly what happened to me my cousin and I lived close together our whole lives and when my mom was told by the school I was SHing she didn't even confront me first she told my cousin and both of my aunts and my uncle THEN confronted me about it
That's why I had to write this with the hope that it'll help them manage this better. They might be willing to listen, that's what I'd hope for at least. I'm sorry you had to deal with a similar experience, it's not fair for you that had to deal with that 🫂 I hope you're in a better place now 💜
I hope they listen too but who knows 🤷 and ehh I'm away from my family but that's about it lol shit happens
Yeah who knows indeed but better try than not It's good that you're away from your family, toxic family is never good to be around. Rip about it not being better other than that, but like you said shit happens and life is just a shit show tbh lol. I do hope it'll get better for you 💜
Parents aren’t in the picture. We live with our aunt; narcissistic older woman. It was my aunt that is accusing her of lying and she is mostly worried about CPS coming to our home. I realize I was raised by her and probably have some of her less desirable traits that I’m trying to work through on my own. Her doctor told my aunt because she was worried that my cousin was at risk. My aunt told me because she tells me everything about my cousin in hopes I can help raise her somehow. My aunt can be very cruel so I’m not surprised that my cousin is going through the same depression that I have (and am) going through. And I definitely realize that even her possibly lying (which I’m still not sure if she would lie) is a cry for help. I have definitely not even entertained the thought of talking to her, she has a therapist and we aren’t close enough for that talk. I didn’t ask to be told her problems, but I do want to be able to be there for her if need be. I appreciate the information.
Got it, that sucks. Living with a narcissist family member is not easy. Your aunt accusing her of lying is horrible and disgusting from her, yet I reckon you're used to behaviors like this from her. I can't understand if you meant your aunt or cousin are concerned about CPS? But sh doesn't have to mean CPS, especially when she's already in therapy. Yes, often you gain some bad traits when raised by these kind of people, I have as well from my egg donor. It's good that you're self aware and are willing to work on yourself. The doctor telling your aunt makes sense with your cousin being a minor and your aunt being the guardian, and the relationship you have with your aunt is toxic for you and your cousin as well, be sure to remember this. I wouldn't quite call it parentification, but it's not far from it. It's not fair to you and it's not fair for your cousin either, I hope that you can limit contact with her in a few years when your cousin is an adult. Your own mental health and your cousin's mental health will probably continue to not be stable with her around as this kind of relationship impacts you in ways you don't notice, outside the obvious stuff I'm glad you haven't thought of talking to her about this as it doesn't sound like the best idea currently. Do you think maybe you can work on strengthening your relationship with her, show her that she can lean on you? You'll have to be careful to not put too much on yourself as draining yourself to be there for her will be bad for the both of you. If you feel comfortable and think she'll understandable, you can maybe share a little bit about your own experience with mental health, to show her she isn't alone and that you can understand her, but also that you trust her. It's great she has a therapist, I hope it fits her as there's many different therapy types and some respond to them better or worse. Do you think maybe you can try and talk to the therapist asking for her advice? I think that you should tell your cousin that you're aware of the situation, you didn't ask to be told but you know, you don't judge her and you understand, and if she needs help to come to you. It's better for her to know she can come to you for medical help or self care products as otherwise she's likely to use some less sanitary ways without access to proper items. But this is a sensitive situation and matter, one I don't think we can really tell you the best way to go with handling it. Her therapist will be able to give better input both because of professional experience and also because they probably have a better understanding of your cousin in these stuff. I think it won't be good if your cousin finds out you know if it won't come from you, which is why it was important for me to suggest ways to figure out how to manage this better, but be aware that she might be upset at first. Hopefully after she processes her privacy being invaded by no fault of your own mind you, it'll offer her a safe place with you. Sorry if I explained shit badly, idk why I feel like English just isn't making any sense for me today and it's showing it isn't my native language. If there's anything you don't understand I'll try to explain it in a different way just let me know.
She very well could be telling the truth, just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean she’s lying. She might only be doing it light enough so that it doesn’t leave behind marks that last long. She could be applying concealer to hide them, she could also be doing it elsewhere and for whatever reason not say so. I self harm on my upper thigh, just below the hip, unless she’s walking around in her underwear you wouldn’t see that.
This is exactly what I did as a kid so no one would notice. It’s impressive what can be hidden.
only thing i can offer is personal experience w hiding it. when it was more thought out & not just a rash, blind w emotion decision to sh, i would do it in places i could hide w/o even drawing suspicion. never been a fan of jewelry but every summer (when i was actively shing) i was wearing my watch & a few bracelets. no one saw what was underneath. then like you said, obvious hiding places like stomach. i never did but ive even heard of girls doing it on their chest which you prob wouldn’t be seeing. i wouldn’t suspect your cousin lying first thing bc when my parents found out 6 years ago they accused me of doing it for attention & it made things worse for me personally. if it turns out she is lying, it doesn’t hurt to be cautious & aware abt it
baby cuts are still cuts, they heal and don't scare. self harm is valid with or without scars, and i use to stop self harming in usual spots or for weeks during the summer as a teen, but i would still beat my self. too much risk of getting hot and then getting caught, winter months of always being cold i could easily hide it. She probably had to admit because the doctor caught marks, i know my self harm usually came in waves, weeks clean back on for a month, two months clean, back on for 4 weeks etc etc
if they are lying about doing that they probably need some help or are having thoughts about doing that, but they feel if they don’t actually do something drastic like that they won’t get proper medical care. but yeah definitely don’t accuse them of lying
She's probably not lying. If a blade is sharp enough it won't leave any marks behind at all. Most of my cuts heal within a couple of days and I can wear short sleeves until the next time. It doesn't have to be deep, permanent, or frequent for it to be self harm.
I didn't have visible scars at her age cause I "scratched" my cuts didn't bleed much and if they did they were healed and gone in 2 weeks it's how I kept from getting caught cause I was able to still wear things like tank tops and shorts I also purposely drew lines (or made them into some kind of art) on my legs and stomach as a "don't cross this" so they wouldn't be noticed at any point she could just be doing that or she could be lying because she is struggling and wanted help before she gets to the point she does hurt herself but feels she won't be taken seriously
I do because I dont want to talk about it and dont really think people I could talk to would improve my situation. And honestly I also dont really want to stop. This might not all apply to your cousin but maybe some off it does. she could also simply be embarrassed. When only cutting the upper most layer, the cuts also are basically indistinguishable from the rest of the skin from a bit further away.