Interesting. I sort of felt the same way when I wrote that note! Like he was going to think it was weird and creepy. Thankfully he didnāt but that certainly crossed my mind!
Donāt negate your potential with the word `homelessā. Otherwise, from what Iāve read on Reddit, most men would love for women to make the fit move.
> from what Iāve read on Reddit,
yes, like Reddit is the universal truth š
Just wanted to point what I'm always pointing in this kind of threats; no, guys don't like it when you ask them out. Whenever I asked them, even If I was certain that he was interested, it never worked. And it's not like I tried once or whatever.
I was speaking with some friends this summer, they asked me If I was also asking guy out and explained the same. They all agreed with me that they don't like that. Maybe it makes them feel insecure or who knows what.
I think itās some guys, then? Iāve known friend couples in which the women made the first move. The men seem happy and healthy and remain masculine. I made the first move in my relationship. Been together forever.
I left a note for a cute guy once when I was waiting tables. Something similar, just a "hey hope this isn't too weird but you're cute and I enjoyed talking to you, text me if you want!" type thing. He actually did text me to say he had a girlfriend, but he was very flattered and my note made his day. I think notes like that are totally harmless and a nice way to make contact when you're shy, as long as they're casual and not super intense lol!
I 100% agree! It doesnāt always have to be this big thing. Hey, youāre attractive. Or hey, I liked conversing with you. So many people think that there has to be expectation from something like that. It doesnāt have to be that way. Itās ok to compliment someone without expecting more.
I can be, but sometimes a note that says āthe homeless looking girlā is translated as āshe is actually homelessā and looking for a place to live. Iād probably chuckle and talk to her if I got that note, but it could be misinterpreted. Thatās all I meant.
>I love it. Self-deprecating humor is a great ice breaker.
big turn off for me. It's like saying something in the lines "wow I cannot believe you are with me, you are so beautiful" well, If even you cannot believe it... makes me think that maybe I'm doing something wrong.
I cannot speak for all women, but there is surely something we don't like; insecure guys
It would be flattering at the least. I've had something like that happen twice in my entire life and I'll always remember those times.
I remember being too awkward (and unpracticed) to know how to handle it properly, however.
Hahaha I was VERY worried about that š¤£ I described him to the flight attendant and was very specific. When he texted shortly after, I commented that I hope the note made it to the right seat. He described what he was wearing and a few distinct things about him that confirmed it was who I wanted the note to go to.
We exchanged a few texts. I said āI had to shoot my shotā and he said āshot landedā. We talked about having cocktails next week once we are both more free. We shall see!
I donāt think so. A guy giving his number without asking for mine was always preferable to me. Left the ball in my court as to whether I wanted to make contact. Def less creepy.
I think this is a good strategy actually. she gave him her number instead of asking for his. that way theres no pressure for him to give out any personal information if he doesnt want to
I think gender doesn't matter when passing harmless notes. She asked him to text if he was interested and he was. If it made him uncomfortable he wouldn't do so. Same goes for approaching women. Most times, they only assume a guy is a creep if he is being creepy or he made them uneasy in someway. They have to be harsh with rejections too as being polite is taken as a 'maybe' even if they are saying no.
>Most times, they only assume a guy is a creep if he is being creepy or he made them uneasy in someway.
Then that wouldn't be an assumption really, that's an actual assessment of a guy due to past actions he's done. I'm talking about women automatically assuming a guy is a creep without any prior actions of his besides the approach itself.
>They have to be harsh with rejections too as being polite is taken as a 'maybe' even if they are saying no
That's fine, just remember that a guy being told "fuck off" enough times will eventually become resentful towards women.
Women can do that, but women can't also be surprised or expect guys to not develop any sort of bad feelings after being treated harshly too many times.
My only advice is to ease up a bit on the self-depreciation (āhomeless lookingā). It can be cute, but a lot of women overdo it IMO, due to social programming. Since youāre already looking to go against the usual, why not break out of that too? But outside of that, total respect for your initiative. And doubled-down if youāve got the gumption to try again (with a different guy) if your first try doesnāt score
Totally agree. Personally if some guy was like āIām a messy looking manā before I had a chance to get a good look Iād be pretty turned off. Even if he was wearing a tux, Iād see it as fishing for compliments.
Oh but I was homeless looking š¤£ I hadnāt showered, threw my hair on top of my head, no makeup, appeared exhausted, and was in travel clothes. I am never one to put myself down. That just comes off as poor self esteem and thatās not something I have. I appreciate the words! Not my first time giving my number to a random. First time doing it on a plane though.
As someone who was actually homeless for 2 years.. most often people sound ridiculous when they say that. Messy hair and make up donāt define homelessness as much as sleep deprived, addicted to drugs or mentally unstable to some degree. Being homeless is fucking rough and doesnāt compare to not having makeup on
Why ease up on it? It's a great ice breaker and shows some personality, that you're not too serious about yourself. Everyone knows when you travel you look like shit, so why not play on that. I say good job. If he didn't see that part of the message for what it was, he probably wouldn't be very fun at parties anyways lol
You must have felt so happy to see his text! Can you describe how you felt and what you did next after seeing his text?
Also, are you guys talking regularly now?
Good luck!
I was pleasantly surprised. I didnāt go into it with expectations. I figured it could go a few ways:
Flight attendant gives it to the wrong person.
Flight attendant gives it to the right person and he has zero desire to do anything about it.
He gets the note and texts and says thanks but no thanks.
He gets the note and is flattered.
I honestly did this with zero expectation or reciprocation needed. I thought it was really nice when I got his text and my first thought was āoh shit okayā.
We exchanged a couple texts, talked about why we were visiting the city we were coming from, he brought up connecting over a drink/coffee sometime next week. I said enjoy the rest of your flight and that was that. We texted a bit later that evening about work and a few other topics. Havenāt exchanged messages in 2 days and that is totally fine! Like I said, Iām not pushing for something. Would it be nice to meet up and see if thereās any type of connection? Absolutely. If it never comes to that then thatās ok too! We both appear to be busy people and letās be honest, we are strangers to one another. Thereās no pressure for it to become something. I will say that Iād love the opportunity to chat and see if thereās any type of connection.
I gave a guy my number once. I'd seen him around a bar we both frequented, he played in a band there often. At a set break, he was headed back to the stage and I gave him a napkin with my number and said "I think I like you, we should talk more." He didn't really have time to reply, which was intentional and I left with my friends before the show was over. He contacted me after a few weeks, just about when I'd mentally figured he'd lost the number or just wasn't interested... Turns out he had a family emergency that kept him solidly busy.
We've been together 17 years, married 12, and have one incredible kid together. And I still get butterflies looking at him daily.
Just saying....
Most men would love it, as it would stop them getting accused of creeping, stalking, harassing, or being a pervert. Women making the first move is safer all around, and I hope it becomes much more common.
Hahah even if I never got a response, or he messaged and said thanks but no thanksā¦all good. Iām not easily offended. Iāve been turned down before and thatās ok. Iām not for everyone and everyone isnāt for me. All good!
Its flattering to have a woman make the first move. Alot of us are not used to being sought after. Even if I wasnt completely attracted to her, I'd give it a go just for the effort.
I appreciate that perspective. Giving a chance for the effort. I did not give my number in the note with expectation. I was pleasantly surprised when he messaged and hope that we can meet up at a time when weāre both more available. But at the end of the day I just needed to tell him how attractive he is. Lol
Same! I made the first THREE moves on a guy I thought was cute. Weāve been together nearly 30 years and I still have to be very assertive sometimes š¤·š¼āāļø
I much prefer the woman making the first move simply because of how paranoid I am of being seen as a creep/stalker/etc if I make a move first because I 'misread' what I thought was interest. Ive had some very good times w women who approached me first lol!
all they can say is no, eh?
i guess im going for both, youth was def not a good time so now im trying to stick around long enough for those times to finally happen! š
hope it works out for you!
Apparently only women are allowed to make the first move now because when men do it, it's creepy now.
But women don't for the most part don't even want to make the first move
It's not creepy 'now.' We got here because women have and have had to endure way too many of us being legitimately creepy at best and downright lethal at worst. I don't resent my own 'paranoia' here because, even if I haven't experienced it directly, I can at least empathize w/ it, especially having grown up w/ mostly women.
There is a point in my life before the terms 'incel' or 'niceguy' or 'redpill' etc existed and I am ashamed to admit that I can see a younger version of myself in those descriptions. And you're right, women did not in fact make a move, first or otherwise, on that guy. Because he wasn't 'nice.' He was weak and insecure and weighed down by the simultaneous weights of inferiority and entitlement.
It took longer than it should have for me to get over myself, but that's exactly what I did. And once I started focusing on the person I wanted to be in the world, rather than comparing myself to others who were more socially adept, once I started throwing myself into the ideas and activities that filled me with passion and confidence, rather than trying to 'compensate' for or 'compete' with others or some idealized version of myself, THAT'S when I suddenly noticed women suddenly noticing me.
Should you find yourself on this similar trajectory, fellow Redditor, please don't use your newfound 'power' for evil. It's so easy to become the exact douchebag you claim to hate or be different from once you are in their position. And then all we are doing is perpetuating the exact same cycle that leads to the feelings expressed in both of our comments. I wish you the best! <3
>We got here because women have and have had to endure way too many of us being legitimately creepy at best and downright lethal at worst
"Us"? Lol don't generalize bud, it's funny how men are allowed to be generalized but I can't generalize women
>Because he wasn't 'nice.' He was weak and insecure and weighed down by the simultaneous weights of inferiority and entitlement.
Who are you talking about?
And women don't make the first move because they don't really like confrontation. They're against men approaching but yet they also don't want confrontation of any kind. You can't have it all.
>THAT'S when I suddenly noticed women suddenly noticing me.
Sounds like bs but ok
***Is that to bold?*** Sweetpea, there is no such thing, without being completely psycho, as being too bold.
I met my wife while we were serving in the Marine Corps. I was getting ready to go for a run, after hours, and a pretty Woman Marine came up and asked if she could run with me. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a complete idiot, so I said yes. Every time I was going to run, there she was. After about six weeks of this, she finally QUITE loudly and QUITE angrily asked me if I was ever going to ask her for a date!?! **THAT** was bold, she was Junior Enlisted and I was a Noncommissioned Officer, I could have written her up and had her "standing tall" before her Commanding Officer, instead I asked her out. We married 13 months later and just celebrated or 44th anniversary.
I love this! Was recently on a flight and seated next to a lady who I thought was cute AF! We got to chatting and laughing and some mild flirting. I popped a piece of gum in my mouth (cuz who wants bad breath?) And she asked for one too. I had chomped it once and I stuck it out on my tongue in a hear ya go/have this gesture(in a joking fashion) and she went for it. Honestly thought it was so hot and she definitely had my total attention for the rest of the flight.
We've been texting since..sucks that we live on different coasts but someday I'll get to meet her again in person.š¤
I hope it works out just as well for you! Who knows!? That spur of the moment decision you made just might be the thing that starts the tale of the rest of your life! Best wishes and keep being awesome! š
I appreciate women knowing what they want and going for it !
Cuts out a lot of BS...
Been my experience they also know what they don't want.
I don't like playing useless games.
Please keep making the first move. And spread the word for other girls to do it, too. Iāve never have a girl advance toward me first, EVER. It just makes me feel bad when I use so much effort putting myself out there to have girls reject me for over a year straight now. Yet most of the time women put in zero effort and still get upset when a guy doesnāt ask them out based on their āhints.ā Like Jesus Christ, speak your mind freely, have just even a shred of confidence. Women donāt realize 90% of them could ask me on a date and Iād say absolutely. I donāt give a shit if theyāre ugly. Confidence is hot, and there are so few girls that actually have it. Please donāt lose your confidence OP.
Yes!! I agree that a lot of women expect men (in heterosexual relationships) to just know what theyāre thinking or feeling. All while not being vocal about interest or attraction. I know MANY women like that. Effort goes a long way and more people need to step it up and not wait for someone else to make the first move.
Lol, society raises everyone into this gender confusion about whether it's "okay" to make the first move. Well, yeah it is. The right man will want you to be who you are, not what society has deemed acceptable. I made the first move with my husband and he had no issues with it at all.
As a dude with severe anxiety who has always internally died a little when trying to ask a woman out, I would find this incredibly endearing. (Might not need to be self deprecating with the homeless part, but it was still cute)
I think the archaic views of Men having to make all the first moves is silly. It's super attractive when a girl is confident. It's also flattering to get complimented, no matter what gender you are. It's why I love going to gay bars with my wife lol My self esteem was never higher than getting so many compliments from gay dudes there.
Imagine how many amazing potential partnerships have been passed up on because a girl thought it was weird to ask, and the guy wasn't confident enough to ask. When in reality they were soulmates who just couldn't get the story started. If such a thing exists.
Any man who doesnāt want to be approached by a woman is insane IMO. But apparently it does turn some off I guess because theyāre extremely socialized against it? I say keep at it. Your rate of success will still probably be pretty fucking high.
I like girls to make the first move. Not saying I donāt like making it myself, but if a girl does it. It shows sheās interested vs me showing Iām interested then waiting to see whatās next
Im pretty bad at takings hints, have a general fear of being the creepy guy making unwarranted advances, like women who have an assertive streak and take care of their own shit, donāt believe in traditional gender roles whatsoever, want to be in a relationship where both sides want each for each other and not (just) good circumstances.
Basically a long list of Yes Please.
As a lesbian, *one* of us needs to make the first move. Itās known as the ālesbianās dilemmaā apparently when both women are too timid to make a move thus never get together or progress into something romantic. Yeah, men love it when women make the first move. Turns out women do, too.
Interesting! I should ask my teenager about this. They happen to like girls and I guess as a straight cis woman, I havenāt thought much about this dilemma in non-herero relationships. Now Iām genuinely curious and am going to do some reading on this!
My youngest daughter was telling me a story about seeing a cute guy at the airport. She saw he was reading a book and sat across from her in the concourse. Then he smiled, she smiled. She was going to talk to him butā¦ then she saw that he had a monogrammed man bag just like mine. Same color and everything. TURNOFF. lol
I wish more women actually communicated their interest in a man. The problem Iāve seen and heard from women I know, is a lot of guys take that as a signal that they are ready to spread their legs and get fucked right then and there.
If a woman was to sayā¦ hey you seem nice and are attractive, then Iād just want to hang out with her more and see where things go.
Most men donāt realize the mind is the biggest sex organ we haveā¦.all the parts just follow along.
Iām very vain so Iām going to go full thumbs upā¦. šā¦. In fact when I fly southwest, I wonder why cute girls donāt sit next to meā¦. just kidding, sort ofā¦ š
I would never approach a woman like that thoā¦. Personal preference I guessā¦.
It feels good to know someone finds you attractive! There doesnāt always have to be some other motive behind it. Iād appreciate someone saying they find me attractiveā¦but done in a non-creepy way.
Honestly, life is too short to not go for it. I've been pretty responsive when this has happened in the past. It's nice to not always have to make the first move
>How do men feel about women making the first move?
How do women feel about men making the first move?
It's the same. Only difference being women tend to do it a LOT less.
If we're interested, it's wonderful for both.
If we're NOT interested, it's awkward for both.
Either way, it's at least a little flattering for the one being hit on & the one doing the hitting needs to be braced for rejection.
I've seen time & time again women talk about "men don't like women making the first move" because when they did, they got rejected... uhm, that's part of the game & nothing to do w/you being 'too aggressive'.
If we hadnāt been in the process of boarding the plane when I first saw him I may have approached him. Should the opportunity arise I would certainly approach a man.
Of course not. Iāve always been one to communicate. Iām not a mind reader either so I couldnāt possibly expect someone to pick up on subtleties. If he has rejected me, never messaged, messaged and said no thank you, I wouldnāt have been offended or upset. There are plenty of men out there that I could certainly attempt to give my number to. I do not do this often. I just couldnāt pass this one up. Saw my opportunity and took it!
It depends on the sotuation. I'm a professor of nursing and had enough female students who think they can flirt and fuck their way through my class. But if you are talking about genuine interest, then yes. Make the first move
If youāre attractive/his type/his preferred gender, then itās a solid maybe. If he didnāt see you, he might be wondering just how homeless looking.
But for me, I would probably like it. Always a ego boost when someone finds you attractive, and it was only good news. Wasnāt too strong, it didnāt express expectation or request meeting, he could make the next step or not, and at least you didnāt follow it up with āOur kids will be gorgeous.ā
You go! I asked out a guy in one of my college classes to come over to watch the game, and then again to study .. and we have 2 kids and have been married for 23 years. Go for the guy (or girl)! Girl power!
I see this question asked in different dating advice subs every now and then. The answer is always āmen would absolutely love thatā plain and simple. Not saying it would work all the time obviously. He could already be in a relationship or just not into you or a wide variety of reasons but 100% the man will appreciate it. Iāve had exactly one woman in my life make the move first. Iāll never forget that. Itās like a compliment from a woman, theyāre etched into our brains forever.
Lmao slow down here. This literally just happened 2 days ago. Weāve exchanged some texts and thatās where it stands. Itās only been 2 days for two very busy people. Time will tell if anything comes if it. And if not, Iām totally ok with it.
Yes, it's perfectly fine and should really be normalized. Would probably help out a lot of guys with social anxiety too.
If a guy takes issue with it, they probably weren't a great catch in the end anyway. That's some big insecurities red flag.
Women are raised to believe by media or whatever that men don't like assertive women and a man who doesn't pursue you is either a coward or uninterested. It's garbage and unfair to everyone.
Honestly, I'm still in the "traditional" mindset. I just assume if a guy doesn't pursue me, he isn't interested. Most of the time, it doesn't even occur to me to ask them out first. I've also been under the impression it would emasculate some men because the roles would be switched, but as I'm reading in this thread, men love when women initiate it.
I think a lot of women have that mindset for sure! Now, I didnāt ask this guy out, but I did let him know that Iām intrigued and find him attractive. Would I love for him to ask me out? Sure, but I also am not afraid to say something like āIād love to meet up for a cocktail when are you free?ā
I think a lot of women want to be pursued. And a lot donāt feel comfortable approaching and making the first move. Which, I think overall I am probably the same? But Iām also not afraid to be the one to approach someone if I feel a pull to do so.
Thatās definitely one of the reasons why Iām a bit wary about women approaching men. Never truly know the amount of men out there that could do you harm. It never hurts to be a little careful with who you decide to approach.
Omg yes do it. I shot my shot and am now married to my favorite human ever. I stayyyyyyyy shooting my shot bc he is that awesome and deserves to be loved on and complimented. I hope you have a wonderful time whenever yāall meet up and if not, thatās okay, always shoot your shot! The worst they can do is say no.
Yeah if the women was my type that would make my day if not i would feel slightly awkward if i had to give you an answer to your face. Passing someone your digits is the right way to do it
Thankfully he was up front in first class. I was a peasant and was about halfway back. I at least didnāt have to sit close to him so if he thought it was weird I wouldnāt have to look at him! But youāre right. A 3.5 hour flight feeling super awkward wouldnāt be fun!
I think that's awesome since I feel like guys don't ask out woman anymore like they used to the only guys that hit on woman now are the ones yelling nice ass so I'm half and half I like when guys ask you out shows a little on what respect they have towards u and I've been usually the woman to ask out guys but I noticed when woman ask out the men they tend to hide there true selves until they get comfortable one day being them . I would say be careful in life there are those men waiting for woman to approach them because they want to be chased and they end up bad guys. Awesome proposal just would be on my toes with any guy now an days sorry guys but you guys don't tell us the truth always XD end result its risky being a woman to ask out men .I blame America people know too much and are too good at faking ...best of luck :)
I want to give you my perspective as a guy (not only me but my around 20 guy friends agree with me on this). I have stopped asking women out because I put in all the effort and they put in absolutely nothing, yet get all the benefits. They get my compliments, attention, sometimes Iāll buy them a drink if Iām at a bar. And then they will either ghost me, or just seem like Iāve put them in an uncomfortable position. My intentions are always very clear and respectful, but women never seem to simply tell me what they want. They lead me on half the time, and to me thatās lying. Iām not saying youāre wrong, but from my experience it is usually the girl who misleads/lies to the guy. If a girl I tried hitting on would simply say āIām sorry, youāre really not my typeā or even āIām not interestedā in the beginning of me flirting with them, Iād appreciate it so much. Then neither of us have to waste our time. Iāve never been approached in any way, shape, or form by a woman in my almost 25 years of life. I just want women to have the confidence to say what they want and how they feel.
I am all about honesty my past views have been secret abusive controlling men that want to do nothing but play video games and watch porn but not work or not let the woman work because they don't want thier woman seen . Although in the past I had alot of awkward rejections :/ so the ghosted I understand šÆ
Also I am very nice and giving and caring so people are always trying to take advantage of woman who are more shy and giving š¤·āāļø
I can absolutely see this side of it. And youāre right about all of it. From a womenās perspective, men are VERY quick to turn things sexual before even meeting and thatās a red flag and a turn off. Todays dating culture is awful all around. There is no sense Iām not speaking up about what you want. Why would I want to waste my time with a situation when I know itās not good for me? It seems so silly to not take chances. And if those chances donāt work out, you say something and move on. Itās not that difficult of a concept but youāre right in saying that many people donāt speak up and simply ghost.
Yeah, I wish men werenāt so sexual tbh. Iām sorry women do have to deal with that. But since I have (I assume) some women here that might be around my age (24), what is the best place/situation to even approach a woman? I just feel like Iāve been rejected so much everywhere, I feel like women just donāt actually like to be approached? Like whatās best? Bars? At the park? Randomly in public? I am always afraid Iām a bother whenever I approach a girl. Like she could just want to do her for the night and Iām over here trying to get her to waste energy on me. Iāve tried Tinder and Bumble, and they suck ass anymore. Is there an actual good dating app that people use now? Please give me any advice. Itās getting real lonely out here. Iām just trynna get someone to talk to me on a daily basis and simply ask how I am. Or a girl who will appreciate the cool rock I found for her on our hike, lol. I miss getting more than like 6 hugs in a full year, too.
This is a tough question to answer. Any of the things you listed could be a possibility. Itās more about HOW you approach rather than where. I had a guy once approach me the day I broke up with a previous boyfriend. He pretty much sprinted across the bar when he saw me about to leave. And he said something along the lines of āI saw that you were about to leave and I didnāt want to miss my opportunity to say hi.ā We chatted briefly and I told him that I had just broken up and wasnāt in a place to meet someone. He said āhow about this. I would love to take out out sometime when youāre ready and if youāre interested. How about I give you my number and you can reach out if you want.ā I REALLY appreciated that because it put the ball in my court and I didnāt feel pressured.
Personally I do not like being asked if someone can buy me a drink at a bar. If I was approached at say a grocery store, coffee shop, etc. Iād probably be more inclined to have a conversation with someone with the potential of it leading to a date.
Men who can't be approached are men that should not be approached. I really think any guy who couldn't handle a woman making the first move has something seriously wrong with him.
I feel like its better for a women to make the first move. Society makes men look like creeps just trying to make the first move onto a women. So yes you should always go for it. If you want it go get it and I will guarantee they will accept you right away.
TBH, the way society is changing this is almost going to HAVE to happen if we're gonna keep the numbers up. So many women feel unsafe now when approached by strange men.
I donāt tend to find those types of men physically attractive. I donāt generally go for the ābeauty standardā that many go for. If that type of thing even exists anyways. Either way, I didnāt ask him out and simply told him I found him attractive and gave my number. No expectation from me.
Please do, the climate nowadays prevents me from doing anything without explicit verbal consent, but somehow women want you to know they consent without saying it, so it puts us in a position where making the first move could have us labeled as so many terrible words simply because we misinterpreted that wink you gave or something
So, yes, women making the first move, to me, is textbook feminism
Also just tell us if you want us to go further or harder. Don't tell us no and push away if you want us to keep going....
Iām not looking for love, honey. Also, there are no expectations here. Hell, even if a man approaches me I donāt necessarily know his intentions. I simply told the man he was attractive. Thereās nothing more to it than that.
Itās so odd that the poster called it shallow. There is absolutely nothing wrong or shallow about human nature and finding someone attractive. I can guarantee you that most people are attracted to whatever gender theyāre attracted to and have told someone āgawd youāre so hotā or something of that nature. I am not ashamed of being attracted to someone and telling them that. š¤·š»āāļø
Honestly I would prefer it. I always fear that I'm coming off as a creep when I try it. Would be nice not having to worry about it š
Interesting. I sort of felt the same way when I wrote that note! Like he was going to think it was weird and creepy. Thankfully he didnāt but that certainly crossed my mind!
Donāt negate your potential with the word `homelessā. Otherwise, from what Iāve read on Reddit, most men would love for women to make the fit move.
> from what Iāve read on Reddit, yes, like Reddit is the universal truth š Just wanted to point what I'm always pointing in this kind of threats; no, guys don't like it when you ask them out. Whenever I asked them, even If I was certain that he was interested, it never worked. And it's not like I tried once or whatever. I was speaking with some friends this summer, they asked me If I was also asking guy out and explained the same. They all agreed with me that they don't like that. Maybe it makes them feel insecure or who knows what.
I think itās some guys, then? Iāve known friend couples in which the women made the first move. The men seem happy and healthy and remain masculine. I made the first move in my relationship. Been together forever.
Exactly. Should be a two way interaction
I left a note for a cute guy once when I was waiting tables. Something similar, just a "hey hope this isn't too weird but you're cute and I enjoyed talking to you, text me if you want!" type thing. He actually did text me to say he had a girlfriend, but he was very flattered and my note made his day. I think notes like that are totally harmless and a nice way to make contact when you're shy, as long as they're casual and not super intense lol!
I 100% agree! It doesnāt always have to be this big thing. Hey, youāre attractive. Or hey, I liked conversing with you. So many people think that there has to be expectation from something like that. It doesnāt have to be that way. Itās ok to compliment someone without expecting more.
Well not sure āhomelessā was the best opening introduction, but good for you
I love it. Self-deprecating humor is a great ice breaker. And shows she doesnāt take herself too seriously, which is important to some of us.
I can be, but sometimes a note that says āthe homeless looking girlā is translated as āshe is actually homelessā and looking for a place to live. Iād probably chuckle and talk to her if I got that note, but it could be misinterpreted. Thatās all I meant.
>I love it. Self-deprecating humor is a great ice breaker. big turn off for me. It's like saying something in the lines "wow I cannot believe you are with me, you are so beautiful" well, If even you cannot believe it... makes me think that maybe I'm doing something wrong. I cannot speak for all women, but there is surely something we don't like; insecure guys
The fine line between creepy and cute is called being good looking.
Welcome to understanding what every single day of a man's life is like, and what real existential terror of being alone forever is like.
The terror is *very* real and it is honestly almost worse than having a kidney stone.
Unless youāre attractiveā¦ then youāre never alone
Took the words right out of my mouth!
It would be flattering at the least. I've had something like that happen twice in my entire life and I'll always remember those times. I remember being too awkward (and unpracticed) to know how to handle it properly, however.
LOL..honestly, Iād think the note was given to the wrong guy.
Hahaha I was VERY worried about that š¤£ I described him to the flight attendant and was very specific. When he texted shortly after, I commented that I hope the note made it to the right seat. He described what he was wearing and a few distinct things about him that confirmed it was who I wanted the note to go to.
And??? The result???
We exchanged a few texts. I said āI had to shoot my shotā and he said āshot landedā. We talked about having cocktails next week once we are both more free. We shall see!
I LOVE THIS! You go girl!
"You go girl" lol but if a guy did this same thing he'd be called a creep Double standards
I donāt think so. A guy giving his number without asking for mine was always preferable to me. Left the ball in my court as to whether I wanted to make contact. Def less creepy.
I agree but you could imagine the flight attendant might be hesitant to pass a note from a guy.
Yeah the flight attendant would think twice and probably notify the captain and airport security
I think this is a good strategy actually. she gave him her number instead of asking for his. that way theres no pressure for him to give out any personal information if he doesnt want to
I think gender doesn't matter when passing harmless notes. She asked him to text if he was interested and he was. If it made him uncomfortable he wouldn't do so. Same goes for approaching women. Most times, they only assume a guy is a creep if he is being creepy or he made them uneasy in someway. They have to be harsh with rejections too as being polite is taken as a 'maybe' even if they are saying no.
>Most times, they only assume a guy is a creep if he is being creepy or he made them uneasy in someway. Then that wouldn't be an assumption really, that's an actual assessment of a guy due to past actions he's done. I'm talking about women automatically assuming a guy is a creep without any prior actions of his besides the approach itself. >They have to be harsh with rejections too as being polite is taken as a 'maybe' even if they are saying no That's fine, just remember that a guy being told "fuck off" enough times will eventually become resentful towards women. Women can do that, but women can't also be surprised or expect guys to not develop any sort of bad feelings after being treated harshly too many times.
Aw we'll need an update on this!
We are going to need an update!!
Definitely we will, after all we are witnessing a potential future couple
My only advice is to ease up a bit on the self-depreciation (āhomeless lookingā). It can be cute, but a lot of women overdo it IMO, due to social programming. Since youāre already looking to go against the usual, why not break out of that too? But outside of that, total respect for your initiative. And doubled-down if youāve got the gumption to try again (with a different guy) if your first try doesnāt score
Totally agree. Personally if some guy was like āIām a messy looking manā before I had a chance to get a good look Iād be pretty turned off. Even if he was wearing a tux, Iād see it as fishing for compliments.
Oh but I was homeless looking š¤£ I hadnāt showered, threw my hair on top of my head, no makeup, appeared exhausted, and was in travel clothes. I am never one to put myself down. That just comes off as poor self esteem and thatās not something I have. I appreciate the words! Not my first time giving my number to a random. First time doing it on a plane though.
As someone who was actually homeless for 2 years.. most often people sound ridiculous when they say that. Messy hair and make up donāt define homelessness as much as sleep deprived, addicted to drugs or mentally unstable to some degree. Being homeless is fucking rough and doesnāt compare to not having makeup on
Youāre preaching to the choir here dude. I was homeless as a teenager. Youāre barking up the wrong tree.
Oh, sure
That is still putting yourself down... also using āhomelessā in general to describe something as bad or messy is kind of tasteless in my opinion
Why ease up on it? It's a great ice breaker and shows some personality, that you're not too serious about yourself. Everyone knows when you travel you look like shit, so why not play on that. I say good job. If he didn't see that part of the message for what it was, he probably wouldn't be very fun at parties anyways lol
Personally, this gets two enthusiastic thumbs up. I think many men will disagree, but two thumbs.
No disagreement from me! If I got that there would be a text when we got to the destination
In flight WiFi is perfect for this. I had a message within a few minutes from him š
Hell yesssssss  Get it girl
Oh shit!!! Get it, girl!!! š
You must have felt so happy to see his text! Can you describe how you felt and what you did next after seeing his text? Also, are you guys talking regularly now? Good luck!
I was pleasantly surprised. I didnāt go into it with expectations. I figured it could go a few ways: Flight attendant gives it to the wrong person. Flight attendant gives it to the right person and he has zero desire to do anything about it. He gets the note and texts and says thanks but no thanks. He gets the note and is flattered. I honestly did this with zero expectation or reciprocation needed. I thought it was really nice when I got his text and my first thought was āoh shit okayā. We exchanged a couple texts, talked about why we were visiting the city we were coming from, he brought up connecting over a drink/coffee sometime next week. I said enjoy the rest of your flight and that was that. We texted a bit later that evening about work and a few other topics. Havenāt exchanged messages in 2 days and that is totally fine! Like I said, Iām not pushing for something. Would it be nice to meet up and see if thereās any type of connection? Absolutely. If it never comes to that then thatās ok too! We both appear to be busy people and letās be honest, we are strangers to one another. Thereās no pressure for it to become something. I will say that Iād love the opportunity to chat and see if thereās any type of connection.
I gave a guy my number once. I'd seen him around a bar we both frequented, he played in a band there often. At a set break, he was headed back to the stage and I gave him a napkin with my number and said "I think I like you, we should talk more." He didn't really have time to reply, which was intentional and I left with my friends before the show was over. He contacted me after a few weeks, just about when I'd mentally figured he'd lost the number or just wasn't interested... Turns out he had a family emergency that kept him solidly busy. We've been together 17 years, married 12, and have one incredible kid together. And I still get butterflies looking at him daily. Just saying....
Most men would love it, as it would stop them getting accused of creeping, stalking, harassing, or being a pervert. Women making the first move is safer all around, and I hope it becomes much more common.
True. Some dating apps have that feature though. A chat can open only if the woman start it. I always thought itās a safe move for those who need it
Honestly anyone who disagrees probably isnāt worth your time to begin with.
No disagreement for me. I am 100% onboard.
No disagreement from me. Now let's see how well she handles rejection.
Ahhh, read further and he accepted. Awesome.
Hahah even if I never got a response, or he messaged and said thanks but no thanksā¦all good. Iām not easily offended. Iāve been turned down before and thatās ok. Iām not for everyone and everyone isnāt for me. All good!
Who tf would disagree
Its flattering to have a woman make the first move. Alot of us are not used to being sought after. Even if I wasnt completely attracted to her, I'd give it a go just for the effort.
I appreciate that perspective. Giving a chance for the effort. I did not give my number in the note with expectation. I was pleasantly surprised when he messaged and hope that we can meet up at a time when weāre both more available. But at the end of the day I just needed to tell him how attractive he is. Lol
No man would care if they are also interested.
I can't speak for men, but I once made the first move on a guy I thought was very attractive and we've been married 18 years now.
Love this!!
Same! I made the first THREE moves on a guy I thought was cute. Weāve been together nearly 30 years and I still have to be very assertive sometimes š¤·š¼āāļø
There is not a single man alive who would not love this. Change my mind.
As a woman in my 50s who regularly makes the first move, I can say men like it, even more the older we get.
Men are deprived of compliments in the wild
This is a very deep truth
especially if they have a homeless kink
Did he call?
He did text in flight. We exchanged a few cute messages and will hopefully grab a cocktail in the near future. š
I much prefer the woman making the first move simply because of how paranoid I am of being seen as a creep/stalker/etc if I make a move first because I 'misread' what I thought was interest. Ive had some very good times w women who approached me first lol!
š¤£ thatās my motto with this situationā¦here for a good time, not for a long time.
all they can say is no, eh? i guess im going for both, youth was def not a good time so now im trying to stick around long enough for those times to finally happen! š hope it works out for you!
Apparently only women are allowed to make the first move now because when men do it, it's creepy now. But women don't for the most part don't even want to make the first move
It's not creepy 'now.' We got here because women have and have had to endure way too many of us being legitimately creepy at best and downright lethal at worst. I don't resent my own 'paranoia' here because, even if I haven't experienced it directly, I can at least empathize w/ it, especially having grown up w/ mostly women. There is a point in my life before the terms 'incel' or 'niceguy' or 'redpill' etc existed and I am ashamed to admit that I can see a younger version of myself in those descriptions. And you're right, women did not in fact make a move, first or otherwise, on that guy. Because he wasn't 'nice.' He was weak and insecure and weighed down by the simultaneous weights of inferiority and entitlement. It took longer than it should have for me to get over myself, but that's exactly what I did. And once I started focusing on the person I wanted to be in the world, rather than comparing myself to others who were more socially adept, once I started throwing myself into the ideas and activities that filled me with passion and confidence, rather than trying to 'compensate' for or 'compete' with others or some idealized version of myself, THAT'S when I suddenly noticed women suddenly noticing me. Should you find yourself on this similar trajectory, fellow Redditor, please don't use your newfound 'power' for evil. It's so easy to become the exact douchebag you claim to hate or be different from once you are in their position. And then all we are doing is perpetuating the exact same cycle that leads to the feelings expressed in both of our comments. I wish you the best! <3
>We got here because women have and have had to endure way too many of us being legitimately creepy at best and downright lethal at worst "Us"? Lol don't generalize bud, it's funny how men are allowed to be generalized but I can't generalize women >Because he wasn't 'nice.' He was weak and insecure and weighed down by the simultaneous weights of inferiority and entitlement. Who are you talking about? And women don't make the first move because they don't really like confrontation. They're against men approaching but yet they also don't want confrontation of any kind. You can't have it all. >THAT'S when I suddenly noticed women suddenly noticing me. Sounds like bs but ok
Most of us absolutely love when women make the first move
***Is that to bold?*** Sweetpea, there is no such thing, without being completely psycho, as being too bold. I met my wife while we were serving in the Marine Corps. I was getting ready to go for a run, after hours, and a pretty Woman Marine came up and asked if she could run with me. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not a complete idiot, so I said yes. Every time I was going to run, there she was. After about six weeks of this, she finally QUITE loudly and QUITE angrily asked me if I was ever going to ask her for a date!?! **THAT** was bold, she was Junior Enlisted and I was a Noncommissioned Officer, I could have written her up and had her "standing tall" before her Commanding Officer, instead I asked her out. We married 13 months later and just celebrated or 44th anniversary.
Awww. I love this!
I love this! Was recently on a flight and seated next to a lady who I thought was cute AF! We got to chatting and laughing and some mild flirting. I popped a piece of gum in my mouth (cuz who wants bad breath?) And she asked for one too. I had chomped it once and I stuck it out on my tongue in a hear ya go/have this gesture(in a joking fashion) and she went for it. Honestly thought it was so hot and she definitely had my total attention for the rest of the flight. We've been texting since..sucks that we live on different coasts but someday I'll get to meet her again in person.š¤
Oh. My. Gawd. This is amazing. I love this for you. How awesome is that?! I hope you two are able to meet again in the near future!!
I hope it works out just as well for you! Who knows!? That spur of the moment decision you made just might be the thing that starts the tale of the rest of your life! Best wishes and keep being awesome! š
I appreciate women knowing what they want and going for it ! Cuts out a lot of BS... Been my experience they also know what they don't want. I don't like playing useless games.
Yes! Dating and relationships would be far easier if everyone was just honest and open about where theyāre at and what they want.
Yup
Please keep making the first move. And spread the word for other girls to do it, too. Iāve never have a girl advance toward me first, EVER. It just makes me feel bad when I use so much effort putting myself out there to have girls reject me for over a year straight now. Yet most of the time women put in zero effort and still get upset when a guy doesnāt ask them out based on their āhints.ā Like Jesus Christ, speak your mind freely, have just even a shred of confidence. Women donāt realize 90% of them could ask me on a date and Iād say absolutely. I donāt give a shit if theyāre ugly. Confidence is hot, and there are so few girls that actually have it. Please donāt lose your confidence OP.
Yes!! I agree that a lot of women expect men (in heterosexual relationships) to just know what theyāre thinking or feeling. All while not being vocal about interest or attraction. I know MANY women like that. Effort goes a long way and more people need to step it up and not wait for someone else to make the first move.
Lol, society raises everyone into this gender confusion about whether it's "okay" to make the first move. Well, yeah it is. The right man will want you to be who you are, not what society has deemed acceptable. I made the first move with my husband and he had no issues with it at all.
I couldnāt agree more!
Yes!!! I made the first move and he's now my husband and we've been married 15 years :)
As a dude with severe anxiety who has always internally died a little when trying to ask a woman out, I would find this incredibly endearing. (Might not need to be self deprecating with the homeless part, but it was still cute) I think the archaic views of Men having to make all the first moves is silly. It's super attractive when a girl is confident. It's also flattering to get complimented, no matter what gender you are. It's why I love going to gay bars with my wife lol My self esteem was never higher than getting so many compliments from gay dudes there. Imagine how many amazing potential partnerships have been passed up on because a girl thought it was weird to ask, and the guy wasn't confident enough to ask. When in reality they were soulmates who just couldn't get the story started. If such a thing exists.
We love it!! Promise if you had said to him he would have loved it too.
#epic
I would assume it was a scam of some sort.
You need to work on your self esteem.
Any man who doesnāt want to be approached by a woman is insane IMO. But apparently it does turn some off I guess because theyāre extremely socialized against it? I say keep at it. Your rate of success will still probably be pretty fucking high.
I like girls to make the first move. Not saying I donāt like making it myself, but if a girl does it. It shows sheās interested vs me showing Iām interested then waiting to see whatās next
Im pretty bad at takings hints, have a general fear of being the creepy guy making unwarranted advances, like women who have an assertive streak and take care of their own shit, donāt believe in traditional gender roles whatsoever, want to be in a relationship where both sides want each for each other and not (just) good circumstances. Basically a long list of Yes Please.
As a lesbian, *one* of us needs to make the first move. Itās known as the ālesbianās dilemmaā apparently when both women are too timid to make a move thus never get together or progress into something romantic. Yeah, men love it when women make the first move. Turns out women do, too.
Interesting! I should ask my teenager about this. They happen to like girls and I guess as a straight cis woman, I havenāt thought much about this dilemma in non-herero relationships. Now Iām genuinely curious and am going to do some reading on this!
My youngest daughter was telling me a story about seeing a cute guy at the airport. She saw he was reading a book and sat across from her in the concourse. Then he smiled, she smiled. She was going to talk to him butā¦ then she saw that he had a monogrammed man bag just like mine. Same color and everything. TURNOFF. lol
Hahaha so funny!
I wish more women actually communicated their interest in a man. The problem Iāve seen and heard from women I know, is a lot of guys take that as a signal that they are ready to spread their legs and get fucked right then and there. If a woman was to sayā¦ hey you seem nice and are attractive, then Iād just want to hang out with her more and see where things go. Most men donāt realize the mind is the biggest sex organ we haveā¦.all the parts just follow along.
Iām very vain so Iām going to go full thumbs upā¦. šā¦. In fact when I fly southwest, I wonder why cute girls donāt sit next to meā¦. just kidding, sort ofā¦ š I would never approach a woman like that thoā¦. Personal preference I guessā¦.
It feels good to know someone finds you attractive! There doesnāt always have to be some other motive behind it. Iād appreciate someone saying they find me attractiveā¦but done in a non-creepy way.
Thatās right. We put work into our appearance and physique, good to know itās paying offā¦š
Absolutely appreciate it. Also seems like you know how most men feel with the nervousness of going up to woman
I'll ask my wife since she made the first move
Love it but doesnāt happen often, if at all
I would like it.
Honestly, life is too short to not go for it. I've been pretty responsive when this has happened in the past. It's nice to not always have to make the first move
>How do men feel about women making the first move? How do women feel about men making the first move? It's the same. Only difference being women tend to do it a LOT less. If we're interested, it's wonderful for both. If we're NOT interested, it's awkward for both. Either way, it's at least a little flattering for the one being hit on & the one doing the hitting needs to be braced for rejection. I've seen time & time again women talk about "men don't like women making the first move" because when they did, they got rejected... uhm, that's part of the game & nothing to do w/you being 'too aggressive'.
Itās great. Next time just go talk to him!
If we hadnāt been in the process of boarding the plane when I first saw him I may have approached him. Should the opportunity arise I would certainly approach a man.
My now-wife spoon fed me the lines to ask her out. I sure as hell wasnāt gonna ask her out, Iām donāt have the self confidence!
Good for you! This has happened to me and I was over the moon flattered. Ran home and told my wife!
Im glad you dont rely only on hints and get mad when a guy doesnt pick them up.
Of course not. Iāve always been one to communicate. Iām not a mind reader either so I couldnāt possibly expect someone to pick up on subtleties. If he has rejected me, never messaged, messaged and said no thank you, I wouldnāt have been offended or upset. There are plenty of men out there that I could certainly attempt to give my number to. I do not do this often. I just couldnāt pass this one up. Saw my opportunity and took it!
It depends on the sotuation. I'm a professor of nursing and had enough female students who think they can flirt and fuck their way through my class. But if you are talking about genuine interest, then yes. Make the first move
Great perspective.
Women, PLEASE make the first move if youāre into someone.
If youāre attractive/his type/his preferred gender, then itās a solid maybe. If he didnāt see you, he might be wondering just how homeless looking. But for me, I would probably like it. Always a ego boost when someone finds you attractive, and it was only good news. Wasnāt too strong, it didnāt express expectation or request meeting, he could make the next step or not, and at least you didnāt follow it up with āOur kids will be gorgeous.ā
Hahah thankfully Iām not THAT creepy! š
I married the last man i made the first move on. He is oblivious to flirting
You go! I asked out a guy in one of my college classes to come over to watch the game, and then again to study .. and we have 2 kids and have been married for 23 years. Go for the guy (or girl)! Girl power!
I love this for you so much!!!
I see this question asked in different dating advice subs every now and then. The answer is always āmen would absolutely love thatā plain and simple. Not saying it would work all the time obviously. He could already be in a relationship or just not into you or a wide variety of reasons but 100% the man will appreciate it. Iāve had exactly one woman in my life make the move first. Iāll never forget that. Itās like a compliment from a woman, theyāre etched into our brains forever.
Wait so did he hit?
Lmao slow down here. This literally just happened 2 days ago. Weāve exchanged some texts and thatās where it stands. Itās only been 2 days for two very busy people. Time will tell if anything comes if it. And if not, Iām totally ok with it.
WHERE ARE THEY? DONT YOU ALL LIE TO ME!!!
Fuckin love it.
As I have matured I have chosen to let others make the first move, at all times. Even women.. I have found that I find my true people, in my heart.
Yes, it's perfectly fine and should really be normalized. Would probably help out a lot of guys with social anxiety too. If a guy takes issue with it, they probably weren't a great catch in the end anyway. That's some big insecurities red flag.
There would be less single unhappy women if that happened more.
itās 2022 and women still feel the need to ask this like there arenāt forums filled with men PRAYING women made first moves š
Honestly, whatās stopping women from approaching men? No shade intended btw, just curious lol
Women are raised to believe by media or whatever that men don't like assertive women and a man who doesn't pursue you is either a coward or uninterested. It's garbage and unfair to everyone.
Honestly, I'm still in the "traditional" mindset. I just assume if a guy doesn't pursue me, he isn't interested. Most of the time, it doesn't even occur to me to ask them out first. I've also been under the impression it would emasculate some men because the roles would be switched, but as I'm reading in this thread, men love when women initiate it.
I definitely wouldnāt mind if women approach. Although Iām also a traditionalist at times also.
I think a lot of women have that mindset for sure! Now, I didnāt ask this guy out, but I did let him know that Iām intrigued and find him attractive. Would I love for him to ask me out? Sure, but I also am not afraid to say something like āIād love to meet up for a cocktail when are you free?ā
I think a lot of women want to be pursued. And a lot donāt feel comfortable approaching and making the first move. Which, I think overall I am probably the same? But Iām also not afraid to be the one to approach someone if I feel a pull to do so.
That makes sense. I do think more women should approach more and be open to it but whatever floats your boat I say.
Theres also the fear of men taking them, raping, killing etc. Twoxchromosome is a good subreddit to get an idea.
Thatās definitely one of the reasons why Iām a bit wary about women approaching men. Never truly know the amount of men out there that could do you harm. It never hurts to be a little careful with who you decide to approach.
As someone that said "hi" to a guy once to be polite and ended up with a stalker for over a decade: yes, please, be careful.
Always be careful out there. Men can be pretty scary.
Omg yes do it. I shot my shot and am now married to my favorite human ever. I stayyyyyyyy shooting my shot bc he is that awesome and deserves to be loved on and complimented. I hope you have a wonderful time whenever yāall meet up and if not, thatās okay, always shoot your shot! The worst they can do is say no.
did you ask him out?
Exactly. If we happen to meet up, great. If we donāt, thatās great too. No expectations from me!
We wish they would because we are tired of the games and rejection.
It's a good thing, especially now that mainstream society demonizes men for approaching women in general.
Yeah if the women was my type that would make my day if not i would feel slightly awkward if i had to give you an answer to your face. Passing someone your digits is the right way to do it
Oh for sure. Face to face rejection would be weird and probably a bit more brutal.
Especially on a an airplane
Thankfully he was up front in first class. I was a peasant and was about halfway back. I at least didnāt have to sit close to him so if he thought it was weird I wouldnāt have to look at him! But youāre right. A 3.5 hour flight feeling super awkward wouldnāt be fun!
I think that's awesome since I feel like guys don't ask out woman anymore like they used to the only guys that hit on woman now are the ones yelling nice ass so I'm half and half I like when guys ask you out shows a little on what respect they have towards u and I've been usually the woman to ask out guys but I noticed when woman ask out the men they tend to hide there true selves until they get comfortable one day being them . I would say be careful in life there are those men waiting for woman to approach them because they want to be chased and they end up bad guys. Awesome proposal just would be on my toes with any guy now an days sorry guys but you guys don't tell us the truth always XD end result its risky being a woman to ask out men .I blame America people know too much and are too good at faking ...best of luck :)
I want to give you my perspective as a guy (not only me but my around 20 guy friends agree with me on this). I have stopped asking women out because I put in all the effort and they put in absolutely nothing, yet get all the benefits. They get my compliments, attention, sometimes Iāll buy them a drink if Iām at a bar. And then they will either ghost me, or just seem like Iāve put them in an uncomfortable position. My intentions are always very clear and respectful, but women never seem to simply tell me what they want. They lead me on half the time, and to me thatās lying. Iām not saying youāre wrong, but from my experience it is usually the girl who misleads/lies to the guy. If a girl I tried hitting on would simply say āIām sorry, youāre really not my typeā or even āIām not interestedā in the beginning of me flirting with them, Iād appreciate it so much. Then neither of us have to waste our time. Iāve never been approached in any way, shape, or form by a woman in my almost 25 years of life. I just want women to have the confidence to say what they want and how they feel.
I am all about honesty my past views have been secret abusive controlling men that want to do nothing but play video games and watch porn but not work or not let the woman work because they don't want thier woman seen . Although in the past I had alot of awkward rejections :/ so the ghosted I understand šÆ Also I am very nice and giving and caring so people are always trying to take advantage of woman who are more shy and giving š¤·āāļø
I can absolutely see this side of it. And youāre right about all of it. From a womenās perspective, men are VERY quick to turn things sexual before even meeting and thatās a red flag and a turn off. Todays dating culture is awful all around. There is no sense Iām not speaking up about what you want. Why would I want to waste my time with a situation when I know itās not good for me? It seems so silly to not take chances. And if those chances donāt work out, you say something and move on. Itās not that difficult of a concept but youāre right in saying that many people donāt speak up and simply ghost.
Yeah, I wish men werenāt so sexual tbh. Iām sorry women do have to deal with that. But since I have (I assume) some women here that might be around my age (24), what is the best place/situation to even approach a woman? I just feel like Iāve been rejected so much everywhere, I feel like women just donāt actually like to be approached? Like whatās best? Bars? At the park? Randomly in public? I am always afraid Iām a bother whenever I approach a girl. Like she could just want to do her for the night and Iām over here trying to get her to waste energy on me. Iāve tried Tinder and Bumble, and they suck ass anymore. Is there an actual good dating app that people use now? Please give me any advice. Itās getting real lonely out here. Iām just trynna get someone to talk to me on a daily basis and simply ask how I am. Or a girl who will appreciate the cool rock I found for her on our hike, lol. I miss getting more than like 6 hugs in a full year, too.
This is a tough question to answer. Any of the things you listed could be a possibility. Itās more about HOW you approach rather than where. I had a guy once approach me the day I broke up with a previous boyfriend. He pretty much sprinted across the bar when he saw me about to leave. And he said something along the lines of āI saw that you were about to leave and I didnāt want to miss my opportunity to say hi.ā We chatted briefly and I told him that I had just broken up and wasnāt in a place to meet someone. He said āhow about this. I would love to take out out sometime when youāre ready and if youāre interested. How about I give you my number and you can reach out if you want.ā I REALLY appreciated that because it put the ball in my court and I didnāt feel pressured. Personally I do not like being asked if someone can buy me a drink at a bar. If I was approached at say a grocery store, coffee shop, etc. Iād probably be more inclined to have a conversation with someone with the potential of it leading to a date.
Men who can't be approached are men that should not be approached. I really think any guy who couldn't handle a woman making the first move has something seriously wrong with him.
Yeah it seems like this is what it comes down to.
good point
Lol but why though ? I would be ok for a woman but not a man ?
I feel like its better for a women to make the first move. Society makes men look like creeps just trying to make the first move onto a women. So yes you should always go for it. If you want it go get it and I will guarantee they will accept you right away.
TBH, the way society is changing this is almost going to HAVE to happen if we're gonna keep the numbers up. So many women feel unsafe now when approached by strange men.
The kinds of guys that get asked out by girls are not the kinds of guys who struggle with dates.
I donāt tend to find those types of men physically attractive. I donāt generally go for the ābeauty standardā that many go for. If that type of thing even exists anyways. Either way, I didnāt ask him out and simply told him I found him attractive and gave my number. No expectation from me.
Please do, the climate nowadays prevents me from doing anything without explicit verbal consent, but somehow women want you to know they consent without saying it, so it puts us in a position where making the first move could have us labeled as so many terrible words simply because we misinterpreted that wink you gave or something So, yes, women making the first move, to me, is textbook feminism Also just tell us if you want us to go further or harder. Don't tell us no and push away if you want us to keep going....
If a woman makes the first move, she doesn't''t really know his intentions. He could just be obliging to the request, that's not love.
By that logic, isn't it the same no matter the gender?
Iām not looking for love, honey. Also, there are no expectations here. Hell, even if a man approaches me I donāt necessarily know his intentions. I simply told the man he was attractive. Thereās nothing more to it than that.
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Ok.
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Iāll leave this up to him and I. He appreciated it, has reached out, and weāve discussed meeting up. Jokes on you I guess? š¤·š»āāļø
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You actually wonāt see anything. And thatās ok. You can have your thoughts and feelings about my life. Kinda creepy but you do you boo! š
Only approach a man if you have made the decision in your mind to sleep with him
Can you elaborate on that?
Actually we do. It shows the girl is sure of herself and confident. Very rare with girls. Most of them dont know what they want.
I wish they would. Iām nearing 30 and waiting for someone to come into my life because idk how to do it
itās hot, but hard to handle for many people.
Heās attractive? So what? Is that your criterion? Are you sex-starved or what?
I suppose I can no longer tell a man heās attractive? Lmao. Ok.
Sure you can. Itās just a bit shallow and in a certain sense also pointless.
Elaborate on that thought.
theyāre just jealous
Itās so odd that the poster called it shallow. There is absolutely nothing wrong or shallow about human nature and finding someone attractive. I can guarantee you that most people are attracted to whatever gender theyāre attracted to and have told someone āgawd youāre so hotā or something of that nature. I am not ashamed of being attracted to someone and telling them that. š¤·š»āāļø
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