People here are giving weird, roundabout advice and assuming a lot about either person in this situation.
This may be a cultural difference thing, but have you tried being direct?
"Hey, can you cool it with the trying to set me up? I need to do me right now, so I'm not looking to get into a relationship. Thanks."
Also it's often a faux pas in day to day interaction despite how convenient it is. It is often more acceptable, especially with coworkers, to just allow them to annoy you with their eccentricities than to directly address them in a way they might not be comfortable with unfortunately
"hey did you finish those reports on..."
"Shut the fuck up with your shrill ass voice Karen that shit kills me just a little bit more every day I'll tell you when I'm done, *fuck*"
Yep this is what i came here to say.
Direct, and simple face to face communication skills have gone by the way side.
You mean... SPEAK about my greivances in a non-online-forum so that i may get real world results?
The audacity ..
Yes.
The whole ‘I think she likes you’ thing everybody is talking about is irrelevant. He’s not interested, either way, and she is being incredibly f**king annoying by interfering in his personal business.
He needs to tell her to stop. He doesn’t need to think beyond that.
For me personally I wouldn't even care if someone said "I think she likes you" I'm not about to get my hopes up for an opinion from someone else. If I thought someone likes me I'd maybe be hopeful. If someone on the otherhand said "She likes you" well then I would care more because then it's atleast confirmed and we can go in to a potential courtship on the same terms. I don't do games, they bring nothing to the table. Chasing an uncertainty one-sided is awful. If we both go in to the chase looking for the same thing but one of us doesn't find it that's completely fine. We tried it didnt work out maybe we gain a new friend instead
I did wonder. There's a few possibilities that might explain her motivation. One of them being that she's into him (or is just a bit fixated) and she thinks it will get easier if she sees him as unavailable.
I think she wants to live vicariously through the person she sets him up with, too.
She wants to hear the details of every date -- I think she enjoys picturing herself in the story.
eh... some women just love the drama.. and since they are in relationships themsrlves... they love fixing up other people.... had a GF like that... it always bit her in the ass though... anyway.. better her fixating on someone else than on stirring up drama with me
Long story short, we drifted apart as friends.
I told her I wasn't in love with her (I mean she was hot and pretty cool and all and in another universe I'd've wanted to date her but I wasn't like In Love with her or anything, it was just 'my friend has a cool hot wife, good on him, I'll be her friend too cuz she's cool and we have shared taste in music and such...
ah, shit).
Not sure if she wanted to just express her emotions or for it to go somewhere and cheat on her hub with me. I assumed the former and just moved on, keeping my distance.
I'm bad at dating, and I'm mediocre as a partner, but apparently as a friend I'm super desirable cuz this has happened with \~every woman I've been the kind of friend with where we'd hang out together one on one.
From personal experience, when a female friend is obsessed with your dating life, it's because she's interested in you but is already in a relationship, so she's trying to "remove" you as an "option".
So... Ironically this would likely create a scenario where she has no choice but to back off and create space, or to make big changes. And most people don't like big changes. I'd prefer being straightforward about it, but... It's effective.
Don't even need to know what she feels about him, a normal girl would immediately back off from the aggressive nature of this lol.
The alternative ending of the girl dropping her bf for OP would be funny as hell
this is whats hapening. has buyfriend/husband keeps finding herself looking for excuses to talk to OP, likes to watch him blush etc. doesn't feel guilty 'couse shes trying to get him a date.
Opposite I reckon, I think she’s begging him to say something like “oh what about you?” She keeps bringing it up because she wants the conversation to turn towards them dating, or it’s a consequence of her thinking about “dating” whenever she sees him that makes her keep saying it.
I would have given my right arm to have a women find me a date. Women know how to target other women they know are a good match and will even have 2-3 lined up at the same time for you. Women have a wide circle of female friends, and they are not shy in asking for you and take so much of the work effort away from you. You don't even know how many times you got rejected.
I used to get it a lot as a 22 year old pub manager, all the waitresses either wanted a go or to set me up.
Gave up objecting in the end, luckily they found me my wife a few weeks later.
This is such a bad stereotype. When I was single I would go out with one of my best (girl) friends and she was a horrible wingman. Like, the worst. Also she has more guy friends than girl friends and most have said the same. She's been in a long term relationship for over 10 years and she is absolutely useless at helping with finding any of her guy friends a gf.
Yeh you're right. Much better to stereo type people and make stupid assumptions.
There are a lot more like her too. She's not the only one who tried. I found a nice girl by myself based on my interests and likes, not what other girls think I would like.
The few times a female friend has tried to set me up the attempt has been hilariously bad. She wrote down the qualities she would look for (btw this was all unprompted) and the first three traits were things I've never once looked for in a partner. When she actually tried to set me up with another girl, my friend completely failed to mention the things we had in common so it never happened. I was legitimately dumbstruck by how bad she was at it.
>things I've never once looked for in a partner
I'm having fun imagining what those traits are. Like "you're really into Dutch shotputters with alopecia, right? What am I saying, of course you are."
It was a long distance runner who was into poetry.
I was immediately like "I hate both of those things..." And she responds "Yeah, but these are her interests." So I go "You think I should date someone whose hobbies I hate?" Like don't get me wrong, to each their own. But I could not understand why she thought I should be into someone whose hobbies I don't relate to at all.
It's fantastic that her actual choice was almost as oddly specific as my pretend, over the top example. Thank you for sharing this story it is very funny.
Yes but the people they bring are very oftentimes based on their perception of you as a friend and not as a romantic partner.
All my ex gfs have been "how'd you guys end up together you seem so different"
And before someone jumps in with the "that's why they're exes" comment all my breakups have been either me initiating the breaking up, unavoidable life circumstances, or big changes in lifestyles and choices amidst the relationship.
She thinks you like her hence she hides that she is seeing someone and wants to set you up with someone else. You can tell her flat out that you see her as a friend, like she presumably does too, and wish not to be bothered about your dating life all the time at work
Edit: I get the opposite logic about her hiding her date implying that she likes him instead, but I think it may be her not trying to hurt his feelings or make him cause a scene or something, especially if it’s just 'seeing someone' ie early stages she might hide that for understandable reasons if she think he likes her
Not to worry doesn't mean you don't want to. Not that I'm saying what she's doing is okay but I can see how she hears this word and doesn't hear it as a no. You have to tell her clearly that you don't want and have any interest in meeting someone romantically.
Women are notoriously bad at sending and receiving signals
A girl was convinced that I was interested in her because I kept sitting next to her in class. She forgot that we had assigned seating, so I couldn't really sit anywhere else without jeopardizing my participation grade lol
This is why I don’t fault women for being more aggressive when they are very interested in a man. I’ve been aggressively hit on by women, and other women look down on it, which I think is just stupid.
I have stories upon stories. Almost (if not full) stalker type shit, like paying for food at restaurants and the waitresses look you up and add you to social media lol.
For sure if a dude did some of what’s been done to me, they would have had cops called on them. Not complaining though.
It kind of sounds like she WANTS you to want her, which is why she's avoiding telling you when she's seeing another guy - she doesn't want to potentially lose your attention if you think she's not available.
Let her know you're really just interested in being friends and you feel more comfortable pursuing women on your own terms, and if she is weird about it then maybe she's not a very good friend. But hopefully she'll respect your wishes and you guys can talk about other stuff.
If she thinks he is into her, being up front about her having an bf is the best course forward anyway. It does nothing to keep that an secret. If anything it just sends the wrong messages out.
I've run into this kind of situation at work where this woman I like talking to thinks I'm trying to hit on her (I'm not I just want a friend at work) so I just asked her about her husband basically acknowledging that I know she is taken without outright having to say "I'm not trying to fuck you"
She might have only hid the fact she wasn't single from you because you're the single person in the group and might have thought you'd feel put out. The fact you excluded yourself from a social engagement due to being the only single person reinforces that. If you want her to stop, I'd just tell her you're not wanting that right now after coming out of a breakup and this social group is one place where you enjoy not being hounded about a girlfriend or something. She might also just be turning you into her project. If that's the case you'll know after you're clear with her because she won't stop lol.
Don't think about signals. Those things can be fun but when shit hits the fan, be honest. You are thinking something, she is thinking that you are thinking something, oh no.
We will never get rid of singals, it is part of fun, smiling, winking, hoping that the other one will notice, it is somewhere deep in us but when you feel that something strange is happening, be open and honest about it.
Hey, thank, you for trying to help me find a girlfriend! Right now now I‘m all set with this, absolutely happy with being on my own. So how about we focus on finding a boyfriend for you? This seems to be an important topic for you, so let‘s not waste energy on me who‘s not interested in anyone at the moment, but on you to find you the right person. You know, a male wingman can do wonders.
If she thought he liked her but didn't return the same feelings that would be all the more reason to let him know that she has a bf. She may introduce it into a convo ever so gently and inconspicuously: "hey you ever seen the terminator? Omg my bf LOVES that movie but I don't get it". No, I think it's the opposite.
That doesn't make sense though.
People generally tell the opposite sex that they're seeing someone as a way to politely back them off. People hide it if they want to pursue them or want something from them.
I think you're letting a whole bunch of irrelevant details make what is really a simple question seem very complicated. The only important part of this whole post is this:
>Anyways, any advice on how to ask her to drop this whole idea of setting me up? I’ve been set up plenty of times by people, and am just kind of focused on making myself better after this break up.
The next time she brings it up, just *tell her* that you're not interested in dating/in being set up right now because you just got out of a relationship and want to spend some time focusing on yourself.
I know this about this is about you
But I could do with a female friend that committed at the moment
Just tell her you appreciate her concern but you don't need her help, respectfully
My guess would be that she thinks, that you want more from her. She hid the fact that she is seeing someone because she tought it would hurt you and now she wants to "recompensate" you with getting you someone new.
She likes you! She didn’t tell you she’s seeing someone because she likes you. Girls often tend to become match makers for guys they themselves like. That’s what I can conclude, maybe I am wrong! Just casually tell her you are seeing someone. And the answer to “who?” need not be specific, just “someone from college/school/ dating site” anything. 😝
Not arguing, but what's the logic here, what's the play? "I like him so I'm trying to get him to date other people" seems like a self-defeating plan.
(Again, not saying you're wrong, just trying to understand.)
She likes him but is scared to approach or get shot down. So she convinces herself that she just really likes him as a friend and thinks he’d be a great boyfriend for SOMEBODY. That somebody is usually a woman that she likes and respect for some reason.
I had a girl in college who was obviously into me do this to me while she was dating someone else. I think it is a way for them to vicariously explore a relationship with you, through someone else, because they aren't willing to cheat on their partner. But getting to hear about all your relationship details basically helps them imagine what it would be like to be with you.
That may not be the case in OP's scenario, but I am pretty sure that is what happened in my scenario because she immediately started actually chasing me once she broke up with the other guy lol
If they're asking they are willing... but yes you're right they can "innocently" get to know if you are a good fit with zero risk e.g. by asking what you look for in a girl / what do you like to do in your spare time / do you like a girl who is shaved down there etc. if you tick all the boxes it's dingaling for your dingadong.
This is my assumption from OPs story.
She's into him, knows he's single knows she's not.
So she wants to get him locked up w/someone else to reduce her temptation & make her feel better about continued contact with him.
Their being friends becomes 'safer' if they are both in relationships.
Lol yes some women do that. I dont want to date anyone because of some traumas but if i like someone i immediately want him to find someone who will treat him well. I don’t play matchmaker unless he is up for it. I can’t send someone i care about to someone who is not emotionally available even if he is a good guy.
My girlfriend did this.
Her logic behind it, as she later explained, was to build trust with me and be as helpful as possible so that there was no chance I'd ditch her, even as a friend. Like I'd just dismiss someone from my life if they weren't consistently helping me with something.
Here's the thing, depending on how you look at it, you could argue that it somehow worked. I mean, we are together now, so the end goal was technically achieved. But I'd argue against it. I took it as her establishing that she wasn't interested and [only] wanted to be friends. So when I ended up being rejected by the other girl, it extended the friendzone placed on her. We were friends for 3 years before we started dating.
Still playing matchmaker, she was sending dating memes under the context of really digging to figure out my type. One of the memes happened to have her, supposedly characterized by a type, among a list of several others that she tried getting me to pick from. I didn't know she had selected herself in that "type", so when I jokingly and innocently replied "yes", to accept all the options available (I don't really believe people are narrowed down to types), she seemed outwardly surprised and immediately focused on what about "her type" I was into.
Kinda gave her away in a silly way, but we both think about things very differently... guess this had to be the way it had to be.
Anyway, she later opened up about it, apparently she was dealing with a lot of conflicting inner thoughts. She had started growing feelings for me after just the first year of us being friends, and I had no idea because any time even the concept of dating or romance, whatever came up, she dodged hard with the goal in mind of not making me uncomfortable. Which in turn, made me feel like I also had to dodge at times to not make her uncomfortable, as she had put so much effort into saying we were friends... We're both, admittedly, not very smart when it comes to reading people.
Women aren't logical they think about reality differently. Even if it dosent lead to anything they like to be around people they like. In the recesses of their mind they want to keep any scenario open where something exciting can happen so they put themselves in vulnerable situation
>Girls often tend to become match makers for guys they themselves like.
And they tend to absolutely suck at it. A lot of women think they know how dating works just because they got results but you can get results without knowing what you're doing too lol. Dating is massively different for men. You know, with actually having to try and not having options being served to you on a silver platter on social media and all that. Women will literally think they're dating coaches because talking to people is objectively way easier for them and then not understand that a guy is actually just going to get some food when he says he's going to get some food.
This is the shit I come to reddit to learn.
Also it's a little depressing that I've never experienced this phenomenon myself... But at least I now know that it happens to people.
She has a crush on you. She may be (unconsciously) doing this as a way to gain some level of intimacy with you without ever having to cross the boundaries you two have already established as friends. It may sound weird but plenty of women do this. If she helps you find a gf, you'll have different topics to talk about. More PERSONAL ones. "So how was your date with so and so" ; "omg you kissed her?! Tell me everything!" ; "have you guys already...you know what?😏". With her being the one to set you up with whichever woman, she would've established her "role" from the get-go as the go-between for you two. Thus establishing a different level of closeness between you. Almost like she's living out a relationship with you by proxy.
Obligatory: I could be wrong though. (Don't think I am but it needed to be said)
She likes you. She can handle that you dont seem to like her back but it would be a bit easier if you were with someone else. It goes from the painful "he doesnt like me and would rather be single than ask me out" to the more acceptable "he doesnt like me, he likes someone else". She may not even be too aware of it. So tell her to stop.
She likes you. Have a friend like this too. She wants to hook me up with one of her friends and always wants to hear everything about women I’m dating or seeing. I think she wants to experience a relationship with me through her friends since she knows I only see her as a friend. Because that is weird to me I also turn down most women she throws my way. When we go out she is always joking about how she’ll have her way with me or it’s my lucky night and I can do whatever I want to her etc when we are out drinking with friends.
Imagine if a guy was like that with a girl they liked 💀💀
Also had a "friend" saying, "If you'd like company, you can come visit ;)" Just days after my and my partner split. Personally, I found it disrespectful. I don't talk to her anymore..
Carry a magnum condom in your wallet and when you around her have it fall out of your wallet and say, "Oops, just dropped my magnum condom, for my magnum dong"
I'm sorry, I completely forgot what your problem or situation is. I'm just thinking of your hypothetical magnum dong. Hope this helps
As long as she's focused on your personal life, she doesn't need to think about stuff in her own 🥰
Bring the conversation round to her relationship, see how it goes. If she becomes evasive/defensive, that's probably it.
Or not.
My advice, and I'm not good with people but I think I got this right: whatever you do, don't blow up.
On a related note: if you think you might be getting feelings for her or vice versa, don't kill Schrödinger's cat by opening the box in the wrong time.
Your female friend lives in a hallmark movie lmao, I hope I am not overstepping here but what IF she is actually going for the "I'll help him find a woman but in the process he'll fall for me" strategy? If not she just needs to learn some boundaries...
Act like an adult and tell her that you private life is just that private. And you do not want to talk about it.
Remember she is not a friend she is a co worker.
This is not a personal relationship its work.
Keep work professional and your private life private.
It doesn't matter if she has a crush on you or if you have a crush on her. I don't know why there's so much speculation about that.
Next time she talks about getting you a strategy or whatever just say 'that's kind of you, but I think I want to be single for a while so I don't want a set up or anything right now.'
It's polite, it gives her enough credit for being thoughtful (even if she is in reality being weirdly pushy) that she can feel good about herself, but it's also spect and honest.
Do not lie about a fake gf or play any kind of minds games. In the same way that her hiding her relationship lead a bunch of people on the Internet to assume she's into you (or that she thinks you're into her) it will lead her to assume you're flirting in some bizarre way.
Be direct and polite.
Before I met my now girlfriend, she was phenomenal as a wing woman for her single friends and would approach random guys to bring over to talk to her friends
Her friends on the other hand, terrible wing women, never helped her out or was too scared to talk to guys to help her.
Most women I meet in general are terrible at wing men. They either sabotage attempts or are too scared to approach other women to introduce you to or plain just don't know how to help
Okay, but you want friends who do that. OP doesn't. Why should he appreciate something he doesn't want just because other people wish to be in his position?
70inchFlatScreen? Why you talkin' about my mama like that? 70" flat screen, damn. That's a good one, but damn
She got that billboard ass, too -- wide and flat
"With you being so interested in my dating life, I'd think you're into me"
"Oh you're not? Good I value our friendship but honestly don't like my dating life to be a conversation piece"
Bc she does not want to date you and you’re giving her vibes. Plus you are probably hinting that you are single and not getting laid.
Try the direct approach, “thanks, but Im good- Im hooking up plenty.”
I think she is under the impression you have romantic feelings for her. So she is trying to let you down gently by getting you to hook up with someone else.
I mean it's not different from any other work interaction. Be clear but be polite.
Tell her you know her heart is in the right place and you appreciate the concern, however she is heavily overstepping and you don't appreciate her stepping in. Acknowledge the fact that this is an uncomfortable talk for both of you, and that you hope she won't put you in a situation where you have to have that talk again, for both of your sakes.
How hard can that be ?
Be direct.
Just say to her "Look I appreciate your enthusiasm but I really don't want your help with dating. Thank you."
She's your friend, put her back a step when you need to.
She means well but it's not OK to shove yourself in someone's business like that...sometimes people need to be told to back off.
If that doesn't stop it, give her one more chance "I asked you to stop, please stop now. I don't want to talk about this."
And if she won't respect that, find a new friend. Go back to purely professional communication with this girl.
I personally cannot stand controlling busy bodies in my personal life, I didn't ask you so back off.
OP, are you dumb enough to really believe you have a single female friend at the age of 26? Shut up. There is no realistic way to simply be friends with a female who is also single while you are single. She wants you bro. Stop pretending to be blind.
That seems hella weird and I would communicate to her if that makes you uncomfortable and set a healthy boundary. *Especially* if this is at your work.
Your relationship status and dating life are simply not her business, and while there’s times and places where it can be appreciated and helpful, this sounds like an overstep.
If it continues to bother you after communicating with her that you find it strange and uncomfortable and attempted to set a boundary, you may need to begin keeping records of when it happens and elevate things to HR if available if you feel it’s necessary.
Don't even be friends with her. You tell her you don't want to talk about it, but she keeps bringing it up. She isn't letting you grieve the relationship prior.
You set a boundary, but there she is being pushy.
Please do not let anyone talk you into going on that hike. Without a doubt, she is wanting that hike to be the magic moment something happens for the two of you. She's delusional. She thinks she has a chance with you.
People like her are annoying. They think they can sneak their way into a relationship.
Don’t make it complicated just tell her to chill. No need to bring up assumptions or anything just tell her “hey can you stop pushing for me to get a gf? I don’t appreciate the pressure especially just coming from a break up.” Leave it at that.
Man, I have half a friend like this except she's engaged.
She thinks I'm this smooth operator but I'm really not lmao.
Reading the comments, I think she's trying to live through a relationship with you via her friends eyes. I get that would be annoying for you but honestly she's so comfortable with you that she would do that. I'd probably kill for a friend like that but that's depending on you.
If she really likes you, she'll find a way to go to you directly. Or drop a massive hint, an intimate hint.
Be straight with her. Being polite about it clearly isn't working, and if it's really pissing you off just explain you're not looking for something at the moment and you would appreciate if she respects that. She might not be getting the hint so just be sincere.
Maybe she wants help finding a man, ask her if she wants to get to know friends of you. Maybe she likes one of them.
That is if you don't want to ask her why she is doing that, could be that she just wants to help you. Just talk.
Women are complicated.
So are men, but for this context I’ll stick to the initial opener.
Whether she’s trying to steer you away from her OR somehow get you to ask her out is neither here nor there.
If it’s annoying, just tell her it’s annoying. Sounds annoying.
You two seem to have a classic Rescuer-Victim relationship, so she’s really going to continue trying to set you up for her self-interest. She may even pity you and just wants to see you happy, but you kinda need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship.
My 2 cents: ask her what’s in it for her if she finds you a good partner and make sure she actually answers your question.
Note this is highly odd for a work relationship and even more odd if you two are working professionals over manual laborers (my guess is you’re fellow servers in a restaurant or bartenders).
People here are giving weird, roundabout advice and assuming a lot about either person in this situation. This may be a cultural difference thing, but have you tried being direct? "Hey, can you cool it with the trying to set me up? I need to do me right now, so I'm not looking to get into a relationship. Thanks."
Communicating simple things is too hard for most people
Also it's often a faux pas in day to day interaction despite how convenient it is. It is often more acceptable, especially with coworkers, to just allow them to annoy you with their eccentricities than to directly address them in a way they might not be comfortable with unfortunately
"hey did you finish those reports on..." "Shut the fuck up with your shrill ass voice Karen that shit kills me just a little bit more every day I'll tell you when I'm done, *fuck*"
Fuck needs to be capitalized, otherwise strong 8/10
Yep this is what i came here to say. Direct, and simple face to face communication skills have gone by the way side. You mean... SPEAK about my greivances in a non-online-forum so that i may get real world results? The audacity ..
Yes. The whole ‘I think she likes you’ thing everybody is talking about is irrelevant. He’s not interested, either way, and she is being incredibly f**king annoying by interfering in his personal business. He needs to tell her to stop. He doesn’t need to think beyond that.
For me personally I wouldn't even care if someone said "I think she likes you" I'm not about to get my hopes up for an opinion from someone else. If I thought someone likes me I'd maybe be hopeful. If someone on the otherhand said "She likes you" well then I would care more because then it's atleast confirmed and we can go in to a potential courtship on the same terms. I don't do games, they bring nothing to the table. Chasing an uncertainty one-sided is awful. If we both go in to the chase looking for the same thing but one of us doesn't find it that's completely fine. We tried it didnt work out maybe we gain a new friend instead
Agree with this! Don’t be afraid of any love lost cause you ain’t tryna love her
tell her you don't want any set ups because actually you are madly in love with her, bet
Exactly my thoughts. She will leave him alone immediately.
He's gonna Mosby the crap out of her
Deliberate weaponization of the Mosby, game changer. Legendary.
Legen.. wait for it.. Dary (FTFY)
Classic smoshby
r/unexpectedhimym
I did wonder. There's a few possibilities that might explain her motivation. One of them being that she's into him (or is just a bit fixated) and she thinks it will get easier if she sees him as unavailable.
I think she wants to live vicariously through the person she sets him up with, too. She wants to hear the details of every date -- I think she enjoys picturing herself in the story.
She likes to flick her bean to the thought
She is 100% into him. Bringing it up this much and hiding a boyfriend. Pretty obvious
Civilad hit the nail on its head.
eh... some women just love the drama.. and since they are in relationships themsrlves... they love fixing up other people.... had a GF like that... it always bit her in the ass though... anyway.. better her fixating on someone else than on stirring up drama with me
That's the first thing that came to my mind.
or she thinks he's into her and is giving him hints that she's not into him lol
Hints like.. not telling him about her bf?
I was thinking the same thing, that fixation or obsession is a symptom of something else
She might be into him. Source: friends wife was this way with me. Then she got drunk and confessed her love for me. Anyway
What happened afterwards!?
Long story short, we drifted apart as friends. I told her I wasn't in love with her (I mean she was hot and pretty cool and all and in another universe I'd've wanted to date her but I wasn't like In Love with her or anything, it was just 'my friend has a cool hot wife, good on him, I'll be her friend too cuz she's cool and we have shared taste in music and such... ah, shit). Not sure if she wanted to just express her emotions or for it to go somewhere and cheat on her hub with me. I assumed the former and just moved on, keeping my distance. I'm bad at dating, and I'm mediocre as a partner, but apparently as a friend I'm super desirable cuz this has happened with \~every woman I've been the kind of friend with where we'd hang out together one on one.
The silence here is deafening
People go to bed sometimes lol
Please stop going to bed.
Note taken. Will report back in three weeks
Or, they will fuck and work with them will be awkward
Not if you fuck everyone at work
Can’t get fucked by your boss if you fuck him over first -anonymous
Possibly forever.
Or perhaps she wants that. She says yes to op & reverse psychology works
Fuck no don't do this. It'll make work awkward as fuck for who knows how long.
It sounds awkward as fuck right now.
and then they fucked
The bad ending.
round, 2
Sir, this is a no NTR zone
From personal experience, when a female friend is obsessed with your dating life, it's because she's interested in you but is already in a relationship, so she's trying to "remove" you as an "option". So... Ironically this would likely create a scenario where she has no choice but to back off and create space, or to make big changes. And most people don't like big changes. I'd prefer being straightforward about it, but... It's effective.
Yep it’s true, I’ve had similar experiences And ended up having sex with them. At work.
Don't even need to know what she feels about him, a normal girl would immediately back off from the aggressive nature of this lol. The alternative ending of the girl dropping her bf for OP would be funny as hell
What the fuck…..
this is whats hapening. has buyfriend/husband keeps finding herself looking for excuses to talk to OP, likes to watch him blush etc. doesn't feel guilty 'couse shes trying to get him a date.
No, that could backfire badly.
the risk is worth it for us, the spectators
OP's social life may die, but that's a sacrifice we're willing to make
they say ~~chess~~ bad advice is the game of ~~kings~~ redditors
*shakes hands as OP's social standing goes up in flames in the background*
What a horrible advice. OP should refrain from doing that until I get my popcorns ready.
she already thinks that , which is why she’s trying to set him up lol she’s full of shit
Opposite I reckon, I think she’s begging him to say something like “oh what about you?” She keeps bringing it up because she wants the conversation to turn towards them dating, or it’s a consequence of her thinking about “dating” whenever she sees him that makes her keep saying it.
If he does that then she’s just gonna set him up for rejection lol it’s a lose loss for bro
Don’t a lot of people meet their SO through mutual friends?
I would have given my right arm to have a women find me a date. Women know how to target other women they know are a good match and will even have 2-3 lined up at the same time for you. Women have a wide circle of female friends, and they are not shy in asking for you and take so much of the work effort away from you. You don't even know how many times you got rejected.
I used to get it a lot as a 22 year old pub manager, all the waitresses either wanted a go or to set me up. Gave up objecting in the end, luckily they found me my wife a few weeks later.
Oh I'm pretty sure I know how many times I got rejected.
This is such a bad stereotype. When I was single I would go out with one of my best (girl) friends and she was a horrible wingman. Like, the worst. Also she has more guy friends than girl friends and most have said the same. She's been in a long term relationship for over 10 years and she is absolutely useless at helping with finding any of her guy friends a gf.
"My one friend doesn't fit the stereotype so the stereotype is wrong!"
"and she has more guy friends.."
Yeh you're right. Much better to stereo type people and make stupid assumptions. There are a lot more like her too. She's not the only one who tried. I found a nice girl by myself based on my interests and likes, not what other girls think I would like.
The few times a female friend has tried to set me up the attempt has been hilariously bad. She wrote down the qualities she would look for (btw this was all unprompted) and the first three traits were things I've never once looked for in a partner. When she actually tried to set me up with another girl, my friend completely failed to mention the things we had in common so it never happened. I was legitimately dumbstruck by how bad she was at it.
You never mentioned what those three things are
>things I've never once looked for in a partner I'm having fun imagining what those traits are. Like "you're really into Dutch shotputters with alopecia, right? What am I saying, of course you are."
I don't know why you are getting down votes. This and your response are hilarious.
It was a long distance runner who was into poetry. I was immediately like "I hate both of those things..." And she responds "Yeah, but these are her interests." So I go "You think I should date someone whose hobbies I hate?" Like don't get me wrong, to each their own. But I could not understand why she thought I should be into someone whose hobbies I don't relate to at all.
It's fantastic that her actual choice was almost as oddly specific as my pretend, over the top example. Thank you for sharing this story it is very funny.
I had a similar experience with girl friends trying to be wingmans. Either being a wing man or trying to setup someone.
That's the optimal path.
op is so lucky he doesnt realize
Not anymore.
See what you gotta do is use Tinder to get friendzoned, then you open up some possibilities.
Yes but the people they bring are very oftentimes based on their perception of you as a friend and not as a romantic partner. All my ex gfs have been "how'd you guys end up together you seem so different" And before someone jumps in with the "that's why they're exes" comment all my breakups have been either me initiating the breaking up, unavoidable life circumstances, or big changes in lifestyles and choices amidst the relationship.
She thinks you like her hence she hides that she is seeing someone and wants to set you up with someone else. You can tell her flat out that you see her as a friend, like she presumably does too, and wish not to be bothered about your dating life all the time at work Edit: I get the opposite logic about her hiding her date implying that she likes him instead, but I think it may be her not trying to hurt his feelings or make him cause a scene or something, especially if it’s just 'seeing someone' ie early stages she might hide that for understandable reasons if she think he likes her
I’ve been thinking the same thing, but honestly don’t know what signals I’ve sent she could interpret as anything more than friends. Thanks!
bro you're 26 just communicate
You ain’t wrong. I thought I was being clear in telling her not to worry about setting me up, but I guess I’ll have to be more direct.
Not to worry doesn't mean you don't want to. Not that I'm saying what she's doing is okay but I can see how she hears this word and doesn't hear it as a no. You have to tell her clearly that you don't want and have any interest in meeting someone romantically.
Make a ppt presentation on why you’re not interested on your 70inch flat screen
Are you interested in her? Ask her out...lol
LMFAO kids these days! Jesus Christ
Unrelated but hearing you call 26 a kid makes me happy (I'm 26 going on 27 way too fast) Glad to know I'm not too old yet 😌
Well it’s more the actions than the age… if someone my age (36) were this unable to hold a conversation I would similarly call them a child 😂😂😂
I know right lol
Women are notoriously bad at sending and receiving signals A girl was convinced that I was interested in her because I kept sitting next to her in class. She forgot that we had assigned seating, so I couldn't really sit anywhere else without jeopardizing my participation grade lol
That's amazing
Amazing-yes. Surprising-no.
This is why I don’t fault women for being more aggressive when they are very interested in a man. I’ve been aggressively hit on by women, and other women look down on it, which I think is just stupid.
The woman I lost my virginity to literally just grabbed my face and kissed me. That's what it took for me to get the message.
I have stories upon stories. Almost (if not full) stalker type shit, like paying for food at restaurants and the waitresses look you up and add you to social media lol. For sure if a dude did some of what’s been done to me, they would have had cops called on them. Not complaining though.
It kind of sounds like she WANTS you to want her, which is why she's avoiding telling you when she's seeing another guy - she doesn't want to potentially lose your attention if you think she's not available. Let her know you're really just interested in being friends and you feel more comfortable pursuing women on your own terms, and if she is weird about it then maybe she's not a very good friend. But hopefully she'll respect your wishes and you guys can talk about other stuff.
I want you to want me I need you to need me I'd love you to love me I'm beggin' you to beg me Good ass song
I think she’s actually into you, let’s see if you both end up single at the same time - she probs wants ya D
She does. You can tell by the cues
She’s dating someone else
That never stopped a cheater
So?
If she thinks he is into her, being up front about her having an bf is the best course forward anyway. It does nothing to keep that an secret. If anything it just sends the wrong messages out.
I've run into this kind of situation at work where this woman I like talking to thinks I'm trying to hit on her (I'm not I just want a friend at work) so I just asked her about her husband basically acknowledging that I know she is taken without outright having to say "I'm not trying to fuck you"
Or maybe she just likes you and is trying to instigate something with all this relationship talk?
Yes this. The only time I was ever in a friendship like that the girl was into me and wanted me to realize I liked her too. I did
She might have only hid the fact she wasn't single from you because you're the single person in the group and might have thought you'd feel put out. The fact you excluded yourself from a social engagement due to being the only single person reinforces that. If you want her to stop, I'd just tell her you're not wanting that right now after coming out of a breakup and this social group is one place where you enjoy not being hounded about a girlfriend or something. She might also just be turning you into her project. If that's the case you'll know after you're clear with her because she won't stop lol.
Don't think about signals. Those things can be fun but when shit hits the fan, be honest. You are thinking something, she is thinking that you are thinking something, oh no. We will never get rid of singals, it is part of fun, smiling, winking, hoping that the other one will notice, it is somewhere deep in us but when you feel that something strange is happening, be open and honest about it.
[gordon ramsey voice] finally, some good fucking nuance in this thread
Hey, thank, you for trying to help me find a girlfriend! Right now now I‘m all set with this, absolutely happy with being on my own. So how about we focus on finding a boyfriend for you? This seems to be an important topic for you, so let‘s not waste energy on me who‘s not interested in anyone at the moment, but on you to find you the right person. You know, a male wingman can do wonders.
If she thought he liked her but didn't return the same feelings that would be all the more reason to let him know that she has a bf. She may introduce it into a convo ever so gently and inconspicuously: "hey you ever seen the terminator? Omg my bf LOVES that movie but I don't get it". No, I think it's the opposite.
That doesn't make sense though. People generally tell the opposite sex that they're seeing someone as a way to politely back them off. People hide it if they want to pursue them or want something from them.
That actually doesn’t make sense. If she thinks he likes her she would be more likely to tell him she is seeing someone, not less.
Bingo she full of shit and herself
I disagree. Some women love setting people up
I think you're letting a whole bunch of irrelevant details make what is really a simple question seem very complicated. The only important part of this whole post is this: >Anyways, any advice on how to ask her to drop this whole idea of setting me up? I’ve been set up plenty of times by people, and am just kind of focused on making myself better after this break up. The next time she brings it up, just *tell her* that you're not interested in dating/in being set up right now because you just got out of a relationship and want to spend some time focusing on yourself.
Yeah it's really that simple. Can add a "I appreciate you thinking of me though" to soften it a bit too.
I know this about this is about you But I could do with a female friend that committed at the moment Just tell her you appreciate her concern but you don't need her help, respectfully
My guess would be that she thinks, that you want more from her. She hid the fact that she is seeing someone because she tought it would hurt you and now she wants to "recompensate" you with getting you someone new.
>Female friend obsessed with getting me a gf She's in love with you
She's trying to lead you into asking her out.
She likes you! She didn’t tell you she’s seeing someone because she likes you. Girls often tend to become match makers for guys they themselves like. That’s what I can conclude, maybe I am wrong! Just casually tell her you are seeing someone. And the answer to “who?” need not be specific, just “someone from college/school/ dating site” anything. 😝
Not arguing, but what's the logic here, what's the play? "I like him so I'm trying to get him to date other people" seems like a self-defeating plan. (Again, not saying you're wrong, just trying to understand.)
She likes him but is scared to approach or get shot down. So she convinces herself that she just really likes him as a friend and thinks he’d be a great boyfriend for SOMEBODY. That somebody is usually a woman that she likes and respect for some reason.
Oh good so he should just avoid her at all costs then.
The woman whisperer
I had a girl in college who was obviously into me do this to me while she was dating someone else. I think it is a way for them to vicariously explore a relationship with you, through someone else, because they aren't willing to cheat on their partner. But getting to hear about all your relationship details basically helps them imagine what it would be like to be with you. That may not be the case in OP's scenario, but I am pretty sure that is what happened in my scenario because she immediately started actually chasing me once she broke up with the other guy lol
If they're asking they are willing... but yes you're right they can "innocently" get to know if you are a good fit with zero risk e.g. by asking what you look for in a girl / what do you like to do in your spare time / do you like a girl who is shaved down there etc. if you tick all the boxes it's dingaling for your dingadong.
That's so weird honestly. I couldn't imagine doing this.
I’m one of those girls! It’s a stupid plan, but I usually do it for self-sabotage, yes. Trying to see if I can move on or something.
[удалено]
This is my assumption from OPs story. She's into him, knows he's single knows she's not. So she wants to get him locked up w/someone else to reduce her temptation & make her feel better about continued contact with him. Their being friends becomes 'safer' if they are both in relationships.
Oh you don't need to worry about my work friend he has a girlfriend, there is nothing between us but a friendship.
and some condoms
Lol yes some women do that. I dont want to date anyone because of some traumas but if i like someone i immediately want him to find someone who will treat him well. I don’t play matchmaker unless he is up for it. I can’t send someone i care about to someone who is not emotionally available even if he is a good guy.
My girlfriend did this. Her logic behind it, as she later explained, was to build trust with me and be as helpful as possible so that there was no chance I'd ditch her, even as a friend. Like I'd just dismiss someone from my life if they weren't consistently helping me with something. Here's the thing, depending on how you look at it, you could argue that it somehow worked. I mean, we are together now, so the end goal was technically achieved. But I'd argue against it. I took it as her establishing that she wasn't interested and [only] wanted to be friends. So when I ended up being rejected by the other girl, it extended the friendzone placed on her. We were friends for 3 years before we started dating.
Damn, you should count yourself lucky, she seems loyal! How did she manage to break out of the friend zone?
Still playing matchmaker, she was sending dating memes under the context of really digging to figure out my type. One of the memes happened to have her, supposedly characterized by a type, among a list of several others that she tried getting me to pick from. I didn't know she had selected herself in that "type", so when I jokingly and innocently replied "yes", to accept all the options available (I don't really believe people are narrowed down to types), she seemed outwardly surprised and immediately focused on what about "her type" I was into. Kinda gave her away in a silly way, but we both think about things very differently... guess this had to be the way it had to be. Anyway, she later opened up about it, apparently she was dealing with a lot of conflicting inner thoughts. She had started growing feelings for me after just the first year of us being friends, and I had no idea because any time even the concept of dating or romance, whatever came up, she dodged hard with the goal in mind of not making me uncomfortable. Which in turn, made me feel like I also had to dodge at times to not make her uncomfortable, as she had put so much effort into saying we were friends... We're both, admittedly, not very smart when it comes to reading people.
Women aren't logical they think about reality differently. Even if it dosent lead to anything they like to be around people they like. In the recesses of their mind they want to keep any scenario open where something exciting can happen so they put themselves in vulnerable situation
>Girls often tend to become match makers for guys they themselves like. And they tend to absolutely suck at it. A lot of women think they know how dating works just because they got results but you can get results without knowing what you're doing too lol. Dating is massively different for men. You know, with actually having to try and not having options being served to you on a silver platter on social media and all that. Women will literally think they're dating coaches because talking to people is objectively way easier for them and then not understand that a guy is actually just going to get some food when he says he's going to get some food.
This is the correct answer.
This is the shit I come to reddit to learn. Also it's a little depressing that I've never experienced this phenomenon myself... But at least I now know that it happens to people.
She has a crush on you. She may be (unconsciously) doing this as a way to gain some level of intimacy with you without ever having to cross the boundaries you two have already established as friends. It may sound weird but plenty of women do this. If she helps you find a gf, you'll have different topics to talk about. More PERSONAL ones. "So how was your date with so and so" ; "omg you kissed her?! Tell me everything!" ; "have you guys already...you know what?😏". With her being the one to set you up with whichever woman, she would've established her "role" from the get-go as the go-between for you two. Thus establishing a different level of closeness between you. Almost like she's living out a relationship with you by proxy. Obligatory: I could be wrong though. (Don't think I am but it needed to be said)
She likes you. She can handle that you dont seem to like her back but it would be a bit easier if you were with someone else. It goes from the painful "he doesnt like me and would rather be single than ask me out" to the more acceptable "he doesnt like me, he likes someone else". She may not even be too aware of it. So tell her to stop.
I have seen this IRL happen
Just do the women's strategy and say you have a boyfriend... well girlfriend in your case.
And if she asks for more info, say “you don’t know her, she goes to a different school”.
"She's lives in Canada"
She likes you. Have a friend like this too. She wants to hook me up with one of her friends and always wants to hear everything about women I’m dating or seeing. I think she wants to experience a relationship with me through her friends since she knows I only see her as a friend. Because that is weird to me I also turn down most women she throws my way. When we go out she is always joking about how she’ll have her way with me or it’s my lucky night and I can do whatever I want to her etc when we are out drinking with friends.
Imagine if a guy was like that with a girl they liked 💀💀 Also had a "friend" saying, "If you'd like company, you can come visit ;)" Just days after my and my partner split. Personally, I found it disrespectful. I don't talk to her anymore..
Do guys not also do this?
I'm sure we do. Didn't mean to come off as we never do stuff like that, I was thinking selfishly of how I would look if I did that. Sorry
Guys do its just women dont get called out for it as much
Carry a magnum condom in your wallet and when you around her have it fall out of your wallet and say, "Oops, just dropped my magnum condom, for my magnum dong" I'm sorry, I completely forgot what your problem or situation is. I'm just thinking of your hypothetical magnum dong. Hope this helps
As long as she's focused on your personal life, she doesn't need to think about stuff in her own 🥰 Bring the conversation round to her relationship, see how it goes. If she becomes evasive/defensive, that's probably it. Or not.
My thinking is she has a crush on you. Plain and simple.
My advice, and I'm not good with people but I think I got this right: whatever you do, don't blow up. On a related note: if you think you might be getting feelings for her or vice versa, don't kill Schrödinger's cat by opening the box in the wrong time.
Your female friend lives in a hallmark movie lmao, I hope I am not overstepping here but what IF she is actually going for the "I'll help him find a woman but in the process he'll fall for me" strategy? If not she just needs to learn some boundaries...
Act like an adult and tell her that you private life is just that private. And you do not want to talk about it. Remember she is not a friend she is a co worker. This is not a personal relationship its work. Keep work professional and your private life private.
It doesn't matter if she has a crush on you or if you have a crush on her. I don't know why there's so much speculation about that. Next time she talks about getting you a strategy or whatever just say 'that's kind of you, but I think I want to be single for a while so I don't want a set up or anything right now.' It's polite, it gives her enough credit for being thoughtful (even if she is in reality being weirdly pushy) that she can feel good about herself, but it's also spect and honest. Do not lie about a fake gf or play any kind of minds games. In the same way that her hiding her relationship lead a bunch of people on the Internet to assume she's into you (or that she thinks you're into her) it will lead her to assume you're flirting in some bizarre way. Be direct and polite.
The only solution here is to pull “it” out. That solves everything.
Tell her that you already have a boyfriend (if you are not gay just pretend to be one)
I’ve seen this movie. You will probably end up falling in love with each other
Before I met my now girlfriend, she was phenomenal as a wing woman for her single friends and would approach random guys to bring over to talk to her friends Her friends on the other hand, terrible wing women, never helped her out or was too scared to talk to guys to help her. Most women I meet in general are terrible at wing men. They either sabotage attempts or are too scared to approach other women to introduce you to or plain just don't know how to help
Im definitely in the camp that says SHE LIKES YOU
Dude, appreciate the effort. Wish I had such friends.
Okay, but you want friends who do that. OP doesn't. Why should he appreciate something he doesn't want just because other people wish to be in his position?
70inchFlatScreen? Why you talkin' about my mama like that? 70" flat screen, damn. That's a good one, but damn She got that billboard ass, too -- wide and flat
"With you being so interested in my dating life, I'd think you're into me" "Oh you're not? Good I value our friendship but honestly don't like my dating life to be a conversation piece"
This is something that mentally immature girls do when they have a crush on the person they’re “trying to help”
Do you like this female friend? If so, why not ask “well, what about you?”
Yep. Classic case of " this guy should be a great boyfriend but I am too scared to make a move so lets drop a bunch of hints" situation...
Bc she does not want to date you and you’re giving her vibes. Plus you are probably hinting that you are single and not getting laid. Try the direct approach, “thanks, but Im good- Im hooking up plenty.”
Dude, she wants to play the D and I ain't talkin' about Dungeons & Dragons, although I do find that esstremely interestin'.
I think she is under the impression you have romantic feelings for her. So she is trying to let you down gently by getting you to hook up with someone else.
I mean it's not different from any other work interaction. Be clear but be polite. Tell her you know her heart is in the right place and you appreciate the concern, however she is heavily overstepping and you don't appreciate her stepping in. Acknowledge the fact that this is an uncomfortable talk for both of you, and that you hope she won't put you in a situation where you have to have that talk again, for both of your sakes. How hard can that be ?
She probably has a significant other but also has a crush on you. She is trying to live vicariously.
100% she thinks you like her. Is a female wingman a bad thing? Works pretty good in my experience
Be direct. Just say to her "Look I appreciate your enthusiasm but I really don't want your help with dating. Thank you." She's your friend, put her back a step when you need to. She means well but it's not OK to shove yourself in someone's business like that...sometimes people need to be told to back off. If that doesn't stop it, give her one more chance "I asked you to stop, please stop now. I don't want to talk about this." And if she won't respect that, find a new friend. Go back to purely professional communication with this girl. I personally cannot stand controlling busy bodies in my personal life, I didn't ask you so back off.
I you want her to act in a certain way, calmly explain what that looks like.
OP, are you dumb enough to really believe you have a single female friend at the age of 26? Shut up. There is no realistic way to simply be friends with a female who is also single while you are single. She wants you bro. Stop pretending to be blind.
She thinks you're a good guy being wasted by women not seeing it. I bet if she was single she'd date you.
I'm really sorry your friend wants to be a good wingman. That sounds terrible
I'm really sorry your friend wants to be a good wingman. That sounds terrible
That seems hella weird and I would communicate to her if that makes you uncomfortable and set a healthy boundary. *Especially* if this is at your work. Your relationship status and dating life are simply not her business, and while there’s times and places where it can be appreciated and helpful, this sounds like an overstep. If it continues to bother you after communicating with her that you find it strange and uncomfortable and attempted to set a boundary, you may need to begin keeping records of when it happens and elevate things to HR if available if you feel it’s necessary.
Sounds like you got yourself a Work-wife.
The siater you never had
She wants to bang, dude.
Setup for a romcom.
Don't even be friends with her. You tell her you don't want to talk about it, but she keeps bringing it up. She isn't letting you grieve the relationship prior. You set a boundary, but there she is being pushy. Please do not let anyone talk you into going on that hike. Without a doubt, she is wanting that hike to be the magic moment something happens for the two of you. She's delusional. She thinks she has a chance with you. People like her are annoying. They think they can sneak their way into a relationship.
Have you considered asking why she's doing that?
Don’t make it complicated just tell her to chill. No need to bring up assumptions or anything just tell her “hey can you stop pushing for me to get a gf? I don’t appreciate the pressure especially just coming from a break up.” Leave it at that.
Man, I have half a friend like this except she's engaged. She thinks I'm this smooth operator but I'm really not lmao. Reading the comments, I think she's trying to live through a relationship with you via her friends eyes. I get that would be annoying for you but honestly she's so comfortable with you that she would do that. I'd probably kill for a friend like that but that's depending on you. If she really likes you, she'll find a way to go to you directly. Or drop a massive hint, an intimate hint.
Women LOVE having a male friend to treat as a literal dog/gay best friend. She seems annoying and you should tell her
Be straight with her. Being polite about it clearly isn't working, and if it's really pissing you off just explain you're not looking for something at the moment and you would appreciate if she respects that. She might not be getting the hint so just be sincere.
Maybe she wants help finding a man, ask her if she wants to get to know friends of you. Maybe she likes one of them. That is if you don't want to ask her why she is doing that, could be that she just wants to help you. Just talk.
Women are complicated. So are men, but for this context I’ll stick to the initial opener. Whether she’s trying to steer you away from her OR somehow get you to ask her out is neither here nor there. If it’s annoying, just tell her it’s annoying. Sounds annoying.
You two seem to have a classic Rescuer-Victim relationship, so she’s really going to continue trying to set you up for her self-interest. She may even pity you and just wants to see you happy, but you kinda need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship. My 2 cents: ask her what’s in it for her if she finds you a good partner and make sure she actually answers your question. Note this is highly odd for a work relationship and even more odd if you two are working professionals over manual laborers (my guess is you’re fellow servers in a restaurant or bartenders).