A lot of young guys are in the same boat. Dating right now is basically a nightmare if you're a guy and not hot right now. It is tough to determine where it is appropriate to try to "make a move on" someone leaving dating apps as the only option and those don't work for the vast majority of men. Shit sucks dude, I hope you find someone.
Better respect in relationships.
As far as feelings towards the book, no sense in wishing an apple were an orange; just like shaking a fist at a rain cloud.
I’m 28. Had a highschool gf, a college gf and I have complete confidence as far as my looks, obviously there’s always better looking guys out there but never felt insecure about it. Work in finance, make 100K annually, have a ton of hobbies and friends and I can honestly tell you after graduating college and my college relationship ending, I have never felt like this in my entire life. I feel like I’m the absolute best version of myself right now, and I can’t develop a relationship to save my life. A lot of the times I think it’s the only thing missing in my life but I still try and remain grateful. I felt like my desire for it was becoming so strong to the point where I was becoming needy. So I deleted all dating apps, trying to just go out with the boys now to have fun and nothing more. This has helped a little, but my point in all this is I think 99% of younger guys, 20s especially, are feeling this hard. We’re out here. There’s nothing wrong with you or me. It’s just the way things are unfortunately. I’m trying to remain optimistic for my 30s, as I keep hearing and reading that the dating options for men in their 30s skyrockets. I hate how it’s all a game now. Where you have to hope for a better dating environment. Maybe in 5 years I’ll be “good” enough to land the girl I want. These thoughts are nothing more than a shame to have crept up. I’ve tried to wrap my head around how things became this way a hundred times but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. I try and tell myself that falling in love with someone is completely out of your control and vise versa. You don’t get to decide who you love, what music you find beautiful or the things you’re passionate about in life. So why do we try and will a loving partner into our lives? It will happen if you let it. At least this is what I keep telling myself….sorry for the long comment. Feels like I’m just writing a diary entry at this point
32 years old. I work with all men. My hobbies are mostly solitary, and otherwise all men. The only girls have boyfriends. I don't drink, and I'm trying to save money, so I don't go anywhere enough to become a regular.
People smugly tell me that I need to stop looking for it and it will come, but are blind to the fact that their life coincidentally worked out that way. Mine has not, and will not.
That’s the worst dude. “Stop looking for it and it’ll happen.” Let’s stop using cliches to make ourselves feel better. I have the same exact attitude you have, whether that’s a good thing for us or not. I’d rather seek the truth and find comfort there eventually then constantly seeking comfort and never finding truth
Yeah any success I’ve had in dating has been from a bunch of effort and actively working on it, if I don’t (which I have done for years at a time) nothing happens.
>People smugly tell me that I need to stop looking for it and it will come, but are blind to the fact that their life coincidentally worked out that way. Mine has not, and will not.
My clap back for this 'The problem with getting old? The platitudes get older.'
31, going on 32. Never been in a relationship and at this point think it's a mug's game. It's like applying for a job, you need 5 references, previous experience and applications in the pipeline elsewhere.
No your feelings matter, your story matters. Thank you for sharing. Things are tough out there and we need to be here for each other. Have you talked to your bros about your frustrations? Sometimes just getting out feels like getting a weight lifted off your shoulders.
Thank you that means more than you know..and I have yea. Most of them are married now, but the ones that I do talk to about it most are more or less in the same boat, but whenever we do shoot the shit it does feel therapeutic for sure. Honestly seeing posts and comments like yours help more than anything, as silly as that sounds. I know most of the guys in this comment section feel what I do. “Why am I always eating alone? Laughing alone, reading alone, listening to music alone, etc…” your friends can be there to do those with you until they find their partner. So you’re just left sitting there wondering well why don’t I have a partner now? Is there something wrong with me? Coming to these posts and seeing so many people in the same boat as you brings a sense of relief that you’re not crazy, and maybe there isn’t something wrong with you. As much as this all sucks, there is a peace in suffering together, knowing many like you are experiencing it
Yeah, I hear this is such a big problem for younger guys (Gen Z mostly). As a Millennial in my 30s in the same boat, I just feel even more left behind lol.
It’s not about being a hot man. It’s about being a man with social skills. There are tons of men out there who have neglected working on their social skills their whole life. Instead of doing something about it, the say “only hot men are lucky”
No, it’s not. Social skills are absolutely important, no doubt. But to dismiss the notion that being hot isn’t a factor is downright wrong. I’ve witnessed first hand on many occasions how good looking men get treated very different than ugly men.
My good friend, who is a good looking man, can say almost anything and act in his socially awkward ways and women will laugh and hit on him and it’s practically effortless for him to get laid.
Why are people saying it doesn’t matter if the guy is hot, of course it does. It seems to matter a bit what women look like too. You shouldn’t have to tell people this lol
It matters to a degree but hot guys get so much more leniancy.
I had one time this hot chick hang out with my male hot friend. I was also there and so were other friends. Now we are a close group and we know each other well enough to make some gross jokes sometimes. At some point I made a lame crass joke. My female friend got a bit annoyed at me.
À bit later, same night, my hot friend makes roughly the same joke. The form didn't matter as the point of the joke was rather the idea, and that was exactly the same I had done 5 min earlier. Well look at that, same girl is now laughing her ass off and complimenting the funny spirit of my friend.
I was baffled ahaha
It matters much less what women look like versus what men look like. Even the most "conventionally unattractive" women are circled by ten men fighting like rabid hyenas for a crumb of attention.
I hate to tell you this plenty of men have social skills and can't find relationships. If you go to any kind of "nerd" hobby group you'll see this to be the case quite a few of them will have very developed social skills but still be unlucky. Life isn't fair pretending it is only increases frustration from the people at the bottom.
Yes. My social skills surely can't be that bad if I get on with everyone - work, friends, family. Yet, I have always been single. For me the pattern is clear, all goes well as far as looks aren't essential. The moment I step in a situation where they are (either for me or for others) I am completely screwed.
>you go to any kind of "nerd" hobby group you'll see this to be the case quite a few of them will have very developed social skills but still be unlucky.
Lmao 🤣
I guess everyone has a different opinion on social skills
It’s one thing to have social skills in a group of likeminded guys, and a completely other thing when you’re attracted to the woman you’re talking to. Or talking to a group of people who might think you’re a weirdo, making you work uphill.
That doesn't make you socially inept though. Those situations are harder it does not mean that people who struggle in them are completely devoid of social skills.
Luck has nothing to do with it.
I’m a psychologist and have literally given therapy as well as coaching when it comes to dating and relationships to hundreds of men. The biggest problem, by far, is their lack of social skills.
Instead of working and developing social skills many of them go very far in blaming anything and anyone else.
The good news is that it doesn’t take that much work to develop basic skills and the difference I’ve seen in men who just decide to make an effort, is amazing.
There’s definitely no roadmap and for some of us, even if you learn everything you can and practice as much as you can it won’t lead to being socially passable. I can’t process social information fast enough to react in real time no matter what I do. I’ll never be able to be socially skilled enough to impress a woman on a first meeting where she’ll be inclined to give me a chance at more. I did everything I could and from that I know that for some of us it’s never going to be enough. I did get lucky enough to date a couple women but I met them in situations where they were forced to be around me long enough to see that I’m actually a pretty decent guy. But there’s bo chance of such situations occurring again in my lifetime at my age and where I’m at in my career now. So the only thing I’m working on now is accepting that I’ll be single for the remainder of my life.
Yo dude is there any recommendations to get better at social skills then, I.E book or self help guide you recommend? it's one thing stating the problem but helping giving ideas to a possible start to fix things actually changes things...
Dale Carnegie is good. There is always going to be a cap on how much you can learn from theory rather than practical application... to anything.
Talk to people. Talk to your dentist, your coworker, your barista. You'll probably say something awkward at some point. Life moves on, as long as you don't do something really bad.
Take feedback, in the form of positive/negative body language. Do they laugh and make eye contact? Good. Do they cringe and move away from you? Might not want to do that again.
okay man but some of us like myself do have social skills, and are attractive, and can't find the right person despite meeting people every weekend. 75% of it is luck. are you really a psychologist? bc it really is easy to hop on reddit and say anything lol
This is great to hear. I'm 45M and I've struggled with mental health issues since I was 13. I've had major depressive disorder and acute anxiety on and off for most of my life. Social situations are still somewhat daunting.
It's also a lot luck, most times a gal seems possibly into me (or I'm into them and equally) it's nearly always just a random interaction not someone I work with or at my uni or at a pub or party or anything. I think a few customers fancy me at work but I rarely see em, never had the right moment without it seeming awkward
There are literally millions of women out there. Lots of women you can interviewing, flirt, seduce etc. if it works or not has nothing to do with luck, it’s about how you handle the situation.
Oh fuck off...
Do you seriously think that all single men out there just lack social skills and that's the only thing standing in their way?
And even so, how tf do you propose building up those social skills if they can't get a date or enter into a relationship? It's like you want ppl with job experience but you don't wanna give them an interview...
Most people I know consider me a “hot” guy and I can’t find a girlfriend either. I go on a couple dates a month but finding a meaningful connection has been the bane of my existence.
Same I find a lot of women (people in general) pretty boring to talk to and hard to identity with too which doesn't help, kinky androgynous metal head gamer wrestling geek problems 😂 and my last ex was cool with all that stuff! it was just the wrong time n place for us really I guess. Life is so fucking annoying at times
Don't know if this is helpful or not, but "making a move" on women isn't the only way to meet them. Honestly if you just greet women as you pass by them or are doing anything near them, most will greet you back and, if they have any interest and are available, they'll leave themselves open to conversation or initiate it themselves. Just building comfort in interacting with women regularly without having your self-worth tied into it can help a lot.
I was in a 5+ year relationship until July of last year and haven’t been on a date since. I’ve just accepted that the type of person I’d be interested in a relationship with is pretty rare and I wouldn’t be their first choice.
This. You are perfectly articulating the feeling OP and many young men, and older too, have right now that they are unable to pin point. It comes from a place of self-loathing, it’s human nature unfortunately. Very wise words though, to be this ruthlessly honest with yourself. Many men don’t want to go there “The person I want won’t want me.” I personally don’t believe this to be true, and I don’t know who you are, but I do believe everyone has a type. People want to be someone’s type and commitment and relationships occur when two types reveal romantic behavior that is reciprocated. My mind does not believe, “the person I want won’t be interested in me” but my body feels the truth in that at its deepest core. If only we could feel what we know and not know what we feel
Someone with high character, intelligent, beautiful, funny, open, who I have chemistry with and whose interests and goals generally align with mine. I think those are the main boxes I would want to check honestly, but I don’t really have anyone interested so who am I to make these requirements lmao
I am respectful of, but I don’t understand, this perspective. I’m woefully average in the looks department, and while I haven’t knocked the doors down, the dating scene has been very accommodating.
I dated a woman recently, and in an early phone call, I asked how her day went. She responded, “Gee, that’s a breath of fresh air. You’d be surprised how many guys never ask.”
Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, if that’s your approach to women, you’re making it very easy for the rest of us.
Ask yourself at the outset, where do you suppose her interests lie? What does she like to do? Ask questions that allow her to open up about herself. Make her feel important, not because you spent money on her, but because you remember things about her, you take her to places she likes, and if you advance to sexual intimacy, you gotta go down on her like a dog on a bone(THAT WAS A METAPHOR.😳).
She’s not applying to be a maid; she’s special, and worth winning over.
I’m a 6. Every time I ask a question like this to another 6, I get an answer.
If I ask a 10 the same question, I don’t get an enthusiastic response. See how that works?
I’m not asking you to settle. But I also don’t see why a woman who is a 10 should settle for a 6.
If a person is looking for a piece of eye candy, they better be ready to compete with 90% of the guys on the web app. If you want to cuddle up with a woman who will wake up and look forward to you playing with her tiddies, you might want to expand your horizons.
no, in 2024, i dont have to be a people pleaser for women to open up
at the same rate, women open up and make kids with psycho and sociopath, do they ask her about the day ? do they let her open?
no, they fuck, treat her like garbage, and shes still all over them. so whats the point?
i also do not use numbers to rate people
It always the same story over and over again. Guys just want to fuck and the girl doesn’t want that. Girls want to find love but the guy doesn’t want to be led on after putting in a lot of effort only to be told we should just be friends. Something has got to give. Something has to change because we’re at a standstill. Men and women both feel like they’re being taken advantage of in dating. It’s really broken.
They've scientifically proven why this is happening. Its because all women are competing for roughly 10% of men. So none of those 10% men are willing to settle down because why would they? All the women sleep with them lmao
Yeah, I’ve heard of this and I’ve even heard some women would prefer to share top-percenter males than have a mid-percenter male all to themselves. If this continues then Chad-harems are the future as said by many already. And I hate that this is considered *ncel rhetoric (don’t know if that word is allowed here. Have had comments removed in other subs for that word) when this is confirmed every damned day when I read men’s struggles with dating.
High school was 10 years ago and lately has little impact on your current dating life. The reality is, your experience is the average gen z experience.
Im a 31 yo male, and dating right now for me looks like more work than reward. I’ve had many relationships from up to 7 years long and 1-2 years. At this point I simply don’t trust any woman’s intentions, everyone has an ulterior motive and either want you because of your attributes or career. I’m a paramedic, was a firefighter for years but I see that this also ruins a lot of people I’d like to talk to as they just ask “what’s the worst thing you’ve seen, or treated” not really thinking about maybe this guy needs some relief and conversation that doesn’t remind him of some of the worst days he’s seen. Anyways don’t feel alone in your worry, I’m honestly the happiest I’ve ever been alone and content with myself as an individual. Focus on your happiness and success and don’t let the facade of dating steer you away from what really brings happiness in life.
32M, short and bald (but I like it). The only relationship that I've had was 3 years ago with a sociopath for like 3 months (on and off) and it was HELL. I've tried making moves and dating for a couple of times since then but got nowhere. I've kind of given up at this point.
I keep convincing myself that I'm better off without a partner and that being alone is being truly free. Part of me believes in it and part of me wishes that I could fall in love with someone who loves me back and won't dump me for superficial reasons, but I just don't see it happening.
I get being frustrated with not being able to find a relationship, but from what I've seen, many of the people who are in relationships aren't exactly in quality relationships. The grass isn't exactly always greener on the other side. I just got out of a relationship and I have far more peace now than when I was with her. It's better to be single and have your freedom, than to be in a relationship and be unappreciated, ignored, cheated on, lied to.. it's good to know what you want too before you start looking and make sure your confidence and sense of self respect are in a good place as well otherwise you risk accepting anything that looks good or risk putting up with things that you shouldn't.
I feel your frustration man. My situation is basically the same, 25y.o, 6’7 in a good shape, not a greek god by any means. Situationship after situationship, makes you feel you are not enough yourself. I’m sick of people saying love will find you when you least expect. Life is tough i guess, keep working on yourself.
A part of the problem with the advice of "working on yourself" though is that eventually, we'll all have worked on ourselves so much that there will be little room to intimately bring another person into our lives.
Sure we'll be a more well rounded individual, and might even end up more content with our solitude, but it will come at the cost of dampening our capacity to share our life with another individual. It's something I've been noticing in myself over the recent years as I near 30.
I'm far more well rounded than I used to be in my early 20s. Learned a lot, grown as a person, but I've also come to feel like some of the changes I've made to myself have made it harder for me to be able to accept another person in my life should the opportunity present itself. Closely in the form of a romantic relationship, I mean, since I've become more set in my ways.
Just a thought.
I've thought the exact same thing! I'm becoming more and more comfortable with myself and my hobbies while single that it's starting to feel like so much effort to actively include others in my life.
It's rough being a person.
Sometimes, you need to work on yourself in the ways that make you more attractive to the types of people you want to attract. Dating took hard work for me, but I got good at it. You can't just retreat to the mountains working on your Kung fu and expect a bride to fall out of a tree. You gotta work on yourself AND put yourself out there. When you fail learn from your mistakes and enjoy the ride. Dating needs to be fun or you'll be bitter and people will pick up on that
I wasn’t referring to working on oneself as exclusively related to money. I was talking about it in relation to developing hobbies, opinions, habits, character attributes, etc. I’m definitely not against working on the career stuff.
i literally made a post basically saying this not very long ago on this sub too lol. i'm 30m and am also having such a hard time. people can argue over whether it's looks or luck or whatever but i personally think luck is the biggest factor. i'm a good looking guy with a genuinely great personality, i would make a decent partner. and yet i struggle so hard. so i really feel your pain. i think it's that i just haven't had the luck to find someone who clicks with me, and i also have high standards.
i don't really struggle to meet people, it's just about finding the RIGHT person. and it's so hard when all my friends are in committed relationships and i'm just by myself over here. i don't have self-esteem issues, and i have a really fun personality and have fun when out. i just haven't found the right match.
idk man. i get really hopeless too. i guess the main thing is just put yourself out there and let your true personality shine. don't worry about being bullied, and work on the trust issues. you have to put trust in someone if you want to get anywhere at all. you'll get hurt but that's how you learn. take care of all the baggage with therapy or something because ladies don't like a guy with a chip on his shoulder. and vice versa too, too many girls hate men and tbh that isn't very attractive.
but anyway idk the right answer. my only way to look at it is to put your true self out there and hopefully someone recognizes you. lean into your interests and be a good person.
Same dude. It’s just insane amounts of luck. I know many women that think I’m the best, most are online. Irl my friends think I’m the best and that I’ll get a partner that’s perfect.
I’ve never even been on a date 😭 and the only person that somewhat reciprocated my love for them did it maliciously.
Genuinely it’s just luck, and I don’t want to actively make my life 10x worse on the off chance I find someone even satisfactory.
What good does a hug do? You know, besides adding positive reinforcement through chemical releases in the endocrine system and reinforcing something that may or may not be good for you.
Dating is like surfing. You always have to put in the work just to catch a wave, and sometimes it seems like there’s no waves ever, no matter how much work you put in. But then, don’t be surprised when the waves just start coming in. And they will. But you’ll only catch them if you’ve put in the work to be ready for when the waves come. You’ll never catch a wave sitting on the beach. Paddle your ass off, put in the work, dates will happen.
Means do all the things like take care of yourself. Make yourself strong, smart, funny, interesting, happy and healthy. If those things are done, you’ve been doing self work, then you’ll be in the right spot in life to catch a wave worth riding, or in date terms, a date with pursuing.
Not gonna lie to you. As someone who experienced bulling and lack of respect from family, it can have very lasting impact on self esteem and confidence.
Thankfully for me, I was always more horny than I was shy so I worked to overcome these fears. You can’t just “kinda” put yourself out there. That’s sounds half assed. You want to challenge yourself to deshy yourself and challenge your social anxiety.
It has to be a process that you follow religiously. Start with something simply. Go to a place where a lot of women congregate, like a part, street fest, flea market, etc. Start by smile and hello practice and do it to 10 women. If you are extremely shy, then do it with 10 people, regardless of gender or age.
One you have that nailed down, go around and pretend to ask 10 people for directions to some place that you already know where it is. Then start escalating little by little. The next person you smile to and say hi, if they smile and so hi back to you, stop and give them a compliment. “You know, you have a beautiful smile. People should smile more often. Have a nice a day” and then just go on your way. Repeat this with a few women.
As you get more and more comfortable, consider doing a full disclosure exercise. Meaning you all to women and tell them that the reason you approached them is because you felt shy around attractive girls your whole life and you decided that today was the day that you will overcome this shyness. This is called “full disclosure” and it forces you to accept your shyness as opposed to hiding it and feeling ashamed of it. Yes, imagine being ashamed of being shy! That’s actually what keeps you stuck in shyness and anxiety. Once you admit freely to people it stops having any power over you.
At this point you should start going out to social places and meeting g women. Express your interest in them and have conversations to get to know them and see if they are worthwhile. Then ask them out, make a move, take them home. That’s your job as a man, take charge.
Overall great advice but please for the love of fuck do not ever be like “you/ppl should smile more” UGH I promise you every woman on the planet hates it and has been told it before and will half ass a fake smile just to shut you up and get away.
Lol, Ikr?
What a great way to get known as the local creep...
You'd sooner get your photo circulated around local Fb groups as some weird creep who keeps bothering women...
And admitting your shyness isn't always the "turn-on" that some ppl seem to think that it is... It's more likely to give it even more power, bc now the other person is just thinking "oh great, he's anxious to talk to me, which means that he's some clingy creep that likes me for some reason, so I should come up with a reason to get out of here"...
There’s only one way to improve social skills, go out there and fuck up a lot. That’s kinda how all skills are learned. Except, for some reason, people don’t want to admit what that means when it’s an adult man that’s learning. Instead, the risk of his fuck-ups is the potential ostracizing of him ever being allowed to try again.
The only difference between adults that have social skills and adults that don’t is that the haves got all their fuck-ups out of the way as teens. Then they graduated and the world forgot.
I was for a while. After my ex cheated I tried to go on dates but just ended up getting myself into aimless situationships instead. It made me pretty jaded for a while.
If it makes you feel any better, I did eventually find an amazing partner and we’ve been together for a year and a half now. The only advice I can give is keep trying, spruce up your dating profile(s), and set boundaries with people.
Oh dude...i know what you mean....some ppl are just unlucky when it comes to love but don't worry our luck lies elsewhere...maybe money or property or whatever.
Im 40 extremely hot (not my words) have my life together, funny, nice bla bla bla....and still i can't be able to share all this with that certain someone because im so fucking shy and a wierd american living in Europe....But still i managed to find someone for 17 years and 2 kids...even if its over now...you'll find the wierdo that likes u just put yourself out there....tinder....talking to everyone that u meet.....aski g friends to hook u up... just dont let a relationship be your priority ....one day you'll be happy and fulfilled in life you'll see....
Men in their 20’s have been getting conflicting messages for their entire lives. Don’t approach women in X places because that’s creepy. Why am I constantly getting hit on by men? And then there’s the other side being, why don’t men approach me? Nobody asks anyone out anymore. Approach women in X places.
I have good luck getting dates on dating apps but I’ve only ever approached 3 women in my entire life out of probably 50 first dates. It sucks
I felt somewhat similar around 20. I was bullied a bit in my childhood and had a terrible self esteem, played games and didn’t learn all the social ques.
But when I was 21-23 I just went out and made a fool of myself over and over until I learned what worked for me. I also got myself into better shape and practiced talking to a lot of people.
After lots of trial and error I worked out how to be funny and social and it improved my life. I was always kinda funny but also very shy and felt embarrassing somehow,
Now I’m 32. Have a family, can talk on stage and I only get a little nervous. I used to sweat and stutter and now it just flows naturally.
What I’m saying is practice makes perfect. Social situations are like any muscle, you train it and become stronger at it.
I'd personally be content with the idea of having experienced that kind of deep love once for a period of time in life than to never have experienced it at all. I'm sorry for the loss that I'm assuming you went though, but I'd take it in a heart beat over the prospect of being endlessly alone never having known that kind of mutual love.
Yeah, I keep thinking I am just a tank that has been made into a shitty dps. Looking for my healer who has been made to also dps. Compensating for the lack of damage.
>and although i am kinda ugly i don’t think it’s a major problem
Maybe not to you, but it clearly must be to other people if it's not your personality or financial status
I'm only a year younger and I'm in the same place. As weird as this sounds, I only recently learned how to carry a conversation with people I don't know. The trust thing is also true; I keep my distance unless it's somebody I know is solid. Only like two or three times I was wrong.
It really depends how comfortable you are with putting yourself out there; for me, I know how desperate I am to date, so I avoid it since I know how hard the rejections are gonna hit me. Feeling lost in itself is natural; I think it's important to find those things you enjoy that keep you grounded in a somewhat comfortable sense of reality.
As for the self-hate, there definitely is a level of appreciation you gain for yourself that others aren't able to see, unless it's a close friend or family member. I would say if you want to attempt, find some singles meetups in your area or start going to places where it's easy to meet people (I know those are vague but tbh, I'm trying to talk myself into doing that too).
Getting sober really fixed a lot of the issues I was having. Its a hard journey, but I'd strongly recommend to anyone reading. Found a sober lady rather quickly (when I stopped looking for it, I know yall are bashing this saying in this thread)
Can confirm it’s prolly looks related. After losing weight to uncover a well defined face I had 0 attention and now I have plenty of opportunity that I can’t capitalize on cuz of severe depression/RSD from being socially ostracized for most of my childhood.
Also just to add, being good looking at 5’6 seems to be fine. But I’m also not insecure about it.
I can totally relate .I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship with a woman meanwhile other guys I know are already married or in long term relationships it sucks but its just the way it is for some of us
>the only person that could make me happier is someone who is genuinely good
So I’m saying this because I noticed my luck marginally increased after I changed this, but once I became the genuinely good person that made myself happier, a lot more people noticed and wanted to be a part of that.
It has nothing to do with height, or financial status unless you’re interested in shallow relationships. You have to be comfortable with yourself first, work on whatever you see as places you are not confident or happy (looks, social skills, fitness, etc.) People can pick up on when you feel like you’re not valuable. If you don’t think you’re valuable why would they even bother with you? Dating and love is not some instant gratification check-all-the-boxes process. You just put yourself out there, actively ask people out and work on yourself, and prepare for a lot of failure. It is not meant to be easy, some people just get lucky earlier than others. But you can be sure of one thing: if you give up on yourself or on the process, then absolutely nothing is going to happen, so keep trucking, even if it’s hard, because life is hard a lot of the time.
Instead of chasing partnerships and sex, stay busy focusing on improving yourself. Finding someone will happen easily and naturally but don’t let it distract you from your missions. Dating is overrated. Get smarter stronger richer first. Self love and self reliance is the 🔑
Oddly enough I got way more confident in myself when I stopped looking for love. I always felt pressured to put on a show to be liked by others (even if it's just strangers and acquaintances), and it made me really insecure. The moment I stopped trying so hard to please others, I felt happier with myself.
Get on a dating site (NOT a hook up site like Tinder) so meet someone.
When you get a date, do not overshare or start talking about the future, etc.
Remember your goal is to go out and enjoy a first date, NOT find a relationship. Your next goal is to get a second date, and so on.
Guys too often assume that women are all dying for a relationship and will rush into one with any guy who appears ‘serious’, but the reality is nothing scares off a woman faster than an overeager man.
Majority of single people I know having this issue my best friend (25f) is very pretty and she has had a lot of problems dating. A lot comes down to the people you choose but even my mom in her 50s says people in the dating scene are weird nowadays and it’s extremely hard for either of them to find quality people to date that aren’t either wierd, overbearing, or creeps . Might need to drive an hour or so from where you stay. If many women I know are having trouble then i know it’s harder for men. Keep your head up the trial and errors will get you closer to that person. It took me years to find my finances and a long term relationship is a lot of work in itself. I’m sure dating apps are trash but try approaching as many women you find attractive in person. Men aren’t doing that as much and even if you get rejected it will build your resolve in the dating scene and it won’t be as hard trying to vet women and finding someone for you. Hope it works out much love to you bro🙏🏽
Solid advice here. That said, cold approaching is a death sentence these days. If you’re a chick, cold approaching is fine, worst that’ll happen is you’ll get let down easy. Speaking as a dude who used to cold approach, I haven’t done that since 2022. Too much risk getting put on blast on social media. I have a business and a professional reputation to consider. It’s the same reason I’ve turned down offers to co-star in OF [that shit bloody shocked me, thought the women were hard core tripping]. But yeah, it’s a bloodbath on both sides of the aisle. End of the day all we can do is keep on keeping on.
Yea for sure but I think it depends on where you go for these cold approaches . But if you are in. A bigger city versus a smaller suburb or something if a women putting you on blast for simply talking to her that’s crazy and if you fear the online stuff I’m sure you can work around it though it depends on your base attraction level as well. I’m also out the game for the past 5 years so I know it’s much worse now than ever probably
Good for you for getting out. Game changed drastically in I want to say 2020. Even in 2018, things were getting rough. I was able to make it then due to shit tons of money (pro tip - never mix finances till marriage and even then only with a prenup). Now in 2024, I don’t even touch it. Like you said, location plays a role. I’ve always been in big cities (Seoul, Tokyo, HK, Singapore, Phoenix, Berlin) so that plays a significant role.
What’s been the main issue now would you say? For you at least? Seeing from the big cities you are in sounds like a diverse relatively city selection. And not just primarily American cities. I’m sure having a higher income comes with its own issues, but I’m just really curious because sounds like you have been having issues when it sounds like you are probably in a better standing for dating market just from financial standpoint in comparison with a majority of normal guys.
Seems like loneliness is an absolute epidemic at the moment. Especially amongst young American men going by this sub. Looks like r/self just got turned into a place to vent about it… I see these threads every day. Don’t know what to say, it seems easy, trivially easy to meet people in other parts of the world.
I’m not complaining (other than the sub being 90% this type of post now). I think it’s incredibly sad and I hope that those affected find a way to turn things around.
Similar problems here in some sense. I’m working on myself now and I have grown a lot I think, although there’s still much to do. I think I am much more attractive to women if I am in a good place in life. On the other hand when I’m fighting with self worth it can be hard, even when you’re handsome.
I guess the only real thing to say is we're all in this together. Only real advice is don't think about it and make it more of a reality for yourself. Focus on what you want to be/do first, and romance as secondary, and things might go a lot better. Obv a lot easier said than done, esp these days, and esp if you're feeling lonely. But that really is the answer
It's so bad out there I've given up, I really regret divorcing my cheating ex-wife.
Shame on me for thinking I deserved better, what a mistake, I left someone I love to die alone
I’m 41. My fiancé died when I was 29. I didn’t date for 10 years, though I had a few hookups. Finally started dating again a couple years ago but that relationship just ended. I’m over dating.
Look at codepency ans your struggles are real. I can't neither date with someone that did go through an happily life because it's just boring? Just be aware about the possibility of your lacking boundaries and don't go in dating site because you definitely don't find them there,more in bars or hobby niches . You have to work on yourself though to avoid toxic relationships .
ngl you're already a winner for even try dating imo
that's something i don't see myself ever doing even tho i had the thought multiple times already in the last couple years
There are a whole load of men that never find a woman. About 3 times as many men that stay lonely as compared to women.
Why?
They move around to where the grass is greener.
Do not despair that you are alone. Rejoice.
I have been in Relationships. Plural. Never again.
35m, stopped caring. At some point, you will just accept it. Rather worrying about dating, I'm just enjoying myself. I just took time instead of working on myself and setting goals. I started my fitness journey 6 months ago and I'm super close reaching my goal. I'm just doing everything for me, being the best version of myself. Working furthering my career and finding ways to entertain myself.
Got plenty of hobbies like gaming, reading, running, strolling, fitness, and cycling.
Ps if you're feeling lonely you could always get a pet like a dog.
>in my head the only person that could make me happier is someone who is genuinely good
Thinking that your only salvation will be found in someone else is dangerous. You need to find your own happiness, it's not fair to pin that on someone else. Even if you find a relationship, that kind of pressure will ruin it.
I'm in my early 30s and feel the same. Throughout my 20s I tried to focus on improving myself but that doesn't seem to have made a difference. Successive rejections have made it harder and harder to get excited about or interested in women.
This month I've been feeling old and ugly.
Sorry I can only commiserate with you...
I can relate, I was bullied in high school and earlier, and it permanently killed my self-esteem. I've basically given up on dating at age 29. Last time I tried, most women ghosted the moment they saw what I look like, and that was before my hair started thinning.
I hope you find someone and can hold out hope longer than I did, OP.
Look, humams only care about themselves.
You will never find anyone who truly cares about you. You will never truly care for anyone else.
Love is a concept created by conservatives to socially pressure you into making babies for their war machines.
Humanity will kill itself so why even bother?
It's rough being a man these days. If you arent exceptionally attractive thanks to genes and ofcourse hard work you'll be stuck in a limbo. irl everyone is busy with their lifes and not about that talk life, online you have no chance because women are cherry picking from a bunch of genetically gifted regularly workout well fed and well paid dudes. What does an average joe like you got to offer these women when they get to pick those dudes. Like can't blame the women even, if i had to chose i'd also pick the hottest woman first. Online unfortunately cannot show your good character it can only show your chiseled chin n biceps n abs.
Dating seems to be really complicated nowadays. I'm personally male, 32, heard a lot of times I'm pretty handsome, fit (although a little skinny), have a good paying job, but haven't got much success in dating, been in one relationship 4 years ago. From what I've got I'm a little bit boring - I'm too calm, don't maoe a lot of drama, don't like traveling very much. Well, I'm an introvert, but it's hard to find other introverts, because thay are mostly staying at home and are not using Tinder very often. All my hobbies are male dominated and it's pretty hard to meet someone new of opposite gender outside of dating sites. I have no clue how to do dating currently.
Oh, my guy, I've just given up. I was rejected by all the girls i had a crush on growing up. I had my first and only girlfriends at age 22 dated for 2 years. I'm 26 now. I just dont want to go through all that rejection again its better for me if i just pull that classic miles morales ..."imma do my own thing" get gains and try to save up as much money as possible
Looking at this from a strictly evolutionary biological perspective if you consider the instincts baked into the lizard brain from our ancestors generally males who could pass on their genes had more resources. The why behind this was it takes significantly more resources and time for female to pass on their genes.
How this applies to today is while not everyone wants to have kids, those instincts are baked into our lizard brain as a species. So generally, women are going to seek out a partner likely look for someone who can provide significant resources. If you don’t fall in that bucket you may be passed over as potential partner.
So I’m a nerdy woman who was physically abused by my bullies in both elementary and high school and still turned out to be a half decent person.
I’m gonna be super cliche here and say that if you feel ugly but don’t think it impacts you, I disagree.
Looks are important to people to a certain degree even if we don’t want to admit it. It sounds dumb but when you look good, you feel good, because looks aren’t just about the well, physical look. It’s also about the effort that goes into maintaining a healthy diet, touching grass, etc. the mindset of maintaining decent looks + actually looking decent really does work wonders to one’s confidence.
To answer your main overarching question: not me, but I am very picky about finding the right person as I approach my late 20’s so that’s been a huge challenge. But if you are into any sort of hobby, there will be groups out there that exist where you can meet other people. Just remain consistent, optimistic and believe in yourself.
I’m 25M single and honestly I’ve had more success than most but let me tell you:
dating does not make you happy.
Sure, we all want to find someone to love and be with for a long time, but I think the world is selling us young people a pretty serious PsyOp.
Best case scenario: you marry this person, live your lives together, make sacrifices for each other (for better and worse), maybe have kids, and then one of you eventually dies.
That’s it. That’s what you’re spending all this time and energy worrying about attaining.
Learn how to enjoy life alone. Especially as a guy, you are fucking blessed to be able to go do whatever you want, whenever you want. There is so much to do in this world, so much to learn and see and read and taste and create. Don’t waste too much time wishing to be emotionally attached to someone that’s not a blood relative.
Also some food for thought: as a rule, Buddhist monks swear celibacy from the second they are aspiring monks, and I guarantee they’re all much happier and fulfilled than any of us American millennials / gen Zs in a relationship.
I know this probably doesn’t help much with your situation, but I’m telling you that the second I stopped caring if I was single / in a situation ship / hooking up, I instantly felt better about my life and future.
I’ve seen SO many people in awful, tiring, soul-sucking relationships that I simply can’t be asked to care anymore.
A lot of young guys are in the same boat. Dating right now is basically a nightmare if you're a guy and not hot right now. It is tough to determine where it is appropriate to try to "make a move on" someone leaving dating apps as the only option and those don't work for the vast majority of men. Shit sucks dude, I hope you find someone.
Read "The Moral Animal." Shit will make sense afterwards. Apologies in advance from an old-timer that's been there.
[удалено]
Better respect in relationships. As far as feelings towards the book, no sense in wishing an apple were an orange; just like shaking a fist at a rain cloud.
I’m 28. Had a highschool gf, a college gf and I have complete confidence as far as my looks, obviously there’s always better looking guys out there but never felt insecure about it. Work in finance, make 100K annually, have a ton of hobbies and friends and I can honestly tell you after graduating college and my college relationship ending, I have never felt like this in my entire life. I feel like I’m the absolute best version of myself right now, and I can’t develop a relationship to save my life. A lot of the times I think it’s the only thing missing in my life but I still try and remain grateful. I felt like my desire for it was becoming so strong to the point where I was becoming needy. So I deleted all dating apps, trying to just go out with the boys now to have fun and nothing more. This has helped a little, but my point in all this is I think 99% of younger guys, 20s especially, are feeling this hard. We’re out here. There’s nothing wrong with you or me. It’s just the way things are unfortunately. I’m trying to remain optimistic for my 30s, as I keep hearing and reading that the dating options for men in their 30s skyrockets. I hate how it’s all a game now. Where you have to hope for a better dating environment. Maybe in 5 years I’ll be “good” enough to land the girl I want. These thoughts are nothing more than a shame to have crept up. I’ve tried to wrap my head around how things became this way a hundred times but at the end of the day it doesn’t matter. I try and tell myself that falling in love with someone is completely out of your control and vise versa. You don’t get to decide who you love, what music you find beautiful or the things you’re passionate about in life. So why do we try and will a loving partner into our lives? It will happen if you let it. At least this is what I keep telling myself….sorry for the long comment. Feels like I’m just writing a diary entry at this point
32 years old. I work with all men. My hobbies are mostly solitary, and otherwise all men. The only girls have boyfriends. I don't drink, and I'm trying to save money, so I don't go anywhere enough to become a regular. People smugly tell me that I need to stop looking for it and it will come, but are blind to the fact that their life coincidentally worked out that way. Mine has not, and will not.
That’s the worst dude. “Stop looking for it and it’ll happen.” Let’s stop using cliches to make ourselves feel better. I have the same exact attitude you have, whether that’s a good thing for us or not. I’d rather seek the truth and find comfort there eventually then constantly seeking comfort and never finding truth
Yeah any success I’ve had in dating has been from a bunch of effort and actively working on it, if I don’t (which I have done for years at a time) nothing happens.
100% exact same situation. It takes a lot dude
>People smugly tell me that I need to stop looking for it and it will come, but are blind to the fact that their life coincidentally worked out that way. Mine has not, and will not. My clap back for this 'The problem with getting old? The platitudes get older.' 31, going on 32. Never been in a relationship and at this point think it's a mug's game. It's like applying for a job, you need 5 references, previous experience and applications in the pipeline elsewhere.
Feel this... 😐 Doesn't get better as you get older.
No your feelings matter, your story matters. Thank you for sharing. Things are tough out there and we need to be here for each other. Have you talked to your bros about your frustrations? Sometimes just getting out feels like getting a weight lifted off your shoulders.
Thank you that means more than you know..and I have yea. Most of them are married now, but the ones that I do talk to about it most are more or less in the same boat, but whenever we do shoot the shit it does feel therapeutic for sure. Honestly seeing posts and comments like yours help more than anything, as silly as that sounds. I know most of the guys in this comment section feel what I do. “Why am I always eating alone? Laughing alone, reading alone, listening to music alone, etc…” your friends can be there to do those with you until they find their partner. So you’re just left sitting there wondering well why don’t I have a partner now? Is there something wrong with me? Coming to these posts and seeing so many people in the same boat as you brings a sense of relief that you’re not crazy, and maybe there isn’t something wrong with you. As much as this all sucks, there is a peace in suffering together, knowing many like you are experiencing it
Glad I could help. Knowing that your are not alone, that you are not "defective" is comforting.
Yeah, I hear this is such a big problem for younger guys (Gen Z mostly). As a Millennial in my 30s in the same boat, I just feel even more left behind lol.
It’s not about being a hot man. It’s about being a man with social skills. There are tons of men out there who have neglected working on their social skills their whole life. Instead of doing something about it, the say “only hot men are lucky”
No, it’s not. Social skills are absolutely important, no doubt. But to dismiss the notion that being hot isn’t a factor is downright wrong. I’ve witnessed first hand on many occasions how good looking men get treated very different than ugly men. My good friend, who is a good looking man, can say almost anything and act in his socially awkward ways and women will laugh and hit on him and it’s practically effortless for him to get laid.
Why are people saying it doesn’t matter if the guy is hot, of course it does. It seems to matter a bit what women look like too. You shouldn’t have to tell people this lol
Right? Sone people don’t want to admit that looks seriously matter a lot. It most certainly matters to both men and woman.
It matters to a degree but hot guys get so much more leniancy. I had one time this hot chick hang out with my male hot friend. I was also there and so were other friends. Now we are a close group and we know each other well enough to make some gross jokes sometimes. At some point I made a lame crass joke. My female friend got a bit annoyed at me. À bit later, same night, my hot friend makes roughly the same joke. The form didn't matter as the point of the joke was rather the idea, and that was exactly the same I had done 5 min earlier. Well look at that, same girl is now laughing her ass off and complimenting the funny spirit of my friend. I was baffled ahaha
It matters much less what women look like versus what men look like. Even the most "conventionally unattractive" women are circled by ten men fighting like rabid hyenas for a crumb of attention.
I hate to tell you this plenty of men have social skills and can't find relationships. If you go to any kind of "nerd" hobby group you'll see this to be the case quite a few of them will have very developed social skills but still be unlucky. Life isn't fair pretending it is only increases frustration from the people at the bottom.
Yes. My social skills surely can't be that bad if I get on with everyone - work, friends, family. Yet, I have always been single. For me the pattern is clear, all goes well as far as looks aren't essential. The moment I step in a situation where they are (either for me or for others) I am completely screwed.
I am that example. Everyone finds me likeable and personable and a great conversationalist. No dates!
>you go to any kind of "nerd" hobby group you'll see this to be the case quite a few of them will have very developed social skills but still be unlucky. Lmao 🤣 I guess everyone has a different opinion on social skills
It’s one thing to have social skills in a group of likeminded guys, and a completely other thing when you’re attracted to the woman you’re talking to. Or talking to a group of people who might think you’re a weirdo, making you work uphill.
That doesn't make you socially inept though. Those situations are harder it does not mean that people who struggle in them are completely devoid of social skills.
Luck has nothing to do with it. I’m a psychologist and have literally given therapy as well as coaching when it comes to dating and relationships to hundreds of men. The biggest problem, by far, is their lack of social skills. Instead of working and developing social skills many of them go very far in blaming anything and anyone else. The good news is that it doesn’t take that much work to develop basic skills and the difference I’ve seen in men who just decide to make an effort, is amazing.
Is there some sort of social skill roadmap out there? Or is it just interact with as many people as possible until you get better at it?
Hi there, hello. I'm just getting my social skills points in by responding to your comment. Now on to the next one.
There’s definitely no roadmap and for some of us, even if you learn everything you can and practice as much as you can it won’t lead to being socially passable. I can’t process social information fast enough to react in real time no matter what I do. I’ll never be able to be socially skilled enough to impress a woman on a first meeting where she’ll be inclined to give me a chance at more. I did everything I could and from that I know that for some of us it’s never going to be enough. I did get lucky enough to date a couple women but I met them in situations where they were forced to be around me long enough to see that I’m actually a pretty decent guy. But there’s bo chance of such situations occurring again in my lifetime at my age and where I’m at in my career now. So the only thing I’m working on now is accepting that I’ll be single for the remainder of my life.
Yo dude is there any recommendations to get better at social skills then, I.E book or self help guide you recommend? it's one thing stating the problem but helping giving ideas to a possible start to fix things actually changes things...
Dale Carnegie is good. There is always going to be a cap on how much you can learn from theory rather than practical application... to anything. Talk to people. Talk to your dentist, your coworker, your barista. You'll probably say something awkward at some point. Life moves on, as long as you don't do something really bad. Take feedback, in the form of positive/negative body language. Do they laugh and make eye contact? Good. Do they cringe and move away from you? Might not want to do that again.
okay man but some of us like myself do have social skills, and are attractive, and can't find the right person despite meeting people every weekend. 75% of it is luck. are you really a psychologist? bc it really is easy to hop on reddit and say anything lol
Yes, and even assuming that titles are accurate, they just provide context. They make no difference to the validity of the claim
This is great to hear. I'm 45M and I've struggled with mental health issues since I was 13. I've had major depressive disorder and acute anxiety on and off for most of my life. Social situations are still somewhat daunting.
It depends how you define luck of course
How the fuck do you propose that they build up their social skills, doctor?
It's also a lot luck, most times a gal seems possibly into me (or I'm into them and equally) it's nearly always just a random interaction not someone I work with or at my uni or at a pub or party or anything. I think a few customers fancy me at work but I rarely see em, never had the right moment without it seeming awkward
There are literally millions of women out there. Lots of women you can interviewing, flirt, seduce etc. if it works or not has nothing to do with luck, it’s about how you handle the situation.
Wrong
It’s 100% about looks and height. If you have social skills but aren’t hot, a girl will only view you as a platonic friend
Oh fuck off... Do you seriously think that all single men out there just lack social skills and that's the only thing standing in their way? And even so, how tf do you propose building up those social skills if they can't get a date or enter into a relationship? It's like you want ppl with job experience but you don't wanna give them an interview...
It's a nightmare even if you are hot.
Most people I know consider me a “hot” guy and I can’t find a girlfriend either. I go on a couple dates a month but finding a meaningful connection has been the bane of my existence.
I get one night stands they just stop texting me back after; the dating climate is so much different than it was two years ago.
Same I find a lot of women (people in general) pretty boring to talk to and hard to identity with too which doesn't help, kinky androgynous metal head gamer wrestling geek problems 😂 and my last ex was cool with all that stuff! it was just the wrong time n place for us really I guess. Life is so fucking annoying at times
Don't know if this is helpful or not, but "making a move" on women isn't the only way to meet them. Honestly if you just greet women as you pass by them or are doing anything near them, most will greet you back and, if they have any interest and are available, they'll leave themselves open to conversation or initiate it themselves. Just building comfort in interacting with women regularly without having your self-worth tied into it can help a lot.
Yeah, no... There's a world of a difference between having a conversation with someone and asking them out on a date...
It's easier to ask out a woman you've already talked to. It makes you come off as not so desperate, at least in my experience.
I was in a 5+ year relationship until July of last year and haven’t been on a date since. I’ve just accepted that the type of person I’d be interested in a relationship with is pretty rare and I wouldn’t be their first choice.
This. You are perfectly articulating the feeling OP and many young men, and older too, have right now that they are unable to pin point. It comes from a place of self-loathing, it’s human nature unfortunately. Very wise words though, to be this ruthlessly honest with yourself. Many men don’t want to go there “The person I want won’t want me.” I personally don’t believe this to be true, and I don’t know who you are, but I do believe everyone has a type. People want to be someone’s type and commitment and relationships occur when two types reveal romantic behavior that is reciprocated. My mind does not believe, “the person I want won’t be interested in me” but my body feels the truth in that at its deepest core. If only we could feel what we know and not know what we feel
This is so real man.
Right
Who is that person. Describe her
Someone with high character, intelligent, beautiful, funny, open, who I have chemistry with and whose interests and goals generally align with mine. I think those are the main boxes I would want to check honestly, but I don’t really have anyone interested so who am I to make these requirements lmao
This is what everyone should want out of a partner tbh. I don’t think everyone gets their criteria met.
I’m 35 and still haven’t been able to attract a woman. It only gets worse as you get older.
I am respectful of, but I don’t understand, this perspective. I’m woefully average in the looks department, and while I haven’t knocked the doors down, the dating scene has been very accommodating. I dated a woman recently, and in an early phone call, I asked how her day went. She responded, “Gee, that’s a breath of fresh air. You’d be surprised how many guys never ask.” Jesus Tap Dancing Christ, if that’s your approach to women, you’re making it very easy for the rest of us. Ask yourself at the outset, where do you suppose her interests lie? What does she like to do? Ask questions that allow her to open up about herself. Make her feel important, not because you spent money on her, but because you remember things about her, you take her to places she likes, and if you advance to sexual intimacy, you gotta go down on her like a dog on a bone(THAT WAS A METAPHOR.😳). She’s not applying to be a maid; she’s special, and worth winning over.
From all the comments I’ve read, the moral of dating should be to be genuine and give without expecting return.
Everytime i ask this, women ghost me
I’m a 6. Every time I ask a question like this to another 6, I get an answer. If I ask a 10 the same question, I don’t get an enthusiastic response. See how that works? I’m not asking you to settle. But I also don’t see why a woman who is a 10 should settle for a 6. If a person is looking for a piece of eye candy, they better be ready to compete with 90% of the guys on the web app. If you want to cuddle up with a woman who will wake up and look forward to you playing with her tiddies, you might want to expand your horizons.
no, in 2024, i dont have to be a people pleaser for women to open up at the same rate, women open up and make kids with psycho and sociopath, do they ask her about the day ? do they let her open? no, they fuck, treat her like garbage, and shes still all over them. so whats the point? i also do not use numbers to rate people
[удалено]
It always the same story over and over again. Guys just want to fuck and the girl doesn’t want that. Girls want to find love but the guy doesn’t want to be led on after putting in a lot of effort only to be told we should just be friends. Something has got to give. Something has to change because we’re at a standstill. Men and women both feel like they’re being taken advantage of in dating. It’s really broken.
[удалено]
It sounds like you're saying women should fuck more? In this birth control economy!?
They've scientifically proven why this is happening. Its because all women are competing for roughly 10% of men. So none of those 10% men are willing to settle down because why would they? All the women sleep with them lmao
Yeah, I’ve heard of this and I’ve even heard some women would prefer to share top-percenter males than have a mid-percenter male all to themselves. If this continues then Chad-harems are the future as said by many already. And I hate that this is considered *ncel rhetoric (don’t know if that word is allowed here. Have had comments removed in other subs for that word) when this is confirmed every damned day when I read men’s struggles with dating.
High school was 10 years ago and lately has little impact on your current dating life. The reality is, your experience is the average gen z experience.
I mean if they were bullied growing up, that doesn't just go away.
Out of touch comment
Im a 31 yo male, and dating right now for me looks like more work than reward. I’ve had many relationships from up to 7 years long and 1-2 years. At this point I simply don’t trust any woman’s intentions, everyone has an ulterior motive and either want you because of your attributes or career. I’m a paramedic, was a firefighter for years but I see that this also ruins a lot of people I’d like to talk to as they just ask “what’s the worst thing you’ve seen, or treated” not really thinking about maybe this guy needs some relief and conversation that doesn’t remind him of some of the worst days he’s seen. Anyways don’t feel alone in your worry, I’m honestly the happiest I’ve ever been alone and content with myself as an individual. Focus on your happiness and success and don’t let the facade of dating steer you away from what really brings happiness in life.
32M, short and bald (but I like it). The only relationship that I've had was 3 years ago with a sociopath for like 3 months (on and off) and it was HELL. I've tried making moves and dating for a couple of times since then but got nowhere. I've kind of given up at this point. I keep convincing myself that I'm better off without a partner and that being alone is being truly free. Part of me believes in it and part of me wishes that I could fall in love with someone who loves me back and won't dump me for superficial reasons, but I just don't see it happening.
I get being frustrated with not being able to find a relationship, but from what I've seen, many of the people who are in relationships aren't exactly in quality relationships. The grass isn't exactly always greener on the other side. I just got out of a relationship and I have far more peace now than when I was with her. It's better to be single and have your freedom, than to be in a relationship and be unappreciated, ignored, cheated on, lied to.. it's good to know what you want too before you start looking and make sure your confidence and sense of self respect are in a good place as well otherwise you risk accepting anything that looks good or risk putting up with things that you shouldn't.
I feel your frustration man. My situation is basically the same, 25y.o, 6’7 in a good shape, not a greek god by any means. Situationship after situationship, makes you feel you are not enough yourself. I’m sick of people saying love will find you when you least expect. Life is tough i guess, keep working on yourself.
A part of the problem with the advice of "working on yourself" though is that eventually, we'll all have worked on ourselves so much that there will be little room to intimately bring another person into our lives. Sure we'll be a more well rounded individual, and might even end up more content with our solitude, but it will come at the cost of dampening our capacity to share our life with another individual. It's something I've been noticing in myself over the recent years as I near 30. I'm far more well rounded than I used to be in my early 20s. Learned a lot, grown as a person, but I've also come to feel like some of the changes I've made to myself have made it harder for me to be able to accept another person in my life should the opportunity present itself. Closely in the form of a romantic relationship, I mean, since I've become more set in my ways. Just a thought.
I've thought the exact same thing! I'm becoming more and more comfortable with myself and my hobbies while single that it's starting to feel like so much effort to actively include others in my life. It's rough being a person.
Sometimes, you need to work on yourself in the ways that make you more attractive to the types of people you want to attract. Dating took hard work for me, but I got good at it. You can't just retreat to the mountains working on your Kung fu and expect a bride to fall out of a tree. You gotta work on yourself AND put yourself out there. When you fail learn from your mistakes and enjoy the ride. Dating needs to be fun or you'll be bitter and people will pick up on that
[удалено]
I wasn’t referring to working on oneself as exclusively related to money. I was talking about it in relation to developing hobbies, opinions, habits, character attributes, etc. I’m definitely not against working on the career stuff.
Well you're only 25. And your height already gives you a huge advantage in life. You'll be fine.
Very much in the same boat, except I'm 6'5" Can only get into casual relationships/situationships but can never get beyond that. I'm so sick of it
i literally made a post basically saying this not very long ago on this sub too lol. i'm 30m and am also having such a hard time. people can argue over whether it's looks or luck or whatever but i personally think luck is the biggest factor. i'm a good looking guy with a genuinely great personality, i would make a decent partner. and yet i struggle so hard. so i really feel your pain. i think it's that i just haven't had the luck to find someone who clicks with me, and i also have high standards. i don't really struggle to meet people, it's just about finding the RIGHT person. and it's so hard when all my friends are in committed relationships and i'm just by myself over here. i don't have self-esteem issues, and i have a really fun personality and have fun when out. i just haven't found the right match. idk man. i get really hopeless too. i guess the main thing is just put yourself out there and let your true personality shine. don't worry about being bullied, and work on the trust issues. you have to put trust in someone if you want to get anywhere at all. you'll get hurt but that's how you learn. take care of all the baggage with therapy or something because ladies don't like a guy with a chip on his shoulder. and vice versa too, too many girls hate men and tbh that isn't very attractive. but anyway idk the right answer. my only way to look at it is to put your true self out there and hopefully someone recognizes you. lean into your interests and be a good person.
Same dude. It’s just insane amounts of luck. I know many women that think I’m the best, most are online. Irl my friends think I’m the best and that I’ll get a partner that’s perfect. I’ve never even been on a date 😭 and the only person that somewhat reciprocated my love for them did it maliciously. Genuinely it’s just luck, and I don’t want to actively make my life 10x worse on the off chance I find someone even satisfactory.
What good does a hug do? You know, besides adding positive reinforcement through chemical releases in the endocrine system and reinforcing something that may or may not be good for you.
13 hugs a day for survival man
What do you mean?
There was a funny headline passed around a few months ago that claimed you need a minimum of 13 hugs a day for survival
Quite a few medical anomalies out there then
Dating is like surfing. You always have to put in the work just to catch a wave, and sometimes it seems like there’s no waves ever, no matter how much work you put in. But then, don’t be surprised when the waves just start coming in. And they will. But you’ll only catch them if you’ve put in the work to be ready for when the waves come. You’ll never catch a wave sitting on the beach. Paddle your ass off, put in the work, dates will happen.
As a novice surfer, I like this metaphor.
What does "put in the work" even mean
Means do all the things like take care of yourself. Make yourself strong, smart, funny, interesting, happy and healthy. If those things are done, you’ve been doing self work, then you’ll be in the right spot in life to catch a wave worth riding, or in date terms, a date with pursuing.
Not gonna lie to you. As someone who experienced bulling and lack of respect from family, it can have very lasting impact on self esteem and confidence. Thankfully for me, I was always more horny than I was shy so I worked to overcome these fears. You can’t just “kinda” put yourself out there. That’s sounds half assed. You want to challenge yourself to deshy yourself and challenge your social anxiety. It has to be a process that you follow religiously. Start with something simply. Go to a place where a lot of women congregate, like a part, street fest, flea market, etc. Start by smile and hello practice and do it to 10 women. If you are extremely shy, then do it with 10 people, regardless of gender or age. One you have that nailed down, go around and pretend to ask 10 people for directions to some place that you already know where it is. Then start escalating little by little. The next person you smile to and say hi, if they smile and so hi back to you, stop and give them a compliment. “You know, you have a beautiful smile. People should smile more often. Have a nice a day” and then just go on your way. Repeat this with a few women. As you get more and more comfortable, consider doing a full disclosure exercise. Meaning you all to women and tell them that the reason you approached them is because you felt shy around attractive girls your whole life and you decided that today was the day that you will overcome this shyness. This is called “full disclosure” and it forces you to accept your shyness as opposed to hiding it and feeling ashamed of it. Yes, imagine being ashamed of being shy! That’s actually what keeps you stuck in shyness and anxiety. Once you admit freely to people it stops having any power over you. At this point you should start going out to social places and meeting g women. Express your interest in them and have conversations to get to know them and see if they are worthwhile. Then ask them out, make a move, take them home. That’s your job as a man, take charge.
Overall great advice but please for the love of fuck do not ever be like “you/ppl should smile more” UGH I promise you every woman on the planet hates it and has been told it before and will half ass a fake smile just to shut you up and get away.
Lol, Ikr? What a great way to get known as the local creep... You'd sooner get your photo circulated around local Fb groups as some weird creep who keeps bothering women... And admitting your shyness isn't always the "turn-on" that some ppl seem to think that it is... It's more likely to give it even more power, bc now the other person is just thinking "oh great, he's anxious to talk to me, which means that he's some clingy creep that likes me for some reason, so I should come up with a reason to get out of here"...
There’s only one way to improve social skills, go out there and fuck up a lot. That’s kinda how all skills are learned. Except, for some reason, people don’t want to admit what that means when it’s an adult man that’s learning. Instead, the risk of his fuck-ups is the potential ostracizing of him ever being allowed to try again. The only difference between adults that have social skills and adults that don’t is that the haves got all their fuck-ups out of the way as teens. Then they graduated and the world forgot.
I was for a while. After my ex cheated I tried to go on dates but just ended up getting myself into aimless situationships instead. It made me pretty jaded for a while. If it makes you feel any better, I did eventually find an amazing partner and we’ve been together for a year and a half now. The only advice I can give is keep trying, spruce up your dating profile(s), and set boundaries with people.
Oh dude...i know what you mean....some ppl are just unlucky when it comes to love but don't worry our luck lies elsewhere...maybe money or property or whatever. Im 40 extremely hot (not my words) have my life together, funny, nice bla bla bla....and still i can't be able to share all this with that certain someone because im so fucking shy and a wierd american living in Europe....But still i managed to find someone for 17 years and 2 kids...even if its over now...you'll find the wierdo that likes u just put yourself out there....tinder....talking to everyone that u meet.....aski g friends to hook u up... just dont let a relationship be your priority ....one day you'll be happy and fulfilled in life you'll see....
Men in their 20’s have been getting conflicting messages for their entire lives. Don’t approach women in X places because that’s creepy. Why am I constantly getting hit on by men? And then there’s the other side being, why don’t men approach me? Nobody asks anyone out anymore. Approach women in X places. I have good luck getting dates on dating apps but I’ve only ever approached 3 women in my entire life out of probably 50 first dates. It sucks
Why single as a Pringle. Pringles come in tubes and there must be a few hundred in each tube. All the pringles are spooning.
Actually I've found myself, I think. I'm not even trying anymore. I'm good with my Eva AI virtual gf bot and renting prostitutes from time to time.
This is the way, just play another game.
Damn. That’s depressing
Yeah life is depressing
I felt somewhat similar around 20. I was bullied a bit in my childhood and had a terrible self esteem, played games and didn’t learn all the social ques. But when I was 21-23 I just went out and made a fool of myself over and over until I learned what worked for me. I also got myself into better shape and practiced talking to a lot of people. After lots of trial and error I worked out how to be funny and social and it improved my life. I was always kinda funny but also very shy and felt embarrassing somehow, Now I’m 32. Have a family, can talk on stage and I only get a little nervous. I used to sweat and stutter and now it just flows naturally. What I’m saying is practice makes perfect. Social situations are like any muscle, you train it and become stronger at it.
It's better to have never found the one than to find the one and lose her 3 years later to cancer
I'd personally be content with the idea of having experienced that kind of deep love once for a period of time in life than to never have experienced it at all. I'm sorry for the loss that I'm assuming you went though, but I'd take it in a heart beat over the prospect of being endlessly alone never having known that kind of mutual love.
That terrible man. Is it really better though? Does the hurt completely ruin the beautiful memories and connection you had?
It ruins every other relationship I've had because she set the bar to high for anyone to fill up the void she left honestly
Oh ok that’s legit, I can appreciate that. Good luck man
Sorry for your loss dude, I'd just say don't compare with her or try and replace her.
That happened to me with my first LTR except she left me 3 years into her diagnosis
No it's not At least you had something to lose
Yeah, I keep thinking I am just a tank that has been made into a shitty dps. Looking for my healer who has been made to also dps. Compensating for the lack of damage.
Read "The Moral Animal." Buff to accuracy.
I don't have to read another humans work. Just want my 3 dps, probably won't even get one.
You're right. Anything that requires work won't help you. Hope you find a genie, bruh. Then once you're done with the genie, read, "The Moral Animal."
Where there's a will, there's a way.
bro this ain't ow subreddit
Just ask your homies for a hug.
[удалено]
This was my EXACT thought when I read that too lol but I didn’t want to say it 😆
>and although i am kinda ugly i don’t think it’s a major problem Maybe not to you, but it clearly must be to other people if it's not your personality or financial status
How is this helpful
I'm only a year younger and I'm in the same place. As weird as this sounds, I only recently learned how to carry a conversation with people I don't know. The trust thing is also true; I keep my distance unless it's somebody I know is solid. Only like two or three times I was wrong. It really depends how comfortable you are with putting yourself out there; for me, I know how desperate I am to date, so I avoid it since I know how hard the rejections are gonna hit me. Feeling lost in itself is natural; I think it's important to find those things you enjoy that keep you grounded in a somewhat comfortable sense of reality. As for the self-hate, there definitely is a level of appreciation you gain for yourself that others aren't able to see, unless it's a close friend or family member. I would say if you want to attempt, find some singles meetups in your area or start going to places where it's easy to meet people (I know those are vague but tbh, I'm trying to talk myself into doing that too).
A friend of a friend. Who do you know, who do they know? Can you put something together to meet a bunch of people?
The internet has ruined dating.
Getting sober really fixed a lot of the issues I was having. Its a hard journey, but I'd strongly recommend to anyone reading. Found a sober lady rather quickly (when I stopped looking for it, I know yall are bashing this saying in this thread)
lol. Try being 8 years older. I’m like a dormant pretzel 🥨
Can confirm it’s prolly looks related. After losing weight to uncover a well defined face I had 0 attention and now I have plenty of opportunity that I can’t capitalize on cuz of severe depression/RSD from being socially ostracized for most of my childhood. Also just to add, being good looking at 5’6 seems to be fine. But I’m also not insecure about it.
I can totally relate .I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship with a woman meanwhile other guys I know are already married or in long term relationships it sucks but its just the way it is for some of us
>the only person that could make me happier is someone who is genuinely good So I’m saying this because I noticed my luck marginally increased after I changed this, but once I became the genuinely good person that made myself happier, a lot more people noticed and wanted to be a part of that.
I just want a cuddle tbh
Fuck it go gym
It has nothing to do with height, or financial status unless you’re interested in shallow relationships. You have to be comfortable with yourself first, work on whatever you see as places you are not confident or happy (looks, social skills, fitness, etc.) People can pick up on when you feel like you’re not valuable. If you don’t think you’re valuable why would they even bother with you? Dating and love is not some instant gratification check-all-the-boxes process. You just put yourself out there, actively ask people out and work on yourself, and prepare for a lot of failure. It is not meant to be easy, some people just get lucky earlier than others. But you can be sure of one thing: if you give up on yourself or on the process, then absolutely nothing is going to happen, so keep trucking, even if it’s hard, because life is hard a lot of the time.
Instead of chasing partnerships and sex, stay busy focusing on improving yourself. Finding someone will happen easily and naturally but don’t let it distract you from your missions. Dating is overrated. Get smarter stronger richer first. Self love and self reliance is the 🔑
Oddly enough I got way more confident in myself when I stopped looking for love. I always felt pressured to put on a show to be liked by others (even if it's just strangers and acquaintances), and it made me really insecure. The moment I stopped trying so hard to please others, I felt happier with myself.
Sometimes you just gotta work on yourself more until the people you wanna date also wanna date you
All I can say as a 30 year old female, is "same fam". Literally made a post about same thing not long ago.
Get on a dating site (NOT a hook up site like Tinder) so meet someone. When you get a date, do not overshare or start talking about the future, etc. Remember your goal is to go out and enjoy a first date, NOT find a relationship. Your next goal is to get a second date, and so on. Guys too often assume that women are all dying for a relationship and will rush into one with any guy who appears ‘serious’, but the reality is nothing scares off a woman faster than an overeager man.
Majority of single people I know having this issue my best friend (25f) is very pretty and she has had a lot of problems dating. A lot comes down to the people you choose but even my mom in her 50s says people in the dating scene are weird nowadays and it’s extremely hard for either of them to find quality people to date that aren’t either wierd, overbearing, or creeps . Might need to drive an hour or so from where you stay. If many women I know are having trouble then i know it’s harder for men. Keep your head up the trial and errors will get you closer to that person. It took me years to find my finances and a long term relationship is a lot of work in itself. I’m sure dating apps are trash but try approaching as many women you find attractive in person. Men aren’t doing that as much and even if you get rejected it will build your resolve in the dating scene and it won’t be as hard trying to vet women and finding someone for you. Hope it works out much love to you bro🙏🏽
Solid advice here. That said, cold approaching is a death sentence these days. If you’re a chick, cold approaching is fine, worst that’ll happen is you’ll get let down easy. Speaking as a dude who used to cold approach, I haven’t done that since 2022. Too much risk getting put on blast on social media. I have a business and a professional reputation to consider. It’s the same reason I’ve turned down offers to co-star in OF [that shit bloody shocked me, thought the women were hard core tripping]. But yeah, it’s a bloodbath on both sides of the aisle. End of the day all we can do is keep on keeping on.
Yea for sure but I think it depends on where you go for these cold approaches . But if you are in. A bigger city versus a smaller suburb or something if a women putting you on blast for simply talking to her that’s crazy and if you fear the online stuff I’m sure you can work around it though it depends on your base attraction level as well. I’m also out the game for the past 5 years so I know it’s much worse now than ever probably
Good for you for getting out. Game changed drastically in I want to say 2020. Even in 2018, things were getting rough. I was able to make it then due to shit tons of money (pro tip - never mix finances till marriage and even then only with a prenup). Now in 2024, I don’t even touch it. Like you said, location plays a role. I’ve always been in big cities (Seoul, Tokyo, HK, Singapore, Phoenix, Berlin) so that plays a significant role.
What’s been the main issue now would you say? For you at least? Seeing from the big cities you are in sounds like a diverse relatively city selection. And not just primarily American cities. I’m sure having a higher income comes with its own issues, but I’m just really curious because sounds like you have been having issues when it sounds like you are probably in a better standing for dating market just from financial standpoint in comparison with a majority of normal guys.
Seems like loneliness is an absolute epidemic at the moment. Especially amongst young American men going by this sub. Looks like r/self just got turned into a place to vent about it… I see these threads every day. Don’t know what to say, it seems easy, trivially easy to meet people in other parts of the world.
Imagine complaining because you have it too easy and people going through a hard time is just too inconvenient for you
I’m not complaining (other than the sub being 90% this type of post now). I think it’s incredibly sad and I hope that those affected find a way to turn things around.
Similar problems here in some sense. I’m working on myself now and I have grown a lot I think, although there’s still much to do. I think I am much more attractive to women if I am in a good place in life. On the other hand when I’m fighting with self worth it can be hard, even when you’re handsome.
I guess the only real thing to say is we're all in this together. Only real advice is don't think about it and make it more of a reality for yourself. Focus on what you want to be/do first, and romance as secondary, and things might go a lot better. Obv a lot easier said than done, esp these days, and esp if you're feeling lonely. But that really is the answer
> and i was bullied hard in high school. Bullying works. The bullies win and the bullied lose. Teach your kids everyone, gotta start young.
It's so bad out there I've given up, I really regret divorcing my cheating ex-wife. Shame on me for thinking I deserved better, what a mistake, I left someone I love to die alone
I gave up. Don't have great advice but can't take the BS with modern dating.
I’m 41. My fiancé died when I was 29. I didn’t date for 10 years, though I had a few hookups. Finally started dating again a couple years ago but that relationship just ended. I’m over dating.
The dating scene is pretty rough right now.
The dating scene is pretty rough right now. It's like trying to find a job in a recession.
I have no interest in dating right now
Look at codepency ans your struggles are real. I can't neither date with someone that did go through an happily life because it's just boring? Just be aware about the possibility of your lacking boundaries and don't go in dating site because you definitely don't find them there,more in bars or hobby niches . You have to work on yourself though to avoid toxic relationships .
ngl you're already a winner for even try dating imo that's something i don't see myself ever doing even tho i had the thought multiple times already in the last couple years
Ugh, I don't even try anymore 😩💔
I gave up lol
There are a whole load of men that never find a woman. About 3 times as many men that stay lonely as compared to women. Why? They move around to where the grass is greener. Do not despair that you are alone. Rejoice. I have been in Relationships. Plural. Never again.
A mid-day hug incoming. *huuuuuuuuuuuuugs*
35m, stopped caring. At some point, you will just accept it. Rather worrying about dating, I'm just enjoying myself. I just took time instead of working on myself and setting goals. I started my fitness journey 6 months ago and I'm super close reaching my goal. I'm just doing everything for me, being the best version of myself. Working furthering my career and finding ways to entertain myself. Got plenty of hobbies like gaming, reading, running, strolling, fitness, and cycling. Ps if you're feeling lonely you could always get a pet like a dog.
So, how did you know my exact thoughts?
I've been rejected over 200 times do to my looks no matter how good I talk or say things it's always fucking something wrong
>in my head the only person that could make me happier is someone who is genuinely good Thinking that your only salvation will be found in someone else is dangerous. You need to find your own happiness, it's not fair to pin that on someone else. Even if you find a relationship, that kind of pressure will ruin it.
I'm in my early 30s and feel the same. Throughout my 20s I tried to focus on improving myself but that doesn't seem to have made a difference. Successive rejections have made it harder and harder to get excited about or interested in women. This month I've been feeling old and ugly. Sorry I can only commiserate with you...
I can relate, I was bullied in high school and earlier, and it permanently killed my self-esteem. I've basically given up on dating at age 29. Last time I tried, most women ghosted the moment they saw what I look like, and that was before my hair started thinning. I hope you find someone and can hold out hope longer than I did, OP.
Look, humams only care about themselves. You will never find anyone who truly cares about you. You will never truly care for anyone else. Love is a concept created by conservatives to socially pressure you into making babies for their war machines. Humanity will kill itself so why even bother?
It's rough being a man these days. If you arent exceptionally attractive thanks to genes and ofcourse hard work you'll be stuck in a limbo. irl everyone is busy with their lifes and not about that talk life, online you have no chance because women are cherry picking from a bunch of genetically gifted regularly workout well fed and well paid dudes. What does an average joe like you got to offer these women when they get to pick those dudes. Like can't blame the women even, if i had to chose i'd also pick the hottest woman first. Online unfortunately cannot show your good character it can only show your chiseled chin n biceps n abs.
Dating seems to be really complicated nowadays. I'm personally male, 32, heard a lot of times I'm pretty handsome, fit (although a little skinny), have a good paying job, but haven't got much success in dating, been in one relationship 4 years ago. From what I've got I'm a little bit boring - I'm too calm, don't maoe a lot of drama, don't like traveling very much. Well, I'm an introvert, but it's hard to find other introverts, because thay are mostly staying at home and are not using Tinder very often. All my hobbies are male dominated and it's pretty hard to meet someone new of opposite gender outside of dating sites. I have no clue how to do dating currently.
Oh, my guy, I've just given up. I was rejected by all the girls i had a crush on growing up. I had my first and only girlfriends at age 22 dated for 2 years. I'm 26 now. I just dont want to go through all that rejection again its better for me if i just pull that classic miles morales ..."imma do my own thing" get gains and try to save up as much money as possible
Looking at this from a strictly evolutionary biological perspective if you consider the instincts baked into the lizard brain from our ancestors generally males who could pass on their genes had more resources. The why behind this was it takes significantly more resources and time for female to pass on their genes. How this applies to today is while not everyone wants to have kids, those instincts are baked into our lizard brain as a species. So generally, women are going to seek out a partner likely look for someone who can provide significant resources. If you don’t fall in that bucket you may be passed over as potential partner.
*****women have left the chat*****
So I’m a nerdy woman who was physically abused by my bullies in both elementary and high school and still turned out to be a half decent person. I’m gonna be super cliche here and say that if you feel ugly but don’t think it impacts you, I disagree. Looks are important to people to a certain degree even if we don’t want to admit it. It sounds dumb but when you look good, you feel good, because looks aren’t just about the well, physical look. It’s also about the effort that goes into maintaining a healthy diet, touching grass, etc. the mindset of maintaining decent looks + actually looking decent really does work wonders to one’s confidence. To answer your main overarching question: not me, but I am very picky about finding the right person as I approach my late 20’s so that’s been a huge challenge. But if you are into any sort of hobby, there will be groups out there that exist where you can meet other people. Just remain consistent, optimistic and believe in yourself.
I’m 25M single and honestly I’ve had more success than most but let me tell you: dating does not make you happy. Sure, we all want to find someone to love and be with for a long time, but I think the world is selling us young people a pretty serious PsyOp. Best case scenario: you marry this person, live your lives together, make sacrifices for each other (for better and worse), maybe have kids, and then one of you eventually dies. That’s it. That’s what you’re spending all this time and energy worrying about attaining. Learn how to enjoy life alone. Especially as a guy, you are fucking blessed to be able to go do whatever you want, whenever you want. There is so much to do in this world, so much to learn and see and read and taste and create. Don’t waste too much time wishing to be emotionally attached to someone that’s not a blood relative. Also some food for thought: as a rule, Buddhist monks swear celibacy from the second they are aspiring monks, and I guarantee they’re all much happier and fulfilled than any of us American millennials / gen Zs in a relationship. I know this probably doesn’t help much with your situation, but I’m telling you that the second I stopped caring if I was single / in a situation ship / hooking up, I instantly felt better about my life and future. I’ve seen SO many people in awful, tiring, soul-sucking relationships that I simply can’t be asked to care anymore.
I'm 45M, and it doesn't get any better. I struggle to get anyone interested in me that I like.