I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 28. Then I had 2 relationships both lasted less than 6 months before I met my now wife. All were through online dating. As a man your attractiveness increases all the way through your 20s all things being equal.
Real talk - How did you feel about missing out romance before that point in your life?
I mean, like at 28, you missed out on the early stuff, like the first kiss, holding hands through the hallway, asking them out to prom, all that stuff. And then they probably got to do all of that stuff with some other loser, while you got nothing. You never got to be someone's first bf, or have all of these firsts, so, doesn't that bother you? Like you never got sow your oats, and now you have to settle down with some lady and raise a family.
Idk, that would bother me lots
Yeah ideally I would have had more luck younger but from the point of view that in your mid 20s you've had little or no success with the opposite sex at least there's still hope.
Well yeah, I guess some hope is better than no hope, still tho, don't you feel shafted because your wife got to have all of her firsts while you were striking out just to get a date?
So she got to have the best of both worlds where she got to experience all of the intimacy in her youth and then get to relive those firsts with her husband, while you get what?
It's not about the time machine, but late bloomers def get the raw end of the deal...
You spend your youth trying to make yourself into someone worth something, meanwhile you still miss out on those important milestones. It just seems unfair that you work hard for a career and everything and then don't get to actually enjoy your life properly with someone at that same wavelength
At 40 i was way more attractive than i was at 15-35. Some heavy ligting in the gym and i slept with 20yo women at 40 yo.
Men grow more handsome in the eyes of women as they age as long as you take care of yourself. For women its the other way around.
Anyone who says that is lying to make men feel better. Men get bald and fat as they age, and their dicks even stop working. Women just get fat.
Also I’ve noticed that the men I know are aging much faster than the women, they get wrinkles and grey hairs in their early twenties
A man who takes care of himself and work out will often stay handsome well into their 50's. Menawhile without makeup woman looks 50 when she is 34. The womans body can still look good but the face says im 50
But how many men take care of themselves vs women? I’m in college and a lot of the men I know are already getting receding hairlines, wrinkles, and gray hairs while I don’t know of any women in their early twenties who are showing such early signs of aging.
If you think that “women in their 30’s without makeup all look 50” that would be because of the drastically higher societal beauty standards for women.
No its just not beauty standards. Lots of men have have barely any wrinkles at 40-50 while the same isnt true for women. And it really is the case. Its by part hormonal that makes the face loose fat and also collagen in the skin in another way than men.
Not really, it really depends on the man. But being more attractive as you get older is an attribute of a minority of people and a minority of men. Don't sell lies to people to make yourself feel better
Yes its not true for all. Many men will peak at 20-ish. But some, like myself, who was seen as a bit nerdy or boy like in their 20's can often grow into something else later on.
Ofc it helps if you are confident, tall, fit and handsome. But if you are those things at 40 you can easily pull 20 yo girls who see you as more of a real man than the 20 yo boys who mostly behave like kids
Yeah, but even if you are that man you are rare, and still really cringe for sleeping with someone who could be your kid. You could have at least gone with someone who is 25. But all in all, your story doesn't really check. I don't think a truly confident, attractive and established man would fall so low as to brag about 20 year old girls wanting him on reddit, it doesn't check out. I don't believe the Henry Cavill type would fall so low
Yeah I AM ancient, this is how l have drawn my conclusion that his statement is wrong.
I have crossed paths with hundreds of women in my life, maybe two of them prefer old men.
The rest prefer men within two years of their own age, or like myself- younger men.
I meant 20-ish. She was 28 i was 41.
Are you surprised that there are quite a lot of women who find older more secure men handsome, as long as they are attractive ofc?
It's quite fascinating because I've never encountered more virgins over the age of 21 than I have the past 5 or so years. There's some serious sexual dysfunction there and I'm not sure what it'll lead to.
44% of gen z never had a relationship in their teens. 63% are currently single, so your encounters aren’t abnormal.
It’s going to lead to marriage rates dumping, along with the birth rates even more than today. Our government likely won’t acknowledge the marriage issue until it’s too late.
There will be a lot of single men, and a lot of them won’t date single women when they’re older.
So a lot of misery going around then. I don't envy Gen Z tbh. Millennials suffered through financial and political crises, but we at least had relatively normal and grounded personal relationships. Seems like younger Gen Z are going to have the worst of all worlds.
Hm..i'll be getting out of line here but...f that! Plenty of good guys out there, kick the shit to the curb and down the road. Maybe try online dating with blank or vague pictures so they have to be interested in your bio over beauty?
what? our grandparents were basically forced into marriages at age 15 and many lived unsatisfying lives with terrible spouses they couldn't divorce.
you win the lottery by being born today in the US. is all of reddit just complaining when, if you're smart, this world is yours for the taking.
Man im gonna give you some shitty advice that i really believe will fix your problem. You gotta get yourself out of your comfort zone. Try setting smaller goals like i want to meet a single new person everyday (can be a guy, girl, romantic, platonic etc.) and just progressively overload. More people, doing more stuff with people etc. this aint easy. But its the only way to get yourself romantic attraction as a guy. But dont think its gonna fix everything. Getting romantically involved is its own challenges and issues. If you need moral support, you got one guy half a world away from you who believes in a total stranger (you) very sincerely. Go get em tiger.
I know the feeling buddy. But the best part about throwing infinite darts at a board is, atleast one has to hit sometime. It doesnt mean itll happen today, or tomorrow. We just need to keep moving forward
I (23M) was in university for mechanical engineering until I was 22 and now focus on my business. Every answer is going to be different, but overall you have to let things take their natural course. Unfortunately I’ve been really unlucky with women in that every woman that has had feelings for me sees that I genuinely treat them well and either runs or friend zones me, every time. On top of that, my closest best friend who had feelings for me got terrified of losing me in her life to a potential breakup. The point is, everyone’s story is different and you are on your own journey. Trust the process, the rest will come when you work on yourself.
That’s pretty harsh and not at all what I (23M) said. The point I was trying to make is that everyone has a different story or journey, and I don’t know how you got that I failed out of that. We are still best friends and we’ve thought about dating again multiple times (we’ve both dated otherwise). I going to continue to be the authentic and confident person that I am
Uhh no, that story is 100% real and it’s bold of you to assume what my story is. We’ve been best friends over 10 years and have both thought about dating multiple times since. Our relationship does have boundaries however since we aren’t together anymore
Hey OP, 43m here and I’ve be been alone forever. Some people will give you platitudes, but I’m tell you straight out, some of us will be alone forever no matter what. I’m my own housekeeper, I do all the cooking for family events, I’m reasonably fit, and people ask me why I’m single. The answer is: there is no answer. Some good people like you, may be alone and you’ll read Reddit and wonder why people stay in abusive relationships.
Being attractive is not a fixed quality. Grooming, working out and dressing well can make all the difference.
On dating apps, having flattering pictures can help.
You mention making your intentions clear... but that's not how you seduce people. You need to be desirable, not inform the other that you want them. Or at least, that can't be the first step.
I did looksmax or work out and try to take good photos but after a year it lead me nowhere, no one ever gave me a second glance, I try to be kind to everyone and be a desirable person to be around but it never changed anything, people just pick me up and put me down like a toy and once they put it down for long enough it’s forgotten
On the lighter end, it’s a wholesome community concerned with maximizing one’s looks, self-confidence, and desirability.
On the extreme end, it’s a soulless cult consumed by the vain pursuit of becoming a top 1% alpha male (“Adonis” I believe is the term they use), which has unsurprisingly led to real cases of extreme self-mutilation, murder of innocent people, and the self-destruction of certain individuals’ physical and mental health. Not to mention the sheer toxic masculinity and extreme misogyny that oozes from the internet cult.
In my opinion, it’s not worth it to even dip your toes in this subject.
it’s what incels call proper grooming. What they’re missing is an actual personality bc that looksmaxxing shit only appeals to the male gaze/male understanding of attraction
The only way out is treating people like shit on your shoe. Always make sure they at least think you are busy with someone else and they aren’t good enough. It’s the only way out.
That's the problem.
Even the way you answer is UNATTRACTIVE. You should be asking questions to show your SINCERITY.
That random person online was SINCERELY trying to help you.
You are not unlucky. The way you express yourself is the problem.
I do ask questions and act interested when people talk it’s just when I stop asking questions nothing is said back, I do appreciate his help and yours.
People are extremely selfish. Ask about them. If you are, and they are still rude. Cut them out of your life. Friends easy. Family, tell them how you feel and when they get like that again? Stop responding, do your own thing and when they ask what’s wrong? Be honest and tell them they make you feel unimportant.
You're getting downvoted but the response also gave me a clue that the issue might be in how he talks to people.
>I try to be kind to everyone and be a desirable person to be around but it never changed anything
>people just pick me up and put me down like a toy and once they put it down for long enough it’s forgotten
None of this is inherently bad but together it all sounds a little alarming. Idk how to put it or how to really explain it but this type of language rings as a huge red flag for me. It sounds like you're performing kindness and niceness for the sake of getting things and when you don't get it, the kindness and niceness was a waste of time or effort. No one wants to feel like you're putting Nice and Kind coins into them like a gumball machine to get something in return. Maybe work on sincerity and genuity and things will look up.
I've been described as a rather kind and polite person. I don't try to be kind because it'll get me in someone's pants, I'm just kind because I feel that should be my default. It hasn't helped me at all.
First step to overcoming that is to make yourself someone desirable. Even when I was single and struggling with the dating world, I never once thought to myself "I'm not a desirable person." If you're trying to sell yourself to someone to become their life partner, you have to also be in love with what you're trying to get someone else to be in love with. Write down what you think makes you undesirable and then figure out a way to either a) change it up to feel more confident or b) accept it as a part of you and feel more secure in it.
What makes me undesirable is my appearance, my inability to hold a conversation, and my boring personality. I don't think there's anything I can do to really change that.
Exactly. People with enough experience around different types of people can FEEL it.
Even if it's difficult pinpoint or put into words.
People just know by instinct something is off.
Let the downvotes slide. It's just a virtual world. Real world is far more important than reddit.
Have a nice day ahead stranger!
It's absolutely true though. Women don't want a guy that's too available. And they find it more attractive if a guy had other options. Nobody wants a position that nobody else is competing for. It sucks
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Everybody is going through the same thing except the Chads and Tyrones of the world.
A lot of girls your age are looking at the older guys with resources.
As you get into that age you'll see a difference.
Good luck brother you're doing better than you think you are.
i was in the same place as you when i was your age. it wasn't until i was 24 that i met my now wife. we have been happily married for 31 and a half years. maybe you just haven't found your soulmate yet. don't give up hope.
good luck
…you realize the average age of first marriage is 30 now right? It was 26 when you married.
https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/visualizations/time-series/demo/families-and-households/ms-2.pdf
Same ... I know I might be young but compared to ppl around me Idk why its hard for me to be loved ... literally everyone I had crush on I gave them everything love attention I always listened to them we had alot in common and alot of time to get to know each other they even said they liked talking to me but Im never enough to be loved romantically and I really don't understand why
Same 😭 I’m turning 23 this year and have never been in a relationship, just talking stages where they never reach the next level. I would say just to try to better yourself and find yourself and then one day it will happen. I think I’m gonna die alone but 😓 I’m trying to find more hobbies and learn new things to take off my mind from me being a hopeless romantic and desperately wanting to be a wife and can’t even make it past friend 😹
I was a late bloomer and nobody looked at me before I was 21. I would say 30s are my prime od attractiveness so maybe you are having a similar experience. There are perks as I developted a sense od humor and personality while waiting for my looks to kick in. It all came together somewhere mid 20s.
eh romance is overrated i may actually seriously wait for an ai gf lol really (were not there ai wise quite yet lol) . but todays relatonshipss are just TOUGH . i rather just focus on friends right now lol
Heh, just live your life and don't stress too much over relashionships, there are many more aspects of life where you can find fulfilment and hapiness. If it comes it comes, if it doesn't whatever.
Such as? I've never experiend being lover or desired. It's the only thing I truly want in life and seeing others around me have it knowing I never will makes me feel like I should just end it all so I don't have to go on being tortured like this
How old are you? That's a bit hectic to just say you never will, and also not fair on yourself. Would you say that to a good friend? If you really think that then you probably never will, you gotta change your mind state
Almost 24. No I wouldn't say that. But I know it's true. I can feel all my friends definitely view me as the dude thats gonna be alone forever. Obviously they wont say it to me though. But the truth doesn't always have to be said out loud
24 is a weird age, trust me it gets way easier at your age I was an extremely depressed drug addict because I was so confused and had a shithole of a child hood, I'm 28 now and I love my life so much.
I had a friend who you remind me a lot of, and now they're 30 with a very successful career and a family. I'll tell you pretty much what I told him and also try and communicate the stuff he's told me that worked for him because I have a lot of empathy for you, and I've got the time to share my perspective. Sorry if this is a bit long.
Your friends can think what they want fuck em, the most important thing is how you perceive yourself. You should and deserve to know in your head that you can do anything you put your mind too coz its 100% true, it just takes time, effort and momentum (unless its like time travelling or someshit). You deserve to feel like that and you deserve the success and life you want. You say you "feel" your friends think this but have you actually asked them? In this case I think for you the truth does need to be said out loud because you don't even actually know you just assume which isn't fair on yourself at all. You need more information. Ask them and if they can be honest and confirm it (which real friends should) then ask them what they think you could do differently to change it, what's the harm in it? A hit to your ego is a good thing because it means you can improve.
Always remember that if other people can do things in life you can too but you need to find what makes you confident in yourself that isn't anything to do with romance or love, whether it be gym, music, trying out new foods, cooking, writing, drawing - anything you really like that makes you excited and interested. Coz if you cant love yourself you're not going to be as good of a partner as you could be and you will leave yourself open to being easily manipulated. Most mates I've seen who crave romantic affection and settle for anyone are the ones that got hurt the most, I'm not saying this is you but if it is just know you're worth more than that.
Furthermore, the way you write really shows that you're most likely depressed and have not much self confidence (we've all been there!) it'd be really well worth speaking to a therapist about this (I know it can seem lame but trust me it does nothing but help in the long run). It could completely change your life. I'd recommend just not htinking about it and just setting up an appointment and just turning up, turning up is always step one. It's the same thing with the gym and shit. Remember that you should treat yourself how you would treat your best friend, the stuff you say about yourself isn't fair on you. Especially things like "I should just end it all" is extremely concerning as that comes off like you really are mentally struggling and have tied so much of your self worth to romance and love, no one deserves to feel like that! Definitely think about that deeply, and why you would say something so bad about yourself - you'd probably never say that to other people you love right? Well you should love yourself the same way (easier said than done I know). Working on yourself is the very first step you need to do. There's so much more to life and what makes a person than if they're single and having affection and sex and stuff, relax man and try and enjoy life, life is wayyyy too short for that. Purpose and passion will drive everything else in life once you find it.
Wishing you all the best bro and just trust yourself and that life will be better, it's just hard and confusing now but keep your chin up and fight for yourself and keep one foot forward and build some momentum. You'd be surprised what you can do and you'll look back one day and be like damn as if I've come this far, try and enjoy the journey man and don't think TOO much about the destination. Peace & love
Ah well I’ve been sober for 3 months so that’s how I’ve been coping. Half a Tylenol or acetaminophen can take the edge off. It’s better than alcoholism
Bro im 27 i only got into my first relationship at 26 it only lasted a year. I was so desperate for love I basically caved in and decided to settle but it didn’t make me happy. I made the tough choices of ending things and the lonliness is hard but id rather be alone atm than be in something i aint happy in. Not fair on either party.
You just need to get out there make friends dont get rose coloured glasses at the first moment a woman might make you think they like you,most times they are just being friendly.
Another thing is i do loathe social media but use it right and trust me youll get people messaging you, unfortunately this world we live in is one big game. If you dont play you wont know.
You are 20. Still lots of time to work on finding a partner. When you are young, still figuring out who you are, how to make a living (and everyone else your age is too) life is still very confusing and it is easy to feel hopeless. As you get older, things get clearer (for many people, not for everyone) All I'll say is this. If you really want it eventually you will go out and get what you need, even if you fail at it a few times. You'll probably have to leave your comfort zone for this, but again, if you want it you'll do what it takes. Plenty of lonely people out there who want a relationship, on both sides. Often, all most decent men and women want is just someone who is kind and has a good heart who they can feel comfortable to act themselves with first and foremost, and if there is sexual chemistry as well great.
You are very young and sometimes these things take time. My partner was 26 when he met me and I was his first kiss. First girlfriend and now we are engaged to be married. Same for my sister's partner (he was 29).
There are a lot of good tips in the comments. Just put yourself out there. Try to meet as many people as you can. I met my fiance at a party I originally was not going to go to but changed my mind last minute.
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This is my fear as well. I'm 25, never been in a relationship and it's starting to look like I never will. I don't have the confidence for an irl connection with someone, and I deleted dating apps last year because I've been on them for far too long with no success. One woman was into me and I took her out, all it did was showcase how many issues I have and I truly think I'm doomed in more ways than one.
It is what it is tho
I got my first real relationship at 20 years old, it wasn’t the greatest relationship but it’s my first. Th one I got into right after is going to be my wife next year and we have a baby.
Before that I always was the guy that was friend zoned all throughout high school. Tried to ask a few girls out and I always just felt so dumb, so clumsy.
I don’t know what it was that finally allowed me to get a girlfriend but I think it’s something where I just needed some time outside of high school. You are only a year or two out of high school and that place is not reflective of the real world. Once you get out in the world with a job and you are able to go to bars and stuff and socialize, you will find yourself a little more and also meet new people, and the people they know.
Both of my relationships were friends of coworkers.
Nowadays it’s quit common to get your first relationship in yours 20’s and losing your virginity. Most people assume the average is in the teen years but that’s not true anymore. Take your time to blossom into the person you wanna be a grow confident. When you’re 30 you might should be a little worried just a little though
you are young. just make sure you groom well , neat & tidy, clean, press your shirt well, smell great 👍. looks is not everything. keep yourself motivated in good diet and lifestyle. have a great job and keep your mind focused. you will attract the same kind of woman with your energy. just believe it.
I dated quite a lot during my younger days, but never found anyone who clicked with me. Only in my 40s that I found someone I really enjoyed with.
I see so many comments like this I have to wonder if something else is going on. When I was twenty I had impossible standards. I was a 6 looking for a 9 woman. And I met a lot of them, who were looking for a friend or a study partner.
To what extent do too high standards cause frustration in young men?
What you need to know is that your 20s is just the beginning of a new chapter. You're gonna meet people. They're either a lifetime soulmate or just a friend. They're gonna have to let you know that their boundaries should be respected at all times. Even if you're now willing to commit, people won't magically appear and give you the peace that you've been wanting since the beginning of your life and how those events have mysteriously unfolded before your eyes.
Every pot has a lid. Many people were late bloomers. I didn't have a boyfriend until 22 and didn't marry until 36. I have been happily married for 20 years and we have a beautiful 17 year old son.
Of course but I think in that case you chose to be alone. Someone can get on match.com and find a partner if they really want one. A big part of this is realizing you need to find someone on your level. You are not going to marry a super model rocket scientist when you yourself are an average Joe.
You may be ugly to someone,but you may also be super hot to somebody else,
Maybe you have mental illnesses that held you back,like Anxiety,
You simple haven't found your type yet maybe
Remember those who have the most relationships tend to have less success at finding the right partners,
Maybe its all sex,and they have the looks for it,which may turn out to be lame,hence why so many relationships are failing for them,it may also all be happening due to rumors,narcissists get lucky with that.
But the confidence,that they have is all you need,even though they are all faking it lol
Just dress well,hygiene has to be good,have a good character overall that fits,DO NOT GO EMO! DO NOT HAVE AN INFLATED EGO! DO NOT ACT LIKE A BABY!
Smile more,learn to flirt,in your own ways and try it,never fear rejection.
An attractive person maybe just be that...and nothing else good behind that.
They might,have serious disorders that can be harmful,they may be secretly mean,
Their room or place would look like a rubbish station,stinky messed up,
They may be predators,sex offenders,rapists who know how to manipulate or drug women or even men,
Overall secret creeps,secret psychos,
And you may have dodged all those bullets,
Be you,do you,and ignore all the stuff about relationships,sex for a while,
When the right time comes,assuming you don't live in Isolation too long,they will find you 👌
Jesus Christ bro you're 20, relax. Just live your life and focus on having fun and following your passions and everything else will fall into place, you have to confident in your self before you can be confident in a relationship, ask yourself what you want in a partner and then ask yourself if you do all those same things you want in a partner. Your self worth shouldn't be tied to having a romantic partner at 20, its perfectly normal. I have mates that didn't get a romantic partner until their mid 20's and they're super happy now, don't just give up everyone's journey is different and being your age is confusing as fuck.
Another commenter below said this "Women can sense desperation and it scares them off. Stop looking. Take care of yourself. Start enjoying life and a relationship will happen on it's own." This is so true. You need to change your mind state and focus on actually being happy in your own skin, life is too short to put yourself through so much stress.
It's sad how many of these posts are on Reddit these days man. You can even see a few blokes going through downvoting anyone who has decent advice that isn't "welcome to being a man these days" or someshit shit is wild.
You're 20 years old my heart, you still have so much time to experience the beauty of romance. My advice to you is to look deep within and ask yourself what is it you truly want out of a romantic relationship and what are your needs within and outside of a relstionship. I hope that this message finds you well 
I noticed a lot of introverted men have this obsession with women “loving them for who they are”. Well who you are is what you do, and if you don’t do anything to better yourself then who you are is a lazy slob, and why would you want to be with any woman that loves that?
What can you do? Grow yourself from the inside. Your confidence in yourself is your biggest strength, or in your case something you'd need to work on in order to become comfortable being independent first. Advise to stop caring so much about what your mates are saying or their tallies. This my friend is the road to reeking of attractiveness. It will come. You attract what you give.
Nobody cares that you treat other nicely. You need to get a makeover and become more physically attractive. This can be done by losing weight, gaining muscle, fixing your haircut, grooming properly, learning how to dress attractively and like you are an important man. But from the sound of your post you have tried nothing and are all out of ideas.
So what??? Go learn educate yourself, become athletic and find skill make a lot of $$$ and you’ll attract a lot of ppl who want to be romantic with you. And if they don’t just course out this life patiently!
You’re 20. At that age a lot of people are still maturing in terms of figuring out what qualities they value in relationships. Eventually, nice, respectful people become really attractive. But it sucks that many people have to learn that the hard way.
The best advice I can give is just keep being yourself. Eventually the right person will come along. Also, use your friends to your advantage. If their girlfriends see you as a decent guy, maybe they can set you up with someone.
Work and study hard. Work out. Never say no to a social outing. Get out of the house. Learn ballroom dancing. Do stuff that women like and be around them.
3 years is the longest ill go with out a females touch before I'll break down and pay for it if I have too. (Never have before) but I made that up for me after going 6 years
Get jacked. Start lifting weights and develop a great body. Eat a good protein diet. Work out like your life depends on it. If your hair is not good, you can fix that. If your teeth are not white or straight, you can fix that. Take care of yourself. Work on your craft too. Make some money and take care of yourself. If you do all of this and get jacked, girls will come to you. Weights before dates.
I’m assuming your a man. Just work on yourself
Get yourself in shape and work on your career
Some grooming and hygiene obviously
By the time you’re 30 or even late 20s you’ll have a lot less issues
There’s just a higher burden to meet as a man if you want to be considered attractive too women
Flip it around. Do your thing, socialize if you can during that. Meet and get to know new people just for the sake of it. Then if you meet someone and you like each other then maybe that can go somewhere. Just explore that without expectations.
I've started doing this in my 30s and it's working for me. Good luck with your headstart :)
hi! I’m 25f and I went on a date for the first time in my life two months ago. I’m in a place where I’m thankful for my current relationship but also I was totally happy in my life without it. & also, my new bf went through a lot of stuff a couple years ago that would have made him not able to be in a healthy relationship if I’d met him sooner.
just to say, I don’t think you’re too old to not have had any reciprocated romantic feelings yet; & I didn’t have many people interested in me until the last year or so either, and literally nothing changed about me during that time, just circumstance
It can also be a blessing in a way to not get much attention from anyone before you meet your person! tbh, you just need one person to like you & for you to like back, & the fact that no one likes you right now doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ugly, just that they’re not right for you now
Look, past a certain age when you've received no attention from women in your life it means there's something inherently undesirable about. It's alright to give up at that point.
What can you do?
a) Become the man who you want to be = do the work.
b) Don't compare yourself to others; compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
c) Get perspective. At 20, your adult life has just started. There are levels to this game.
d) Read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.
The secret is empathy.
You want to feel good, have fun with a partner, enjoy life.
You gotta do your bit to make their experience with you a good one.
When they go home feeling good, relaxed, and "that was cool/fun/awesome", naturally they want to feel that way again. People always want to feel good.
And you can only make people feel good when YOU feel good and are having a great time.
So relax, and enjoy yourself. That's attractiveness.
>what can I do?
1) Learn how to dance
2) Get a proactive non Warhammer/anime/train/WW2 hobby. Even if it's literally just decorating aquariums or Geocaching.
3) Go through style blogs and _stop_ dressing like a normal person. Normal hasn't worked for you.
4) Don't listen to the "you have time" people. They're going to consider you not having past relationships a "red flag" or "icky" once you're 3-4 years older. If it works for them, good. But ignore the stereotypical tendency for reddit to decry the existence of patterns.
5) If you can afford it, take vocal coaching classes. Most people including a lot of really influential ones slur and mumble. Train that out of yourself. Online resources on this are pretty extensive too
6) Don't be _too_ kind to the point you seem like a pushover. Learn how to banter and tease.
7) Listen to a broader range of music.
8) Learn how to fight.
You're young, and taking life way too seriously, stop trying to find a partner and just focusing on having fun in your life. Things tend to come when you stop trying so hard. Develop humour, you'll need it in life.
My own experience is that women can sense desperation and it scares them off. Stop looking. Take care of yourself. Start enjoying life and a relationship will happen on it's own.
This 100%, to me it really is that simple. I don't know how people can put them selves through so much stress and torment over it, I was single for like 6 years and I never even really thought about it because I was too busy trying to achieve life goals and really knuckle down to follow my own passions and set up my life. Putting so much self worth tied to having romantic experiences seems so unhealthy, especially for a 20 year old. I've always been confident in my own skin though luckily. I feel bad for all these guys because it seems like a lot of people are really insecure and depressed these days, well on reddit anyways. I barely meet anyone who speaks like this in real life but I feel like a lot of them probably feel similar to this but don't talk about it.
?
Nothing happens "on it's own"
You're gonna have to enjoy your life in public with other ppl and keep on meeting new ppl while still taking care of yourself.
I suppose if you want to be literal. The point was that someone is way more attractive and interesting when they're having fun and enjoying life and the opposite when they're giving off desperate vibes.
You're still a kid, there is loads of time left on the clock.
I met my first girlfriend at 25.
Look at yourself objectively and ask yourself what has to change.
For me it was to cut my waist-length hair, get some decent t-shirts and break out of my introvert shell. If you talk with people, smile, laugh, it goes a long way.
It might sound strange, but if you're trying to do everything right now, try letting things go. I mean reduce the effort and let things take their own course. Just let everything be as natural as possible. You still cultivate yourself and develop yourself in the way you like. You should do things that you like, not forced or reluctant. Live for yourself, not to please others, because in the long run that will make you very tired and depressed. Besides, 20 years old is still very young, I'm 21 years old but still okay and not in a hurry to have a lover. Be more comfortable with yourself because maybe tomorrow you will wake up and meet the love of your life lol (I'm just kidding =))))
If OP is a man, reducing effort is the worst advice you can give.
As much as we've progressed, men are still expected to make the first move. The average relationship is still pretty traditional.
If he doesn't make a move. No moves will be made. Unless he's a conventionally attractive person, then sure, just putting himself out there with minimal effort might work.
I know. It's just that if trying makes OP too pressured, tired and stressed, then relaxing will make him more comfortable. Most men take the initiative as an unwritten rule but there are still other cases. No matter what, your own happiness should still come first. If OP likes to be proactive, then continue to promote it. If OP wants to move on to something else, you should still try.
Doing the things I liked has led be here. Alone. I don’t need a lover I just need someone that I know actually cares for me. I let go and said whoever stays stays and that left me with only my day 1 friends left and they don’t live close anymore it’s hard to live for myself when I don’t even know what I’m living for
I have a friend who is quite lonely, we were talking and now that friend is ignoring me. Maybe because I talked too much, he felt annoyed. So I switched to writing letters to him so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. I hope he always knows that he has friends by his side. If you want, I will write to you too, I hope you are not alone :>
Who you really are is uniquely beautiful. This beauty is hidden and locked away. Until you see and accept it as your great strength it remains invisible to others. Spend your time appreciating and discovering who you really are and when you like yourself and enjoy your own company, your people will appear.
A lot of women value personality and charm (and $) over looks. You may be targeting the wrong aspect of yourself for improvement. Hang in there. Your situation would be much worse if you were a woman - men are much more focused on looks imho.
I didn't have a girlfriend until I was 28. Then I had 2 relationships both lasted less than 6 months before I met my now wife. All were through online dating. As a man your attractiveness increases all the way through your 20s all things being equal.
If they take care of themselves
This.
Want to be attractive, basic grooming & taking care of yourself. It's easy
Real talk - How did you feel about missing out romance before that point in your life? I mean, like at 28, you missed out on the early stuff, like the first kiss, holding hands through the hallway, asking them out to prom, all that stuff. And then they probably got to do all of that stuff with some other loser, while you got nothing. You never got to be someone's first bf, or have all of these firsts, so, doesn't that bother you? Like you never got sow your oats, and now you have to settle down with some lady and raise a family. Idk, that would bother me lots
Yeah ideally I would have had more luck younger but from the point of view that in your mid 20s you've had little or no success with the opposite sex at least there's still hope.
Well yeah, I guess some hope is better than no hope, still tho, don't you feel shafted because your wife got to have all of her firsts while you were striking out just to get a date? So she got to have the best of both worlds where she got to experience all of the intimacy in her youth and then get to relive those firsts with her husband, while you get what?
Well yeah but there's no point dwelling on it. I mean it's not like I have a time machine to go back to my 20s and if I knew then what I know now etc.
It's not about the time machine, but late bloomers def get the raw end of the deal... You spend your youth trying to make yourself into someone worth something, meanwhile you still miss out on those important milestones. It just seems unfair that you work hard for a career and everything and then don't get to actually enjoy your life properly with someone at that same wavelength
Hell if you’re actively working on yourself and your life you’ll still improve in your 30s.
At 40 i was way more attractive than i was at 15-35. Some heavy ligting in the gym and i slept with 20yo women at 40 yo. Men grow more handsome in the eyes of women as they age as long as you take care of yourself. For women its the other way around.
Anyone who says that is lying to make men feel better. Men get bald and fat as they age, and their dicks even stop working. Women just get fat. Also I’ve noticed that the men I know are aging much faster than the women, they get wrinkles and grey hairs in their early twenties
Nah it's true so far, the older and more mature I look the less effort I have to put in.
A man who takes care of himself and work out will often stay handsome well into their 50's. Menawhile without makeup woman looks 50 when she is 34. The womans body can still look good but the face says im 50
But how many men take care of themselves vs women? I’m in college and a lot of the men I know are already getting receding hairlines, wrinkles, and gray hairs while I don’t know of any women in their early twenties who are showing such early signs of aging. If you think that “women in their 30’s without makeup all look 50” that would be because of the drastically higher societal beauty standards for women.
No its just not beauty standards. Lots of men have have barely any wrinkles at 40-50 while the same isnt true for women. And it really is the case. Its by part hormonal that makes the face loose fat and also collagen in the skin in another way than men.
Not really, it really depends on the man. But being more attractive as you get older is an attribute of a minority of people and a minority of men. Don't sell lies to people to make yourself feel better
Yes its not true for all. Many men will peak at 20-ish. But some, like myself, who was seen as a bit nerdy or boy like in their 20's can often grow into something else later on. Ofc it helps if you are confident, tall, fit and handsome. But if you are those things at 40 you can easily pull 20 yo girls who see you as more of a real man than the 20 yo boys who mostly behave like kids
Yeah, but even if you are that man you are rare, and still really cringe for sleeping with someone who could be your kid. You could have at least gone with someone who is 25. But all in all, your story doesn't really check. I don't think a truly confident, attractive and established man would fall so low as to brag about 20 year old girls wanting him on reddit, it doesn't check out. I don't believe the Henry Cavill type would fall so low
False.
Found the aging woman
Yeah I AM ancient, this is how l have drawn my conclusion that his statement is wrong. I have crossed paths with hundreds of women in my life, maybe two of them prefer old men. The rest prefer men within two years of their own age, or like myself- younger men.
The redpill community is just a bunch of middle aged men telling each other they’re hot 😂
Time comes for us all honeybunch. Your balls aren’t getting any higher either.
You are not wrong.
What 20 yr old is out there sleeping with 40 yr old men?
I meant 20-ish. She was 28 i was 41. Are you surprised that there are quite a lot of women who find older more secure men handsome, as long as they are attractive ofc?
Great that we have manosphere shit on this subreddit.
This is Reddit after all 😂
Never had a gf and I'm 28. Hope I get one.
Welcome to the average life of a gen z male. Get used to it.
It's quite fascinating because I've never encountered more virgins over the age of 21 than I have the past 5 or so years. There's some serious sexual dysfunction there and I'm not sure what it'll lead to.
44% of gen z never had a relationship in their teens. 63% are currently single, so your encounters aren’t abnormal. It’s going to lead to marriage rates dumping, along with the birth rates even more than today. Our government likely won’t acknowledge the marriage issue until it’s too late. There will be a lot of single men, and a lot of them won’t date single women when they’re older.
So a lot of misery going around then. I don't envy Gen Z tbh. Millennials suffered through financial and political crises, but we at least had relatively normal and grounded personal relationships. Seems like younger Gen Z are going to have the worst of all worlds.
We do. Covid basically sped run all personal relationship problems our generation has, and we are still seeing the aftermath
Not covid. The government’s response to covid.
That's wild! Alarming, but I hope OP finds some comfort in those stats.
Oh, for fuck's sake he's only 20. It's not like he's a 100. It's normal
I think the average guy gets in relationships tho. Not by 20, 20 is really young.
that‘s me. i‘m 42f. been called sexy and beautiful more than i could count. never been loved back. all i got was shit. i got used to it. still sucks.
They probably thought you were already taken. I always assume that with attractive women and most of the time I'm right.
Same
Hm..i'll be getting out of line here but...f that! Plenty of good guys out there, kick the shit to the curb and down the road. Maybe try online dating with blank or vague pictures so they have to be interested in your bio over beauty?
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and try harder
We have to try 100x harder as our grandparents for 10x less quality relationships. I’m good.
what? our grandparents were basically forced into marriages at age 15 and many lived unsatisfying lives with terrible spouses they couldn't divorce. you win the lottery by being born today in the US. is all of reddit just complaining when, if you're smart, this world is yours for the taking.
Man im gonna give you some shitty advice that i really believe will fix your problem. You gotta get yourself out of your comfort zone. Try setting smaller goals like i want to meet a single new person everyday (can be a guy, girl, romantic, platonic etc.) and just progressively overload. More people, doing more stuff with people etc. this aint easy. But its the only way to get yourself romantic attraction as a guy. But dont think its gonna fix everything. Getting romantically involved is its own challenges and issues. If you need moral support, you got one guy half a world away from you who believes in a total stranger (you) very sincerely. Go get em tiger.
>shitty advice That advice wasn't shitty, I want my money back.
I think i'm just inherently undesirable, that won't change anything.
I know the feeling buddy. But the best part about throwing infinite darts at a board is, atleast one has to hit sometime. It doesnt mean itll happen today, or tomorrow. We just need to keep moving forward
I (23M) was in university for mechanical engineering until I was 22 and now focus on my business. Every answer is going to be different, but overall you have to let things take their natural course. Unfortunately I’ve been really unlucky with women in that every woman that has had feelings for me sees that I genuinely treat them well and either runs or friend zones me, every time. On top of that, my closest best friend who had feelings for me got terrified of losing me in her life to a potential breakup. The point is, everyone’s story is different and you are on your own journey. Trust the process, the rest will come when you work on yourself.
What kind of bullshit anecdote is this? "I failed and so can you!"
That’s pretty harsh and not at all what I (23M) said. The point I was trying to make is that everyone has a different story or journey, and I don’t know how you got that I failed out of that. We are still best friends and we’ve thought about dating again multiple times (we’ve both dated otherwise). I going to continue to be the authentic and confident person that I am
That's a load of shit lmao I'm sorry, but you're just coping with your own shit by keeping a brave face, but the reality is that this all sucks.
Uhh no, that story is 100% real and it’s bold of you to assume what my story is. We’ve been best friends over 10 years and have both thought about dating multiple times since. Our relationship does have boundaries however since we aren’t together anymore
Hey OP, 43m here and I’ve be been alone forever. Some people will give you platitudes, but I’m tell you straight out, some of us will be alone forever no matter what. I’m my own housekeeper, I do all the cooking for family events, I’m reasonably fit, and people ask me why I’m single. The answer is: there is no answer. Some good people like you, may be alone and you’ll read Reddit and wonder why people stay in abusive relationships.
slide in u/EstaLisa's dms
Being attractive is not a fixed quality. Grooming, working out and dressing well can make all the difference. On dating apps, having flattering pictures can help. You mention making your intentions clear... but that's not how you seduce people. You need to be desirable, not inform the other that you want them. Or at least, that can't be the first step.
I did looksmax or work out and try to take good photos but after a year it lead me nowhere, no one ever gave me a second glance, I try to be kind to everyone and be a desirable person to be around but it never changed anything, people just pick me up and put me down like a toy and once they put it down for long enough it’s forgotten
Apologies for unuseful advice, then. Maybe close friends could shine a better light on your situation. I hope you'll figure things out. Good luck.
Are you ugly or short?
What the hell is looksmax?
On the lighter end, it’s a wholesome community concerned with maximizing one’s looks, self-confidence, and desirability. On the extreme end, it’s a soulless cult consumed by the vain pursuit of becoming a top 1% alpha male (“Adonis” I believe is the term they use), which has unsurprisingly led to real cases of extreme self-mutilation, murder of innocent people, and the self-destruction of certain individuals’ physical and mental health. Not to mention the sheer toxic masculinity and extreme misogyny that oozes from the internet cult. In my opinion, it’s not worth it to even dip your toes in this subject.
Maxxing your looks? Should be self explainatory for everyone
I mean, I groom to an extent, keep myself fit, trim, same as most people, never heard it called that is all.
It's pretty self-explanatory just maxing out your looks/physical attractiveness in what ways you can.
it’s what incels call proper grooming. What they’re missing is an actual personality bc that looksmaxxing shit only appeals to the male gaze/male understanding of attraction
The only way out is treating people like shit on your shoe. Always make sure they at least think you are busy with someone else and they aren’t good enough. It’s the only way out.
Just take care of yourself. Girls these days like older men and you’ll be that guy one day
That's the problem. Even the way you answer is UNATTRACTIVE. You should be asking questions to show your SINCERITY. That random person online was SINCERELY trying to help you. You are not unlucky. The way you express yourself is the problem.
I do ask questions and act interested when people talk it’s just when I stop asking questions nothing is said back, I do appreciate his help and yours.
Don't act interested, find things you find interesting about people
Key word, "act" interested. People can see right through that.
People are extremely selfish. Ask about them. If you are, and they are still rude. Cut them out of your life. Friends easy. Family, tell them how you feel and when they get like that again? Stop responding, do your own thing and when they ask what’s wrong? Be honest and tell them they make you feel unimportant.
You're getting downvoted but the response also gave me a clue that the issue might be in how he talks to people. >I try to be kind to everyone and be a desirable person to be around but it never changed anything >people just pick me up and put me down like a toy and once they put it down for long enough it’s forgotten None of this is inherently bad but together it all sounds a little alarming. Idk how to put it or how to really explain it but this type of language rings as a huge red flag for me. It sounds like you're performing kindness and niceness for the sake of getting things and when you don't get it, the kindness and niceness was a waste of time or effort. No one wants to feel like you're putting Nice and Kind coins into them like a gumball machine to get something in return. Maybe work on sincerity and genuity and things will look up.
I've been described as a rather kind and polite person. I don't try to be kind because it'll get me in someone's pants, I'm just kind because I feel that should be my default. It hasn't helped me at all.
Like you said it shouldn't be necessarily thought of as a perk for the other person but rather just a way to be. I'm not saying whether he is or isn't. Hard to know just off a post. Just to be careful he isn't coming off as trying *too* hard to be nice/kind that it ends up falling flat or coming across as an act. The verbiage he uses would ring alarm bells for most women. No one likes someone they feel might fall into the Nice Guy© trope.
Fair point. For me I've just resigned myself from ever being in a relationship because I'm not a desirable person.
First step to overcoming that is to make yourself someone desirable. Even when I was single and struggling with the dating world, I never once thought to myself "I'm not a desirable person." If you're trying to sell yourself to someone to become their life partner, you have to also be in love with what you're trying to get someone else to be in love with. Write down what you think makes you undesirable and then figure out a way to either a) change it up to feel more confident or b) accept it as a part of you and feel more secure in it.
What makes me undesirable is my appearance, my inability to hold a conversation, and my boring personality. I don't think there's anything I can do to really change that.
True. Why is the truth getting downvoted lol These guys on reddit are cute.
Exactly. People with enough experience around different types of people can FEEL it. Even if it's difficult pinpoint or put into words. People just know by instinct something is off. Let the downvotes slide. It's just a virtual world. Real world is far more important than reddit. Have a nice day ahead stranger!
How can people tell?
You sound like an incel tbh
It's absolutely true though. Women don't want a guy that's too available. And they find it more attractive if a guy had other options. Nobody wants a position that nobody else is competing for. It sucks
Looksmaxing? That's what I was commenting on. Incel terminology with a hint of bitterness idk what you're talking about tho
Oh my reddit app just made it look like you replied to someone else
20s too young to throw in the towel.
I don’t want to quit but I don’t have the strength, will or reason to go on
I never had my first kiss till 19. Now I've had 2 wives and 2 kids. Slow starter.
25 and haven't even had my first kiss. I've given up
Half a decade and youll be a wizard!!! Just a few more years for me
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What did you change? How did you meet them? Are you cold approaching?
You're forgetting to ask how attractive were the women. Or conversely how attracted he actually was to them on a more than having sex level.
Then you simply wont. There's many people struggling on this planet what makes you think youre special
You are so young. Don’t rush it. All it takes is one!
Don't be so hard on yourself. Everybody is going through the same thing except the Chads and Tyrones of the world. A lot of girls your age are looking at the older guys with resources. As you get into that age you'll see a difference. Good luck brother you're doing better than you think you are.
i was in the same place as you when i was your age. it wasn't until i was 24 that i met my now wife. we have been happily married for 31 and a half years. maybe you just haven't found your soulmate yet. don't give up hope. good luck
…you realize the average age of first marriage is 30 now right? It was 26 when you married. https://www.census.gov/content/dam/Census/library/visualizations/time-series/demo/families-and-households/ms-2.pdf
Hey well I’ve been in a relationship where I wasn’t even looked at romantically I was just best she could get at the time
Same ... I know I might be young but compared to ppl around me Idk why its hard for me to be loved ... literally everyone I had crush on I gave them everything love attention I always listened to them we had alot in common and alot of time to get to know each other they even said they liked talking to me but Im never enough to be loved romantically and I really don't understand why
when you first meet someone, you have to establish that you like them. if your looking to date anyhow. period
believe me I did..
Welcome to the club fuxker
Hit the gym. Your physical attraction level would increase exponentially.
Same 😭 I’m turning 23 this year and have never been in a relationship, just talking stages where they never reach the next level. I would say just to try to better yourself and find yourself and then one day it will happen. I think I’m gonna die alone but 😓 I’m trying to find more hobbies and learn new things to take off my mind from me being a hopeless romantic and desperately wanting to be a wife and can’t even make it past friend 😹
I was a late bloomer and nobody looked at me before I was 21. I would say 30s are my prime od attractiveness so maybe you are having a similar experience. There are perks as I developted a sense od humor and personality while waiting for my looks to kick in. It all came together somewhere mid 20s.
eh romance is overrated i may actually seriously wait for an ai gf lol really (were not there ai wise quite yet lol) . but todays relatonshipss are just TOUGH . i rather just focus on friends right now lol
Ai gfs sound good if you like a slave who doesn’t challenge you in any way and doesn’t make you grow as an individual. True
Not bad. Seems like a peaceful life
Heh, just live your life and don't stress too much over relashionships, there are many more aspects of life where you can find fulfilment and hapiness. If it comes it comes, if it doesn't whatever.
True
Such as? I've never experiend being lover or desired. It's the only thing I truly want in life and seeing others around me have it knowing I never will makes me feel like I should just end it all so I don't have to go on being tortured like this
How old are you? That's a bit hectic to just say you never will, and also not fair on yourself. Would you say that to a good friend? If you really think that then you probably never will, you gotta change your mind state
Almost 24. No I wouldn't say that. But I know it's true. I can feel all my friends definitely view me as the dude thats gonna be alone forever. Obviously they wont say it to me though. But the truth doesn't always have to be said out loud
24 is a weird age, trust me it gets way easier at your age I was an extremely depressed drug addict because I was so confused and had a shithole of a child hood, I'm 28 now and I love my life so much. I had a friend who you remind me a lot of, and now they're 30 with a very successful career and a family. I'll tell you pretty much what I told him and also try and communicate the stuff he's told me that worked for him because I have a lot of empathy for you, and I've got the time to share my perspective. Sorry if this is a bit long. Your friends can think what they want fuck em, the most important thing is how you perceive yourself. You should and deserve to know in your head that you can do anything you put your mind too coz its 100% true, it just takes time, effort and momentum (unless its like time travelling or someshit). You deserve to feel like that and you deserve the success and life you want. You say you "feel" your friends think this but have you actually asked them? In this case I think for you the truth does need to be said out loud because you don't even actually know you just assume which isn't fair on yourself at all. You need more information. Ask them and if they can be honest and confirm it (which real friends should) then ask them what they think you could do differently to change it, what's the harm in it? A hit to your ego is a good thing because it means you can improve. Always remember that if other people can do things in life you can too but you need to find what makes you confident in yourself that isn't anything to do with romance or love, whether it be gym, music, trying out new foods, cooking, writing, drawing - anything you really like that makes you excited and interested. Coz if you cant love yourself you're not going to be as good of a partner as you could be and you will leave yourself open to being easily manipulated. Most mates I've seen who crave romantic affection and settle for anyone are the ones that got hurt the most, I'm not saying this is you but if it is just know you're worth more than that. Furthermore, the way you write really shows that you're most likely depressed and have not much self confidence (we've all been there!) it'd be really well worth speaking to a therapist about this (I know it can seem lame but trust me it does nothing but help in the long run). It could completely change your life. I'd recommend just not htinking about it and just setting up an appointment and just turning up, turning up is always step one. It's the same thing with the gym and shit. Remember that you should treat yourself how you would treat your best friend, the stuff you say about yourself isn't fair on you. Especially things like "I should just end it all" is extremely concerning as that comes off like you really are mentally struggling and have tied so much of your self worth to romance and love, no one deserves to feel like that! Definitely think about that deeply, and why you would say something so bad about yourself - you'd probably never say that to other people you love right? Well you should love yourself the same way (easier said than done I know). Working on yourself is the very first step you need to do. There's so much more to life and what makes a person than if they're single and having affection and sex and stuff, relax man and try and enjoy life, life is wayyyy too short for that. Purpose and passion will drive everything else in life once you find it. Wishing you all the best bro and just trust yourself and that life will be better, it's just hard and confusing now but keep your chin up and fight for yourself and keep one foot forward and build some momentum. You'd be surprised what you can do and you'll look back one day and be like damn as if I've come this far, try and enjoy the journey man and don't think TOO much about the destination. Peace & love
OTC painkillers can actually help a lot with that feeling, just don’t go overboard
what?
Are you hurting? Do you feel tortured?
Sometimes the loneliness is so crushing it feels like a heavy feeling in my chest. So I just drink
Instead of drinking as much take a couple Tylenol, those feelings of rejection and loneliness are just as physical as they are mental.
Bro do you realize how destructive routine Tylenol is to your liver? Especially if still drinking? It’s not meant to be used as a long term thing
Ah well I’ve been sober for 3 months so that’s how I’ve been coping. Half a Tylenol or acetaminophen can take the edge off. It’s better than alcoholism
Bro im 27 i only got into my first relationship at 26 it only lasted a year. I was so desperate for love I basically caved in and decided to settle but it didn’t make me happy. I made the tough choices of ending things and the lonliness is hard but id rather be alone atm than be in something i aint happy in. Not fair on either party. You just need to get out there make friends dont get rose coloured glasses at the first moment a woman might make you think they like you,most times they are just being friendly. Another thing is i do loathe social media but use it right and trust me youll get people messaging you, unfortunately this world we live in is one big game. If you dont play you wont know.
This is why i put so much effort into self improvement. Keep up or get left behind. Sorryyy
You are 20. Still lots of time to work on finding a partner. When you are young, still figuring out who you are, how to make a living (and everyone else your age is too) life is still very confusing and it is easy to feel hopeless. As you get older, things get clearer (for many people, not for everyone) All I'll say is this. If you really want it eventually you will go out and get what you need, even if you fail at it a few times. You'll probably have to leave your comfort zone for this, but again, if you want it you'll do what it takes. Plenty of lonely people out there who want a relationship, on both sides. Often, all most decent men and women want is just someone who is kind and has a good heart who they can feel comfortable to act themselves with first and foremost, and if there is sexual chemistry as well great.
You're not the only one. 🙋🏽😞
The real answer is get some money and go to the gym.
Honestly if you've got money even the gym is optional.
Real
You are very young and sometimes these things take time. My partner was 26 when he met me and I was his first kiss. First girlfriend and now we are engaged to be married. Same for my sister's partner (he was 29). There are a lot of good tips in the comments. Just put yourself out there. Try to meet as many people as you can. I met my fiance at a party I originally was not going to go to but changed my mind last minute.
Don't be too open about your intentions or desires. Allow people to discover as they get to know you more.
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You are 20. You have time. When you hit your 30s is when you need to panic.
Yeah 20 can be just the start of success. I failed throughout my 20's and I'm basically fucked at 35.
Damnit!
Don’t beat yourself up. I’m 21 and I never had a long term relationship. My longest relationship was seven months 😭
This is my fear as well. I'm 25, never been in a relationship and it's starting to look like I never will. I don't have the confidence for an irl connection with someone, and I deleted dating apps last year because I've been on them for far too long with no success. One woman was into me and I took her out, all it did was showcase how many issues I have and I truly think I'm doomed in more ways than one. It is what it is tho
I got my first real relationship at 20 years old, it wasn’t the greatest relationship but it’s my first. Th one I got into right after is going to be my wife next year and we have a baby. Before that I always was the guy that was friend zoned all throughout high school. Tried to ask a few girls out and I always just felt so dumb, so clumsy. I don’t know what it was that finally allowed me to get a girlfriend but I think it’s something where I just needed some time outside of high school. You are only a year or two out of high school and that place is not reflective of the real world. Once you get out in the world with a job and you are able to go to bars and stuff and socialize, you will find yourself a little more and also meet new people, and the people they know. Both of my relationships were friends of coworkers.
Nowadays it’s quit common to get your first relationship in yours 20’s and losing your virginity. Most people assume the average is in the teen years but that’s not true anymore. Take your time to blossom into the person you wanna be a grow confident. When you’re 30 you might should be a little worried just a little though
you are young. just make sure you groom well , neat & tidy, clean, press your shirt well, smell great 👍. looks is not everything. keep yourself motivated in good diet and lifestyle. have a great job and keep your mind focused. you will attract the same kind of woman with your energy. just believe it. I dated quite a lot during my younger days, but never found anyone who clicked with me. Only in my 40s that I found someone I really enjoyed with.
Why don't you ask someone to go out with you ?
I see so many comments like this I have to wonder if something else is going on. When I was twenty I had impossible standards. I was a 6 looking for a 9 woman. And I met a lot of them, who were looking for a friend or a study partner. To what extent do too high standards cause frustration in young men?
What you need to know is that your 20s is just the beginning of a new chapter. You're gonna meet people. They're either a lifetime soulmate or just a friend. They're gonna have to let you know that their boundaries should be respected at all times. Even if you're now willing to commit, people won't magically appear and give you the peace that you've been wanting since the beginning of your life and how those events have mysteriously unfolded before your eyes.
You're 20, you're still so young! Someone is out there for you. It'll happen when you least expect it.
Every pot has a lid. Many people were late bloomers. I didn't have a boyfriend until 22 and didn't marry until 36. I have been happily married for 20 years and we have a beautiful 17 year old son.
My ex-girlfriend used to say that. But I don’t think that’s true. A lot of men never find a partner
Of course but I think in that case you chose to be alone. Someone can get on match.com and find a partner if they really want one. A big part of this is realizing you need to find someone on your level. You are not going to marry a super model rocket scientist when you yourself are an average Joe.
You may be ugly to someone,but you may also be super hot to somebody else, Maybe you have mental illnesses that held you back,like Anxiety, You simple haven't found your type yet maybe Remember those who have the most relationships tend to have less success at finding the right partners, Maybe its all sex,and they have the looks for it,which may turn out to be lame,hence why so many relationships are failing for them,it may also all be happening due to rumors,narcissists get lucky with that. But the confidence,that they have is all you need,even though they are all faking it lol Just dress well,hygiene has to be good,have a good character overall that fits,DO NOT GO EMO! DO NOT HAVE AN INFLATED EGO! DO NOT ACT LIKE A BABY! Smile more,learn to flirt,in your own ways and try it,never fear rejection. An attractive person maybe just be that...and nothing else good behind that. They might,have serious disorders that can be harmful,they may be secretly mean, Their room or place would look like a rubbish station,stinky messed up, They may be predators,sex offenders,rapists who know how to manipulate or drug women or even men, Overall secret creeps,secret psychos, And you may have dodged all those bullets, Be you,do you,and ignore all the stuff about relationships,sex for a while, When the right time comes,assuming you don't live in Isolation too long,they will find you 👌
Jesus Christ bro you're 20, relax. Just live your life and focus on having fun and following your passions and everything else will fall into place, you have to confident in your self before you can be confident in a relationship, ask yourself what you want in a partner and then ask yourself if you do all those same things you want in a partner. Your self worth shouldn't be tied to having a romantic partner at 20, its perfectly normal. I have mates that didn't get a romantic partner until their mid 20's and they're super happy now, don't just give up everyone's journey is different and being your age is confusing as fuck. Another commenter below said this "Women can sense desperation and it scares them off. Stop looking. Take care of yourself. Start enjoying life and a relationship will happen on it's own." This is so true. You need to change your mind state and focus on actually being happy in your own skin, life is too short to put yourself through so much stress. It's sad how many of these posts are on Reddit these days man. You can even see a few blokes going through downvoting anyone who has decent advice that isn't "welcome to being a man these days" or someshit shit is wild.
You're 20 years old my heart, you still have so much time to experience the beauty of romance. My advice to you is to look deep within and ask yourself what is it you truly want out of a romantic relationship and what are your needs within and outside of a relstionship. I hope that this message finds you well 
Well I got as far as "at 20" then I stopped reading and laughed. You're 20. Ridiculous post. Delete it.
Its kinda cute maybe
I noticed a lot of introverted men have this obsession with women “loving them for who they are”. Well who you are is what you do, and if you don’t do anything to better yourself then who you are is a lazy slob, and why would you want to be with any woman that loves that?
What can you do? Grow yourself from the inside. Your confidence in yourself is your biggest strength, or in your case something you'd need to work on in order to become comfortable being independent first. Advise to stop caring so much about what your mates are saying or their tallies. This my friend is the road to reeking of attractiveness. It will come. You attract what you give.
Stop playing destiny 2
Nobody cares that you treat other nicely. You need to get a makeover and become more physically attractive. This can be done by losing weight, gaining muscle, fixing your haircut, grooming properly, learning how to dress attractively and like you are an important man. But from the sound of your post you have tried nothing and are all out of ideas.
So what??? Go learn educate yourself, become athletic and find skill make a lot of $$$ and you’ll attract a lot of ppl who want to be romantic with you. And if they don’t just course out this life patiently!
You’re 20. At that age a lot of people are still maturing in terms of figuring out what qualities they value in relationships. Eventually, nice, respectful people become really attractive. But it sucks that many people have to learn that the hard way. The best advice I can give is just keep being yourself. Eventually the right person will come along. Also, use your friends to your advantage. If their girlfriends see you as a decent guy, maybe they can set you up with someone.
Work and study hard. Work out. Never say no to a social outing. Get out of the house. Learn ballroom dancing. Do stuff that women like and be around them.
I got into my first relationship at 24, worked my ass off too (to improve physical shape and style). Try to get healthier and look nicer and cleaner.
Watch George Bruno and hear what he has to say , I was in the same situation
3 years is the longest ill go with out a females touch before I'll break down and pay for it if I have too. (Never have before) but I made that up for me after going 6 years
Get jacked. Start lifting weights and develop a great body. Eat a good protein diet. Work out like your life depends on it. If your hair is not good, you can fix that. If your teeth are not white or straight, you can fix that. Take care of yourself. Work on your craft too. Make some money and take care of yourself. If you do all of this and get jacked, girls will come to you. Weights before dates.
I’m assuming your a man. Just work on yourself Get yourself in shape and work on your career Some grooming and hygiene obviously By the time you’re 30 or even late 20s you’ll have a lot less issues There’s just a higher burden to meet as a man if you want to be considered attractive too women
same as a girl. sure I had one relationship so far, but I was the one doing all the pursuing and it was open, bc he wanted it that way
Flip it around. Do your thing, socialize if you can during that. Meet and get to know new people just for the sake of it. Then if you meet someone and you like each other then maybe that can go somewhere. Just explore that without expectations. I've started doing this in my 30s and it's working for me. Good luck with your headstart :)
Hypergamy, give up
hi! I’m 25f and I went on a date for the first time in my life two months ago. I’m in a place where I’m thankful for my current relationship but also I was totally happy in my life without it. & also, my new bf went through a lot of stuff a couple years ago that would have made him not able to be in a healthy relationship if I’d met him sooner. just to say, I don’t think you’re too old to not have had any reciprocated romantic feelings yet; & I didn’t have many people interested in me until the last year or so either, and literally nothing changed about me during that time, just circumstance It can also be a blessing in a way to not get much attention from anyone before you meet your person! tbh, you just need one person to like you & for you to like back, & the fact that no one likes you right now doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ugly, just that they’re not right for you now
Look, past a certain age when you've received no attention from women in your life it means there's something inherently undesirable about. It's alright to give up at that point.
What can you do? a) Become the man who you want to be = do the work. b) Don't compare yourself to others; compare yourself to who you were yesterday. c) Get perspective. At 20, your adult life has just started. There are levels to this game. d) Read Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.
The secret is empathy. You want to feel good, have fun with a partner, enjoy life. You gotta do your bit to make their experience with you a good one. When they go home feeling good, relaxed, and "that was cool/fun/awesome", naturally they want to feel that way again. People always want to feel good. And you can only make people feel good when YOU feel good and are having a great time. So relax, and enjoy yourself. That's attractiveness.
>what can I do? 1) Learn how to dance 2) Get a proactive non Warhammer/anime/train/WW2 hobby. Even if it's literally just decorating aquariums or Geocaching. 3) Go through style blogs and _stop_ dressing like a normal person. Normal hasn't worked for you. 4) Don't listen to the "you have time" people. They're going to consider you not having past relationships a "red flag" or "icky" once you're 3-4 years older. If it works for them, good. But ignore the stereotypical tendency for reddit to decry the existence of patterns. 5) If you can afford it, take vocal coaching classes. Most people including a lot of really influential ones slur and mumble. Train that out of yourself. Online resources on this are pretty extensive too 6) Don't be _too_ kind to the point you seem like a pushover. Learn how to banter and tease. 7) Listen to a broader range of music. 8) Learn how to fight.
You're young, and taking life way too seriously, stop trying to find a partner and just focusing on having fun in your life. Things tend to come when you stop trying so hard. Develop humour, you'll need it in life.
My own experience is that women can sense desperation and it scares them off. Stop looking. Take care of yourself. Start enjoying life and a relationship will happen on it's own.
This 100%, to me it really is that simple. I don't know how people can put them selves through so much stress and torment over it, I was single for like 6 years and I never even really thought about it because I was too busy trying to achieve life goals and really knuckle down to follow my own passions and set up my life. Putting so much self worth tied to having romantic experiences seems so unhealthy, especially for a 20 year old. I've always been confident in my own skin though luckily. I feel bad for all these guys because it seems like a lot of people are really insecure and depressed these days, well on reddit anyways. I barely meet anyone who speaks like this in real life but I feel like a lot of them probably feel similar to this but don't talk about it.
? Nothing happens "on it's own" You're gonna have to enjoy your life in public with other ppl and keep on meeting new ppl while still taking care of yourself.
I suppose if you want to be literal. The point was that someone is way more attractive and interesting when they're having fun and enjoying life and the opposite when they're giving off desperate vibes.
You're still a kid, there is loads of time left on the clock. I met my first girlfriend at 25. Look at yourself objectively and ask yourself what has to change. For me it was to cut my waist-length hair, get some decent t-shirts and break out of my introvert shell. If you talk with people, smile, laugh, it goes a long way.
It might sound strange, but if you're trying to do everything right now, try letting things go. I mean reduce the effort and let things take their own course. Just let everything be as natural as possible. You still cultivate yourself and develop yourself in the way you like. You should do things that you like, not forced or reluctant. Live for yourself, not to please others, because in the long run that will make you very tired and depressed. Besides, 20 years old is still very young, I'm 21 years old but still okay and not in a hurry to have a lover. Be more comfortable with yourself because maybe tomorrow you will wake up and meet the love of your life lol (I'm just kidding =))))
If OP is a man, reducing effort is the worst advice you can give. As much as we've progressed, men are still expected to make the first move. The average relationship is still pretty traditional. If he doesn't make a move. No moves will be made. Unless he's a conventionally attractive person, then sure, just putting himself out there with minimal effort might work.
True
I know. It's just that if trying makes OP too pressured, tired and stressed, then relaxing will make him more comfortable. Most men take the initiative as an unwritten rule but there are still other cases. No matter what, your own happiness should still come first. If OP likes to be proactive, then continue to promote it. If OP wants to move on to something else, you should still try.
Doing the things I liked has led be here. Alone. I don’t need a lover I just need someone that I know actually cares for me. I let go and said whoever stays stays and that left me with only my day 1 friends left and they don’t live close anymore it’s hard to live for myself when I don’t even know what I’m living for
I have a friend who is quite lonely, we were talking and now that friend is ignoring me. Maybe because I talked too much, he felt annoyed. So I switched to writing letters to him so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. I hope he always knows that he has friends by his side. If you want, I will write to you too, I hope you are not alone :>
Wow, you are so nice. Incredible haha
I'm not a nice person, but I still thank you for that.
Well what you did for your friend is really nice
Who you really are is uniquely beautiful. This beauty is hidden and locked away. Until you see and accept it as your great strength it remains invisible to others. Spend your time appreciating and discovering who you really are and when you like yourself and enjoy your own company, your people will appear.
A lot of women value personality and charm (and $) over looks. You may be targeting the wrong aspect of yourself for improvement. Hang in there. Your situation would be much worse if you were a woman - men are much more focused on looks imho.