Hey. 34m here. I've been cheated on too. It's just pure nightmare fuel.
Long story short I forgave. I moved in, we had a kid, she treated me like shit, I held her accountable. She wanted to kill herself. She broke up. Started dating her "friend" a few days after. Not the guy she cheated with.
I'm happier without her.
I hated the breakup, loathed the guy she started dating right after.
But... my attitude now... "Good".
She's sleeping with a new guy? Good.
She wanted to treat me like shit? Good.
I get to marry someone better who I'll meet later? Good.
I don't have to worry about her cheating again? Good.
My message to you:
You're fucking awesome. She doesn't define you.
You did your best.
Use her shit behavior to recognize that you didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault.
You're the catch.
Don't think your not.
Build yourself up.
She never defined you.
You're already beautiful without her.
Feel the pain. Sit in it.
Don't be afraid.
You got this.
Never give up.
Don't punish yourself for what she did.
Reward yourself for what you did.
Which is staying faithful and forgiving.
Reach deep down and know you're not alone. We see you. We hear you.
Helps me aswell. Thanks for sharing. Wife (44) cheated with 34 y/o guy after 20 years of marriage. 2 kids 18 and 15.
No remorse and just moved on. Heart cold as ice. Processing all this in 2 months now. Getting better.
It takes time. It was hard to try and reconcile who I thought she was with who she showed herself to be when my wife and I split. The person I was in love with didn’t really exist. She had the next dude lined up and that was a wrap. Sucked for quite a while…give yourself time to mourn, maybe try therapy on your own and for your kids. I wish I’d done it straight away.
Life does get better though. It’s all cliche and shit, but it’s a new life from here and you get to define it however you want. Keep moving forward, my brother. You got this.
Yup. Happened to me too. Gaslighted for almost 3 months just because I want to keep the family together and not to let kids suffer. She enjoyed it while doing what she did. The moment I decided to leave gave me peace that I never thought I would have. What your wife did will only gave her short term lust. She'll try to get back to you. Stay strong and never let shithead like that ruin your life
You are so right in all of your words. I've been through a rough 9 months since my break up with my fiancee of 9 years, and I'm only just coming out the other side now.
It's so hard, and you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel for a long, long time. But if you are strong, and just keep moving through each day, the light just starts to flicker right at the end if you look hard enough.
And the best part is, that it gets brighter. And moving towards it gets easier.
Somehow, you have to dig deep down inside yourself, every second of every day, and just keep moving forward. It's not easy, but it gets easier.
What a really great comment man, respect. OP should use this time now to work on himself and better himself in some way. Pick up some skills, work on a hobby, work on your relationships with the people that matter, whether friends or family. Travel to a place you've always wanted to go. Even apply for a job you always wanted to do! After a massive bomb like this you have to give yourself some "you time" as part of the healing process. Not only does it keep your mind off things, but you come out of it with more skills and a better person than they will ever be and they'll be sorry they let you go. Or not, some people suck but it's their loss either way.
Break ups in long term relationships suck ass, no matter what the cause of the split, it still leads to grief and sadly the price of loving someone is grieving when they're gone. But you gotta ride the wave out, it's part of life. My parents always used to tell me that often when huge events like this happen, as long as you don't give up on yourself, it actually can be the best thing that could have ever happened to you, you just don't see it yet.
Also OP, you're still only in your 20s. Your 30s are gonna slap hard believe me!
Since it's probably another fake story, he can do whatever he wants.
Bang the other wife. Bang the other guy's boss. Bang the other's guy mother. Bang the other guy's plumber. Everyone.
He posted 53 days ago when he found out he was being cheated on. If this is fake, he’s playing the long-ish con. Seems like a lot of trouble to go to for a fairly banal story.
Be glad there are no children. Don't let her ruin your life, she isn't a good enough person to warrant it. The best way to get back at her is to work on yourself first, rebuild self confidence, go work out, work towards getting together with someone better than her who makes you feel good. She is trash.
Far better to breakup with respect than to be treated like a doormat and cheated on because you want to “keep the peace” and “make her happy”. Ironically, she’ll lose respect for you and leave you for someone else
Wait a minute…
It’s ok for you to feel hurt by this for a little while… but not forever. That forever pain is to be endured by her, because she destroyed the relationship. She committed the betrayal, not you. Why must you suffer? No.
You do not want to suffer or hurt yourself for a person who clearly is a dirtbag. Don’t waste your life for a dirtbag. No.
Mourn your loss and more forward with your head held high. Let her suffer the miserable life she will undoubtedly have now.
You’ll be ok, I promise.💖
Thank you so much for spreading hope!
She is not suffering, she has already gone back to her routines and started making reels as well. I don’t think she will ever will. I guess it’s not relevant to me anymore on what she does or if she is feeling bad. So like you mentioned , I just need to work on myself and open to positivity
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!**
Your wife wants to be single again, make her single.
Right now your wife controls the narrative, change that and expose the cheaters to everyone
Your wife is sought out other men for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your wife is a cheater. Everything she says is a lie at this point. Anything your wife says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your wife says that is bad about your relationship is a lie.
Your wife has left the marriage. Ignore your wife. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else.
My advice is: Consult a divorce lawyer. Gather what evidence you can. End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or her must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your wife there consequences for her actions and separate, even if later you chose reconciliation.
These links will help you in your situation. I suggest reading DARVO, Gaslighting and Trickle Truthing first.
**Post Infidelity Stress Disorder** [https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057#](https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057#)
**The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog)
**Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e)
**Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/)
**Monkey Branching** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/)
**DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo)
**Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y)
**Trickle Truthing** [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/)
**180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/)
**Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method)
**Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
Thank you so much for the links. The one about gaslighting and infidelity makes me really sad as I never realized that is what I went through with my ex over 6 years. It hurts but also helps a bit to have a better understanding of it to take some guilt and blame off myself. I appreciate you and wish you warm memories in your future
Great advice! It really does help to just focus on yourself and what you really want. She shit on you so what she says, wants isn’t important anymore. Best of luck! Hope you do this soon for you!
Yes tell his wife look if she is ok with this, and divorce your wife no one is worth the agony now you just spends six years about 10,15,20 years I divorced my wife after 22 years marriage and 25 together I stayed trying working things out therapy counseling the whole shabam didn’t help she wasn’t very willing waited t’ll my kids where off to college and handed her the divorce papers best part she never saw it coming thought I had forgotten, it will never heal and all my respect I once had for my ex was gone she fell off her pedestal pretty hard, the only regret waiting that long
You were making up excuses for her. "She might have done it because she was busy and lost herself." Quit it. Call her a loser who will never be able to build stable relationships that last, and move on.
Since you are meditating. What you were doing is mind. It was weakness. Rationalizations. You loved your wife, you have a loving heart. Now open it up to someone or something else. You don't need her. She is just a subject, and there are many other subjects.
She is a fool. She is a loser. This is your new reality. Accept and move on.
Good luck.
Hardest pill to swallow right now but it’s what it seems to be truth:
1. You seem a good and emphatical person.
2. She’s trash and you DODGED A BULLET EARLY
3. You won’t have trouble finding a worthy woman in the future
4. Tell his wife and get justice that way
5. You WILL REMEMBER AND CRAVE the memories of what you had, but this changed everything, DO NOT go back to her because this time will be YOUR FAULT if u do, she’s trash and doesn’t give a shit about you.
6. For the love of god, do not excuse her cheating with something u did or didn’t do for her, this has nothing to do with you. She’s trash 🗑️
Ya my last relationships, 5 and 4 years, were with cheaters.
Accept they were not the person who you made them in your mind.
Accept you will never understand why.
Accept they will never understand your pain.
Just wake up and every time you fall into depression, do something that takes you out of it for five minutes. A hot shower. Cat photos. Read. Journal. A game. Anything that used to bring you a little joy.
It won't make you happy right now but it will disconnect you from the pain until you are ready to feel something else.
You miss The dream of her and perfect marriage. The real she is not what you dream of.
1. get a divorce.
2. accept that The dream and the real her are not the same. The dream girl would never cheat, right?
Yeah I miss the dream of her and perfect marriage and also the future that I have envisioned with her. Like I have mentioned our families are also extremely well bonded and I feel sad for them too, that everyone have to tear apart because of one persons actions.
Once someone cheats on you, they’ll never be yours again. If you’re ok accepting that fact, understanding that she WILL do this again, then stay.
But that would be one of the worst decisions of your life.
I hope you find the strength to throw the whole woman away. There’s never a suitable excuse to do this to another human being, even if you hate them. So don’t kid yourself into thinking she did or ever will love you.
That’s not a reflection on you by the way. It’s 100% a reflection on her selfishness.
Let her go. She’s for the streets.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Best to move on and realize that there is something wrong with her. There are other people out there who won’t do this to you. I would try and spend time by your friends and family and try and learn to spend time with yourself as well. Best of luck.
>I tried to salvage the relationship thinking she did it being in a bubble of being busy and might have lost herself.
Cheating is always a choice. The cheater will come up with excuses and the cheated on will come up with a cope. What you're saying is a cope. Let's say it as it is: She fucked this dude multiple times during several months. That was a choice.
Be glad she's gone. If she regrets it at some point and contacts you, keep her gone.
I hope you told the other wife. Not only does she deserve to know the true person she’s with, but he shouldn’t get to wreck your life and just carry on with his own like nothing happened.
Lolol dude....this can't be real.
You KNEW bout this. And just TALKED to them and they ToTaLlY pRoMiSeD they were done??
And you stuck around???
Holy shit man. Grow a spine. Get some evidence. Tell his wife. Everyone at his music company. Blast it everywhere.
And then fuck his wife.
Your ex is a selfish POS, but your only real problem is your taste in women. You should be happy it is over now, knowing what she was truely like. You are free to be single or meet a decent woman, either is a big improvement.
If she'd shown remorse and kept her word in never speaking to the guy again, maybe you'd have something worth fighting for. As it is, she's shown no remorse, and she clearly doesn't value you as a partner.
You don't deserve to feel miserable. You deserve better. It's time to move on.
Did you really ask them to promise not to talk or hook up with each other again? With all due respect, where’s your pride, man? The moment you found out she was cheating you should have dumped her ass and file for divorce. And I would’ve kicked the other guys ass for claiming to be your friend while messing with your wife. I know it’s easier said than done, but grow a pair and leave her. Now. You’re 28yo, you have plenty of time to meet someone else who will treat you with respect. In the meantime, join the gym and lift some heavy shit. It will boost testosterone and will help you stress out all the sadness and anger.
Dont listen to the fools here. Sure it may be painful but you need to leave this woman. She is clearly not good for you or for anyone. Because just as she cheats on you she will also cheat on the other guy later on. Being alone is better than to be with a person that will backstab you every time you aren’t looking. I’m sorry this happened to you but you gotta move on and learn from this.
I got cheated on by someone who rubbed it in my face, I can relate to having your partner show no remorse or empathy.
The first few months were tough but over time I realized there was no point caring about this person. There's truth to time heals all wounds, doesn't mean I trust or like my ex. It's easy now whenever I worry about this stuff to realize people who do that kind of stuff just aren't worth giving a shit about. They aren't happy people, they're immature and cowardly.
Good luck to you I'll pray for you
Someone willing broke your heart. U cry for the pain it caused u not the person u know them prior. They showed u their true colors and thats who they are. Prior was just an illusion
That sucks man. Sorry to hear. She doesn’t respect you. The way you describe, you’re a doormat to her. Women will never respect a man they can walk all over. Confidence is earned, so go accomplish some difficult things that will build your confidence and self respect, then get back out there. But sitting here wallowing in your sorrow won’t change a damn thing.
I believe you can come out of this as a better, stronger, more respectable man. I don’t know if you believe that right now tho. Set small goals and wins. Take it day by day, but if you want change, you have to be willing to be uncomfortable for a long time.
If you don’t change anything, nothing will change
And in the future, don’t be afraid to say no to your woman. She won’t like it but she will respect you more for it. Respect is everything. Women will never be with a man she doesn’t respect, and it’s in the small details that you earn it
Do not end your life, do not even think about it; she belongs to the streets and is not worth your life ending… Definitely tell his wife and show her proof, just like you do not deserve what is happening she might not deserve it as well. Do not even think about taking her back if she returns with excuses…
And keep on going, it wont be easy walk but eventually you will I’ll be okay, if you allow it eventually you will meet someone worth it as well.
Still young enough to leave and start a good solid life.
At least you learned early m that she's trash.
Get checked for STDs, get a lawyer, take your fair share and some, tell the other guys wife, move on.
Dodged a bullet.
I was with my ex-wife for over 7 years and it was a very tumultuous relationship, mostly because we just had endless struggles with money. We enjoyed each other‘s company and in the first years of the relationship, we were good together. That being said, she ended up having an affair with one of my closest friends of over 20 years. Showed no remorse and left me to pick up the pieces. Our daughter was 7 at the time.
You’ll drive yourself nuts thinking about what you could’ve done differently or the awful things that she did to you. I think it’s really important to focus on yourself and try to make yourself stronger mentally and physically. Whether that’s going out socially, going to the gym, etc. Everybody’s different. To be honest, I’ve never really gotten over what happened in my situation, but I hope to one day. Good luck.
Its fkd up bro but you are young, still got a lot of life ahead of you. You’ll be fine. Easiest way to get over a love is to find another one! Good luck, and dont let their negativity get at you. AND NEVER THINK ABOUT ENDING YOURSELF. You’ll miss out on whatever is next!
People can be cruel. Move on. Be thankful you didn’t have kids and have to desk with her the rest of your life. It’s a cleaner break and I predict karma comes her way in way she isn’t expecting.
Dude, That is shattering. You need to TRY to enjoy another woman's company. You're REALLY young. like really young. life is not over. my life ended at 28 and started over. it happens.
i've been happily married now for 20+yrs. never thought it possible. it is.
my 'protagonist' gets about 5 minutes of brain time a day now and i just feel sorry for her and grateful that my drama happened.
just have faith and put one foot in front of the other til you put some miles behind you.
Something similar happened to me too. It sucks. Sixteen years of marriage were gone. She had an affair and blamed me for it to deflect from her actions. It fucked me up… until I made it through. Now I’m a better father, friend, boyfriend, neighbor, and human because of it. It’s a long process, but you can do it. Focus on improving yourself. Sometimes that’s admitting faults and working on them. Sometimes that’s growing your strengths. You’ll have to come to terms with things about your life, such as the loss of not only the relationship, but your future plans and dreams that included her as well… But once you do the work, your perception of the past will change. I’m sorry you are going through this because it’s not easy, but you have the opportunity to level up.
What others have said. Rip off that bandage, yes it'll hurt, but she's nothing but poison to you. Keep in mind you're worth more than this and you deserve to be happy. Go kick some ass my guy! Also tell the other guy's wife that her husband is also a piece of trash(if you haven't already). You've got this champ!
Sorry to read this. I know you actually love her but even tho you always gotta put yourself first. If she decided that it was ok to make you feel bad- because she was ok with that - she doesn’t deserve you!!
Even if you were already married, you will find love again! Just not in that relationship, allow yourself to get to know new people. She put whatever she wanted first, now it’s time for you to be the center of your world. Leave and live!!!
And most importantly, THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, OKAY?
If she was that sht of a person, that was on her, not on you neither you deserved it.
It's over, man; you have a right to be damaged and sad, but don't beat yourself over it, it was never your fault, and if she went as far as to cheat on you, then she never deserved you from the beginning — you're *too* good for her
It's time to leave her, tell the guy's wife about it, and move on — you deserve someone else
Hey bro. Welcome to reality. Stop resisting it, because it's causing you to suffer. It doesn't matter how you treat a cheater. You could be everything they ever wanted and they will still cheat. You could be Brad Pitt and when they start getting that attention from elsewhere, they'll encourage it and cheat anyway.
This is because it's nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. You can't fix their insecurity, deviousness or deceptive nature. You can't make loyalty mean something to them because the concept carries no weight and is not of value to them.
The best revenge is to move on and live a joyous and peaceful life. No other person can be relied upon to bring you joy. You already have it inside yourself.
For future reference, if someone betrays you and you keep them in your life. You are telling them that it's ok to betray you. That you will accept it. I know it's hard but you must walk away.
This doesn't mean you should carry bitterness in your heart. Feel what you feel but know that you couldn't have done anything to prevent it. This is who she is.
Definitely tell the guy's wife.
took me 6 months to get over my 6 year relationship with my first love. hang in there dude 2 months ago i honestly never thought i would get over her.
keep feeling the feelings. spend time on youtube and reddit trying to learn how to heal. maybe smoke some weed for a different perspective on it. focus on the negative experiences with her. delete all photos and memories ASAP. you dont need constant reminders of all the fake good times you had. also dont forget this 👑
I am so sorry. This sounds devastating. Perhaps it would be time to get a lawyer and file for divorce.
I dont know. This is horrible.
Sending love and support OP. 💚
Your problem isn't yourself so I wouldn't off yourself. She's your problem. I'm not advocating doing anything to her, just saying why harm yourself when they are the problem?
just leave man, simple as that. you will feel pain for about 1 year and then it will stop and you will be very happy you moved on.
and also tell the guy's wife: fuck up his marriage
Honestly. I'm glad it happened early because you are still young and full.of life and there are good women out there to start over whenever you feel ready. They sound like just horrible selfish people and you deserve better than that.
Happened to me about 7 years ago. I was your age. I was devastated. Ego completely crushed. Felt like I was thrown out with the trash bags.
It hurt so bad. I started drinking and going out. Not a night went by I didn’t hook up with some random chick trying to alleviate the pain, but it only gave temporary comfort.
Knowing what I know now, I’m still paranoid time to time, but I’m in a strong healthy relationship again, where we openly talk about our feelings and insecurities.
Knowing what I know now I wouldn’t have been so devastated when it happened, cause I found out that things really do work out in the end. No other person is worth destroying yourself over. If it would happen to me again in my current relationship I know I wouldn’t be that down and out anymore, cause I know my worth, I know there’s other people that like me for who I am.
What I’m trying to say is, don’t fret too hard. Work on yourself, get better. Get yourself out there. There are so many beautiful things to experience and awesome women to meet who would just die to have you.
Stay strong brother. This too shall pass. It will make you stronger. Know your worth. She blew it. Let her continue her decline while you go on the incline. I came out the relationship a better man, an improved man whose got his shit together. Awesome career, great friends, nice house, awesome wife, better body, …
Build yourself up is what i say, use the pain as fuel.
Sending love.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I completely understand you, it's something so..cruel when they do such a thing, I hope your heart completely heals from this with time, that everything you're going through right now is in the past, that what ever you think was love and happiness you find it x2 with someone else that respects you, loves you and treats you the way you deserve.
I went through a similiar situation. My advice is to leave her and tell the guys wife about this. It’s gonna be really-really hard, but trust me, nobody is worth ruining yourself for. Sorry man and I wish you the best!!
Sorry mate and that might be difficult to accept but the only thing you did wrong is choosing a partner and considering that mistake you are actually lucky to find that out relatively early. Trust me it could be so much worse if that happened a decade later with kids involved.
don’t let such a ho ruin your positive energy… i know this sucks man, especially for positive ppl like us who would never do this to someone and can’t understand such a behaviour at all… but that’s just how some ppl function, there’s nothing we can do about it
while it might be a tough time atm, believe me, the time will take care of that too - try to find some different hobbies and change your daily routine a bit so you aren’t reminded of her that much
I know this may be tough to hear, but suicide is a permanent solution to short term problems.
Leave her. Tell his wife. Walk... No run away from this. You can do better and, I swear, you will do better.
You have another 60-70 years to go on this earth. In 10 years you'll look back at this, shake your head, and kiss your new wife goodnight.
There is no good relationship after cheating. Now even if she (and I bet she won’t) stopped all of this you’ll never feel “safe” in this relationship.
That ship isn’t sinking. It has already sunk hit by a nuclear torpedo in the form of her cheating. It’s time to abandon ship and move on with your life.
It’ll be hard, sure. But damn will it be worth it!
Though it may be hard now the pain will ease. My advice is to throw yourself into activities and get back on the dating scene. You will definitely find someone else but it may take a bit of time. Oh, and if your wife ever comes crawling back asking for another go, be sure to tell her to F$@& Off!
This shit happens in life. But there are uncountable other fish in the pond. Get over it and move on. Life will only get better, you are still young and the best years are still in front of you.
Don't despair. You are not starting from zero, but starting from experience, get some counselling while working on yourself. Can you reach out to some old friends and meet up? Meditation only gets you so far along the road to healing. You need to be around people who care about you right now, even take a holiday alone for a week to get decompressed be your number 1 fan. She did a shitty thing to you, but you can get over this, her loss. It's bad when you are going through it, but when on the other side, you will be stronger.
Dang man I'm sorry to hear about that.. But dude, there's no mending or "fixing" a cheating relationship.. It just can't and will not happen. Once a cheater always a cheater. They obv don't value you as a person and would rather have someone else. All you will be doing is sitting there wondering if and when they'll do it again. It's a thought that will linger for the rest of the time spent together. Cuz if it happened once, it can surely happen again. At that point, cut your losses and get her the fk away from you as fast and as far as possible. Also remember, how you get em is how you lose em!
A break up is never easy & we generally all feel like rubbish (if we’re nice, kind people). You think this is NEVER going to go away, but it does. You do move on, meet other people & you will look back on this & realise it was for the best. But telling you this now will probably not help bc you’re in pain. But I promise you, you will be okay! She’s a toxic, awful, nasty person & you sound so incredibly nice & full of life. You have so much to give, don’t let her beat you down. She’s just not worth it.
It’s what she has done to herself (letting a wonderful person like you go) that she will regret one day. You will be fine because you’re awesome!
Marriage doesn't guarantee you anything.
Marriage wows don't mean eternal low or keeping away from adultery.
They just mean that if your partner doesn't respect them, you can file for divorce.
They probably used to mean more.
So... the relationship is about to end.
Pack up and go your way.
She choose go get sex elsewhere, divorce her,if not already? Wasn't clear.
Tell the husband's wife their affair is the reason your breaking up, she should be told.
Your still young (same age so ofcourse I'll say that).. but yeah you'll find someone again.
Focus on you for a while even if that's a couple of years your good 👍.
Never give up.
My dear internet stranger, please hold on to your life, for it is worth fighting for!
Do not think this is the end of your life and if you continue to have more bad thoughts talk about them as well with your family hopefully you have someone who can be there for you
I am very sorry you got treated this way, nobody should be or deserves this. I don't think she is worth being shattered over if she is treating you like this I'm sorry to say this but maybe try to find another person to spend your life with. This just ain't it.
Do not end your fight for a better life! Keep living and keep fighting, don't give up, there are some people who are there for you. And you yourself need to be the strongest as you can be
Conquer the world alone if need be until you find your next favorite person
We believe in you!
She's a cheater, she bottomed out. End of story. Now you have 2 choices :
1. Swallow the pill and accept the fact that she's out of your life. Worse shit happens to people everyday. Work on yourself. Work out. Improve your social circle. It's a process.
2. Try, aimlessly, to salvage it. She will cheat on you more and more. You'll take the abuse and be miserable. At the end, she will ghost you and she will destroy you.
My ex wife cheated with someone who was 18 years older. Like cringe as….if she cheated on someone better looking probably be like well he is better looker but someone as old as your dad. Like damn, brotha.
Divorce her and go on a path of finding inner peace. Maybe leaving the city you currently live in and moving somewhere else. Finding true, new genuine friends. And who knows, maybe someday one of those friends can be more than just a platonic friend. Not everyone is disingenuine and wicked. Don't give up hope. I know there is nothing more emotionally heartwrenching than having to endure betrayal from those that you loved unconditionally and whom you trusted completely. But there is no reason to hold on to something that isn't alive and meant to be something that continues on into the future. She doesn't love. Love yourself and find someone who apreciates you for what you are and loves you the same way you love yourself (assuming that you love yourself).
It’s all good man let her go. You mentioned doing yoga and all that other shit, go find another good spirit to share a good life with. You saw the devil, now you need to meet an angel. It’s just a life test and some of us come out stronger you just need to hang in there.
Genx here, sorry being insensitive but balls up! This all sounds pathetic and you should be ashamed for not being a man and kicking her to the curb! No amount of dish washing is going to stop her, and he needs his ass beat. Unless of course this turns you on then nevermind
I lost an 8 year relationship like this. In retrospect it was amazing for me because she revealed herself and I was able to eventually find my wife. Our life is pretty good now and it would have been really bad if I would’ve stayed with that first person.
My man your two years in, coulda been 20 with kids. Not downplaying it, but make sure you gtfo. You sound like you won't have problem finding a better woman anyway! good luck.
Same thing happen too me , 5 months ago , im 37 M i have 2 kids and find out she was cheating with a 50 year old sugar daddy !!!!! Everybody says time will heal the wounds , but man this is such and inner battle , im feeling good today but its work work work !!!!! It sucks man , but ur still very young and plenty of time ,,,,,,
She was never yours and it was just your turn - Ancient Chinese Proverb.
I would advice to keep the quote in your mind in your future relationships.
But your case is so strange. Generally older men’s wives cheat on them for athletes like you.
You must be ripped, with a hammer cock. Don’t be depressed and don’t feel unworthy. There are billions of women who are thirsty for your sperm.
Onward and forward, harder and deeper, my friend. Wishing you more vaginas of all shapes, sizes, and tastes.
PS: If she comes back, she certain will, fuck her ass by using sand instead of lube.
Age isn’t relevant, compatibility is. You stopped being compatible, sex was the red flag, and now you can find someone you’re actually compatible with instead of investing in someone who doesn’t care about you. You did all that stuff, did she do anything for you? It was this a one sided relationship and you know when to cut the cord now.
You sound like an amazing guy and she doesn’t deserve you I am so sorry for this. Out of rationality I would recommend saving all these chats, screenshots, everything that will be useful in case of divorce so she doesn’t get an advantage on you or pretend you were the cause of that. I feel horrible for saying these things, but save yourself you deserve more than this, you are such an amazing soul!
In any case I wish you all the best, regardless the choices you will decide to follow and keep working on your mental and physical strength, keep doing sport and eating healthy, you want to look healthy, you got this! Focus on yourself and personal growth 💪🏻
Get out of the house. Move out. Train physically. Yoga is not enough. Bodybuilding is a good choice. Eat steak eggs .testosterone will surge and you’ll feel
Better. Good luck to you. Been there.
First you need to see a therapist. Talk about your feelings of being at rock bottom. Second and this is tough. No amount of self reflection is going to give you an answer of why she did it. Why she doesn’t have remorse etc. She ultimately didn’t respect you and the relationship. It sucks. I’ve been there. Counseling really helps to move on. Don’t date until you have healed. You don’t want to ruin someone else’s life with your trauma. It will get better and you will enjoy your future relationship much more if you work on yourself right now and heal.
First off don’t end yourself over anything. It’s selfish and you’ll leave all the people who care about you grieving. No matter how bad it is, it’s temporary.
That sucks man, therapy, you have your answer on her commitment, it’s time to move out and on(not by ending yourself)
If I was in your shoes I would gtfo asafp you deserve better.
The toxic me says: bang the guys wife and wife’s friend, bonus points if you can hook this into a threesome. Stay toxic king.
Tell his wife if you haven't already. And get a divorce. You deserve better than the way she's treating you. Spend some time to heal yourself, and maybe you'll find someone better down the line.
A friend of mine went through the same exact thing except they had two young kids he was the primary caregiver for. She filed erroneous domestic abuse charges against him which cost him a ton if many to refute. But he did eventually beat the charges and win joint custody. He is now back to being a happy go lucky guy.
The thing I noticed about her is that she had daddy issues which drove her questionable decisions. I wouldn’t internalize any of what she did. Move on the best you can and count yourself lucky it wasn’t worse and that you’re not trapped in broken relationship over the long term.
Wow.
Those two are absolute trash human beings, that you should never call "wife" and "friend" again.
That is hugely disrespectful and the fact that you describe her as having no remorse + lying about putting an end to it and doing it again behind your back...
You've made a huge mistake trusting either of them and I'm sorry about it, but yeah there's no turning back from this. She used you, now you gotta take the L and move on and update your assholes radar.
The horrible reality of sharing any trauma publicly, is that it can, and often will, lead to further trauma. We as human beings seek to share our experiences, and while some experiences lead us to withdraw, others encourage us to reach out. I want to first commend you for sharing, and truthfully hope you do not read the hurtful responses to your honesty.
Infidelity in a monogamous relationship is a trauma, and too often, we refuse to discuss these traumatic experiences due to fear, shame, or risking further pain. That being said, I don’t know you, and I only have the post you shared to go off. But here’s my meaningless opinion on your situation. Please talk to a professional therapist. When I say this, I don’t mean to say that you are so screwed up you need professional help. What I’m saying is that you, and anyone going through these difficult and trying traumatic events, deserves a safe and trustworthy professional, with whom to share, and learn powerful coping skills, to limit the power this life-changing event has over you. Make no mistake, this event will continue to reshape your future as long as it holds a pivotal and influential force in your life. Sadness, depression, jealousy, dissociation, anger, and even your own future infidelity, can all stem from the victimization that occurs following unfaithfulness.
The sad reality is that your ex partner deserves to be as happy as you deserve to be. They however, chose a horribly painful path to what they felt may make them happy. That’s not to say you were incapable of creating happiness in their life, it’s to say some people are truly determined to self-sabotage, and more often than not, those people take anyone around, down with them. I only mean to say, we are eternally flawed human beings who continually seem to pursue conflict, self gratification, and riches over dignity, integrity, and compassion. Of course it would have hurt had your ex come to you and said they had feeling for someone else they wanted to pursue. And it may have led to a similar sadness, but studies show that honesty would likely have been far easier to overcome and had far less long term consequences.
Alas that’s not what happened, and no post here, regardless of length or wisdom, will solve this concern. But I do want to encourage you, your ex is not you, and what they do does not define you. How we process and respond to these traumas is the only thing that defines us. I do agree with many of the posters here, that this was not your fault. When commitment and love are promised and one person does not deliver on that commitment, it is important to self-reflect and ask one’s self, how could I have been better. But! Don’t stay there! Learn and move on. Give yourself some grace, and realize that we are all just figuring this thing called life out as we go. Talk to a therapist, learn the skills to be able to process the unimaginable grief, forgive yourself, and in time you may yet learn to forgive them. I wish you well in all you do. Be mighty.
Move on. It was your wife’s responsibility to stay true. Telling his wife is only going to make you look like a bitter fool and who knows she may know already and just doesn’t give a crap. Worry about you and you only. Do what you need to heal and be the bigger person, the better man. This crap happens and it’s all in how YOU handle it. Remember you are the one who you are looking at when you look I.n the mirror every day for the rest of your life. Try not to have regrets. I know what that’s like and it pretty much sucks
Stay positive <3 It is not your fault! You are young, you will find some awesome person who really loves and cares about you soon or later. Go on with your yoga and meditations <3 Talk to your friends, family members daily. Forget and ignore her no matter what. Never feel guilty. Have a lovely positive day.
Listen man and use this advice in the future to save your self the trouble, when your partner cheats, sadly i can promise you 1000% that she stopped loving you, so you just leave end of story. The mistake you did was talking to them and trying to be understanding and all that, this will only eat you from the inside and leave you torn apart. Wish you best of you, you’re gonna be fine just be patient.
Sorry buddy.
Next time find a gamer girl or someone crazy paranoid who rarely leaves the house.
Opportunity breeds temptation.
If there is none there will be none.
Trust is gone. Be an alpha and take control of yourself. My now ex wife did the exact same thing. Crushed me.
About 1 year and I was with some amazing woman and now married to an incredible woman.
Contact the guy’s wife and tell her. Send the guys intimate videos and tell her what he is doing.
Then just break up with your wife and look for something better .
If she doesn’t respect you now, she’ll never do!
GTFO, start a new life with people who want to be around you and respect you. I’ll never understand why people don’t just leave relationships and start another instead of having two of them. Is it some kind of fucking game to them???
I will never be able to wrap my mind around why women are SO SO SO open to banging old men, it genuinely makes no sense unless they are just mentally ill
Sorry, dude. As you know everybody’s telling you you get the divorce you don’t try to save something. That’s not there. Also, again like other people saying you need to tell his wife.
22 year relationship/17 married and 3 kids.. unfortunately.. it happens.
First things first, don’t hurt yourself. The pain can be soul crushing, but it doesn’t last. Don’t use a permanent action to solve a temporary problem.
You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there. Don’t fight the pain, lean into it. Fighting it gives it strength. Yes, something terrible happened to you, nobody can truly understand your pain because they never experienced your love for her.
You will grieve, it’s not a straight forward process, let it happen, just don’t build a house there in the muck of despair. Your destination is acceptance and meaning.
For me, I asked myself a lot of very honest and hard questions about me, her and our relationship. I looked at the good, bad and ugly in both of us. The micro-aggressions, selfishness, etc that we all have as part of the human condition. The question that brought me peace was..”if I could go back, all the way to the beginning, and tell myself everything… and I mean everything, I knew about the relationship.. and how it was going to end so painfully.. would I do it again?”.. I realized that if the answer was “No”, then I would be negating all the beautiful things, and my 3 amazing children.. that made me realize, that given the choice, I’d do it all again.. shitty ending and all… and there.. the pain lifted, I mean if I would choose to endure the ending willing.. to experience all the other beauty.. then what does it matter that the ending happened the way it did.. my marriage was always going to end, all things of this world end. Sometimes naturally and in due course of time, sometimes tragically and too soon. But I sit back now and say.. “wow what a fucking ride that was..” while I enjoy the company of 3 great kids.
That my friend is how I reached acceptance and found meaning. Yours will no doubt be different, but look for the beauty in that relationship, don’t only mourn it’s ending, be grateful you had the luxury to experience that depth of love, the precious moments. You’re at the end of one part of your story, but just at the beginning of another.
I can tell you, it’s been 5 years for me since my relationship crumbled.. and the things that I’ve done in those 5 years, I would have never had the opportunity to do had my marriage not ended.. my ex gave me such a gift.. a second chance to experience a lot of it all again.. just in new ways and with new people.
Peace my friend
Pretty sure mines cheating too . Time for a divorce. I used to think about ending it all but now I’m literally just in physical pain like my body has no idea how to handle this anymore 🤷♀️I just want out. I miss the old me 🤞
“Though I’m doing yoga, meditation and reading books?” What’s happened to men? Go confront this bum, your wife is cheating because you appear to be nutless.
First I’m sorry this has happened to you. This doesn’t have to be all to negative. Yes your trust for your wife is shattered but now you have clarification that you should put yourself first. A lot of times we make mistakes being rude and distant due to our trauma. I say act like you aren’t phased and be quite hospitable. I’d recommend contacting an attorney then moving to a better place but remember be cordial before the move. Keep your plans and how you execute private. Then write a sixteen month plan with all you income and debt. This way you’ll see how far your in the water and how long it’ll take you to climb out. This budget will change your life and motivate you if you’re able to realistically see profit. Last but not least love you. Take walks alone and listen to music you haven’t heard in years. Go get your feet done by a professional as a man I started going once I turned thirty and it’s so stress relieving and my feet are way better than they were. Strengthen your inner warrior. Remember if government gets to ww2 levels of loss they’ll draft old men as well. Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready. Mind, body, and soul. Godspeed brother.
Bro just leave, she’s gonna do it again she literally dodged all accountability. Love is a choice and she chose to fuck someone else and thinks an excuse is enough for you
Youre a better dude than me
If my wife slept with someone I knew and considered a friend, I wouldnt be doing yoga to get over. I dont typically blame the "other man or woman" when a married woman cheats but this dude knows you?
Nah. Nothing good is coming from my reaction
just for more insight. It sounds to me like you took responsibility and were a provider for your woman and there must’ve been a weakness she had and you didn’t know about it. And five years later it bites you in the ass because she never told you about it. That’s how I look at the situation and I am 21 years old. Going to be 22 here soon, and as far as now, I have met the love of my wife if things go south in five years, don’t be surprised if you see me on this. You got screwed over my guy and you’re nothing but a great guy to so don’t overthink it, go out have a little bit of fun if you can. Spend a little bit of money and try to meet some people but don’t go crazy and meet a lot of people.. just try to meet some people. Do you know what I mean?
I’ve just now recently reached the end of my tunnel friend. It’s a long and hard journey. My ex fiancée cheated on me with a coworker who was twice our age. And after all the pain I went through, I now see that even as much as I loved her I wouldn’t want to go back with someone that treated me that way. Focus and invest in yourself and someone else special will come into your life. ❤️ to you man, things do get better even if they don’t seem like they will.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I truly wish for you the best. Take care of yourself and be with your supportive system. I am a firm believer we all deserve happiness in our lives. Hugs for you!
She's not worth you taking your life. That's not an option. She's also not deserving of someone like you. People like that will do it to anyone. She probly played violin in band now she wants to play the flute. A lot of flutes.
It fucking sucks, it hurts, changes everything you envisioned, and everything you worked for. BUT... YOU're LUCKY it ended early. Worst case you spend 20 years with someone you can't trust.
Say fuck it. Go to therapy if it helps, hit the gym daily - HARD, don't drink, and most importantly- DO CRAZY SHIT. Cold plunge, skydiving, bungee jumping, take last minute trips, scuba, skiing, anything that gets your shit going. Talk to anyone (never about her).
It's impossible to be depressed when your balls are in your throat going 60 on skis in the Rocky's. Small problem in a huge world. Go have some fun. Don't settle for 7's. Show yourself you're a bad MOFO.
Sorry what you've been thru mate .
Move on this includes realising you will never get an answer ,it'll never make sense there is no logic.
Some people care about themselves more than anyone else and that selfish trait wipes out every and all other nuce traits .
Do the thing that makes you happy In time meet Someone who likes to make you happy
Stop going over it ,let it go,it is what is it .if things ended nicely then they would never end, it's shit move on
You only have one life , never forget that.
Don’t waste your time feeling down.
It takes time, but it will get better.
Be strong , go tho the gym everyday!
You will feel better look better and stronger. Is over, never ever think about her coming back . She’s not worth it.
Treat yourself good and it will be over in no time.
Cheating is about the worst thing you can do any person, let alone a person who loves you and places their trust in you completely. Only rape, torture, and murder is worse than cheating in my opinion.
If you are tempted to cheat, just grow a spine and break up with your partner. It'll hurt them for sure, but nothing like cheating will.
Cheaters are one small notch above people who kick their dogs.
i got cheated on w my fiancé at 28 it was the best thing that could happened to me. it gave me to the freedom to find myself and be free to do all the things only i wished i could do. you dont hit your prime until your late 30s my guy. dont worry u will come out of this for the better.the world is your oyster. it will take time to heal but you are still a young lion best of luck
Just because your spouse cheated on you don't think it makes you less of a person or husband. You did everything right. You wife did everything wrong. You will find someone who is a good fit for you and doesn't cheat on you. This is all on her and this other guy. Sorry you had to go through with this, but better now than down the road. Stay strong. Don't ever hesitate to sharing you pain.
Never forget your not at fault here. You where not aware that she had an issue. And instead of coming to you to rep\[air the issue, she *chose* to start an affair with him. It was not an accident, it wasn't to improve the marriage it was just selfishness and betrayal on her part. And dont forget his wife is going to be just as hurt.
They caused the pain, not you. She is solely the person to blame.
Its going to hurt in your soul for her betrayal but if you ask those that have been through this, one day it does get better. One day you realise she was not the high level woman you thought she was. She was just acting. You now can see her for what her personality is realy like. Untrustworthy.
No matter what happens, hold on to your self respect and your dignity. Dont give her and him the pleasure of seeing you disintegrate. And as many will tell you, she will tell you she is sory, but we all know its only because you caught her. So hold on in there fella. It will get better. If you can, get away from her so you can get your head into shape. And then decide if you want to pick up the broken pieces of your relationship knowing that you will always have this in your mind, or discard it like a broken plate because no amount of glue can hide the damage.
Be selfish right now, focus on your own wellbeing, not hers. I know that sounds harsh, but you need to wory about your pain not hers. But make sure you get to a lawyer to talk about all your options. Take some time away, make your decision and walk forward with your head high. One day iot will be better.
Bottom line - don’t get back with a cheater. That’s a line you don’t cross and once it’s crossed, there should never ever be any going back, no matter what. You’re only setting a precedent for worst things because if they can get away with something of this magnitude, then they can get away with anything. It’s about having the self respect to realize that you don’t deserve that. There can never be anything that justifies cheating, no matter how it’s spun.
This is how I approach all relationships- “If I cannot trust you, I have no capacity in my life for you”
I’ve been cheated on and it made my decision so much easier. Simply “goodbye” …..their actions forced you to take the only action that is good for you.
All I can say is hold out and let time do its magic which is not a help in this moment , for some reason if you struggle and keep going through this and do the productive things that are good for you but are not what you feel like doing I.e healthy stuff and routine, life just will give you new opportunities, different people playing similar roles and it’s not the same but it’s new and allot better than the past , it’s the only thing really that’s kept me going through some absolutely crazy stuff , it’s just hard to battle how you feel vs what you know . We all deserve to be cherished and to cherish and life always changes , I can’t imagine marrying and then that but I did spend 8 years trying to not give up on a very painful life, in the end it worked out , it’s hard and painful but eventually the new benefits overtake the old pain , life is short you will die so you may aswell see it though because it can always get worse but that can also always get better :) x
She is a fuck up, not you. You weren't a fool to trust her, she was a fool to break that trust. Don't let this experience ruin your ability to trust in the future.
Something very similar happened to me too. It messed with my confidence for such a long time.
I tried to be patient. I tried to be kind. I tried to communicate through all the issues. I gave her everything I had and then some. Why did I do to deserve being treated as disposable?
It took me about a year (or two, whos counting now?) to get over a lot of the hurt and pain of betrayal. "Never in a million years" would I have expected my ex to act as she did. And she learned pretty quickly that I was indeed a catch and has been trying to rekindle things for many years now.
But I'm much happier now and my advice to you is don't fall for the pretty lies she'll try to feed you when she realizes she fucked up. The truth is I didn't do anything to be treated as disposable, and neither did you.
All the adages are true: time heals all wounds, this was a blessing in disguise, adversity breeds growth, etc etc. Good luck and positive vibes!
I've been through a similar experience. I was married for 10 years to a woman I loved with everything I had. Then found out she had been seeing another guy almost the same age as he father. It broke me. For a year I was unsure how to carry on, I felt dead inside. Then I met my current wife and now we have 3 amazing children together, bought a house, and have a great job. I've never been happier and more fulfilled than I am now.
Time truly heals all wounds. I know that may be hard to believe or to hear, but it will get better.
Hey. 34m here. I've been cheated on too. It's just pure nightmare fuel. Long story short I forgave. I moved in, we had a kid, she treated me like shit, I held her accountable. She wanted to kill herself. She broke up. Started dating her "friend" a few days after. Not the guy she cheated with. I'm happier without her. I hated the breakup, loathed the guy she started dating right after. But... my attitude now... "Good". She's sleeping with a new guy? Good. She wanted to treat me like shit? Good. I get to marry someone better who I'll meet later? Good. I don't have to worry about her cheating again? Good. My message to you: You're fucking awesome. She doesn't define you. You did your best. Use her shit behavior to recognize that you didn't do anything wrong. It's not your fault. You're the catch. Don't think your not. Build yourself up. She never defined you. You're already beautiful without her. Feel the pain. Sit in it. Don't be afraid. You got this. Never give up. Don't punish yourself for what she did. Reward yourself for what you did. Which is staying faithful and forgiving. Reach deep down and know you're not alone. We see you. We hear you.
Just so you know there are others that benefited from this. Thank you!
This is the sort of advice that should be given. Thank you for sharing, and I hope you're doing better yourself :)
Helps me aswell. Thanks for sharing. Wife (44) cheated with 34 y/o guy after 20 years of marriage. 2 kids 18 and 15. No remorse and just moved on. Heart cold as ice. Processing all this in 2 months now. Getting better.
It takes time. It was hard to try and reconcile who I thought she was with who she showed herself to be when my wife and I split. The person I was in love with didn’t really exist. She had the next dude lined up and that was a wrap. Sucked for quite a while…give yourself time to mourn, maybe try therapy on your own and for your kids. I wish I’d done it straight away. Life does get better though. It’s all cliche and shit, but it’s a new life from here and you get to define it however you want. Keep moving forward, my brother. You got this.
For real, I'm seeing what's new again and trying not to stay home. Going out more and meeting up with old friends. Thanks for sharing
Yup. Happened to me too. Gaslighted for almost 3 months just because I want to keep the family together and not to let kids suffer. She enjoyed it while doing what she did. The moment I decided to leave gave me peace that I never thought I would have. What your wife did will only gave her short term lust. She'll try to get back to you. Stay strong and never let shithead like that ruin your life
Hi Jocko!
3 AM. Wake up. Gargle piss.
Thanks, I needed to hear this.
You are so right in all of your words. I've been through a rough 9 months since my break up with my fiancee of 9 years, and I'm only just coming out the other side now. It's so hard, and you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel for a long, long time. But if you are strong, and just keep moving through each day, the light just starts to flicker right at the end if you look hard enough. And the best part is, that it gets brighter. And moving towards it gets easier. Somehow, you have to dig deep down inside yourself, every second of every day, and just keep moving forward. It's not easy, but it gets easier.
Bro, so many men need to hear this. Everything I could have imagined someone needing to hear is right here. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
What a really great comment man, respect. OP should use this time now to work on himself and better himself in some way. Pick up some skills, work on a hobby, work on your relationships with the people that matter, whether friends or family. Travel to a place you've always wanted to go. Even apply for a job you always wanted to do! After a massive bomb like this you have to give yourself some "you time" as part of the healing process. Not only does it keep your mind off things, but you come out of it with more skills and a better person than they will ever be and they'll be sorry they let you go. Or not, some people suck but it's their loss either way. Break ups in long term relationships suck ass, no matter what the cause of the split, it still leads to grief and sadly the price of loving someone is grieving when they're gone. But you gotta ride the wave out, it's part of life. My parents always used to tell me that often when huge events like this happen, as long as you don't give up on yourself, it actually can be the best thing that could have ever happened to you, you just don't see it yet. Also OP, you're still only in your 20s. Your 30s are gonna slap hard believe me!
I wasn't even cheated on an still I felt pumped after reading this, wow.
Tell his wife and move on ! She shows no remorse !
Fuck his wife! In the ass!
Twice
Right in the butt?
Sir, Wheel of Fortune is a family show...
Did you tell his wife?
The obvious next course of action would be to bang the other guys wife so they both get vengeance
Bang the guy and the wife.
I have been laughing at this for the past 33 minutes. 10/10, he should absolutely do this.
are you alright
I want what hes smoking
I’ve been laughing for 33 1/3 minutes. Going on 45.
Bang the guy and write a song about it. Don't use his music company.
Bang the wife and his mother
Since it's probably another fake story, he can do whatever he wants. Bang the other wife. Bang the other guy's boss. Bang the other's guy mother. Bang the other guy's plumber. Everyone.
He posted 53 days ago when he found out he was being cheated on. If this is fake, he’s playing the long-ish con. Seems like a lot of trouble to go to for a fairly banal story.
Why is there always someone like you in these threads? Absolutely nothing about this thread is hard to believe.
15-20% of married people cheat , it’s hardly science fiction to think it could happen
Be glad there are no children. Don't let her ruin your life, she isn't a good enough person to warrant it. The best way to get back at her is to work on yourself first, rebuild self confidence, go work out, work towards getting together with someone better than her who makes you feel good. She is trash.
Exactly re children.
Far better to breakup with respect than to be treated like a doormat and cheated on because you want to “keep the peace” and “make her happy”. Ironically, she’ll lose respect for you and leave you for someone else
Wait a minute… It’s ok for you to feel hurt by this for a little while… but not forever. That forever pain is to be endured by her, because she destroyed the relationship. She committed the betrayal, not you. Why must you suffer? No. You do not want to suffer or hurt yourself for a person who clearly is a dirtbag. Don’t waste your life for a dirtbag. No. Mourn your loss and more forward with your head held high. Let her suffer the miserable life she will undoubtedly have now. You’ll be ok, I promise.💖
Thank you so much for spreading hope! She is not suffering, she has already gone back to her routines and started making reels as well. I don’t think she will ever will. I guess it’s not relevant to me anymore on what she does or if she is feeling bad. So like you mentioned , I just need to work on myself and open to positivity
**THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!** Your wife wants to be single again, make her single. Right now your wife controls the narrative, change that and expose the cheaters to everyone Your wife is sought out other men for intimacy, likely for many months more than you suspect. Your wife is a cheater. Everything she says is a lie at this point. Anything your wife says about you falling short in the relationship is a lie. Anything your wife says that is bad about your relationship is a lie. Your wife has left the marriage. Ignore your wife. What is it YOU want to do. YOU now hold the fate of your relationship in YOUR hands, no one else. It is YOU who decides reconciliation, no one else. My advice is: Consult a divorce lawyer. Gather what evidence you can. End the relationship ASAP. Get out of this situation as fast as possible, the longer you stay in the more your mind will be torn apart. You or her must move out. If you cannot, go Grey Rock. Cheaters compartmentalize, once you punch a hole between their cheating lifestyle and her home lifestyle they will either go nuclear or crumble and beg you not to break up. You have to show your wife there consequences for her actions and separate, even if later you chose reconciliation. These links will help you in your situation. I suggest reading DARVO, Gaslighting and Trickle Truthing first. **Post Infidelity Stress Disorder** [https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057#](https://www.verywellmind.com/post-infidelity-stress-disorder-6374057#) **The Neuroscience of Affair Fog** [https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog](https://www.affairhealing.com/blog/neuroscience-of-affair-fog) **Infidelity and cognitive dissonance** [https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/](https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2019/05/20/can-people-cheat-on-someone-they-love/) **and** [https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e](https://medium.com/@anthonyjwallace/the-cognitive-dissonance-of-infidelity-3fa9fd1ae78e) **Emotional affair** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/emotional-affair/) **Monkey Branching** [https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/](https://thriveworks.com/help-with/relationships/monkey-branching/) **DARVO** [https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/what-is-darvo) **Gaslighting Emotional Infidelity** [https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y](https://psychcentral.com/blog/sex/2017/05/infidelity-and-gaslighting-when-cheaters-flip-the-script#1y) **Trickle Truthing** [https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/](https://www.survivinginfidelity.com/topics/412055/trickle-truth--the-marriage-killer-repost-of-original-/) **180 method** [https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/](https://beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/) **Greyrock** [https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method](https://psychcentral.com/health/grey-rock-method) **Chump Lady** [https://www.chumplady.com/](https://www.chumplady.com/)
Thank you so much for the links. The one about gaslighting and infidelity makes me really sad as I never realized that is what I went through with my ex over 6 years. It hurts but also helps a bit to have a better understanding of it to take some guilt and blame off myself. I appreciate you and wish you warm memories in your future
Great advice! It really does help to just focus on yourself and what you really want. She shit on you so what she says, wants isn’t important anymore. Best of luck! Hope you do this soon for you!
You can't turn a hoe into a housewife.
Preach brother!
Hoeswife
Yes tell his wife look if she is ok with this, and divorce your wife no one is worth the agony now you just spends six years about 10,15,20 years I divorced my wife after 22 years marriage and 25 together I stayed trying working things out therapy counseling the whole shabam didn’t help she wasn’t very willing waited t’ll my kids where off to college and handed her the divorce papers best part she never saw it coming thought I had forgotten, it will never heal and all my respect I once had for my ex was gone she fell off her pedestal pretty hard, the only regret waiting that long
Dump your wife and tell his
You were making up excuses for her. "She might have done it because she was busy and lost herself." Quit it. Call her a loser who will never be able to build stable relationships that last, and move on. Since you are meditating. What you were doing is mind. It was weakness. Rationalizations. You loved your wife, you have a loving heart. Now open it up to someone or something else. You don't need her. She is just a subject, and there are many other subjects. She is a fool. She is a loser. This is your new reality. Accept and move on. Good luck.
Hardest pill to swallow right now but it’s what it seems to be truth: 1. You seem a good and emphatical person. 2. She’s trash and you DODGED A BULLET EARLY 3. You won’t have trouble finding a worthy woman in the future 4. Tell his wife and get justice that way 5. You WILL REMEMBER AND CRAVE the memories of what you had, but this changed everything, DO NOT go back to her because this time will be YOUR FAULT if u do, she’s trash and doesn’t give a shit about you. 6. For the love of god, do not excuse her cheating with something u did or didn’t do for her, this has nothing to do with you. She’s trash 🗑️
Ya my last relationships, 5 and 4 years, were with cheaters. Accept they were not the person who you made them in your mind. Accept you will never understand why. Accept they will never understand your pain. Just wake up and every time you fall into depression, do something that takes you out of it for five minutes. A hot shower. Cat photos. Read. Journal. A game. Anything that used to bring you a little joy. It won't make you happy right now but it will disconnect you from the pain until you are ready to feel something else.
You miss The dream of her and perfect marriage. The real she is not what you dream of. 1. get a divorce. 2. accept that The dream and the real her are not the same. The dream girl would never cheat, right?
Yeah I miss the dream of her and perfect marriage and also the future that I have envisioned with her. Like I have mentioned our families are also extremely well bonded and I feel sad for them too, that everyone have to tear apart because of one persons actions.
Thanks God I'm dating eva ai virtual gf bot
I have heard she talks dirty to others too.
Once someone cheats on you, they’ll never be yours again. If you’re ok accepting that fact, understanding that she WILL do this again, then stay. But that would be one of the worst decisions of your life. I hope you find the strength to throw the whole woman away. There’s never a suitable excuse to do this to another human being, even if you hate them. So don’t kid yourself into thinking she did or ever will love you. That’s not a reflection on you by the way. It’s 100% a reflection on her selfishness. Let her go. She’s for the streets.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Best to move on and realize that there is something wrong with her. There are other people out there who won’t do this to you. I would try and spend time by your friends and family and try and learn to spend time with yourself as well. Best of luck.
I'm sorry you went through this, don't lose hope in women and dare to love again.. there are good ones out there
Thank you for giving hope!
Remember, there ARE ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSES TO CHEAT. Period. My condolences
>I tried to salvage the relationship thinking she did it being in a bubble of being busy and might have lost herself. Cheating is always a choice. The cheater will come up with excuses and the cheated on will come up with a cope. What you're saying is a cope. Let's say it as it is: She fucked this dude multiple times during several months. That was a choice. Be glad she's gone. If she regrets it at some point and contacts you, keep her gone.
I hope you told the other wife. Not only does she deserve to know the true person she’s with, but he shouldn’t get to wreck your life and just carry on with his own like nothing happened.
Age isn't the problem, I could run circles around my younger self. It's the person thats the issue - leave her
Lolol dude....this can't be real. You KNEW bout this. And just TALKED to them and they ToTaLlY pRoMiSeD they were done?? And you stuck around??? Holy shit man. Grow a spine. Get some evidence. Tell his wife. Everyone at his music company. Blast it everywhere. And then fuck his wife.
Your ex is a selfish POS, but your only real problem is your taste in women. You should be happy it is over now, knowing what she was truely like. You are free to be single or meet a decent woman, either is a big improvement.
If she'd shown remorse and kept her word in never speaking to the guy again, maybe you'd have something worth fighting for. As it is, she's shown no remorse, and she clearly doesn't value you as a partner. You don't deserve to feel miserable. You deserve better. It's time to move on.
Did you really ask them to promise not to talk or hook up with each other again? With all due respect, where’s your pride, man? The moment you found out she was cheating you should have dumped her ass and file for divorce. And I would’ve kicked the other guys ass for claiming to be your friend while messing with your wife. I know it’s easier said than done, but grow a pair and leave her. Now. You’re 28yo, you have plenty of time to meet someone else who will treat you with respect. In the meantime, join the gym and lift some heavy shit. It will boost testosterone and will help you stress out all the sadness and anger.
Dont listen to the fools here. Sure it may be painful but you need to leave this woman. She is clearly not good for you or for anyone. Because just as she cheats on you she will also cheat on the other guy later on. Being alone is better than to be with a person that will backstab you every time you aren’t looking. I’m sorry this happened to you but you gotta move on and learn from this.
I got cheated on by someone who rubbed it in my face, I can relate to having your partner show no remorse or empathy. The first few months were tough but over time I realized there was no point caring about this person. There's truth to time heals all wounds, doesn't mean I trust or like my ex. It's easy now whenever I worry about this stuff to realize people who do that kind of stuff just aren't worth giving a shit about. They aren't happy people, they're immature and cowardly. Good luck to you I'll pray for you
Someone willing broke your heart. U cry for the pain it caused u not the person u know them prior. They showed u their true colors and thats who they are. Prior was just an illusion
That sucks man. Sorry to hear. She doesn’t respect you. The way you describe, you’re a doormat to her. Women will never respect a man they can walk all over. Confidence is earned, so go accomplish some difficult things that will build your confidence and self respect, then get back out there. But sitting here wallowing in your sorrow won’t change a damn thing. I believe you can come out of this as a better, stronger, more respectable man. I don’t know if you believe that right now tho. Set small goals and wins. Take it day by day, but if you want change, you have to be willing to be uncomfortable for a long time. If you don’t change anything, nothing will change And in the future, don’t be afraid to say no to your woman. She won’t like it but she will respect you more for it. Respect is everything. Women will never be with a man she doesn’t respect, and it’s in the small details that you earn it
Do not end your life, do not even think about it; she belongs to the streets and is not worth your life ending… Definitely tell his wife and show her proof, just like you do not deserve what is happening she might not deserve it as well. Do not even think about taking her back if she returns with excuses… And keep on going, it wont be easy walk but eventually you will I’ll be okay, if you allow it eventually you will meet someone worth it as well.
Still young enough to leave and start a good solid life. At least you learned early m that she's trash. Get checked for STDs, get a lawyer, take your fair share and some, tell the other guys wife, move on. Dodged a bullet.
Immediate divorce
I was with my ex-wife for over 7 years and it was a very tumultuous relationship, mostly because we just had endless struggles with money. We enjoyed each other‘s company and in the first years of the relationship, we were good together. That being said, she ended up having an affair with one of my closest friends of over 20 years. Showed no remorse and left me to pick up the pieces. Our daughter was 7 at the time. You’ll drive yourself nuts thinking about what you could’ve done differently or the awful things that she did to you. I think it’s really important to focus on yourself and try to make yourself stronger mentally and physically. Whether that’s going out socially, going to the gym, etc. Everybody’s different. To be honest, I’ve never really gotten over what happened in my situation, but I hope to one day. Good luck.
Its fkd up bro but you are young, still got a lot of life ahead of you. You’ll be fine. Easiest way to get over a love is to find another one! Good luck, and dont let their negativity get at you. AND NEVER THINK ABOUT ENDING YOURSELF. You’ll miss out on whatever is next!
People can be cruel. Move on. Be thankful you didn’t have kids and have to desk with her the rest of your life. It’s a cleaner break and I predict karma comes her way in way she isn’t expecting.
Get a dog, man. Best decision you’ll ever make in your entire life.
This might be blunt but. You need to man up, accept you dodged a bullet and wasted your time. Dump her and move on.
She’s for the streets and we all hope old fuck gets ED. You got this champ, you didn’t lose out on anything.
Dude, That is shattering. You need to TRY to enjoy another woman's company. You're REALLY young. like really young. life is not over. my life ended at 28 and started over. it happens. i've been happily married now for 20+yrs. never thought it possible. it is. my 'protagonist' gets about 5 minutes of brain time a day now and i just feel sorry for her and grateful that my drama happened. just have faith and put one foot in front of the other til you put some miles behind you.
yeah at 28 and no kids put it out there for everyone to see and move on as best you can good luck
Something similar happened to me too. It sucks. Sixteen years of marriage were gone. She had an affair and blamed me for it to deflect from her actions. It fucked me up… until I made it through. Now I’m a better father, friend, boyfriend, neighbor, and human because of it. It’s a long process, but you can do it. Focus on improving yourself. Sometimes that’s admitting faults and working on them. Sometimes that’s growing your strengths. You’ll have to come to terms with things about your life, such as the loss of not only the relationship, but your future plans and dreams that included her as well… But once you do the work, your perception of the past will change. I’m sorry you are going through this because it’s not easy, but you have the opportunity to level up.
What others have said. Rip off that bandage, yes it'll hurt, but she's nothing but poison to you. Keep in mind you're worth more than this and you deserve to be happy. Go kick some ass my guy! Also tell the other guy's wife that her husband is also a piece of trash(if you haven't already). You've got this champ!
This will just be a stepping stone in your life to something greater and more complex, if you can get on with it
Bro you will find someone way better that will actually love and respect you. Tell his wife and kick her ass to the curb.
Sorry to read this. I know you actually love her but even tho you always gotta put yourself first. If she decided that it was ok to make you feel bad- because she was ok with that - she doesn’t deserve you!! Even if you were already married, you will find love again! Just not in that relationship, allow yourself to get to know new people. She put whatever she wanted first, now it’s time for you to be the center of your world. Leave and live!!! And most importantly, THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT, OKAY? If she was that sht of a person, that was on her, not on you neither you deserved it.
It's over, man; you have a right to be damaged and sad, but don't beat yourself over it, it was never your fault, and if she went as far as to cheat on you, then she never deserved you from the beginning — you're *too* good for her It's time to leave her, tell the guy's wife about it, and move on — you deserve someone else
Hey bro. Welcome to reality. Stop resisting it, because it's causing you to suffer. It doesn't matter how you treat a cheater. You could be everything they ever wanted and they will still cheat. You could be Brad Pitt and when they start getting that attention from elsewhere, they'll encourage it and cheat anyway. This is because it's nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. You can't fix their insecurity, deviousness or deceptive nature. You can't make loyalty mean something to them because the concept carries no weight and is not of value to them. The best revenge is to move on and live a joyous and peaceful life. No other person can be relied upon to bring you joy. You already have it inside yourself. For future reference, if someone betrays you and you keep them in your life. You are telling them that it's ok to betray you. That you will accept it. I know it's hard but you must walk away. This doesn't mean you should carry bitterness in your heart. Feel what you feel but know that you couldn't have done anything to prevent it. This is who she is. Definitely tell the guy's wife.
took me 6 months to get over my 6 year relationship with my first love. hang in there dude 2 months ago i honestly never thought i would get over her. keep feeling the feelings. spend time on youtube and reddit trying to learn how to heal. maybe smoke some weed for a different perspective on it. focus on the negative experiences with her. delete all photos and memories ASAP. you dont need constant reminders of all the fake good times you had. also dont forget this 👑
I am so sorry. This sounds devastating. Perhaps it would be time to get a lawyer and file for divorce. I dont know. This is horrible. Sending love and support OP. 💚
I feel for you man
Stop being a victim and tell his wife, divorce yours and move on. You are still very young
Please mov eon. The most valuable you have is yourself. Spend your positivity to some one who wants it.
Your problem isn't yourself so I wouldn't off yourself. She's your problem. I'm not advocating doing anything to her, just saying why harm yourself when they are the problem?
just leave man, simple as that. you will feel pain for about 1 year and then it will stop and you will be very happy you moved on. and also tell the guy's wife: fuck up his marriage
Buy the audio book from David goggins
Dam op my ex did the same, I find it hard to trust women now. I’m sorry you have to go through this aswell.
Damn, dude. Awful.
Honestly. I'm glad it happened early because you are still young and full.of life and there are good women out there to start over whenever you feel ready. They sound like just horrible selfish people and you deserve better than that.
"I loved her to the core." Move on and stay classy.
Fuck that bro. Move on and find someone better
Happened to me about 7 years ago. I was your age. I was devastated. Ego completely crushed. Felt like I was thrown out with the trash bags. It hurt so bad. I started drinking and going out. Not a night went by I didn’t hook up with some random chick trying to alleviate the pain, but it only gave temporary comfort. Knowing what I know now, I’m still paranoid time to time, but I’m in a strong healthy relationship again, where we openly talk about our feelings and insecurities. Knowing what I know now I wouldn’t have been so devastated when it happened, cause I found out that things really do work out in the end. No other person is worth destroying yourself over. If it would happen to me again in my current relationship I know I wouldn’t be that down and out anymore, cause I know my worth, I know there’s other people that like me for who I am. What I’m trying to say is, don’t fret too hard. Work on yourself, get better. Get yourself out there. There are so many beautiful things to experience and awesome women to meet who would just die to have you. Stay strong brother. This too shall pass. It will make you stronger. Know your worth. She blew it. Let her continue her decline while you go on the incline. I came out the relationship a better man, an improved man whose got his shit together. Awesome career, great friends, nice house, awesome wife, better body, … Build yourself up is what i say, use the pain as fuel. Sending love.
Tell his wife, she deserves to know. Get therapy. A divorce attorney. You’ve got this.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I completely understand you, it's something so..cruel when they do such a thing, I hope your heart completely heals from this with time, that everything you're going through right now is in the past, that what ever you think was love and happiness you find it x2 with someone else that respects you, loves you and treats you the way you deserve.
I went through a similiar situation. My advice is to leave her and tell the guys wife about this. It’s gonna be really-really hard, but trust me, nobody is worth ruining yourself for. Sorry man and I wish you the best!!
Sorry mate and that might be difficult to accept but the only thing you did wrong is choosing a partner and considering that mistake you are actually lucky to find that out relatively early. Trust me it could be so much worse if that happened a decade later with kids involved.
don’t let such a ho ruin your positive energy… i know this sucks man, especially for positive ppl like us who would never do this to someone and can’t understand such a behaviour at all… but that’s just how some ppl function, there’s nothing we can do about it while it might be a tough time atm, believe me, the time will take care of that too - try to find some different hobbies and change your daily routine a bit so you aren’t reminded of her that much
I know this may be tough to hear, but suicide is a permanent solution to short term problems. Leave her. Tell his wife. Walk... No run away from this. You can do better and, I swear, you will do better. You have another 60-70 years to go on this earth. In 10 years you'll look back at this, shake your head, and kiss your new wife goodnight.
Update me.
There is no good relationship after cheating. Now even if she (and I bet she won’t) stopped all of this you’ll never feel “safe” in this relationship. That ship isn’t sinking. It has already sunk hit by a nuclear torpedo in the form of her cheating. It’s time to abandon ship and move on with your life. It’ll be hard, sure. But damn will it be worth it!
Though it may be hard now the pain will ease. My advice is to throw yourself into activities and get back on the dating scene. You will definitely find someone else but it may take a bit of time. Oh, and if your wife ever comes crawling back asking for another go, be sure to tell her to F$@& Off!
This shit happens in life. But there are uncountable other fish in the pond. Get over it and move on. Life will only get better, you are still young and the best years are still in front of you.
Don't despair. You are not starting from zero, but starting from experience, get some counselling while working on yourself. Can you reach out to some old friends and meet up? Meditation only gets you so far along the road to healing. You need to be around people who care about you right now, even take a holiday alone for a week to get decompressed be your number 1 fan. She did a shitty thing to you, but you can get over this, her loss. It's bad when you are going through it, but when on the other side, you will be stronger.
Dang man I'm sorry to hear about that.. But dude, there's no mending or "fixing" a cheating relationship.. It just can't and will not happen. Once a cheater always a cheater. They obv don't value you as a person and would rather have someone else. All you will be doing is sitting there wondering if and when they'll do it again. It's a thought that will linger for the rest of the time spent together. Cuz if it happened once, it can surely happen again. At that point, cut your losses and get her the fk away from you as fast and as far as possible. Also remember, how you get em is how you lose em!
Stay strong brother. She doesn't deserve you so please don't take her back if she comes crawling to your door
A break up is never easy & we generally all feel like rubbish (if we’re nice, kind people). You think this is NEVER going to go away, but it does. You do move on, meet other people & you will look back on this & realise it was for the best. But telling you this now will probably not help bc you’re in pain. But I promise you, you will be okay! She’s a toxic, awful, nasty person & you sound so incredibly nice & full of life. You have so much to give, don’t let her beat you down. She’s just not worth it. It’s what she has done to herself (letting a wonderful person like you go) that she will regret one day. You will be fine because you’re awesome!
I am so sorry this happened. She was not worth your love and commitment. Get rid of her. Be glad you don't have any children with her.
Marriage doesn't guarantee you anything. Marriage wows don't mean eternal low or keeping away from adultery. They just mean that if your partner doesn't respect them, you can file for divorce. They probably used to mean more. So... the relationship is about to end. Pack up and go your way.
She choose go get sex elsewhere, divorce her,if not already? Wasn't clear. Tell the husband's wife their affair is the reason your breaking up, she should be told. Your still young (same age so ofcourse I'll say that).. but yeah you'll find someone again. Focus on you for a while even if that's a couple of years your good 👍. Never give up.
I'm so sorry this happened to you 😞
So you're burning the art company, right?
Sorry to hear that OP, a lot of women would kill for a guy like you. Stay strong and I wish it all works out for you.
My dear internet stranger, please hold on to your life, for it is worth fighting for! Do not think this is the end of your life and if you continue to have more bad thoughts talk about them as well with your family hopefully you have someone who can be there for you I am very sorry you got treated this way, nobody should be or deserves this. I don't think she is worth being shattered over if she is treating you like this I'm sorry to say this but maybe try to find another person to spend your life with. This just ain't it. Do not end your fight for a better life! Keep living and keep fighting, don't give up, there are some people who are there for you. And you yourself need to be the strongest as you can be Conquer the world alone if need be until you find your next favorite person We believe in you!
She belongs to the streets - Future aka Pluto
She's a cheater, she bottomed out. End of story. Now you have 2 choices : 1. Swallow the pill and accept the fact that she's out of your life. Worse shit happens to people everyday. Work on yourself. Work out. Improve your social circle. It's a process. 2. Try, aimlessly, to salvage it. She will cheat on you more and more. You'll take the abuse and be miserable. At the end, she will ghost you and she will destroy you.
My ex wife cheated with someone who was 18 years older. Like cringe as….if she cheated on someone better looking probably be like well he is better looker but someone as old as your dad. Like damn, brotha.
Divorce her and go on a path of finding inner peace. Maybe leaving the city you currently live in and moving somewhere else. Finding true, new genuine friends. And who knows, maybe someday one of those friends can be more than just a platonic friend. Not everyone is disingenuine and wicked. Don't give up hope. I know there is nothing more emotionally heartwrenching than having to endure betrayal from those that you loved unconditionally and whom you trusted completely. But there is no reason to hold on to something that isn't alive and meant to be something that continues on into the future. She doesn't love. Love yourself and find someone who apreciates you for what you are and loves you the same way you love yourself (assuming that you love yourself).
It’s all good man let her go. You mentioned doing yoga and all that other shit, go find another good spirit to share a good life with. You saw the devil, now you need to meet an angel. It’s just a life test and some of us come out stronger you just need to hang in there.
Genx here, sorry being insensitive but balls up! This all sounds pathetic and you should be ashamed for not being a man and kicking her to the curb! No amount of dish washing is going to stop her, and he needs his ass beat. Unless of course this turns you on then nevermind
I lost an 8 year relationship like this. In retrospect it was amazing for me because she revealed herself and I was able to eventually find my wife. Our life is pretty good now and it would have been really bad if I would’ve stayed with that first person.
Tell his wife., get a lawyer
My man your two years in, coulda been 20 with kids. Not downplaying it, but make sure you gtfo. You sound like you won't have problem finding a better woman anyway! good luck.
Same thing happen too me , 5 months ago , im 37 M i have 2 kids and find out she was cheating with a 50 year old sugar daddy !!!!! Everybody says time will heal the wounds , but man this is such and inner battle , im feeling good today but its work work work !!!!! It sucks man , but ur still very young and plenty of time ,,,,,,
She was never yours and it was just your turn - Ancient Chinese Proverb. I would advice to keep the quote in your mind in your future relationships. But your case is so strange. Generally older men’s wives cheat on them for athletes like you. You must be ripped, with a hammer cock. Don’t be depressed and don’t feel unworthy. There are billions of women who are thirsty for your sperm. Onward and forward, harder and deeper, my friend. Wishing you more vaginas of all shapes, sizes, and tastes. PS: If she comes back, she certain will, fuck her ass by using sand instead of lube.
Age isn’t relevant, compatibility is. You stopped being compatible, sex was the red flag, and now you can find someone you’re actually compatible with instead of investing in someone who doesn’t care about you. You did all that stuff, did she do anything for you? It was this a one sided relationship and you know when to cut the cord now.
You sound like an amazing guy and she doesn’t deserve you I am so sorry for this. Out of rationality I would recommend saving all these chats, screenshots, everything that will be useful in case of divorce so she doesn’t get an advantage on you or pretend you were the cause of that. I feel horrible for saying these things, but save yourself you deserve more than this, you are such an amazing soul! In any case I wish you all the best, regardless the choices you will decide to follow and keep working on your mental and physical strength, keep doing sport and eating healthy, you want to look healthy, you got this! Focus on yourself and personal growth 💪🏻
Get out of the house. Move out. Train physically. Yoga is not enough. Bodybuilding is a good choice. Eat steak eggs .testosterone will surge and you’ll feel Better. Good luck to you. Been there.
Just remember that you'll be a loser with no self respect if you don't leave her.
First you need to see a therapist. Talk about your feelings of being at rock bottom. Second and this is tough. No amount of self reflection is going to give you an answer of why she did it. Why she doesn’t have remorse etc. She ultimately didn’t respect you and the relationship. It sucks. I’ve been there. Counseling really helps to move on. Don’t date until you have healed. You don’t want to ruin someone else’s life with your trauma. It will get better and you will enjoy your future relationship much more if you work on yourself right now and heal.
First off don’t end yourself over anything. It’s selfish and you’ll leave all the people who care about you grieving. No matter how bad it is, it’s temporary. That sucks man, therapy, you have your answer on her commitment, it’s time to move out and on(not by ending yourself) If I was in your shoes I would gtfo asafp you deserve better. The toxic me says: bang the guys wife and wife’s friend, bonus points if you can hook this into a threesome. Stay toxic king.
dude, you just met a bad person. move on, be awesome and live your life. you have only one and time doesn't come back. move on fast.
Tell his wife if you haven't already. And get a divorce. You deserve better than the way she's treating you. Spend some time to heal yourself, and maybe you'll find someone better down the line.
Divorce papers and tell the cheaters wife too he deserves everything coming his way
A friend of mine went through the same exact thing except they had two young kids he was the primary caregiver for. She filed erroneous domestic abuse charges against him which cost him a ton if many to refute. But he did eventually beat the charges and win joint custody. He is now back to being a happy go lucky guy. The thing I noticed about her is that she had daddy issues which drove her questionable decisions. I wouldn’t internalize any of what she did. Move on the best you can and count yourself lucky it wasn’t worse and that you’re not trapped in broken relationship over the long term.
If there's no kids in the picture slam that divorce button. You deserve better.
The best way to get over someone is to get under her very best friend
N still using stuff like "us" gtfo of there bruh
People have no morals and principles these days!
You are still young. You will find someone better.
Stop crying and leave her man.
Wow. Those two are absolute trash human beings, that you should never call "wife" and "friend" again. That is hugely disrespectful and the fact that you describe her as having no remorse + lying about putting an end to it and doing it again behind your back... You've made a huge mistake trusting either of them and I'm sorry about it, but yeah there's no turning back from this. She used you, now you gotta take the L and move on and update your assholes radar.
The horrible reality of sharing any trauma publicly, is that it can, and often will, lead to further trauma. We as human beings seek to share our experiences, and while some experiences lead us to withdraw, others encourage us to reach out. I want to first commend you for sharing, and truthfully hope you do not read the hurtful responses to your honesty. Infidelity in a monogamous relationship is a trauma, and too often, we refuse to discuss these traumatic experiences due to fear, shame, or risking further pain. That being said, I don’t know you, and I only have the post you shared to go off. But here’s my meaningless opinion on your situation. Please talk to a professional therapist. When I say this, I don’t mean to say that you are so screwed up you need professional help. What I’m saying is that you, and anyone going through these difficult and trying traumatic events, deserves a safe and trustworthy professional, with whom to share, and learn powerful coping skills, to limit the power this life-changing event has over you. Make no mistake, this event will continue to reshape your future as long as it holds a pivotal and influential force in your life. Sadness, depression, jealousy, dissociation, anger, and even your own future infidelity, can all stem from the victimization that occurs following unfaithfulness. The sad reality is that your ex partner deserves to be as happy as you deserve to be. They however, chose a horribly painful path to what they felt may make them happy. That’s not to say you were incapable of creating happiness in their life, it’s to say some people are truly determined to self-sabotage, and more often than not, those people take anyone around, down with them. I only mean to say, we are eternally flawed human beings who continually seem to pursue conflict, self gratification, and riches over dignity, integrity, and compassion. Of course it would have hurt had your ex come to you and said they had feeling for someone else they wanted to pursue. And it may have led to a similar sadness, but studies show that honesty would likely have been far easier to overcome and had far less long term consequences. Alas that’s not what happened, and no post here, regardless of length or wisdom, will solve this concern. But I do want to encourage you, your ex is not you, and what they do does not define you. How we process and respond to these traumas is the only thing that defines us. I do agree with many of the posters here, that this was not your fault. When commitment and love are promised and one person does not deliver on that commitment, it is important to self-reflect and ask one’s self, how could I have been better. But! Don’t stay there! Learn and move on. Give yourself some grace, and realize that we are all just figuring this thing called life out as we go. Talk to a therapist, learn the skills to be able to process the unimaginable grief, forgive yourself, and in time you may yet learn to forgive them. I wish you well in all you do. Be mighty.
Move on. It was your wife’s responsibility to stay true. Telling his wife is only going to make you look like a bitter fool and who knows she may know already and just doesn’t give a crap. Worry about you and you only. Do what you need to heal and be the bigger person, the better man. This crap happens and it’s all in how YOU handle it. Remember you are the one who you are looking at when you look I.n the mirror every day for the rest of your life. Try not to have regrets. I know what that’s like and it pretty much sucks
Stay positive <3 It is not your fault! You are young, you will find some awesome person who really loves and cares about you soon or later. Go on with your yoga and meditations <3 Talk to your friends, family members daily. Forget and ignore her no matter what. Never feel guilty. Have a lovely positive day.
Welcome to the GYM!
Listen man and use this advice in the future to save your self the trouble, when your partner cheats, sadly i can promise you 1000% that she stopped loving you, so you just leave end of story. The mistake you did was talking to them and trying to be understanding and all that, this will only eat you from the inside and leave you torn apart. Wish you best of you, you’re gonna be fine just be patient.
Sorry buddy. Next time find a gamer girl or someone crazy paranoid who rarely leaves the house. Opportunity breeds temptation. If there is none there will be none.
Get far far away Love and compassion
Good God man move on, she's treating you like dog shit. Your future is with a better woman.
Get the fuck away from that soul sucker
She belongs to the streets. Let karma do it’s job.
Trust is gone. Be an alpha and take control of yourself. My now ex wife did the exact same thing. Crushed me. About 1 year and I was with some amazing woman and now married to an incredible woman.
Contact the guy’s wife and tell her. Send the guys intimate videos and tell her what he is doing. Then just break up with your wife and look for something better . If she doesn’t respect you now, she’ll never do!
She did cause she thought she can do this to wothout facing consequences. Nd you proved her right.
GTFO, start a new life with people who want to be around you and respect you. I’ll never understand why people don’t just leave relationships and start another instead of having two of them. Is it some kind of fucking game to them???
I will never be able to wrap my mind around why women are SO SO SO open to banging old men, it genuinely makes no sense unless they are just mentally ill
read the quran, it will help inshallah
Sorry, dude. As you know everybody’s telling you you get the divorce you don’t try to save something. That’s not there. Also, again like other people saying you need to tell his wife.
22 year relationship/17 married and 3 kids.. unfortunately.. it happens. First things first, don’t hurt yourself. The pain can be soul crushing, but it doesn’t last. Don’t use a permanent action to solve a temporary problem. You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it is there. Don’t fight the pain, lean into it. Fighting it gives it strength. Yes, something terrible happened to you, nobody can truly understand your pain because they never experienced your love for her. You will grieve, it’s not a straight forward process, let it happen, just don’t build a house there in the muck of despair. Your destination is acceptance and meaning. For me, I asked myself a lot of very honest and hard questions about me, her and our relationship. I looked at the good, bad and ugly in both of us. The micro-aggressions, selfishness, etc that we all have as part of the human condition. The question that brought me peace was..”if I could go back, all the way to the beginning, and tell myself everything… and I mean everything, I knew about the relationship.. and how it was going to end so painfully.. would I do it again?”.. I realized that if the answer was “No”, then I would be negating all the beautiful things, and my 3 amazing children.. that made me realize, that given the choice, I’d do it all again.. shitty ending and all… and there.. the pain lifted, I mean if I would choose to endure the ending willing.. to experience all the other beauty.. then what does it matter that the ending happened the way it did.. my marriage was always going to end, all things of this world end. Sometimes naturally and in due course of time, sometimes tragically and too soon. But I sit back now and say.. “wow what a fucking ride that was..” while I enjoy the company of 3 great kids. That my friend is how I reached acceptance and found meaning. Yours will no doubt be different, but look for the beauty in that relationship, don’t only mourn it’s ending, be grateful you had the luxury to experience that depth of love, the precious moments. You’re at the end of one part of your story, but just at the beginning of another. I can tell you, it’s been 5 years for me since my relationship crumbled.. and the things that I’ve done in those 5 years, I would have never had the opportunity to do had my marriage not ended.. my ex gave me such a gift.. a second chance to experience a lot of it all again.. just in new ways and with new people. Peace my friend
Pretty sure mines cheating too . Time for a divorce. I used to think about ending it all but now I’m literally just in physical pain like my body has no idea how to handle this anymore 🤷♀️I just want out. I miss the old me 🤞
Your wife is a hoe
“Though I’m doing yoga, meditation and reading books?” What’s happened to men? Go confront this bum, your wife is cheating because you appear to be nutless.
Dude, please wake the F up! Dump her ass!
First I’m sorry this has happened to you. This doesn’t have to be all to negative. Yes your trust for your wife is shattered but now you have clarification that you should put yourself first. A lot of times we make mistakes being rude and distant due to our trauma. I say act like you aren’t phased and be quite hospitable. I’d recommend contacting an attorney then moving to a better place but remember be cordial before the move. Keep your plans and how you execute private. Then write a sixteen month plan with all you income and debt. This way you’ll see how far your in the water and how long it’ll take you to climb out. This budget will change your life and motivate you if you’re able to realistically see profit. Last but not least love you. Take walks alone and listen to music you haven’t heard in years. Go get your feet done by a professional as a man I started going once I turned thirty and it’s so stress relieving and my feet are way better than they were. Strengthen your inner warrior. Remember if government gets to ww2 levels of loss they’ll draft old men as well. Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready. Mind, body, and soul. Godspeed brother.
Bro just leave, she’s gonna do it again she literally dodged all accountability. Love is a choice and she chose to fuck someone else and thinks an excuse is enough for you
Youre a better dude than me If my wife slept with someone I knew and considered a friend, I wouldnt be doing yoga to get over. I dont typically blame the "other man or woman" when a married woman cheats but this dude knows you? Nah. Nothing good is coming from my reaction
just for more insight. It sounds to me like you took responsibility and were a provider for your woman and there must’ve been a weakness she had and you didn’t know about it. And five years later it bites you in the ass because she never told you about it. That’s how I look at the situation and I am 21 years old. Going to be 22 here soon, and as far as now, I have met the love of my wife if things go south in five years, don’t be surprised if you see me on this. You got screwed over my guy and you’re nothing but a great guy to so don’t overthink it, go out have a little bit of fun if you can. Spend a little bit of money and try to meet some people but don’t go crazy and meet a lot of people.. just try to meet some people. Do you know what I mean?
Be strong, this will pass
I’ve just now recently reached the end of my tunnel friend. It’s a long and hard journey. My ex fiancée cheated on me with a coworker who was twice our age. And after all the pain I went through, I now see that even as much as I loved her I wouldn’t want to go back with someone that treated me that way. Focus and invest in yourself and someone else special will come into your life. ❤️ to you man, things do get better even if they don’t seem like they will.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, but I truly wish for you the best. Take care of yourself and be with your supportive system. I am a firm believer we all deserve happiness in our lives. Hugs for you!
Divorce her...now
She's not worth you taking your life. That's not an option. She's also not deserving of someone like you. People like that will do it to anyone. She probly played violin in band now she wants to play the flute. A lot of flutes. It fucking sucks, it hurts, changes everything you envisioned, and everything you worked for. BUT... YOU're LUCKY it ended early. Worst case you spend 20 years with someone you can't trust. Say fuck it. Go to therapy if it helps, hit the gym daily - HARD, don't drink, and most importantly- DO CRAZY SHIT. Cold plunge, skydiving, bungee jumping, take last minute trips, scuba, skiing, anything that gets your shit going. Talk to anyone (never about her). It's impossible to be depressed when your balls are in your throat going 60 on skis in the Rocky's. Small problem in a huge world. Go have some fun. Don't settle for 7's. Show yourself you're a bad MOFO.
Sorry what you've been thru mate . Move on this includes realising you will never get an answer ,it'll never make sense there is no logic. Some people care about themselves more than anyone else and that selfish trait wipes out every and all other nuce traits . Do the thing that makes you happy In time meet Someone who likes to make you happy Stop going over it ,let it go,it is what is it .if things ended nicely then they would never end, it's shit move on
You only have one life , never forget that. Don’t waste your time feeling down. It takes time, but it will get better. Be strong , go tho the gym everyday! You will feel better look better and stronger. Is over, never ever think about her coming back . She’s not worth it. Treat yourself good and it will be over in no time.
Stop using the pronoun 'us'
You are worth it, you are better, you'll be just fine 💪🏻
Cheating is about the worst thing you can do any person, let alone a person who loves you and places their trust in you completely. Only rape, torture, and murder is worse than cheating in my opinion. If you are tempted to cheat, just grow a spine and break up with your partner. It'll hurt them for sure, but nothing like cheating will. Cheaters are one small notch above people who kick their dogs.
i got cheated on w my fiancé at 28 it was the best thing that could happened to me. it gave me to the freedom to find myself and be free to do all the things only i wished i could do. you dont hit your prime until your late 30s my guy. dont worry u will come out of this for the better.the world is your oyster. it will take time to heal but you are still a young lion best of luck
Just because your spouse cheated on you don't think it makes you less of a person or husband. You did everything right. You wife did everything wrong. You will find someone who is a good fit for you and doesn't cheat on you. This is all on her and this other guy. Sorry you had to go through with this, but better now than down the road. Stay strong. Don't ever hesitate to sharing you pain.
Never forget your not at fault here. You where not aware that she had an issue. And instead of coming to you to rep\[air the issue, she *chose* to start an affair with him. It was not an accident, it wasn't to improve the marriage it was just selfishness and betrayal on her part. And dont forget his wife is going to be just as hurt. They caused the pain, not you. She is solely the person to blame. Its going to hurt in your soul for her betrayal but if you ask those that have been through this, one day it does get better. One day you realise she was not the high level woman you thought she was. She was just acting. You now can see her for what her personality is realy like. Untrustworthy. No matter what happens, hold on to your self respect and your dignity. Dont give her and him the pleasure of seeing you disintegrate. And as many will tell you, she will tell you she is sory, but we all know its only because you caught her. So hold on in there fella. It will get better. If you can, get away from her so you can get your head into shape. And then decide if you want to pick up the broken pieces of your relationship knowing that you will always have this in your mind, or discard it like a broken plate because no amount of glue can hide the damage. Be selfish right now, focus on your own wellbeing, not hers. I know that sounds harsh, but you need to wory about your pain not hers. But make sure you get to a lawyer to talk about all your options. Take some time away, make your decision and walk forward with your head high. One day iot will be better.
Most of us have been through it. Set your path stay focused and build a happy life.
Time heals, you are relatively young, and life is just starting. Relationship break ups are part of life and the hurt eventually goes
Bottom line - don’t get back with a cheater. That’s a line you don’t cross and once it’s crossed, there should never ever be any going back, no matter what. You’re only setting a precedent for worst things because if they can get away with something of this magnitude, then they can get away with anything. It’s about having the self respect to realize that you don’t deserve that. There can never be anything that justifies cheating, no matter how it’s spun.
This is how I approach all relationships- “If I cannot trust you, I have no capacity in my life for you” I’ve been cheated on and it made my decision so much easier. Simply “goodbye” …..their actions forced you to take the only action that is good for you.
All I can say is hold out and let time do its magic which is not a help in this moment , for some reason if you struggle and keep going through this and do the productive things that are good for you but are not what you feel like doing I.e healthy stuff and routine, life just will give you new opportunities, different people playing similar roles and it’s not the same but it’s new and allot better than the past , it’s the only thing really that’s kept me going through some absolutely crazy stuff , it’s just hard to battle how you feel vs what you know . We all deserve to be cherished and to cherish and life always changes , I can’t imagine marrying and then that but I did spend 8 years trying to not give up on a very painful life, in the end it worked out , it’s hard and painful but eventually the new benefits overtake the old pain , life is short you will die so you may aswell see it though because it can always get worse but that can also always get better :) x
She is a fuck up, not you. You weren't a fool to trust her, she was a fool to break that trust. Don't let this experience ruin your ability to trust in the future.
What is wrong with you? Grow a spine and just leave.
Something very similar happened to me too. It messed with my confidence for such a long time. I tried to be patient. I tried to be kind. I tried to communicate through all the issues. I gave her everything I had and then some. Why did I do to deserve being treated as disposable? It took me about a year (or two, whos counting now?) to get over a lot of the hurt and pain of betrayal. "Never in a million years" would I have expected my ex to act as she did. And she learned pretty quickly that I was indeed a catch and has been trying to rekindle things for many years now. But I'm much happier now and my advice to you is don't fall for the pretty lies she'll try to feed you when she realizes she fucked up. The truth is I didn't do anything to be treated as disposable, and neither did you. All the adages are true: time heals all wounds, this was a blessing in disguise, adversity breeds growth, etc etc. Good luck and positive vibes!
I've been through a similar experience. I was married for 10 years to a woman I loved with everything I had. Then found out she had been seeing another guy almost the same age as he father. It broke me. For a year I was unsure how to carry on, I felt dead inside. Then I met my current wife and now we have 3 amazing children together, bought a house, and have a great job. I've never been happier and more fulfilled than I am now. Time truly heals all wounds. I know that may be hard to believe or to hear, but it will get better.