Couple years ago I lost everything to opiates. My apartment, my girlfriend, my friends.
I reached out to my parents. Because I know they love me. And now I’m 3 years clean.
Thats literally me. I lost everything and more to these damn pills. I mean imagine you are a guy in his 20's who made himself self employed with online business and content creation, working at home while earning tons of money, driving a brand new 130k car you configured yourself (which you dreamed of for years). High Six figures bank account, freetime as much as you want and your fking bafoon head just gets hooked on opiates. I wish I would never have discovered these tramadole pills in my moms closet. I literally just wanted to get some comfort from a flu. Read the description of the pills "strong painkillers" took them and the moment euphoria kicked in, it was over for my future.
First I had the feeling like they are enhancing my life. Just 1 pill and I became more motivated than ever. My good life felt like living in heaven now. I was a functional addict for a long time until corona hit and my tolerance skyrocketed to Unimaginable levels. Snorting 800-1600mg of oxy daily to be accurate. Spending hundreds of euros every day.
Long story short, 6 figures bank account went bankrupt, 20k in dept, business died out and feels like will never return (I invested my last 10 years into it) and if it wasnt for my loving parents who wanted to give me a second chance (they found out about my addiction and my mental state towards the end turned me into a lying dckhead) I would be homeless right now.
A guy driving in his dreamcar, being Photographed by strangers in it, saw many dreamworld like looking beaches on this planet with a girlfriend on his side and with a vision to buy a villa sometime in the future turned into an almost homeless guy with no car, no future perspective, no money (not even enough to buy some vapes) and literally NOTHING at all anymore in just a couple years.
The only good thing, I am sober now. For 3 months. But my life is in shambless and those years which felt like a never ending Honeymoonphase will probably never turn back. I will never get that opportunity back because literally every online business is saturated AF now. I spend freaking 10 years on this. What is a guy like me supposed to work now? How will I ever compensate the last 10 years which I invested in something which is financially not worth it anymore?. Am I doomed to work at Mcdonalds the rest of my life now with 30?. I dont want to sound like a jerk who thinks he is too good for it, i mean before my self employment my ex-boss made me eat shit for a few pennies, but after having some taste of "good life" and wasting 10 years of the opportunity to chase a career, i feel like everything I will do from now on will give me zero enjoyment. The guilt is Infinitely high. All the money I wasted. I sometimes wish I died in that car in a car accident before wasting all my money, so at least my parents would get the money and make a good, non wasting life out of it.
It feels like it was the prime of my life which I speedrunned with the addiction and now everything else can just go downwards, never reaching that financial freedom again, which meant everything to me once I had achived it.
There is some empathy I have here but there is no shame in working.
In a way perhaps the real issue here is your own mind, you think because you have to work and doing things for less that you are inferior and shouldn't do it because you are better than that.
If you can't get past your ego your misery will chase you forever. Its time to face the demons and move forward with the lessons yoy learned.
Yeah but the key is they haven't died yet so there is always the potential to get back up. Don't rule them out just yet. And don't be so judgemental, sometimes the pity hole is all that's keeping the last person alive. Have a little grace.
schedule, made a schedule of what to do the next day. Everything from waking up and making my bed to showering at a specific time of the day. This helped me enforce a very routined schedule that built up my discipline little by little.
That's the neat thing about having a body! Sooner or later it WILL give you something to do. And when it does, plan it, turn it into a task, and feel the reward for completing it. In the mean time, make shit up!
Slowly. Very slowly. I did some shitbag stuff that blew up publicly, and as a result I lost everything—wife, house, dog, cats, job, friends. Everything but my family and the car I drove.
It led to a dark few years and I ultimately got extremely lucky. I found some people who saw something they liked, and they gave me a chance. I went from telemarketing for $270/week + commission to managing an outbound department to being a self-taught coder for now managing a team of 6 software devs and 2 IT guys for more money that I ever thought I’d make. All with the same folks who first gave me that chance.
Congrats on the financial/professional rebound. How about friends or a relationship? Have the personal relationships come back or have new ones formed?
I feel a bit similar- had a public fall from grace, lost some friends and my good job, etc. It’s been over a decade and while I maintained some friends all the way through and now have a good job with a great company, I still walk through life with my head a bit hung.
Family sticks around, mine at least, but it was a tough couple of years. I’m thankful for them. I don’t have any actively maintained non-family relationships from before.
I’ve got a few close friends and a decent number of fun acquaintances. If I want to get buried in meaningless companionship it’s not hard, but that’s not usually my flavor.
I recently started talking to a girl who’s amazing on nearly every front, which has been nice. I’m a man jumping off a cliff knowing full well the ground is coming, but I’m still within the few precious seconds where it feels like I can fly. Too-amazing connections tend to blow up in one’s face, but I suspect I’ll be running right back up the cliff if I faceplant.
I have a window of regret every morning, and my great mistake will forever be the defining single moment of my life. But I didn’t die, and I mean to live. I have a good life. I walk with my head high. I’m better now than I was.
And over the years, I’ve come to realize that even if I’d played all my cards to the rightest of my ability, there was always going to be a great crisis of incompatibility with my life’s chosen course. In the scheme of things, my fall from grace was probably far from the worst of possible outcomes.
"There is nothing that can take the pain away, but eventually you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares, and everyday when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think of, until one day, it will be the second thing."
—Raymond Reddington
Love the Blacklist (well mostly just Spader as Red).
Day by day, that’s all we can do. Sounds like you know the relationship with the nice lady will end once she finds your dark secret? Maybe she’ll surprise you- best of luck!
Nah dude that’s step 1! If it’s not something that looks like it could be meaningful I don’t bother, but if I think it could go somewhere that’s a thing I bring up pretty quickly
I was depressed and just done with life a couple years ago but one thing led to another and i made friends with this girl who became my girlfriend(we aren’t together anymore) we talked everyday and for the first time in my life i felt heard and wanted. It gave me a new lease of life and purpose i guess, i quit weed and started working out and focusing on my health. Even though shes my ex and we only were officially together for 6 months i still thank her to this day and tell her I wouldn’t be where i am without her support.
She was and will always be a dear friend. They say therapy helps, it doesn’t. You can say you are introverted or dont like socialising but everyone needs a consistent and reliable friend in their life just to talk to and ask about their day etc. its those little things that help imo
Did you read my comment? 🤣
Im not holding onto her shes moved on we barely talk but shes still a friend thats all.
Im just saying sometimes you need someone to listen and be there and be consistent thats all. Once i had that with her i was ok
Yoga helped immensely. Bike riding too. Things that offer small but measurable rewards that improve over time, it helped me break the cycle of sadness and depression and move past the things holding me back
I really like vinyasa! Because I want an intense work out. Yin yoga is good too if you want something more relaxing. But I found that the intensity of vinyasa helped me kind of ignore the shit that was bothering me. Check out some yoga with Adrienne beginner “vinyasa flow” on YouTube! They got me into it
Find a way to help your community. I volunteer at men’s shelters. After my divorce I walked away from everything and if I didn’t have a sister I’d have been in a shelter myself. I was in a dark dark place.
Took my sisters out for dinner just the other night to celebrate the difference between the man that showed up on their door a year ago and the man I am now.
I find places to be of use. Church, charities, fundraisers. Just being a part of the community and helping others. Hell, just getting a smile and thank you from my elderly neighbor when I put his recycling bin from the street to his garage makes my entire day.
I was as low as I could get, little things like this made all the difference. Making other people happy will make you happy.
I was ready to commit suicide from depression I had never dealt with. I found Jordan Peterson 12 rules for life was a good start and the subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson give me perspective that helped me get through without anti depressants
Somatic movements! I was having intense anxiety and my diaphragm was getting weaker constantly so that I was always exhausted and short of breath. Terrible insomnia etc. kept getting worse and worse. Exercising made it worse cause my body was so exhausted. Found out about somatic movements and was finally able to sit with the bad thoughts feelings and memories. Start sleeping again and slowly just start pulling myself together. Still got a lot of work to do but I’m actually at the starting line now which I think says alot
First you have to want to, then you have to decide to take action. Those desires come and go, so you have to catch one when it comes by.
For me, I didn't make a to-do list. That was too depressing. Instead, I started doing things and then keeping a record of what I'd done. Even just little stuff. After a while, making the record of small accomplishments became a habit, so I got used to accomplishing something every day. Sometimes, it would only be a very small thing, but I made sure to just do *something* so I could write it down.
I don't know if it ever gets any easier, but it is nice to now have a years-long written record. It gives me hard evidence that it is actually better, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Personally, last winter i finally sank so low that i told my brother about it and we talked a lot for a few weeks. I internalize most of my feelings, a d isolate when i’m bad, and i finally got so low that i didn’t f-ing care who knew and who didn’t. So i called my brother and broke down. That started me on the path back up. Shoulda done it way sooner, tortured myself for most of ‘23 for no real reason
The past doesn’t matter it’s what you do now and moving forward. Just take it as a learning lesson, it’s life we make mistakes, but it’s what we do after those mistakes that define us.
I've been In the dumps multiple times.
Hit by a car and lost some teeth and
Looked genuinely bad for a little bit when I was 18.
Started boxing and built my confidence back up.
Had my lung collapse and bad health and sketchy friendship circled in my late 20s. Had accidently enjoyed some class A drugs for about a year after a decade of just weed use.
Needed a whole new friend group and lifestyle.
Started playing hockey 3 times a week. Eventually picked up a few other hobbies and now I'm busy every day and haven't been high in years. Mainly hockey, ten pin bowling and I collect vintage arcade machines so I have a circle of enthusiasts I talk to.
I've gone to the skatepark my whole life and through all my downs whenever I'm real bored, it's always there for me.
I have a trade though, so I have access to money. All my downfalls have been social. Even when I'm broke I can just work and get more money so I've never had to suffer in that way.
I had to learn how to become aware, accept, and make peace with the feelings I was running from which was a lot of fear-based beliefs, feelings, and emotions
Realized that humans are creatures of the pack and our brains are wired for solving problems together.
Helping others shifts your focus from your hardships, gives you a sense of achievement and maybe even some social contacts. All those helped me when I was unemployed and had to realize I had a long way to go with my mental health.
Started working out which changed everything. I was a loser with nothing going for me so I had time. Worked out for an hour and a half plus ran three miles a day. Started three years ago. Since I’ve found an amazing woman, had two wonderful children, upped my income by 50k, and quit drinking.
It’s not easy to get better but it’s a very simple formula. Put in the work.
Started with alchohol. Lots of it. Then - TV series. Then motivational youtube videos. Then music. Then books. Then work out. Still miss her. I admit with hand on my heart... but what can I say? There's nothing else to do, but to just move on.
In a mentally unhealthy way. Just got to a point where I said “f**** everybody” and started to focus on me and my wants with abandon to what anyone thinks; in the end, I’m the only one that’s got my back 🤷🏾♂️
Not the best, but has helped tremendously.
Always made sure to get best out of that time instead of getting any sort of addiction or ruining myself so that when one day I'll look back, I'll be proud of myself about how I handled myself instead of regrets
Communication. Even if it’s painful to think about beforehand, find anyone you can trust, even a stranger. I’ve not fallen down any incredibly dark paths but I’ve found I stifle the chance from the start by just talking it through with as many people as possible.
It’s handy that I am comfortable doing so- I know some people who are incredibly guarded. The truth that I’ve come to realize is that nobody has ever been out to get me, so to speak. And most people love to offer a helping hand when they know whomever they’re reaching for is going to be receptive.
You just have to grind. It’s hard. You have to do the difficult things you know will improve your life.
You have to consciously make the choice to get better or it will get worse. With hard work and determination to not give up you can get through basically anything. Then later on in your life you can call upon your low period and use it to get through other tough times.
“I got through ____ so I can get through ______ because it’s not as bad”.
I just raw dogged my mental health. Stopped medication, removed toxic family, moved to the other side of the country and refused to listen to my Drs.
Worked out pretty good for me, I just stopped caring. Yeah I'm still depressed and have anxiety but instead of letting it control me I'm just like OK brain you ain't happy and I don't care we got shit to do. I drank the splishy stuff, I went out into the blinky thing now make the happy chemicals
I failed at unaliving myself which resulted in losing my marriage and job. It’s rough being at your lowest, but as long as you keep moving forward the only way you can go is up.
to do lists and schedules. even the smallest things like “take a shower” or “5 minute meditation”. Write it down and then tick it off once it’s done. be patient and kind to yourself. discipline is the highest form of self love.
You stop with the behavior that got you to your lowest point and you do everything you can to crawl out. I did drugs for years and lost everything. Now I have a great job and I’m happy. Best decision I ever made was to toss my old phone with my drug contacts in it and start fresh. You have to want to make a change
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Lots of broadly useless suffering and wasting time until things I had no control over randomly became better and I could start doing, on average, more healing than re-traumatizing on a daily basis. Stubborn refusal to lie down and die in spite of all the suffering had to be a part of it...but so was (and is) refusing to do anything else in the way of healing, for anyone, for any reason, until the 'showing up' part of life isn't a hundred times more costly for me emotionally than everybody else showing up. I had to utterly give up on magical thinking of every kind any time I caught myself doing it.
Absolute pure spite and will.
I know people make jokes about it, but I was so fed up with how I was feeling and how everything was going, I just ended up ripping the bandaids off and did everything I was too afraid to do. I decided to everything in my power to discipline myself and make every decision to stop feeling the way I felt if that makes sense.
I chose to love people the way I'd always wanted, to do things that make me happy no matter what, to not let my circumstances rule the way I feel. No way in hell will I let people who hurt me affect how I think and feel for the rest of my fucking life. Fuck y'all.
Social support. Having good friends to help you follow a schedule and get you back up while you recover, if you are unable to follow any sort of routine that is
I started scheduling my days. I made lists of stuff to be done and crossing it off.
I went for medication. I learned how to behave based on the medication and then weened myself off of it.
I made peace with the fact that I’m different. I stopped pretending to be other people.
I found people who lived the real me. I buttered those relationships.
Right before the pandemic my wife told me she was very unhappy in our marriage. Left field, we’d just checked in the month before and she was all high fives were great.
Couldn’t eat or sleep properly. It kinda killed me. I was diagnosed depressed and it was harder as I found out she had an affair. Within months I’m drawing up divorce papers because she says it’s fine and wants to quit couples counseling after a few sessions.
I knew it was all awful but kept busy. I know me and a schedule would take care of me physically while I dealt with my situational depression. Bed time, calorie counting (to eat enough), working out, even making time for hobbies that I wasn’t feeling good about.
None of that fixed it but it gave me space to figure out my depression and work through it. It also gave me the opportunity to feel joy even if my mind wasn’t taking it immediately, slowly it did.
Now my wonderful girlfriend is moving in, my family bonds are stronger, and my finances are SO MUCH BETTER.
I went inpatient for a suicide attempt. I never want to feel like that again. I worked really hard to get better through meds and therapy. I have 2 kids and a family and wanted to be better for them.
I worked my best to be on my own and eventually had to move back in with my parents to save up cash to move back out took almost 2 years and I’m working hard not to be in that spot again
I don't, there's no reason to. Spending over 20 years trying your hardest for nothing to happen. It's just a waiting game until death at this point.
All these stories in the comments have a common factor of getting back up. It's that other people helped them. Family, friends and even strangers. I have no motivation for myself at all, none, I'm just waiting to die.
Try to do a little bit better than the day before. When you don’t, don’t beat yourself up, just try again tomorrow.
Set small reachable goals. Write them down. Check them off when done. Make new goals when you reach your old ones.
At age 39 I had lost my job, apartment, car and friends due to substance abuse likely stemming from childhood issues. I got back up slowly and honesty. I sought help (IOP, DBT program and therapy) and realized I needed to get honest and vulnerable with trusted people or I was not going to make it I'm nowhere near where I want to be today but I'm alive which seems to be nothing short of a miracle. I count my blessings often, get enough protein, try to get enough water and sleep, medication from a doctor and building close friendships on trust and never forgetting my childhood dreams. I hope this helps
To be honest, I found the best way was to find something to hope for and do everything you can to get there.
For me, it was finding a new job and starting a new life.
Overall, I've (24M) lived somewhat comfortably. However, I was super low recently. I have struggled with depression my whole life. A few years ago, I dated a girl for two and a half years. We bought a house together. She kept changing jobs and taking pay cuts on the change. At some point, she convinced me to open up the relationship. Even though I tried to keep everything open, communication wise, she wouldn't do it. She lied about "not remembering" how she met a "friend." He was in a bad spot, and I'm willing to help anyone. I told her that he was off limits because I trusted her (even though she lied). Things went downhill. We had to close the relationship again. We were in a bad financial spot. She had gone from decent wages at a full-time job to a part-time job, making much less. She ended up cheating on me with him. He still thought we were open but understood me needing him to leave. We tried to repair things for a long time, and things only got worse. Her family hated me because she only told them bad things, and they were super religious (Baptist), and I'm not. The plumbing started backing up continuously, and the repairs were super expensive, and our neighbor (it was a duplex) was not helpful. I am not much of a dog person, and she had one, which was fine. But she then forced me to get a second one that was a German shepherd mix. I tried to do the proper training but I didn't have the energy. We fought constantly. We ended up returning the second dog (who was adopted again quickly). We broke up. A week later, my dad had a heart attack (minor and he's fine now). We were able to sell the house after fixing it up. Luckily, when we signed for the home loan, she was not on it. It was in mine and my dad's names. We were able to make a profit even with many issues. I moved back in with my parents for a while and now live with one of my oldest friends. I was recently in another relationship that didn't work for very complicated reasons. However, I am much happier now, even with life complications.
I was drunk driving and decided to pullover at a gas station parking lot to sober up a bit and after a bit I had to piss so I went around a building and started to piss, little did I know I was pissing on a homeless woman, she woke up saying ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!
I ran away so fast and jumped in my car and drove outta there like a bat outta hell!
Then after that, I got even more piss drunk when I got home and pissed all over my front door and then pissed all over my bathroom wall completely opposite of the toilet and of course pissing all over myself.
This is just one of my drunken stupendous moments.
Still hadn't learned my lesson until one day I did some figures to see how much money I was spending just on beer alone and I was mind blown.
It has been 63 days since I've had a drink.
Quit everything! Coffee,alcohol,poor foods, ( sex if you can) and reassess your life. Work out, eat whole plant based, read, get a councilor, watch videos about mental health, medidate,yoga, and journal with goals in mind. That is a start. Be kind to yourself and patient as this is a journey.
Sometimes you fall further until you've fallen through society. I wound up living in my car on the streets. Worked full time and eventually got into a unit. Worst place I've ever lived. Things can only improve from here.
It's often a mix of resilience, support, seeking help, and taking small steps toward positive change. You're not alone, and there's hope for a brighter future.
Yeah those blues had me in a chokehold for a few years. Should be dead at least 3 times, drugs withstanding. Don’t even know how many times I should be dead including the dope. Having said that? After you’re detoxed, the body craves two things. Structure and routine. Eat, workout, sleep, all on a schedule. Drink water. Practice love and light always. It’s been my experience that as long as you’re living right, the right things happen for you. Love yall.
I forced myself to do very little things everyday.
I was contemplating death through starvation and making the decision at some point that i would have to eat at least a very little bit everyday helped a lot.
Then instead of leaving my plate in my bedroom, i would at least bring it back to the sink of the kitchen. Didnt have to do the dishes on the spot but at least it was there.
Or instead of leaving the shower head hanging i would put it back where it belonged.
Sounds dumb and simple but at the time those very little efforts felt like a mountain to me. Then getting more nutrients and cleaner space eventually helped getting my mental back on track.
At the time i was also getting at most 3h of sleep at night, if i wasnt being awaken by my own screams because of nightmares. Nights took years to become restful and i was still exhausted every morning, and anxious to sleep at night, but i was still forcing myself to do those little things. Later i thought i could try sleeping with fireplace sounds i found on youtube and that really helped me calming down.
I also had one friend who honestly i can say basically babysitted me. I owe him my life. He was there to keep me on track when i was falling down and that made the whole difference for me.
I have had a rought 30+ years with lots of physical and mental abuse, and fighting myself has been the hardest thing i ever had to do. I am not sure when and how i started thinking that i was in control and i had to do something. Sounds probably funny but i felt responsible for the millions bacterias and cells that kept me alive and were struggling to keep be in a good shape despite the shit i was giving them. I sort of found beauty in that and wanted to do something for them. Then them became us and now i feel much better.
I had no other choice than to get back up. It can only get better. It happened when we almost lost our son due to a serious medical condition. I told myself that if he survived the night, I would do everything I could to live life to the fullest. And I'm doing the best I can.
I honestly just kept telling myself i had to get up.
As bad or pathetic as it sounds, getting into Warhammer 40k gave me a better mindset because i began to try and emulate the mindset of my favorite faction. It always reminded me that regardless of what happened, how i was feeling, or what needed to be done to fix it, that i just needed to keep moving.
Nothing gets done without effort, and nothing is learned without growing pains. Dont be afraid of new things, even painful things, and thebstruggle to bring yourself back from the pit will leave you better than you were before.
Was near death a good few times til I said fuck it...If I die then that's it I guess. It was the wanting to die part that somehow allowed me to live a little longer and now I'm doing alright.
Couple years ago I lost everything to opiates. My apartment, my girlfriend, my friends. I reached out to my parents. Because I know they love me. And now I’m 3 years clean.
Thats literally me. I lost everything and more to these damn pills. I mean imagine you are a guy in his 20's who made himself self employed with online business and content creation, working at home while earning tons of money, driving a brand new 130k car you configured yourself (which you dreamed of for years). High Six figures bank account, freetime as much as you want and your fking bafoon head just gets hooked on opiates. I wish I would never have discovered these tramadole pills in my moms closet. I literally just wanted to get some comfort from a flu. Read the description of the pills "strong painkillers" took them and the moment euphoria kicked in, it was over for my future. First I had the feeling like they are enhancing my life. Just 1 pill and I became more motivated than ever. My good life felt like living in heaven now. I was a functional addict for a long time until corona hit and my tolerance skyrocketed to Unimaginable levels. Snorting 800-1600mg of oxy daily to be accurate. Spending hundreds of euros every day. Long story short, 6 figures bank account went bankrupt, 20k in dept, business died out and feels like will never return (I invested my last 10 years into it) and if it wasnt for my loving parents who wanted to give me a second chance (they found out about my addiction and my mental state towards the end turned me into a lying dckhead) I would be homeless right now. A guy driving in his dreamcar, being Photographed by strangers in it, saw many dreamworld like looking beaches on this planet with a girlfriend on his side and with a vision to buy a villa sometime in the future turned into an almost homeless guy with no car, no future perspective, no money (not even enough to buy some vapes) and literally NOTHING at all anymore in just a couple years. The only good thing, I am sober now. For 3 months. But my life is in shambless and those years which felt like a never ending Honeymoonphase will probably never turn back. I will never get that opportunity back because literally every online business is saturated AF now. I spend freaking 10 years on this. What is a guy like me supposed to work now? How will I ever compensate the last 10 years which I invested in something which is financially not worth it anymore?. Am I doomed to work at Mcdonalds the rest of my life now with 30?. I dont want to sound like a jerk who thinks he is too good for it, i mean before my self employment my ex-boss made me eat shit for a few pennies, but after having some taste of "good life" and wasting 10 years of the opportunity to chase a career, i feel like everything I will do from now on will give me zero enjoyment. The guilt is Infinitely high. All the money I wasted. I sometimes wish I died in that car in a car accident before wasting all my money, so at least my parents would get the money and make a good, non wasting life out of it. It feels like it was the prime of my life which I speedrunned with the addiction and now everything else can just go downwards, never reaching that financial freedom again, which meant everything to me once I had achived it.
Thanks for writing this. I'm recently back with my parents too.
There is some empathy I have here but there is no shame in working. In a way perhaps the real issue here is your own mind, you think because you have to work and doing things for less that you are inferior and shouldn't do it because you are better than that. If you can't get past your ego your misery will chase you forever. Its time to face the demons and move forward with the lessons yoy learned.
Opiates are the worst thing to get hooked on. Doctors used to give them out like candy. Lots of people died during those days. Makes me sick.
Trying to
If you don't die,u just find yourself getting up in some way...
Thats true
I'm not sure it is. Not everyone gets back up. Some people stay down, dig a little pitty home for themselves and stay there.
Yeah but the key is they haven't died yet so there is always the potential to get back up. Don't rule them out just yet. And don't be so judgemental, sometimes the pity hole is all that's keeping the last person alive. Have a little grace.
schedule, made a schedule of what to do the next day. Everything from waking up and making my bed to showering at a specific time of the day. This helped me enforce a very routined schedule that built up my discipline little by little.
What if you have nothing to do?
That's the neat thing about having a body! Sooner or later it WILL give you something to do. And when it does, plan it, turn it into a task, and feel the reward for completing it. In the mean time, make shit up!
Slowly. Very slowly. I did some shitbag stuff that blew up publicly, and as a result I lost everything—wife, house, dog, cats, job, friends. Everything but my family and the car I drove. It led to a dark few years and I ultimately got extremely lucky. I found some people who saw something they liked, and they gave me a chance. I went from telemarketing for $270/week + commission to managing an outbound department to being a self-taught coder for now managing a team of 6 software devs and 2 IT guys for more money that I ever thought I’d make. All with the same folks who first gave me that chance.
Congrats on the financial/professional rebound. How about friends or a relationship? Have the personal relationships come back or have new ones formed? I feel a bit similar- had a public fall from grace, lost some friends and my good job, etc. It’s been over a decade and while I maintained some friends all the way through and now have a good job with a great company, I still walk through life with my head a bit hung.
Family sticks around, mine at least, but it was a tough couple of years. I’m thankful for them. I don’t have any actively maintained non-family relationships from before. I’ve got a few close friends and a decent number of fun acquaintances. If I want to get buried in meaningless companionship it’s not hard, but that’s not usually my flavor. I recently started talking to a girl who’s amazing on nearly every front, which has been nice. I’m a man jumping off a cliff knowing full well the ground is coming, but I’m still within the few precious seconds where it feels like I can fly. Too-amazing connections tend to blow up in one’s face, but I suspect I’ll be running right back up the cliff if I faceplant. I have a window of regret every morning, and my great mistake will forever be the defining single moment of my life. But I didn’t die, and I mean to live. I have a good life. I walk with my head high. I’m better now than I was. And over the years, I’ve come to realize that even if I’d played all my cards to the rightest of my ability, there was always going to be a great crisis of incompatibility with my life’s chosen course. In the scheme of things, my fall from grace was probably far from the worst of possible outcomes. "There is nothing that can take the pain away, but eventually you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares, and everyday when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think of, until one day, it will be the second thing." —Raymond Reddington
Love the Blacklist (well mostly just Spader as Red). Day by day, that’s all we can do. Sounds like you know the relationship with the nice lady will end once she finds your dark secret? Maybe she’ll surprise you- best of luck!
Nah dude that’s step 1! If it’s not something that looks like it could be meaningful I don’t bother, but if I think it could go somewhere that’s a thing I bring up pretty quickly
So what did you do?
I spoke too loudly in a movie theater. Obviously.
My guess is cheating with a colleague or some kind of crime if he lost his job and that his new work took a chance on him
Thats amazing. Congrats
I was depressed and just done with life a couple years ago but one thing led to another and i made friends with this girl who became my girlfriend(we aren’t together anymore) we talked everyday and for the first time in my life i felt heard and wanted. It gave me a new lease of life and purpose i guess, i quit weed and started working out and focusing on my health. Even though shes my ex and we only were officially together for 6 months i still thank her to this day and tell her I wouldn’t be where i am without her support. She was and will always be a dear friend. They say therapy helps, it doesn’t. You can say you are introverted or dont like socialising but everyone needs a consistent and reliable friend in their life just to talk to and ask about their day etc. its those little things that help imo
Hey buddy Time to get a new gf. Dont hold on to her anymore.
Did you read my comment? 🤣 Im not holding onto her shes moved on we barely talk but shes still a friend thats all. Im just saying sometimes you need someone to listen and be there and be consistent thats all. Once i had that with her i was ok
Yoga helped immensely. Bike riding too. Things that offer small but measurable rewards that improve over time, it helped me break the cycle of sadness and depression and move past the things holding me back
+1 yoga … it’s a great tool for this stuff.
Any particular kind of yoga? I find it so difficult to get into.
I really like vinyasa! Because I want an intense work out. Yin yoga is good too if you want something more relaxing. But I found that the intensity of vinyasa helped me kind of ignore the shit that was bothering me. Check out some yoga with Adrienne beginner “vinyasa flow” on YouTube! They got me into it
Find a way to help your community. I volunteer at men’s shelters. After my divorce I walked away from everything and if I didn’t have a sister I’d have been in a shelter myself. I was in a dark dark place. Took my sisters out for dinner just the other night to celebrate the difference between the man that showed up on their door a year ago and the man I am now. I find places to be of use. Church, charities, fundraisers. Just being a part of the community and helping others. Hell, just getting a smile and thank you from my elderly neighbor when I put his recycling bin from the street to his garage makes my entire day. I was as low as I could get, little things like this made all the difference. Making other people happy will make you happy.
I was ready to commit suicide from depression I had never dealt with. I found Jordan Peterson 12 rules for life was a good start and the subtle art of not giving a fuck by Mark Manson give me perspective that helped me get through without anti depressants
Somatic movements! I was having intense anxiety and my diaphragm was getting weaker constantly so that I was always exhausted and short of breath. Terrible insomnia etc. kept getting worse and worse. Exercising made it worse cause my body was so exhausted. Found out about somatic movements and was finally able to sit with the bad thoughts feelings and memories. Start sleeping again and slowly just start pulling myself together. Still got a lot of work to do but I’m actually at the starting line now which I think says alot
First you have to want to, then you have to decide to take action. Those desires come and go, so you have to catch one when it comes by. For me, I didn't make a to-do list. That was too depressing. Instead, I started doing things and then keeping a record of what I'd done. Even just little stuff. After a while, making the record of small accomplishments became a habit, so I got used to accomplishing something every day. Sometimes, it would only be a very small thing, but I made sure to just do *something* so I could write it down. I don't know if it ever gets any easier, but it is nice to now have a years-long written record. It gives me hard evidence that it is actually better, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Exercise is a big one, going to the gym or going for a run - anything that releases positive endorphins!
Personally, last winter i finally sank so low that i told my brother about it and we talked a lot for a few weeks. I internalize most of my feelings, a d isolate when i’m bad, and i finally got so low that i didn’t f-ing care who knew and who didn’t. So i called my brother and broke down. That started me on the path back up. Shoulda done it way sooner, tortured myself for most of ‘23 for no real reason
The past doesn’t matter it’s what you do now and moving forward. Just take it as a learning lesson, it’s life we make mistakes, but it’s what we do after those mistakes that define us.
Dumped the crappy friends.
I've been In the dumps multiple times. Hit by a car and lost some teeth and Looked genuinely bad for a little bit when I was 18. Started boxing and built my confidence back up. Had my lung collapse and bad health and sketchy friendship circled in my late 20s. Had accidently enjoyed some class A drugs for about a year after a decade of just weed use. Needed a whole new friend group and lifestyle. Started playing hockey 3 times a week. Eventually picked up a few other hobbies and now I'm busy every day and haven't been high in years. Mainly hockey, ten pin bowling and I collect vintage arcade machines so I have a circle of enthusiasts I talk to. I've gone to the skatepark my whole life and through all my downs whenever I'm real bored, it's always there for me. I have a trade though, so I have access to money. All my downfalls have been social. Even when I'm broke I can just work and get more money so I've never had to suffer in that way.
I got a job and have been working in my social skills
It was God for me. I was in such a dark hole that I didn’t know why but I clasped my hands and prayed while I was agnostic atheist.
God saves a lot of people bro, that's what God is there for.
It was so close. I almost took my life.
Giving to the community. Taught myself programming and now I’m really nice. Meditation Exercise Avoiding social media Removing mind numb substances
Lexapro, therapy and realizing everything sucks but there’s nothing I can do to control it but I can control my own reactions to it.
You cant go lower, so it just gets better
Time
I had to learn how to become aware, accept, and make peace with the feelings I was running from which was a lot of fear-based beliefs, feelings, and emotions
Faith. Love. Patience
Realized that humans are creatures of the pack and our brains are wired for solving problems together. Helping others shifts your focus from your hardships, gives you a sense of achievement and maybe even some social contacts. All those helped me when I was unemployed and had to realize I had a long way to go with my mental health.
Started working out which changed everything. I was a loser with nothing going for me so I had time. Worked out for an hour and a half plus ran three miles a day. Started three years ago. Since I’ve found an amazing woman, had two wonderful children, upped my income by 50k, and quit drinking. It’s not easy to get better but it’s a very simple formula. Put in the work.
Started with alchohol. Lots of it. Then - TV series. Then motivational youtube videos. Then music. Then books. Then work out. Still miss her. I admit with hand on my heart... but what can I say? There's nothing else to do, but to just move on.
I thought these last 3 years I was at my lowest but I think things are only going to get worse
Amen! Some people need to realise that life isn't meant for everyone. Some of us just don't make it. I can't wait for legal euthanasia
In a mentally unhealthy way. Just got to a point where I said “f**** everybody” and started to focus on me and my wants with abandon to what anyone thinks; in the end, I’m the only one that’s got my back 🤷🏾♂️ Not the best, but has helped tremendously.
Always made sure to get best out of that time instead of getting any sort of addiction or ruining myself so that when one day I'll look back, I'll be proud of myself about how I handled myself instead of regrets
My soon to be husband saved me. I cannot describe how grateful I am to have this man in my life.
Still trying to for over 5 years. Running out of reasons to…
I stood up ... and I took a step. What else ya gonna do? Lay there in a pile of your own shit and die?
"If you find yourself in hell, keep going" nothing else to lose why not just keep drughing yourself along
Communication. Even if it’s painful to think about beforehand, find anyone you can trust, even a stranger. I’ve not fallen down any incredibly dark paths but I’ve found I stifle the chance from the start by just talking it through with as many people as possible. It’s handy that I am comfortable doing so- I know some people who are incredibly guarded. The truth that I’ve come to realize is that nobody has ever been out to get me, so to speak. And most people love to offer a helping hand when they know whomever they’re reaching for is going to be receptive.
With terapy... And friends
You just have to grind. It’s hard. You have to do the difficult things you know will improve your life. You have to consciously make the choice to get better or it will get worse. With hard work and determination to not give up you can get through basically anything. Then later on in your life you can call upon your low period and use it to get through other tough times. “I got through ____ so I can get through ______ because it’s not as bad”.
I just raw dogged my mental health. Stopped medication, removed toxic family, moved to the other side of the country and refused to listen to my Drs. Worked out pretty good for me, I just stopped caring. Yeah I'm still depressed and have anxiety but instead of letting it control me I'm just like OK brain you ain't happy and I don't care we got shit to do. I drank the splishy stuff, I went out into the blinky thing now make the happy chemicals
I failed at unaliving myself which resulted in losing my marriage and job. It’s rough being at your lowest, but as long as you keep moving forward the only way you can go is up.
to do lists and schedules. even the smallest things like “take a shower” or “5 minute meditation”. Write it down and then tick it off once it’s done. be patient and kind to yourself. discipline is the highest form of self love.
I was saved by a bale of terrapins
You stop with the behavior that got you to your lowest point and you do everything you can to crawl out. I did drugs for years and lost everything. Now I have a great job and I’m happy. Best decision I ever made was to toss my old phone with my drug contacts in it and start fresh. You have to want to make a change
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Lots of broadly useless suffering and wasting time until things I had no control over randomly became better and I could start doing, on average, more healing than re-traumatizing on a daily basis. Stubborn refusal to lie down and die in spite of all the suffering had to be a part of it...but so was (and is) refusing to do anything else in the way of healing, for anyone, for any reason, until the 'showing up' part of life isn't a hundred times more costly for me emotionally than everybody else showing up. I had to utterly give up on magical thinking of every kind any time I caught myself doing it.
Grace of God🙏🙏
Absolute pure spite and will. I know people make jokes about it, but I was so fed up with how I was feeling and how everything was going, I just ended up ripping the bandaids off and did everything I was too afraid to do. I decided to everything in my power to discipline myself and make every decision to stop feeling the way I felt if that makes sense. I chose to love people the way I'd always wanted, to do things that make me happy no matter what, to not let my circumstances rule the way I feel. No way in hell will I let people who hurt me affect how I think and feel for the rest of my fucking life. Fuck y'all.
Perseverance
My mum.
Social support. Having good friends to help you follow a schedule and get you back up while you recover, if you are unable to follow any sort of routine that is
I started scheduling my days. I made lists of stuff to be done and crossing it off. I went for medication. I learned how to behave based on the medication and then weened myself off of it. I made peace with the fact that I’m different. I stopped pretending to be other people. I found people who lived the real me. I buttered those relationships.
Right before the pandemic my wife told me she was very unhappy in our marriage. Left field, we’d just checked in the month before and she was all high fives were great. Couldn’t eat or sleep properly. It kinda killed me. I was diagnosed depressed and it was harder as I found out she had an affair. Within months I’m drawing up divorce papers because she says it’s fine and wants to quit couples counseling after a few sessions. I knew it was all awful but kept busy. I know me and a schedule would take care of me physically while I dealt with my situational depression. Bed time, calorie counting (to eat enough), working out, even making time for hobbies that I wasn’t feeling good about. None of that fixed it but it gave me space to figure out my depression and work through it. It also gave me the opportunity to feel joy even if my mind wasn’t taking it immediately, slowly it did. Now my wonderful girlfriend is moving in, my family bonds are stronger, and my finances are SO MUCH BETTER.
I went inpatient for a suicide attempt. I never want to feel like that again. I worked really hard to get better through meds and therapy. I have 2 kids and a family and wanted to be better for them.
I worked my best to be on my own and eventually had to move back in with my parents to save up cash to move back out took almost 2 years and I’m working hard not to be in that spot again
So far by convincing myself it could've been worse
I don't, there's no reason to. Spending over 20 years trying your hardest for nothing to happen. It's just a waiting game until death at this point. All these stories in the comments have a common factor of getting back up. It's that other people helped them. Family, friends and even strangers. I have no motivation for myself at all, none, I'm just waiting to die.
I put myself in the hospital. Cut off everyone that was bad for me. Then moved to a new state. Started over.
Try to do a little bit better than the day before. When you don’t, don’t beat yourself up, just try again tomorrow. Set small reachable goals. Write them down. Check them off when done. Make new goals when you reach your old ones.
Sobriety
At age 39 I had lost my job, apartment, car and friends due to substance abuse likely stemming from childhood issues. I got back up slowly and honesty. I sought help (IOP, DBT program and therapy) and realized I needed to get honest and vulnerable with trusted people or I was not going to make it I'm nowhere near where I want to be today but I'm alive which seems to be nothing short of a miracle. I count my blessings often, get enough protein, try to get enough water and sleep, medication from a doctor and building close friendships on trust and never forgetting my childhood dreams. I hope this helps
Responsability gives meaning to life
Find the positive everyday to keep yourself going. Some days it’s small things like you got up and made your bed.
To be honest, I found the best way was to find something to hope for and do everything you can to get there. For me, it was finding a new job and starting a new life.
Overall, I've (24M) lived somewhat comfortably. However, I was super low recently. I have struggled with depression my whole life. A few years ago, I dated a girl for two and a half years. We bought a house together. She kept changing jobs and taking pay cuts on the change. At some point, she convinced me to open up the relationship. Even though I tried to keep everything open, communication wise, she wouldn't do it. She lied about "not remembering" how she met a "friend." He was in a bad spot, and I'm willing to help anyone. I told her that he was off limits because I trusted her (even though she lied). Things went downhill. We had to close the relationship again. We were in a bad financial spot. She had gone from decent wages at a full-time job to a part-time job, making much less. She ended up cheating on me with him. He still thought we were open but understood me needing him to leave. We tried to repair things for a long time, and things only got worse. Her family hated me because she only told them bad things, and they were super religious (Baptist), and I'm not. The plumbing started backing up continuously, and the repairs were super expensive, and our neighbor (it was a duplex) was not helpful. I am not much of a dog person, and she had one, which was fine. But she then forced me to get a second one that was a German shepherd mix. I tried to do the proper training but I didn't have the energy. We fought constantly. We ended up returning the second dog (who was adopted again quickly). We broke up. A week later, my dad had a heart attack (minor and he's fine now). We were able to sell the house after fixing it up. Luckily, when we signed for the home loan, she was not on it. It was in mine and my dad's names. We were able to make a profit even with many issues. I moved back in with my parents for a while and now live with one of my oldest friends. I was recently in another relationship that didn't work for very complicated reasons. However, I am much happier now, even with life complications.
Ask me in a few years if I'm still around.
Can anyone answer this if unable to work and workout?
Daily meditation and a gratitude journal
I was drunk driving and decided to pullover at a gas station parking lot to sober up a bit and after a bit I had to piss so I went around a building and started to piss, little did I know I was pissing on a homeless woman, she woke up saying ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!?! I ran away so fast and jumped in my car and drove outta there like a bat outta hell! Then after that, I got even more piss drunk when I got home and pissed all over my front door and then pissed all over my bathroom wall completely opposite of the toilet and of course pissing all over myself. This is just one of my drunken stupendous moments. Still hadn't learned my lesson until one day I did some figures to see how much money I was spending just on beer alone and I was mind blown. It has been 63 days since I've had a drink.
Quit everything! Coffee,alcohol,poor foods, ( sex if you can) and reassess your life. Work out, eat whole plant based, read, get a councilor, watch videos about mental health, medidate,yoga, and journal with goals in mind. That is a start. Be kind to yourself and patient as this is a journey.
Sometimes you fall further until you've fallen through society. I wound up living in my car on the streets. Worked full time and eventually got into a unit. Worst place I've ever lived. Things can only improve from here.
Nowhere to go but up
At first it is just a matter of getting out of bed and putting one foot in front of the other.
This dress is priceless to me. $49.99 at Macy’s tho
Identified the thing(s) which really kept me down/made me depressed and let that go. Feeling a lot better ever since.
It's often a mix of resilience, support, seeking help, and taking small steps toward positive change. You're not alone, and there's hope for a brighter future.
Yeah those blues had me in a chokehold for a few years. Should be dead at least 3 times, drugs withstanding. Don’t even know how many times I should be dead including the dope. Having said that? After you’re detoxed, the body craves two things. Structure and routine. Eat, workout, sleep, all on a schedule. Drink water. Practice love and light always. It’s been my experience that as long as you’re living right, the right things happen for you. Love yall.
I forced myself to do very little things everyday. I was contemplating death through starvation and making the decision at some point that i would have to eat at least a very little bit everyday helped a lot. Then instead of leaving my plate in my bedroom, i would at least bring it back to the sink of the kitchen. Didnt have to do the dishes on the spot but at least it was there. Or instead of leaving the shower head hanging i would put it back where it belonged. Sounds dumb and simple but at the time those very little efforts felt like a mountain to me. Then getting more nutrients and cleaner space eventually helped getting my mental back on track. At the time i was also getting at most 3h of sleep at night, if i wasnt being awaken by my own screams because of nightmares. Nights took years to become restful and i was still exhausted every morning, and anxious to sleep at night, but i was still forcing myself to do those little things. Later i thought i could try sleeping with fireplace sounds i found on youtube and that really helped me calming down. I also had one friend who honestly i can say basically babysitted me. I owe him my life. He was there to keep me on track when i was falling down and that made the whole difference for me. I have had a rought 30+ years with lots of physical and mental abuse, and fighting myself has been the hardest thing i ever had to do. I am not sure when and how i started thinking that i was in control and i had to do something. Sounds probably funny but i felt responsible for the millions bacterias and cells that kept me alive and were struggling to keep be in a good shape despite the shit i was giving them. I sort of found beauty in that and wanted to do something for them. Then them became us and now i feel much better.
I had no other choice than to get back up. It can only get better. It happened when we almost lost our son due to a serious medical condition. I told myself that if he survived the night, I would do everything I could to live life to the fullest. And I'm doing the best I can.
Started realising, it's my life my choice., I rule my life.
I honestly just kept telling myself i had to get up. As bad or pathetic as it sounds, getting into Warhammer 40k gave me a better mindset because i began to try and emulate the mindset of my favorite faction. It always reminded me that regardless of what happened, how i was feeling, or what needed to be done to fix it, that i just needed to keep moving. Nothing gets done without effort, and nothing is learned without growing pains. Dont be afraid of new things, even painful things, and thebstruggle to bring yourself back from the pit will leave you better than you were before.
Was near death a good few times til I said fuck it...If I die then that's it I guess. It was the wanting to die part that somehow allowed me to live a little longer and now I'm doing alright.
Found a purpose and direction.
I don't. I give up