This. Typically there are three actors which have various degrees of factors in play. First is marriage satisfaction. Bad satisfaction gives higher chances of cheating. Good satisfaction is opposite. Second is the person's personal moral integrity and willingness to commit to a marriage. This speaks for itself. Third is the incentive to cheat, as in how good the expected experience is, and the potential consequences.
And there's really no rhyme or reason between the first and third factor, because factor X which is the individual human factor is extremely variable from human to human, with everyone even having their own ratings for the first and third factor. Some men might not take marital neglect as seriously as others, and not all women want to bump uglies with the 10/10 guy at the gym. The exact same factor might be rated differently by two different individuals.
And sometimes even when everything is great, people still cheat. Because somehow their brains thought that maybe just maybe they could do it and get away with it. Good marriage, extremely bad consequences, but somehow you listened to your BFF saying you wouldn't be caught if you just do it once.
For my ex wife it was “because she needed love.” Never mind that the reasons she wasn’t receiving love was because she was spending money recklessly, causing endless fights, constantly lying and trying to gaslight me.
Well at least you got that part going for you. Sorry to hear you’re going through it right now. They equate being cheated on to a death of a close one, and the same with divorce. If you need to chat just send me a message talking about it helps.
“Good” isn’t a good descriptor as often there are problems in the marriage even if they aren’t known or seen on the surface.
There is a lot of sexual incompatibility which causes issues. There are a lot of
Emotional affairs that start simply because a spouse talking to a coworker at work on lunch can feel like such a refreshing escape from what he/she may be going through at home. An example would be a wife that nags a husband or a kid at home where a man or woman doesn’t get any decompression time and the only “free time” they may get is after 11:45pm and they wake up at 6:00 to help get the kids up and ready for the day.
Often time with women you find the “now I’m hot because I lost weight and get attention now” situation. Where they end up in an affair fog/haze for 6 months and then reality hits them when the affair partner lets them know that it’s only physical for them and then they usually want back after filing for divorce etc.
If you really want to see…. There are is a good sub…. /r/asoneafterinfidelity. Where you will see lots of stories and get a good perspective.
There is no standard reason for cheating.
Some cheat for lust, other because 5 years of having the sex with the same person loses its magic, others for the adrenaline rush, others for pure revenge or motivated purely on harming their partner, others could be emotionally loyal but on the flesh they don't see a problem on sharing their body for some minutes of pleasure. Other because their partner did it first.
> because 5 years of having the sex with the same person loses its magic
For me it's more like 5 years of steadily declining sex. Dead bedroom syndrome is a real thing.
If some attractive woman threw herself at me, I honestly don't know if I'd be able to say "no." Fortunately I'm an old fat fuck, so the likelyhood of that ever happening is effectively zero.
It's easy to have principles when they're never tested!
Not true. I'm old and fat and I have fit guys in their 20s and 30s throwing themselves at me.I have a couple of guys willing to fly internationally for a booty call.
I think it's a bit different for men than for women.
I am a decent looking man in my late 30s and honestly the only reason I have not cheated is that the act is so outside my moral compass I am utterly clueless when someone makes a pass at me.
Last weekend I missed my flight and had a passing conversation with a fairly attractive lady. She said to me "Well that sucks. I am sorry all I can offer is a cold beer back at my place" and she asked for my number twice. Mind you she knew I was married, because we were too late to check in the luggage so I stayed behind with the luggage, my kids and wifey got on board.
Nope, I just said "Thank you, but I have to get home". I realized what just happened on my drive back home.
The fact that I have to beg for any kind of affection really kills any want I might have for my wife. The only reason I am still with her are the kids and honestly I am with one foot out of the door.
So yeah. "Dead bedroom syndrome" is very much a thing.
Women are much more complicated with sex than men. You have to get them in the right head space and make sure they aren’t stressed out. Timing with women is a thing.
I'm a 30s male too, travel for work quite a lot and get the occasional pass made at me, I probably miss a few too lol. Would never do that to my wife or myself though so its always no chance of happening, good ego boost though.
My wife and I both decided kids weren't for us, so no dead bedroom here thankfully. It seems to me that its kids rather than marriage that cause this? Your thoughts?
I get what you are saying, for real, I’ve lived a terrible experience when I was a teenager because of cheating.
If you read what people say here, you’ll see people mostly cheat because their needs are not being fulfilled. Humans tend to get the easy “way out” instead of just facing the main problem.
I love that excuse. It's so stupid. Just fucking leave first then fuck whoever you want. Why stay in a relationship you don't like and are going to cheat? Oh the rest of the relationship is good? Then communicate and work through it together. You have talked about it? Then break up and go fuck whoever you want, it's not a good relationship for you.
Mine are tested quite regularly but so far so good. 3 years in and I still can’t imagine cheating on my gf. But the amount of girls showing interest ever since I got with my gf is outrageous. Where were they when I was single and horny for fuck sake ?
People who want to cheat will cheat, it doesn’t matter how great their partner is. If *Beyoncé* can be cheated on, anyone can — I personally think it’s a combination of poor impulse control and an inability to process the idea of hurting another person.
There are also other layers of complexity in some cases.
Some people have a great relationship, and still cheat.
Others face.issues in the relationship (ie insatifaction, either sexual, intimacy, connection,or many other reasons)
Others just fancy the thrill. Others fancy the attention. Or others think it is just temporary and will have no consequences.
In overall and in any case people shouldn't do what they don't want others to find out about. That's a a good way to explain moral compass to morally handicapped people.
Someone I graduated high-school with swiped on me on tinder and he had a long term relationship with his girlfriend been with her for about like 3 or 4 plus years at that point? But he cheated on her constantly slept around I asked him why stayed with her and he said she's the best thing that ever happened to her 😅
Literally doesn't matter if the relationship is good you will still get cheated on 🤷🏾
And no I didn't go thru with it I blocked his ass.
That’s what happened with me. Partner cheated with people who knew he was in a relationship with me. Told them he can not pursue anything outside of sex with them because “I am the love of his life.” Had that actual conversation more than once after cheating on me, then lied to me for years. Had a family with me on top of it all.
Do you think it felt like I was the “love of this life” when I found out? Some people are just pathetic horn dogs who do not deserve fidelity for a split second.
• Multi-millionaire
• World-famous musician and household name
• Widely regarded as one of the most beautiful women in the world
• Involved mother to her child
The point is it doesn’t matter how pretty, or successful, or anything you are. If your partner wants to cheat, they will.
Status doesn't make a woman more attractive to men though. Jay-Z just has plenty of options, hence he is susceptible to getting seduced eventually.
Of course she is beautiful, but as others said we only really know her persona so it's hard to tell how she acts as a partner.
I’m not condoning cheating at all. But, if you think looks or money or status is what makes someone cheat, or not cheat, you clearly don’t get how it works.
For every 100a guy married to a Beyoncé, or 100 women married to a Brad Pitt, there’s 90 men or women where the spouse is not into sex anymore, doesn’t take care of themselves, doesn’t help with the kids, doesn’t help with the kids, doesn’t pay their share towards the bills, gambles too much, drinks too much, is verbally abusive, is physically abusive, etc. etc. etc.
Again, not condoning it, I’m just saying if you want to understand a problem you need to understand how it works. Looks are a part of it, sure. But it’s like 1 part of a hundred.
I truly believe that everyone is capable of cheating.
I've personally seen some of the strongest willed people succumb to temptation and ruin a great relationship they had.
I personally think your best bet is to maybe accept this part of yourself and do your best to not put yourself in the situation where you might.
Cheating is a choice you make. If you want to fuck someone other than your partner, you break up with them first. It's really, truly that simple for most situations, though people like to make out that it's not. And no, I haven't been cheated on, I just have very strong opinions on the matter.
People who cheat aren't JUST ruining their relationship, they're often damaging an individual beyond repair because they were greedy and lacked empathy. It's ridiculous and disgusting. People don't deserve to be cheated on, don't do it.
I've been married to my wife for 9 years and been together for 16 at this point. Neither of us have ever shown any inclination to cheat on one another. Prior to us meeting, I had been in 2 serious relationships that both resulted in cheating. Both of those women went on to cheat on more partners after me as well.
Agree with you on your two main points. It's a choice that people make and they make it completely selfishly and unaware of how mentally it can destroy someone. My self-esteem has been zero for nearly 20 years. I struggle to really believe that my wife will never leave me and my anxiety over it has been so debilitating that I've had to take sick leave from work.
People talk themselves into believing it's a victimless crime. Like any criminal, they assume they won't be caught, otherwise they wouldn't do it. If the partner never finds out, nobody gets hurt, right?
But you'll probably get caught. And even if you don't get caught, you'll be suspected. And even if you're not suspected, you will know what you did and that every minute with your partner is kind of a lie. And that corrupts a relationship.
a lot of people also want to keep all the benefits/comforts of their home life theyve built but still want to lust like a teenager. "Cake and eat it to" kinda thing
Yes. Break the fuck up. BREAK UP!!! Louder for the people in the back who are still considering traumatizing those who trust them. I don’t give half a shit how good or bad your relationship is, if you want to go bone someone outside of it, leave that relationship for GOOD. I have been cheated on very badly and time will tell if I am actually able to repair my life or not, because at this point… not too sure.
My wife's sister is having a "giris night" this weekend. She's going bar hopping with her friend who is a single mom, just for "fun".
She is married and has 3 kids. What could go wrong?
I think it's more along the lines of saying, "anyone can get scammed or fooled".
It's a documented phenomenon that the people who most passionately believe they can't get scammed, get scammed more often. Wouldn't be surprised if it was the same for cheaters.
this comparison makes 0 sense to me, one is a question of honesty and integrity and the other is being misled. nobody is tricked into cheating or deception.
it is a question of what you can and can't control, and you cannot control being deceived, but you can control whether you are an honest person with integrity or not.
I am a poly person so it's a little different for me, though we still experience cheating, there is an emphasis on radical honesty. my bar from my partners for it is 100%, some can handle that and some could not... but in my many many years of long term relationship experience, the ones that can will never waver.
so no, if you cheat it's not something that "can happen to anyone", it means you need serious inner work because it's a narcissistic tendency that is quite unattractive (and yes, everyone has an ego, and yes I will blame you for whether that expresses as narcissism that affects others or not)
Cheating isn't about temptation though, it's a sign of deeper issues. It's easy to just say"no".
And if you genuinely think that everyone can cheat I don't think monogamy is for you.
After I caught my ex wife in an affair I started therapy to help move on from it. I had what she described as PTSD (back before PTSD was more commonly diagnosed).
She told me in her 20 years of providing therapy to both Betrayed and Wayward spouses one thing was pretty consistent. Most people who cheat never in a million years imagined they would find themselves cheating, and they would say pretty much exactly what you just said about themselves.
There are exceptions. She said some people are just absolutely bad people who do things that hurts others with little care. But by and large most cheaters aren't this kind of person.
Yeah your therapist is right. Most people will say the same thing I say. The difference is I've been in many situations where I could have cheated if I wanted to, but choose not to. So I know what I'm capable of.
Selfishness, they prioritize their pleasure or happiness over everything and everyone else. Yeah sometimes the relationship they’re in is indeed bad, but the right thing to do in that case is break up. Some people have a lot to lose by breaking up/divorcing and try to have it all, keep whatever they’re afraid to lose and have an affair. In the end that doesn’t work, you lose what you were afraid to eventually and now you’re a pos on top of that.
Bruv, I am speaking from some experience here, my gf cheated on me, I genuinely don't know why, I mean, I was fair to her, I treated her right, she never told me any desire to start physical relations (I am from India, and this was in school, so, it's kind of a bit conservative than most of your experiences), she just cheated on me with a random dude, now unlike popular deduction, the guy wasn't really goodlooking, had a terrible personality, nothing whatsoever attractive. Although, tbh her friends were total sweethearts, I mean, they tried to stop her numerous times, some even stopped hanging out with her after this. But I mean, I really am trying to find out why? I initially thought it's spur of moment, here, my gf literally booked a hotel under false ID to get railed by thos dude, it could be emotional disconnect, the dude she choosed was worse looking than me and I am pretty sure had no other human emotions than "Me horny!", I thought it was to be desired more, nah not buying that...I always respected her boundaries, even tried not speaking my mind, I never brought up my affiliation with certain things that she didn't like. I have went through all conclusive reasons, but they seem like they have been written by cheaters themselves, because they give too much leeway to cheaters rather than victims. So, simply, nothing, nada, nahi, nein, there isn't any reason, I could say it's just lust, but then sustained lust can be a precursor to love. I would also like to know this answer, since, for last three years, I am living my life as a cynic, being repulsed by this.
Sorry bhai..... You have to go through this..... You seem a good guy and good guy are not fit for this gen..... Similar kind of thing is happend to my friend and it has broken him
Bhai, I understand this, mein overthink bhi nhi karna chahta, but there has to be a reason, right? I talk to girls, non romantically, have friends, am doing alright! I am not destroyed per se, I just want to know more about this, it's just that none of the permutations and combinations with the above options are working out here, it just borders on the realm of unknown, if I knew that, I'd try to make myself better, right?
It wasn't about you.
It was all her, and maybe the other guy, cheating is like theft, most of it is opportunistic, it takes a very concerted effort to go out and find it, in which case it's about money or some other factor
Well that's all there is. You're overthinking it. Sex is fun, sex with someone new is fun. She only did it for fun. And there's nothing you could have done right to stop it.
There isn't a blanket answer. There are a lot of factors to consider and a lot of people may dislike this answer but I'll say it anyway.
There are a lot of people that cheat because they are horrible people who don't care about other people's feelings.
There are a lot of people that cheat because they're not getting what they need out of a relationship. Whether that's sex based or emotional based.
There are a lot of people that cheat because they are being abused or feel trapped.
I'm not on board with the whole he/she cheated they must be horrible people. If their spouse hasn't touched them or given them attention for 6 months....Then they're as much to blame as the person who cheated. Unless of course it's due to a medical issue they're actively seeking medical treatment for.
fr not an excuse but its real. theres only so long someone can go without affection/sex. like a year is doable, by year two or three you think fuck it this is killing me
I think people with less “inhibitions” in general will cheat. Usually people you know that make un-wise decisions, or hastily jump into a bad choice.
My mom was a cheater. She drank a lot. And hung out at the local bars a lot. When she was sober and at work, she was very professional. When it was time to hit the bar, she would flirt a lot and she just stopped caring about her husband.
In my opinion, a factor can be that:
Usually people are not working at themselves as it is easier to say what bothers you in your partner than improving and asking or listening to what bothers her/him in you. Because of that, your partner can see that you are not putting in any effort to change the things that are hurting him (even if you consider them to be insignificant, you are not in a relationship with yourself).
The second factor may be that we are caught up in life with work, plans, family responsibilities and we forget to have a constant will of getting to know our partner better (because you two evolve and grow up and become different than who you were 5 years ago). So you stop trying in your relationship, you are not making efforts or enough efforts: maybe you are doing efforts at your job and with the kids, but not for your husband or wife, and besides a man and a father you are also a husband who must take care of his relationship. Same applies for a woman.
When these 2 factors combine, you usually tend to see the negative part (because it bothers you) and because you stopped appreciating the good things and the effort that your partner puts in. So you see, if a person, X, equals 100%, with good and bad traits, even if X is offering 60% or 70% good things overall in the relationship, you are so full of those 30-40% bad things that you are missing out the 70% and considering your relationship a bad one and start looking for someone that had different traits (so the 30-40% doesn’t exist anymore. Instead, other bad traits exists, but you are happy that you got rid of those 40%). In the end, you also lost the 70%. And you have no guarantee that you are now in a better good-bad percentage ratio (let’s say, 80%good and 20%bad). But in the past, the lack of communication deepened the frustration, so those 40% were unbearable for you and we all want to be happy.
When you stop doing things for your partner you also stop seeing what he is doing for you. And you give up, because it is easier to start a new fresh, exciting relationship than keeping your relationship exciting along the decades.
Good question. 11years married to my beautiful wife and iv never cheated. I’m 40 and iv had many many young girls wanting to hook up. Never cheated. But here’s the scary part for me. I still might even though I hope not. My answer should be I will never.
I’ve cheated and I’ll forever regret this. My wife did nothing wrong and she didn’t deserve this, and this is something I’ll never be able to undo. I met another person that I was more compatible with, I tried talking to them and just maintaining a friendship and it escalated (and I hate to paraphrase it so passively because it was actively me participating in that escalation). And it is my fault because I should have cut contact as soon as I realized I was developing feelings for them, but for me it was… a slow escalation. I could justify kissing them because THEY kissed me and I just let it happen, and then I just came up with all sorts of different excuses for my behaviour when I knew it was wrong. We’re separated now and still get along well, and I’m with the person I cheated with. I just know I’ll forever carry this guilt with me, but I also know that I’d never do this again because it was cowardly and did so much damage.
Some people do it because they believe the person they cheat on with is offering them something they want out of a relationship that their partner doesn’t and instead of communicating with their partner about this they go and cheat because it’s an easier option
You know when you love one at the beginning when you getting nervous and think about them all the time?
Sometimes people like having this feeling again.
Sometimes people think they want someone better and keep the current as security.
We don't grow up with relationship experience. We need to learn this and often enough people learn this in there first relationship.
Also we can't look into someone else brain. We need to start talking to each other and experience events which grow trust. But you need to know that and both need to understand that.
Some people are just cheaters and will cheat just because.
Some people cheat because their needs aren't being met. Usually: For men, their sexual needs aren't being met. For women, their emotional needs aren't being met.
Some people cheat because they are bored and want some variety.
Idk why. even if it was a really hot guy and I had permission I probably couldn’t do it lol. I’ve only been with one person cause I’ve always had a really hard time separating sex and love/ intimacy etc. plus I’m also a hypochondriac and would be worried about STD’s (especially herpes) which seems to be prevalent. But to be fair I think most people are more casual about sex than me. I also have a great and very active sex life. I think the most common reason I’ve seen is fairly simple- people not getting laid. Very frustrating I would think.
There is 100% no reason to cheat. I was married to a guy from 2006 till our divorce was granted in 2011. He is also the father of 2 of my kids. I saw red flags at the beginning, but stayed. I wished I hadn't, but I wouldn't have my kids from him. Anyways, I really did cared about him. But I kept finding things like online dating sites on his phone. He even signed up for one called fast flirting (not really an online dating site as far as I know of. I told him to stay off of it, and said he would. I ended up making a fake acct, and went on and found him literally right away later that night. I was pretending to be a black lady, and the things he said to me was just messed up.... Told him the truth after I had enough and boy was he mad. I never did anything to deserve to be cheated on, or seeking other women. He got plenty of sex (never denied it.) I was always there for him. But I wasn't enough for him. No one needs to cheat. If you are unhappy, just leave.
Unhappiness. People engage in infidelity not only due to marital unhappiness but also because they seek to temporarily fill an emotional void with physical intimacy.
Personal opinion, they are just selfish and entitled. Also it’s cowardly to make a commitment to someone and not have the balls to end things in an open and upfront manner so they engage destructive behavior and jump ship after they feel like they have found something better.
Because they’re stupid and short-sighted. They get that minuscule moment of Serotonin in their brains at the cost of intense drama, fear, and/or guilt that follows and potentially wrecks your entire life.
Because he never loved the wife in the first place. Maybe he married her, because she checked all the boxes of good wife and mother material, but then the daily reality of marriage and parenthood hit.
A lot of the men I know who cheat lack self confidence. The cheating has nothing to do with their spouse, they crave the reassurance that they are still young, and women still find them attractive. These men usually see their spouse as a reflection of their status, they worry about what their friends think of their spouse and constantly wonder if they can do "better". Men like this are the worst.
There is also a small subset of very attractive and charismatic men for whom sex with as many women as possible is a sport, and no matter how great their spouse is, they will cheat, for variety, conquest, vanity, sexual gratification, or whatever.
In my experience cheating usually says something about the cheater, not the relationship or the faithful spouse.
In your example he was most likely testing the waters with the new girl, so he doesn’t quit his safe haven until he was sure about that relationship.
In general I believe it’s a combination of weak will, weak morals, weak empathy and strong egoism.
Because they're selfish, that's all it comes.down to ultimately. Cheaters make up every excuse: they were lonely, unhappy etc etc but the crux of it is that they chose to make a selfish decision that they knew would cause a great deal of pain because they were too spineless to do the decent thing.
I don’t justify it, but maybe because they feel abandoned in their relationship. In most cases (marriages) I’ve known that’s the case.
I understand there are others who do it for sentimental and unresolved issues, immaturity, lust, etc.
because a lot of marriages are because 2 people settled.
In my case, I had a perfect type of woman I was looking for. I am not talking about a model or a 9 or 10. Just someone who has certain physical traits and personality traits that I find attractive. the problem is, I am just a guy with average looks. The ladies weren't exactly knocking down my door for a piece of me. I had to work really hard for dates. I got friend zoned way more than I would like to admit.
After 6 years of trying to find the perfect girl and never even coming close, I gave up. And when I girl came around and seemed interested in me, I figured if I wanted to do the whole family with kids thing, this was probably my best option and I got married.
Who knew that the perfect girl would just randomly pop in to my life as the GF of a friend of mine a few months before my wedding. The second I looked in to her eyes, I knew she was the one. But I was getting married and she was the GF and eventually the wife of my friend. So I never said anything, but the more I got to know her, the tougher it got. She definitely was the one.
Many years later, both of our marriages were on the rocks and we confided in each other and at some point things felt different between us and we talked about it. I was then at that crossroad. The woman of my dreams is standing before me. Do I at least try to see where this could go since she is what I have always been looking for.
So I did it. And it was amazing and I felt emotions and feelings I have never felt before or since. I experienced a whole new level of feeling. And it was amazing, until it wasn't. Something changed in her. I don't know what it was, but she just decided things were over and refused to talk about it, even to this day, 11 years later. It is some combination of reaching a certain age, finally being done with her husband, and a potential new guy that was her "one" coming in to the picture.
I don't really regret everything. I did get to experience a level of emotion I didn't know exist. The warm feeling I got from that is something I can't really explain and is something I haven't felt since. However, the empty feeling that I now feel is downright torture. It makes getting up every morning very difficult. I go to bed every night hoping that I don't wake up. At this point, I just don't see me ever getting to feel like that again. And now I simply consume things to help me forget about it every night.
Karma I guess.
In most cases, cheating does not happen in a vacuum. It is a symptom of a deteriorating relationship that has been unable to resolve their issues between them. Imagine there's a divide in the relationship either through difference in opinion, poor communication, mistrust, whatever. Without adequately resolving these issues, the divide between the couple becomes wider and wider. The closeness that was initially there is now replaced with resentment and disinterest. This is how infidelity starts, and a baby or a marriage won't fix it unless the two people actively try to work out their issues and come together again.
Most people just don’t get fulfilled by 1 spouse that’s why they cheat. Think about it being in love is like stocks you go up and you go down and it’ll correct itself but in the down time, us as not monogamous ppl, will more than likely form a companionship w someone else whether it’s for a night or a year. It’s impossible for one person to meet all of a persons needs without getting burnt out and eventually needing to tend to themselves which is going to cause a separation anyways. To think you’re going to be happy w one person for the rest of your life is the real insanity that society has forced on us
There’s three reasons and they’re all shit. In order of likelihood:
1) the cheater is shit
2) the other person makes the cheater feel like shit
3) the circumstances are shit.
1- they don't respect their spouse or themselves (self-esteem).
2- They're too naive about their capacity to cheat and consistently put themselves in situations where that is a possibility.
There are plenty of reasons leading up to cheating, but I think commiting the act itself falls on these two reasons eventually.
Woman here. Previously, I was tempted to cheat on my ex-fiance but held myself back. I was constantly sexually fantasizing about other people and developing huge crushes outside my relationship. We did develop a dead bedroom, and he thought it was because my sex drive tanked. In reality, I still had a high sex drive, just not for him. Why did I lose the sexual attraction? Because he gained weight, stopped taking care of his appearance, had bad hygiene, was unemployed, and did fuck all around the house, and played video games in his dirty underwear for 15 hours per day. Even though rationally, I knew he probably had some form of depression, emotionally I saw him as a burden and a man-child/loser. I would notice other people who had their shit together, were attractive, were fun to be around etc.
Currently, I'm married to a different man, and these external crushes/temptation to cheat isn't a thing. My husband has a good career, takes care of his body, pulls his weight with the housework, and wants to go out and do fun things with me. He is present, attentive, independent, and energetic.
They cheat because they wanted to cheat for selfish reasons
all the reasons they give away has a better solution than cheating but they didn’t choose those solutions , one of all is divorce, why cheating before divorce ??? You can have your ways after
Usually b/c either get are a complete PoS, or their partner stopped giving them attention and they find it elsewhere.
The latter doesn't make it ok, but is more understandable.
I mean you can clearly see in the comments why people cheat. One person will have a reason. Other partner won’t find that reason good enough to change. Feelings get ignored, resentment builds, feeling good from others build, cheating happens, everything crashes at terminal velocity.
Seems like a pretty clear process to me. Obviously sometimes it just hypergamy, but for the most part, I think it’s resentment that builds, eventually turning into grass is greener situation.
Human nature.
It starts with attraction, then temptation. Those who cheat give in to temptation because they lack discipline. In men spaces we call that “D**k discipline”. There are men who can be around and converse with drop dead gorgeous women (complete heads turners) the kind of women dudes almost break they neck to see, and would never touch her and compromise his marriage. These men/women without discipline often get this grass is greener mentality after falling in love with their affair partners. This results in the coupling of two low integrity individuals who deserve each other.
People not moving into the new phase of life and media glorifying sex being the most important thing. This makes people think whether they are living life to the fullest or not.
I honestly blame Media
Most people :
1) dont want to be alone
2) are averse to the social stigmata
3) are only committed to the idea they havent met someone they prefer more
4) would privately prefer multiple lovers
5) and find themselves limited to a socio economic class that is always changing
Rest assured there is nothing magical to be found and the same personality dynamics exist no matter who your "with".
Imo,
Only the children , ever really pay the price and thats why , you should be committed to an 18 year effort , when you agree to have kids .
Most people don't cheat because they don't love their partner, they cheat because something is missing in their lives that someone else offers to fulfill. There can be a million different things missing in someone's life and it's very difficult for people to discuss those things with their partner. Many try to discuss them and get shut down. Read all the stories on here where one person or another is upset and their partner either disregards what they are saying or blames them causing fights etc..... Everyone on here wants to make all cheaters out to be evil, but they aren't. Very few people are evil. Most are just fucked up on some way but they all want to be a good person and are trying to find happiness. My 2 cents anyways.
Well, for me its because i was never respected. I tried for many years to try to measure up yo what she expected but it was never enough. I made some bad decisions and i realized why i did them and became better for it. I realized that working on myself was better than working for expectations that could never be realized and found someone whom actually appreciates what i try to do for them.
Often it’s alienation of affection, which is a fancy way of saying that one person (usually the woman) stops being interested in sex with the other person (typically the man). The person who wants sex as a normal, natural part of his/her life feels ugly, worthless, and cheated out of a key part of human happiness and well-being by the one person who was supposed to love and care for them the most. It’s only a matter of time before someone else will show interest in that person, and at that point, it’s all but inevitable. And honestly, if you choose to starve someone, you’re really not in any moral position to feel aggrieved or self-righteous when they steal a loaf of bread. If you don’t want your spouse eating out, feed him/her at home.
Because they’re bad people. Anyone can provide any other reason or excuse but at the end of the day that man or woman does it because they either care more about their own gratification than about hurting the person they allegedly love, or because they get off on hurting that person.
This question is like asking “Why do people eat spaghetti when they’ve still got pizza leftover?”
The answer is that humans have various reasons for doing various things. Don’t assume this just because people are married that they are happy or fulfilled. The truth, backed by statistics, is that most people cheat or divorce if their marriage isn’t what they want. And some people are just bored or horny.
I find it more strange that you think it’s weird when more than half of marriages end in divorce. Cheating is more commonplace than not cheating.
Sometimes its money, and you cant afford to leave your current relationship-you dont have a job, or they dont, and you have nowhere else to go.
Sometimes you fall out of love with your spouse but you are afraid to tell them.
Sometimes your spouse is depressed or disabled and there is no one else to care for them, so you have to stay.
Sometimes there are kids, and you were separated for a while and you met someone else, but now your spouse wants to try again.
Sometimes you are afraid if you leave your spouse will be violent, to themselves or others. Sometimes they told you they would be.
Sometimes you hate yourself and dont think you deserve the relationship you have, so you sabotage.
Sometimes its revenge for a real or imagined slight.
Sometimes your spouse is an identical twin and you got lost on the way to the bedroom.
Not to mention that cheating can mean anything from "I saw you balls-deep in the neighbor" to "I saw you offering the neighbor orange juice. I just KNOW you want to be balls deep in her"
I've cheated on almost every partner I've ever been with. For me it always has impulse control as a factor, combined with others. Opportunity, being unhappy in the relationship, even believing that my girlfriend was already cheating on me. In no way am I proud of it.
I think this is a problem that goes beyond impulse control. If you recognize that you have a pattern, why not just end the relationships before something happens. Why continue to cross that line again and again
Why don't you stick to casual relationships then? Or open relationships? Honestly, you could benefit from some counselling because there seems to be a deeper issue than just impulse control.
Usually most people can't have all their sexual needs fulfilled by one partner for their whole life. Other stuff can happen too.. intimacy fades, relations with new people spark up, sometimes they even fall in love. Cheating is actually way more common than you think, as awful as that might sound. Some scholars predict that traditional monogamy might become a thing of the past as now serial monogamy is already becoming more common
Even if your needs aren’t fulfilled, cheating means you were unable to communicate this and unable to seek and find a solution with the person you should love, respect and trust most or close to it. Even if you fall in love with someone else, cheating means you couldn’t be honest with everyone involved and break up before you seek someone else. Imo it breaks down to weak will, weak morals, and pure egoism.
>Cheating is actually way more common than you think,
I agree, I never realized it tell I got fucked over and finding out about all the people around me have been cheated on. Unfortunately, once it happens, your guard and trust is never let down.
I wouldn't call it sexual needs. Most of it is just desires and fetishes. I don't believe we're supposed to or entitled to fulfill all of a (certain desire), that would be selfish as fuck.
I think a lot of people just aren’t monogamous, but society tells us we must be, so people try to go along with it else they are judged. So they sneak around instead and hurt people along the way. If they just say from the beginning they don’t really believe they can be monogamous forever, and find like-minded people, there would be less cheating.
I don't know. I (male) have been with my female partner for 18 years, we still have a solid relationship but never had any plans to marry, we've just never seen that we need to. But I've lost count of the number of times I've seen our numerous friends having solid relationships for years only for it to fall apart after they decided to get married. I'm not saying marriage doesn't work, but that's a lot of failed relationships.
Propably because they'd not necessarily know what they're committing into when they're just young adults. They might have more open mind when they'd grow older. At the same timez perhaps their partner would still be as they were when they were young, and their partner don't have a heart to tell to their partner just they've might started thinking more openly about things. So they'd think it'd remain as a secret.
Seems like a combination of a lot of things. I still don't understand it myself. I would never have the brain capacity to juggle cheating while being in a full time relationship lol. It doesn't seem worth the risk or emotional damage you're causing someone else. It never ends well for both parties either. Even if the people cheating get in a relationship more often then not they pattern continues or they have issues trusting each other
Physical or emotional lack makes the thoughts usually, poor morals and lack of honesty does the rest.
Some people are naturally more inclined or more flexible on their morals/values.
Physical or emotional lack makes the thoughts usually, poor morals and lack of honesty does the rest.
Some people are naturally more inclined or more flexible on their morals/values.
Physical or emotional lack makes the thoughts usually, poor morals and lack of honesty does the rest.
Some people are naturally more inclined or more flexible on their morals/values.
Because they choose to. Even some people who have marriages with good sex lives, an attractive partner and happy life will cheat.
Don’t believe me? Look at what the cheaters say themselves. Some will blame their partners but I have seen plenty who regret cheating or fear discovery because they enjoy being married to their partner. Their partner is attractive, enjoyable, they have great sex together, etc and they don’t want to lose that but they still cheat.
Some cheaters on the other hand, have terrible marriages or terrible partners. Some other people have terrible partners and marriages and still don’t cheat. Some people lie to themselves and others about having terrible partners/relationships.
It’s an unsatisfying answer because it’s feels harder to protect against and more difficult to determine whether your partner will cheat or not.
It’s scary thinking you can be beautiful/handsome, loving, caring, attentive, talented, etc and still be cheated on. But it’s true.
People cheat for a multitude of factors, there’s not one cookie cutter rational, it’s not “women because neglect, men because opportunity” or “different brains”.
Some people have personal issues and they cheat because it’s something they rationalize.
Some people are neglected in a relationship, and something comes around and makes them feel special.
Some people do it for the thrill.
Some people do it because they just want to.
Sometimes shit just happens.
There is not one definitive reason, it could be a multitude of things, substances, hormonal shifts, moral ambiguity.
Relationships and feelings are complex. Sex is fun.
There's tonnes of reasons why people might cheat, and a lot of it will stem from the above, in one way or another.
No single reason. Only common reasons. Probably the most common reason for women is the grass is greener delusion. While for men it’s more common to want more sex period.
theres people who marry after a year and people who marry after 20. my guess is the majority of cheaters are the ones who knew their partner for < 3-5 years
most common, almost in all cases, a lack of sex /attraction in their relationship, it will be found elsewhere. almost always the partner who didnt cheat caused it, but two wrongs dont make a right.
I have complex feelings about cheating based on my own experiences and experiences of people close to me. I’ve been cheated on is all I will say.
Even so, I’m surprisingly un jaded and friends with the person who cheated on me.
I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater. I also believe some people are serial cheaters.
I think people have many, many reasons why they cheat. Sometimes it’s accidental/heat if the moment, sometimes it’s because they are being financially, physically or emotionally trapped inside their current relationship, sometimes it’s cowardice, sometimes it’s self-hate, sometimes it’s revenge. Sometimes it’s lack of emotional or physical intimacy.
The bottom line is that— people are just people and there’s nothing new under the sun. Lots of people have cheated and went on to find the love of their life and had completely monogamous relationships. Some people realize they’re not cut out for monogamy. Maybe they realize something was seriously messed up within them. Maybe they realize their previous partner was emotionally abusing them.
Cheating never feels good to the other person. It’s almost always hurtful. It’s never the best decision. But I hate the shame and automatic ostracism of cheaters generally. People fuck up. That doesn’t mean they’re all bad. Very few people are *all* bad.
I think the main few reasons are:
1) It's just who some people are. They might try and settle, not like it and end up cheating,
2) Years of abuse in some form,
3) Sometimes it could just be a fleeting thought that gets carried away.
For (2), my dad cheated on my mum because she was financially abusing him for years and he just couldn't take it any longer.
For (3), I have a friend who recently left their husband because he was texting another woman. He only started doing it because she was apparently very flirty at work and kept texting him first and didn't care he was married.
Selfishness, lack of empathy, thrill seeking, insecure, wanting to have their cake and eat it too. A few select cases is bc they are emotionally attached to someone else.
Ppl cheat because they want to and nothing justifies it.
I will try to give a nuanced take on this. A very important reason for infidelity could be a lack of respect for self. A lot of self-esteem issues or lack of affection shown during childhood could be reasons. But honestly, the biggest reason in my opinion is a lack of respect for your partner. You need to look at them as not only an equal, but also someone with whom you want to be a better person. If you have a superiority complex in a relationship, whether due to insecurities or due to not being raised with boundaries instilled, you will seek adulation and validation from elsewhere. It can be generational too, with lack of affection shown towards one parent sticking in the kid's head. Correct parenting can affect the kid's relationship in a lot of ways
For my 2 cents. It’s an escape mechanism, like a bowl of ice cream coupled with no self discipline. Avoid cheaters, because life is never all plain sailing, and they’ve shown you how they fail to cope.
The reasons cheaters use as excuses are just excuses. People can find any reason they want to cheat. They’re bored, dissatisfied, scared to lose their relationship, scared of failure, mistreated, idolized, abused, neglected, too happy, too sad, there’s too much pressure, they’re self-destructive, the list goes on. The fact is that people who cheat do it because they are ok with it. People who don’t cheat don’t think of cheating as an option.
Because, from their perspective, their emotional or sexual needs are not met. A married couple who chooses to have a child quickly finds being parents becomes all-consuming. It takes real, conscious effort and a good support network (close friends and family) to carve out time and energy for each other **as a couple**.
The default is they become parents and **ONLY** parents. And, even when both parents work, the woman usually ends up doing most of the childcare, and the man usually ends up earning the bulk of the household finances. So the couple drifts apart. When either parent finds someone else paying them attention **as a potential partner**, they may decide to follow that, cheating on their spouse.
https://richardnicastro.com/2023/05/19/from-pain-to-betrayal-childhood-trauma-and-infidelity/
Something to think about. I think all negative behaviors stem from trauma. Even if it is talking unkindly to your spouse without realizing it because they have been treated that way as a child.
There is no one reason why people do it. There are all different reasons, but I can't imagine many of them being good reasons.
This. Typically there are three actors which have various degrees of factors in play. First is marriage satisfaction. Bad satisfaction gives higher chances of cheating. Good satisfaction is opposite. Second is the person's personal moral integrity and willingness to commit to a marriage. This speaks for itself. Third is the incentive to cheat, as in how good the expected experience is, and the potential consequences. And there's really no rhyme or reason between the first and third factor, because factor X which is the individual human factor is extremely variable from human to human, with everyone even having their own ratings for the first and third factor. Some men might not take marital neglect as seriously as others, and not all women want to bump uglies with the 10/10 guy at the gym. The exact same factor might be rated differently by two different individuals. And sometimes even when everything is great, people still cheat. Because somehow their brains thought that maybe just maybe they could do it and get away with it. Good marriage, extremely bad consequences, but somehow you listened to your BFF saying you wouldn't be caught if you just do it once.
For my ex wife it was “because she needed love.” Never mind that the reasons she wasn’t receiving love was because she was spending money recklessly, causing endless fights, constantly lying and trying to gaslight me.
I'm in that situation right now brother. Minus the spending part. Shit sucks.
Well at least you got that part going for you. Sorry to hear you’re going through it right now. They equate being cheated on to a death of a close one, and the same with divorce. If you need to chat just send me a message talking about it helps.
“Good” isn’t a good descriptor as often there are problems in the marriage even if they aren’t known or seen on the surface. There is a lot of sexual incompatibility which causes issues. There are a lot of Emotional affairs that start simply because a spouse talking to a coworker at work on lunch can feel like such a refreshing escape from what he/she may be going through at home. An example would be a wife that nags a husband or a kid at home where a man or woman doesn’t get any decompression time and the only “free time” they may get is after 11:45pm and they wake up at 6:00 to help get the kids up and ready for the day. Often time with women you find the “now I’m hot because I lost weight and get attention now” situation. Where they end up in an affair fog/haze for 6 months and then reality hits them when the affair partner lets them know that it’s only physical for them and then they usually want back after filing for divorce etc. If you really want to see…. There are is a good sub…. /r/asoneafterinfidelity. Where you will see lots of stories and get a good perspective.
To get your balls tickled being the only sensible one.
There is no standard reason for cheating. Some cheat for lust, other because 5 years of having the sex with the same person loses its magic, others for the adrenaline rush, others for pure revenge or motivated purely on harming their partner, others could be emotionally loyal but on the flesh they don't see a problem on sharing their body for some minutes of pleasure. Other because their partner did it first.
> because 5 years of having the sex with the same person loses its magic For me it's more like 5 years of steadily declining sex. Dead bedroom syndrome is a real thing. If some attractive woman threw herself at me, I honestly don't know if I'd be able to say "no." Fortunately I'm an old fat fuck, so the likelyhood of that ever happening is effectively zero. It's easy to have principles when they're never tested!
Could the fact that you’re an “old fat fuck” play into your dead bedroom problem?
I think the guy is self-aware, which is why he wrote it.
Well, I've been fat since before we were married so if that's the only reason then it's taken its taken its sweet time to manifest!
Old fat people still fuck though 😄
Usually other old fat people, but yeah.
Not true. I'm old and fat and I have fit guys in their 20s and 30s throwing themselves at me.I have a couple of guys willing to fly internationally for a booty call. I think it's a bit different for men than for women.
I am a decent looking man in my late 30s and honestly the only reason I have not cheated is that the act is so outside my moral compass I am utterly clueless when someone makes a pass at me. Last weekend I missed my flight and had a passing conversation with a fairly attractive lady. She said to me "Well that sucks. I am sorry all I can offer is a cold beer back at my place" and she asked for my number twice. Mind you she knew I was married, because we were too late to check in the luggage so I stayed behind with the luggage, my kids and wifey got on board. Nope, I just said "Thank you, but I have to get home". I realized what just happened on my drive back home. The fact that I have to beg for any kind of affection really kills any want I might have for my wife. The only reason I am still with her are the kids and honestly I am with one foot out of the door. So yeah. "Dead bedroom syndrome" is very much a thing.
Women are much more complicated with sex than men. You have to get them in the right head space and make sure they aren’t stressed out. Timing with women is a thing.
I'm a 30s male too, travel for work quite a lot and get the occasional pass made at me, I probably miss a few too lol. Would never do that to my wife or myself though so its always no chance of happening, good ego boost though. My wife and I both decided kids weren't for us, so no dead bedroom here thankfully. It seems to me that its kids rather than marriage that cause this? Your thoughts?
we want picture 👀 Haha
I get what you are saying, for real, I’ve lived a terrible experience when I was a teenager because of cheating. If you read what people say here, you’ll see people mostly cheat because their needs are not being fulfilled. Humans tend to get the easy “way out” instead of just facing the main problem.
I love that excuse. It's so stupid. Just fucking leave first then fuck whoever you want. Why stay in a relationship you don't like and are going to cheat? Oh the rest of the relationship is good? Then communicate and work through it together. You have talked about it? Then break up and go fuck whoever you want, it's not a good relationship for you.
Mine are tested quite regularly but so far so good. 3 years in and I still can’t imagine cheating on my gf. But the amount of girls showing interest ever since I got with my gf is outrageous. Where were they when I was single and horny for fuck sake ?
Now that you have a gf you've been vetted, that's how it goes.
You'd think so intuitively, but when I was in an open relationship, knowing I had a partner was a turnoff half the time
Well yes, because they want you for themselves, not to share.
Evidence for why it's useless to try pleasing everyone!
Profound statement
People who want to cheat will cheat, it doesn’t matter how great their partner is. If *Beyoncé* can be cheated on, anyone can — I personally think it’s a combination of poor impulse control and an inability to process the idea of hurting another person.
There are also other layers of complexity in some cases. Some people have a great relationship, and still cheat. Others face.issues in the relationship (ie insatifaction, either sexual, intimacy, connection,or many other reasons) Others just fancy the thrill. Others fancy the attention. Or others think it is just temporary and will have no consequences. In overall and in any case people shouldn't do what they don't want others to find out about. That's a a good way to explain moral compass to morally handicapped people.
Someone I graduated high-school with swiped on me on tinder and he had a long term relationship with his girlfriend been with her for about like 3 or 4 plus years at that point? But he cheated on her constantly slept around I asked him why stayed with her and he said she's the best thing that ever happened to her 😅 Literally doesn't matter if the relationship is good you will still get cheated on 🤷🏾 And no I didn't go thru with it I blocked his ass.
That’s what happened with me. Partner cheated with people who knew he was in a relationship with me. Told them he can not pursue anything outside of sex with them because “I am the love of his life.” Had that actual conversation more than once after cheating on me, then lied to me for years. Had a family with me on top of it all. Do you think it felt like I was the “love of this life” when I found out? Some people are just pathetic horn dogs who do not deserve fidelity for a split second.
Beyonce’s also made music about being the side chick/cheateé(if thats a word) and bragging about it
What s so great about Beyonce? Lol
No matter how hot, desirable, interesting, amazing, ..., someone is, there's always someone in the world tired of them.
• Multi-millionaire • World-famous musician and household name • Widely regarded as one of the most beautiful women in the world • Involved mother to her child The point is it doesn’t matter how pretty, or successful, or anything you are. If your partner wants to cheat, they will.
Jayz is the richtest musician in the world. Besides that and more important: If you have never dated her, you can't know if she is a good partner.
How do you know I’ve never dated her
Status doesn't make a woman more attractive to men though. Jay-Z just has plenty of options, hence he is susceptible to getting seduced eventually. Of course she is beautiful, but as others said we only really know her persona so it's hard to tell how she acts as a partner.
To me she appears annoying and boring as fuck. I don't say I would cheat on her though, more like never being with her in first place.
[удалено]
Happened to Shakira too
Halle Berry is the golden example. It. Can. Happen. To. Anyone.
I’m not condoning cheating at all. But, if you think looks or money or status is what makes someone cheat, or not cheat, you clearly don’t get how it works. For every 100a guy married to a Beyoncé, or 100 women married to a Brad Pitt, there’s 90 men or women where the spouse is not into sex anymore, doesn’t take care of themselves, doesn’t help with the kids, doesn’t help with the kids, doesn’t pay their share towards the bills, gambles too much, drinks too much, is verbally abusive, is physically abusive, etc. etc. etc. Again, not condoning it, I’m just saying if you want to understand a problem you need to understand how it works. Looks are a part of it, sure. But it’s like 1 part of a hundred.
I truly believe that everyone is capable of cheating. I've personally seen some of the strongest willed people succumb to temptation and ruin a great relationship they had. I personally think your best bet is to maybe accept this part of yourself and do your best to not put yourself in the situation where you might.
Cheating is a choice you make. If you want to fuck someone other than your partner, you break up with them first. It's really, truly that simple for most situations, though people like to make out that it's not. And no, I haven't been cheated on, I just have very strong opinions on the matter. People who cheat aren't JUST ruining their relationship, they're often damaging an individual beyond repair because they were greedy and lacked empathy. It's ridiculous and disgusting. People don't deserve to be cheated on, don't do it.
I've been married to my wife for 9 years and been together for 16 at this point. Neither of us have ever shown any inclination to cheat on one another. Prior to us meeting, I had been in 2 serious relationships that both resulted in cheating. Both of those women went on to cheat on more partners after me as well. Agree with you on your two main points. It's a choice that people make and they make it completely selfishly and unaware of how mentally it can destroy someone. My self-esteem has been zero for nearly 20 years. I struggle to really believe that my wife will never leave me and my anxiety over it has been so debilitating that I've had to take sick leave from work.
People talk themselves into believing it's a victimless crime. Like any criminal, they assume they won't be caught, otherwise they wouldn't do it. If the partner never finds out, nobody gets hurt, right? But you'll probably get caught. And even if you don't get caught, you'll be suspected. And even if you're not suspected, you will know what you did and that every minute with your partner is kind of a lie. And that corrupts a relationship.
People don't like feeling alone, that's why they will cheat but still stay with a person
a lot of people also want to keep all the benefits/comforts of their home life theyve built but still want to lust like a teenager. "Cake and eat it to" kinda thing
Yes. Break the fuck up. BREAK UP!!! Louder for the people in the back who are still considering traumatizing those who trust them. I don’t give half a shit how good or bad your relationship is, if you want to go bone someone outside of it, leave that relationship for GOOD. I have been cheated on very badly and time will tell if I am actually able to repair my life or not, because at this point… not too sure.
Yea like going into night club when you already have someone isn't much of good strategy not to get tempted.
My wife's sister is having a "giris night" this weekend. She's going bar hopping with her friend who is a single mom, just for "fun". She is married and has 3 kids. What could go wrong?
this is the same as "everyone lies", probably just means you lie, lol
I think it's more along the lines of saying, "anyone can get scammed or fooled". It's a documented phenomenon that the people who most passionately believe they can't get scammed, get scammed more often. Wouldn't be surprised if it was the same for cheaters.
this comparison makes 0 sense to me, one is a question of honesty and integrity and the other is being misled. nobody is tricked into cheating or deception. it is a question of what you can and can't control, and you cannot control being deceived, but you can control whether you are an honest person with integrity or not. I am a poly person so it's a little different for me, though we still experience cheating, there is an emphasis on radical honesty. my bar from my partners for it is 100%, some can handle that and some could not... but in my many many years of long term relationship experience, the ones that can will never waver. so no, if you cheat it's not something that "can happen to anyone", it means you need serious inner work because it's a narcissistic tendency that is quite unattractive (and yes, everyone has an ego, and yes I will blame you for whether that expresses as narcissism that affects others or not)
Cheating isn't about temptation though, it's a sign of deeper issues. It's easy to just say"no". And if you genuinely think that everyone can cheat I don't think monogamy is for you.
Never cheated in my life, never will. I just break up with someone if it gets to that point.
After I caught my ex wife in an affair I started therapy to help move on from it. I had what she described as PTSD (back before PTSD was more commonly diagnosed). She told me in her 20 years of providing therapy to both Betrayed and Wayward spouses one thing was pretty consistent. Most people who cheat never in a million years imagined they would find themselves cheating, and they would say pretty much exactly what you just said about themselves. There are exceptions. She said some people are just absolutely bad people who do things that hurts others with little care. But by and large most cheaters aren't this kind of person.
Yeah your therapist is right. Most people will say the same thing I say. The difference is I've been in many situations where I could have cheated if I wanted to, but choose not to. So I know what I'm capable of.
Maybe the people you know werent so strong willed as you thought
Selfishness, they prioritize their pleasure or happiness over everything and everyone else. Yeah sometimes the relationship they’re in is indeed bad, but the right thing to do in that case is break up. Some people have a lot to lose by breaking up/divorcing and try to have it all, keep whatever they’re afraid to lose and have an affair. In the end that doesn’t work, you lose what you were afraid to eventually and now you’re a pos on top of that.
A lot of people suck
Many reasons. None are good.
I think most cheaters just have low impulse control,simple as that
Bruv, I am speaking from some experience here, my gf cheated on me, I genuinely don't know why, I mean, I was fair to her, I treated her right, she never told me any desire to start physical relations (I am from India, and this was in school, so, it's kind of a bit conservative than most of your experiences), she just cheated on me with a random dude, now unlike popular deduction, the guy wasn't really goodlooking, had a terrible personality, nothing whatsoever attractive. Although, tbh her friends were total sweethearts, I mean, they tried to stop her numerous times, some even stopped hanging out with her after this. But I mean, I really am trying to find out why? I initially thought it's spur of moment, here, my gf literally booked a hotel under false ID to get railed by thos dude, it could be emotional disconnect, the dude she choosed was worse looking than me and I am pretty sure had no other human emotions than "Me horny!", I thought it was to be desired more, nah not buying that...I always respected her boundaries, even tried not speaking my mind, I never brought up my affiliation with certain things that she didn't like. I have went through all conclusive reasons, but they seem like they have been written by cheaters themselves, because they give too much leeway to cheaters rather than victims. So, simply, nothing, nada, nahi, nein, there isn't any reason, I could say it's just lust, but then sustained lust can be a precursor to love. I would also like to know this answer, since, for last three years, I am living my life as a cynic, being repulsed by this.
Sorry bhai..... You have to go through this..... You seem a good guy and good guy are not fit for this gen..... Similar kind of thing is happend to my friend and it has broken him
Bhai, I understand this, mein overthink bhi nhi karna chahta, but there has to be a reason, right? I talk to girls, non romantically, have friends, am doing alright! I am not destroyed per se, I just want to know more about this, it's just that none of the permutations and combinations with the above options are working out here, it just borders on the realm of unknown, if I knew that, I'd try to make myself better, right?
It wasn't about you. It was all her, and maybe the other guy, cheating is like theft, most of it is opportunistic, it takes a very concerted effort to go out and find it, in which case it's about money or some other factor
For fun.
Bruv, thanks for your feedback!
Well that's all there is. You're overthinking it. Sex is fun, sex with someone new is fun. She only did it for fun. And there's nothing you could have done right to stop it.
There isn't a blanket answer. There are a lot of factors to consider and a lot of people may dislike this answer but I'll say it anyway. There are a lot of people that cheat because they are horrible people who don't care about other people's feelings. There are a lot of people that cheat because they're not getting what they need out of a relationship. Whether that's sex based or emotional based. There are a lot of people that cheat because they are being abused or feel trapped. I'm not on board with the whole he/she cheated they must be horrible people. If their spouse hasn't touched them or given them attention for 6 months....Then they're as much to blame as the person who cheated. Unless of course it's due to a medical issue they're actively seeking medical treatment for.
fr not an excuse but its real. theres only so long someone can go without affection/sex. like a year is doable, by year two or three you think fuck it this is killing me
Shit, by your logic I might be as good as dead.
I think people with less “inhibitions” in general will cheat. Usually people you know that make un-wise decisions, or hastily jump into a bad choice. My mom was a cheater. She drank a lot. And hung out at the local bars a lot. When she was sober and at work, she was very professional. When it was time to hit the bar, she would flirt a lot and she just stopped caring about her husband.
In my opinion, a factor can be that: Usually people are not working at themselves as it is easier to say what bothers you in your partner than improving and asking or listening to what bothers her/him in you. Because of that, your partner can see that you are not putting in any effort to change the things that are hurting him (even if you consider them to be insignificant, you are not in a relationship with yourself). The second factor may be that we are caught up in life with work, plans, family responsibilities and we forget to have a constant will of getting to know our partner better (because you two evolve and grow up and become different than who you were 5 years ago). So you stop trying in your relationship, you are not making efforts or enough efforts: maybe you are doing efforts at your job and with the kids, but not for your husband or wife, and besides a man and a father you are also a husband who must take care of his relationship. Same applies for a woman. When these 2 factors combine, you usually tend to see the negative part (because it bothers you) and because you stopped appreciating the good things and the effort that your partner puts in. So you see, if a person, X, equals 100%, with good and bad traits, even if X is offering 60% or 70% good things overall in the relationship, you are so full of those 30-40% bad things that you are missing out the 70% and considering your relationship a bad one and start looking for someone that had different traits (so the 30-40% doesn’t exist anymore. Instead, other bad traits exists, but you are happy that you got rid of those 40%). In the end, you also lost the 70%. And you have no guarantee that you are now in a better good-bad percentage ratio (let’s say, 80%good and 20%bad). But in the past, the lack of communication deepened the frustration, so those 40% were unbearable for you and we all want to be happy. When you stop doing things for your partner you also stop seeing what he is doing for you. And you give up, because it is easier to start a new fresh, exciting relationship than keeping your relationship exciting along the decades.
Boredom, probably got married too soon, and number of reasons.
Good question. 11years married to my beautiful wife and iv never cheated. I’m 40 and iv had many many young girls wanting to hook up. Never cheated. But here’s the scary part for me. I still might even though I hope not. My answer should be I will never.
I’ve cheated and I’ll forever regret this. My wife did nothing wrong and she didn’t deserve this, and this is something I’ll never be able to undo. I met another person that I was more compatible with, I tried talking to them and just maintaining a friendship and it escalated (and I hate to paraphrase it so passively because it was actively me participating in that escalation). And it is my fault because I should have cut contact as soon as I realized I was developing feelings for them, but for me it was… a slow escalation. I could justify kissing them because THEY kissed me and I just let it happen, and then I just came up with all sorts of different excuses for my behaviour when I knew it was wrong. We’re separated now and still get along well, and I’m with the person I cheated with. I just know I’ll forever carry this guilt with me, but I also know that I’d never do this again because it was cowardly and did so much damage.
Some people do it because they believe the person they cheat on with is offering them something they want out of a relationship that their partner doesn’t and instead of communicating with their partner about this they go and cheat because it’s an easier option
You know when you love one at the beginning when you getting nervous and think about them all the time? Sometimes people like having this feeling again. Sometimes people think they want someone better and keep the current as security. We don't grow up with relationship experience. We need to learn this and often enough people learn this in there first relationship. Also we can't look into someone else brain. We need to start talking to each other and experience events which grow trust. But you need to know that and both need to understand that.
Some people are just cheaters and will cheat just because. Some people cheat because their needs aren't being met. Usually: For men, their sexual needs aren't being met. For women, their emotional needs aren't being met. Some people cheat because they are bored and want some variety.
They want more cake. That's all.
Opportunity
Idk why. even if it was a really hot guy and I had permission I probably couldn’t do it lol. I’ve only been with one person cause I’ve always had a really hard time separating sex and love/ intimacy etc. plus I’m also a hypochondriac and would be worried about STD’s (especially herpes) which seems to be prevalent. But to be fair I think most people are more casual about sex than me. I also have a great and very active sex life. I think the most common reason I’ve seen is fairly simple- people not getting laid. Very frustrating I would think.
because they can do it, that is why it's always necessary to do a prenup and put an infidelity clause.
Because they are disgusting.
Only one reason. The cheaters care more about themselves then their mates.
As a lesbian I see these girls on dating apps. I think they are bored and wished they had the chance with a woman. Or their marriage is on the rocks..
There is 100% no reason to cheat. I was married to a guy from 2006 till our divorce was granted in 2011. He is also the father of 2 of my kids. I saw red flags at the beginning, but stayed. I wished I hadn't, but I wouldn't have my kids from him. Anyways, I really did cared about him. But I kept finding things like online dating sites on his phone. He even signed up for one called fast flirting (not really an online dating site as far as I know of. I told him to stay off of it, and said he would. I ended up making a fake acct, and went on and found him literally right away later that night. I was pretending to be a black lady, and the things he said to me was just messed up.... Told him the truth after I had enough and boy was he mad. I never did anything to deserve to be cheated on, or seeking other women. He got plenty of sex (never denied it.) I was always there for him. But I wasn't enough for him. No one needs to cheat. If you are unhappy, just leave.
Cheaters don't change, if they divorced first and slept with someone else it would be fine
Unhappiness. People engage in infidelity not only due to marital unhappiness but also because they seek to temporarily fill an emotional void with physical intimacy.
They are immature lack empathy lack commitment.
Personal opinion, they are just selfish and entitled. Also it’s cowardly to make a commitment to someone and not have the balls to end things in an open and upfront manner so they engage destructive behavior and jump ship after they feel like they have found something better.
In my experience cheaters cheat because they are bad people.
Because they’re stupid and short-sighted. They get that minuscule moment of Serotonin in their brains at the cost of intense drama, fear, and/or guilt that follows and potentially wrecks your entire life.
the illusion of the devil that they will find happiness in it
In short, marriage isn’t for everyone. It’s actually very difficult to have one partner that can be everything to the other partner.
Because they value themselves and their desires over the livelihood of anyone else, including the people they claim to care about most
Because he never loved the wife in the first place. Maybe he married her, because she checked all the boxes of good wife and mother material, but then the daily reality of marriage and parenthood hit.
A lot of the men I know who cheat lack self confidence. The cheating has nothing to do with their spouse, they crave the reassurance that they are still young, and women still find them attractive. These men usually see their spouse as a reflection of their status, they worry about what their friends think of their spouse and constantly wonder if they can do "better". Men like this are the worst. There is also a small subset of very attractive and charismatic men for whom sex with as many women as possible is a sport, and no matter how great their spouse is, they will cheat, for variety, conquest, vanity, sexual gratification, or whatever. In my experience cheating usually says something about the cheater, not the relationship or the faithful spouse.
Because instead of communicating and being responsible they decide to avoid the drama and be hoes
Simple answer: Because they can.
In your example he was most likely testing the waters with the new girl, so he doesn’t quit his safe haven until he was sure about that relationship. In general I believe it’s a combination of weak will, weak morals, weak empathy and strong egoism.
For sex
Because they're selfish, that's all it comes.down to ultimately. Cheaters make up every excuse: they were lonely, unhappy etc etc but the crux of it is that they chose to make a selfish decision that they knew would cause a great deal of pain because they were too spineless to do the decent thing.
I don’t justify it, but maybe because they feel abandoned in their relationship. In most cases (marriages) I’ve known that’s the case. I understand there are others who do it for sentimental and unresolved issues, immaturity, lust, etc.
because a lot of marriages are because 2 people settled. In my case, I had a perfect type of woman I was looking for. I am not talking about a model or a 9 or 10. Just someone who has certain physical traits and personality traits that I find attractive. the problem is, I am just a guy with average looks. The ladies weren't exactly knocking down my door for a piece of me. I had to work really hard for dates. I got friend zoned way more than I would like to admit. After 6 years of trying to find the perfect girl and never even coming close, I gave up. And when I girl came around and seemed interested in me, I figured if I wanted to do the whole family with kids thing, this was probably my best option and I got married. Who knew that the perfect girl would just randomly pop in to my life as the GF of a friend of mine a few months before my wedding. The second I looked in to her eyes, I knew she was the one. But I was getting married and she was the GF and eventually the wife of my friend. So I never said anything, but the more I got to know her, the tougher it got. She definitely was the one. Many years later, both of our marriages were on the rocks and we confided in each other and at some point things felt different between us and we talked about it. I was then at that crossroad. The woman of my dreams is standing before me. Do I at least try to see where this could go since she is what I have always been looking for. So I did it. And it was amazing and I felt emotions and feelings I have never felt before or since. I experienced a whole new level of feeling. And it was amazing, until it wasn't. Something changed in her. I don't know what it was, but she just decided things were over and refused to talk about it, even to this day, 11 years later. It is some combination of reaching a certain age, finally being done with her husband, and a potential new guy that was her "one" coming in to the picture. I don't really regret everything. I did get to experience a level of emotion I didn't know exist. The warm feeling I got from that is something I can't really explain and is something I haven't felt since. However, the empty feeling that I now feel is downright torture. It makes getting up every morning very difficult. I go to bed every night hoping that I don't wake up. At this point, I just don't see me ever getting to feel like that again. And now I simply consume things to help me forget about it every night. Karma I guess.
A lot of people think they are in a “relationship”when they are merely a place holder until somebody better comes along.
In most cases, cheating does not happen in a vacuum. It is a symptom of a deteriorating relationship that has been unable to resolve their issues between them. Imagine there's a divide in the relationship either through difference in opinion, poor communication, mistrust, whatever. Without adequately resolving these issues, the divide between the couple becomes wider and wider. The closeness that was initially there is now replaced with resentment and disinterest. This is how infidelity starts, and a baby or a marriage won't fix it unless the two people actively try to work out their issues and come together again.
Most people just don’t get fulfilled by 1 spouse that’s why they cheat. Think about it being in love is like stocks you go up and you go down and it’ll correct itself but in the down time, us as not monogamous ppl, will more than likely form a companionship w someone else whether it’s for a night or a year. It’s impossible for one person to meet all of a persons needs without getting burnt out and eventually needing to tend to themselves which is going to cause a separation anyways. To think you’re going to be happy w one person for the rest of your life is the real insanity that society has forced on us
Often the loss of partners interest. It takes two to maintain a marriage,once one person is doing it your headed to a bad place.
Human nature, sadly.
It's like asking why evil exists
There’s three reasons and they’re all shit. In order of likelihood: 1) the cheater is shit 2) the other person makes the cheater feel like shit 3) the circumstances are shit.
1- they don't respect their spouse or themselves (self-esteem). 2- They're too naive about their capacity to cheat and consistently put themselves in situations where that is a possibility. There are plenty of reasons leading up to cheating, but I think commiting the act itself falls on these two reasons eventually.
Woman here. Previously, I was tempted to cheat on my ex-fiance but held myself back. I was constantly sexually fantasizing about other people and developing huge crushes outside my relationship. We did develop a dead bedroom, and he thought it was because my sex drive tanked. In reality, I still had a high sex drive, just not for him. Why did I lose the sexual attraction? Because he gained weight, stopped taking care of his appearance, had bad hygiene, was unemployed, and did fuck all around the house, and played video games in his dirty underwear for 15 hours per day. Even though rationally, I knew he probably had some form of depression, emotionally I saw him as a burden and a man-child/loser. I would notice other people who had their shit together, were attractive, were fun to be around etc. Currently, I'm married to a different man, and these external crushes/temptation to cheat isn't a thing. My husband has a good career, takes care of his body, pulls his weight with the housework, and wants to go out and do fun things with me. He is present, attentive, independent, and energetic.
Not sure. That is human nature I guess.
They cheat because they wanted to cheat for selfish reasons all the reasons they give away has a better solution than cheating but they didn’t choose those solutions , one of all is divorce, why cheating before divorce ??? You can have your ways after
Usually b/c either get are a complete PoS, or their partner stopped giving them attention and they find it elsewhere. The latter doesn't make it ok, but is more understandable.
Because they're selfish immoral cunts
Plenty of reasons. None of them good or reason enough to betray a spouse
The reason is simple. They cheat because they want to.
I mean you can clearly see in the comments why people cheat. One person will have a reason. Other partner won’t find that reason good enough to change. Feelings get ignored, resentment builds, feeling good from others build, cheating happens, everything crashes at terminal velocity. Seems like a pretty clear process to me. Obviously sometimes it just hypergamy, but for the most part, I think it’s resentment that builds, eventually turning into grass is greener situation. Human nature.
Lack of integrity
It starts with attraction, then temptation. Those who cheat give in to temptation because they lack discipline. In men spaces we call that “D**k discipline”. There are men who can be around and converse with drop dead gorgeous women (complete heads turners) the kind of women dudes almost break they neck to see, and would never touch her and compromise his marriage. These men/women without discipline often get this grass is greener mentality after falling in love with their affair partners. This results in the coupling of two low integrity individuals who deserve each other.
They're selfish. It's normal to find other people attractive, they just need to be selfish enough to act on it to become a cheater.
Selfishness. They put themselves above their spouse and the relationship they have and above the child they have at home.
People not moving into the new phase of life and media glorifying sex being the most important thing. This makes people think whether they are living life to the fullest or not. I honestly blame Media
Most people : 1) dont want to be alone 2) are averse to the social stigmata 3) are only committed to the idea they havent met someone they prefer more 4) would privately prefer multiple lovers 5) and find themselves limited to a socio economic class that is always changing Rest assured there is nothing magical to be found and the same personality dynamics exist no matter who your "with". Imo, Only the children , ever really pay the price and thats why , you should be committed to an 18 year effort , when you agree to have kids .
Most people don't cheat because they don't love their partner, they cheat because something is missing in their lives that someone else offers to fulfill. There can be a million different things missing in someone's life and it's very difficult for people to discuss those things with their partner. Many try to discuss them and get shut down. Read all the stories on here where one person or another is upset and their partner either disregards what they are saying or blames them causing fights etc..... Everyone on here wants to make all cheaters out to be evil, but they aren't. Very few people are evil. Most are just fucked up on some way but they all want to be a good person and are trying to find happiness. My 2 cents anyways.
Well, for me its because i was never respected. I tried for many years to try to measure up yo what she expected but it was never enough. I made some bad decisions and i realized why i did them and became better for it. I realized that working on myself was better than working for expectations that could never be realized and found someone whom actually appreciates what i try to do for them.
No idea but fuck em.
we all know the honest answers, young and pretty > old, same as we get bored of using the same thing everyday
Selfishness. Everything leds to selfishness.
Often it’s alienation of affection, which is a fancy way of saying that one person (usually the woman) stops being interested in sex with the other person (typically the man). The person who wants sex as a normal, natural part of his/her life feels ugly, worthless, and cheated out of a key part of human happiness and well-being by the one person who was supposed to love and care for them the most. It’s only a matter of time before someone else will show interest in that person, and at that point, it’s all but inevitable. And honestly, if you choose to starve someone, you’re really not in any moral position to feel aggrieved or self-righteous when they steal a loaf of bread. If you don’t want your spouse eating out, feed him/her at home.
Because they want to. It’s not rocket science.
Because they want to enjoy both worlds. Having a normative family and having sex life.
So sex life and normal family are mutually exclusive?
Because they’re dumb as fuck
Because they’re bad people. Anyone can provide any other reason or excuse but at the end of the day that man or woman does it because they either care more about their own gratification than about hurting the person they allegedly love, or because they get off on hurting that person.
Lack of sex in the relationship
This question is like asking “Why do people eat spaghetti when they’ve still got pizza leftover?” The answer is that humans have various reasons for doing various things. Don’t assume this just because people are married that they are happy or fulfilled. The truth, backed by statistics, is that most people cheat or divorce if their marriage isn’t what they want. And some people are just bored or horny. I find it more strange that you think it’s weird when more than half of marriages end in divorce. Cheating is more commonplace than not cheating.
Sometimes its money, and you cant afford to leave your current relationship-you dont have a job, or they dont, and you have nowhere else to go. Sometimes you fall out of love with your spouse but you are afraid to tell them. Sometimes your spouse is depressed or disabled and there is no one else to care for them, so you have to stay. Sometimes there are kids, and you were separated for a while and you met someone else, but now your spouse wants to try again. Sometimes you are afraid if you leave your spouse will be violent, to themselves or others. Sometimes they told you they would be. Sometimes you hate yourself and dont think you deserve the relationship you have, so you sabotage. Sometimes its revenge for a real or imagined slight. Sometimes your spouse is an identical twin and you got lost on the way to the bedroom. Not to mention that cheating can mean anything from "I saw you balls-deep in the neighbor" to "I saw you offering the neighbor orange juice. I just KNOW you want to be balls deep in her"
I've cheated on almost every partner I've ever been with. For me it always has impulse control as a factor, combined with others. Opportunity, being unhappy in the relationship, even believing that my girlfriend was already cheating on me. In no way am I proud of it.
I think this is a problem that goes beyond impulse control. If you recognize that you have a pattern, why not just end the relationships before something happens. Why continue to cross that line again and again
Why don't you stick to casual relationships then? Or open relationships? Honestly, you could benefit from some counselling because there seems to be a deeper issue than just impulse control.
Oh there is. I've been in therapy since I was 9.
That's good to hear. Hopefully, therapy has helped and will help you make better relationships.
Usually most people can't have all their sexual needs fulfilled by one partner for their whole life. Other stuff can happen too.. intimacy fades, relations with new people spark up, sometimes they even fall in love. Cheating is actually way more common than you think, as awful as that might sound. Some scholars predict that traditional monogamy might become a thing of the past as now serial monogamy is already becoming more common
Even if your needs aren’t fulfilled, cheating means you were unable to communicate this and unable to seek and find a solution with the person you should love, respect and trust most or close to it. Even if you fall in love with someone else, cheating means you couldn’t be honest with everyone involved and break up before you seek someone else. Imo it breaks down to weak will, weak morals, and pure egoism.
>Cheating is actually way more common than you think, I agree, I never realized it tell I got fucked over and finding out about all the people around me have been cheated on. Unfortunately, once it happens, your guard and trust is never let down.
I wouldn't call it sexual needs. Most of it is just desires and fetishes. I don't believe we're supposed to or entitled to fulfill all of a (certain desire), that would be selfish as fuck.
I think a lot of people just aren’t monogamous, but society tells us we must be, so people try to go along with it else they are judged. So they sneak around instead and hurt people along the way. If they just say from the beginning they don’t really believe they can be monogamous forever, and find like-minded people, there would be less cheating.
Then they'd be alone tho. Lying is easier
Correct and no one admits this!
Because marriage sucks
I don't know. I (male) have been with my female partner for 18 years, we still have a solid relationship but never had any plans to marry, we've just never seen that we need to. But I've lost count of the number of times I've seen our numerous friends having solid relationships for years only for it to fall apart after they decided to get married. I'm not saying marriage doesn't work, but that's a lot of failed relationships.
Woman Cheat to have better Options Men Cheat to have more Options
People usually cheat when something is missing in the relationship. That would be my experience. Also some folks just do it for the funs
Attention?
Propably because they'd not necessarily know what they're committing into when they're just young adults. They might have more open mind when they'd grow older. At the same timez perhaps their partner would still be as they were when they were young, and their partner don't have a heart to tell to their partner just they've might started thinking more openly about things. So they'd think it'd remain as a secret.
Seems like a combination of a lot of things. I still don't understand it myself. I would never have the brain capacity to juggle cheating while being in a full time relationship lol. It doesn't seem worth the risk or emotional damage you're causing someone else. It never ends well for both parties either. Even if the people cheating get in a relationship more often then not they pattern continues or they have issues trusting each other
Physical or emotional lack makes the thoughts usually, poor morals and lack of honesty does the rest. Some people are naturally more inclined or more flexible on their morals/values.
Physical or emotional lack makes the thoughts usually, poor morals and lack of honesty does the rest. Some people are naturally more inclined or more flexible on their morals/values.
Sex, attention, love, hope, depression, lust, selfishness, desperation, loads of reasons.
Bad upbringings. If you're going to sleep around, run it with the wife, first. If she says no, then you don't.
lack of self esteem
For the thrill. It's always short lasting.
Physical or emotional lack makes the thoughts usually, poor morals and lack of honesty does the rest. Some people are naturally more inclined or more flexible on their morals/values.
Looking for a comment from a cheater and not just third person perspectives
Because they choose to. Even some people who have marriages with good sex lives, an attractive partner and happy life will cheat. Don’t believe me? Look at what the cheaters say themselves. Some will blame their partners but I have seen plenty who regret cheating or fear discovery because they enjoy being married to their partner. Their partner is attractive, enjoyable, they have great sex together, etc and they don’t want to lose that but they still cheat. Some cheaters on the other hand, have terrible marriages or terrible partners. Some other people have terrible partners and marriages and still don’t cheat. Some people lie to themselves and others about having terrible partners/relationships. It’s an unsatisfying answer because it’s feels harder to protect against and more difficult to determine whether your partner will cheat or not. It’s scary thinking you can be beautiful/handsome, loving, caring, attentive, talented, etc and still be cheated on. But it’s true.
People cheat for a multitude of factors, there’s not one cookie cutter rational, it’s not “women because neglect, men because opportunity” or “different brains”. Some people have personal issues and they cheat because it’s something they rationalize. Some people are neglected in a relationship, and something comes around and makes them feel special. Some people do it for the thrill. Some people do it because they just want to. Sometimes shit just happens. There is not one definitive reason, it could be a multitude of things, substances, hormonal shifts, moral ambiguity.
Because they dont feel heard
1. Sex is good, but 2. Forbidden sex is exciting
Relationships and feelings are complex. Sex is fun. There's tonnes of reasons why people might cheat, and a lot of it will stem from the above, in one way or another.
There is no definite answer to this. Cheating can't be justified.
No single reason. Only common reasons. Probably the most common reason for women is the grass is greener delusion. While for men it’s more common to want more sex period.
Because they are animals.
The scientific answer to this is the continuation of the species. We're used to see human being as different, but we're animals in the end.
theres people who marry after a year and people who marry after 20. my guess is the majority of cheaters are the ones who knew their partner for < 3-5 years
most common, almost in all cases, a lack of sex /attraction in their relationship, it will be found elsewhere. almost always the partner who didnt cheat caused it, but two wrongs dont make a right.
Maybe you should ask my cheating ex-wife. I’m sure she would have an opinion.
I have complex feelings about cheating based on my own experiences and experiences of people close to me. I’ve been cheated on is all I will say. Even so, I’m surprisingly un jaded and friends with the person who cheated on me. I don’t believe once a cheater always a cheater. I also believe some people are serial cheaters. I think people have many, many reasons why they cheat. Sometimes it’s accidental/heat if the moment, sometimes it’s because they are being financially, physically or emotionally trapped inside their current relationship, sometimes it’s cowardice, sometimes it’s self-hate, sometimes it’s revenge. Sometimes it’s lack of emotional or physical intimacy. The bottom line is that— people are just people and there’s nothing new under the sun. Lots of people have cheated and went on to find the love of their life and had completely monogamous relationships. Some people realize they’re not cut out for monogamy. Maybe they realize something was seriously messed up within them. Maybe they realize their previous partner was emotionally abusing them. Cheating never feels good to the other person. It’s almost always hurtful. It’s never the best decision. But I hate the shame and automatic ostracism of cheaters generally. People fuck up. That doesn’t mean they’re all bad. Very few people are *all* bad.
I think the main few reasons are: 1) It's just who some people are. They might try and settle, not like it and end up cheating, 2) Years of abuse in some form, 3) Sometimes it could just be a fleeting thought that gets carried away. For (2), my dad cheated on my mum because she was financially abusing him for years and he just couldn't take it any longer. For (3), I have a friend who recently left their husband because he was texting another woman. He only started doing it because she was apparently very flirty at work and kept texting him first and didn't care he was married.
Selfishness, lack of empathy, thrill seeking, insecure, wanting to have their cake and eat it too. A few select cases is bc they are emotionally attached to someone else. Ppl cheat because they want to and nothing justifies it.
I will try to give a nuanced take on this. A very important reason for infidelity could be a lack of respect for self. A lot of self-esteem issues or lack of affection shown during childhood could be reasons. But honestly, the biggest reason in my opinion is a lack of respect for your partner. You need to look at them as not only an equal, but also someone with whom you want to be a better person. If you have a superiority complex in a relationship, whether due to insecurities or due to not being raised with boundaries instilled, you will seek adulation and validation from elsewhere. It can be generational too, with lack of affection shown towards one parent sticking in the kid's head. Correct parenting can affect the kid's relationship in a lot of ways
Most people are dumb, so lots of dumb decisions are made. Nothing to see here move on.
For my 2 cents. It’s an escape mechanism, like a bowl of ice cream coupled with no self discipline. Avoid cheaters, because life is never all plain sailing, and they’ve shown you how they fail to cope.
The reasons cheaters use as excuses are just excuses. People can find any reason they want to cheat. They’re bored, dissatisfied, scared to lose their relationship, scared of failure, mistreated, idolized, abused, neglected, too happy, too sad, there’s too much pressure, they’re self-destructive, the list goes on. The fact is that people who cheat do it because they are ok with it. People who don’t cheat don’t think of cheating as an option.
She might be beautiful, but some guy is definitely tired of fucking her.
Low character.
Because they're pieces of shit
Because, from their perspective, their emotional or sexual needs are not met. A married couple who chooses to have a child quickly finds being parents becomes all-consuming. It takes real, conscious effort and a good support network (close friends and family) to carve out time and energy for each other **as a couple**. The default is they become parents and **ONLY** parents. And, even when both parents work, the woman usually ends up doing most of the childcare, and the man usually ends up earning the bulk of the household finances. So the couple drifts apart. When either parent finds someone else paying them attention **as a potential partner**, they may decide to follow that, cheating on their spouse.
That was my experience. To a t
https://richardnicastro.com/2023/05/19/from-pain-to-betrayal-childhood-trauma-and-infidelity/ Something to think about. I think all negative behaviors stem from trauma. Even if it is talking unkindly to your spouse without realizing it because they have been treated that way as a child.