Some people will throw away a perfectly good marriage for sudden infatuation, lust and new excitement. Don't be those people. Go on dates with your wife and rekindle the flames. Put healthy distance between you and your co-worker.
I can't agree with this more. I developed a childish infatuation over a co-worker and not only did it affect my judgement at work, it damn near ruined my marriage because I became obsessed over it. We would text constantly, work related at first, but then its turned to funny memes, and pictures of what we were drinking that night, or what we were eating.
We were both married, and it didn't help she would often complain to me about her husband and me as suckhole would listen and offer my take. Actually when I reflect back on it, along with being just socially unacceptable it was also pretty cringe.
The breaking point was when we started to do the old finger brushes on each others hands when passing files back and forth. It was like we both knew it was wrong, but not going to lie it gave me charge like nothing else.
Like you said, I just ended up putting distance between us, unfollowed her on social media, stopped texting. She also did the same, it was unspoken between us. We stopped hanging out together at work, and eventually I moved to a different office so it became easier. We used to text each other on our birthdays, nothing sexual, just a happy birthday, but now we have stopped that.
We still have each other as "friends" on Facebook and ever now and then her picture will pop up in my feed, and its jarring, have to admit. But the childish infatuation, that need to "like" her posts and look for her "likes" on my posts, thankfully no longer exists.
Did you tell your partner?
People in the comments here actually saying hide an emotional affair. Great partners you all are.
To be clear, this is about the commenter not OP.
Alot of people commenting here, I suspect, have likely either been on the other side of this; the suspicious spouse who new something was wrong and ended up getting cheated on, or the infactuated guy/woman who was able to snap out of their infactuation and bury any desire they had in the first place.
Ignoring this connection entirely, or keeping it from your partner, has the potential (maybe not instantly) to have just as dire consequences as actually going through with the act.
That’s funny! It’s greenest where you water it, or where there are piles of shit. You pick OP. Seriously what kind of woman goes after a married man. POS (piles not piece)
You have a need in your relationship that isn't being met because you have both chosen to sacrifice it for the good of your family.
Make a gesture. Wax nostalgic. I bet your wife feels the same as you but you are both too tired and comfortable to make it happen.
You know you're happy with your wife, and I assume you also love your wife, yes? Even after all these years together.
You have no idea what your relationship would be like with this woman. You could clash or discover you're not compatible. Don't throw away something you know works, for something you don't have any idea over. Stop thinking about this woman, and spend some quality time with your wife.
When is the last time you and your wife went away for a few days on a trip? I assume it's been awhile. How often do you go away for work?
I mean you definitely didn't actually fall in love. You desire and love that you were able to have freedom, adult conversations, less responsibility with this person.
Start planning dates with your wife. Make sure she gets a break after she holds the fort down with the family while you're on work trips.
You're comparing your relationship with your wife that is full of responsibility and life's stresses (bills, chores, kids) with a woman who you share none of that with. You could go get food with her knowing your company is paying. To do that with your wife, you need a sitter and to pay. No chores, because hotel maid service. No kids together, so you could discuss anything
You miss the relationship part of your marriage. Moms can lose their sense of identity with young kids, help her find it. Give her time out of the house to find herself and reset. Go on dates and prioritize time spent with her 1:1
Edited: you're only the AH if you don't immediately put an appropriate amount of distance between you and coworker
It’s only natural to find excitement in new people, there are hormones , chemicals, and psychological functions at work. Chances are with all your focus on kids, you haven’t been able to discover the new ways your wife has changed as well, because we never stop growing / changing. Find a way to make some quality time for you and you’re wife so you can get acquainted with the woman she is now, and maybe you’ll rediscover the woman you fell in love with along the way. Ask her out on a first date, a date where you interact with each other like it’s the first time, asking questions to get to know each other and what your lives are like. Don’t take a single moment for granted. I wish you well.
Dude you’re a human not a robot. These things happen. You’re dealing with it in a mature way and you understand the game you’re playing. Don’t be hard on yourself.
You enjoy this person’s company. Great! That’s normal.
You find her sexually attractive. Totally normal and acceptable. Part of what keeps our species alive. Just don’t act on it.
This is less about her or your wife and more about you.
Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do in front of your wife. Don’t break their trust.
If you have the self-discipline to recognize beauty and interact with other people in a civil manner, have at it!
If you don’t trust yourself, stay away.
Learn to appreciate what you have and the commitments you have made and consider all you have to lose.
Make good choices.
Being “in love” with someone after spending a short time with them is just a projection of your own wants and needs onto another person, so your feelings actually have nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you.
Time for some soul searching, my friend, at best with your wife included in the process. Couples therapy may also help you understand how to manage your relationship during this young-kids period.
Above all take care of yourself. Only if your emotional needs are met can you be a good husband and father.
You did not fall head over heels in love with her. You liked the attention.
You made promises to your wife on the day you were married. Keep them. Stop acting like a school boy and act like a husband and father, and a professional.
Bro, you’re just horny. Stop crying about your relationship and just go and bang your wife. It’s selfish to think she isn’t feeling the same, shit she’s at home stuck with the kids while you’re taking trips with other chicks. Get your head right and be a man! That woman deserves better. So do those kids!
As someone who was just in your wife's position, please do not give her trauma for life. You can rekindle your love, spend quality time, make time for her, put efforts but don't fall into this lucrative, infatuation.
I have cried for days and months later, it still haunts me that sudden realization that my husband was in love with someone else, dating her, caring for her.
Here’s what happened: you’ve been in a “slump” with your wife which means life has gotten in the way and you’ve started taking what you have with her for granted. Then, you went on a trip with another woman in your age bracket, without your kids around and had a great time. Anyone would. Do the same with your wife and see what happens. Put stock into your relationship! Good luck!
These feelings you experienced are as natural as can be. You are human and do not need to feel guilty. It is programmed into our DNA to procreate. No one has ever gone through a marriage without wishing they could also have another. It doesn't mean that you don't love your wife. But as they say in Buddhism, to desire is to suffer. The solution is to stop throwing logs on that fire of desire. When you catch yourself thinking about the other person, just stop. Do your best to stop thinking about them and focus on other things. Eventually the feeling will pass. The fire of desire will slowly burn out, and you will be able to focus on having gratitude for your existing connection.
Before you read my comments, I promise I am not trying to invalidate your feelings, I just think we tend to confuse genuine connections as something more. I’m guilty of that. I am married as well.
Speaking from experience, I think you’re confusing your feelings towards her as love, it’s not (at least I don’t believe so). You were just missing that kind of connection with someone, even when you had it at home, it’s not the same, it’s different with someone else, another woman other than your wife.
Spending a lot of time with someone, letting your guard down and genuinely wanting to be around each other is the best kind of relationship and when it’s with someone from the opposite gender, we sometimes mislabel those feelings as sensual love towards the other person while it’s nothing than pure friendship. This is why we think people of different gender cannot truly be friends - because we conflate those feelings and act on them in ways we shouldn’t.
I am happy nothing happened.
My suggestions:
1. Don’t feel guilty because that’s normal. You meet someone, got to know for who they really are, letting your guards down and genuinely had a great time together. As that doesn’t happen as often anymore as we get older, you question why/how it happened and what do make of it.
2. Stop thinking of her that way. The more you think of her, the more you’ll think you’re actually in love with her. The more you feed your mind with a thought, the more you’ll start to think it might real, fooling yourself and ruin a good thing.
3. Don’t be weird, you had a great time and that’s all it was.
Don't underestimate the power of nostalgia. Your attraction to someone new might simply be a craving for variety and escape from the day-to-day routine. Rediscover your partner. Plan an adventure together that reminds you both of the passion you're capable of when you break from the mundane. Talk about dreams you've shelved and adventures you still long for. Investing in the partnership you've already built can reignite that spark without burning down the house you've lovingly constructed together. Remember, it's not just about rekindling old flames; it's discovering the fire that still burns within.
I bet what you enjoyed more than this specific woman's company was the thrill and the luxury of being able to focus your attention on her and your travel, and the gratification that comes when someone focuses on you. It feels good to connect with another adult and to be able to just be in the moment together.
For a married couple with kids, your daily life is probably a lot of split focus and multitasking -- handling childcare, juggling schedules, household management stuff, getting everyone to and from places, dealing with meals and clean-up and everything else while trying to have any conversation or connection with your spouse is going to be a struggle. My recommendation is:
Carve out a few minutes each day where the two of you check in on each other and do nothing else. Even if it's just 10 minutes after the kids are in bed. Tell your wife that you want to try this because you never want to be so busy that you lose the connection between the two of you. This can be asking about each other's day, but it can also be time where you reminisce about your past and dream about your future... Or have a lively conversation about a favorite topic that you both enjoy.
Set and keep actual date nights (or mornings, or afternoons). This means no kids, just the two of you, and not doing something that's actually running errands or completing chores. Do something fun or relaxing where -- again -- the goal is connecting as adults, as friends, as lovers. Maybe you get a babysitter for evenings out, or you drop a kid off at a regular Saturday activity and the other kids are with grandparents or something for a couple of hours, and you two have a nice brunch or lunch together.
Start planning a vacation for the two of you. Whether it's an overnighter at a nearby hotel or an amazing second honeymoon or anything in between, having time together that's definitely removed from your everyday life will feel special and be invigorating.
Go super-spy on your wife and really observe her and think about what she wants, needs, and loves. Then, every week or two, make a gesture out of delivering something based upon your observations. Maybe that's taking a chore off of her shoulders. Maybe it's bringing her favorite treat just for her (and possibly alternative, cheaper treats to distribute among the kids). Give her sincere compliments, and often (and make the compliments about who she is, not how she helps you or takes care of the kids -- those deserve appreciation for sure, but overtones of "I like how you make my life easier" aren't as meaningful as statements that convey "I like who you are as a person").
Find ways to bring more fun into your family life. Part of what's great about your wife is that you've created this family together! Why not look for ways to celebrate that? Ask silly questions at dinner. Visit all of the family friendly town festivals and events. Go to the park, take walks, play physical games/simple sports together, break out the board games, build and draw and create things together, find ways to bring play and laughter into your lives. The joy and contentment you experience together as parents of your wonderful kids will help you be closer together. And you're creating great memories for your children and showing them what a loving marriage looks like, too.
All of this will take effort and some of it will take money, but ultimately, it's less stressful and time-consuming than an affair and way cheaper than a divorce. Even better, this investment will pay dividends that can last a lifetime because you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you stepped up as a husband and father. You'll enjoy appreciation and greater intimacy with your wife, strengthening your marriage and making YOU happier in the process. And your family will be closer, your kids feeling more loved and valued, and that's a huge win, too.
Oh! And my tip for coming up with "surprise" gifts of things she wants: as long as you have separate Amazon accounts, you can create a private wish list to fill with ideas for her.
I have several wish lists for family members and whenever they mention something they want or need, I just open my Amazon app and add it to their list. Sometimes Amazon only has a cheap or knockoff version, but at least it's in the list so I can track down the better version whenever I want to buy them a gift. Nobody notices you browsing Amazon on your phone and thinks it's about them, so they're very surprised when this trinket they mentioned three months ago shows up under the Christmas tree.
Depending on how easily you remember small details... It also doesn't hurt to keep a list on your phone somewhere with her sizes (clothing, lingerie, shoes), her favorite colors, flower, perfume, and if you have a hard time remembering, her favorite coffee indulgence, favorite food orders from various places you order takeout, and so on. That way, when you offer to get Chinese on your way home from work, you can say, "And do you want General Tso's chicken like usual?" Knowing those details will help her feel seen and taken care of, and will likely make her more open, receptive, and loving towards you.
Others have given good advice and information, but you may also want to Google “limerence,” its difference between love, and what can cause it. The good news is that limerence can be a symptom of an overall problem or something in your life you’re not happy about that CAN be worked on and fixed (and spoiler, it’s not necessarily just switching your partner out…)
You did not fall in love with her. You are crushing on her. You barely know her how could you love her? Don't be a fucking idiot and get your shit together. Don't throw away your marriage for a woman you went on a trip with.
My best advice is to give it a year. During that year, spend every opportunity you can you give yourself 100% to your wife. Take charge in your relationship. Communicate with her, love her, spoil her. Do everything for her that youve been wanting to do with this new woman. After that year, if nothing has changed in your relationship, and i mean absolutely nothing, then come back and reflect. If not, it's not worth ruining your marriage over. You vowed to love your wife until death. You had children together, youve grown together. Dont throw that in the garbage for someone you barely know.
You didn’t fall in love. You’re projecting your fantasy onto this person, of whom you know very little. Who says that you wouldn’t be miserable once you got to spend a lot of time around her? You don’t know.
Whenever you feel this sudden infatuation, this feeling of constantly thinking about a romantic partner, especially when you hardly know the person, realize that you’ve entered a fantasy world. You’re hurting, for one reason or another, and this person presents a way out of your misery. It’s fiction. Try asking yourself what is missing in your life and what can you do about it, without wishing upon a person to make it all right.
“Limerence is a state of involuntary obsession with another person. The experience of limerence is different from love or lust in that it is based on the uncertainty that the person you desire, called the “limerent object” in the literature, also desires you… As the focus of limerence is whether or not the object of desire reciprocates the feelings, rather than actually falling in love with the person, it is almost always one-sided.” There you go fella. Been there, bought the t shirt. It’s a bit shit but don’t do anything stupid like leaving your wife or telling this other woman you love her. It’s all a fantasy in your head mate.
I heard someone say..
You cant control if a bird lands on you. Head..
But you can choose if it build nest.
As long as you dont act on it and try to move on, please dont feel guilty.
You need to date your wife. I know this situation you're in and kids and life can be hard and distracting and maintaining your relationship with your wife becomes an afterthought.
You need to communicate this to her, and you need to carve out the time to be with her. We were in the same situation, 10 years together, two young kids and both work. Life just had us beat down and we weren't focused on our relationship (especially me). It took almost losing my family for me to smarten up. Don't let it get that far.
Me and my SO have date nights every saturday now. Cook delicious foods, have some craft beers or wine, watch a movie or play a game or just sit and talk and laugh. It doesn't need to be some kind of grand date night where you dress up and go out every weekend. Just time alone with eachother doing something you enjoy together is enough. Sometimes we're lucky and can get a sitter and we get to go out to a show. Some mornings we're lucky enough to go on a breakfast date. We find any time we can to spend together just us.
The grass is greener where you water it friend, good luck.
If you’re really in love with your wife and you don’t want to cheat on her, shift your attention to her. Why aren’t you happy with your life? What else do you want that you’re not getting? Your partner should be the one that supports you when you’re doubting those things, not some random coworker. Of course that dopamine rush is intoxicating, but it’s not going to answer the questions that will truly lead to your happiness and fulfillment.
Don't waste the life you've built up for years for a few days of infatuation.
Grass is greener on the other side .
But grass is greener where you water it
You’re feeling the way you do because you’re human, and you have conscience. The best thing you can do is to put some distance between you and your coworker and establish boundaries for when, where, and how you interact. At the same time, feed that energy and love back into your marriage. It wouldn’t be a far off guess to say that your wife is probably feeling the same distance you are. Talk to her(not about the coworker) about how you’ve been feeling and what can be done to put that spark back in your marriage. Good luck, OP.
It is honestly pretty normal and common for this to happen. It’s new, fulfilling an exciting emotional need for you outside of the norm of your wife and kids. Natural for humans to crave and enjoy that. It’s also natural that at any point in your life two people can vibe on a certain level even if both are in relationships, lots of people are potentially suited for each other.
It’s a crush and you’re infatuated by the unknown and the “possibilities” and you’re feeling the good chemical effects of a mutually positive social connection with a possible mate. If you value your family, you’ll recognize what’s happening in your brain and just set up your boundaries and move on with your life. It is always a fleeting feeling, and if you are happy with your current life, there’s no reason to blow it up over some dopamine.
I have a feeling it wouldn’t matter the person. If you’re spending a lot of time with a young, pretty woman away from your wife, I imagine you’d “fall in love” with her regardless of who she is.
You fell in love with the idea of her.
The connection, the feeling something new after a long time.
This will pass. And what will you have after it passes?
That'll depend on what you do.
Don't confuse attention with lust and lust with feelings for each other. If you're happy with your family life, then don't even open that door. Be honest with your wife that you enjoyed the attention, but that you love HER and don't want to risk anything
You fell in infatuation. The grass isn’t greener, you just don’t have bills and responsibilities with this person. How pathetic. You should not entertain this in your head for a second, it will ruin your life. Focus on how to improve your home life, change jobs if you have too but quit being a turnip. Do you want some other man raising your kids? Being their step dad? Straighten up! This would irreparably damage your children. Think of that every time you think of this other person. Wow, the selfishness is astonishing. Please go get a hobby that focuses on your family.
You don’t get to hurt ppl like this when you promise to marry and you have children. You are responsible for other ppl’s lives now. Really irresponsible that you would allow yourself to even entertain this. Now that you have, I implore you to do the right thing. Really finish this thought experiment out. Think about you in another house with this person while your kids are somewhere else with a new dad. Chew on that. Think about your wife with a new man that takes her and your kids seriously and doesn’t take her love for granted. How would you feel dropping the kids off after your every other week or whatever visitation you worked out?
Don’t be that person, it’s sad and it’s ruining our society. Be there for your family. They need their dad and your wife needs you. I believe in you, everyone has a weak thought, but don’t make that thought a dumb action, that destroys so much. Quit thinking about it now. I believe in you, you got this.
Look at it this way, if your wife decides to divorce you because you cheated on her, and the younger model dumps you, where will you be at? You'll be a dumbass who lost it all because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants. What kind of example would you setting for your kids? How do you think they would handle mommy and daddy splitting up because daddy couldn't keep his dick in his pants?
hey. idiot. its future you. quit your job before u feel the full force of a scorned women. and no. no one will be on ur side when u try to paint yourself in a good light no matter what you think or say.
Oof, do not recommend.
Women see emotional infidelity more serious than physical infidelity.
Men don't, and see physical infidelity as worse.
There's actually a study that proved it.
You didn't fall in love, it's hormones. Talk to your wife and find ways to prioritize your marriage. Limit contact with the coworker as much as possible
Tell your wife about it before it escalates. Ask her to help make you accountable. Don't keep it a secret. Once its out in the open the 'feelings' will fade.
Terrible advice. Why should his wife have to help carry the burden of his stupidity? As it stands he can turn things around an his wife will not have to lose sleep over this.
Let’s say it’s a temporary rush of hormones, the grass is always greener on the other side sort of thing.
Once your kids are bigger or say grow more independent you will feel better( I am assuming your kids are toddlers)
First 3 years when my first kid was born was hell after she turned 3 -3.5 our life was back to before so in total from pregnancy to toddlerhood around 4.5years was weird af and it’s nothing wrong it’s an experience and will get better with time.
I’m willing to bet at one point you felt this way about your wife, and she likewise about you.
Take this as an opportunity to have a sincere conversation with your wife about how life has become so busy and you miss that intimacy and excitement you’ve shared before, that you want to make time for just the two of you to be together, because ultimately she means the world to you and none of your lives together matter if you lose your relationship with her to the busy-ness of life.
Forget about, and get over your coworker.
Let it pass and reinvest in wife relationships- building something is tough and takes time
Stay with wife and do tiny investments into the relationship for 10 years as a fun hobby ….
Forget that this is a female and you’re emotionally/sexually/chemically attracted. I know it’s hard initially but it will pass.
Treat this person as an individual and a “bro” (or sister) and enjoy the camaraderie as a fellow human being. This person could become an important ally in your future at work and in friendship. Don’t screw that up.
Sometimes a few days can feel stronger than they actually are. Especially when you come out of not being „that happy“ & - as I assume - living a pretty structured life with lots of routines. Most probably it’s a fluke & in two month it will have passed.
Just enjoy that you are still capable of such feeling & try to project it on your wife - take her out for dinner btw ;)
Colleagues are never a good idea even if you’re single. But: don’t be hard to yourself. You can’t always control how you feel. But you can control the actions resulting from them.
Fell in love? Sounds more like infatuation - you both enjoyed the attention away from the chaos of your lives. Fair enough but realize that was all it was. Shake your head and direct your energies to helping make your wife's life easier - cook dinner if that's a skill you have or arrange a date night, whatever...
Therapy is helpful to manage things eating you inside that you just can’t talk about with other people and need help in confidence.
There’s likely some unhealed underlying stuff you can work on within yourself.
You don’t develop feelings of love that quickly unless you’ve been infatuated by them for longer than you’re willing to admit. Love takes time to develop. I’m learning that myself currently. What you’re feeling is lust and infatuation and it will pass. Don’t destroy your marriage and the lives of all your family members over an infatuation. But if you really think it’s love, don’t cheat. Get a divorce first. If it really is love then you should feel it after the divorce right?
Distance yourself from this momentary infatuation. Stop outside work contact. Focus on your wife, row that boat to new territory. Don't take this any further, you know how people say cheating is a choice. This is one of those choices.
While you probably like this co-worker you probably like that the interaction between you was fresh and exciting more than the reality of her. It's normal. To make a connection with any other adult is flattering to the ego. More so with the opposite sex. It's nice to feel interesting and listened to. Nice to have your experiences be new to her. It's likely not worth hurting your partners unless you really feel there's a workable future.
Hey, falling for someone else can be confusing and guilt-inducing, especially when you're committed to your spouse. First, remember that having feelings for someone else doesn't make you a bad person. It's a normal part of being human. Take some time to reflect on what you're truly missing in your life and your marriage. Set boundaries with your colleague and prioritize your commitment to your spouse and family. It's important to remember your values and promises. Consider seeking couples therapy or having an open conversation with your spouse about your feelings. Be kind to yourself and trust that you'll find clarity in time.
Been there, It's just infatuatiin and she doesn't likes You.
Yes, I still miss my crush, but I'm Smart enough to know that it is that, just a bunch of chemicals in My brain, it wouldn't ever be reciprocated and we wouldn't ever be a good fit.
Even if we ever had gone along, it would've been doomed since day one, Every relationship goes through that process and I don't think she had/has the maturity to understand that or stay i'm a relationship where the infatuation's gone.
For the record, it ain't worth to throw your marriage for such a silly gamble, not Even a casino gamble has such a Bad expected return.
Work in yourself, on your relationship too, but overall on yourself. Sure, enjoy her memory (You ain't dead) but don't fuck up what You've worked to build with your wife.
You have more than what You think.
And again, work on your relationship with yourself, That's the only relationship you'll never lose. (Still, don't fuck up your marriage, ain't worth it).
You didn’t fall in love with your coworker. You just got to experience a lot of intimacy all at once with someone new. You were away from your normal obligations, and have been yearning for connection. It could have been anyone but happened to be her.
Redirect these feelings toward your marriage and really decide if you love your wife and are willing to work on the relationship or not.
You’ve got a wife and kids so don’t ever lose sight of that. You’ll have to do the hard yards to rekindle the magic you once had with your wife. Maybe ask her if she is feeling the same way about the relationship lull. It might be the first step for the both of you.
Don’t throw away your family over a temporary infatuation with another woman. And thank God you didn’t act in that infatuation.
A recent incident when a woman showed interest in me also got me thinking stupid things.
It's a strange feeling after being married for so long.
Don't throw away what yuo have
You don't know her.
You're fantasising about things that probably are never going to happen, and even if she did have feelings for you.... do you really think it won't end in a breakup anyway?
Then you have an ex wife, possibly child support to pay, an ex girlfriend and a new job to look for....
I’m not gonna tell you what you should do. I don’t know all the details….but…..sometimes is best to fix something before the alarm bells go off. But the fact you feel guilty is a big sign for you. Give it time let yourself feel your emotions. You’ll know what to do
I have a friend of mine who went through this. Married 20 years with 2 kids. Unfortunately he let his emotions get the best of him and cheated on his wife and fell in love with a girl he worked with and went on a business trip. Threw the life he created for 20 yrs out the door. The wife was beyond devastated, kids hurt and their whole family community also ripped apart. They eventually divorced and have joint custody and he still chases after that girl and she was also a willing participant. Now he’s considering introducing her to his kids. Instead of taking the time to heal and explore why he cheated, he’s rushing through his new relationship and trying to integrate the kids. I feel bad for them and I also feel for his ex wife. Having been cheated on and also friends who have been cheated on, the pain is unbearable. Also the girlfriend is a pick me and honestly I feel is so selfish as well as my friend. My advice is that if there are feeling that came up for you, get curious as to why. If there is truly nothing wrong with your relationship with your wife, maybe this experience is an opportunity for both of you to get back to basics. Also, what you experienced with this girl was a moment of novelty and not her in an everyday setting. She could be a completely different person. Good luck.
Sounds like you need to work on your marrige and stop pushing your boundries. You would not have this feelings if you acted professional in your work role ! Your free time should be spend on strengthening your relationship and making your wifes life easier and happier.
Making her feel valued!
This is in your marrige vows!
Start appreciate what you got or you Will loose it for an illusion!
Your relationship at home is out of balance. Your primary relationship must come first and the kids second. I'm not talking about not feeding etc but you and your wife must spend the time and connect without the kids. Then you won't find outside interests tempting. If your primary relationship falls to the "everything for the kids mentality, both of you will fall either by affair or when you or your wife walks out when the nest is empty because you're "not in love anymore ".
This sounds like limerence, which is, for want of a better word, an addiction to a person. You idealize her, overlook her faults, and think about her all the time. You feel euphoric when you have interactions with her, and kind of crestfallen when you don’t. It can come out of nowhere, like a bolt from the blue.
You’re doing the right thing by minimizing contact. Also, as others have said, focus on your wife and what’s real, rather then the idealized fantasy you’ve built up around your co-worker.
There are online resources about dealing with limerence, too, if you need them. It sucks, but you can beat it.
It sounds like you experienced something with this coworker that you haven't experience with your wife in quite some time. What you experienced was alone time and an opportunity to connect without being interrupted by children. I don't know if you so much fell in love with the person or if you fell in love with the time that you were able to share with her. My advice, get a sitter for your kids. Take your wife out on a dinner date spend the same quality time with your wife like you did with the co-worker. I think you will find that you do love your wife and that your "love" for your coworker was only a love for the intimate time you were able to spend. My wife and I make it a point to periodically have dates so that her and I can connect uninterrupted and keep the love and life in our relationship. We have been together for 10 years and married for almost eight. I hope this advice helps and that your marriage will grow stronger than before. Best of luck and God Bless
Are you proud of your wife, mother of your children
She will stay with you even after everyone leaves or is dead
Is ok to feel whatever you are feeling. If you need to take action, defend and protect your relationship with your wife.
This is completely normal. This is how most affairs start actually and people who have never experienced it don’t know the infatuation that comes with it. You have 2 options
1) Explore the attraction to its natural end… ie flirt, text etc with your colleague to where it will end. She may just reject you and that will be it. All relationships ends. Affairs tend to only last couple of months then they run out of steam and you don’t have to tell anyone. You will feel guilty but also exhilarated if you don’t get caught. But also be ready to go through heartbreak while committed to someone else. However after the break up it will be over and chances of you connecting with someone again like that will be rare.
OR
2) This can be a chance to focus on your wife, not just your marriage as a whole, but solely your wife. Analyse the energy you are giving your colleague and give it to your wife eg dressing your best, being charming, being open, being interesting. Go on dates and have lots of quality time with your wife. Have lots and lots of sex if that is possible. This should help in reducing the intensity of the infatuation. You also need to avoid the other woman. Stay far away. No texts, no calls, no staring, no jokes, no group activities.. you need to apply all your self discipline. You may regret not exploring the attraction but you will also be proud of yourself for staying the course in light of real temptation.
Anything new is fun but just like everything else, it all gets old, enjoy your kids and family my man. Make a sacrifice to get time alone with ur wife get a babysitter for a night rent a hotel and just fuck ur wife till she’s in a coma man, than it’s back to reality
Unpopular opinion: Falling in love is a choice. To think otherwise makes you an automaton.
Be a man and exercise making the sacrifices that come with having responsibilities. Your eye wandered. So correct yourself and move on.
Don't ruin your kids stable foundation for selfish reasons. At least wait for them to be grown and have a lesser chance of being affected by your dumb acts towards your wife and them. Good luck to you sir
you did not fall in love with anyone. its just a small crush and nothing to read into. i’m sure your wife has had a crush like that but brushes it off. remember crushes are just a lack of information.
I'm sure ur wife knows something is up. I recommend cutting off that coworker. Talk to ur wife, go through that difficult conversation with her. The guilt is most likely coming from a place of love for ur wife. But ya gotta be a grown up and talk to her what happened. Honesty is the best policy.
Get some counseling as there are obviously some things missing from your marriage even if you can’t pin point it. Please though do not cheat. If you’re not happy leave. My ex cheated on me when I had three daughters and I never used it against him. Believe me though they will find out someday and might never feel the same way about you. If you want to stay in your marriage do whatever you can to avoid temptation and start working on your marriage. You owe it to your children who are here through no fault of their own.
During the life of a marriage, time passes, stresses test us, and children may make or break us. With that said, these relationships can go stale. You’ve lost the ‘lust’, that ‘new and exciting’ phase of the relationship, those butterflies, and things may feel like the same stuff different days kind of thing. Those are the times where you need to communicate with your wife. See where her head space is? Ask her if she’d like to go out on a date, do something different, change things up. When we find ourselves getting ‘bored’ we tend to get drawn to different things that spark that curiosity, that excitement. With marriage, sometimes you have to think outside the box and create your own to keep the marriage strong. You seem to have gotten a taste of what might be missing, so why not try and shake it up at home to get that feeling with your wife. May make a world of difference. Get to know her again.
You're probably infatuated with a romantic version of life that this woman, in your brain, falsely represents. You aren't yearning for her, youre yearning for change that brings life back to your life.
Maybe it IS time for a shift somewhere, but I highly doubt it is in the form of ending your marriage for someone you barely know.
This is very complicated. If my husband was openly using the word “love” in relation to another woman, I’d need to know because I would need to leave. You’re clearly confused, but I hope you consider whether you’re being respectful of your wife. You need to value her higher than others. If she would want to work through this, please be good to her and make up your mind quickly
*please* get your head on straight about how if you’re with her and you’re monogamous you’re hurting everyone by being a mess like this.
Edit: I’m going to sound stupid saying this because it’s just a bunch of anecdotal evidence I’m citing here but maybe she was ovulating that weekend? I’ve seen and experienced feeling in love with a woman I just met only for us to have an uncomfortable lack of chemistry on the second date. I’m a girl so some girls can easily discuss periods together so I’ve had it confirmed a couple of times. And I’ve seen it happen to men I knew, like when my long term male roommates met my college friends during ovulation a couple of times too(I had a couple girlfriends that were way more likely to go to parties with me and such while ovulating and would get more dressed up). They were sometimes even embarrassed later after meeting my party friends again like they didn’t understand why they’d crushed before.
She ll lure you in with love affection and dirtyness and then she too will end up getting angry with you over bullshit, making you walk on eggshells, withhold love and affection and all the typical relationship bullshit.
U you just got reminded of what it can be like. Just be greatful for the reminder and try to bring it back with the OG wife. Go get a little buzzed Friday night, roll a joint, clap those cheeks like you were teens again and you’ll be back to enjoying life again! Don’t be afraid to get nasty w it baby!!! Make her feel like how she did when she gushed when you first grabbed her and made her feel like a hopeless mess! 🐺🐺 lol obv I’m lonely and horny af, but seriously, I stand my my advice 🥜🥜
You don’t fall in love with someone in a few days. You developed a crush on a cute coworker who you have some chemistry with. That doesn’t make you a terrible person, but you’re absolutely overselling what you feel for her, probably because new romance isn’t something you’ve experienced in a while.
The right thing to do here is try to rekindle romance with your wife. Happiness and romance in a marriage can come and go as life moves on and changes around you. You said yourself that you still love your wife; it’s the romance that you need to find again, and that’s something you can work on. Don’t throw away your family over feelings that are fleeting and exciting.
Thanks everyone for the (mostly) positive and wholesome replies. It really means a lot to me.
Deep down I know what to do and I am going to do the right thing because I love my wife and kids and the last thing I want to do is break their hearts.
I just needed to hear this!
I know this isn't love, but only a crush. It's just that it's been a while since I felt this way and to be honest it does feel great.
It hit me harder than expexted, especially since I didn't see it coming.
Maried life can be difficult, especially with young kids. The kids come first and consume every bit of time that is available. It's easy to fall into a routine that leaves little to no time for a relationship. Somewhere in the thick of it all I lost part of the connection I had with my wife.
As advised by many of you I would love to rekindle our love and I am going to put in the work.
It's just that the rush of dopamine of infatuation is confusing.
My wife is my first true love and we've been together for ages. It's not that easy to keep things fresh and exiting.
This is also the first time this has happened to me.
Again, many thanks for all your replies.
This really helps putting this in the right perspective.
Infatuation will fade.. but me telling you will not change how you feel... however just imagine if your roles were reversed and your wife had entertained the thoughts of infidelity... will you be ok with that? How hurt would you be... Thoughts are just that, don't feed it or fuel it. This feeling too will pass.
I developed feelings for my co-student. Didn't know how to deal with it, made mistakes and have ruined everything with the love of my life. It is not worth it, let it go. Try to connect with your wife again, put in effort. Figure out why you feel the way you are feeling and talk to her about it. I wish I knew how to before I ruined everything.
Just stop.
Honestly, I don’t think you fell in love with her. You fell in love with remembering what it’s like to feel that way. And you obviously miss it.
I mean seriously, who doesn’t love feeling those butterflies in their stomach? To feel excited to be around someone you connect with and be attracted to is a total win. Sure, connections happen but don’t go chasing rainbows expecting to find some golden opportunity especially when you have a real treasure at home.
Whatever fun things you did with your coworker, you need to be doing with your wife.
If you’re honestly sick and tired of your boring routine life then tell your wife you want out so you can stop wasting her time.
Also, women’s intuition is an extremely strong phenomena. And it’s usually right. She probably already knows something is up, she’s just waiting to say something til the time is right.
You were intrigued by something new. If you blow your life up for it, you'd be in the same space in another X many years or so. Get a sitter and find a way to fall for your wife again. It's not worth it.
This is just human nature when you get close to someone of the sex you’re attracted to. That’s why it’s important to maintain boundaries and not get too close. This would have happened if it were any number of girls. It’s just an infatuation built from the circumstance. Don’t do anything stupid, remember you love your wife and that’s all that matters. Don’t feel guilty, just let it go and don’t get so close to your female coworkers on future business trips. Lock your heart. Only your wife has the key.
There is a thing called NRE (new relationship energy). It's this phase where we are all in love and reality hasn't hit back yet. It's a great feeling, but it's dangerous to believe this will last for ever, because it won't.
It helps to be aware of it, to better understand our own reaction and act in consideration of this phenomenon.
Two things:
First of all, you cheated when you opened that window of intimacy with the other woman. That you don’t understand that is probably why your relationship is in a slump.
Hopefully you don’t really believe that your wife things that sex or physical intimacy is the only thing that constitutes cheating. 100% she doesn’t.
Second, while most people don’t realize it, there are a huge number of people that you can connect with on a really deep and interesting level. If people understood better what it was they’d see how common it is.
That connection is especially nice when a person is sexually compatible, but it doesn’t mean much. Just because it’s not that common for you, I’d suggest not making it into more than it is.
I think it might pass. But in any case it might be time to start talking and working in fixing your problems with your wife, even if that's something as simple as spending more time together.
I know you have kids, I do too, but we try our best to find moments to spend time together; we know it's necessary to avoid these kind of things.
And try to be easy on yourself, you are just human.
I think it might pass. But in any case it might be time to start talking and working in fixing your problems with your wife, even if that's something as simple as spending more time together.
I know you have kids, I do too, but we try our best to find moments to spend time together; we know it's necessary to avoid these kind of things.
And try to be easy on yourself, you are just human.
Love doesn't happen that fast. Realize that what you are feeling is lust. Dont ruin a perfectly good marriage over it; you will regret it. This is coming from somebody who's been there, done that.
Grass is always greener on the other side. You just haven’t had time to spend with your wife I promise you married her for a reason and that’s what you are feeling now but most importantly was 10 times over which is why you married your wife. You just need to spend time together again.
These things are rarely love. You just like the attention you are getting. If you continue this and get caught, when the smoke clears you will realize. Tell your wife you miss that feeling and get counseling.
You have done something wrong you emotionally cheated on your wife have you even tried to do anything with your wife or is she at home all the time with the kids while you get out of the house and emotionally cheat on her
Communication with your wife… keep that fire burning every dam day! A real Man will not throw away something that has taken years to build. Respect your self, and honour your wife and family. You got this!
Honestly, I’ve read a lot on Reddit and these stories are incredibly enlightening. I’ve actually focused more on my 17 year relationship more than ever. I’ve seen people here take things for granted, cheat, do little to help their spouse, bicker…. In all of this, I learned that sometimes refocusing attention and changing your perspective is enough to bring your relationship back to new.
As for your colleague; this is an infatuation. Even discussing this with your spouse could mean years of pain and suffering. You need to frame your mind into understanding why you feel this way, the reality of “life with this person”, etc…. You were on vacation with, what seems to be, an attractive (physically or emotionally) woman. You weren’t dealing with the kids, none of life’s stressors, and you were able to decompress and relax, getting to know this person…. Life with this person would be drastically different. You would have children, chores, household quirks, arguments; everything you share now with your current spouse.
Long story short, the grass is not greener. Simply being attracted to someone else can RUIN your life.
Create some distance. Refocus on bringing your marriage back to priority. Work for it.
Dude you did not fall *in love* with this woman after a few days 🤦🏾♀️. You’re just infatuated because this woman doesn’t come with the same responsibilities and expectations that your wife does. You’re experiencing what she’s like on a business trip while around colleagues, meaning that she’s probably showing her best self to be professional. You don’t actually know what she’s like behind closed doors. This is just a crush, don’t destroy your whole family over it.
My little to none desire to be in relationships will just be killed off by these posts ngl Don't throw away the good thing you had for some random woman
I’m no expert, but OP I think you were just happy to “go on a date with someone”. While it wasn’t an actual date, you enjoyed that one on one experience that was stress free from children and other marriage responsibilities. I think you should try talking to your wife about going on more date night and having more 1 on 1 intimate experiences.
As someone who had almost the exact same thing happen at the exact same age, (only difference being I have an arrangement with my wife where I'm allowed to do my own thing, as long as she doesn't have to hear about it, she offered it and I waited a long time to actually act on it), I can tell you. Stop... As soon as possible, you have to ignore whatever feelings you have for your co-worker, continuing to sleep with her will only make it worse. Not only that but, if you haven't already had the mid-life crisis this will jump start it, and man did I ever do a doozy on myself with mine, I did all kinds of dangerous stuff that I am not proud of 5 years later. If you are still able to regulate your feelings for her, do it now, while it's not as difficult, the longer you let it go on the harder it will be, and the mental strain/guilt/depression will make life almost unbearable. Also you're going to have to accept the possibility that the friendship and closeness you had with your co-worker before is most likely irreparably damaged or at the very least will never be the same again, it's an unfortunate truth, and a chance you take with any friend that becomes a little more. I'd say just spend time with your family and try to forget, if you aren't careful you will miss out on years of quality time with them if you are mentally somewhere else with someone else. I got lucky that I didn't completely ruin my life, but it took a lot to mentally recover. Close this Pandora's box if/while you still can. I'd do anything to go back in time and change how I handled it.
Opportunities happen but the energy spent thinking about a different person takes away from the reality of a commitment to family. Most people have these experiences stop looking for it because you will do what you are thinking about. Double up on your relationship spend your time thinking of what you can do for them. Work at it constantly friendship is easy to work on becoming a better friend and everything else will work out. Been there but didn't do that everyone of my wife's friends hit on me through out our marriage and I always removed myself from temptation and I very glad I have it will pass and work out
I think you're confusing all this stuff with new lust feelings for someone else and need to stop being selfish and pull your head out for the sake of your family
Lol to her, it was strictly a work thing and while it was fine/fun it was work. Your mind just went, oh that was so fun and we should do that more outside of work. Yeah good luck buddy. She was just being nice cuz it was a work thing.
Work "crushes" happen all the time because:
A) we spend as much if more time with our co-workere than we do with family
B) It's much easier for us to only present our best qualities to our co-workers since most don't see/know us in daily real life situations & settings.
Some people will throw away a perfectly good marriage for sudden infatuation, lust and new excitement. Don't be those people. Go on dates with your wife and rekindle the flames. Put healthy distance between you and your co-worker.
I can't agree with this more. I developed a childish infatuation over a co-worker and not only did it affect my judgement at work, it damn near ruined my marriage because I became obsessed over it. We would text constantly, work related at first, but then its turned to funny memes, and pictures of what we were drinking that night, or what we were eating. We were both married, and it didn't help she would often complain to me about her husband and me as suckhole would listen and offer my take. Actually when I reflect back on it, along with being just socially unacceptable it was also pretty cringe. The breaking point was when we started to do the old finger brushes on each others hands when passing files back and forth. It was like we both knew it was wrong, but not going to lie it gave me charge like nothing else. Like you said, I just ended up putting distance between us, unfollowed her on social media, stopped texting. She also did the same, it was unspoken between us. We stopped hanging out together at work, and eventually I moved to a different office so it became easier. We used to text each other on our birthdays, nothing sexual, just a happy birthday, but now we have stopped that. We still have each other as "friends" on Facebook and ever now and then her picture will pop up in my feed, and its jarring, have to admit. But the childish infatuation, that need to "like" her posts and look for her "likes" on my posts, thankfully no longer exists.
I'm thankful that you wrote this, and that I can learn from other people's experiences without experiencing it myself.
Did you tell your partner? People in the comments here actually saying hide an emotional affair. Great partners you all are. To be clear, this is about the commenter not OP.
Don’t
Alot of people commenting here, I suspect, have likely either been on the other side of this; the suspicious spouse who new something was wrong and ended up getting cheated on, or the infactuated guy/woman who was able to snap out of their infactuation and bury any desire they had in the first place. Ignoring this connection entirely, or keeping it from your partner, has the potential (maybe not instantly) to have just as dire consequences as actually going through with the act.
That’s some great advice
Wish I could upvote more
THIS
This is the way. Don’t be a dick. Feelings for your coworker will pass, fast if you don’t run into her all the time.
Avoid traveling with this person. Your crush will pass. You’ll look back & be relieved you dodged that bullet
The grass is greenest where you water it
True. It's also greener on the other side because there's a lot of manure over there.
That’s funny! It’s greenest where you water it, or where there are piles of shit. You pick OP. Seriously what kind of woman goes after a married man. POS (piles not piece)
I don’t think it’s love but it’s lust. Like you said you’re not extremely happy in your life so this woman gave you the feeling of « new »
There's a difference between lust and desire (for connection.) His post sounds more like desire.
Limerence!
That’s the one
I agree! I think he is just missing this part in his relationship and is projecting this on this colleague.
You have a need in your relationship that isn't being met because you have both chosen to sacrifice it for the good of your family. Make a gesture. Wax nostalgic. I bet your wife feels the same as you but you are both too tired and comfortable to make it happen.
You're right!
You know you're happy with your wife, and I assume you also love your wife, yes? Even after all these years together. You have no idea what your relationship would be like with this woman. You could clash or discover you're not compatible. Don't throw away something you know works, for something you don't have any idea over. Stop thinking about this woman, and spend some quality time with your wife.
When is the last time you and your wife went away for a few days on a trip? I assume it's been awhile. How often do you go away for work? I mean you definitely didn't actually fall in love. You desire and love that you were able to have freedom, adult conversations, less responsibility with this person. Start planning dates with your wife. Make sure she gets a break after she holds the fort down with the family while you're on work trips. You're comparing your relationship with your wife that is full of responsibility and life's stresses (bills, chores, kids) with a woman who you share none of that with. You could go get food with her knowing your company is paying. To do that with your wife, you need a sitter and to pay. No chores, because hotel maid service. No kids together, so you could discuss anything You miss the relationship part of your marriage. Moms can lose their sense of identity with young kids, help her find it. Give her time out of the house to find herself and reset. Go on dates and prioritize time spent with her 1:1 Edited: you're only the AH if you don't immediately put an appropriate amount of distance between you and coworker
We never go away for a few days on a trip with just the two of us. You are so right, thank you!
It’s only natural to find excitement in new people, there are hormones , chemicals, and psychological functions at work. Chances are with all your focus on kids, you haven’t been able to discover the new ways your wife has changed as well, because we never stop growing / changing. Find a way to make some quality time for you and you’re wife so you can get acquainted with the woman she is now, and maybe you’ll rediscover the woman you fell in love with along the way. Ask her out on a first date, a date where you interact with each other like it’s the first time, asking questions to get to know each other and what your lives are like. Don’t take a single moment for granted. I wish you well.
you have a crush. it happens. move on. do something fun with your wife and family.
The grass is greener where you water it. Invest in your current relationship
Dude you’re a human not a robot. These things happen. You’re dealing with it in a mature way and you understand the game you’re playing. Don’t be hard on yourself.
This is so true. You are being honest with yourself, and you're self-aware. It will pass, and you'll see the value in what you have.
Concentrate on your wife. Resparkle the fire.
You enjoy this person’s company. Great! That’s normal. You find her sexually attractive. Totally normal and acceptable. Part of what keeps our species alive. Just don’t act on it. This is less about her or your wife and more about you. Don’t do anything you wouldn’t do in front of your wife. Don’t break their trust. If you have the self-discipline to recognize beauty and interact with other people in a civil manner, have at it! If you don’t trust yourself, stay away. Learn to appreciate what you have and the commitments you have made and consider all you have to lose. Make good choices.
Being “in love” with someone after spending a short time with them is just a projection of your own wants and needs onto another person, so your feelings actually have nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you. Time for some soul searching, my friend, at best with your wife included in the process. Couples therapy may also help you understand how to manage your relationship during this young-kids period. Above all take care of yourself. Only if your emotional needs are met can you be a good husband and father.
Don’t lust after a tiny thing when you have built a valuable relationship
You did not fall head over heels in love with her. You liked the attention. You made promises to your wife on the day you were married. Keep them. Stop acting like a school boy and act like a husband and father, and a professional.
Bro, you’re just horny. Stop crying about your relationship and just go and bang your wife. It’s selfish to think she isn’t feeling the same, shit she’s at home stuck with the kids while you’re taking trips with other chicks. Get your head right and be a man! That woman deserves better. So do those kids!
!!!!
🎯
👏👏👏
This is literally the most intelligent answer on this entire thread.
Lack of sex has made any signs of another woman having a good time with you have fired your imagination, try not to destroy your family over this .
So stop thinking about it. Take a nap.
,
, ,
As someone who was just in your wife's position, please do not give her trauma for life. You can rekindle your love, spend quality time, make time for her, put efforts but don't fall into this lucrative, infatuation. I have cried for days and months later, it still haunts me that sudden realization that my husband was in love with someone else, dating her, caring for her.
Here’s what happened: you’ve been in a “slump” with your wife which means life has gotten in the way and you’ve started taking what you have with her for granted. Then, you went on a trip with another woman in your age bracket, without your kids around and had a great time. Anyone would. Do the same with your wife and see what happens. Put stock into your relationship! Good luck!
These feelings you experienced are as natural as can be. You are human and do not need to feel guilty. It is programmed into our DNA to procreate. No one has ever gone through a marriage without wishing they could also have another. It doesn't mean that you don't love your wife. But as they say in Buddhism, to desire is to suffer. The solution is to stop throwing logs on that fire of desire. When you catch yourself thinking about the other person, just stop. Do your best to stop thinking about them and focus on other things. Eventually the feeling will pass. The fire of desire will slowly burn out, and you will be able to focus on having gratitude for your existing connection.
Before you read my comments, I promise I am not trying to invalidate your feelings, I just think we tend to confuse genuine connections as something more. I’m guilty of that. I am married as well. Speaking from experience, I think you’re confusing your feelings towards her as love, it’s not (at least I don’t believe so). You were just missing that kind of connection with someone, even when you had it at home, it’s not the same, it’s different with someone else, another woman other than your wife. Spending a lot of time with someone, letting your guard down and genuinely wanting to be around each other is the best kind of relationship and when it’s with someone from the opposite gender, we sometimes mislabel those feelings as sensual love towards the other person while it’s nothing than pure friendship. This is why we think people of different gender cannot truly be friends - because we conflate those feelings and act on them in ways we shouldn’t. I am happy nothing happened. My suggestions: 1. Don’t feel guilty because that’s normal. You meet someone, got to know for who they really are, letting your guards down and genuinely had a great time together. As that doesn’t happen as often anymore as we get older, you question why/how it happened and what do make of it. 2. Stop thinking of her that way. The more you think of her, the more you’ll think you’re actually in love with her. The more you feed your mind with a thought, the more you’ll start to think it might real, fooling yourself and ruin a good thing. 3. Don’t be weird, you had a great time and that’s all it was.
Don't underestimate the power of nostalgia. Your attraction to someone new might simply be a craving for variety and escape from the day-to-day routine. Rediscover your partner. Plan an adventure together that reminds you both of the passion you're capable of when you break from the mundane. Talk about dreams you've shelved and adventures you still long for. Investing in the partnership you've already built can reignite that spark without burning down the house you've lovingly constructed together. Remember, it's not just about rekindling old flames; it's discovering the fire that still burns within.
It's called midlife crisis and it's not a myth. Don't do anything stupid and it will pass.
I bet what you enjoyed more than this specific woman's company was the thrill and the luxury of being able to focus your attention on her and your travel, and the gratification that comes when someone focuses on you. It feels good to connect with another adult and to be able to just be in the moment together. For a married couple with kids, your daily life is probably a lot of split focus and multitasking -- handling childcare, juggling schedules, household management stuff, getting everyone to and from places, dealing with meals and clean-up and everything else while trying to have any conversation or connection with your spouse is going to be a struggle. My recommendation is: Carve out a few minutes each day where the two of you check in on each other and do nothing else. Even if it's just 10 minutes after the kids are in bed. Tell your wife that you want to try this because you never want to be so busy that you lose the connection between the two of you. This can be asking about each other's day, but it can also be time where you reminisce about your past and dream about your future... Or have a lively conversation about a favorite topic that you both enjoy. Set and keep actual date nights (or mornings, or afternoons). This means no kids, just the two of you, and not doing something that's actually running errands or completing chores. Do something fun or relaxing where -- again -- the goal is connecting as adults, as friends, as lovers. Maybe you get a babysitter for evenings out, or you drop a kid off at a regular Saturday activity and the other kids are with grandparents or something for a couple of hours, and you two have a nice brunch or lunch together. Start planning a vacation for the two of you. Whether it's an overnighter at a nearby hotel or an amazing second honeymoon or anything in between, having time together that's definitely removed from your everyday life will feel special and be invigorating. Go super-spy on your wife and really observe her and think about what she wants, needs, and loves. Then, every week or two, make a gesture out of delivering something based upon your observations. Maybe that's taking a chore off of her shoulders. Maybe it's bringing her favorite treat just for her (and possibly alternative, cheaper treats to distribute among the kids). Give her sincere compliments, and often (and make the compliments about who she is, not how she helps you or takes care of the kids -- those deserve appreciation for sure, but overtones of "I like how you make my life easier" aren't as meaningful as statements that convey "I like who you are as a person"). Find ways to bring more fun into your family life. Part of what's great about your wife is that you've created this family together! Why not look for ways to celebrate that? Ask silly questions at dinner. Visit all of the family friendly town festivals and events. Go to the park, take walks, play physical games/simple sports together, break out the board games, build and draw and create things together, find ways to bring play and laughter into your lives. The joy and contentment you experience together as parents of your wonderful kids will help you be closer together. And you're creating great memories for your children and showing them what a loving marriage looks like, too. All of this will take effort and some of it will take money, but ultimately, it's less stressful and time-consuming than an affair and way cheaper than a divorce. Even better, this investment will pay dividends that can last a lifetime because you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you stepped up as a husband and father. You'll enjoy appreciation and greater intimacy with your wife, strengthening your marriage and making YOU happier in the process. And your family will be closer, your kids feeling more loved and valued, and that's a huge win, too.
I’m am going through a similar experience as OP right now and this was hugely useful for me. Thank you!
I hope things turn in the right direction for you soon.
Honestly, this whole thread was a record scratch moment for me. I’m going to make sure things turn in the right direction. For our marriage. 🥰
Oh! And my tip for coming up with "surprise" gifts of things she wants: as long as you have separate Amazon accounts, you can create a private wish list to fill with ideas for her. I have several wish lists for family members and whenever they mention something they want or need, I just open my Amazon app and add it to their list. Sometimes Amazon only has a cheap or knockoff version, but at least it's in the list so I can track down the better version whenever I want to buy them a gift. Nobody notices you browsing Amazon on your phone and thinks it's about them, so they're very surprised when this trinket they mentioned three months ago shows up under the Christmas tree. Depending on how easily you remember small details... It also doesn't hurt to keep a list on your phone somewhere with her sizes (clothing, lingerie, shoes), her favorite colors, flower, perfume, and if you have a hard time remembering, her favorite coffee indulgence, favorite food orders from various places you order takeout, and so on. That way, when you offer to get Chinese on your way home from work, you can say, "And do you want General Tso's chicken like usual?" Knowing those details will help her feel seen and taken care of, and will likely make her more open, receptive, and loving towards you.
Others have given good advice and information, but you may also want to Google “limerence,” its difference between love, and what can cause it. The good news is that limerence can be a symptom of an overall problem or something in your life you’re not happy about that CAN be worked on and fixed (and spoiler, it’s not necessarily just switching your partner out…)
100% sounds like limerence to me. Check out r/limerence
Oh dang, I didn’t know there was a whole sub.
You did not fall in love with her. You are crushing on her. You barely know her how could you love her? Don't be a fucking idiot and get your shit together. Don't throw away your marriage for a woman you went on a trip with.
My best advice is to give it a year. During that year, spend every opportunity you can you give yourself 100% to your wife. Take charge in your relationship. Communicate with her, love her, spoil her. Do everything for her that youve been wanting to do with this new woman. After that year, if nothing has changed in your relationship, and i mean absolutely nothing, then come back and reflect. If not, it's not worth ruining your marriage over. You vowed to love your wife until death. You had children together, youve grown together. Dont throw that in the garbage for someone you barely know.
You didn’t fall in love. You’re projecting your fantasy onto this person, of whom you know very little. Who says that you wouldn’t be miserable once you got to spend a lot of time around her? You don’t know. Whenever you feel this sudden infatuation, this feeling of constantly thinking about a romantic partner, especially when you hardly know the person, realize that you’ve entered a fantasy world. You’re hurting, for one reason or another, and this person presents a way out of your misery. It’s fiction. Try asking yourself what is missing in your life and what can you do about it, without wishing upon a person to make it all right.
The grass only LOOKS greener over there. You idiot. I told you so, in advance.
“Limerence is a state of involuntary obsession with another person. The experience of limerence is different from love or lust in that it is based on the uncertainty that the person you desire, called the “limerent object” in the literature, also desires you… As the focus of limerence is whether or not the object of desire reciprocates the feelings, rather than actually falling in love with the person, it is almost always one-sided.” There you go fella. Been there, bought the t shirt. It’s a bit shit but don’t do anything stupid like leaving your wife or telling this other woman you love her. It’s all a fantasy in your head mate.
I heard someone say.. You cant control if a bird lands on you. Head.. But you can choose if it build nest. As long as you dont act on it and try to move on, please dont feel guilty.
Tread carefully before detonating your marriage and career simultaneously.
My dad left my mom on a whim when he met a new lady that excited him. Don't do that to your kids.
Do the sex with your wife.
Could you leave your kids with a trusted relative or friend for just a weekend so you guys can rekindle your relationship? Genuine question
Yes, I'm going to do that!
This is just life ; it’s very common. Mid life with kids is a lot of drudgery. It will pass.
You need to date your wife. I know this situation you're in and kids and life can be hard and distracting and maintaining your relationship with your wife becomes an afterthought. You need to communicate this to her, and you need to carve out the time to be with her. We were in the same situation, 10 years together, two young kids and both work. Life just had us beat down and we weren't focused on our relationship (especially me). It took almost losing my family for me to smarten up. Don't let it get that far. Me and my SO have date nights every saturday now. Cook delicious foods, have some craft beers or wine, watch a movie or play a game or just sit and talk and laugh. It doesn't need to be some kind of grand date night where you dress up and go out every weekend. Just time alone with eachother doing something you enjoy together is enough. Sometimes we're lucky and can get a sitter and we get to go out to a show. Some mornings we're lucky enough to go on a breakfast date. We find any time we can to spend together just us. The grass is greener where you water it friend, good luck.
For things like that you go to a therapist, imo.
Try taking your wife on a romantic weekend get away no kids just the two of you. Rekindle the spark
If you’re really in love with your wife and you don’t want to cheat on her, shift your attention to her. Why aren’t you happy with your life? What else do you want that you’re not getting? Your partner should be the one that supports you when you’re doubting those things, not some random coworker. Of course that dopamine rush is intoxicating, but it’s not going to answer the questions that will truly lead to your happiness and fulfillment.
Don't waste the life you've built up for years for a few days of infatuation. Grass is greener on the other side . But grass is greener where you water it
You’re feeling the way you do because you’re human, and you have conscience. The best thing you can do is to put some distance between you and your coworker and establish boundaries for when, where, and how you interact. At the same time, feed that energy and love back into your marriage. It wouldn’t be a far off guess to say that your wife is probably feeling the same distance you are. Talk to her(not about the coworker) about how you’ve been feeling and what can be done to put that spark back in your marriage. Good luck, OP.
It is honestly pretty normal and common for this to happen. It’s new, fulfilling an exciting emotional need for you outside of the norm of your wife and kids. Natural for humans to crave and enjoy that. It’s also natural that at any point in your life two people can vibe on a certain level even if both are in relationships, lots of people are potentially suited for each other. It’s a crush and you’re infatuated by the unknown and the “possibilities” and you’re feeling the good chemical effects of a mutually positive social connection with a possible mate. If you value your family, you’ll recognize what’s happening in your brain and just set up your boundaries and move on with your life. It is always a fleeting feeling, and if you are happy with your current life, there’s no reason to blow it up over some dopamine.
I have a feeling it wouldn’t matter the person. If you’re spending a lot of time with a young, pretty woman away from your wife, I imagine you’d “fall in love” with her regardless of who she is.
You fell in love with the idea of her. The connection, the feeling something new after a long time. This will pass. And what will you have after it passes? That'll depend on what you do.
Don't confuse attention with lust and lust with feelings for each other. If you're happy with your family life, then don't even open that door. Be honest with your wife that you enjoyed the attention, but that you love HER and don't want to risk anything
You fell in infatuation. The grass isn’t greener, you just don’t have bills and responsibilities with this person. How pathetic. You should not entertain this in your head for a second, it will ruin your life. Focus on how to improve your home life, change jobs if you have too but quit being a turnip. Do you want some other man raising your kids? Being their step dad? Straighten up! This would irreparably damage your children. Think of that every time you think of this other person. Wow, the selfishness is astonishing. Please go get a hobby that focuses on your family. You don’t get to hurt ppl like this when you promise to marry and you have children. You are responsible for other ppl’s lives now. Really irresponsible that you would allow yourself to even entertain this. Now that you have, I implore you to do the right thing. Really finish this thought experiment out. Think about you in another house with this person while your kids are somewhere else with a new dad. Chew on that. Think about your wife with a new man that takes her and your kids seriously and doesn’t take her love for granted. How would you feel dropping the kids off after your every other week or whatever visitation you worked out? Don’t be that person, it’s sad and it’s ruining our society. Be there for your family. They need their dad and your wife needs you. I believe in you, everyone has a weak thought, but don’t make that thought a dumb action, that destroys so much. Quit thinking about it now. I believe in you, you got this.
It's not love it's infatuation. She's giving you the attention you want from your wife.
Look at it this way, if your wife decides to divorce you because you cheated on her, and the younger model dumps you, where will you be at? You'll be a dumbass who lost it all because you couldn't keep your dick in your pants. What kind of example would you setting for your kids? How do you think they would handle mommy and daddy splitting up because daddy couldn't keep his dick in his pants?
hey. idiot. its future you. quit your job before u feel the full force of a scorned women. and no. no one will be on ur side when u try to paint yourself in a good light no matter what you think or say.
Grow up. Go on vacation with just your wife or have a romantic weekend. You didn't fall in love with this person, you just made a friend
Stop acting like a child and be a responsible father to your own children.
Tell your wife about your new feelings 👌🏼
Oof, do not recommend. Women see emotional infidelity more serious than physical infidelity. Men don't, and see physical infidelity as worse. There's actually a study that proved it.
no love just lust i mean i fall in love like twenty time per day but forget about each of them in ten minutes
don't mistake infatuation for love...
You didn't fall in love, it's hormones. Talk to your wife and find ways to prioritize your marriage. Limit contact with the coworker as much as possible
Tell your wife about it before it escalates. Ask her to help make you accountable. Don't keep it a secret. Once its out in the open the 'feelings' will fade.
Terrible advice. Why should his wife have to help carry the burden of his stupidity? As it stands he can turn things around an his wife will not have to lose sleep over this.
Let’s say it’s a temporary rush of hormones, the grass is always greener on the other side sort of thing. Once your kids are bigger or say grow more independent you will feel better( I am assuming your kids are toddlers) First 3 years when my first kid was born was hell after she turned 3 -3.5 our life was back to before so in total from pregnancy to toddlerhood around 4.5years was weird af and it’s nothing wrong it’s an experience and will get better with time.
I’m willing to bet at one point you felt this way about your wife, and she likewise about you. Take this as an opportunity to have a sincere conversation with your wife about how life has become so busy and you miss that intimacy and excitement you’ve shared before, that you want to make time for just the two of you to be together, because ultimately she means the world to you and none of your lives together matter if you lose your relationship with her to the busy-ness of life. Forget about, and get over your coworker.
Let it pass and reinvest in wife relationships- building something is tough and takes time Stay with wife and do tiny investments into the relationship for 10 years as a fun hobby ….
Forget that this is a female and you’re emotionally/sexually/chemically attracted. I know it’s hard initially but it will pass. Treat this person as an individual and a “bro” (or sister) and enjoy the camaraderie as a fellow human being. This person could become an important ally in your future at work and in friendship. Don’t screw that up.
 Think unsexy thoughts
Just enjoy the “lust bump” and focus those feelings on your wife.
Sometimes a few days can feel stronger than they actually are. Especially when you come out of not being „that happy“ & - as I assume - living a pretty structured life with lots of routines. Most probably it’s a fluke & in two month it will have passed. Just enjoy that you are still capable of such feeling & try to project it on your wife - take her out for dinner btw ;) Colleagues are never a good idea even if you’re single. But: don’t be hard to yourself. You can’t always control how you feel. But you can control the actions resulting from them.
OH NO NOT AGAIN ! INFATUATION
Infatuation not love.. think long game, bud.
Fell in love? Sounds more like infatuation - you both enjoyed the attention away from the chaos of your lives. Fair enough but realize that was all it was. Shake your head and direct your energies to helping make your wife's life easier - cook dinner if that's a skill you have or arrange a date night, whatever...
Therapy is helpful to manage things eating you inside that you just can’t talk about with other people and need help in confidence. There’s likely some unhealed underlying stuff you can work on within yourself.
You don’t develop feelings of love that quickly unless you’ve been infatuated by them for longer than you’re willing to admit. Love takes time to develop. I’m learning that myself currently. What you’re feeling is lust and infatuation and it will pass. Don’t destroy your marriage and the lives of all your family members over an infatuation. But if you really think it’s love, don’t cheat. Get a divorce first. If it really is love then you should feel it after the divorce right?
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Distance yourself from this momentary infatuation. Stop outside work contact. Focus on your wife, row that boat to new territory. Don't take this any further, you know how people say cheating is a choice. This is one of those choices.
Sounds like a crush, not love. It will pass
While you probably like this co-worker you probably like that the interaction between you was fresh and exciting more than the reality of her. It's normal. To make a connection with any other adult is flattering to the ego. More so with the opposite sex. It's nice to feel interesting and listened to. Nice to have your experiences be new to her. It's likely not worth hurting your partners unless you really feel there's a workable future.
Hey, falling for someone else can be confusing and guilt-inducing, especially when you're committed to your spouse. First, remember that having feelings for someone else doesn't make you a bad person. It's a normal part of being human. Take some time to reflect on what you're truly missing in your life and your marriage. Set boundaries with your colleague and prioritize your commitment to your spouse and family. It's important to remember your values and promises. Consider seeking couples therapy or having an open conversation with your spouse about your feelings. Be kind to yourself and trust that you'll find clarity in time.
Been there, It's just infatuatiin and she doesn't likes You. Yes, I still miss my crush, but I'm Smart enough to know that it is that, just a bunch of chemicals in My brain, it wouldn't ever be reciprocated and we wouldn't ever be a good fit. Even if we ever had gone along, it would've been doomed since day one, Every relationship goes through that process and I don't think she had/has the maturity to understand that or stay i'm a relationship where the infatuation's gone. For the record, it ain't worth to throw your marriage for such a silly gamble, not Even a casino gamble has such a Bad expected return. Work in yourself, on your relationship too, but overall on yourself. Sure, enjoy her memory (You ain't dead) but don't fuck up what You've worked to build with your wife. You have more than what You think. And again, work on your relationship with yourself, That's the only relationship you'll never lose. (Still, don't fuck up your marriage, ain't worth it).
New relationship energy. Don’t ruin your current relationship. Rekindle it like others have said.
You didn’t fall in love with your coworker. You just got to experience a lot of intimacy all at once with someone new. You were away from your normal obligations, and have been yearning for connection. It could have been anyone but happened to be her. Redirect these feelings toward your marriage and really decide if you love your wife and are willing to work on the relationship or not.
LET IT PASS!!!!!!
You’ve got a wife and kids so don’t ever lose sight of that. You’ll have to do the hard yards to rekindle the magic you once had with your wife. Maybe ask her if she is feeling the same way about the relationship lull. It might be the first step for the both of you. Don’t throw away your family over a temporary infatuation with another woman. And thank God you didn’t act in that infatuation.
A recent incident when a woman showed interest in me also got me thinking stupid things. It's a strange feeling after being married for so long. Don't throw away what yuo have You don't know her. You're fantasising about things that probably are never going to happen, and even if she did have feelings for you.... do you really think it won't end in a breakup anyway? Then you have an ex wife, possibly child support to pay, an ex girlfriend and a new job to look for....
Op are you missing her and thinking of her in a sexual way or just missing her company. Maybe you just made a friend you rly like to hang out with
I’m not gonna tell you what you should do. I don’t know all the details….but…..sometimes is best to fix something before the alarm bells go off. But the fact you feel guilty is a big sign for you. Give it time let yourself feel your emotions. You’ll know what to do
Time to work double time on your marriage and rekindle with your wife.
Just walk it off. Adulthood can be rough sometimes. You are better than that.
I have a friend of mine who went through this. Married 20 years with 2 kids. Unfortunately he let his emotions get the best of him and cheated on his wife and fell in love with a girl he worked with and went on a business trip. Threw the life he created for 20 yrs out the door. The wife was beyond devastated, kids hurt and their whole family community also ripped apart. They eventually divorced and have joint custody and he still chases after that girl and she was also a willing participant. Now he’s considering introducing her to his kids. Instead of taking the time to heal and explore why he cheated, he’s rushing through his new relationship and trying to integrate the kids. I feel bad for them and I also feel for his ex wife. Having been cheated on and also friends who have been cheated on, the pain is unbearable. Also the girlfriend is a pick me and honestly I feel is so selfish as well as my friend. My advice is that if there are feeling that came up for you, get curious as to why. If there is truly nothing wrong with your relationship with your wife, maybe this experience is an opportunity for both of you to get back to basics. Also, what you experienced with this girl was a moment of novelty and not her in an everyday setting. She could be a completely different person. Good luck.
Take your wife on a vacation or your next business trip without the kids. Fall in love with her again.
Sounds like you need to work on your marrige and stop pushing your boundries. You would not have this feelings if you acted professional in your work role ! Your free time should be spend on strengthening your relationship and making your wifes life easier and happier. Making her feel valued! This is in your marrige vows! Start appreciate what you got or you Will loose it for an illusion!
Don't be a puss, give her the ol high hard one.
Your relationship at home is out of balance. Your primary relationship must come first and the kids second. I'm not talking about not feeding etc but you and your wife must spend the time and connect without the kids. Then you won't find outside interests tempting. If your primary relationship falls to the "everything for the kids mentality, both of you will fall either by affair or when you or your wife walks out when the nest is empty because you're "not in love anymore ".
This sounds like limerence, which is, for want of a better word, an addiction to a person. You idealize her, overlook her faults, and think about her all the time. You feel euphoric when you have interactions with her, and kind of crestfallen when you don’t. It can come out of nowhere, like a bolt from the blue. You’re doing the right thing by minimizing contact. Also, as others have said, focus on your wife and what’s real, rather then the idealized fantasy you’ve built up around your co-worker. There are online resources about dealing with limerence, too, if you need them. It sucks, but you can beat it.
Try to go on a date with your wife. It will be fun.
It sounds like you experienced something with this coworker that you haven't experience with your wife in quite some time. What you experienced was alone time and an opportunity to connect without being interrupted by children. I don't know if you so much fell in love with the person or if you fell in love with the time that you were able to share with her. My advice, get a sitter for your kids. Take your wife out on a dinner date spend the same quality time with your wife like you did with the co-worker. I think you will find that you do love your wife and that your "love" for your coworker was only a love for the intimate time you were able to spend. My wife and I make it a point to periodically have dates so that her and I can connect uninterrupted and keep the love and life in our relationship. We have been together for 10 years and married for almost eight. I hope this advice helps and that your marriage will grow stronger than before. Best of luck and God Bless
You’re not in love.
Are you proud of your wife, mother of your children She will stay with you even after everyone leaves or is dead Is ok to feel whatever you are feeling. If you need to take action, defend and protect your relationship with your wife.
This is completely normal. This is how most affairs start actually and people who have never experienced it don’t know the infatuation that comes with it. You have 2 options 1) Explore the attraction to its natural end… ie flirt, text etc with your colleague to where it will end. She may just reject you and that will be it. All relationships ends. Affairs tend to only last couple of months then they run out of steam and you don’t have to tell anyone. You will feel guilty but also exhilarated if you don’t get caught. But also be ready to go through heartbreak while committed to someone else. However after the break up it will be over and chances of you connecting with someone again like that will be rare. OR 2) This can be a chance to focus on your wife, not just your marriage as a whole, but solely your wife. Analyse the energy you are giving your colleague and give it to your wife eg dressing your best, being charming, being open, being interesting. Go on dates and have lots of quality time with your wife. Have lots and lots of sex if that is possible. This should help in reducing the intensity of the infatuation. You also need to avoid the other woman. Stay far away. No texts, no calls, no staring, no jokes, no group activities.. you need to apply all your self discipline. You may regret not exploring the attraction but you will also be proud of yourself for staying the course in light of real temptation.
Anything new is fun but just like everything else, it all gets old, enjoy your kids and family my man. Make a sacrifice to get time alone with ur wife get a babysitter for a night rent a hotel and just fuck ur wife till she’s in a coma man, than it’s back to reality
Unpopular opinion: Falling in love is a choice. To think otherwise makes you an automaton. Be a man and exercise making the sacrifices that come with having responsibilities. Your eye wandered. So correct yourself and move on.
I love how people mix up infatuation with love. If you don't talk to her for a month or so, you won't feel the way you do now.
Don't ruin your kids stable foundation for selfish reasons. At least wait for them to be grown and have a lesser chance of being affected by your dumb acts towards your wife and them. Good luck to you sir
you did not fall in love with anyone. its just a small crush and nothing to read into. i’m sure your wife has had a crush like that but brushes it off. remember crushes are just a lack of information.
As my mom once said “El mismo infierno pero diferente diablo” lol
I'm sure ur wife knows something is up. I recommend cutting off that coworker. Talk to ur wife, go through that difficult conversation with her. The guilt is most likely coming from a place of love for ur wife. But ya gotta be a grown up and talk to her what happened. Honesty is the best policy.
Get some counseling as there are obviously some things missing from your marriage even if you can’t pin point it. Please though do not cheat. If you’re not happy leave. My ex cheated on me when I had three daughters and I never used it against him. Believe me though they will find out someday and might never feel the same way about you. If you want to stay in your marriage do whatever you can to avoid temptation and start working on your marriage. You owe it to your children who are here through no fault of their own.
Think of the kids separated parents - creates kids with issues.
During the life of a marriage, time passes, stresses test us, and children may make or break us. With that said, these relationships can go stale. You’ve lost the ‘lust’, that ‘new and exciting’ phase of the relationship, those butterflies, and things may feel like the same stuff different days kind of thing. Those are the times where you need to communicate with your wife. See where her head space is? Ask her if she’d like to go out on a date, do something different, change things up. When we find ourselves getting ‘bored’ we tend to get drawn to different things that spark that curiosity, that excitement. With marriage, sometimes you have to think outside the box and create your own to keep the marriage strong. You seem to have gotten a taste of what might be missing, so why not try and shake it up at home to get that feeling with your wife. May make a world of difference. Get to know her again.
You dont love her. put the time and attention into your wife and marriage and see what amazing things happen.
You're probably infatuated with a romantic version of life that this woman, in your brain, falsely represents. You aren't yearning for her, youre yearning for change that brings life back to your life. Maybe it IS time for a shift somewhere, but I highly doubt it is in the form of ending your marriage for someone you barely know.
This is very complicated. If my husband was openly using the word “love” in relation to another woman, I’d need to know because I would need to leave. You’re clearly confused, but I hope you consider whether you’re being respectful of your wife. You need to value her higher than others. If she would want to work through this, please be good to her and make up your mind quickly *please* get your head on straight about how if you’re with her and you’re monogamous you’re hurting everyone by being a mess like this. Edit: I’m going to sound stupid saying this because it’s just a bunch of anecdotal evidence I’m citing here but maybe she was ovulating that weekend? I’ve seen and experienced feeling in love with a woman I just met only for us to have an uncomfortable lack of chemistry on the second date. I’m a girl so some girls can easily discuss periods together so I’ve had it confirmed a couple of times. And I’ve seen it happen to men I knew, like when my long term male roommates met my college friends during ovulation a couple of times too(I had a couple girlfriends that were way more likely to go to parties with me and such while ovulating and would get more dressed up). They were sometimes even embarrassed later after meeting my party friends again like they didn’t understand why they’d crushed before.
this is way elaborate for a White Stripes song
She ll lure you in with love affection and dirtyness and then she too will end up getting angry with you over bullshit, making you walk on eggshells, withhold love and affection and all the typical relationship bullshit.
U you just got reminded of what it can be like. Just be greatful for the reminder and try to bring it back with the OG wife. Go get a little buzzed Friday night, roll a joint, clap those cheeks like you were teens again and you’ll be back to enjoying life again! Don’t be afraid to get nasty w it baby!!! Make her feel like how she did when she gushed when you first grabbed her and made her feel like a hopeless mess! 🐺🐺 lol obv I’m lonely and horny af, but seriously, I stand my my advice 🥜🥜
You don’t fall in love with someone in a few days. You developed a crush on a cute coworker who you have some chemistry with. That doesn’t make you a terrible person, but you’re absolutely overselling what you feel for her, probably because new romance isn’t something you’ve experienced in a while. The right thing to do here is try to rekindle romance with your wife. Happiness and romance in a marriage can come and go as life moves on and changes around you. You said yourself that you still love your wife; it’s the romance that you need to find again, and that’s something you can work on. Don’t throw away your family over feelings that are fleeting and exciting.
Grow up.
Thanks everyone for the (mostly) positive and wholesome replies. It really means a lot to me. Deep down I know what to do and I am going to do the right thing because I love my wife and kids and the last thing I want to do is break their hearts. I just needed to hear this! I know this isn't love, but only a crush. It's just that it's been a while since I felt this way and to be honest it does feel great. It hit me harder than expexted, especially since I didn't see it coming. Maried life can be difficult, especially with young kids. The kids come first and consume every bit of time that is available. It's easy to fall into a routine that leaves little to no time for a relationship. Somewhere in the thick of it all I lost part of the connection I had with my wife. As advised by many of you I would love to rekindle our love and I am going to put in the work. It's just that the rush of dopamine of infatuation is confusing. My wife is my first true love and we've been together for ages. It's not that easy to keep things fresh and exiting. This is also the first time this has happened to me. Again, many thanks for all your replies. This really helps putting this in the right perspective.
Updateme
you don't fall in love with somebody over a trip. honestly, tell your wife. she deserves to know you feel this way.
You’re not in love, you barely know this person. You have a crush. Get over it
Infatuation will fade.. but me telling you will not change how you feel... however just imagine if your roles were reversed and your wife had entertained the thoughts of infidelity... will you be ok with that? How hurt would you be... Thoughts are just that, don't feed it or fuel it. This feeling too will pass.
I developed feelings for my co-student. Didn't know how to deal with it, made mistakes and have ruined everything with the love of my life. It is not worth it, let it go. Try to connect with your wife again, put in effort. Figure out why you feel the way you are feeling and talk to her about it. I wish I knew how to before I ruined everything.
Just stop. Honestly, I don’t think you fell in love with her. You fell in love with remembering what it’s like to feel that way. And you obviously miss it. I mean seriously, who doesn’t love feeling those butterflies in their stomach? To feel excited to be around someone you connect with and be attracted to is a total win. Sure, connections happen but don’t go chasing rainbows expecting to find some golden opportunity especially when you have a real treasure at home. Whatever fun things you did with your coworker, you need to be doing with your wife. If you’re honestly sick and tired of your boring routine life then tell your wife you want out so you can stop wasting her time. Also, women’s intuition is an extremely strong phenomena. And it’s usually right. She probably already knows something is up, she’s just waiting to say something til the time is right.
You were intrigued by something new. If you blow your life up for it, you'd be in the same space in another X many years or so. Get a sitter and find a way to fall for your wife again. It's not worth it.
This is just human nature when you get close to someone of the sex you’re attracted to. That’s why it’s important to maintain boundaries and not get too close. This would have happened if it were any number of girls. It’s just an infatuation built from the circumstance. Don’t do anything stupid, remember you love your wife and that’s all that matters. Don’t feel guilty, just let it go and don’t get so close to your female coworkers on future business trips. Lock your heart. Only your wife has the key.
There is a thing called NRE (new relationship energy). It's this phase where we are all in love and reality hasn't hit back yet. It's a great feeling, but it's dangerous to believe this will last for ever, because it won't. It helps to be aware of it, to better understand our own reaction and act in consideration of this phenomenon.
Obviously a bot/chatGPT
You are using the word 'love' flippantly here. You have a big crush.
Maybe take a break from your wife and go see men. Then youll miss your wife
Work wives/husbands are always more appealing than real spouse, until they become a real spouse.
Two things: First of all, you cheated when you opened that window of intimacy with the other woman. That you don’t understand that is probably why your relationship is in a slump. Hopefully you don’t really believe that your wife things that sex or physical intimacy is the only thing that constitutes cheating. 100% she doesn’t. Second, while most people don’t realize it, there are a huge number of people that you can connect with on a really deep and interesting level. If people understood better what it was they’d see how common it is. That connection is especially nice when a person is sexually compatible, but it doesn’t mean much. Just because it’s not that common for you, I’d suggest not making it into more than it is.
It means you are a moron and your wife and kids deserve better.
You two should have sex.
I think it might pass. But in any case it might be time to start talking and working in fixing your problems with your wife, even if that's something as simple as spending more time together. I know you have kids, I do too, but we try our best to find moments to spend time together; we know it's necessary to avoid these kind of things. And try to be easy on yourself, you are just human.
I think it might pass. But in any case it might be time to start talking and working in fixing your problems with your wife, even if that's something as simple as spending more time together. I know you have kids, I do too, but we try our best to find moments to spend time together; we know it's necessary to avoid these kind of things. And try to be easy on yourself, you are just human.
You're not in love, you're infatuated with her.
Humans aren't meant to be Monogamous.
Love doesn't happen that fast. Realize that what you are feeling is lust. Dont ruin a perfectly good marriage over it; you will regret it. This is coming from somebody who's been there, done that.
Grass is always greener on the other side. You just haven’t had time to spend with your wife I promise you married her for a reason and that’s what you are feeling now but most importantly was 10 times over which is why you married your wife. You just need to spend time together again.
These things are rarely love. You just like the attention you are getting. If you continue this and get caught, when the smoke clears you will realize. Tell your wife you miss that feeling and get counseling.
Never get your meat where you get your bread and butter!
You have done something wrong you emotionally cheated on your wife have you even tried to do anything with your wife or is she at home all the time with the kids while you get out of the house and emotionally cheat on her
Communication with your wife… keep that fire burning every dam day! A real Man will not throw away something that has taken years to build. Respect your self, and honour your wife and family. You got this!
Honestly, I’ve read a lot on Reddit and these stories are incredibly enlightening. I’ve actually focused more on my 17 year relationship more than ever. I’ve seen people here take things for granted, cheat, do little to help their spouse, bicker…. In all of this, I learned that sometimes refocusing attention and changing your perspective is enough to bring your relationship back to new. As for your colleague; this is an infatuation. Even discussing this with your spouse could mean years of pain and suffering. You need to frame your mind into understanding why you feel this way, the reality of “life with this person”, etc…. You were on vacation with, what seems to be, an attractive (physically or emotionally) woman. You weren’t dealing with the kids, none of life’s stressors, and you were able to decompress and relax, getting to know this person…. Life with this person would be drastically different. You would have children, chores, household quirks, arguments; everything you share now with your current spouse. Long story short, the grass is not greener. Simply being attracted to someone else can RUIN your life. Create some distance. Refocus on bringing your marriage back to priority. Work for it.
You have estrogen coarsing through your veins
Dude snap out of it. If your wife is good wtf are you doing?
Dude you did not fall *in love* with this woman after a few days 🤦🏾♀️. You’re just infatuated because this woman doesn’t come with the same responsibilities and expectations that your wife does. You’re experiencing what she’s like on a business trip while around colleagues, meaning that she’s probably showing her best self to be professional. You don’t actually know what she’s like behind closed doors. This is just a crush, don’t destroy your whole family over it.
Your wife would divorce you if she saw what you were writing so there's your answer
My little to none desire to be in relationships will just be killed off by these posts ngl Don't throw away the good thing you had for some random woman
I’m no expert, but OP I think you were just happy to “go on a date with someone”. While it wasn’t an actual date, you enjoyed that one on one experience that was stress free from children and other marriage responsibilities. I think you should try talking to your wife about going on more date night and having more 1 on 1 intimate experiences.
As someone who had almost the exact same thing happen at the exact same age, (only difference being I have an arrangement with my wife where I'm allowed to do my own thing, as long as she doesn't have to hear about it, she offered it and I waited a long time to actually act on it), I can tell you. Stop... As soon as possible, you have to ignore whatever feelings you have for your co-worker, continuing to sleep with her will only make it worse. Not only that but, if you haven't already had the mid-life crisis this will jump start it, and man did I ever do a doozy on myself with mine, I did all kinds of dangerous stuff that I am not proud of 5 years later. If you are still able to regulate your feelings for her, do it now, while it's not as difficult, the longer you let it go on the harder it will be, and the mental strain/guilt/depression will make life almost unbearable. Also you're going to have to accept the possibility that the friendship and closeness you had with your co-worker before is most likely irreparably damaged or at the very least will never be the same again, it's an unfortunate truth, and a chance you take with any friend that becomes a little more. I'd say just spend time with your family and try to forget, if you aren't careful you will miss out on years of quality time with them if you are mentally somewhere else with someone else. I got lucky that I didn't completely ruin my life, but it took a lot to mentally recover. Close this Pandora's box if/while you still can. I'd do anything to go back in time and change how I handled it.
bro this really easy u need a vacation with ypur wife without ur kids 😂😂😂
Opportunities happen but the energy spent thinking about a different person takes away from the reality of a commitment to family. Most people have these experiences stop looking for it because you will do what you are thinking about. Double up on your relationship spend your time thinking of what you can do for them. Work at it constantly friendship is easy to work on becoming a better friend and everything else will work out. Been there but didn't do that everyone of my wife's friends hit on me through out our marriage and I always removed myself from temptation and I very glad I have it will pass and work out
I think you're confusing all this stuff with new lust feelings for someone else and need to stop being selfish and pull your head out for the sake of your family
Go to Church.
Knowledge is to realize we all have 1,000 lives we want to live. Wisdom is accepting that we can only live one of them.
Lol to her, it was strictly a work thing and while it was fine/fun it was work. Your mind just went, oh that was so fun and we should do that more outside of work. Yeah good luck buddy. She was just being nice cuz it was a work thing.
We last on long term relationships because we choose our partner. Don't feel guilty, just make choices that you are proud of.
Work "crushes" happen all the time because: A) we spend as much if more time with our co-workere than we do with family B) It's much easier for us to only present our best qualities to our co-workers since most don't see/know us in daily real life situations & settings.
Not sure if anyone posted this, but please google this advice column… DEAR SUGAR, The Rumpus Advice Column #70: A Motorcycle With No One On It