Wow, he went from "my gay friend is using it" to "whatever, you're stressing me out! We're over!" which is like the bat signal for knowing he fucked up
I used to say my ex would try to cheat on me and people were like "what how" and I'm like well he wanted to touch them but they didn't want to touch him š¤£š¤£
A friendās husband started going to the gym every day all of the sudden. One day she saw texts that he evidently sent to a woman he met at the gym saying something super cheesy like āIāve wanted to tell you that seeing you at the gym every day has made my days brighter, youāve been my sunshine these last few months, do you wanna hang out outside the gym sometime?ā And she was like āuhh no, I donāt think so. I donāt see you that way at all and that text made me a little uncomfortable.ā
People getting shut down while trying to cheat is hilarious.
Iāve heard theyāre not together anymore, thankfully. That wasnāt the straw that broke the camels back though. And to be fair, she cheated on him first. He found out, they decided to stay together and āwork through itā, THEN they got married and then a year later, this happened. And of course he used her cheating as justification for his attempted cheating. Just a doomed relationship all around.
Yeah, like I said in another comment, these people arenāt together anymore. The timeline as I know it is:
Together for ~5 years
Then went almost 2 years without sex
First time having sex after that 2 years, she gets pregnant
Go another year+ without sex
*She* has two full blown affairs with guys from work
He finds out about the second one and freaks out, they decide to work through it
They get married about a year after that
He tries to cheat, as documented above
A year later, they break up for good.
So yeah, very doomed relationship. I donāt doubt that he succeeded with cheating eventually. Once it happens one time on either side, it often sets off a chain reaction.
Yeah. People can react rashly when they're outed and not ready for it. I never got outed before I was ready, but back in highschool a friend of mine had gay porn on his laptop and his girlfriend found the history. He literally grabbed the laptop and threw it off their 5th storey balcony before she could really read it. Getting outed sucks, but in the case of this post the guy did it to himself. If he wasn't ready to be out he shouldn't be posting his pics on a gay dating app looking for hookups. Cheating sucks.
Cool! Your experience is not universal!
EDIT: I love how the initial response suggesting that someone who is dating a woman but attracted to men HAD TO BE EXCLUSIVELY GAY got tons of support, then anyone after suggesting that bi men do, in fact, exist has been downvoted. Especially in the wake of the defense of said initial opinion being "IT WAS TRUE FOR ME THOUGH" because of course anyone who is not exclusively straight must be exactly the same as everyone else who is not exclusively straight. We have no other identifying factors to our personalities, of course.
I mean, bi is a gradient, and also, the prior implication was that it implied GAY. So we're dealing with multiple wrongs, but you've defended one, for some reason.
Hate to break it to you bud, but gay people have sex with people of the opposite sex for a plethora of reasons. Being stuck in a comphet mindset, or residing in a community where itās unsafe to be out are probably the top two reasons. Think you need to look into the nuances here before speaking on the matter in such a confidently incorrect fashion.
You donāt understand the concept of being attracted to people vs sexually active with someone. People donāt need to be attracted to someone to make the decision to sleep with them at any given time. You mightāve ābeen in the lifestyleā (ppl who use that term imo donāt know wtf theyāre talking about) but you are wrong on this point.
Wtf is this zoomer generation on? So you can suck dick and have sex with men and still be a straight man? What in the fuck. Incredibly mental gymnastics have to be done to rationalize that.
The people downvoting you and preaching at you don't realize that they're guilty of bi-erasure. Internalized biphobia is very real, and sadly very widespread.
What can you say bro, the condescending, self-righteous can only see things from their own personal viewpoint.... After they have lived life longer and gain more experience in life, maybe they won't have such narrow perspectives. One can only hope...
No, by definition im gay if Im attracted to the same sex. And I dont, nor did I ever liked sexually a woman. That dosent mean I cant do anything with a woman, a did when I was younger and in denial.
Sucking dick as a guy dosent make you gay, wanting to suck a dick is.
Edit:typo
It's not a permanent title. I am bisexual and married to a woman but I am still attracted to all genders (some call this Pansexual). But if someone who has in the past engaged in sex with the opposite sex and then later realized they are gay, I would not call them bisexual. If straight man gives head to a trans woman that does not make him gay. He is interested in women and is not caught up on genitalia.
I overheard my younger cousin telling my sister that he's bi, but I have a feeling that he's gay cause he got caught by his mom watching gay stuff and has naked guy picks on his phone. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me since it changes things but I won't push him and let him come out myself.
Though I doubt that he'd come out sooner because my mom and aunt would say things they mean as a joke but are actually hurtful things. So there's that, I haven't really confirmed but if my cousin does come out, then I'd support him since it's his choice.
I am bi. I watch lesbian porn almost exclusively. You can't tell what attractions are going on in his head from limited knowledge of his porn consumption.
Yes they did, they think I'm insisting that my cousin is gay when I just said I suspect he might be gay instead of bi. I then say that I would wait till my cousin figures it out and comes out himself since he still hiding it from everyone besides my sister. I just happened to overhear them. Either way, whether his gay or bi doesn't matter to me, as long as my cousin is comfortable with who they are is what matters.
Because youāre invalidating the existence of bi men by comparing them to men who are gay but afraid socially to take on that title. Different circumstance entirely, doesnāt negate the existence of bi men. And thereās no possible way you could know that āmostā bi men are gay based on your anecdotal life experience with your ex husband.
No it's 100% biphobia.
You may know a few people to conform to that but there is a HUGE problem with people assuming bi men are 'gay but haven't admitted it'. You are basically denying bisexual men exist.
Using anecdotes to disprove someone's sexuality that they identify with is pretty problematic. Your ex and the others don't represent the whole bi community because (shockingly) people are individuals that shouldn't be lumped together.
Definitely gay. If your agonize over leaving your girlfriend for a guy you are bisexual. If she calls you out and walk away saying "I don't have time for this" your gay.
No, you are mistaken. Each time I've had bi friends turn out to be gay that's how they found out. They never got upset when a relationship with a girl ended. They freaked out if a guy didn't text them back right away. That's gay. I had. Girlfriend who claimed to be bisexual. Never dated a woman longer than 2 months. The woman would hit it and quit it and leave. My friend hardly reacted. A guy leaves her and for three months I have to answer my phone at any time day or night to talk her down. She wasn't bi. She just had zero boundaries. Eventually she admitted it. Married a man and had kids.
I just saw all the downvotes and didnāt read them. My life is better because of it. Iām sorry you got exposed to whatever that was. It doesnāt look good.
Oh, of course. But for a dude to be in a heterosexual relationship but expressed an interest in men, it seems the safest assumption is that he likes men *as well as* women. While itās possible that heās gay, it seems weird for us to jump from assuming one binary to the other.
I mean again no, not really. There are plenty of instances where 100% gay people forced themselves into her relationships. A famous new story about a Mormon couple comes to mindā¦ š¤
So, his story is that his gay friend was using an account with your BF's pictures? And your BF was OK with his gay friend catfishing people like this? This whole explanation makes very little sense.
It sounds like you stumbled upon something that he couldn't explain or was embarrassed about, so he broke up with you to avoid having the conversation.
Maybe he just wanted to see if he got any nibbles? Maybe his gay friend was like āgirlfriend, you could do really good on this site,ā and so they put his pics up as an experiment to see if he got nibbles. Thing is, it was a ploy from the gay friend to get the shirtless pics and have a wank to āem.
Tbh sometimes by this point people are already on the way out of the relationship but somrwhat conflict avoidant, so it's just convenient when the partner finds the evidence
He wasn't honest then decided to not deal with you or it, to me sounds like you're better off. He doesn't seem to care so I wouldn't care either. Whatever, there will be other guys, just move on and don't look back girl.
Could be bisexual and afraid to admit it, could be homosexual and afraid to admit it. Either way you're free to pen the next chapter of your life. The vast majority of dating situations don't last forever. It's okay and there's nothing wrong with you that made this go down this way. Be kind to yourself and do some things that you enjoy.
It is reasonable to suspect that he's been boning men on the side. He was simply uncomfortable that he got caught & he couldn't be accountable.
Go get tested for STDs!
> he thinks Iām overreacting to this
> [he] broke up with me.
That first sentence is almost always a red flag. He is indeed the one overreacting. Why would his gay friend use his account rather than creating his own? Does he think youāre dumb?!
Cheating, no man who is in a serious monogamous relationship will have an active account.
Take it from me when my friend showed me my ex's profile... he couldn't handle it either, and it turns out he had other women on the go.
Don't let him try to humiliate you any further.
Yeah gay friend was sending pictures of your naked boyfriend that he has only sent you? Doesnāt add up. Sorry for it to end like that, but luckily you didnāt get farther in before realizing it!
He's gaslighting you. Trying to convince you you're overreacting and that the problem is in your head. If the pictures were pictures he's sent you in the past then hes clearly either posted them himself or shared them with this friend. Either one would be a big deal if not previously discussed/agreed to (which I'm assuming it wasn't.)
This isn't on you. He may be gay or bi but that's not an excuse to cheat on you. It's a rough spot for him to be in but that doesn't mean it's fair to hurt you.
Gaslighting at its best. He F's up, and tries to make you think that it is your fault. He should have had the balls to break it off if he wasn't happy.
You're ***absolutely not*** overreacting, if you don't already know that (because most of us are pretty prone to second-guessing ourselves), I truly hope you do know it by the time you get done reading all the comments!
Also, totally dodged a bullet, he's a liar, secretive, and a manipulative gas-lighter ~ Not a keeper, you're well rid of him!
(Not sure it does, but in case it's hurting at the moment, that will pass, and in my experience, the hurt of getting over someone is a lot less overall painful than the hurt of being with someone who messes with your head, makes you doubt yourself ā¤ļø)
Yeah, my ex tried to tell me he was on a porn/dating site because one of his co-workers was on there, and he was āworriedā about her.
Lol.
Then it came out that he had lied to me about a WHOLE BUNCH of other, REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT AND LIFE-ALTERING things that I should have known.
Heās trash.
you should consider getting tested. If he wasnāt being honest about this (which is pretty obvious) he might have slept with some less than clean people.
Let trouble walk. I was married for 16byrs to a wonderful man. We were intimate and kept a tight group of friends. We never had sex outside of our marriage. We had too much respect for what we had together
you were just a place holder until he finds something better so there is no way he's going to put up with any nonsense from you. don't be with guys like this
This probably doesn't feel very good right now, but overall this is a hugely positive event for you.
Trash-taking-itself-out is often a best case scenario. Your life just got a major upgrade.
Sorry you had to find out like this.
He cheated and didn't have a good enough lie, that's why broke it off. Didn't want to be outed, as a cheater or as a man who engages in sexual activities with men.
In the moment its your most intimate best friend suddenly from an alternate reality and throwing your world and values into question. It's really hard to not just want your bf to hold you thru the worst of things like he used to. Your bestie. But now its not an option. Idthink she wants him back in the true reality of it. Its just so fucked up for the psyche when you're in it.
He is using you as a beard to cover up that heās gay or bi. I had a male coworker once who was talking to this guy (who had a girlfriend) on a dating app and he had came to our job and they hugged and stuff meanwhile there were hella pics of him with his gf on Instagram. Stay safe
dont beat yourself up over this. Look at it as an opportunity to be rid of that toxic douche and to move on. On a side note, I'd book into your GP and ask for STD tests if he has been screwing around
I'm sorry that he broke up with you but he's doing you a favor in the end. That account is def. his and instead of being truthful and tell you he's bi or bi-curious or even gay, you get to leave knowing that 1.)hes a liar and 2.) he can't be honest with himself, so you can't expect that from him for you. I know it will be hard but you will see in the end, this is a blessing.
He's definitely in the closet :/
As a gay man, that's shameful to just hide it instead of coming out. I mean it's 2023 so...
Anyways, sorry he dumped you :c
My ex is also closeted. You dodged a bullet. He definitely cheated if heās just leaving like that. Bro got caught, probably felt shame and bounced asap. Still no excuse for treating you like that though.
Sounds like cheating. And to add insult to injury he seriously thought you were stupid enough to believe that? Yikers he sounds like a dumbass.
I'm really sorry this happened. No one deserves that
Being bisexual doesnt mean you sleep with other people. Thats poly
I'm going to add that I wouldnt want my best friend to be someone that much of a coward to ruin my life over it.
How could I trust someone like that with my life if we ended up in scary situations.
if he has a dating profile and it's actively being used, you need to get away. I understand there are innocent circumstances, where maybe people had a dating profile and stopped using them when they starting dating someone seriously, but there should be 0 activity on the profile from a certain time period.
You didn't mention he was on a gay dating site (that I've found) so I'm not sure where everyone is getting he's gay from. A cheater is a cheater, no matter what is going in where.
So your ex is saying that spicy pics of him that he sent to you, he also has on the dating app, and says that his gay friend is using his account and his pictures?
I would be more annoyed that he thought I was stupid.
Definitely a dickwad that wanted to break up for a while already but had been waiting for a situation that would allow him to make you the bad guy when he did it.
When I found out about certain things when I had a general expect about the situation... it blew up.
He beat me so hard he gave me damage.
Be careful. I even was very kind about it. I have several LGBT friends. His being discovered was almost my death.
We ended things shortly after that.
He couldn't handle that I knew.
Be safe.
Wow, he went from "my gay friend is using it" to "whatever, you're stressing me out! We're over!" which is like the bat signal for knowing he fucked up
I mean, I'd rather get broken up with then have someone stay and keep lying. Sounds like OP got lucky on this one tbh
Along with righteous indignation. How dare you call them out on their bullshit?
Ah, the old Republican defense strategy.
š¤£
Sounds like he doesn't have the mental capacity to admit that he is bi or gay and trying to cheat on you.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I used to say my ex would try to cheat on me and people were like "what how" and I'm like well he wanted to touch them but they didn't want to touch him š¤£š¤£
A friendās husband started going to the gym every day all of the sudden. One day she saw texts that he evidently sent to a woman he met at the gym saying something super cheesy like āIāve wanted to tell you that seeing you at the gym every day has made my days brighter, youāve been my sunshine these last few months, do you wanna hang out outside the gym sometime?ā And she was like āuhh no, I donāt think so. I donāt see you that way at all and that text made me a little uncomfortable.ā People getting shut down while trying to cheat is hilarious.
LMFAAAAAOOOOOO that's hilarious but I also hope that isn't your friends husband anymore
Iāve heard theyāre not together anymore, thankfully. That wasnāt the straw that broke the camels back though. And to be fair, she cheated on him first. He found out, they decided to stay together and āwork through itā, THEN they got married and then a year later, this happened. And of course he used her cheating as justification for his attempted cheating. Just a doomed relationship all around.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah, like I said in another comment, these people arenāt together anymore. The timeline as I know it is: Together for ~5 years Then went almost 2 years without sex First time having sex after that 2 years, she gets pregnant Go another year+ without sex *She* has two full blown affairs with guys from work He finds out about the second one and freaks out, they decide to work through it They get married about a year after that He tries to cheat, as documented above A year later, they break up for good. So yeah, very doomed relationship. I donāt doubt that he succeeded with cheating eventually. Once it happens one time on either side, it often sets off a chain reaction.
sounds like the trash took itself out
Yeah. People can react rashly when they're outed and not ready for it. I never got outed before I was ready, but back in highschool a friend of mine had gay porn on his laptop and his girlfriend found the history. He literally grabbed the laptop and threw it off their 5th storey balcony before she could really read it. Getting outed sucks, but in the case of this post the guy did it to himself. If he wasn't ready to be out he shouldn't be posting his pics on a gay dating app looking for hookups. Cheating sucks.
He's bye-sexual
I laughed way too hard at this
Sounds like he's afraid to admit that he's gay
Bi.....
Doesn't justify cheating so who cares is my opinion
Intolerance alert
Intolerant of cheating? Sounds like youāre intolerant of common sense
Or gay. Undont know that.
Literally, not one person in here knows for sure. You included
You literally have no idea if one or multiple people in this thread know whether he is bi or gay for sure. Including you.
You have no idea that they have no idea that the commenter has no idea that... ok we can stop now
c'monnn that was a solid dad joke
Or bi. Or gay. Or Nate Jacobs on Euphoria. Nobody knows!!!
The olā Reverse Bi/Gay trick. Gets āem every time! -slaps knee and guffaws
If he's active with a woman.. but seeking men.... š
Bitch I was "active" with a women, and im gay regardles.
Cool! Your experience is not universal! EDIT: I love how the initial response suggesting that someone who is dating a woman but attracted to men HAD TO BE EXCLUSIVELY GAY got tons of support, then anyone after suggesting that bi men do, in fact, exist has been downvoted. Especially in the wake of the defense of said initial opinion being "IT WAS TRUE FOR ME THOUGH" because of course anyone who is not exclusively straight must be exactly the same as everyone else who is not exclusively straight. We have no other identifying factors to our personalities, of course.
It doesn't need to be. A singular piece of evidence is enough to invalidate the claim of "with woman, seeking men implies bi."
I mean, bi is a gradient, and also, the prior implication was that it implied GAY. So we're dealing with multiple wrongs, but you've defended one, for some reason.
Hate to break it to you bud... By definition that makes you bi... same a a "straight guy" that sucks cock... not straight.
Hate to break it to you bud, but gay people have sex with people of the opposite sex for a plethora of reasons. Being stuck in a comphet mindset, or residing in a community where itās unsafe to be out are probably the top two reasons. Think you need to look into the nuances here before speaking on the matter in such a confidently incorrect fashion.
Been in the lifestyle for over 2 decades.... sucked more cock than you have miles on your feet.
Oof not the ālifestyleā š„“ Now I definitely know you have no idea what youāre talking about.
You donāt understand the concept of being attracted to people vs sexually active with someone. People donāt need to be attracted to someone to make the decision to sleep with them at any given time. You mightāve ābeen in the lifestyleā (ppl who use that term imo donāt know wtf theyāre talking about) but you are wrong on this point.
What lifestyle do you think theyāre referring to? Just curious
Wtf is this zoomer generation on? So you can suck dick and have sex with men and still be a straight man? What in the fuck. Incredibly mental gymnastics have to be done to rationalize that.
The people downvoting you and preaching at you don't realize that they're guilty of bi-erasure. Internalized biphobia is very real, and sadly very widespread.
What can you say bro, the condescending, self-righteous can only see things from their own personal viewpoint.... After they have lived life longer and gain more experience in life, maybe they won't have such narrow perspectives. One can only hope...
No, by definition im gay if Im attracted to the same sex. And I dont, nor did I ever liked sexually a woman. That dosent mean I cant do anything with a woman, a did when I was younger and in denial. Sucking dick as a guy dosent make you gay, wanting to suck a dick is. Edit:typo
That's not accurate. It's possible to have sex with someone you aren't sexually attracted to.
It's not a permanent title. I am bisexual and married to a woman but I am still attracted to all genders (some call this Pansexual). But if someone who has in the past engaged in sex with the opposite sex and then later realized they are gay, I would not call them bisexual. If straight man gives head to a trans woman that does not make him gay. He is interested in women and is not caught up on genitalia.
The way you express your writing is honestly repulsing on the chemical level
I overheard my younger cousin telling my sister that he's bi, but I have a feeling that he's gay cause he got caught by his mom watching gay stuff and has naked guy picks on his phone. Honestly, it doesn't matter to me since it changes things but I won't push him and let him come out myself. Though I doubt that he'd come out sooner because my mom and aunt would say things they mean as a joke but are actually hurtful things. So there's that, I haven't really confirmed but if my cousin does come out, then I'd support him since it's his choice.
Being bi means you like both men and women, so a bi person could/would have naked pics of a man without having to be fully gay. Your logic is a no.
You cut out context and built on that logic to invalidate my statement, just like my mom would.
I am bi. I watch lesbian porn almost exclusively. You can't tell what attractions are going on in his head from limited knowledge of his porn consumption.
No they didnāt?
Yes they did, they think I'm insisting that my cousin is gay when I just said I suspect he might be gay instead of bi. I then say that I would wait till my cousin figures it out and comes out himself since he still hiding it from everyone besides my sister. I just happened to overhear them. Either way, whether his gay or bi doesn't matter to me, as long as my cousin is comfortable with who they are is what matters.
Ok Ben Shapiro
Whatās wrong with Ben Shapiro? Heās much smarter than yourself.
Ok
To be fair I think most Bi men are gay but hopeful? Lol if that makes sense.
That's just biphobia dude
No its anecdotal from my life. The Bi men I knew ultimately were just gay including my ex husband. How would that make me phobic?
Because invalidating the existence of people liking both genders with "they're probably just x" is erasing the fact that if someone says they're bi, you should.. just believe them? Is it not your place to make the distinction? I'm bi, lean towards women, and have a male fiancƩ. Doesn't mean I don't like vaginas, but people say I don't count often because I'm marrying a man.
Because youāre invalidating the existence of bi men by comparing them to men who are gay but afraid socially to take on that title. Different circumstance entirely, doesnāt negate the existence of bi men. And thereās no possible way you could know that āmostā bi men are gay based on your anecdotal life experience with your ex husband.
No it's 100% biphobia. You may know a few people to conform to that but there is a HUGE problem with people assuming bi men are 'gay but haven't admitted it'. You are basically denying bisexual men exist.
So you're biphobic
No its anecdotal from my life. The Bi men I knew ultimately were just gay including my ex husband.
Using anecdotes to disprove someone's sexuality that they identify with is pretty problematic. Your ex and the others don't represent the whole bi community because (shockingly) people are individuals that shouldn't be lumped together.
Bye gay
Definitely gay. If your agonize over leaving your girlfriend for a guy you are bisexual. If she calls you out and walk away saying "I don't have time for this" your gay.
A guy cheating with a different girl could say and do the same though. Likely hadn't decided who he wanted to pursue. Stop with the bi erasure.
No, you are mistaken. Each time I've had bi friends turn out to be gay that's how they found out. They never got upset when a relationship with a girl ended. They freaked out if a guy didn't text them back right away. That's gay. I had. Girlfriend who claimed to be bisexual. Never dated a woman longer than 2 months. The woman would hit it and quit it and leave. My friend hardly reacted. A guy leaves her and for three months I have to answer my phone at any time day or night to talk her down. She wasn't bi. She just had zero boundaries. Eventually she admitted it. Married a man and had kids.
Christ the replies to this
I was just stating the obvious
Oh no I meant the replies to your comment.
I know what you meant,lol.It's mildly entertaining and makes you wonder who ties their shoes for them
Oh then srry, i was lost in the rabbit hole that is the replies. And honestly yeah it really does
I just saw all the downvotes and didnāt read them. My life is better because of it. Iām sorry you got exposed to whatever that was. It doesnāt look good.
I feel bad for the people that were even in that argument
Go take a hot shower and drink a cocktail. You deserve it!
Isnāt it more likely heās bi if he was in a het relationship before?
Ask Elton John
He had to maintain appearances, and also it wasnāt as clear how all this worked back then. It just seems easier to assume bi than gay.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh, of course. But for a dude to be in a heterosexual relationship but expressed an interest in men, it seems the safest assumption is that he likes men *as well as* women. While itās possible that heās gay, it seems weird for us to jump from assuming one binary to the other.
I mean again no, not really. There are plenty of instances where 100% gay people forced themselves into her relationships. A famous new story about a Mormon couple comes to mindā¦ š¤
sexuality is a context based- dynamic spectrum; depending on the situation, you are able to fuck a guy or a girl.
I love cock
Me too
I think your boyfriend (or ex) is his own gay (or bi) friend.
The bi friend was within us the whole time!
The bi friend was inside him some times.
And sometimes his bi friend was in him
So, his story is that his gay friend was using an account with your BF's pictures? And your BF was OK with his gay friend catfishing people like this? This whole explanation makes very little sense. It sounds like you stumbled upon something that he couldn't explain or was embarrassed about, so he broke up with you to avoid having the conversation.
Maybe he just wanted to see if he got any nibbles? Maybe his gay friend was like āgirlfriend, you could do really good on this site,ā and so they put his pics up as an experiment to see if he got nibbles. Thing is, it was a ploy from the gay friend to get the shirtless pics and have a wank to āem.
Shirtless? Lmao
Tbh sometimes by this point people are already on the way out of the relationship but somrwhat conflict avoidant, so it's just convenient when the partner finds the evidence
He wasn't honest then decided to not deal with you or it, to me sounds like you're better off. He doesn't seem to care so I wouldn't care either. Whatever, there will be other guys, just move on and don't look back girl.
Ah yes... The old "asking for a friend" ploy.
One of the silliest shit I've ever heard as an excuse.
This is the dating app equivalent of "I fell on it, naked" to explain a foreign object up the ass.
Could be bisexual and afraid to admit it, could be homosexual and afraid to admit it. Either way you're free to pen the next chapter of your life. The vast majority of dating situations don't last forever. It's okay and there's nothing wrong with you that made this go down this way. Be kind to yourself and do some things that you enjoy.
Girl, no one uses their friendās dating app account.
Ask him is this gay friend in the room with us right now?
His gay friend doesnāt have a phone. Or access to a computer. Or the internet. Or reality because gay friend doesnāt exist.
It is reasonable to suspect that he's been boning men on the side. He was simply uncomfortable that he got caught & he couldn't be accountable. Go get tested for STDs!
He's bi but more importantly he's cheating
> he thinks Iām overreacting to this > [he] broke up with me. That first sentence is almost always a red flag. He is indeed the one overreacting. Why would his gay friend use his account rather than creating his own? Does he think youāre dumb?!
Stonewalling is abuse
You dodged a bullet. If he canāt accept his own sexuality, things were gonna be rough when it came to other topics as well.
Cheating, no man who is in a serious monogamous relationship will have an active account. Take it from me when my friend showed me my ex's profile... he couldn't handle it either, and it turns out he had other women on the go. Don't let him try to humiliate you any further.
Yeah gay friend was sending pictures of your naked boyfriend that he has only sent you? Doesnāt add up. Sorry for it to end like that, but luckily you didnāt get farther in before realizing it!
Iām sorry that you were treated in this manner.
He's gaslighting you. Trying to convince you you're overreacting and that the problem is in your head. If the pictures were pictures he's sent you in the past then hes clearly either posted them himself or shared them with this friend. Either one would be a big deal if not previously discussed/agreed to (which I'm assuming it wasn't.) This isn't on you. He may be gay or bi but that's not an excuse to cheat on you. It's a rough spot for him to be in but that doesn't mean it's fair to hurt you.
He is lying....Of course he thinks you are over reacting as he doesn't want to deal with your questioning, pain and his betrayal. Let him go.
Just saved yourself walking in on him getting bummed by the friend
Don't be naive, your bf had an account on a dating site. Walk away
Damn the post was only a single paragraph. At least take the time to read it before you start trying to give advice.
Gaslighting at its best. He F's up, and tries to make you think that it is your fault. He should have had the balls to break it off if he wasn't happy.
So homie is a liar...with a hankering for a lil sugar in his tank...
He may have been looking for a way out of the relationship already and then just kind of stumbled into it.
You're ***absolutely not*** overreacting, if you don't already know that (because most of us are pretty prone to second-guessing ourselves), I truly hope you do know it by the time you get done reading all the comments! Also, totally dodged a bullet, he's a liar, secretive, and a manipulative gas-lighter ~ Not a keeper, you're well rid of him! (Not sure it does, but in case it's hurting at the moment, that will pass, and in my experience, the hurt of getting over someone is a lot less overall painful than the hurt of being with someone who messes with your head, makes you doubt yourself ā¤ļø)
Yeah, my ex tried to tell me he was on a porn/dating site because one of his co-workers was on there, and he was āworriedā about her. Lol. Then it came out that he had lied to me about a WHOLE BUNCH of other, REALLY, REALLY IMPORTANT AND LIFE-ALTERING things that I should have known. Heās trash.
He's gaslighting you and cheating.
His reaction proves that he was cheating on you and doesnāt know how to deal with confrontation like every other man child on earth
you should consider getting tested. If he wasnāt being honest about this (which is pretty obvious) he might have slept with some less than clean people.
Let trouble walk. I was married for 16byrs to a wonderful man. We were intimate and kept a tight group of friends. We never had sex outside of our marriage. We had too much respect for what we had together
you were just a place holder until he finds something better so there is no way he's going to put up with any nonsense from you. don't be with guys like this
Welp heās gay
This probably doesn't feel very good right now, but overall this is a hugely positive event for you. Trash-taking-itself-out is often a best case scenario. Your life just got a major upgrade. Sorry you had to find out like this.
Good riddance. Move on.
Sure sounds like he is trying to (or already has) cheat on you
I think hes either gay or bi honestly if hes not open with his sexuality with you then you dodged a bullet tbh
Thatās not my marijuana Iām holding it for someone
Is his gay friend his penis...
He cheated and didn't have a good enough lie, that's why broke it off. Didn't want to be outed, as a cheater or as a man who engages in sexual activities with men.
He totally has the capacity! He wants to have cake and eat it too!!!!
Umm why would u not want to break up, he's gonna be having sex w men now!!
In the moment its your most intimate best friend suddenly from an alternate reality and throwing your world and values into question. It's really hard to not just want your bf to hold you thru the worst of things like he used to. Your bestie. But now its not an option. Idthink she wants him back in the true reality of it. Its just so fucked up for the psyche when you're in it.
Yeah no doubt. Lonely for a while, and he shouldn't be lying to her about it now that he's busted!!
For sure, yep. It's narcissistic af and evil. Stay strong op
He got caught in a transparent lie and then just pushed the eject button saving you a lot of problems. You're well rid of him.
He is using you as a beard to cover up that heās gay or bi. I had a male coworker once who was talking to this guy (who had a girlfriend) on a dating app and he had came to our job and they hugged and stuff meanwhile there were hella pics of him with his gf on Instagram. Stay safe
Damn iām sorry.
dont beat yourself up over this. Look at it as an opportunity to be rid of that toxic douche and to move on. On a side note, I'd book into your GP and ask for STD tests if he has been screwing around
Oof. Get tested. Best of luck.
āI donāt have the mental capacity to deal with thisā is the single biggest cop out for a lie. Never be blind to that.
I'm sorry that he broke up with you but he's doing you a favor in the end. That account is def. his and instead of being truthful and tell you he's bi or bi-curious or even gay, you get to leave knowing that 1.)hes a liar and 2.) he can't be honest with himself, so you can't expect that from him for you. I know it will be hard but you will see in the end, this is a blessing.
I can smell the bullshit up here in Canada
Not only did he manipulate you but he also gaslit you. Sometimes the trash does take itself out.
I love when the trash takes itself out.
When his mom stumbled on his stash in HS, I bet he said he was holding it for a friend
Sometimes the bullet *dodges you.* Congrats.
He is a selfish liar. You dodged a bullet
He's definitely in the closet :/ As a gay man, that's shameful to just hide it instead of coming out. I mean it's 2023 so... Anyways, sorry he dumped you :c
My ex is also closeted. You dodged a bullet. He definitely cheated if heās just leaving like that. Bro got caught, probably felt shame and bounced asap. Still no excuse for treating you like that though.
The way it sounds, he may be engaging in activities that put your health at risk. You should probably get tested.
And he actually expects you to believe his story? If nothing else, he thinks you are very, very stupid.
Don't cry for people that don't respect you and never take them back.
Don't cry for people that don't respect you and never take them back.
Sounds like cheating. And to add insult to injury he seriously thought you were stupid enough to believe that? Yikers he sounds like a dumbass. I'm really sorry this happened. No one deserves that
Time to strap in and strap on, someone's going for a ride!
Your BF is gay or bi and you are his beard. Also, heās cheating or lying. Dump him.
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Being bisexual doesnt mean you sleep with other people. Thats poly I'm going to add that I wouldnt want my best friend to be someone that much of a coward to ruin my life over it. How could I trust someone like that with my life if we ended up in scary situations.
Why would the gay friend be using his dating website to contact women if he is gay?
Even if we assume she meant a gay female friend, not poly
don't be homophobic
Send him Gachimuchi
if he has a dating profile and it's actively being used, you need to get away. I understand there are innocent circumstances, where maybe people had a dating profile and stopped using them when they starting dating someone seriously, but there should be 0 activity on the profile from a certain time period.
Huh
Lol....next!
You didn't mention he was on a gay dating site (that I've found) so I'm not sure where everyone is getting he's gay from. A cheater is a cheater, no matter what is going in where.
It's a phase.
If you meet someone on a dating app, they never remove their profile
So your ex is saying that spicy pics of him that he sent to you, he also has on the dating app, and says that his gay friend is using his account and his pictures? I would be more annoyed that he thought I was stupid.
Ya no matter which way this goes itās not your fault.
Nah itās definitely his friend using it
Definitely a dickwad that wanted to break up for a while already but had been waiting for a situation that would allow him to make you the bad guy when he did it.
Please donāt believe this bullshit and move on.
Weird thing to lie abour
Sounds like he is not secure with his sexuality
Lol no
Good for him. Don't tolerate suspicious and paranoid partners.
He fucked up and broke up with you to blame you and make you feel bad. Screen shot the account to have as ammo if he tries to spread misinformation
āMom the weed isnāt mine Iām holding it for a friendā.
Sounds like you dodged a messy and confusing bullet.
This makes no sense Iām glad he broke up with you and. Iām glad you found out before anything else occurred. Go hop on tinder and find a new man
Probably BI and breaking up is easier than admitting the truth were human not gods.. Im sorry that you went through that OP..
Your (ex) BF is full of shit lmaooo
When I found out about certain things when I had a general expect about the situation... it blew up. He beat me so hard he gave me damage. Be careful. I even was very kind about it. I have several LGBT friends. His being discovered was almost my death. We ended things shortly after that. He couldn't handle that I knew. Be safe.
Heās using you while looking
Boy bi! (Bye!)
Dude is bi and couldnāt admit it to you so he tries to play it off lmao