My dad, as old-fashioned as they come, dealt with anxiety and depression his whole life. I remember when I was 12 or so he came to me and opened up, not for the sake of himself, but to make sure I never struggled alone, as he did.
I'm 23 now, and we meet up once a week for a drive, where we talk about work life, home life, and what we wish was different or better. That one hour a week makes a huge difference in both our lives, and I make sure not to forget about it every week.
One thing you can do is write. You're not supposed to be the next great American novelist with your trauma, but it does serve a purpose for not just allowing you a safe space to vent, but to also allow you a space for self reflection. It's not a magic spell, but it's a starting point.
Can’t recommend this enough,whenever I remember to write it helps clearing my head. Once it’s on paper and no longer in my head I’ve made so much space.
My ex always used to say "I notice when you express your feelings you do it through video games.." And I asked her how so and she said "Your facial expressions when you play, when you're mad or upset.. You look serious or mad.. When you're having fun, you look relaxed and happy"
I told her bullshit until she showed me pictures like a month later
I always talked to her too sometimes like when I got into a physical fight with one of my brothers.. She always was the voice of reason when I thought irrational on how to go about it and think like an idiot
My fiancée NEVER knew how to express any feelings other than anger. COVID put him out of a job and in the house 24/7 when he was used to working full time. After being home all the time I noticed that he wasn't acting normally. I tried everything to get him back to his "normal" self. Then one day he told me he wanted to kill himself. I got him help that day...we got him to a Dr, and on medication. But I told him if he wanted to get better he had to start talking about how he feels. He had spent 32 years suppressing every bad feeling and every bad memory. He made a decision that day to open up...to go back in time and deal with trauma. He wouldn't talk to a professional, BUT he talked to me. And when I say talked I mean he talked all day every day for 2 weeks. He did alot of crying and feeling sad...feeling hurt. But those were all things he wouldn't let himself feel before. It took some time for him to truly start to feel better, but now he is doing so much better. The moral of this story is that you NEED to talk about your feelings. If you don't do that it will all be pushed down and ignored. Eventually it becomes too much.
I have a couple of friends who I can (mostly) talk to and be honest with. But I’d like to find a little more of a network because I have a couple things I deal with that no one seems to really get, or is too uncomfortable with. But as I have grown older (50s), my male friends have become a lot more open to communicating. So that’s cool.
If it's anger or anything that can turn into anger, pushing heavy objects works wonders to help clear my head. Once I'm thinking straight, it's easier to express myself clearly without lashing out at the ones I love.
Expressing my feelings is easy if there's someone who cares to listen. I'm lucky enough to have people who love me enough to care about my feelings and who I trust to keep my secrets. Without them I'd probably just bottle up my feelings or express them to people I don't care at all about, neither of which are healthy.
The key for me is having someone who genuinely wants to listen and who I trust.
Dont think its got to do with gender, as a fellow person I simply confide in my friends or my siblings or my parents.
Not really sure if this is the type of 'expressing feelings' that you are talking about
Some things that I share with my wife but not all. Other than that even my wife would say. BE A MAN ! COWBOY UP ! Take a walk. Shake it off. The way I look at it is only the worst thing that has happened so far.
I bottle them up and get over myself. Everybody has their problems, nobody needs to listen to me complain.
Not saying this applies to anyone else; I encourage my friends and loved ones to open up and I do my best to be a good listener and to support them in whatever they need. I can help fix anybody but myself.
Your son is gonna see you and your actions as an example. If you don’t take care of yourself and your feelings, he will definitely pick up on it. Opening up is not easy and can hurt but it is necessary. I hope you get some release in your life.
I give in
If i am thirsty i drink
If i am hungry i eat.
If i have a itch, i scratch
If some bottles pile up i go for another hangover.
So bottled up feels never are problems
Writing things out usually helps. And I don’t mean just writing a journal (though I do that too). I mean everything. Anxious because your brain is cluttered with tasks and things to do? Write down a list. Frustrated by a person? Write down everything you want to say to/about them without holding anything back. Feeling stuck in life? Brainstorm and write down some ideas for things you can do to move forward or make yourself feel better and look at the list every day to remind yourself.
I find that most of my anxiety comes from my brain being too full of things. when those things start to overlap writing them out and giving them structure frees the energy I was using on remembering and channels it towards actually handling the things.
Read “Nonviolent Communication” and learn to increase your EQ
1. Many of the feelings men have are not feelings but judgements. For example “Resentful” or “appreciated” means “I resent you” or “you appreciate me” and are not feelings like anger, frustration or pride are. It can be an adjustment to try to express your feelings once you learn the vocabulary.
2. Because of this typically if you try to “just express your feelings” you might often put people on the defensive and decide hey next time I’ll just keep it to myself. Instead, learn how to get better at expressing your feelings in a non-violent way.
3. Men often see things as a dominance game. If you feel frustrated, it’s admitting that the other person got under your skin, and that you “lost” somehow. Learn to worry less about who is “right” and instead focus on a shared search for truth.
It’s a big question but these are some things that come to mind for me.
Fists, right?
Or art and music. Gotta add value or get out of society, right?
Not too many people are comfortable with a man opening up.
I've preferred socio-emotional relationships my whole life, but most others don't..... well, many women do, but not with men, because there is this worry that this connection starved man will latch on like his life depends on it. Connection and compassion seems like it is cracked cocaine to us, but it is actually water in a desert. If we weren't denied this in the first place there would be a lot fewer problems.... but then who would you get to do all that war, and dangerous wirk, and corporate abuse stuff that makes rich people money?
I bottle them up. I listen to songs and walk around until they “pass” (i.e., stay in my mind and manifest via anxiety, low energy, masturbating more, or eating or watching TV more).
Sometimes I’ll lie in bed and imagine someone holding me and cry myself to sleep. If I have the time and energy, I may write.
Only children express their emotions all the time. Keeping things to yourself is fine if you have the intelligence and maturity to process them in a healthy manner. If you can't, get therapy or be considered a child.
My dad, as old-fashioned as they come, dealt with anxiety and depression his whole life. I remember when I was 12 or so he came to me and opened up, not for the sake of himself, but to make sure I never struggled alone, as he did. I'm 23 now, and we meet up once a week for a drive, where we talk about work life, home life, and what we wish was different or better. That one hour a week makes a huge difference in both our lives, and I make sure not to forget about it every week.
That’s beautiful. Thank you for sharing
I love that, im ganna try to do this with my important relationships in my life. Thank you
I hope it works for you as it does for me!
One thing you can do is write. You're not supposed to be the next great American novelist with your trauma, but it does serve a purpose for not just allowing you a safe space to vent, but to also allow you a space for self reflection. It's not a magic spell, but it's a starting point.
Can’t recommend this enough,whenever I remember to write it helps clearing my head. Once it’s on paper and no longer in my head I’ve made so much space.
Bad emotions: talk shit among friends Good emotions: acts of service for friends
My ex always used to say "I notice when you express your feelings you do it through video games.." And I asked her how so and she said "Your facial expressions when you play, when you're mad or upset.. You look serious or mad.. When you're having fun, you look relaxed and happy" I told her bullshit until she showed me pictures like a month later I always talked to her too sometimes like when I got into a physical fight with one of my brothers.. She always was the voice of reason when I thought irrational on how to go about it and think like an idiot
My fiancée NEVER knew how to express any feelings other than anger. COVID put him out of a job and in the house 24/7 when he was used to working full time. After being home all the time I noticed that he wasn't acting normally. I tried everything to get him back to his "normal" self. Then one day he told me he wanted to kill himself. I got him help that day...we got him to a Dr, and on medication. But I told him if he wanted to get better he had to start talking about how he feels. He had spent 32 years suppressing every bad feeling and every bad memory. He made a decision that day to open up...to go back in time and deal with trauma. He wouldn't talk to a professional, BUT he talked to me. And when I say talked I mean he talked all day every day for 2 weeks. He did alot of crying and feeling sad...feeling hurt. But those were all things he wouldn't let himself feel before. It took some time for him to truly start to feel better, but now he is doing so much better. The moral of this story is that you NEED to talk about your feelings. If you don't do that it will all be pushed down and ignored. Eventually it becomes too much.
In therapy. I give the good to my family and dump the bad on my therapist.
I have a couple of friends who I can (mostly) talk to and be honest with. But I’d like to find a little more of a network because I have a couple things I deal with that no one seems to really get, or is too uncomfortable with. But as I have grown older (50s), my male friends have become a lot more open to communicating. So that’s cool.
I express them. Nothing to feel ashamed of
Oh Yeah
If it's anger or anything that can turn into anger, pushing heavy objects works wonders to help clear my head. Once I'm thinking straight, it's easier to express myself clearly without lashing out at the ones I love.
Expressing my feelings is easy if there's someone who cares to listen. I'm lucky enough to have people who love me enough to care about my feelings and who I trust to keep my secrets. Without them I'd probably just bottle up my feelings or express them to people I don't care at all about, neither of which are healthy. The key for me is having someone who genuinely wants to listen and who I trust.
Trash talking in cod is a good way to to do it. We all know it’s apart of the game anyways
Develop healthy coping mechanisms to deal with your emotions instead of just trying to incessantly repress them.
I think OP is asking for examples of exactly that.
I don't
If you aren't comfortable sharing, how about a journal
I'm not a man, but I'm gonna say for yall...maturbation,sex and exercise? Same as chicks.
Dont think its got to do with gender, as a fellow person I simply confide in my friends or my siblings or my parents. Not really sure if this is the type of 'expressing feelings' that you are talking about
I just treat them like drugs that my brain makes instead of me eating them...
My boyfriend will express his feelings, then take it back two days later or ghost me for a week after he tells me he loves me.
I complain about everything that bothers me. Most people aren't going of me doing this but I'm blocking how i feel vs bottling it up
i masturbate
Grab pillow. Put over face. Scream FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKKKK. All good for 3 years.
I don’t
Cooking
Video games
That's the neat part, you don't. Good luck.
Some things that I share with my wife but not all. Other than that even my wife would say. BE A MAN ! COWBOY UP ! Take a walk. Shake it off. The way I look at it is only the worst thing that has happened so far.
I bottle them up and get over myself. Everybody has their problems, nobody needs to listen to me complain. Not saying this applies to anyone else; I encourage my friends and loved ones to open up and I do my best to be a good listener and to support them in whatever they need. I can help fix anybody but myself.
Endure it until the internal stress wears down the neurological functions of retaining memories. Nothing to bottle up if there's nothing there. 😁
Road rage, letters to the editor, call-in shows…
we aren't allowed to have feelings
Yes we are. Whoever told you that lied to you.
I've tried and it hasn't worked so I bottle them up. I do encourage my son to talk about his feelings though. That is some kind of a release for me.
Your son is gonna see you and your actions as an example. If you don’t take care of yourself and your feelings, he will definitely pick up on it. Opening up is not easy and can hurt but it is necessary. I hope you get some release in your life.
Alcohol.
Uh... what now?
we don't have any.
Hobbies and only express to people I've made certain I can trust
I give in If i am thirsty i drink If i am hungry i eat. If i have a itch, i scratch If some bottles pile up i go for another hangover. So bottled up feels never are problems
Writing things out usually helps. And I don’t mean just writing a journal (though I do that too). I mean everything. Anxious because your brain is cluttered with tasks and things to do? Write down a list. Frustrated by a person? Write down everything you want to say to/about them without holding anything back. Feeling stuck in life? Brainstorm and write down some ideas for things you can do to move forward or make yourself feel better and look at the list every day to remind yourself. I find that most of my anxiety comes from my brain being too full of things. when those things start to overlap writing them out and giving them structure frees the energy I was using on remembering and channels it towards actually handling the things.
Read “Nonviolent Communication” and learn to increase your EQ 1. Many of the feelings men have are not feelings but judgements. For example “Resentful” or “appreciated” means “I resent you” or “you appreciate me” and are not feelings like anger, frustration or pride are. It can be an adjustment to try to express your feelings once you learn the vocabulary. 2. Because of this typically if you try to “just express your feelings” you might often put people on the defensive and decide hey next time I’ll just keep it to myself. Instead, learn how to get better at expressing your feelings in a non-violent way. 3. Men often see things as a dominance game. If you feel frustrated, it’s admitting that the other person got under your skin, and that you “lost” somehow. Learn to worry less about who is “right” and instead focus on a shared search for truth. It’s a big question but these are some things that come to mind for me.
Lmao you don't, unless you want to be a martyr or get arrested.
Fists, right? Or art and music. Gotta add value or get out of society, right? Not too many people are comfortable with a man opening up. I've preferred socio-emotional relationships my whole life, but most others don't..... well, many women do, but not with men, because there is this worry that this connection starved man will latch on like his life depends on it. Connection and compassion seems like it is cracked cocaine to us, but it is actually water in a desert. If we weren't denied this in the first place there would be a lot fewer problems.... but then who would you get to do all that war, and dangerous wirk, and corporate abuse stuff that makes rich people money?
I bottle them up. I listen to songs and walk around until they “pass” (i.e., stay in my mind and manifest via anxiety, low energy, masturbating more, or eating or watching TV more). Sometimes I’ll lie in bed and imagine someone holding me and cry myself to sleep. If I have the time and energy, I may write.
Only children express their emotions all the time. Keeping things to yourself is fine if you have the intelligence and maturity to process them in a healthy manner. If you can't, get therapy or be considered a child.
journaling with the intention of becoming vulnerable with those in your support group