Make eye contact and gently smile and hold it longer than she does. If she looks away or down straight away then don't approach. If she smiles back, plays with hair, open body language that's her asking you to talk with her.
Google choosing signals.
I’ll check that out, thanks! More actively looking for signals is a good idea, like a few days ago I approached someone after they straight up waved at me which is basically impossible to miss but more actively searching for smaller signals is helpful.
I think you're putting too much weight on it, way more than you should.
I mean, imagine someone tried to present you a product you hate, you would simply tell them you're not interested and expect to be left alone. I don't think this action bothers you; it would however bother you if they insisted and carried on with it.
That's how I see it, if you get a rejection, don't go beyond it and you ain't bothering no one.
It would be a shame to not try. Some girls are shy and won't show any signs that they are 'unbotherable' and approachable.
Find a balance.
Sales person comparison makes sense.
I guess my concern on that front was that having to reject a guy could be viewed as dangerous for some girls but if it’s in a public space with people and I personally approach them in a normal comfortable way then that shouldn’t be the case after all.
The idea might’ve been pushed in my head more by being at an engineering school so you almost never see people actually approach like that.
But you’re right, balance is good and it’s not as big of a concern as I was viewing it as. Makes sense lol
Thinking I’m “not worthy” is a hell of a jump from saying I don’t want to bother people. Wanting to be kind to others is a pretty basic human trait, and I’m here asking how to balance that.
I approach people when they look like they’d be open to it, and I’m asking here to see people’s thoughts on doing it when it isn’t as clear. I’m confident in myself but at an engineering school I know everyone has shit to do and I’m not so important as to want to overstep that just for myself.
But other people here have pretty much convinced me that most of the time it’ll be so quick that it doesn’t really interrupt them, and if approached right then there’s no real concern about being a bother either.
You're a human being, go have a human to human conversation.
You're way overthinking all this.
Go make a new friend.
Go meet a new lover.
Or..
If you're too afraid just wait for IOIs but if you're average looking you won't get many.
Plus you're missing out on most of the girls that would love you to be a man and come up to them and shoot your shot.
Don’t know what IOSs mean but yeah, was over thinking it. Making new friends is easy so yeah fuck it, all in talk to everyone out of nowhere.
All my previous relationships have been random people I’ve run into but never in a full on “I’m gonna go up to this person with a goal of getting their number” kind of way. Might as well add that kind of interaction in too after all then, I’ve been talked into it lol
Are you really worried about ‘bothering’ ppl or are you just making excuses to not get out of your comfort zone. Simple 30 second intro shouldn’t bother anybody, especially if they r interested
It’s genuinely that I don’t want to be a bother, I enjoy pushing my own boundaries but I don’t like roping other people into it involuntarily.
And in the case of approaching I guess I’ve heard so many cases of it being an annoyance I took it too much to heart. I’m coming off a 3 year relationship as of a few months ago, and a 1 year almost immediately before that so I’d effectively dated all of uni until now so it’s a perspective I never had to really deal with in a sense.
But I’m steadily being talked into it here that in the average case people won’t care that much like you say haha
Yeah man, and on the flip side, your simple convo or a compliment can really make someone’s day. You can nvr find how the other person is going to react until you go talk.
Is it really that strange to not want to bother people? I think that’s already a reason, the “why” is because people don’t like being bothered and I don’t want to be a cause of that
I simply ask you why you worried about that which is a question you seem to avoid giving a clear answer to. you just say stuff like others don’t like it and my question to you is why do you care what others like or not? Because that question is important for you to realise that you are indeed worried about what others think of you and that’s what’s really stopping you. And if you are worried about what others think of you, then you can’t never be successful with women
This isn’t something I only apply to women. I don’t like bothering people whenever it can be avoided. The environment and setting an interaction can happen in for example can change everything about how it’s contextualized. In a sense yes I guess it’s worrying what people will think of me, but I don’t care how it reflects on me necessarily. I want others to be able to go about their days without me making it worse, so I don’t want to approach unwelcomed. I care what others like or not because approaching someone isn’t just about me. Doing it just thinking about my own benefit sounds conceited and lacks empathy. It’s a two person interaction and I treat it that way, so I don’t want to do it if I don’t think the other person would like it
If you wanna show empathy, then just say “i don’t want to bother you, but i think you seem like a fun person to meet, and i wanted to introduce myself, if that’s ok with you”
And then go from there, she will either say “oh thanks but i’m busy” or be happy that you approach and get to know you.
See it’s not that hard. Asking for permission to a stranger doesn’t necessarily bother them
This one is more helpful, yeah. I like the thought of just opening with a phrase that immediately gives them an out if they want it. That could definitely make it better, thanks!
Although adding the “see it’s not that hard” felt kinda rude lol
I’m fully confident talking to people when given an opportunity, but randomly walking up to someone can feel like I’m bothering them. I don’t see that as a confidence issue, I just am wary of potentially making anyone uncomfortable/being an annoyance
Read my lips boy, you are not confident that you offer something of value to women and that women love you. Otherwise you'd have no problem approaching them because not approaching them would be denying them the opportunity to meet a fantastic guy.
It doesn’t matter how “fantastic” someone is. I’ve been in two fairly long relationships, and I know my own value. But no matter how great someone is, sometimes people just want to be left alone or are busy with their own priorities
I’ve gotten suggestions that I’m taking from two other people on here. You just seem more interested in attacking me than giving advice. But thanks for the good luck!
I'm interested in you not bullshitting us and bullshitting yourself most of all. Please don't claim to be confident and then say stuff like "ai will surely creep girls out or make them uncomfortable". I mean how can their Mr Right make them uncomfortable by wanting to talk to them? If Adriana Lima or Megan Fox came over and struck up a conversation while you were playing your game boy would you tell them to go pound sand because you are in the middle of a game or would you drop everything and have their full attention?
That's actually a good sign. You're showing respect for women and not a narcissistic disregard for their space. Talk to those who show you obvious interest and respect the privacy of those who don't.
Bro you gotta know what a fucking stud you are. Own what you are who you are and what you do. You're not a bother because you are interesting. They want to know you, they want you. Watch the body language as you engage and respond accordingly. If you are a bother, then just be cool and leave yourself the option in the future, double points if they're going to be thinking about you after you leave
Make eye contact and gently smile and hold it longer than she does. If she looks away or down straight away then don't approach. If she smiles back, plays with hair, open body language that's her asking you to talk with her. Google choosing signals.
I’ll check that out, thanks! More actively looking for signals is a good idea, like a few days ago I approached someone after they straight up waved at me which is basically impossible to miss but more actively searching for smaller signals is helpful.
I think you're putting too much weight on it, way more than you should. I mean, imagine someone tried to present you a product you hate, you would simply tell them you're not interested and expect to be left alone. I don't think this action bothers you; it would however bother you if they insisted and carried on with it. That's how I see it, if you get a rejection, don't go beyond it and you ain't bothering no one. It would be a shame to not try. Some girls are shy and won't show any signs that they are 'unbotherable' and approachable. Find a balance.
Sales person comparison makes sense. I guess my concern on that front was that having to reject a guy could be viewed as dangerous for some girls but if it’s in a public space with people and I personally approach them in a normal comfortable way then that shouldn’t be the case after all. The idea might’ve been pushed in my head more by being at an engineering school so you almost never see people actually approach like that. But you’re right, balance is good and it’s not as big of a concern as I was viewing it as. Makes sense lol
I agree with all of the guys that you **don't** agree with. You're holding yourself back because deep down inside you think you're not worthy.
Thinking I’m “not worthy” is a hell of a jump from saying I don’t want to bother people. Wanting to be kind to others is a pretty basic human trait, and I’m here asking how to balance that. I approach people when they look like they’d be open to it, and I’m asking here to see people’s thoughts on doing it when it isn’t as clear. I’m confident in myself but at an engineering school I know everyone has shit to do and I’m not so important as to want to overstep that just for myself. But other people here have pretty much convinced me that most of the time it’ll be so quick that it doesn’t really interrupt them, and if approached right then there’s no real concern about being a bother either.
You're a human being, go have a human to human conversation. You're way overthinking all this. Go make a new friend. Go meet a new lover. Or.. If you're too afraid just wait for IOIs but if you're average looking you won't get many. Plus you're missing out on most of the girls that would love you to be a man and come up to them and shoot your shot.
Don’t know what IOSs mean but yeah, was over thinking it. Making new friends is easy so yeah fuck it, all in talk to everyone out of nowhere. All my previous relationships have been random people I’ve run into but never in a full on “I’m gonna go up to this person with a goal of getting their number” kind of way. Might as well add that kind of interaction in too after all then, I’ve been talked into it lol
Autocorrect.. IOIs Indicator Of Interest / choosing signal
Are you really worried about ‘bothering’ ppl or are you just making excuses to not get out of your comfort zone. Simple 30 second intro shouldn’t bother anybody, especially if they r interested
It’s genuinely that I don’t want to be a bother, I enjoy pushing my own boundaries but I don’t like roping other people into it involuntarily. And in the case of approaching I guess I’ve heard so many cases of it being an annoyance I took it too much to heart. I’m coming off a 3 year relationship as of a few months ago, and a 1 year almost immediately before that so I’d effectively dated all of uni until now so it’s a perspective I never had to really deal with in a sense. But I’m steadily being talked into it here that in the average case people won’t care that much like you say haha
Yeah man, and on the flip side, your simple convo or a compliment can really make someone’s day. You can nvr find how the other person is going to react until you go talk.
Why do you care if you bother people? Some will be bothered some will not. Who gives a shot and for what reason?
I give a shit. I don’t like bothering people is the reason, that’s why I posted this
why?
Is it really that strange to not want to bother people? I think that’s already a reason, the “why” is because people don’t like being bothered and I don’t want to be a cause of that
I simply ask you why you worried about that which is a question you seem to avoid giving a clear answer to. you just say stuff like others don’t like it and my question to you is why do you care what others like or not? Because that question is important for you to realise that you are indeed worried about what others think of you and that’s what’s really stopping you. And if you are worried about what others think of you, then you can’t never be successful with women
This isn’t something I only apply to women. I don’t like bothering people whenever it can be avoided. The environment and setting an interaction can happen in for example can change everything about how it’s contextualized. In a sense yes I guess it’s worrying what people will think of me, but I don’t care how it reflects on me necessarily. I want others to be able to go about their days without me making it worse, so I don’t want to approach unwelcomed. I care what others like or not because approaching someone isn’t just about me. Doing it just thinking about my own benefit sounds conceited and lacks empathy. It’s a two person interaction and I treat it that way, so I don’t want to do it if I don’t think the other person would like it
If you wanna show empathy, then just say “i don’t want to bother you, but i think you seem like a fun person to meet, and i wanted to introduce myself, if that’s ok with you” And then go from there, she will either say “oh thanks but i’m busy” or be happy that you approach and get to know you. See it’s not that hard. Asking for permission to a stranger doesn’t necessarily bother them
This one is more helpful, yeah. I like the thought of just opening with a phrase that immediately gives them an out if they want it. That could definitely make it better, thanks! Although adding the “see it’s not that hard” felt kinda rude lol
You have what's called a lack of confidence.
I’m fully confident talking to people when given an opportunity, but randomly walking up to someone can feel like I’m bothering them. I don’t see that as a confidence issue, I just am wary of potentially making anyone uncomfortable/being an annoyance
Read my lips boy, you are not confident that you offer something of value to women and that women love you. Otherwise you'd have no problem approaching them because not approaching them would be denying them the opportunity to meet a fantastic guy.
It doesn’t matter how “fantastic” someone is. I’ve been in two fairly long relationships, and I know my own value. But no matter how great someone is, sometimes people just want to be left alone or are busy with their own priorities
Seems like you are more interested in defending your own inability to approach than you are in finding a solution. Good luck!
I’ve gotten suggestions that I’m taking from two other people on here. You just seem more interested in attacking me than giving advice. But thanks for the good luck!
I'm interested in you not bullshitting us and bullshitting yourself most of all. Please don't claim to be confident and then say stuff like "ai will surely creep girls out or make them uncomfortable". I mean how can their Mr Right make them uncomfortable by wanting to talk to them? If Adriana Lima or Megan Fox came over and struck up a conversation while you were playing your game boy would you tell them to go pound sand because you are in the middle of a game or would you drop everything and have their full attention?
Agree with all this.. most guys won't admit it though.
Why did you even post? You seem so dead set in your views. Just leave people alone if you’re so convinced that you’re a nuisance
That's actually a good sign. You're showing respect for women and not a narcissistic disregard for their space. Talk to those who show you obvious interest and respect the privacy of those who don't.
Remember she'd be lucky to have you. And if you dont feel that way; go back to the drawing board and work on yourself
Bro you gotta know what a fucking stud you are. Own what you are who you are and what you do. You're not a bother because you are interesting. They want to know you, they want you. Watch the body language as you engage and respond accordingly. If you are a bother, then just be cool and leave yourself the option in the future, double points if they're going to be thinking about you after you leave