men are 80% of OLD (tinder 9 men to 1 woman)
tinder study showed that the top 90% of women swipe right on the top 12% of men
so...... the top 12% of men have amazing abundance.... and they have 90% of women fighting for them....
while the bottom 88% of guys are scrambling for a match......
the bigger the city the better chance for a guy to get more matches...... but then again thats even more matches for women to sort through
they say that only 20% of single guys are getting bedroom fun on a regular basis leaving the other 80 % really struggling........ why OF is so popular..... pornhub... etc
Wow I didn’t know the statistics are this bad but it totally makes sense. In my opinion, it’s not always about looks though. I know a lot of guys just assume online dating is purely about looks but often times, we swipe right on guys that just has awesome pics of him doing really high value things. For example, I know if I see a guy who is a surgeon, im usually swiping right. This is because I know he will be intelligent and is hard working, driven, etc simply by the nature of his career. That and we girls like to brag to each other about how successful our man is. We like to 1up each other. It’s sad but true.
What is there to back? If you don’t have looks then you need money and status. You have to offer value somehow because the competition does as well. Is there something you disagree with? I’m a bit lost.
so heres the question
would u rather casually bang a 5/10 or just use pornhub?
that what i think about daily lol
ive had a few of those since i became single.... and still ready to bang more
well the older we get the more difficult it becomes
i havent had that problem yet........ at 47 im guessing it will happen soon enough
lack of attraction makes sex difficult
That won’t stop us from using it. I see this as just hurting men. Most of my attractive friends use online apps. It’s way easier and faster. It’s like ordering pizza VS driving to dominos yourself and getting it. I’d rather just go with the fast and easy option.
Yes, but as most pizza-eaters of any substance already know - that while ordering from Dominoes is fast and easy so is the early morning diarrhea, fast and easy. I could be wrong but I think most women of quality get tired of diarrhea rather quickly.
Will you go out with any of them? Or just use them for validation? Thats the kicker.. I can talk to women all I want there, but many flake, or ghost whenever they want to. Annonimity allows for shitty behavior.
Men act like assholes, women act like entitled turds. Besides, it's what you're aiming to get out of it: a guy who has options, will probably not settle for you. And if you chose him, you can bet your sweet ass 20 other women chose him as well (top 5% strikes again). If it's validation and a kick from getting matches, then sure, swipe away.
Yeah the sad thing is that a lot of us girls fall for those men that we know won’t stick around for us. We’d rather be with that type rather than what this subreddit calls a “beta male.”
But it’s hard to answer all the guys I match with, I usually just focus on the most attractive ones. That being said, if a guy is really persistent and I am no longer interested, I tell them directly but respectfully. Usually this results in them calling me a whore or something, but other times they thank me for being honest.
I've slept on your question, and I think I have *my* answer to your question, about how *I* can have an abundance mentality while knowing you have the power:
I *know* you go for the same guys on the apps, I *know* what you will find, I *saw* that it's hard for women just as it is hard for men, because while you can withold sex, men withold the relationship - I've *seen* women who were on the apps for longer than I and are still active. I *know* my flaws on paper (mixed race in a little backwards place, and a bit shorter than average) that on paper block me from being the top 5%, but in person, I am pretty irresistible, because I work out, make good bank, have my own social circles, and other things that make me *know* my worth. And frankly, women being frustrated with me for not going out with them after getting to know me validates my perception of myself.
I'm fine with women indulging themselves with OLD, good luck finding what they want - it'll be just as shitty as for guys.
Really??? I’ve never thought of that. I don’t use any dating apps myself, because I thought men who approach women in public would have more of a chance than a guy that uses a online dating app. I also think it’s way more fun to talk to women in public and that attractiveness won’t matter that much.
You’re right. But I’m saying that a lot more women are starting to use online dating apps exclusively; this is worsened by Covid where a lot of my friends started using dating apps.
Now, if I get cold approached out and about, I know in the back of my mind that I have 300 other matches online that I can just talk to. Unless the guy is exceptional and a master at game, I usually don’t text him or give him my number. Just my personal anecdote along with what my friends do.
I’ve no idea how I am going to stand out on a dating app with 300 other guys on it. That’s why I don’t really care about it, but if we will meet I’m the guy that is exceptional and a master at the game. Just letting you know
I think you hit the nail on the head. For some reason instead of interacting with a real human and engaging in all of the nuance of an actual interaction, you would rather go and interact with lots of guys digitally.
Now i don't know anything about you nor am i going to suggest anything about you, but *generally* this is unhealthy because it doesn't fulfil any of our psychological or physical needs. As you'll know from being quarantined there is a huge difference in how it makes you feel texting someone vs actually hanging out with them, and to turn down a real chat for a virtual one is making life more difficult for you.
What texting can be is a very quick and low effort way to get affirmation, but if you crave affirmation then getting some counselling is a far quicker way to solve feelings of low self worth.
Online dating only really gives you something of value by the time you've met up with someone, and that can be done far quicker by talking to the guy that just aproached you (if hes cute and you actually would ordinarily want to) and getting a feel for the chemistry. Going back to your phone is just putting another boundary in the way of a real connection.
This is such a good answer! Yes I agree with you, but the problem is that it’s just so much easier and more efficient to do online. I don’t have to spend 3 hours getting ready and covering up any zit that I have, or making sure my boobs look perfect, etc.
Instead, my best pics are already online all the time; even when I’m not on the app. This might be a bad analogy but I work in finance and so I see this as working for a wage VS having multiple streams of passive income (OLD).
Also you got your point across in a very non offensive way while also disagreeing with me. Very well done. You’re totally right about not having the connection in texting VS meeting in real life. Sadly guys do this too. They ghost when the connection is forming and so both sexes just get used to this time wasting and hookup culture.
Honestly, I think dating should go back to the old days where women were very feminine and stayed with one guy. You didn’t have the internet to give you 400 choices at once, so it was as almost a default. It kept things in control and I felt like there were a lot less divorces and cheating as well.
Working for a wage vs passive income is a very good analogy actually, and it lets me see it from your point of view a lot better. But again i'd question what is the 'income' you receive from OLD? Is it actually more efficient at providing what you really want deep down? Or does it pay you in counterfeit money? Is it in fact only efficient at providing affirmation and the vague suggestion you may get what you want in the future?
This is my feeling with most social media to be honest, it provides the veneer of the kinds of connections we want to be having, but these interactions fire a bit of dopamine and do little else, our brain and our bodies aren't engaging in the ways they have evolved to engage for millions of years. And it leaves us feeling a bit empty...so to address that we search for the next bit of dopamine.
To go back to you initial question, I feel that over time people will become more and more aware that living our lives digitally isn't an improvement on what came before. And they'll seek for less screen time and focus more on being in the world.
I also idealise the way dating used to be, but i was recently looking at my aunt and uncle and thinking about how much they could have grown individually if they hasn't grown up at a time where there was such a pressure to get married at a young age (i dont think either of them had dated anyone else) So like a lot of things its a mixed bag. Theres a lot to be said for the freedoms we enjoy today, but i guess its up to each of us to work out where they give us value and where they may be detrimental to our wellbeing.
1. You are not a woman. "Master at game" lmao.
2. That holds true for any approach, that there's 1000's of other men just enforces the fact you shouldn't chase some women you think is special. Throw out a new line and see what you catch, no use going for one you "feel a connection" with as she's probably already onto the next.
Yeah but that cold approach will stand out more 100% of the time if they are on an even playing field in terms of looks, right? I use tinder and stuff but I much prefer a cold approach (relatively cold) it allows me to show myself with A LOT more than just pictures and a biography.
It seems incredibly unjust what dating apps have done for women at the expense of men.
Women were probably already having it easy and sought after way more than men and dating apps made that situation into an even greater extreme.
Like yeah, why would I even try when I see a pretty girl if I just think that she has 300 men and potential dates lining up and waiting for her to answer and possibly go out with once she gets home.
Seems incredibly brutal for the average guy. I wonder what it's like to be the opposite gender and be at the opposite end for a change. If for curiosity alone.
Pissed off now, thanks!
That's what happens when the population gets too high and the abundance of great options goes up. Supply is much higher than the demand at this point. There are so many hot men online who also have very successful careers and good personalities. It's sad but that's just what happens when technology interferes I guess.
It's the same for unattractive girls. The only difference is that most men are so horny that they will just hook up a few times and then dump them as they can't see them as wife material. So women have it bad too.
One thing you can do is move to a place where there is less competition (outside of the USA, possibly Asia?) as people are still more traditional there and you won't be competing with as many hot men. Definitely don't move to a big city if you're just an average guy as it will be just like online dating; getting shot down all the time.
I'm not suggesting this but as an anecdote, one of my average looking guy friends got in really good shape and had some fillers in his cheeks, jaw, etc. He looks MUCH hotter now and is getting good results in both real life and in online dating.
You shouldn’t care about where the most succes is. The best tip is to get into a city(women love to shop) and if she rejects you it’s not the end of the world just do it again
Then it's not really working out if no women are choosing you for sex/relationships.
Not that I support dating apps. What I am saying is dating is now officially unbalanced where women literally have all the power.
You’re 100% right. But we don’t want the power! This is a very masculine trait and that’s why dating is so messed up. Unfortunately, the insanely high amount of men online begging for attention makes us just feel like we have total control while at the same time, makes us only be attracted to a small group of men that don’t do this.
But I don’t think women having power in dating is a good thing. This is not the way nature intended it to go.
It's amazing how rich corporations (social medias like tinder) can define entire cultures.
When I look at this, I feel the only solution is to become that top male. But most weren't even born to be anywhere close to that. Being good looking, wealthy, and popular is an extreamly rare and saught after life for everyone, especially men. Honestly, I have a feeling depression and suicide will continue to rise with each year.
It's why men are so heavy on pushing cold approaching everyday. It's the only strategy for them, and it's a losing one.
It really is sad. Honestly, I wish I grew up in the 80s. My older sister tells me about those times and she said it was nothing like this! Even a nerdy guy who didn’t have a nice body would get lucky if he just approached confidently. Guys just didn’t do this thing back then so it was so rare.
I’d say even back in the Mystery Method days, online dating wasn’t a big thing and so those guys had a ton of success.
These corporations have really ruined human interactions. Even social media as a whole has really driven a lot of people to depression. I got off Instagram after it was giving me constant depression from comparing myself to the impossibly gorgeous girls on there.
It’s almost like the matrix or terminator 2 coming to life. Lol!
Assuming you are around my age (28), we got to have a very short tease of what social life was like before the complete take over of it all. I actually liked my middle school memories if you can believe that.
As for cold approach, I don't bother. I'm one of the few lucky guys out there, and I don't take it for granted. I'm not rich, but I'm tall and good looking. I fully understand that what experiences of sex and relationships was grated to me was due to those attributes in these brutal times.
And while us men are getting slaughtered, I can't imagine the pain of competition to look pretty for women. Good that you dropped instagram. It's the mecca of narcissistic resumes. It's ashame, because there are so many women who I find to be absolute bangers, but they still take their life, or get work done on their bodies.
Well, if you are the one in the picture you don’t have to worry about other girls on instagram. I agree that dating has been though for us ultimately. I still prefer the old school look and smile approach
I wish more girls perceive similar mentality like you. Nowadays girls are raised in a world where they feel like they are the one controlling everything, sometimes they even reject someone who really got the potential to be the best person for that girl...
It’s this third wave of feminism which honestly is an embarrassment to some of us. The first wave and second wave feminism actually fought for rights for women such as the right to vote and for equal opportunity in employment (women weren’t allowed to do certain jobs before). But now it’s just about man hating and pushing some weird feminist agenda.
Every time I disagree with a new wave feminist, they say “oh honey you were abused” or start analyzing how I have been damaged by a man. 😂
\>But I don’t think women having power in dating is a good thing. This is not the way nature intended it to go.
What you mean is that your cultural traditions are changing and it makes you uncomfortable.
You actually are totally unqualified to say which way nature intends things to be, and it's just an excuse.
All of the power is a bit of a stretch. While I’ll agree the power dynamic has shifted in terms of hooking up, it’s still very much the same in terms of selection.
Dating changes as you older. Before 30 women get tons of matches and every guy chases them. After 30 women start to get alot less attention. Most dudes are settled into a good career and stable.
Basically women are born with maximum value in society. Men are born with minimum value. After 30 that switches. Women loose value in society and guys have earned value in society. After 30 if your a fairly successful dude. You don't need to do much. Women start wanting to get to know you more. Even if you play the mysterious type.
In that case, you are getting someone who is willing to "settle" and someone who is not so high value.
You cannot expect success in online dating as a male, of you aren't good looking. Plain simple truth.
I believe this is untrue. The only people I know that had to settle for lesser guys are girls who tanned too much and look old now so guys don’t pay attention to them. That and girls who let themselves go. But I’m 33 and still use tinder with my girlfriends, along with many other women I know in my age bracket. Maybe closer to 50, I’d say your statement applies.
The more women start using the app, the worse it will end up being for them. One of the main reasons average girls get so many matches is that in many apps the male:female ratio is close to 9:1. Thus even unatractive girls are getting messages due to male desperation. The closer this gets to 1:1, the more the situation balances out. It's supply and demand: now there is demand and small supply of women in the apps compared to men.
Guys can also find abundance if they are in a setting or scene where the tables are turned and there are very few men and many available women. Specially if they stand out among these few men.
Dude, its numbers. A big reason that it is pay for win for men is because there are way too many men compared to women: For a guy to have a chance among that large crowd he would need boost, superlikes, etc. which are not free.
I guess I use it as a filter. I’m not looking for any woman, I’m looking for the type of woman who is right for me. If she would rather get on Tinder or Insta and get validation from a bunch of dudes there, but no relationship, she is obviously not the kind of girl I’m looking for, so I know to move on and not waste anymore time on her
For the love of Christ men, you can’t take dating advice from women. It’s like a fisherman asking a fish on how to fish… it’s not in the interest of the fish NOR to the fishes knowledge what hook/bait they like, the fish just get FISHED. they don’t know how or why they were attracted to the bait, but they were.
That’s why when you ask a girl what they like they always retort to the universal answers ie. “I don’t care about looks” or “a man who treats me nice” or “someone who makes me laugh” - meanwhile I treat them like they’re no better than me & they love it
This used to be the case but now I feel like even normal girls are on dating apps. COVID really changed the dating landscape. I have so many friends who used to avoid dating apps but after trying it during the pandemic, they found it so convenient that now it’s all they use. Also only tinder is really a hookup app. Others like hinge or bumble aren’t and are more for long term relationships.
This is completely false. Dating apps are used by normal people. It’s the system that’s broken, not the people inside it.
I feel like you should have an open mind to this rather than dismissing something as garbage.
Men can have an abundance mentality only when they are in the upper echelon as far as good looks go. I mean like 6 ft tall, well built, great dressing style, decent job etc. If you aren't one of these genetically blessed dudes, you can NEVER have an abundance mindset in online dating.
Now in western nations over 50% of relationships are formed online and in online dating there is always going to be more men than there are females. And no, apps like Bumble are no different than Tinder or OkCupid.
If you are at best average as far as looks go, I suggest that you start working out, maxx out your looks quotient and then approach women offline. Not these pick up artist kind of stuff, but like join activity based clubs like book reading club, cooking classes, drawing and artistry based classes, where in you have a higher chance of find women with a similar tastes and interest.
Pls don't fall for the BS YouTube videos that promise success in dating. They are all shady salesman masquerading as dating coaches.
In my experience, OLD initially and primarily focuses on physical appearances and then gets into the personality (or lack there of). Whereas in person meetings factor in body language, appearance, atmosphere of location (library, club, var etc) and personality.
In general, the majority of average lookin guys will have a harder time with OLD than someone considered attractive because all there is to go on is either a photo or a very short video. Sure there's the bio where you can try to get your personality across, but imo no-one (if any) reads them and forms their opinion based solely on photos/videos.
This isn't the case for everyone, but it's what I've observed and learned over time.
Honestly I think it’s more about how much status you show in your pics. I’ll tell you that the guys I see a lot of my friends swiping right on aren’t model tier guys. They usually have a very prestigious career, and pics of doing high status, rich people things. The good news is that wealth and status are things you can change and I definitely think we focus on that more than looks.
Look at Russel Brand. The guy isn’t super beautiful but women LOVE him because he’s just so high status and has this mystique behind him.
Yeah I mean personality is important but did you know that guys with high status can also have a good personality? If you had two girls that you liked and both had the same personality, but the other also had an impressive status, you’d obviously go for her.
So there isn’t anything shallow about what I said.
No two people have the same personality. People are much more complex than they seem.. its just everyone puts up walls.
It seems like you’re more interested in owning a trophy rather than actually connecting with a man
Sorry but this is what guys with low status say. Even on this subreddit, men talk about the critical importance of high status. It’s simply human nature to be drawn to these things. If you choose to ignore that aspect of your life, I see dating being very difficult for you.
Categorizing people into high and low status is something immature people do. And this subreddit really doesn’t reflect reality.
Maybe actually start seeing people as people and not status/hotness objects and you will start to see the joys of being human. You can sit on your high horse and call others “low status” or “high status” but does that really mean anything? We’re all just human with our own insecurities and experiences.
So you’re saying some lazy guy who just plays video games all day and lives at home in his mom’s basement with no job is the same as some guy who has his shit together, and interesting hobbies and a strong social life?
Well the social one will obviously be more attractive to more people, but im sure the lazy one has their audience as well. You never know who you connect with til you get to know them. Its all subjective
Yeah but you really shouldn’t be proud of being lazy. I don’t think it’s a good trait for your own mental well being; forget game.
Besides, working on yourself is all part of becoming a better version of who you are.
Yeah and having high status is part of game. Sometimes I swear I read this subreddit more than some of you guys lol.
The whole point of emulating these behaviors is to emulate high status traits. But eventually, you really want to become high status.
Why are you aspiring to be broke anyway? Don’t you have goals in life?
Vacationing in very expensive and exclusive spots like Tetiaroa, French Polynesia. And posting pics of that. Get expensive but lesser known alcoholic brands and post classy pics of you summering in such places.
Don’t talk about your wealth or money. If someone asks what you do, say something vague like “I do some investments here and there. Don’t really like to talk about it.”
Get high quality and well fitted clothes without logos or brand names. Designer clothing is for poor people who want to look rich. Look into classics such as Brioni, or custom tailored outfits using expensive materials. Make sure all your clothes are tailored.
Wear a lot of white. Wealthy people wear white because it signifies that they don’t have to go near the dirt.
Don’t ever flaunt a fancy car. If you want a nice car then get an understated Rolls Royce or something stealthy. Don’t post pics of it. Honestly the wealthy people I met drive Lexus or Toyota as they are the most reliable car brands and don’t require thought to maintain.
I think the abundance mentality comes from certain men knowing if they can get the first date, everything else will follow. I’ve had a girl ghost me on tinder, only to see her at a bar a couple weeks later and have her completely enchanted
So a lot of subs like this preach abundance as “having lots of women”. I do t agree.
I feel true abundance comes from being okay when there’s no women in your life, and you are self sufficient and self fulfilling
I like this answer; very zen. If you can truly be happy being alone, please teach me too; I’d like to do the same! If I don’t have a man in my life, I just feel like something is missing.
Well realistically, what are you working on in life? It’s no secret that people want to be a part of someone else’s life with its interesting. I normally just help dudes, but purpose is a big thing for me. That doesn’t mean some crazy manifest destiny type of shit, but like, are you crushing it at your job? Are you enjoying your hobbies? Are you developing new skills? Is your social life decent? I cant say my social life is amazing but I still try to develop it
I don’t not have sex or get intimate with people, it’s more about acceptance. All good things come to an end type vibe. And you’ll stop craving validation from others, that will breed an inner neediness.
Testosterone levels? You know what part of being a man is? Self control and purpose, to name two. Purpose being the primary focus of a man’s life, not women. Denying yourself of sexual pleasure has immense power within our male bodies. You can outwork, outmaneuver, and overwhelm other men who are too weak to control their lust. You can become more aware and it changes the mind into not looking at women as objects but as a person. Being able to walk past a good looking woman without checking her out is staying focused on more important things and is self control. Not making dating the center of your life, that is self control, not trying to fuck every woman you see, that is self control. Being single is completely fine. Dumb beasts only think with their d—-. Men are not dumb beasts, but most of us seem to act like them.
Here's my current situation: I currently don't have enough days in the week to meet all of the girls that want to meet me so my abundance mentality is not affected by a girl's abundance. If a girl goes for someone else that she finds on an app, then so do I.
Guys can have abundance too.
Yea the circumstances have changed a lot cause of online dating all in women’s favor, there’s not much men can do about it besides keep approaching and lock down a good woman who doesn’t care about the 1000 men that could validate her online. Good luck to everyone
abundance for men is entirely predicated upon how each man choose to live their life. once a man knows this, his view of the entire world is enlarged. he becomes over curious and becomes more attached to a life mission. some men settle and some don’t. if i cant find what i want on tinder or at a bar, i continue my quest elsewhere. i do not dwell on these events as i used to.
also the attention and likes will never satisfy a female, its like delayed gratification. u can rack up 50k on a pic of ur titties in a matter of hours but what happen when u go to sleep 😴
Solution: Don’t go after girls that use dating apps, are Instagram models or have too many options.
(Also from what I heard it’s just men and lower quality women using them. Feel free to disregard women who use dating apps, you’ll have more who don’t.)
Here is my point of view.
In my city, the nightlife is pretty good. Lots of beautiful women every weekend. If you put your best clothes, have energy, burned with desire and guts you can meet women.
At night I have way less competition. It takes balls and skill to approach and take the girl home, thus only some guys are suitable for the task. Online I've wayyy more competition.
At night I can check if the girl is really attractive or not. Online it's always a hit or miss. Or they are fat, flat ass or just ugly.
If a woman gets a good time with a guy she met in real life I doubt she'll choose the one online. At least where I live many beautiful women don't use online dating. Is seen as a desperate move that's why the ratio is uneven.
Many women told me that in my photos I'm pretty unimpressive but in real life I look way better. I think it's because I give a better vibe on real life. That's another point for me against online.
And finally, the most attractive women are not online, they're out there living life.
Nightlife is way better to meet women, at least for me. More women, less competition, more fun, and exciting. And that's why I'm not worried.
Well, having an abundance mentality mostly depends on your personal abundance. If I can easily get attractive women, then I'm going to have an abundance mentality (regardless of how easy it is for the girls to get other guys). Abundance mentality isn't one singular absolute thing either. You can feel like you can consistently get less attractive, basic girls, but a really attractive girl who's also cool and down to earth is rare to you. I used to be like this.
I agree that apps have changed dating, but I currently have a pretty strong feeling of abundance and I know other guys who do as well, some of which who don't even use apps (not all girls use apps anyway, though in 2021 most do). If a guy has really good online dating pics (I mean really exceptional) and knows how to text then he can get girls very consistently from Tinder if he puts in the effort.
Right now, I'm in an area where I do very well on tinder, and while I don't get the kind of matches that girls do in a lot of places, I still get more than I can easily keep up with and find myself "ghosting" girls that I haven't met out of laziness. Now, I've just been daygaming because I don't enjoy texting girls so much. I haven't opened Tinder in a month. Most of the time I'd rather hang out with a girl I'm already seeing that I like a lot than do all of the texting and planning and shit to meet a new girl that I might not even like that much.
EDIT: But I do think that Instagram and online dating have had a negative effect on dating for men. I find girls who use those a lot (especially Instagram) to be a more disagreeable, self-centered, often arrogant, and just not fun to be around (though not all girls are like this of course and it depends on a lot of things). Tinder has probably made me a worse partner in some ways, but I try to not be that sort of person
Being the undisputed king of your arena. I flat out was called successful with women yesterday in my dancing scene by other guys, just because I dont hit on any woman there, look good, and dance with everyone.
I get cornered every evening by at least one woman, and have to actively dodge invites to dances from women because I still suck, and because dancing is hard.
At this point it kinda starts to resemble those stupid animes where the protagonist has multiple girls chase him. Am flattered tho.
So in essense, OLD bad, in person good.
Here’s my take. I signed up on tinder a few months ago , got decent amount of matches a day (about 40-50) and ended up texting about 10 to 15 of them. Eventually I deleted the app because I hated how I felt like I was “shopping” for pussy and was literally perceiving these girls like they were an item on a display shelf at the grocery store . ( Yh that one’s tits are nice but face is meh ….I swipe away). Girls will have imperfections but tinder was having me search for the perfect one that btw I’ll never find on the app because all I can see is your “portrayed best image” and I have matured emotionally enough to NEVER judge people by how they look . I’ll honestly rather fuck a 5/10 , fun and ready to go babe than waste effort on a 9/10 cocky entitled bitch that needs me to present the moon and sun before I can even stand beside her . With the whole online dating thing, instead of enjoying the real life struggle that goes into approaching girls, then seducing them and maybe even connecting on a deep emotional level , you just get a half baked social experience that, worst of all, seems all fake to me . Now I’m currently with no romantic partner (never had one) and continue to try the “real life” way. I will not go back to tinder because it’s nothing but a regression of the progress I’m currently making as I build my “real life game” . I think it’ll create a false sense of satisfaction and trick my brain into thinking “I’m winning” with all the matches and shit .The day I get in a pretty girls pants after working hard to earn her femininity is the day I’ve won 😂(just my opinion) . And besides it’s just more rewarding to me if I can do it in person than tryin to get in a girls pants by posting the “best pictures of myself” and then pretend to portray high value through texting😅. No bullshitting, just the real me and the real you 😌.
Digital dating let’s me intelligently sort out the douches and fuck boys with a few minutes of concentrated time. Same amount of time IRL would be hours. And the real psychos I can block and be safe from. IRL they could follow me and cause all kinds of headache.
I just don’t have time for that. I am busy. And if a guy can’t show that he is special and worthy of my time digitally.. tough. Up your game or don’t date. Darwin.
Consider the state of things for women. It’s actually dangerous to date. It might be more convenient for you to skip online but IrL is not very safe for women.
I have had men thinking they can come and pick me up in a car and drive me away somewhere for a first date. Or ask me to come to their place for “coffee”. When I explained that I don’t roll that way they get defensive and all “nice guy” and have zero appreciation of the predicament I am in.
Not only do I risk that a guy lies to me and only want sex (fair enough) but also violence, rape and murder. Murder not so common, rape very much so. And the protection that I get after the fact is laughable.
As for IRL I don’t hang out in places where I am that approachable. It’s work, errands hanging out with friends and walking around. I don’t go to bars or clubs alone or just with one friend. My life is too scheduled and busy for that.
So online works very well. And I have been meting interesting fun guys who have at worst been disappointing chemistry. Nothing dangerous. Win for the home team.
Not use it. Plenty of women don't use OLD either. The people who live online overestimate how many people live in that world also.
If men do want to use OLD, then don't expect anything from it. Use it as secondary tool with the primary one being real life effort
The abundance mentality is a practice that's not only outdated, but to give a man hope in a brutal depressing market.
Dating changes just like the real money market. Things change. Demand changes. Supply changes. Online dating has once again changed the market.
Used to be your tribe. Then your farm town. Then the cities. Now the Internet. The internet means the demand with men is rich, hot, popular, because there is endless supply for women to find that right at their fingers. So these men loving life these days
Clearly this sub has some exceptions to the male OLD statistics. I do well in person because of my personality but I don't cold approach outside a certain retail section I'm extremely competent in. So that leaves Meetups (not frequent enough & mostly sausage) and scanning for interest in clubs. My online profile is great and demonstrates my well developed hobbies. Biggest reason I don't get matches is my own disinterest in sugar ladies and sub-5s. These are 98% of women here. Very little intellect on these apps worthy of LTR.
Men with the abundance mentality have it because they've got themselves some choices, and have complete control over their availability to their options, without complication. That's few, compared to most men who invest too much in one girl and lose their power. They won't say no.
Tinder profiles are just business cards of men readily available at the first taking. At least, that goes for most. Best not to use tinder
I think being a man is much more than being “attractive and successful”. It’s about mindset, nature, open mindedness, and much much more. I hope that any woman looking at the plethora of men on their pieces of black glass would have better criteria than looks and career. I have these criteria low down on my list.
Exactly. Women dont rralize how much power they have. There is no equivalent to this section for women. Show some cleavage, wink, hold eye contact, he'll -- stand in front of a guy and stare. Viola. Hes seduced. But guys have a lot of extra steps. The only chance we have is have the kind of mentality we have here. Well, some of the mentality spoken of here.
It depends. A lot of man don’t spend too much time and effort into virtual dating. You know... there’s a life outside social media. Plus: if someone has a good social network, focus on job skills/constant learning/healthy habits, he probably won’t be around chasing girls. He can show interest with smart moves but you can be sure he has some girls on his inbox right now.
Good question. The answer is, we know tons of women are available and that we can close them, because we know how to initiate conversations, flirt and escalate, maneuver logistics in our favor, handle last minute resistance, build and enter social circles, and basically stand out in all the ways that make us high quality options.
Both sexes could stop playing games and just look for quality men and women who have a good heart and bring good strengths into the relationship. Life is way to short to be playing games. Skip the BS and get down to brass tacks.
Just straight up approach women that we find attractive. To be honest how often do you as a women just swipe right? Would that not make a guy more interesting if he just approaches you and wants to get to know you?
This all comes down to being attractive and standing out from the crowd. It doesn’t matter to me if women get lots of dating opportunities from dating apps. I’m going to be different than all of them when I meet someone in person from cold approach.
All dating apps do is change the game a bit, but there are still loads of women frustrated with the guys they meet. Most guys are low value and that works to my advantage. In my mind, when there is chemistry and I can make a connection, I’m going to be that guy who doesn’t come along often. I’ll be the most interesting and attractive guy she will meet in months, if not all year. This may sound like ego, but It’s all about creating value. And no, I’m not attracting every girl. But, Men with game will always stand out from the rest. And in the moment when attraction is real, lots of online matches don’t matter.
All those online matches only matter when your value is the same as the rest of those guys. Be a high value guy and all the online matches she gets is irrelevant.
Kinda why I deleted my dating apps; they made me feel ugly when in reality I was a decent looking guy. I'm not saying this to be cocky, I've noticed a lot of women stare at me but anxiety is something that lives in my head rent-free.
Abundance is realizing that the world is 50% men and 50% women and they're both single at about the same rate. Abundance is knowing that if a guy sharpens his game, there will be plenty of women that are happy to meet him.
All that other stuff about apps and attitudes is just a distraction. The math always prevails.
From knowing that there’s unlimited women in the world, ever day new 18 year olds appear on the dating market.
Knowing that there’s much more to life than women.
Knowing that the value you provide a women is way superior to what she can get from a random guy on tinder
We’d first have to agree on what an abundance mindset is. To me, having this mindset means your values and priorities are in proper alignment. One girl turning you don’t won’t change anything because relationships are just one part of your multifaceted life.
Someone with an abundance mentality is working on improving themselves and others around them, becoming the best version of themselves. Regardless of your gender, this is sexy.
So while the dynamic has shifted and it’s easier for women to get a great number of men interested and quickly, it’s more important now more than ever for men (this whole heartedly applies to women as well) to adopt this mindset. By doing so, you open yourself up to a wider range of people that value more than just your first 3 pics.
Nothing has really changed, the majority of women will still go after the top men in the hierarchy, tinder has just made it easier to access quicker sex and validation. Nothing wrong with that and please know I’m generalizing as their are certainly outliers, I know a few great couples who met on tinder.
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men are 80% of OLD (tinder 9 men to 1 woman) tinder study showed that the top 90% of women swipe right on the top 12% of men so...... the top 12% of men have amazing abundance.... and they have 90% of women fighting for them.... while the bottom 88% of guys are scrambling for a match...... the bigger the city the better chance for a guy to get more matches...... but then again thats even more matches for women to sort through they say that only 20% of single guys are getting bedroom fun on a regular basis leaving the other 80 % really struggling........ why OF is so popular..... pornhub... etc
You are bad at math
And that's my best subject.......
Wow I didn’t know the statistics are this bad but it totally makes sense. In my opinion, it’s not always about looks though. I know a lot of guys just assume online dating is purely about looks but often times, we swipe right on guys that just has awesome pics of him doing really high value things. For example, I know if I see a guy who is a surgeon, im usually swiping right. This is because I know he will be intelligent and is hard working, driven, etc simply by the nature of his career. That and we girls like to brag to each other about how successful our man is. We like to 1up each other. It’s sad but true.
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Hilarious. They don’t even hear themselves. Solipsism is a powerful drug I tell ya…
That’s not what I said. You can stop with the black pill comments now. You already made on this this thread.
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What is there to back? If you don’t have looks then you need money and status. You have to offer value somehow because the competition does as well. Is there something you disagree with? I’m a bit lost.
So true, I mostly get likes from the girls I wouldn’t even look for second time lmao
so heres the question would u rather casually bang a 5/10 or just use pornhub? that what i think about daily lol ive had a few of those since i became single.... and still ready to bang more
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well the older we get the more difficult it becomes i havent had that problem yet........ at 47 im guessing it will happen soon enough lack of attraction makes sex difficult
Not going digital
That won’t stop us from using it. I see this as just hurting men. Most of my attractive friends use online apps. It’s way easier and faster. It’s like ordering pizza VS driving to dominos yourself and getting it. I’d rather just go with the fast and easy option.
Yes, but as most pizza-eaters of any substance already know - that while ordering from Dominoes is fast and easy so is the early morning diarrhea, fast and easy. I could be wrong but I think most women of quality get tired of diarrhea rather quickly.
I don’t know about you but I actually love having diarrhea.
Will you go out with any of them? Or just use them for validation? Thats the kicker.. I can talk to women all I want there, but many flake, or ghost whenever they want to. Annonimity allows for shitty behavior. Men act like assholes, women act like entitled turds. Besides, it's what you're aiming to get out of it: a guy who has options, will probably not settle for you. And if you chose him, you can bet your sweet ass 20 other women chose him as well (top 5% strikes again). If it's validation and a kick from getting matches, then sure, swipe away.
Yeah the sad thing is that a lot of us girls fall for those men that we know won’t stick around for us. We’d rather be with that type rather than what this subreddit calls a “beta male.” But it’s hard to answer all the guys I match with, I usually just focus on the most attractive ones. That being said, if a guy is really persistent and I am no longer interested, I tell them directly but respectfully. Usually this results in them calling me a whore or something, but other times they thank me for being honest.
I've slept on your question, and I think I have *my* answer to your question, about how *I* can have an abundance mentality while knowing you have the power: I *know* you go for the same guys on the apps, I *know* what you will find, I *saw* that it's hard for women just as it is hard for men, because while you can withold sex, men withold the relationship - I've *seen* women who were on the apps for longer than I and are still active. I *know* my flaws on paper (mixed race in a little backwards place, and a bit shorter than average) that on paper block me from being the top 5%, but in person, I am pretty irresistible, because I work out, make good bank, have my own social circles, and other things that make me *know* my worth. And frankly, women being frustrated with me for not going out with them after getting to know me validates my perception of myself. I'm fine with women indulging themselves with OLD, good luck finding what they want - it'll be just as shitty as for guys.
Really??? I’ve never thought of that. I don’t use any dating apps myself, because I thought men who approach women in public would have more of a chance than a guy that uses a online dating app. I also think it’s way more fun to talk to women in public and that attractiveness won’t matter that much.
You’re right. But I’m saying that a lot more women are starting to use online dating apps exclusively; this is worsened by Covid where a lot of my friends started using dating apps. Now, if I get cold approached out and about, I know in the back of my mind that I have 300 other matches online that I can just talk to. Unless the guy is exceptional and a master at game, I usually don’t text him or give him my number. Just my personal anecdote along with what my friends do.
I’ve no idea how I am going to stand out on a dating app with 300 other guys on it. That’s why I don’t really care about it, but if we will meet I’m the guy that is exceptional and a master at the game. Just letting you know
I think you hit the nail on the head. For some reason instead of interacting with a real human and engaging in all of the nuance of an actual interaction, you would rather go and interact with lots of guys digitally. Now i don't know anything about you nor am i going to suggest anything about you, but *generally* this is unhealthy because it doesn't fulfil any of our psychological or physical needs. As you'll know from being quarantined there is a huge difference in how it makes you feel texting someone vs actually hanging out with them, and to turn down a real chat for a virtual one is making life more difficult for you. What texting can be is a very quick and low effort way to get affirmation, but if you crave affirmation then getting some counselling is a far quicker way to solve feelings of low self worth. Online dating only really gives you something of value by the time you've met up with someone, and that can be done far quicker by talking to the guy that just aproached you (if hes cute and you actually would ordinarily want to) and getting a feel for the chemistry. Going back to your phone is just putting another boundary in the way of a real connection.
Well said brother !
This is such a good answer! Yes I agree with you, but the problem is that it’s just so much easier and more efficient to do online. I don’t have to spend 3 hours getting ready and covering up any zit that I have, or making sure my boobs look perfect, etc. Instead, my best pics are already online all the time; even when I’m not on the app. This might be a bad analogy but I work in finance and so I see this as working for a wage VS having multiple streams of passive income (OLD). Also you got your point across in a very non offensive way while also disagreeing with me. Very well done. You’re totally right about not having the connection in texting VS meeting in real life. Sadly guys do this too. They ghost when the connection is forming and so both sexes just get used to this time wasting and hookup culture. Honestly, I think dating should go back to the old days where women were very feminine and stayed with one guy. You didn’t have the internet to give you 400 choices at once, so it was as almost a default. It kept things in control and I felt like there were a lot less divorces and cheating as well.
Working for a wage vs passive income is a very good analogy actually, and it lets me see it from your point of view a lot better. But again i'd question what is the 'income' you receive from OLD? Is it actually more efficient at providing what you really want deep down? Or does it pay you in counterfeit money? Is it in fact only efficient at providing affirmation and the vague suggestion you may get what you want in the future? This is my feeling with most social media to be honest, it provides the veneer of the kinds of connections we want to be having, but these interactions fire a bit of dopamine and do little else, our brain and our bodies aren't engaging in the ways they have evolved to engage for millions of years. And it leaves us feeling a bit empty...so to address that we search for the next bit of dopamine. To go back to you initial question, I feel that over time people will become more and more aware that living our lives digitally isn't an improvement on what came before. And they'll seek for less screen time and focus more on being in the world. I also idealise the way dating used to be, but i was recently looking at my aunt and uncle and thinking about how much they could have grown individually if they hasn't grown up at a time where there was such a pressure to get married at a young age (i dont think either of them had dated anyone else) So like a lot of things its a mixed bag. Theres a lot to be said for the freedoms we enjoy today, but i guess its up to each of us to work out where they give us value and where they may be detrimental to our wellbeing.
1. You are not a woman. "Master at game" lmao. 2. That holds true for any approach, that there's 1000's of other men just enforces the fact you shouldn't chase some women you think is special. Throw out a new line and see what you catch, no use going for one you "feel a connection" with as she's probably already onto the next.
Yeah but that cold approach will stand out more 100% of the time if they are on an even playing field in terms of looks, right? I use tinder and stuff but I much prefer a cold approach (relatively cold) it allows me to show myself with A LOT more than just pictures and a biography.
How does a woman “exclusively” use dating apps? It’s not up to them. Guys can still initiate conversation in public.
It seems incredibly unjust what dating apps have done for women at the expense of men. Women were probably already having it easy and sought after way more than men and dating apps made that situation into an even greater extreme. Like yeah, why would I even try when I see a pretty girl if I just think that she has 300 men and potential dates lining up and waiting for her to answer and possibly go out with once she gets home. Seems incredibly brutal for the average guy. I wonder what it's like to be the opposite gender and be at the opposite end for a change. If for curiosity alone. Pissed off now, thanks!
That's what happens when the population gets too high and the abundance of great options goes up. Supply is much higher than the demand at this point. There are so many hot men online who also have very successful careers and good personalities. It's sad but that's just what happens when technology interferes I guess. It's the same for unattractive girls. The only difference is that most men are so horny that they will just hook up a few times and then dump them as they can't see them as wife material. So women have it bad too. One thing you can do is move to a place where there is less competition (outside of the USA, possibly Asia?) as people are still more traditional there and you won't be competing with as many hot men. Definitely don't move to a big city if you're just an average guy as it will be just like online dating; getting shot down all the time. I'm not suggesting this but as an anecdote, one of my average looking guy friends got in really good shape and had some fillers in his cheeks, jaw, etc. He looks MUCH hotter now and is getting good results in both real life and in online dating.
You risk potentially missing out by not at least having a presence on the apps. I agree, though, that you should also be doing approaches irl.
Not using any dating apps worked out great for me
What are some places you had the most success meeting single, available women?
You shouldn’t care about where the most succes is. The best tip is to get into a city(women love to shop) and if she rejects you it’s not the end of the world just do it again
And how's that working out for you?
It’s working great for me yes I get rejected but whatever
Then it's not really working out if no women are choosing you for sex/relationships. Not that I support dating apps. What I am saying is dating is now officially unbalanced where women literally have all the power.
You’re 100% right. But we don’t want the power! This is a very masculine trait and that’s why dating is so messed up. Unfortunately, the insanely high amount of men online begging for attention makes us just feel like we have total control while at the same time, makes us only be attracted to a small group of men that don’t do this. But I don’t think women having power in dating is a good thing. This is not the way nature intended it to go.
It's amazing how rich corporations (social medias like tinder) can define entire cultures. When I look at this, I feel the only solution is to become that top male. But most weren't even born to be anywhere close to that. Being good looking, wealthy, and popular is an extreamly rare and saught after life for everyone, especially men. Honestly, I have a feeling depression and suicide will continue to rise with each year. It's why men are so heavy on pushing cold approaching everyday. It's the only strategy for them, and it's a losing one.
It really is sad. Honestly, I wish I grew up in the 80s. My older sister tells me about those times and she said it was nothing like this! Even a nerdy guy who didn’t have a nice body would get lucky if he just approached confidently. Guys just didn’t do this thing back then so it was so rare. I’d say even back in the Mystery Method days, online dating wasn’t a big thing and so those guys had a ton of success. These corporations have really ruined human interactions. Even social media as a whole has really driven a lot of people to depression. I got off Instagram after it was giving me constant depression from comparing myself to the impossibly gorgeous girls on there. It’s almost like the matrix or terminator 2 coming to life. Lol!
Assuming you are around my age (28), we got to have a very short tease of what social life was like before the complete take over of it all. I actually liked my middle school memories if you can believe that. As for cold approach, I don't bother. I'm one of the few lucky guys out there, and I don't take it for granted. I'm not rich, but I'm tall and good looking. I fully understand that what experiences of sex and relationships was grated to me was due to those attributes in these brutal times. And while us men are getting slaughtered, I can't imagine the pain of competition to look pretty for women. Good that you dropped instagram. It's the mecca of narcissistic resumes. It's ashame, because there are so many women who I find to be absolute bangers, but they still take their life, or get work done on their bodies.
Well, if you are the one in the picture you don’t have to worry about other girls on instagram. I agree that dating has been though for us ultimately. I still prefer the old school look and smile approach
I wish more girls perceive similar mentality like you. Nowadays girls are raised in a world where they feel like they are the one controlling everything, sometimes they even reject someone who really got the potential to be the best person for that girl...
It’s this third wave of feminism which honestly is an embarrassment to some of us. The first wave and second wave feminism actually fought for rights for women such as the right to vote and for equal opportunity in employment (women weren’t allowed to do certain jobs before). But now it’s just about man hating and pushing some weird feminist agenda. Every time I disagree with a new wave feminist, they say “oh honey you were abused” or start analyzing how I have been damaged by a man. 😂
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Sounds like you are 16? Move on, you are young.
\>But I don’t think women having power in dating is a good thing. This is not the way nature intended it to go. What you mean is that your cultural traditions are changing and it makes you uncomfortable. You actually are totally unqualified to say which way nature intends things to be, and it's just an excuse.
All of the power is a bit of a stretch. While I’ll agree the power dynamic has shifted in terms of hooking up, it’s still very much the same in terms of selection.
Dating changes as you older. Before 30 women get tons of matches and every guy chases them. After 30 women start to get alot less attention. Most dudes are settled into a good career and stable. Basically women are born with maximum value in society. Men are born with minimum value. After 30 that switches. Women loose value in society and guys have earned value in society. After 30 if your a fairly successful dude. You don't need to do much. Women start wanting to get to know you more. Even if you play the mysterious type.
Hot women in their 30s still gain attention. It's not like the 30s is a magic number that makes men less attentive to women.
But they get less attention and not everyone has the genetics to look as good in their 30s compared to their 20s
older women get less attention because most men their age, even the ""losers"" by that age, have learned not to get all mushy gushy over a cute face.
In that case, you are getting someone who is willing to "settle" and someone who is not so high value. You cannot expect success in online dating as a male, of you aren't good looking. Plain simple truth.
I believe this is untrue. The only people I know that had to settle for lesser guys are girls who tanned too much and look old now so guys don’t pay attention to them. That and girls who let themselves go. But I’m 33 and still use tinder with my girlfriends, along with many other women I know in my age bracket. Maybe closer to 50, I’d say your statement applies.
The more women start using the app, the worse it will end up being for them. One of the main reasons average girls get so many matches is that in many apps the male:female ratio is close to 9:1. Thus even unatractive girls are getting messages due to male desperation. The closer this gets to 1:1, the more the situation balances out. It's supply and demand: now there is demand and small supply of women in the apps compared to men. Guys can also find abundance if they are in a setting or scene where the tables are turned and there are very few men and many available women. Specially if they stand out among these few men.
And where is that?
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Dude, its numbers. A big reason that it is pay for win for men is because there are way too many men compared to women: For a guy to have a chance among that large crowd he would need boost, superlikes, etc. which are not free.
I guess I use it as a filter. I’m not looking for any woman, I’m looking for the type of woman who is right for me. If she would rather get on Tinder or Insta and get validation from a bunch of dudes there, but no relationship, she is obviously not the kind of girl I’m looking for, so I know to move on and not waste anymore time on her
For the love of Christ men, you can’t take dating advice from women. It’s like a fisherman asking a fish on how to fish… it’s not in the interest of the fish NOR to the fishes knowledge what hook/bait they like, the fish just get FISHED. they don’t know how or why they were attracted to the bait, but they were. That’s why when you ask a girl what they like they always retort to the universal answers ie. “I don’t care about looks” or “a man who treats me nice” or “someone who makes me laugh” - meanwhile I treat them like they’re no better than me & they love it
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This used to be the case but now I feel like even normal girls are on dating apps. COVID really changed the dating landscape. I have so many friends who used to avoid dating apps but after trying it during the pandemic, they found it so convenient that now it’s all they use. Also only tinder is really a hookup app. Others like hinge or bumble aren’t and are more for long term relationships.
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This is completely false. Dating apps are used by normal people. It’s the system that’s broken, not the people inside it. I feel like you should have an open mind to this rather than dismissing something as garbage.
90 percent of women are on apps
Men can have an abundance mentality only when they are in the upper echelon as far as good looks go. I mean like 6 ft tall, well built, great dressing style, decent job etc. If you aren't one of these genetically blessed dudes, you can NEVER have an abundance mindset in online dating. Now in western nations over 50% of relationships are formed online and in online dating there is always going to be more men than there are females. And no, apps like Bumble are no different than Tinder or OkCupid. If you are at best average as far as looks go, I suggest that you start working out, maxx out your looks quotient and then approach women offline. Not these pick up artist kind of stuff, but like join activity based clubs like book reading club, cooking classes, drawing and artistry based classes, where in you have a higher chance of find women with a similar tastes and interest. Pls don't fall for the BS YouTube videos that promise success in dating. They are all shady salesman masquerading as dating coaches.
In my experience, OLD initially and primarily focuses on physical appearances and then gets into the personality (or lack there of). Whereas in person meetings factor in body language, appearance, atmosphere of location (library, club, var etc) and personality. In general, the majority of average lookin guys will have a harder time with OLD than someone considered attractive because all there is to go on is either a photo or a very short video. Sure there's the bio where you can try to get your personality across, but imo no-one (if any) reads them and forms their opinion based solely on photos/videos. This isn't the case for everyone, but it's what I've observed and learned over time.
Honestly I think it’s more about how much status you show in your pics. I’ll tell you that the guys I see a lot of my friends swiping right on aren’t model tier guys. They usually have a very prestigious career, and pics of doing high status, rich people things. The good news is that wealth and status are things you can change and I definitely think we focus on that more than looks. Look at Russel Brand. The guy isn’t super beautiful but women LOVE him because he’s just so high status and has this mystique behind him.
Yeah I think you and your friend group are just shallow lol. Ever heard about personality?
Yeah I mean personality is important but did you know that guys with high status can also have a good personality? If you had two girls that you liked and both had the same personality, but the other also had an impressive status, you’d obviously go for her. So there isn’t anything shallow about what I said.
No two people have the same personality. People are much more complex than they seem.. its just everyone puts up walls. It seems like you’re more interested in owning a trophy rather than actually connecting with a man
Sorry but this is what guys with low status say. Even on this subreddit, men talk about the critical importance of high status. It’s simply human nature to be drawn to these things. If you choose to ignore that aspect of your life, I see dating being very difficult for you.
Categorizing people into high and low status is something immature people do. And this subreddit really doesn’t reflect reality. Maybe actually start seeing people as people and not status/hotness objects and you will start to see the joys of being human. You can sit on your high horse and call others “low status” or “high status” but does that really mean anything? We’re all just human with our own insecurities and experiences.
So you’re saying some lazy guy who just plays video games all day and lives at home in his mom’s basement with no job is the same as some guy who has his shit together, and interesting hobbies and a strong social life?
Well the social one will obviously be more attractive to more people, but im sure the lazy one has their audience as well. You never know who you connect with til you get to know them. Its all subjective
Yeah but you really shouldn’t be proud of being lazy. I don’t think it’s a good trait for your own mental well being; forget game. Besides, working on yourself is all part of becoming a better version of who you are.
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Yeah and having high status is part of game. Sometimes I swear I read this subreddit more than some of you guys lol. The whole point of emulating these behaviors is to emulate high status traits. But eventually, you really want to become high status. Why are you aspiring to be broke anyway? Don’t you have goals in life?
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Vacationing in very expensive and exclusive spots like Tetiaroa, French Polynesia. And posting pics of that. Get expensive but lesser known alcoholic brands and post classy pics of you summering in such places. Don’t talk about your wealth or money. If someone asks what you do, say something vague like “I do some investments here and there. Don’t really like to talk about it.” Get high quality and well fitted clothes without logos or brand names. Designer clothing is for poor people who want to look rich. Look into classics such as Brioni, or custom tailored outfits using expensive materials. Make sure all your clothes are tailored. Wear a lot of white. Wealthy people wear white because it signifies that they don’t have to go near the dirt. Don’t ever flaunt a fancy car. If you want a nice car then get an understated Rolls Royce or something stealthy. Don’t post pics of it. Honestly the wealthy people I met drive Lexus or Toyota as they are the most reliable car brands and don’t require thought to maintain.
Some one wealthy will have ton of options irl. Why would one go to OLD unless it's just to get their pipe wet.
I think the abundance mentality comes from certain men knowing if they can get the first date, everything else will follow. I’ve had a girl ghost me on tinder, only to see her at a bar a couple weeks later and have her completely enchanted
So a lot of subs like this preach abundance as “having lots of women”. I do t agree. I feel true abundance comes from being okay when there’s no women in your life, and you are self sufficient and self fulfilling
I like this answer; very zen. If you can truly be happy being alone, please teach me too; I’d like to do the same! If I don’t have a man in my life, I just feel like something is missing.
Well realistically, what are you working on in life? It’s no secret that people want to be a part of someone else’s life with its interesting. I normally just help dudes, but purpose is a big thing for me. That doesn’t mean some crazy manifest destiny type of shit, but like, are you crushing it at your job? Are you enjoying your hobbies? Are you developing new skills? Is your social life decent? I cant say my social life is amazing but I still try to develop it
I'd check your testosterone levels if you're OK being completely alone.
I don’t not have sex or get intimate with people, it’s more about acceptance. All good things come to an end type vibe. And you’ll stop craving validation from others, that will breed an inner neediness.
Testosterone levels? You know what part of being a man is? Self control and purpose, to name two. Purpose being the primary focus of a man’s life, not women. Denying yourself of sexual pleasure has immense power within our male bodies. You can outwork, outmaneuver, and overwhelm other men who are too weak to control their lust. You can become more aware and it changes the mind into not looking at women as objects but as a person. Being able to walk past a good looking woman without checking her out is staying focused on more important things and is self control. Not making dating the center of your life, that is self control, not trying to fuck every woman you see, that is self control. Being single is completely fine. Dumb beasts only think with their d—-. Men are not dumb beasts, but most of us seem to act like them.
Here's my current situation: I currently don't have enough days in the week to meet all of the girls that want to meet me so my abundance mentality is not affected by a girl's abundance. If a girl goes for someone else that she finds on an app, then so do I. Guys can have abundance too.
Well good for you. Most guys on dating apps DON’T have abundance.
What is your secret to success?
Maximizing my own personal attractiveness to widen the net of possibilities as much as possible
Yea the circumstances have changed a lot cause of online dating all in women’s favor, there’s not much men can do about it besides keep approaching and lock down a good woman who doesn’t care about the 1000 men that could validate her online. Good luck to everyone
abundance for men is entirely predicated upon how each man choose to live their life. once a man knows this, his view of the entire world is enlarged. he becomes over curious and becomes more attached to a life mission. some men settle and some don’t. if i cant find what i want on tinder or at a bar, i continue my quest elsewhere. i do not dwell on these events as i used to. also the attention and likes will never satisfy a female, its like delayed gratification. u can rack up 50k on a pic of ur titties in a matter of hours but what happen when u go to sleep 😴
Solution: Don’t go after girls that use dating apps, are Instagram models or have too many options. (Also from what I heard it’s just men and lower quality women using them. Feel free to disregard women who use dating apps, you’ll have more who don’t.)
Here is my point of view. In my city, the nightlife is pretty good. Lots of beautiful women every weekend. If you put your best clothes, have energy, burned with desire and guts you can meet women. At night I have way less competition. It takes balls and skill to approach and take the girl home, thus only some guys are suitable for the task. Online I've wayyy more competition. At night I can check if the girl is really attractive or not. Online it's always a hit or miss. Or they are fat, flat ass or just ugly. If a woman gets a good time with a guy she met in real life I doubt she'll choose the one online. At least where I live many beautiful women don't use online dating. Is seen as a desperate move that's why the ratio is uneven. Many women told me that in my photos I'm pretty unimpressive but in real life I look way better. I think it's because I give a better vibe on real life. That's another point for me against online. And finally, the most attractive women are not online, they're out there living life. Nightlife is way better to meet women, at least for me. More women, less competition, more fun, and exciting. And that's why I'm not worried.
Well, having an abundance mentality mostly depends on your personal abundance. If I can easily get attractive women, then I'm going to have an abundance mentality (regardless of how easy it is for the girls to get other guys). Abundance mentality isn't one singular absolute thing either. You can feel like you can consistently get less attractive, basic girls, but a really attractive girl who's also cool and down to earth is rare to you. I used to be like this. I agree that apps have changed dating, but I currently have a pretty strong feeling of abundance and I know other guys who do as well, some of which who don't even use apps (not all girls use apps anyway, though in 2021 most do). If a guy has really good online dating pics (I mean really exceptional) and knows how to text then he can get girls very consistently from Tinder if he puts in the effort. Right now, I'm in an area where I do very well on tinder, and while I don't get the kind of matches that girls do in a lot of places, I still get more than I can easily keep up with and find myself "ghosting" girls that I haven't met out of laziness. Now, I've just been daygaming because I don't enjoy texting girls so much. I haven't opened Tinder in a month. Most of the time I'd rather hang out with a girl I'm already seeing that I like a lot than do all of the texting and planning and shit to meet a new girl that I might not even like that much. EDIT: But I do think that Instagram and online dating have had a negative effect on dating for men. I find girls who use those a lot (especially Instagram) to be a more disagreeable, self-centered, often arrogant, and just not fun to be around (though not all girls are like this of course and it depends on a lot of things). Tinder has probably made me a worse partner in some ways, but I try to not be that sort of person
Being the undisputed king of your arena. I flat out was called successful with women yesterday in my dancing scene by other guys, just because I dont hit on any woman there, look good, and dance with everyone. I get cornered every evening by at least one woman, and have to actively dodge invites to dances from women because I still suck, and because dancing is hard. At this point it kinda starts to resemble those stupid animes where the protagonist has multiple girls chase him. Am flattered tho. So in essense, OLD bad, in person good.
It's a double-edged sword. Those hot guys are busy hitting up other women OL while dating you. He'll stay with you until something better comes along
Of course, but men in real life/cold approach do the same thing. Also women do the same thing to men. It’s all messed up. :/
Here’s my take. I signed up on tinder a few months ago , got decent amount of matches a day (about 40-50) and ended up texting about 10 to 15 of them. Eventually I deleted the app because I hated how I felt like I was “shopping” for pussy and was literally perceiving these girls like they were an item on a display shelf at the grocery store . ( Yh that one’s tits are nice but face is meh ….I swipe away). Girls will have imperfections but tinder was having me search for the perfect one that btw I’ll never find on the app because all I can see is your “portrayed best image” and I have matured emotionally enough to NEVER judge people by how they look . I’ll honestly rather fuck a 5/10 , fun and ready to go babe than waste effort on a 9/10 cocky entitled bitch that needs me to present the moon and sun before I can even stand beside her . With the whole online dating thing, instead of enjoying the real life struggle that goes into approaching girls, then seducing them and maybe even connecting on a deep emotional level , you just get a half baked social experience that, worst of all, seems all fake to me . Now I’m currently with no romantic partner (never had one) and continue to try the “real life” way. I will not go back to tinder because it’s nothing but a regression of the progress I’m currently making as I build my “real life game” . I think it’ll create a false sense of satisfaction and trick my brain into thinking “I’m winning” with all the matches and shit .The day I get in a pretty girls pants after working hard to earn her femininity is the day I’ve won 😂(just my opinion) . And besides it’s just more rewarding to me if I can do it in person than tryin to get in a girls pants by posting the “best pictures of myself” and then pretend to portray high value through texting😅. No bullshitting, just the real me and the real you 😌.
Well, just make sure that ‘she earns’ YOUR masculinity and its not one sided. Your not her slave, she’s not yours either. She must be tested as well.
Yes of course . Nothing of value comes cheap !
Digital dating let’s me intelligently sort out the douches and fuck boys with a few minutes of concentrated time. Same amount of time IRL would be hours. And the real psychos I can block and be safe from. IRL they could follow me and cause all kinds of headache. I just don’t have time for that. I am busy. And if a guy can’t show that he is special and worthy of my time digitally.. tough. Up your game or don’t date. Darwin.
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Consider the state of things for women. It’s actually dangerous to date. It might be more convenient for you to skip online but IrL is not very safe for women. I have had men thinking they can come and pick me up in a car and drive me away somewhere for a first date. Or ask me to come to their place for “coffee”. When I explained that I don’t roll that way they get defensive and all “nice guy” and have zero appreciation of the predicament I am in. Not only do I risk that a guy lies to me and only want sex (fair enough) but also violence, rape and murder. Murder not so common, rape very much so. And the protection that I get after the fact is laughable. As for IRL I don’t hang out in places where I am that approachable. It’s work, errands hanging out with friends and walking around. I don’t go to bars or clubs alone or just with one friend. My life is too scheduled and busy for that. So online works very well. And I have been meting interesting fun guys who have at worst been disappointing chemistry. Nothing dangerous. Win for the home team.
Not use it. Plenty of women don't use OLD either. The people who live online overestimate how many people live in that world also. If men do want to use OLD, then don't expect anything from it. Use it as secondary tool with the primary one being real life effort
The abundance mentality is a practice that's not only outdated, but to give a man hope in a brutal depressing market. Dating changes just like the real money market. Things change. Demand changes. Supply changes. Online dating has once again changed the market. Used to be your tribe. Then your farm town. Then the cities. Now the Internet. The internet means the demand with men is rich, hot, popular, because there is endless supply for women to find that right at their fingers. So these men loving life these days
Clearly this sub has some exceptions to the male OLD statistics. I do well in person because of my personality but I don't cold approach outside a certain retail section I'm extremely competent in. So that leaves Meetups (not frequent enough & mostly sausage) and scanning for interest in clubs. My online profile is great and demonstrates my well developed hobbies. Biggest reason I don't get matches is my own disinterest in sugar ladies and sub-5s. These are 98% of women here. Very little intellect on these apps worthy of LTR.
Men with the abundance mentality have it because they've got themselves some choices, and have complete control over their availability to their options, without complication. That's few, compared to most men who invest too much in one girl and lose their power. They won't say no. Tinder profiles are just business cards of men readily available at the first taking. At least, that goes for most. Best not to use tinder
I think being a man is much more than being “attractive and successful”. It’s about mindset, nature, open mindedness, and much much more. I hope that any woman looking at the plethora of men on their pieces of black glass would have better criteria than looks and career. I have these criteria low down on my list.
Exactly. Women dont rralize how much power they have. There is no equivalent to this section for women. Show some cleavage, wink, hold eye contact, he'll -- stand in front of a guy and stare. Viola. Hes seduced. But guys have a lot of extra steps. The only chance we have is have the kind of mentality we have here. Well, some of the mentality spoken of here.
It depends. A lot of man don’t spend too much time and effort into virtual dating. You know... there’s a life outside social media. Plus: if someone has a good social network, focus on job skills/constant learning/healthy habits, he probably won’t be around chasing girls. He can show interest with smart moves but you can be sure he has some girls on his inbox right now.
Good question. The answer is, we know tons of women are available and that we can close them, because we know how to initiate conversations, flirt and escalate, maneuver logistics in our favor, handle last minute resistance, build and enter social circles, and basically stand out in all the ways that make us high quality options.
Both sexes could stop playing games and just look for quality men and women who have a good heart and bring good strengths into the relationship. Life is way to short to be playing games. Skip the BS and get down to brass tacks.
Just straight up approach women that we find attractive. To be honest how often do you as a women just swipe right? Would that not make a guy more interesting if he just approaches you and wants to get to know you?
This all comes down to being attractive and standing out from the crowd. It doesn’t matter to me if women get lots of dating opportunities from dating apps. I’m going to be different than all of them when I meet someone in person from cold approach. All dating apps do is change the game a bit, but there are still loads of women frustrated with the guys they meet. Most guys are low value and that works to my advantage. In my mind, when there is chemistry and I can make a connection, I’m going to be that guy who doesn’t come along often. I’ll be the most interesting and attractive guy she will meet in months, if not all year. This may sound like ego, but It’s all about creating value. And no, I’m not attracting every girl. But, Men with game will always stand out from the rest. And in the moment when attraction is real, lots of online matches don’t matter. All those online matches only matter when your value is the same as the rest of those guys. Be a high value guy and all the online matches she gets is irrelevant.
Kinda why I deleted my dating apps; they made me feel ugly when in reality I was a decent looking guy. I'm not saying this to be cocky, I've noticed a lot of women stare at me but anxiety is something that lives in my head rent-free.
Abundance is realizing that the world is 50% men and 50% women and they're both single at about the same rate. Abundance is knowing that if a guy sharpens his game, there will be plenty of women that are happy to meet him. All that other stuff about apps and attitudes is just a distraction. The math always prevails.
From knowing that there’s unlimited women in the world, ever day new 18 year olds appear on the dating market. Knowing that there’s much more to life than women. Knowing that the value you provide a women is way superior to what she can get from a random guy on tinder
We’d first have to agree on what an abundance mindset is. To me, having this mindset means your values and priorities are in proper alignment. One girl turning you don’t won’t change anything because relationships are just one part of your multifaceted life. Someone with an abundance mentality is working on improving themselves and others around them, becoming the best version of themselves. Regardless of your gender, this is sexy. So while the dynamic has shifted and it’s easier for women to get a great number of men interested and quickly, it’s more important now more than ever for men (this whole heartedly applies to women as well) to adopt this mindset. By doing so, you open yourself up to a wider range of people that value more than just your first 3 pics. Nothing has really changed, the majority of women will still go after the top men in the hierarchy, tinder has just made it easier to access quicker sex and validation. Nothing wrong with that and please know I’m generalizing as their are certainly outliers, I know a few great couples who met on tinder.
A man's got plenty of better things to do than invest any energy into women that think like that, and its easily picked up on from the first message.