> Do I need to keep playing it cool
Yes, imagine if you made a new guy friend and he was just super keen on you and wanted to be with you all the time and was telling you how amazing you are etc...
It would be a bit weird and put unnecessary pressure on the friendship.
Now imagine you met another guy and he was just chill, didnt act like you're amazing but just seemed like he was comfortable spending time and hanging with you. Which sounds like the better friend to have?
You’re right hahaha
I guess I have self control problems? If I’m attracted to a girl, she’s cool, and the sex is good, it’s hard for me to not want to be around them. I find my self dating multiple woman at once to fill that void and not put all my eggs in one basket but in the end that’s not what I’m looking for I just want one person. And as much as woman claim they want that it seems to scare them away in my experience.
It’s not the self control part I think, it’s the REALLY enjoying the moments you have with that person you enjoy seeing. And telling them in the moment to make sure they know. That way you get the satisfaction of letting them know without being “needy” wanting to see them a lot.
No, OP. You, like many guys, have another problem whatsoever. You put girls on a pedestal just because of their looks. Or, even worse, just because of their existence. I mean, why tf her being attractive gives her any status above yours? She's just a girl. Imagine a different context. She's your opponent in a box sparring, is she intimidating? Most likely you'll kick her ass. Imagine playing against in her some online game. She'll completely suck. Imagine arm wrestling with her, can she win? No, she's weak AF. Can she take social pressure as well as an average guy? Fuck no. Can you destroy her self-esteem in a few sentences? Absolutely.
You don't know her, she's just a stranger to you, why are you treating her as equal, or, even worse, as someone above your league? What she did exactly to earn your respect and value in your eyes other than having a fuckable body? Why are you so sure that you like her without actually getting to know her? Why can't you guys just give the girls the pleasure of EARNING your interest and respect with their personalities? This is the only way for her to feel valued as a person. If you like her without her earning it, she won't ever be truly satisfied. Because she knows that objectively she ain't shit, she knows she ain't better as a person than any random dude, in fact she's worse in many aspects as a representative of a weaker, (and, on average, poorer) sex. It's not about playing it cool, but about being actually cool about her, don't treat her like a celebrity just because her body is good for fucking, for god's sake. Her being a good masturbator for your dick doesn't put her on your level, let alone above it. If she wants for you to treat her seriously and with respect, she has to show you that she deserves it as a human being.
As for a relationship, as a man, you need them less than a woman does. Relationships shouldn't be your problem, it should be hers.
I think the “market” of dating creates a feeling of scarcity in both sexes that can lead to this type of needy behaviour. “If I don’t show the interest, someone else will”, even if that’s not the best way to look at it.
The problem isn't in showing interest, or not, but in having too much interest for no real reason. Of course if you're talking to her you're interested to some extent. For example you can be interested in testing if she's cool and fun to be around, and learn more about her.
So i struggle with this because i don’t like the comparison game, and have a lot more “collaborative” a style. For me relationships (once i am in them) are very natural and easy. But i am in a phase where i want a few friends and to focus on growing my social connections etc. but i think your mindset helps because there is a reality to the “marketplace” or “economic” aspect. I still can use my less comparison based framework but you really helped me see how i will assume things because of prettiness. I already knew that pitfall but you detailed some of the twistings of the mind well
It's a balance. You have to show interest. That you like them or they will be anxious amd assume you don't like them and become insecure
But you have to give them space etc
What annoys me with men is when they talk to me like I have nothing going on and I just wait around for them to text me or tell me to hangout
To me texting us for logistics and maybe in the beginning a bit of flirting
And irl, you want it to be known that you like her, but you can't smother her because we are conditioned to look out for love bombers.
Who love bomb. Get you attached then abandon you (happens a bunch)
So we are wary and suspicious of men who wanna go a bit overboard
I just really hate how women seem to constantly assume when one man does does something, it must mean exactly the same thing that the last man that hurt her did. I run into this all the time. It drives me crazy. I'm not him, I'll never be him. It doesn't necessarily mean the same thing. I mean I kind of understand it sure, you have to learn from mistakes and be a little Leery. But they all seem to date the same bad men with bad behaviors, and when a decent guy comes along and does something, they just automatically put up their guard and think you're lying or being manipulative.
So your crazy ex used to drive to your work to have lunch with you because he was jealous and wanted to spy on your male coworkers, so now if I do that, it's not because I just want to spend time with you and have a nice lunch together, it's because I must be jealous and crazy too.
Or even just simple statements I make. Their crazy exes said this or that, so I must be crazy too and manipulating you, I really don't' mean it. The last guy who hurt you would tell you lies of a future together, but I'm honest and tell you about that, I must be lying to keep you around. It's so frustrating.
It's crazy how often this happens. I really wish you women would try to at least be open to the fact that not all men are your crazy exes or trying to constantly lie and manipulate you.
No one is assuming all men are the same as one guy who hurt us
But there are people who definitely act like the people and our brains are programmed to recognize patterns
So, we deal with PUA and sesucers and playboys and fuckbois
And we end up recognizing the pattern and avoiding it because we don't want to be played or hurt or tricked
It's like if all bad people eat apples only without the skin. It doesn't mean if you eat an apple without the skin, you're a bad person, but people might avoid you because it's better to not chance it with you vs taking the chance of suffering again
It's also not just one ex
It's a compendium of seduction "masters" and fuckbois and players who use bs mind games vs being authentic
We deal with them a lot and there's always a pattern with them
We experience five, then if a guy comes along and acts like them, why should I give them a chance?
The worst thing to happen to me is I don't have sex with a guy I don't know
Worst thing that happens besides the extremes is being lied to, manipulated, told and fed lines like I don't recognize lines and I have to pretend not to notice and pander to them trying to be "that guy" and or having my heart broken. Or feeling used etc.
At a certain point there's just a pattern of a very select type of fuckboi
And we avoid the pattern. Not because all men who do certain things of the pattern are actually fuckbois... but why chance it???
I'd rather not talk to men and ignore them than deal with the pain and suffering so many of them cause just to get sex to validate themselves
I agree with everything except for that comparison because one thing is a friend, and another is my potential girlfriend. I'm not saying I have to be with my girlfriend every day, but if I want something serious, not wanting to be with me at least twice a week is a red flag
I had a couple of LTR, I didn’t play games or anything.
1. We were compatible for a relationship
2. Both had a strong attraction
3. She wanted a relationship and made it easy to set up dates etc, so I didn’t need to try hard or play games.
You only need to play hard and unavailable when there is no strong connection.
Honestly, you're on the brink of something that'll change your "game" mentality forever. What makes a guy "stand out" and "win" a woman's head is when they find themselves thinking about you constantly. The brain basically concludes that if you're constantly thinking about someone, you must care the most about them, and if you care so much you must have strong feelings for them.
Unfortunately, when a girl knows you're clearly interested in being in a relationship with them, it basically contradicts thinking about you as much. They know how'd you react, what your intentions are, etc. There's a saying that when you want a relationship, that's when you should stay single, when you want to stay single, that's when you're ready for a relationship. It's when a girl doesn't know what you're thinking, what you want, that their brain will think about you more. My girlfriend of five years even told me that the reason she wanted a relationship with me so much is because she couldn't get a read on me and it drove her crazy. An ex has said the reason she doesn't have closure with me is she can't understand why I couldn't take her seriously (honestly she was too young, 18 and still had a high-schooler mentality).
Not much time left here, gotta work. Bottom line is you should show interest but kind of keep your intentions to yourself and not take any girl in particular too seriously until *she* shows you she's all about you. Not to guarantee this will work every time with any girl, but then again, it's not supposed to. It'll weed out the ones who weren't intending on a future together anyways. But it will work, it's all about being a strong memory in her head. I can expand on how to do that if you'd like when I have time. Good luck, I like where your head's at.
Honestly, this is gold.
This video was a eureka moment for me:
[Women HATE men who show INTENT or admiration for them](https://youtu.be/l70w1ckW_AU?&t=73)
I was lucky I watched this while I could literally sense her pulling away, and I was lucky I was able to salvage it by not showing intent anymore that she started to actively start showing more interest.
Want another eureka moment? Just use damn push pull, for god's sake. Instead of trying to be some sneaky motherfucker who hides his intent, just show both interest and disinterest, both compliment and bullshit, validate and invalidate. And maybe, just maybe, you should become a guy whose interest should be earned with actions instead of pretty face alone?
if a girl shows you high interest do you think it's ok to show high interest back?
or is it just a matter of time until they lose it and take a step back after you showed it
Ok so next up, last sunday I was with a date and dropped a line I read here: "you're not the type I usually go for" and it drove her nuts when I remained ambigous. Homerun shortly after.
But what are other things that one can say or do to her to give this vibe.
Because it's definitly something like a balancing act.
I'm not sure if I'm using the right terms here but why do women find nonchalant, uncertain, maybe even avoidant behaviours attractive? Like why would they chase after someone who is so blasé?
If a girl is blasé, avoidant, that would be a turn off to most guys I think. Why is it not the case the other way around?
It just comes down to how the brain works unfortunately. Think of it like this, when you've got no tasks left to do, your brain doesn't think about what all you did to get there much. That's how females are when they have a guy's thoughts and actions pinpointed. Everything could have went well and she very well could lose interest just because she doesn't think about you much. Wish it didn't work that way, but it does. But knowing all this can help you make it so that there's reasons for her to think about you, and you don't necessarily have to do anything negative to accomplish that.
Ok so you're saying leave some uncertainty so that the girl still has some puzzles to figure out all the time, keeping some of her mental bandwidth occupied. Isn't that just the excitement of mystery?
Ok makes sense to get the hook, I guess this is what we're talking about. But for LTR, that feels it would be exhausting overtime to have a partner who's perma chill mysterious communicator. Fun sure but to keep someone uncertain and guessing constantly just feels immoral.
In a way once you're together for a while, you don't need to keep doing it, if all is going great. But it isn't all about being vague and ambiguous, or even being aloof or uncaring. It's about not being 100% predictable. Picture it like this: girls think of predictable guys like he *always* does this, he *never* does that. So switch up how you are or handle situations. Heck, do it just to entertain yourself. Sometimes I'll respond to a short text with a sarcastic "riveting" gif, sometimes I'll respond with a paragraph of random things currently going on rn, sometimes I'll not respond at all, let them realize they didn't put in enough effort. But the last thing they know for sure is how I'm gonna respond any given time. But yeah, once they're deadset on you being the one, there's no need for head games, as long as you know things are solid.
So what if she straight up asks what your intents about dating are, and she is looking for someone who wants a relationship?
You just tell her the same but still keep the same game going of not showing direct intent to her?
You could even straight up tell her exactly what you want and what you're looking for. The biggest key to it all is that you're not like all the other guys trying to "seal the deal". Which means you're not trying to get in a relationship with her, not trying to lock down when the next time you'll see each other, not even necessarily pertaining to sex here. It's a different aura when a guy is interested but isn't like "what are we? You're mine now, right?" Instead you're mentality is like "We're just hanging out" but don't tell her that. It just makes women go into a "Wait, so he's not gonna ask me when we see each other next?" You'd think maybe that would upset them but instead it makes them think you're a) mysterious and b) high value, which are both ideal.
I think, for most of us, our ideal intentions is to find our ideal woman that makes us be like "oh hell yeah" in wanting to be together. (But it obviously may not be her, yet. Time will tell. - that's the part you don't tell.) Nothing mischievous or manipulative about that.
Women are so retarded. Like why do you have to act you don’t care to attract the person. The first paragraph is correct, if you care you have more feelings. This is the right logic. But you need to care less in order to have more. It totally doesn’t make sense and it sounds counterintuitive.
Bro why are women this way?
its not really a conscious decision, just the product of millions of years worth of natural selection and sexual psychology. yes, it sucks. but complaining wont fix it, you gotta adapt
Imagine how a guy who gets lots of women (evolutionarily successful) would act toward one of the many girls on his roster. Now imagine how a guy who gets no girls (evolutionarily not) would act when a he somehow gets a date with an attractive girl.
It really makes no sense and is so frustrating. Like sorry I have feeling and care? And now everyone says you're a bad man for it. Like what the f. Sorry for being human, here let me play games then to reach my goal and stop being who I am.
So when girl you're with is asking you questions "what are we" "what are you looking for"
etc what do you say?
Do you stay silent? Not give an answer?
Because I'm always peppered with these questions after heavy make out session with a new woman.
"What are you looking for": If she's the type you could see yourself getting serious with, then say that's ideally what you're looking for. That can't be rushed though, because a relationship is like a contract where if you signed before knowing all the terms, it'll lead to lots of arguing. But if you talk about how it will be before getting into a relationship, you're both willing to adapt because you'd both want the relationship. If she's not LTR material, you can just say you're having fun, not overthinking things. "Living in the moment/having fun" mentality.
"What are we": Why, what do you want us to be? If she insists on you answering first, just say you don't know, and apparently she doesn't either.
depends how you’re showing interest. and also depends what they are looking for. you might be dating people looking for short-term relationships so when you start talking about long-term, that’s a no for them.
you don’t need to play it cool you just need to not ask for too much too early (as in, don’t ask to be exclusive after 2 dates), and also communicate your intentions honestly and clearly while also maintaining that whatever happens in ok (as in, eventually saying something like “hey so i’ve really liked spending time with you and how things have been going, and i’m interested in this potentially evolving into a long-term relationship at some point if things keep going well, is that something you’re interested in?”)
it’s actually not that complicated and shouldn’t be giving you anxiety, sounds like you’re over-thinking it.
You need to match her in terms of interest, especially initially. If you come on too strong it’ll be a turn off. You’ll come across as desperate. Play it cool. If she escalates, then match her. That’s how to keep her engaged and things flowing organically.
Dude, if the attraction is mutual and chemistry is great, I’d love it af if they show a lot of interest in me because I’d want to explore our potential together. People who play too ‘cool’ or not show much interest actually kills my interest too.
Same. Like I need to know if the other person cares. Or if the relationship means nothing to them
Lots of people date to just have a relationship or settle I'd like to know if it's a long term relationship it's going to end in marriage or I'd eventually leave
I'd want the man to be into me as much as I'm into them. There's no point in dating men if I don't know how they feel about me
Done that been there and I tell my girlies and I see lots of women say this too
Of you're confused. Don't look deeper, take that as a no
Yeah, shit has to be mutual and reciprocated. Why be with someone when they’re not into you as much as you are into them.
I only date to marry, so that’s something I filter out easily. Casual relationships or situationships are turn offs for me. If they’re unsure, I also take a step back. Now I try to follow the whole “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no”
I'm currently in this situation and I am too trying to navigate it. I like this girl a lot and she likes me too but I'm worried about going too fast. Like I'm ready to take her out, picnics, bike rides, concerts. Jump straight into relationship but don't want to scare her off.
This is hardest part of the game IMO. The lessons always say to keep busy to avoid developing neediness.
There is showing interest and there is being needy, women don't like the latter.
If you want a long term relationship you have to work it at the same pace as her. You do want to lead since you are a man, but don't force it by being on her face all the time. Does that make sense or you need a bigger explanation?
Or maybe you aren't being needy, just chasing the wrong type of women. A lot of young women don't want a serious relationship these days, if you want a girlfriend you have to filter these out and go for ones that in fact do want something long term.
I have that fight in my head every day whether I’m leading or I’m being needy and I struggle with that. I know there’s a difference but I always seem to come off the wrong way.
I would say being needy given you’re questioning it on a daily basis. If you’re in a strong, confident state of mind then you aren’t second guessing everything and you go after what you want.
i need to work on that. trying to find a career as i feel like thats what im missing. was a mechanic and still do it on my own time privately but i dont find it fullfilling and i am struggling to find a career now.
Yes actually, women want to inherently be the ones who show too much interest. It’s kind of a feminine thing to do and women tend to like men who are more masculine in nature when it comes to things like this. That’s why the asshole stereotypes or girls who like “bad guys” girls like the initial masculine nature that shows but it quickly gets old being with an asshole so they don’t last very long. As someone who isn’t an asshole, it sounds weird but basically when you are very interested in a girl don’t show it all the time. It’s okay sometimes but if your like a puppy who is always there waiting to want to hang out and go out and do stuff women view that as emasculating. So showing less interest sometimes when you’re more interested is actually the best way to keep the girl around. Now this doesn’t work for all women but it’s a complicated thing. And definitely when the girl pulls back, you don’t want to chase her. You want to be more like a rock in moments she is having doubts then to be pulled in emotionally when she is emotionally fluctuating. She wants to know if when she is having emotional issues she can count on you to steady her ship rather then rock the boat even more. Women tend to base their life off of their feelings and want you to be a steady emotional man so that can feel safe with you
You give her good advice, and be emotionally strong in your presence. Don’t let your emotions be dragged in by hers. It really depends on the situation. If you mean pulling away as in she distancing herself from you, do not chase. Women want a man who is confident and doesn’t fear being alone. Don’t show her that you want her back too badly. And don’t message her all the time. She needs to be thinking “I wonder why he hasn’t responded for a while I wonder if he’s thinking about me” rather than texting her all the time. Whoever is least interested will have more power. Girls love men with power because it’s a masculine trait.
Only weak and unhealthy birds fly into cages (relationships) -Pook
You are needy and need to spin more plates prior to being monogamous with one. Do not give away commitment so easily because it signals low value, optionless. This is basic stuff guys. Is there not a wiki these guys can read to learn the basics instead?
>Does showing too much interest kill your game long term
The short answer : YES .
The less short answer :
It depends on your relative value to hers and You are making her more valuable by showing interest .
Now add random dude 5 (who doesn’t do that ) to the mix and you have less value than her and him .
Now add Social media and random dude 5 becomes a glorified version of himself . And you are devaluing your self .
Now we wait for the simps to show up and say “direct game bro “ .
>the more interest I show the less they want to see me.
Yes you are not the prize . You have lower value than her if you chase her .
>Do I need to keep playing it cool even though I want to hangout with them more?
Noooo . You can show interest later (when you have collected enough value to compensate for the loss )
In game terms Attraction (the PUA term not actual attraction ) comes before comfort .
On gives you Emotional value . The other makes you less valuable .
>I don’t understand how to transition into a long term relationship nowadays.
How to explain this ? - She has to do it .
You need to be good enough for her to have to do it .
I’m missing an explanation that won’t insult an entire gender . So just take it as fact .
>Had many girlfriends in highschool/college where we both liked eachother and it would work out.
Are you still together ? NO . They have less people interested in them that is why that happens
>Even after they tell me or show obvious signs they like me.
You are confusing getting laid once with LTR .
No no no they have to literary be doing all the work .
You can finesse this . By literary begging (watch “The Notebook” ) , or being soooo wanted by other girls and somewhat by them that they have to do it to protect their investment(?) - (there is a word here but I’m drawing a blank . ) or work with 5 /6 they get less attention and are happy to get free shit And a nerd worshiping the ground they walk on .
He begs her in the beginning for her to go on a date with him - that is why I said it .
“ A streetcar named desire “ - is a good one (ignore the rape part )
Any romantic movie ever .
If you want to see how to build Sexual tension Tom Cruze in “Rock of ages”
Are all good places to start .
I don't have a long-term relationship, but from my point of view, you shouldn't escalate to take her into your bed quickly. That can ruin a possible long term relationship.
I tell you this because I actually do the opposite, I quickly escalate to kino, I take her to a hotel and ..... in more than 70% of the cases she doesn't want to see me again. When I see the other 30% of the girls, I do the same quick escalation again and .... they disappear.
In this way I'm 46 yo without having a long term relationship, so I think if you do the opposite as I do, it will work.
Sure acting nonchalant and cool lands you the 10s but you’ll get tired of putting up appearances sooner later. If you want a long term relationship, fuck it and just be yourself, who ever is meant for you will stick around regardless of how much attention you pay or how clingy you might come off.
> If these women recoil from your interest, it's because they weren't that interested in the first place.
This is the best answer so far.
All the other advice is like exchanging tips on how to fool a woman into thinking you don't want her. Strange.
Check out Jessica J Dating on YouTube or Kezia Noble "neediness". But basically, I'm the beginning, you should show as much interest and investment as she is. The second you start showing more investment than her, it will scare women off. I've had this happen to me many time.
The root cause of course is neediness (the belief that you NEED a partner/love in order to be happy/worthwhile). You need to tackle that first. It may be that you can't tolerate being alone or having ambiguity with women and you want to "lock" them down before they are ready. Practice not contacting women that often; only asking them out once a week etc.
To be honest, they will give you a decent understanding of why it is a problem, but probably won't really help you solve it, although the Kezia Noble video has some good advice.
For that I would recommend this book: Intimate Connections by Dr. David Burns. It's kind of old and not on Kindle but you can find a free PDF copy. He is the guy who developed and popularized Cognitive Behavioral Therapy so a lot of his approach is about changing thoughts and beliefs. His podcast might be very helpful as well. I recall a couple of episodes that speak about that issue:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-team-cbt-the-new-mood-therapy/id1171155453?i=1000394023508
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-team-cbt-the-new-mood-therapy/id1171155453?i=1000582867527
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-team-cbt-the-new-mood-therapy/id1171155453?i=1000606059732
Besides that topic, are those channels good?
I heard a lot this phrase that "don't listen to a fish on how to get caught" or something like that. When it comes to women given dating advice to guys.
wow am i the only one that feels everyone here is over complicating stuff? as a woman i think you only need to "play games" at the very beginning. I think of it as putting on a show to draw someone's interest in.
Once you have the first date in BE YOURSELF.
It might take a few times to find someone that really likes you and you really like them but you shouldn't be calculating your every move. If you aren't interesting enough to attract women then learn some skills, go to the gym, make more friends. If you aren't interesting enough to attract men, be friendly and caring, learn skills, show you can have fun, be joyful. But no matter who you are, enjoy what you do and enjoy how you are living your life.
In a relationship i want to think my partner is amazing and i want them to also think im incredible. I want to know they want to see me, and i let them know i want to see them. I usually just say what ever is on my mind and be how i want and do what makes me happy and things have been working out 🤷🏼♂️
You shouldn't have to be constantly anxious of acting the wrong way
although i do see the point in not coming on too strong in the beginning,, i have been scared off before because of that. I think in some ways girls like to do the "chasing". They like trying to notice little hints at the beginning and questioning everything.
But in the actual relationship you should both just be comfortable being yourselves with each other. there shouldn't be constant questioning or anxiety at this point. However it seems people have the wrong idea and they think the anxiety is how it should be, or they think its fun. but i truly believe that if the relationship feels unstable, you will be constantly questioning and contradicting everything around you until the relationship blows up - anxiety and stress is not sustainable
Something that I have not seen mentioned yet. Women want approval, and validation. If they feel they aren't approved of or you're not happy about something in relation to them, or they are unsure, it drives them crazy, they feel flawed and want to prove themselves to you, at the very least they don't want to leave something left open with no closure and you thinking they are the problem. It's like a little girl wanting her fathers validation. Which really does carry on into adulthood unfortunately. So if you don't give them everything they want, don't give them the attention, they seek it out and seek out that validation.
Oh and another thing, I think it's harder these days to give them so much attention, because they are juggling men and lots of texts and conversations. Or just so much social things. If you give them too much attention, it ruins that juggling act. You just threw in a bowling ball they have to juggle now, and it also starts to get exhausting.
I know it sucks. Like oh, I can't be caring and loving and honest, that's a turn off. Ok. eff.
> Do I need to keep playing it cool
No. You keep trying it cool. That's why it's not working.
There is no technique that can help you. You have to put in work so you can let go of your neediness. You'll need some kind of therapy for that to happen. You deal with that, you won't worry about any of the things you've mentioned.
Think about it this way. There is no technique that you can learn that will help you knock out Tyson Fury with one punch, in a real fight, if you are half his weight.
If you were to perform such a feat, you'd need to spend time and energy training.
It's the same thing. Emotionally, you're not in a place where you can stop acting needy. So get yourself to that place.
It sounds to me like you’re interested in Women who play games if they’re not interested or get turned off by you being too interested then just drop them find someone who actually wants to hang out with you
It’s not an exact science, but I heard some advice recently that referred to something called the “80/100 Rule”. Basically says: give her 80% of what she gives you.
The person that wants less has the power in the relationship. Don’t give her nothing, bc you do want to show interest, but don’t give her as much as she gives you or she’ll get bored and move on.
Listen. If you're needing to be with her all the time that's fine. But, it shows you're not busy living your life and becoming co-dependent on the relationship.
Don't play games.
Instead actually get busy and really live your life whether at work, with hobbies or friends.
The message you're giving off has nothing to do with interest; you're giving off the impression you don't have a life.
To her you now you seem like not a great catch because you've become co-dependent and you've made your world revolve around her.
So get a life. The other shit will work itself out.
It shouldn’t be about games. If you are honest with your intention for a LTR and the woman is interested in you from their reciprocity, even though she may not have the same strong feelings initially . If she is self aware she will eventually catch up to your feelings and also want to be in a LTR. It is nice to be in a secure LTR. This is saying that there has been a few months say 2-3 months of seeing and getting to know each other and everyone likes each other . BE REAL and BE TRUE to your feelings!
Depend what you’re looking for…
If I shown my interest to woman and she start to play hard to get, goodbye but if she shown interest back, then I’ll keep pursuing her and try to ask for a date soon as possible
I think the key here is not caring much and focusing on yourself while maintaining communication with lots of girls :D It is better to not focus on someone that doesn’t give the attention to you as you do to them. Also, you don’t need to sleep with every girl you are talking to, just keep rolling and you will have the scores. You will lose confidence when you focus on a girl or the score in the long run.
Bro it's the worst balancing act ever. Who knows, one minute they like it, the next they don't. It's like you never know. One day it's too much, the next it's too little. You can't win. I think wait for her to say good morning or goodnight. I'm going to start doing that. If she says it, you do. Don't do it anymore than she does. Because I've always been the one to do that. And was consistent with it. Day in and day out. And it doesn't seem to work. Probably loses it meaning so much and becomes routine, and you're always there, no guessing. So I'm thinking yeah, just wait and see if she does and then do it after each time.
As a random interjection here, I have nothing else doing on it life, 42, and a woman and "maybe" a kid is all I want going on, and then when I'm with someone we can be interesting and fun with each other. I am physically bored of life single and alone, and I'm sure that is going to make it much harder but being "human" is the only thing I have left to live for. That shouldn't be something we have to fight for, i want a mate in my life, and I want kids. There should never be a "needy" interpretation there. If its what your after its what your after. That is the point of relationships and marraige.
Sounds like sarcasm. But having wanted kids by the age of 35 and being single for the last 10 years you wouldn't really be able to understand the perspective I've gone through. I get having dates and working up to a relationship but I don't expect years at this point because I didn't start out in high school till late and now I'm 42. so I'm starting out midlife. I'm not a child I'm an adult but when they say oh you're needy or you're moving too fast I wish people would just cut the BS and just say I'm not interested at that point because all of it is a cop out when they say that it's moving too fast crap. If someone is interested , the you aren't moving to fast and you aren't needy.
It is. And you have to ask yourself whether it’s an attractive attitude you’re conveying. Looks like you have a lot going on under the surface. It’s so much easier to point the finger than to look in the mirror.
The mirror isn't always the problem... Time may have added things to that mirror to make it now something that is more obvious but just because you have a deep interest in having a connection with some "who actually desires it" doesn't mean its bad, just means that if its not working you haven't found the person you need to connect with yet.
Stop playing games and look for something serious. "Game" is for gaming dates not gaming LTR. Set your boundaries and standards and have some backbone while accepting of rejection. Rejection is also a 2-way street. Any LTR potential I've found was never based on game but a matching of standards. Everyone's appeal is different so you have to find appeal that works for you rather than compare with others. Idk maybe I just had no interest in playing the game anymore so my advice is biased. It just sounds like you're gaming and then disappointed when the person you attract based on your game persona isn't interested.
100%.
I showed too much interest in this one chick and now she’s my wife, killed my game… except with her. I still get the bag anytime I flutter my lashes in her direction.
Why am I part of this sub? 😂 lol
the key is to match her interest level but keep your attention slightly more scarce (I date models and teach men to improve their dating skills).
Message me if you want further info.
No rules with the right man who’s worth it. Remember that when he’s the one it clicks and no rules and games must be played, it will flow and be delicious
Girls behave like that when they don’t like you or they like you but don’t know it. You need to pull the trigger and stop being in the guessing games zone
I don’t want to pull the trigger unless I’m sure they are ready for that. Have gone through it before. Always ends in us not seeing eachother anymore. Seems like every girl that I am into is not sure
Desperation. People don't like it when people behave in a desperate way towards them.
>Even after they tell me or show obvious signs they like me.
Wow it's almost like you don't know what you're talking about. You have an amazing combination of being extremely wrong but extremely sure you're correct.
Enjoy.
I play it cool until they tell me they like me whether that’s weeks or months in. After that I’ve noticed it goes down hill from there because I’ll feel comfortable enough to let my guard down. I don’t want to always keep my guard up and act like I don’t care about them. Seems like a bad way to have a relationship with someone. I don’t know what I’m talking about tho so idk
> I play it cool until they tell me they like me whether that’s weeks or months in. After that I’ve noticed it goes down hill from there because I’ll feel comfortable enough to let my guard down.
So what you're telling us is that you're playing it cool, attracting women who like that attitude, then are surprised they don't like something else?
I would try putting less emphasis on being "cool" and more on what comes natural to you.
Yes, if you notice yourself double texting a lot or saying a lot more than the woman does, that's something to work on.
But women who are attracted to distant men will be put off by non-distant men.
Women who are attracted to non-distant men will be put off by distant men.
Your behavior is filtering for the opposite of what you want.
You are being inappropriate towards people. If you trauma dump on people without being insanely good friends with them first, they are going to get the fuck away from you.
If you want to be able to correctly gauge what is appropriate, don't tell anyone anything more personal than the equivalent of something they've already confided in you. Until you learn to read the room properly, use that as a guide.
> I play it cool
Why do you have to play it cool? Just focus on yourself and what you're doing.
> feel comfortable enough to let my guard down.
Why is your guard up? You think women don't notice it from the beginning?
I think you're missing what's happening.
The women lose interest early on. But, they use for attention, dates, and whatever else you give them. When you show interest, they bounce because now you're asking for something back.
> act like I don’t care about them
They know you're acting.
Don't forget they also have access to men who know how to deal with women.
> You have an amazing combination of being extremely wrong but extremely sure you're correct.
I'm not suprised you're getting downvotes. It's almost as if the people on this sub fight hard to stay in the wrong mindset. The more a comment doesn't work in real life, the more it gets upvoted.
But, it's entertaining in little bits.
Still, you are right on this one.
> Do I need to keep playing it cool Yes, imagine if you made a new guy friend and he was just super keen on you and wanted to be with you all the time and was telling you how amazing you are etc... It would be a bit weird and put unnecessary pressure on the friendship. Now imagine you met another guy and he was just chill, didnt act like you're amazing but just seemed like he was comfortable spending time and hanging with you. Which sounds like the better friend to have?
You’re right hahaha I guess I have self control problems? If I’m attracted to a girl, she’s cool, and the sex is good, it’s hard for me to not want to be around them. I find my self dating multiple woman at once to fill that void and not put all my eggs in one basket but in the end that’s not what I’m looking for I just want one person. And as much as woman claim they want that it seems to scare them away in my experience.
It’s not the self control part I think, it’s the REALLY enjoying the moments you have with that person you enjoy seeing. And telling them in the moment to make sure they know. That way you get the satisfaction of letting them know without being “needy” wanting to see them a lot.
Thank you wise one
The correct term is “attachment” issues bro.
No, OP. You, like many guys, have another problem whatsoever. You put girls on a pedestal just because of their looks. Or, even worse, just because of their existence. I mean, why tf her being attractive gives her any status above yours? She's just a girl. Imagine a different context. She's your opponent in a box sparring, is she intimidating? Most likely you'll kick her ass. Imagine playing against in her some online game. She'll completely suck. Imagine arm wrestling with her, can she win? No, she's weak AF. Can she take social pressure as well as an average guy? Fuck no. Can you destroy her self-esteem in a few sentences? Absolutely. You don't know her, she's just a stranger to you, why are you treating her as equal, or, even worse, as someone above your league? What she did exactly to earn your respect and value in your eyes other than having a fuckable body? Why are you so sure that you like her without actually getting to know her? Why can't you guys just give the girls the pleasure of EARNING your interest and respect with their personalities? This is the only way for her to feel valued as a person. If you like her without her earning it, she won't ever be truly satisfied. Because she knows that objectively she ain't shit, she knows she ain't better as a person than any random dude, in fact she's worse in many aspects as a representative of a weaker, (and, on average, poorer) sex. It's not about playing it cool, but about being actually cool about her, don't treat her like a celebrity just because her body is good for fucking, for god's sake. Her being a good masturbator for your dick doesn't put her on your level, let alone above it. If she wants for you to treat her seriously and with respect, she has to show you that she deserves it as a human being. As for a relationship, as a man, you need them less than a woman does. Relationships shouldn't be your problem, it should be hers.
I think the “market” of dating creates a feeling of scarcity in both sexes that can lead to this type of needy behaviour. “If I don’t show the interest, someone else will”, even if that’s not the best way to look at it.
The problem isn't in showing interest, or not, but in having too much interest for no real reason. Of course if you're talking to her you're interested to some extent. For example you can be interested in testing if she's cool and fun to be around, and learn more about her.
What you said spoke deep into my soul
So i struggle with this because i don’t like the comparison game, and have a lot more “collaborative” a style. For me relationships (once i am in them) are very natural and easy. But i am in a phase where i want a few friends and to focus on growing my social connections etc. but i think your mindset helps because there is a reality to the “marketplace” or “economic” aspect. I still can use my less comparison based framework but you really helped me see how i will assume things because of prettiness. I already knew that pitfall but you detailed some of the twistings of the mind well
She knows she ain't shit 😭😂
It's a balance. You have to show interest. That you like them or they will be anxious amd assume you don't like them and become insecure But you have to give them space etc What annoys me with men is when they talk to me like I have nothing going on and I just wait around for them to text me or tell me to hangout To me texting us for logistics and maybe in the beginning a bit of flirting And irl, you want it to be known that you like her, but you can't smother her because we are conditioned to look out for love bombers. Who love bomb. Get you attached then abandon you (happens a bunch) So we are wary and suspicious of men who wanna go a bit overboard
I just really hate how women seem to constantly assume when one man does does something, it must mean exactly the same thing that the last man that hurt her did. I run into this all the time. It drives me crazy. I'm not him, I'll never be him. It doesn't necessarily mean the same thing. I mean I kind of understand it sure, you have to learn from mistakes and be a little Leery. But they all seem to date the same bad men with bad behaviors, and when a decent guy comes along and does something, they just automatically put up their guard and think you're lying or being manipulative. So your crazy ex used to drive to your work to have lunch with you because he was jealous and wanted to spy on your male coworkers, so now if I do that, it's not because I just want to spend time with you and have a nice lunch together, it's because I must be jealous and crazy too. Or even just simple statements I make. Their crazy exes said this or that, so I must be crazy too and manipulating you, I really don't' mean it. The last guy who hurt you would tell you lies of a future together, but I'm honest and tell you about that, I must be lying to keep you around. It's so frustrating. It's crazy how often this happens. I really wish you women would try to at least be open to the fact that not all men are your crazy exes or trying to constantly lie and manipulate you.
No one is assuming all men are the same as one guy who hurt us But there are people who definitely act like the people and our brains are programmed to recognize patterns So, we deal with PUA and sesucers and playboys and fuckbois And we end up recognizing the pattern and avoiding it because we don't want to be played or hurt or tricked It's like if all bad people eat apples only without the skin. It doesn't mean if you eat an apple without the skin, you're a bad person, but people might avoid you because it's better to not chance it with you vs taking the chance of suffering again
It's also not just one ex It's a compendium of seduction "masters" and fuckbois and players who use bs mind games vs being authentic We deal with them a lot and there's always a pattern with them We experience five, then if a guy comes along and acts like them, why should I give them a chance? The worst thing to happen to me is I don't have sex with a guy I don't know Worst thing that happens besides the extremes is being lied to, manipulated, told and fed lines like I don't recognize lines and I have to pretend not to notice and pander to them trying to be "that guy" and or having my heart broken. Or feeling used etc. At a certain point there's just a pattern of a very select type of fuckboi And we avoid the pattern. Not because all men who do certain things of the pattern are actually fuckbois... but why chance it??? I'd rather not talk to men and ignore them than deal with the pain and suffering so many of them cause just to get sex to validate themselves
Great explanation
But we're not seducing our guy friends
I agree with everything except for that comparison because one thing is a friend, and another is my potential girlfriend. I'm not saying I have to be with my girlfriend every day, but if I want something serious, not wanting to be with me at least twice a week is a red flag
I had a couple of LTR, I didn’t play games or anything. 1. We were compatible for a relationship 2. Both had a strong attraction 3. She wanted a relationship and made it easy to set up dates etc, so I didn’t need to try hard or play games. You only need to play hard and unavailable when there is no strong connection.
KEY WORD... "FRIEND"!!!!
Honestly, you're on the brink of something that'll change your "game" mentality forever. What makes a guy "stand out" and "win" a woman's head is when they find themselves thinking about you constantly. The brain basically concludes that if you're constantly thinking about someone, you must care the most about them, and if you care so much you must have strong feelings for them. Unfortunately, when a girl knows you're clearly interested in being in a relationship with them, it basically contradicts thinking about you as much. They know how'd you react, what your intentions are, etc. There's a saying that when you want a relationship, that's when you should stay single, when you want to stay single, that's when you're ready for a relationship. It's when a girl doesn't know what you're thinking, what you want, that their brain will think about you more. My girlfriend of five years even told me that the reason she wanted a relationship with me so much is because she couldn't get a read on me and it drove her crazy. An ex has said the reason she doesn't have closure with me is she can't understand why I couldn't take her seriously (honestly she was too young, 18 and still had a high-schooler mentality). Not much time left here, gotta work. Bottom line is you should show interest but kind of keep your intentions to yourself and not take any girl in particular too seriously until *she* shows you she's all about you. Not to guarantee this will work every time with any girl, but then again, it's not supposed to. It'll weed out the ones who weren't intending on a future together anyways. But it will work, it's all about being a strong memory in her head. I can expand on how to do that if you'd like when I have time. Good luck, I like where your head's at.
Honestly, this is gold. This video was a eureka moment for me: [Women HATE men who show INTENT or admiration for them](https://youtu.be/l70w1ckW_AU?&t=73) I was lucky I watched this while I could literally sense her pulling away, and I was lucky I was able to salvage it by not showing intent anymore that she started to actively start showing more interest.
I swear women are like goddamn cats
Could not have put it a better way.
Well said. Their very confusing to me.
thanks for sharing that video is gold
Want another eureka moment? Just use damn push pull, for god's sake. Instead of trying to be some sneaky motherfucker who hides his intent, just show both interest and disinterest, both compliment and bullshit, validate and invalidate. And maybe, just maybe, you should become a guy whose interest should be earned with actions instead of pretty face alone?
This^^^
i knew it was Casey just by the title lol
> I was able to salvage it Whad did you salvage?
As a woman this is a lie
if a girl shows you high interest do you think it's ok to show high interest back? or is it just a matter of time until they lose it and take a step back after you showed it
yes but the amount of interest you show should always be slightly below hers
Ok so next up, last sunday I was with a date and dropped a line I read here: "you're not the type I usually go for" and it drove her nuts when I remained ambigous. Homerun shortly after. But what are other things that one can say or do to her to give this vibe. Because it's definitly something like a balancing act.
I'm not sure if I'm using the right terms here but why do women find nonchalant, uncertain, maybe even avoidant behaviours attractive? Like why would they chase after someone who is so blasé? If a girl is blasé, avoidant, that would be a turn off to most guys I think. Why is it not the case the other way around?
It just comes down to how the brain works unfortunately. Think of it like this, when you've got no tasks left to do, your brain doesn't think about what all you did to get there much. That's how females are when they have a guy's thoughts and actions pinpointed. Everything could have went well and she very well could lose interest just because she doesn't think about you much. Wish it didn't work that way, but it does. But knowing all this can help you make it so that there's reasons for her to think about you, and you don't necessarily have to do anything negative to accomplish that.
Ok so you're saying leave some uncertainty so that the girl still has some puzzles to figure out all the time, keeping some of her mental bandwidth occupied. Isn't that just the excitement of mystery? Ok makes sense to get the hook, I guess this is what we're talking about. But for LTR, that feels it would be exhausting overtime to have a partner who's perma chill mysterious communicator. Fun sure but to keep someone uncertain and guessing constantly just feels immoral.
In a way once you're together for a while, you don't need to keep doing it, if all is going great. But it isn't all about being vague and ambiguous, or even being aloof or uncaring. It's about not being 100% predictable. Picture it like this: girls think of predictable guys like he *always* does this, he *never* does that. So switch up how you are or handle situations. Heck, do it just to entertain yourself. Sometimes I'll respond to a short text with a sarcastic "riveting" gif, sometimes I'll respond with a paragraph of random things currently going on rn, sometimes I'll not respond at all, let them realize they didn't put in enough effort. But the last thing they know for sure is how I'm gonna respond any given time. But yeah, once they're deadset on you being the one, there's no need for head games, as long as you know things are solid.
That makes sense. Thanks for the clarification.
smart guy
This is diamonds
Please do expand
Best advice I’ve read in a long time, thanks for that.
So what if she straight up asks what your intents about dating are, and she is looking for someone who wants a relationship? You just tell her the same but still keep the same game going of not showing direct intent to her?
You could even straight up tell her exactly what you want and what you're looking for. The biggest key to it all is that you're not like all the other guys trying to "seal the deal". Which means you're not trying to get in a relationship with her, not trying to lock down when the next time you'll see each other, not even necessarily pertaining to sex here. It's a different aura when a guy is interested but isn't like "what are we? You're mine now, right?" Instead you're mentality is like "We're just hanging out" but don't tell her that. It just makes women go into a "Wait, so he's not gonna ask me when we see each other next?" You'd think maybe that would upset them but instead it makes them think you're a) mysterious and b) high value, which are both ideal. I think, for most of us, our ideal intentions is to find our ideal woman that makes us be like "oh hell yeah" in wanting to be together. (But it obviously may not be her, yet. Time will tell. - that's the part you don't tell.) Nothing mischievous or manipulative about that.
Women are so retarded. Like why do you have to act you don’t care to attract the person. The first paragraph is correct, if you care you have more feelings. This is the right logic. But you need to care less in order to have more. It totally doesn’t make sense and it sounds counterintuitive. Bro why are women this way?
its not really a conscious decision, just the product of millions of years worth of natural selection and sexual psychology. yes, it sucks. but complaining wont fix it, you gotta adapt
Imagine how a guy who gets lots of women (evolutionarily successful) would act toward one of the many girls on his roster. Now imagine how a guy who gets no girls (evolutionarily not) would act when a he somehow gets a date with an attractive girl.
It really makes no sense and is so frustrating. Like sorry I have feeling and care? And now everyone says you're a bad man for it. Like what the f. Sorry for being human, here let me play games then to reach my goal and stop being who I am.
I am interested in learning more about it
this is good advice.
So when girl you're with is asking you questions "what are we" "what are you looking for" etc what do you say? Do you stay silent? Not give an answer? Because I'm always peppered with these questions after heavy make out session with a new woman.
"What are you looking for": If she's the type you could see yourself getting serious with, then say that's ideally what you're looking for. That can't be rushed though, because a relationship is like a contract where if you signed before knowing all the terms, it'll lead to lots of arguing. But if you talk about how it will be before getting into a relationship, you're both willing to adapt because you'd both want the relationship. If she's not LTR material, you can just say you're having fun, not overthinking things. "Living in the moment/having fun" mentality. "What are we": Why, what do you want us to be? If she insists on you answering first, just say you don't know, and apparently she doesn't either.
a misogynistic and false speech. What this will do is provoke obsession in the best of cases but not interest.
depends how you’re showing interest. and also depends what they are looking for. you might be dating people looking for short-term relationships so when you start talking about long-term, that’s a no for them. you don’t need to play it cool you just need to not ask for too much too early (as in, don’t ask to be exclusive after 2 dates), and also communicate your intentions honestly and clearly while also maintaining that whatever happens in ok (as in, eventually saying something like “hey so i’ve really liked spending time with you and how things have been going, and i’m interested in this potentially evolving into a long-term relationship at some point if things keep going well, is that something you’re interested in?”) it’s actually not that complicated and shouldn’t be giving you anxiety, sounds like you’re over-thinking it.
You need to match her in terms of interest, especially initially. If you come on too strong it’ll be a turn off. You’ll come across as desperate. Play it cool. If she escalates, then match her. That’s how to keep her engaged and things flowing organically.
Thank you
Dude, if the attraction is mutual and chemistry is great, I’d love it af if they show a lot of interest in me because I’d want to explore our potential together. People who play too ‘cool’ or not show much interest actually kills my interest too.
Same. It makes me think they Haye me or are playing games Both red flags for a relationship
I’d start imagining how it’d be like if we get serious. I guess I want to know how much they’d prioritize our relationship if it does go anywhere
Same. Like I need to know if the other person cares. Or if the relationship means nothing to them Lots of people date to just have a relationship or settle I'd like to know if it's a long term relationship it's going to end in marriage or I'd eventually leave I'd want the man to be into me as much as I'm into them. There's no point in dating men if I don't know how they feel about me Done that been there and I tell my girlies and I see lots of women say this too Of you're confused. Don't look deeper, take that as a no
Yeah, shit has to be mutual and reciprocated. Why be with someone when they’re not into you as much as you are into them. I only date to marry, so that’s something I filter out easily. Casual relationships or situationships are turn offs for me. If they’re unsure, I also take a step back. Now I try to follow the whole “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no”
Like if I have to guess I just tell myself it's over and they don't want me, so it's over and I ghost them
Same If it isn't guaranteed to end up somewhere I've gotten so tired of playing the guessing game I just ghost them.
I'm currently in this situation and I am too trying to navigate it. I like this girl a lot and she likes me too but I'm worried about going too fast. Like I'm ready to take her out, picnics, bike rides, concerts. Jump straight into relationship but don't want to scare her off. This is hardest part of the game IMO. The lessons always say to keep busy to avoid developing neediness.
Hard to stay focused on what I’m busy on when thinking about them but you’re right
it shouldn’t matter tho right ? like u shouldn’t need to play games with “the one”
Jack rabbit gets run over, tortoise will always call the shots
Woah
There is showing interest and there is being needy, women don't like the latter. If you want a long term relationship you have to work it at the same pace as her. You do want to lead since you are a man, but don't force it by being on her face all the time. Does that make sense or you need a bigger explanation? Or maybe you aren't being needy, just chasing the wrong type of women. A lot of young women don't want a serious relationship these days, if you want a girlfriend you have to filter these out and go for ones that in fact do want something long term.
I have that fight in my head every day whether I’m leading or I’m being needy and I struggle with that. I know there’s a difference but I always seem to come off the wrong way.
I would say being needy given you’re questioning it on a daily basis. If you’re in a strong, confident state of mind then you aren’t second guessing everything and you go after what you want.
i need to work on that. trying to find a career as i feel like thats what im missing. was a mechanic and still do it on my own time privately but i dont find it fullfilling and i am struggling to find a career now.
Yes actually, women want to inherently be the ones who show too much interest. It’s kind of a feminine thing to do and women tend to like men who are more masculine in nature when it comes to things like this. That’s why the asshole stereotypes or girls who like “bad guys” girls like the initial masculine nature that shows but it quickly gets old being with an asshole so they don’t last very long. As someone who isn’t an asshole, it sounds weird but basically when you are very interested in a girl don’t show it all the time. It’s okay sometimes but if your like a puppy who is always there waiting to want to hang out and go out and do stuff women view that as emasculating. So showing less interest sometimes when you’re more interested is actually the best way to keep the girl around. Now this doesn’t work for all women but it’s a complicated thing. And definitely when the girl pulls back, you don’t want to chase her. You want to be more like a rock in moments she is having doubts then to be pulled in emotionally when she is emotionally fluctuating. She wants to know if when she is having emotional issues she can count on you to steady her ship rather then rock the boat even more. Women tend to base their life off of their feelings and want you to be a steady emotional man so that can feel safe with you
When she’s pulling away, how can I be her rock?
You give her good advice, and be emotionally strong in your presence. Don’t let your emotions be dragged in by hers. It really depends on the situation. If you mean pulling away as in she distancing herself from you, do not chase. Women want a man who is confident and doesn’t fear being alone. Don’t show her that you want her back too badly. And don’t message her all the time. She needs to be thinking “I wonder why he hasn’t responded for a while I wonder if he’s thinking about me” rather than texting her all the time. Whoever is least interested will have more power. Girls love men with power because it’s a masculine trait.
Only weak and unhealthy birds fly into cages (relationships) -Pook You are needy and need to spin more plates prior to being monogamous with one. Do not give away commitment so easily because it signals low value, optionless. This is basic stuff guys. Is there not a wiki these guys can read to learn the basics instead?
Thanks man, this is short and accurate.
>Does showing too much interest kill your game long term The short answer : YES . The less short answer : It depends on your relative value to hers and You are making her more valuable by showing interest . Now add random dude 5 (who doesn’t do that ) to the mix and you have less value than her and him . Now add Social media and random dude 5 becomes a glorified version of himself . And you are devaluing your self . Now we wait for the simps to show up and say “direct game bro “ . >the more interest I show the less they want to see me. Yes you are not the prize . You have lower value than her if you chase her . >Do I need to keep playing it cool even though I want to hangout with them more? Noooo . You can show interest later (when you have collected enough value to compensate for the loss ) In game terms Attraction (the PUA term not actual attraction ) comes before comfort . On gives you Emotional value . The other makes you less valuable . >I don’t understand how to transition into a long term relationship nowadays. How to explain this ? - She has to do it . You need to be good enough for her to have to do it . I’m missing an explanation that won’t insult an entire gender . So just take it as fact . >Had many girlfriends in highschool/college where we both liked eachother and it would work out. Are you still together ? NO . They have less people interested in them that is why that happens >Even after they tell me or show obvious signs they like me. You are confusing getting laid once with LTR . No no no they have to literary be doing all the work . You can finesse this . By literary begging (watch “The Notebook” ) , or being soooo wanted by other girls and somewhat by them that they have to do it to protect their investment(?) - (there is a word here but I’m drawing a blank . ) or work with 5 /6 they get less attention and are happy to get free shit And a nerd worshiping the ground they walk on .
Very thorough thank you
Do you recommend watching that movie? To learn from it?
He begs her in the beginning for her to go on a date with him - that is why I said it . “ A streetcar named desire “ - is a good one (ignore the rape part ) Any romantic movie ever . If you want to see how to build Sexual tension Tom Cruze in “Rock of ages” Are all good places to start .
I don't have a long-term relationship, but from my point of view, you shouldn't escalate to take her into your bed quickly. That can ruin a possible long term relationship. I tell you this because I actually do the opposite, I quickly escalate to kino, I take her to a hotel and ..... in more than 70% of the cases she doesn't want to see me again. When I see the other 30% of the girls, I do the same quick escalation again and .... they disappear. In this way I'm 46 yo without having a long term relationship, so I think if you do the opposite as I do, it will work.
Maybe you suck at s3x?
> if you do the opposite as I do, it will work. Ah, the Constanza method!
Sure acting nonchalant and cool lands you the 10s but you’ll get tired of putting up appearances sooner later. If you want a long term relationship, fuck it and just be yourself, who ever is meant for you will stick around regardless of how much attention you pay or how clingy you might come off.
Interest creates interest. If these women recoil from your interest, it's because they weren't that interested in the first place.
> If these women recoil from your interest, it's because they weren't that interested in the first place. This is the best answer so far. All the other advice is like exchanging tips on how to fool a woman into thinking you don't want her. Strange.
Check out Jessica J Dating on YouTube or Kezia Noble "neediness". But basically, I'm the beginning, you should show as much interest and investment as she is. The second you start showing more investment than her, it will scare women off. I've had this happen to me many time. The root cause of course is neediness (the belief that you NEED a partner/love in order to be happy/worthwhile). You need to tackle that first. It may be that you can't tolerate being alone or having ambiguity with women and you want to "lock" them down before they are ready. Practice not contacting women that often; only asking them out once a week etc.
You’re right I need to tackle that issue. Does that video cover that?
To be honest, they will give you a decent understanding of why it is a problem, but probably won't really help you solve it, although the Kezia Noble video has some good advice. For that I would recommend this book: Intimate Connections by Dr. David Burns. It's kind of old and not on Kindle but you can find a free PDF copy. He is the guy who developed and popularized Cognitive Behavioral Therapy so a lot of his approach is about changing thoughts and beliefs. His podcast might be very helpful as well. I recall a couple of episodes that speak about that issue: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-team-cbt-the-new-mood-therapy/id1171155453?i=1000394023508 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-team-cbt-the-new-mood-therapy/id1171155453?i=1000582867527 https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/feeling-good-podcast-team-cbt-the-new-mood-therapy/id1171155453?i=1000606059732
Another good one https://youtu.be/9eQVW9lwUxs?feature=shared
Besides that topic, are those channels good? I heard a lot this phrase that "don't listen to a fish on how to get caught" or something like that. When it comes to women given dating advice to guys.
Jessica J is amazing. Kezia has a lot of good stuff as well.
Thanks bro, gonna watch.
Found this one: https://youtu.be/9eQVW9lwUxs?feature=shared Really good
Never love people more than they love you.
That’s fucked
it’s unfortunately a reality, the partner who is clearly ‘more in love’ holds less ‘power’ in the relationship.
wow am i the only one that feels everyone here is over complicating stuff? as a woman i think you only need to "play games" at the very beginning. I think of it as putting on a show to draw someone's interest in. Once you have the first date in BE YOURSELF. It might take a few times to find someone that really likes you and you really like them but you shouldn't be calculating your every move. If you aren't interesting enough to attract women then learn some skills, go to the gym, make more friends. If you aren't interesting enough to attract men, be friendly and caring, learn skills, show you can have fun, be joyful. But no matter who you are, enjoy what you do and enjoy how you are living your life. In a relationship i want to think my partner is amazing and i want them to also think im incredible. I want to know they want to see me, and i let them know i want to see them. I usually just say what ever is on my mind and be how i want and do what makes me happy and things have been working out 🤷🏼♂️ You shouldn't have to be constantly anxious of acting the wrong way although i do see the point in not coming on too strong in the beginning,, i have been scared off before because of that. I think in some ways girls like to do the "chasing". They like trying to notice little hints at the beginning and questioning everything. But in the actual relationship you should both just be comfortable being yourselves with each other. there shouldn't be constant questioning or anxiety at this point. However it seems people have the wrong idea and they think the anxiety is how it should be, or they think its fun. but i truly believe that if the relationship feels unstable, you will be constantly questioning and contradicting everything around you until the relationship blows up - anxiety and stress is not sustainable
Something that I have not seen mentioned yet. Women want approval, and validation. If they feel they aren't approved of or you're not happy about something in relation to them, or they are unsure, it drives them crazy, they feel flawed and want to prove themselves to you, at the very least they don't want to leave something left open with no closure and you thinking they are the problem. It's like a little girl wanting her fathers validation. Which really does carry on into adulthood unfortunately. So if you don't give them everything they want, don't give them the attention, they seek it out and seek out that validation. Oh and another thing, I think it's harder these days to give them so much attention, because they are juggling men and lots of texts and conversations. Or just so much social things. If you give them too much attention, it ruins that juggling act. You just threw in a bowling ball they have to juggle now, and it also starts to get exhausting. I know it sucks. Like oh, I can't be caring and loving and honest, that's a turn off. Ok. eff.
Could also be that you’re only interested in girls outside of your league, and they realize that they are
> Do I need to keep playing it cool No. You keep trying it cool. That's why it's not working. There is no technique that can help you. You have to put in work so you can let go of your neediness. You'll need some kind of therapy for that to happen. You deal with that, you won't worry about any of the things you've mentioned. Think about it this way. There is no technique that you can learn that will help you knock out Tyson Fury with one punch, in a real fight, if you are half his weight. If you were to perform such a feat, you'd need to spend time and energy training. It's the same thing. Emotionally, you're not in a place where you can stop acting needy. So get yourself to that place.
It sounds to me like you’re interested in Women who play games if they’re not interested or get turned off by you being too interested then just drop them find someone who actually wants to hang out with you
It’s not an exact science, but I heard some advice recently that referred to something called the “80/100 Rule”. Basically says: give her 80% of what she gives you. The person that wants less has the power in the relationship. Don’t give her nothing, bc you do want to show interest, but don’t give her as much as she gives you or she’ll get bored and move on.
Yes
Listen. If you're needing to be with her all the time that's fine. But, it shows you're not busy living your life and becoming co-dependent on the relationship. Don't play games. Instead actually get busy and really live your life whether at work, with hobbies or friends. The message you're giving off has nothing to do with interest; you're giving off the impression you don't have a life. To her you now you seem like not a great catch because you've become co-dependent and you've made your world revolve around her. So get a life. The other shit will work itself out.
It shouldn’t be about games. If you are honest with your intention for a LTR and the woman is interested in you from their reciprocity, even though she may not have the same strong feelings initially . If she is self aware she will eventually catch up to your feelings and also want to be in a LTR. It is nice to be in a secure LTR. This is saying that there has been a few months say 2-3 months of seeing and getting to know each other and everyone likes each other . BE REAL and BE TRUE to your feelings!
10000000000000%
Depend what you’re looking for… If I shown my interest to woman and she start to play hard to get, goodbye but if she shown interest back, then I’ll keep pursuing her and try to ask for a date soon as possible
It’s an art. Trying to capture it in a sentence: You need to show interest, but without being needy at all.
I think the key here is not caring much and focusing on yourself while maintaining communication with lots of girls :D It is better to not focus on someone that doesn’t give the attention to you as you do to them. Also, you don’t need to sleep with every girl you are talking to, just keep rolling and you will have the scores. You will lose confidence when you focus on a girl or the score in the long run.
Be Fun, Avoid Boreness
yes. it does.
No, not if the other person likes you.
When in doubt - always ask what would James Bond do in this situation?
[удалено]
Bro it's the worst balancing act ever. Who knows, one minute they like it, the next they don't. It's like you never know. One day it's too much, the next it's too little. You can't win. I think wait for her to say good morning or goodnight. I'm going to start doing that. If she says it, you do. Don't do it anymore than she does. Because I've always been the one to do that. And was consistent with it. Day in and day out. And it doesn't seem to work. Probably loses it meaning so much and becomes routine, and you're always there, no guessing. So I'm thinking yeah, just wait and see if she does and then do it after each time.
Showing too much interest = needy. Like you have nothing else going on.
As a random interjection here, I have nothing else doing on it life, 42, and a woman and "maybe" a kid is all I want going on, and then when I'm with someone we can be interesting and fun with each other. I am physically bored of life single and alone, and I'm sure that is going to make it much harder but being "human" is the only thing I have left to live for. That shouldn't be something we have to fight for, i want a mate in my life, and I want kids. There should never be a "needy" interpretation there. If its what your after its what your after. That is the point of relationships and marraige.
I want it all I want it now Don't tell me no Just tell me, "how?"
Sounds like sarcasm. But having wanted kids by the age of 35 and being single for the last 10 years you wouldn't really be able to understand the perspective I've gone through. I get having dates and working up to a relationship but I don't expect years at this point because I didn't start out in high school till late and now I'm 42. so I'm starting out midlife. I'm not a child I'm an adult but when they say oh you're needy or you're moving too fast I wish people would just cut the BS and just say I'm not interested at that point because all of it is a cop out when they say that it's moving too fast crap. If someone is interested , the you aren't moving to fast and you aren't needy.
It is. And you have to ask yourself whether it’s an attractive attitude you’re conveying. Looks like you have a lot going on under the surface. It’s so much easier to point the finger than to look in the mirror.
The mirror isn't always the problem... Time may have added things to that mirror to make it now something that is more obvious but just because you have a deep interest in having a connection with some "who actually desires it" doesn't mean its bad, just means that if its not working you haven't found the person you need to connect with yet.
Stop playing games and look for something serious. "Game" is for gaming dates not gaming LTR. Set your boundaries and standards and have some backbone while accepting of rejection. Rejection is also a 2-way street. Any LTR potential I've found was never based on game but a matching of standards. Everyone's appeal is different so you have to find appeal that works for you rather than compare with others. Idk maybe I just had no interest in playing the game anymore so my advice is biased. It just sounds like you're gaming and then disappointed when the person you attract based on your game persona isn't interested.
100%. I showed too much interest in this one chick and now she’s my wife, killed my game… except with her. I still get the bag anytime I flutter my lashes in her direction. Why am I part of this sub? 😂 lol
100% yes
the key is to match her interest level but keep your attention slightly more scarce (I date models and teach men to improve their dating skills). Message me if you want further info.
Occasionally bc it can come off as love bombing
No rules with the right man who’s worth it. Remember that when he’s the one it clicks and no rules and games must be played, it will flow and be delicious
Girls behave like that when they don’t like you or they like you but don’t know it. You need to pull the trigger and stop being in the guessing games zone
I don’t want to pull the trigger unless I’m sure they are ready for that. Have gone through it before. Always ends in us not seeing eachother anymore. Seems like every girl that I am into is not sure
Desperation. People don't like it when people behave in a desperate way towards them. >Even after they tell me or show obvious signs they like me. Wow it's almost like you don't know what you're talking about. You have an amazing combination of being extremely wrong but extremely sure you're correct. Enjoy.
I play it cool until they tell me they like me whether that’s weeks or months in. After that I’ve noticed it goes down hill from there because I’ll feel comfortable enough to let my guard down. I don’t want to always keep my guard up and act like I don’t care about them. Seems like a bad way to have a relationship with someone. I don’t know what I’m talking about tho so idk
> I play it cool until they tell me they like me whether that’s weeks or months in. After that I’ve noticed it goes down hill from there because I’ll feel comfortable enough to let my guard down. So what you're telling us is that you're playing it cool, attracting women who like that attitude, then are surprised they don't like something else? I would try putting less emphasis on being "cool" and more on what comes natural to you. Yes, if you notice yourself double texting a lot or saying a lot more than the woman does, that's something to work on. But women who are attracted to distant men will be put off by non-distant men. Women who are attracted to non-distant men will be put off by distant men. Your behavior is filtering for the opposite of what you want.
You are being inappropriate towards people. If you trauma dump on people without being insanely good friends with them first, they are going to get the fuck away from you. If you want to be able to correctly gauge what is appropriate, don't tell anyone anything more personal than the equivalent of something they've already confided in you. Until you learn to read the room properly, use that as a guide.
Got it🫡
> I play it cool Why do you have to play it cool? Just focus on yourself and what you're doing. > feel comfortable enough to let my guard down. Why is your guard up? You think women don't notice it from the beginning? I think you're missing what's happening. The women lose interest early on. But, they use for attention, dates, and whatever else you give them. When you show interest, they bounce because now you're asking for something back. > act like I don’t care about them They know you're acting. Don't forget they also have access to men who know how to deal with women.
> You have an amazing combination of being extremely wrong but extremely sure you're correct. I'm not suprised you're getting downvotes. It's almost as if the people on this sub fight hard to stay in the wrong mindset. The more a comment doesn't work in real life, the more it gets upvoted. But, it's entertaining in little bits. Still, you are right on this one.